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Nor'West News: July 02, 2020

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4<br />

Thursday <strong>July</strong> 2 2<strong>02</strong>0<br />

Latest Canterbury news at starnews.co.nz<br />

NOR’WEST NEWS<br />

ews<br />

Club a chance for dementia carers to connect<br />

JOURNEY: Jeff and Kathy Bradley have been married for 26<br />

years, after they were introduced to each other by a friend.<br />

• By Bea Gooding<br />

JEFF BRADLEY met the love of<br />

his life at a food and wine festival<br />

26 years ago. Instantly, he knew<br />

he wanted to marry her.<br />

He and Kathy tied the knot six<br />

weeks later, ushering in years of<br />

“blissful” marriage. But now the<br />

couple are caught in the “long<br />

goodbye”.<br />

Mrs Bradley was diagnosed<br />

with dementia about nine<br />

years ago. It was a twist in their<br />

decades-long love story, but Mr<br />

Bradley’s love did not falter.<br />

“They called it a ‘long goodbye.’<br />

There was a lot of crying, but the<br />

love is pretty strong between us,”<br />

he said.<br />

“We’re madly in love with each<br />

other.”<br />

Mr Bradley, of Avondale,<br />

remembered the life the pair led<br />

before the dementia diagnosis.<br />

The accomplished clarinet<br />

player would often play around<br />

the world, including in Australia,<br />

Singapore and Hong Kong.<br />

“She [Mrs Bradley] never<br />

missed a gig in 26 years, and I<br />

played at hundreds of gigs,” he<br />

said.<br />

“Wherever she was, I played<br />

a special number for her, which<br />

was an original and became her<br />

tune.”<br />

It started to get tough for the<br />

pair when everyday tasks such as<br />

putting on clothes, going to the<br />

bathroom and cooking became a<br />

challenge for Mrs Bradley.<br />

Mr Bradley admitted it had<br />

not been an easy journey. His<br />

own health suffered as the couple<br />

faced their greatest challenge.<br />

‘I’ve just gone through 12<br />

weeks of sheer hell living<br />

by myself’<br />

– Jeff Bradley<br />

“It was getting me down at<br />

some points, it was very hard<br />

on me and I ended up having a<br />

nervous breakdown.”<br />

Mrs Bradley now lives in a<br />

home. Before the Covid-19<br />

lockdown, he would visit her<br />

twice a day. Lockdown left him<br />

“completely alone” and unable to<br />

see her.<br />

“I’ve just gone through 12<br />

weeks of sheer hell living by myself,”<br />

he said.<br />

“I had no other support as all<br />

of my family have passed, aside<br />

from my niece who visited occasionally.”<br />

Mr Bradley knew he would not<br />

be alone in either his experience<br />

of lockdown or in the challenge<br />

of caring for a seriously ill<br />

partner.<br />

So, he has started a club for the<br />

partners of those with dementia,<br />

Parkinsons and other serious<br />

illnesses.<br />

It was a struggle to find a group<br />

in Christchurch where he could<br />

connect emotionally with others<br />

who related to his position, he<br />

said.<br />

There was a chance his club was<br />

a first for the city, he said.<br />

Everyone had their own story<br />

of coping and loss.<br />

“One lady I spoke to was<br />

devastated and said she just sits at<br />

home and cries.<br />

“A lot of people are in the same<br />

situation.”<br />

Mr Bradley said the club will<br />

be “a place to grab a tea or coffee<br />

and meet others, see what they’ve<br />

gone through and how they’re<br />

facing it”.<br />

He said he hoped grow the club<br />

beyond Christchurch, to places<br />

such as Auckland, Wellington<br />

and Dunedin, and so create a<br />

support network across New<br />

Zealand.<br />

•Nib’s Lost Partners Club will<br />

host its first meeting on <strong>July</strong><br />

7 at the Sydenham Lounge,<br />

Cashmere Club, from<br />

10.30am, phone Jeff on 388<br />

5903 for more information.<br />

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