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Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 5

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Let’s begin with Softening your Start-Up. Consider the<br />

energy in which you are even approaching someone to<br />

have this conversation. Specific ways you can approach<br />

conversation with a “softened start up” is take your own<br />

responsibility first. Let the person know that you are<br />

doing this work, too. Other ways to engage in softened<br />

startup include using “I statements”, being polite and<br />

being appreciative.<br />

Second is to accept influence. This does not mean that<br />

we have to agree with everything the other person is<br />

saying, but we can be empathic and understanding as to<br />

why someone might have the perspective they do.<br />

Making effective repairs during conflict may mean<br />

admitting when you do not know something, yet or when<br />

you might have said something that wasn’t exactly right.<br />

It is ok to say that you need to do some further personal<br />

reflection and come back to that point.<br />

De-escalation means having the skills to be able to ride<br />

the waves of conflict conversation. Make a commitment<br />

to notice when the energy is rising and when you and/or<br />

both parties will need to take a deep breath and come<br />

back to center.<br />

It is ok to take a break from the conversation and come<br />

back. Self-soothing can be something that allows you to<br />

become grounded back inside your body.<br />

Finally, compromise. To me compromise is not only about<br />

“giving in some to get some” but also about knowing when<br />

you have come as far as you can in this moment with the<br />

dialogue. It is about being willing to take it in stride and<br />

commit to keep showing up to the conversation. There<br />

may also be times in which the person you have been<br />

trying to communicate with is not willing to engage in<br />

healthy communication and conflict resolution with you.<br />

It may be time to consider some boundaries around that<br />

relationship. If this person is a partner or family member,<br />

it may require you accessing further support from a<br />

therapist to help you evaluate how to proceed with that<br />

dialogue. It is possible that in these times, we may have<br />

to separate from some to join with the greater cause.<br />

You will not always get this right. Staying open and as<br />

non-defensive as possible will be key in the success of<br />

these conversations.<br />

I hope this article has helped you begin to have these<br />

conversations and invite you to reach out for support<br />

from a professional if you need more specific guidance<br />

on how to approach the feelings within your own heart<br />

and the relationships in your own life.<br />

Further, if you, or someone you know needs help<br />

because of domestic abuse; please consider reaching<br />

out to our local resource, Safe Space <strong>Siouxland</strong>. http://<br />

safeplacesiouxland.org or 712-258-7233.<br />

You can submit your “Question to the<br />

Therapist” by visiting jackiepaulson.com and<br />

send your question through the contact page.<br />

Please put “Question to the Therapist” in the<br />

subject line.<br />

Jackie Paulson is a Licensed Mental<br />

Health Counselor and Registered<br />

500 Hour Yoga Instructor. She has<br />

over a decade of experience in<br />

the helping field and offers holistic<br />

therapies that combine an east<br />

meets west approach to therapy.<br />

Jackie specializes in working<br />

with adults who may be experiencing a wide array of<br />

concerns; including, relationship difficulties, sexuality<br />

and intimacy, depression and anxiety, trauma, grief<br />

and loss, addiction, and other life transitions and<br />

adjustments. Her training in mindfulness based stress<br />

reduction, somatic work, existential theory and depth<br />

psychology all enhance the investment of your time in<br />

session with her.<br />

Ultimately, Jackie offers a humanistic approach and<br />

Her overall hope is to empower individuals to seek<br />

and connect into their own deep and sacred wisdom<br />

that resides within them. Jackie believes that each<br />

person has an innate ability to heal themselves and<br />

journey through any experience with the right support.<br />

You can sit with Jackie in her therapy office located on<br />

Historic 4th street in downtown Sioux City. She accepts<br />

BC/BS and other private pay options.<br />

<strong>Siouxland</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> | Balance /45<br />

Photo Credit Sarah Ann Photography.

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