Uncle Andy's Digest • August 2020

uncleandys

Our August 2020 issue of Uncle Andy's Digest kicks off our 25th Anniversary year! It will deliver laughs, facts, and lots of fun. Uncle Andy's Digest is your guide to all things fun and local! Laugh at the jokes, see folks you know in our Out 'n About sections, and PLEASE support local business!

It’s an

honor to say

I’ve been part of

the Digest for 20

of its 25 years! A

huge THANK YOU

to everyone who

has supported us

through the

years!!

Celebrating

Thank you for 25 fantastic years!

Years

Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

Move

your loan

to us for

great

rates!

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

Mortgage Executive Magazine’s

Top 1%

Mortgage Originators

IN AMERICA • 2019

CONGRATULATIONS,

Debbie

Bodwell

NMLS#280336

181 Center Street

Auburn, ME 04210

Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com

www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell

Office: 207-777-1551

Cell: 207-754-3962

NMLS# 1760; Equal Housing Opportunity; ME Supervised Lender License #SLM2537.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 1


If teachers really want you to follow your dreams, why do they yell at you for falling asleep in class?

GEORGIO’S MAKES FAMILY TIME MORE FUN !

Pool Parties • Movie Night • Backyard Gatherings

• HOT & COLD SANDWICHES

• DONUTS & PASTRIES

We’ve

been a family

tradition for

more than 60

years!

GEORGIO’S

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s

207-783-2981

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com

• DESSERTS & SNACKS

Locally owned & operated

Your Vision. Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths, Decks & More!

• Windows/Doors

• Siding

• Custom Tile

• Lead Certified

• VA Special Adaptive Housing

• Handicap Accessible Projects

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

I bought myself a seniors GPS. Not only does it tell me where I’m going, it tells my why I wanted to go there.


A coin shortage? America must be out of common cents.

Out ‘n About at

Roy I Snow

Electrical Contractors

We’ve been a

family owned business

since 1947!

Dan & Debbie

Snow

Working in

a family business is

easy when you

have parents as

great as mine!

Desiree Snow

Adam Rodrigue

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children...

just like it says on the bottle.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

Why do people say, “needless to say,” before saying something?

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

SPIDY

TIM

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

INCREDIBLE

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COLBY

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801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

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514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very

hard to ensure the accuracy of the

information in our client’s advertisements

and our publication in general, we are

not responsible for vendor availability,

typographical errors, technical

inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or

omissions.

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Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

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• Rebases

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4 August 2020 783-7039

Instead of cleaning, I watched an episode of “Hoarders” and realized

how fantastic my house really looks.


Due to my isolation I finished 3 books today. Boy, that was a lot of coloring!

It’s been

fun growing up in the

Digest! Now I get to

work with my dad!

Ashley & Dan

It’s been

fun seeing the

Digest grow up, too!

Happy 25th Anniversary

to Jimbo & team!

Ashley &

Christopher Christopher Ashley

I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer but it came out as a margarita!

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $1.99 Lg. $2.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken salad

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

SUNDAY

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Any large pizza

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

Come experience the

difference at Armand’s

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

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THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

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Baked Beans

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Full beans ’n franks meal $8.59

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207-782-7113

31 Blake Street, Lewiston

armandsautobody.com

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.49

Lg. $3.99

Breakfast sandwiches $1.99

Hash browns 2/$1.00

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

What is with all these stores putting an “X” on the floors showing where to stand?

I’ve watched too many roadrunner shows to fall for that one.

Finding

Danny

Submitted by Jimbo

“Oh, No!” he gasped as

he surveyed the disaster

before him. Never in

his 40 years of life had

he seen anything like

it. How anyone could

have survived he did

not know.

He could only hope

that somewhere amidst

the overwhelming destruction

he would find

his 16-year-old son.

Only the slim hope of

finding Danny kept

him from turning and

fleeing the scene. He

took a deep breath and

proceeded.

Walking was virtually

impossible with so

many things strewn

across his path. He

moved ahead slowly.

“Danny! Danny!” he

whispered to himself.

He tripped and almost

fell several times. He

heard someone, or

something, move. At

least he thought he

did. Perhaps, he was

just hoping he did. He

shook his head and felt

his gut tighten.

He couldn’t understand

how this could have

happened. There was

some light but not

enough to see very

much. Something

cold and wet brushed

against his hand. He

jerked it away.

Continued on next page

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 5


I got rid of my boyfriend. The cat was allergic.

Out ‘n About at the beach

I come

up to the

surface every

month to read my

Digest! They really

need to make an

underwater

edition!

Submitted by Betsy Sibley

of Community Credit Union

Continued from previous page

In desperation, he took

another step then cried

out, “Danny!”

From a nearby pile of

unidentified material,

he heard his son. “Yes,

Dad,” he said, in a

voice so weak it could

hardly be heard.

“It’s time to get up and

get ready for school,”

the man sighed, “and,

for goodness sake,

clean up this room!”

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

William J. Rogers Post 153 will abide

by COVID-19 executive orders from the

Governor and guidelines set forth by the

CDC, DHHS, & DECD.

Our staff and volunteers will take

necessary precautions to ensure safety

for all. We ask that you follow safety

guidelines as well. MASKS ARE

REQUIRED - PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASKS WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn

207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

STARTING AUGUST 1 – DINNERS TO GO/CURBSIDE PICKUP

Limited seating available - help us by calling ahead for your orders.

9am-12pm, 207-312-8284 12pm-4pm, 207-212-1466

Ask about our drink specials!

AUGUST 1st: Spaghetti & Meatballs w/garlic toast & salad,

4:30p-6:30p • $8 per meal

AUGUST 7th: Lobster Rolls w/fries & coleslaw

4:30p-6:30p • $10 per meal

AUGUST 13th-15th: Balloon Fest Weekend at the Post

Sausage Sandwiches w/peppers & onions, 2p-7p • $6 each

Famous Lime Rickey, $5 with a kick, $3 without 2p - 7p

AUGUST 22nd: Shepherd’s Pie w/roll & salad

4:30p-6:30p • $6 per meal

AUGUST 29th: BBQ Ribs w/mashed potato, mac ‘n cheese, & veggie

4:30p-6:30p • $10 per meal

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19 TH

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities are

subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6 August 2020 783-7039

I’ve been making Motown puns for about three years. Four tops.


Day 100 of quarantine: Watching birds searching for worms.

The Cardinals are leading the Blue Jays 6-4.

MEL’S HILLTOP RESTAURANT AND 19TH HOLE!

Out ‘n About in

the Digest

Archives

Blasts from our 25 year past!

Poland Spring Resort’s Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant (over the Pro Shop)

is open daily with great lunches, appetizers, your favorite beverages,

and amazing views! Great deck and indoor air conditioned dining.

Open Daily at 11:30 AM in summer and weekends in the fall! 207-998-6024

Quality Work • Reasonable Rates • Premier Service • Fully Insured • All Work Guaranteed

10%

Senior Citizen

Discount

79 Route 202, Greene

207-376-4900 • 207-385-5222

Family owned

and operated

By

Joe Cooper

Extensive Selection of New & Estate Jewelry

Buying Gold,

Silver, Platinum,

& Diamonds

Mike Morin

Mike Morin’s Auto

Center - 1996

Prediction from 1997

I predict

I’ll still be advertising

in the Digest

25 years from

now!*

Steve Roop

Roopers - 1997

*see inside back cover

22 years

later and I still

have a camera in my

hand!

Fine Jewelry

Expert Jewelry Repair &

Restoration in House

Fine custom jewelry

& remounts

M-W: 9a – 5p Th-F: 9a – 6p Sat: 9a – 3p

33 Center St. Auburn 207-782-7575

My wife is leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.

What planet is she on?

Jose Leiva

1998

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 7


With A

CONVENIENT SIZES

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- $8 or 200mg - $15

100mg

Rare Find!

Submitted by Tyla Davis

If anyone wants to come talk to me about my shoddy hinge work,

my door is always open.

While out hiking, a guy

finds a rare centipede.

The guy is amazed by

what he’s found and

naturally he wants to

show this rare creature

to his buddies. So he

captures the centipede

and places it carefully

in a ventilated box.

Once he gets it home,

the guy decides he

wants to take the

centipede to his local

hangout immediately.

He taps on the box

and says, “Would you

like to go to Mac’s Grill

with me? You’d get to

meet all my friends.”

There’s no answer

from the centipede.

The guy waits a few

moments and then

says, “What do you

think? Would you like

to go to Mac’s Grill and

meet my buddies?”

Again, there’s no

answer.

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Thinking the centipede

can’t hear him, the man

goes right up to the box

this time and he yells,

“Hey! Would you like to

go to Mac’s or not?”

A little voice comes out

of the box, “I heard you

the first time! I’m still

putting my shoes on!”

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 August 2020 783-7039

I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2021

Events

Now!

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

WE CATER!

CARRY OUT

CATERING

You pick up & serve

Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!

207-345-9009


Out ‘n About at

Roy I Snow

Electrical Contractors

Looking

this good doesn’t

take much... electrical

current!

My parrot can recite the Lord’s Prayer. Does that make him a bird of prey?

When it’s time for your business to get back in business

Call ServiceMASTER!

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452

www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

Adam Wigton

Be sure

to check out our

ad on the Career

Opportunities page

of the Digest! We

are hiring licensed

electricians!

My girlfriend wanted to walk down the aisle. So I sent her to the supermarket.

Brian McCarthy

Paul Morin

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10 August 2020 783-7039

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all her friends over

and made them clean the house.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Take Out

Available!

Join us on

October 3rd

for the Summer

Block Party!

Summertime

dining is great here

at Mac’s!

for experienced

cooks

APPLY WITHIN

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

12

Self-serve

Bacon

Submitted by Jimbo

Two children ordered

their mother to stay in

bed one Mother’s Day

morning. As she lay

there looking forward

to being brought

breakfast in bed, the

smell of bacon floated

up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children

called her to come

downstairs. She found

them both sitting at the

table eating bacon and

eggs.

“As a surprise for

Mother’s Day,” one

explained, “we decided

to cook our own

breakfast.”

The Talk

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A father decided it was

time to have “the talk”

with his young son.

He beckoned his son

to come into the living

room and sit down.

“The time has come

for you and I to have a

conversation, my son,”

the father started.

“Soon, you will have

new urges and feelings

that you have not had

before and that will be

hard for you to understand.

It might leave

you feeling perplexed.”

He added, “But you do

not have to worry, it’s

perfectly normal ... it’s

called golf.”

Jimbo

August 2020 783-7039

The secret to telling a good postal joke is all in the delivery.

KNOW

WHO

YOU

HIRE!

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.29

PARTY SPECIALS

Roy’s FOODLAND

Try our Teres Major Steaks on the Grill!

(comparable to filet mignon)

In Memory

REGIS D. ROY

1941-2020

Family man. Business man. Friend.

You will be missed.

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Pizza Packs only $ 8.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 5.99

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Don’t forget your chicken salad,“best in town” or ham salad!

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Locally owned & operated

30+ years’ experience

280 Sabattus Road

Sabattus

Maine’s largest resource for:

Background Searches

Criminal • Driving • Sex Offenders

207-783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.com

www.suncodrilling.com

Call us for all your

water needs!

(207) 375-4661 • (800) 357-4661

We are open for business!

Visit our showroom, we are fully stocked with filters, water test kits, jet pumps, tanks and more.

I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not strong enough.

I’ve just handed in my too weak notice.


Wanna hear a joke about a stone? Never mind, I’ll just skip that one.

Out ‘n About at

Roy I Snow

Electrical Contractors

Electricians

get their supplies at

the Ohm Depot!

Jay Lauter

Out ‘n About with

Quality Painters

Waiting

to put on the second

coat of paint is

always the worst!

Greg Johnson

It sure is!

It’s like watching

paint dry!

Bill LaBelle

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble

but shouldn’t that be an even number?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 13


Out ‘n About in

the Digest

Archives

Blasts from our 25 year past!

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

RollysNewAuburn.com

The Digest

has woven itself

into the fabric of this

community; and

we’re better because

of it!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

I love

dining on

the new patio.

It’s so

refreshing!

Chip Morrison

Chamber President

1995-2015

Heeerreee’s

JIMBO!!!*

87 Mill St., New Auburn

753-0171

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm, Sunday 7 am – noon

Tanya

Grover

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Jimbo

Joins the team at the

Digest in 2001*

*After kicking Big Gare’s butt

in racquetball

What’s Kasasa ® ?

It’s Like A FREE * ATM

On Every Corner!

FREE!

Bert Cote

Thatcher’s, formerly

of Bert’s Quality Used

Cars - 1996

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

14

Jimbo

August 2020 783-7039

Community Credit Union

Proudly Serving Our Members and Community for 75 years!

*Qualification Information: Account transactions and activities may take one or more banking days to post and settle to the account and all must do so

during the Monthly Qualification Cycle in order to qualify for the account’s rewards. “Monthly Qualification Cycle” means a period between one (1) day

prior to the first day of the current statement cycle through one (1) day prior to the close of the current statement cycle. Reward Information: When

account qualifications are met you will receive reimbursements up to $25 for nationwide ATM fees incurred during the Monthly Qualification Cycle in

which you qualified. When account qualifications are not met, ATM fees are not reimbursed. ATM reimbursements will be credited to your Kasasa

account on the last day of the statement cycle. Account approval, conditions, qualifications, limits, timeframes, enrollments, log ons and other

requirements apply. Qualifications and rewards may vary by account. Member eligibility required. Visit www.communitycreditunion.com or contact

Member Services for additional information, details, restrictions, processing limitations and enrollment instructions. Kasasa® is a trademark of

BancVue, Ltd., registered in the USA. This Credit Union is federally insured by NCUA and is an Equal Housing Lender. Hopeful Artist: Charlie Hewitt

Do turtles wear people neck sweaters?


When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

Big Date

Submitted by Jimbo

In God I Trust

QUALITY SIGNS

MANUFACTURED

WITH PRIDE IN MAINE

by your friends and neighbors

for our customers around the world

since 1947

207-782-9654

www.neokraft.com - Lewiston, ME

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

Less than $500/month • 145 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

A young man called his

mother and announced

excitedly that he had

just met the woman of

his dreams. Now what

should he do?

His mother had an

idea: “Why don’t you

send her flowers, and

on the card invite her

to your place for a

home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was

a great strategy and

arranged a date for a

week later. His mother

called the day after the

big date to see how

things had gone.

“The evening was a

disaster,” he moaned.

Now open daily 11a-9p

Join us for happy hour

2p-5p Monday-Friday

www.firehouseauburn.com • 207-376-4959

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick.

He said, “Uno, Dose...” and he disappeared without a trace.

August

Drink

Specials

Try our

green tea

cocktail!

“Why? Didn’t she

come over?” asked his

mother.

“Oh, she came over,

but she refused to

cook.”

Flying Solo

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Tim was on a flight to a

sales conference. Sitting

next to him was a

beautiful young woman.

Ever the charmer,

Tim used one of his

pick-up lines on her.

“Does the airline

charge you extra

for sitting next to

good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she replied, “but

I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 15


Waiting Your

Turn

Submitted by Jimbo

The Digest’s very own

Steve Simard decided

to take advantage

of the local grocery

store’s senior hours.

He showed up to wait

in line at 7:45. The

store opened at 8:00.

Steve watched as a

young man came from

the parking lot and

tried to cut in at the

front of the line, but an

old lady beat him back

into the parking lot with

her cane.

A few minutes later,

Steve watched as

the same young man

returned and tried to

cut in again but an old

man punched him in

the gut, then kicked

him to the ground and

rolled him away.

As he approached the

line for the third time

he said, “If you don’t

let me unlock the door,

you’ll never get in

there.”

If a woman speaks and no one is listening her name is probably Mom.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

EXPANDED OUTDOOR & DISTANCED INDOOR SEATING

CURBSIDE PICKUP & DELIVERY STILL AVAILABLE

CAFÉ OPENS AT 7 A.M.

• Please check our website or Facebook page for current hours and offerings •

1110 MINOT A VE.

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING A UBURN, MAINE

WWW. SIDEBYEACHBREWING. COM 207.689.3030

I think sometimes we humans ask too much of spandex.

It’s Your Choice – Choose Experience

Buying or selling a home can be an exciting and challenging experience.

The buyers and sellers have many details to handle before and after the closing.

Our experienced professionals can help you make this experience a smooth one.

207-784-6413 | 844-202-9268

95 Main Street, Auburn • www.androtitle.com

I invited a teddy bear for dinner yesterday. I offered him some food but he said, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”

EST1950 783-3444

WE’RE OPEN BY APPOINTMENT!

Men’s & boys cuts,

only $15.00

54 Mill St., New Auburn

783-3444

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p,

Sat 7:30a-2p

Jean & Tina

Booth

Rentals

Available

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

August 2020

Stickers are

due!

Car Care Tips

• Keep your engine cool

• Replace windshield wipers

• Change oil

• Check your tires

• Check your A/C Unit

Auto Repairs • Maintenance

Inspections • K1 • Alignments

Computer •Diagnostics

State Inspections & More!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16 August 2020 783-7039

All my life, I have felt like a battery. I’m rarely included in anything!


Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

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plan. [Don’t wait!] Call now! Get your FREE Dental

Information Kit with all the details! 1-877-308-2834

www.dental50plus.com/cadnet #6258

Two great new offers from AT&T Wireless! Ask how

to get the Next Generation Samsung Galaxy S10e

FREE. FREE iPhone with AT&T’s Buy one, Give One.

While supplies last! CALL 1-866-565-8452 or

www.freephonesnow.com//cadnet

Stay in your home longer with an American Standard

Walk-In Bathtub. Receive up to $1,500 off, including

a free toilet, and a lifetime warranty on the tub and

installation! Call us at 1-855-481-3969 or visit

www.walkintubquote.com/national

HughesNet Satellite Internet - 25mbps starting at

$49.99/mo! Get More Data FREE Off-Peak Data.

FAST download speeds. WiFi built in! FREE Standard

Installation for lease customers! Limited Time, Call

1-855-973-9254

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most

advanced debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule

a FREE LeafFilter estimate today. 15% off Entire

Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. Call

1-855-402-0373

Cross country Moving, Long distance Moving Company,

out of state move $799 Long Distance Movers.

Get Free quote on your Long distance move.

1-844-452-1706

Call Empire Today® to schedule a FREE in-home

estimate on Carpeting & Flooring. Call Today!

1-855-404-2366

DIRECTV - Switch and Save! $39.99/month. Select

All-Included Package. 155 Channels. 1000s of Shows/

Movies On Demand. FREE Genie HD DVR Upgrade.

Premium movie channels, FREE for 3 mos! Call

1-855-781-1565

DISH Network $59.99 For 190 Channels! Add High

Speed Internet for ONLY $19.95/month. Call Today for

$100 Gift Card! Best Value & Technology. FREE Installation.

Call 1-855-837-9146 (some restrictions apply)

PLACE IN WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas

interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, Co.

80201

Out ‘n About in

a galaxy far, far

away...

Read the

Digest and support

local business, you

must.

Photo submitted by

Laurie Callahan

Out ‘n About in

the Digest

Archives

Blasts from our 25 year past!

Bart Kelsea

Androscoggin Title

1997

Satellite Internet That is Unlimited

2

With No Hard Data Limits!

CALL TODAY - LIMITED SPECIAL OFFERS IN YOUR AREA!

1-855-973-9254

25 Mbps Download Speed

25mbps download and 3mbps upload 1

No Hard Data Limits 2

Wi-Fi Built-In

Connect your wireless devices at home

Call For Special Offers In Your Area

Pricing varies by region

HughesNet is a registered trademark of Hughes Network Systems, LLC, an EchoStar Company.

2 If you exceed your monthly plan data, you will experience reduced data speeds until the start of your next billing period. Reduced speeds will typically be in the range of 1 – 3 Mbps and may cause

Web sites to load more slowly or affect the performance of certain activities, such as video streaming or large downloads/uploads.

Boys never grow up, their trucks just get bigger and more expensive.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 17


Unanswered

Prayer?

Submitted by Jimbo

Dear God,

First, my car broke

down

I was very late for work

But I missed that awful

accident

Was that your handiwork?

I found a house I loved

But others got there

first

I was angry, then

relieved

When I heard the

pipes had burst!

Yesterday, I found the

perfect dress

But the color was too

pale

Today, I found the

dress in red

Would you believe, it

was on sale!

I know you’re watching

over me

And I’m feeling truly

blessed

For no matter what I

pray for

You always know

what’s best!

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

PA’S

TRADIN’

Federal

Firearms

License

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Gun Background Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or 1-877-743-0709

WE NEED:

Canoes, kayaks, dressers,

camp furniture, guns, & more

Always buying,

pawning, & selling!

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

Biology: the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

CALL AHEAD

FOR ORDERS!

Take out window available

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

Pepperoni Pizza Ham Italian Special Dagwood

207-539-8254

August

Special

Dagwood

on a

bulkie

roll

$5 .99

Expires

08/31/2020

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

Due to coronavirus, the spelling bee has been cansul... cancil... cancul... it’s been called off!!

The Outdoors Never Closes

Start living your best RV life today...

Maine’s

Oldest RV

Dealer

Since

1965!

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410 • info@callofthewildrv.com

Hey,

stop

hogging

the Digest

and give me

a turn to

read it!

Out ‘n About in Oxford

Luke &

Carson

Davis


OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

Dogs eat pooched eggs for breakfast.

Out ‘n About in Oxford

Pop’s

truck and a

Digest... what

more does a

man need?

Sam Landis

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to shop.

THE LAKE

STORE

14 Waterford Road, Norway

207-743-6562

Come join

our growing

Oxford Hills section!

Call 783-7039

today FMI!

Enjoy our comfortable

outside area!

I am as swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. Eight days ago.


OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

COOPER FARMS

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

I just got a new job as a waiter. It’s not great, but it puts food on the table.

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

20

First Aid

Submitted by Tyla Davis

It was a stifling hot

day and a young man

crossing the street

fainted in the middle of

the busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up

in all directions, and a

well dressed woman

rushed to help him.

When she knelt down

to loosen his collar, a

man emerged from the

crowd, and pushed her

aside.

“It’s all right honey, I’ve

had a course in first

aid. I’ll take care of this

gentleman.”

The woman stood

up and watched as

he took the ill man’s

pulse and prepared

to administer artificial

respiration.

At this point she tapped

him on the shoulder

and said, “When you

get to the part about

calling a doctor, I’m

already here.”

Jimbo

August 2020 783-7039

VILLAGE INN NOW OPEN!

www.villageinnmaine.com

Dine outside on our new patio area!

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

The math book said to his doctor, “I’m full of problems.”

Roebucks Angus

Tell us you saw us in

Uncle Andy’s!

BURGER • STEAKS • ROASTS

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

Ask about sides and special packages!

INSPECTED

165 High St. Auburn

207-782-7796

jay - 207.754.1558

sue - 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

The new Beatles memorabilia store is now opened eight days a week.


207.784.1541

easy@easyrentall.com

20 South Ave.

Lewiston

EasyRentAll.com

I write songs about sewing machines. I’m a Singer songwriter.

Competitive

Rental

Rates

LA’s Premier Rental Company

We Have The Equipment You Need!

Out ‘n About with

John F. Murphy

Homes

Delivering the Digest

From here

on out we will be

known as the “Digest

Bandits”

You name it - We most likely rent it!

Mike Dudley &

Kristin Freeman

It’s pointless to write with a broken pencil.

1940 ~ 2020

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com

Restaurant

Mini Golf Course

Driving Range

Ice Cream Stand

SUMMER HOURS

Miniature Golf

& Driving Range

Daily 10am-9pm

(weather permitting)

Restaurant

Daily 11am-9pm

My wife told me she wanted a kid. I bought her a baby goat.

Out ‘n About at

Side by Each

For Uplift LA’s Fun

After 5 event

If you

missed this

event, don’t worry!

You can still join us

for the Fun after 5

events on August

19th and September

11th!

Matt Shaw &

Shanna Cox

LA Metro Chamber

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 21


HELP US GRANT A WISH!

100% of the ad proceeds on these pages will be donated to Make-A-Wish Maine.

Transforming lives,

one wish at a time.

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

Proud to help Uncle Andy’s

Digest & Make-A-Wish Maine

Healthy Living

for the whole

family.

TINA PARKER

Independent Health &

Wellness Consultant

207-576-1769

tinaparker2012@yahoo.com

23 Pleasant Street,

Mechanic Falls

207-345-5551

Dadsplacemaine.com

Proud Sponsor of

Justin Campbell, Agent

1570 Main Street Suite 2A

Oxford, ME 04270

Bus: 207-539-5095

www.oxfordhillsinsurance.com

Be a legend.

Insure your life.

With the right life

insurance, you can

leave a legacy for your

family. I’m here to help.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

HEATING OIL • K1

Oxford • West Paris

890-6674

THE GINA TEAM

Gina Letourneau

ginaletourneau@masiello.com

Full service pet spa


State Farm Life Insurance Company (Not licensed in MA, NY or WI)

State Farm Life and Accident Assurance Company (Licensed in NY and WI)

1708145

Bloomington, IL

Thank you, Make-A-Wish

707 Main Street, Lewiston

207-777-4647

674-2315

PO Box 7, Oxford

1520 Auburn Road, Turner

207-224 - 0166

207-795-9633

155 Center Street, Auburn

Proud sponsor of

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

Full Service Gas Station

Proud to support

DIGEST

EST. 1996

&

19 Maple Street, Norway

207-739-6834

207-739-6834

PPE Headquarters!

Gloves • Disinfectants • Sanitizer

Masks • Toilet Paper

207-784-5779

ken@goodmanwiper.com

207-539-8100

Proud supporter of

Proud supporter of

Home insurance claim? Call today

to get help through the process!

(207) 514-5453

bweisner@breakwateradjusting.com

Let us sell your home!

Proud Supporter of

“BUSY AS BEES

TO PLEASE”

1567 Lisbon Street

Lewiston

777-6353 • 777-6354

Open for eat in, takeout,

& outside dining

Stone’s Trash Removal

Quality Automotive Repair

Full Service Automotive

Repair Shop

132 Mechanic Falls Road, Oxford

207-539-8858

Mark

(207) 744-2274

290 Maine Street, Norway

Steve Simard

www.BizRealty.net

158 Main Street, South Paris

Tyla Davis, Editor

207-346-1488 • design@uncleandys.com

39 Tuelltown Road, West Paris

(207) 446-1014

Logging

Waterford, ME

207-890-4142

207-890-4142

Businesses & individuals can help make it

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering

from a serious illness. Please Donate!

Call me

to find out

how!

207-754-1815

steve@uncleandys.com

207-782-7141

Proudly supporting

Office & Light

Industrial Cleaning

207-530-8890

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


HELP US GRANT A WISH!

100% of the ad proceeds on these pages will be donated to Make-A-Wish Maine.

Transforming lives,

one wish at a time.

Let us help buy your home!

Lisa Laliberte

“BUSY AS BEES

TO PLEASE”

Proudly supports

207-333-5188

www.cowbellgrillandtap.com

www.BizRealty.net

158 Main Street, South Paris

207-783-3332

www.lisalaliberte.com

Limited delivery via

JT Reid’s

Guns

We Are Open!

Proudly Supporting

Let us build that dream deck for you!

We’re here for YOU!

UFOs • Pizza • Donuts

Takeout • Door Dash

Be Your

Own Boss!

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.


777-3579

Mon.-Fri. 9am-5pm, Sat. 9am-3pm

207-212-7791

86 Court Street, Auburn www.vghomeimprovements.com

783-2981

georgiosmaine.com

Open daily

7am-7pm

207-782-7113

31 Blake Street, Lewiston

armandsautobody.com

Chris Wallace, RVP

207-653-3424

@MEDCoMaine

1-866-42-MEDCo

thcMEDCo.com

Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest World Headquarters

We are proud

supporters of Make-

A-Wish Maine!

Thank you

to all of our advertisers that

continue to be a part of the UAD

family! We all win when we

support local business!

TAYLOR’S

PAINT &

WALLPAPER

SERVICES

Call today

for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

Fully Insured

CATERING

Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-879-7668

Proud Sponsor of

Proud Supporter of

Beer to go - Pick Up or Delivery!

The UAD Crew: Steve Simard, Colby Michaud, Tim Rucker,

Stephanie Arsenault, Tyla Davis, and of course... Jimbo

1110 MINOT A VE.

A UBURN,MAINE

207.689.3030

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

Proud to help Make-A-Wish

and Uncle Andy’s Digest!

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Now

Hiring

Baby’s

Coming!

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Brian’s stress level

was at unsurpassed

levels. His wife Maggie

was in labor and Brian

was sure it was time to

head to the hospital.

Breathing heavily,

Brian grabbed the

phone and called the

doctor. “Doctor, I think

it’s time. Should we

come in?”

The doctor tried to

calm the poor fellow

down. “Just try to

relax. Now tell me

how much time

elapses between the

contractions?”

Brian relayed the

question to his wife.

“My wife says they

are ten minutes apart.

Please doc, I’m panicking.

What should we

do?”

“And is this her first

child?” questioned the

doctor.

“No you idiot! This is

her husband!”

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

HELP FAMILIES.

HELP YOURSELF.

Take control of your life.

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.

Contact

Chris Wallace, RVP Today!

207-653-3424

NOW HIRING! IMMEDIATE EMPLOYMENT!

Aestheticians & Massage Therapists

Is your dream to find a spa where

the technicians are professional

and the ambience is calm?

If so, we want to talk to you!

Please email in confidence at:

info@cassiels.com

for the opportunity to speak to us.

71 East Avenue, Lewiston • www.cassiels.com

WE’RE HIRING!

Join our team of caring professionals!

Come see us for

the rewarding

career you’ve

been looking for!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 August 2020 783-7039

Apply online at JFMhomes.org

or visit 800 Center St, Auburn.

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity

Employer and complies with all local, state, and federal

guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Now

Hiring

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

Out ‘n About with

the Auburn Fire

Department

For the retirement of Captain

Eugene “Chip” Keene

It’s been

an honor to serve

the Auburn community

for the last 25

years.

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

NOW HIRING

Strong Entry Level Talent

• Learn to be a trained & certified support technician

• 40 hour flexible work schedule

• Entry level paid technical training

• Remote positions available for social distancing measures

Do you

have the

drive to learn

technical

skills?

Apply online: www.carbonite.com

Eugene “Chip”

Keene

Thank you

for your service,

Captain Keene.

It’s been wonderful

working alongside

you!

WANTED:

YEAR ROUND FLAGGERS

Androscoggin,

Cumberland,

and Oxford

County Areas

Call Today

207-225-5627

No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!

Starting Pay: $14.00 and up per hour

www.atwork.com

Ryan Demers

Mark Tripp

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 27


Now

Hiring

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Waiting for

Years

Submitted by Jimbo

We had built our dream

house some years ago,

and furnished it with

quality pieces as we

could afford them. Now

the delivery truck carrying

the last purchase,

a new bedroom suite,

was pulling into the

driveway.

Experienced Service Technicians

24 Hour

Service

“Finally!” I exclaimed,

flinging open the

front door as the

driver walked up to

the house. “I’ve been

waiting twelve years

for this!”

“Don’t blame me, lady,”

he said. “I just got the

order this morning.”

Air Conditioning & Heating

207-777-5600

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

Spring Fever

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Four high school boys

afflicted with spring

fever skipped morning

classes. After lunch

they reported to the

teacher that they had a

flat tire.

Much to their relief she

smiled and said, “Well,

you missed a test

today so take seats

apart from one another

and take out a piece of

paper.”

Out ‘n About in the Digest Archives...

Blasts from our 25 year past!

Rolly’s Diner 2001

NOW HIRING!

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn

207-783-0961

Rosemary Camire Knight

Still smiling, she

waited for them to sit

down. Then she said,

“First Question: Which

tire was flat?”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 August 2020 783-7039

It is important to make breaks between individual exercises.

I personally stick to breaks of about three to four years.


My neighbors are listening to great music, whether they like it or not.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Out ‘n About with

the Auburn Fire

Department

For the retirement of Captain

Eugene “Chip” Keene

I really

want an ice cream

right now... let’s go to

Dairy Joy!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

⅛ Payroll Processing

⅛ Time & Attendance Solutions

⅛ Worker’s Comp Pay-As-You-Go

Call us today.

Corey Nugent

A sign of

the times, Mr. Chip!

Congrats!

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

Specializing in custom interior

painting & cabinetry refinishing

Joshua Stewart

How many businesses

does Chip own

anyway?

Text or call

for free

estimates!

(fully insured)

207-754-4553

207-713-2504

Greg Johnson & Bill LaBelle

First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.

Chris Andreasen

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 29


Out ‘n About in

the Digest

Archives

Blasts from our 25 year past!

Still hanging

ten after all these

years!

If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate,

would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

We’ve got you covered!

Ian Barclay

Barclay’s Skin Divers

Paradise - 2002

The Digest

has rocked for

25 years & I’ll play a

face-melting guitar

riff in their

honor!

Peoples Insurance - Monmouth

832 Main Street, Monmouth

(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246

Pinkham Insurance

8 Almar Street, Farmingdale

(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Champoux Insurance Agency

150 East Avenue, Lewiston

(207) 783-2246

(888) 783-2246

Stay Safe. Stay Healthy.

Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit

716 Main Street, Ogunquit

(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118

Rogers Insurance

38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833

My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Ken Goodman

Goodman Wiper &

Paper - 2005

I haven’t

changed one bit in 14

years... I swear!

Girard Boucher

V & G Home

Improvements - 2006

Jimbo

August 2020 783-7039

Since 1953

Hours: Mon. - Sat. 9a - 10p • Sun. 9a - 8p

NOW

OPEN!

Everyday

1 topping Pizza

w/ meat

$

6.99

wednesday

Spaghetti

Special

$

7.25

LuiggisPizzeria.com

for dine in and take out

Monday

The Fergy

sm. $ 3.25 lg. $ 6.50

thursday

Mini Pizza

1 topping $ 3.60

2 toppings $ 4.45

tuesday

Meatball Sub

sm. $ 3.75 w/cheese $ 4.25

lg. $ 7.50 w/cheese $ 8.50

friday

$

1.00 off

any large pizza

I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning,

waving at me and winking.


Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.

Pedal Power

Submitted by Jimbo

Juan comes up to the

Mexican border on his

bicycle. He has two

large bags over his

shoulders. The guard

stops him and says,

“What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered

Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll

just see about that.

Get off the bike.”

HOME HEATING

EQUIPMENT THAT IS

ENERGY-EFFICIENT

EXPERTLY INSTALLED

RELIABLE

A MONEY SAVER

CUSTOMERS

RECEIVE:

Up to

$500 OFF

home heating equipment*

0%

Financing**

The guard takes the

bags and rips them

apart, He empties

them out and finds

nothing in them but

sand. He detains Juan

overnight and has the

sand analyzed, only

to discover that there

is nothing but pure

sand in the bags. The

guard releases Juan,

puts the sand into new

bags, hefts them onto

the man’s shoulders,

and lets him cross the

border.

A week later, the same

thing happens. The

guard asks, “What

have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

To become a new customer, or learn more about this offer,

visit DeadRiver.com/newequipment or call 1-855-317-4837.

* Discount offer valid for Dead River Company fuel delivery customers only. Sales Proposal must be signed

by August 1, 2020. Actual discount based upon equipment purchased and installed by Dead River Company.

Terms and conditions apply, please contact Dead River Company for complete details.

** Financing provided by GreenSky Credit (GC) and based on GC’s credit approval.

I used to think that you were a pain in the neck.

My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.

The guard does his

thorough examination

and discovers that the

bags contain nothing

but sand. He gives the

sand back to Juan,

and Juan crosses the

border on his bicycle.

Continued on next page

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 31


Continued from previous page

This sequence of

events if repeated

every day for three

years. Finally, Juan

doesn’t show up one

day and the guard

runs into him at a

Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says

the guard, “I know you

are smuggling something.

It’s driving me

crazy. It’s all I think

about... I can’t sleep.

Just between you

and me, what are you

smuggling?”

Whoever said “nothing is impossible” clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.

Butterfly Release

Celebration

Thank You!

Thanks to the generosity of our community, this year’s

Butterfly Release Celebration raised nearly $15,000 to

support patient care at the Hospice House!

Please visit our website or Facebook page if you would like to

re-watch this year’s event.

www.androscoggin.org

Juan sips his drink

and says, “Bicycles.”

Special thanks to this year’s event sponsors:

Of course I can keep secrets. But the people I tell them to obviously can’t.

We Need Houses to Sell!

Catching Up

Submitted by Steve Simard

Two old friends

crossed paths after not

seeing one another for

almost a decade.

Tom: “What are you

doing these days?”

Jim: “PHD.”

Tom: “Wow! You’re a

doctor!”

Jim: “No, Pizza Home

Delivery.”

Jon Mercier

Owner/Broker

Mark Turner

Owner/Broker

259 Minot Avenue, Auburn

mainesourcehomes.com

Toni Ferraro

Broker

Brandon Caruso

Associate Broker

Deb Morin

Associate Broker

Zach Caldwell

Sales Agent

Linda Dupuis

Broker

Regina Ritchie

Associate Broker/

Administrator

Call NOW: 207-333-6001

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 August 2020 783-7039

It is what’s inside that matters – the fridge is a perfect example.


I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.

Outside Drum Clinic Event!

Open to the public and free

August 15th, 1pm

Featuring Justin Pacy

Main Street

Music Lessons

ANDROSCOGGIN COUNTY’S

MUSIC HEADQUARTERS

207-376-3376

33 Dunn Street, Auburn • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Japanese Cuisine

LA’s One & Only True

Hibachi Experience!

in the Main Street Music

Justin has toured/played with

Craving Lucy, Gone for Days,

Lessons parking lot

Digital Summer, Shannon Corey,

12 Stones, Butch Taylor of Dave Matthew’s band,

& Will Thomas Reed.

Win a Natal Arcadia

5-piece drumset

this August!

TO ENTER:

Buy a $10

raffle ticket

and you are

entered to win!

It’s that easy!

Inaugural Scholarship Fundraiser

All raffle ticket proceeds go toward our Main Street

Music Lessons 2020 Scholarship Fund to help

MSML students whose families are in hard times

WELCOME BACK!

We’re so happy to

you!

Now open for

inside and

outside dining!

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Out ‘n About with

the Auburn Fire

Department

For the retirement of Captain

Eugene “Chip” Keene

Aaron Warner &

Craig Bouchard

Captain

Keene is a fine

man. Definitely one

of the department’s

most extinguished.

John Blanchette

Ready to talk? Contact John at 207-784-9358

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

NFP Insurance is Open For Business!

We are only a phone call or email away, providing

the essential insurance protection you need for

your home, auto, and business.

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Our office is currently closed to the public in accordance

with the executive order put forth by the Governor.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm,

but I don’t want even the slightest risk.

Matt Fifield

Deputy Chief

Mike Schadtle

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 33


25 Fern Street

Turner, Maine 04282

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

CALL THE PROS

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

I’ll have her

back on the road in

no time!

A/C got you down? We can take care of that!

ATHLETE DEVELOPMENT

Call or visit us

online today!

875 Court Street, Auburn

207-577-5979

www.prime360training.com

FULL COLOR & B/W printing & copying

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Do You or Your Parents Need Help

Moving or Organizing?

Overwhelmed by

clutter?

Facing a daunting

relocation?

Specializing in Senior Downsizing, Home Staging, Interior Design

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

AS SEEN IN LA METRO MAGAZINE!

207-200-6507 • refresh207.com

Scuba Class

For the entire

family.

805 Main Street Lewiston 784-7300

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise skindiversparadise.com

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 August 2020 783-7039

I don’t read instructions. I just press buttons until it does what I want.


CALL THE PROS

Hopefully

Located in the

building behind

Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

LYAF BINGO

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall • 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston

777-1394

Thursday & Friday @ 6:30p

Saturday & Sunday @6:00p

Join us for some

affordable fun!

$10 for up to 48 cards

Games pay out $50-$100

Be Beautiful

Feel good about it.

REDEMPTION CENTER

6

(must present coupon at Redemption

¢

on all 5¢ returns

with this coupon.

Center prior to counting)

UAD exp. 8.31.20

with us!

12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336

Team

Kennagh

Shelley Kennagh

Book your banquet

FINE LINE GUN SHOP

Guns • Ammo • Supplies

207-998-2374

finelinegun@aol.com

NMLS 1820

Offering

curbside by

appointment!

(207) 890-4942

207-784-2545

26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn

(behind Great Falls Credit Union)

Contact me for all of your home loan needs!

Shawn Gagnon

207-754-0281

Auburn

Aerial photography &

Video for Real Estate

bluelineaerialmedia.com

BLACKIE’S

FARM FRESH PRODUCE

CURBSIDE PICKUP

• 7 DAYS A WEEK •

966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005

Open Year Round • Hours 6am-7pm

A keychain is a device which enables you to lose all keys at once.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 35


CALL THE PROS

Vehicle air conditioning got you down?

WE CAN HELP!

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning

SOCIAL DISTANCE - GO FISHING

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated 207-530-8890

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com

DANA’S TRACTOR WORKS

Dana Goding

Rototilling • Bush hogging

Grading

Gravel • Loam • Stone • Mulch

FREE ESTIMATES

782-4081

Email: dgoding@myfairpoint.net

144 East Avenue, Lewiston

Complete Auto Care

207-782-1125

berubesautocare.com

Your nonprofit, trusted source for information

We salute our staff and volunteers

as we continue to offer services,

educational programs,

and Meals on Wheels delivery!

seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

Closed for Vacation September 6th & 7th

Open daily

8am to 4pm

207-225-2008

8 Tidswell Road

Turner

We get down & dirty

so you don’t have to!

FARRELL

ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

Taking the necessary

precautions for your

safety and ours!

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

Out ‘n About in the Digest Archives...

Blasts from our 25 year past!

Mike Farrell

Farrell Enterprises

2007

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 August 2020 783-7039

I have a motivational problem, but only until I reach the point of

having a deadline problem.


733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

207-777-7200

www.thriftycarmart.com

CALL THE PROS

THRIFTY CAR MART

With sincere

appreciation to all

of our customers.

August specials

& top money for

your trade in!

11am - 11pm, 7 days a week!

68 Main Street, Auburn

(207) 376-2739

Open for both indoor and outdoor dining!

( B R E W )

RON’S

YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY

OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Call us

today!

Ron Charpentier, Jr.

owner

375-4924

the Shear Elegance salon

Services for men, women, & children

Come experience the

Shear Elegance

difference!

207-358-8109

$

5off

any color

service

Exp 8/31/2020

Book your

appointment

online today!

We are currently not taking

walk-in appointments

As we follow the

Maine CDC guidelines, we

ask that all clients wear a mask.

auburn mall • www.theshearelegancesalon.com

WE’RE OPEN AT HEIDI’S!

Locally owned and

operated, serving our

community for 13 years!

Dine Inside or on

Our Patio!

ORDER IN-PERSON, BY PHONE,OR ONLINE AT:

HEIDISBROOKLYNDELIME.COM

600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 OR 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800

The worst thing about parallel parking are the eyewitnesses.

Moment to

Shine

Submitted by Jimbo

Stephanie and Tyla are

chatting in the office

one morning.

“Low maintenance

women like us are having

their moment right

now. We don’t have

nails to file and paint,

roots to dye, eyelashes

to re-mink, and are

thrilled not to have to

get dressed up fancy

every day,” Stephanie

quips.

Tyla agrees, “I have

been training for this

moment my entire life!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 37


Honeymoon

Toast

Submitted by Jimbo

One of my daughter’s

wedding presents was

a toaster oven. Soon

after the honeymoon,

she and her husband

tried it out. Almost

immediately, smoke

billowed out of the

toaster.

“Get the owner’s manual!”

my daughter’s

husband shouted.

“I can’t find it anywhere!”

cried my

daughter a short time

later.

“Oops!” came a voice

from the kitchen. “Well,

the toast is fine, but

the owner’s manual’s

burned to a crisp.”

Aye Matey!

Submitted by Steve Simard

A pirate goes to a

dermatologist, worried

that the moles on

his back might be

cancerous.

I got thrown out of the pet store when I asked the cashier how long

before the seed I was buying would grow a bird?

Monday-Wednesday: 11am - 7pm

Thursday-Saturday: 11am - 8pm

Sunday: 11am - 5pm

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

75¢ Wings

Cheeseburger Special $6.99

25oz domestic drafts $3.50

TUESDAY

75¢ Wings

Thatcher’s Burger $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $3.50

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos $5.99

Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99

Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers $7.99

Buffalo Chicken Salad $10.99

All Microbrews $4.00

FRIDAY

Fish & Chips $11.99

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops $13.00

2 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99

Miller Lite Bottles $2.50

SUNDAY

12” Cheese Pizza $6.99

Bloody Mary’s $5

Bud Light Drafts $2

Remember dad jokes are important. They are a vital part of pop culture.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of Lewiston and Auburn

for over one hundred years.

The doctor inspects

them and says, “It’s

okay, they’re benign.”

The pirate replied,

“Check ‘em again

matey, I think there be

at least ten!”

217 Turner Street

Auburn

207-783-8545

70 Horton Street

Lewiston

207-784-4584

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 August 2020 783-7039

Why can your car insurance rate go up for reckless driving

but not down for wreckless driving?


What a crazy day! First, I found a hat full of money and

then I got chased by some guy with a guitar.

TAKE THE PLUNGE

ABOVE GROUND POOL INSTALLATION

IN-HOUSE REPAIR & MAINTENANCE

ON-SITE WATER ANALYSIS

TOTAL POOL & PATIO RENOVATIONS

COMMERCIAL SERVICES

ECO-FRIENDLY PRODUCTS

FULL POOL & SPA SUPPLIES

COMPLETE CHEMICAL INVENTORY

LIKE US

Out ‘n About with

the Auburn Fire

Department

For the retirement of Captain

Eugene “Chip” Keene

Did you know

that Auburn has

64 full-time firefighters/EMTs/Paramedics

who respond to approximately

5,000 fire,

EMS and emergency

calls annually?

www.abcpools.com

207-783-0858

1975 Lisbon Rd, Lewiston

I have a condition that stops me from dieting. It’s called hunger.

Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?

ACT NOW!

Efficiency Maine Rebate

is a limited time offer.

Don’t miss out!

CALL MIKE TODAY!

207-754-4556

Robert Chase

Chief

I call dibs

on anything Captain

Keene may have

left in the

refrigerator!

Consider an

energy efficient

Bradford White

Heat Pump Hot

Water Heater

Final Cost after

discounts and rebates:

249 .00*

$

249

*Plus taxes, parts, & labor

Mike@upwi.net

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

Mike Scott

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 39


Thinking

Outside the

Boxes

Submitted by Jimbo

Tim goes to see Jimbo

in his office.

“Jimbo,” he says,

“we’re doing some

heavy house-cleaning

at home tomorrow, and

Vickie needs me to

help with the attic and

the garage, moving

and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed,

Tim,” Jimbo replies. “I

can’t give you the day

off.”

Start your

day right

with a

great

breakfast!

I went to the stores to get six cans of Sprite, but I picked 7Up instead.

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

includes coffee or small beverage

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

$6.95

2 eggs, sausage, home fries & toast

2 eggs, corned beef hash & toast

3 blueberry pancakes

French Toast

2 item omelet & toast

2 golden pancakes & sausage

French Crepes

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily! You won’t go hungry at

5 Washington St. Auburn

Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm

Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm

783-4304

Phone orders are welcome

$

1 OFF

any purchase

of $ 6 .00 or more

1 coupon per order

Please, no reproduction

of coupons

expires 8.31.20

“Thanks, Jimbo,” says

Rucker, “I knew I could

count on you!”

We’re Open!

Serving LA for more than 30 Years!

Higher

Education

Submitted by Tyla Davis

SCHOOL:

2 + 2 = 4.

HOMEWORK:

2 + 4 + 2 = 8.

EXAM:

John has 4 apples, his

train is 7 minutes early,

calculate the sun’s

mass.

Steve Grenier and Arthur Melendy of Main

Street Music Lessons announced that Matt

Konrad, will be added to their team as an

instructor.

Matt will teach voice, piano, guitar, and

violin at Main Street Music Lessons. He

studied at Berklee College of Music and currently

is the Music Director at St. Dominic

Academy in Auburn. He has a

Cruisin' for a Cure

Poker run to benefit the fight against childhood cancer

DONATION: $25 PER

RIDER OR $35 WITH

PASSENGER

Main Street Music Lessons hires instructor

diverse musical background which includes classical, musical theater,

jazz, and rock experience. Matt tailors each lesson to the students needs

and musical interests, and loves incorporating music technology to make

lessons fun and engaging.

Main Street Music Lessons is a service-based business, providing a

valuable supplement to public music education, and seek to broaden and

enrich the lives of their students and the community at large.

They are located at 33 Dunn Street in Auburn. See their ad on page 33.

Saturday, September 19th

9am-1pm

9am - Registration at L-A Harley Davidson

10am - Kickstands up! Ride at your own pace.

1pm - Finish at The Pit Bar & Grill forgreat food, drinks, prizes, & more!

CONTACT BRIAN CASALINOVA FOR MORE INFO

BRIAN.CASALINOVA@CANCER.ORG 207-402-1183

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

40 August 2020 783-7039

Nothing tops a plain pizza.


You know you’re a bad driver when your GPS tells you, “In 50 feet, stop and let me out!”

Celebrating

ONE YEAR

Out ‘n About in

the Digest

Archives

Blasts from our 25 year past!

I’m still

waiting for the

first person to come

in to get the Uncle

Andy’s Digest logo

tattooed!

at The Hairem

A big

THANK YOU

to all my loyal clients

for their continued

patronage

– Jane Kyllonen

Frank Morgan

Captain Morgan’s

Tattooz - 2008

Mike Adkins

Smile Again Dentures

- 2009

(207) 782-4104

When farmers want to party they turnip the beet.

Gary Hemenway

Payroll Management

2010

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2020 UncleAndys.com 41


Out ‘n About at

Uncle Andy’s

Digest

World Headquarters

Happy 25

years Uncle Andy’s

Digest! I love being part

of this team!

Whenever Tyla says, “I was thinking...”

that means Keith either has to move, build, paint, or buy something.

HOPE IS ESSENTIAL

Children with critical illnesses are waiting.

Wishes are still happening.

So our event is still on.

This year will have a big asterisk next to it. We’re in hopes they have

relaxed the guidelines by then and we can have more than 50 people

attend, but if not we have a plan for that, too. Stay tuned...

Steve Simard

Sales & Marketing

I do,

too! Though it’s

not always easy

being the chaos coordinator

for this

motley crew!

Stephanie

Arsenault

Bookkeeper & Office

Coordinator

NEW

DATE!

Saturday, October 3, 2020

4:00 - 8:00pm

NEW

DATE!

Yeah, try

being the deadline

enforcer! Just kidding

Tim, Steve, & Jimbo...

sort of!

Sponsorships

available!

to benefit

hosted by

Auction items

wanted!

OUR AMAZING SPONSORS!

Tyla Davis

Editor

DeBlois Electric, Inc.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42 August 2020 783-7039

I asked my wife for a bite of her lobster and she said, “No.”

How shellfish of her!



YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy

Any car .............. $129.95 2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

Mini van ............. $139.95 X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

It’s NEVER too late

to rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

44 August 2020 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

207-224-0138

M-F 10a-7p, Sat. 9a-3p

11 Conant Road, Turner

(Across from Terry & Maxine’s)

CURBSIDE

TO GO &

DELIVERY

AVAILABLE

CALL FOR INFO

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t... you’re right.” —Henry Ford

Schedule your

appointment with

Dr. Che n

today!

207-783-1351

844-DOC-CHEN

730 Center St. Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

auburnfamilydental.me

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