AWC Going Dutch Jan Feb 2021

AWC: Girl Scouts for Grown-Ups?
by Jo van Kalveen
My involvement with the AWC took about eight years longer than it should have! We
moved to the Netherlands in 2005, thinking it would be for two years. Maybe three.
Four tops. That was 15 years ago. Life is funny like that….
I moved here from London with my Dutch husband, Kees, and our three-month-old son,
Luc. I’d dated Kees for a looooong time back when he had lived in The Hague, so naively
assumed I knew what I was moving into. However, visiting for romantic weekends proved
very different than leaving behind a good career, active social life, lovely friends and family,
and moving to Holland with a baby in tow. Kees was only allowed two days off of work to
help settle us into a new house, unpack and register at the local gemeente, etc. Then it was
up to me to get on with my new life. Gulp!
I immediately set about trying to find some new friends (#priorities!). I immediately
joined the British Women’s Club of The Hague, which had a wonderful Mother & Baby
group. I was lucky enough to meet four other expat mums, all with babies of a similar age.
We bonded over babies and missing Marks & Spencer! They proved invaluable over the next
few years. We met up regularly at the club, beach, local parks and indoor play spaces, and
had more than a few Mums’ Nights Out. We were each other’s support network, helping with
childcare, seeing each other through new pregnancies (I had Oliver in 2007), homesickness,
good times and bad.
Then, as is the curse of living in an expat environment, one by one they moved away. My
circle got smaller and with it my social life! I will always remember Kees looking at me one
evening and saying, “Why don’t you go out anymore?” I took us both by surprise by busting
into tears in response. A problem solver by nature, he told me I should find a new club to
join. I pointed out I was no longer seven and couldn’t just join the Girl Scouts to make new
friends. Plus, I was reluctant to jump into another expat group only to experience the same
kind of emotional upheaval when close friends moved away.
So I muddled through. I took Dutch classes and tried to break into the Dutch friendship
groups in the local Dutch school playground whilst also trying to maintain friendships with
expats. I felt caught between two different worlds―a local Dutch one and a transient expat
one―and still felt there was something missing.
In 2013, I was chatting to a friend of friend and they asked if I was a Member of the AWC.
“I’m not American.” I said, “I can’t join.” And left it at that. A few days later I Googled the
AWC on a whim. It all sounded great: tours, activities, meetings and, most appealing for
me, there was a sub-group for Women with Dutch Partners (WWDP). It wasn’t immediately
clear if a non-American could join, but after a bit of scrolling I found a reference to non-
American nationals being welcome if they had an “affinity” for America. Well I thought, I
like lots of things that come out of the States: Barak Obama, Coca Cola, Cinnabon rolls, my
honeymoon in California, Black Friday. It will be fine!
I went to the September 2013 Kick Off not really knowing what to expect and came away
feeling a little annoyed it had taken me eight years to find the Club. I loved it! Everyone
was so welcoming and friendly. I think I signed up to almost every activity and tour on offer
that day. I was pleasantly surprised by all the different nationalities which comprised the
38 GOING DUTCH
Club Membership along with
the size and interior of the
Clubhouse. The array of
baked goods on offer were
literally the icing on the
cake. These were my kind
of people!
I was especially keen
to connect with the other
Members who had
Dutch partners. My first experience
of a WWDP event
was the wonderful Christmas
Potluck hosted by the lovely
Celeste Brown. I hadn’t realized
how many AWC Members had a Dutch partner. A group of 25 of us talked, sang, ate
and laughed. And laughed. And laughed. It was wonderful. Finally I was surrounded by a
group of women who could relate to having a Dutch mother-in-law (the pros and the cons!),
what it’s like to be a non-Dutch mum at a Dutch school, the complexities of trying to raise
your children bilingual and bicultural, and the frustrations of learning Dutch yourself. These
ladies nodded along when I talked about the unexpected issues that pop up when you have
a Dutch partner: the endless debate over whether the kids should eat hagelslag or Cheerios
for breakfast and why can’t we have the Christmas decorations up before December 5. I
was especially heartened to meet some of the ladies who had lived here for an extended period
of time and to hear about how they had adapted to living long term in the Netherlands.
It gave me hope that I could do the same (after eight years it had just about dawned on me
that we were not moving back to the UK anytime soon...!).
The subsequent WWDP meetups and wider AWC events and activities and, more importantly,
the friendships I have made have undoubtedly filled the “gap.” Personal highlights of
my time with the AWC have been the art exhibition tours with Monique, which are always
informative and memorable, helping make the Heart Pillows for breast cancer patients, being
so moved at one of the Volunteer Luncheons that I took on the Newcomers role (I confess
that Prosecco may have played a part in this decision!) and the Thanksgiving lunches where I
finally got to eat some of the
dishes I had only read about
in American fiction (verdict:
adore green bean casserole
and cornbread, not such a
fan of pumpkin pie―please
don’t rescind my AWC
Membership!).
I hope to be able to continue
to be an active Member
of the AWC in the years to
come. The pandemic has reinforced
what an important
part of my life it has become.
Just hope no one tells Kees
that he was sort of right about
joining the Girl Scouts.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2021 39