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Margins Magazine - Volume 4 Issue 5

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MARGINS<br />

I V . V


VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT<br />

& EQUITY STATEMENT<br />

We shall neither condone nor tolerate behaviour that undermines the<br />

dignity or self-esteem of any individual or creates an intimidating,<br />

hostile or offensive environment in our physical and digital spaces.<br />

It is our collective responsibility to create spaces that are inclusive<br />

and welcome discussion. Any form of discrimination and harassment<br />

will not be tolerated. Hate speech rooted in, but not limited to, anti-<br />

Muslim, anti-Semitic, sexist, racist, classist, ableist, homophobic, or<br />

transphobic sentiments and/or remarks will not be tolerated. We all<br />

have an obligation to ensure that an open and inclusive space, free<br />

of hate is established. Any behaviour that does not demonstrate an<br />

understanding of these principles and/or creates an unsafe atmosphere<br />

will not be tolerated.<br />

To recognize the land is an expression of gratitude and appreciation<br />

to those whose territory you reside on, and a way of honouring the<br />

Indigenous people who have been living and working on the land from<br />

time immemorial. It is important to understand the long-standing<br />

history that has brought you to reside on the land, and to seek to<br />

understand your place within that history. Colonialism is a current<br />

ongoing process, and we need to build our mindfulness of our present<br />

participation.<br />

The first step is to acknowledge that we, <strong>Margins</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> & The UTSC<br />

Women’s and Trans Centre, are on the traditional land of the Huron-<br />

Wendat, the Seneca, and most recently, the Mississaugas of the Credit<br />

River. We would like to sincerely pay our respects to their elders past<br />

and present, and to any who may be here with us today, physically,<br />

mentally, and spiritually. Today, these lands are still the home to many<br />

Indigenous people from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to<br />

have the opportunity to work on this land.<br />

visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

“Life is a question and how we live it is our answer.” – Gary Keller<br />

A NOTE FROM THE<br />

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF<br />

What is moral and what is immoral? What are the power dynamics in<br />

the spaces I enter, whether in academia or in the creative industry and<br />

do they serve to benefit the majority or oppress communities? What<br />

are the intentions behind creating art and sharing a certain narrative?<br />

These are the questions that I constantly reflect upon when trying to understand<br />

what I represent in different spaces and when engaging with<br />

different collaborators.<br />

In this issue, our writers, editors and contributors grapple with similar<br />

thoughts and questions when exploring their identities personally and<br />

professionally and in how they are represented in larger spheres of society<br />

through their pieces. Arya and I consciously reflected the black,<br />

white, and greys of the conversations surrounding morality into the creative<br />

design of this issue. Hope you enjoy checking it out!<br />

Sincerely,<br />

`<br />

Shagun Kanwar, Editor-In-Chief<br />

wtcmargins@gmail.com<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

Happy Spring Everyone!<br />

Wow, can you believe it’s been a year since COVID-19 hit? The beginning<br />

of this year has definitely been rocky, but at the same time, I feel<br />

that good things are coming! In January, I set my mantra as “Flourish”,<br />

with absolutely no expectations but hope that I will get through the year<br />

in one piece, and GUESS WHO MANIFESTED THEIR GROWTH?? That’s<br />

right, it’s ME! At this point, I am just thankful that I’m still learning<br />

more and more about myself and the world.<br />

A NOTE FROM THE<br />

CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />

Shagun and I had an absolute blast putting this issue together, since we<br />

got to play around with different kinds of designs, visuals, and spiffy<br />

layouts this time. What’s even more cool are all the featured pieces with<br />

really cool people and art that you’ll get to see in this issue! Well, what<br />

are you waiting for? Have fun reading!<br />

With love from your FAVORITE Creative Director,<br />

Arya Bhat, Creative Director<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

MASTHEAD<br />

CONTRIBUTORS<br />

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF<br />

Shagun Kanwar<br />

MANAGING EDITOR<br />

Nadia Adam<br />

CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />

Arya Bhat<br />

ILLUSTRATOR<br />

Tashfia Sharar<br />

EXECUTIVE EDITOR<br />

Alexa DiFrancesco<br />

EDITOR<br />

Farah Ahmad<br />

EDITOR<br />

Ziyan Nadeem<br />

MARKETING DIRECTOR<br />

Maidah Afzal<br />

MARKETING DIRECTOR<br />

Radhika Gupta<br />

WRITER<br />

Bhanvi Sachdeva<br />

WRITER<br />

Eesha Chaudhry<br />

WRITER<br />

Maisha Maimunah<br />

WRITER<br />

Saman Saeed<br />

WRITER<br />

Sanah Malik<br />

WRITER<br />

Sofia Suleman<br />

WRITER<br />

Tara Hejazi<br />

WRITER<br />

Theevya Ragu<br />

WRITER<br />

You-Jin Kim<br />

WRITER<br />

Zachariah Highgate<br />

ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY<br />

Carella Keil<br />

Dmitry Borshch<br />

Jessika Krzyzewski<br />

Katherine Abraham<br />

POETRY<br />

Awoloto Olefumi Nathaniel<br />

David Mellor<br />

Hafsa Azher<br />

Jessica Singh<br />

SHORT STORIES<br />

Tanisha Agarwal<br />

8 9<br />

visual credits: Engin Akyurt


VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

TABLE OF CONTENTS<br />

12<br />

In Conversation With:<br />

Wave Art Collective<br />

Editor Ziyan Nadeem speaks with<br />

two of the co-founders of Wave Art<br />

Collective, Sampreeth Rao & Kevin<br />

Ramroop in an interview discussing<br />

the origins of the collective, their experiences<br />

within the larger creative<br />

community, and about their inclusive<br />

programming.<br />

52<br />

Vacillation of<br />

the Waves<br />

Writer You-Jin Kim shares a<br />

reflection about the complexities of<br />

identity and the intersecting<br />

experiences of deconstructing<br />

internalized racism on her personal<br />

journey and reclaiming her Korean<br />

heritage, while discussing anti-Asian<br />

violence within the larger<br />

community.<br />

30<br />

Untitled & Sign Bearer -<br />

Dmitri Borsch<br />

70<br />

The Labyrinth - Sanah Malik<br />

34<br />

Celebrating Black History Month -<br />

A Panel Interview<br />

Writer Zachariah Highgate speaks<br />

with three Black Creatives Kirk Diamond,<br />

Tracey Kayy, and Nathan Eugene<br />

Carson on their professional<br />

achievements, what Black History<br />

Month means to them, and what<br />

they want their personal legacies to<br />

look like.<br />

32<br />

33<br />

42<br />

60<br />

62<br />

64<br />

You Were There -<br />

Jessica Singh<br />

Growth - Hafsa Azhervolles<br />

Two Different Lives -<br />

Tara Hejazi<br />

No Grey - Eesha Chaudhry<br />

Twisted - Jessika Krzyzewski<br />

A Collection of Poems -<br />

David Mellorestrum<br />

72<br />

74<br />

76<br />

78<br />

88<br />

Soulace - Carella Keilsimagna<br />

A Collection of Photos -<br />

Katherine Abraham<br />

A Poem By<br />

Awoloto Olefumi Nathaniel<br />

Friends in Heavenly Places -<br />

Zachariah Highgate<br />

Horsemen - Tanisha Agarwal<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

IN CONVERSATION WITH<br />

WAVE ART COLLECTIVE<br />

By Ziyan Nadeem<br />

I had the best time chatting with two of Wave Art Collective’s<br />

co-founders, Sampreeth Rao and Kevin Ramroop, about<br />

their group, their muses, morality in art, and their upcoming<br />

projects. It was great to receive the artistic insight that I did<br />

from Sampreeth and Kevin regarding the local barriers faced by<br />

creatives in Scarborough as well as sharing sentiments on how<br />

cultural diversity is often perceived and generalised.<br />

Sampreeth is a Scarborough-based filmmaker from India<br />

who uses his experiences as an immigrant to delve into<br />

themes of alienation and confusion rooted in local societal<br />

norms and distant cultural expectations. Sampreeth’s experimental<br />

film, Watching TV with the Mind Off, has been<br />

featured in the TIFFxInstagram Shorts Film festival and<br />

Regent Park Film Festival, where he was awarded the RBC<br />

Emerging Director’s Award<br />

.<br />

Kevin is an Indo-Trinidadian experimental artist from Toronto,<br />

whose diverse art and content seeks to explore the<br />

“liminal, harmonious” pluralism that encapsulates Scarborough.<br />

With his work featured on several digital and radio<br />

outlets like CBC Radio One, Kevin has also received the<br />

Eugenie Shehirian Award for Youth Literature.<br />

Sampreeth Rao (top) and Kevin Ramroop (bottom)<br />

are two of the three co-founders of Scarborough-based<br />

interdisciplinary group -- Wave<br />

Art Collective.<br />

Ziyan Nadeem: What does it mean to<br />

be an artist for you?<br />

Sampreeth Rao: I think there's just<br />

so much, so many layers to that<br />

question because I make films, Kevin's<br />

a musician. We also do other stuff like<br />

community artists, and then we work<br />

together as Wave Art Collective. And<br />

so I think art means different things in<br />

all those different spheres. So it's, it's<br />

tough [to define].<br />

Kevin Ramroop: We're also kind of<br />

figuring out what we can do with all the<br />

different things that we [can] because<br />

we've only started considering this<br />

to be an outlet that we could sustain<br />

financially as well as like, holistically<br />

for the past, maybe like five years<br />

before that, it was still kind of just a<br />

hobby, because the past decade was<br />

us basically transitioning from being<br />

a post-secondary hobby, where we<br />

picked up music and film just as a<br />

creative outlet into turning it into<br />

something that could mean something,<br />

not only for us, and what we stand for,<br />

but our community, indirectly and<br />

directly. Through the messaging, but<br />

then also through being able to impact<br />

people with the fellowship and things<br />

like that. So it's a moving answer right<br />

now.<br />

SR: Okay, Kevin summed up a couple<br />

points. I feel like the other half of it<br />

is just, we've had this conversation<br />

between Kevin and I a lot where it's<br />

really at its essence, like a visceral<br />

calling and we have no control over<br />

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MARGINS<br />

the fact that we do what we do. Right? And this doesn't make a lot of sense. But<br />

the meaning almost doesn't matter. Because that's not really, at the end of the<br />

day, what drives our creative instinct.<br />

It's really just deep down, we would be making art regardless and that's just<br />

almost an unconscious drive. That’s really the essence of why we're artists and I<br />

don't really spend a lot of time thinking about what it means to me. Now, more<br />

recently, we have been but I guess the origins, it's just, it just happens. I wake<br />

up in the morning, and I feel like making something and I come home at night<br />

and I'm like, “Oh my god, I want to write something” and it just happens. Then<br />

through that process, of course, we make meaning out of why we do what we<br />

do, but its essence is just unconscious.<br />

ZN: Wow, what a poetic way to put it. What's the story/inspiration behind<br />

creating Wave Art Collective? Was there a larger purpose of stimulating<br />

change and movement within our community?<br />

SR: Oh, there's so many answers to that. One of the reasons was, I just finished<br />

my undergraduate degree and was figuring out what I was doing with life. There's<br />

this paradox of unemployment of how are you going to find a job when every<br />

employer wants you to have experience, but then you can't get experienced<br />

unless you have a job. That's the essence - every new grad goes through that<br />

process. It would be kind of cool if we could just get jobs for ourselves and at<br />

the same time, also have fun together as friends who've grown up together. So<br />

that was half of it.<br />

“That was part of the motivation of how we kind of learn<br />

through failure, and it would be nice to just pass along<br />

that knowledge to another generation of young folks,<br />

where we live in our community that we understand.”<br />

It was like, I know how to write a grant, I can get some money. It wasn't really<br />

about getting paid, it was like, oh look, let's have something to do after we just<br />

graduated. Then the other half of it was, we're all creatives in one way or another.<br />

We all influenced each other growing up in our own creative crafts. We grew up<br />

in Malvern, North East Toronto, in the margins of the city geographically, and<br />

[in] a lot of ways, socioeconomically as well, no one really put a camera in my<br />

hand. And I don't know if anyone put a guitar or whatever in Kevin's hand.<br />

I mean, the origin is a few childhood friends who had to find art on their own.<br />

And the purpose really is for future generations of young people in Scarborough<br />

to not have to do that. And for them to be provided with the mentorship and the<br />

resources for them to sustainably craft their own artistic careers. That's really<br />

the purpose. Yeah, and maybe I'll add just to do that, in a way that still values<br />

the culture and the history of scar row and to almost try to make work or have<br />

an influence in the community.<br />

For me, I started filmmaking when I was 20, or something, later on, out of my<br />

own volition, my own drive. And just because I wanted to do that, we were<br />

like, it'd be nice if someone did that for me. That was part of the motivation of<br />

how we kind of learn through failure, and it would be nice to just pass along<br />

that knowledge to another generation of young folks, where we live in our<br />

community that we understand. It would be interesting to find a way to pass<br />

on that knowledge while still getting together and having fun. That's ultimately<br />

what it boils down [to].<br />

“ I guess it’s a motif that we’ve kind of always been<br />

thinking about. There’s the obvious connections to<br />

Toronto and the Scarborough slang of being ~wavy~,<br />

or ‘being on a wave’.”<br />

ZN: Right, so how did you come up with the name for the collective?<br />

SR: Basically, we came up with the name, because we thought it was catchy at<br />

the time and that's the essence of it.<br />

KR: It was a grant application. The first grant application we put in for the first<br />

iteration of the fellowship, and it was just trying to pull out a name that sounded<br />

cool and sounded legitimate. We always kept in mind that if we would ever<br />

formalise it or start to take it a little bit more seriously that we would consider<br />

a rebranding. So last year was after our first kind of successful iteration of the<br />

fellowship where we had a gallery event, we knew we were going to take time<br />

in between those cohorts kind of take a step back, revamp the website, revamp<br />

the branding and start from the ground basically as assessing what we have and<br />

building from there.<br />

So we were pretty sure that we were going to change the name but we came up<br />

with a couple other ideas that had thought put into them. We had individual<br />

and group brainstorming sessions but we asked other people for opinions and<br />

everybody still said WaveArt Collective is still the best name and, as time goes<br />

along, you start to think about little things along the way that kind of made<br />

sense as to why maybe this wasn't just a hasty name decision.<br />

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Sampreeth’s thesis documentary that<br />

he did for his undergrad was basically<br />

a documentary where he captured all<br />

of us in this basement, kind of just<br />

making art during that time period of<br />

2014, 2015, and called it ‘Wave’. I had a<br />

song at the time that was written called<br />

‘Wave’. I guess it's a motif that we've<br />

kind of always been thinking about.<br />

There's the obvious connections to<br />

Toronto and the Scarborough slang<br />

of being ~wavy~, or ‘being on a wave’.<br />

Those are the very easy connotations<br />

of how they relate to what we do, in<br />

the sense of us trying to start this Wave<br />

in Scarborough and Malvern.<br />

Also, when we were brainstorming<br />

ideas for the logo, I started thinking<br />

about whether we are trying to think<br />

of things outside of the box - we didn’t<br />

want the logo to just be a tidal wave or<br />

something like that, right? So I started<br />

thinking about how waves kind of exist<br />

in all languages and [across] all kinds<br />

of fields like in physics, and [how] it's<br />

just that it's a prop.<br />

Light, sound and gravity, they're all<br />

communicated in this concept of<br />

waves and thinking about how that<br />

kind of relates to how we want to<br />

not only instil technical skills in the<br />

fellowship, but philosophical, political<br />

and moral principles... this idea that<br />

we can create an education or an<br />

artistic system that kind of speaks to<br />

all different layers, all the different<br />

waves that can come out of producing<br />

art.<br />

ZN: Yeah, that's really nice. What's<br />

your favourite part about working<br />

as part of WaveArt Collective our<br />

collective?<br />

visual credits: Watching TV with<br />

the Mind Off - Sampreeth Rao<br />

SR: Oh my God.<br />

KR: There's so many.<br />

SR: I'll say two things. [Firstly], the<br />

essence of it is, it's just a bunch of<br />

childhood friends who are doing<br />

something in the community. That's<br />

really what it boils down to at its<br />

essence. The reason why I love that<br />

is just because we have such a good<br />

relationship with one another, and<br />

we can finish each other's sentences.<br />

We just kind of work on the same<br />

wavelength.<br />

Also, at the same time, maintain<br />

the essence of what it means to be<br />

a Scarborough grown person. So it<br />

makes this an almost professional<br />

pursuit with the silliness and the<br />

comedic humour that comes with just<br />

being a person from Scarborough.<br />

I think that's what makes it so fun<br />

because we don't have to fit into the<br />

box of “oh, we're doing this nonprofit<br />

thing, that means we have to conduct<br />

ourselves in a certain way”.<br />

It's like, no, Scarborough has this<br />

identity, this multicultural, deep, rich<br />

identity that also has a lot of humour<br />

to it, and we can stay true to that while<br />

still achieving positive outcomes in<br />

our community. That's what I love<br />

most about it and the second half<br />

of that standpoint is , this started as<br />

something that we wanted to do for<br />

fun, but in a lot of ways it's unlocked<br />

a joy that I never felt, I never thought I<br />

would really feel like doing something<br />

that benefits the community. It's not<br />

something that I thought I would get<br />

so much joy out of, but there is an<br />

amazing feeling you get when you<br />

get to be involved as a mentor with<br />

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MARGINS<br />

younger people who you see yourself in.<br />

KR: One thing I always think about was, my music career started when I got a<br />

MacBook for university, and we just started making beats on GarageBand, and<br />

then started rapping and that kind of sparked my passion for it. So I remember<br />

after we released our first mixtape, or we were in the process of making our<br />

second mixtape, I had this vision. Our rap group at the time, it was called<br />

Genz Squad. I couldn’t imagine it being this thing that reaches out to the city,<br />

and I didn't even use the word Scarborough, because that as a concept wasn't<br />

even strong at that point, right? This idea of Scarborough being this artistic<br />

community, a cultural identity, it wasn't as defined as it was five years later, and<br />

I realised at the time that I didn't, in that moment, I remember not knowing<br />

what I was talking about, but knowing kind of what I was referring to.<br />

The facilities and the conversations that would have made that conversation that<br />

I was trying to make, make sense back then didn't exist. Now it does, because<br />

of the work that we've done, and the work that has been paved by everybody<br />

else that's come before us and are coming alongside us, all of our peers. It's<br />

not even just WaveArt Collective, it's the ability that we know everyone before<br />

or during their artistic practice. We've kind of been able to see this community<br />

come up the same way we've come up, and it's a really surreal thing to kind of<br />

be in that moment of being like, oh, wow, this is happening right now. This is all<br />

coming together. What we get to do kind of just always immerses us in that idea<br />

of pushing forward. Creating conversations that we wished we had space for as<br />

kids, alongside the training.<br />

ZN: Right, so are there any regular programming/events y’all put on?<br />

KR: Right now, the fellowship is still just the main arm of our community<br />

engagement aspect. We're also working with UTSC and the Doris McCarthy<br />

Gallery. Then we're also working on Nuit Blanche. We're [also]working on a new<br />

launch project.<br />

Where we want to go direction wise, is we want to have this community<br />

engagement arm and expand the fellowship in terms of not just being this six<br />

month programme, but also having that kind of extension [of] workshops [and]<br />

things built around that, that could impact people not just in the programme but<br />

also our artistic projects, which we want to as we go along, to be more community<br />

engaged as well. The Nuit Blanche project (Where the Trees Speak) we're working<br />

on is the interactive audio visual installation about Scarborough and, as we're<br />

working on it, we're thinking of ways of engaging the community. Last year, we<br />

did some online interviews with just some Scarborough community members<br />

and just got their perspective on immigration and culture in Scarborough so it's<br />

going to be our engagement and our access to the community.<br />

SR: We run the fellowship for four to six months every year - that's formal<br />

training education and the other half of it is Community Arts projects that<br />

engage the community directly.<br />

visual credits: Where the Trees<br />

Speak - Nuit Blanche Project<br />

ZN: I really like how your work is premised in the “dichotomic parables of<br />

Scarborough and Toronto”. This is something that I've also noticed in my short<br />

time here, because I'm an international student. Could you please tell me how<br />

you've been affected by this?<br />

KR: This idea of our perception of Scarborough and how it influences our art, I<br />

think it's something that we've kind of actively been thinking about ever since<br />

we kind of got into the grant world and started having to really formalize and<br />

explain our ideas and why they matter. I think both Sampreeth and I have been<br />

very thankful for that process - grants have been really good for us, because that's<br />

been our main source of funding. It's also been the way that we've sort of been<br />

able to carve our artistic identity as we've gone along too. So I remember before<br />

I wrote a bio, or before I wrote a grant, I really didn't think about how my culture<br />

or how my identity affected my art. That was the first time I confronted it. That's<br />

when I started to really get into it and see what other people were thinking,<br />

talking about and saying.<br />

They were saying the same things that were kind of going on my head is that<br />

this idea of Scarborough being this place that infrastructurally, geographically,<br />

culturally, and economically, sort of has this alienation and separation with<br />

the rest of Toronto. There's also this sort of connotation between the way that<br />

Western civilization is viewed [versus] Eastern and tropical cultures. That is<br />

what mainly comprises the population today is these populations from South<br />

Asia and the East Asian, African and Caribbean diaspora. So there's that kind of<br />

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visual credits: Withdraw - Kevin A<br />

link there between this Toronto versus<br />

Scarborough and this Western versus<br />

Eastern. And I think that's been the<br />

kind of tension that we've all kind of<br />

used in artistic voices, but just in the<br />

messaging in general of creating a<br />

community around that in a [collective]<br />

voice.<br />

SR: I mean, the origin is a few<br />

childhood friends who had to find art<br />

on their own. And the purpose really<br />

is for future generations of young<br />

people in Scarborough to not have to<br />

do that. And for them to be provided<br />

with the mentorship and the resources<br />

for them to sustainably craft their<br />

own artistic careers. That's really the<br />

purpose. Yeah, and maybe I'll add just<br />

to do that, in a way that still values the<br />

culture and the history of scar row and<br />

to almost try to make work or have an<br />

influence in the community.<br />

ZN: What do you consider to be the<br />

biggest barriers for local creatives in<br />

Scarborough?<br />

SR: There are a couple of things. I want<br />

to say funding but I want to expand on<br />

that a little bit more. It's something<br />

that is very obvious, and that most<br />

of us experience: proximity and<br />

geography, and transportation. Most<br />

of the opportunities in the city are<br />

concentrated around the downtown<br />

core. Where we live in Malvern, it's an<br />

hour and a half on a great day, closer to<br />

an hour and 45, two hours to get to any<br />

sort of programming. So that's a huge<br />

barrier. First of all, you're wasting four<br />

hours on a round trip, to get to your<br />

opportunity, and then you pay and<br />

there's the finances associated with<br />

that. We're awake for 16 hours a day, if<br />

you spend four hours just to get to and<br />

from the destination, that's tough.<br />

Kevin and I had a conversation with<br />

Anique Jordan, who is an artist<br />

and curator from Scarborough, a<br />

real Scarborough G. Last week, she<br />

mentioned something that really stood<br />

with me. It's just confidence, we're<br />

so used to not having opportunities,<br />

and I don't want that to sound like this<br />

helpless thing... we're almost used to<br />

just grabbing and holding on to every<br />

little opportunity and acting like, oh<br />

my god, we have to do everything we<br />

can to preserve this thing. We put<br />

such a high value on it, that we almost<br />

undermine our own confidence of the<br />

value that we bring, as artists. I think<br />

that comes from, not just Scarborough,<br />

but any person who grew up on the<br />

margins, economically or culturally,<br />

anyone who's in that circumstance<br />

feels that in some way or another,<br />

and it's a tough cycle to break. That is<br />

almost an existential barrier, which is<br />

tough to overcome.<br />

KR: The institutions and the people<br />

looking on the outside looking in to<br />

the margins, like the ones who are<br />

trying to kind of access this territory,<br />

that we are kind of the surveyors of,<br />

we're the ones doing the work in these<br />

places. We have to start thinking about<br />

that in terms of leverage, we're the<br />

ones who have the value, right? So<br />

we're out here always worrying about<br />

not having enough money to do things<br />

but we need to place and we need to be<br />

aware of how much value we have on<br />

things we're doing and be able to place<br />

value on those things properly with<br />

the people who have the money so that<br />

we can actually make change. Because<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

they don't have the infrastructure,<br />

they don't even have the knowledge<br />

about these things. The poverty<br />

mentality is a real thing, I think, that<br />

we all experience here. People on the<br />

margins, right? Because we're so used<br />

to being told, or being given so much<br />

that we don't know what's actually<br />

possible.<br />

ZN: Yeah, that makes total sense. I think<br />

that's a very transferable experience.<br />

Could you please elaborate on power<br />

dynamics that exist within the spaces<br />

of creating art at large, how its<br />

represented and how its consumed?<br />

SR: It's easy to feel like you owe<br />

something to institutions that give you<br />

money for art. And so the power is<br />

inherently in finances and money. It's<br />

really difficult as an emerging artist,<br />

and artists on the margins to reshape<br />

the way we think. To understand that,<br />

in fact, most of the value comes from<br />

the creation and the meaning of the<br />

art that we make. Right? And I think<br />

that's a part of the power dynamic and<br />

the imbalance of the power dynamic<br />

comes when we, in society, I mean,<br />

money, money, money tops, right? And<br />

so the imbalance is that it's really tough<br />

to have that mentality of understanding<br />

the value of the argument, when most<br />

of the institutions that have power<br />

have power, because they have the<br />

money, but really, we don't have.<br />

There's definitely more to that.<br />

SR: And I also think the other half of it<br />

is just our difficulty in answering that<br />

question is, so representative of how<br />

difficult it is to break that down? Yeah,<br />

even for us, because we're in the midst<br />

of it right now.<br />

ZN: Like you've internalised it, you<br />

don't even know what it is anymore,<br />

kind of.<br />

SR: Exactly. Or we're at that precipice<br />

of no longer not being aware of that.<br />

But we're getting there to understand<br />

it. But the honest truth is we don't<br />

really understand it. If we did, then, I<br />

wouldn't say we wouldn't be here, but<br />

things would be a little bit different.<br />

ZN: So to what extent do you consider<br />

art to play a role in social justice and<br />

politics?<br />

KR: I think that's something that<br />

we've really been thinking about a lot<br />

in the past, like last year, especially<br />

with the projects we've been working<br />

on, but then also kind of the context<br />

that we've been put into this world<br />

in the past year with the pandemic,<br />

but then also the uprising and social<br />

justice attention in the last summer, ?<br />

I just read an essay about 21st century<br />

poetry and kind of the way that the<br />

MFA (Masters of Fine Arts) and the<br />

institutionalisation of teaching poetry<br />

has kind of shaped just what poetry is<br />

as an art form and in America and the<br />

21st century, I think it ends by saying,<br />

, we were at this new crop, where the<br />

previous generation at the turn of this<br />

21st Century, they were kind of more<br />

focused on the subversion of form.<br />

But now, this generation has kind of<br />

brought back just the plain language<br />

and more about politics then it has<br />

ever been.<br />

SR: I think that's at the forefront of<br />

everybody's mind in places of power, or<br />

people's positions to make a statement<br />

in art, I think. An easy way for me to<br />

always think about it, it's just, [I don’t ]<br />

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MARGINS<br />

remember exactly what it's called? I think it's Kurt Vonnegut?<br />

KR: Yeah, the canary in the coal [mine].<br />

visual credits: Kwame Brown - Kevin A<br />

SR: Yeah, the theory of the canary in the coal mine of the arts. It's this kind of<br />

idea that artists and society are almost the canaries in the coal mine. And that,<br />

canaries are the warning sign of bad things to come. In a lot of ways, artists<br />

serve that function in society and are kind of being in tune with what's going on<br />

at the ground level in the community. By creating work that kind of encourages<br />

public discourse about those things, we're able to bring those issues to light at a<br />

very early stage. We all know arts and culture, like arts and culture shapes our<br />

values of the day, right? So artists almost serve as the people that do that. If we<br />

feel like anything in society is going awry, artists almost serve this function as<br />

people to bring that to light.<br />

ZN: This carries on to the next question, which is exactly about biases. How<br />

do you think art makers and consumers alike should address their biases?<br />

Should we all strive to separate the art from the artist?<br />

SR: I mean, my short answer is just be open to criticism and feedback. I think<br />

it's very difficult for any person to be vulnerable, especially about their artwork.<br />

It's an incredibly difficult task to check your own biases as much as I think we<br />

should all try to do that. Why go through all that stress when we can just have<br />

someone else call you out on it. And so maybe, trying to be more intentional<br />

and conscious about that process is a good idea. It just goes back to getting more<br />

people involved in collaboration, right? I don't mean to say you should release<br />

a film and wait for people to tell you everything that's wrong with it. But during<br />

the process while it's being made, get<br />

as many diverse eyes on it as you can<br />

for them to call stuff out, and that’s<br />

my philosophy with feedback and<br />

criticism, so please throw it all at me,<br />

let me know, because then I'll make<br />

the decision, right? Getting feedback<br />

doesn't mean that you lose control. In<br />

fact, in a lot of ways you get controlled<br />

by the perspectives that are given to<br />

you. And then, as an artist, you must<br />

make your choice. Like, okay, cool. You<br />

told me that thing? Do I agree? Do I not<br />

agree? How is that going to change and<br />

shape the work as it is right now?<br />

KR: Going off of what Sampreeth said,<br />

by getting as many diverse opinions,<br />

you as the artists can separate yourself<br />

from the art. I think that there can be<br />

a challenge when we think about our<br />

interpretation as readers or consumers<br />

of art and how much we should<br />

analyse a piece based on how much<br />

of this person is drawing from their<br />

real life? And what are they talking<br />

about? That's a whole philosophical<br />

discussion in itself, but the artist<br />

itself has a responsibility as well, to<br />

make sure that they're checking their<br />

biases, and like Sampreeth said, by,<br />

sort of creating that separation, then<br />

it's a weird balance. I think, at the<br />

same time, it's also good to keep in<br />

mind authenticity; how much of your<br />

art speaks to your voice, and I think<br />

that's what we encourage, through<br />

the fellowship, and through our own<br />

artistic projects. We're out here,<br />

honing our voices, and developing<br />

the resources and the technical skills<br />

so that we can pass it on for you to<br />

develop your voice. Everyone's artistic<br />

voice is going to be authentic and as<br />

potent as they uncover it through their<br />

own work.<br />

ZN: Yeah. That's such a nice way to<br />

put it, actually. Because it's not really<br />

about trying to appease everyone.<br />

KR: When your grant application is<br />

about dissecting these homogenous<br />

experiences of a Scarborough culture,<br />

and you have all these different<br />

artists kind of saying here, “this is<br />

Scarborough”. We all experience these<br />

things the same way. It can be good<br />

because you can create this identity,<br />

but then you also have to make sure<br />

that people aren't glossing over those<br />

experiences of all these diverse<br />

cultural backgrounds into one thing.<br />

Everybody still has these nuanced<br />

experiences. That comes from<br />

individual artists being as authentic to<br />

their voice as possible and not trying<br />

to serve this idea that they have to<br />

conform to these norms and morals<br />

and values that have been prescribed<br />

to Scarborough.<br />

SR: Basically, it's about your part of the<br />

equation. How do you disaggregate the<br />

experiences of people of colour? Like<br />

people of colour, it's a convenient,<br />

nice, easy-to-use term. What's really<br />

important to me is disaggregating,<br />

that even further. We're struggling.<br />

I don't want to use that word but<br />

we put so much effort into the bare<br />

minimum of trying to get people<br />

to recognise the BIPOC experience<br />

when that doesn't even exist. That's<br />

just a word that represents so many<br />

different things. We're just struggling<br />

to have representation for such a<br />

large proportion of this group when<br />

it's like, “no man”. That individual<br />

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MARGINS<br />

experience of every single person who<br />

belongs within that group is so rich<br />

and diverse. So I think people should<br />

feel comfortable to express their<br />

perspective and embrace that. Their<br />

perspective might be very different<br />

from someone else’s.<br />

ZN: Definitely. Do you believe that<br />

artworks can inherently exemplify<br />

ideas of morality as in? Do you<br />

think art is always intertwined with<br />

morality? Or is it multi-layered? If so,<br />

how do we unpack that?<br />

“The ultimate experience is<br />

the playing with form, the<br />

absolute true subversion<br />

or expansion of the formal<br />

aspects of an art form, the<br />

primary objective. I think<br />

we kind of go back and forth<br />

between these different<br />

types of things.”<br />

SR: I mean, here's the question: is<br />

art about what's right and wrong? Is<br />

that really what it boils down to? The<br />

easy answer is, you can leave the real<br />

question is, should you? Yeah. Yeah, you<br />

can do those things and act like your<br />

art is just different than it justifies the<br />

way your behaviour and whatever, but<br />

should you do that? I think that there's<br />

a lot of nuance to that conversation.<br />

I don't know. Because we talk about<br />

that a lot with comedians. Comedians<br />

always have fun. How far is too far?<br />

Just because I said something on stage,<br />

does it represent who I am? I just said<br />

it because I thought it was funny.<br />

KR: From kind of looking through<br />

history, I've felt one of the things I<br />

try to do is kind of get a grasp on the<br />

prevailing motivations or sentiments<br />

of these defined periods of art,<br />

modernism... romanticism... things<br />

like that, and what I could tell, it<br />

seems there's just always this back and<br />

forth and that's kind of the nature of<br />

how things work. You build something<br />

up and then the next generation, the<br />

next tradition is either a complete<br />

subversion or this kind of broadening<br />

or this expansion so you have this<br />

push and pull and there's always this<br />

back and forth between the author<br />

and the speaker. The final word is<br />

the subjective experience of the<br />

reader, the consumer. The ultimate<br />

experience is the playing with form,<br />

the absolute true subversion or<br />

expansion of the formal aspects of an<br />

art form, the primary objective. I think<br />

we kind of go back and forth between<br />

these different types of things. Right<br />

now we're in this space where it does<br />

seem not impossible, but, should<br />

you? I don't think any artists want<br />

to ignore the moral implications of<br />

artwork, because that's sort of our<br />

main ingredient right now. That's the<br />

main thing that we're kind of cooking<br />

up, morphing and seeing how we can<br />

use that to create a foundation for the<br />

stories that we can hopefully tell in<br />

more complex ways later on.<br />

SR: It's very hard to separate morality<br />

from the art. Even when I think about<br />

the stuff that I make, I make it from<br />

a very visceral place, and I don't think<br />

about what it's going to mean, and a<br />

lot of ways, [it’s] because it means<br />

something that I can't really put into<br />

words. At the same time, I also think<br />

about, oh my god, when I put this thing<br />

out, “what will people think about it?”<br />

and really, that's a moral question,<br />

right? Yeah, you're scared that people<br />

will think it's bad, morally bad, for the<br />

wrong reasons.<br />

I'm struggling with a project that we<br />

finished a couple months ago, Kwame<br />

Brown - it's a music video for one of<br />

Kevin's songs. The video is really about<br />

breaking down West Indian tropes. So<br />

it's a very satirical music video about<br />

this guy who was cheating on his<br />

girlfriend, and, through the process<br />

of [engaging in many] ridiculous<br />

[things]. But he realises more why<br />

that's wrong. There's a lot of stuff in<br />

that video though, the dialogue in the<br />

video is pretty offensive. So we spent<br />

a lot of time [questioning] why are we<br />

using that language? What purpose<br />

does it serve? Ultimately, the video<br />

ends in a very meaningful way, kind<br />

of breaking down where that type of<br />

behaviour comes from, and how it's so<br />

rooted in our history and culture. But<br />

if you don't get that, it's just another<br />

offensive video.<br />

We spent a lot of time thinking<br />

about [how] this goes back to the<br />

accessibility piece of, if someone<br />

watches this video, and for us, [it’s] so<br />

obviously satirical and stupid, and the<br />

meaning is evident if you sit through<br />

all of it. What are some other ways<br />

that you can digest the same message?<br />

So we were like it would be really cool<br />

if we had this satirical music video.<br />

We paired it with this very academic<br />

essay that describes in detail the<br />

history of slavery, and then Caribbean,<br />

and how that impacts our language,<br />

our behaviour, and Scarborough.<br />

That's kind of how we circumvented<br />

this moral question. Is this video, is<br />

this it? Well, no, but I think it's our<br />

responsibility almost as artists to make<br />

the viewer see that. That's the whole<br />

point. It's to facilitate thought and so<br />

we're like, we should just play with<br />

this theme in many different forms as<br />

possible so that it can be accessible to<br />

as many different people as possible.<br />

ZN: That makes sense. Yeah, there's a<br />

lot of nuance to it. Could you please tell<br />

me how artists are able to get involved<br />

with Wave Art Collective through the<br />

fellowship programme, as mentioned<br />

before, and also otherwise?<br />

SR: Every year, we open up applications.<br />

The dates always changed because<br />

“It’s to facilitate thought<br />

and so we’re like, we<br />

should just play with this<br />

theme in many different<br />

forms as possible so that<br />

it can be accessible to as<br />

many different people as<br />

possible.”<br />

our world is evolving - always keep<br />

an eye out for those. There are also a<br />

lot of other ways to get involved with<br />

the Collective aside from just the<br />

fellowship, and some of those ways<br />

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MARGINS<br />

are when we're doing a Community Arts project, we like to get the community<br />

involved. We usually put open calls out on the website or social media to have<br />

other people's voices. So that's one way. Very soon down the pipeline, it has<br />

been growing really fast and we're going to need more people to take on more<br />

roles, whether it's graphic design, documentation, blogs, writing, all of those<br />

things are places where we need help. So those open calls for volunteers and<br />

people to join a team will also be put out.<br />

KR: We have a join tab on our website for volunteers, internships. We haven't<br />

had any internships yet. But I mean, we know it's possible.<br />

ZN: Something has to be first, right?<br />

KR: Yeah, exactly. It's something we'd love to facilitate with anybody in university.<br />

SR: I guess, the last thing is we’re not just for the individual, but for other<br />

collectives, other organisations, [and] other institutions. There's always room<br />

for collaboration. We work in the intersection of community, mentorship,<br />

and arts education, as well as making community artwork, and so almost any<br />

organisation who works in those areas would be suitable to touch base with us.<br />

ZN: Are there any projects that you have worked with or on that you<br />

particularly enjoyed?<br />

SR: I think it's important for people to hear about the project we're doing for Nuit<br />

Blanche. It's about fusing the Rouge Park, which is the larger green body that<br />

the Toronto Zoo is housed in. It's an urban park that’s [like] our backyard, and<br />

that we grew up in. We're using the Rouge Park’s change through the seasons<br />

and the change through time, kind of as a metaphor to represent Scarborough's<br />

history and its people, its diversity, and it's my repertory origins. We're really<br />

excited about that project, because it's something that people will be able to<br />

hopefully [do], if the pandemic doesn't force social isolation on us. We're excited<br />

because people will get to experience that in the community. It represents not<br />

only our voices, but interviews that other folks [have] done from Scarborough.<br />

One of the things that we love to do and is important to us is allowing people<br />

from here to see themselves [in] artwork. I feel like that's what this project is<br />

all about.<br />

KR: In talking about our current projects, the new Wave 1 Launch Project, and<br />

then the residency that we're working on, we're kind of working on them side<br />

by side, essentially, because we weren't able to run an in-person residency<br />

or engage with the student body. We're just producing this project that's sort<br />

of going to be a complement to the themes of the Nuit Blanche project. The<br />

main themes that we kind of address are from a larger historical perspective<br />

of the migration, history of Scarborough, and then sort of the geographical<br />

occupation of Scarborough, and then also just the cultural makeup and how<br />

that relates to identity building.<br />

We're exploring that in a very abstract and interactive way, with the Nuit Blanche<br />

project. With the residency, we want to create this series of works that's more<br />

conversational and directly exploring those themes in a more conversational<br />

way. And both of them, they involve music, audio community engagement,<br />

academic involvement, research and archives, and video. It's basically the first<br />

iteration of projects where we're able to truly merge all of the intersections and<br />

all of the things that we've been working on. These projects that we're working<br />

on now kind of show this synthesis of, and what's possible when we can kind of<br />

combine all of these different voices and streams together.<br />

ZN: Is there anything else you would like to share with us?<br />

SR: One last thing I'll say is, I just think it's important that people from this<br />

community [know] Scarborough is having a moment right now and people<br />

are noticing what's happening here. I would say that people from here, I think<br />

it's important that we feel proud that we're from here. It's also important that<br />

despite whether or not Scarborough continues to have a moment and continues<br />

to get attention, it's important that we continue to give back in any way we can.<br />

Always remember the importance of this place and how it's formed [us all in<br />

some way].<br />

www.waveartcollective.ca<br />

www.sampreethrao.com/film.html<br />

www.kevinramroop.com/music<br />

28 29


VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

DMITRY BORSHCH<br />

www.dmitryborshch.tumblr.com<br />

www.independent.academia.edu/DmitryBorshch<br />

Dmitry Borshch was born in Dnipropetrovsk, studied in Moscow, today lives in<br />

New York. His works have been exhibited at Russian American Cultural Center<br />

(New York), HIAS (New York), Consulate General of the Russian Federation<br />

(New York), Lydia Schukina Institute of Psychology (Moscow), Contemporary<br />

Art Centers (Voronezh, Almaty), Museums of Contemporary Art (Poltava, Lviv).<br />

UNTITLED, 2016<br />

SIGN BEARER, 2009<br />

30


MAGAZINE<br />

JESSICA SINGH<br />

An artist at heart and aesthete at being. She is an Oxford graduate specializing<br />

in research, arts, and gender studies. Jessica is an interdisciplinary artist and in<br />

that, she embodies the essence of fluidity in art forms like poetry, photography<br />

and painting. She is currently serving on the board of North York Arts.<br />

@blessjess27<br />

@jessicasingh27<br />

HAFSA AZHER<br />

I am a second-year student double-majoring in Health Studies (Population<br />

Health) and Mental Health Studies. This past year has been an incredibly<br />

dreadful, yet wonderful, year. After months of self-isolation, lonely nights,<br />

and thoughts about life, I have come to an understanding of thanking myself<br />

for who I am and my growth.<br />

YOU WERE THERE<br />

GROWTH<br />

You were there, but I was not,<br />

I was there, and you were gone,<br />

Gone you were, past the love,<br />

Love that left the fields bereft,<br />

Bereft were those pining primes,<br />

Primes that prided in its wonder,<br />

Wonder that lusted a fine another,<br />

Another call for a rose prim and too red,<br />

Red was dainty for the forest she tread,<br />

Tread she will for you lured her to,<br />

To the love that was left to steep deep and brew.<br />

The world has changed,<br />

Who knows whether for the better or worst –<br />

I have spent countless hours and days in my room,<br />

wondering what my life is<br />

One thing is for sure,<br />

I need change in it<br />

I have the need to want to know more<br />

I have the need to want to explore<br />

I have the need to want to do better<br />

I want to be free<br />

I want to be strong<br />

I want to challenge myself<br />

I want to strengthen myself<br />

But the truth is –<br />

Wants and needs require growth<br />

And luckily, time has given me much growth<br />

.<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

an introduction.<br />

Kirk Diamond<br />

CELEBRATING<br />

Tracey Kayy<br />

BLACK<br />

HISTORY<br />

MONTH<br />

A panel interview with Kirk Diamond,<br />

Tracey Kayy, and Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

By Zachariah Highgate<br />

As a multiracial Black Canadian, I<br />

always feel it is important to highlight<br />

Black History during the month of<br />

February and throughout the year.<br />

For this issue of <strong>Margins</strong>, I spoke<br />

with a panel of black creatives whose<br />

greatness I have had the chance to<br />

witness first hand. We discussed their<br />

professional achievements, what<br />

Black History Month means to them,<br />

and what they want their personal<br />

legacies to look like. I’m so grateful to<br />

have been able to connect with them<br />

during this extremely important<br />

month and I hope you enjoy what<br />

came out of our conversation.<br />

- ZH<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

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MARGINS<br />

Tracey Kayy<br />

meet the panelists.<br />

Kirk Diamond<br />

Juno Award Winner Kirk Diamond is singer,<br />

songwriter, producer and social activist in his<br />

own right. Diamond has proven that there are<br />

no limits when high expectations of oneself<br />

and one's goals are set. Spreading musical<br />

messages of unity, inclusion, and love for all<br />

walks of life, The Movement Of Ahryel (which<br />

Kirk formed in 2018) joins Kirk Diamond<br />

in delivering his greatness to reggae and<br />

dancehall lovers. Kirk’s artistry has landed<br />

him in several publications including: Irie<br />

<strong>Magazine</strong>, Triple The Focus <strong>Magazine</strong>, London<br />

Le'Blanc <strong>Magazine</strong> and local and international<br />

Newspapers. Diamond has also performed on<br />

several major music stages including: Calgary<br />

Reggae Festival, Toronto Reggae Festival,<br />

JUNOFest, Congregate Brixton, Windrush<br />

Festival, Middlesborough Reggaefest, Channel<br />

One 45th Anniversary Show, Yard Vibes<br />

Germany and TVJ’s Smile Jamaica. He’s also<br />

performed for Mayor Patrick Brown and other<br />

elected officials at City Hall for Brampton’s<br />

Black History Month Event.<br />

Tracey Kayy is a multidisciplinary musician<br />

based in Toronto. She is a singer, song-writer,<br />

producer, rapper and spoken-word artist. Her<br />

creative creations shed light on the difficulties<br />

and traumas within our social realities. Tracey<br />

has performed on many stages, including<br />

those at Toronto City Hall, the Royal Ontario<br />

Museum, Ghanafest, and African Music week.<br />

She has also worked with Arts in the Park,<br />

Seneca College, Humber College, and the<br />

Art Gallery of York University, to name a few.<br />

She is a radiant light, and a messenger who<br />

raises awareness by being a voice for multiple<br />

communities across the globe. Her soul’s<br />

purpose is to heal people from all walks of life<br />

through her writings and musical creations.<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

(b. 1980, lives and works in Hamilton, Ontario)<br />

received a BFA from the Ontario College of<br />

Art and Design in 2005. His drawings and<br />

paintings have since been showcased at Verso<br />

Gallery, Lennox Contemporary, Gallery One,<br />

and the Drake Hotel in Toronto. Carson’s work<br />

was also featured in the AGO First Thursdays<br />

held in partnership with the RBC Emerging<br />

Artists Projects, and StreetARToronto. In 2016,<br />

he was part of an exhibition titled Ponto, the<br />

first of several held at Hamilton’s Oswald<br />

Gallery. Other group exhibitions include Free<br />

Fall (2016) and Worked Over (2017), both at<br />

Oswald Gallery, and 100 Paintings (2019) at The<br />

Carnegie Gallery, Dundas, Ontario. His most<br />

recent solo exhibition, May You Always See<br />

the Light (2017) at Oswald Gallery, comprised<br />

paintings of brightly-rendered animals, and<br />

whimsical characters emerging from obscure<br />

matte landscapes.<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

As a black creative, what does Black<br />

History Month mean to you?<br />

Kirk Diamond: Black History Month for me, is about the greatness and<br />

perseverance of our people. It reminds me of how strong we are and it also<br />

reinforces my beliefs that like Bob Marley said, "Everything is going to be<br />

alright." We have come a long way. The things we are able to do now were<br />

merely a dream to our ancestors, so I don't think we should take our privileges,<br />

or the fact that we are alive in this time, for granted.<br />

Tracey Kayy: As a black creative, when<br />

I think of Black History month I think<br />

of many meanings, stories, traditions<br />

and cultures. I think of its origin and<br />

complexities in regards to identity and<br />

how black creatives, inventors, Kings,<br />

Queens, community leaders and<br />

warriors have shaped and influenced<br />

many Nations across the globe. From<br />

my perspective, Black History isn’t<br />

simply a month, it's all year around.<br />

Without black resources, black<br />

inventions and black labour the world<br />

would not be where it is today. So what<br />

does Black History Month mean to me?<br />

It means excelling, it means thriving,<br />

it means going against the odds and<br />

always coming [out] on top.<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson: The month<br />

to me is super important because it<br />

means that I and many others get to<br />

learn about black and current history.<br />

It's a month of discovery.<br />

Who is someone in the black community<br />

that inspires you, during this month<br />

and throughout the year?<br />

Kirk Diamond: My parents inspire<br />

me. Everything that I aspire to be is<br />

because of them. I saw them work<br />

so hard to provide so my younger<br />

brother and myself would become<br />

respectable human beings.<br />

Tracey Kayy: To be honest, everyone<br />

Black inspires me. No one on this earth<br />

is perfect but I believe that’s it not<br />

necessarily the mistakes we make but<br />

the decisions we make after, in order<br />

to persevere. From my perspective, I<br />

believe that, that is exactly what we as<br />

black folks do. We are always finding<br />

ways to excel and improve.<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson: I can think<br />

of so many great souls, [such as]<br />

Gaetane Verna, Karen Carter, Shelly<br />

Falconer, who [had] fantastic talk[s]<br />

online that I just watched.<br />

Tell us about your latest project and<br />

how it adds to your personal legacy.<br />

Kirk Diamond: My latest singles are, "Let It Be Done" and "Too Ruff." "Let It<br />

Be Done" was written in the beginning stages of the pandemic. So much had<br />

already happened. The injustices that we were witnessing like George Floyd<br />

and so many others. The Amazon Rainforest was on fire. The entire Continent/<br />

country of Australia was on fire, and the former President of The USA seemed<br />

to be pushing for a 3rd world war. I felt it was my duty as an artist to speak to<br />

the world in the only way I knew how, through music. The song is a prayer [that<br />

speaks] to people, letting them know we are great and we will get through this.<br />

"Too Ruff" is my tribute to Reggae and The Crowned Prince of Reggae Dennis<br />

Brown.<br />

Tracey Kayy: My latest project is a workshop series which empowers and equips<br />

young girls with the resources and tools to be self-confident and resilient,<br />

while preparing them for success within the music industry. I have recently<br />

begun working with a few young girls within my community but have yet to<br />

pick a name for the workshop series so if you have any suggestions, please let<br />

me know. I believe that this project ties into my legacy because it encourages<br />

each participant to be the best versions of themselves while giving back to the<br />

people who need it the most.<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson: My latest project is a solo museum show at the Power<br />

Plant in Toronto, Ontario titled “Cut From The Same Cloth.” This show is just<br />

another chapter in the story of my life.<br />

38 39


VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

an outro.<br />

As black creatives, how can we<br />

continue to inspire those who want to<br />

follow in our footsteps?<br />

Kirk Diamond: I believe we should be<br />

true to ourselves as creatives. Tell it like<br />

it is and strive for happiness. Happiness<br />

in my opinion, is the only way to really<br />

judge success. [I believe artists looking<br />

to follow in our footsteps will be most<br />

successful keeping happiness at the<br />

forefront].<br />

Tracey Kayy: By providing them the<br />

resources to excel, by leading by<br />

example and not just [by] words, and<br />

by being as honest and transparent as<br />

we possibly can. Once again, no human<br />

on this earth is perfect but when we<br />

are accountable for our actions, while<br />

demonstrating love without borders<br />

with no hate in our hearts, I believe<br />

[we can] truly inspire. Just be your<br />

authentic self!! Not everyone may<br />

understand it, but there's definitely<br />

someone out there who will.<br />

Nathan Eugene Carson: We inspire<br />

others by staying true to [ourselves].<br />

visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

And there you have it! I hope you<br />

enjoyed this panel discussion with<br />

these talented creatives. It was an<br />

inspiring experience for me and<br />

I encourage you to find ways to<br />

celebrate Black History all year long!<br />

visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />

- ZH<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

TWO DIFFERENT LIVES<br />

By Tara Hejazi<br />

In 1979, the Iranian Revolution<br />

happened, transforming Iran into<br />

a whole new country. Now, if you<br />

don’t know about the revolution,<br />

I will give you a quick lesson. Welcome<br />

to World History with me,<br />

Tara! Basically, the revolution was<br />

when the citizens protested to have<br />

the royal family gone from Iran in<br />

hopes that a democratic government<br />

would form. Did that happen?<br />

No - a dictatorship emerged instead.<br />

This was the main reason that my<br />

family decided to leave Iran and migrate<br />

to Canada.<br />

I left when I was three, so I wasn’t<br />

in Iran for long. Due to my short<br />

stay and how young I was, I don’t<br />

remember anything. I always just<br />

based my childhood on what my<br />

parents told me. For me, there is<br />

no story to be told. For my parents,<br />

there is. I’ve always loved hearing<br />

stories about their lives, so I wanted<br />

to share the story of their life before<br />

and after the Revolution, and their<br />

journey to Canada. So today I will<br />

give you insight into the stories of<br />

my mother, Vida Lashgari, and my<br />

father, Ali Hejazi.<br />

Vida Lashgari<br />

P.S. If you would like a better experience<br />

reading this interview, listen<br />

to Pol by Googoosh while you read.<br />

visual credits: Omid Armin<br />

Ali Hejazi<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

How old were you when the Revolution<br />

happened?<br />

Dad: I was ten years old. I was in<br />

Grade 5.<br />

Mom: I was 12 years old.<br />

Before the Revolution, what is the best<br />

memory that you had?<br />

Dad: School. In school, I had a close<br />

group of friends. There were six of<br />

us in total. We were always together.<br />

We would play a game called Zoo. You<br />

would get into two groups. The people<br />

in the middle would have to tag the<br />

others. The taggers would have to say<br />

zoooooooooooo as they tag the others<br />

and go back to the middle. If you tag<br />

everyone and go back in the middle,<br />

you were the winner! If you lost your<br />

breath, then you lost.<br />

Mom: Before the Revolution, my<br />

best memory was school. School<br />

was fun for me. We had a lot of<br />

events. For example, when it was<br />

the Shah’s birthday or Mother's Day,<br />

the school would get decorated with<br />

lights and each class would decorate<br />

their class, and the class who had<br />

the best decorations won a prize. We<br />

also got delicious meals. There were<br />

sandwiches, cheese, milk, cake...<br />

something new every day. I always<br />

had good memories at school.<br />

Do you remember the last Nowruz<br />

[Iranian New Year] you had before the<br />

Revolution?<br />

Dad: Yes. My family would always go to<br />

Rasht. I would go to my grandparents'<br />

house. Everyone was there: my aunts,<br />

my uncles, my cousins. Everyone. It<br />

was always a lot of fun. Anytime we<br />

went, all the kids would play together,<br />

we would go have a picnic in the<br />

woods, it was such a great time.<br />

Mom: I remember we got a coloured<br />

television, that’s when coloured<br />

televisions first came out. We<br />

saw Rangarang [an Iranian music<br />

program] where I saw Googoosh [a<br />

famous Iranian pop singer] in her<br />

long white dress singing.<br />

Do you remember the first Nowruz<br />

after the Revolution?<br />

Dad: We went back to Rasht, but<br />

honestly after a few years, everyone<br />

stopped going. It just wasn’t the same.<br />

Mom: Nowruz was the same honestly.<br />

Everyone was joyful still. People<br />

became less joyful, but they were still<br />

joyful.<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

Since you were a child when the Revolution<br />

happened, were you aware<br />

that the Revolution was taking place<br />

around you?<br />

Dad: Yes. Of course. When it would<br />

get dark, around 9 p.m., people would<br />

go onto their rooftops and they would<br />

shout chants. During the day, they<br />

would go into the streets and riot.<br />

This rioting led to damaged buildings<br />

and that’s why the Shah set a curfew<br />

of 9 p.m. which made people chant<br />

from their rooftops. I would hear<br />

everything. My house was beside a<br />

main street where all the protesting<br />

would happen.<br />

Mom: No, because I was so young.<br />

I only knew that an event was<br />

happening where people would come<br />

out and protest. I would hear that the<br />

Shah was bad, and this revolution was<br />

good. Although, my parents wouldn’t<br />

allow my sisters and me to go out. My<br />

mother was scared that we would get<br />

hurt.<br />

Do you remember the feelings you had<br />

when the Revolution started? For example,<br />

were you scared or happy?<br />

Dad: No, I wasn’t scared at all. Honestly,<br />

I didn’t understand what was going on<br />

nor did my older brother. We didn’t<br />

know what was going to happen. We<br />

didn’t know if there would be a good<br />

or bad outcome. We just knew a<br />

Revolution was happening. Everyone<br />

said that good will happen and we<br />

waited for that good to happen, but it<br />

never did.<br />

Mom: I was neutral towards it. My life<br />

was good, so the protest didn’t really<br />

mean much to me. I thought my life<br />

would stay the same, but it didn’t. It<br />

completely turned upside down.<br />

Did your parents tell you what was<br />

happening?<br />

Dad: Your grandparents never<br />

participated in the protests, but they<br />

did explain what was going on. Hell,<br />

everyone knew what was going on.<br />

They knew that Khomeini [leader<br />

of the Revolution] was coming, they<br />

knew a Revolution was happening,<br />

they knew the Shah was going to go,<br />

everyone knew everything. Although,<br />

no one knew the future of Iran when<br />

the new government came into order.<br />

We all thought it would be good, but it<br />

wasn’t good at all. It was all lies.<br />

Mom: My parents were also<br />

confused. They knew that people<br />

were protesting, but they thought life<br />

was going to be the same after the<br />

Revolution. Everyone did. But in the<br />

end, they were just as confused as I<br />

was.<br />

After the Revolution, what was your<br />

worst memory?<br />

Dad: Worst memory? Everything we<br />

wanted to do, we did it in fear. We<br />

couldn’t even listen to music in the car<br />

or wear short sleeves. If they caught us<br />

listening, we would go right to prison.<br />

I remember when new films came out<br />

on VHS, I would get 7 of them for a week<br />

and it was quite expensive. Within that<br />

week, my friends and I would share<br />

the VHS films. For example, I would<br />

watch a film and then pass it on, my<br />

friend would watch another film and<br />

he would pass it on. When we would<br />

pass it on, we would have to hide it<br />

in our pants. Once I got caught and I<br />

was sent to jail for a night. There was<br />

always fear. Honestly, anytime they<br />

would get you, they would hit and kick<br />

you first.<br />

Mom: We were always scared.<br />

Whenever we wanted to go out, we<br />

had to make sure our hijabs were<br />

completely covering our hair. We had<br />

to make sure our clothes were covering<br />

everything. They would even pat us<br />

down before entering high school<br />

to see if you are hiding any books or<br />

cassettes, and if they found any, you<br />

were screwed. I even remember that<br />

they would hang kids under the age<br />

of 18 and torture them. They would<br />

always torment people as much as<br />

they could. They made people go<br />

against each other. There was no trust<br />

anymore.<br />

When did you realize that you had to<br />

leave Iran?<br />

Dad: When my military training was<br />

done. In Iran, after a boy turns 18, he<br />

would get conscripted for two years.<br />

After my two years, I decided to come<br />

to Canada, especially since my brother<br />

was already in Canada. In 1991, I left,<br />

and it took me a year to get to Canada.<br />

It was a journey. I left Tehran and went<br />

to Malaysia then Thailand then China<br />

then Vancouver... Finally, I made it<br />

to Toronto. I got here in April 1992.<br />

Everyone wanted to leave. Anyone<br />

who could, left.<br />

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MARGINS<br />

Mom: When the Revolution happened,<br />

it made me realize how badly I wanted<br />

to leave Iran. I just wanted to leave.<br />

Whatever the reason was, I just<br />

wanted to leave Iran. Although, if the<br />

Revolution didn’t happen, I wouldn’t<br />

have left.<br />

I know one of the main reasons that<br />

we came to Canada was because of<br />

Dina’s [my older sister] and my future.<br />

When either one of us was born,<br />

do you remember your first thought of<br />

having to leave Iran because of us?<br />

Dad: Yes. The biggest thing me and<br />

your Mom thought when you two<br />

were born was that you two would not<br />

have any human rights in Iran. Also,<br />

you two would not be able to choose<br />

anything. Everything would be chosen<br />

for you. You two wouldn’t be able to<br />

speak your mind. A lot of things you<br />

can do here, you wouldn’t be able to<br />

do there. Canada would be an easy life<br />

for you two. You would have freedom<br />

here that you wouldn’t have in Iran.<br />

Mom: Yes. I knew how much the<br />

girls got bothered here [Iran]. I saw<br />

how they would torment the youths.<br />

I didn’t want you two to have bad<br />

memories nor did I want your life to<br />

be chosen for you two. I wanted you<br />

two to have freedom. The first thought<br />

I had when we came to Canada was,<br />

“We can finally relax. My kids won’t be<br />

tormented, and they can live a normal<br />

life.”<br />

Originally, we weren’t even supposed<br />

to come to Canada. Do you think if we<br />

stayed in Iran, we would be happy?<br />

Dad: That, I don’t know. There are a lot<br />

of things you have here that you don’t<br />

have in Iran vice-versa. For example,<br />

we have family there, we have our<br />

language there, our culture, we have<br />

familiarity there which we don’t have<br />

here. I don’t know if we would be<br />

happier or not. When I was getting my<br />

citizenship, I didn’t think if we would<br />

be happier or not, I just thought, “It<br />

would be easier for my children to get<br />

citizenship.”<br />

Mom: I don’t know if we would be<br />

happy. I do know though that if we did<br />

stay, you two [Dina and I] would be<br />

successful. It wouldn’t be as smooth<br />

as it would be in Canada though.<br />

One reason is because of money. For<br />

example, a lot of things in Iran such<br />

as going to classes involved money,<br />

but here you can do them for free.<br />

You can also work here when you’re<br />

a teen. Teenage girls in Iran weren’t<br />

allowed to work, and if they did work,<br />

their parents would always be scared<br />

that something bad would happen to<br />

them. It would be very different there<br />

and even harder.<br />

visual credits: Mostafa Meraji<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

Did you have any regrets when you<br />

came to Canada?<br />

Dad: Yes. Honestly, when I first came<br />

to Canada, I didn’t like it, but I had to<br />

stay here. I still don’t like it. I hate the<br />

weather here. I also don’t like how you<br />

easily can’t become what you want to<br />

be. For example, your mother was a<br />

children’s illustrator in Iran. She had<br />

both a bachelor’s and master's degree,<br />

yet she couldn’t find a job and went<br />

into customer service.<br />

Mom: I think the only regret that I<br />

have is that I didn’t explore my options<br />

before leaving Iran. Personally, I<br />

wanted to go to Europe for many<br />

reasons. The big reason though is<br />

because most of the government there<br />

is socialist, and they really care about<br />

their citizens. It’s not like Canada<br />

where it’s capitalist and we only have<br />

to work. Although, I’m really glad to<br />

be in a country where I have freedom,<br />

but if anyone asks me if they should<br />

come to Canada, I will tell them to go<br />

somewhere else.<br />

Are you happy with your life?<br />

Dad: Yes, I am. 100%. I'm so glad I<br />

left. I get to see you and your sister’s<br />

success as well as freedom. In the first<br />

year that I came to Canada, I was sad<br />

that I was here, but when I saw the<br />

events that were happening in Iran,<br />

I was so glad I came here. I thought<br />

this was the right decision. My life is<br />

good. I have a great family and we’re<br />

all healthy. My life is better than most<br />

honestly. Maybe in terms of money,<br />

it isn't, but in terms of happiness, it’s<br />

better. I love my life.<br />

Mom: No. It’s average for me. I’m not<br />

happy but I'm not depressed. Yes, I do<br />

have very happy moments because<br />

I see you guys [Dina and Tara] and<br />

I’m always very grateful to be in a<br />

country where I have clean water,<br />

where I’m healthy, and where I have a<br />

job. Although, I can’t fully say that I’m<br />

happy with my life. I’m just glad that I<br />

have a normal life where everything is<br />

going smoothly.<br />

Do you miss Iran? Do you ever want<br />

to go back?<br />

Dad: Right now, no. I hate the<br />

government there. All my friends left<br />

Iran too. I have no one there except<br />

one or two family members. I have<br />

no memories there and the good<br />

memories that I do have, I don’t want<br />

them to get ruined. The last time I was<br />

there, I was just depressed. Anywhere<br />

I went, my good memories would<br />

come right in front of my eyes and I<br />

saw how hard life has become.<br />

Mom: I don’t ever want to go back<br />

and stay there again. I would visit,<br />

but I would not live there. One thing<br />

that made me happy when I came to<br />

Canada was that I didn’t have to see<br />

child beggars. It made me so happy to<br />

know I wasn’t going to see that again.<br />

In the end, I would only just visit there.<br />

Lastly, do you have advice for anyone<br />

who is in the same situation as you?<br />

Dad: My advice is, if they want to leave their country, they need to sit down and<br />

think hard about all the different countries they can go to. For example, they<br />

need to try to see their future in each country. They must have an open mind<br />

as to where they want to go, unlike me who just came to Canada because my<br />

brother was there.<br />

Mom: I would tell them that before you leave, make sure you are completely<br />

fluent in the language of the country you’re going to. I would also tell them that<br />

you should stick to the career that you want to do. By this I mean, I used to be a<br />

children’s illustrator, but I thought I should work in customer service to make<br />

money. This led me to only work in customer service and not in my field at all.<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

VACILLATION OF<br />

THE WAVES<br />

By You-Jin Kim<br />

visual credits: Mark Chan<br />

visual credits: Insung Yoon<br />

Life is a constant lull of back and forth; of a<br />

boat on an ocean that changes directions<br />

at the call of the waves. The ocean’s<br />

power surpasses that of the boat, leading<br />

its passengers in whatever direction that<br />

it so chooses. Only when one gains the<br />

courage to grab an oar and take matters<br />

into their own hands will they be able to<br />

decide which way to go. Such has been my<br />

journey of fighting against deeply-rooted<br />

internalized racism while fostering my<br />

love and appreciation for my culture and<br />

heritage. Although I have learned how to<br />

unlearn much of the internalized racism,<br />

I can often see the echoes of the beliefs<br />

I once held in my second-generation<br />

immigrant friends, and sometimes even<br />

within my own actions. I see it in my<br />

mother’s insistence that I wear sunscreen<br />

to avoid tanning and becoming “darker”,<br />

in my brother’s past embarrassment at<br />

eating Korean food for lunch at school,<br />

and in the lost communication between<br />

my friends and their parents, and their<br />

own shame and reluctance to use their<br />

mother tongue.<br />

This internalized racism doesn’t only<br />

exist at an individual level — it has<br />

been entrenched into our culture and<br />

our society at an institutional level.<br />

In the West, Asian Americans have<br />

been traditionally “excluded from<br />

the white mainstream” and racialized<br />

as “unassimilable foreigners” (Pyke<br />

& Dang 150). I, myself, have heard<br />

from white people that my English<br />

is “so good”, despite having lived in<br />

Canada since I was a year old. Asian<br />

Americans have been continuously<br />

classified as “ethnic” and assumed to<br />

be “non-English speakers” and “noncitizens”,<br />

even after they’ve been<br />

culturally assimilated (Pyke & Dang<br />

150). The recent shootings of Asian<br />

women in Georgia demonstrate that<br />

Asians are still considered “other”<br />

in a country they consider their<br />

own. The rise in violence and hatred<br />

against Asian Americans and Pacific<br />

Islanders are a result of the negative<br />

portrayals of Asians in the media<br />

and the constant bashing of Asian<br />

governments by leaders of Western<br />

states.<br />

This “othering” and outright racism<br />

has led many of my fellow Asian<br />

Americans to seek acceptance from<br />

the white majority by adopting<br />

mainstream ideologies, including<br />

adopting eurocentric beliefs and<br />

stereotypes. It has caused a tense<br />

relationship between Asians on<br />

different parts of the bicultural<br />

spectrum, with negative labelling<br />

occurring, as either “FOB” or<br />

“whitewashed” (Pyke & Dang 149).<br />

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MARGINS<br />

Whether intentional or not, these<br />

terms carry a negative connotation,<br />

as someone either unassimilated<br />

to Western culture and its values<br />

or as someone who is too ethnic.<br />

Such identities and labels, a result of<br />

the “racial oppression of the larger<br />

society”, often lead Asian Americans<br />

to try and find a new identity on the<br />

bicultural spectrum (Pyke & Dang<br />

149). In addition, racial inequality<br />

causes Asian Americans to justify the<br />

oppression of their group with a true<br />

belief in their own inferiority as they<br />

accept and internalize mainstream<br />

racist values. This further privileges<br />

white people at the expense of Asian<br />

Americans. As Pyke and Dang put<br />

it, internalized racism is “a form of<br />

compliance that replicates inequality”<br />

(151).<br />

The tale of internalized racism among<br />

Asian Americans is inherently tied to<br />

the myth of the “Model Minority”, and<br />

the blind faith and belief that many<br />

have in the soundness of the “American<br />

Dream” — that as long as they work hard,<br />

they will succeed. Asian American<br />

educational and economic success<br />

have been historically exaggerated in<br />

order to align Asian Americans with<br />

the white majority — but only when it’s<br />

convenient. While praised for these<br />

qualities, Asian Americans are never<br />

fully considered “American”, and are<br />

often viewed as a threat rather than<br />

members of Western society. We are<br />

pushed to the sidelines and treated<br />

as invisible when the inequalities<br />

Asian Americans face are brought to<br />

the forefront. While hard work can<br />

help make success more attainable,<br />

the ideals of the meritocracy and<br />

the American Dream fail to consider<br />

the systematic disadvantages ethnic<br />

minorities face, and the influences of<br />

the intersections of gender, sexuality,<br />

and religion. So many Asian Americans<br />

blindly believe in this myth, and upon<br />

reaching success, believe that they are<br />

better than other minorities, and even<br />

others of their same ethnic background.<br />

The model minority myth further<br />

perpetuates racial essentialism, which<br />

is the belief that there are inherent<br />

and biologically-rooted differences<br />

between groups. In this case, the<br />

branding of Asian Americans as rich,<br />

smart, and hard-working, pitting us<br />

against other minorities.<br />

It’s difficult to pinpoint what exactly<br />

helped me resolve my inner conflict<br />

between hating and loving my culture.<br />

What is clear, however, are my own<br />

experiences with intraethnic othering.<br />

I would intentionally avoid falling into<br />

the stereotypes of the whitewashed<br />

Asians, by avoiding Starbucks and<br />

shows like Riverdale (although perhaps<br />

the latter is due to the actual quality<br />

of the show itself). I also avoided<br />

certain types of clothing which would<br />

be associated with the title “FOB”.<br />

The actions of buying Starbucks and<br />

wearing certain clothing are not<br />

inherently bad or even inherently<br />

“white” or “FOB”. However, the<br />

negative connotations that came with<br />

these labels made me avoid them at all<br />

costs, and instead, made me choose<br />

an in-between. I have since realized<br />

the implications of such actions and<br />

have put effort into being consciously<br />

aware of whether I take certain actions<br />

or make decisions because of the label<br />

that they may come with.<br />

visual credits: Bundo Kim<br />

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MARGINS<br />

visual credits: Kiwoong Park<br />

My own experiences are greatly<br />

shaped around having a strong<br />

Korean community to help inform<br />

and educate me of my culture. I've<br />

taken official Korean tests growing<br />

up, and continuously went to Korean<br />

school, which taught me not just about<br />

the language, but about the culture.<br />

That being said, I have had my own<br />

experiences running away from my<br />

culture: literally running away from<br />

my traditional Korean instruments<br />

teacher by hiding in the washroom,<br />

and being tired of Korean food and<br />

wanting Western food instead. Instead<br />

of 유부초밥, I asked my mother to<br />

pack me a sandwich for lunch. I<br />

wanted to conform with my white<br />

peers, and I wanted their approval.<br />

After transferring to a more culturally<br />

diverse school for the Gifted program,<br />

I found myself surrounded by not only<br />

other Asian Americans, but several<br />

Koreans as well. One of them had<br />

recently come to Canada and knew<br />

parts of modern Korean culture I<br />

couldn't possibly learn from a Korean<br />

class taught by someone in their sixties,<br />

who only knew the Korea of the 1980s.<br />

For one, this friend introduced me to<br />

Korean dramas and K-Pop. I remember<br />

watching SHINee's Ring Ding Dong<br />

and being absolutely enthralled. Little<br />

did I know that in a year, Gangnam<br />

Style would blow away the world, and<br />

Korean culture would slowly become<br />

normalized in the West. Fast forward<br />

to a few years later, where BTS and<br />

Korean dramas are now known by a<br />

majority of my peers and even seen as<br />

"trendy" and "cool". I would only get to<br />

start watching Korean TV shows and<br />

listening to K-Pop after I had already<br />

reached my teenage years, through<br />

the accessibility of the Internet. Man,<br />

I thought to myself, it would have been<br />

great to see these Korean role models<br />

when I was growing up. Who would<br />

have thought that my monolids and<br />

East Asian features that I once disliked<br />

about myself would become praised,<br />

and even copied through makeup looks<br />

like the fox-eyed makeup? Who would<br />

have thought that my people would<br />

be the subject of attention, obsession,<br />

and praise? And although there are<br />

issues within the portrayal of East<br />

Asian features through makeup and<br />

the obsession with Koreans because of<br />

Korean entertainment, that is a topic<br />

for another day.<br />

That is not to say that I didn’t have<br />

any Korean role models — there were<br />

many in my own life. My mother, who<br />

never took bullshit from any of the<br />

people she met at work. As a cashier at<br />

a dollar store, she had to deal with all<br />

sorts of customers. However, no matter<br />

the attitude that they approached her<br />

with, she never backed down. This<br />

ferocity and strength is something I<br />

adopted from her. I also learned the<br />

value of endurance and resilience<br />

from my father, who worked three jobs<br />

at once in order to sustain our family.<br />

Poverty has frequently been a part<br />

of the immigrant story (despite the<br />

stereotype of Asians as “rich”), and it is<br />

a big part of mine. In this way, ethnicity<br />

and class are heavily intersected in<br />

the lives of many immigrants. And my<br />

aforementioned teacher who taught<br />

me many aspects of Korean culture,<br />

including folk tales and traditional<br />

Korean instruments, showed me<br />

tough love and kindness in place of the<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

grandmother I never really got to know. There have been countless role models<br />

in my life who have shown me that their weakness in English does not define<br />

them as people, and it is certainly not a flaw. Being Korean is something to be<br />

proud of.<br />

If I hadn't had the Korean role models in my own life, if Korean culture hadn't<br />

become normalized in the West, and if technology didn’t help make my culture<br />

readily accessible to me, perhaps I would have been swept away by the ocean's<br />

tides. Perhaps I would float away, lost at sea, tasting the salt as the waves hit<br />

the deck. I was lucky enough to know how to take charge of my own ethnic and<br />

cultural identity — to take hold of the oars and direct the boat where I wanted<br />

to go. While there are undoubtedly still traces of internalized racism left within<br />

me, I am beginning to unlearn them, one piece at a time. You who sail in the<br />

wind: where are you going? Take a look around, and see whether the destination<br />

is truly a place you can be proud of. See whether you are being pushed around<br />

by the waves, to come and go with no control. And when you are ready, take<br />

hold of the oars, and beat the vacillation of the waves.<br />

Works Cited<br />

Pyke, Karen, and Tran Dang. “‘FOB’ and ‘Whitewashed’: Identity and Internalized<br />

Racism Among Second Generation Asian Americans.” Qualitative Sociology, vol.<br />

26, no. 2, 6 Jan. 2003, pp. 147–172., doi:10.1023/A:1022957011866.<br />

visual credits: Ran Ma<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

NO GREY<br />

NO GREY<br />

EESHA CHAUDHRY<br />

EESHA CHAUDHRY<br />

Black and white<br />

Black and white<br />

All colour, no shade<br />

Black and white<br />

No love, just hate<br />

Black and white<br />

Darkness and deception<br />

Black and white<br />

Black and white<br />

No substance, no grain<br />

Black and white<br />

Power of love or love for power<br />

Black and white<br />

Tampered soil makes a broken flower<br />

Black and white<br />

Rich off the backs of the poor<br />

Black and white<br />

A system so broken we can’t ask for<br />

more<br />

Black and white<br />

The truth is there, behind closed<br />

doors.<br />

Black and white<br />

The division is unclear<br />

Black and white<br />

Of fog and hazy fear<br />

Black and white<br />

To resist is to drown<br />

Black and white<br />

Misconstrued,<br />

Malice intentions<br />

Black and white<br />

Like water to oil<br />

Black and white<br />

A plant with no soil<br />

Black and white<br />

Of losses and gains<br />

Ashes and salt<br />

Black and white<br />

Innocent, yet at fault<br />

Black and white<br />

Empty promises webbed in lies<br />

Black and white<br />

A leader lives but the community dies<br />

Black and white<br />

An inner battle, a secret war<br />

Black and white<br />

A range of hues<br />

Black and white<br />

Overlap and blend<br />

Black and white<br />

Like oil to soap<br />

Black and white<br />

A mix so grotesque yet divine<br />

Black and white<br />

Fake smiles, hiding frowns<br />

Black and white<br />

Interwoven and interlaced<br />

Black and white<br />

A steady change in pace<br />

Black and white<br />

There’s nothing left to say<br />

For there is no black and white<br />

It is all simply grey.<br />

An ungodly warning sign<br />

visual credits: Dan Cristian Padure<br />

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MARGINS<br />

TWISTED<br />

JESSIKA<br />

KRZYZEWSKI<br />

@jesskrzyzewski<br />

@jessika-krzyzewski-2000<br />

Jessika Krzyzewski is currently an accidental fourth-year<br />

student at the University of Toronto - Scarborough Campus.<br />

She is pursuing the Major Program in English, and Minor<br />

Programs in History and Public Law, with aspirations of law<br />

school in the future. Her study interests include Shakespeare,<br />

American and Canadian colonial histories, and Canadian<br />

Constitutional Law, specifically the Charter. Her piece called<br />

"Twisted" takes inspiration from the internal moral dilemmas<br />

we may face in life.<br />

visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

THE DAILY COUNT<br />

OF LIVES<br />

DAVID MELLOR<br />

746 (six fell in love more than four times)<br />

673 (twenty had no regrets)<br />

@The Poetry of David R Mellor<br />

@David R Mellor<br />

714 (five could still feel their first kiss)<br />

643 (twenty-seven looked at photos of their loved one each morning)<br />

547 (seven had contagious laughter)<br />

David R Mellor is from Liverpool, England. He spent<br />

his late teens homeless in Merseyside. He found<br />

understanding and belief through words, and his<br />

work has been aired widely, at the BBC, The Tate,<br />

galleries and pubs and everything in between.<br />

517 (hundred regretted that their beauty had faded)<br />

468 (thirty-five had worked in the same job all their lives)<br />

573 (eight had won awards for their service to others)<br />

375 (seventy-five had been broken hearted)<br />

817 (had touched a million souls)<br />

917 (all had been loved by someone)<br />

Behind every number...<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

THIS MORTAL LIFE<br />

IN EVERY MOMENT<br />

This mortal life<br />

Seems thinner now<br />

I am stuck in every moment I have lived or<br />

Not lived enough<br />

As we move away from<br />

The old and sick relatives<br />

Keep a safe distance<br />

See everyone as a potential disease<br />

This moral life<br />

Seems thinner now<br />

And in a darkened room, all alone<br />

She sits tapping her fingers,<br />

Hoping the bell will ring<br />

Or someone will call<br />

Her mortal life<br />

Thinner now<br />

Passing away<br />

All alone<br />

Each drags me back<br />

To sort out what I<br />

Forgot<br />

To settle the score<br />

Paper over the cracks<br />

I am stuck,<br />

In every moment<br />

I failed<br />

To live<br />

I was,<br />

But<br />

Just not enough<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

DEATH IN PARADISE<br />

(TESTIMONY OF A<br />

WITNESSED EVENT)<br />

A body falls…<br />

Men dive in<br />

Phones ring out<br />

Faces look shocked<br />

The ambulance arrives…<br />

A dead body is put inside<br />

And the corner shop is<br />

Open…<br />

We put the beer in the bag<br />

Hope the water is back on<br />

Plan the telly<br />

…<br />

As an ambulance speeds by<br />

Under a milky moon<br />

Back home…<br />

the neighbour<br />

Brushed by…<br />

his brother had drowned<br />

and died<br />

A SPECK OF CRUELTY<br />

(A TRUE STORY ABOUT A DEAR<br />

OLD NEIGHBOUR OF MINE)<br />

One tiny story<br />

One tiny life<br />

Not picked up on any radar<br />

Or satellite<br />

Not even<br />

A marking in a road<br />

Or unfortunately<br />

No CCTV<br />

Old Ray’s tools were stolen<br />

From his ransacked allotment<br />

Leaving<br />

Very little of him left.<br />

One tiny moment<br />

One tiny heartless mind<br />

Just started to bury him<br />

Further<br />

And further<br />

In the ground<br />

68


MAGAZINE<br />

MARGINS<br />

THE LABYRINTH<br />

MORALITY & INTENTIONS<br />

By Sanah Malik<br />

There’s silence. She looked back and forth but she could still hear something.<br />

There was once a little girl, all her life she was trained to work hard. People<br />

often told her that success is a difficult road, sometimes the winner who<br />

takes it all walks alone. That made her wonder, was this the price of leaving<br />

everything behind?<br />

She stepped on a few shoes, never acted like she was a fool. The right<br />

connections took her to the right places, it’s a dangerous world and she looked<br />

after herself before anyone else did. A petite girl, always aiming for the top,<br />

she never bothered to glance at broken hearts. Stoic and bold, she charges<br />

ahead every day, aiming to adopt the lifestyle of the 1%.<br />

Oh darling, if only you could see, the world is already brimming with cold and<br />

rational hearts, your ability to feel, sets you apart. It’s a labyrinth, after all, a<br />

hunger game at best, but it frequently puts our humaneness to the test. It’s<br />

good to use your reasoning but when you refuse to show empathy for others,<br />

you lose it for yourself. One day, she will rise to the top but when she comes<br />

face to face with someone brimming with pure intentions, I’m sure, she will<br />

crumble and fall. But she won’t have to worry, in this labyrinth of life, there’s<br />

a place for the ones with their hearts all torn. It was her conscience that filled<br />

the silence, someday when she’ll pay attention, she’ll find it.<br />

visual credits: Chris Chan<br />

70<br />

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MARGINS<br />

CARELLA KEIL<br />

@catalogue.of.dreams<br />

@catalogofdream<br />

Carella was born in Alberta and spent her formative<br />

years in Oklahoma and Israel. In 2000 she attended York<br />

University in Toronto, where she obtained a Bachelor of<br />

Arts in Psychology and was awarded the Stanley Fefferman<br />

Prize in Creative Writing. She currently resides in Toronto.<br />

Carella's writing and art is informed by themes of trauma,<br />

resiliency and mental illness, often portrayed in the form<br />

of magical realism, conveying the illusory nature of our<br />

reality.<br />

SOULACE<br />

SOULACE<br />

72 73<br />

visual credits: Bilal O.


VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

KATHERINE ABRAHAM<br />

@aikaterinaphotography @katie_abraham @Katherine.Abraham<br />

Katherine Abraham is a Passionate Photographer from India, whose work<br />

has been showcased and recognized both nationally and internationally. Her<br />

photographs were a part of the AKR Photography Exhibitions in Lahore and<br />

Karachi, Pakistan. She has also done portrait photoshoots and has a keen<br />

interest in wildlife and portrait photography. An Indian Adventist, Katherine<br />

is a teacher by profession, who has studied Law, Literature and Journalism.<br />

She is the host for the International Podcast Series for Christians entitled,<br />

Chasing Hope.<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

AWOLOTO OLUFEMI<br />

NATHANIEL<br />

@famotiger<br />

My name is Awoloto Olufemi Nathaniel.<br />

I am 22 years old. I am in my second<br />

year of university studying International<br />

Relations. I love writing, although I would<br />

call my writings refining the mind with<br />

words. I also have an interest in music.<br />

And I lay numb as I was in deep thoughts almost losing<br />

touch with reality.<br />

Sometimes the perception of reality is more real than<br />

reality itself.<br />

I began to think of my life in black and white.<br />

BLACK.<br />

the color that portrays innocence, purity and all forms<br />

of good in life.<br />

The complexity of reality is heightened and the question<br />

of which color dominates us is asked.<br />

Black and white defies our humanity.<br />

Black and white is our humanity.<br />

I am what I am.<br />

I am black and white.<br />

- Nathaniel.<br />

visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />

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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />

MARGINS<br />

FRIENDS IN<br />

HEAVENLY PLACES<br />

By Zachariah Highgate<br />

“I’m doomed,” junior guardian angel, Crystabelle, muttered as she slumped<br />

into her office chair. Her friend and senior guardian angel, Carlyle, winced<br />

from his seat across from her and shook his head.<br />

“Don’t say that,” he replied. “You can turn this around.”<br />

“But this is my first assignment,” Crystabelle groaned. “What if I’m not meant<br />

to be a Guardian?”<br />

“That’s going a bit far,” Carlyle disagreed, shaking his head. “Your assignment<br />

is struggling but that isn’t completely your fault.”<br />

He was telling the truth. Crystabelle’s first assignment as a guardian angel<br />

was a sophomore University student trying to get into his campus’ theatrical<br />

play. As a junior guardian angel, Crystabelle’s job was to help them see this<br />

goal through. With an affinity to the arts and a decent GPA, Naveen Reeves<br />

had the skills necessary to play the part well. However, he suffered from selfesteem<br />

issues and the tendency to self-sabotage creative projects he’d started<br />

in the past. Carlyle had reminded Crystabelle of this when she first shared<br />

the report she’d received on Naveen with him. However, it seemed that the<br />

reminder had fallen on deaf ears as Crystabelle was now finding herself<br />

concerned with behavioural traits in her assignment that had been outlined<br />

from the start.<br />

“I just can’t believe it,” Crystabelle explained, shaking her head and allowing<br />

her blonde curls to sway back and forth in front of her face. “He nailed the<br />

audition and the production staff were so happy with him! What does he go<br />

and do? Skip the first cast meeting to go hang out with his friends, knowing<br />

he was missing it. Who does that?”<br />

“That’s disappointing,” Carlyle agreed, giving her a look of understanding.<br />

As a senior guardian angel, he’d seen more than a handful of assignments<br />

fumble an opportunity they were more than qualified to accomplish.<br />

It was always disheartening to see but that was part of the reason there<br />

were guardian angels in the first place, to gently push the living in the right<br />

direction.<br />

“I know you’re worried, but he can still see this through. Don’t give up on him<br />

just yet,” the senior guardian angel reassured.<br />

Crystabelle let out a huff.<br />

“I know, I know…” she muttered in response.<br />

Looking down at the report she’d initially been given spread across her office<br />

desk, she sighed and shook her head.<br />

“I know he’s going to beat himself up about this later,” she said.<br />

“That’s good,” Carlyle replied. “That means he cares.”<br />

“That won’t mean anything if he doesn’t do something about it,” Crystabelle<br />

retorted.<br />

“And that’s why you’re here, Crystabelle,” Carlyle said with a smile, rising from<br />

his floating office chair. His coffee break had been over for about five minutes<br />

now, but he wanted to be there for his friend when she was as worried as she<br />

was.<br />

“I wish I could just push him to do what he’s supposed to,” Crystabelle<br />

muttered.<br />

“But we can’t,” Carlyle quickly corrected. “You know the rules.”<br />

Guardian angels could influence certain things to help their assignments<br />

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MARGINS<br />

along, but in no way were they allowed to intervene in order to force a desired<br />

outcome. That went against every guideline they’d sworn to follow. As a<br />

recently graduated student in the role, Crystabelle would know this more than<br />

most. Even in his senior position, there was only so much support Carlyle<br />

could offer his friend.<br />

“I know, sorry,” Crystabelle replied. “I want Naveen to carve his own path. It’s<br />

just disheartening to see that he’s already wavering.”<br />

“That’s where you have to help him...in a way that doesn’t overstep any<br />

boundaries,” Carlyle encouraged. He felt his heart beat a little faster when<br />

Crystabelle returned the smile he gave her.<br />

Waving off the mock salute she sent him as he left her office, Carlyle hoped to<br />

find his friend in better spirits the next time he visited her.<br />

------------<br />

Luckily, Crystabelle was feeling a bit better the next time Carlyle stopped by.<br />

The senior guardian angel found her in their omniscience room, watching<br />

Naveen through floating surveillance screens similar to those in a security<br />

room.<br />

“How are things with your assignment?” Carlyle asked carefully, walking up to<br />

view the screens beside her.<br />

“They’ve been...improving,” Crystabelle admitted, though she was biting her<br />

lip as she did.<br />

“That’s good to hear!” Carlyle encouraged. “How’s he doing?”<br />

“He’s been going to his meetings,” Crystabelle explained. “I think he’s a bit<br />

more focused on the play than he was before.”<br />

Carlyle stared up at the screens and watched Naveen as he walked to his next<br />

class on campus. From a glance, the young man had a confident stride and<br />

a focussed stare but Carlyle knew better. The senior guardian angel could<br />

see the worry behind his eyes and the fact that the pep in his step was more<br />

anxious than ecstatic.<br />

The student was still troubled, it seemed.<br />

“Has he been rehearsing his lines?” he asked, turning back to Crystabelle.<br />

The junior guardian angel let out a sigh.<br />

“That’s where he’s still struggling,” she admitted.<br />

Turning a dial on the control panel in front of her, Crystabelle’s eyes scanned<br />

the screens in front of her as they began to change rapidly. Carlyle recognized<br />

this as the time adjuster, which allowed angels to observe their assignment’s<br />

actions at different times during the day. Crystabelle stopped the dial once<br />

the screens had adjusted to later in the evening. Carlyle followed her gaze<br />

to a corner screen that showed Naveen leaving his kitchen table after eating<br />

dinner.<br />

“He should be studying the script now,” Crystabelle explained. Carlyle nodded<br />

and continued to observe the screen.<br />

He watched as Naveen headed to his gaming system and sat down to start<br />

playing. While not exactly surprised at this, Carlyle couldn’t help but<br />

understand why this worried Crystabelle.<br />

“That’s where he was all night,” Crystabelle finally continued, pressing a<br />

button to pause the screen in front of them. “He knows he has to study his<br />

lines and this is what he chose to do instead.”<br />

Carlyle shook his head and sighed.<br />

“Have you exhausted all the guardian tools at your disposal yet?” he asked.<br />

“No,” Crystabelle replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m going to get<br />

his mom to call him tonight.”<br />

“Do you think that will help?”<br />

“I think she’ll push him in the right direction, but I’m not sure if it’ll be<br />

enough,” the junior guardian angel admitted.<br />

“It’s a start, though,” Carlyle encouraged. “Don’t give up on him yet.”<br />

“Yes, you’re right,” Crystabelle replied, giving him a small smile. “I won’t.”<br />

---------<br />

Sometime later, while taking a personal break from his guardian duties,<br />

Carlyle was approached by a fellow senior angel named Croy.<br />

They’d graduated the same year and had been promoted to senior guardian<br />

angels shortly after one another. They’d even had the chance to work on a<br />

couple of assignments together. While not close friends, they were friendly<br />

enough to share small talk when they bumped into each other.<br />

“How’s it going, Carlyle?” Croy asked with a wave. Carlyle looked in his<br />

direction and smiled.<br />

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“It’s been good, how’s that pesky assignment of yours?”<br />

“Oh, you mean the construction worker? It’s a work in progress…” Croy<br />

muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.<br />

“Though, I doubt you’re in a much better position with that accountant of<br />

yours,” he continued, smirking at Carlyle.<br />

“Hey, mine’s not on the run so there’s hope,” Carlyle argued, though he did so<br />

with a smile and his hands up in surrender. Croy let out a hearty laugh.<br />

“You got me there. How’s that friend of yours doing?” he asked. Carlyle raised<br />

an eyebrow.<br />

“Who, Crystabelle?”<br />

“Yes, I saw her fiddling with things in the omniscience room the other day.<br />

Seemed a bit worried about her first assignment.”<br />

“She is, but it’s not because of her abilities,” Carlyle replied. “Her assignment<br />

suffers from self-esteem issues and he tends to self-sabotage. We’ve seen cases<br />

like this before.”<br />

Croy nodded before responding.<br />

“We definitely have and those can be tricky. They want to do the right thing but<br />

something is always holding them back and you may not be able to figure out<br />

what that is, no matter how hard you try.”<br />

“I know, that’s why I feel for her,” Carlyle admitted, looking down at the table<br />

he was sitting in front of.<br />

“It could be imposter syndrome, you know,” Croy shrugged. “Or some trauma<br />

her assignment hasn’t worked through. Or both, to be honest.”<br />

“You’re right, it could be a plethora of things,” Carlyle agreed. “For now, she<br />

needs to try and help him through his latest trial. If she can do that, I think the<br />

way will make itself clear.”<br />

“You’re right,” Croy replied. “But you know what I wish?”<br />

“What, Croy?” Carlyle asked, looking up at the senior guardian angel again.<br />

“I wish our assignments knew how much faith we had in them. If only they<br />

knew there was someone outside of their family and friends that wants to<br />

see them find true peace and happiness. Maybe then, they’d put in the effort<br />

needed.”<br />

“Maybe,” Carlyle said, shrugging as he spoke. “But then you and I wouldn’t<br />

have a job.”<br />

Croy laughed again and patted Carlyle on the shoulder.<br />

“You might be right, but I might be out of job right along with that<br />

construction worker if he doesn’t get his act together soon.”<br />

It was Carlyle’s turn to laugh.<br />

“You’ll figure it out,” Carlyle assured.<br />

“Yeah,” Croy admitted. “And so will your friend, believe in her.”<br />

Carlyle smiled and nodded.<br />

“I will.”<br />

--------<br />

Unfortunately, Carlyle’s support would be needed sooner than he thought. It<br />

wasn’t too long after his conversation with Croy that he received a call from<br />

Crystabelle, who was in quite the panic.<br />

“Naveen had an anxiety attack!” Crystabelle exclaimed, sounding like she was<br />

holding back tears.<br />

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“Oh no,” Carlyle replied, immediately understanding exactly how distressed<br />

Crystabelle must have felt. “How did you find out?”<br />

“I was about to clock out for the day when I got an alert about it,” Crystabelle<br />

explained. “Thankfully, his roommate found him and was able to calm him<br />

down.”<br />

“I’m glad he was there, then,” Carlyle replied.<br />

“Me too,” Crystabelle said. “I don’t think he’ll be able to do the play, it’s too<br />

much.”<br />

Carlyle held back a wince.<br />

“You don’t know that, he might be able to overcome this.”<br />

“I don’t want to push him or overstep as a guardian angel,” Crystabelle replied.<br />

“I feel like I failed my first assignment.”<br />

“Don’t say that, Crystabelle,” Carlyle said, shaking his head as he heard his<br />

friend sob into the phone.<br />

“I-it’s fine, Carlyle,” Crystabelle stammered out. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for<br />

this. Maybe this isn’t meant for me…”<br />

“Don’t say that,” Carlyle replied. “If you weren’t meant for this, you wouldn’t<br />

have made it this far. You show a lot of promise as a guardian angel. This is a<br />

temporary setback that you can’t let destroy everything you’ve worked for.”<br />

visual credits: Michelle Luo<br />

“I’ll...try not to,” the junior guardian angel offered after taking a minute to<br />

compose herself.<br />

“How about you get some rest,” Carlyle recommended. “Things will work out, I<br />

promise.”<br />

“O-okay,” Crystabelle sniffled. “Thanks for listening, Carlyle. I really appreciate<br />

your support.”<br />

“Anytime,” Carlyle replied, smiling as he did. “That’s what friends are for.”<br />

--------<br />

The next day, Crystabelle was in a completely different mood. She might as<br />

well have been bouncing off the cloudy walls surrounding her office with how<br />

happy she was.<br />

“I’m assuming things have gotten better?” Carlyle asked with an easy smile as<br />

he entered and took a seat across from her.<br />

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“It’s unbelievable,” Crystabelle replied happily. “Naveen has totally turned<br />

things around!”<br />

“Really?” Carlyle asked with a raised eyebrow. “How so?”<br />

“After his anxiety attack, he took some time to think about what he really<br />

wanted,” Crystabelle explained. “He started studying his lines and nailed his<br />

last rehearsal! I was so impressed.”<br />

“I’m happy to hear that,” Carlyle replied. “It seems like he’s turning things<br />

around.”<br />

“He really is!” Crystabelle said cheerfully. “I was so worried but he’s on track to<br />

make this play something to remember. I know he’s going to kill it.”<br />

“Just remember that you’ll have to keep him on track up until then,” Carlyle<br />

warned. “He might be doing better now, but that doesn’t mean it will last.”<br />

“I know,” Crystabelle admitted. “I guess I’m just surprised with how things<br />

turned around. It’s like he changed overnight!”<br />

“Did you use some of the tools I mentioned last time?”<br />

“I mean, I did…” Crystabelle said with a thoughtful expression. “But there’s no<br />

way they could have changed things so fast. I tried to get his roommate to push<br />

him in the right direction too, but I don’t think that could have made him do a<br />

one-eighty.”<br />

Carlyle shrugged and threw his arms in the air.<br />

“Maybe it was a miracle,” he said with a smile.<br />

“You know we’re not supposed to question those.”<br />

“That’s a good point,” Crystabelle acquiesced, though she looked at the senior<br />

guardian angel like she’d already figured something out.<br />

“Anyway, I think we should celebrate!” she continued before Carlyle could<br />

question the look she’d given him.<br />

“Sure, I have time for lunch,” Carlyle replied, nodding in agreement.<br />

“Awesome! It’s my treat then,” Crystabelle said, getting up from her chair.<br />

“How come?” Carlyle asked, though he followed suit<br />

as she headed for the door.<br />

“Oh, I don’t know...just because?”<br />

Crystabelle said with a wink as they headed out.<br />

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TANISHA AGARWAL<br />

@tanisha_716<br />

Tanisha is a first-year student at UTSC hoping to study Environmental<br />

Science and Conservation with a minor in English Literature. She<br />

likes to read good stories and sometimes tries to write her own.<br />

Results are not guaranteed.<br />

'Horsemen' imagines the biblical figures of the Four Horsemen of<br />

the Apocalypse (War, Famine, Plague, and Death) as people living<br />

through the COVID-19 pandemic. In particular, the story focuses on<br />

Aris (War) and his discontent and jealousy of Apollo (Plague), who<br />

has received a promotion at work and begun dating Aris' ex-girlfriend<br />

Vita (Death) while Aris himself has been laid off. The tension between<br />

these characters caused by the shifted power dynamic is a focus of<br />

the piece.<br />

HORSEMEN<br />

It had been a month since the world shut down, and Aris was getting impatient.<br />

Nothing ever seemed to happen, nothing that he was interested in anyway, yet he<br />

maintained that he would neither bake sourdough bread nor watch a single episode<br />

of Friends. There wasn’t much to do then, so he watched the dogs.<br />

The mutts outside the supermarket were filthy, their fur matted with dirt from the<br />

pavement and saliva as they struggled, clawing and biting at each other. The larger<br />

of the two snarled and tore viciously at the hide of the other, who let out a highpitched<br />

whine and rolled in a blind, manic attempt to be free of its opponent. The<br />

prize lay a little distance away – a limp scrap of meat from an overturned garbage<br />

bin nearby.<br />

Cornucopia emerged from the supermarket with a blast of air conditioning, tottering<br />

with the weight of the bags in her gloved hands. Aris went to help her, and they<br />

started on their way back to the apartment.<br />

The city wasn’t abandoned, though with the bare streets and shuttered storefronts<br />

they seemed to be in a budget horror film. The stillness taunted him, filling up his<br />

senses and amplifying his thoughts inside his head. Cornie began to sing,<br />

something sombre and grieving in a language that sounded like Irish, and the<br />

mournful tune trailed behind them like a dirge drifting from a funeral service.<br />

As they waited for the elevator at the apartment building, she regarded him<br />

thoughtfully. “What?” he demanded.<br />

“Just remember, today is his day.”<br />

He blew out a breath through his mask. “Like every day, these days.”<br />

“Aris.” She glanced at him. “It’s a difficult time for you. It’s a pity, what happened,<br />

but don’t ruin this for him.”<br />

He spoke through clenched teeth. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”<br />

She shook her head and turned to face the elevator door. “Don’t make a scene,<br />

if you can help it.”<br />

Anger rose inside him, taking the bait, but he fought it down. Not now, he<br />

thought. Not her. She was an ally, perhaps his only. He nodded.<br />

“I do hope we’re having potatoes,” she said, stepping into the elevator. “I’m<br />

positively starving.”<br />

––<br />

The television was blaring the news in the apartment, as it had been when they<br />

had left. One wall in the living room was hung with a new Bruegel replica,<br />

the one with the skeleton armies that Vita loved. Aris eyed the painting as he<br />

furiously rubbed sanitizer into his hands.<br />

Behind him, Polo’s loud voice: “Finally, you’re here. I’ve made lunch as Vita was<br />

tired and, darling Cornucopia, you’re no good at cooking. Aris,” he clapped Aris<br />

on the back. “Vita wants us all to dress up, but I’ve only got the one coat and it’s<br />

got a stain, so perhaps I can borrow that nice brown one of yours, eh?”<br />

“Sure. No problem.”<br />

“Perfect.” And he slapped Aris again on the arm.<br />

As they sat down to eat, Aris eyed the spread warily. It looked appealing enough<br />

– roast fish, cucumber sandwiches, potato croquettes, beans and cheesecake.<br />

Polo looked pleased with himself. Aris picked at his food and stubbornly<br />

imagined that the fish was diseased, or the potatoes rotten.<br />

“Not hungry, Ari?” Vita inquired. Her dark hair was loose down one side and a<br />

scarlet flower bloomed over her ear on the other, like one of the catrinas she<br />

painted.<br />

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“I think the beans are bad,” he informed them primly.<br />

“Taste all right to me,” Vita said around a mouthful of the vegetables.<br />

Aris couldn’t help himself. “Perhaps we’ll all get food poisoning again.” He<br />

laughed, and it sounded ugly even to his own ears. “Remember that? With those<br />

macarons Polo made?”<br />

“Scared me off from the kitchen for a good while there.” Polo laughed. “Been a<br />

while since we had macarons,” Vita said thoughtfully.<br />

“Do you reckon you used stale cream?” Aris pressed. “Or maybe the trouble was<br />

with the eggs?”<br />

Polo shrugged. “Always check expiry dates, right?”<br />

Cornie shot Aris a warning look before smiling at Polo. “It seems we ought to<br />

have you cook more often.”<br />

Polo opened his mouth to say something but Aris cut him off. “Shame he can’t.<br />

He’ll be quite busy now, with the promotion and all. Playing with the big boys<br />

now, eh?” He sipped his champagne, afraid that if he spoke any more he would<br />

start shouting.<br />

“I’m still just an annoying upstart to the old-timers,” Polo said with a dismissive<br />

wave. Vita patted Polo’s hand. “You’re getting the recognition you deserve.”<br />

“Own it,” Cornie agreed.<br />

They all turned to look at Aris, who realised he had been tapping agitatedly at<br />

his near-empty glass. Taking a deep breath, he forced his hand flat on the table<br />

for a moment, before slapping the wooden top. “Say we have a toast.”<br />

“Oh, can I?” Vita put down her fork excitedly. “I’ve prepared something.” Aris<br />

smiled tightly. “Go ahead, then.”<br />

She stood. “Polo,” she began. “For as long as I have known you – and I’d say it’s<br />

been fairly long – I have admired your spirit. You’re stubborn, and it’s a good<br />

thing. You’re knocked down and you come back stronger.”<br />

Aris rolled his eyes.<br />

“I think it’s safe to say that you took everyone by surprise this time around –”<br />

at this Polo chuckled “– but that is exactly what makes this such a delight to<br />

celebrate. You came out swinging and turned the whole scene on its head. I<br />

couldn’t be prouder of you, amor.”<br />

“Hear, hear.” Cornie raised her glass, and Aris refilled his own.<br />

“To Apollo.” The champagne left a bitter taste in his mouth.<br />

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Later, Polo cornered him while he was washing the dishes. “Need some help?”<br />

“Nah.” Aris felt irritation take over like a twitch.<br />

Unfortunately, Polo didn’t leave. He loitered in the kitchen like a bad smell,<br />

picking up jars and dipping into their contents as he pleased. Aris grit his teeth<br />

as this disgusting habit of Polo’s grated on him more than usual. He started<br />

washing faster.<br />

“Any luck on the, uh, job front?” Polo’s tone was studiedly casual. He was here<br />

to say something. The thoughts Aris had been trying to ignore all day were now<br />

at a frenzied pitch.<br />

He rammed a plate onto the drying rack. “Nope.”<br />

“Right. Right. I was thinking, y’know, about all this, and it’s a mess, isn’t it? It’s<br />

unfair.” Aris scrubbed at an invisible stain on a spoon. His ears roared.<br />

“So I think I can talk to some people.” There was a pause. “For you, I mean.”<br />

“Oh?”<br />

Aris set the last of the dishes to dry and turned off the faucet. Without the running<br />

water, the kitchen was silent. In the living room, Vita and Cornie chatted over<br />

the TV sounds, and a news anchor reported the updated death toll from the<br />

pandemic.<br />

“Look, you got done dirty. Everyone knows that. I always thought we’d be<br />

working side by side, you know, like always…” Polo seemed to measure his<br />

words. “I know I’ve said this before –”<br />

“You have.” Aris felt unsteady, manic.<br />

“I just didn’t think this would happen. Never imagined.”<br />

Aris smiled widely, and it filled him with a funny sort of giddiness. “Of course<br />

you didn’t. You wouldn’t have.”<br />

They regarded each other from opposite ends of a live wire. A jar of peanut<br />

butter lay unscrewed on the counter beside Polo, and presently he took it up.<br />

“It would help, y’know? If I put in a good word for you.” He dipped a finger into<br />

the jar and popped the tip, crowned by a fat dollop of peanut butter, into his<br />

mouth, making a smacking sound as he licked it clean.<br />

“Right. And I could use the help. It’s generous of you.” Aris realised, distantly,<br />

that his mouth was still twisted in that deranged grin.<br />

Something moved behind Polo’s eyes, and for a moment, Aris felt his own<br />

muscles tense. The giddiness was now wild excitement ricocheting off the<br />

insides of his body. He wanted this. He had been building up to this all day.<br />

Despite their upright postures and champagne and banter, they were just dogs,<br />

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waiting to tear each other apart when pushed far enough.<br />

But just as quickly as the shadow had appeared in Polo’s gaze, they were gone.<br />

He offered Aris one of his big affable grins. “Don’t mention it. Anything for my<br />

best friend, eh?”<br />

Aris grit his teeth, all the red-hot energy inside him liquefying into a seething,<br />

acidic pool of resentment.<br />

“Speaking of, there’s another thing I wanted to ask you.”<br />

“Shoot.”<br />

Polo assumed a sympathetic expression, and Aris imagined his insides were<br />

shrivelling up in the pure chemical hatred inside him. He knew what was<br />

coming. Somehow, he knew.<br />

“Well, you know about me and Vita…”<br />

“…”<br />

“I don’t want anything to come between us, man.”<br />

“Of course.”<br />

“I love her, though.”<br />

“Yeah,” Aris stared at the raided jar of peanut butter. “I know you do.”<br />

They spent the afternoon watching the news, which was stubbornly fixed on<br />

the topic of infections and deaths. Vita came up with a game which involved<br />

taking a drink every time someone on screen used the phrases “new normal”,<br />

“flatten the curve” and “unprecedented circumstances”. It worked well enough,<br />

but Aris could not share his flatmates’ enthusiasm for the news. Besides, he<br />

kept making accidental eye contact with Polo, who was sprawled on the sofa<br />

diagonal to him. Every time this happened, Polo would flash that same winning<br />

smile, and Aris would take a sip from his glass like he was playing a drinking<br />

game of his own.<br />

He fell asleep at some point, and when he awoke the living room was a deep<br />

blue from the dusk light streaming in through the windows and the glare of the<br />

television. Vita sat with her knees pulled to her chest on one end of the sofa;<br />

Polo was asleep on the other. Cornucopia dozed in an armchair. Vita looked<br />

over as he sat up, and he marvelled even in his just-awakened state at how the<br />

TV illuminated Vita’s features and drew them in fine lines and cool tones like a<br />

marble statue, cold and immortal.<br />

He felt a twinge of irritation. “Still watching the news?”<br />

“Not a lot of options these days, but this is a change.”<br />

She flicked to another news channel, but this one was covering a civil war in<br />

a distant country. Aris leaned forward, taking in the carnage, the statistics on<br />

casualties, the military police. His skin prickled with goosebumps. When he<br />

looked away and at Vita, he imagined her face was a mirror to his own.<br />

“We don’t talk much anymore,” she said. Not an accusation, a fact.<br />

He tried to keep his voice steady. “I suppose there’s not much to talk about.” She<br />

turned back to the television. “I thought we were best friends.”<br />

I thought you loved me. “You seem just fine without me.”<br />

“You’re jealous.” This she said, once again, like a fact, and an amusing one at<br />

that. To him it was one that irritated him, and he sank into an obstinate silence.<br />

Finally, she said, “I’m not yours, Aris. I’m not anyone’s. But –” she met his eyes<br />

“– I miss you.”<br />

The newscaster was grimly reporting the death toll from the war. The flowers<br />

in Vita’s hair were wilting and Aris knew that if he were to lean in close like he<br />

used to when they were dancing, her head against his cheek, they would smell<br />

sweet as clementines.<br />

“I miss you, too.”<br />

Her mouth quirked upward in a half-smile, and she rose. As she made to step<br />

into the hallway that led into the house, he blurted, in a voice that cracked with<br />

desperation and made no attempt to steady itself, “Vita, please… can’t we – won’t<br />

you ever love me again?”<br />

This time her smile was full and wide, and he realised there was nothing cold<br />

or still about her; there was only life, life that would be gone one day but was<br />

beautiful nonetheless.<br />

“But I never stopped, Aris.”<br />

He watched as she left, and after she had gone he gazed at the spot where she<br />

had stood in the dim glow of the room, the only light in the darkness from the<br />

distant, bloody conflict.<br />

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UTSC Women’s and Trans Centre<br />

In-House Publication

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