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Page 12 • The <strong>News</strong>-<strong>Banner</strong> • WEDNESDAY, MAY 23, 2012<br />
She’s finally had enough<br />
Dear Annie: After more than 40<br />
years of devotion to my husband,<br />
I have finally realized what a<br />
stonehearted jerk he is. I have done<br />
everything in my power to love,<br />
respect and encourage him. But I’ve<br />
fallen into a pattern of picking up the<br />
pieces of my heart and overlooking my<br />
own hurt in order to give him another<br />
chance and keep peace in our home.<br />
All of this is “not important” to him,<br />
as he has told me numerous times. My<br />
marriage is terribly lonely. Year after<br />
year, his disinterest and disregard for my<br />
feelings have chipped away at the love<br />
I once had. I have fought hard to stay in<br />
his life, and he tells me, “So what?” and<br />
“Leave if you want to.” My pleadings fall<br />
on deaf ears, and he refuses to discuss it.<br />
I have raised our children and worked<br />
beside him and also outside the home.<br />
I have contributed as much as he has to<br />
build our life together. This is obviously<br />
not how I envisioned our retirement, but I<br />
have had enough and am finally ready to<br />
begin a new life without him. Where do I<br />
start? — Beyond Sad<br />
Dear Beyond: With counseling. Not<br />
necessarily to save your marriage, but<br />
to help you move forward in whatever<br />
direction helps you. After 40 years, there<br />
may be a great deal of grief for the loss<br />
of your relationship, fear of the unknown<br />
future, worry about finances and<br />
loneliness, as well as the need to forgive.<br />
You have a great many choices and<br />
adjustments to make, and counseling will<br />
help you navigate. If you choose divorce,<br />
please also see an attorney. Good luck.<br />
Dear Annie: I have an ongoing<br />
dilemma about an extremely uncomfortable<br />
bed. My parents recently turned<br />
80. They have a guestroom with a bed<br />
that desperately needs to be replaced.<br />
I can tolerate sleeping there if I am<br />
exhausted, but it is truly awful.<br />
My parents are not rich, so a new bed<br />
would be a major expense. But they don’t<br />
like handouts, so buying one for them<br />
might be resented. How do I tell them<br />
that my siblings and I would prefer to buy<br />
them a new mattress rather than spend the<br />
money staying in a motel? I don’t want to<br />
embarrass or offend them. — Bad Back<br />
My<br />
Answer<br />
By Dr. Billy<br />
Graham<br />
OUR INNER<br />
CHARACTER IS<br />
WHAT MATTERS<br />
MOST TO GOD<br />
Q: All my cousin ever<br />
thinks about is the latest<br />
fashions, and how she’ll<br />
look if she gets some new<br />
jewelry or has her hair<br />
done differently, and things<br />
like that. I questioned her<br />
once, but she said she<br />
didn’t see anything wrong<br />
because she thinks God<br />
must want us to look good.<br />
Does He? — Mrs. B.R.<br />
A: I’m sure God doesn’t<br />
want us to neglect the way<br />
we look or pretend that our<br />
physical appearance doesn’t<br />
matter — because it does.<br />
Our outer appearance often<br />
reflects what we’re like on<br />
the inside; for example,<br />
Annie’s<br />
Mailbox<br />
a slovenly, unkempt<br />
person is usually an<br />
undisciplined person.<br />
The writer of Song of<br />
Songs compared his<br />
beloved’s beauty to<br />
“a lily among thorns”<br />
(Song of Songs 2:2).<br />
But the Bible<br />
says that being overly<br />
concerned with our physical<br />
appearance is wrong for<br />
at least two reasons. First,<br />
it’s wrong because its sole<br />
motive is to call attention<br />
to ourselves. Instead of<br />
being concerned about<br />
others and their needs,<br />
we become absorbed<br />
only with ourselves and<br />
what others think about<br />
us. (Incidentally, men can<br />
be just as guilty of this as<br />
women!)<br />
It’s wrong also because<br />
it ignores what’s really<br />
important in God’s eyes<br />
— and that is our inner<br />
character. Of what use is<br />
outward beauty (which in<br />
time will fade away), if<br />
we lack inner goodness?<br />
The Bible says, “Your<br />
Dear Back: Your<br />
parents don’t sleep<br />
in the guestroom<br />
and have no idea<br />
how bad the bed<br />
is, nor are they in<br />
any hurry to replace<br />
something they don’t actually use.<br />
Their embarrassment would<br />
be temporary, so simply make the<br />
arrangements and then tell them,<br />
“Mom and Dad, it’s time to update your<br />
guestroom mattress. We’ve bought you<br />
one as a gift, since we are the ones who<br />
use it most.” Then say it’s a done deal,<br />
no argument, and give them the delivery<br />
date. It would help if one of you could be<br />
there when it arrives.<br />
Dear Annie: I feel bad for “Puzzled<br />
in Indiana,” whose brother has multiple<br />
sclerosis. The brother is holding a grudge<br />
against Dad because he sold the family<br />
home and used the proceeds to build a<br />
new one instead of distributing the money<br />
to his kids.<br />
I was diagnosed with multiple<br />
sclerosis 16 years ago. Some people<br />
with MS have problems with memory,<br />
reasoning, judgment and depression. The<br />
stresses of life, especially the loss of a job<br />
or a loved one, can exacerbate flare-ups.<br />
All communications should be done with<br />
this in mind.<br />
My mother also had MS. She spent the<br />
last 10 years of her life bedridden and in<br />
pain. My advice to “Indiana” is to contact<br />
the National Multiple Sclerosis Society<br />
(nationalmssociety.org) at 1-800-FIGHT-<br />
MS (1-800-344-4867). — Maryland<br />
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy<br />
Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors<br />
of the Ann Landers column. Please<br />
e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net,<br />
or write to: Annie’s<br />
Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd<br />
Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. © 2012<br />
CREATORS.COM<br />
beauty should not come<br />
from outward adornment.<br />
... Instead, it should be<br />
that of your inner self, the<br />
unfading beauty of a gentle<br />
and quiet spirit, which is of<br />
great worth in God’s sight”<br />
(1 Peter 3:3-4).<br />
Pray for your cousin,<br />
that she will come to see<br />
her need for the inner<br />
beauty that God alone can<br />
give her. And pray, too, that<br />
you will be an example to<br />
her of Christ’s love and<br />
goodness.<br />
(Send your queries to<br />
“My Answer,” c/o Billy<br />
Graham, Billy Graham<br />
Evangelistic Association,<br />
1 Billy Graham Parkway,<br />
Charlotte, N.C., 28201;<br />
call 1-(877) 2-GRAHAM,<br />
or visit the Web site for the<br />
Billy Graham Evangelistic<br />
Association: www.<br />
billygraham.org.)<br />
©2012 BILLY<br />
G R A H A M<br />
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Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Arnold Schwarzenegger.<br />
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750 318 71 Clea Duvall, Elisabeth Harnois. Donald Sutherland, William H. Macy. Monaghan, Jake Gyllenhaal.<br />
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� True Legend (‘10, Act)<br />
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M – M EDIACOM A – A DAMS W ELLS C – C OMCAST D1 – D ISH D2 - D IRECTV<br />
DIVERSIONS<br />
CROSSWORD By Eugene Sheffer
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