Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 5
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Let’s begin with Softening your Start-Up. Consider the<br />
energy in which you are even approaching someone to<br />
have this conversation. Specific ways you can approach<br />
conversation with a “softened start up” is take your own<br />
responsibility first. Let the person know that you are<br />
doing this work, too. Other ways to engage in softened<br />
startup include using “I statements”, being polite and<br />
being appreciative.<br />
Second is to accept influence. This does not mean that<br />
we have to agree with everything the other person is<br />
saying, but we can be empathic and understanding as to<br />
why someone might have the perspective they do.<br />
Making effective repairs during conflict may mean<br />
admitting when you do not know something, yet or when<br />
you might have said something that wasn’t exactly right.<br />
It is ok to say that you need to do some further personal<br />
reflection and come back to that point.<br />
De-escalation means having the skills to be able to ride<br />
the waves of conflict conversation. Make a commitment<br />
to notice when the energy is rising and when you and/or<br />
both parties will need to take a deep breath and come<br />
back to center.<br />
It is ok to take a break from the conversation and come<br />
back. Self-soothing can be something that allows you to<br />
become grounded back inside your body.<br />
Finally, compromise. To me compromise is not only about<br />
“giving in some to get some” but also about knowing when<br />
you have come as far as you can in this moment with the<br />
dialogue. It is about being willing to take it in stride and<br />
commit to keep showing up to the conversation. There<br />
may also be times in which the person you have been<br />
trying to communicate with is not willing to engage in<br />
healthy communication and conflict resolution with you.<br />
It may be time to consider some boundaries around that<br />
relationship. If this person is a partner or family member,<br />
it may require you accessing further support from a<br />
therapist to help you evaluate how to proceed with that<br />
dialogue. It is possible that in these times, we may have<br />
to separate from some to join with the greater cause.<br />
You will not always get this right. Staying open and as<br />
non-defensive as possible will be key in the success of<br />
these conversations.<br />
I hope this article has helped you begin to have these<br />
conversations and invite you to reach out for support<br />
from a professional if you need more specific guidance<br />
on how to approach the feelings within your own heart<br />
and the relationships in your own life.<br />
Further, if you, or someone you know needs help<br />
because of domestic abuse; please consider reaching<br />
out to our local resource, Safe Space <strong>Siouxland</strong>. http://<br />
safeplacesiouxland.org or 712-258-7233.<br />
You can submit your “Question to the<br />
Therapist” by visiting jackiepaulson.com and<br />
send your question through the contact page.<br />
Please put “Question to the Therapist” in the<br />
subject line.<br />
Jackie Paulson is a Licensed Mental<br />
Health Counselor and Registered<br />
500 Hour Yoga Instructor. She has<br />
over a decade of experience in<br />
the helping field and offers holistic<br />
therapies that combine an east<br />
meets west approach to therapy.<br />
Jackie specializes in working<br />
with adults who may be experiencing a wide array of<br />
concerns; including, relationship difficulties, sexuality<br />
and intimacy, depression and anxiety, trauma, grief<br />
and loss, addiction, and other life transitions and<br />
adjustments. Her training in mindfulness based stress<br />
reduction, somatic work, existential theory and depth<br />
psychology all enhance the investment of your time in<br />
session with her.<br />
Ultimately, Jackie offers a humanistic approach and<br />
Her overall hope is to empower individuals to seek<br />
and connect into their own deep and sacred wisdom<br />
that resides within them. Jackie believes that each<br />
person has an innate ability to heal themselves and<br />
journey through any experience with the right support.<br />
You can sit with Jackie in her therapy office located on<br />
Historic 4th street in downtown Sioux City. She accepts<br />
BC/BS and other private pay options.<br />
<strong>Siouxland</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> | Balance /45<br />
Photo Credit Sarah Ann Photography.