Margins Magazine - Volume 4 Issue 5
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MARGINS<br />
I V . V
VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
MARGINS<br />
LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT<br />
& EQUITY STATEMENT<br />
We shall neither condone nor tolerate behaviour that undermines the<br />
dignity or self-esteem of any individual or creates an intimidating,<br />
hostile or offensive environment in our physical and digital spaces.<br />
It is our collective responsibility to create spaces that are inclusive<br />
and welcome discussion. Any form of discrimination and harassment<br />
will not be tolerated. Hate speech rooted in, but not limited to, anti-<br />
Muslim, anti-Semitic, sexist, racist, classist, ableist, homophobic, or<br />
transphobic sentiments and/or remarks will not be tolerated. We all<br />
have an obligation to ensure that an open and inclusive space, free<br />
of hate is established. Any behaviour that does not demonstrate an<br />
understanding of these principles and/or creates an unsafe atmosphere<br />
will not be tolerated.<br />
To recognize the land is an expression of gratitude and appreciation<br />
to those whose territory you reside on, and a way of honouring the<br />
Indigenous people who have been living and working on the land from<br />
time immemorial. It is important to understand the long-standing<br />
history that has brought you to reside on the land, and to seek to<br />
understand your place within that history. Colonialism is a current<br />
ongoing process, and we need to build our mindfulness of our present<br />
participation.<br />
The first step is to acknowledge that we, <strong>Margins</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> & The UTSC<br />
Women’s and Trans Centre, are on the traditional land of the Huron-<br />
Wendat, the Seneca, and most recently, the Mississaugas of the Credit<br />
River. We would like to sincerely pay our respects to their elders past<br />
and present, and to any who may be here with us today, physically,<br />
mentally, and spiritually. Today, these lands are still the home to many<br />
Indigenous people from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to<br />
have the opportunity to work on this land.<br />
visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />
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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
MARGINS<br />
“Life is a question and how we live it is our answer.” – Gary Keller<br />
A NOTE FROM THE<br />
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF<br />
What is moral and what is immoral? What are the power dynamics in<br />
the spaces I enter, whether in academia or in the creative industry and<br />
do they serve to benefit the majority or oppress communities? What<br />
are the intentions behind creating art and sharing a certain narrative?<br />
These are the questions that I constantly reflect upon when trying to understand<br />
what I represent in different spaces and when engaging with<br />
different collaborators.<br />
In this issue, our writers, editors and contributors grapple with similar<br />
thoughts and questions when exploring their identities personally and<br />
professionally and in how they are represented in larger spheres of society<br />
through their pieces. Arya and I consciously reflected the black,<br />
white, and greys of the conversations surrounding morality into the creative<br />
design of this issue. Hope you enjoy checking it out!<br />
Sincerely,<br />
`<br />
Shagun Kanwar, Editor-In-Chief<br />
wtcmargins@gmail.com<br />
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Happy Spring Everyone!<br />
Wow, can you believe it’s been a year since COVID-19 hit? The beginning<br />
of this year has definitely been rocky, but at the same time, I feel<br />
that good things are coming! In January, I set my mantra as “Flourish”,<br />
with absolutely no expectations but hope that I will get through the year<br />
in one piece, and GUESS WHO MANIFESTED THEIR GROWTH?? That’s<br />
right, it’s ME! At this point, I am just thankful that I’m still learning<br />
more and more about myself and the world.<br />
A NOTE FROM THE<br />
CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />
Shagun and I had an absolute blast putting this issue together, since we<br />
got to play around with different kinds of designs, visuals, and spiffy<br />
layouts this time. What’s even more cool are all the featured pieces with<br />
really cool people and art that you’ll get to see in this issue! Well, what<br />
are you waiting for? Have fun reading!<br />
With love from your FAVORITE Creative Director,<br />
Arya Bhat, Creative Director<br />
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MARGINS<br />
MASTHEAD<br />
CONTRIBUTORS<br />
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF<br />
Shagun Kanwar<br />
MANAGING EDITOR<br />
Nadia Adam<br />
CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />
Arya Bhat<br />
ILLUSTRATOR<br />
Tashfia Sharar<br />
EXECUTIVE EDITOR<br />
Alexa DiFrancesco<br />
EDITOR<br />
Farah Ahmad<br />
EDITOR<br />
Ziyan Nadeem<br />
MARKETING DIRECTOR<br />
Maidah Afzal<br />
MARKETING DIRECTOR<br />
Radhika Gupta<br />
WRITER<br />
Bhanvi Sachdeva<br />
WRITER<br />
Eesha Chaudhry<br />
WRITER<br />
Maisha Maimunah<br />
WRITER<br />
Saman Saeed<br />
WRITER<br />
Sanah Malik<br />
WRITER<br />
Sofia Suleman<br />
WRITER<br />
Tara Hejazi<br />
WRITER<br />
Theevya Ragu<br />
WRITER<br />
You-Jin Kim<br />
WRITER<br />
Zachariah Highgate<br />
ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY<br />
Carella Keil<br />
Dmitry Borshch<br />
Jessika Krzyzewski<br />
Katherine Abraham<br />
POETRY<br />
Awoloto Olefumi Nathaniel<br />
David Mellor<br />
Hafsa Azher<br />
Jessica Singh<br />
SHORT STORIES<br />
Tanisha Agarwal<br />
8 9<br />
visual credits: Engin Akyurt
VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
MARGINS<br />
TABLE OF CONTENTS<br />
12<br />
In Conversation With:<br />
Wave Art Collective<br />
Editor Ziyan Nadeem speaks with<br />
two of the co-founders of Wave Art<br />
Collective, Sampreeth Rao & Kevin<br />
Ramroop in an interview discussing<br />
the origins of the collective, their experiences<br />
within the larger creative<br />
community, and about their inclusive<br />
programming.<br />
52<br />
Vacillation of<br />
the Waves<br />
Writer You-Jin Kim shares a<br />
reflection about the complexities of<br />
identity and the intersecting<br />
experiences of deconstructing<br />
internalized racism on her personal<br />
journey and reclaiming her Korean<br />
heritage, while discussing anti-Asian<br />
violence within the larger<br />
community.<br />
30<br />
Untitled & Sign Bearer -<br />
Dmitri Borsch<br />
70<br />
The Labyrinth - Sanah Malik<br />
34<br />
Celebrating Black History Month -<br />
A Panel Interview<br />
Writer Zachariah Highgate speaks<br />
with three Black Creatives Kirk Diamond,<br />
Tracey Kayy, and Nathan Eugene<br />
Carson on their professional<br />
achievements, what Black History<br />
Month means to them, and what<br />
they want their personal legacies to<br />
look like.<br />
32<br />
33<br />
42<br />
60<br />
62<br />
64<br />
You Were There -<br />
Jessica Singh<br />
Growth - Hafsa Azhervolles<br />
Two Different Lives -<br />
Tara Hejazi<br />
No Grey - Eesha Chaudhry<br />
Twisted - Jessika Krzyzewski<br />
A Collection of Poems -<br />
David Mellorestrum<br />
72<br />
74<br />
76<br />
78<br />
88<br />
Soulace - Carella Keilsimagna<br />
A Collection of Photos -<br />
Katherine Abraham<br />
A Poem By<br />
Awoloto Olefumi Nathaniel<br />
Friends in Heavenly Places -<br />
Zachariah Highgate<br />
Horsemen - Tanisha Agarwal<br />
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IN CONVERSATION WITH<br />
WAVE ART COLLECTIVE<br />
By Ziyan Nadeem<br />
I had the best time chatting with two of Wave Art Collective’s<br />
co-founders, Sampreeth Rao and Kevin Ramroop, about<br />
their group, their muses, morality in art, and their upcoming<br />
projects. It was great to receive the artistic insight that I did<br />
from Sampreeth and Kevin regarding the local barriers faced by<br />
creatives in Scarborough as well as sharing sentiments on how<br />
cultural diversity is often perceived and generalised.<br />
Sampreeth is a Scarborough-based filmmaker from India<br />
who uses his experiences as an immigrant to delve into<br />
themes of alienation and confusion rooted in local societal<br />
norms and distant cultural expectations. Sampreeth’s experimental<br />
film, Watching TV with the Mind Off, has been<br />
featured in the TIFFxInstagram Shorts Film festival and<br />
Regent Park Film Festival, where he was awarded the RBC<br />
Emerging Director’s Award<br />
.<br />
Kevin is an Indo-Trinidadian experimental artist from Toronto,<br />
whose diverse art and content seeks to explore the<br />
“liminal, harmonious” pluralism that encapsulates Scarborough.<br />
With his work featured on several digital and radio<br />
outlets like CBC Radio One, Kevin has also received the<br />
Eugenie Shehirian Award for Youth Literature.<br />
Sampreeth Rao (top) and Kevin Ramroop (bottom)<br />
are two of the three co-founders of Scarborough-based<br />
interdisciplinary group -- Wave<br />
Art Collective.<br />
Ziyan Nadeem: What does it mean to<br />
be an artist for you?<br />
Sampreeth Rao: I think there's just<br />
so much, so many layers to that<br />
question because I make films, Kevin's<br />
a musician. We also do other stuff like<br />
community artists, and then we work<br />
together as Wave Art Collective. And<br />
so I think art means different things in<br />
all those different spheres. So it's, it's<br />
tough [to define].<br />
Kevin Ramroop: We're also kind of<br />
figuring out what we can do with all the<br />
different things that we [can] because<br />
we've only started considering this<br />
to be an outlet that we could sustain<br />
financially as well as like, holistically<br />
for the past, maybe like five years<br />
before that, it was still kind of just a<br />
hobby, because the past decade was<br />
us basically transitioning from being<br />
a post-secondary hobby, where we<br />
picked up music and film just as a<br />
creative outlet into turning it into<br />
something that could mean something,<br />
not only for us, and what we stand for,<br />
but our community, indirectly and<br />
directly. Through the messaging, but<br />
then also through being able to impact<br />
people with the fellowship and things<br />
like that. So it's a moving answer right<br />
now.<br />
SR: Okay, Kevin summed up a couple<br />
points. I feel like the other half of it<br />
is just, we've had this conversation<br />
between Kevin and I a lot where it's<br />
really at its essence, like a visceral<br />
calling and we have no control over<br />
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the fact that we do what we do. Right? And this doesn't make a lot of sense. But<br />
the meaning almost doesn't matter. Because that's not really, at the end of the<br />
day, what drives our creative instinct.<br />
It's really just deep down, we would be making art regardless and that's just<br />
almost an unconscious drive. That’s really the essence of why we're artists and I<br />
don't really spend a lot of time thinking about what it means to me. Now, more<br />
recently, we have been but I guess the origins, it's just, it just happens. I wake<br />
up in the morning, and I feel like making something and I come home at night<br />
and I'm like, “Oh my god, I want to write something” and it just happens. Then<br />
through that process, of course, we make meaning out of why we do what we<br />
do, but its essence is just unconscious.<br />
ZN: Wow, what a poetic way to put it. What's the story/inspiration behind<br />
creating Wave Art Collective? Was there a larger purpose of stimulating<br />
change and movement within our community?<br />
SR: Oh, there's so many answers to that. One of the reasons was, I just finished<br />
my undergraduate degree and was figuring out what I was doing with life. There's<br />
this paradox of unemployment of how are you going to find a job when every<br />
employer wants you to have experience, but then you can't get experienced<br />
unless you have a job. That's the essence - every new grad goes through that<br />
process. It would be kind of cool if we could just get jobs for ourselves and at<br />
the same time, also have fun together as friends who've grown up together. So<br />
that was half of it.<br />
“That was part of the motivation of how we kind of learn<br />
through failure, and it would be nice to just pass along<br />
that knowledge to another generation of young folks,<br />
where we live in our community that we understand.”<br />
It was like, I know how to write a grant, I can get some money. It wasn't really<br />
about getting paid, it was like, oh look, let's have something to do after we just<br />
graduated. Then the other half of it was, we're all creatives in one way or another.<br />
We all influenced each other growing up in our own creative crafts. We grew up<br />
in Malvern, North East Toronto, in the margins of the city geographically, and<br />
[in] a lot of ways, socioeconomically as well, no one really put a camera in my<br />
hand. And I don't know if anyone put a guitar or whatever in Kevin's hand.<br />
I mean, the origin is a few childhood friends who had to find art on their own.<br />
And the purpose really is for future generations of young people in Scarborough<br />
to not have to do that. And for them to be provided with the mentorship and the<br />
resources for them to sustainably craft their own artistic careers. That's really<br />
the purpose. Yeah, and maybe I'll add just to do that, in a way that still values<br />
the culture and the history of scar row and to almost try to make work or have<br />
an influence in the community.<br />
For me, I started filmmaking when I was 20, or something, later on, out of my<br />
own volition, my own drive. And just because I wanted to do that, we were<br />
like, it'd be nice if someone did that for me. That was part of the motivation of<br />
how we kind of learn through failure, and it would be nice to just pass along<br />
that knowledge to another generation of young folks, where we live in our<br />
community that we understand. It would be interesting to find a way to pass<br />
on that knowledge while still getting together and having fun. That's ultimately<br />
what it boils down [to].<br />
“ I guess it’s a motif that we’ve kind of always been<br />
thinking about. There’s the obvious connections to<br />
Toronto and the Scarborough slang of being ~wavy~,<br />
or ‘being on a wave’.”<br />
ZN: Right, so how did you come up with the name for the collective?<br />
SR: Basically, we came up with the name, because we thought it was catchy at<br />
the time and that's the essence of it.<br />
KR: It was a grant application. The first grant application we put in for the first<br />
iteration of the fellowship, and it was just trying to pull out a name that sounded<br />
cool and sounded legitimate. We always kept in mind that if we would ever<br />
formalise it or start to take it a little bit more seriously that we would consider<br />
a rebranding. So last year was after our first kind of successful iteration of the<br />
fellowship where we had a gallery event, we knew we were going to take time<br />
in between those cohorts kind of take a step back, revamp the website, revamp<br />
the branding and start from the ground basically as assessing what we have and<br />
building from there.<br />
So we were pretty sure that we were going to change the name but we came up<br />
with a couple other ideas that had thought put into them. We had individual<br />
and group brainstorming sessions but we asked other people for opinions and<br />
everybody still said WaveArt Collective is still the best name and, as time goes<br />
along, you start to think about little things along the way that kind of made<br />
sense as to why maybe this wasn't just a hasty name decision.<br />
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Sampreeth’s thesis documentary that<br />
he did for his undergrad was basically<br />
a documentary where he captured all<br />
of us in this basement, kind of just<br />
making art during that time period of<br />
2014, 2015, and called it ‘Wave’. I had a<br />
song at the time that was written called<br />
‘Wave’. I guess it's a motif that we've<br />
kind of always been thinking about.<br />
There's the obvious connections to<br />
Toronto and the Scarborough slang<br />
of being ~wavy~, or ‘being on a wave’.<br />
Those are the very easy connotations<br />
of how they relate to what we do, in<br />
the sense of us trying to start this Wave<br />
in Scarborough and Malvern.<br />
Also, when we were brainstorming<br />
ideas for the logo, I started thinking<br />
about whether we are trying to think<br />
of things outside of the box - we didn’t<br />
want the logo to just be a tidal wave or<br />
something like that, right? So I started<br />
thinking about how waves kind of exist<br />
in all languages and [across] all kinds<br />
of fields like in physics, and [how] it's<br />
just that it's a prop.<br />
Light, sound and gravity, they're all<br />
communicated in this concept of<br />
waves and thinking about how that<br />
kind of relates to how we want to<br />
not only instil technical skills in the<br />
fellowship, but philosophical, political<br />
and moral principles... this idea that<br />
we can create an education or an<br />
artistic system that kind of speaks to<br />
all different layers, all the different<br />
waves that can come out of producing<br />
art.<br />
ZN: Yeah, that's really nice. What's<br />
your favourite part about working<br />
as part of WaveArt Collective our<br />
collective?<br />
visual credits: Watching TV with<br />
the Mind Off - Sampreeth Rao<br />
SR: Oh my God.<br />
KR: There's so many.<br />
SR: I'll say two things. [Firstly], the<br />
essence of it is, it's just a bunch of<br />
childhood friends who are doing<br />
something in the community. That's<br />
really what it boils down to at its<br />
essence. The reason why I love that<br />
is just because we have such a good<br />
relationship with one another, and<br />
we can finish each other's sentences.<br />
We just kind of work on the same<br />
wavelength.<br />
Also, at the same time, maintain<br />
the essence of what it means to be<br />
a Scarborough grown person. So it<br />
makes this an almost professional<br />
pursuit with the silliness and the<br />
comedic humour that comes with just<br />
being a person from Scarborough.<br />
I think that's what makes it so fun<br />
because we don't have to fit into the<br />
box of “oh, we're doing this nonprofit<br />
thing, that means we have to conduct<br />
ourselves in a certain way”.<br />
It's like, no, Scarborough has this<br />
identity, this multicultural, deep, rich<br />
identity that also has a lot of humour<br />
to it, and we can stay true to that while<br />
still achieving positive outcomes in<br />
our community. That's what I love<br />
most about it and the second half<br />
of that standpoint is , this started as<br />
something that we wanted to do for<br />
fun, but in a lot of ways it's unlocked<br />
a joy that I never felt, I never thought I<br />
would really feel like doing something<br />
that benefits the community. It's not<br />
something that I thought I would get<br />
so much joy out of, but there is an<br />
amazing feeling you get when you<br />
get to be involved as a mentor with<br />
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younger people who you see yourself in.<br />
KR: One thing I always think about was, my music career started when I got a<br />
MacBook for university, and we just started making beats on GarageBand, and<br />
then started rapping and that kind of sparked my passion for it. So I remember<br />
after we released our first mixtape, or we were in the process of making our<br />
second mixtape, I had this vision. Our rap group at the time, it was called<br />
Genz Squad. I couldn’t imagine it being this thing that reaches out to the city,<br />
and I didn't even use the word Scarborough, because that as a concept wasn't<br />
even strong at that point, right? This idea of Scarborough being this artistic<br />
community, a cultural identity, it wasn't as defined as it was five years later, and<br />
I realised at the time that I didn't, in that moment, I remember not knowing<br />
what I was talking about, but knowing kind of what I was referring to.<br />
The facilities and the conversations that would have made that conversation that<br />
I was trying to make, make sense back then didn't exist. Now it does, because<br />
of the work that we've done, and the work that has been paved by everybody<br />
else that's come before us and are coming alongside us, all of our peers. It's<br />
not even just WaveArt Collective, it's the ability that we know everyone before<br />
or during their artistic practice. We've kind of been able to see this community<br />
come up the same way we've come up, and it's a really surreal thing to kind of<br />
be in that moment of being like, oh, wow, this is happening right now. This is all<br />
coming together. What we get to do kind of just always immerses us in that idea<br />
of pushing forward. Creating conversations that we wished we had space for as<br />
kids, alongside the training.<br />
ZN: Right, so are there any regular programming/events y’all put on?<br />
KR: Right now, the fellowship is still just the main arm of our community<br />
engagement aspect. We're also working with UTSC and the Doris McCarthy<br />
Gallery. Then we're also working on Nuit Blanche. We're [also]working on a new<br />
launch project.<br />
Where we want to go direction wise, is we want to have this community<br />
engagement arm and expand the fellowship in terms of not just being this six<br />
month programme, but also having that kind of extension [of] workshops [and]<br />
things built around that, that could impact people not just in the programme but<br />
also our artistic projects, which we want to as we go along, to be more community<br />
engaged as well. The Nuit Blanche project (Where the Trees Speak) we're working<br />
on is the interactive audio visual installation about Scarborough and, as we're<br />
working on it, we're thinking of ways of engaging the community. Last year, we<br />
did some online interviews with just some Scarborough community members<br />
and just got their perspective on immigration and culture in Scarborough so it's<br />
going to be our engagement and our access to the community.<br />
SR: We run the fellowship for four to six months every year - that's formal<br />
training education and the other half of it is Community Arts projects that<br />
engage the community directly.<br />
visual credits: Where the Trees<br />
Speak - Nuit Blanche Project<br />
ZN: I really like how your work is premised in the “dichotomic parables of<br />
Scarborough and Toronto”. This is something that I've also noticed in my short<br />
time here, because I'm an international student. Could you please tell me how<br />
you've been affected by this?<br />
KR: This idea of our perception of Scarborough and how it influences our art, I<br />
think it's something that we've kind of actively been thinking about ever since<br />
we kind of got into the grant world and started having to really formalize and<br />
explain our ideas and why they matter. I think both Sampreeth and I have been<br />
very thankful for that process - grants have been really good for us, because that's<br />
been our main source of funding. It's also been the way that we've sort of been<br />
able to carve our artistic identity as we've gone along too. So I remember before<br />
I wrote a bio, or before I wrote a grant, I really didn't think about how my culture<br />
or how my identity affected my art. That was the first time I confronted it. That's<br />
when I started to really get into it and see what other people were thinking,<br />
talking about and saying.<br />
They were saying the same things that were kind of going on my head is that<br />
this idea of Scarborough being this place that infrastructurally, geographically,<br />
culturally, and economically, sort of has this alienation and separation with<br />
the rest of Toronto. There's also this sort of connotation between the way that<br />
Western civilization is viewed [versus] Eastern and tropical cultures. That is<br />
what mainly comprises the population today is these populations from South<br />
Asia and the East Asian, African and Caribbean diaspora. So there's that kind of<br />
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visual credits: Withdraw - Kevin A<br />
link there between this Toronto versus<br />
Scarborough and this Western versus<br />
Eastern. And I think that's been the<br />
kind of tension that we've all kind of<br />
used in artistic voices, but just in the<br />
messaging in general of creating a<br />
community around that in a [collective]<br />
voice.<br />
SR: I mean, the origin is a few<br />
childhood friends who had to find art<br />
on their own. And the purpose really<br />
is for future generations of young<br />
people in Scarborough to not have to<br />
do that. And for them to be provided<br />
with the mentorship and the resources<br />
for them to sustainably craft their<br />
own artistic careers. That's really the<br />
purpose. Yeah, and maybe I'll add just<br />
to do that, in a way that still values the<br />
culture and the history of scar row and<br />
to almost try to make work or have an<br />
influence in the community.<br />
ZN: What do you consider to be the<br />
biggest barriers for local creatives in<br />
Scarborough?<br />
SR: There are a couple of things. I want<br />
to say funding but I want to expand on<br />
that a little bit more. It's something<br />
that is very obvious, and that most<br />
of us experience: proximity and<br />
geography, and transportation. Most<br />
of the opportunities in the city are<br />
concentrated around the downtown<br />
core. Where we live in Malvern, it's an<br />
hour and a half on a great day, closer to<br />
an hour and 45, two hours to get to any<br />
sort of programming. So that's a huge<br />
barrier. First of all, you're wasting four<br />
hours on a round trip, to get to your<br />
opportunity, and then you pay and<br />
there's the finances associated with<br />
that. We're awake for 16 hours a day, if<br />
you spend four hours just to get to and<br />
from the destination, that's tough.<br />
Kevin and I had a conversation with<br />
Anique Jordan, who is an artist<br />
and curator from Scarborough, a<br />
real Scarborough G. Last week, she<br />
mentioned something that really stood<br />
with me. It's just confidence, we're<br />
so used to not having opportunities,<br />
and I don't want that to sound like this<br />
helpless thing... we're almost used to<br />
just grabbing and holding on to every<br />
little opportunity and acting like, oh<br />
my god, we have to do everything we<br />
can to preserve this thing. We put<br />
such a high value on it, that we almost<br />
undermine our own confidence of the<br />
value that we bring, as artists. I think<br />
that comes from, not just Scarborough,<br />
but any person who grew up on the<br />
margins, economically or culturally,<br />
anyone who's in that circumstance<br />
feels that in some way or another,<br />
and it's a tough cycle to break. That is<br />
almost an existential barrier, which is<br />
tough to overcome.<br />
KR: The institutions and the people<br />
looking on the outside looking in to<br />
the margins, like the ones who are<br />
trying to kind of access this territory,<br />
that we are kind of the surveyors of,<br />
we're the ones doing the work in these<br />
places. We have to start thinking about<br />
that in terms of leverage, we're the<br />
ones who have the value, right? So<br />
we're out here always worrying about<br />
not having enough money to do things<br />
but we need to place and we need to be<br />
aware of how much value we have on<br />
things we're doing and be able to place<br />
value on those things properly with<br />
the people who have the money so that<br />
we can actually make change. Because<br />
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they don't have the infrastructure,<br />
they don't even have the knowledge<br />
about these things. The poverty<br />
mentality is a real thing, I think, that<br />
we all experience here. People on the<br />
margins, right? Because we're so used<br />
to being told, or being given so much<br />
that we don't know what's actually<br />
possible.<br />
ZN: Yeah, that makes total sense. I think<br />
that's a very transferable experience.<br />
Could you please elaborate on power<br />
dynamics that exist within the spaces<br />
of creating art at large, how its<br />
represented and how its consumed?<br />
SR: It's easy to feel like you owe<br />
something to institutions that give you<br />
money for art. And so the power is<br />
inherently in finances and money. It's<br />
really difficult as an emerging artist,<br />
and artists on the margins to reshape<br />
the way we think. To understand that,<br />
in fact, most of the value comes from<br />
the creation and the meaning of the<br />
art that we make. Right? And I think<br />
that's a part of the power dynamic and<br />
the imbalance of the power dynamic<br />
comes when we, in society, I mean,<br />
money, money, money tops, right? And<br />
so the imbalance is that it's really tough<br />
to have that mentality of understanding<br />
the value of the argument, when most<br />
of the institutions that have power<br />
have power, because they have the<br />
money, but really, we don't have.<br />
There's definitely more to that.<br />
SR: And I also think the other half of it<br />
is just our difficulty in answering that<br />
question is, so representative of how<br />
difficult it is to break that down? Yeah,<br />
even for us, because we're in the midst<br />
of it right now.<br />
ZN: Like you've internalised it, you<br />
don't even know what it is anymore,<br />
kind of.<br />
SR: Exactly. Or we're at that precipice<br />
of no longer not being aware of that.<br />
But we're getting there to understand<br />
it. But the honest truth is we don't<br />
really understand it. If we did, then, I<br />
wouldn't say we wouldn't be here, but<br />
things would be a little bit different.<br />
ZN: So to what extent do you consider<br />
art to play a role in social justice and<br />
politics?<br />
KR: I think that's something that<br />
we've really been thinking about a lot<br />
in the past, like last year, especially<br />
with the projects we've been working<br />
on, but then also kind of the context<br />
that we've been put into this world<br />
in the past year with the pandemic,<br />
but then also the uprising and social<br />
justice attention in the last summer, ?<br />
I just read an essay about 21st century<br />
poetry and kind of the way that the<br />
MFA (Masters of Fine Arts) and the<br />
institutionalisation of teaching poetry<br />
has kind of shaped just what poetry is<br />
as an art form and in America and the<br />
21st century, I think it ends by saying,<br />
, we were at this new crop, where the<br />
previous generation at the turn of this<br />
21st Century, they were kind of more<br />
focused on the subversion of form.<br />
But now, this generation has kind of<br />
brought back just the plain language<br />
and more about politics then it has<br />
ever been.<br />
SR: I think that's at the forefront of<br />
everybody's mind in places of power, or<br />
people's positions to make a statement<br />
in art, I think. An easy way for me to<br />
always think about it, it's just, [I don’t ]<br />
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remember exactly what it's called? I think it's Kurt Vonnegut?<br />
KR: Yeah, the canary in the coal [mine].<br />
visual credits: Kwame Brown - Kevin A<br />
SR: Yeah, the theory of the canary in the coal mine of the arts. It's this kind of<br />
idea that artists and society are almost the canaries in the coal mine. And that,<br />
canaries are the warning sign of bad things to come. In a lot of ways, artists<br />
serve that function in society and are kind of being in tune with what's going on<br />
at the ground level in the community. By creating work that kind of encourages<br />
public discourse about those things, we're able to bring those issues to light at a<br />
very early stage. We all know arts and culture, like arts and culture shapes our<br />
values of the day, right? So artists almost serve as the people that do that. If we<br />
feel like anything in society is going awry, artists almost serve this function as<br />
people to bring that to light.<br />
ZN: This carries on to the next question, which is exactly about biases. How<br />
do you think art makers and consumers alike should address their biases?<br />
Should we all strive to separate the art from the artist?<br />
SR: I mean, my short answer is just be open to criticism and feedback. I think<br />
it's very difficult for any person to be vulnerable, especially about their artwork.<br />
It's an incredibly difficult task to check your own biases as much as I think we<br />
should all try to do that. Why go through all that stress when we can just have<br />
someone else call you out on it. And so maybe, trying to be more intentional<br />
and conscious about that process is a good idea. It just goes back to getting more<br />
people involved in collaboration, right? I don't mean to say you should release<br />
a film and wait for people to tell you everything that's wrong with it. But during<br />
the process while it's being made, get<br />
as many diverse eyes on it as you can<br />
for them to call stuff out, and that’s<br />
my philosophy with feedback and<br />
criticism, so please throw it all at me,<br />
let me know, because then I'll make<br />
the decision, right? Getting feedback<br />
doesn't mean that you lose control. In<br />
fact, in a lot of ways you get controlled<br />
by the perspectives that are given to<br />
you. And then, as an artist, you must<br />
make your choice. Like, okay, cool. You<br />
told me that thing? Do I agree? Do I not<br />
agree? How is that going to change and<br />
shape the work as it is right now?<br />
KR: Going off of what Sampreeth said,<br />
by getting as many diverse opinions,<br />
you as the artists can separate yourself<br />
from the art. I think that there can be<br />
a challenge when we think about our<br />
interpretation as readers or consumers<br />
of art and how much we should<br />
analyse a piece based on how much<br />
of this person is drawing from their<br />
real life? And what are they talking<br />
about? That's a whole philosophical<br />
discussion in itself, but the artist<br />
itself has a responsibility as well, to<br />
make sure that they're checking their<br />
biases, and like Sampreeth said, by,<br />
sort of creating that separation, then<br />
it's a weird balance. I think, at the<br />
same time, it's also good to keep in<br />
mind authenticity; how much of your<br />
art speaks to your voice, and I think<br />
that's what we encourage, through<br />
the fellowship, and through our own<br />
artistic projects. We're out here,<br />
honing our voices, and developing<br />
the resources and the technical skills<br />
so that we can pass it on for you to<br />
develop your voice. Everyone's artistic<br />
voice is going to be authentic and as<br />
potent as they uncover it through their<br />
own work.<br />
ZN: Yeah. That's such a nice way to<br />
put it, actually. Because it's not really<br />
about trying to appease everyone.<br />
KR: When your grant application is<br />
about dissecting these homogenous<br />
experiences of a Scarborough culture,<br />
and you have all these different<br />
artists kind of saying here, “this is<br />
Scarborough”. We all experience these<br />
things the same way. It can be good<br />
because you can create this identity,<br />
but then you also have to make sure<br />
that people aren't glossing over those<br />
experiences of all these diverse<br />
cultural backgrounds into one thing.<br />
Everybody still has these nuanced<br />
experiences. That comes from<br />
individual artists being as authentic to<br />
their voice as possible and not trying<br />
to serve this idea that they have to<br />
conform to these norms and morals<br />
and values that have been prescribed<br />
to Scarborough.<br />
SR: Basically, it's about your part of the<br />
equation. How do you disaggregate the<br />
experiences of people of colour? Like<br />
people of colour, it's a convenient,<br />
nice, easy-to-use term. What's really<br />
important to me is disaggregating,<br />
that even further. We're struggling.<br />
I don't want to use that word but<br />
we put so much effort into the bare<br />
minimum of trying to get people<br />
to recognise the BIPOC experience<br />
when that doesn't even exist. That's<br />
just a word that represents so many<br />
different things. We're just struggling<br />
to have representation for such a<br />
large proportion of this group when<br />
it's like, “no man”. That individual<br />
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experience of every single person who<br />
belongs within that group is so rich<br />
and diverse. So I think people should<br />
feel comfortable to express their<br />
perspective and embrace that. Their<br />
perspective might be very different<br />
from someone else’s.<br />
ZN: Definitely. Do you believe that<br />
artworks can inherently exemplify<br />
ideas of morality as in? Do you<br />
think art is always intertwined with<br />
morality? Or is it multi-layered? If so,<br />
how do we unpack that?<br />
“The ultimate experience is<br />
the playing with form, the<br />
absolute true subversion<br />
or expansion of the formal<br />
aspects of an art form, the<br />
primary objective. I think<br />
we kind of go back and forth<br />
between these different<br />
types of things.”<br />
SR: I mean, here's the question: is<br />
art about what's right and wrong? Is<br />
that really what it boils down to? The<br />
easy answer is, you can leave the real<br />
question is, should you? Yeah. Yeah, you<br />
can do those things and act like your<br />
art is just different than it justifies the<br />
way your behaviour and whatever, but<br />
should you do that? I think that there's<br />
a lot of nuance to that conversation.<br />
I don't know. Because we talk about<br />
that a lot with comedians. Comedians<br />
always have fun. How far is too far?<br />
Just because I said something on stage,<br />
does it represent who I am? I just said<br />
it because I thought it was funny.<br />
KR: From kind of looking through<br />
history, I've felt one of the things I<br />
try to do is kind of get a grasp on the<br />
prevailing motivations or sentiments<br />
of these defined periods of art,<br />
modernism... romanticism... things<br />
like that, and what I could tell, it<br />
seems there's just always this back and<br />
forth and that's kind of the nature of<br />
how things work. You build something<br />
up and then the next generation, the<br />
next tradition is either a complete<br />
subversion or this kind of broadening<br />
or this expansion so you have this<br />
push and pull and there's always this<br />
back and forth between the author<br />
and the speaker. The final word is<br />
the subjective experience of the<br />
reader, the consumer. The ultimate<br />
experience is the playing with form,<br />
the absolute true subversion or<br />
expansion of the formal aspects of an<br />
art form, the primary objective. I think<br />
we kind of go back and forth between<br />
these different types of things. Right<br />
now we're in this space where it does<br />
seem not impossible, but, should<br />
you? I don't think any artists want<br />
to ignore the moral implications of<br />
artwork, because that's sort of our<br />
main ingredient right now. That's the<br />
main thing that we're kind of cooking<br />
up, morphing and seeing how we can<br />
use that to create a foundation for the<br />
stories that we can hopefully tell in<br />
more complex ways later on.<br />
SR: It's very hard to separate morality<br />
from the art. Even when I think about<br />
the stuff that I make, I make it from<br />
a very visceral place, and I don't think<br />
about what it's going to mean, and a<br />
lot of ways, [it’s] because it means<br />
something that I can't really put into<br />
words. At the same time, I also think<br />
about, oh my god, when I put this thing<br />
out, “what will people think about it?”<br />
and really, that's a moral question,<br />
right? Yeah, you're scared that people<br />
will think it's bad, morally bad, for the<br />
wrong reasons.<br />
I'm struggling with a project that we<br />
finished a couple months ago, Kwame<br />
Brown - it's a music video for one of<br />
Kevin's songs. The video is really about<br />
breaking down West Indian tropes. So<br />
it's a very satirical music video about<br />
this guy who was cheating on his<br />
girlfriend, and, through the process<br />
of [engaging in many] ridiculous<br />
[things]. But he realises more why<br />
that's wrong. There's a lot of stuff in<br />
that video though, the dialogue in the<br />
video is pretty offensive. So we spent<br />
a lot of time [questioning] why are we<br />
using that language? What purpose<br />
does it serve? Ultimately, the video<br />
ends in a very meaningful way, kind<br />
of breaking down where that type of<br />
behaviour comes from, and how it's so<br />
rooted in our history and culture. But<br />
if you don't get that, it's just another<br />
offensive video.<br />
We spent a lot of time thinking<br />
about [how] this goes back to the<br />
accessibility piece of, if someone<br />
watches this video, and for us, [it’s] so<br />
obviously satirical and stupid, and the<br />
meaning is evident if you sit through<br />
all of it. What are some other ways<br />
that you can digest the same message?<br />
So we were like it would be really cool<br />
if we had this satirical music video.<br />
We paired it with this very academic<br />
essay that describes in detail the<br />
history of slavery, and then Caribbean,<br />
and how that impacts our language,<br />
our behaviour, and Scarborough.<br />
That's kind of how we circumvented<br />
this moral question. Is this video, is<br />
this it? Well, no, but I think it's our<br />
responsibility almost as artists to make<br />
the viewer see that. That's the whole<br />
point. It's to facilitate thought and so<br />
we're like, we should just play with<br />
this theme in many different forms as<br />
possible so that it can be accessible to<br />
as many different people as possible.<br />
ZN: That makes sense. Yeah, there's a<br />
lot of nuance to it. Could you please tell<br />
me how artists are able to get involved<br />
with Wave Art Collective through the<br />
fellowship programme, as mentioned<br />
before, and also otherwise?<br />
SR: Every year, we open up applications.<br />
The dates always changed because<br />
“It’s to facilitate thought<br />
and so we’re like, we<br />
should just play with this<br />
theme in many different<br />
forms as possible so that<br />
it can be accessible to as<br />
many different people as<br />
possible.”<br />
our world is evolving - always keep<br />
an eye out for those. There are also a<br />
lot of other ways to get involved with<br />
the Collective aside from just the<br />
fellowship, and some of those ways<br />
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are when we're doing a Community Arts project, we like to get the community<br />
involved. We usually put open calls out on the website or social media to have<br />
other people's voices. So that's one way. Very soon down the pipeline, it has<br />
been growing really fast and we're going to need more people to take on more<br />
roles, whether it's graphic design, documentation, blogs, writing, all of those<br />
things are places where we need help. So those open calls for volunteers and<br />
people to join a team will also be put out.<br />
KR: We have a join tab on our website for volunteers, internships. We haven't<br />
had any internships yet. But I mean, we know it's possible.<br />
ZN: Something has to be first, right?<br />
KR: Yeah, exactly. It's something we'd love to facilitate with anybody in university.<br />
SR: I guess, the last thing is we’re not just for the individual, but for other<br />
collectives, other organisations, [and] other institutions. There's always room<br />
for collaboration. We work in the intersection of community, mentorship,<br />
and arts education, as well as making community artwork, and so almost any<br />
organisation who works in those areas would be suitable to touch base with us.<br />
ZN: Are there any projects that you have worked with or on that you<br />
particularly enjoyed?<br />
SR: I think it's important for people to hear about the project we're doing for Nuit<br />
Blanche. It's about fusing the Rouge Park, which is the larger green body that<br />
the Toronto Zoo is housed in. It's an urban park that’s [like] our backyard, and<br />
that we grew up in. We're using the Rouge Park’s change through the seasons<br />
and the change through time, kind of as a metaphor to represent Scarborough's<br />
history and its people, its diversity, and it's my repertory origins. We're really<br />
excited about that project, because it's something that people will be able to<br />
hopefully [do], if the pandemic doesn't force social isolation on us. We're excited<br />
because people will get to experience that in the community. It represents not<br />
only our voices, but interviews that other folks [have] done from Scarborough.<br />
One of the things that we love to do and is important to us is allowing people<br />
from here to see themselves [in] artwork. I feel like that's what this project is<br />
all about.<br />
KR: In talking about our current projects, the new Wave 1 Launch Project, and<br />
then the residency that we're working on, we're kind of working on them side<br />
by side, essentially, because we weren't able to run an in-person residency<br />
or engage with the student body. We're just producing this project that's sort<br />
of going to be a complement to the themes of the Nuit Blanche project. The<br />
main themes that we kind of address are from a larger historical perspective<br />
of the migration, history of Scarborough, and then sort of the geographical<br />
occupation of Scarborough, and then also just the cultural makeup and how<br />
that relates to identity building.<br />
We're exploring that in a very abstract and interactive way, with the Nuit Blanche<br />
project. With the residency, we want to create this series of works that's more<br />
conversational and directly exploring those themes in a more conversational<br />
way. And both of them, they involve music, audio community engagement,<br />
academic involvement, research and archives, and video. It's basically the first<br />
iteration of projects where we're able to truly merge all of the intersections and<br />
all of the things that we've been working on. These projects that we're working<br />
on now kind of show this synthesis of, and what's possible when we can kind of<br />
combine all of these different voices and streams together.<br />
ZN: Is there anything else you would like to share with us?<br />
SR: One last thing I'll say is, I just think it's important that people from this<br />
community [know] Scarborough is having a moment right now and people<br />
are noticing what's happening here. I would say that people from here, I think<br />
it's important that we feel proud that we're from here. It's also important that<br />
despite whether or not Scarborough continues to have a moment and continues<br />
to get attention, it's important that we continue to give back in any way we can.<br />
Always remember the importance of this place and how it's formed [us all in<br />
some way].<br />
www.waveartcollective.ca<br />
www.sampreethrao.com/film.html<br />
www.kevinramroop.com/music<br />
28 29
VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
DMITRY BORSHCH<br />
www.dmitryborshch.tumblr.com<br />
www.independent.academia.edu/DmitryBorshch<br />
Dmitry Borshch was born in Dnipropetrovsk, studied in Moscow, today lives in<br />
New York. His works have been exhibited at Russian American Cultural Center<br />
(New York), HIAS (New York), Consulate General of the Russian Federation<br />
(New York), Lydia Schukina Institute of Psychology (Moscow), Contemporary<br />
Art Centers (Voronezh, Almaty), Museums of Contemporary Art (Poltava, Lviv).<br />
UNTITLED, 2016<br />
SIGN BEARER, 2009<br />
30
MAGAZINE<br />
JESSICA SINGH<br />
An artist at heart and aesthete at being. She is an Oxford graduate specializing<br />
in research, arts, and gender studies. Jessica is an interdisciplinary artist and in<br />
that, she embodies the essence of fluidity in art forms like poetry, photography<br />
and painting. She is currently serving on the board of North York Arts.<br />
@blessjess27<br />
@jessicasingh27<br />
HAFSA AZHER<br />
I am a second-year student double-majoring in Health Studies (Population<br />
Health) and Mental Health Studies. This past year has been an incredibly<br />
dreadful, yet wonderful, year. After months of self-isolation, lonely nights,<br />
and thoughts about life, I have come to an understanding of thanking myself<br />
for who I am and my growth.<br />
YOU WERE THERE<br />
GROWTH<br />
You were there, but I was not,<br />
I was there, and you were gone,<br />
Gone you were, past the love,<br />
Love that left the fields bereft,<br />
Bereft were those pining primes,<br />
Primes that prided in its wonder,<br />
Wonder that lusted a fine another,<br />
Another call for a rose prim and too red,<br />
Red was dainty for the forest she tread,<br />
Tread she will for you lured her to,<br />
To the love that was left to steep deep and brew.<br />
The world has changed,<br />
Who knows whether for the better or worst –<br />
I have spent countless hours and days in my room,<br />
wondering what my life is<br />
One thing is for sure,<br />
I need change in it<br />
I have the need to want to know more<br />
I have the need to want to explore<br />
I have the need to want to do better<br />
I want to be free<br />
I want to be strong<br />
I want to challenge myself<br />
I want to strengthen myself<br />
But the truth is –<br />
Wants and needs require growth<br />
And luckily, time has given me much growth<br />
.<br />
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MARGINS<br />
an introduction.<br />
Kirk Diamond<br />
CELEBRATING<br />
Tracey Kayy<br />
BLACK<br />
HISTORY<br />
MONTH<br />
A panel interview with Kirk Diamond,<br />
Tracey Kayy, and Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
By Zachariah Highgate<br />
As a multiracial Black Canadian, I<br />
always feel it is important to highlight<br />
Black History during the month of<br />
February and throughout the year.<br />
For this issue of <strong>Margins</strong>, I spoke<br />
with a panel of black creatives whose<br />
greatness I have had the chance to<br />
witness first hand. We discussed their<br />
professional achievements, what<br />
Black History Month means to them,<br />
and what they want their personal<br />
legacies to look like. I’m so grateful to<br />
have been able to connect with them<br />
during this extremely important<br />
month and I hope you enjoy what<br />
came out of our conversation.<br />
- ZH<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
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Tracey Kayy<br />
meet the panelists.<br />
Kirk Diamond<br />
Juno Award Winner Kirk Diamond is singer,<br />
songwriter, producer and social activist in his<br />
own right. Diamond has proven that there are<br />
no limits when high expectations of oneself<br />
and one's goals are set. Spreading musical<br />
messages of unity, inclusion, and love for all<br />
walks of life, The Movement Of Ahryel (which<br />
Kirk formed in 2018) joins Kirk Diamond<br />
in delivering his greatness to reggae and<br />
dancehall lovers. Kirk’s artistry has landed<br />
him in several publications including: Irie<br />
<strong>Magazine</strong>, Triple The Focus <strong>Magazine</strong>, London<br />
Le'Blanc <strong>Magazine</strong> and local and international<br />
Newspapers. Diamond has also performed on<br />
several major music stages including: Calgary<br />
Reggae Festival, Toronto Reggae Festival,<br />
JUNOFest, Congregate Brixton, Windrush<br />
Festival, Middlesborough Reggaefest, Channel<br />
One 45th Anniversary Show, Yard Vibes<br />
Germany and TVJ’s Smile Jamaica. He’s also<br />
performed for Mayor Patrick Brown and other<br />
elected officials at City Hall for Brampton’s<br />
Black History Month Event.<br />
Tracey Kayy is a multidisciplinary musician<br />
based in Toronto. She is a singer, song-writer,<br />
producer, rapper and spoken-word artist. Her<br />
creative creations shed light on the difficulties<br />
and traumas within our social realities. Tracey<br />
has performed on many stages, including<br />
those at Toronto City Hall, the Royal Ontario<br />
Museum, Ghanafest, and African Music week.<br />
She has also worked with Arts in the Park,<br />
Seneca College, Humber College, and the<br />
Art Gallery of York University, to name a few.<br />
She is a radiant light, and a messenger who<br />
raises awareness by being a voice for multiple<br />
communities across the globe. Her soul’s<br />
purpose is to heal people from all walks of life<br />
through her writings and musical creations.<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
(b. 1980, lives and works in Hamilton, Ontario)<br />
received a BFA from the Ontario College of<br />
Art and Design in 2005. His drawings and<br />
paintings have since been showcased at Verso<br />
Gallery, Lennox Contemporary, Gallery One,<br />
and the Drake Hotel in Toronto. Carson’s work<br />
was also featured in the AGO First Thursdays<br />
held in partnership with the RBC Emerging<br />
Artists Projects, and StreetARToronto. In 2016,<br />
he was part of an exhibition titled Ponto, the<br />
first of several held at Hamilton’s Oswald<br />
Gallery. Other group exhibitions include Free<br />
Fall (2016) and Worked Over (2017), both at<br />
Oswald Gallery, and 100 Paintings (2019) at The<br />
Carnegie Gallery, Dundas, Ontario. His most<br />
recent solo exhibition, May You Always See<br />
the Light (2017) at Oswald Gallery, comprised<br />
paintings of brightly-rendered animals, and<br />
whimsical characters emerging from obscure<br />
matte landscapes.<br />
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MARGINS<br />
As a black creative, what does Black<br />
History Month mean to you?<br />
Kirk Diamond: Black History Month for me, is about the greatness and<br />
perseverance of our people. It reminds me of how strong we are and it also<br />
reinforces my beliefs that like Bob Marley said, "Everything is going to be<br />
alright." We have come a long way. The things we are able to do now were<br />
merely a dream to our ancestors, so I don't think we should take our privileges,<br />
or the fact that we are alive in this time, for granted.<br />
Tracey Kayy: As a black creative, when<br />
I think of Black History month I think<br />
of many meanings, stories, traditions<br />
and cultures. I think of its origin and<br />
complexities in regards to identity and<br />
how black creatives, inventors, Kings,<br />
Queens, community leaders and<br />
warriors have shaped and influenced<br />
many Nations across the globe. From<br />
my perspective, Black History isn’t<br />
simply a month, it's all year around.<br />
Without black resources, black<br />
inventions and black labour the world<br />
would not be where it is today. So what<br />
does Black History Month mean to me?<br />
It means excelling, it means thriving,<br />
it means going against the odds and<br />
always coming [out] on top.<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson: The month<br />
to me is super important because it<br />
means that I and many others get to<br />
learn about black and current history.<br />
It's a month of discovery.<br />
Who is someone in the black community<br />
that inspires you, during this month<br />
and throughout the year?<br />
Kirk Diamond: My parents inspire<br />
me. Everything that I aspire to be is<br />
because of them. I saw them work<br />
so hard to provide so my younger<br />
brother and myself would become<br />
respectable human beings.<br />
Tracey Kayy: To be honest, everyone<br />
Black inspires me. No one on this earth<br />
is perfect but I believe that’s it not<br />
necessarily the mistakes we make but<br />
the decisions we make after, in order<br />
to persevere. From my perspective, I<br />
believe that, that is exactly what we as<br />
black folks do. We are always finding<br />
ways to excel and improve.<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson: I can think<br />
of so many great souls, [such as]<br />
Gaetane Verna, Karen Carter, Shelly<br />
Falconer, who [had] fantastic talk[s]<br />
online that I just watched.<br />
Tell us about your latest project and<br />
how it adds to your personal legacy.<br />
Kirk Diamond: My latest singles are, "Let It Be Done" and "Too Ruff." "Let It<br />
Be Done" was written in the beginning stages of the pandemic. So much had<br />
already happened. The injustices that we were witnessing like George Floyd<br />
and so many others. The Amazon Rainforest was on fire. The entire Continent/<br />
country of Australia was on fire, and the former President of The USA seemed<br />
to be pushing for a 3rd world war. I felt it was my duty as an artist to speak to<br />
the world in the only way I knew how, through music. The song is a prayer [that<br />
speaks] to people, letting them know we are great and we will get through this.<br />
"Too Ruff" is my tribute to Reggae and The Crowned Prince of Reggae Dennis<br />
Brown.<br />
Tracey Kayy: My latest project is a workshop series which empowers and equips<br />
young girls with the resources and tools to be self-confident and resilient,<br />
while preparing them for success within the music industry. I have recently<br />
begun working with a few young girls within my community but have yet to<br />
pick a name for the workshop series so if you have any suggestions, please let<br />
me know. I believe that this project ties into my legacy because it encourages<br />
each participant to be the best versions of themselves while giving back to the<br />
people who need it the most.<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson: My latest project is a solo museum show at the Power<br />
Plant in Toronto, Ontario titled “Cut From The Same Cloth.” This show is just<br />
another chapter in the story of my life.<br />
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visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
an outro.<br />
As black creatives, how can we<br />
continue to inspire those who want to<br />
follow in our footsteps?<br />
Kirk Diamond: I believe we should be<br />
true to ourselves as creatives. Tell it like<br />
it is and strive for happiness. Happiness<br />
in my opinion, is the only way to really<br />
judge success. [I believe artists looking<br />
to follow in our footsteps will be most<br />
successful keeping happiness at the<br />
forefront].<br />
Tracey Kayy: By providing them the<br />
resources to excel, by leading by<br />
example and not just [by] words, and<br />
by being as honest and transparent as<br />
we possibly can. Once again, no human<br />
on this earth is perfect but when we<br />
are accountable for our actions, while<br />
demonstrating love without borders<br />
with no hate in our hearts, I believe<br />
[we can] truly inspire. Just be your<br />
authentic self!! Not everyone may<br />
understand it, but there's definitely<br />
someone out there who will.<br />
Nathan Eugene Carson: We inspire<br />
others by staying true to [ourselves].<br />
visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
And there you have it! I hope you<br />
enjoyed this panel discussion with<br />
these talented creatives. It was an<br />
inspiring experience for me and<br />
I encourage you to find ways to<br />
celebrate Black History all year long!<br />
visual credits: Nathan Eugene Carson<br />
- ZH<br />
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MARGINS<br />
TWO DIFFERENT LIVES<br />
By Tara Hejazi<br />
In 1979, the Iranian Revolution<br />
happened, transforming Iran into<br />
a whole new country. Now, if you<br />
don’t know about the revolution,<br />
I will give you a quick lesson. Welcome<br />
to World History with me,<br />
Tara! Basically, the revolution was<br />
when the citizens protested to have<br />
the royal family gone from Iran in<br />
hopes that a democratic government<br />
would form. Did that happen?<br />
No - a dictatorship emerged instead.<br />
This was the main reason that my<br />
family decided to leave Iran and migrate<br />
to Canada.<br />
I left when I was three, so I wasn’t<br />
in Iran for long. Due to my short<br />
stay and how young I was, I don’t<br />
remember anything. I always just<br />
based my childhood on what my<br />
parents told me. For me, there is<br />
no story to be told. For my parents,<br />
there is. I’ve always loved hearing<br />
stories about their lives, so I wanted<br />
to share the story of their life before<br />
and after the Revolution, and their<br />
journey to Canada. So today I will<br />
give you insight into the stories of<br />
my mother, Vida Lashgari, and my<br />
father, Ali Hejazi.<br />
Vida Lashgari<br />
P.S. If you would like a better experience<br />
reading this interview, listen<br />
to Pol by Googoosh while you read.<br />
visual credits: Omid Armin<br />
Ali Hejazi<br />
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MARGINS<br />
How old were you when the Revolution<br />
happened?<br />
Dad: I was ten years old. I was in<br />
Grade 5.<br />
Mom: I was 12 years old.<br />
Before the Revolution, what is the best<br />
memory that you had?<br />
Dad: School. In school, I had a close<br />
group of friends. There were six of<br />
us in total. We were always together.<br />
We would play a game called Zoo. You<br />
would get into two groups. The people<br />
in the middle would have to tag the<br />
others. The taggers would have to say<br />
zoooooooooooo as they tag the others<br />
and go back to the middle. If you tag<br />
everyone and go back in the middle,<br />
you were the winner! If you lost your<br />
breath, then you lost.<br />
Mom: Before the Revolution, my<br />
best memory was school. School<br />
was fun for me. We had a lot of<br />
events. For example, when it was<br />
the Shah’s birthday or Mother's Day,<br />
the school would get decorated with<br />
lights and each class would decorate<br />
their class, and the class who had<br />
the best decorations won a prize. We<br />
also got delicious meals. There were<br />
sandwiches, cheese, milk, cake...<br />
something new every day. I always<br />
had good memories at school.<br />
Do you remember the last Nowruz<br />
[Iranian New Year] you had before the<br />
Revolution?<br />
Dad: Yes. My family would always go to<br />
Rasht. I would go to my grandparents'<br />
house. Everyone was there: my aunts,<br />
my uncles, my cousins. Everyone. It<br />
was always a lot of fun. Anytime we<br />
went, all the kids would play together,<br />
we would go have a picnic in the<br />
woods, it was such a great time.<br />
Mom: I remember we got a coloured<br />
television, that’s when coloured<br />
televisions first came out. We<br />
saw Rangarang [an Iranian music<br />
program] where I saw Googoosh [a<br />
famous Iranian pop singer] in her<br />
long white dress singing.<br />
Do you remember the first Nowruz<br />
after the Revolution?<br />
Dad: We went back to Rasht, but<br />
honestly after a few years, everyone<br />
stopped going. It just wasn’t the same.<br />
Mom: Nowruz was the same honestly.<br />
Everyone was joyful still. People<br />
became less joyful, but they were still<br />
joyful.<br />
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Since you were a child when the Revolution<br />
happened, were you aware<br />
that the Revolution was taking place<br />
around you?<br />
Dad: Yes. Of course. When it would<br />
get dark, around 9 p.m., people would<br />
go onto their rooftops and they would<br />
shout chants. During the day, they<br />
would go into the streets and riot.<br />
This rioting led to damaged buildings<br />
and that’s why the Shah set a curfew<br />
of 9 p.m. which made people chant<br />
from their rooftops. I would hear<br />
everything. My house was beside a<br />
main street where all the protesting<br />
would happen.<br />
Mom: No, because I was so young.<br />
I only knew that an event was<br />
happening where people would come<br />
out and protest. I would hear that the<br />
Shah was bad, and this revolution was<br />
good. Although, my parents wouldn’t<br />
allow my sisters and me to go out. My<br />
mother was scared that we would get<br />
hurt.<br />
Do you remember the feelings you had<br />
when the Revolution started? For example,<br />
were you scared or happy?<br />
Dad: No, I wasn’t scared at all. Honestly,<br />
I didn’t understand what was going on<br />
nor did my older brother. We didn’t<br />
know what was going to happen. We<br />
didn’t know if there would be a good<br />
or bad outcome. We just knew a<br />
Revolution was happening. Everyone<br />
said that good will happen and we<br />
waited for that good to happen, but it<br />
never did.<br />
Mom: I was neutral towards it. My life<br />
was good, so the protest didn’t really<br />
mean much to me. I thought my life<br />
would stay the same, but it didn’t. It<br />
completely turned upside down.<br />
Did your parents tell you what was<br />
happening?<br />
Dad: Your grandparents never<br />
participated in the protests, but they<br />
did explain what was going on. Hell,<br />
everyone knew what was going on.<br />
They knew that Khomeini [leader<br />
of the Revolution] was coming, they<br />
knew a Revolution was happening,<br />
they knew the Shah was going to go,<br />
everyone knew everything. Although,<br />
no one knew the future of Iran when<br />
the new government came into order.<br />
We all thought it would be good, but it<br />
wasn’t good at all. It was all lies.<br />
Mom: My parents were also<br />
confused. They knew that people<br />
were protesting, but they thought life<br />
was going to be the same after the<br />
Revolution. Everyone did. But in the<br />
end, they were just as confused as I<br />
was.<br />
After the Revolution, what was your<br />
worst memory?<br />
Dad: Worst memory? Everything we<br />
wanted to do, we did it in fear. We<br />
couldn’t even listen to music in the car<br />
or wear short sleeves. If they caught us<br />
listening, we would go right to prison.<br />
I remember when new films came out<br />
on VHS, I would get 7 of them for a week<br />
and it was quite expensive. Within that<br />
week, my friends and I would share<br />
the VHS films. For example, I would<br />
watch a film and then pass it on, my<br />
friend would watch another film and<br />
he would pass it on. When we would<br />
pass it on, we would have to hide it<br />
in our pants. Once I got caught and I<br />
was sent to jail for a night. There was<br />
always fear. Honestly, anytime they<br />
would get you, they would hit and kick<br />
you first.<br />
Mom: We were always scared.<br />
Whenever we wanted to go out, we<br />
had to make sure our hijabs were<br />
completely covering our hair. We had<br />
to make sure our clothes were covering<br />
everything. They would even pat us<br />
down before entering high school<br />
to see if you are hiding any books or<br />
cassettes, and if they found any, you<br />
were screwed. I even remember that<br />
they would hang kids under the age<br />
of 18 and torture them. They would<br />
always torment people as much as<br />
they could. They made people go<br />
against each other. There was no trust<br />
anymore.<br />
When did you realize that you had to<br />
leave Iran?<br />
Dad: When my military training was<br />
done. In Iran, after a boy turns 18, he<br />
would get conscripted for two years.<br />
After my two years, I decided to come<br />
to Canada, especially since my brother<br />
was already in Canada. In 1991, I left,<br />
and it took me a year to get to Canada.<br />
It was a journey. I left Tehran and went<br />
to Malaysia then Thailand then China<br />
then Vancouver... Finally, I made it<br />
to Toronto. I got here in April 1992.<br />
Everyone wanted to leave. Anyone<br />
who could, left.<br />
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Mom: When the Revolution happened,<br />
it made me realize how badly I wanted<br />
to leave Iran. I just wanted to leave.<br />
Whatever the reason was, I just<br />
wanted to leave Iran. Although, if the<br />
Revolution didn’t happen, I wouldn’t<br />
have left.<br />
I know one of the main reasons that<br />
we came to Canada was because of<br />
Dina’s [my older sister] and my future.<br />
When either one of us was born,<br />
do you remember your first thought of<br />
having to leave Iran because of us?<br />
Dad: Yes. The biggest thing me and<br />
your Mom thought when you two<br />
were born was that you two would not<br />
have any human rights in Iran. Also,<br />
you two would not be able to choose<br />
anything. Everything would be chosen<br />
for you. You two wouldn’t be able to<br />
speak your mind. A lot of things you<br />
can do here, you wouldn’t be able to<br />
do there. Canada would be an easy life<br />
for you two. You would have freedom<br />
here that you wouldn’t have in Iran.<br />
Mom: Yes. I knew how much the<br />
girls got bothered here [Iran]. I saw<br />
how they would torment the youths.<br />
I didn’t want you two to have bad<br />
memories nor did I want your life to<br />
be chosen for you two. I wanted you<br />
two to have freedom. The first thought<br />
I had when we came to Canada was,<br />
“We can finally relax. My kids won’t be<br />
tormented, and they can live a normal<br />
life.”<br />
Originally, we weren’t even supposed<br />
to come to Canada. Do you think if we<br />
stayed in Iran, we would be happy?<br />
Dad: That, I don’t know. There are a lot<br />
of things you have here that you don’t<br />
have in Iran vice-versa. For example,<br />
we have family there, we have our<br />
language there, our culture, we have<br />
familiarity there which we don’t have<br />
here. I don’t know if we would be<br />
happier or not. When I was getting my<br />
citizenship, I didn’t think if we would<br />
be happier or not, I just thought, “It<br />
would be easier for my children to get<br />
citizenship.”<br />
Mom: I don’t know if we would be<br />
happy. I do know though that if we did<br />
stay, you two [Dina and I] would be<br />
successful. It wouldn’t be as smooth<br />
as it would be in Canada though.<br />
One reason is because of money. For<br />
example, a lot of things in Iran such<br />
as going to classes involved money,<br />
but here you can do them for free.<br />
You can also work here when you’re<br />
a teen. Teenage girls in Iran weren’t<br />
allowed to work, and if they did work,<br />
their parents would always be scared<br />
that something bad would happen to<br />
them. It would be very different there<br />
and even harder.<br />
visual credits: Mostafa Meraji<br />
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VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
MARGINS<br />
Did you have any regrets when you<br />
came to Canada?<br />
Dad: Yes. Honestly, when I first came<br />
to Canada, I didn’t like it, but I had to<br />
stay here. I still don’t like it. I hate the<br />
weather here. I also don’t like how you<br />
easily can’t become what you want to<br />
be. For example, your mother was a<br />
children’s illustrator in Iran. She had<br />
both a bachelor’s and master's degree,<br />
yet she couldn’t find a job and went<br />
into customer service.<br />
Mom: I think the only regret that I<br />
have is that I didn’t explore my options<br />
before leaving Iran. Personally, I<br />
wanted to go to Europe for many<br />
reasons. The big reason though is<br />
because most of the government there<br />
is socialist, and they really care about<br />
their citizens. It’s not like Canada<br />
where it’s capitalist and we only have<br />
to work. Although, I’m really glad to<br />
be in a country where I have freedom,<br />
but if anyone asks me if they should<br />
come to Canada, I will tell them to go<br />
somewhere else.<br />
Are you happy with your life?<br />
Dad: Yes, I am. 100%. I'm so glad I<br />
left. I get to see you and your sister’s<br />
success as well as freedom. In the first<br />
year that I came to Canada, I was sad<br />
that I was here, but when I saw the<br />
events that were happening in Iran,<br />
I was so glad I came here. I thought<br />
this was the right decision. My life is<br />
good. I have a great family and we’re<br />
all healthy. My life is better than most<br />
honestly. Maybe in terms of money,<br />
it isn't, but in terms of happiness, it’s<br />
better. I love my life.<br />
Mom: No. It’s average for me. I’m not<br />
happy but I'm not depressed. Yes, I do<br />
have very happy moments because<br />
I see you guys [Dina and Tara] and<br />
I’m always very grateful to be in a<br />
country where I have clean water,<br />
where I’m healthy, and where I have a<br />
job. Although, I can’t fully say that I’m<br />
happy with my life. I’m just glad that I<br />
have a normal life where everything is<br />
going smoothly.<br />
Do you miss Iran? Do you ever want<br />
to go back?<br />
Dad: Right now, no. I hate the<br />
government there. All my friends left<br />
Iran too. I have no one there except<br />
one or two family members. I have<br />
no memories there and the good<br />
memories that I do have, I don’t want<br />
them to get ruined. The last time I was<br />
there, I was just depressed. Anywhere<br />
I went, my good memories would<br />
come right in front of my eyes and I<br />
saw how hard life has become.<br />
Mom: I don’t ever want to go back<br />
and stay there again. I would visit,<br />
but I would not live there. One thing<br />
that made me happy when I came to<br />
Canada was that I didn’t have to see<br />
child beggars. It made me so happy to<br />
know I wasn’t going to see that again.<br />
In the end, I would only just visit there.<br />
Lastly, do you have advice for anyone<br />
who is in the same situation as you?<br />
Dad: My advice is, if they want to leave their country, they need to sit down and<br />
think hard about all the different countries they can go to. For example, they<br />
need to try to see their future in each country. They must have an open mind<br />
as to where they want to go, unlike me who just came to Canada because my<br />
brother was there.<br />
Mom: I would tell them that before you leave, make sure you are completely<br />
fluent in the language of the country you’re going to. I would also tell them that<br />
you should stick to the career that you want to do. By this I mean, I used to be a<br />
children’s illustrator, but I thought I should work in customer service to make<br />
money. This led me to only work in customer service and not in my field at all.<br />
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VACILLATION OF<br />
THE WAVES<br />
By You-Jin Kim<br />
visual credits: Mark Chan<br />
visual credits: Insung Yoon<br />
Life is a constant lull of back and forth; of a<br />
boat on an ocean that changes directions<br />
at the call of the waves. The ocean’s<br />
power surpasses that of the boat, leading<br />
its passengers in whatever direction that<br />
it so chooses. Only when one gains the<br />
courage to grab an oar and take matters<br />
into their own hands will they be able to<br />
decide which way to go. Such has been my<br />
journey of fighting against deeply-rooted<br />
internalized racism while fostering my<br />
love and appreciation for my culture and<br />
heritage. Although I have learned how to<br />
unlearn much of the internalized racism,<br />
I can often see the echoes of the beliefs<br />
I once held in my second-generation<br />
immigrant friends, and sometimes even<br />
within my own actions. I see it in my<br />
mother’s insistence that I wear sunscreen<br />
to avoid tanning and becoming “darker”,<br />
in my brother’s past embarrassment at<br />
eating Korean food for lunch at school,<br />
and in the lost communication between<br />
my friends and their parents, and their<br />
own shame and reluctance to use their<br />
mother tongue.<br />
This internalized racism doesn’t only<br />
exist at an individual level — it has<br />
been entrenched into our culture and<br />
our society at an institutional level.<br />
In the West, Asian Americans have<br />
been traditionally “excluded from<br />
the white mainstream” and racialized<br />
as “unassimilable foreigners” (Pyke<br />
& Dang 150). I, myself, have heard<br />
from white people that my English<br />
is “so good”, despite having lived in<br />
Canada since I was a year old. Asian<br />
Americans have been continuously<br />
classified as “ethnic” and assumed to<br />
be “non-English speakers” and “noncitizens”,<br />
even after they’ve been<br />
culturally assimilated (Pyke & Dang<br />
150). The recent shootings of Asian<br />
women in Georgia demonstrate that<br />
Asians are still considered “other”<br />
in a country they consider their<br />
own. The rise in violence and hatred<br />
against Asian Americans and Pacific<br />
Islanders are a result of the negative<br />
portrayals of Asians in the media<br />
and the constant bashing of Asian<br />
governments by leaders of Western<br />
states.<br />
This “othering” and outright racism<br />
has led many of my fellow Asian<br />
Americans to seek acceptance from<br />
the white majority by adopting<br />
mainstream ideologies, including<br />
adopting eurocentric beliefs and<br />
stereotypes. It has caused a tense<br />
relationship between Asians on<br />
different parts of the bicultural<br />
spectrum, with negative labelling<br />
occurring, as either “FOB” or<br />
“whitewashed” (Pyke & Dang 149).<br />
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Whether intentional or not, these<br />
terms carry a negative connotation,<br />
as someone either unassimilated<br />
to Western culture and its values<br />
or as someone who is too ethnic.<br />
Such identities and labels, a result of<br />
the “racial oppression of the larger<br />
society”, often lead Asian Americans<br />
to try and find a new identity on the<br />
bicultural spectrum (Pyke & Dang<br />
149). In addition, racial inequality<br />
causes Asian Americans to justify the<br />
oppression of their group with a true<br />
belief in their own inferiority as they<br />
accept and internalize mainstream<br />
racist values. This further privileges<br />
white people at the expense of Asian<br />
Americans. As Pyke and Dang put<br />
it, internalized racism is “a form of<br />
compliance that replicates inequality”<br />
(151).<br />
The tale of internalized racism among<br />
Asian Americans is inherently tied to<br />
the myth of the “Model Minority”, and<br />
the blind faith and belief that many<br />
have in the soundness of the “American<br />
Dream” — that as long as they work hard,<br />
they will succeed. Asian American<br />
educational and economic success<br />
have been historically exaggerated in<br />
order to align Asian Americans with<br />
the white majority — but only when it’s<br />
convenient. While praised for these<br />
qualities, Asian Americans are never<br />
fully considered “American”, and are<br />
often viewed as a threat rather than<br />
members of Western society. We are<br />
pushed to the sidelines and treated<br />
as invisible when the inequalities<br />
Asian Americans face are brought to<br />
the forefront. While hard work can<br />
help make success more attainable,<br />
the ideals of the meritocracy and<br />
the American Dream fail to consider<br />
the systematic disadvantages ethnic<br />
minorities face, and the influences of<br />
the intersections of gender, sexuality,<br />
and religion. So many Asian Americans<br />
blindly believe in this myth, and upon<br />
reaching success, believe that they are<br />
better than other minorities, and even<br />
others of their same ethnic background.<br />
The model minority myth further<br />
perpetuates racial essentialism, which<br />
is the belief that there are inherent<br />
and biologically-rooted differences<br />
between groups. In this case, the<br />
branding of Asian Americans as rich,<br />
smart, and hard-working, pitting us<br />
against other minorities.<br />
It’s difficult to pinpoint what exactly<br />
helped me resolve my inner conflict<br />
between hating and loving my culture.<br />
What is clear, however, are my own<br />
experiences with intraethnic othering.<br />
I would intentionally avoid falling into<br />
the stereotypes of the whitewashed<br />
Asians, by avoiding Starbucks and<br />
shows like Riverdale (although perhaps<br />
the latter is due to the actual quality<br />
of the show itself). I also avoided<br />
certain types of clothing which would<br />
be associated with the title “FOB”.<br />
The actions of buying Starbucks and<br />
wearing certain clothing are not<br />
inherently bad or even inherently<br />
“white” or “FOB”. However, the<br />
negative connotations that came with<br />
these labels made me avoid them at all<br />
costs, and instead, made me choose<br />
an in-between. I have since realized<br />
the implications of such actions and<br />
have put effort into being consciously<br />
aware of whether I take certain actions<br />
or make decisions because of the label<br />
that they may come with.<br />
visual credits: Bundo Kim<br />
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visual credits: Kiwoong Park<br />
My own experiences are greatly<br />
shaped around having a strong<br />
Korean community to help inform<br />
and educate me of my culture. I've<br />
taken official Korean tests growing<br />
up, and continuously went to Korean<br />
school, which taught me not just about<br />
the language, but about the culture.<br />
That being said, I have had my own<br />
experiences running away from my<br />
culture: literally running away from<br />
my traditional Korean instruments<br />
teacher by hiding in the washroom,<br />
and being tired of Korean food and<br />
wanting Western food instead. Instead<br />
of 유부초밥, I asked my mother to<br />
pack me a sandwich for lunch. I<br />
wanted to conform with my white<br />
peers, and I wanted their approval.<br />
After transferring to a more culturally<br />
diverse school for the Gifted program,<br />
I found myself surrounded by not only<br />
other Asian Americans, but several<br />
Koreans as well. One of them had<br />
recently come to Canada and knew<br />
parts of modern Korean culture I<br />
couldn't possibly learn from a Korean<br />
class taught by someone in their sixties,<br />
who only knew the Korea of the 1980s.<br />
For one, this friend introduced me to<br />
Korean dramas and K-Pop. I remember<br />
watching SHINee's Ring Ding Dong<br />
and being absolutely enthralled. Little<br />
did I know that in a year, Gangnam<br />
Style would blow away the world, and<br />
Korean culture would slowly become<br />
normalized in the West. Fast forward<br />
to a few years later, where BTS and<br />
Korean dramas are now known by a<br />
majority of my peers and even seen as<br />
"trendy" and "cool". I would only get to<br />
start watching Korean TV shows and<br />
listening to K-Pop after I had already<br />
reached my teenage years, through<br />
the accessibility of the Internet. Man,<br />
I thought to myself, it would have been<br />
great to see these Korean role models<br />
when I was growing up. Who would<br />
have thought that my monolids and<br />
East Asian features that I once disliked<br />
about myself would become praised,<br />
and even copied through makeup looks<br />
like the fox-eyed makeup? Who would<br />
have thought that my people would<br />
be the subject of attention, obsession,<br />
and praise? And although there are<br />
issues within the portrayal of East<br />
Asian features through makeup and<br />
the obsession with Koreans because of<br />
Korean entertainment, that is a topic<br />
for another day.<br />
That is not to say that I didn’t have<br />
any Korean role models — there were<br />
many in my own life. My mother, who<br />
never took bullshit from any of the<br />
people she met at work. As a cashier at<br />
a dollar store, she had to deal with all<br />
sorts of customers. However, no matter<br />
the attitude that they approached her<br />
with, she never backed down. This<br />
ferocity and strength is something I<br />
adopted from her. I also learned the<br />
value of endurance and resilience<br />
from my father, who worked three jobs<br />
at once in order to sustain our family.<br />
Poverty has frequently been a part<br />
of the immigrant story (despite the<br />
stereotype of Asians as “rich”), and it is<br />
a big part of mine. In this way, ethnicity<br />
and class are heavily intersected in<br />
the lives of many immigrants. And my<br />
aforementioned teacher who taught<br />
me many aspects of Korean culture,<br />
including folk tales and traditional<br />
Korean instruments, showed me<br />
tough love and kindness in place of the<br />
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MARGINS<br />
grandmother I never really got to know. There have been countless role models<br />
in my life who have shown me that their weakness in English does not define<br />
them as people, and it is certainly not a flaw. Being Korean is something to be<br />
proud of.<br />
If I hadn't had the Korean role models in my own life, if Korean culture hadn't<br />
become normalized in the West, and if technology didn’t help make my culture<br />
readily accessible to me, perhaps I would have been swept away by the ocean's<br />
tides. Perhaps I would float away, lost at sea, tasting the salt as the waves hit<br />
the deck. I was lucky enough to know how to take charge of my own ethnic and<br />
cultural identity — to take hold of the oars and direct the boat where I wanted<br />
to go. While there are undoubtedly still traces of internalized racism left within<br />
me, I am beginning to unlearn them, one piece at a time. You who sail in the<br />
wind: where are you going? Take a look around, and see whether the destination<br />
is truly a place you can be proud of. See whether you are being pushed around<br />
by the waves, to come and go with no control. And when you are ready, take<br />
hold of the oars, and beat the vacillation of the waves.<br />
Works Cited<br />
Pyke, Karen, and Tran Dang. “‘FOB’ and ‘Whitewashed’: Identity and Internalized<br />
Racism Among Second Generation Asian Americans.” Qualitative Sociology, vol.<br />
26, no. 2, 6 Jan. 2003, pp. 147–172., doi:10.1023/A:1022957011866.<br />
visual credits: Ran Ma<br />
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MARGINS<br />
NO GREY<br />
NO GREY<br />
EESHA CHAUDHRY<br />
EESHA CHAUDHRY<br />
Black and white<br />
Black and white<br />
All colour, no shade<br />
Black and white<br />
No love, just hate<br />
Black and white<br />
Darkness and deception<br />
Black and white<br />
Black and white<br />
No substance, no grain<br />
Black and white<br />
Power of love or love for power<br />
Black and white<br />
Tampered soil makes a broken flower<br />
Black and white<br />
Rich off the backs of the poor<br />
Black and white<br />
A system so broken we can’t ask for<br />
more<br />
Black and white<br />
The truth is there, behind closed<br />
doors.<br />
Black and white<br />
The division is unclear<br />
Black and white<br />
Of fog and hazy fear<br />
Black and white<br />
To resist is to drown<br />
Black and white<br />
Misconstrued,<br />
Malice intentions<br />
Black and white<br />
Like water to oil<br />
Black and white<br />
A plant with no soil<br />
Black and white<br />
Of losses and gains<br />
Ashes and salt<br />
Black and white<br />
Innocent, yet at fault<br />
Black and white<br />
Empty promises webbed in lies<br />
Black and white<br />
A leader lives but the community dies<br />
Black and white<br />
An inner battle, a secret war<br />
Black and white<br />
A range of hues<br />
Black and white<br />
Overlap and blend<br />
Black and white<br />
Like oil to soap<br />
Black and white<br />
A mix so grotesque yet divine<br />
Black and white<br />
Fake smiles, hiding frowns<br />
Black and white<br />
Interwoven and interlaced<br />
Black and white<br />
A steady change in pace<br />
Black and white<br />
There’s nothing left to say<br />
For there is no black and white<br />
It is all simply grey.<br />
An ungodly warning sign<br />
visual credits: Dan Cristian Padure<br />
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TWISTED<br />
JESSIKA<br />
KRZYZEWSKI<br />
@jesskrzyzewski<br />
@jessika-krzyzewski-2000<br />
Jessika Krzyzewski is currently an accidental fourth-year<br />
student at the University of Toronto - Scarborough Campus.<br />
She is pursuing the Major Program in English, and Minor<br />
Programs in History and Public Law, with aspirations of law<br />
school in the future. Her study interests include Shakespeare,<br />
American and Canadian colonial histories, and Canadian<br />
Constitutional Law, specifically the Charter. Her piece called<br />
"Twisted" takes inspiration from the internal moral dilemmas<br />
we may face in life.<br />
visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />
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THE DAILY COUNT<br />
OF LIVES<br />
DAVID MELLOR<br />
746 (six fell in love more than four times)<br />
673 (twenty had no regrets)<br />
@The Poetry of David R Mellor<br />
@David R Mellor<br />
714 (five could still feel their first kiss)<br />
643 (twenty-seven looked at photos of their loved one each morning)<br />
547 (seven had contagious laughter)<br />
David R Mellor is from Liverpool, England. He spent<br />
his late teens homeless in Merseyside. He found<br />
understanding and belief through words, and his<br />
work has been aired widely, at the BBC, The Tate,<br />
galleries and pubs and everything in between.<br />
517 (hundred regretted that their beauty had faded)<br />
468 (thirty-five had worked in the same job all their lives)<br />
573 (eight had won awards for their service to others)<br />
375 (seventy-five had been broken hearted)<br />
817 (had touched a million souls)<br />
917 (all had been loved by someone)<br />
Behind every number...<br />
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THIS MORTAL LIFE<br />
IN EVERY MOMENT<br />
This mortal life<br />
Seems thinner now<br />
I am stuck in every moment I have lived or<br />
Not lived enough<br />
As we move away from<br />
The old and sick relatives<br />
Keep a safe distance<br />
See everyone as a potential disease<br />
This moral life<br />
Seems thinner now<br />
And in a darkened room, all alone<br />
She sits tapping her fingers,<br />
Hoping the bell will ring<br />
Or someone will call<br />
Her mortal life<br />
Thinner now<br />
Passing away<br />
All alone<br />
Each drags me back<br />
To sort out what I<br />
Forgot<br />
To settle the score<br />
Paper over the cracks<br />
I am stuck,<br />
In every moment<br />
I failed<br />
To live<br />
I was,<br />
But<br />
Just not enough<br />
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DEATH IN PARADISE<br />
(TESTIMONY OF A<br />
WITNESSED EVENT)<br />
A body falls…<br />
Men dive in<br />
Phones ring out<br />
Faces look shocked<br />
The ambulance arrives…<br />
A dead body is put inside<br />
And the corner shop is<br />
Open…<br />
We put the beer in the bag<br />
Hope the water is back on<br />
Plan the telly<br />
…<br />
As an ambulance speeds by<br />
Under a milky moon<br />
Back home…<br />
the neighbour<br />
Brushed by…<br />
his brother had drowned<br />
and died<br />
A SPECK OF CRUELTY<br />
(A TRUE STORY ABOUT A DEAR<br />
OLD NEIGHBOUR OF MINE)<br />
One tiny story<br />
One tiny life<br />
Not picked up on any radar<br />
Or satellite<br />
Not even<br />
A marking in a road<br />
Or unfortunately<br />
No CCTV<br />
Old Ray’s tools were stolen<br />
From his ransacked allotment<br />
Leaving<br />
Very little of him left.<br />
One tiny moment<br />
One tiny heartless mind<br />
Just started to bury him<br />
Further<br />
And further<br />
In the ground<br />
68
MAGAZINE<br />
MARGINS<br />
THE LABYRINTH<br />
MORALITY & INTENTIONS<br />
By Sanah Malik<br />
There’s silence. She looked back and forth but she could still hear something.<br />
There was once a little girl, all her life she was trained to work hard. People<br />
often told her that success is a difficult road, sometimes the winner who<br />
takes it all walks alone. That made her wonder, was this the price of leaving<br />
everything behind?<br />
She stepped on a few shoes, never acted like she was a fool. The right<br />
connections took her to the right places, it’s a dangerous world and she looked<br />
after herself before anyone else did. A petite girl, always aiming for the top,<br />
she never bothered to glance at broken hearts. Stoic and bold, she charges<br />
ahead every day, aiming to adopt the lifestyle of the 1%.<br />
Oh darling, if only you could see, the world is already brimming with cold and<br />
rational hearts, your ability to feel, sets you apart. It’s a labyrinth, after all, a<br />
hunger game at best, but it frequently puts our humaneness to the test. It’s<br />
good to use your reasoning but when you refuse to show empathy for others,<br />
you lose it for yourself. One day, she will rise to the top but when she comes<br />
face to face with someone brimming with pure intentions, I’m sure, she will<br />
crumble and fall. But she won’t have to worry, in this labyrinth of life, there’s<br />
a place for the ones with their hearts all torn. It was her conscience that filled<br />
the silence, someday when she’ll pay attention, she’ll find it.<br />
visual credits: Chris Chan<br />
70<br />
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CARELLA KEIL<br />
@catalogue.of.dreams<br />
@catalogofdream<br />
Carella was born in Alberta and spent her formative<br />
years in Oklahoma and Israel. In 2000 she attended York<br />
University in Toronto, where she obtained a Bachelor of<br />
Arts in Psychology and was awarded the Stanley Fefferman<br />
Prize in Creative Writing. She currently resides in Toronto.<br />
Carella's writing and art is informed by themes of trauma,<br />
resiliency and mental illness, often portrayed in the form<br />
of magical realism, conveying the illusory nature of our<br />
reality.<br />
SOULACE<br />
SOULACE<br />
72 73<br />
visual credits: Bilal O.
VOL IV | ISSUE V<br />
MARGINS<br />
KATHERINE ABRAHAM<br />
@aikaterinaphotography @katie_abraham @Katherine.Abraham<br />
Katherine Abraham is a Passionate Photographer from India, whose work<br />
has been showcased and recognized both nationally and internationally. Her<br />
photographs were a part of the AKR Photography Exhibitions in Lahore and<br />
Karachi, Pakistan. She has also done portrait photoshoots and has a keen<br />
interest in wildlife and portrait photography. An Indian Adventist, Katherine<br />
is a teacher by profession, who has studied Law, Literature and Journalism.<br />
She is the host for the International Podcast Series for Christians entitled,<br />
Chasing Hope.<br />
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MARGINS<br />
AWOLOTO OLUFEMI<br />
NATHANIEL<br />
@famotiger<br />
My name is Awoloto Olufemi Nathaniel.<br />
I am 22 years old. I am in my second<br />
year of university studying International<br />
Relations. I love writing, although I would<br />
call my writings refining the mind with<br />
words. I also have an interest in music.<br />
And I lay numb as I was in deep thoughts almost losing<br />
touch with reality.<br />
Sometimes the perception of reality is more real than<br />
reality itself.<br />
I began to think of my life in black and white.<br />
BLACK.<br />
the color that portrays innocence, purity and all forms<br />
of good in life.<br />
The complexity of reality is heightened and the question<br />
of which color dominates us is asked.<br />
Black and white defies our humanity.<br />
Black and white is our humanity.<br />
I am what I am.<br />
I am black and white.<br />
- Nathaniel.<br />
visual credits: Annie Spratt<br />
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FRIENDS IN<br />
HEAVENLY PLACES<br />
By Zachariah Highgate<br />
“I’m doomed,” junior guardian angel, Crystabelle, muttered as she slumped<br />
into her office chair. Her friend and senior guardian angel, Carlyle, winced<br />
from his seat across from her and shook his head.<br />
“Don’t say that,” he replied. “You can turn this around.”<br />
“But this is my first assignment,” Crystabelle groaned. “What if I’m not meant<br />
to be a Guardian?”<br />
“That’s going a bit far,” Carlyle disagreed, shaking his head. “Your assignment<br />
is struggling but that isn’t completely your fault.”<br />
He was telling the truth. Crystabelle’s first assignment as a guardian angel<br />
was a sophomore University student trying to get into his campus’ theatrical<br />
play. As a junior guardian angel, Crystabelle’s job was to help them see this<br />
goal through. With an affinity to the arts and a decent GPA, Naveen Reeves<br />
had the skills necessary to play the part well. However, he suffered from selfesteem<br />
issues and the tendency to self-sabotage creative projects he’d started<br />
in the past. Carlyle had reminded Crystabelle of this when she first shared<br />
the report she’d received on Naveen with him. However, it seemed that the<br />
reminder had fallen on deaf ears as Crystabelle was now finding herself<br />
concerned with behavioural traits in her assignment that had been outlined<br />
from the start.<br />
“I just can’t believe it,” Crystabelle explained, shaking her head and allowing<br />
her blonde curls to sway back and forth in front of her face. “He nailed the<br />
audition and the production staff were so happy with him! What does he go<br />
and do? Skip the first cast meeting to go hang out with his friends, knowing<br />
he was missing it. Who does that?”<br />
“That’s disappointing,” Carlyle agreed, giving her a look of understanding.<br />
As a senior guardian angel, he’d seen more than a handful of assignments<br />
fumble an opportunity they were more than qualified to accomplish.<br />
It was always disheartening to see but that was part of the reason there<br />
were guardian angels in the first place, to gently push the living in the right<br />
direction.<br />
“I know you’re worried, but he can still see this through. Don’t give up on him<br />
just yet,” the senior guardian angel reassured.<br />
Crystabelle let out a huff.<br />
“I know, I know…” she muttered in response.<br />
Looking down at the report she’d initially been given spread across her office<br />
desk, she sighed and shook her head.<br />
“I know he’s going to beat himself up about this later,” she said.<br />
“That’s good,” Carlyle replied. “That means he cares.”<br />
“That won’t mean anything if he doesn’t do something about it,” Crystabelle<br />
retorted.<br />
“And that’s why you’re here, Crystabelle,” Carlyle said with a smile, rising from<br />
his floating office chair. His coffee break had been over for about five minutes<br />
now, but he wanted to be there for his friend when she was as worried as she<br />
was.<br />
“I wish I could just push him to do what he’s supposed to,” Crystabelle<br />
muttered.<br />
“But we can’t,” Carlyle quickly corrected. “You know the rules.”<br />
Guardian angels could influence certain things to help their assignments<br />
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along, but in no way were they allowed to intervene in order to force a desired<br />
outcome. That went against every guideline they’d sworn to follow. As a<br />
recently graduated student in the role, Crystabelle would know this more than<br />
most. Even in his senior position, there was only so much support Carlyle<br />
could offer his friend.<br />
“I know, sorry,” Crystabelle replied. “I want Naveen to carve his own path. It’s<br />
just disheartening to see that he’s already wavering.”<br />
“That’s where you have to help him...in a way that doesn’t overstep any<br />
boundaries,” Carlyle encouraged. He felt his heart beat a little faster when<br />
Crystabelle returned the smile he gave her.<br />
Waving off the mock salute she sent him as he left her office, Carlyle hoped to<br />
find his friend in better spirits the next time he visited her.<br />
------------<br />
Luckily, Crystabelle was feeling a bit better the next time Carlyle stopped by.<br />
The senior guardian angel found her in their omniscience room, watching<br />
Naveen through floating surveillance screens similar to those in a security<br />
room.<br />
“How are things with your assignment?” Carlyle asked carefully, walking up to<br />
view the screens beside her.<br />
“They’ve been...improving,” Crystabelle admitted, though she was biting her<br />
lip as she did.<br />
“That’s good to hear!” Carlyle encouraged. “How’s he doing?”<br />
“He’s been going to his meetings,” Crystabelle explained. “I think he’s a bit<br />
more focused on the play than he was before.”<br />
Carlyle stared up at the screens and watched Naveen as he walked to his next<br />
class on campus. From a glance, the young man had a confident stride and<br />
a focussed stare but Carlyle knew better. The senior guardian angel could<br />
see the worry behind his eyes and the fact that the pep in his step was more<br />
anxious than ecstatic.<br />
The student was still troubled, it seemed.<br />
“Has he been rehearsing his lines?” he asked, turning back to Crystabelle.<br />
The junior guardian angel let out a sigh.<br />
“That’s where he’s still struggling,” she admitted.<br />
Turning a dial on the control panel in front of her, Crystabelle’s eyes scanned<br />
the screens in front of her as they began to change rapidly. Carlyle recognized<br />
this as the time adjuster, which allowed angels to observe their assignment’s<br />
actions at different times during the day. Crystabelle stopped the dial once<br />
the screens had adjusted to later in the evening. Carlyle followed her gaze<br />
to a corner screen that showed Naveen leaving his kitchen table after eating<br />
dinner.<br />
“He should be studying the script now,” Crystabelle explained. Carlyle nodded<br />
and continued to observe the screen.<br />
He watched as Naveen headed to his gaming system and sat down to start<br />
playing. While not exactly surprised at this, Carlyle couldn’t help but<br />
understand why this worried Crystabelle.<br />
“That’s where he was all night,” Crystabelle finally continued, pressing a<br />
button to pause the screen in front of them. “He knows he has to study his<br />
lines and this is what he chose to do instead.”<br />
Carlyle shook his head and sighed.<br />
“Have you exhausted all the guardian tools at your disposal yet?” he asked.<br />
“No,” Crystabelle replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m going to get<br />
his mom to call him tonight.”<br />
“Do you think that will help?”<br />
“I think she’ll push him in the right direction, but I’m not sure if it’ll be<br />
enough,” the junior guardian angel admitted.<br />
“It’s a start, though,” Carlyle encouraged. “Don’t give up on him yet.”<br />
“Yes, you’re right,” Crystabelle replied, giving him a small smile. “I won’t.”<br />
---------<br />
Sometime later, while taking a personal break from his guardian duties,<br />
Carlyle was approached by a fellow senior angel named Croy.<br />
They’d graduated the same year and had been promoted to senior guardian<br />
angels shortly after one another. They’d even had the chance to work on a<br />
couple of assignments together. While not close friends, they were friendly<br />
enough to share small talk when they bumped into each other.<br />
“How’s it going, Carlyle?” Croy asked with a wave. Carlyle looked in his<br />
direction and smiled.<br />
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“It’s been good, how’s that pesky assignment of yours?”<br />
“Oh, you mean the construction worker? It’s a work in progress…” Croy<br />
muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.<br />
“Though, I doubt you’re in a much better position with that accountant of<br />
yours,” he continued, smirking at Carlyle.<br />
“Hey, mine’s not on the run so there’s hope,” Carlyle argued, though he did so<br />
with a smile and his hands up in surrender. Croy let out a hearty laugh.<br />
“You got me there. How’s that friend of yours doing?” he asked. Carlyle raised<br />
an eyebrow.<br />
“Who, Crystabelle?”<br />
“Yes, I saw her fiddling with things in the omniscience room the other day.<br />
Seemed a bit worried about her first assignment.”<br />
“She is, but it’s not because of her abilities,” Carlyle replied. “Her assignment<br />
suffers from self-esteem issues and he tends to self-sabotage. We’ve seen cases<br />
like this before.”<br />
Croy nodded before responding.<br />
“We definitely have and those can be tricky. They want to do the right thing but<br />
something is always holding them back and you may not be able to figure out<br />
what that is, no matter how hard you try.”<br />
“I know, that’s why I feel for her,” Carlyle admitted, looking down at the table<br />
he was sitting in front of.<br />
“It could be imposter syndrome, you know,” Croy shrugged. “Or some trauma<br />
her assignment hasn’t worked through. Or both, to be honest.”<br />
“You’re right, it could be a plethora of things,” Carlyle agreed. “For now, she<br />
needs to try and help him through his latest trial. If she can do that, I think the<br />
way will make itself clear.”<br />
“You’re right,” Croy replied. “But you know what I wish?”<br />
“What, Croy?” Carlyle asked, looking up at the senior guardian angel again.<br />
“I wish our assignments knew how much faith we had in them. If only they<br />
knew there was someone outside of their family and friends that wants to<br />
see them find true peace and happiness. Maybe then, they’d put in the effort<br />
needed.”<br />
“Maybe,” Carlyle said, shrugging as he spoke. “But then you and I wouldn’t<br />
have a job.”<br />
Croy laughed again and patted Carlyle on the shoulder.<br />
“You might be right, but I might be out of job right along with that<br />
construction worker if he doesn’t get his act together soon.”<br />
It was Carlyle’s turn to laugh.<br />
“You’ll figure it out,” Carlyle assured.<br />
“Yeah,” Croy admitted. “And so will your friend, believe in her.”<br />
Carlyle smiled and nodded.<br />
“I will.”<br />
--------<br />
Unfortunately, Carlyle’s support would be needed sooner than he thought. It<br />
wasn’t too long after his conversation with Croy that he received a call from<br />
Crystabelle, who was in quite the panic.<br />
“Naveen had an anxiety attack!” Crystabelle exclaimed, sounding like she was<br />
holding back tears.<br />
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“Oh no,” Carlyle replied, immediately understanding exactly how distressed<br />
Crystabelle must have felt. “How did you find out?”<br />
“I was about to clock out for the day when I got an alert about it,” Crystabelle<br />
explained. “Thankfully, his roommate found him and was able to calm him<br />
down.”<br />
“I’m glad he was there, then,” Carlyle replied.<br />
“Me too,” Crystabelle said. “I don’t think he’ll be able to do the play, it’s too<br />
much.”<br />
Carlyle held back a wince.<br />
“You don’t know that, he might be able to overcome this.”<br />
“I don’t want to push him or overstep as a guardian angel,” Crystabelle replied.<br />
“I feel like I failed my first assignment.”<br />
“Don’t say that, Crystabelle,” Carlyle said, shaking his head as he heard his<br />
friend sob into the phone.<br />
“I-it’s fine, Carlyle,” Crystabelle stammered out. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for<br />
this. Maybe this isn’t meant for me…”<br />
“Don’t say that,” Carlyle replied. “If you weren’t meant for this, you wouldn’t<br />
have made it this far. You show a lot of promise as a guardian angel. This is a<br />
temporary setback that you can’t let destroy everything you’ve worked for.”<br />
visual credits: Michelle Luo<br />
“I’ll...try not to,” the junior guardian angel offered after taking a minute to<br />
compose herself.<br />
“How about you get some rest,” Carlyle recommended. “Things will work out, I<br />
promise.”<br />
“O-okay,” Crystabelle sniffled. “Thanks for listening, Carlyle. I really appreciate<br />
your support.”<br />
“Anytime,” Carlyle replied, smiling as he did. “That’s what friends are for.”<br />
--------<br />
The next day, Crystabelle was in a completely different mood. She might as<br />
well have been bouncing off the cloudy walls surrounding her office with how<br />
happy she was.<br />
“I’m assuming things have gotten better?” Carlyle asked with an easy smile as<br />
he entered and took a seat across from her.<br />
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“It’s unbelievable,” Crystabelle replied happily. “Naveen has totally turned<br />
things around!”<br />
“Really?” Carlyle asked with a raised eyebrow. “How so?”<br />
“After his anxiety attack, he took some time to think about what he really<br />
wanted,” Crystabelle explained. “He started studying his lines and nailed his<br />
last rehearsal! I was so impressed.”<br />
“I’m happy to hear that,” Carlyle replied. “It seems like he’s turning things<br />
around.”<br />
“He really is!” Crystabelle said cheerfully. “I was so worried but he’s on track to<br />
make this play something to remember. I know he’s going to kill it.”<br />
“Just remember that you’ll have to keep him on track up until then,” Carlyle<br />
warned. “He might be doing better now, but that doesn’t mean it will last.”<br />
“I know,” Crystabelle admitted. “I guess I’m just surprised with how things<br />
turned around. It’s like he changed overnight!”<br />
“Did you use some of the tools I mentioned last time?”<br />
“I mean, I did…” Crystabelle said with a thoughtful expression. “But there’s no<br />
way they could have changed things so fast. I tried to get his roommate to push<br />
him in the right direction too, but I don’t think that could have made him do a<br />
one-eighty.”<br />
Carlyle shrugged and threw his arms in the air.<br />
“Maybe it was a miracle,” he said with a smile.<br />
“You know we’re not supposed to question those.”<br />
“That’s a good point,” Crystabelle acquiesced, though she looked at the senior<br />
guardian angel like she’d already figured something out.<br />
“Anyway, I think we should celebrate!” she continued before Carlyle could<br />
question the look she’d given him.<br />
“Sure, I have time for lunch,” Carlyle replied, nodding in agreement.<br />
“Awesome! It’s my treat then,” Crystabelle said, getting up from her chair.<br />
“How come?” Carlyle asked, though he followed suit<br />
as she headed for the door.<br />
“Oh, I don’t know...just because?”<br />
Crystabelle said with a wink as they headed out.<br />
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TANISHA AGARWAL<br />
@tanisha_716<br />
Tanisha is a first-year student at UTSC hoping to study Environmental<br />
Science and Conservation with a minor in English Literature. She<br />
likes to read good stories and sometimes tries to write her own.<br />
Results are not guaranteed.<br />
'Horsemen' imagines the biblical figures of the Four Horsemen of<br />
the Apocalypse (War, Famine, Plague, and Death) as people living<br />
through the COVID-19 pandemic. In particular, the story focuses on<br />
Aris (War) and his discontent and jealousy of Apollo (Plague), who<br />
has received a promotion at work and begun dating Aris' ex-girlfriend<br />
Vita (Death) while Aris himself has been laid off. The tension between<br />
these characters caused by the shifted power dynamic is a focus of<br />
the piece.<br />
HORSEMEN<br />
It had been a month since the world shut down, and Aris was getting impatient.<br />
Nothing ever seemed to happen, nothing that he was interested in anyway, yet he<br />
maintained that he would neither bake sourdough bread nor watch a single episode<br />
of Friends. There wasn’t much to do then, so he watched the dogs.<br />
The mutts outside the supermarket were filthy, their fur matted with dirt from the<br />
pavement and saliva as they struggled, clawing and biting at each other. The larger<br />
of the two snarled and tore viciously at the hide of the other, who let out a highpitched<br />
whine and rolled in a blind, manic attempt to be free of its opponent. The<br />
prize lay a little distance away – a limp scrap of meat from an overturned garbage<br />
bin nearby.<br />
Cornucopia emerged from the supermarket with a blast of air conditioning, tottering<br />
with the weight of the bags in her gloved hands. Aris went to help her, and they<br />
started on their way back to the apartment.<br />
The city wasn’t abandoned, though with the bare streets and shuttered storefronts<br />
they seemed to be in a budget horror film. The stillness taunted him, filling up his<br />
senses and amplifying his thoughts inside his head. Cornie began to sing,<br />
something sombre and grieving in a language that sounded like Irish, and the<br />
mournful tune trailed behind them like a dirge drifting from a funeral service.<br />
As they waited for the elevator at the apartment building, she regarded him<br />
thoughtfully. “What?” he demanded.<br />
“Just remember, today is his day.”<br />
He blew out a breath through his mask. “Like every day, these days.”<br />
“Aris.” She glanced at him. “It’s a difficult time for you. It’s a pity, what happened,<br />
but don’t ruin this for him.”<br />
He spoke through clenched teeth. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”<br />
She shook her head and turned to face the elevator door. “Don’t make a scene,<br />
if you can help it.”<br />
Anger rose inside him, taking the bait, but he fought it down. Not now, he<br />
thought. Not her. She was an ally, perhaps his only. He nodded.<br />
“I do hope we’re having potatoes,” she said, stepping into the elevator. “I’m<br />
positively starving.”<br />
––<br />
The television was blaring the news in the apartment, as it had been when they<br />
had left. One wall in the living room was hung with a new Bruegel replica,<br />
the one with the skeleton armies that Vita loved. Aris eyed the painting as he<br />
furiously rubbed sanitizer into his hands.<br />
Behind him, Polo’s loud voice: “Finally, you’re here. I’ve made lunch as Vita was<br />
tired and, darling Cornucopia, you’re no good at cooking. Aris,” he clapped Aris<br />
on the back. “Vita wants us all to dress up, but I’ve only got the one coat and it’s<br />
got a stain, so perhaps I can borrow that nice brown one of yours, eh?”<br />
“Sure. No problem.”<br />
“Perfect.” And he slapped Aris again on the arm.<br />
As they sat down to eat, Aris eyed the spread warily. It looked appealing enough<br />
– roast fish, cucumber sandwiches, potato croquettes, beans and cheesecake.<br />
Polo looked pleased with himself. Aris picked at his food and stubbornly<br />
imagined that the fish was diseased, or the potatoes rotten.<br />
“Not hungry, Ari?” Vita inquired. Her dark hair was loose down one side and a<br />
scarlet flower bloomed over her ear on the other, like one of the catrinas she<br />
painted.<br />
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“I think the beans are bad,” he informed them primly.<br />
“Taste all right to me,” Vita said around a mouthful of the vegetables.<br />
Aris couldn’t help himself. “Perhaps we’ll all get food poisoning again.” He<br />
laughed, and it sounded ugly even to his own ears. “Remember that? With those<br />
macarons Polo made?”<br />
“Scared me off from the kitchen for a good while there.” Polo laughed. “Been a<br />
while since we had macarons,” Vita said thoughtfully.<br />
“Do you reckon you used stale cream?” Aris pressed. “Or maybe the trouble was<br />
with the eggs?”<br />
Polo shrugged. “Always check expiry dates, right?”<br />
Cornie shot Aris a warning look before smiling at Polo. “It seems we ought to<br />
have you cook more often.”<br />
Polo opened his mouth to say something but Aris cut him off. “Shame he can’t.<br />
He’ll be quite busy now, with the promotion and all. Playing with the big boys<br />
now, eh?” He sipped his champagne, afraid that if he spoke any more he would<br />
start shouting.<br />
“I’m still just an annoying upstart to the old-timers,” Polo said with a dismissive<br />
wave. Vita patted Polo’s hand. “You’re getting the recognition you deserve.”<br />
“Own it,” Cornie agreed.<br />
They all turned to look at Aris, who realised he had been tapping agitatedly at<br />
his near-empty glass. Taking a deep breath, he forced his hand flat on the table<br />
for a moment, before slapping the wooden top. “Say we have a toast.”<br />
“Oh, can I?” Vita put down her fork excitedly. “I’ve prepared something.” Aris<br />
smiled tightly. “Go ahead, then.”<br />
She stood. “Polo,” she began. “For as long as I have known you – and I’d say it’s<br />
been fairly long – I have admired your spirit. You’re stubborn, and it’s a good<br />
thing. You’re knocked down and you come back stronger.”<br />
Aris rolled his eyes.<br />
“I think it’s safe to say that you took everyone by surprise this time around –”<br />
at this Polo chuckled “– but that is exactly what makes this such a delight to<br />
celebrate. You came out swinging and turned the whole scene on its head. I<br />
couldn’t be prouder of you, amor.”<br />
“Hear, hear.” Cornie raised her glass, and Aris refilled his own.<br />
“To Apollo.” The champagne left a bitter taste in his mouth.<br />
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Later, Polo cornered him while he was washing the dishes. “Need some help?”<br />
“Nah.” Aris felt irritation take over like a twitch.<br />
Unfortunately, Polo didn’t leave. He loitered in the kitchen like a bad smell,<br />
picking up jars and dipping into their contents as he pleased. Aris grit his teeth<br />
as this disgusting habit of Polo’s grated on him more than usual. He started<br />
washing faster.<br />
“Any luck on the, uh, job front?” Polo’s tone was studiedly casual. He was here<br />
to say something. The thoughts Aris had been trying to ignore all day were now<br />
at a frenzied pitch.<br />
He rammed a plate onto the drying rack. “Nope.”<br />
“Right. Right. I was thinking, y’know, about all this, and it’s a mess, isn’t it? It’s<br />
unfair.” Aris scrubbed at an invisible stain on a spoon. His ears roared.<br />
“So I think I can talk to some people.” There was a pause. “For you, I mean.”<br />
“Oh?”<br />
Aris set the last of the dishes to dry and turned off the faucet. Without the running<br />
water, the kitchen was silent. In the living room, Vita and Cornie chatted over<br />
the TV sounds, and a news anchor reported the updated death toll from the<br />
pandemic.<br />
“Look, you got done dirty. Everyone knows that. I always thought we’d be<br />
working side by side, you know, like always…” Polo seemed to measure his<br />
words. “I know I’ve said this before –”<br />
“You have.” Aris felt unsteady, manic.<br />
“I just didn’t think this would happen. Never imagined.”<br />
Aris smiled widely, and it filled him with a funny sort of giddiness. “Of course<br />
you didn’t. You wouldn’t have.”<br />
They regarded each other from opposite ends of a live wire. A jar of peanut<br />
butter lay unscrewed on the counter beside Polo, and presently he took it up.<br />
“It would help, y’know? If I put in a good word for you.” He dipped a finger into<br />
the jar and popped the tip, crowned by a fat dollop of peanut butter, into his<br />
mouth, making a smacking sound as he licked it clean.<br />
“Right. And I could use the help. It’s generous of you.” Aris realised, distantly,<br />
that his mouth was still twisted in that deranged grin.<br />
Something moved behind Polo’s eyes, and for a moment, Aris felt his own<br />
muscles tense. The giddiness was now wild excitement ricocheting off the<br />
insides of his body. He wanted this. He had been building up to this all day.<br />
Despite their upright postures and champagne and banter, they were just dogs,<br />
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waiting to tear each other apart when pushed far enough.<br />
But just as quickly as the shadow had appeared in Polo’s gaze, they were gone.<br />
He offered Aris one of his big affable grins. “Don’t mention it. Anything for my<br />
best friend, eh?”<br />
Aris grit his teeth, all the red-hot energy inside him liquefying into a seething,<br />
acidic pool of resentment.<br />
“Speaking of, there’s another thing I wanted to ask you.”<br />
“Shoot.”<br />
Polo assumed a sympathetic expression, and Aris imagined his insides were<br />
shrivelling up in the pure chemical hatred inside him. He knew what was<br />
coming. Somehow, he knew.<br />
“Well, you know about me and Vita…”<br />
“…”<br />
“I don’t want anything to come between us, man.”<br />
“Of course.”<br />
“I love her, though.”<br />
“Yeah,” Aris stared at the raided jar of peanut butter. “I know you do.”<br />
They spent the afternoon watching the news, which was stubbornly fixed on<br />
the topic of infections and deaths. Vita came up with a game which involved<br />
taking a drink every time someone on screen used the phrases “new normal”,<br />
“flatten the curve” and “unprecedented circumstances”. It worked well enough,<br />
but Aris could not share his flatmates’ enthusiasm for the news. Besides, he<br />
kept making accidental eye contact with Polo, who was sprawled on the sofa<br />
diagonal to him. Every time this happened, Polo would flash that same winning<br />
smile, and Aris would take a sip from his glass like he was playing a drinking<br />
game of his own.<br />
He fell asleep at some point, and when he awoke the living room was a deep<br />
blue from the dusk light streaming in through the windows and the glare of the<br />
television. Vita sat with her knees pulled to her chest on one end of the sofa;<br />
Polo was asleep on the other. Cornucopia dozed in an armchair. Vita looked<br />
over as he sat up, and he marvelled even in his just-awakened state at how the<br />
TV illuminated Vita’s features and drew them in fine lines and cool tones like a<br />
marble statue, cold and immortal.<br />
He felt a twinge of irritation. “Still watching the news?”<br />
“Not a lot of options these days, but this is a change.”<br />
She flicked to another news channel, but this one was covering a civil war in<br />
a distant country. Aris leaned forward, taking in the carnage, the statistics on<br />
casualties, the military police. His skin prickled with goosebumps. When he<br />
looked away and at Vita, he imagined her face was a mirror to his own.<br />
“We don’t talk much anymore,” she said. Not an accusation, a fact.<br />
He tried to keep his voice steady. “I suppose there’s not much to talk about.” She<br />
turned back to the television. “I thought we were best friends.”<br />
I thought you loved me. “You seem just fine without me.”<br />
“You’re jealous.” This she said, once again, like a fact, and an amusing one at<br />
that. To him it was one that irritated him, and he sank into an obstinate silence.<br />
Finally, she said, “I’m not yours, Aris. I’m not anyone’s. But –” she met his eyes<br />
“– I miss you.”<br />
The newscaster was grimly reporting the death toll from the war. The flowers<br />
in Vita’s hair were wilting and Aris knew that if he were to lean in close like he<br />
used to when they were dancing, her head against his cheek, they would smell<br />
sweet as clementines.<br />
“I miss you, too.”<br />
Her mouth quirked upward in a half-smile, and she rose. As she made to step<br />
into the hallway that led into the house, he blurted, in a voice that cracked with<br />
desperation and made no attempt to steady itself, “Vita, please… can’t we – won’t<br />
you ever love me again?”<br />
This time her smile was full and wide, and he realised there was nothing cold<br />
or still about her; there was only life, life that would be gone one day but was<br />
beautiful nonetheless.<br />
“But I never stopped, Aris.”<br />
He watched as she left, and after she had gone he gazed at the spot where she<br />
had stood in the dim glow of the room, the only light in the darkness from the<br />
distant, bloody conflict.<br />
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In-House Publication