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Contents CHAPTER 1 PORTERHATCH BLUES ........................................................................................................ 8 CHAPTER 2 NEW ADVENTURES, NEW DANGER ................................................................................... 18 CHAPTER 3 A COMEDY TONIGHT ............................................................................................................ 28 CHAPTER 4 WHAT KIND OF A-Z WOULD GET YOU HERE? ................................................................... 40 CHAPTER 5 BEAUTY AND BERNICE ........................................................................................................ 50 CHAPTER 6 A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME ................................................................................................. 58 CHAPTER 7 FAIRY STORIES .................................................................................................................... 66 CHAPTER 8 ANOTHER BREAK IN THE NARRATIVE ............................................................................... 77 CHAPTER 9 JUST DESERTS AND DEEPER PLOTS, AND DEADLY DANGER LOOMING . . . LOTS! .... 85 CHAPTER 10 RAIDERS OF THE SEVEN DWARVES .................................................................................. 87 CHAPTER 11 'SCUSE ME WHILE I RIP THE SKY ....................................................................................... 97 CHAPTER 12 IMMINENT DESTRUCTION GRIEF ....................................................................................... 104 CHAPTER 13 A CAT IN HELL'S CHANCE .................................................................................................... 110 EPILOGUE MOMENTS OF PLEASURE .................................................................................................... 118
Thanks to Gareth Roberts and Penny List, Jackie Mulligan, Jac Rayner and Steven Moffat, without whom there would be no book and no me. Thanks also to: Russell Davies, Jason Haigh-Ellery, Craig Hinton, Matt Jones, Rebecca Levene, Claire Longhurst, John McLaughlin, Paul Marquess, Carrie O'Grady, Kate Orman, Dave Owen, Gary Russell, Carla Tsampiras, Sam Walke, Jo Ware, Peter Ware, and Mark Wyman.
Page 2 and 3: T H E N E W _______________________
Page 6 and 7: For Jac Rayner
Page 8 and 9: CHAPTER 1 PORTERHATCH BLUES The gre
Page 10 and 11: ook that everybody had bought but n
Page 12 and 13: questions that she couldn't answer.
Page 14 and 15: of them on the corner beside the Pa
Page 16 and 17: to keep me occupied on the journey
Page 18 and 19: CHAPTER 2 NEW ADVENTURES, NEW DANGE
Page 20 and 21: would be nice if we could all sing
Page 22 and 23: When they got back to the camp, Ber
Page 24 and 25: fist. 'Prepare the attack force!' E
Page 26 and 27: The knock on her door made her sit
Page 28 and 29: CHAPTER 3 A COMEDY TONIGHT Once upo
Page 30 and 31: ambitions. To go back to home and h
Page 32 and 33: 'Hello!' called Lucinda, waving up
Page 34 and 35: What planet is this? Have we travel
Page 36 and 37: 'What?' she cried out, stopping in
Page 38 and 39: drew when another slapped it. Stoke
Page 40 and 41: CHAPTER 4 WHAT KIND OF A-Z WOULD GE
Page 42 and 43: This continued for some time. From
Page 44 and 45: showing enough of himself to aim at
Page 46 and 47: schoolfriends that I'd met by accid
Page 48 and 49: From downstairs, there came a crash
Page 50 and 51: CHAPTER 5 BEAUTY AND BERNICE From t
Page 52 and 53: 'Big, isn't it?' said Stokes. 'You
Page 54 and 55:
She frowned, as if surprised by her
Page 56 and 57:
She reached out and tugged his bear
Page 58 and 59:
CHAPTER 6 A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME Abo
Page 60 and 61:
Bernice tapped him gently with her
Page 62 and 63:
the sisters that Candy had pointed
Page 64 and 65:
go along with any one of these stor
Page 66 and 67:
CHAPTER 7 FAIRY STORIES After sever
Page 68 and 69:
nature of what we're all going thro
Page 70 and 71:
een extraordinarily good ever since
Page 72 and 73:
'Where are we?' 'Fe fi fo fum!' roa
Page 74 and 75:
'If you make it angry,' Stokes hiss
Page 76 and 77:
well, the closest translation is ju
Page 78 and 79:
particularly the familiarity of the
Page 80 and 81:
'No,' Wolsey chuckled. 'Because I c
Page 82 and 83:
if watching a parade of images whip
Page 84 and 85:
else to go. And then by chance, I s
Page 86 and 87:
echoing around the slimy walls. 'No
Page 88 and 89:
couple of animated versions when sh
Page 90 and 91:
she was standing against the bulk o
Page 92 and 93:
and the other way round? Where are
Page 94 and 95:
'Is not the problem?' The horse nod
Page 96 and 97:
take her eyes off the slaughter. On
Page 98 and 99:
Several feet above the floor. With
Page 100 and 101:
Bernice put a hand to her brow. She
Page 102 and 103:
'Did you all experience what you on
Page 104 and 105:
CHAPTER 12 IMMINENT DESTRUCTION GRI
Page 106 and 107:
Bernice and Wolsey stood at the edg
Page 108 and 109:
explain why . . .' The Greater One
Page 110 and 111:
CHAPTER 13 A CAT IN HELL'S CHANCE S
Page 112 and 113:
these days.' She hooked her arms th
Page 114 and 115:
take you out in the future to be ou
Page 116 and 117:
*** Thooo stood in the translucent
Page 118 and 119:
Extract from the Diary of Bernice S
Page 120 and 121:
COMING SOON IN THE NEW ADVENTURES D
Page 122:
O H N O I T I S N ' T ! 'THE KING'S
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