David Furnevall - GET CALM, STAY CALM: How I Said Goodbye to Anxiety, Self-Loathing and Depression and Now Grow in Success, Happiness, Joy, Love and Fulfilment...Every Day... and How You Can Too.

GoodVibesDF

I was stressed, anxious and unhappy for a long time in my early life.

I was scared of leaving the house, deeply unhappy in social situations, having daily panic attacks, self-medicating with alcohol and drugs and having regular thoughts of suicide.

I have spent the last 15 years+ working on ways to reduce my stress, remove my personal limiting beliefs, improve my health, deal with challenges and focus on being the best version of me, I can be.

Not only do I live in joy and happiness every day, but I now help people to face the challenges of the modern world, reduce stress and increase happiness in their lives too.

I have found with my own journey that we don't necessarily need to learn new stuff.

We already have everything we need to be happy and stress free, within us.

It is, however, often covered up by our conditioning, repressed emotions and past life experiences.

We often have to unlearn and find that place of deeper guidance.

This book is about incorporating empowering habits and becoming aware of the roadblocks that are causing our unhappiness and anxiety and reducing their control allowing us to live, more and more in peace, joy and happiness.

I don’t have your answers, you have all the answers you need. I’ll just help you to find them.

Get Calm, Stay Calm

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

GET CALM, STAY CALM: How I Said

Goodbye to Anxiety, Self-Loathing and

Depression and Now Grow in Success,

Happiness, Joy, Love and

Fulfilment...Every Day... and How You

Can Too.

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

GET CALM, STAY CALM: How I Said Goodbye to Anxiety, Self-Loathing and Depression and Now

Grow in Success, Happiness, Joy, Love and Fulfilment...Every Day... and How You Can Too. by

David Furnevall published by David Furnevall

© 2019 David Furnevall

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission

from the publisher, except as permitted by U.K. copyright law. For permissions contact:

www.goodvibes.site

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

Introduction

I was stressed, anxious and unhappy for a long time in my early life.

I was scared of leaving the house, deeply unhappy in social situations, having daily panic

attacks, self-medicating with alcohol and drugs and having regular thoughts of suicide.

I have spent the last 15 years+ working on ways to reduce my stress, remove my personal

limiting beliefs, improve my health, deal with challenges and focus on being the best version of

me, I can be.

I’m practicing.

A work in progress too.

I’m still growing, I still have personal growth challenges to overcome. But I have managed to let

go of the control those things once had over me.

Not only do I live in joy and happiness every day, but I now help people to face the challenges

of the modern world, reduce stress and increase happiness in their lives too.

I have found with my own journey that we don't necessarily need to learn new stuff.

We already have everything we need to be happy and stress free, within us.

It is, however, often covered up by our conditioning, repressed emotions and past life

experiences.

We often have to unlearn and find that place of deeper guidance.

This book is about incorporating empowering habits and becoming aware of the roadblocks

that are causing our unhappiness and anxiety and reducing their control allowing us to live,

more and more in peace, joy and happiness.

I don’t have your answers, you have all the answers you need. I’ll just help you to find them.

With love…

David Furnevall xx

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

Table of Contents

Introduction .................................................................................................................................... 6

Acknowledgements ....................................................................................................................... 13

The Good News ............................................................................................................................. 14

The Aims of Get Calm, Stay Calm .................................................................................................. 17

Disclaimer ...................................................................................................................................... 18

Grab These Now ............................................................................................................................ 19

References .................................................................................................................................... 20

URGENT!! ...................................................................................................................................... 21

If you’re stressed right now and need to ‘Get Calm’, jump to Part B for stress reduction

techniques you can use immediately. ...................................................................................... 21

Part A) ACCEPTING REALITY ......................................................................................................... 22

A1) Fight, Flight or Find the Place of Calm .................................................................................... 23

A2) Who Am I? .............................................................................................................................. 26

A3) The Layers of Thought-Made Self and Physical Self ............................................................... 29

A4) Knowing Yourself .................................................................................................................... 31

Part B) URGENT RELAXATION EXERCISES..................................................................................... 35

B1) Drink water ............................................................................................................................. 36

B2) Eat a Good Meal ..................................................................................................................... 38

B3) Move ....................................................................................................................................... 39

B4) Remember, people love you .................................................................................................. 40

B5) Breathe ................................................................................................................................... 41

B6) Meditate ................................................................................................................................. 43

B7) Let the Thoughts Just ‘Be’....................................................................................................... 44

B8) Mindfulness ............................................................................................................................ 45

B9) Progressive Muscle Relaxation ............................................................................................... 46

B10) Rest & Sleep .......................................................................................................................... 47

Part C) CHANGING YOUR INPUTS ................................................................................................. 48

C1) Create a learning and reading habit ....................................................................................... 49

C2) People you read or listen to or hang out with ....................................................................... 50

C3) Find quality teachers .............................................................................................................. 52

C4) What Brings You Joy? ............................................................................................................. 53

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C5) Find Your Tribe ........................................................................................................................ 54

C6) Spend time with children........................................................................................................ 55

C7) Seminars and retreats ............................................................................................................ 56

C8) Quotes and Pictures ............................................................................................................... 57

C9) The News ................................................................................................................................ 58

C10) Positivity ............................................................................................................................... 60

C11) A Clear Vision ........................................................................................................................ 61

The Law of Attraction................................................................................................................ 61

Reticular Activating System (RAS)............................................................................................. 61

C12) Moving Towards Goals ......................................................................................................... 63

C13) Higher Chance of Success With A Plan ................................................................................. 64

C14) Hypnosis ................................................................................................................................ 65

C15) Visualisations ........................................................................................................................ 66

C16) Affirmations .......................................................................................................................... 68

C17) Stopping/minimising the things that exacerbate the problem ............................................ 72

C18) Caffeine ................................................................................................................................. 73

C19) Alcohol .................................................................................................................................. 74

C20) Drugs ..................................................................................................................................... 76

C21) Toxic people .......................................................................................................................... 77

C22) Saying no setting boundaries ............................................................................................... 78

C23) Angry Music, Movies & Games ............................................................................................. 79

C24) Negativity .............................................................................................................................. 81

C25) Decision Making ................................................................................................................... 82

C26) Sex ......................................................................................................................................... 83

C27) Shopping ............................................................................................................................... 84

C28) Gambling ............................................................................................................................... 85

C29) Let go of anger ...................................................................................................................... 86

C30) Healing Past Anger ................................................................................................................ 87

C31) Get out of the rat-race? ........................................................................................................ 88

Part D) GROWING YOUR CALM, JOY AND HAPPINESS ................................................................. 89

D1) Acceptance of What Is ............................................................................................................ 90

D2) Your Values and Needs........................................................................................................... 91

Being clear about your values/needs ....................................................................................... 91

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D3) Facing Your Fears ................................................................................................................... 93

D4) Loving Yourself ....................................................................................................................... 94

D5) Ideas for Doing it 'my way' ..................................................................................................... 96

D6) Why do you want it? .............................................................................................................. 97

D7) Living in the Present Moment – the NOW ............................................................................. 99

D8) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others ..................................................................................... 101

D9) Self Forgiveness .................................................................................................................... 103

D10) The Warning Signs of Exhaustion ....................................................................................... 105

D11) The power of ‘practice’ ...................................................................................................... 106

D12) Laughing at yourself and life itself ..................................................................................... 107

D13) Take The View From Above ................................................................................................ 111

D14) Is this REALLY Important? ................................................................................................... 112

D15) Appreciate everything/regret nothing - life is just lessons to learn .................................. 113

D16) Recognise other people have been through bigger challenges than you ever will ........... 114

D17) We are all one .................................................................................................................... 115

D18) Karma ................................................................................................................................. 118

D19) Meditation .......................................................................................................................... 120

D20) Yoga .................................................................................................................................... 121

D21) Incense ............................................................................................................................... 122

D22) Mini-meditations ................................................................................................................ 123

D23) The ‘Return to Presence’ Bell ............................................................................................. 124

D24) Breathing ............................................................................................................................ 125

D25) Acceptance as a Superpower ............................................................................................. 127

D26) Total Acceptance Immersion.............................................................................................. 129

D27) Communicating effectively ................................................................................................ 132

D28) Asking for what we want .................................................................................................... 133

D29) Making Requests ................................................................................................................ 134

D30) The Power of Silence .......................................................................................................... 135

D31) Ego reduction ..................................................................................................................... 136

D32) Listening Deeply ................................................................................................................. 138

D33) Giving to others .................................................................................................................. 139

D34) Connecting with new people ............................................................................................. 140

D35) Being a true friend .............................................................................................................. 141

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D36) Connecting with old friends ............................................................................................... 143

D37) Give stuff away ................................................................................................................... 144

D38) Tell people what you like about them ............................................................................... 145

D39) Tell them you love them .................................................................................................... 146

D40) Be More Affectionate ......................................................................................................... 147

D41) Be Uncommonly Kind ......................................................................................................... 149

D42) Apologise, be sorry ............................................................................................................. 150

D43) Be Humble .......................................................................................................................... 151

D44) Thank people ...................................................................................................................... 152

D45) Recognise you are responsible for your feelings and needs .............................................. 154

D46) Be patient, stick around, commit, go the extra mile ......................................................... 156

D47) Take responsibility for your actions ................................................................................... 157

D48) Embrace and Accept Your Dark Side .................................................................................. 158

D49) Live in Your Full Humanness .............................................................................................. 159

D50) Take more breaks ............................................................................................................... 160

D51) Know Yourself ..................................................................................................................... 162

D52) Listen to your intuition ....................................................................................................... 166

D53) What is truth and what is thought ..................................................................................... 167

D54) Create Yourself ................................................................................................................... 168

D55) Growing & Moving Forward ............................................................................................... 171

D56) Re-invent yourself .............................................................................................................. 172

D57) Embrace your uniqueness .................................................................................................. 174

D58) Always learning .................................................................................................................. 175

D59) Be great at a skill or many skills ......................................................................................... 176

D60) Your Passion as Service ...................................................................................................... 177

D61) Get Feedback ...................................................................................................................... 178

D62) Get a mentor ...................................................................................................................... 179

D63) Truthful, integrity ............................................................................................................... 181

D64) The Restriction of Originality ............................................................................................. 183

D65) Minimalism/simplicity ........................................................................................................ 185

D66) Be generous ........................................................................................................................ 186

D67) Knowing the difference of times requiring control or letting go ....................................... 187

D68) Live within your means ...................................................................................................... 189

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D69) Self-love and Meditation Practices .................................................................................... 190

D70) This moment is perfect ...................................................................................................... 193

D71) The space between the stimulus and the reaction ............................................................ 194

D72) The power of gratitude ...................................................................................................... 196

D73) Be thankful to be alive every morning ............................................................................... 198

D74) Think of what you can give ................................................................................................. 199

D75) Random acts of kindness .................................................................................................... 200

D76) Give without expecting receiving ....................................................................................... 201

D77) Teach/mentor ..................................................................................................................... 202

D78) Adopt a mindset of everyone is basically good ................................................................. 204

D79) No such thing as a bad intention........................................................................................ 205

D80) Work on your own self-improvement so much you never have time to blame, criticise or

judge.. ......................................................................................................................................... 206

D81) A noble purpose gives you strength and perseverance ..................................................... 207

D82) Talk about the joys in your life ........................................................................................... 209

D83) Celebrate your friends’ successes ...................................................................................... 211

D84) Remove 'Can’t' from your Vocabulary ............................................................................... 213

D85) Reduce & Re-program Negative Self Talk .......................................................................... 215

D86) Believe the universe will give you what you want ............................................................. 217

D87) Dream big ........................................................................................................................... 219

D88) Instead of wanting more, get more enjoyment from less. ................................................ 220

D89) Give people your full attention – the greatest gift ............................................................ 221

D90) Be happy with who you are (as long as it's not hurting others) I am what I am ............... 222

D91) Be thick skinned #idgaf....................................................................................................... 224

D92) Be an example .................................................................................................................... 226

D93) Be open minded ................................................................................................................. 228

D94) Life always offers you a second chance, it's called tomorrow ........................................... 229

D95) Model the best ................................................................................................................... 231

D96) No such thing as failure only learning ................................................................................ 232

D97) BALANCE in all areas of life ................................................................................................ 234

D98) Sustain the planet .............................................................................................................. 237

Part E) ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS ............................................................................................. 238

E1) 7 key life areas ...................................................................................................................... 239

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E2) Vision ..................................................................................................................................... 240

E3) Vision Board .......................................................................................................................... 242

E4) Revisit the 7 Life Areas .......................................................................................................... 243

E5) Having a plan ......................................................................................................................... 245

E6) A ‘Law of Attraction’ Vision .................................................................................................. 246

E7) Short, medium & long term .................................................................................................. 247

Long Term Goals ..................................................................................................................... 247

Medium Term Goals ............................................................................................................... 247

Short Term Goals .................................................................................................................... 248

E8) Day to Day Ideas ................................................................................................................... 250

E9) Write it all down ................................................................................................................... 252

E10) Schedule Routine, Ritual and Practice ................................................................................ 253

E11) Who Decided This Is How You Live Your Life? .................................................................... 254

E12) Journalling ........................................................................................................................... 255

E13) Think of 3 things that went well today, just before sleep .................................................. 256

E14) Monitor progress ................................................................................................................ 258

E15) Be accountable ................................................................................................................... 259

E16) Be Open To Guidance as You Go ........................................................................................ 260

E17) Help others with their challenges ....................................................................................... 261

E18) Go outside your comfort zone/Do things that scare you ................................................... 262

E19) And finally. .......................................................................................................................... 263

Review Please ......................................................................................................................... 263

Contact Details ........................................................................................................................ 263

References .............................................................................................................................. 265

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Acknowledgements

I would like to acknowledge the many great teachers who have blessed my life with their

wisdom: Thich Nhat Hahn, Eckhart Tolle, Lao Tzu, Bob Proctor, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Jack

Canfield, Marshall Rosenberg, Neale Donald Walsch, Gregg Braden, Paul McKenna, Dr. Steve G.

Jones, Steve Pavlina, Robin Sharma, The Buddha, Osho, Jeff Goins, Matt Hogan, Michael Grant

White, Matt Stone, Dr. Carolyn Dean, Linda Vernon and many many more. And to all my

wonderful children, family, friends and the beautiful souls who have helped me to grow.

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

The Good News

Ok, so the good news.

I was very unhappy for a lot of the time and for long periods of my life.

BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT.....

I healed myself from the anxiety, depression and unhappiness that stopped me moving forward

in many areas of my life.

I did it by accessing great wisdom (from others and within myself), acceptance of who I am and

practice.

I changed my habits and my mindset and I overcame it.

The reason I’m saying this, is that I'm nobody special. I just wanted to get rid of the bad stuff in

my life, so I kept trying. And eventually I started to believe in myself.

I’m still growing, I’m still healing (those two words mean the same thing to me) and I always will

be.

I push myself to achieve more success and to achieve more love, peace and connection.

If I can do it, so can anybody.

So can you.

No matter where you’re at right now.

The fact that you’re reading this book, means you want to try.

And you can.

YOU TOTALLY - CAN DO IT

You can live in joy and happiness every day.

With the techniques and ideas I will share in this book. You will be able to benefit from my

experiences and get results in a much shorter time than I did too.

That's all you need right now. The belief will come when you start getting results. Just have an

open mind and do the deep looking and the exercises and you will get results.

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You can do this, you are going to get happy. I know this because I know you, because we are

one.

I was there remember.

Ok, let's get started.

Oh... and please put a smile on your face.

A bigger one than that. Go on.

That will do for starters. I'll keep reminding you, throughout the book though,

haha.

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Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful – Thich Nhat Hahn

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The Aims of Get Calm, Stay Calm

After reading and practicing the methods in this book you will be able to:

• get calm

• feel what it’s like to be calm

• know how to return to calm at will

• understand the truth’s of life and the truth’s of you

• set amazing goals and use the calm to achieve your dreams

• be a positive, calming, loving influence in the lives of others

Ok, so let’s get right into it….but first….

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Disclaimer

I’m not a doctor or a scientist. I have a passion for personal growth and have studied, spent

thousands of hours in personal practice and done lots of research into science, spirituality,

medicine, nutrition and psychology along my own journey and within my writing and coaching

work.

This is not a scholarly book, I will not go into lots of technical detail about anything, as I feel that

finding peace is practicing techniques that help you find your own insights, rather than gaining

more information. There may be parts which seem simplistic but in my experience they do

make a big difference in our mental and physical health in the moment.

Get Calm, Stay Calm is a practical and spiritual handbook of things that have worked for me and

have helped my clients and therefore may work for you.

There also will be contradictions and paradoxes contained within. Life is never black or white.

They have been presented to me to help me to grow. I have passed them along to help you on

your journey too.

But, remember always, it’s your life.

Your life is your choices.

Don’t be like me, don’t be like anyone else.

Choose your own path and find what works for you.

Your great power comes from embracing yourself as deeply as you possibly can.

If you’re in doubt about how any of the practices might affect your current treatments. Please

consult your doctor or medical practitioner before trying any of the methods contained in this

book.

Please use what I share to love yourself and love others.

This is the purpose of all learning.

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Grab These Now

It’s recommended you get yourself a notepad and pen to do the written exercises and to take

notes of useful information in the book and the insights you’ve learned yourself.

The exercises pop up all through the book so make bookmarks, so you can refer back later as

these exercises will be something you’ll be referring back to repeatedly.

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References

Throughout the text there are statements. If the statement has a (number) next to it. I have

added a reference at the end of the book. There are also some in-text references notated with

*.

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URGENT!!

If you’re stressed right now and need to ‘Get Calm’, jump to Part B for stress reduction

techniques you can use immediately.

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

Part A) ACCEPTING REALITY

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event

to control your emotions - Pema Chodron

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A1) Fight, Flight or Find the Place of Calm

You’ve heard of the ‘fight or flight’ response, right? This is the way our early ancestors

protected themselves from threats of death, it is part of our ancient make-up and hard-wired

into the part of the brain that developed earliest.

This is the place of what I’ll call fear throughout this book.

In our modern times, it is very unlikely that we will encounter threats like our ancestors but we

still operate under this response. We perceive danger and therefore we feel threatened: be

that by angry people, money worries, health issues or whatever.

And by constantly living in fear and thinking about threats, they build, and become even more

real, and build, and become more real…

and before we know it we are operating within this framework, all day - every day.

We’re constantly in Fight or Flight.

It affects our sleep, our diets, our relationships, our careers our happiness.

So, we all have this problem, it is part of being human and living in this world.

So we start with Acceptance of who we all are.

We are all human, we are all messed up, we are all struggling with stuff in our lives, we are all

fearful, insecure, weak, imperfect and have negative thoughts, qualities and behaviours.

But... we are also beautiful, kind, loving, creative, compassionate, eager to learn, growing,

peace-loving, amazing beings.

We all want to be the best people we can be, to love each other, to do great things in the

world, to live in peace, to be happy.

So, we’re all flawed, but also, we’re all amazing.

We live with this, day in day out, and we often cover up our flaws and our shadows because

they’re painful and hard to deal with.

But by doing so, we also cover our greatness.

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We medicate ourselves by consuming rather than listening to our inner voice. The inner voice

that guides us away from fear and into peace.

We consume TV, the internet, food, sex, alcohol, drugs, games, entertainment, information,

shopping, material things…

We do this all day, every day and it’s really only for one reason…

To fight or flight away from our ‘self’.

Because in there:

• we feel

• we have past hurts

• we have to deal with ‘stuff’

• we have to be real and honest

• we have to take responsibility for our own life

...and we think it’s too hard to look deeply into ourselves and others. To sit with ourselves

without any distraction whatsoever.

And yes, on the face of it, it can be hard.

But it’s also the source of deep joy, happiness, love and connection with our true self,

connection with other people and connection with the world.

It is the place where we become whole, complete and powerful.

This book is all about being able to access our true self, which is where calm, joy and love lives

and the ability to do this whenever you need to:

- So that you can experience the full amazing tapestry of life and live the life of your

dreams whilst being able to return to your place of calm, strength and power at any

point.

- To be able to look and live deeply within our true selves and not to ever have to run

away from being you. Your past, your future, your present.

This kind of self-awareness and self-mastery gives you massive freedom.

Read the following exercise in full, then try it.

Exercise:

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Close your eyes.

Notice the breath coming into your nose.

Notice the breath going out of your nose.

When a thought comes into your awareness (i.e. you notice you have gone into thought and

you’re not focusing on the breath in/out of your nose anymore).

Say to yourself the word ‘THOUGHT’ and return your attention to noticing the breath going in

and out of your nose. Repeat.

Each time a thought comes, notice it, say ‘THOUGHT’ and return to the breath. Stay doing this

for a while before continuing reading.

If you’ve never done this before, you will notice lots of thought and find it challenging to focus

on the breath.

That is completely normal.

Great job. This is a big step towards your new happier, peaceful and joyful life.

Ok so, now smile,

Go on....bless your face with a big beautiful beaming smile...

feel the joy.

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A2) Who Am I?

At this point we need to do some reflection on who we really are. And that is easier if we first

consider...

Who I am NOT:

I am not...my thoughts, my past experiences, my personality, my values, my beliefs, my name,

my occupation, my hobbies, my sexual orientation, my family or relationship status, my health

status….etc

We are not anything that has been created in our (or somebody else’s) mind.

These things form my identity... but they are not who I am - deep down.

Because these things all change.

And I am not my body either (that is my physical self), more on that shortly.

Who I am - deep down- in my inner being, my heart, my spirit - is unchanging.

It’s that part of you that has always been you, since you were a child and is still you now. If you

look deeply you can feel your inner you-ness.

Every other person in the world is the same as you in this regard.

Who I AM:

I am...Love, Spirit, Heart, Connection to Source/God/Universe, Oneness with all that is, Infinite

Potential & Creativity, Consciousness, Peace, Eternal...etc

Also

I am the thinker of the thoughts NOT the thoughts themselves.

Exercise:

Take some time to reflect on the above statements.

Say each of the WHO I AM NOT/WHO I AM words to yourself and feel where and how they sit

in your body.

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Get Calm, Stay Calm

The first breath focus exercise in this book is intended to introduce you to the practice of

meditation. And to show you that your thoughts are not you, because you were the one

noticing the thoughts. The noticer is the real you. The noticer/thinker is your inner-self. That is

who you are.

You are the thinker of the thoughts NOT the thoughts themselves.

So hopefully now you can see the differences between the Thought-Made self (the ego... and

the things we create and ‘have’) and the true Inner-Self (the spirit/the heart).

The goal, therefore, is to try to be aware of the place of ‘WHO I AM’ i.e. the authentic ‘ME’, the

Inner Self at all times;

To be that way in your interactions with everybody in the world and to let everybody else live

that way too.

This is the place where inner peace, joy and happiness comes from and where we shall focus on

generating our calm throughout the book.

If this is something new to you, please take some time to really reflect on it.

It’s ok for this stuff to be challenging.

It’s also ok for this stuff to resonate deeply with you.

~

As my Physical Self, I can only experience the things I can sense with my five senses. I can’t feel

your Inner Self/spirit because it’s ‘intangible’ (*Intangible – adjective meaning -unable to be

touched; not having physical presence.)

I can only feel the things you create in the Thought-Made self that originate from your Inner

Self that have become physical for my senses to sense.

But I know I have a spirit, an inner self.

And because I know I have.

I also know you must have too.

That we’re all the same in this regard, because we all come from the same place.

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And I know we can connect them and relate to each other on that level because we know each

other.

I have to get out of the space of Physical Self and Thought-Made self.

And you do too. Then you and I can actually connect our Inner Self/spirit ~ energetically. From

your Inner Self/spirit to mine.

That is how we love.

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A3) The Layers of Thought-Made Self and Physical Self

Ok, so just tap into that inner place of calm and love, all day, every day, right?

Well...no.

It is infinitely powerful and can lead to great peace, strength and insights, but...

We also need thought and all its power.

We have work to do.

We have tangible things to create and problems to solve.

We need thought.

Thought is the most powerful super-computer accessible to us, it gives us great intelligence,

problem-solving, drive, social skills, creativity and much more.

We therefore want to connect the Inner Self and the Thought-Made Self get them

communicating and working in harmony to manifest our greatest power in the Physical Self and

the Physical Selves of others to become the greatest version of ourselves. To achieve our

greatest potential.

We want to be able to keep the two facets balanced and in-line with each other so we can do

amazing things in the world, live in love and compassion for each other and be able to grow and

solve all the world’s problems together.

To do that I need to be:

David the Writer, Coach, Musician, 44 years old, father, partner, friend, living in the UK, exanxiety

sufferer, ginger-haired (albeit a lot of grey haha), a few extra pounds yadda, yadda,

yadda.

We need to have an identity so we can learn and grow, find our place in the world and do our

‘thang’... to do great work, to love, to connect with each other and to make the world a better

place.

I also need a holder, a vessel, a body...to contain my inner self and my thought-made self. That

is the physical self, the things that you can sense on the outside.

We are, and can’t exist without the three things.

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Inner Self, Thought-Made Self and Physical Self.

Also by knowing that we are all the same underneath we can connect with each other on that

basis if we choose to look past the thought-made self.

The thought-made self is what makes us all different, the inner self is what makes us all the

same.

Ok... Smile time!

Go on....take a big breath and bless your face with a big beautiful beaming

smile...feel the joy. Good, let's move on.

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A4) Knowing Yourself

We all have this layer of thought-made self that we’ve been growing throughout our lifetime.

Part of this, we can also call it Ego, the term defined by Sigmund Freud and we will refer to ego

many times throughout the book.

Throughout this book there are many techniques and practices and all will help you find more

calm, but they also serve to help you to know thought-made self better.

Ego is the place where our self exists. It's the place where you and I are communicating with

each other right now.

We can also look past ego to access the place where ego doesn’t exist, the Inner Self too.

In this book we’ll work on helping you to understand the universal truths that we’re all working

with, the truths of the Inner-Self. These truths have been discussed in spirituality and

philosophy for thousands of years.

And we will also discuss the truths of you, the truths of you yourself. Your thought-made self

and your ego..

Some of these egoic truths we have similarities with other humans, as we all have ego.

A lot of your feelings, needs, behaviours (which are all just thoughts), you do the same as

everybody else.

All us humans have a lot of similar thoughts.

But you also have your individuality.

The truths of you.

The ones that make you uniquely you.

These are your thought-made self, your life story, your experiences, your values your choices,

your insecurities, your strength, your confidence, your weaknesses. Your individuality.

This book helps you to look deeply into all these too.

I couldn’t possibly know what these things are, but I hope to help you to do this work on

yourself so YOU DO.

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So you know what makes you tick. (Above and beyond the things that make us all tick.)

Having this self-awareness is massively important for your peace of mind and your relationships

with others.

It helps us to let go AND it helps us to persevere. Both are just as important as each other in

life.

With self-awareness, humanity awareness and spiritual awareness we are whole and strong

and have access to everything. And at the same time, we need nothing.

With no awareness of these things we have access to nothing and we need everything.

No wonder we’re stressed eh?

The great thing is, once we know where the truth lies, we can access it more and more. And

when we live in truth, we live in peace and joy and love.

Know thyself - Socrates

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Please consider the diagram above for a while.

It is intended to demonstrate the layers of self.

The Inner-Self, who we truly are at our core.

The Thought-Made Self which is what has been created.

The Physical Self which is the container for both.

Please consider these layers and where things sit within you (everybody else).

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It's ok if you don't completely grasp this model as we'll be discussing and shaping the concepts

as we go through the book.

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Part B) URGENT RELAXATION EXERCISES

Stressed, anxious or unhappy right now? Do these exercises (in the order they're listed - start

with 01 and continue through 10) to Get Calm'er right away!

These may seem simplistic. But, that's the point!

When we're stressed we often forget to take care of our basic needs.

And don't forget, if you're having a mental health emergency, make sure you get in touch with

healthcare professionals immediately.

As mentioned previously, these techniques have worked for me and my clients and that is why I

have included them in the book.

Please also consider your current medical treatments, and if in any doubt, please consult your

medical professional.

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B1) Drink water

Most of us are under-hydrated most of the time. (4)

Being adequately hydrated relieves muscle tension, aids digestion so we can detox better,

increases energy and relaxes the body.

If you are feeling unhappy, first thing to do is have a large glass of water, it will help you to feel

happier and to relax, very quickly.

OTHER TIPS - Hydration (being correctly hydrated) is very important for calm, indicators to look

for – colour of pee (keep in slightly yellow range – if your pee is the same colour as water slow

down the water drinking, if it’s dark yellow, yellow increase water,

Look at the whites of your eyes in the mirror. If your eyes are nice and white it can be a good

indicator of being optimally hydrated - any red in there increase your water intake.

If you have had constipation or diarrhoea there’s a good chance you’re dehydrated – take

water back on board slowly.

Get in the habit of using a small cup to drink from, sip and swig from the small cup but don’t

glug down litre’s at once it will just come straight back out – and by doing so you increase the

risk of anxiety and in extreme cases Hyponatremia(5).

Also be aware of your salt levels (and other electrolytes), if you been exercising, sweating or in

a hot environment be careful to get enough water and replenish the salt and electrolytes.

Alcohol and caffeine can be big affectors of this, as can the amount and types of food you have

eaten.

Hydration is not just having enough water, it is about the water/electrolytes balance.

It is not something you can keep 100% within strict ranges all the time but by being mindful it

can be a great way to balance your calm.

In my case I look for keeping in a range of getting white eyes on the hydrated end and avoiding

headaches on the dehydrated end.

I have found that If I’m feeling anxious from overdoing the water I add more salt to food. If I’m

feeling sluggish, red eyed and darker urine I increase the water. (6)

Another great thing that works for me is if I feel hungry, have a drink of water, if after a little

while I still feel hungry, it is real hunger and I will eat.

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My thirst signals can often be off so this helps me to get in touch with thirst and not overeat.

Also notice your body temperature and how your hands and feet feel, they are great indicators

of your calm levels - nice and toasty hands and feet = calm.

Be careful and take it slow, be mindful when you eat, drink (or do anything else) and notice how

it makes you feel, it’ll take a while but you’ll find the balance that works for you.

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B2) Eat a Good Meal

So maybe you've drank a glass of water and you're still feeling anxiety or stress.

Have you eaten recently?

I'm not going to go on about eating a particular diet because we all have our opinions on the

best diet.

Have a good meal of something you enjoy and combine fats, protein, carbs and veggies/fruits.

Have enough calories and hydrate yourself too.

Give it 30 minutes or so and your mood will lift because your body is not hungry anymore. A

hungry body is a stressed body.

OTHER TIPS - Supplements can be great way to improve wellbeing too, my go to mineral is

magnesium, if you don't try anything else, try that. I can recommend the work of Dr. Carolyn

Dean to learn more about magnesium.

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B3) Move

Ok so a little time has passed since you ate. You've had a drink of water or two to help with the

digestion and perhaps you're feeling a little unhappy because of external things going on in

your life.

Time for movement.

We are not made to be sedentary animals (7) we are meant to move. So it makes sense that

movement helps us to feel better.

So move, often.

Get up, stretch, walk, run, go to the gym, cycle, get out in nature, do jobs around the house,

play with the kids. Do whatever you enjoy. Do it several times during the day.

Movement and exercise can be tiring, so be careful not to overdo it.

Living in anxiety can use a lot of energy in itself, so build up your exercise practice slowly.

BONUS TIP – Dancing is great exercise and brings lots of smiles, laughter and joy. And you can’t

actually dance and feel pissed off - try it. This is a clear universal message of it being the right

thing to do. If you can only do it in joy, it must be something you must do more in your life if

you want to be more joyous.

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B4) Remember, people love you

You have so much to live for, so many things to be grateful for, so many things to be happy

about, so many people love you and so much to gain by learning and growing and getting back

to a place of happiness and peace.

Think about all the people who love you, think about all the people who have blessed your life

in some way throughout your lifetime.

Also think about all the people who have never met you, that love you too. Like me for

example. Like the billions of beautiful souls who live in love on this earth.

All you have to do is to open up to them.

Be yourself, share your humanity with them.

Remembering the love in your life will give you more calm and by growing calmer, you can also

see more love in your life.

A positive upward trajectory.

Keep working, you’re doing great!

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B5) Breathe

Following on from movement, exercise helps in many ways including increasing our breathing

depth which helps to oxygenate the brain and all areas of the body.

This helps us to think clearer, reduces anxiety and depression and slows ageing of the body.

Although movement is recommended for many other reasons too, you don't have to always do

it to feel happier.

Breathe deeper, all day every day.

To get in touch with better breathing, do this exercise.

Practice:

Put your hands around the sides of your waist just above

your hips and below your ribs.

Slowly, deeply breathe into your hands (and feel them

move).

Then let the breath fall out of your mouth or nose slowly as

you completely relax your body on the exhale.

Inhale to the count of 6.

Exhale to the count of 10.

When we sit for long periods we squish our body, our back, lungs, stomach etc. These areas are

of course used for breathing and therefore a lot of the time our breathing is not effective and as

deep as it should be. This can be a major cause of unhappiness and stress, so we should rectify

the cause. We take in more oxygen from the lower parts of our lungs, by breathing deeper into

the tummy we increase our oxygenation.

Make a conscious effort to do more deep breathing. Slow deep breathing is very calming and

increases happiness quickly.

BONUS TIP – If you suffer from pain in any part of your body. Use the practice above, to

visualise each breath nourishing and relaxing that area.

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I learnt deep diaphragmatic breathing from many teachers over the years. The method I

mention here is adapted from the guidance given by Michael Grant White at

https://breathing.com I can highly recommend his work to delve deeper into the mental and

physical health improvements from breathing practice.

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B6) Meditate

Deeper breathing is great for calming and it can be used as the basis of a meditation. By

focusing on the breath coming in and out of the body, you will slowly calm the mind and slow

the thoughts.

Less thought leads to greater happiness.

There are many ways to meditate, I personally have two favourites that have massively

increased my happiness.

Two exercises:

Sit comfortably however you like, with eyes closed or open. I prefer to keep my eyes slightly

open and focused on an object so I don't fall asleep.

A) Notice the breath coming in and out of your body and letting the body relax on the exhale.

Say to yourself ‘IN’ when inhaling... and ‘OUT’ when exhaling, to give your mind extra focus.

Notice any thoughts that come up and then let them float by like clouds in the sky.

or

B) Sound a slow chant of 'OM' or more accurately 'AAAAUUUUMMMM' for the full exhale.

Set a timer to tell you when to stop, it doesn't matter how long you sit, you could start with 2

minutes if you wish, just do your meditation regularly for massive happiness increases

especially over time.

Meditation before sleeping and after waking are my two favourite times.

BONUS TIP – Exhaling slowly increases CO2 in the body - which contrary to popular belief is not

a waste product - but actually crucial to health and enables oxygen to reach the cells. This

process is very healing and increased CO2 is very relaxing. (8)

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B7) Let the Thoughts Just ‘Be’

During the day, thoughts are constantly coming and going.

My old pattern was to try to mentally ‘run away’ from the thoughts I didn’t like or didn’t want.

Fighting or denying my own thoughts just made them bigger stronger, more frequent and

created more of them.

That lead to panic attacks and massive unhappiness. That was my lowest point. You can’t deny

or stop thought.

Then, I learned about letting the thoughts/feelings just be there.

Yes they were horrible and scary sometimes, but the thoughts themselves were not going to kill

me.

Whereas running away from those thoughts was doing that.

I let thoughts come, I noticed them and said to myself, “It’s OK for that thought to be there”.

I continued to do that, over and over, over and over, I let them be there. And by doing that, the

thoughts slowly diminished.

Total acceptance of all your thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs is the way to peace.

Accepting doesn’t mean you’re going to act on them, but acceptance of anything and

everything that comes up brings great peace.

Remember ‘what we resist, persists’.

Thoughts are transitory and just pass by like clouds in the sky, if you let them, by not caring if

they come.

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B8) Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a deep practice and can be used to bring calm in all areas of our life. This book is

not about mindfulness per se, but I have found massive peace and happiness through living

mindfully and I would recommend you look into it further. Thich Nhat Hanh is a great teacher.

https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/

Practice:

A simple practice, is to use the Mindful Breath.

At any point when you have become aware that your thoughts have ‘run away with you’ focus

on the in and out breath as detailed in the meditation section above.

Simple as that.

Lost in thought? – gently return to the mindful breath.

It is a long-term practice, so it will take a while to build this habit. It might also be challenging at

first as thoughts will be powerful and try to ‘talk you out of it’, but slowly the repeated practice

will start to reduce your mindless thought. You may find yourself doing the ‘return to breath’

hundreds of times a day at first, but it gets easier very quickly and you get deeper and deeper

peace each time.

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B9) Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This Yoga Nidra practice is a great way to relax the body and the mind at the same time.

Practice:

(Read this through first before doing the practice)

Lie or sit down and breathe in and out, long slow deep breaths (as B5 above).

Focus on the toes and breathe into them, inhale/exhale a few times while you relax the toes.

Then focus on the feet, do the same few breaths. Then the ankles, breathe. Then the lower

legs, breathe….

And so on, work slowly up the body, relaxing all your different muscles (in as much detail as you

wish) till you get to the top of the head. Make sure you focus on neck, shoulders, cheeks, jaw

bone... noticing and working on areas that you personally get tense.

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B10) Rest & Sleep

Get more rest and take more breaks during the day and get more sleep at night. Sleep is

rejuvenating and is a very important factor in our happiness.

Most of us don't get enough.

Turn off, slow down, dim the lights a while before bedtime and get more sleep.

Ok, I'm smiling while I write this book…

will you share your smile with me?

Put that beamer on your face from ear to ear.

Feel the joy.

Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Part C) CHANGING YOUR INPUTS

Once we start to be able to deeply access our inner voice, we have less need for external input,

approval and guidance.

But we always have a need for guidance from others.

We’re social animals.

History, previous experiences, great works of fiction and people who have found great insight in

their lifetime are a massive source of wisdom for us to tap into and grow from.

So, whose influence are you taking into your life right now?

And could there be better sources of influences for you?

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C1) Create a learning and reading habit

We can choose who we listen to.

But we often default to following societal norms, taking our influences from the TV and

‘recommended’ sources of information without actually questioning whether these channels

are serving us.

Quite often what we consume is actually damaging to our state of mind and exacerbating our

unhappiness and mental health challenges.

You have the choice of what you consume.

You can switch off.

You can delete your access to TV, the news, social media and internet sources if you want.

You can find ways of getting access to what it is you want to learn about. Rather than what

you’re told you ‘must hear about’.

Later in the book we talk about setting a vision for your life and setting goals for becoming what

you want to become.

Creating a learning and reading habit is massively important to achieving this.

So have a think about what value you’re getting from the stuff you consume right now.

Whether it’s contributing to your peace of mind, love, joy and happiness.

If it is, great!

If not, look for ways you can bring more positive and developmental sources of learning into

your life.

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C2) People you read or listen to or hang out with

If your goals are to be more calm, happy and joyful do you think you’ll get more of it in your life

by connecting with people who are stressed, angry, unhappy, depressed and anxious?

No, of course not.

Be aware of the level of influence these people have upon you.

We are massively influenced by the people we spend our most time with.

When we’re already emotionally vulnerable we’re even more susceptible to their influence.

Remember though -you always have a choice.

Decide who you want to be.

Set your boundaries. And choose to protect your mental health and your peace, joy and

happiness.

There are many great teachers in the world who help to bring us closer to the person we want

to be.

Choose the books, videos, trainings and company of the people who embody the person you

want to be.

There are many others who take us away from that.

That could be our nearest and dearest.

Even if it’s somebody really close.

You get to choose who and what you let into your life and what you let influence you.

Your best friends should be supporting you to be the best version of you, that you can be. They

should be on a path of growth and it’s totally okay to let go of people who are holding you back

from your growth because of the choices they have made.

And if people are trying to stunt your growth and using control or manipulation tactics to do

that, you should seriously consider whether you want to be friends with them.

Be careful about judgement. They’re not ‘bad people’ they’re just on a different path to you

and that’s ok. Just send love and move on.

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It takes strength, but with the techniques we’re learning here it’s totally doable and you should

be making this a priority. People will respect you for respecting yourself. Or they will move

away and try to control others, either way you will be continuing on your chosen path with

respect for yourself.

I will talk about gratitude later which is a great practice to see the good in yourself and others

and to nurture the quality of your relationships and to support their growth, without the need

to always be brutal about cutting people out of your life. And also later some techniques to

communicate your needs so people understand you better.

Listen to your heart. If you feel that this person is seriously holding you back from your growth

and achieving your dreams. And they don’t listen, no matter how loving and kindly you

communicate your needs to them. You owe it to yourself to consider whether you want to

continue to be friends with them.

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C3) Find quality teachers

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” – Unknown

As I have said previously we are strongly affected by the influence of others and it’s important

to choose people who support our growth.

Importantly, you need to do some real soul-searching to find out who it is you REALLY want to

aspire to be.

It’s great that you’re making the commitment to get more calm, love and happiness in your life,

but what else do you want to be? These things are definitely the most important aspirations for

us all but we’re all also individuals and have other aspirations.

Are there others things you want to achieve?

We’ll talk about clarity of vision in Part E).

It’s really, REALLY important to get clear about what you want to be.

You certainly don’t need all the answers right now, and it would lead to stress if you tried to

nail it all down at this point.

It’s very important to do some deep soul searching as to who you want to be and WHY you

want to be that person.

Once you’re clear on that, you can express that to the universe, to the world, to everybody you

meet and to yourself.

This starts to make it manifest.

It also helps you to fill the gaps, to know what you need to make happen in between this place

and that one and to attract the teachers you need to get yourself there.

There’s no point going half-arsed at learning something that you’re not deeply connected and

committed to. Life’s too short. Get really clear on what you want and who you want to be and

look for learning that helps you get closer to that.

Always start with the deep looking inward to find your truth and then pursue and expand that

path.

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C4) What Brings You Joy?

If we do more things that we love. We will have more joy. Pretty simple?

Exercise:

List 10 things you love doing.

10 things that bring deep joy, fun and enjoyment.

10 things that maybe you don’t get to do enough, but you would spend your days doing if you

could.

Keep these 10 things in mind as you continue through the book and your practice.

Why not go and do one of those things now?

Maybe smiling is one of them?

Do it now. Enjoy the joy of smiling right now!

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C5) Find Your Tribe

As well as looking for established teachers and leaders in your chosen field, connect with

anybody and everybody who shares your values and goals and is on a similar personal growth

path to you.

You can help them, while they help you to grow, and by doing so establish supportive

friendships.

There are always people further along the path who are happy to share their wisdom with you,

you just have to ask. People love to help others, especially when they’ve worked hard to earn

their progress. So don’t be shy about asking.

Also, you have plenty to offer others, so make sure you give as much as you can to anybody and

everybody as this giving will come back to you in droves.

Do it in this order GIVE – RECEIVE – GIVE as this is the universal way.

If you’re telling yourself ‘I don’t have anything to offer others’ right now.

Dig deeper… you do… everybody does.

Develop a passion for learning.

Study more, you soon will have more to give.

And keep asking yourself this question:

“what can I offer to others in this moment?” you’ll soon get plenty of ideas.

And if your offer of help pushes you to grow as a result, all the better!

Look for ways to connect with like-minded souls. Try Facebook Groups, Meetup.com, local

community organisations and search your keyword+groups on Google to discover more.

There’s plenty of like-minded people out there, no matter how niche your desire is.

When you find your tribe and start to build your network of people who share your vision and

path, you feel more confident in your ability to achieve success. The support you can share and

gain from your tribe is limitless.

Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in

bad company - Booker T. Washington

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C6) Spend time with children

Kids have amazing capabilities.

They haven’t covered their power up with learned limitations like us adults just yet.

They’re great teachers to us on how to live.

The things we’re talking about in this book we can recapture from being more playful and

childlike.

Think about how children spend their time in:

• love

• laughter

• curiosity

• awe

• energy

• playfulness

And get that yourself, learn from them and nurture it in you and all the adults around you.

Kids really do have it right in a lot of ways.

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C7) Seminars and retreats

Seminars and retreats are great ways of connecting with like-minded people whilst immersing

yourself in deep practice of your craft.

There’s such a great energy in the space when you share it with great teachers and passionate

students.

They’re a great investment of your time and money and will give you a massive boost towards

your goals in a short period of time.

To find out the best ones to attend, connect with your new friends on your journey and ask

them what events they’ve found useful and get involved.

Once you have some experience you can start running your own events and bringing your tribe

to you for a positive sharing and learning experience for all.

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C8) Quotes and Pictures

Our greatest learning often comes from the simplest teachings.

The power of the greatest teachers is to make the teachings simple and accessible so we can all

gain depth of understanding with the least thought.

Something that speaks to our heart, our deeper-self, our knowingness has the best effect.

Start to read famous quotes and take some time to mindfully and deeply consider its meaning

and especially how it applies to your life.

The reason great quotes endure is because of the ease that we can share the learning with

others enabling us all to gain from the wisdom.

They also make great artwork to have around the house and when we immerse ourselves with

these, we can use them as reminders to quickly return to our path when challenges knock us

off-course.

Beautiful artwork of any form helps us to return to mindfulness so make sure you choose

meaningful pieces to keep in your vicinity that you can use to bring you back to presence.

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C9) The News

I’m not saying we should block out the truth of what is going on in the world as the experiences

and situations that are the most challenging are often our biggest source of growth.

We can use this pain as a way to contribute our love and help to heal others.

There is however a great imbalance of coverage of the ‘negative’ side of life in the media and it

skews our perspective. It makes us believe that we are doomed and life is on a downward spiral

and this belief is disempowering to us all.

Whatever the reason that this imbalance happens, it’s within our personal power to disconnect

and find sources of our good news. There is lots of amazing work and love going on all over the

world and every moment.

When you start to tap into positive sources of news reporting your outlook on life begins to

become more positive too. We’re influenced by what we experience, so if all we see is crime,

depression, fear and hate, we will embody that in ourselves regardless of our strength of

resistance to it.

Conversely when we’re exposed to positivity we embody that instead. We see the greatness in

others and ourselves and nurture love.

We can solve problems.

We are infinitely creative and powerful loving beings.

Again, it’s your choice.

Choose sources of good news and you will see more love around you.

I can recommend https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ for starters.

~

We’re exposed 24/7 to the news.

It’s supposed to be neutral, but if you watch you’ll see that there is massively more negative

news of hate, harm, anger, war, aggression and fear than stories of love, joy, positivity, calm

and kindness.

‘Bad news sells’ unfortunately.

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So with the same mindfulness of: what you receive as input - is what you become...

Consider reducing or filtering out the news, choose more positive sources of news. Stories of

people living with love, happiness, peace and calm and see all of the beauty and positive stuff

going on in the world. It’s there, it’s all around us.

And when we look for it (Reticular Activating System) we see more of it in the world.

Our beliefs of reality start to change.

Our beliefs change from:

the world is doomed and people aren’t to be trusted.

to

the world is abundant, all people are beautiful and doing their best and we can solve the

world’s problems together.

Which belief do you think is more empowering for us as a human race?

We all need to grow in ways we can continue to love ourselves, each other and the planet and

leave a positive legacy for generations to come.

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C10) Positivity

I believe in the practice of positivity.

I believe that by focusing on positivity, gratitude, creativity and the good all around us, we can

live a better and happier life and navigate all the problems that come our way.

I believe in the ‘glass half full’ mindset.

And I believe that at our deepest inner-self...

• our true essence…

• in that deep place within us...

• exists the universal power, creativity and love.

And love is always a creative energy.

Challenges will always come along but by looking at them positively, we can see the good in

every situation and how even ‘difficult’ situations have taught us something useful.

Some people don’t agree and choose pessimism (often veiled under the disguise of ‘realism’)

but I ask you to try it. What have you got to lose? You might get more happy instead.

Look for the good everywhere.

Remove negativity in every interaction with your self and others.

See how your life changes when you repeatedly throughout the day ask yourself this question:

What is the good in this situation?

You see more good in the world, find more good and attract more good... people, experiences

and love.

What we see, depends mainly on what we look for - John Lubbock

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C11) A Clear Vision

When we have a clear vision in mind, we work towards it. When we have an idea of what that

vision looks like, feels like, smells like, tastes like and the reasons why it’s important to us, we

have even more chance of it becoming manifest.

The Law of Attraction

Have you heard of the Law of Attraction?

It is quite deep, but in a nutshell it is ‘what we focus on, is what we get’.

By focusing our energy on to a particular thing or outcome we send a message out to the

universe and that thing starts to manifest in our lives.

So if we tell ourselves ‘I’m depressed’ guess what we get? More of that.

If we tell ourselves ‘I’m grateful for having beautiful people, joy, fun, love, fantastic health and

happiness in my life’ - guess what we get? More of that.

I’m a big believer in it and many amazing things have manifested in my life because I focused on

it.

Reticular Activating System (RAS)

This is a scientific term for the part of the brain that ‘notices’ particular things in our awareness

once we have identified that thing as important. It’s the way we filter out unimportant

information from the massive amount of data processed by our senses each day.

It’s the reason why we see cars like ours once we have bought it and previously never noticed

any of them. It’s why you can tune out a crowd full of talking people, yet immediately be aware

when someone says your name.

It’s the reason why we get what we focus on.

Call it the Law of Attraction or Reticular Activating System, it’s real and it has a massive bearing

on our lives.

And once you become aware of it, your life will never be the same again.

You will make different choices in each moment because of the potential effects of your

actions.

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We will discuss vision later in the book.

It’s so important to have clarity of vision, because it changes the majority experience of life

from:

somebody who life happens to

to

somebody who chooses how life happens

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C12) Moving Towards Goals

Once a vision is clear, the next step is moving towards it with intention and consistent action.

Goals are the stages for getting from where you are now to life that you choose.

We will look at goal-setting inPart E) but for now it’s important we establish the reason for

clarity in this area too.

People who set goals have greater success– Kleingeld, et al, 2011 -

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21744940

Setting goals is linked with self-confidence- - Locke & Lathan, 2006 -

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2006.00449.x

When people write down goals they’re 33% more successful in achieving them than those who

formulated them in their head.- Gail Matthews Ph.D -

https://www.dominican.edu/academics/lae/undergraduate-programs/psych/faculty/assetsgail-matthews/researchsummary2.pdf

This a fascinating study and also shows that when we communicate our commitment of goals

to a friend we achieve more success and when we actually draft progress reports we achieve a

higher rate of success.

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C13) Higher Chance of Success With A Plan

So whatever we want to achieve more of in life.

If that’s financial success, awesome relationships, inner peace or to climb Mount Everest.

We have much more chance of success if we:

1. create a plan

2. communicate our commitment to others (especially our tribe of trusted friends)

3. take action

4. and have regular progress reviews along the way

We will go into further details about how to create a plan later. But for now, I hope you can see

the importance of planning.

This book is all about giving you the best chance of success, so what have you got to lose by

spending some time planning?

Clear vision and effective planning help you to get to your goals quicker, helping you to waste

less effort and time on tasks that don’t move you forward. And having a clear plan and goals

brings peace.

Start now, spend some time thinking about what you want and how you’re going to get it.

Failing to plan is planning to fail - Benjamin Franklin

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C14) Hypnosis

Hypnosis is thought to work by creating a relaxed mental state and 'switching off' the analytical

left-hand side of the brain and accessing the creative and sub-conscious mind and then using

suggestions to change the deep-seated beliefs and behaviours.

However it works, it's a very powerful tool for personal change.

Used with the other methods we’ve discussed in this book it’s very effective at improving our

happiness and reducing anxiety.

The calming effects of the relaxation part of the hypnosis combined with the suggestion part to

make lasting changes make it very effective for stress-related conditions.

It can also be used for reducing other unwelcome behaviours eg cigarette smoking or increasing

desirable ones eg gaining social confidence.

Once we have replaced these undesirable beliefs, they’re changed forever.

By changing the input we’re receiving from the world and changing the stories we tell ourselves

(that originate from the sub-conscious mind), we can make quick changes.

My go-to guy for hypnosis audio’s is Dr. Steve G. Jones.

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C15) Visualisations

We can dream during our waking hours.

The mind is very powerful at creating imagery.

We’re all great at it but often we use the power of visualisation or imagining to scare the poop

out of ourselves with thoughts of things going horribly wrong for us at a time in the future.

This is visualisation.

Using our minds to create a picture of something that hasn’t happened yet.

So, if we changed our image of the future to one that was amazing and us living our dream life,

how would that be?

Yes, we can do that.

It’s not pie-in-the-sky or wishful thinking as our fear-based mind limitations would try to have

us think.

It’s real.

It works.

It’s a practice.

You can develop your power to imagine your best life.

And once it starts to be clear in your mind, you can start to manifest it in your life.

So practice this:

Practice:

Close your eyes and breathe.

Let your surroundings go - take some time out to immerse yourself in your dreams for a while.

Imagine a life with no limitations, where you have everything you want.

Where do you live, what does your house look like, where is it located?

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Who do you spend time with, your family, friends and colleagues?

What are your relationships like, how much love, fun and laughs do you share?

Imagine it now.

Your body, what does it look like, what does it feel like to be you?

Your health, what is your energy, fitness and confidence.

Your happiness, your joy.

Your peace of mind, how well can you love yourself, and handle life effortlessly.

Your financial success, having all that you need without fear of lack.

Imagine it all, your dream life.

What does it look like, what can you hear, what can you smell and taste, what does it feel like

to be you, to have all that you want.

It’s your dream, it’s nobody else’s so just go for it, imagine what you want, play with the

experience, there is no reason to hold back.

Practice this regularly, the clearer the picture in your mind’s-eye, the more likely it is to

manifest.

This practice is available on my Youtube channel. If you want to listen to it rather than read, go

to: https://youtu.be/MP-iQPYr_q0

Thoughts become things. If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand

― Bob Proctor

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C16) Affirmations

Affirmations are words we repeatedly say to ourselves either out loud or in thoughts.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) takes these repeated words and over time associates

them as our identity.

Whatever words you use, when repeated they all become us, whether these words are

'positive' or 'negative'.

What we repeat or nurture, is what grows in us.

It's very important that we nurture the right seeds as they are what grow into strong trees over

time.

So if we're repeatedly told as a child that we are loving, caring and beautiful. And we start to

repeat that to ourselves through our words or thoughts during our youth, we will nurture that

into adulthood. Into a strong belief, with strong roots, like a strong tree.

Conversely, if we're repeatedly told, we're dumb, ugly, shy etc. We will take that into youth and

believe it and nurture it into adulthood.

This is how our limitations, our limiting beliefs or conditioning are grown into us.

As a young child we don’t have these limitations, we are abundant in love and happiness.

It’s our experiences and things we are told (or tell ourselves) as we grow, that shape our

limitations… we become strong in whatever we nurture... whether empowering or

disempowering.

The good news is, we can make changes and unwind these limitations and bad habits.

It’s a practice.

By reducing (or preferably stopping) the negative self-talk that we subject ourselves to and -

replacing this with empowering words, we start to grow in a more positive direction.

Practice this regularly.

Use the Breath Focus Meditation Practice as detailed earlier in the book.

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Doing this practice regularly will help you to train you start ‘noticing’ your thoughts and reduce

their control over you. To realise that you are NOT your thoughts, you are separate from your

thoughts and just the observer or noticer of them.

The practice helps to let any thought go and also it helps to be able to notice when your

thoughts are in a pattern of self-criticism, self-loathing or putting yourself down in some way.

Once you have that awareness you can start to lessen the power these thoughts have upon

you.

Trying to control your thoughts or trying to replace them, with something more positive is not

recommended.

Practice:

What is recommended, is to practice mindful breathing as often as possible during your day and

especially if you notice unhealthy or self-loathing type thoughts…

accept that those thoughts are there – “It’s OK for those thoughts to be there”

put a label on the feeling - “It’s OK for me to feel [LABEL] right now”

let them go and return to the breath

Then also use a practice of affirmation regularly to build more empowering beliefs within

yourself.

Exercise:

Write a list of positive affirmations.

Here is a few ideas to get you started:

• I am loving.

• I am calm.

• I am joyful.

• I am rich.

• I am healthy.

• I am strong.

• I am beautiful.

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Then each day, take a few minutes to repeat them to yourself. Do it calmly and with relaxed

breathing. And even better, combine it with the mirror practice.

Do it at a set time of the day (the timing will help to make the practice into a habit).

The more you practice the more you will believe and your self-esteem will grow.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it right now! You soon will. It will become part of your

positive self-image you are nurturing.

A tip – set a daily reminder on your phone to tell you when to practice your affirmations (and

any other practice you wish to make a habit).

Time to smile!

Do a big fantastic, awesome smile.

Smile so big you nearly dislocate your jaw...

I said 'nearly'! lol.

Feel how good that smile feels, feel the joy radiating through your body.

Remember that joy.

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Ok joyful reader, let's continue..

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C17) Stopping/minimising the things that exacerbate the

problem

I’m not going to be a bore here.

We all need to enjoy life, but as we discussed earlier, often things we turn to for pleasure that

are outside of us, can be problematic or at best, short-lived.

That said, if having some level of these things in your life, already bring you more joy, peace and

love, it’s your life and your choice, you crack-on, it’s your life.

Just be aware that by making changes to reduce these things can bring you more joy, peace and

love because they did for me and others.

A great question to ask when making a choice is:

“Is this choice going to help me AND help others?”

If it’s a WIN-WIN like that, it’s usually a great choice. Of course, you sometimes have to make

choices that are solely for your own benefit or solely for others, but if you can, in the main,

make choices that serve you and others, you grow.

Here are some areas which you can consider…

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C18) Caffeine

Consider whether caffeine is serving you or if you’re a slave to it.

It has health benefits, can improve our energy and help us to achieve more in the day. It can be

a great source of strength to move towards your goals.

It also can cause health problems, can affect our sleep, depletes magnesium(9), can be

addictive and can raise anxiety levels.

The question is: how does it feel for you? Is it serving you?

If you feel like you could do better without it, try it. See how it goes.

If this section seems simplistic to you… it is.

I’m just reminding you of your power of choice.

See caffeine (or any type of food or stimulant) as fuel. It’s not something you need as a crutch.

It’s something you consciously choose to fuel your body with, so you can give love to others via

the growth it helps you to achieve.

You can go without caffeine, it’s a choice. Personally I enjoy the benefits I get from caffeine, but

there have been times in my life that it hasn’t served me. And I know that if I want to change

my caffeine consumption, I can do, by my mindfulness choices.

If you think that’s not achievable, start doing some of the practices in this book. This book and

the practice's are designed to help you to get your power back and stop feeling like your own

life is out of control.

With practice. You’ll feel like you have more control of the choices you make and you soon will

be able to make the choice to stop if you want to.

You can make any change you want to, if you empower yourself to make it happen.

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C19) Alcohol

Consider whether alcohol is serving you or if you’re a slave to it.

I used alcohol as a crutch, as a way of not facing up to my social anxiety.

I had a “few cheeky drinks” because I didn’t love myself or feel worthy enough for people to like

me for the person I was. I used alcohol to ‘come out of myself’ and to be more socially daring,

to reduce my anxiety and to have a ‘good time’. That also came with drunkenness, getting into

dangerous situations, making bad decisions, being sick, damaging my body, terrible hangovers

and feeling even worse about myself afterwards.

A very dangerous cycle and the path to serious addiction.

Maybe your story is different, but again ask yourself.

How does it feel for you? Is it serving you?

Again it’s a choice.

If it serves you, and the people around you, great.

If it doesn’t, then consider cutting down or stopping.

I personally made the choice to stop.

Because mainly after a long time of practice, I started to feel good about myself, I started to

love myself, I started to enjoy being me, sober.

Do I miss it? Yes sometimes.

But I still choose to not drink. Maybe that will change in the future, I don’t know.

My choice.

I’m not telling you what to do with your life.

The practices I have shared in this book will help you to regain your personal power.

Then you can choose how you live.

You can live intentionally.

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Nothing outside of you can control you.

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C20) Drugs

Another way to escape yourself.

The same question applies…

How does it feel for you? Is it serving you?

There is a way out of any addictive behaviours.

It is one of empowerment, self-love and practice. You can do this. I did, you can too. I’m nobody

special.

It is one of seeing your true value, your true potential and seeing how you can serve others by

your actions and example. You can do this. I did, you can too. I’m nobody special.

You’re not broken, you’re amazing. You’re a work in progress and you’re growing each day.

Keep working, keep practising and create your life and choose each day to live intentionally.

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C21) Toxic people

I hate this phrase.

It creates separation and takes us away from our shared humanity.

But, there are certainly people who do not share your values or your vision.

And that’s ok.

They can make their own choices to live how they want to live. And receive the consequences

of those choices.

And so can you.

You can choose who you spend your time with.

Same question again about your relationship with this person.

How does it feel for you? Is it serving you?

Relationships are just as much as giving as they are receiving so it’s not just about whether you

are getting what you want from the relationship. You may feel like you enjoy helping the other

person and that’s great.

Ultimately, the previous question

“Is this choice going to help me AND help others?”

is excellent for reflecting on your relationships.

When we look deeply at this question we can see how to invest in a relationship.

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C22) Saying no setting boundaries

We’ll cover boundaries in lots of discussions throughout the book.

But for now please know this.

Boundaries are just thoughts about how you want to interact with others within relationship.

You can choose whatever boundaries you want to set. They can too.

Whatever works for you in this moment (It’s ok for these to change over time too).

People who have no boundaries have the poorest mental health(10).

So empower yourself to know what it is you do want and what you don’t want and then use

them to yours and the other persons advantage, so you can love each other better.

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C23) Angry Music, Movies & Games

As we discussed in our section on Negative Self Talk. We take in, and are affected by everything

we’re exposed to via our five senses.

We’re also affected energetically by vibrations within each of us, the world and universal

sources that we can’t sense with the five senses are picked up via intuition and feelings. Not

easily measured, but science is starting to be able to detect this too.

When we’re exposed to negativity we pick it up consciously and sub-consciously (without our

awareness) and we process it according to our programming.

We’re also creating new neural pathways in the brain all the time and creating new programs

from our inputs.

So we can change, with conscious effort.

The more we’re exposed to similar inputs, the stronger these programs become and the

stronger our beliefs about the world become.

When we repeatedly expose ourselves to anything, it becomes more real in our mind and our

lives.

So by listening to angry or negative music, movies or games, we start to believe that this is what

reality is like. We start to believe that is how the world behaves and consequently we start to

behave that way ourselves.

All sub-consciously and without our conscious control.

So be mindful about what you consume as it will eventually shape your behaviour.

If you want to be more loving, peaceful and happy, consume more of that stuff. It will form new

neural pathways more and more in your mind and you will bring it into your belief more and

more by your new programming and your new actions because of it.

The good news is, that the mind and beliefs can be re-programmed, but depending how deepseated

the beliefs are, is how much work and time it takes to re-program.

All is not lost though, you can reprogram your subconscious very quickly. So start today.

Hypnosis, affirmations, gratitude practice, the mirror practice and mindfulness all have a

massive power over subconscious programming.

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Supercharge your positivity reprogramming practice by doing these whilst reducing the inputs

that are supporting your negativity.

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C24) Negativity

We have the choice in each moment on how we speak.

Often-times our habitual pattern is to speak without conscious thought. This can sometimes be

enjoyable, creative and flowing. But usually (especially if we’re in a place of lacking something

or tiredness, unhappiness, anxiety, anger) our unconscious speech is negative, complaining or

blaming another person.

This sort of speech is very damaging to relationships and to your own self-esteem. It’s another

area we can feel out-of-control in our lives and when we feel like we say stuff and ‘put our foot

in it’ we can often spend hours, days or even years trying to rectify it and/or beating ourselves

up about it. e.g. a mindless comment that lead to divorce for example.

You always have a choice about what you say.

It’s not always easy to speak with loving kindness.

Especially when feeling strong emotions.

But you can do it.

By practising mindfulness and breathing throughout the day and especially in challenging

situations. You can take more control of your speech.

When feeling emotional, practice the breathing and take some time before you respond. You

may feel like you have to retaliate or respond quickly, but there is much more space in each

moment than you think. By calming yourself and taking your time to respond you are giving

love to yourself and the other person and utilising the problem-solving pre-frontal cortex of the

brain which will help you both to come up with a win-win scenario.

Practice the breath, throughout your day.

Practice, noticing the negativity coming up in you.

And pause.

And breathe.

And respond.

You will feel much more love for yourself and the other person and be able to find a way

through the challenging situation together.

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C25) Decision Making

With the mindful breath comes power.

The power not to speak out of turn and the power to not make decisions mindlessly.

When we cultivate our inner calm, we do less of:

• expressing our emotions wrecklessly (and without care for the other person)

• making promises we can’t keep

• putting too much pressure on ourselves by accepting too much responsibility to

appease another person

• making decisions that could affect us long-term without giving thought to it

• and many more...

When a conversation has gone into the mode of requiring decisions to be made, two things are

really helpful:

• the mindful breath before speaking and focusing on the breath whilst speaking (rather

than being distracting - this actually gets you out of the mind and into the heart-centre -

the place of listening and loving kindness)

• having previously spent some time deciding on your personal vision and mission – once

clear on this, your decision-making will be much more effortless as you will always know

instinctively if the decision presented before you will continue you along your path

towards your mission or not.

It’s also ok to say ‘I don’t know’ in the moment of decision making if that’s true for you. It takes

the pressure off a little, but be mindful that somebody else might then make the decision for

you.

So try to nurture the surety gained from a strong mission AND the breath practice to become

more decisive.

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C26) Sex

Sex can be a beautiful and enjoyable experience between consenting adults.

We can also become addicted to it and let it get out of control with dangerous desires and outof-control

behaviour. We can often use sex to control, demean or abuse others.

Sex can become an addiction and something we use as a drug. It becomes less about loving the

other person and more about using them to get a high.

As per the other addictive behaviours above, ask yourself the question:

How does it feel for you both? Is it serving you both?

Communicate lovingly with each other and adjust your behaviour accordingly. The best

relationships are when both your needs are being met.

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C27) Shopping

Shopping can be addictive.

We can be lured by advertising and ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ and owning the latest thing

can seem very desirable.

It can give us a short-lived high and afterwards, we start to look for the next fix.

And when there’s credit on offer, we can often spend over our means and bring more mental

pressure on ourselves with debt.

Again we can be mindful about it.

By asking the questions:

Do I really need this item? Am I buying it on impulse or for a real need? Why do I need it?

Shopping doesn’t bring us happiness. At best, buying things can make our lives easier in some

way.

Reduce what you consume.

Practice minimalism.

Having less clutter in the room brings a certain amount of peace, it’s also easier to manage and

find things.

The more stuff I have, it becomes less ‘I own the stuff’ and more ‘the stuff owns me’.

If you buy less stuff, you’ll also have to work less to earn that money you use to buy stuff.

Practice tidying, getting rid, donating or selling. Do it with mindful breathing and de-cluttering is

an enjoyable experience.

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C28) Gambling

There is a thrill of gambling which can of course become addictive.

It’s yet another opportunity to ask yourself

How does it feel for you? Is it serving you?

When we take back our personal power via mindfulness and all the other methods we have

discussed, we release the draw of gambling or any addictive behaviours because we become

more whole in the moment. Happier in ourselves and with less of a need to look outside

ourselves for fulfilment.

Once we start to release the draw of gambling we’ll also have more money available to spend

on other people, gaining more fulfilment and building better relationships in our lives.

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C29) Let go of anger

Our anger, like all emotions is there to tell us something.

It’s a messenger to tell us that one or more of our needs is not being met.

With the breath of mindfulness we can choose how we respond to this messenger.

Either way we should thank our feeling of anger for alerting us of the message and love

ourselves until the anger subsides so we can do either of the following in a loving way:

• We can look at what need is not being met and decide why it’s important to have this

need met, now or in the future and if it’s not important, choose to let go of the need.

• We can express ourselves.

This is how we respond to anger.

Yet again the practice of self-love through mindfulness and breathing helps us to return to our

place of power and respond in the correct manner.

As they say ‘if you lose your temper, you’ve already lost’.

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the

problem. - Captain Jack Sparrow

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C30) Healing Past Anger

We can also use the breath to heal past anger.

When we shine the light of our mindfulness on the anger and use it to forgive ourselves and the

other person, we also release the angers’ power over us.

Bringing less reactivity to situations more peace of mind in our daily lives moving forward.

We should regularly look deeply into our past anger and see if there’s some we can release.

Practice:

Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and breathe into it – ask yourself ‘what anger am

I holding on to?’

Continue to breathe and await an answer.

Notice the situation and the sensations and images it brings up, breathe into it and let it go with

the breath.

Ask the question again and again.

You will feel lighter afterwards.

Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

- Buddha

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C31) Get out of the rat-race?

There is an alternative than working a normal 9-5 job.

Start your own business.

It can be scary to get started, and you’ll have to work harder for a while. But it’s a skill you can

learn like any other and totally available to you as an option.

If you can make a success of it, you will be able to increase your financial incomings and can

soon be earning much more than you would in a 9-5. Working doing something you love and

getting more free-time to do outside work stuff that bring you peace and fun.

It’s also a massive personal growth experience and you’ll gain so much along the way as you

overcome obstacles, make new amazing friends and develop your skills.

It truly is an excellent choice for getting past mental health challenges by building your

confidence and feeling great about yourself because you’re creating value for people and

helping them to solve their problems, which is very rewarding.

Once you start practising the techniques we have discussed in this book, your personal power

will grow into a strong sense of calm. Once you start to gain this power, you will feel more

confident about living life on your terms, and having your own business is a great way to align

your whole lifestyle with your vision.

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Part D) GROWING YOUR CALM, JOY AND HAPPINESS

Ok, so we have looked at the inner self and finding deep peace within and very important that

is.

We are also humans living in the modern world so we need to have practical steps to making

the days better within our external lives. And in the way we interact with each other and the

world.

This part is all about how we can make things better around us as to overcome the suffering

quicker and easier.

This is the domain of mainly the Thought-Made Self.

The place where we can choose live in stress, anxiety, anger, fear and unhappiness.

Or we can choose to live in joy, peace, happiness, loving and great personal growth.

The joy is the journey, not the destination, and by growing we will give so much love to the

world along the way.

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D1) Acceptance of What Is

This moment is exactly as it is.

It’s exactly as it’s supposed to be.

And whatever you think about this moment, it doesn’t change anything...it just is.

Reality is reality and whether we are happy about it or unhappy about it, it’s still reality.

Therefore you can choose how you react to each moment.

Therefore you can choose whether to be happy or unhappy in each moment.

To be happy or unhappy with everything that comes along.

We judge everything.

Judgements are thoughts.

We cast a judgement over our thoughts, our actions, our body, our success, our relationships,

our state of mind, state of health, our past, our future… it is endless.

But as we discovered earlier… we are not our thoughts, we are the awareness i.e. the thinker of

these thoughts.

We can empower ourselves to choose to change how we process or react to everything that

comes our way in life (via our thoughts ).

Our thoughts are where our happiness or unhappiness/anxiety/depression/stress exist so

obviously this is where the main content of this book will be focused.

By shining our awareness on our thoughts in this way, we can transcend the things that are

holding us back.

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D2) Your Values and Needs

We can start to change, by understanding why we think like we do.

Knowing ourself deeply... what we believe, value or need and where these all come from is very

powerful.

Beliefs, values and needs are all thoughts, but they are thoughts that at some point in the past

we have decided (i.e. chosen) them to be truth.

They may or may not be truth (as we will discuss later). Once we have awareness, we can

evaluate whether we still should continue to accept them as such.

Being clear about your values/needs

Ask yourself these questions to start to discover your values and beliefs:

Exercise:

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1) Think of a meaningful experience in your life. A time when you were happiest, most joyful,

proud and fulfilled? What was happening to you? What values were you embodying and living

through at the time?

Write these values down.

Think of another couple of meaningful experiences. Do the same and write them down.

2) Think of a time when you most angry, frustrated or upset. What was happening? What were

you feeling? What values were being suppressed or not being met?

Write these down and repeat a couple more times.

3) Beside basic human needs (i.e. food, shelter, warmth etc). What things must you have in

your life to feel fulfilled and on the right path? Write these down and repeat.

Put all these together and try to reduce these down to between 5-10 most important. These

are your core values.

These inform your thoughts and feelings and control your actions.

You may not be aware that these are what guide your every action, but they do.

By having a good idea of who you are and what your core values are you can now:

accept yourself more– now you know why you think and act like you do

love yourself more– knowing what it is you want to have in your life and what you don’t want

in your life – you can love yourself better by attracting people and situations that are more

desirable

improve your relationships with others– because you know what your core values are you can

communicate them to others, so they understand you better. And by the power of

reciprocation, they’ll feel able to do the same so you can understand them better too.

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D3) Facing Your Fears

When we start to look deeply into who we are and why we do what we do, we start to build the

love and respect for ourselves.

It’s also empowering to know that we are the same as everyone else in the world, in that we

have our own set of values and needs. Yours and my values and needs may not be the same in

each moment, but we all have them.

They’re part of our identity.

And by taking responsibility for the way that you are.

You can also see that everyone is just trying to love and respect their own self too.

And they’re struggling with the same challenges that you are.

Which is especially difficult if they don’t truly understand who they are yet.

It’s only by understanding and loving ourselves deeply can we understand and love others

deeply too.

A common pattern of misunderstanding is:

• acting in a certain way

• not understanding why (i.e. doing it unconsciously)

• causing a challenging situation because of this action

• receiving challenging behaviour from others because of this action

• not knowing how to deal with or improve the situation

• Getting into the fight or flight cycle. Repeating.

We often get angry or run away because of this kind of misunderstanding and it perpetuates.

The great thing about doing this kind of work is that when we know who we are, we set

boundaries with ourselves and others, then begin respect ourselves and grow in self-esteem

and love. When we feel it for ourselves, we also attract it from others and we really start to

love.

We fear less, we stand up for ourselves more, communicate better and in a more loving way,

we have more courage and push ourselves to move towards our goals.

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D4) Loving Yourself

“He loves himself, he does”

“He’s always looking after number 1”

or

“You should always put others needs before your own”

“Stop being selfish”

So, on the surface of it, these quotes seem quite obvious.

Being selfish is a bad thing.

And yes I totally agree that we should love each other more and do things for others. The world

would be a better place if we did.

The problem comes when we start to believe that the needs of others are more important than

our own.

We’re taught from an early age to not be so selfish and as we grow we’re regularly reminded of

behaviours that others see as ‘being selfish’.

This can lead us into a trap.

If we have low self-esteem AND we’re constantly told our behaviours are selfish, we can really

go to town on beating ourselves up.

We need to love ourselves first.

Yes, first!

Us sensitive-types… we give too much, we do things for other without giving to ourselves, we

feel guilty for doing things for ourselves.

Let’s get this straight.

You are not selfish for taking time for yourself.

You are not selfish for asking for help, whilst you go and do something for yourself.

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We all need help sometimes.

We need solitude.

We need our own life.

We need time to do our own things.

We need time with friends away from our partner and/or children.

It’s not selfish to distance yourself from toxic situations or relationships.

Take your time to yourself.

Happy people, love themselves.

They say NO, when necessary.

Remember this...

I love myself first.

Then I can love others without fear, because I don’t need them to love me back.

Nobody will or should love you more than you love yourself. Same for anybody and everybody.

It’s not selfish or self absorbed to love yourself, it’s the most important thing you can do. Think

of the advice given about an emergency on an aircraft - you put your breathing apparatus on

BEFORE helping anyone else.

You can't help others if you don't help yourself first.

Because when you love yourself deeply, you can love others deeply too.

Our world changes when we love others deeply.

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D5) Ideas for Doing it 'my way'

Start doing things how you want them to be done.

Do things for the joy that they bring to you.

And think about win-wins, go for things you love and they love too.

Communicate your needs to others.

Don’t worry that if you do things your way, you’ll lose people.

Our friends should love us for being the person we are. If they want to control you to being

what they want you to be, they’re not really your friend. So let them go.

Be you.

Love yourself, whilst loving others.

Celebrate YOU, your you-ness, your awesomeness. When you do that, others will see your

awesomeness too.

You’ll feel less like you need to please others and be more confident and powerful in yourself.

You’ll attract more awesome people into your life too.

We each have a level of selfless-love vs self-love and of course this ebbs and flows in each

moment.

One thing is for sure. If you’re constantly in selfless-love OR you’re constantly in self-love,

you’re out of whack.

Find the middle way, bring things into balance. More on the middle way later.

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D6) Why do you want it?

Whenever we think about the reasons WHY we want something, the ability to achieve it

becomes much more powerful. And conversely the things that we’re not that committed to fall

away, leaving us space to focus on the important stuff.

This applies to all our goals, so use the question ‘Why do I want this?’ when thinking about any

goals or decisions.

When it comes to happiness, it may seem obvious that we all want to be happy.

Exercise:

Say to yourself ‘I should be happy’

Did that make you feel any different? Any happier?

Not really, I reckon.

So try this...

Now say yourself ‘I must be happy because...’ and then think about and create a mental image

of all the reasons you want to be more happy in your life, what it can bring to you, your health,

career, finances and relationships with others.

Take some time to think about all the reasons and images you can visualise.

Then write these down, and display them somewhere.

Remember, happiness is a practice. By being clear on why gives us a focus, reason to practice,

to change our habits and to help us grow.

Our happiness grows as a result of the effort we make to focus on it.

You always get what your must’s are, not what your should’s are.

If you set a standard for yourself that you ‘must’ have something, that is what you get. If you

set a standard that you ‘should’ have something you invariably don’t get it, because you’re not

really committed to it.

We get our ‘must’s’ by knowing our ‘why’s’.

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So, choose your must’s.

We only really value what we work hard to achieve.

So choose the things that are really important for you and prioritise them.

Later we’ll talk about the power of gratitude and being thankful for what we already have.

Combining gratitude with ‘why’ is very powerful.

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D7) Living in the Present Moment – the NOW

When we spend too much time living in the past with thoughts of regrets, guilt, shame etc or

thoughts of fear, anxiety, uncertainty about the future, we come away from happiness, peace

and love.

The past and the future is an illusion.

It’s something we created in our minds.

It has some practical uses but if we spend too much time thinking about the past/future we

create more fear, anxiety and depression.

The first step to change is awareness.

Read this practice in full and then try it...

Practice:

Close your eyes and relax your body as best you can. Notice the breath coming in your nose and

going out of your nose.

Relax your body as you notice the breath coming in and out of your nose.

Now notice the next thought that has popped in your head.

Label it as a PAST thought, FUTURE thought or PRESENT MOMENT thought, by saying the word

PAST, FUTURE or PRESENT MOMENT to yourself (remembering the past can be a matter of

seconds ago).

Stay for a few moments noticing your thoughts.

Each time a thought pops up, label it as past/future/present moment

Say to yourself, ‘it’s ok for that thought to be there, whatever it is’

Then let it go by going back to focusing on the breath coming in and out.

Repeat for a little while… and then carry on reading.

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Did you notice any thoughts of the past or the future?

Did those past/future thoughts give you more peace?

Or more create anxiety or fear. (e.g. I can’t do this, I need to think about [something else], or

I’m annoyed with myself for doing… last week etc.)

Ok, so our past/future thoughts often create more fear and anxiety.

So how do we reduce our fear and anxiety?

By having less past or future thoughts, by being more in the NOW, the present moment.

Thoughts come, we have no control over them arriving in our consciousness. What we do have

control over, is our ability to see them as an observer and choosing how we react to them.

What you did there again was separate yourself from seeing yourself as the thoughts to being

the observer, the thinker of the thoughts.

Very powerful stuff, and the key to unlocking inner peace.

This is the essence of Mindfulness, which we’ll talk about again later.

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D8) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Everybody in this world has followed a different path to this moment.

How therefore can we compare ourselves to anyone else?

We’re all beautiful, amazing, unique souls, with limitless potential and also human flaws.

You’re amazing.

I’m amazing.

Your children, partner, siblings, family, friends and the stranger in the street are all amazing.

Nobody is better than you.

We’re all just different.

We don’t know what the person you see has gone through to get to where they ‘appear’ to be

today. (that is your judgement, of course). We don’t know how many lows they’ve experienced

to get where they are today.

We may see a person with a nice house or car and think I wish I was them. What we may not

know is how many divorces or bankruptcies or painful losses of family members, health

challenges or childhood traumas or a million other things they could have been through.

We may look at the TV or Facebook and see people living a life of travel, money, material things

and beat ourselves up because we don’t have these things.

Stop comparing.

Be you.

Be awesome in yourself.

Love yourself for all that you have, be grateful that you are you, you’re not them, because you

are amazing.

Count your own blessings every day, because they are limitless. When you look deeply and

realise that you are truly blessed you won’t need to compare yourself with others because you

have just as many blessings as they do.

Your blessings are limitless, just as theirs are.

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All of us amazing humans have limitless blessings.

When we find this truth within us, we start to see the connectedness with all others. We don’t

need to compete or compare any more. We notice we’re all one and living in connection with

everyone else.

You don't need to be better than anyone else - you just need to be better than

you used to be. - Wayne Dyer

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D9) Self Forgiveness

How often do you speak negatively to yourself? Or negatively about yourself to others?

How often do you mentally beat yourself up when you make a ‘mistake’?

How often do you feel guilty for things you’ve done or not done ‘correctly’?

* I have put quotes round ‘mistake’ and ‘correctly’ because they’re judgements, and not

necessarily true anyway.

How often do you pat yourself on the back for a job well done? Or big up yourself for being,

awesome, beautiful, loving, fun, etc?

I bet the negative self-talk far outweighs the positive self-talk.

I’m not saying we should be deluded and never look objectively at our life and how we’re

progressing, because when we make a ‘mistake’ or I prefer the phrase done something ‘less

than skilfully’, we should be honest with ourselves about how we can learn from the situation

and do things better net time.

That is healthy, growing, taking personal responsibility and a mature way of living.

However, when we use negative self-talk like:

• “I always mess up”

• “I’m rubbish at ...”

• “I can never get … right”

• “I’m such a &*^% idiot”

• etc, etc.

We all have different ways or phrases that we use to beat ourselves up or take our own power

away.

Be mindful of when you do this.

Stop yourself.

Better still, replace the negativity with words of love for yourself.

Practice:

Think of a time you made a ‘mistake’.

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Think about how you talked to yourself afterwards. Were you kind to yourself?

Next time, try replacing the words you used to talk to yourself with “I didn’t do … right this

time, but I’m human and I will try to do it better next time”.

Do this in any situation you would previously have used negative self-talk.

By doing this you’re acknowledging that you didn’t act as skilfully as you could in that moment,

but also giving yourself love and the opportunity to act better next time. Without making

yourself your own enemy.

This simple act of personal forgiveness will help you to release past guilt and reduce the guilt

you feel in the moment, moving forward. It won’t remove your ability to feel sorry or remorse

for things you could have handled better, it will help you to deal with things better, with love

for yourself.

Also it will help your relationships with others as you will also see the other person is human

too, they make mistakes and deserve forgiveness too.

Often, when we work too hard, give too much love to others without giving ourselves enough

self-love. We make more ‘mistakes’ AND feel more guilty because of exhaustion.

If you feel like you’re making mistakes often, take some time out and recharge your batteries.

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D10) The Warning Signs of Exhaustion

There are many ways we experience exhaustion. If you’re starting to notice a few of these in

your day-to-day think about having some self-love and timeout.

In no particular order:

• Poor sleep

• Trouble getting to sleep or waking with your mind racing

• Not eating much or overeating (especially craving processed foods)

• Poor digestion – constipation/diarrhoea/bloating

• Adrenaline – feeling like it’s shooting in your tummy (even when there’s nothing

happening to be fearful in the moment)

• Fight or flight mode often

• Being fearful of future situations

• Over-emotional (extreme anger, ups and downs, sadness) – more than your usual

emotional range

• Drama – picking fights, finding problems where there wasn’t a problem before

• Feeling more unhappy in your relationships (and often thinking the other person is the

cause of the ‘problem’)

• Low energy

• Drinking lots of caffeine (to get your energy up)

• and/or alcohol (to unwind)

• Skin complaints

• Red eyes

• Busyness – can’t sit still or relax

• Feeling like you don’t have enough time (remember, we all have the same amount of

time)

• Coughs, colds and other illnesses

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D11) The power of ‘practice’

By creating more positive habits in our lives, in the form of a ‘practice’ we pull ourselves out of

the downer we can get into.

I prefer the word ‘practice’ to the word ‘management’, eg stress management implies that the

only thing we can do about stress is manage it, whereas I believe we can make the conscious

choice through our ‘practice’ as to how we live in all aspects of our lives. We don’t need to

manage anything, we practice the things we want in our lives eg happiness, joy, peace, love and

these things grow and the things we previously thought we needed to ‘manage’ fall away.

‘Management’ is reactive, ‘practice’ is proactive. Being proactive, choosing consciously and

living with intention is a much more empowering way to live, by putting our own life back in our

own hands.

Only you can change yourself. So make a commitment to adding more positive habits to your

practice each day. Regardless of where you are at now. The body and mind have an unlimited

capacity for healing themselves. Choose to do it!

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D12) Laughing at yourself and life itself

When did life become so serious?

Children laugh much more than us adults... much much more.

So when and why did you stop laughing so much?

Laughter feels good, it increases endorphins and our connection to others.

Children don’t wait for permission to laugh. If they find it funny, they laugh.

That’s what children do. They do something crazy or (what we as adults, often would find)

unfunny. And they laugh. They laugh uncontrollably and with abandon. Sometimes they can’t

stop.

Have you ever laughed like that?

Recently?

When was the last time?

If you’ve ever been around a child laughing intensely, it’s catching, we smile and laugh too. It

feels good to everyone around, it brings joy to all and it returns us into the present moment.

As we grow, we get conditioned into what we choose or society tells us is funny. If you

remember back to your teens, the things you find funny then are not what you find funny now.

So this is another area where we change.

We feel guilty for laughing.

We’re taught that life is too hard.

That there’s too much pain in the world.

That life is a serious matter.

That our joy and reckless abandon is not welcome, because others are too caught-up in feeling

unhappy that we’re challenging their beliefs by being joyful.

Being with our best friends, is a laugh.

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In that safe space where we’re with the people we’re closest too, we laugh more… and

consequently we bond more closely with each other.

So what if by laughing more with everybody we could connect better with old friends, new

friends and strangers. Our life would be some much more fulfilling and rich with great

relationships.

So how do we laugh more?

Simple...

Stop waiting for external circumstances to ‘make me laugh’ and choose to laugh more at every

moment.

Take the power back, own your laughter.

Make it into your practice.

Laugh at the smallest most insignificant things. Laugh when you talk. Expect what you say to be

funny – not to others – but to yourself.

Laugh at your mistakes, laugh at the way you do stuff. Laugh at your crazy sh*t. Laugh at your

uniqueness, your foibles and stuff you hold on to.

Laugh at how you look or how you act. Laugh at your insecurities, your anxieties and your

depression.

Look in the mirror and laugh.

Laugh on your own.

Laugh with others.

Laugh without caring whether people will judge you for laughing.

Don’t wait for permission.

Do daft stuff. Mess about. Do things for fun.

Remember, laughter is infectious.

You get an endorphin rush, so do all the other people around you.

You enjoy being with them, they enjoy being with you. You all get less unhappiness and more

joy. Win-win.

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Bring on the laughter.

It’s your choice.

We don't laugh because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh –

William James

Smile, smile and smile some more,

So when we laugh more, we also smile more.

The smile is the precursor to laughing, of course, but it also has health benefits of its own.

You improve your health because you release endorphins which are natural pain relievers,

stress relieving hormones called neuropeptides and serotonin which is an anti-depressant.

Studies* have shown you're more attractive to other people, more reliable, relaxed and

sincere.

It's contagious and gives out to the world. People will also smile back more, which creates the

feel-good chemicals in them and they associate that with your interaction.

And it gives them improved health too, so you're giving love, happiness and health when you

share your smile with others.

When we smile, we bring ourselves back to the present moment. We can’t be lost in thought

and smile at the same time.

It’s a great practice to lift your mood and reduce anxiety and depression.

As always, it’s a practice that you can grow.

Share your beautiful smile with the world.

Go outside of your comfort zone and give that smile as big and brightly as often as you can.

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can

be the source of your joy." —Thich Nhat Hanh

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So have a big smile now, my lovely friend.

Enjoy reading this book and smiling as you go.

Smiles feel good, so have a big smile right now.

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D13) Take The View From Above

If we look at things from a higher perspective and take all things into consideration we can

often make a better decision.

When we're stuck in our own thoughts... our own viewpoints, opinions and emotions we lose

our ability to see the bigger picture, the perspective of others, the reasons why the other

people might have done things differently than the way you might have chosen.

Try this technique from Stoicism (philosophies from Ancient Athens and Rome - of which many

are still relevant today):

Exercise:

Think about a problem you have right now.

Visualise and imagine being in the situation right now.

Imagine yourself raising out of your body lifting up 10 feet above and looking at the situation.

Now imagine yourself raising up 100 feet above the situation and what you can see around.

Notice how you feel about the issue now.

Keep on raising up and what you can now see and how you feel about the issue.

Keep on raising and noticing.

When we look from high above, we see that we are infinitesimally small

that an issue that you may think is massive right now, really isn't, and also that the lives of all

living things are interdependent and connected as we coexist on this tiny planet.

Visualise yourself raising up, higher and higher and looking at your life and the lives of others

and see how your perspective on any and all aspects of your life changes to be more unaffected

by the things that come along on a day-to-day basis.

“How beautifully Plato put it. Whenever you want to talk about people, it’s best

to take a bird’s-eye view and see everything all at once— of gatherings, armies,

farms, weddings and divorces, births and deaths, noisy courtrooms or silent

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spaces, every foreign people, holidays, memorials, markets— all blended

together and arranged in a pairing of opposites.” Marcus Aurelius

D14) Is this REALLY Important?

There are very few things that really matter.

There are very few things that happen today that are going to be important in a few days time,

let alone in a few years.

When we look deeply at our actions, and the importance of them, we can really see what we

should be focusing our attention on.

Our lives are very short indeed.

And remember that our lives today are directly as a result of all the choices we have made

previously.

Ask yourself:

• Is this going to matter next week?

• Is this going to matter in 10 years time?

• Is this going to matter after I’m dead?

We can use this along with the Take the View From Above practice above to actually cut away

the things that we spend lots of time and energy on, that don’t really matter.

And to change our awareness to consciously focus only on things that create value and bring joy

to ourselves and others, now and into the future.

“The part of life we really live is small. For all the rest of existence is not life, but

merely time.” - Seneca

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D15) Appreciate everything/regret nothing - life is just lessons

to learn

The greatest source of our growth is often from the experiences that were the most painful.

Our ‘failures’ our setbacks, our biggest challenges.

And when we experience these things.

Yes, they’re hard.

Yes, you’d rather it didn’t have to come into your life.

Yes, you made mistakes and could have handled it better.

But…

You also lived to tell the tale.

You came out the other side and you’re here now.

You’re a better person because of it.

You’re stronger, more confident, calmer, more respected, have better qualities and character.

You have gained from every experience, every challenge has forced you to grow and therefore,

not a negative. I would go so far as to say, we should be deeply grateful for these ‘bad’,

‘negative’ or ‘upsetting’ experiences or people, because they always teach us something.

This is the beauty of life, we are here to experience to learn and to grow.

If you’re still looking at past experience with anger or regret.

Look at it again, look deeply at it and ask yourself:

• “what did I learn?”

• “what did I take away from that situation, that helped me be a better person?”

• “how did I grow more loving?”

• “how did I use what I learned in that experience, to benefit the lives of others since?”

There is always, always, always... something to be grateful for.

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D16) Recognise other people have been through bigger

challenges than you ever will

The people we respect, the people we want to be like, the people who seem to have the things

we want.

How did they get there? How did they get to become that person we respect?

They had challenges.

They went through stuff in their lives that they grew from.

Things they didn’t want, but still it came into their lives.

Painful, scary, horrible experiences.

Stuff that you’re so glad didn’t happen to you.

It made them the person that they became, the person you value.

They pushed through and came out of the other side.

Take some time to read the stories of famous people and the challenges they had growing up

and becoming masters of their craft. It’s very humbling and certainly wasn’t glamorous. They

carried on pushing forward to becoming the person you know them to be today.

So embrace your own challenges and fears, because they make you grow.

And be grateful for all the things you’ve experienced.

And be grateful for the things you’ve not experienced. Because your life could have been so

much worse.

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D17) We are all one

For years we have been taught that we are each separate entities, we are individuals, we’re on

our own in this world.

But modern science is now able to prove what ancient wisdom has always known.

That we’re all connected.

That all living things, (things we would class as) ‘non’-living and basically all matter in the

universe share a life-force, a spirit, an energy, vibrational frequencies that are connected with

everything else.

We can’t see it.

We often struggle to sense it ~ it’s certainly not something we’re taught in our Western

education.

But it’s there.

Science is now able to detect it. (If you’re interested in learning more about this pioneering

research look out for the work of Heartmath Institute, The Global Consciousness Project and

Lynne McTaggart)

And it manifests in each and every one of us -when we’re ready to hear it.

The quieter you become. The more you are able to hear. - Lao Tzu

That small voice.

Our ‘intuition’, gut feeling.

The connection to a greater power.

A power that is greater than ‘me’. Greater than a group of us. Greater than a nation...

The universal creativity.

The combined energy of the universe.

The “Big Mind”.

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The creator of all things.

It is the voice that knows.

It guides us.

To our greatest spiritual growth during our lifetime.

It is connected to, and exists within our inner-self.

It is love.

It knows how to love and teaches us to love.

It is peace.

It is where our calm and strength is found.

It is creativity.

It knows how to create and teaches us creativity.

It is gratitude.

It teaches us to appreciate all things.

It is now.

It is this moment, where we can experience the deepest depths of love, creativity, gratitude

and joy.

When we access this place, we need nothing else.

We just ‘know’.

We can all access this universal creativity.

We all have the exact same resource at our disposal.

And we connect to each other via this energy.

We are all one, everything is one.

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We are all connected.

And when we step away from this place... into our thought-made self reality.

We become separate from the universal connection.

We become separate from our inner-self.

We become separate from each other and all that is.

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D18) Karma

Karma is the law of cause and effect. Karma is action, whether physical or mental, individual or

performed by a group, and each action has a consequence.

https://www.ananda.org/yogapedia/karma/

When we understand that we’re all connected, Karma makes perfect sense. When we know

that we have an energetic connection to all that is, it makes sense that all of our reactions have

an equal reaction.

The energy has to be balanced eventually.

This might also happen over lifetimes.

Modern psychology is recognising (something that ancient traditions already understood) that

energetic trauma can be passed down through generations.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6283585/The-vicious-cycle-trauma-Sufferingpassed-generations-study-reveals.html

So not only does Karmic action affect us during our own life-time the energy transcends time

and birth and death.

I believe, if we choose to act against our ‘small voice’, sometimes called ‘the conscience’, or

ignore it through the mental noise of thought. We invariably act in an unloving or unskilful way

and create our own karmic disturbances. By acting against this conscience (and therefore not in

the best interests of all life) we can create energy that endures for perhaps lifetimes.

Therefore it also stands to reason that so-called ‘positive’ experience can also be present

generations later and the love we create can have a ripple effect too.

The more we act from the place of the always-knowing ‘small voice’ within us, the greater our

benefit to the world. Often that small voice will suggest to do stuff that scares the poop out of

us, but I think we should trust and go for it anyway because that intelligence is far greater that

our mind. The universe has big plans for each of us.

~

There is never really anything that we quit in our lifetime.

Except if we take our own life perhaps (which has its own karma, of course).

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Even ending relationships or dropping out of school or stopping going to the gym etc

All we are doing is creating karma.

We’re not quitting anything because sooner or later in this lifetime, or another, that energy will

have an effect.

Yes you may end a relationship and never see that person again for as long as you both live.

But.

You will both exist in each others’ hearts, minds and in karma.

It will affect your life from that moment onwards. And perhaps the lives of your children and

grand-children...

So be mindful of this.

Steer the ship as best you can.

Live in love and deal with things as best you know how.

Do what you need to do in each moment and never look at anything as quitting.

Because it all matters.

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D19) Meditation

Meditation is a powerful way to quiet the mind. It teaches us to let go. The purpose of

meditation is not to quiet the mind per se but the benefits of the practice are so far-reaching

and the practice gives you access to that deep place of creativity, love and divine power when

the mind becomes less full of thought. The spaces between thought are where the true insight

is received.

As I discussed earlier in the book, there are many ways to meditate but a simple breath practice

is a great place to start and could become lifelong trusted friend, if you so choose.

The power of meditation is through the repeated practice. By having a regular meditation

practice and carrying it through the day via mini-meditations and mindfulness a whole new

world of expansion and peace and love will be increasingly available to you.

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D20) Yoga

Yoga has many forms and is highly recommended as a way to develop your connection to the

inner-self, the ‘small voice’, the spirit.

The various yoga practices of asana’s (body poses), breathing (pranayama), mantra (chanting)

and others help to connect with your inner self and reduce the impact of the thought-made

self.

By building your daily life with various practices like these you can reduce the impact of

thought-related ailments such as anxiety, depression and stress.

The things we choose to have in our daily lives become our daily lives.

Where soil is, men grow. Whether to weeds or flowers. - John Keats

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D21) Incense

Incense can be useful to stimulate the senses (we don’t use the sense of smell as much as say

our sense of sight) and to access memory.

So for the purposes of meditation and relaxation we can associate a smell with the calming

sensations we feel. Next session we can use the incense to get back to that place of the last

time we experienced the smell. The memory is very powerful at inducing calm or anxiety so by

using memory to help access that calm place we can have better success with our practice.

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D22) Mini-meditations

We’re all busy in our lives. And usually that is the reason we’re so stressed out.

We’re stressed out … because we think we haven’t enough time (to achieve all our goals)

We think we haven’t enough time… so we work harder.

We work more and push our body’s harder… so we get more stressed.

~

When we pause, we start to notice the insanity in this.

What are we really chasing after?

When are we actually happy?

We’re happy when we pause and appreciate what we have.

Not when we’re rushing to the next thing and therefore focusing on what we don’t have.

~

A mini-meditation, is a moment… or a few moments to pause, to breathe, to look up and

around, to feel, to appreciate, to relax your muscles, to move around, to stretch, to enjoy you,

to enjoy the people around, to enjoy your life and everything that is.

Do these several times a day and you’ll notice that your day is more enjoyable, peaceful and

productive.

When we access the calm, loving and creative place often during each day, rather than feeling

there’s not enough hours in the day, life flows, it becomes ever more joyous and expansive.

That amazing inner-voice will guide you away from the tasks of ‘chasing your tail’ on to doing

the real important stuff. The stuff that brings joy and growth and makes a difference. You’ll be

less ‘busy’ and more effective.

If you don't have time to meditate for an hour everyday, you should meditate

for two hours - Anon

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D23) The ‘Return to Presence’ Bell

The biggest challenge of mindfulness is remembering to be mindful in the moment. Our mind

takes us away from the moment from our presence and into thought. Many times during the

day we get lost again in our habitual thought and ‘forget’ to be mindful.

By bringing ourselves back to the breath we bring ourselves to the present moment and peace.

It’s a practice.

The more we return ourselves back to the breath and the present moment, the better we get at

it.

And we can use this power increasingly to return to calm and the place of peace and power in

each moment.

Whatever comes our way.

So by using an anchor that we associate with a return to mindfulness, presence and the breath,

we grow in mindfulness.

Within some traditions they use a bell. The bell signifies mindfulness and returning to it.

So choose an anchor. To trigger your return to mindfulness. When you hear that sound or see

that sight, return to mindfulness.

If you want to use the bell (often called a Tibetan Singing Bowl). I recommend it. It is a beautiful

thing to behold. Well crafted and with a beautiful resonating sound. And of course used by

millions of people around the world, so giving you many opportunities to practice every day.

You can also add an app to your phone which will remind you during the day to return to

mindfulness. A good one is called ‘Mindbell’.

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D24) Breathing

We discussed in the earlier section about deep breathing.

We can practice the deep diaphragmatic breath at any point we choose and it will give quick

access to more calm.

Practice:

Hands on sides above the hips and below the ribs

Breath deeply through the nose into the hands

Fill your lungs from there right up to the top of the lungs

Let the breath fall out of your nose or mouth slowly (while relaxing your body)

We can also practice relaxed exhale breathing which is as simple as

Practice:

Letting the breath come into the body on the inhale

Focus your awareness on letting the body (and especially around the stomach and lower back)

relax completely on the exhale.

Repeat many times

This practice great for letting go of tension and returning to calm. It’s great for finding places of

tension your body and being able to let them go.

We can also practice the meditation/mindfulness breath noticing breathing style of:

Practice:

Noticing the breath coming into the nose and noticing the breath leaving the nose

Noticing any thoughts that arise

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Letting go of thoughts

Returning to the breath

Or we can practice all of the above breathing techniques, in one session, in this order:

1) Deep diaphragm breath – 1-2 minutes

2) Relaxed Exhale Breath – 3-5 minutes

3) Mindful breath noticing – 5-20 minutes

You can access deep calm by practising one or all of these methods. You can adjust the timings

to suit your needs. I recommend setting timers so you can enjoy breathing without getting

distracted with timings.

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D25) Acceptance as a Superpower

As we’ve touched upon in various sections of this book we have a choice in each moment to

how we react.

Acceptance is a personal superpower when harnessed because with acceptance we can handle

absolutely anything that comes our way.

Acceptance is looking at everything deeply and accepting the truth of what it is.

Acceptance is not about passivity.

It is about recognising the true nature of reality.

It is looking deeply and seeing the truth of what reality is… in this moment.

It is about looking at reality without our filters or our programming.

It is a practice.

~

Because we all look at the world with filters. We have sub-conscious programs that we see

reality through.

We talk throughout this book about re-programming sub-conscious programs.

Acceptance can also help with this.

When we notice us acting out of programming, we can transcend the programming and create

new more empowering behaviours.

Try to look deeply at the truth of each situation.

Try to notice when you’re acting out of programming.

Or you feel triggered by something outside of you.

Try to say“it’s ok”. (this is very powerful when faced with any ‘problem’)

And ask yourself:

What is the reality here?

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Why am I acting in this way? Am I acting from an old program?

The more we practice this and grow in awareness of our triggers and be more accepting, we can

grow in peace and calm and be less reactive.

And once we can totally accept the reality of the situation, we can then choose correct and

skilful action.

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D26) Total Acceptance Immersion

Stress isn't a problem in and of itself. Anxiety, being depressed, low or angry isn't a problem.

The problem comes when:

• It defines us, it's our whole existence.

• We expect this moment to be different. i.e. we resist it

• We haven't got the means or the self-awareness to make changes in our lives to choose

to do things differently

This book is hopefully helping you to empower yourself to deal with all of these.

Developing this powerful practice of ‘OK’ further. Let’s see what it’s like to go deep into total

acceptance of what is.

Practice:

Try those two words ‘It’s OK’ in response to every single thing that happens to you for a full

day.

Set a date (tomorrow is good) and promise yourself a day of complete acceptance.

Every single thought, every single situation - respond to yourself internally or verbally with 'It's

ok'.

Acceptance is not saying YES. Acceptance is being aware and letting reality be reality. You don’t

have to say yes to anything you don’t want to, that’s not what this exercise is..

It’s an 'acceptance of all thought’ exercise.

It’s letting all thoughts be there, to feel what it’s like to not resist anything.

We all have a habit of running away from painful or scary thoughts.

By doing this you’ll notice thoughts are not that scary, it’s our judgements about whether they

should even be there that make it worse.

Thoughts are just thoughts.

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And if we accept them and see them for what they are, just thoughts, they just float away out

of our minds.

You don't have to do this practice for the rest of your life, but I know for sure that you'll gain

deeper peace in that day and it will help you to bring more peace into your life afterwards once

you've experienced it, because you’ll see the power of acceptance.

So thoughts of:

• I feel angry because of.... - it's ok

• I feel stressed because of.... - it's ok

• I'm such an idiot because I did… - it's ok

• I feel anxious - it's ok

• I feel scared - it's ok

• I feel tired - it's ok

• I don’t like this person - it's ok

• I don’t like this thing - it's ok

• I can’t change this situation right now – it’s ok

• I don’t like what he/she just said - it's ok

• and on and on

It’s ok.

It truly IS.

When we run away from our thoughts and feelings they just grow.

What we resist – persists.

I used to have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.

This simple practice of IT’S OK for anything and everything to be there was massive.

Exercise:

Think of a problem you wrote down earlier. One that you can’t see a way out of.

Close your eyes. Look at it deeply. Look at what the feelings and thoughts are that surround

that problem.

Say to yourself it’s OK for … to be there.

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It’s OK to feel … It’s OK to not have an answer.

This works in three ways.

We reduce the drama around the situation and become less stuck and fearful of the problem.

We also give our superpowerful subconscious mind the massive space to come up with new

creative ways of solving the problem.

We also send that problem out into the energetic infinitely creative universe and notice

solutions appearing in our lives.

So let go of all of your sh*t. Stop trying to change it.

Breathe.

Be at peace with it - it may change or it may stay the same, either way it’s not affecting your

happiness. If you accept it as reality, it will no longer control you.

You then have space for more beauty to arrive in your life.

And remember –

Thoughts are just thoughts. We can choose which (if any) thoughts we take action on.

We are not our thoughts, we are the thinker of thoughts.

Your thoughts serve you. Not the other way round.

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D27) Communicating effectively

Before communicating your needs or ‘confronting’ somebody think about the things you love

about that person, the conversation will go in a much more positive direction.

By considering gratitude, it helps us to reduce the anger response and talk to the other person

with love in our heart. Then, they will usually respond from the same place growing closeness

and understanding in your relationship.

You can also express yourself in an empowering way. A way that you take full responsibility for

your feelings and needs and the other person doesn’t feel blamed or attacked and can choose

how they react to your request.

I recommend the Book Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B.

Rosenberg as a great way to communicate effectively.

This book describes how to find your true feelings, look at where they come from and how to

express your needs with another person, in a loving way.

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D28) Asking for what we want

When we’re clear with ourselves. We can be clear with others.

Clear communication helps with calmness and reduces misunderstanding.

If you’re not quite sure about what it is you want and why you want it, keep reading through

the book and then do the work in Part E) to get closer to your life’s vision and mission. This will

help you to have a deeper understanding about what motivates you.

Before asking for anything, it’s important to consider, why we want it.

Some great questions are:

Why is having this thing important to me?

Will getting this thing bring me more inner peace or help me to love myself better?

Will getting this thing help me to love others better?

Where is the WIN-WIN in this request?(i.e. if I get this thing what does the other person get –

can they benefit just as much from the exchange?)

We’ll look at more of these dig-deep questions later in the book.

When we consider our wants and desires in this way our actions automatically more loving

towards others, more loving towards ourselves and bring us closer to our goals. Superficial and

impulsive wants just fall away, bringing more peace.

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D29) Making Requests

When we ask for something it should always be with the view of making a request. We should

always make it optional for the other person.

When asking for something, we should accept the other person’s response as their response.

Of course there can be a level of influence at play with all interactions depending on the level of

trust you have with each other. But be careful you don’t overstep boundaries or be controlling

or manipulative, when trying to make requests.

Always look for the WIN-WIN if possible.

Be mindful of listening to their needs just as much as you listen to your own. Deep listening

helps to minimise reactivity if they refuse your request.

Ask yourself:

What are their needs in this moment?

Is my request more important to me, than their needs are to them?

If you’re not sure about what their needs are, you can always ask them too.

But with deep listening we can find the answer within, without asking them. That said, be

mindful about making assumptions about what they need :)

Challenging, yes, but very powerful in building relationships.

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D30) The Power of Silence

We think that we have to fill the space.

We use phrases like “uncomfortable silence”.

We put pressure on ourselves to say something.

We say things we regret because we force ourselves to speak.

We don’t have to do that.

We can breathe.

We can stay silent.

We can love ourselves and choose to feel it’s ok to stay silent.

I had a pattern for a long time that I would feel anxious in a social situation and try to force

myself to try to speak, which made it harder for me to think of something to say, which made

me more anxious.

We don’t have to speak, we don’t have to be witty or charismatic or charming.

We just have to try to be loving.

By finding the breath, we become more peaceful, we be more loving.

And by getting there we also express what we need to express in each moment.

Also silence can bring more to a conversation, it can bring us closer, it can slow things down, it

can help the other person to feel less anxious too.

It can bring great depth.

And during moments of silence when we’re alone we can also find great depth and wisdom

within ourselves.

We can find more creativity, love and insights from that place.

Integrate more moments of silence in your days and couple it with the breath and notice your

inner strength and peace grow.

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D31) Ego reduction

You know best don’t you?!

We all think we know best about some things especially when it comes to our own needs.

But we also often think we know what is best for other people. Sometimes you could be right of

course, but most of the time we don’t know that.

We understand other people by listening. By deeply listening and asking for what they want to

tell us.

We also should accept that we’re not always right. Or when it comes to other people’s needs

we’re rarely right. Unless they have explicitly told us we’re right.

Just because one thing worked for you with another person doesn’t mean it might work for the

next person.

The ego tells us stuff.

It tell us we’re great, it tells us we’re superior to others.

It also tells us we’re not great and it tells us we’re inferior to others.

It creates separation.

It keeps us safe.

It also holds us back.

It keeps us away from deep love and connection.

It tells us that we need...it tells that we’re lacking.

The ego is massive subject because it has such a massive impact on every aspect of our lives. It

is needed but we certainly don’t want it to be leading our lives for us.

So notice when the ego has taken control and be mindful about its impact in your life.

Here are some pointers of when you could step away from ego:

• when you have a need to be right

• when you have a need for someone else to do something to ‘make you happy’

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• when you have a need to compare yourself to others

• when you don’t like the success of others

• you blame others when things don’t go your way

When you notice these things in yourself. Take a check-in and consider getting closer to your

heart-centre by asking why:

• why do I have a need to be right?

• why do I need this person to make me happy?

• why do I need to compare myself to others?

• why am I not happy when this person is successful?

• why do I blame others when things don’t go my way?

When you start to challenge the machinations of the ego you will access more peace and love

in your life. You will be able to let go easier and be more willing to listen to others and build

better relationships as a result.

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D32) Listening Deeply

We have talked about listening before in this book and on the face of it, we all know how to

listen don’t we?

Well no we don’t really. It’s a skill to develop. Another practice.

The key to real listening is silence and quieting the mind.

To take the time to actually hear the words the other person is saying and let them be with you

WITHOUT trying to instantly form a response in your mind to come back with.

Our usual response to any conversation is the first thing comes to mind at the time.

Deep listening is quieting that part of the mind that wants to instantly respond and taking the

time to let the other person speak.

A great way to do that is to practice mindful breathing while you’re in conversation with the

other person.

It might seem counter-intuitive and you may feel like your taking your attention away from

what the other person is saying but you can do both.

You can hear the words and sense the feelings the other person is expressing whilst focusing on

the breath.

The great thing is that the breath focus quiets the mind so the words of the other person

penetrate you more deeply and greater depth of listening happens.

When we listen in this way we can quietly take a few moments to process the words and

feelings before responding.

To further deepen the communication you can also repeat back the words you heard by

paraphrasing it back to them e.g. “so what I heard you say was ….. is that right?”

This helps the other person feel more understood and your connection deepens. This leads to

more compassionate communication from them too and your mutual trust grows.

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D33) Giving to others

If we’re anxious or depressed we’re often so wrapped up in ourselves, our own needs and our

general unhappiness that we think we don’t have much capacity or ‘anything good’ to give to

others.

I’ve been there, I know how much I thought about myself at those times. I often couldn’t get

out of my ‘woe is me’ head, long enough to give much to others. It wasn’t selfishness, I just

couldn’t get out of incessant thought.

It’s important that we take plenty of time to ourselves for healing at those times through the

many ways we’ve discussed in this book.

But, whilst doing that, we can also gain and grow massive peace of mind, fulfilment and joy

from service to others.

It may seem like you don’t have the time, confidence or skills or talents to serve others, but

that’s simply not true.

In fact by pushing yourself to do something for others, not only will you gain confidence and

skills, you’ll also gain much more happiness.

As ‘the love we give, comes back to us’ in droves.

Look out for opportunities to volunteer in your local area. Get yourself out of the house, meet

new people and make friends with the people you’re serving and the community. You don’t

need any skills, you just need to be there for them with love.

And by doing so, you’ll be less in the ‘woe is me’ mindset and more in the ‘I love my life because

I’m making a difference’ mindset. It’s massive for your mental health.

Have a look on this website for local opportunities to help others: https://do-it.org/

Serve others and do all things in a way you would serve the almighty, as all

others are manifestations of the almighty. Do all things in a spirit of divine

service. - Sri Anandamayi Ma

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D34) Connecting with new people

When our mental health is at a low ebb, we can get very isolated.

When our energy is low and our confidence and self-esteem is poor.

We have these thoughts telling us:

• “stay home, it’s scary in the outside world”

• “you’re not a happy person”

• “you’re shy and anxious”

• “you don’t have anything to offer other people.”

• And a million other negative things we can tell ourselves to stay stuck.

Once you’re making a little bit of progress in reducing your stress and anxiety and increasing

your positivity with the many methods in this book. It’s time to push yourself a bit more

socially.

Building or maintaining a positive social circle is perhaps the most important thing you can do

for your confidence and self-esteem, because it forces us to give, to come out of ourselves to

share and help others.

And when we help others we feel value in ourselves.

We gain a sense of purpose and we also get lots of smiles, laughs and positivity back from our

friends.

So connect with new people.

Find places where the people you want to connect with hangout (Facebook groups,

Meetup.com) and get yourself out there.

Do it with the spirit of giving. Just help out as many people as you can, without any expectation

of anything in return and you will then start to build trust and friendships.

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D35) Being a true friend

When our mental health is shot we often lose touch with friends, struggle to make new ones or

fall out with people because of our actions.

Our confidence can become affected and we can sometimes forget what it means to be a true

friend to others.

Here are a few ideas on developing and nurturing friendships.

Be there for them when they need you– be available, offer help (without being overbearing),

include them in your stuff, share your time and your wisdom.

Have a laugh– make your times together fun, be light-hearted and have plenty of laughs

together, embrace daftness.

Make an effort– often we might be feeling drained or unhappy, these are especially good times

to give to others. Don’t be burden, rather, ask yourself “what can I do to make their day a little

better?” Go outside your comfort zone to be a great friend.

Listen deeply– listen to what they say and what they communicate non-verbally. Use the deep

listening practice from earlier in the book to deepen your friendships.

Be happy for their successes– be there for them when they’re feeling low, but also be there

when they’ve achieved something great. Celebrate them becoming a little more awesome.

Be grateful– be thankful for the things they bring to your life and tell them, regularly.

Stick up for them– make sure you’ve got their back, if they’re in trouble, be there to help out

and protect them from dangerous situations (without being overbearing).

Respect boundaries– be there for them, but respect their needs to be able to say no (or yes) to

a request.

Be honest and constructive– we sometimes we need a pep talk from friends. It can sometimes

be obvious to you that a change needs to be made to bring your friend more love and peace.

Step-up to do that when necessary, but always in a constructive way and with loving

communication.

Introduce them to others– help them to have more friends in their lives by taking them places

and introducing them to your other friends.

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Keep your promises– live with integrity and when you make promises, stick to them. When we

keep our promises to others, it sends the message, “you’re important to me”.

Stay in touch– try not to let good friendships fizzle because you’ve not hung out for a while.

Drop them a line, say hi every now and again, ask them what they’ve been up to. Hearing from

you could make their day, you might be the only person who has said ‘hi’ to them today.

And remember, we get what we give, so by giving that to others, it will come back to you in

your friendships too.

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D36) Connecting with old friends

There may be some people you’ve not seen for a while. It could be for a variety of reasons but

now is the time to drop them a line and say hello.

We can never have too many friends and if we’re feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, it

could be the thing that helps lifts your mood.

And, as above, they may be going through some stuff too so may be really happy to hear from

you too.

Don’t leave it too long, they could be dead tomorrow.

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D37) Give stuff away

Be the person that overdelivers.

Be the person that surprises others by your depth of kindness.

Give without expectation of anything in return.

Give your stuff away. Declutter and become more minimal-living.

And whilst doing so, think about whose life you could improve by giving your stuff to them. Or

donate to charity.

The true joy of owning stuff (or having money) is the ability to give it away to help others.

When we start giving from a mindset of abundance (i.e. a place where we have more than

enough of everything), the universe starts to reward that belief with a manifestation of that

truth.

i.e. we start to gain more and more abundance.

So start today, give, give and give. For the joy of giving, for the joy of seeing someone smile, for

the joy of a simple thank you.

Give first, always.

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D38) Tell people what you like about them

Let me get this straight. This isn’t manipulation. Or superficial.

It is taking the time to deeply look at somebody and notice their greatness.

Yes, “I like your shoes”, is a great place to start.

But we can do much better than that.

Look for their greatness, their uniqueness, their power. The thing you saw them do that was

loving and kind. The way they come across or an aspect of their personality.

When we look deeply at someone we see, many, many things that we like.

And by expressing that we’re saying “I see you” and “we are humans together” and “you are

worthy” [of me taking the time to connect when I really didn’t have to].

It’s a powerful thing.

If you don’t do it already, start now.

Do it with friends and people you know and also do it with strangers.

We’re often busy and caught up in our lives and even though we live in a busy city we often can

have no direct connection with anybody for hours on end.

A simple act of kindness like this can make someone’s day.

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D39) Tell them you love them

The next step is saying “I love you”.

We can never have too much love in our lives.

And we grow that love by giving it.

The words “I love you” say all of the above and add a dimension of “you are important to me”

and “I care about you” and “I value you in my life”.

It’s very powerful.

Say it to your nearest and dearest regularly.

Be the first to say it. Take a risk.

But don’t just save it for them, express it to as many people as you can.

Connect with deep eye contact while you say it too. The eyes are the gateway to the soul.

It is even more meaningful with eye contact.

Ok, now go share your smile with someone nearby, go on, don't carry on reading

till you share your beautiful smile.

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D40) Be More Affectionate

Being more affectionate is a fantastic way of being kind and loving to all around you without

the need for words.

Be generous with your eye contact, smile and practice not being the first to look away.

Practice big smiles in the mirror, if it’s not something you’ve been used to doing recently, you

might need a bit of practice. That’s fine.

Like everything we talk about in this book. You can consciously choose to do more of it.

Smile with your eyes (rather than just your mouth) as it’s more authentic.

Do it with conscious choice for a while, nobody will know you’re doing that. After a while so

called ‘forced’ smiles will become real smiles.

Show your teeth – we are programmed to feel good about a wide-mouthed smile from birth.

Don’t worry if your teeth are not perfect, nobody’s are, people are looking at your eyes anyway.

Laugh more – practice this on your own in the mirror too. You will be surprised how much

lighter you feel and how the smiles stay on your face afterwards. Laughs are infectious creating

more laughter in you and all around you. You don’t need a reason to laugh, create your own

reason to find the humour in everything!

Go for handshakes, hugs, holding hands, touching or stroking. It is our natural way from being

babies. Don’t worry if it’s not reciprocated at first, keep doing it, it will be eventually and leads

to stronger bonds much quicker.

If you feel unsure, feel that feeling, it’s ok, accept it. Ask yourself ‘what is it that’s holding me

back?’

Let it go. There’s always another time, sometimes you will feel bolder than others.

Don’t give up, push yourself to go outside your comfort zone, it will become easier. Some old

habits take a while to replace.

When you’re feeling bolder, really go for it.

Embrace rejection – people will look away or not want to talk, that’s their problem not yours.

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You can even aim to get rejected by pushing yourself even further. See how loving, affectionate

and fun you can be. You may surprise yourself by how affectionate you can be and how positive

the reaction you receive back.

People who know the ‘old you’ may comment if it’s not something they’re used to from you.

Just say ‘I’m trying to be more loving to everyone in my life’ they may comment further, but

remember:

EVERYBODY wants more kindness and love

So don’t let their comments put you off, maybe just take it a little slower for a while with them.

As for new friends, they will just think you’re an affectionate person and not think twice about

your loving nature (and their ability to be loving back to you).

Commit to being more affectionate and it will get more and more natural and authentic over

time, after a while you won’t think twice about it.

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D41) Be Uncommonly Kind

The people we remember are either the people who have caused us the most pain or the ones

who have given us the most love.

Can you be memorable when you’ve just met somebody new?

Yes you can, by being uncommonly kind.

When somebody does something for us so kind that it blows your mind, we remember them,

often for the rest of our lives.

We could choose to be normal and the same as everybody else OR we can choose to go the

extra mile.

By being the person who does that, you will grow massive self-esteem in yourself and create

massive beauty in the lives of others.

You’ll set in motion a ripple of positivity because the person who received the kindness from

you will see an example of kindness and often ‘pay it forward’ by giving kindness to others. And

so on.

By seeing somebody giving massive kindness it also spurs us all on to be more kind in our lives.

So be kind, but be uncommonly kind, in fact, be the kindest and most loving person you know.

Giving love grows more love in our hearts. We grow more capacity to love by giving our love.

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D42) Apologise, be sorry

As we discussed in the section on reducing ego.

It’s ok to be wrong.

It’s ok to make mistakes. We’re human, we’re flawed, we all make mistakes.

It’s when we think that other people don’t make mistakes we create stress in ourselves.

Other people may not admit their faults, but you can.

A sense of inner peace grows when we accept our humanity and take responsibility for all

aspects of our lives and our humanity.

And when we say sorry to another, we also give them the space to apologise too. Because we

all need that space to be there for when we make a mistake.

Also by saying “I’m sorry” - it says “I care about you” and “you are important to me”.

Those simple two words build relationships.

And even in the most challenging situations e.g. in strained relationships, a simple sorry can be

very powerful. It can defuse anger and help us to challenge our own ego and get everyone

involved to a more loving place.

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D43) Be Humble

The ego can trick us into thinking because we’ve achieved some goals and acquired some stuff

that we’re better than others.

We don’t need to brag or think we’re special.

We’re not more important than anyone else.

We’re not superior.

All of us are just as special as each other.

If you notice the most ‘successful’ people are often the most humble. They know their power,

they don’t need to talk about how great they are.

It’s the insecure people who need to brag., because they don’t believe in their own greatness.

They don’t trust themselves.

We don’t need to inflate our self-importance, our true power comes from staying humble

because that is where we can connect heart-centredly with all other humans.

By thinking we’re special, we disconnect from reality and that is a very dangerous place for our

peace of mind.

So, see your similarities with all other humans, from the homeless guy to the billionaire, Look

deeply we’re all human.

Be mindful of the work of the ego, be aware when people say “you’re bad at ...” just as much

as you’re aware when people say “you’re great at ...”. Either could be true, just accept your

feedback without ego inflation/deflation.

All that matters is how much value you are creating for other people. That is where your power

lies. And when you focus on creating value, you become more secure in yourself.

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D44) Thank people

A big part of kindness is gratitude, we’ve devoted a later section to practising gratitude.

If you don’t already. Get in the habit of saying thank you to everybody for every little thing.

It’s a beautiful statement of loving kindness and yet again says “you’re important to me” or

“the thing you did was important to me”.

It brings us together, it grows our connections with others and helps us to see more reasons to

be happy in our lives and grow in abundance.

Say “thank you” as much as you can.

To other people, to yourself, to nature, to the place you live, to the universe.

There’s a million reasons to be thankful, appreciate everything. More on that later in the book.

And just like a ‘sorry’, a simple ‘thank you’ in strained relationships can help it to be a little less

strained.

So many little things can make massive positive changes in our lives and help us to grow more

calm, peace and love.

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Reconcile

We are often quick to breakup relationships. If they seem too challenging or we see too many

differences it is often easier to walk away. Even if this is not in our best interests.

But we have choices.

We can practice our calm and our inner peace through the exercises and practices in this book

to help be less reactive, more patient and more open to acceptance. And understanding each

other better with communication and deep listening which help us build our relationships

rather than letting them go.

We can also reduce the influence from our ego.

The ego is always where breakups happen (because ego only knows separation and ‘I’) and love

is where coming together and reconciliation happens (because love knows no other).

So by practising being more in touch with your heart-centre you can access that place of love

more often in your life.

This helps to keep relationships together and strong and to also help others to do the same.

Look for opportunities to grow your relationship with others, to reconcile your differences and

to make your world a better place by our togetherness.

We are all one. Love knows this.

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D45) Recognise you are responsible for your feelings and

needs

Whatever happens to you. You are responsible for your own feelings and needs.

It can seem like stuff is ‘done to you’ and you feel a certain way about it.

But you are always responding to the stimulus due to your conditioning and choices. This may

be conditioning from 5 minutes ago or 50 years ago, but it is still your response.

You have told yourself at some point in the past, that when this happens, I behave this way.

I expect this to be reality and when it isn’t I behave in this way.

Or also, when reality is in alignment with my expectation of it, I behave this way.

E.g. if somebody swears at me I react with swearing back at them

or if somebody smiles at me I smile back OR

or if somebody smiles at me I look down shyly

We all have this conditioned behaviour, our conditioning can be really deep in our subconscious

and we do it without thought, but it is all our stuff.

We own it.

Nobody else owns it. It is ours.

And therefore we shouldn’t blame anybody else for us behaving in any way because of it.

This truth is massively life changing.

With it comes awareness and a great power to manage your own emotions and life

experiences.

With it also comes a great responsibility for not blaming others for our actions.

I have known this truth for a while now and I still slip into the blame game occasionally, it is a

hard-seated habit to break as it forms our deepest ego.

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When we react to something from a deep emotional place, we’re acting out of conditioning and

we lose awareness and mindfulness. With that we ‘blame’ the other person for making that

happen.

But if we look deeply and into the subtlety of the situation we can see that in any and all

situations we are simply responding to the stimulus in our own way.

The stimulus is not the response.

The response is solely ours and we need to take ownership of it.

If you have never heard this before it may be challenging to take on board. We are very

attached to our ego. But look deeply at these words and let them wash over you, you will see

the truth there.

If you have heard it before, it may still be challenging to embody in daily life.

Let this be your reminder (- as it is to me whilst writing it).

It’s a practice, we need to practice this regularly to really embody it into our lives… to break the

deep blame habit and to grow in peace and love because of the practice.

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you

only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him. - Epictetus

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D46) Be patient, stick around, commit, go the extra mile

Once we gain clarity on ownership of our feelings and needs, we gain more power over

ourselves and it helps us to find more perseverance and patience.

Because we’re not blaming we can start to choose our actions.

Because we’re not blaming we can see what is ‘me’.

Because we’re not blaming we can see who is ‘the other person’. We can see them deeply as a

human, as flawed, as trying their best, as the same as us. It helps us to get closer.

Because we’re not blaming, we can decide who we spend our time with, what we commit to

and it brings much perseverance to stick around when things get hard.

Because we’re not blaming we take the power back from letting others control our emotions

and ‘make’ us behave in a certain way.

When you combine this taking responsibility for ourselves with getting in touch with the true

essence of who we are and what we want, we really become powerful in our lives.

Not powerful over others, because that is just a want of the ego.

Powerful over ourselves.

The power to choose.

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. - Lao Tzu

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D47) Take responsibility for your actions

So now we know all this, we can start taking responsibility for our actions more moving

forward.

With mindfulness we can stop ourselves when we notice slipping back into the blaming habit

and recover our awareness and get back to taking responsibility. In this way we can live more

skilfully through our actions.

We can also look backwards through our lives and see where the act of blame has not served

us.

If you look deeply, there’s probably of hundreds of times you have blamed another person or

external situations for YOUR actions.

The purpose of this section is not so you can beat yourself up for these past transgressions.

The purpose of looking back is for FORGIVENESS. You can now see the error of your ways and

because you didn’t know any different, your behaviour was as a result of that lack of

awareness.

This is deeply transformative and releasing.

Because you forgive yourself AND you can forgive all the other people.

You didn’t know any better back then.

Neither did they. Maybe they still don’t.

But once you do know, you can stop the damaging behaviour from continuing.

So:

Look back at your mistakes.

Forgive yourself.

And try to live more skilfully in future.

That’s all you can do.

And it’s all you need to do.

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D48) Embrace and Accept Your Dark Side

We all have a dark side. It’s our truth.

We can embrace it and accept it.

We can release it with that loving embrace and acceptance.

We shine the light of our love on our lightness and our darkness and we grow from it all.

Don’t hide from your past and your trauma.

Own it.

It defines you but it doesn’t have to control you anymore.

Love that part of you. Love it deeply.

We all have darkness, we can all love that part of us.

It helps us to connect with others with compassion.

When we accept, embrace and transcend our darkness, we can love others.

It helps us to help others. To help others to overcome their challenges.

Our self-love helps us to help others - to love themselves - and then… for them to help othersto

love themselves too.

Loving ourselves is our gift to the world.

The work you do on yourself, in love, has infinite power to help others.

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D49) Live in Your Full Humanness

When we embrace our lightness and our darkness. And shine the light of love on it all.

We access our full range of power. We access our full humanness, we have access the full

power of the universe.

Our full humanness is also access to the full power of the universe.

We are created connected to all others and everything that is.

When we live in love, gratitude, the now and full creativity.

We can access it all.

Try it.

Trust.

Let it be there.

Be you. It’s your gift. Be the thing that only you can offer, your you-ness.

See how your creative power grows.

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D50) Take more breaks

We all work too hard.

I’m not just talking about doing our jobs, we work hard at home, as parents, in our

relationships, on our health, studying, growing, thinking, worrying...

We’re all very busy in our daily lives and judging by the numbers of people who are suffering

with mental health or physical health challenges, this level of activity is not working out great

for most of us.

When was the last time you took a break?

What about a break where you disconnected from devices?

A break where you stopped thinking for a while and just breathed?

A 10 minute break?

A day off?

You had a lie-in?

You went off by yourself for a while?

You took a holiday?

You actually rested on that holiday?

Practice taking more breaks.

It’s a simple as deciding what level of calm you want to nurture in your life on a daily basis and

then break off whenever you feel your stress going above that level.

We all have different thresholds for stress and often we don’t even know what that is within

ourselves.

Consider this question:

What behaviours or actions in myself are representative of my stress levels being too high?

You may have to drop your ego and ask your loved ones this question and get their feedback.

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And then just work on it.

Once you’re aware of what this level or marker is for you, you give yourself your power back.

Whenever you feel you’ve passed the marker, take a break.

A break where you take real time out from your thoughts and your life.

It is totally doable, even if your ego tells you otherwise.

You may find a particularly challenging situation takes you above and beyond the marker in

flash and that’s ok. You may also find the you don’t hit the marker for days, and that’s fantastic.

It means you’re dealing with your stress proactively. You should definitely give yourself a pat on

the back for that one.

You’ll reap the benefits of these breaks in your own happiness and in the happiness of your

loved ones. You’ll be living more in-line with the life you have envisioned for yourself.

You could also ask your loved ones to remind you of when you have gone too far over, if you

wanted. This helps them to support you achieving your goals. And it also makes for more

peaceful relationships with you.

This is a real practice of letting go, but often other people can see it in us before we can. We

need to trust these people have our best interests at heart when doing so, of course.

You’re giving a lot of love to the world. To your partner, your children, your family and friends.

When we give so much love we can feel spent sometimes.

Take a break. Love yourself.

And then after your break, return to giving love, give even more love to the world.

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D51) Know Yourself

We talked earlier in the book about the deep strength and love we can access from knowing

yourself. We have discussed many aspects of spiritual truth and human collective truth so far in

this book and this section is all about YOU.

Your truth, your truth of you as an individual.

This section is about exploring what make you you so, please look deeply at yourself while

answering the following questions. And take plenty of time to consider these. Although quite

often the first thing to spring to mind is most true for you. There may be more deeper things if

you look deeper. And you may get more insights as to why these things are true if you look

deeper. Write them down on a sheet of paper..

Don’t look at ways you should behave or what society or other people expect of you, look

deeply at what your inner drives are - be honest with yourself.

You don’t need to share your answers with anybody if you don’t want to (although it will help

others to understand you better if you do and increase your closeness with them).

Answer

Why?

What makes you

smile from ear to

ear?

What triggers you to

go crazy? No

thought, just straight

away “off the wall”

crazy?

What makes you

angry?

What makes you cry

with sadness?

What gives you

instant anxiety?

What brings you

closer to somebody?

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What makes you

push away from

somebody?

What makes you

want to fight?

What makes you

want run away?

What attracts you to

someone?

What turns you on

sexually?

What creates the

most fear in you

about sex or physical

intimacy?

What are your sexual

fantasies?

What do you fear the

most?

What can you not

live without?

What can you not

live with?

What are you

holding on to that

you need to let go

of?

What are you

running away from

that you need to text

action on?

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What are your 5

common behaviours

that improve your

relationships?

What are your 5

common behaviours

that damage your

relationships?

What behaviours in

others are you

blaming them for

doing, that you view

as damaging your

relationship?

What 5 ways can I

act to be more loving

to myself and others

in future?

What do you want?

More than anything

in the world?

What would you

spend your days

doing, if you had all

the money you

needed to live

comfortably and

didn’t need to work

for money?

What did you love as

a child? What were

your childhood

passions?

Ok, so you’ve finished?

Have you really?

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Have you gone deep enough?

This stuff is hard work, it takes time and our ego keeps saying “stop with this stuff because

you’ve more important things to deal with”.

The reason the ego does this is because by self-analysis and acting more consciously from

having that awareness actually kills the ego. So naturally the ego will want to preserve itself, it’s

what it does.

So, do the exercise again.

Do all the exercises and practices in the book as often as you can.

The better we know ourselves, the less we’re influenced by ego, the more peaceful and loving

our life is.

All the exercises and practices in this book and any spiritual and self-reflection you can do help

you and all the other people in your life to get closer to that place. Therefore, a very good

investment of your time.

Make these things into your practice.

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D52) Listen to your intuition

There’s real power within.

That small voice, it has access to our own full power and also the universal power, if we listen

to it.

The trouble is, we often ignore it or don’t believe it actually exists.

Have you ever had a moment of clarity, a spark, an idea of such depth and magic that you didn’t

know where it came from? An awareness at a level that you had never experienced before?

Most of our thoughts are repetitive, we have the same thoughts over and over day in, day out.

Occasionally we have new ideas.

And occasionally we have deeply insightful realisations.

We call these things ‘insightful’ because they are so rare.

(Insight also meaning they came from a place deep with‘IN’).

The great thing is, the more we do this work, the more insights we get.

It’s available to anybody, it just takes the work of connecting deeply.

The ideas and insights are always there, they’re just covered up most of the time by the mental

noise of incessant thought.

By quieting the mind of thought we can get more depth.

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D53) What is truth and what is thought

When you start to go deeper and deeper you’ll experience first-hand the difference between

‘inner-self/ universal/ intuitive guidance’ i.e. ‘truth/insight’ and Thought-Made Self type

‘thought about thought’.

It’s not something I can explain here, or something I should even attempt to do.

All I can say is try it.

I’m by no means an expert on these things.

It’s can be a lifelong practice of deep self-inquiry to get to deep awareness, I’ve got a long way

to go.

Do the practices and you’ll start to see the difference between truth and thought, and your

inner-guidance will grow stronger throughout your day.

It feels great to smile doesn't it?!

It's your gift to yourself and the world.

It's free and takes no effort.

Do it a hundred times today and every day.

Share your love... you are beautiful.

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D54) Create Yourself

Your power is growing.

The exercises and practices are starting to help you gain more peace and more love for yourself

and that will only continue as you practice and gain deeper insights into your life and the way

forward for you.

So who are you?

Who is the person you want to be?

Where do you want to get to in your life?

We’ll look deeply at creating your vision later in the book but for now we’ll discuss how much

power you actually have to be anything you choose.

From our early years we’re conditioned.

Conditioned by society, by parents and teachers who never had much vision for their life and

consequently didn’t dream big or understand how to teach us to do that.

We were taught to be good children, to do well in school and get a good job, pay our taxes and

behave ourselves.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a good citizen and supporting your community

with your work.

But this system doesn’t show us our power.

It doesn’t show us what is possible.

It doesn’t teach us to connect with the infinite power and possibilities of the universe.

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When we start working on ourselves through meditation and heart-centre practices, we start to

grow. In our calm, in our strength and in our connection to the higher power of the universe

our creativity grows.

We start to cast off limitations and we start to believe and trust.

Trust that we can achieve more, that we can achieve something amazing in our lifetime and

that we’re actually put on this earth to do exactly that.

The universe wants us to be amazing.

With your amazingness comes big change and making a big difference for all of us to benefit

from.

And let’s face it, the world needs your greatness right now.

You can create your life.

By doing the thing that brings most joy for yourself and others, the universe will support you to

do it in more and more amazing, creative and valuable ways.

You will be supported as you go, because you’re supposed to be doing that thing.

Yes it’s scary to step out into the unknown to turn your back on a safe paypacket and a safe life

and just TRUST that things will workout.

Ask yourself again deeply the question: If I didn’t need to earn money, I had all the money I

needed to live well. How would I spend my days?

This question will get you close to your passion. Once we remove the fear of needing to earn

money we find the thing.

You must do that thing that you’re most passionate about.

Do the thing that lights you up, brings you deep joy and you’d jump out of bed to do each

morning if you could.

Well you can. You can create your life. It’s completely your choice to do what you want.

Societal conditioning and fear will tell you that it’s not doable. But push through that.

Make the decision to do that thing and do it massively. Once you start, the universe will reward

you with all you need to grow it into something amazing.

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Choose that thing and trust in the universe. And work everyday on making it happen.

"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" - Bob

Marley

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D55) Growing & Moving Forward

By choosing to change and moving forward we take away the inertia.

Depression comes from not knowing what to do or where to go. Or feeling that you’re out of

control.

Your life is in your hands.

And yes there’s help from the universe all the way.

But you’re free to choose and create what you want to create.

Moving forward is the way we choose.

We’re supposed to growing and developing.

It’s the way of the universe.

Expansion.

Let go of the depression that can keep you stuck.

Remember that you’re choosing your life and that you are making conscious choices on the

direction of your life’s path.

Don’t fear making a wrong step or two every now and again. That’s how we learn.

Get a vision in mind and start working towards it, today!

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D56) Re-invent yourself

Fear will tell you “it’s too hard to create my life.” “I need to play safe”, “what if I don’t have

enough money”, “I’m too old”, “I can’t change now”, “what if, what if, what if”.

Reinventing yourself is easy. You can decide it today.

You can give yourself a new title right now.

I’m the singer in a million record selling band.

I’m a member of parliament.

I’m an award-winning interior designer.

I’m an internationally known expert speaker on rhino conservation.

~

Whatever floats your boat.

See that passion in yourself.

Give yourself a new title. Reinvent yourself.

Play with it. Dream about that being you from now on.

~

Now it starts to get scary.

The ego will tell you allsorts of things to talk yourself out of it.

That’s what the ego does. It’s always looking for safety and protection of itself.

Forget the ego, you’re going deeper, you’re operating from that inner-self, that place of

strength, love, creativity and universal power. That’s where your passion originates from.

Play with this reinvention.

Replace the fear with the affirmations “What if... it all goes right?” “What if everything I’m

doing will work out for the best?”

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Visualise what your dream life as your reinvented you looks like. How does that person look and

behave? How do you feel being that person? What does that person do each day, where do you

live, who do you hang out with?

Listen to the youtube video from earlier in the book and jump into your reinvented self with

that guided visualisation.

Practice it, play and dream with it for a while. It’s really fun and empowering.

And you’ll start to believe in the possibility. And you’ll live there more. And then you’ll start to

work towards it. And then you’ll start to believe more. And then you’ll work towards it more...

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D57) Embrace your uniqueness

You have sooo much to offer the world.

You have your unique gifts. Nobody can do you better than you can do yourself.

You have unique skills, unique experiences and unique thoughts.

You may look at people in your chosen field and think “I can never do it as well them”.

You don’t need to do things better than anyone else.

You don’t need to compete.

Create you.

Be you.

And do you. Completely and wholeheartedly.

Your passion will be what attracts everything you need to make it work. When you’ve tapped

into that passion so deeply, you will not need to feel fearful that you can’t do that thing as well

as somebody else.

Because you’re not doing what they do. You’re doing whatyoudo.

Here’s another practice in balance, trust and paradox.

Give your gift to the world. Just create awesome work. Don't chase people. Those who are

looking for what you're offering will find you. Trust.

Believe in yourself. Trust that you're enough. Don't fear putting yourself out there, you have to

be out there to be found. Market yourself. Get in front of people who matter.

Balance both, do both, enjoy the ebb and flow of the two.

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D58) Always learning

So… your passion. Maybe you’re already pretty good at it?

Maybe you could be better?

Of course you can always be better.

You’re now on the lifelong trajectory to mastery.

Invest in learning. That is the best investment you can ever make.

Work hard at it.

Do it for the love.

Do it to serve the world.

The clarity of who you want to be and the passion you want to serve drives you now.

You already know what it is you need to study next to deliver the most value to the world.

You’ll be bustling with new ideas everyday on how to fulfil your potential.

Integrate a period of study into your daily routine.

The more you learn and practice, the finer you tune your craft. The more confidence you’ll have

to push yourself closer to greatness.

And share!

Share what you’ve learned, that is the true reward for learning. The ability to give to others.

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D59) Be great at a skill or many skills

So you’re honing your craft, you’re working hard on your passion. And you know how to build

on it and not to do the things that take you away from your vision.

You may now have a bit of “I wish I’d been clearer sooner”, and “I’ve wasted so much of my

life on other stuff”.

This is normal, but also it’s not true.

Every action and experience in your life has led you to here. To the point where you make

change and get in touch with your real essence.

And for this, you should be thankful.

To all the things that have brought you here.

It’s not wasted time.

Look deeply at all the skills you’ve learned. All the things that have made you, you and have

built you to the place that you are now. All the learning. All the joy, all the sorrow. All the

‘positive’, all the ‘negative’.

Now you’re clear on you and your following your powerful true essence all these experiences

will start to come into their own, they will nurture you, their power will lift you up more.

Notice and be thankful, all those moments when you have the insight. “I’m so glad that I went

through …. because now I can ….”.

And learn more, grow your skills in all areas that support you in your dreams. And in the dreams

of others.

Now you grow in energy, you also grow in capacity.

You will grow in depth and width.

The universe will support you to learn everything you need to fulfil your purpose to serve

yourself and the world.

Look out for the teachings all around you and receive them with gratitude.

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D60) Your Passion as Service

It’s amazing to grow your passion as service to yourself.

The real strength, power and growth comes when you look at your passion as your truth and

your GIFT to others.

Ask yourself,“how can I be of service to others. Doing what I love.”

That is where your true power is.

You are what you choose to be.

People will know that you are who you choose to be, when you give that thing to them.

And give it to them with gusto, depth and skill.

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D61) Get Feedback

And once you start giving your gift and your craft to others. Ask for feedback.

It’s scary and challenging.

But it’s deeply respectful to others and massively helpful to your growth.

It’s also helping others because when you get feedback, it helps you to serve other people

better.

Ask.

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D62) Get a mentor

It’s ok to ask for help.

It’s ok to admit you want to grow in an area of your life.

And, be willing to be crap for a while.

You know what area is next for you to grow in.

Your fastest path to that growth is to connect with others who are awesome in that skill.

Choose wisely and choose real commitment to the skill. The right mentor will appear.

You passion to your goals will attract people to help you get there.

Request mentorship.

Skilled people want to help people to grow.

It’s the universal way.

The whole reason for learning is so we can help others to grow from our learning.

This is beauty of mentorship.

You will have to ‘give’, first.

Give your heart and soul in pursuit of your craft.

The right mentor will appear.

Ask.

And listen to what they offer you, take it all on board.

It will be deeply challenging, but it is the path to growth.

And eventually with your deep commitment you will become their equal and eventually surpass

their skills.

The mentor will let you go, with love.

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You will be looking for your next growth opportunity.

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D63) Truthful, integrity

Honesty is important.

Honesty with yourself and honesty with others.

When we’re clear on who we are, what fundamentally drives us and what we want out of life.

We can then let of the extraneous noise that doesn’t help us towards our goals and often holds

us back.

We’re often fearful about expressing our honest self for fear of hurting others.

As we’ve discussed, we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. We’re only responsible

for our own actions and when we maintain a balance of expressing our truth and doing so with

love and kindness to others, we’re at the pinnacle of our skilfulness.

This is perhaps the greatest relational skill we can master.

It gives us the power to choose. Choose to live our life in the way that is truest to our inner-self

and our thought-made-self. This is the act of the greatest love we can offer ourselves.

It also gives the other person the power to choose. Whether they want to live to their inner and

thought-made self. And whether they want us in their lives.

That is their choice and we can let them make that choice, because of our deep honesty.

It’s not easy.

Honesty is challenging to all of us.

Honesty doesn’t mean, expressing our anger and our rage or deep sadness or joy. Freely and

without any consciousness of our actions.

It is also about acting in honesty with loving kindness to others.

Because we when we act with loving kindness to others, we’re also acting in loving kindness to

ourselves.

It is using the power of mindfulness and ask questions to look deeply at myself and to you and

to express honestly and with loving kindness.

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When acting in this way, we can still live in optimism, we can still live in gratitude.

Being honest doesn’t mean we have to express only the dark side of life, our fears and strong

emotions.

It means we should consider all aspects of decisions to the best of our ability and also let go, to

look deeply at what could go wrong, and also have faith that everything will go right.

We can live in optimism after having a deep look at what could also go wrong.

That is our power, to push on with life, even if we recognise things could go horribly wrong, and

do it anyway, with faith that things will go right.

We can live in gratitude for all the blessings we have in our lives, because we have seen our

darkness and through our darkness, we can appreciate the light, all the good stuff.

We need both sides of us to be fully human and fully powerful.

So be honest.

Be honest with yourself.

Be honest with others.

Truthful and with integrity.

Do it mindfully and with loving kindness.

And be in the now, be grateful and be love.

Love everyone and tell the truth – Neem Karoli Baba

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D64) The Restriction of Originality

As a creative person and somebody who is living in a way of creating your life. i.e. all of us on

this planet (whether we’re creating consciously and with intention – or not).

We sometimes get to point of stuckness.

A place of wanting to be original.

A place of, we’re not being authentic if we’re not being original.

We want to stand out, we want to be seen to be different.

There is a paradox at play here.

There is nothing original. But we are infinitely creative.

We are all the same and we are all unique.

We are one (inner-self/love/spirit), we are separate (thought-made self).

This exists in perfect balance.

We all have access to the greater universal power, via our connection to spirit and our

connection to each other.

Therefore we all have access to the same pool of creative power.

We also have access to our personal uniqueness, our life, our experiences that only we have

lived through.

Our creative work also comes from the things we have seen and experienced e.g. the great

wisdom we have read, the beautiful works of art we have witnessed and the great insights we

have gained from living life.

Ask yourself –where did the people who created their great works of art get their inspiration

from?

The source. The universal power.

And their own personal experiences. (and where didtheyget their personal experiences from? -

it goes on endlessly)

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Therefore we can do things our own way using the same creative power all of us share.

Therefore we can be different and do things in our own way, but as we’re all getting from the

same place, we can’t be truly original.

There’s only ‘levels of difference’.

The greater the difference from what everybody else is doing, the more impact you will have

and the more you will polarise people. Some people will love you for being different and some

people hate you for challenging their beliefs.

You get to choose how much of a disruptor you are, how different. The level you disrupt, the

greater your requirement for calmness and tribe. These practices help develop your calmness

and help you to discover your true you-ness and you can then be very different if you wish.

Do things from your heart and express your true power by harnessing the universal power

differently. That is what the world needs from you.

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D65) Minimalism/simplicity

If we’re not careful, we can get cluttered.

Cluttered with thought, cluttered with busyness, cluttered with stuff.

A certain sense of peace is available when we de-clutter.

When we choose with intentionality.

We choose to stick to our goals.

We let go of stuff no longer serving us in our life of love, creation and service.

We prioritise the important stuff.

We choose to think less and focus on creating our best life more.

We focus on love and living with intention and creativity more.

We become less busy and more valuable to ourselves and others.

We can let go of holding on to things.

Our greatest gift of manifesting physical things, wisdom, money and health in our lives….

Is so we can give it away.

That’s the point of all the work we do.

To give.

So do the work, be of value by serving others, manifest the rewards and give it all away, with

love.

Give – Receive – Give.

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D66) Be generous

Give everything you can.

Be mindful of your own energy and not exhausting yourself.

Grow your own energy by self-love AND giving to others. Both are just as important as each

other to you and the world.

Grow your vitality by self-love AND giving.

Grow your self-worth by self-love AND giving.

Grow your value to others by self-love AND giving.

When you love yourself and create value for others with that strength, you grow your ability to

love yourself and you grow your ability to love others.

You capacity grows. And grows.

Self-love and selfless love complement each other and grow each other.

You can’t be one without the other.

Be generous, to yourself and others.

The world needs you to love yourself.

The world needs you.

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D67) Knowing the difference of times requiring control or

letting go

A true power of self-mastery.

A real challenge but also a practice of self-awareness.

It really starts with a question (or two).

Is there something I’m holding on to, that I really need to let go of?

~

Is there something I’m letting go of, when I really need to take some control?

There’s no right answer. We all have both in our lives.

This practice helps us to be more self-aware.

To grow in self-love and to also grow the love for others.

Each moment, things can change, depending on a variety of stimuli, so it’s a great question to

ask yourself regularly.

And when you’ve asked the question, quiet the busy mind. And let the small voice tell you.

Because, when the small voice is listened to, it always bring more peace and clarity on the

situation.

It may say “yes, you really need to take control of ...”

Or, it may say “yes, you really need to let go of ...”

There’s no right answer, that anybody outside of you can give you.

Only your truth. The answer that is your truth.

Letting go of everything is not the answer.

Holding on to everything is not the answer.

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Knowing when to do either, because you have been guided by your inner-self and the universal

power. That is the right answer. Where peace is found.

Yes, it may be telling you something that you (as your ego), you don’t want to hear. Something

that you’ve been running away from dealing with.

Yep, that’s very common.

That’s why we self-medicate with distraction, to quiet that voice of truth.

But it is your truth.

It will shout louder until you listen.

Consider your lifetime and times when you have not listened to (or run away from) that voice.

Did the voice quit?

No, it just kept getting more ‘HEY LOOK AT ME!!! LISTEN TO ME!!’ by your life going more pearshaped

until you took notice.

You inner-self knows. It is connected to more power than you can imagine.

If you let it guide you.

It will.

To your best life.

Paradox time – we’re constantly guided by the universal power, but we’re also - free to

choose – free to live with intention.

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D68) Live within your means

How much value are you generating for others?

This is what your reward is.

The more value you give to others, the more you will be rewarded.

The idea of living within your means, is a sound one.

We usually refer to it for being frugal with money and trying to avoid debt and yes that’s useful

advice.

But the truth is, we cannot do anything other than live within our means.

Eventually, even if we rack up a load of debt we have to repay it in some way.

We always have to ‘live within our means’.

Money is an energy, something we create via our energy, our passion , our skill and the value

we generate for others with our love.

The more we love ourselves, the more we give to others, the more value we create, the more

we receive.

The bigger our means.

And as we discussed previously… the bigger our means, the more we can use it to give to others

with love and create more value in their lives.

If you’re feeling like you haven’t enough of something.

Ask yourself “how can I give value to others?”

Give that thing you want to receive, to other people first.

If you want more money, help others to get more money.

If you want more love, help others to have more love.

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D69) Self-love and Meditation Practices

Introduce these next practices to further deepen your love and calmness...

‘Who Am I’ meditation

This simple but deeply connecting meditation helps to get in touch with inner-self/ spirit/

source.

It’s a practice of ‘self inquiry’ that helps to let go of the mind and access the true self more and

more deeply.

Practice:

Sit.

Set your meditation timer.

Focus on the breath and silently ask yourself “Who am I?” repeatedly.

Attention meditation

You can use your attention on any object as a meditation.

Focus on the breath coming into and out of your nose, without trying to control it is a fantastic

meditation and you could use that for a lifetime if you wish.

Practice:

Sit.

Set your meditation timer.

Close your eyes (or slightly close and focus them on a fixed object).

Notice the breath coming into your nose and going out of your nose.

When thoughts come up into your awareness, notice them as just thought.. and let them go.

Return to noticing the breath.

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Alternatively you could say the words, IN on the in-breath and OUT on the out-breath (silently

to yourself) as a focus of your meditation.

Or you could focus on the word LOVE on the in-breath and PEACE on the out-breath.

The important thing is that you have a focus of your attention on something, and when you lose

that focus via thought, you return to the object of attention each time. This is where the

training happens.

I would recommend you chose one attention practice and stick to it for a while at least. As

you’ll be able to get deeper with repeated practice. Chopping and changing can lead to more

thought.

Inward looking practice

I can recommend the Just One Look method. It is a deeply transformative practice and can

bring results in a very short space of time. Check it out here:

https://www.justonelook.org/jolmethod.php

Do heart and mind combining practice

This practice is a way of combining your heart and mind energy to utilise the power of both and

harmonise the energies for maximum creative power.

Let your heart and mind synchronise and communicate, get a clear connection with your

intuition guided by the power of the universal truth.

Practice:

Hand on heart (or prayer hands on your heart) focus your attention on the heart area, breathe

a bit deeper whilst imagining the breath coming from and going to your heart.

Feel a positive emotion deeply eg love, gratitude, compassion.

Smile.

Repeat this exercise as often as possible while growing your positive emotion – the more you

do it the stronger this positive emotion and joy becomes, the less negative emotions will arise

and the better clarity, love and happiness will grow in your daily life.

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Tip – to bring feelings of gratitude, say the word “thankyou” to yourself.

Optional next step - Think of all the great things in your life, that you’re thankful for to grow

your gratitude energy.

I can recommend the work of the HeartMath Institute for their amazing research into the

power of the heart and its energy.

https://www.heartmath.com/quick-coherence-technique/

The mirror practice

This practice is amazing for growing your love and self-esteem. The eyes are the gateway to the

soul and there’s something about the depth of connection to yourself you can get from this

practice because of that.

Do the mirror practice at least daily...

Practice:

Every time you look in the mirror: look deeply at yourself and into your eyes, smile and say ‘I

love you’.

Say it a few times.

Out loud is best as it works as a positive affirmation, whispered or silently is also good.

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D70) This moment is perfect

Remember, the present moment is exactly as it’s supposed to be.

Reality is reality.

We can’t change reality, we can only change our thoughts about it.

The present moment is a result of all the events leading up to this moment.

In that sense, the present moment is perfect.

Admittedly there are many moments, given a choice, we wouldn’t like to experience.

But, that doesn’t make any difference.

“It is, what it is.”

That statement is a very powerful method of acceptance.

Along with “It’s ok.” it can be very powerful means to seeing through drama and stress and

accessing a place of peace, whatever reality gives you to deal with.

Practice saying “It is, what it is.” more in your day-to-day life. It helps us to see that reality is

reality and we can choose to accept reality as it is and stay in peace.

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D71) The space between the stimulus and the reaction

Cultivating space between the stimulus i.e. the situation and how we respond to it.

By choosing what we see as important we give ourselves space to how we react to it.

By growing our mindfulness, meditation, yoga, breath ... whatever practice - we gain more

calm.

Practice:

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Visualise a bubble around you (or a shield or a white protective light).

This is your space.

This is the thing that protects you from the world.

Practice visualising it regularly. The more you practice it the stronger the image will get.

To deepen the practice - practice ‘the bubble breath’ visualisation each time you breathe

deeply.

And you’ve already started to incorporate the deep breath into your regular daily practice by

now, yes?

I hope so.

This now takes it a step further.

By visualising the bubble each time you breathe, you associate the bubble with the deep

breath.

This will help it to be useful in challenging situations.

Not only will get the health and calming benefits of the deep breathing, you’ll also feel the

protective energy of the bubble which will minimise against external situations.

Of course this is not something we can practice here effectively but next time you’re with

others give it a go.

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Go and express yourself and when you get a reaction that previously would have annoyed you.

Take a breath and visualise the space between your inner-self and the world around you. Take a

breath and then respond (using compassionate communication - even better!). Be brave and

you’ll get a good opportunity to practice ‘the bubble breath’.

No need to start a fight or be negative. Just do it with love but express something you’ve

wanted to say for a while.

Use that space of power you’re accessing to self-love, express your truth with kindness and

therefore grow your relationships.

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D72) The power of gratitude

Another massively transformative practice. By looking for the goodness in our lives we see

more good stuff AND we get more of it. Conversely when we look for the bad stuff, we get

more of that, so make it your practice ever day to spend time being grateful.

Breathe deeply and do these practices.

Grateful for what we have

Practice:

Think about all things you have in your life.

Be grateful for everything, all the amazing people, all the material things that make your life

easier, your tasty food, your beautiful partner, children family, friends, your health, the money

in your pocket, the roof over your head, the nature all around you, all the events and people

that led you to this moment of your life - it goes on and on.

Grateful for who we are

Practice:

Think also about the beautiful person you are.

The love you have in your heart, your healthy body, your passion, your talents, your organs,

your good looks, your smile, your peace, your strength, you commitment, your attitude to love

yourself and others, your positivity.

Write these gratitudes down, put it up on your wall somewhere.

You may not think you have much of anything when you’re feeling low. But do this practice

each day, morning, noon and night. Especially when you’re feeling low, it will lift your mood

and your life will grow in beauty, joy, love, awesomeness and things to be grateful for, each and

every day.

Do the practice as follows:

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Breathe deeply

Put a smile on your face

And put your hand on your heart

See all the amazing things to be grateful for

Write them down

Also, do the mirror practice from earlier.

These things change your life, and the lives of the people around you.

It’s massive.

Get a gratitude app or put a reminder on your calendar app to remind you to practice.

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D73) Be thankful to be alive every morning

We are blessed with the gift of life.

It could be taken away from us at any point.

Be thankful that you’re alive.

Be thankful that you get to experience the joys of life and the amazing people and experiences

each day.

Practice when you wake each morning.

Don’t put yourself straight into a bad mood by saying ‘urggh I didn’t get enough sleep’, or

‘urggh I gotta go to work’.

Try instead: “I’m so very blessed to be alive”.

See how your day goes after that.

Do it daily.

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D74) Think of what you can give

Another great question to regularly ask yourself and at any point in your day.

“How can I give more to others in this situation?”

Instead of looking for what you’re lacking or what that ‘horrible’ other person did to you.

Ask that question instead.

It gets you out of ego and lack and into a place of creativity, problem-solving and loving more

deeply.

Transforming your relationships and your feelings about yourself.

You’re no longer weak and unable to solve problems.

You’re infinitely powerful.

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D75) Random acts of kindness

As we discussed in our ‘be uncommonly kind’ section, the vibe of positive energy you can

create from one act of kindness is massive.

Decide to incorporate random acts of kindness into each day.

By asking that question “How can I give more to others in this situation?” you will start to

create tons of ideas of how to improve each situation. (Try it for a while, you’ll be amazed at

your creativity).

Because you’re not working on selfish - how can I improve my own life? type stuff - you’re

actually looking how you can give more, the universe will reward you with massive and ever

increasing ideas.

And as we’ve discussed many times.

What we give, we receive.

So by doing kindness to people we already know, we receive kindness, of course.

But perhaps that’s more in a predictable way, as we already know these people.

And we already know ourselves and it’s possible a bit of a ‘stay in your comfort zone’ area of

giving.

Imagine the sorts of things you can do with complete strangers or in completely new situations.

This gives us many growth opportunities and also many opportunities for completely new and

different gifts we can receive as a result.

So try asking deeply “How can I give more to others in this situation?” try random acts of

kindness, and try doing it completely new situations.

And experience how fresh, amazing and rewarding it is.

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D76) Give without expecting receiving

Yes, giving can be rewarding.

But don’t do it for that reason.

Do it for the joy of giving.

We don’t need anything in return.

Be awesome, be kind and loving, do amazing work and trust.

When we open ourselves up to the greatest possibility of giving we also open ourselves up to

the possibility of everything else this wonderful universe can give us.

And if that is nothing, that’s completely ok. Because we weren’t reliant on reward for our

happiness in giving.

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D77) Teach/mentor

And you know what?

Before long, you’ll have people seeing you as a potential mentor.

Somebody that has the skills and calmness and love that they want to emulate.

It often clicks really fast.

With these self-awareness practices you can make real progress, really quickly.

And maybe you still think to yourself, “I have nothing to offer”.

You only have to be one-step in front of someone else for them to see your worth.

If you can be seen as having learned something useful, people will want a bit of that.

That’s when your giving practice can really take off.

And you really feel your self-worth increase.

It is the way of things.

People will get a buzz out of the happiness, energy and positivity you bring to their lives.

I once thought I was useless and hated myself for being so weak and anxious.

But, the work... works.

And you benefit from reading this book by seeing what I’ve learned close up and concentrated.

I’m no guru.

I’ve just learned some stuff.

And I give that to you, with my love.

Because I know you will get value from it and then you’ll use it to enrich the lives of others.

My work.

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The ripple of positivity I have created by me going deeply into working on me, can help you, and

others, and others and others.

When we look at doing our work in this way, it stops being about me, and instead about loving

the world.

You owe it to everybody else, to do the work and be as awesome as possible.

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D78) Adopt a mindset of everyone is basically good

If you want to live a great life, you must assume everybody else is wanting to live a great life

too.

Yes, we’re all flawed humans and we make mistakes.

Yes, sometimes our individual needs cause conflict with other people’s needs.

We’ve all been subjected to trauma and suffering which affects our actions.

And we all act unconsciously from our conditioning in ways that could be more skilful if we

grew our self-awareness.

But we are all basically good people and we’re all trying to do our best in the world.

When we start to see everybody as good, we can also see ourselves as good.

So see it, look for the goodness in everybody.

It’s there if we look deeply enough.

And push yourself to change your habits to recognise the good in everybody and all situations.

Because then you will see the good in yourself… and others will see the good in you.

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D79) No such thing as a bad intention

Nobody sets out to do bad in the world.

There’s no such thing as a bad intention.

There is just suffering, past trauma, conditioning and unconscious action.

Everybody would like to do their best but we can be totally motivated by fear, hate, greed,

revenge etc and only see that as the path.

When we start to do the work on ourselves in unravelling the sources of this thinking is when

we can act more consciously in love for ourselves and all other beings.

So try to see past people’s actions and believe the truth that they’re trying to do their best.

And be as loving as you can.

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D80) Work on your own self-improvement so much you never

have time to blame, criticise or judge..

You can’t change others.

You can influence others, but you have no power to change them.

All you can do is express your feelings and needs.

You then leave them to choose how they want to respond.

The only thing you truly have power over, is you.

And by blaming, criticising and judging others, you give your power away. They are not

responsible for your life, your feelings or your needs.

So be better, work better, love yourself better, communicate better, learn better, love better. If

people ask you for constructive feedback, feel free to give it to them, with love.

Let others do the same.

You can choose whether being with this person in this moment is right for you.

You have the power to choose.

Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your own choices.

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D81) A noble purpose gives you strength and perseverance

Look at the differences in energy in the two statements:

I go to work to put tins on shelves.

~

I choose to go to work to put tins on shelves in a cost-effective shop so I can support my

family and so I can help other parents who work long hours and don’t earn much money to

access low-cost food to feed their children.

Bit of a difference there.

Look at how your perspective is key into seeing your value in the world.

So when you say you’re in dead-end job.

Guess what... you are.

When you see the value that you are delivering to others, you see that value you are delivering

to others.

I bet if you looked closely at your working day, there are many, many people are pleased that

you are doing your work.

It’s all perspective.

Once you start to look at the value you’re delivering to others you then start to consider how

you can increase that value to others by your work.

People will see your skills, people will see your drive, people will see your desire to grow and to

serve others.

Your value will increase.

Your strength and perseverance will increase.

Your feelings of self-worth will increase.

Because it’s no longer about you, it’s about all these other amazing people you are helping with

your work.

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You’ll want to be awesome for those people.

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D82) Talk about the joys in your life

Tell people about your passions, the massive things you’re truly grateful for, the things that you

love doing, the things that bring you joy.

And the little things… that others do for you... that bring you a smile.

People don’t know until you tell them.

When we’re anxious or fearful we tend to close up and not share stuff because:

• it makes us vulnerable

• we don’t feel like we’re strong enough to deal with challenges or people who say “I

don’t like that thing that you do” i.e. rejection.

• we don’t love or know ourselves enough to be true to who we really are

Of course we don’t have time to tell our life-story and we certainly want a balanced

conversation and let others share their joys with us too.

But notice. Does it take you ages to share any little thing about yourself?

Be more open.

Take more risks socially.

It’s ok that people are not into the things that you’re into, there will be plenty of people that

are.

And there is always something that any two people can connect on.

We all share a loving heart at our core.

So connect there.

When we talk about the joys in our life, they grow in us, joy grows in others too because they

can feel their joys are ok to be passionate about too.

If we communicate on “Hi I’m Dave, I’m ‘meh, my life is ‘meh’, I’m not really into much”, guess

what, people will not feel like you share anything except ‘meh-ness’.

But when you connect “I love scuba-diving, I get in touch with my inner self, I feel so free, I

marvel at the wonders of the aquatic world, and share all this beautiful experience with my

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wife and kids and it brings us closer”. People feel your joy and your passion, they love it, they

can imagine it and share it with you.

Then they share their passions so you can love it and imagine it too.

You both become memorable to each other for that thing you do.

People come away from your conversation in a way of ‘that guy was really interesting and

passionate’ and feeling you’ve enriched their lives by sharing that glimpse of your joy.

And next time an opportunity comes into their awareness for doing something awesome with

scuba-diving... who do they think of?

You!

They have a knowledge of the experience you shared with them so they can now relate to

another person.

BTW, my passion isn’t scuba-diving, I’ve never done it my life but I can imagine what it must be

like. That’s the power of someone sharing the joy with me.

If you think your life is ‘meh’ then others will too. If you think your life is awesome then others

will too.

You get what you give.

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D83) Celebrate your friends’ successes

We get fearful, when people we’re close to, grow and change.

Especially when they make big changes in a short space of time.

It challenges the status-quo, the dynamic of the relationship and it forces us to change and/or

to let go of control.

By reading this book and implementing the practices, this will be inevitable in your life.

With closeness comes a certain level of control. When we commit to friendship we also let go

of some self-control and gain some control over the other person.

And that is fine, it’s the way of things.

Within friendship (or partnership – which is just a deeper friendship) there are no contracts,

both people are free to deepen or loosen the friendship at any time.

So by looking at how much you value the other person being in your life depends on how much

you want to celebrate their growth and how much you grow with them.

Friends come and go on the basis of what your vision for this moment (and the future you have

envisioned) is in alignment with theirs.

When we become more visionary, we also attract people who have a similar vision.

When we don’t live life with vision, purpose or intention, we attract same.

We just get what comes along.

These people are in alignment with you, you don’t have purpose or vision and neither do they,

which is fine.

But by doing this work you will have vision and because they don’t, you may become more

distant with each other.

Of course, the people you spend your time with right now may be contributing to your anxiety,

fear, anger and ‘meh-ness’ so it may be time to attract people who support you to live in love,

joy and happiness more. If you want to have more love, joy and happiness, you need to be

around people who share that vision too.

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And you may have plenty of friends who value you and them and they want you to be

successful and love you for the person you are and the person you’re becoming.

So, celebrate your friends successes, be pleased for their happiness and growth. Be of the

mindset, ‘if it’s important to them, it’s important to you’ because they’re your friend.

Don’t fear you may not stay friends with them.

Instead empower yourself to grow too.

Yes you may not stay friends with them because they may be on a different path to you, but by

focusing on your own growth, self-worth and contribution to the people you’re serving, you will

have plenty of friends who will join you on your path and be awesome and loving people in

your life moving forward.

Don’t fear the change.

Embrace it.

Everything changes.

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D84) Remove 'Can’t' from your Vocabulary

‘Can’t’ is never true.

Everything is a choice.

You either choose to do something or you choose not to.

‘Can’t’ is never true.

The word ‘can’t’ makes you into a victim. It takes your power away.

Anything is possible.

Yes that anything could be very hard indeed.

It could be your life’s work (or perhaps take generations or nations of people to achieve) but we

are infinitely creative and anything is possible.

Remove ‘can’t’ or ‘it’s not possible’ from your vocabulary.

Notice yourself when you’re saying it.

Resolve to not say it next time.

The less ‘can’t’ the more ‘I will’ and ‘I choose to’.

Exercise:

say a few ‘I can’t’ sentences to yourself and then say the more true and more empowering

sentences to yourself. See how they feel in your heart.

“I can’t get out of bed”– to“ I choose to not go to bed early enough to get up in the morning.”

“I can’t get a better a job”– to“ I choose not to do the work, study and change I need to do to

get a better job.”

Think of some of the things you have been telling yourself that you can’t do and reframe them

into the truth you have actually chosen them. And then choose what you want to change. And

how you want to grow.

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Get into the habit of reframing your ‘I cant’s’ into ‘I choose’ in future.

This is the path to personal-empowerment and seeing the infinite power in yourself and all of

us.

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D85) Reduce & Re-program Negative Self Talk

For now, we’ll talk about neuroscience and the brain. The five senses are processed by the

brain and information is sorted accordingly. The brain processes 400 billion bits of information

a second. But we’re only consciously aware of around 2,000 of these per second.

http://www.basicknowledge101.com/subjects/brain.html

That means there is a lot of information that we’re processing, that we’re aware of, and

massively more that we’re not aware of.

So what is happening to the billions of bits?

We’re using the power of the sub-conscious mind to process it. So that means it’s being

processed without our conscious control and according to programs in our sub-conscious.

Programs that were set a long time ago.

Programs that might not be serving our higher self or our greatest achievement.

Any stimulus that is repeated, is programming us.

This could be new programming teaching us to believe the new thing is true. Or reinforcing old

programs and making them stronger.

So, if we’re constantly exposed to angry stuff or negative stuff we will start to believe it is true

and it will inform our perspective on reality.

Reality –

just is –

it is, just as it is -

neutral

– we just have our own filters or perspective on it and interpret every situation according to our

filters i.e. our programming.

We all see reality differently.

So whatever inputs we receive, repeatedly, is what we believe. The more we receive that same

input the stronger the belief.

Exercise:

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Think of a belief that you have about yourself. One that is disempowering. One that holds you

back. e.g. I’m shy, I’m fat, I’m not clever, I’m not worthy of love etc

Where did this belief come from?

Notice how many times you (and perhaps other people) have told you this.

And how many times over the years you have reinforced that message to yourself?

And how much you have manifested that in your life so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?

It may take a deep look at yourself to discover this truth and the fact that you are sabotaging

your chances of success with this negative self-talk but, it’s there. The sub-conscious

programming reinforced by the negative self-talk is keeping you stuck.

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D86) Believe the universe will give you what you want

You’re here on this planet.

You’re alive.

You were the sperm that fertilised the egg out of millions of options.

You are supposed to be you, you are supposed to be here.

The universe made it so.

You are special. All of us that share this life are special, we’re all equally special, but we’re all

special, magical, amazing a gift to the world and each other.

That spirit that you are. That inner self that you are.

The universe gave us this gift of life.

Ask yourself. “So if the universe gave me this gift of life, what else does the universe want of

me?”

Deeply look for the answer that will come.

It certainly won’t be mediocrity, ‘meh-ness’ (I love that word haha, my daughters taught me the

word of ‘meh’ it really embodies mediocrity for me haha)

It certainly won’t be being average or fitting in.

See what answers you get.

Yes, the answer will scare you.

It’s supposed to.

But as we’ve discussed - the inner-self connected with the universal creative power to guide

you is truth. There’s no greater truth available to you because it is only truth that is there.

And when you act in alignment with that truth (and grow deeper and deeper in alignment with

it), the universe will support you, deeper and deeper to the achievement of your goals along

that path.

You believe in the universe and the universe will believe in you.

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You believe you deserve it all and you’ll receive it all.

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D87) Dream big

Therefore, don’t set small goals.

Whatever your goal, with enough truth, belief and action you will be able to achieve it. You

have all that you need in yourself and the infinite universal power.

Dream big.

Set an intention for a goal so big it scares the pants off you.

A goal so big you have absolutely no clue how you’ll achieve it.

And trust.

And trust again.

And do the work.

And trust some more.

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D88) Instead of wanting more, get more enjoyment from less.

Now another paradox.

You get more by being happier with less.

You don’t need more, you’re already happy, peaceful, amazing and loving without needing

anything more.

When you trust this truth, you don’t need anything else in your life.

Grow your joy by doing the things you love.

Grow your gratitude by noticing all the blessings in your life.

Grow your strength by being true to who you are in each moment.

Grow your love for yourself by loving others and loving yourself as a result of all that you give.

Your whole life becomes about giving to others, because your bucket is already full of joy,

happiness, peace and love. More than you could possibly need for yourself, so all you can do is

give to others.

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D89) Give people your full attention – the greatest gift

Attention is directed love.

When you give your attention to something you’re focusing your love in that direction.

So that could be your focus on your work or a creative project, the attention you focus is

directing your love on to it.

That could be your attention on your breath during meditation, you are directing your love on

to yourself.

It could be sitting with your child doing their homework.

It could be looking deeply into the eyes of your partner while you’re talking.

It could be looking deeply into your own eyes doing the ‘mirror practice’.

When we get out of the thought-made self more, we can access more attention and focus.

That focus is creative.

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D90) Be happy with who you are (as long as it's not hurting

others) I am what I am

We’re often told what to think, who to be, how to behave, how to fit in, how to live.

As children we’re often moulded by our parents and schooling into their vision.

And that’s ok, it is part of childhood and there are many great things from our parents and

schooling that we gain, but there is also plenty of control, conditioning and limiting beliefs too.

As we grow more independent we still are controlled by our early conditioning and

experiences.

And as we do the inner work on ourselves through the progression of life we start to live with

more intention and conscious choice.

It’s very liberating to grow in our self-worth, the ability to create our lives and to live life on our

terms.

There is varying degrees to which we all do this.

The important thing is, we’re free to choose.

We’re free to create our lives in any way we see fit.

We’re free to make our own decisions and to make mistakes.

You’re free to make your own choices -as long as you’re being true to yourself and you’re not

hurting others (and of course this is subjective).

Go for it.

Choose to be you, choose to live authentically, choose to do things your way.

You never hear anyone say at their time of death.

“I wish I had stuck with the crowd more” or “I wish I have been just like everyone else”.

We’re memorable for being different, for taking risks, for being uncommonly kind, for being

more loving and doing more good in the world.

Of course, we’re also memorable for being more hateful and doing more heinous things too.

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When looking at yourself or when you’re in stewardship of the care of others. Look for

guidance in the form of “how can my choices be more loving to myself and be more loving to

others at the same time?”

That question helps to guide us into creativity, authenticity and having the best contribution to

others, without being overbearing and controlling.

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D91) Be thick skinned #idgaf

To live increasingly authentically, we also have to be increasingly thick-skinned.

There will be plenty of people along the way who don’t like the person you are and the person

you’re becoming.

It will challenge their beliefs and they’ll try to control you, to try to get you to conform to their

way of thinking.

And as you do your work and grow in influence over others, you will become more of a target.

As you grow in authenticity, you also need to grow in thick-skinned-ness in your ability to stick

to your goals, your inner guidance, the advice of the people you trust and to let the negativity

wash over you.

It’s a practice.

It’s something you grow into.

It’s something that’s necessary when you live by your true-self and put yourself out there.

You can do it though.

Keep living with clarity on who you are, who you’re serving, why you’re doing it and what

people are getting from your work.

Keep practising the techniques that keep you calm whatever comes along.

And don’t worry about the people who don’t get you.

Focus on the people who do get you. Who totally resonate with what you’re about, and what

you’re trying to do.

The people who don’t like your message will naturally navigate away form you.

Let them go.

The people who are kind-of aligned with your message will be challenging and try to guide you.

Don’t worry about them too much either.

When faced with people who will call you mad or leave you for making big changes in your life.

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Remember the mantra –“I don’t give a f*ck, because there are people who do love me for

being me”.

You will need it :)

Serve the people who want you.

The people who are resonating with what you’re offering, what you’re creating for them and

what your vision for your life is.

They are the people who matter.

Be thick-skinned to deal with the inevitable naysayers.

Stay focused on serving the people who get you. There will be plenty of them. Stay true to you,

your tribe will find you and you will find them by doing your work and putting it out there.

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D92) Be an example

What example are you setting to others?

~

If you could give the best life to your children, your family, your friends.

What would that life look like to them?

~

As a great friend, what do you wish for all the people you love?

~

So as a great friend, how would you help them to live that life?

~

Yes, by being an example.

By showing to others that they can live a life of joy, happiness and success… because you’ve

done it.

By showing that you have overcome your own challenges, it shows they can overcome theirs.

By showing you can live a life of love, it shows they can too.

With our strength, self-worth and compassion, we become better leaders.

We don’t have to consciously choose to lead though.

We just do our thing, be awesome, have a great time doing it and others think “why are they so

happy? what are they doing? and how can I get a piece of that?”

Others will turn away and wallow in their own inability to make changes and their self-pity.

Those people are not quite ready yet and that’s fine.

It took me a long time to be ready to change, I’m sure it has for you too. It’s just our personal

journey.

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But you will attract people who have made a decision to change and they’re looking for people

to connect with and help them to do that.

Your example will be the trigger to make their next growth step.

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D93) Be open minded

Yes, it takes some resilience to grow towards your dream life and some thick-skin to keep at it

when the naysayers start naysaying (including our internal nay’er).

But with that perseverance can also come fixation on a goal. And maybe obsession even.

We also need to be mindful that although that goal may be something we’ve held for a while -

by the time actually get to it we may have grown so much that it is not exactly what we need or

best serving us anymore.

We often need to steer the ship, let go of the goal to some degree or change the goal

completely.

We may need to reconsider our needs and values and really dig deep and look at the question

“is this belief still serving me?”.

As we grow and especially when we’re experiencing periods of rapid growth, often stuff we

have vehemently decided as truth even a few short months previously can be superseded in the

light of deeper learning.

Things that we’ve held on to for years may need to be re-evaluated.

You don’t know it all.

You never will.

Be open to new ideas.

Seek new teachers.

Consider what all your teachers have for you.

Seek new completely different experiences to stay, young, open and flexible in your thinking.

You never know, this new experience could be the greatest thing you have ever enjoyed in your

life and quickly become your new passion.

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D94) Life always offers you a second chance, it's called

tomorrow

Hey you messed up!

Haha, me too.

I know you messed up today... because so did I.

It’s ok you know.

Yeah you beat yourself a little bit (or maybe a lot), because that’s what we do.

Beating ourselves up is what keeps us stuck in our limitation mindset.

We regularly reinforce our thinking to keep us within our range.

The range we’re used to.

The range that the ego likes us to stay within.

Because it’s safe.

It’s what we’re used to.

It’s what we know.

But how about we stop doing that.

We have discussed forgiveness a few times in this book, but as this is such an ingrained habit I

thought I’d mention it again.

Stop beating yourself up!

Forgive yourself for making mistakes.

Forgive others too.

Say “I messed up there… but it’s ok” and move on.

Learn from it and carry on with the task of loving yourself and everyone else.

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Tomorrow is another day.

You’ll mess up again.

But by spending less and less time beating yourself up about your mistakes and worrying, you’ll

actually have more time to be awesomely pursuing your goals.

And after a while, you’ll mess up less, because you’re less tense about the possibility of messing

up.

And after a while longer you’ll be more in tune with your inner-self and live more authentically

and you’ll mess up even less.

You’ll move through your with effortless grace and beauty...

and mistakes will be just like -

yeah?...and?…

~

I’m not there yet, but I can see how that can be.

The Japanese call it satori. Flashes of deep awareness, understanding, flow - you’ll get those too

as you grow. Flashes of what is increasingly available to you as you deepen your practice.

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D95) Model the best

Exercise:

Who are your 5-10 most inspiring people?

The people who you have looked at certain aspect(s) of their awesomeness and thought ‘I wish

I could be like that’.

Write down those people and those traits.

Even better print pictures of them and the trait(s) you love in words and put them up

somewhere.

On your vision board (which we’ll talk about later).

Consider deeply, why do you love that thing about them?

Often it is because they exhibit a trait you wish you had.

Something that you value but you also want in yourself and the other people in your life.

Something from your deep truth.

Once you’re clear on what those things are and why they’re important to you, start to look for

ways you can nurture it in yourself.

These people, the people you find inspiring have been on a journey to grow that skill in their

lives.

It hasn’t just magically happened. Read about the journey they’ve taken to get there and then

look at ways you can emulate that journey so you can achieve that skill.

Be aware though that they’ve probably been through some challenging stuff to reach that level

of awesomeness. You will have to, too!

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D96) No such thing as failure only learning

Each thing we call ‘failure’ is a step towards success, if we choose to carry on with the process.

The only failure is stopping before you reach the goal.

When our effort doesn’t bear fruit this time, learn from the experience.

It’s not failure, it’s just learning.

Ask yourself “how can I do it better next time?”

And try again.

Yes it’s hard.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

We have to stay with it.

Most people will stop before time.

Most people will let go too soon.

Are you ready to do the work that it takes to get there?

To push past your fears and do the learning that you need to do?

I’m scared.

I’m sure you are too.

You’ve set yourself some pretty massive and scary goals.

Just because we’re scared doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

We’re supposed to be scared.

But we can do this.

Choose to push onwards.

Overcoming our fears is how we grow.

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The obstacle is the path.

With deep practice and the support of our tribe, we’ll get there.

Let me know when you do and I’ll be there to celebrate with you.

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D97) BALANCE in all areas of life

A place of peace is accessed in the place of balance.

The ‘middle way’ as the Buddhists call it.

I’m a big believer in being able to experience the full range of our humanity, our emotions our

highs and lows.

But.

To experience it with the awareness and ability to return to the middle path whenever

required.

Whenever it’s right for you to be able to return to that place.

That’s where our power is.

Understanding our deep range of humanness and having the ability choose the level of it we

wish to experience in each moment.

Sometimes you may wish to reach ecstasy.

Sometimes you may wish to be in deep relaxation.

Sometimes you may wish to experience anger.

Sometimes you may want to experience deep drive to achieve a goal.

Sometimes you may wish to give, sometimes you may wish to receive, sometimes you may wish

to leave.

Sometimes you may wish to completely let go or let another take complete control of you,

sometimes you may wish to be the one who takes control.

It’s all good, it’s all us and it’s all in the order of things.

It’s when we lose control of the ability to experience what we choose to experience is when

problems arise.

Balance is practice.

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It’s knowing that the actions we have taken have led to our situation and then having a deep

knowingness that we can always return to balance.

Yes, this balance may mean we have to let go of all things e.g. at the time of our death.

But that too is balance. That moment of balance is completely within our control.

Look for where there are extremes in your try to bring them into balance, to equilibrium. Look

deeply at the Yin Yang.

How the opposites push and pull each other, how one can't exist without the other and how

there needs to be dark for the light and bad for good to exist.

The Buddhists teach the middle way, peace coming from minimising the extremes, the black or

white thinking and actions.

Balance is calm my friend.

And once you can access calm at will, you can choose your life.

The place of balance and calm is in the middle.

There’s no wrong place to be.

If you ever find yourself doing too much of one extreme or the other and it’s causing you stress.

Look for the opposite and move towards it for calm and balance.

And remember you can always choose where you are in the balance of your life.

True power comes from knowing you can choose your own experience of each moment, at will.

Calm

Being ~ Doing

Giving ~ Receiving

Perfection ~ Unskilled

Control ~ Acceptance

Light ~ Dark

Self ~ Others

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Mind ~ Body

Playful ~ Serious

Here ~ There

Smile time.

Did you forget?

Set a reminder.

It takes a while to cement new habits.

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way – A.J. Muste

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D98) Sustain the planet

What good is doing all this awesome work on yourself and the people in the world if ultimately

our home isn’t around long enough to appreciate it?

A further consideration always has to be “how can I love the earth through my work and

lifestyle?”.

The responsibility for maintaining the earth lies with all of us, so I’m sure through your deep

reflection you will access some creative ways of supporting life and the earth.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on

building the new - Socrates

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Part E) ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS

Happiness is knowing you are on the right path – Thich Nhat Hahn

We have talked a lot about mindset and reality and change and love and much more. This part

is about using all we have learned and putting it into a plan.

A powerful and actionable plan you can use to Get Calm and Stay Calm.

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E1) 7 key life areas

There are 7 key areas of our lives and when we get all of these moving forward we bring a lot of

joy happiness and peace with it.

Each of these things can affect the others so if we are down in one area, it can affect the other

life areas.

Think about the 3 main problems you have in each of these areas of life.

• Relationships - Partner, Family, Friends, Social

• Career & Education

• Money & Finances

• Health & Fitness

• Routine Responsibilities - (taking care of the day-to-day)

• Giving Back - (contribution to others)

• Inner wellbeing -(peace and inner happiness)

• Motivation to change – Please think about this too.

Please fill in the wheel assessment by rating where your life is right now in each of these areas.

Download it at: https://goodvibes.site/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/wheel-assessment.pdf

Be honest with yourself. Take some time to complete it.

We’ll come back to this shortly.

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E2) Vision

We all have big dreams – often they’re suppressed and pushed down by the pressures of life

but they’re still totally doable and achievable.

If you haven’t already taken some time in visualisation as we talked about in the previous

section, before moving on. This is where your vision can really take shape in your awareness.

~

Consider your life as a whole.

When you’re on your deathbed, what will like you wish to be remembered for?

What sort of a person were you throughout your lifetime?

What would you like to be shown on your gravestone as a memory of the person you was to

the people who love you?

~

This is big vision stuff, take some time.

Write a vision statement in the general format of:

YOUR NAME

I am a ….., ….., ….., and …. man/woman.

I did ….., ….., ….., and ….

(make the format suit your needs)

Remember as we’ve already discussed - have a massive vision – don’t be ‘meh’ in what your life

goals are.

They can be high level, you don’t need to be specific. General words like loving or creative are

great.

A vision that is about you. Who you are and who you want to be, not what you want from

others as it should be focused on things that you can consciously choose to be.

Create a vision that scares you.

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A vision that requires you to grow until the end of your life.

A vision that the one that other scoff when they first hear it – the naysayers always will nay.

Create a vision that makes them nay – and your friends say ‘I’m pleased for you to have that

clarity -go for it’.

Write it down and put it up somewhere.

Somewhere visible to you (and everybody else).

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E3) Vision Board

A great way to develop your life vision is to create a vision board. This is a board you can put up

on your wall and attach all your dreams, values, goals and desired life experiences to.

Get a pen and paper and write words on.

Go online and print out stuff.

Cut out pictures from magazines.

Get textures, fabrics and stuff you can touch.

Get smells and sounds too and get really creative with it

It’s a fun thing to do and is possibly the most important thing you’ll ever do for your happiness.

Think about:

• People – who you want to meet, spend time with, be family and friends with.

• Places – where you want to go to, live, spend your days.

• Physical things – what do you want to have, eg house, car, stuff

• Freedom – things that represent freedom – money, time, travel etc

• Contribution – how you’re making other people’s life better

• Health – how energetic, healthy, happy and how your body looks

• Feelings – how does your life feel? Get pictures and stuff that represents the feelings

(feelings are very powerful)

• Inner peace and wellbeing – how do you live inside of you?

• Growth experiences – what do you want to learn? How do you want to grow?

• And anything else that you want to have in your life

It’s all good. Put it all on there. Have fun with it. Go deep.

Put it up on the wall and make it available to you.

The power of the vision board is that it’s your message to the universe and to yourself and all

the people around you. It grows towards manifestation, because you’ve set the intention and

you’re starting to take action towards it.

The Universe, the Law of Attraction, the Reticular Activating System all start to help it to

manifest.

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E4) Revisit the 7 Life Areas

Now you’ve done the wheel assessment and looked at your three ‘problems’ for each of the 7

life areas, you’re ready to start creating a vision and plan to get there.

Now you have a high level vision for your best life.

Create a vision statement for each of the 7 life areas.

Create a short statement based on your best life and where the current problems you’re facing

now have been overcome.

My vision for my relationships is that - I am ….., ….., ….., and …… I do ….., ….., ….., and …..

My vision for my career/eduction is that - I am ….., ….., ….., and …… I do ….., ….., ….., and …..

and so on.

Go through each of the 7 life areas and create a vision for each.

Don’t worry about it not being perfect or that things may need to change as you go on. That’s

completely fine. A vague vision is better than no vision. You can get clearer as you grow your

practice over the months and years.

This will be part of your life’s practice. It’s not something you do once and then forget. It works

amazingly well when it’s practised regularly.

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I Hope You’ve Realised How Awesome You Are By Now?

A massive well done for getting this far.

Now you have a lot of clarity on your vision for your best life, please give yourself a smile and

big pat on the back.

It takes a lot of work and commitment to dig deep like this, and most people won’t do the work

because it’s challenging and it involves taking responsibility for your own life.

It’s much easier to take the route of hiding your head in the sand about the truth of reality,

living a superficial life and blaming others for your unhappiness.

By getting this far, you have really done awesome work and I salute you.

You’re well on your way to your dream life and your hard work will come back to you in big life

improvements.

And as I mentioned previously, please drop me a line to let me know of your successes (and any

feedback on how I can serve you better in future). I want to be part of your tribe, so please

make sure you connect.

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E5) Having a plan

So you now know what you want.

The next step is getting you closer to getting it.

That vision is a lifetime vision so it’s not something you’ll achieve overnight, but it is a way to

embody living your life from this moment on.

Your vision guides your every action.

And the more you read, affirm and absorb the vision the more it will become the way you live.

Happiness, peace and love is not a destination, it’s a practice, and it’s something we grow as we

enjoy the journey to our goals.

The goal is not the destination, the journey is the destination. You can enjoy every minute of

that journey.

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E6) A ‘Law of Attraction’ Vision

The LOA works in positives so when it comes to setting goals we must work in the positive.

So instead of saying ‘I don’t want to be skint anymore’ which focuses the energy on the skint

and gets you more of it.

Focus on a positive way of saying it. ‘Every time I go to the bank I always have £100 available

to spend’ for example.

You may not believe it right now, but by writing it down and letting it be in your awareness it

will start to manifest. Keep doing it and keep the faith.

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E7) Short, medium & long term

Long Term Goals

The next stage of goal setting is looking for the major milestones on your journey towards your

vision.

We need to look at the long term goals first.

The vision is a great place to get to but it’s quite high-level so you need more specific goals that

demonstrate that you’re really far along the road to achieving your vision.

Think 10 years from now. Or 20 years from now.

What have you achieved in the 7 life areas that demonstrate that you’re nearing your life’s

accomplishments. The pinnacle of your best life.

These are the big things on your vision board.

What are they?

See them in your minds eye.

Write them down in the format of:

In 10/20 years from now my relationships look like… and feel like… and I am….

In 10/20 years from now my career/education look like… and feel like… and I am….

And so on.

Medium Term Goals

The next stage is 3-5 years from now.

What are the interim steps between now and then?

The smaller things that you will need to achieve between now and then to know you’re on

target for your 10 year goals.

This stage is often the trickiest because we can get good at visualising the far future and what

we need to do in this moment but we often can’t see the how. The ‘how’ is this stage.

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For now just ask yourself some of these questions:

What skills do I need to learn?

Who do I need to build relationships with?

What level of health and fitness do I need?

How many people’s lives do I need to have positively impacted with my work by this point?

How much money do I need to have earned?

...to feel like I have made progress towards my 10 year goals

Remember you don’t need all the answers right now and you must leave room for steering the

ship as stuff comes along. And the universe may have different idea’s for the path of your life

too so don’t be too clinging on to any of these goals as stuff changes and that’s fine.

Get some good ideas, get some clarity, think about why you want these things and who you

want to serve by achieving your goals (i.e. not just you). And get it all written down.

Short Term Goals

The next 12 months.

This is where you can visualise and get real clarity on the next steps to take.

Use S.M.A.R.T. goals

I don’t recommend using S.M.A.R.T. goals for medium to long-term goals as they can be

restrictive in the creative and dreaming process but for day to day goals and staying on track

they’re really useful.

Write your goals out in this format for each of your 7 life areas.

Specific – Measurable – Achievable – Realistic - Time Bound

Example:

By 1 st of April I will have saved enough money to take my family on holiday to Spain in 4star villa

for two weeks in the summer of 2019.

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It’s clear and Specific, It’s Measurable because it sets a target of enough money/ 4star villa/ two

weeks in Spain for family. It’s Achievable and It’s Realistic. And date for completion has been

set so it’s Time Bound.

A project or programme plan to put on your wall with dates filled in is really useful at this stage.

You can then crack on doing the day to day actions and regularly review your progress against

these dates to stay on schedule. This visual plan helps you to spend less time worrying about

organising your day so you can focus on the value-driven actions that you move you closer to

each milestone.

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E8) Day to Day Ideas

Now you have the real clarity, it’s time to get to take action.

You’ve set your goals and set your Reticular Activating System and the Law of Attraction to

work on what you want.

Action is how you show the world you’re serious about achieving your goals.

So, what do you need to take action on?

To really get your creative juices and the ideas flowing. Stop planning. Get out of planning

mode completely.

Take time out.

Do some fun and/or relaxing activities.

Do plenty of meditation.

You’ll start to notice ideas coming, your deep creativity will flow.

The deep power of your sub-conscious and the universal creativity has been set to work to

make things happen for you.

You’ll get plenty of ideas coming through for you.

Trust that your long term goals are all going to happen.

Make a habit of writing all your ideas down.

I can recommend Habitica as great way of organising your day-to-day work and your personal

development practice.

https://habitica.com

More on that later.

Get to work.

Work on your day-to-day as much as you possibly can.

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This is what you want, you’re living life on your terms now and doing the things that you once

dreamed of.

Enjoy the process, be deeply grateful you can now do this by working with clarity and vigour. It

will all come naturally, you won’t have to force it because you’ve created your path.

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E9) Write it all down

There is magic in the writing.

Written goals have much greater chance of manifesting in my experience (and the experience

of many other people I have talked to).

There is something about the ‘becoming real’ in the writing.

So, take some time to build the habit of writing everything down.

Not only does it increase the chance of success, it also helps you to unload your fizzing creative

ideas process so you can focus on the task in hand in the knowledge that your great ideas are

safely recorded.

As well as using Habitica or another to-do list software. Get a paper notebook that you have

with you at all times, including by your bed so you can jot ideas whenever inspiration strikes.

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E10) Schedule Routine, Ritual and Practice

As well as all your other goals, make sure you have scheduled your practice into your life.

Habitica is fantastic for building habits and if you setup a Google calendar you can create a firm

schedule to cover all the things you want to cover in your progression.

Make sure you have scheduled all of the following:

Positive habits you

want to do more of

Negative habits you

want to do less of (in

the format of ‘I want

to do [positive thing]’

instead)

Self love

Physical Exercise Diet/Nutrition Hydration

Connecting with my

tribe

Study/Learning

Enjoying Nature

Being more social Living sustainably Business/Marketing/Sales

Laughter/Smiling Dancing Being creative

Practising the

exercises in this

book

Gratitude practice

Visualisations

Affirmations

Breathing exercises

Revisiting and

reviewing the vision

and plan

Celebrating your

success

Mindfulness/Present

moment

Meditation

Journalling

Mirror exercise

**YOUR JOYFUL THING**

and I’m sure there are more that you want to schedule too.

Scheduling is very powerful. It helps you to stay focused when previous bad habits and

conditioning try to take control back – and they will.

Put everything on a calender with weekly repeats and set reminders to pop-up on your phone

or computer.

Practice and rituals take a while to become habit. Don’t expect it to be easy to make these big

changes. Take your time and keep returning to the practice and the schedule with love for

yourself whenever it slips. It’s ok.

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E11) Who Decided This Is How You Live Your Life?

Spend some time looking at who is really responsible for where your life is at right now.

~

All the decisions you made leading up to this point have created this way of life for you.

Yes, a lot of these choices may not have been made consciously or with clarity on how your

choices may have panned out by this point of your life, but chose them you did.

So, look at challenging everything.

You can if you want!

Think about good habits/practices and things that bring you deep joy that you can put into your

daily routine. Things that if you did them daily your day would be massively more awesome.

Who says you can’t stick some techno on and dance around your kitchen?

Who says you can’t learn to hang-glide?

Who says you can’t scream the house down while making passionate love with your partner?

Who says you can’t?

You have created your lifestyle and if you’re unhappy, anxious, depressed or full of apathy (I

prefer the word ‘meh’) or fear - that lifestyle - it’s not serving you.

Change it!

You can.

If there’s ‘meh’ in any area of your life, look for ways to follow the joy instead.

Use that question ‘who says I can’t do ….?’ and look at ways to change.

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E12) Journalling

Get in the habit of writing notes about each day in a journal or diary.

This is fantastic practice of reflection.

Journal about successes, challenges, feelings, ideas, the responses of others, the ease of

progress or the frustration of no-progress, the things you’re grateful for...

Write it all down, because the act of writing it down helps you to notice all the things you’re

experiencing more clearly and get more in touch with your inner-self.

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E13) Think of 3 things that went well today, just before sleep

Celebrating our successes is really important.

Not in ‘look at me... aren’t I doing well?” kind of ego way.

Rather a ‘I love being me, I am worthy of success’ kind of self-love way.

There is a subtle but important difference to these two.

And the latter is how you should see it.

We have often in our past been told to ‘stop bragging’.

That kind of controlling thinking is reflective of the person saying it usually. It comes from a

place of fear.

You don’t need to constantly shout about your successes, especially to people who don’t feel

good about their own life so will just want to put you down for your success.

But you do need to celebrate.

With yourself.

And with your tribe and people who love you and love you for doing well in life (that’s why it’s

so important to choose your friends carefully).

But also, you should share your successes with the world too.

There’s nothing wrong with achievement.

Just be aware of those naysayers. They won’t be happy with you doing well. So by doing well

you will attract more nays. But that’s ok. It’s the way of things.

Remember #idgaf and carry on moving forward.

A great way to start celebrating your progress is by journalling your successes at the end of

each day.

Choose three things that went well and be pleased that you’ve achieved them.

You don’t have to tell others if you don’t want to.

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Make sure you have a little celebration for you and do a little happy dance.

A great app for recording your successes and practising gratitude is:

365 Gratitude

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/365-gratitude-diary-journal/id1072397377?mt=8

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E14) Monitor progress

Schedule a regular time to revisit your plans. Here are some suggested review timescales:

• Vision and long term (10/20 years) plan – once per two years

• Medium term plan – once per year

• Short Term Plan – every three months

• Day to day plan – write a to do list each evening for the following days’ work

By journalling you’ll be recording your progress, but make sure you give yourself a pat on the

back each to you tick off a task or achieve a short-term goal.

Also reward yourself with a treat – some sort of self-love or treat others to a fun activity for

achieving your goals. (As your loved ones are the ones supporting you on your journey, they

deserve to enjoy the fruits of your success). Tell people you’ve achieved your goal.

Print and complete the wheel assessment each time you do a three-monthly review. And

compare your progress to the previous assessment.

Give yourself a pat on the back for moving forward, even it is only baby-steps, it’s still progress.

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E15) Be accountable

With the calm practices we’ve discussed throughout the book you will have much more

personal power to handle the challenges of life without losing focus on your goals.

But remember these are deep-seated habits we’re changing here and they take time.

So rather than stopping and declaring this whole process a waste of time be mindful about

getting on board the people you need to support you when times get tough (which they will).

If you have trouble sticking with goals. Make yourself accountable. Get a coach or a strong

friend who will monitor your progress. Tell them what you’re working towards and ask them to

support you on that journey.

Living your dream life and making the changes you want to make is too important to let go of

now.

Get some support in your journey. Your tribe is your place for support through the challenges

and to celebrate your successes.

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E16) Be Open To Guidance as You Go

Be open to the universal power. You will have bumps along the way. You will also be guided to

change your plans. Remember you made these plans today and they may not still be serving

you a short time from now.

So, let go of specifics.

Keep your vision in your heart and mind and be open to the guidance that comes along the way

as you progress.

That guidance may come from famous teachers. People close to you. Insights/Gut-feelings.

Weird coincidences. Strangers. Children. Animals. Stuff that just happens.

The universe works in mysterious and often not-obvious ways.

Be open and aware of guidance that arrives.

Reflect.

And adjust accordingly.

The more you listen, the more guidance you will receive, and the more effortless your journey

becomes. Stuff just goes right for you, because it’s in alignment with the universe.

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E17) Help others with their challenges

And as you build your tribe and ask others to help you.

Help them too.

Be joyful in your work and share your joy with them.

Ask what they’re working on.

Memorise your vision statement and share your vision and goals and let them do the same.

Be attentive to their needs.

Be supportive when they ask for help.

Share your learnings.

Let them share their challenges and learnings with you.

Celebrate together.

Be a team.

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E18) Go outside your comfort zone/Do things that scare you

Get used to being scared.

Not scared that your life is out of control. The exercises in the book will help you to gain your

self-control again and live a life of intention so you can choose your own path.

With that choice, you don’t need to feel scared that your life is out of control.

No, I’m talking about scared because you’ve made a conscious choice to do something that

scares you.

That challenges you.

That makes you face your fears.

That forces you to grow to achieve it.

That kind of scared.

Conscious scariness if you will.

Embrace uncertainty.

Embrace the universal creativity and trust that it has your back, if you follow your passion and

live in line with your best self. Despite of the massive fear that it brings up.

Embrace that things may go pear-shaped.

Embrace letting-go of security in pursuit of something amazing. (Because we can’t have both.)

Embrace that you’re going to have to dig really deep, because you’ve set a massive vision for

your life and as of today, you have absolutely no clue how to achieve it.

Embrace that there are many, many other people in this world who think like this and are

working on massive goals too. And are they scared? Youbetcha!

Get used to it.

Push yourself.

Fear is our way of knowing we’re on the right path.

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Look up at the stars, not down at your feet – Stephen Hawking

E19) And finally.

I have given you a lot of things to work with in this book. Things that have helped me on my

journey.

But, remember always, it’s your life.

Your life is your choices.

Don’t be like me, don’t be like anyone else.

Choose your own path and find what works for you.

Your great power comes from embracing yourself as deeply as you possibly can.

Once you are deeply you, and I’m deeply me. They’re are deeply them. We all become one.

Let’s grow together.

Doubt everything. Find your own light – Buddha

Please connect with me. I’d love to hear how you’re getting on with creating your dream life.

I offer one-to-one coaching, business consulting & training, healing through music, retreats,

please get in touch if you want to know more.

Review Please

If you have found this book valuable, please consider leaving a review and please share it with

your friends. It helps me and it helps others too. Thankyou.

Contact Details

Website: https://goodvibes.site/anxiety-depression-coach/

Facebook: https://facebook.com/GoodVibesDF

Twitter: : https://Twitter.com/GoodVibesDF

~

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And always remember to wear your beautiful smile as you dance through life.

Blessings, David xx

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References

1. Primitive emotional contagion. Hatfield, Elaine; Cacioppo, John T.; Rapson, Richard L. Clark,

Margaret S. (Ed), (1992). Emotion and social behaviour. Review of personality and social

psychology, Vol. 14., (pp. 151-177). Thousand Oaks, CA, US: Sage Publications, Inc, xi, 311 pp.

2. Abel E. and Kruger M. (2010) Smile Intensity in Photographs Predicts Longevity, Psychological

Science, 21, 542–544.

3. Seaward BL. Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies for Health and Well-Being. Sudbury,

Mass.: Jones and Bartlett; 2009:258.

4. https://www.naturalhydrationcouncil.org.uk/press/how-hydrated-is-britain/

5. Hhyponatremia -https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hyponatremia/symptomscauses/syc-20373711

6. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-body-regulates-salt-levels

7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2996155/

8. https://breathing/blogs/respiratory-chemistry/blood-carbon-dioxide-and-at-the-end-of-thisarticle-a-simple-exercise-to-when-wanted-increase-it

9. Caffeine depletes magnesium -https://drcarolyndean.com/2011/12/coffee-cancelsmagnesium/

10. People who have no boundaries have the poorest mental health -

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/how-help-friend/201711/why-is-it-importanthave-personal-boundaries

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