24 Seven July 2020

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EDITOR IN CHIEF
Joan Herrmann
—
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Lindsay Pearson
—
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Matt Herrmann
—
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Chris Giordano
Andrea Valentie
Oliver Pane
—
CONTRIBUTORS
Guy Finley
Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC
Gayle Gruenberg
Rick Hanson, PhD
Joan Herrmann
Linda Mitchell, CPC
Jude Morrow

FROM THE EDITOR
—
This month, July 8 to be exact, marks
the 11th anniversary of the premiere of the
Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life
brand and radio show.
Back in 2009, I was going through a bit
of an identity crisis trying to figure out
my next move. I had given so much of
myself to my family that I got lost. I had
no career, my children were growing up,
and my marriage was stagnant. It was
during that time, from what I was feeling,
that I had the idea to create a medium that
would bridge the gap between people who
needed information for self empowerment,
and those who could provide it.
Eleven years ago, my life was pretty
ordinary - I was a wife, mother, daughter
and sister – just an average woman
experiencing what many wives and
mothers feel. To this day, I cannot say
from where this seed was planted. I had
no special training, or no radio or business
ownership experience. And yet, I wanted
to take it on. Looking back, I must have
appeared insane. A few told me I was, but
I didn’t care.
Completely out of character, and against
the wishes and advice of a few closest to
me, I followed through with my “crazy”
idea. To be honest, I didn’t know what I
was doing or how I would accomplish my
goal, but forward I went; mostly by the seat
of my pants. But hey, a little common sense
goes a long way!
Within a few months, I had created
the CYACYL radio show, was the CEO of
my first company, and was publishing 24
Seven magazine.
Just when my career was starting to gain
traction, my life took a tumultuous turn.
Within a period of six months, my 23-year
marriage ended, my mother died, my sister
died, and my oldest son left for college. The
life I knew ceased to exist. I was broken
hearted, depressed, and exhausted. I didn’t
see much of a future for me.
The irony of it all is that months before
any of this loss, I chose to work under the
Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life
brand. When I selected that title, I had
no idea what was to come. I had no idea
exactly how much change I would need to
embrace. But as I have come to learn, God
has a sense of humor.
Over the course of the next 11 years,
and during some very dark moments in
my life, the one constant was this brand.
Through it, I have met some of the world’s
most inspiring and influential people.
These teachers have enabled me to turn
my personal tragedy, transition, and
transformation into something that has
the potential to positively impact hundreds
of thousands of lives.
It hasn’t always been easy. I have had
many obstacles to overcome, financial
problems to solve, betrayals to survive,
and endless business lessons to learn. But
in the end, I have emerged strong and selfconfident
and I face each day with renewed
passion and joy.
So, when I discuss the importance of
attitude in changing your life and surviving,
I don’t speak from an abstract concept
or program I have taken, I speak from
personal experience and from the heart. In
a brief period, I received a crash course in
life - death, divorce, financial uncertainty,
self doubt, and low self esteem. But, it
was in those moments that I recognized a
turning point, and followed the words of
Dr. Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way
you look at things, the things you look at
change.”
It was with that outlook about change
that I was able to move on and create a
life I could have never imagined. And, you
can too!
— Joan Herrmann

MARK NEPO
ISSUE NO.117

INSIDE THIS
ISSUE
KNOW YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON
BY RICK HANSON, PHD
PAGE 13
HOW TO GET THE HELP YOU NEED FROM YOUR
HIGHER SELF
BY GUY FINLEY
PAGE 16
ON THIS MONTH’S
COVER
MARK NEPO TEACHES THAT NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING
ON IN THE WORLD AROUND US, WE CAN TAP INTO OUR
INNER WISDOM AND STRENGTH FOR SUSTENANCE.
MARK WAS NAMED BY WATKINS: MIND BODY SPIRIT AS
ONE OF THE 100 MOST SPIRITUALLY INFLUENTIAL LIVING
PEOPLE. HE HAS APPEARED ON SUPER SOUL SUNDAY
AND TRAVELED THE COUNTRY WITH OPRAH ON HER
THE LIFE YOU WANT TOUR. HIS NEW BOOK IS THE BOOK
OF SOUL: CREATING A PATH TO WHAT MATTERS.
LISTEN TO MARK ON CYACYL:
https://spoti.fi/37TdKoT
FIVE TIPS TO STAY YOUNG AT HEART
BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 22
IS YOUR BRAIN WIRED FOR POSITIVITY OR
NEGATIVITY?
BY LORIE GARDNER
PAGE 28
HOPE CHANGES EVERYTHING
BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 32
PHOTOGRAPHY PROVIDED BY MARK NEPO
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE THE SPOUSE OF
SOMEONE WITH ADHD
BY GAYLE GRUENBERG
PAGE 36
THE ANTISOCIAL SOCIAL WORKER
BY JUDE MORROW
PAGE 38
JULY 2020
24 SEVEN MAGAZINE

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ISSUE
NO.117
LEADING OFF
JULY
2020
Written by Rick Hanson, PhD
Know You’re
A Good Person
For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all
is to believe that “I am a good person.” We can
climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills,
act ethically – but truly feel that one is good deep
down? Nah!

We end up not feeling like a good person in a number
of ways. For example, I once knew a little girl who’d been
displaced by her baby brother and fended off and scolded
by her mother who was worn down and busy caring for an
infant. This girl was angry at her brother and parents, plus
lost and disheartened and feeling cast out and unloved.
She’d been watching cartoons in which the soldiers of an
evil queen attacked innocent villagers, and one day she said
sadly, “Mommy, I feel like a bad soldier.”
Later in life – whether in school or adulthood –
shamings, moral indictments, religious chastising, and
other criticisms come in many shapes and sizes.
Feeling morally compromised – the essence of not
believing you’re a good person – is fed by related though
different experiences of worthlessness,
inadequacy, and unlovableness: as my
ranch-born father would say, “feeling
like you’re the runt of the litter.”
I’ve also known people – including
myself – who have done bad things
or said them or thought them. Things
like hitting an animal, risking the
lives of their children while driving
buzzed, being mean to a vulnerable
person, stealing from a store, feeling
contemptuous, or cheating on a
partner. These don’t need to be felony
offenses to make one feel guilty or
ashamed.
In effect, to simplify, it’s as if the
psyche has three parts to it: one part
says, “you’re not good”; another part
says, “you’re good”; and a third part –
the one we identify with – listens. The
problem is that the critical, dismissive,
shaming voice is usually much louder
than the protecting, encouraging,
valuing one.
Sure, there is a place for healthy
remorse. But shining through our lapses of integrity,
no matter how great, is an underlying and pervading
goodness. Yes, it may be obscured; I am not letting myself
or others – from panhandlers to CEOs and Presidents – off
the moral hook. But deep down, all intentions are positive,
even if they are expressed problematic ways.
When we are not disturbed by pain or loss or fear, the
human brain defaults to a basic equilibrium of calm,
contentment, and caring. And in ways that feel mysterious,
even numinous, you can sense profound benevolence at
your core.
Really, the truth, the fact, is that you are a good person.
(Me, too.)
When you feel deep down like a bad soldier – or simply
not like a good person – you’re more likely to act this way,
to be casually snippy, self-indulgent, selfish, or hurtful.
On the other hand, when you feel your own natural
“Seeing
the good in
yourself and
others, you’re
more likely to
do what you
can to build
the good in
the world
we share
together.”
goodness, you are more likely to act in good ways.
Knowing your own goodness, you’re more able to
recognize it in others. Seeing the good in yourself
and others, you’re more likely to do what you can to
build the good in the world we share together.
I’ve learned five good ways to feel like a good
person – and there are probably more!
Take in the good of feeling cared about. When you
have a chance to feel seen, listened to, appreciated,
liked, valued, or loved: take a dozen seconds or
more to savor this experience, letting it fill your
mind and body, sinking into it as it sinks into you.
Recognize goodness in your acts of thought word
and deed. These include positive intentions, putting
the brakes on anger, restraining addictive impulses,
extending compassion and helpfulness to others, grit
and determination, lovingness, courage, generosity,
patience, and a willingness to see and even name
the truth whatever it is. You are recognizing facts;
create sanctuary in your mind for this recognition,
holding at bay other voices, other forces, that would
invade and plunder this sanctuary for their own
agenda (such as the internalization of people you’ve
known who made themselves feel big by making
you feel small).
Sense the goodness at the core of your being.
This is a fundamental honesty and benevolence.
It’s there inside everyone, no matter how obscured.
It can feel intimate, impersonal, perhaps sacred. A
force, a current, a wellspring in your heart.
See the goodness in others. Recognizing their
goodness will help you feel your own. Observe
everyday small acts of fairness, kindness, and
honorable effort in others. Sense the deeper layers
behind the eyes, the inner longings to be decent and
loving, to contribute, to help rather than harm.
Give over to goodness. Increasingly let “the better
angels of your nature” be the animating force of
your life. In tricky situations or relationships, ask
yourself, “Being a good person, what’s appropriate
here?” As you act from this goodness, let the
knowing that you are a good person sink in ever
more deeply.
Enjoy this beautiful goodness, so real and so true.
About The Author
RICK HANSON, PHD
Rick Hanson, PhD, is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of
the Greater Good Science Center at UYC Berkeley,
and a New York Times best-selling author. His books
have been published in 29 languages and include
Neurodharma, Resilient, and Hardwiring Happiness.
To Learn More Visit:
www.RickHanson.net

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ISSUE
NO.117
JULY
2020
HOW TO GET
THE HELP
YOU NEED
FROM YOUR
HIGHER SELF
In these difficult days we often feel ourselves strongly
reacting to events and then wanting to go into action.
But actions taken on the basis of emotional reactions
rarely improve situations, and often make them worse.
Written by Guy Finley

T
That’s why it’s important to understand the nature of these
reactions and learn a new way to meet them. To that end,
here’s a little story. Stories are great for introducing new
ideas. They leave a picture in our minds we carry with us
and can remember when we need the truths they reveal.
Once upon a time there was a kingdom with a great
queen.
The queen had a daughter who watched her mother
with great interest, hoping to prepare herself for the day
when she would be queen. The princess especially noticed
that every time a crisis befell them, the good queen would
go on a journey up the great river that came from the
mountain above the kingdom. The queen always returned
with a new answer to the trouble, an answer the princess
never would have thought of herself, but that ultimately
brought about another order of harmony in the kingdom.
One day the princess asked her mother, “Where do you
go when a crisis comes?” The queen answered, “One day
I’ll explain it to you.” But the princess didn’t want to wait,
so, the next time a crisis came up, she tried to follow the
queen up the river, but she couldn’t do it.
The princess, who represents our present level of
consciousness, wasn’t able to follow the queen who was
on a higher level. Our present level cannot possibly be
in a relationship with a higher order of consciousness
because, by its very insistence and demands, it separates
itself from it.
Time passed, and finally the princess went to her
mother and said, “You know, I’ve tried to follow you, but
I can’t. I understand that if I’m ever going to be a good
queen as I’m intended to be, I have to understand what
you do. How do you accomplish what you accomplish?
And why can’t I do it myself?”
We are like the princess. Don’t we know without having
to think about it, that there is something noble, good, and
kind? A wisdom that is already in us but that we just can’t
quite touch? From time to time it touches us, and we
have a new understanding, but we don’t know why. This
is what this story is about.
So, the queen said to her daughter, “Here’s the answer,
but you’ll have to discover its truth for yourself. I go up
the river because my task is to catch messages. I bring
the message back with me and use that understanding to
restore balance to the kingdom.”
The princess shook her head. “I don’t understand.
It seems there’s nothing beyond the river. It just stops.
What do you mean you go up the river to catch a message?
Where does the message come from?”
The queen explained, “There is an invisible Kingdom
above our kingdom. I can’t see it but I receive messages
from it.”
In the same way, our consciousness can receive insights
from our higher Consciousness.
The princess was intrigued. “There is a kingdom above
ours? How do I get there?”
“You just have to follow the river to its end.”
“But I know where it ends.”
“No, you don’t know. You know where you see an
ending to it, but you don’t know where it ends. The fact
that messages come to that place from above proves that’s
not the end.”
When it comes to the growth of our own understanding,
thought is not the end of truth. We may follow thought to
a point, but the fact we don’t have an answer tells us there
is further to go, even if we can’t yet see how to go further.
The princess still wasn’t sure of what her mother was
telling her to do. “All right, I’ll go up there to where I
think the river stops, and then what do I do?”
“Wait.”
Now the princess got upset as most of us do when we
hear this. Why is the idea of waiting upsetting to us? My
reaction tells me I don’t have time for that. Too many
things depend on making sure the problem is reconciled
immediately. The princess is no different than us. She is
us.
The princess could no longer hide her impatience.
“How long am I supposed to wait?”
“For as long as it takes.”
“But from whom is the message going to come?”
“It will come from the one who watches.”
It will come from the one who watches – the indwelling
Divine self. We want to reconnect to our own higher
self, to be in contact with another level of ourselves that
literally is never afraid.
A fearful reaction can never find an answer to itself.
It can only continue itself. So, we wait at the point

between the event and the reaction it brings up. When
a crisis occurs, we have an immediate reaction. That
reaction comes out of our past experiences and fears. It’s
often an automatic resistance to whatever is happening.
As we are now, we never question that reaction. That
negativity seems like the natural response. We don’t know
the place between the event and the reaction to it. We’re
disconnected from it.
But that higher nature waits between the reaction and
the event that produces it. That’s where the answer comes
from, if we will stay there.
We may already know that place exists from our own
experience. We’ve all had insights that our reaction in a
moment was not the best one. That we hurt ourselves and
others by responding too quickly. How would that insight
pour into if it didn’t come from a higher place where the
consciousness already exists that is aware of the condition
but isn’t itself a part of it?
When we really see this, we know we are not alone. We
are capable of being connected to that which put us here,
and which already knows everything we need to know in
every condition as it appears.
An awakening human being knows it is not a question
of whether help is coming. It’s just a question of when it’s
coming. And if we know help is available, we want to work
to learn how to wait patiently in the place where we can
receive an answer.
This doesn’t mean we will never again have a crisis. But
it puts us in a place of understanding where a crisis is
not the continuation of a self that fears being inadequate.
Rather, we are released from that sense of inadequacy
because we’re no longer disconnected from the higher
consciousness that gives us the wisdom we need to meet
every moment.
About The Author
GUY FINLEY
Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher
and bestselling self-help author. He is the founder and
director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center
for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon.
He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line
self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge.
To Learn More Visit:
www.GuyFinley.org

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July 2020 Issue
Like A Fine Wine, We Get
Better with Age! Five Tips
to Stay Young at Heart
Written by Joan Herrmann
L
Last month I turned 57 years
old. 57 YEARS OLD! Like most other 50-something-year-old
individuals, I’m not sure how this happened – it feels like a blink
of an eye. One day I’m a college girl, the next a young mother,
and now more than one half a century old. How can I be over
50? Most days I feel, think and act like a 25-year-old, so I know
it’s only a number. But when that AARP membership card
arrives, it’s easy to think otherwise.
When I was growing up, I thought 50-plus women were old,
that they were on the downside of life. I looked at my mother
who, at the time, was actually younger than I am now, and
thought she was over the hill. Now, I view that period of her life
through a different lens.
On one hand, growing older can be a challenge. We must work
hard at looking good, keeping our mind sharp, and maintaining
our weight and health. Nothing comes naturally anymore.
But, on the other hand, even with these new challenges, I
truly feel the best I have felt in many years. I am stronger, more
confident, much wiser, and doing work that I never dreamt
possible. And, this transformation began at age 46, an age that
most feel the best is behind them!
I know I’m not the first half centurion to say age is only a
number, but it really is!
I think the reason I feel so great is because I don’t buy into
ageism. Sure, I joke about getting older, and my kids tease me
about my age almost daily, but I don’t buy it!
People always say 50 is the new 30, and if you look around
it’s true. Middle age people are accomplishing more than ever
before and doing it at later ages. Growing older does not mean
it’s time to retire, it means it’s time to refire!
My advice to you: don’t let age be a factor in your life. Don’t
buy into the false messaging, and don’t let anyone tell you that
you’re too old to embark on a new journey.
Here are a few ways to help you maintain a young heart & mind:
Be positive. First and foremost, what you believe is what
you live. If you think you’re old, you will be. One of the bestknown
ways to keep feeling young is to have a positive mental
outlook and believe in life’s possibilities.
Keep moving. Regular exercise lowers the risk of heart
disease, diabetes, arthritis, obesity and dementia. It improves
circulation, strengthens bones, and helps keep joints and the
brain working properly. Pick an activity that you enjoy and get
going!
Eat well. Find a healthy way of eating that works for you.
Eliminate items that increase the risk of lifestyle diseases, which
can potentially take years off your life. Fuel your body with
energy boosting, nutritious food.
Stay connected. Research shows that social connection
improves health, well-being, and longevity. Spending time with
others provides feelings of belonging and purpose. It helps you
have fun, be happy and content.
Try something new. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s too
late to follow a dream. Go on the adventure of a lifetime. Julia
Child was 50 when she published her first cookbook, launching
her career as a celebrity chef. Ray Kroc spent his career as a
milkshake device salesman before buying McDonald’s at age
52. Laura Ingalls Wilder published the first of her Little House
books at age 65. Colonel Sanders was 62 when he franchised
Kentucky Fried Chicken. Henry Ford was 45 when he created
the revolutionary Model T car.
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN
Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude…
Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast,
Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the
publisher of 24 Seven magazine.
To Learn More Visit:
www.JoanHerrmann.com

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Is Your Brain
Wired for
Positivity or
Negativity?
Written by Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC
Could it be
possible that
our brains are
wired for
negativity?
Could it be possible that our brains are wired for
negativity? Have you found yourself dwelling on
mistakes that you make or insults you’ve felt? Are
you drawn to drama and bad news? How much
of your day is focused on negative occurrences
or thoughts? Are you uncomfortable with
compliments or positive events?
If you answered yes, the reason may be what is
called negativity bias. Neuroscience reveals that
our brains are wired to focus more on the negative
aspects of life than the positive. Negativity just
has a bigger impact on our brains than positivity.
It has been shown that the electrical activity
of the brain’s cerebral cortex is greater when
exposed to negative stimuli.
In the evolution of the human, this negativity
bias was essential in earlier times when survival
counted on being aware of danger and the ability

to self-protect. One had to be
aware of the threats around
to survive, so the brain being
hard-wired for negativity was
life-saving.
This negativity bias can
affect everything from your
health and behavior, to
decision making and your
relationships. It has been
shown that negativity can
lower your immune system so
it behooves us all to address
this negativity bias.
There is hope! Researchers
have shown that it is possible
to rewire the brain. It may
not be easy, but with a little
awareness and a change in
some of your daily practices,
you can create more positive
thinking and gratitude and
minimize anxiety and worry.
For several months we have
been immersed in the worst
pandemic and crisis we have ever experienced.
Although listening to the news is important, I
recommend minimizing it because it tends to
create more fear and drama than if you read a
newspaper.
We can become addicted to the fear and
negativity watching the news and be in a constant
state of anxiety and worry. This is a time where
you may have real reasons for anxiety and worry,
but to manage this, it is important to incorporate
a few habits each day to stay in balance.
Limit the amount of negative news you
immerse yourself in and try not to start the day
with being at the mercy of the TV news. Read an
update on your favorite online news source and
move on.
• Make an intention first thing in the morning
on how you plan to feel during the day
• Name 3 things you appreciate about yourself
each morning and each evening
• Plan positive events during the day such
as exercising, spending time with your special
person, etc.
• Set yourself up for success and plan some
ealthy meals
• Being mindful and live in the moment
• Avoid allowing your brain to drift to the past
or future too much which can cause stress and
anxiety
• Awareness is key. Become clear about
From The Story
“Negativity
just has a
bigger impact
on our brains
than positivity.”
what your brain is attracted to. If it’s too much
negativity, do a mindset shift. If your anxiety or
anger level is rising, quickly shift to do something
positive and life-giving that you enjoy or just take
a “brain awareness break”
•Find someone to help or volunteer for a good
cause
Most importantly, give yourself a break. Don’t
be too harsh with yourself. Forgive yourself every
time you “fall off the wagon” and know that you
have the awareness to improve and swing into a
more positive mindset at any moment.
About The Author
LORIE GARDNER
Lorie Gardner RN, BSN, NBC-HWC, founded
Healthlink Advocates, Inc., to assist people
with all aspects of their healthcare. As private
nurse patient advocates and board certified
health and wellness coaches, they partner
with clients seeking assistance navigating the
complex healthcare system and those seeking
self-directed, lasting health improvements
aligned with their values.
To Learn More Visit:
www.healthlinkadvocates.com

Can you relate?
We can help.
• Chronic Disorganization
• Professional Women
• Divorce Organizing Support
• Estate Organizing
• Kosher Organizing
Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD ®
Chief Executive Organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC Creator of the Make Space for Blessings System
LGOrganized.com 201-364-6833 Gayle@LGOrganized.com

July 2020 Issue
Hope Changes Everything
Written by Linda Mitchell, CPC
O
One of our greatest gifts
is hope. It’s the belief or feeling that what
you desire can happen. Hope is trusting
in possibility; it’s positive expectation.
It’s one of the most essential and
powerful human emotions We all have
two things in common - no one is
immune from difficult times and we all
have a choice in how we handle those
events. How we react determines the
intensity of the stress we encounter
during trying times.
With hope anxiety is lessened and
possibilities expand. Without it, nothing
feels likely and motivation to journey
forward is a true struggle. Hope allows
us to stay openminded, creative and
positive even in the most difficult times.
It allows us to keep investigating new
ideas, solutions or pathways to solve or
deal with the hardship. Hope give us
something positive to focus on. Without
hope there’s nothing to propel us forward
and it’s tempting to raise the white flag of
surrender. Hope pivots our perspective.
With it we can see light in the darkness,
without it, the walls feel like they’re
closing in.
How do we maintain hope in a crisis?
We must look for the tiniest glimmer of
light; the smallest blessing or reason to
be grateful. Spark hope by continually
asking, what’s one good thing in my life
right now? What can bring me comfort?
What possibilities can I hold out for?
Nurture those thoughts because what we
focus on expands.
When tempted to go down the rabbit
hole of despair, remember the energy of
our thoughts is like a boomerang - what
we put out, comes back to us amplified.
Focus on something positive. You
don’t have to be a pollyanna to make
this work; you simply need to spotlight
one good thing happening in the present
moment to resuscitate hope.
We can’t simply wish for something to
happen; we must take inspired action to
create the desired outcome. Is it a plan of
action with small steps toward realizing
a goal or is it quiet time with compassion
and prayer? The action depends on the
situation.
Hope changes us physically,
emotionally and spiritually. Physically,
the brains of those who regularly
acquiesce to negative thinking create
neural pathways that are reinforced
with each additional gloomy thought.
This leads to a cascade of emotional and
spiritual challenges including constant
melancholy and even depression.
In contrast, the opposite is proven in
plenty of research - holding a hopeful
outlook literally safeguards our bodies
from illness and dis-ease. Embodying
hope means you consciously look for
evidence that good things can happen
which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,
raising your vibration. Hope allows us
to feel connected to positive people or a
higher power therefore we feel less alone
and more secure.
Need a game changer? Create a habit
of nurturing hope in every circumstance.
Feed your soul by grounding yourself in
positive expectation. Set a daily intention
that good things will come and practice
deeply connecting to the organic joys
and blessings life offers.
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL
Linda Mitchell, a board certified executive
and personal coach, speaker and reinvention
expert empowers people who are
stuck, overwhelmed or ready for change to
confidently transition into their next meaningful
role with clarity, purpose and ease
and emerge more powerful, passionate and
fulfilled. Reclaim balance and joy!
To Learn More Visit:
www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com

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This is for you!
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Raising the Next Generation
an online course & community
Discover the ‘Mom’ you want to be.
Let’s explore what works best for you so you experience
more joy on your motherhood journey.
Motherhood
Mentor, Author,
& Speaker
www.amymcollins.com

What It’s
Like to Be
the Spouse
of Someone
with ADHD
Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD ®
L
Life is never dull when
you’re married to someone with ADHD. I
asked a friend to tell me a little about what
it’s like living with an ADHD spouse.
Mark, you’ve been married to Denise for
over 25 years. Did you always know she
had ADHD?
Yes and no. I knew she was very smart,
outgoing, and had a lot of energy, but I didn’t
know it had a name.
How did you find out?
Denise reads a lot. She was looking something
up online and found an article that described
her perfectly. It talked about people who can’t

focus on “boring” things for a
long time but can hyperfocus
on something they love for
hours, who are always racing
here and there, and who can
easily get distracted.
How did Denise react?
She was thrilled! She
finally felt like she wasn’t the
only one who was like this.
What is it like for you to
be the spouse of someone
with ADHD?
Two words: exhilarating
and exhausting.
What do you mean?
It’s like the adrenaline
rush of a roller-coaster that
leaves you wanting more
at the end. Denise is the
epitome of love. She walks
into a room, lights it up, and
everyone flocks to be around her. She loves to
laugh and make jokes. Denise loves to dance; if
there’s music, she’s moving to it, and she’ll pull
you in to join her.
From The Story
“Life is never
dull when
you’re married
to someone
with ADHD.”
see similar behaviors. My son is very outgoing
yet easily distracted. My daughter loves to
move, and she gets hyperfocused on certain
activities.
Does Denise work outside the house?
Denise did a lot of volunteer work while we
raised the kids. Recently, she started a business
as a companion to lonely and infirm seniors.
That is definitely a very giving profession.
Sometimes people with ADHD have a hard
time with a structured work environment.
Denise found something that plays to her
strengths: she can have a flexible schedule, be
with people, and feel creative. That’s a win all
around.
That can be tiring. How else is it exhausting
being with Denise?
She’s very smart, always thinking. Those
thoughts race around her brain at a million
miles an hour. It’s almost impossible to keep
up with her! It’s physically and emotionally
exhausting too. Because her mind is so busy,
tasks don’t always get done and clutter piles
up. I’ve cried because I came home to a literal
and figurative mess. I was hurt, angry, and
frustrated; it felt like she didn’t love or respect
me.
How did you deal with it?
We had a long conversation. I told her how I
felt. She explained that she isn’t trying to hurt
me; that’s just how her brain works. We decided
she would get help, including medication to
help her focus, and a professional organizer
to help keep her on task. I would learn about
women with ADHD and relax my expectations.
ADHD is hereditary. Did your children
inherit Denise’s ADHD?
They haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I
About The Author
GAYLE GRUENBERG
Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD ® is the chief
executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized,
LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of
the Make Space for Blessings system.
To Learn More Visit:
www.LGOrganized.com

ISSUE
NO.117
CULMINATION
JULY
2020
THE
ANTISOCIAL
SOCIAL
WORKER
Written by Jude Morrow

F
From the misinformation, sadly
believed by many, autistic people are awkward and antisocial
beings who have no understanding of the world around
them. When the word “autism” is mentioned, many people
sense fear, pity and dread. I am also guilty of this because I
was so pre-conditioned to believe the misconceptions that
are so readily available in the world.
Like many autistic children, I had my own challenges.
I found communicating and fitting in difficult because I
didn’t accept myself as being autistic at a young age. When
speaking to other autistic people, this is very normal since
most people want to fit in rather than stand out from the
crowd. I found it difficult to fit in, but my abilities to learn
quickly and apply logic to any given problem was always
lauded by my teachers.
Of course, with a liberal dose of “negative bias,” I held
onto what I perceived as shortcomings and always strived
to overcome them. I couldn’t mix with people well when I
was young, so naturally, I decided to pursue a career as a
social worker. Funny as it seems on face value, it was and
still is the perfect career for me. In my teens, I attended
a youth group who put my talent for problem solving to
good use. I was good at writing funding applications and
indeed, chasing them up to secure funding. I thrived in this
situation and achieved many good outcomes for my youth
group with the help of the others.
The independent learning model of third-level education
suited me perfectly. I didn’t have to conform to an already
set timetable to research. I was always able to organize my
time and efforts with surgical accuracy. Even when working
in challenging work placements, I was always able to
organize myself in an onward journey to achieving my goal
of passing the degree.
As I had expected and hoped, I passed and graduated in
July, 2012. I have been doing the job ever since and spread
my experience over a wide range of service groups. I have
worked with young children in care, hospital settings, and
now with the elderly. Across all service user groups, crises
can occur. Emotional dilemmas and crises are an integral
part of being human, and I have to be on hand to assist the
most vulnerable.
A common scenario is when a family is seeking comfort
at home for their dying relative. It can be easy to become
emotionally overwhelmed when working with grief. I can
empathize with people very well, and I can understand
their pain of the process of losing a loved one. In my mind,
I can break the situation down. I can logically decide what
the person needs to maintain their comfort and dignity
whilst offering practical and emotional support to their
family.
This redefines the concept of what being “social” is.
I always thought that I was antisocial because I didn’t
like contemporary or trendy things. I also felt I didn’t
understand a lot of societal norms. This turned out to be
completely false. I realized that I am actually very social, if
only in my own unique and autistic way.
Autistic people can be talented, creative, passionate,
and driven — but most of all, human beings. We are not
emotionless or awkward or anything else that society leads
many of us to believe. There are too many misconceptions
about autism, and sadly, I believed many of them, and felt
inadequate, for so long. When I learned to appreciate my
positives, rather than focus on what society says I don’t
have, I became much happier.
We too, are capable, and we too, can achieve success.
About The Author
JUDE MORROW
Jude Morrow is an autistic author, motivational speaker, and
social worker from Derry, Ireland. Jude’s debut book is, Why Does
Daddy Always Look So Sad? .
To Learn More Visit:
www.JudeMorrow.com`