Nor'West News: July 02, 2020
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4<br />
Thursday <strong>July</strong> 2 2<strong>02</strong>0<br />
Latest Canterbury news at starnews.co.nz<br />
NOR’WEST NEWS<br />
ews<br />
Club a chance for dementia carers to connect<br />
JOURNEY: Jeff and Kathy Bradley have been married for 26<br />
years, after they were introduced to each other by a friend.<br />
• By Bea Gooding<br />
JEFF BRADLEY met the love of<br />
his life at a food and wine festival<br />
26 years ago. Instantly, he knew<br />
he wanted to marry her.<br />
He and Kathy tied the knot six<br />
weeks later, ushering in years of<br />
“blissful” marriage. But now the<br />
couple are caught in the “long<br />
goodbye”.<br />
Mrs Bradley was diagnosed<br />
with dementia about nine<br />
years ago. It was a twist in their<br />
decades-long love story, but Mr<br />
Bradley’s love did not falter.<br />
“They called it a ‘long goodbye.’<br />
There was a lot of crying, but the<br />
love is pretty strong between us,”<br />
he said.<br />
“We’re madly in love with each<br />
other.”<br />
Mr Bradley, of Avondale,<br />
remembered the life the pair led<br />
before the dementia diagnosis.<br />
The accomplished clarinet<br />
player would often play around<br />
the world, including in Australia,<br />
Singapore and Hong Kong.<br />
“She [Mrs Bradley] never<br />
missed a gig in 26 years, and I<br />
played at hundreds of gigs,” he<br />
said.<br />
“Wherever she was, I played<br />
a special number for her, which<br />
was an original and became her<br />
tune.”<br />
It started to get tough for the<br />
pair when everyday tasks such as<br />
putting on clothes, going to the<br />
bathroom and cooking became a<br />
challenge for Mrs Bradley.<br />
Mr Bradley admitted it had<br />
not been an easy journey. His<br />
own health suffered as the couple<br />
faced their greatest challenge.<br />
‘I’ve just gone through 12<br />
weeks of sheer hell living<br />
by myself’<br />
– Jeff Bradley<br />
“It was getting me down at<br />
some points, it was very hard<br />
on me and I ended up having a<br />
nervous breakdown.”<br />
Mrs Bradley now lives in a<br />
home. Before the Covid-19<br />
lockdown, he would visit her<br />
twice a day. Lockdown left him<br />
“completely alone” and unable to<br />
see her.<br />
“I’ve just gone through 12<br />
weeks of sheer hell living by myself,”<br />
he said.<br />
“I had no other support as all<br />
of my family have passed, aside<br />
from my niece who visited occasionally.”<br />
Mr Bradley knew he would not<br />
be alone in either his experience<br />
of lockdown or in the challenge<br />
of caring for a seriously ill<br />
partner.<br />
So, he has started a club for the<br />
partners of those with dementia,<br />
Parkinsons and other serious<br />
illnesses.<br />
It was a struggle to find a group<br />
in Christchurch where he could<br />
connect emotionally with others<br />
who related to his position, he<br />
said.<br />
There was a chance his club was<br />
a first for the city, he said.<br />
Everyone had their own story<br />
of coping and loss.<br />
“One lady I spoke to was<br />
devastated and said she just sits at<br />
home and cries.<br />
“A lot of people are in the same<br />
situation.”<br />
Mr Bradley said the club will<br />
be “a place to grab a tea or coffee<br />
and meet others, see what they’ve<br />
gone through and how they’re<br />
facing it”.<br />
He said he hoped grow the club<br />
beyond Christchurch, to places<br />
such as Auckland, Wellington<br />
and Dunedin, and so create a<br />
support network across New<br />
Zealand.<br />
•Nib’s Lost Partners Club will<br />
host its first meeting on <strong>July</strong><br />
7 at the Sydenham Lounge,<br />
Cashmere Club, from<br />
10.30am, phone Jeff on 388<br />
5903 for more information.<br />
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