Choosing Hope

1

Chapter One- “Every Mothers Fear”
Cailin pulled off her white lab coat, neatly folding it in her locker, then quickly pulled out her
bag, reaching in for her keys.She called out to her co-workers as she headed towards the door.
“Sorry I have to run out of here so quickly guys. I am late for my nieces birthday party.” She
made a dash for her car and turned on some tunes before putting on her seatbelt, starting the car,
and heading towards her sister's house.
Currently in her third year of medical school at BCU School of Medicine, Cailin had found her
schedule busier than ever with each passing year of medical school. Despite that, she still tried to
make spending time with her family a priority whenever she possibly could.
As she made her way towards her destination, the sound of sirens caught her attention, and she
groaned as she looked in her rear view mirror and saw a cop behind her. She looked down at her
speedometer in confusion. “What the hell, I wasn’t speeding,” she says to herself as she pulls
over to the side of the road. She turns her music down and reaches into her purse and pulls out
her license and insurance card.
“Ma’am, put your hands on the steering wheel where I can see them please.”
When she heard the officer's voice, she laughed once she realized who it was. “Really Jess? Do
you not have anything better to do than to harass the innocent citizens of Boston?”
It was Jess's turn to laugh. "Innocent citizens of Boston? Cailin, I hope you are not putting
yourself in that category because I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are far from
innocent."
Cailin scoffs in mock offense. "What? I am too innocent."
2

"Yeah sure," Jess remarks, taking Cailin’s drivers license she had been holding in her hand and
giving it a glance. "Cute picture ,” she says with a grin before handing the brunette back her
license.
Cailin’s face blushes slightly.
“You know, you really shouldn’t dig in your purse for anything until the officer gives you the
okay to do so. Hasn’t my ma taught you anything?” Jess looks at Cailin and grins. “Really
though, on a serious note, don’t do that. There’s to many cops that may shoot first and ask
questions later unfortunately.”
"Is there a real reason you pulled me over officer, or is this just something all cops do to try to
pick up girls?" Cailin grins and raises her eyebrow, a unique quirk she had picked up from her
sister n’ law Jane.
"Is she flirting with me?" Jess shook her head as if she was shaking that thought away, getting
back to the topic at hand. "Actually, yes. I pulled you over because you have a tail light out, but
now that I have your attention, would you like to get a drink later? You know, after the twins
birthday party?" Jess waited for a second before adding to clarify her thought. "To catch up, you
and I are both so busy now that we hardly get a chance to hang out."
Cailin smiled before looking at the time on her phone. "Oh crap, the twins. They are going to be
so mad! Jess, if we are finished here," Cailin says, putting all of her things back where they
belong. “Can I go or would you like to lecture me some more on proper criminal etiquette?”
Jess chuckles at Cailin’s comment. "Oh yeah, of course we are done. Just tell the girls I will be
there as soon as I can. I have to head back to the station and finish up a few things before
heading over. Please don’t drive like a maniac to get there, and I will see you shortly." Jess
smiles at the brunette before heading back towards her cruiser, calling over her shoulder, “get
that tail light fixed!”
3

15 minutes later, Cailin pulled into her sister’s driveway, parking the car, and heading inside.
Before she even walked into the house, she could immediately hear the sounds of 7 year old
Amelia throwing a tantrum. She threw her hands to her ears, and looked over at Blaire as she
entered the house. “Does she have a mute button?”
Blaire laughs. “She better find it soon. Ma is losing her patience.”
As if on cue, Jane walks into the room and straight over to the fit throwing 7 year old that was
sitting in time out..
“Amelia Rayne Rizzoli-Isles, you stop this right now! We already told you when you had your
birthday you got the presents. It is Abby and Maddy’s turn.” Amelia ignores Jane as she
continues to scream, so Jane scoops the child up and hoists her up over her shoulder. “OK kiddo.
You can go scream all by yourself in your room.”
Jane quickly heads towards Amelia’s room that she shared with the twins and Maura, hearing
the commotion, is not far behind. As they reach the room and Jane places the child on the floor,
she stomps her foot with a huff. “How Rude!” Jane looked at Maura in disbelief, and Maura
could see her fighting off the laughter that was about to burst out at the seams of her mouth. At
that point, Maura decided to take over knowing that if Jane spoke she would laugh and deem any
discipline ineffective.
Maua brought herself down to the 7 year olds level and took her hands in hers as she gave her a
stern glare. “Amelia Rayne, you stop this behavior this instant, do you understand me?” Amelia
looked at Maura as her lip quivered. “It’s not fair mommy!”
“Well, it was plenty fair when it was your birthday and you got all the presents. Isn’t that right?”
Maura guided the little girl over to a corner in her room and pointed. “Put your nose in the
corner. You will stay there for 15 minutes. If ma and I have to come back you’ll be going to bed
without any party fun. Do you understand me Amelia? If you had just sat in time out as mommy
had asked without throwing a fit, you’d be having fun right now.”
4

As Maura and Jane exited Amelia’s room and was safely out of earshot of the little girl, Jane
finally let out the laughter she had been desperately holding back. Maura looked at her wife and
shook her head. “Pull it together Jane. You’re supposed to be the stricter one of the two of us.
Look at you.”
That didn’t stop Jane’s continued laughter. When she finally got a hold of herself she tried to
speak. “She, she, how rude!” Jane fell into a fit of laughter all over again. When she finally
regained her composure for good she held up her hand to her wife and apologized. “Sorry Maur.
I just can’t believe she did that. That’s all. I couldn’t help myself. It was cute.”
“It won’t be cute when she’s 16”, Maura said as she shook her head.
“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry,” Jane said. She put an arm around her wife and bent down
to kiss her. “Come on. Let’s go back down until she’s eligible for bail.”
Back downstairs, Cailin had found the twins who were doing some pouting of their own.
“We thought you weren’t going to come,” Abby said as she stuck her lip out. “Where is Jess?”
Maddy looks as if she is about to cry at her sister's absence.
“I’m sorry girls. Jess is coming. She was still working but she told me to tell you she would be
here soon. I had to work a little late also but,” she grins at the girls as she pulls out her bag and
reaches into it. “How about a peace offering?” She holds up a huge bag of oreos and a jar of Jiffy
peanut butter.
“Yay! Both girls let out a squeal of delight. Their favorite thing in the world is oreos with a
dollop of peanut butter on top. Cailin had been the one to get the girls hooked on this less than
healthy treat, much to her sister's annoyance.
5

Coming down the stairs just in time to see this exchange, Maura called out to her sister, “ I’m
going to forward you their dental bills Cailin.”
Cailin looked up at her sister and grinned. “Oh come on Maur. Let an aunt spoil her nieces a
little. It’s their birthday after all. ” She passes the special treat to a nearby Emily. “Hook them up
Em.” She laughs when Emily looks at Maura for permission.
“Oh, go ahead. It is their birthday,” Maura says with a laugh. “Don’t over do it though,” she says
as Emily heads off to the kitchen with the twins.
Just then, Jess came walking through the door. “Hey ma! Hey mom,” the young red head says as
she hugs Jane and Maura. “Sorry, I got hung up at work.”
Cailin looks at Jess and scoffs before looking over at Jane. “Jane, are you Jess’s boss at BPD? I
mean, can you tell her what to do?”
“Well, yeah. Technically I could I guess. I outrank her, but she has her own boss”, Jane said
with a laugh. “Why?”
“Because I would like to file a harassment complaint”, Cailin says as she looks at Jess with a
smirk.
“Hey, it is not my fault you are running around with a broken tail light,” Jess says. “I let you off
with a warning.”
Jane looks at Cailin and grins. “Wait, Jess pulled you over?” Jane bursts into laughter before
putting on her best serious face. “Now Cailin, you can’t be expecting special treatment. I would
have given you a ticket myself.” Jane shrugs her shoulders. Cailin’s mouth drops in shock.
“Well, I see how it is.”
6

“Hey everybody. I got here as soon as I could,” Riley said as she walked through the door
followed by 12 year old Adam. Adam looked at Maura and Jane. "Is Callie here? I have some
books I told her I would bring over for her to read."
"She's upstairs right now, but you can go up if you'd like. We can call for you two when it's time
for cake and ice cream," Maura answered with a smile. Adam smiled back before making his
way up the stairs.
"How's she doing?" Riley asked about the girl out of concern. Jane and Maura had just adopted
the 14 year old six months prior.
"A lot better," Jane remarks. "Seems having Adam around has helped her come out of her shell a
lot even with the age difference."
"Well if anyone can get someone to be their true self Adam's the person," Riley says with a smile
before looking around. “Where’s my girl?”
“She’s in the kitchen getting the twins hyped up on sugar,” Blaire says with a laugh. Riley makes
her way into the kitchen followed by Jane, Maura, Blaire, Jess and Cailin. Sneaking up behind
her fiance, she wrapped her arms around the brunette and swung her around causing Emily to
squeak. "Ry, put me down," she says laughing. Riley places the other woman back on her feet.
"How'd you know it was me?" She bent down and kissed Emily causing the twins to giggle and
Cailin and Blaire to ewww at them.
"Because I heard you when you announced your arrival," Emily says smiling.
"Well," was all Riley said before reaching for one of the cookies with peanut butter on top, only
to have her hand slapped by Emily. "Hey," she remarks, rubbing the offended hand.
7

"Those are for the twins," Emily says grinning.
Just then, Angela reaches around and hands Riley her own cookie. "Thanks Angela," Riley
remarks, sticking her tongue out at her better half before going to sit at the table with Tommy
and Frankie. They had party hats on their foreheads acting like unicorns, making the twins
laugh. "You’re welcome Riley," Angela replies. Just then Jess notices someone's missing after
looking around. “Where’s Amelia?”
Jane points upstairs, holding an oreo in her hand. “She’s doing hard time. She’s up for bail in
another couple minutes if you want to go get her.” Jess laughs as she heads up the stairs. She
walks into the room and finds the little girl in the corner and chuckles a bit when she hears her
singing.
“This is no fun, no fun. Looking at the wall.”
Jess walks over to the little girl and begins to tickle her, causing Amelia to giggle. “Ma says
you’ve made bail kiddo,” Jess says as she picks Amelia up and hoists her onto her hip. Jess looks
up to see Maura smiling at them from the doorway.
“Are you done with the tantrum young lady?”
Amelia nods. “Yes.”
“Yes what,” Maura prompts.
“Yes ma’am,” Amelia corrects herself.
Before heading back down, Maura holds up her hand asking Jess to wait a moment. Then she
knocks on Callie and Blaire’s door.
“Come in,” Callie calls from inside.
8

“Callie, first off, this door is supposed to be open.”
Callie and Adam both blush. “Sorry mom, I forgot. We weren’t doing anything,” she says with a
laugh.
“ Second, we are getting ready to do cake and ice cream if you and Adam would like to come
down and join everyone.”
“Thanks mom, we’ll be there in a minute,” Callie replied.
Jess, Amelia, and Maura head downstairs.
After the twins had opened presents and ate way too much cake and ice cream for Maura's liking,
the kids all went to play outside while being chased down by their uncles. Riley, Angela, Maura,
and Emily went to work cleaning up the mess. Callie and Adam made their way back upstairs,
and Jane and Blaire went outside to play basketball.
Jess found she and Cailin sitting alone at the table. She glanced over at the brunette who was
leaning on the table with her head in her hands. “Hey, you alright Cailin?”
Cailin looked up and smiled. “Yes, i’m just tired. Medical school is kicking my ass. I will be so
glad when it is over.”
Jess was worried about the lack of color in the girls face but immediately pushed it aside. Cailin
was probably right. She did have a demanding schedule now. Jess looked at Cailin and grinned.
"I know what you need. How about we go out and play some basketball with Jane and Blaire?
That ought to wake you up.”
Cailin smiles. “Sure, why not.”
9

“By the way,” Jess says, “you never did answer me about that drink.”
“Is it horrible for me to take a rain check Jess? I’m really tired. When I leave here, I just want to
go home and climb straight into my bed.”
Jess pats Cailin on her shoulder. “Of course, that’s fine. We can do it some other time. Are you
sure you're up to playing basketball?” Cailin nods. “Yeah. I’ll play. I don’t get to have much fun
anymore,” she says with a chuckle. They walked out and met Jane and Blaire in the driveway,
who were already about to play.
"How about a quick game?" Jess takes the ball from Blaire. "Me and Cailin against you and
Ma."
"What do you say Ma? You wanna show these two how the game is really played?" Blaire hikes
a thumb over her shoulder at Cailin and Jess.
Jane chuckles. "Sure, I have a little time to show you young ones how it's done. The first team to
20 wins but no broken noses.” Jess, Cailin and Blaire shake their heads at the brunette.
The game was tied 17- 17. Jess had the ball and was trying her best to fake out Jane, but with the
experience the brunette had playing basketball through the years, she wasn't falling for it. Jess
looked at Jane then the net and back again. As she started to move back and to the left, she didn't
see Blaire. As Jess aimed and released the ball,the blonde quickly jumped, grabbing the ball out
of the air, only to turn and shoot a three pointer effectively ending the game.
After the game was over and Blaire and Jane's celebration high fives and laughter subsided, Jess
struggled to catch her breath. “You totally cheated Blaire. Do you teach your kids at the boys and
girls club to cheat?”
Blaire threw her head back in laughter. “Yeah, me and ma kicked your butts fair and square. No
cheating needed,” Blaire said as she reached over and high fived Jane once again. Just then a
10

nearby pager went off. “That’s me! Gotta go!” Blaire hugged each person before grabbing her
keys from her bag, throwing it over her shoulder, and heading out to her car.
“Be safe kiddo,” Jane called out behind her. It didn’t matter to Jane that Blaire was now 21 years
old, a coach at the boys and girls club, a volunteer firefighter, and a college senior. To Jane,
Blaire would always be her kiddo. She stood there and stared for a moment watching Blaire
drive away.
The sound of Cailin hitting the ground caught Jane’s attention, taking her out of her daze.
“Maura!” Jane yelled as loud as she possibly could in hopes her wife could hear her inside. It
worked as Maura came to the back door.
“What is it love?” Jane pointed to Cailin.
Jess was kneeling beside the brunette. “She just went down. She passed out,” Jess said as she
looked at Maura with fear in her eyes.
Maura grabbed her medical bag and came running. Cailin went to try to get up and Maura
immediately made her sit back down. “No, not until I check you out. What happened Cailin?”
“I’m fine Maura. I just overdid it. I’ve been putting in too many hours and I am exhausted.”
Frankie and Tommy over heard the commotion happening in the driveway. "Everything okay up
there?” Frankie calls out to Jane from the backyard.
“Yeah Frankie. We’ve got it under control,” Jane called back.
Maura took Cailin’s blood pressure and other vitals before turning to Jess. “Did she hit her
head?”
11

Jess shook her head no. “I blocked her head from hitting. I think she slammed her back against
the basketball goal pretty hard though.”
“Hey you two, I'm right here,” Cailin said, slightly annoyed at the conversation between Jess and
her sister instead of speaking to her directly.
Maura smiled as she lifted the back of Cailin’s shirt to inspect for injuries. “Don’t be one of
those patients Cailin,” Maura said with a laugh. Maura tried to hide the alarm on her face when
she saw the ugly purple bruise on Cailin’s shoulder blade.
She further inspects her sister and notices a red rash on the opposite shoulder. “Cailin, did you
know you have a rash?”
“Yeah. It’s been there a couple days. I tried some new laundry soap when I did laundry. I think I
might be allergic to it.”
“Cailin, I want you to go upstairs and get some pajamas out of my drawer. Take a shower and
get in bed.You’re going to stay here tonight. I’m not comfortable with you being home alone
after passing out like that. I want you here with me.”
“I can’t”, Cailin objected. “I have clinicals in the morning.”
Maura shook her head. “You’re not doing anything in the morning but going to a doctor and
letting them run some tests to make sure you are okay.”
“But I,” Cailin stopped mid sentence when her sister shot her that look that communicated this
was not up for debate.
“Okay, Okay.”
“Would you mind walking her up Jess?”
12

Jess nodded. “Yes, of course mom.”
After Cailin and Jess left, Maura looked at Jane as tears welled up in her eyes.
Jane rubbed her wife’s back in a feeble attempt at reassurance. “She’s okay Maur. She’s just
overdone herself.”
Maura shook her head. “I don’t think so Jane. She has a huge bruise on her shoulder blade.”
“Of course she does Maur. She slammed it into a basketball goal.”
“Yes, but even with that, it would not bruise immediately like that. Plus, she has that rash. That’s
not an allergic rash Jane. That is petechiae. The capillaries break underneath the skin. Without
enough platelets to seal those broken vessels, it causes them to make those tiny red marks that
resemble a rash . The fatigue also. What I am trying to say Jane, is she is exhibiting Leukemia
symptoms.”
Jane reached out and pulled her wife into her. “Hey, let’s not worry too much yet, okay? Try not
to jump to conclusions until she can get some tests.” Maura nodded as she buried her head into
Jane’s chest. The chances of her not worrying was zero, but she knew there was nothing more
she could do for Cailin tonight.
Later that night, as Maura got ready for bed, she sat down at her vanity and dialed her mom.
Hope answered on the second ring.
“Hey mom.”
“Hey Maura. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the twins birthday party today. I had an emergency
at the clinic.” When she was met with silence, Hope’s heart began to pound a bit. She knew her
daughter believed family comes above all work responsibilities. “Maura, it couldn’t be helped, I
13

promise. I had a patient start convulsing in the office.” Still silence. Then Hope could hear the
sounds of her daughter crying on the other end of the line. “Maura sweetie, I said i’m really
sorry.”
“No, that's not it mom. Mom, I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it. I think Cailin
may have Leukemia.”
When she heard those words Hope dropped the phone and let out a scream Maura would never
forget.
14

Chapter Two- “The Diagnosis”
The next morning, Maura went down bright and early to meet Hope, who had arranged to be
there first thing. The minute Hope laid eyes on Maura, she began to sob as she grabbed on to
Maura, who found herself struggling to keep Hope on her feet. She guided her mom over to the
nearby couch. “Here mom, sit down.” Hope’s eyes were red and puffy, reminiscent of hours of
crying. Maura was sure her mom hadn’t got much sleep. She hadn’t herself.
“Look mom, you have to be strong OK? We need to try to stay positive, as hard as that is right
now. If i’m right, heaven knows this is the one time I hope I am wrong, this is going to be a hard
road for Cailin. She’s going to need us.”
Hope leaned back and narrowed her eyes at her daughter.
“Maura, I just found out my daughter may have a disease that is terminal for a huge percentage
of cases. Allow me to process this in my own way. You can do it your way when it’s your
daughter.”
Maura looked at Hope and dropped her jaw in disbelief. “How dare you.”
Hope immediately realized she had struck a nerve.
“I’m sorry Maura. That wasn’t, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. You know I love my
grandbabies every bit as much as you and Cailin.”
Hope sits in silence for a moment before slamming her fist against the coffee table. “I can’t lose
my baby Maura. I can’t lose my baby.” Maura reaches out and Hope collapses into her arms,
where she spends the next five minutes just sobbing.
15

When she starts to calm, Maura reaches over and grabs a kleenex, passing it to her mom.
“The best day of my life was when I finally found you. You and Cailin in the restaurant that day,
seeing you stand side by side, my heart was whole again. Now, the thought of losing either of
you, my heart can’t take it Maura. It’s like the fucking universe is stacked against me.“
“Let’s just take this one step at a time mom. Let them run some tests. Maybe I am wrong and all
this worry is for nothing. If I am right, maybe it is still in the early stages. We don’t know what
we are dealing with yet.”
“Mom? Maura?” Maura and Hope look up to see Cailin standing at the bottom of the stairs.
Cailin walks over and sits down beside her mom. “What’s the matter mom? Why are you
crying?” She looks from her mom, to Maura, and back again. “Does someone want to tell me
what is going on?”
Maura is the first one to speak. “We were going to talk to you this morning. Cailin, when you
passed out yesterday, I am pretty concerned about how fast you bruised. That rash you have, I
think it is petechiae. The capillaries break underneath the skin and……”
Cailin holds up her hand, stopping her sister mid sentence as her eyes immediately fill with tears.
“I know what petechiae is.” Cailin stood there for a moment before she began to vigorously
shake her head from side to side. “No Maura. No. You can’t be thinking I have cancer. I told
you, medical school has been brutal. That’s it. That has to be it.”
Maura reaches her arm around her sister and hugs her, doing her best to offer comfort. “Here,
come sit down”, Maura says, leading her sister to the couch.”You’re right. I could be wrong. I
could just be one extremely worried sister that is making something out of nothing.”
Cailin shook her head again as the tears began to steadily fall. “No. That’s what scares me
Maura. You are one of the most respected doctors in Boston. The governor appointed you to
16

your job for a reason. You have mentored me for years and if there is one thing I know, Dr.
Maura Isles is never wrong.”
“Well Cailin”, Maura says as she leans down and kisses her sister on the head, “this is one time
that we are going to hold on to hope that I am wrong. You are my sister and there is certainly
plenty of room for personal emotions getting in the way of my professional judgement.”
“You have an appointment at 8 AM with one of the best oncologists in the area Cailin,” Hope
says, speaking to her daughter for the first time. We’re going to take this one step at a time OK?”
Cailin nods. “OK mom.” She looks over at the clock on the wall.”I guess that means I should
probably go get dressed. She hugs her mom and sister before heading towards the stairs.
“Hey Cailin,” Maura calls from behind her.
“Yes Maur?”
“It’s going to be OK, no matter what, OK? You are one of the strongest people I know.”
Cailin nods. She can feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes again as she makes her way
back up to the guest room. Last night, she had thought it was silly when Jessica had insisted on
staying with her. Now, she was glad she did.
“Jess,” Cailin called as she walked into the room. She had barely gotten the girls name out before
once again bursting into tears.
Jess was just coming out of the bathroom, dressed in her uniform, when Cailin called out for her.
Walking in the room, seeing the brunette crying, she made her way to her. As soon as her arms
were around Cailin, the girl's knees gave out, and Jess had to do her best to keep her up right.
She guided Cailin to the edge of the bed, sitting her down , Jess took the space next to her.
17

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jess softly rubbed up and down Cailins back. Cailin began to cry harder
and gripped Jess even tighter.
"Cailin, talk to me, what's going on?"
The brunette pulled away and began trying to wipe away the never ending stream of tears. She
fiddled with her hands for a moment, not making eye contact, as she started to speak.
"I..Maura…" Cailin takes a minute to try and get the words that have become bitter, out in an
understandable sentence.
Jess could visibly see Cailin's struggle. She reached out and took Cailins hand in her own. "Take
your time Cailin, I'm here."
Cailin took a deep breath.She knew the only way she was going to be able to get the words out
was to just say it. "Maura believes that I have Leukemia.I have to see an oncologist this
morning." Cailin took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm scared Jess.I know enough about this
disease to know that....." Cailin was stopped when Jess cut her off.
"No Cailin, you're not going to think about all of that. You are stronger than you know, and plus
you have all of us to get you through whatever may come. For now, you have to think positive.
You can't let the fear and negativity set in." Jess pulls Cailin back to her and hugs her tight. "No
matter what happens today, you are not alone."
Cailin buried her face in the redhead's neck. The moment was broken when Jess's alarm went off.
Sighing, she reluctantly released her hold on Cailin to shut it off. "I'm sorry Cailin.I have to get
to work, but if you want me to stay, I can call off."
Cailin shook her head and wiped away a few tears. "N-no Jess, it's okay, I'll be okay. You need
to get to work. I'll be with my mom." Cailin gave the redhead a weary smile. Just then, Maura
knocked on the door.
18

"Come in," Cailin called out.
"Hey girls. Jane already went in early this morning. Cailin, it’s up to you. Would you like me to
stay with you today or go to work?”
Cailin shook her head. “It’s OK Maur. There’s really nothing you can do right now.”
Maura nods as she pulls her sister to her. “OK, but have mom call me the minute she hears
something, OK?”
Cailin nods.
“ Jess, are riding in with me?" Maura began absentmindedly running her hand through Cailins
hair while waiting for Jess to answer.
"Yeah mom. I'm going to ride in with you. Just let me grab my belt and we can head out," Jess
says as she leaves the room to retrieve her gun belt from the safe that Jane stored hers in. She
was grateful for the exit as she needed a few minutes herself to let the bombshell Cailin just
dropped settle in.
Just the thought made her stomach twist into a ball. Not wanting to break down before leaving,
Jess took a deep breath, grabbed her gun belt, and headed back into the room to tell Cailin she
would see her later, and text her with any news the doctor may give her.
The ride to the station was a silent one between Maura and Jess. Both of them had thousands of
thoughts filtering through their minds, but neither one wanted to voice them. In a silent
understanding of a single look, they agreed to just take the news as it would come. If it was for
the worst then they would be there for Cailin in whatever way she needed.
19

When they arrived at the station Maura and Jess both sat in the car in silence for a moment
before Jess finally spoke. “Mom, I, I , I can’t....” In that moment the dam broke as Jess began to
sob. Maura wanted to hold and comfort her daughter, but found it difficult from the driver's seat
so she just opted for holding her hand. “It’s going to be okay Jess.”
“I don’t know if I should work today mom. I know there is nothing I can do but my mind is
going to be everywhere but work. If I had any other job maybe that would be okay. Not when
you're a cop. If my focus isn’t there, it could get me or my partner hurt or worse.”
Maura nodded. “You’re more than welcome to take my car Jess. I can ride home with Jane.”
Jess thought about it for a moment. “How in the hell can ma work right now?”
“We all process things differently Jess. I guarantee you Jane is hurting but she has never been
one to let her feelings show. For Jane, it’s better to throw herself into work and not think about it.
I guarantee you though, she is 100% certain she is in a good enough mindset to do the job or she
wouldn’t be here. She would never put Riley in danger like that. Jane can only make that call for
her and you need to make it for you.”
Jess nodded. “I think I need to go home. I’ll have to go in and talk to the watch commander. I’m
not going to go to my apartment though. I’m going to go to your house. I want to be there when
she gets home.”
Maua nodded. “If she gets bad news I have no intention of staying at work. Honestly, the only
reason I came was to get my mind off of the matter. I knew no matter how much I wanted to stay
with her, Cailin would insist I go to work,” Maura says with a slight laugh. “Sometimes I still
swear she is Jane’s sister instead of mine. The sarcasm, the stubbornness, the really bad jokes.”
That last bit made Jess chuckle. “Yeah they are a lot alike but, I guess i’ll go up and then get
back home. My other home that is,” she says with a smile.
20

Maura nods as she passes Jess the keys. “Do me a favor. Please don’t mention this to Blaire or
Callie if you see them before I do. Blaire’s at work and Callie is at school right now, but Jane
and I plan on talking to them tonight after we know more. The twins and Amelia, I, I haven’t
even decided how to handle that.”
Jess nods. “Yes ma’am.” Jess reaches out and hugs her mom and they walk into BPD before
going their separate ways.
Once she arrives back at her parents house, Jess changes out of her uniform into some of Jane’s
clothes. She was sure her ma wouldn’t mind. As she made her a cup of coffee, she couldn’t help
but marvel at how quiet the house seemed to be. When everyone was home, it was quite the
opposite. She was sitting at the table, deep in thought, when Emily walked through the door.
“Oh, hey Jess.” Emily gives the redhead a smile as she waves while juggling several bags in both
hands. “Here, let me help you with that”, Jess says, as she takes a few bags from the nanny.
“Thanks,” Emily says as she sits the remaining bags down and begins to unload them, revealing
a ton of cleaning supplies. She sees Jess looking and laughs. “What can I say? Personal Shopper,
Nanny, Cook, House cleaner, especially since all the little kids are in school now. I do it all. It’s
my choice of course. I like to stay busy.”
“Well, they are definitely grateful. Ma much prefers your cooking but don't’ tell Maura I told
you that. Ma either as far as that goes,” Jess says with a laugh.
"Maura asked me if I'd be willing to do some sanitizing this morning. In case……” Emily’s
voice trails off.
“In case Cailin has to start chemo,” Jess finished for her.
“I’m sorry Jess. I didn’t mean…..”
21

“No, don't apologize. It’s okay Em. We are all going to have to come to terms with it sooner
rather than later. I’m going to hold on to the hope that it's nothing serious, until I can’t though.
Would you like some help? I really wouldn’t mind keeping busy myself this morning?”
“Sure, I would appreciate that,” Emily says.
Even with keeping busy cleaning it seemed to Jess the day just dragged on and on. When it was
approaching noon, she was starting to get a bit antsy. She took a break from cleaning to get
herself a glass of tea from the fridge before walking towards the living room.“This is crazy, I
would have thought I would have heard something by now from someone”, Jess said as she
checked her phone for the millionth time.
As she looked up, she saw Maura and Jane walking through the front door. It was very clear that
Maura had been crying. As Jess and Maura’s eyes connected, Maura didn’t have to say anything.
Jess felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. “No. No! It can’t! They’re wrong mom.
They’re wrong!”
Before Jess knew it, she had taken the glass of tea she had just made herself and hurled it at the
wall in anger, shattering the glass and splattering tea everywhere.
Jane quickly walked up behind her daughter, taking her into a bear hold to tame her violent
outburst. “It’s okay Jess. Get it out.” She held Jess tight and let her scream until Jane was sure
her throat had to be sore. Finally, Jess slowly made her way to the floor, with her parents on
either side of her.
Maura brushed Jess’s hair away that was matted to her tear stained face. “Talk to me Jess,” she
said softly.
Jess was silent for several moments before replying. “I, I want….”
22

At that moment Cailin and Hope walked through the door and Jess immediately focused her eyes
on Cailin. What she felt didn’t matter in that moment.
Cailin immediately headed for Maura. After having what felt like the one millionth break down
of that day, she struggled to catch her breath, gulping for air. Maura quickly got up and led her
over to the couch and had her sit. It seemed like it took her forever to get out four words to
Maura.
“I’m going to die.”
As Jess watched Cailin and Maura fall apart, that feeling grew and got stronger and more
powerful than she had felt in years. As much as she cared about Cailin, she knew she needed to
immediately talk to someone. The 10th step of NA, continue to take inventory. When you are
wrong, promptly admit it.
Jess quickly made her way up from the floor and went over and gave Cailin a hug. “We’ve got
you Cailin. You’re not alone in this. “ Jess squeezes Cailin’s hand. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Cailin nods and Jess turns her attention back to Jane.
“Ma, can you and I go up to your room and talk for a minute?”
“Yeah, of course,” Jane says as she puts her hand on Jess’s back and guides the red head up
towards her and Maura’s room.
Jess stops for a moment to thank Emily, who is cleaning up the shattered mess on the living
room floor.
When they entered the room, Jess closed the door behind them and went and sat on the bed as
tears started to fall. “I, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Jane is at her daughter's side in a flash “ Hey, what are you sorry about Jess? What’s going on?”
23

“I’m, I'm selfish. Cailin could be dying and I, all I can, I, I…” Jess doesn’t even want the words
to leave her mouth.”
“Talk to me Jess.” Jane sits down on the bed beside the redhead and begins to gently rub her
back. She would do that with all her kids when they were upset.
Jess sat in silence, garnishing the courage to say what she needed to say.
“Cailin could be dying, and i’m sitting down there thinking about how bad I want drugs right
now so I don't have to deal.” As the words escape her mouth, Jess begins to sob.
Jane holds tightly to Jess. She wished in this moment that she could take away everyone's pain
and worry. After a few moments Jane separated from her daughter and wiped away her fallen
tears.
"Jess, I think it would be a good idea to meet with your sponsor or go to a meeting, whichever
you prefer . No one has to know where you've gone but I think it would do some good sweetie.
Go take care of yourself and come back with a clear mind and then sit and talk with Cailin. I'll go
down and tell some of my ridiculously horrible jokes until you come back. Okay?"
Jess chuckled and wiped away a few more tears before nodding. "Yeah,okay.I'll call my
sponsor.Thanks ma."
Jane placed a kiss on top of Jess's head. "Anytime kiddo. I’m proud of you for coming to me
Jess."
24

Chapter Three- “My Sister’s Keeper”
Later that evening after everyone had eaten dinner, Maura and Hope were in the kitchen cleaning
up. As Maura scrubbed away at the dishes, she spoke to her mom.
“I was wondering if maybe Cailin could move in with Jane and I while she is going through
treatment? I plan on asking her but I wanted to speak to you about it first. I would just like to
have her close to me if anything happens. If you want, you are welcome to move in as well. We
will be pretty full but I could find a place for you. Even though Jane protests about it sometimes,
she enjoys having a rowdy house full.”
Hope hesitated for a moment. “No Maura, I couldn't do that to you and Jane. You two already
have your hands full, I know Cailin is in good hands with you for a while. With my work
schedule it would be hard to…”
“Excuse me?” Maura interrupted her mom while dropping her jaw in disbelief. “I’m planning on
taking a leave of absence. You’re telling me you’re not? That’s your daughter for God sake.”
“You know what Maura? I have absolutely had it with you playing judge and jury today. If
you’ll excuse me,” Hope says as she heads out the back door, slamming it behind her.
Maura sighs as she dries her hands on a dish towel. As she walks towards the living room she
hears a scuffle ensuing between her three youngest kids. Abby was biting Maddy and Maddy had
a hold of a handful of Abby’s hair. Amelia was pinching both twins.
“Hey, enough! Stop this right now!” Maura quickly scooped a twin under each arm. “Jane!” she
calls out, exasperation clear in her voice. Emily comes scrambling down the stairs upon hearing
Maura, followed by Riley. “Sorry Maura, I just stepped out for two seconds.”
25

Emily was sure if looks could kill, the look Maura shot her would have been deadly. “Why
exactly am I paying you? You’re supposed to be watching the kids. Not having play time with
your girlfriend.”
“Wow,” Riley interjected. “Dial back the bitch meter Maura. That was uncalled for.”
“Did I ask for your input Riley? This matter is between Emily and I,” Maura said, her voice icy
and cold.
“Hey, it’s not her fault your kids act like Satan incarnate.”
Maura’s eyes widened as she placed Maddy and Abby back on the floor. “You know what
Riley? Go fuck yourself.”
Out of Maura’s grip, the twins and Amelia immediately began to once again tussle on the floor.
Jane walked down the stairs to find Riley and Maura at each other's throats, while neither were
paying attention to the twins and Amelia who were battling it out on the floor. Emily just looked
petrified and frozen in place.
Jane let out an ear piercing whistle that got the attention of adults and kids alike.
Jane quickly put the three kids in opposite places in the living room. “Don’t move,” she said
while turning her attention back to the adults.
“Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
Maura and Riley both started to explain, yelling a top of one another.
“One at a time!” Jane said, the annoyance in her voice ringing loud and clear.
26

“She said our kids are satan incarnate,” Maura said, shooting Riley a glare.
“She was being a complete bitch to Emily. How is it Em’s fault that they don’t listen,” Riley
defended.
Jane glanced over her shoulder at the three kids.
“Amelia, Maddy, Abby, did mommy ask you to stop?”
All three nodded nervously.
Jane pointed up the stairs. “You three go to your room please. I will be up shortly. All three on
your beds, “ she called over her shoulder as the kids headed up the stairs.
Jane turned her attention back to Maura and Riley. “Listen you two, everyone is on edge right
now. You can cut the tension in the air with a knife. We’re in this together. We’re not going to
let this rip us apart. Got it?”
“Got it”, Jane heard a voice from across the room. She looked up to see Hope looking at Maura.
“I’m sorry Maura.’
“I’m sorry mom.”
What followed was a course of i’m sorry’s.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Jane said, placing an arm around her wife, we are going to go deal with our
little devils.” She shot Riley a grin who apologized once again.
27

Jane and Maura stopped just outside of the kids door. “Maur, you know I don’t do it often but I
think I need to give them a spanking. We don’t want them to get into the habit of not listening.
Are you okay with that? ”
While Maura had agreed to let Jane spank the kids when she deemed it necessary, Jane still
would never do so without discussing it with her wife first. She firmly believed that those
decisions were to be made together.
Jane could see the hesitation on Maura’s face. Even though she had agreed, it still broke her
heart when it came to that. Jane pulled her wife to her and kissed her. “I’m just going to give
them a couple swats a piece Maur. Amelia is older so i’ll give her three. Just enough to make
them think twice next time. They’ll be okay. I promise. Their feelings are going to be hurt more
than their behinds.”
Maura nodded. “Okay, go ahead Jane. I’ll go wait for you in our room.”
While Maura had agreed to it, she always left it to Jane to handle because it was hard for her.
Jane walked into the kids room and sat down on Amelia’s bed. “So, does someone want to tell
me why we were fighting down there?”
“I said I have a boyfriend,” Amelia said so matter of factly it was all Jane could do to contain her
laughter, reminding herself that Maura was not there to take over this time.
“Okay, go on,” Jane says.
“Then Maddy said she was going to get a boyfriend when she was older and Abby told her she
would get a boyfriend first because she is older than Maddy. I said that’s right because i’m the
oldest and I have a boyfriend already. We made Maddy mad.”
28

“Who’s this boyfriend you speak of Amelia?” Jane says, arching her eyebrow at her seven year
old. "You’re not allowed to date until you are 30.” Jane smiled at the 7 year old before
continuing. We do not bite, pinch, or pull each other's hair or do anything else that hurts each
other. Do you all understand?”
All three girls nodded.
“Now, when mommy asks you to stop and you don’t listen, I have a problem with that. So all of
you are going to get a spanking for not listening to mommy.”
At the mention of a spanking, all three girls began to cry. Starting with Amelia, Jane gave her
three swats on her behind, followed by two swats a piece for Maddy and Abby. Keeping in mind
their age, Jane didn’t swat them overly hard, just enough to have a slight sting to let them know
she meant business.
When it was over, Jane managed to hold all three of them at once, comforting them while they
cried. After a few minutes, she stood them all up in front of her.
“You will listen to mommy going forward. If you don’t, next time I am going to really warm up
those hineys. Do you understand?”
“Yes ma’am”, all three girls said with teary voices.
“Okay, now I want all three of you to go tell mommy you are sorry,” Jane says, pointing across
the hall to her and Maura’s room. When they got there the room was empty so Jane and the girls
went downstairs in search of Maura. They found her, Riley, Emily, and Hope sitting talking in
the living room.
Amelia, Abby, and Maddy walked up to Maura and all three climbed in her lap. “We’re sorry
mommy,” the girls said in unison. Maura reached out and hugged all three at once. “Thank you
girls. Now maybe you should apologize to each other, yes?”
29

Then there was a trio of i’m sorry’s and hugs for the second time that night.
“Okay girls, go back up to your room. Emily will be up shortly to get you ready for bed and me
and mommy will come up to tuck you all in,” Jane said, kissing each child on the head as they
passed.
After the girls were gone, Jane turned her attention to Maura and Riley.
“Now, are you two playing nice or do I need to give the grown ups a spanking also?”
Riley busted out into laughter. “Now Jane, you know that wouldn’t work for Maura. I still
remember the great handcuff predicament of five years ago. I haven’t forgotten,” she said
raising an eyebrow at both women while breaking into another round of laughter.
“Ry, Stop it,” Emily said, swatting at her girlfriend while her cheeks turned a deep shade of red.
Hope looked back and forth from her daughter to her daughter in’ law. “I’m not going to ask.”
“I told you she’d never let me live that down,” Jane said as she looked at Maura shaking her head
causing Riley to break into another round of laughter.
Just then, Cailin and Jess walked through the door. “What’s so funny?” Cailin looked at Riley
questioningly. Riley had to compose herself before she could answer.
“Remember the handcuff incident five years ago? So Jane, Jane said”, Riley falls into another fit
of laughing. “She, she,” she’s fighting to stop laughing. Finally she manages to calm down,
gulping to take in some air. “She, the twins were, and me and Maura, and. Jane,” she loses it
once again.
“Oh come on Coop, it wasn’t that funny,” Jane says shaking her head.
30

“So, the twins were acting like little hellions earlier and Jane gave them a spanking. Maura and I,
I guess, weren't acting any better, and she asked if the grown ups needed a spanking. So I had to
remind her of the great handcuff incident. That’s all.”
Cailin bursts into laughter while Jess just shakes her head. “Just so you know, I was scarred from
that. So thanks for that unwanted reminder,” Cailin remarked with a grin.
“Yeah, still not going to ask,” Hope repeats again.
Emily looks at Maura. “What do you think? Should we exchange them?”
Maura just shakes her head.
“Well, as much as I would love to hang around with you crazy people, Jess and I are going to
head to bed,” Cailin says with a laugh.
“Hey Cailin, before you go, I wanted to talk to you. I am planning on taking a leave from work. I
would like for you to stay here with Jane and I while you are doing treatment. What do you
think?”
“I guess that would be okay. But what about my apartment?”
“You can sublet it. If we can’t find a renter Jane and I will pay it for you. The important thing is
for you to be here where you have support.”
Cailin nods. “Okay, it’s not like you’re going to let me tell you no anyway,” Cailin says with a
weak smile. She walks over and hugs her sister, followed by her mom. “I love ya’ll.”
“We love you to baby,” Hope says running her hand through Cailin’s hair. “I’ll see you
tomorrow, Okay? Try to get some rest.”
31

Cailin nods as she heads up the stairs.
Maura turns her attention to Hope. “Mom, I….” Hope holds up her hand. “Please Maura, I can’t
talk about this. Not right now. Give me a few days. Please? I love her. Just know that I love her,
Okay?”
Maura nods.
“Thank you for making sure she is taken care of,” Hope said as she felt the tears springing to her
eyes again.
“Of course mom. She’s my sister.” Hope quickly wipes her eyes and hugs her daughter. “I’m
going to go.” Maura nods, hugging her mom before showing her out the door.
Riley and Emily had gone upstairs to get the kids ready for bed and Maura and Jane stood alone
in their living room. “We never talked to Callie and Blaire or the little ones." Maura let out a
groan.
“No worries babe. We can do it tomorrow. This has been a crazy enough day. We can talk to
Cailin tomorrow and see if she wants us to talk to them or to talk to them herself.” Maura nods.
"Okay love, let’s go tuck the girls in and head to bed.”
32

Chapter Four- “Where Do We Go From Here”
Cailin and Jess walked into the bedroom that they had been sharing for a couple days now. Jess
sat down on the edge of the bed, followed by Cailin.
The brunette noticed earlier in the night that Jess had left and hadn't returned for a few hours.
She knew she had no right to ask but her curiosity got the better of her. "So, where did you
disappear to earlier tonight? Do you have a girlfriend that you're hiding from all of us?" Cailin
asked only half jokingly.
Jess laughed a little. "No, I'm not hiding away a girlfriend. I just needed to get out is all." Cailin
could see that although Jess's face told her this was true, her eyes said differently.
"Come on Jess, you can tell me you know."
Jess nervously shifted. She wanted to tell Cailin, but at the same didn't want her to feel
responsible for it. She knew that much like Jane, Cailin wouldn't give up until she knew, so she
decided to just come out with it. "I,um,I went to meet with my sponsor tonight after you came
home with the news." Jess looked away, and stared at a spot on the carpet, trying to get the
courage to continue. "I,I felt so selfish because here you were scared of the confirmation you
received from the doctor, and in that moment all I wanted to do was run. Run away from all
these things and get high just to forget it all even if it was just for a little while. I talked to ma,
and she told me it would be best for me to go to a meeting or meet with my sponsor. I did the
latter and I'm glad I did."
"Jess, I'm so sorry," Cailin said as her voice began to crack. She hated this disease already
because of what it was doing to everyone around her. Jess's attention snapped, her eyes looked
up to meet Cailins.
"No, you don't have to be sorry Cailin. It’s not your fault. If you hadn't broken the news, or you
would have never been diagnosed with this, something else would have set off the thoughts I was
33

having earlier tonight." The redhead watched the tears start to stream down Cailins face. Acting
quickly,she pulled the brunette into a hug. "Don't cry," she says softly. "You are going to beat
this Cailin, and we are all going to do whatever we can, in any way we can, to make sure that
you do." Jess did her best to fight the tears that threatened to fall. She wanted to cry, scream,
even be angry at God. Someone like Cailin didn't deserve this, no one does. She fought all of
that to be strong for the brunette who,no doubt, needed all the strength from her family to face
this disease head on.
Cailin clung to Jess as if she was the only thing tethering her. After a few minutes, she pulled
away slightly. Jess quickly wiped away the brunette's tears. As she did so, their eyes locked onto
one another. Jess hesitated a minute before leaning in and placing a gentle, soft kiss on Cailin’s
lips. She was surprised when the brunette didn't pull away.
The first few kisses are slow, intimate but gradually became a little sloppy as they deepened.
Cailin put her hand to Jess's chest and pulled away. Not only did she need to breathe, but she was
concerned about the feelings that kissing Jess brought to the surface. Never had she ever been
kissed with such sweetness and tenderness. Jess's voice pulled her from her thoughts.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Jess said, a little uncertain herself.
Cailin places her hand on the side of Jess's face softly. "Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything
that I wasn't already thinking about," she said as her cheeks blushed.
"I, I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or taking advan…" Jess's words were cut short
by Cailins lips on hers.
As Cailin slowly pulled away she spoke.“I said you are not doing anything I haven’t already
been thinking about.”
“Cailin, I, I want this so much but…” Once again Jess was cut off by Cailin kissing her, this time
deeper than the others as she guided Jess down on the bed.
34

“I’ve never had anyone make me feel like this Jess, ever. You’re,” Cailin pulls Jess into her to
kiss her again, “so sweet and tender. I, I know we should probably stop right now, but I want this
Jess. Will you make love to me? Please? I want to know how it feels for you to make love to
me.”
Jess slowly nods as both hands find purchase on the burnett's hips before sliding up to gently
massage Cailin’s breasts through her shirt. Soon, Jess sat up and tugged at the hem of her shirt
and whispered into Cailin’s ear.
“Off.” Cailin obliges before taking Jess’s shirt off and removing her bra with one fluid motion.
Jess pulls Cailin to her so she can remove Cailin’s bra as well. When the offending piece of
clothing was removed, Jess marveled at the sight of Cailins bare chest. Slowly, she started
kissing Cailin’s breasts before taking a nipple into her mouth and gently sucking while rolling
the other between her fingers. Cailin let out a squeak when Jess grabbed tightly and rolled her
onto her back. Jess slowly kissed her way down Cailin’s abdomen, stopping at her pants line.
“Are you sure you want this Cailin? We can stop. I don’t want to do something you will regret
later.”
“Yes, Jess, I want this. Please don’t stop now.”
Jess helps Cailin remove her pants before removing her own. Jess slowly lowered her body down
onto the brunette, relishing the feeling of their skin to skin embrace. She begins to kiss her
deeply while simultaneously slowly working her hand down the brunette's abdomen, teasing her
a bit as she traced her hands around her pelvis and inner thighs. Finally, she brought her hand
down between Cailin’s legs, brushing lightly, which sent tingles all over Cailin’s body as she
slightly moaned.
“Shhhhhhh,” Jess brings up her finger to Cailin’s lips before returning to between her legs and
starting to gently stroke her through her underwear. Cailin bucks her hips upwards and moans at
the friction. Jess kisses her deeply to silence her moans.
35

“Hey Jess,” Cailin says, as repositions herself back on top of the redhead. “Yes, Cailin?” Jess
takes advantage of this position , taking Cailin’s nipple into her mouth and gently sucking, while
returning her hand and continuing to stroke her between her legs.
“I, I, Oh God. That feels so good.” Cailin gets lost in the moment, just enjoying the intense
feeling of pleasure between her legs. She tries again. “I, I, I have never felt anything like this
before. You’re, you’re so loving, so caring.”
Jess looks up at Cailin, locking eyes with her.“I love you Cailin. I have always loved you. I’ve
been dreaming of this for five years. I wanted to be with you. At the time though, I needed a
family more than I needed a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend before. I never had a mom though.”
Seeing tears in Jess’s eyes, Cailin reaches up and brushes her tears away.“Why can’t you have
both?”
Cailin turns around and repositions herself on top of Jess so her back is to the redhead. She bends
down so Jess still has full access to her, as she reaches her hand down and brings it between
Jess’s legs, feeling her jump at Cailin’s touch.
She quickly turns her head. “Did I do something wrong Jess?”
“No Cailin, I, I, “ Jess begins to cry, unable to say what she needed to.
Cailin quickly turns herself back around to face Jess. “Talk to me Jess. What is it?”
“Blaire’s dad, he, um, he,” Jess didn’t have to say anymore. Cailin knew.
“I, I haven’t had sex since it happened. Since i’ve been with Jane and Maura, I haven’t dated
anyone. I was too busy trying to get my life together. It’s not your fault Cailin.”
36

Cailin kisses Jess’s cheek where a fresh tear has fallen. “It’s not yours either. You’re safe with
me Jess. I would never do anything to hurt you. Do you want me to continue?”
Jess smiled and nodded.
Cailin resumed her position as she gently started stroking her hand between Jess’s legs. She had
to stifle the moan that wanted to escape when she felt Jess move her underwear to the side and
begin to slowly start rubbing small circles directly on her clit. She nudged at Jess’s underwear,
and the redhead helped her remove them while she simeotaneously removed Cailin’s.
Cailin moaned once again as Jess pulled her closer to her and began to gently suck her clit. She
quickly buried herself in between Jess’s legs, not just to pleasure her, but to hide her own moans
of passion.
Cailin quickly felt herself building to an orgasam, and judging by Jess’s body actions, she was
close as well. “M-more Jess,” Cailin begged before she returned to pleasuring Jess. Jess sucked
harder pushing Cailin over the edge. “Oh my God, yes Jess, Yes! That is, Oh, oh, God!” “As
Cailins orgasam rocked through her, she began to rub Jess’s clit furiously, pushing her over the
edge as well.
“Yes! Cailin," was all Jess was able to say as she fought to catch her breath.
Cailin twisted around to lay in Jess's arms. For the next hour, the two just laid in each other's
arms, cherishing what they had just experienced. Jess was the first to speak.
"You know, if we are going to continue this, you are going to have to learn to be quiet," she said
with a laugh. Cailin scoffed and then laughed herself.
"I was a bit loud, wasn't I?" Cailin laughed as she stroked her fingers up and down the redheads
arms.
37

"Just a little, but since no one barged in, I'll take it as no one heard." Jess couldn't help but laugh
again, receiving a pinch to a still sensitive nipple. The silence and darkness of the room had Jess
quickly dozing off before Cailin shifted onto her elbow and spoke.
"Jess? Are you asleep?"
"Hmmm? No. I'm awake, are you okay?" Jess tries to refocus her eyes on the brunette.
Cailin hesitated before speaking. "Do you mean what you said earlier? That you're in love with
me and that you've been waiting five years for this, for us?" Jess shifted to sit up.
"I meant every word Cailin, I don't expect you to feel the same but yes I'm in love with you and
have been wanting this for five years. We can take this as slow as you want, but you have to
know one thing." Jess takes Cailins hand in hers.
"What's that?"
"Now that this has happened, I don't think I could go back to the way it was before tonight. I'm
sorry if that frightens you, and I'm not going to push. We will take it one day at a time. If in the
morning you decide that this was it, then I would try my best to be okay, because at least we had
tonight."
Cailin couldn't see Jess's face but she didn't need to because she could feel everything in the
redheads touch. She didn't know what would happen with her diagnosis but she didn't want Jess
to guess about how she felt for her. Cailin reached up and took Jess's face in her hands.
"I'm in love with you too Jess, and yes I'm scared and will be more so going forward but I don't
want to think of that tonight. I just want to lay in your arms and forget everything else for the
moment." She could feel Jess smile.
38

"I can do that," Jess replied and so they laid skin to skin in each other's arms not thinking of what
tomorrow would bring. All that mattered tonight was the here and now.
39

Chapter Five -“Forbidden Love”
The next morning Cailin awoke to find Jess standing at the window looking out, clearly lost in
thought.
“A penny for your thoughts,” Cailin says as she gets up and walks across the room, wrapping her
arms around the redhead. Jess turns, taking Cailin into her arms. “Just thinking about things,” she
says as she kisses Cailin lightly.
“Are you having second thoughts?” Cailin held her breath waiting for a response.
Jess sighs. “Cailin, last night was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. But....”
Cailin interrupts Jess.“But, I knew there would be a but," she says as loosens her grip on the
redhead to walk away only for Jess to pull her back.
“Cailin, it’s not that I have regrets. I don’t. It’s just, how is this supposed to work? How am I
supposed to tell mom I slept with her sister? God, that shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.”
“Oh come on Jess. You’re not her real daughter.”
Cailin immediately knew she said the wrong thing when she saw the hurt on Jess’s face.
“I’m sorry. It’s not, I didn’t mean, of course you are her daughter Jess. That’s not what I meant.
Jane and Maura never adopted you. There’s nothing to stop us from being together.”
Jess sighs as she walks over and sits on the bed. “Legally, no. However, regardless of whether I
am legally considered her child or not, I am her child Cailin. That’s not something that is ever
going to change. I definitely think it needs to be something we consider as we decide how to
move forward with this."
40

Jess wraps Cailin in her arms and pulls her to her placing another kiss on her lips. “I’m not
having any regrets,” she repeats, trying to put Cailin’s mind at ease. “I just think we need some
time to figure out how we want to do this. I don’t even begin to know how to have that
conversation with ma and mom.
There was a knock on the door and both girls scrambled for their still discarded clothes from the
night before off the floor. “Just a second,” Cailin calls as her and Jess eye each other with panic.
“Cailin, I was just wondering if you could join Jane and I downstairs for breakfast? We would
like to talk to you before the kids get up.” Cailin nods. “Okay Maur, i’ll be right down.”
“Can I come?” Jess stares through the door waiting for a reply.
“Of course Jess. What are you two doing in there?”
“Just getting dressed mom,” Jess says, hoping her voice isn’t dripping with guilt.
"Okay, well you two try to hurry, don't want your breakfast getting cold," Maura calls from the
opposite side of the door. Cailin listens to her sister retreating before laughing.
Jess looks at Cailin with wide eyes, while trying to brush her hair out before pulling it into a
ponytail. "What are you laughing at?" Cailin is still laughing as she walks over to Jess.
"It's just funny because I've never had to put clothes on that quickly in order to not get caught
naked, it was like we were teens again." Cailin brushes her hair while trying to calm her laughter.
“I wouldn’t laugh yet until we find out what she wants. I told you that you were being too loud ,
Cailin.”
Cailin bursts out laughing yet again. “Why are you acting like a kid that’s about to get grounded?
You’re 23 years old.”
41

Jess arches an eyebrow at Cailin. “This is ma we’re talking about.” At that statement both girls
start to laugh again.
A little while later both girls come down and join Jane and Maura at the table. "Morning girls,
How did you two sleep?" Jane peers over her coffee cup at the girls as she takes a sip.
Jess's eyes went wide before darting in Cailins direction. “Did she hear us last night?” Jess tried
to push the thought away, and tried to ignore how red and flushed her face had become.
"Jess? You alright there kiddo?" Jane pulled the brunette from her thoughts. Jess cleared her
throat. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine," she replies, looking back at Cailin. She was thankful when Maura
placed a plate in front of her.
"Thanks mom," Jess says with a smile.
"You’re welcome sweetie, did you girls get some rest last night? You two headed up pretty
early," Maura asks as she hands Jane her plate and then Cailin before taking her seat next to
Jane.
"Yeah,we went for a walk last night and when we got home we were kinda tired so we just
watched a movie until we fell asleep." Cailin answers as she takes a bite from her toast.
"Well, being tired comes with the diagnosis, which is something Jane and I wanted to discuss
with you. Blaire, Callie and the littles don't know anything yet. Jane and I want to know if you
would like for us to inform them or if you would rather do it yourself. " Maura watched the
expression instantly change on her sister's face.
Jess placed her hand on Cailins leg, giving it a gentle squeeze, a sign of support. Cailin took a
deep breath before continuing. "I think it would be better for me if I told Blaire and Callie
myself." Maura and Jane nodded in understanding.
42

"What about the littles?" Cailin shifted nervously. "Would you guys talk to them? I just don't
know how to tell two 5 year olds and a 7 year old about this."
Maura reached across the table for her sister's hand. "It's okay Cailin, we can just tell them you
are sick but that you are going to get better." Maura gave the brunette a small smile, after all it
wasn't a lie. Cailin was sick but she would get better. “She's going to beat this”, Maura thought to
herself.
Callie was the first of the girls to be told of Cailin’s diagnosis.
"Wow, Cailin I'm so sorry," Callie said after hugging her. "You're going to beat this. You’re a
lot like ma so I know you are not going to give up without a fight." Callie smiled at Cailin and
gave her a nudge. "Right?"
Cailin smiled. "Right." Cailin knew of all the possible challenges she would be facing moving
forward but with the support of her family she was scared but determined to beat this. Jane and
Maura handled talking to the twins and Amelia now the only person left was Blaire.
Cailin pulled out her phone and called Blaire. The blonde answered on the second ring.
"Hey B, are you busy right now?" Cailin nervously fidgeted with a loose string on her shirt.
"No, I'm just leaving the boys and girls club. I needed to drop off a few things before I figure out
what I'm going to do with my day off," Blaire remarked with a laugh.
"Would you or could you come by the house? There's something I need to tell you before you
hear it from someone else." Cailin didn't have to ask twice.
"I'll be there in 10," was all Blaire said before hanging up.
43

10 minutes later the brunette came through the back door. "Cailin?"
"In the living room," she called back. When Blaire rounded the couch she could see that Cailin
had been crying. Quickly dropping her bag, she sat down next to the upset girl and hugged her.
"Hey, what's the matter? Why are you crying? Is it Jess? Did she do something to hurt you
because I swear…" Blaire’s rant was cut off by Cailin throwing her hand over her mouth.
"I'm going to move my hand but when I do, I just want you to listen and not say a word until I'm
done, understood?" Blaire nodded. Cailin slowly pulled her hand away.
"You know Cailin, if you were anyone else, I would have licked your hand for covering my
mouth like that," Blaire said with a grin.
"Okay, first off gross and secondly, what did you mean when you asked if Jess hurt me?" Cailin
asked in a hushed tone, not to draw attention from Jane and Maura.
"C’mon Cailin I may be a little dense sometimes but I'm not blind. I've seen the way the two of
you look at each other. I don't know how my moms haven't noticed. I mean, you two have only
been doing it for the last 5 years." Cailins face blushed, causing Blaire to laugh.
Blaire leaned in closer to Cailin. "Did something finally happen between you two?"
"No, I mean yes, but we can talk about that later," Cailin uttered.
"Ha! I knew it!" Blaire said loudly,causing Cailin to shush her before covering her mouth again.
This time, Blaire did lick her.
"Eww! Blaire gross!" The blonde laughed. "I warned you." Cailin huffed. "We can talk about
that later but that's not why I asked you to come over."
44

Blaire could tell by Cailins tone and the serious look on her face, that joking time was over.
"Okay, I'm listening. What's wrong?"
Cailin breathed deeply. "I don't know how else to say this. Blaire, I have cancer, Leukemia to be
exact." Blaire sat back with a look of confusion and anger. "What? H-how, no, no! That has to be
a mistake." Blaire looked to Cailin for any signs that what she was just told wasn't true but found
none. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Unfortunately it's not kiddo." Blaire turned to see Jane and Maura in the threshold of the living
room.
"Ma, mom tell me that she's lying, tell me there's been a mistake!" Blaire pleaded, but when
neither one said anything Blaire knew it wasn't a joke by a long shot. She looked to Cailin then
back to her parents with tears welling up in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away before
heading for the door.
Cailin was about to follow when Jane stopped her. "I'll go after her, she'll be okay." Jane hugged
her sister in law before heading out the front door after her daughter.
Maura's heart was breaking for her sister, her kids, her mother, for everyone. When Cailin looked
at her, ready to burst into tears,Maura quickly sat down next to her and hugged her tightly.
"It's okay Cailin, Jane will bring her back. It was better for her to hear it from you sweetie."
Maura remarked as she held her. Cailin began to sob as she clung to her sister.
A little while later Jane comes back inside. Maura and Cailin looked up and Maura was the first
to speak. "Is she okay?" Her voice was full of concern.
Jane sighed and rubbed her neck. "I think she will be okay, she just needs some time to process
and cool off. Cailin she's not upset with you, I think she's just feeling a lot of emotions right now.
I told her to come and talk to you when she's ready." Cailin nodded.
45

A few hours later, Jess came in through the back door and spotted Blaire making some coffee.
"Hey Blaire, how's the boys and girls club?" Jess placed her bag on the floor and made her way
over to the fridge. Blaire didn't answer so Jess tried again. "Hello, earth to Blaire."
This time the blonde spoke with venom in her words. "Did you know?" Jess closed the fridge,
confusion evident on her face.
"Know what?" Jess stared blankly at her sister.
"Did you know that Cailin is sick?" Blaire’s anger was apparent as her voice was steadily rising.
"Blaire I'm sorry, it wasn't my place to tell you," Jess said in her defense.
Blaire scoffed. "So it's okay for you to fuck my aunt but not tell me she's got fucking cancer?!"
Blaire yelled loudly, causing Jess's eyes to widen. "Now hold on a damn minute Blaire!" Jess
yelled back clinching both her fists in anger. Callie and Cailin came running in from the living
room, where they had clearly heard every word.
Cailin stared at both girls, anger and hurt evident on her face as the tears sprang to her eyes.
“How could you Blaire? You better hope Jane and Maura didn’t hear that. I’ll never forgive
you.”
“Maybe you should have asked me before you blabbed something private, Cailin,” Jess said,
with her voice rising with every word.
“Oh fuck you Jess,” Blaire says as she lunges for the red head. Callie quickly jumps in pulling
Blaire back. “Knock it off, Blaire!
“Mind your own fucking business Callie,” Blaire says coldly..
Hearing yelling, Jane and Maura come flying down the stairs.
46

"What the hell is going on down here? Why is everyone yelling?" Jane turned to Jess and Blaire
and witnessed the two girls staring each other down.
"Why don't you fucking ask Jess or better yet Cailin," Blaire spits back knowing her words hit
where she wanted by the look on Jess's face.
"Hey! Watch that tone Blaire." Jane remarks.
"Fuck off ma! I'm not a child anymore!" Blaire knew she was treading on thin ice but she didn't
care at the moment.
"You're right Blaire, you're not a child anymore so stop acting like one before I treat you like
one.” Jane stared the blonde down daring her to disrespect her just one more time. Jane was
about at her wits end. Maura decided to step in before things got too far out of hand and before
the twins and Amelia could walk in on all the fighting.
"Will someone please tell us what is going on here so we can get it straightened out? I don't
know how much more fighting I can handle," Maura said looking at everyone.
Jane looks at Jess then Cailin, Callie, and back to Blaire. "Well? Anybody?" Jane throws her
hands in the air waiting for someone to speak. Jess looked at Cailin as if asking permission but
Cailin immediately shook her head no.
Jess not being sure on how to proceed made the decision to leave. "Look, I'm just going to go to
my apartment tonight, I'll come by in the morning." The redhead snatched her bag off the floor
and stormed out slamming the door behind her before anyone could protest.
Cailin was the first one to head upstairs after Jess left. They sat in silence for a few minutes
before Callie spoke up. "I can't believe you talked to Ma like that and seriously Blaire that was a
47

bitch move to blurt that out about Cailin and Jess," she said, not looking up from the book she
was reading.
The blonde sighed. "I know, I was just mad. I have all of these emotions fighting to surface and I
don't know, I guess I don't know how to voice them."
"You might want to start by apologizing to Cailin and Jess. You need to apologize to ma also. I
know you want to be angry and that's okay but you have to know that this is no one's fault."
Blaire smiled at the teen. "And when did you get so grown up?" Callie smiled at the blonde who
she considered her sister.
Back in the kitchen Jane and Maura looked at each other and spoke in unison. "What the hell was
that all about?" They both shook their heads and chuckled before embracing each other.
"I'm going to call Em and Riley and see if they wouldn't mind taking the girl's for the night. It's
obvious Cailin and Blaire have some things they need to work out and I don't want them to hear
any yelling or fighting that may happen." Maura said as she rubbed up and down Jane's back,
feeling her relax under her touch.
Jane sighed. "Is this how it's going to be for awhile Maur? Everyone fighting all the time?"
"I don't know my love, I just know everyone processes news like this differently, but I hope that
everyone can get on the same page soon because I don't know how much more fighting I can
handle or you for that matter."
"I hope so too Maur," Jane kisses the top of the blonde's head before pulling away. "I'm going to
go up and talk with Cailin, maybe she can fill me in on what just happened and I'll get the girls
ready to go over to Em's."
"Thank you Jane," Maura says with a smile as she picked up her phone to dial Emily.
48

Chapter Six “ Tears From The Heart”
Later that afternoon Blaire made her way downstairs in search of Jane. Her feet felt as if they had
fifty pound weights attached to her ankles, and her stomach felt as if she had swallowed a
boulder. In her teen years, Blaire had gotten in her share of trouble with drinking and drugs. At
her worst, she had never disrespected her ma like she had today. She screwed up bad and she
knew it. She was dreading having to face her. She found Jane in the kitchen, finishing up some
dishes.
“Hey Ma, I, I think we should probably talk. Do you mind coming up to my room for a bit?”
Jane simply nodded. “Give me a few minutes.”
“Yes ma’am,” Blaire says quietly. She heads back to her room as she fights back the lump in her
throat.
When she gets back upstairs she finds Callie laying on her bed drawing in a sketch journal.
“Hey Cal, ma is about to come up. Would you mind if I talk to her privately for a bit?. I don’t
really want you to have to witness my murder,” she says, only half joking.
Callie nods as she puts the book to the side on her nightstand. “Sure. I’ll go for a walk.”
As Callie made her way to the door Blaire called behind her. “Hey, Cal?”
“Yeah B?”
“I owe you an apology also. I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did, anymore than the way
I spoke to ma.”
49

“Thank you Blaire. I appreciate the apology,” Callie says as she turns back towards Blaire and
smiles, before turning and exiting the room, passing Jane on her way out. After she exits, Jane
closes the door behind her before walking over to Blaire’s desk and taking a seat.
“Ma, I don’t have an excuse. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Obviously,” Jane remarks, raising an eyebrow at her daughter. "What the hell was that down
there Blaire? When me and mom walked in, it looked like you and Jess were about to start
throwing punches." Jane waited patiently for Blaire to answer. She watched as every emotion
possible flashed across the young girl's face.
"I'm sorry ma, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, I shouldn't have spoken to anyone here
like that." Blaire wiped at a tear that rolled it's way down her cheek. “I was so upset about Cailin
and I…” Jane cuts Blaire off before she can continue.
" I know that Cailin’s diagnosis is a lot to take in. It has been for every single one of us. It's okay
to be angry, it's okay to cry, but you can't take it out on your family. We all are here for each
other to lean on and we are all going to get through this together. We are all going to put on
brave faces and be strong for Cailin but Blaire,Cailin being sick does not excuse the disrespect
you showed today."
By this point the young blondes tears were flowing. Jane stood and made her way over to sit next
to her daughter. “You didn’t tell me what brought this on Blaire. I would like an answer please. I
know it’s more than Cailin.”
Jane was met with silence.
“Blaire Elizabeth, I asked you a question. I expect an answer. If Jess is falling into old habits, or
she's in some kind of trouble, I need you to tell me so I can do something about it."
50

"No, ma it's nothing like that. Jess isn't in any kind of trouble, she's clean, " Blaire stated, finding
humor in the fact that less than an hour ago, she was ready to throw punches with Jess but now
found herself defending her.
"Well what was it then Blaire, because mom and I have just about had it with all the fighting,"
Jane remarked.
“I, I can’t ma. I’m sorry but I can’t tell you. It's not for me to say.”
Jane sighs. “Well, when you’re ready to talk to me my door is open.” Jane pauses for a moment
before continuing.
Your first mistake was thinking I will overlook disrespect because you are an adult. I don’t care
if you are 16, 21, or 40. This will be your one and only warning Blaire. If you ever speak to me
like that again, I will not hesitate to check that attitude. Next time, if there ever is a next time,
this talk will involve my belt to your behind. I don’t care how old you are, you're still my
daughter. You know better than to throw out that kind of disrespect. Is that clear?”
Blaire nods. “Yes ma’am.”
Jane watches as her daughter begins to sob, her body visibly shaking. She puts her arm around
her and pulls her close.
“That’s part of your problem sweetie. You hold that pain in and you don’t deal with it. When
you were younger you learned to block your feelings however you could. It’s okay to feel it
Blaire. I know it hurts but you have to let yourself feel it.”
“I’m scared ma. What if she dies? ” In that moment, though just hours before she had touted to
Jane that she was an adult, Blaire balled herself up and buried herself into Jane’s chest like a
child and soaked in the comfort from her mother she desperately needed.
51

A few minutes later, the moment was broken by a knock on the door.
Blaire sits back up and wipes her eyes. “Come in,” she calls out, looking towards the door.
Cailin walks in and seeing Blaire’s tear stained face and the somber look on Jane’s, she knew she
was interrupting and she was sure she knew why.
“I, I’m sorry. I can come back.”
Jane shakes her head. “It’s okay Cailin. We were just finishing up here. I’ll leave you two to
talk.” Jane hugs Blaire, whispering in her ear. “You remember what I said.”
“Yes, ma. I hear you loud and clear.”
Jane also hugs Cailin before exiting the room, leaving the two girls alone.
Cailin stood awkwardly next to the bed where Jane had been sitting. "Is it okay if I sit?" She was
not sure if Blaire wanted more company.
"Yeah, sure," Blaire replies. A few long, silent minutes passed before either said a word but
when the silence was broken, they spoke in unison.
"I'm sorry." Both girls smiled at each other. Blaire knew she needed to speak first. "Cailin, I'm
sorry for blurting out you and Jess's business, I had no right and I'm really sorry."
"Your right B, that was a shitty thing to do. Not just to Jess but me as well, I mean, Jess and I
haven't even begun to talk about how to tell Jane and Maura, but I forgive you because you're my
family, and I'm so tired of all the fighting." Cailin shifted and laid her head on Blaire's leg. The
blonde began to run her fingers through Cailin’s hair like she had done many times before when
the brunette was upset.
52

"I'm scared B," Cailin said honestly. Blaire swallowed hard, remembering what her ma told her
about a brave face. "I know Cailin, I am too, but you know what?" Blaire looked down at her
aunt.
"What?"
"Even though we are all scared, we are all here for you and we all love you and we are going to
stand by your side until you kick cancer's ass!" The last part of Blaire’s comment made Cailin
laugh.
"Thanks Blaire."
The blonde smiled. "Don't thank me yet, I still have to talk to Jess." Cailin sat up and looked at
the blonde, realization hitting her.
"Oh shit, she thinks that I blabbed to you about us. I think it's better if I talk to her first B, she
was pretty pissed at us both when she left." Blaire sighed.
"Again Cailin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blurt that out. My mind was everywhere and nowhere
at the same time. My sadness turned to anger, I just opened my mouth, and that's what came
out." Cailin started laughing causing Blaire confusion.
"What's so funny?"
"You really opened your mouth and inserted your foot B, but it's okay. Like I said, I forgive you,
but next time don't be a bitch," Cailin remarked playfully pushing the blonde. "Also, never, ever
talk to Jane like that again.I thought for sure she was going to hang you out to dry." Blaire smiled
and laughed.
"Yeah, believe me, I won't make that mistake again."
53

Cailin stood up, pulling her phone from her pocket. "Well, I should probably call Jess and clear
this whole mess up, but B, if you ever want to talk…" Blaire stood up and hugged the brunette.
"I know you will be there if I need," she said with a smile. "Just like I'm here for you." Cailin
returned the smile before heading across the hall to the room her and Jess had been sharing.
Sitting down on the bed, she began to think about the night before and the intimacy she and Jess
shared. Just thinking of Jess's touch made her shiver. The sound of her cell ringing pulled her
from her thoughts. Looking down, she smiled. Jess was calling. Taking a deep breath, she
answered.
"Hey," Cailin says sweetly. "I was just about to call you." She smiled when she heard Jess
slightly laugh.
"I was just calling to check on you and to apologize for what I said before I left." Cailin listened
as Jess opened what she assumed was a beer.
"Are you drinking?" She didn't mean for it to sound harsh, but with Jess's history with alcohol
and drugs, she became concerned. When Jess didn't answer,Cailin spoke again. "Jess?" Finally
the redhead spoke.
"No ba, I mean Cailin. I haven't been drinking." Jess wasn't upset at Cailins question because she
understood the concern.
"Is that a beer I heard you open?"
"It was, but I haven't taken a drink," Jess replied.
"Jess, babe please don't drink, for me? Please?" Jess sighed.
"I won't drink, I'm actually dumping it down the drain as we speak, and honestly, I don't even
know why I bought them. I don't even like beer." This made Cailin laugh.
54

"Don't let Jane hear you say that," Cailin replied, causing Jess to laugh too.
"So about earlier, did they hear any of what was said?" As Jess waited nervously for an answer,
she grabbed her keys,and headed out the door.
"No, Maura and Jane didn't hear any of what was said, just the yelling. I think it raised a few
questions in Jane's mind about what’s going on."
"Cailin I," Jess was cut short by the brunette. "Don't apologize Jess, I'm the one who should
apologize. I didn't blab to Blaire about us, but I didn't deny what happened between us when she
asked so in my opinion, that's just as bad, and I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry Cailin, unless you're sorry for it happening and if you are, just know
that I'm not. I'm not sorry that it happened, not one bit." Jess cleared her throat to fight away her
emotions.
Cailin felt tears run down her face. It broke her heart that Jess felt like she may be having
second thoughts, so she decided to clear it up. "Jess, I'm not sorry for what happened between us
last night, I love you."
Cailin smiled as she heard Jess's sigh in relief. "I love you too Cailin, I miss you already, I was
missing you as soon as I left. Does that sound needy or cheesy? Because it sounded better in my
head," Jess remarked with a chuckle.
"No, Jess, it's neither of those things, because if it is, then I'm needy and cheesy as well,because I
miss you too." Cailin became quiet long enough for Jess to wonder if she fell asleep.
"Are you tired Cailin? If you are, I can let you get to bed."
"No, no I'm okay I was just thinking is all," the brunette replied.
55

"Thinking about what?"
"Is it too late for you to come back over?" Jess pulled her phone away from her ear, noting the
time,11:30 PM. "It's a bit late and I have to get up and to the station early," Jess said with
disappointment in her voice, though she was actually grinning.
"Oh, well that's okay," Cailin said with the same level of disappointment.
"How about I come over during lunch and then when my shift is over, maybe we could go see a
movie?" Cailin groaned. "That's such a long time from now," Cailin remarked with a pout,
knowing Jess couldn't see her.
Jess laughed. "Don't pout, you're too beautiful to pout."
"I'm not pouting," Cailin said, trying to hide her laugh.
In the time they had been on the phone, Jess managed to make it back to the house and inside
without Cailin hearing and at this moment was standing in Cailins doorway as the brunette's back
was facing her.
Cailin raised her eyebrow. "How could you possibly know what my face is doing all the way
from your apartment?"
Jess didn't say anything she just hung up. Cailin looked down at her phone. "Did she hang up on
me?" She stared at her phone in puzzlement.
"Because I'm not at my apartment." Jess said grinning. When Cailin heard Jess's voice from
within her room she turned around to see none other than Jess.
56

She smiled widely and quickly walked across the room, reaching around Jess, she pushed her
door shut, before pushing Jess against it, kissing her deeply. Cailin stopped briefly to look into
Jess's eyes.
"How did you get here without me knowing?"
"I left after pouring out my beer, I knew at that moment I didn't want to spend the night away
from you," Jess said with a smile. Cailin smiled back. They spent the night wrapped in each
other's arms, sharing soft touches, kisses and laughing at absolutely nothing and everything.
57

Chapter Seven- “Family Chaos”
The next morning the girls were awakened by Jess's alarm sounding. Jess reached over to shut it
off,chuckling when she heard protest from Cailin.
"Ugh, it's so early, do you have to leave? Can't you just call in today?" The brunette rolled over
to face Jess, wrapping herself around the other girl.
Jess smiled and kissed Cailins forehead. "I'm sorry, I wish I didn't have to, but I already called in
the last two days. "
Cailin groaned. "Do you have time to have coffee with me before you go?"
"I'll always have enough time for you," Jess said, as she stroked Cailins cheek. The sleepy
brunette looked up and locked eyes with her girlfriend and smiled before kissing her softly.
“Besides, mom is going to make breakfast for everyone before we leave. She’s going to drop
me off when she runs some errands.”
"I guess I'll let you get dressed while I go make coffee. I would like to say goodbye to you
properly before Maura or Jane wake up," Cailin said with a smile.
Jess dressed and headed downstairs. She smiled when she saw Cailin standing next to Maura's
coffee contraption, as Jane liked to call it. Quickly, she closed the distance between them. She
wrapped her arms around the brunette and smiled.
"I could get used to this," she mumbled into Cailins neck.
"What’s that exactly?"
58

Jess lifted her head up to look into hazel eyes. "Hugging and kissing you before I leave for work
every morning," Jess stated matter of factly.
Cailin smiled. "I could get used to this as well." She sealed her words with a kiss, only for it to
be interrupted by the kitchen side door opening. Both girls quickly pulled apart, but not before
Riley caught a glimpse of them in their embrace.
Riley awkwardly cleared her throat, deciding not to acknowledge what she just witnessed. "Hey
girls, you two are up early. You have work this morning Jess?" Riley acted oblivious to Jess's
uniform.
"Uh, yeah. Maura is going to drop me at the station when she leaves to take care of a few things,"
Jess said,standing on pins and needles, waiting for Riley to bring up what she had seen.
Riley nodded before walking towards the two to get a cup of coffee. Cailin looked to Jess and
then Riley then back again.Jess just shrugged.
"Okay look, I can't take the awkwardness," Riley said, turning to face the girls. "I only have two,
maybe three things to say. First, about damn time, secondly does Jane and Maura know, and
third, if they don't you guys need to tell them before they walk in on you like I just did."
Cailin and Jess exchanged looks. "Wait, you're not freaking out about this?" Jess looked at Riley
with wide eyes.
Riley chuckled. "No, I've seen you two look at each other and it's the same way I look at Em and
the way Jane and Maura look at each other. Jess, you are family regardless, but Jane and Maura
never adopted you, so there's no relation between the two of you. Now, other people might have
some looks to give and rude comments to say, because you look to Jane and Maura as parents
but me, I just see two young girls in love. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but
seriously you guys, judging by the way you two jumped apart, I'm gonna go out a limb and say
you haven't told them yet. Right?" Riley looked between the two girls.
59

"No, we haven't told them yet. We are waiting for the right time and right way to tell them,"
Cailin says, shifting from one foot to the other.
"Well, you girls better get on it, because Jane can smell when I'm keeping something from her
like the twins can smell oreos and peanut butter," Riley remarked, causing the girls to laugh.
"I promise we will tell them soon Ry, just please don't say anything," Cailin begged.
"My lips are sealed, but Jane is a detective, so she knows how to interrogate to get information. I
don't know how long I'll be able to hold her off, but I'll do my best."
"Thanks Ry," Jess says with a smile.
"You’re welcome girls. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to take this to my fiance, who is very
much not a morning person today."
After Riley left for the guest house, Cailin and Jess sighed in relief. "Well, that went better than I
thought it would," Jess says with a laugh. Cailin shook her head and made her way to the kitchen
island to open up her laptop and look over her classes.
“Morning,” Jane and Maura call out as they make their way down the stairs. Jane is carrying
Abbie on one hip, Maddie on the other, and Maura is carrying Amelia. “Morning girls,” Jane
says, “as she puts Abbie and Maddie down in chairs at the table. Maura does the same with
Amelia.
“Where’s Emily?” Jane looks around looking for the nanny.
“I told her I could handle breakfast this morning,” Maura said as she made her way over to the
fridge. She should be here shortly. I thought we could give her a little break this morning. She
has done so much extra for us lately, I thought it was the least I could do.”
60

“She must need it,” Cailin said, looking up from her laptop. Ry came and got her some coffee
and implied that she is a little grumpy this morning.”
“Well, that does seem to be the common theme around here lately,” Jane says as she pours
herself a cup of coffee. "Good morning Callie,” she says, as she looks up and sees the teen walk
in.
“Morning ma, morning mom,” Callie says as she takes a seat at the table
“Maura, do you think with doing chemo during the day I could move my classes and clinicals to
nights and manage to juggle everything? I was just looking at my schedule trying to see what I
can do to accommodate all these appointments. I’d really prefer to not get behind.”
Maura freezes from mixing pancake batter to look up and stare at her sister.
“Cailin, you’re going to have to go on leave from medical school for the rest of the semester.
Even if you could somehow manage to pull it off, it is way too dangerous. Especially as you get
closer to the stem cell transplant, your immune system is going to be non-existent. You are going
to be in the hospital for weeks when that happens.”
Cailin immediately felt the tears spring to her eyes. Deep down she knew she was looking at the
impossible, but she didn’t want to admit it.
“No, Maura please. I’ll be extra careful. I swear I would take every precaution there is. Just let
me try to keep going for a bit. If it gets to be too much, I can go on leave. I should be able to
finish the semester before the stem cell transplant. ” Cailin looks at her sister pleadingly.
Maura puts down the whisk she’s holding and makes her way to her sister. “I’m sorry Cailin.
Doctors are exposed to all kinds of germs on a daily basis. It would be suicide for you to
61

continue to expose yourself to that. Plus sweetie, I really don’t think you will feel up to it even if
it was possible.
“This isn’t fair! This disease is controlling my entire life! Now, I'm never going to be a doctor.
The only thing I want in life,I'm not going to be able to do. I’m going to die Maura! Don’t you
get it? The survival rate is only 20%. The sooner you accept that the better. So why can’t you
just let me be happy?” Cailin slams her laptop shut, and heads up the stairs, passing a stunned
Blaire on her way.
“Mom, did she, did she say 20%?” Before Maura could reply, Blaire also took off up the stairs.
“I’ll go talk to them,” Jane said as she put down her phone and stood.
“No, I'll go,” Jess said, nearly tripping Jane as she quickly cut off Jane’s path.
“Actually, i’ll go,” Maura says. “I’m the one that upset her. I just have to explain…” Maura is
cut short by Jess.
“That’s the problem mom. Let her breathe. You are a micromanaging doctor from hell. Leave
her alone.”
Jess quickly realized she made a mistake. She wasn’t sure what scared her worse, a pissed off
Jane or a pissed off Maura
“What did you say to me?” Maura’s voice was icy and cold and the look Jane gave her burned
clear through her. .
At that moment, Emily and Riley walked in. Emily takes one look at Jane and Maura’s faces and
quickly ushers the twins and Amelia out of the room to get them dressed, while Riley tries to
ignore the elephant, and takes over making breakfast.
62

“I’m sorry mom. I didn’t mean that the way it came out.” Jess shifted nervously from foot to
foot, darting her eyes back and forth between Maura and Jane.
“That’s the problem around here. No one seems to be using their brains.” With that statement,
Jane takes off up the stairs.
At that exact moment, Jess was wishing the floor would just swallow her whole.
Maura turned away from Jess and began helping Riley with breakfast. Jess stood still for a
moment before stepping towards the blonde. "Mom l'm sorry. I really didn't mean it." Jess waited
and when Maura didn't respond she slowly walked away and sat down at the table.
Riley silently watched the interaction she knew she probably shouldn't speak on the matter but
she couldn't help it. "Are you okay Maura?" She looked at Maura with concern while scrambling
the eggs.
Maura sighed and stopped what she was doing. "I wasn't trying to upset Cailin or micromanage
her." Maura said the last bit loud enough for Jess to hear.
"I know Maura, we all understand that you are just looking out for what's best for your sister. I
would be the same way if I had a sister who was going through something like this." Riley was
trying her best to ease the tension.
"I just wish I wasn't the one to have to tell her that she has to put off med school. I know how
much it means to her, but she means more to us and I, I..." Maura couldn't finish her sentence
before she started sobbing. She had been trying to hold herself together for Cailin and her family
but it was becoming too much. Riley wiped off her hands and hugged the blonde.
"Jeez Maura finally," she says while holding Maura tight.” You and Jane have been trying to
hold everyone together and in the midst of it all you, sweet woman, have been holding it all in."
63

With the brunette's words Maura sobbed harder. Riley motioned for Jess who was at her mom's
side in a flash.
"Mom," she said, softly resting her hand on the small of the blonde's back. In one smooth
motion, Maura turned from Riley arms to her daughter's. "I'm sorry Jess," she says between sobs.
Jess holds tighter. "It's okay mom, you don't need to apologize. I know you are just doing what's
best for Cailin, for all of us. I'm the one who should be sorry, I just hate seeing Cailin so upset. I
hate this whole situation, but you and ma have said we will get through this together ,and Cailin
will beat this.I have no doubt she will. We love you mom." Jess's own tears began to fall and
Riley turned away to wipe away her own. None of them noticed Jane standing nearby watching
this all unfolding.
After a few minutes, Maura's sobs began to slow and Jess pulled away and helped wipe away her
mother's tears. "We have each other mom, we are going to stand with Cailin and she WILL beat
this." Jane made her way over and wrapped her arms around her wife from behind.
"Are you okay Maur?" Jane whispers softly as she embraces her tightly. Maura folds her arms
over Jane's and squeezes. "I'm okay my love," the blonde replies softly.
"Hey Jess, I think Cailin wanted you. We will call you all down when breakfast is ready. Okay?"
Jane looks up and locks eyes with her daughters red,blurry eyes.
"Okay," Jess says as she starts to walk away she stops and hugs both women. "I love you moms."
Jane and Maura smile. "We love you too kid,” Jane says, kissing the top of Jess's head.
As Jess leaves the kitchen all three women take a deep breath. "Well," Riley says. "That's enough
crying and emotions for one morning. Hey, how about we do something fun today? Maybe let
Cailin choose what we do. I know that this disease is making her feel like she has no control over
anything anymore, so if we let her choose everything today maybe that will help," Riley
remarked as she went back to finishing breakfast.
64

Emily returns shortly after with a fully dressed Amelia. Jane looks at the oldest child and breaks
into laughter. "Oh sweet lord, what are you wearing munchkin?" Jane looks at Amelia and
smiles. Maura turns around to look at their daughter and gasps.
"Em, you really are having an off morning," the blonde says, trying to hold back her own
laughter. Emily looks to the child and then back to the three set off eyes that have fallen on her
and laughs.
"Oh no, I had nothing to do with this," she says, pointing at Amelia. "She wanted to dress herself
and she said and I quote, "I'm a big girl now, I can dress myself." So she dressed herself."
Amelia was smiling a big, proud, goofy grin."Mommy, do you like?"
Maura smiled. "I love it baby, do you know who would love it even more?"
"Who?" Amelia’s voice rang with excitement, ready to show off her fashion skills.
"Aunt Cailin, she and Jess are in her room if you want to go show her. Maybe if you ask really
nicely, she just might want to match you." This idea was gold to the toddler. She scooted from
her chair and took off towards the stairs.
"No running!" Both Jane and Maura yelled after the little blonde child, who slowly walked the
rest of the way to the stairs taking them one by one.
Jane pours herself another cup of coffee. "Did anyone else see Jess almost trip me to get to
Cailin?" She looks around the room..
Riley looked at Emily. "Yeah, I think she just wanted to make sure she was okay."
65

"I don't know," Maura replies. "I mean sure, she has comforted Cailin before, but something
about the way Jess handled that, it just seemed strange. Maybe it's just me." The blonde says
while pulling plates from the cabinet.
"No Maur, it's not just you. I get the feeling something is going on that those girls are hiding."
Jane looked at her partner. "Ry, do you know why the girls are acting strangely?"
Riley continued filling the plates with eggs and pancakes while answering. "No, honestly I
haven't noticed anything weird really." Jane watched her partner. They had worked together long
enough for Jane to know when Coop was hiding something.
Jane narrowed her eyes at Riley. "Hmm, well my gut tells me somethings up and I plan to get to
the bottom of it."
"I bet your gut is also telling you you're hungry right about now too, huh?" Riley chuckled.
"Oh shut up Coop," Jane remarked back with a smile. When breakfast was finished, Jane called
down for the girls. As everyone gathered at the table, Jane watched how Cailin and Jess
interacted with one another.
"Something is definitely up with those two," she thought to herself.
After breakfast, Maura got up to take Jess to work and run some errands. As she was kissing
Jane, before going out the door, little Amelia caught the attention of everyone in the room.
“Jess was kissing Aunt Cailin!”
Jane and Maura quickly turned to the seven year old before staring back behind them at Jess.
“What did you say Amelia?” Jane wanted to make sure she heard correctly.
66

“Jess was kissing Aunt Cailin.”
Jess quickly tried to cover. “Cailin was upset and I kissed her on the forehead.”
“Uh uh”, Amelia says, “you kissed her right on the lips like ma and mommy. Cailin and Jess,
sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i…”
Emily quickly picks Amelia up, tossing her over her shoulder. “Kids say the darndest things.
Let’s go play Amelia.” Emily quickly exits the room with Amelia with Riley hot on her heels.
Jane turns back to Jess and raises an eyebrow. “Care to explain?”
“Cailin, get your ass down here,” Maura calls up the stairs.
“W-w-w-hat?” Cailin looked down at her sister as she slowly made her way down. Jess shot
Cailin a look as to say “play it cool.”
“Amelia just told us you two were kissing. Someone needs to explain what the hell is going on.”
Jane looked from Cailin, to Jess, and back to Cailin again.
“What?” Cailin’s face is filled with genuine shock and puzzlement. Suddenly, she was thankful
for those acting classes she took in high school. “Why would she say that Jess?”
Jess shrugs. “I don’t know. 7 year olds tell stories sometimes. I mean, was mommy really kissing
Santa Claus? I think not.”
Jane looked at Jess and paused a moment while she thought that over. “Well, I definitely don’t
want her to get into the habit of lying. Sure, it’s a little thing now but when they get older it turns
into big things. “
She glanced at Maura, hoping she was picking up what she was laying down.
67

Maura did. “Well, I guess you need to spank her. I don’t find that cute at all.”
“No, wait,” both Jess and Cailin said in unison.
Jane looks at Cailin and Jess, working hard to hide the smile that wants to escape.
“Is that a problem girls?”
“Ma, don’t spank her. She was telling the truth. We can explain tonight. Can it wait until tonight
though? I’m going to be late. You know the captain will have my ass.”
Maura looks at Jane and Jane nods.
“Tonight then,” Maura says.
68

Chapter Eight “Love Will Light The Day”
Later that evening, Maura picked up Jess from work. The ride from the station back home was
completely silent. When they got back home, Maura turned off the car and faced her daughter.
“Everyone is already here for dinner. Angela and Emily are cooking so we are going to go to my
office and talk.” Jess simply nodded. She had spoken to Cailin earlier in the day and she hoped if
all went as planned, this would go off without a hitch.
The two made their way inside, and Jess greeted Frankie and Tommy who were sitting in the
living room playing a game with the twins and Amelia. She followed Maura to her office, and
found Jane and Cailin already waiting for them inside. Maura shut the door behind them, before
perching herself beside Jane on her desk. Minutes went by of awkward silence.
Finally, Jane spoke. “Well, we’re waiting.”
Jess looked at Cailin before looking back at her parents. “OK, so Cailin was upset this morning.
She was emotional and I was emotional and I kissed her. It just kind of happened. It didn’t mean
anything. Amelia just happened to walk in at the wrong time.”
Cailin nodded.
“You both realize that a relationship is out of the question right?” Maura looks at both girls.
Jess had to fight hard to not show any emotion on her face as she nodded. “Yes mom. We know.
It won’t happen again.”
“Jane, anything to add?” Maura looks at her wife.
69

Jane shakes her head. “No, I see no point in making this anything more than it has to be. As long
as you both understand it is out of the question, there’s no reason for us to drag out this
conversation.”
“Ma, what if I wanted to be with her? It’s not like you ever adopted me, so I don’t understand
why you are making such a big deal out of this.”
“What the hell are you doing,” Cailin communicated to Jess using only her eyes.
Jess couldn’t help it though. The more she thought about her parents forbidding her , the madder
she got.
Maura looked at Jess as her jaw dropped. “You can’t be serious Jessica Lynn. She’s your aunt.”
“I’ve never viewed her as an aunt. She has always been more like a friend!” Jess’s voice rose
more with every word.
Jane was glad they had chosen to take this to Mauras office, which was sound proof. Jane rubbed
her temples. “Come on Jess. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“What is ridiculous is two people who are not my real parents, acting like i’m commiting some
kind of incest.” As soon as the words flew out of her mouth, Jess knew she said the wrong thing.
She wanted to kick herself when she saw the hurt flash across both Jane and Maura’s faces. For
the second time that day, she opened her mouth and inserted her foot. Her eyes immediately fell
on Maura, who had a tear roll down her cheek.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but mom, I love her. What if someone told you that
you couldn’t be with ma.”
“That’s comparing apples and oranges Jess. Jane is not my aunt.”
70

“I just told you though, I don’t look at her like an aunt.”
“It doesn’t matter Jess. Regardless, she is your aunt.”
“Enough!” Jane, Maura, and Jess all looked up at Cailin’s voice.Cailin looked at Jess as a tear
ran down her cheek. “They’re right Jess. I love you, but this can’t happen. She couldn’t help it,
as she reached over and took Jess’s hand in hers. “Out there somewhere is an amazing girl,
someone that will make you happy. There’s someone else out there that will make you complete.
Your parents though, they are right here. They can’t be replaced Jess. You need them worse than
you need me. For one crazy minute, I thought you could have both. That was my mistake and
i’m sorry.”
Cailin turns back to face Jane and Maura.
“You have my word. We'll break it off. I know it shouldn’t have even started. I’m sorry.”
Jess felt as if Cailin had just punched her in the stomach. “Cailin…”
Cailin held up her hand. “Don’t Jess. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I will always be
there for you. I just can’t be there for you like that.”
Cailin quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. “May I go?”
Jane looks at Maura who nods.
“We’ll talk later Cailin,” Maura says as Cailin gets up to exit the room. Cailin nods. “I know
everyone is waiting but if it’s OK I would like to go to my room for a little bit and pull myself
together first?”
“Of course Cailin,” Maura replies. “Cailin, you understand, we’re not trying to hurt either of you.
Right? It’s just out of the question. Jessica is part of this family.”
71

Cailin nods. “I understand,” she says as she turns and squeezes Jess’s hand before exiting the
room.
After Cailin leaves, Jane and Maura turn their attention to Jess, each waiting for the other to
speak.
“You lied to us Jess,” Jane says. “You know how we feel about that.”
“I’m sorry ma, but I was trying to avoid this,” Jess says, taking her hands and gesturing around
the room. Jess pauses for a moment before continuing. “I love her ma.”
Jane looks at Jess and sighs. “How long has this been going on?”
“Just a few days. I’ve always loved her though. It’s not like this just entered my head a few days
ago. She’s amazing. This isn’t fair. Why do I have to choose?”
“Because Jess, society will not accept it. We are not trying to be mean, but kiddo, you are setting
yourself up for a world of hurt. People would talk and say hurtful things. You’re a police officer.
You have a reputation to protect. Also, not to sound selfish, but so do we. Some of the cases we
deal with, our personal lives are put under a microscope on a daily basis. Yes Jess, we never
adopted you, but your mom and I are well known in Boston and so are our children.”
Jess sat and let the words Jane said sink in. She had never thought of it that way.
“OK,” she said. “You win.”
“Jess, this is no win or lose. No one wins here,” Maura says as she looks empathetically at her
daughter. “I’m sorry Jess. If we would have caught that you two were even thinking about that
we would have talked to you.”
72

“Cailin was right you know?” Jane gets up and walks over to her daughter, placing her hands on
her shoulders. “Out there somewhere is someone amazing.”
“There already is ma. Her name is Cailin.” Jess wipes at the tears falling down her cheeks. “I
won’t though. If it means that much to the two of you, I won’t. I would be a liar if I told you it’s
not breaking my heart though. You don’t want me to lie, well that’s the truth. Can I go get
changed?”
Jane nods. “Yes. Jess, if you want to talk later come to me? OK? Please don’t do anything
crazy.”
Jess shakes her head. “I won’t ma.”
As she turns to exit the room, she looks over her shoulder. “Is it OK if I talk with her before we
come down? I just want us to talk. Please? I promise that is all we will do. “
Jane looks at Maura who nods her head.
“Thanks mom,” Jess says as she exits the room.
Upstairs, she found Cailin in Callie’s room.
She was about to ask Cailin to join her in the guest room, when Cailin motioned her in. “Close
the door,” she said. I think you should hear what Callie was just telling me.”
Jess closes the door and Callie passes her a photo. “Who’s this?” She looks up at Callie
questioningly.
“That was my foster brother Brandon. Before this, I was in an amazing home with amazing
parents. I fell in love with Brandon and it got me removed. Stef and Lena were in the process of
adopting me and the entire process was halted. I had to make that choice. I chose Brandon and it
73

costs me everything. I’m lucky I landed with Jane and Maura. I got another chance. You’re
different Jess.You can’t spin the lottery wheel and hope to find 2 more great parents. What you
have is what you have. Don’t screw it up.” Callie now had tears falling down her face.
Jess looked at Cailin, then back at Callie. “Thanks Callie.”
Callie nodded. “I know you two need to talk. I’ll go downstairs.”
After Callie left Cailin immediately let the tears out, as Jess sat beside her and put her arm
around her. “What now,” Jess whispered.
Cailin didn’t respond. She just started singing.
“This love could be great, but they say it would be wrong. I don’t care because I'd be lost without
you. We live because we love, we love cause we belong. Oh I swear, you heal the scars that
never felt a wound, and we’ll never need their rules, to guide the way. Love will light the day.”
Jess smiled as she recognized the song and started to sing back.
“What’s in a name, I'm ready to risk the blame. Call me your own, no matter where we’ve got to
go. Cause what we have, there is no controlling this.”
As Jess stopped singing, the two girls stared into one another's eyes for a few seconds before
sharing a passionate kiss. They pulled away and rested their heads together, neither one wanting
to say anything, but both knowing they should.
"Cailin," Jess was silenced by another kiss only to feel fresh tears stream down the brunette's
cheek onto hers.
"Jess, please don't hate me," Cailin says swallowing hard. Jess knew what Cailin was going to
say. "I love you Jess, I do but…"
"We have to stop, I know.Cailin, I could never hate you, ever. You were there for me at my
lowest points. You've seen me at my worst and if it weren't for you I probably wouldn't be here
today." Cailin shook her head, looking away from the redhead, she didn't want to think about
that.
74

"Cailin, look at me," Jess says softly, gently turning the brunette's head to look at her. "I love
you, now and forever. I know we can't keep doing this, but that will never change the way I feel
about you. Just like my moms couldn't love anyone else, neither can I, and if all I'll ever have is
just these last few days with you, then it made it all worth it." Jess kissed away the tears from
Cailins cheeks.
"I'm sorry Jess, if there was a way I would take it."
"I know you would.Cailin, let's just enjoy the day, get you ready for tomorrow, and then take it
day by day. Okay?"
"Okay," Cailin says softly. They both stood and hugged one another before heading downstairs
to join everyone else.
75

Chapter Nine- “Family Time”
The family had all come together for Cailin to have a fun night before having to start chemo the
following day. Cailin had planned everything, from dinner to the evenings activities.
Once downstairs, the girls split up. Cailin went into the kitchen to see if Angela and Emily
needed help. Jess went into the livingroom and joined Tommy and Frankie, who were invested
in a video game.
"Ha! I finally beat you!" Frankie yelled at Tommy as he threw his arms up in celebration.
"I just let you think you beat me, I actually just got tired of you whining about losing all the time,"
Tommy replied laughing.
"Yeah, right." Frankie said back. Just then, Adam walked up to Tommy with a chess board.
"Hey uncle Tommy, Maura told me you're really good at chess. Would you like to play a match
with me?"
"Sure Adam, we can set up right here on the coffee table," Tommy said. Jane was passing by
on her way back to the kitchen. "I see Adam roped you into playing chess with him. Watch
yourself Tommy, he's really good."
"Yeah? Well may the best man win," Tommy said smiling at Adam. Jane watched as her brother
interacted with the teen. It was nice to see Adam coming out of his shell. Before Jane walked
away, she looked over at Jess who was watching Frankie, but could tell the girls mind was a
million miles away. ​"Hey Jess, you alright?"
"Hmm? Y-yeah, I'm fine," Jess called back to Jane. The brunette sighed before walking into the
kitchen. "Hello ladies," she says, addressing her mother, Maura, Riley, Cailin and Emily. She
76

walks over to the pot Angela is stirring. "That smells great Ma. What is it, and do you need any
help?"
Angela turned around, looking at her daughter. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done
with my daughter?" The older woman looks at Jane and grins.
"Don't act like I never offer help Ma," Jane remarks, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"She's not acting," Frankie pipes in, as he takes Jane's beer from her hand.
Jane snatches her beer back. "Uh, this is mine, get your own. By the way, I help plenty."
"Ha yeah, help your stomach you mean," Frankie says laughing. "Remember when we were
kids, ma would beg for you to help make dinner, and you would gripe and complain. It always
ended up being me or Tommy to help."
Jane scoffs. "Well you two needed to learn to cook because, let's face it, no woman is going to
want either one of you," Jane says laughing.
"Hey, I heard that!" Tommy yelled at Jane from the living room.
"So ma, since you used to do that to your mom, then that means you can't be mad at us for doing
the same," Blaire remarks.
"See what you've started Frankie? Now if they start giving me lip every time I ask them to help
with dinner, I'm calling you to deal with it."
"Alright you two," Angela says smiling at her kids. "Either help us get dinner ready, or get out
of the kitchen." Frankie looks at Jane, who breaks into laughter. "If you need help, I'll help. If
not, I'll just take the kids outside and get out of your way."
77

Angela glares at her daughter. "Just go Janie." Jane snorts before walking out of the kitchen to
round up all the kids.
"Worked like a charm," Jane says quietly to Frankie as she passes him.
Back in the kitchen, Angela began asking about Hope, who she hadn't seen for a few days.
"Speaking of mom," Cailin said, putting her phone down, "have you talked to her lately Maura?"
The blonde spun around, looking at her sister's questioning glare. "Wait, you haven't talked to
her recently?"
Cailin shook her head no. "I've tried calling her and texting her, but she hasn't returned any of
them." Maura watched as her sister hung her head slightly in disappointment.
It took everything in Maura not to snap. She couldn't believe that their mother hadn't so much
called Cailin to check on her. "It's okay Cailin, I'll give her a call and see if I can get through.
Okay? I'm sure she's just been busy at the clinic."
"Yeah, too busy for her own daughter." Cailin says sadly.
The blonde tried to not let her anger show. She couldn't understand how a mother could act this
way. How could she just ignore her daughter like this? Especially at a time when she needed her
most.
Maura excused herself, before heading upstairs to her and Jane's bedroom to call her mother.
Knowing her mom had been avoiding Cailin, she assumed she would do the same to her. So she
decided to do something that was sneaky and underhanded, perhaps maybe even a bit mean.
Pulling out her phone she sent her mom a text.
78

“You need to call me. I need to talk to you about Cailin.”
In a matter of minutes, her phone was ringing, which made her even angrier. She picked up her
phone, swiping to answer.
“Well thank you mother. It’s nice to know you’re not laying in a ditch somewhere.”
“Maura, I can....” Maura, however, was not having it, as she cut her mom off.
“I’ve tried to be patient mother. I’ve tried to be understanding but, Cailin needs you and you are
off burying yourself in work. What in the hell can you possibly have, that is more important than
her right now? Ignoring her texts? You claim you love her so much but right now you are doing
the exact opposite of love. You are hurting her. I get that this is hard. Do you think I want to
watch what is about to happen to my sister? I put my own feelings aside though, because that is
what family does. Maybe for five minutes you can think about your daughter, and not be such a
selfish bitch. This isn’t about you or me this is about Cailin. Why is it Jane’s entire family is here
for her yet you are not? ”
Maura is met with silence and for a moment, thought her mom had hung up on her. Then she
heard the sound of crying on the other end of the line.
Maura sighed. “Mom, I wish I could say I am sorry but I am not. She needs you. Your daughter
should be the priority in your life right now ahead of anything else. When my sister comes to me
heartbroken because you are ignoring her, I have a problem with that. Don’t you think she is
going through enough right now?”
“I’m scared Maura. You know what she is up against. I’ve tried to stay positive, but as doctors,
we can’t stay very positive right now can we? I don’t want to watch my baby die Maura.”
“So we keep the mindset that she is going to beat this mom, damn the odds. Im a sister first and a
doctor second and as her sister I believe she will beat this. Mom, if we don’t believe in her or
79

believe she can beat this, she will give up before she even starts? Do you want her to just give
up? Damn it, she needs you. She has her first treatment tomorrow and will be in the hospital for a
few days until we see how she responds. Now, are you going to be there or do I have to send
Jane to drag your ass to the hospital, because you and I both know she can and would. We can do
this the easy way or the hard way.
Hope couldn’t help but lightly chuckle. "It's true what they say, once two people have been
together long enough they begin to sound a like. I’ll be there Maura. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do
better. It’s just hard. I’ve never been so scared in all my life.”
“Okay mom, I know your scared but you have all of us, we are here for each other but mostly
Cailin, she needs all of us mom. But I’ll see you tomorrow then. I want you to do one more thing
for me, well for Cailin really.”
“What’s that?”
“Hang up with me and call her mom. Do it. Right now.”
“Okay Maura, I will. I promise.”
“I’ll see you in the morning mom. I love you.”
“I love you too Maura, goodnight.”
Maura hung up the phone, placing it into her back pocket. She had briefly thought about filling
her mom in on Cailin and Jess, but decided that should be left to Cailin.
“Mommy?”
Maura heard two voices coming from her door.
80

“Hey babies. Are you having fun?”
Maddy and Abby nod. Maura laughs when she sees the twins elbowing each other, neither one
willing to speak.
“Okay, what are you two up to?”
Abby decides to be the one to roll the dice. “Mommy, can we have cookies and peanut butter?”
“No girls. You had some yesterday. We are not going to get into the habit of eating junk food
every single day despite what your ma says.” Maura replied, maintaining a serious face while
hiding her grin with her hand but sighs when she sees the girls key up to start a double tantrum.
“Don’t even think about it you two. Do I need to go get ma?”
At the mention of their ma, both girls immediately thought twice and headed back downstairs to
play.
Maura made her way back into the kitchen just in time to see Cailin heading out the side door on
her phone. Angela looked up at the sound of heels approaching. "I don't know what you said to
Hope but apparently it worked. Maura smiled triumphantly.
"I just told her the truth," Maura said honestly. Looking out the back door Maura watched the
twins and Amelia run from Tommy who was chasing them with the water hose. She smiled at the
smiles and laughs escaping her children. "Hey Angela?" The blonde called turning to face her
mother in law.
"Yes sweetie?" Angela called back.
"Where's Jane and Frankie?" Maura asked as she made her way over to a stool at the bar.
81

"Oh, Janie said something about her and Frankie going get super soakers or something like that,
it was hard to understand her because she was so excited. She said they wouldn't be very long."
Maura smiled with a chuckle. "It is a pretty and warm day, do you think we could have dinner
outside?"
"You know what? That's a great idea, the kids could use more time outside, I remember having
dinners outside when Janie, Tommy and Frankie were little. They would stay out there all night
had i let them." Angela said with a smile.
Just then Jane and Frankie came through the front door laughing like two children.
"Hey Maur, ma. Wait until you see what we bought for the kids." The brunette proceeded to pull
out both big and small water guns, a few packs of water balloons and a slip and slide.
"Jane," Maura says laughing. "I'm not sure who's going to have more fun you two or the kids."
Jane kisses Maura on the cheek. "We are all going to play. You and ma too."
"Ja," Maura went to protest.
Jane stuck her fingers in her ears. "LA LA LA I can't hear you." Maura couldn't help but burst
into laughter.
"Jane," she says playfully slapping the brunettes arm Jane began to laugh. "C'mon Maur it's
gonna be fun. Right ma?" Jane asked rasing an eyebrow at her mother
Angela sighed then smiled. "Yes Janie, but let us finish up in here so we don't have to come back
inside soaking wet."
82

"Okay," Jane said smiling like an over grown child. "I'm gonna go get the girls and get the
changed, Blaire, Em you guys wanna give me a hand?"
"Sure," They both answered in unison.
"Wait, where's Cailin?" Jane asked noticing the brunette was missing.
"She's outside on the phone with Mom." Maura said matter of factly.
"Okay, well when she comes inside tell her to get changed. Jess too!" Jane yelled while heading
out to round up the kids.
Awhile later everyone was soaking wet and laughing. Angela and Emily had returned to the
kitchen to fix a light snack for the kids. Jane continued to chase the kids and her brothers around
the yard. Jess was chasing Cailin down with water balloons.
Cailin tried to avoid being hit while trying to hit Jess. She ran around the backside of the tree,
when she thought the coast was clear she made a run for it only to be wrapped in Jess's arms
from behind. The redhead picked her up and swung her around.
"Ah! Jess, no put me down!" Cailin barely said between laughs. This drew the attention of Jane,
she stood and silently watched.
Jess put Cailin back down and turned her towards her. Both girls were laughing Jess smashed a
balloon on Cailins head at the same time Cailin did the same to her. This only causing them to
laugh harder. Jess pushed a wet strand of the brunettes hair back in place, slightly brushing her
cheek with her thumb while doing so. Causing Cailins eyes to flutter shut momentarily.
When opening her eyes again, Cailins eyes locked on Jess's. Someone moving behind them
caught her attention. It was Jane and she was looking right at them. Cailin quickly pulled away,
throwing another balloon at Jess before running away again.
83

Jess looked behind her to see Jane still watching. She smiled before throwing water balloons at
the detective in rapid secession.
After dinner, dessert, and a few movies Cailin and Jess retreated upstairs. Jess shut the door
behind them not thinking anything of it until it quickly opened again with Jane on the other side.
"Look girls, you two are adults and this normally wouldn't be a problem but given what we all
discussed this door is to remain open when the two of you are alone. Understood?" Jane asked
looking between the two girls.
"Yeah, we got ma." Jess replies.
Once Jane left them and headed back downstairs Cailin began packing her bag for the next
morning.
"Do you want some help?" Jess asked from the edge of the bed.
"No, I think I can handle packing my own bag." Cailin smiled but Jess watched as it quickly
faded as the brunette turned around.
"Hey," Jess says making her way over to Cailin. "It's okay to be nervous and scared but you are
going to be fine and we are all going to be there tomorrow."
"You will?" Cailin asked with wide eyes.
"Yeah, I mean me and Ma have to work but we are coming straight to the hospital after." Jess
says with a smile.
"Promise?"
84

Jess wraps her arms around the brunette and pulls her into a hug. "Yes, I promise." She says
softly. The urge to kiss Cailin was almost unbearable for the blonde.
Clearing her throat she stepped away. "Why don't you get a shower first and I'll go after you."
Jess said gathering her pajamas.
"Are you sure?" Cailin asked. Jess just nodded in response.
After they both showered Cailin climbed into bed and watched as Jess grabbed a few blankets
from the closet.
"What are you doing Jess? You can sleep in the bed with me. I know that air mattress isn't the
least bit comfortable." Cailin says sitting up on her elbows.
"Cailin," Jess sighed. "I think it's best if I just sleep down here...I, I can't lay in the same bed as
you. If I do I'll want to hold you and I can't." Jess threw the blankets down on the air mattress
and laid down.
Cailin didn't say anything else other then a simple goodnight before turning out the lights.
Back in the livingroom from Jane and Maura had just finished a movie. Jane stretched out her
long limbs, her shirt rising to reveal toned abs underneath. Maura eyes wonder up and down her
wifes body.
Jane was sexy in all kinds of clothes but Maura's favorite was Jane's gray sweat pants and white
BPD shirt. When Jane felt eyes on her she quickly looked over at her wife.
"Like what you see there doctor?" Jane says grinning.
Maura hummed. "I must say that I do." The blonde said.
85

"Well you know, you are my wife and I'm all yours so…" Jane says scooting closer to the
blonde. "You don't have to just look." She says seductively before kissing her wife passionately.
It didn't take long for Maura to startle the brunette and kissing to turn into roaming hands. "Let's
go upstairs," Maura whispers into Jane's ear causing an audible moan to escape the brunette.
Jane stood causing the blonde to squeak and cling to her wife wrapping her legs around the thin
waist and her arms around strong shoulders. She began kissing Jane's neck again on the way to
the stairs. Jane stood in her tracks and looked at her wife.
"Maur, everytime you kiss me there my knees get weak and I love you to much to drop you so
you are going to have to hold off for just a few minutes." Maura's eyes locked onto Jane's. The
look in the blondes eyes made Jane swallow hard.
She needed to get her wife into their room soon or she feared Maura would take her right here,
right now. So taking a deep breath Jane collected herself enough to make it to their bedroom.
A while later Jane headed down to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Not flipping on any lights
she made her way to the sink. After gulping down one glass and filling it again. She headed back
towards the stairs when she heard rustling behind her followed by a not so subtle "shhh".
Her first thought was that Cailin and Jess snuck out like teenagers. Curious, she quickly flipped
on the lights only instead of seeing who she expected in the livingroom it was Maddy and Abby
both covered in peanut butter and cookie crumbs.
Abby looked to Maddy and then to Jane. "Busted." Maddy whispered to her sister before
giggling.
Jane struggled to keep a straight face. "Busted is right! What do you think you two are doing?
You both know me and mommy doesn't allow you to have have snacks this late." Jane looked at
the two girls fidgeting nervously before eyeing the pack of cookies.
86

"Jeez girls how many did you eat?! Mommy is not going to be happy." She remarked taking the
cookies and peanut butter, throwing both away because they were effectively ruined by tiny
hands and peanut butter.
Jane spent the next 30 minutes cleaning the mess the twins made along with trying to get as
much peanut butter off of them as she could. "Aw girls you got in your hair to?" Jane says to the
two girls sitting on the counter.
"We're sorry momma." Abby says trying to wipe off the remaining peanut butter from her hand.
Jane sighed. "Well girls you are both going to need a bath so let's get you upstairs." Jane takes a
toddler into each arm and heads up the stairs. When she approached their bedroom door she
remembered Maura probably was dressed so she called from the hall.
"Hey Maur?"
"Jane, stop playing around and get in here." Maura called back.
"Well, um, we have a small problem." She looks at the twins. "Actually, two small problems,
could you maybe put your robe on so we can come in?" Maura didn't answer as she was already
doing what Jane asked. Quickly she grabbed her robe and put it on, on her way to the door.
When she opened the bedroom door her jaw dropped. "W-what happened?" She asked looking at
the two girls still smeared with peanut butter.
"Well it seems these two wanted a snack, I caught them with their hands in the cookie jar, well
the peanut butter jar if we are getting technical." Jane said trying not to laugh.
"Jane," Maura said, glaring at her wife. "This is not funny."
87

"Sorry Maur," Jane said putting the girls down. "They are both gonna need another bath I tried
my best to clean them up, but its literally almost covering every inch of them."
Maura sighed in frustration. "Maddy, Abby head into the bathroom and get out of those clothes,
I'll come run the water. Don't touch anything please, I don't want to find peanut butter in places
three months from now." Both girls headed into the bathroom.
"I'll go get them a change of clothes Maur, just don't go to hard them. They are just kids love."
With that Jane headed to the twins bedroom for clothes.
Abby looked at Maddy. "See Amelia was right, she told us we would get caught." Maddy didn't
say anything as Maura walked into the bathroom.
Maura started the girls bath, while waiting Abby apologized again. "We're sorry mommy."
"Yeah we're sorry mommy." Maddy repeated.
"Now girls you both know better then to sneak snacks after bedtime. And because you both
completely went against what I told you earlier when you asked, neither one of you will have a
snack after dinner for a week and no peanut butter and cookies for two." Both girls started crying
as Maura helped them into the tub.
Jane came in a few minutes after with clean clothes. "Now girls, stop that crying. You both knew
you would be caught and you would get into trouble so whatever mommy told you is your
punishment that's what it will be. No amount of crying is going to get you two out of this."
Jane leaned down and whispered. "What's their punishment?" Maura scoffed.
"Well since I told them no earlier today when they asked me if they could have peanut butter and
cookies and they decided to completely go against that, they will go one week without snacks
88

after dinner and no peanut butter and cookies for two. But had you not been running off like an
over grown child earlier today you would have known that."
Jane was taken back by Maura's remark but she wasn't going to argue, especially not in front of
the girls. "Okay Maur, I'm sorry. I didn't know, let's just get these two cleaned up and back to
bed and we can talk." Apparently Jane had chosen the wrong words. Maura stood, wiped her
hands off and walked out the bathroom leaving Jane to finish bathing the girls.
After a few minutes of silence Abby spoke. "Is mommy mad at us?" Big brown eyes looked up
at Jane.
"She's upset that you two didn't listen but she's not mad at you mommy loves you both very
much. You know that right?" Jane asked and both girls nodded. "Okay, good. Now let's get you
cleaned off the rest of the way and then into your pajamas.
After both girls were dressed Maddy asked if they both could sleep in the bed with them. Jane
looked to Maura who nodded.
"Sure, climb up there with mommy." Both little girls did just that. "We love you mommy,"
Maura took a calming breath. Jane was right they were just kids, and kids make messes, defy and
test the limits of their parents but she loved her girls, all of her girls. She looked at Jane and
mouthed "I'm sorry." Jane smiled and shook her head as if to say "it's okay."
Jane sat down on the bed and smiled at her two little cookie monsters, that were now snuggled
up against Maura. Jane then puts on her serious face.
“OK girls, we need to talk. Did you go to mommy today and ask for cookies?” Both girls
nodded. “OK, and what did mommy say?”
“She said no,” Abby said as her lip started to quiver. She didn’t like where this was headed.
Maddy’s lip began to quiver as well. Looking at Maura, Jane could see her wife was about to cry
89

right along with the girls. “You both know your choices tonight would get you a spanking but
you did it anyway.” Jane paused before continuing. She had no intention of spanking the girls,
she just wanted them to know she hadn’t forgotten their discussion a few days prior.
“Are you girls going to listen to mommy next time?” Abby and Maddy both shook their heads
vigorously. Jane looked at Maura. “Did they apologize?” Maura nodded. “What do you think,
Maur? Do I give them a pardon?” Maura smiled. “I think we can do that Jane.” Jane bent over
and kissed both her kids on the head, and then Maura. “Next time it’s not going to be up for
debate girls. Do you understand?”
“Yes ma’am,” Abby and Maddy said.
Jane tickled the blankets around the girls, before getting up. “I’m going to clean up the bathroom
Maur. Then I'll be in to bed.”
Maura nodded as she snuggled into her pillow, her arm around both girls who were starting to
doze off.
Jane cleaned up the bathroom, shut off the light and climbed into bed with her wife and kids.
"Goodnight my girls." She said before flipping off the lamp receiving three sleepy goodnights
while doing so.
90