Focus on the Family Magazine - June/July 2021

Canada
Helping Families Thrive in Christ
JUNE / JULY 2021
TIM & DEMI-LEIGH TEBOW:
United in
Joined
Love
M in istry
THE FATHER
YOUR KIDS NEED
HELP YOUR KIDS
LOVE PEOPLE OF
EVERY COLOR

June / July
Contents
Couples
Faith & Inspiration
Kids & Teens
Bringing Biblical Truth
to a Broken Culture
video series
We live in a society that’s often at odds with biblical truth, and it’s not always
clear how to share the gospel in a way that’s meaningful to others around us.
Like many people, you may be wondering How can I make a difference?
Join renowned Bible teacher and historian Ray Vander Laan for
a free, five-part video series that helps answer that question! Ray
will take you back to the first century to look at how the apostle
Paul shared God’s truth in the midst of a pagan culture.
11 TREASURE YOUR
SPOUSE’S DIFFERENCES
A marriage insight
from Dr. Greg Smalley
12 TIM AND DEMI-LEIGH
TEBOW: UNITED IN LOVE
AND JOINED IN MINISTRY
Compassion for kids with special
needs brought them together and
shapes their outreach as a couple
by Benjamin Hawkins
17 FINDING MY HUSBAND’S
SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP
I had to get out of the way to
see how he was already
discipling our kids
by Deb Weakly
18 SEVEN WAYS TO IMPROVE
YOUR MARRIAGE
Boot these bad habits for
better communication
by Jill Savage
21 CHOOSING REDEMPTION
OVER SELF-SUFFICIENCY
A spiritual insight from <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family leadership
by Mike Bossert
22 A PERSONAL TOUCH FOR
FAMILIES IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS
Family help specialists serve on the
ministry’s front lines, providing a
listening ear and timely assistance
by Scott Johnson
26 THE RELUCTANT DAD
A father finds reassurance that
children are always a blessing
by Thomas Jeffries
28 AN ONLINE WORLD OF
COUNTERFEIT CHRISTIANITY
Are you teaching your kids to
recognize false gospels?
by Alisa Childers
31 GOING OFF SCRIPT
A parenting insight
from Alex Kendrick
32 HELP YOUR KIDS LOVE
PEOPLE OF EVERY COLOR
Route 316 is a road map for
developing racial sensitivity and
appreciation for other cultures
by Dr. David D. Ireland
37 THE FATHER YOUR KIDS NEED
Dads matter. So how can you make
a lasting difference in your children’s
lives?
by Ed Tandy McGlasson
41 A NEW DREAM JOB:
SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCERS
Is there really a path to online
fame and easy money?
by Adam R. Holz
44 THE SHOE RULE
Stumbling over sneakers led to
a lesson about responsibility
by Chris Brack
You can play a vital role in sharing the love of Christ with others.
Let Ray show you how!
SIGN UP TODAY!
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/BrokenCulture
FLAFFY / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
In Every
Issue
4 A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
5 HACKS & FACTS
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 3

A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
Bob Cheatley is interim
president of <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family Canada
looking
ahead to
summer
THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR
is just around the corner and while we are
hopeful for a summer filled with more normalcy
than last year, many of us are still
feeling the weight of pandemic restrictions.
Whether it’s continued physical separation
from family, needing to build social distancing
into your plans, or struggling to find new
ways of spending time with your kids, we
want to help.
On pages 5-6, you’ll find staycation ideas
to make time at home memorable with
your children. On pages 8-9, you’ll read real advice from
real parents on how your kids can stay connected with their
grandparents and extended family—even when they live far
apart.
If you’re looking for new ways to dive deeper into tough
topics with your children, there are two valuable articles I
encourage you to read. The first is “An online world of counterfeit
Christianity” on page 28 that will guide you as you
empower your children to recognize false gospels in the
world around them. And on page 32, Dr. David D. Ireland
provides parents with a roadmap for developing racial sensitivity
and appreciation for other cultures in the article “Help
your kids love people of every color.”
For couples, you can learn seven bad habits to leave
behind in order to improve communication in your marriage
(page 18) and be inspired by Tim and Demi-Leigh Tebows’
shared mission of outreach (page 12).
Finally, if you’re one of the many families finding the burden
of the last year too much to bear, you can flip to page 22
to read about how <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family offers personalized
help to those who call our office.
If you’d like to receive prayer over the phone or you want
to book a free one-time phone counselling consultation, I
encourage you to contact our care team at 1.800.661.9800
Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. PT. I pray you and your
family experience God’s hope, peace and joy as we head into
this summer season.
SHANNON-MAY PHOTOGRAPHY
president Jim Daly
chief operating officer Ken Windebank
publisher Steve Johnson
focus canada interim president Bob Cheatley
editorial director Sheila Seifert
managing editor Andrea Gutierrez
copy chief Scott DeNicola
contributing editors Ginger Kolbaba, Vance
Fry, Jennifer Lonas, Thomas Jeffries,
Marianne Hering and Jeff Masching
art director Brian Mellema
designer Anneka Jack
cover © @timtebow and @demitebow
media publishing director Kevin Shirin
editorial assistant Kat Bittner
print production Gail Wise
circulation Sandy Grivy
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<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine June /July 2021, Vol. 6,
No. 3 ISSN 2471-5921, © 2021 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family. All
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Hacks & Facts
CLEVER IDEAS FOR SMARTER PARENTING
creating a camping
experience
When life gets hectic, my husband and I seek experiences with
our kids that help us take a step back and focus on at least one
important area, such as building family relationships.
So one summer we set up a tent in the backyard and spent
the evening stargazing. As we lay under the starlit sky, we
shared stories and memories. We learned more about each
other’s likes, dislikes and opinions.
For weeks after that night, my daughter expressed how much
fun she had. The experience provided time away from the
stressors of life and let us focus on being present with our kids.
—Autumn Shaffer
Bob Cheatley
4 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 5

HACKS & FACTS / STAYCATION
PICK A PARENT / HACKS & FACTS
Weekday
Fun
OUR STAYCATION ACTIVITIES
HAVE INCLUDED THE
FOLLOWING:
MONDAY MOVE DAY:
Enjoying an active outing, such
as swimming, skating, bowling
or tennis.
TUESDAY TREAT DAY:
Indulging in giant bowls of ice
cream with all the toppings or
going to the nail salon for manicures
and pedicures. (We have
three girls.)
Backyard Staycation
Our family set up a staycation in our backyard, complete with
tent, grill and entertainment: cornhole, Frisbee, croquet, wading
pool and sprinkler. Each of the kids contributed activity
ideas, such as water-balloon fights, scavenger hunts, tag football
and crafts that included making slime or origami.
My husband and I suggested outdoor movie nights with
popcorn, virtual tours of museums and educational venues
such as the Smithsonian, the Statue of Liberty, the Houston
Zoo, NASA and, of course, Disney World.
I realized our staycation had been a success when several
days later, my husband overheard our kids talking about the
fun time they had with all of us “doing stuff” together. Mission
accomplished!
—Nancy Koenig
‘Mommy Do!’
When our daughter wanted only
me to help her, I found it flattering,
like I was doing a good job in
this tricky mom business. But the
tables often turned, and then she
wanted only Daddy. We decided
on a firm approach that seemed
tough at first but actually worked
well. When my husband offered
to help her get dressed and she
demanded “Mommy do!” he would
calmly tell her that he was going to
help her, and that the family wasn’t
going to leave on our outing until
he finished. I kept to the same plan,
and our daughter learned not only
that we meant what we said, but
also that both of us were equally
able to lend her a hand. As with
many toddler battles, consistency
won out.
WEDNESDAY WALK DAY:
Exploring a local city near us or
finding a family-friendly trail to
hike.
—Julia Springman
THURSDAY TRY
NEW THINGS DAY:
Trying new foods, new recipes
or a new exhibit at the museum
or the zoo.
FRIDAY FISH DAY:
Traveling to the nearest waterway
to picnic and fish. On cold
weather days, we have been
known to hunt for bargains by
going shopping and snagging
some great sales.
—Noelle Copeland
Circle the globe with <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family’s free adventure
kit. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.
ca/WorldExplorers
Leader
for a Day
My wife and I gave our
three kids ownership of
planning a staycation
week. The leader for each
day would choose an
activity that we would do
together as a family. The
leader would also choose
what we’d make for dinner
and pick a restaurant to
order takeout for lunch.
We declared Saturday
to be the day we visited
a local park. We rented a
pontoon boat and spent
our time on the lake swimming,
relaxing and soaking
up the sun. Sunday was
our Sabbath. We attended
church together and then
had alone time to rest and
refresh our spirits.
MONKEY BUSINESS / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
© BONNINSTUDIO / STOCKSY UNITED
The Daddy
Storybook
To help my almost 3-year-old
daughter calm her emotions when
her daddy left for the day, we
created a storybook about how
Daddy loved her but sometimes
had to leave. It reminded her that
he would be back, and they would
have more special times together. It
also reassured her that it was OK to
miss him while he was gone.
At the end of the book, we printed
a picture of her father on felt (using
iron-on transfer paper) so she could
remove the “Daddy doll” and carry it
with her. This book helped her have
a connection to her daddy when he
was gone so that transitions away
from him became easier.
—Autumn Shaffer
Prayers for Papa
“When’s Daddy coming home?” That was the question my daughter
asked every night. She viewed her dad as being more fun than Mom
(especially with story time and bear hugs), but my husband worked
night shifts so she missed his presence at bedtime.
I showed my daughter how to talk to God and pray for Daddy. We
prayed nightly for the Lord to guide him in his work and to bless him
and bring him home safely.
The Mommy-Only Fan Club
—Angela Pratt
Our 15-month-old son quickly became a member of the Mommy-
Only Fan Club. He rarely wanted to hang out with Dad, and I couldn’t
complete any task without him wanting to be nearby or in my arms.
I gained freedom by finding a few special things he loves to do and
reserving them for Daddy-only time. For instance, my husband carries
my son around, “flying” him like a superhero.
—Jacqueline Sullivan
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
—Rob Chagdes
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 7

HACKS & FACTS / ACROSS THE MILES
ACROSS THE MILES / HACKS & FACTS
Digital Family
Game Night
Every Sunday evening, my family has a videoconference
game night with my brother and his
family. We take turns picking the game of the week,
choosing ones like Outburst, Pictionary or bingo
because they don’t have items that need to be passed
around. If the game requires dice, such as Yahtzee,
we utilize a dice app and screen-share so everyone
can see what is rolled. Even though the miles
separate us, this once-a-week get-together keeps us
connected. We look forward to it, and my girls count
the days until the next one.
—Elisabeth Ramon
LONG-DISTANCE CONNECTIONS
‘Happy Birthday’ Videos
Prior to my son’s second birthday, my parents
and siblings created short birthday videos. One of
my brothers sang a dramatic rendition of “Happy
Birthday.” Another brother included his dog in the
video he recorded. (Our son loves puppies!) My sister
and her husband sang a duet with silly costumes, and
my mom incorporated a birthday clip from our son’s
favorite TV show. My son asked to watch each video
several times throughout that week.
Coordinated
Copycatting
My family and I share activities with long-distance
relatives by agreeing to do the same activity at the
same time. For example, we prepare the same recipe
on a designated date or plant tomato seeds on the
same warm spring day. While doing the activity at
home, we know our relatives are doing the same
thing.
I ask my kids such questions as, “Which one of your
cousins will enjoy the recipe the most?” or “Do you
think your auntie’s tomato plant is blossoming?” Now
we can write or talk about our shared experiences.
Phone Call
Read-Alongs
—Whitney Sanchez
—Christina Nunes
My mom and I went through our personal libraries to
find books we both own. Now when my parents call,
the kids pick out a book from these selections, and
Grandpa or Grandma can read it to them. They tell
the children when to turn the page and comment on
the pictures like when they’re snuggled together in
an easy chair.
—Melinda Schaefer
MICHAEL PETTIGREW / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
SUKJAI PHOTO / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
A Toddler Name Game
To help our young daughter learn her relatives’ names,
we look at our family photo wall and play the Name
Game. We say someone’s name and point to his or
her picture. It’s very simple, but for toddlers, it’s loads
of fun. Now, when we video chat or visit, she knows
exactly who everyone is.
The Nana and
Grandpa Book
—Sara Kennedy
When our three sons were little, their grandparents
could afford to visit only once a year, so they took
lots of pictures. After one visit, they put their favorite
pics into a little photo book as a gift to our boys. They
added captions like “Nana and Grandpa are eating ice
cream with us. Yum!”
The Nana and Grandpa Book was our sons’ most
requested picture book at bedtime. Even the toddler
could “read” it aloud. It kept the memories we shared
fresh in their minds until the next visit.
Long-Distance
Dinner Dates
—LeeAnne McCoy as told to Teresa Olive
My children stay connected with their grandparents,
aunts, uncles and cousins through a video call over
dinner. I call one of the families, and the children
enjoy a visit with relatives while they eat. The cousins
show each other their toys, pets, new clothes and
anything else that comes to mind. The kids feel
comfortable enough to sing, dance and do other
silly antics to entertain one another. Now it’s less
awkward when the children get together for a holiday
or a vacation.
—Meg Ronin as told to Donna Tanksley
Virtual ‘Firsts’
To make out-of-town grandparents feel closer to our
children, we use video calling to allow them to be
involved in our kids’ “firsts”—such as the loss of a first
tooth or the first day of kindergarten. If grandparents
send our children a gift, our kids know they will wait
to open them during a video call. This gives them
practice learning to say, “Thank you.”
—Suzanne Gosselin
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June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 9

HACKS & FACTS / EMOTIONS
Feelings Into Words
Couples
Here are some questions I have used to help
my children put words to their emotions:
I used one of these questions
only after my kids had settled
down, but as they got the
hang of it, the questions could
also help in the heat of the
moment.
—Jim Still-Pepper
‘I’m Angry Now’
When our son, Jonathan, was 3, he would get so
angry when things didn’t go his way that his face
would turn bright red, and he would resort to
punching or kicking anyone or anything around him.
My husband and I taught him to use his words instead
and say, “I’m angry now.” We also let him know
that punching or yelling into a pillow was a more
appropriate way to express his anger. When he was
a little older, we hung a punching bag in the garage
when he had an urge to express his emotions in a
physical way.
—Jesse Neve
To learn more
about helping
kids handle their
emotions, go to
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.
ca/EmotionsChart.
The average 2- to 4-yearold
has at least one
brief tantrum a day.
Source: National Center for Biotechnology Information, July 2020
The Six-Second Hug
One of my favorite cures for toddler tantrums is what
we call the six-second hug. I like to get down to my
3-year-old daughter’s level, make eye contact with
her, place my hand on her heart and ask her to take a
deep breath. Usually at that point, she is calm enough
for me to embrace her. I hold her in my arms until I
can physically feel her body relax. Then I’ll ask her to
try using her words to tell me what’s going on.
One evening my daughter was playing with her
toys and didn’t want to stop to get in the bath. She
was not happy with Mama! I scooped her up in my
arms, asked her to take a deep breath, and then cuddled
her in a six-second hug. I explained that the toys
would still be there for her in the morning, and that
bath time is fun, too. She gave out two little sniffs, and
then a positive “OK.”
—Brooke Burns
FOTF CREDIT / ANNEKA TK JACK
JEN LINTS PHOTOGRAPHY
treasure your
spouse’s differences
A marriage insight from Dr. Greg Smalley
MY FAMILY AND I went on a road
trip. I was driving, and my wife, Erin, was
next to me. I was thinking, Everything is
so nice. I’m with my family. We’re enjoying
the beauty of God’s creation around us
and don’t need to say anything. I was completely
content.
“Is something wrong?” Erin asked.
“You’re not saying anything.”
That took me by surprise. She thought
I was upset because we weren’t taking the
time to connect.
Nothing was wrong. Our communication
styles were different. But our
differences, even in communication, can
be good for our relationship.
To help when our differences irritate
me, I wrote a list of what I loved about my
wife. I thought about her personality, her
character and some of the ways we differ.
Now if we have communication misfires,
I can pull out that list and be reminded
that God created Erin as a wonderful person
with unique qualities. When I choose
to value those differences, I am better able
to talk about my irritations with an open
heart. •
Dr. Greg Smalley is the vice president of Marriage
and Family Formation at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family and the
author of 20 books. His most recent is Reconnected:
Moving from roommates to soulmates in marriage,
co-authored with his wife, Erin.
Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife, Erin
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 11

COUPLES / MINISTRY IN MARRIAGE
MINISTRY IN MARRIAGE / COUPLES
Tim and Demi-Leigh Tebow:
United in
Love and
Joined in
Ministry
Compassion for kids with
special needs brought
them together and shapes
their outreach as a couple
BY BENJAMIN HAWKINS
(PATTERN) STEPHANIE ZIEBER / STOCK.ADOBE.COM; © HANRI HUMAN OF @HANRIHUMANWEDDING
ONLY WEEKS AFTER
THEIR WEDDING, former
minor-league baseball outfielder
and NFL quarterback Tim Tebow
shined the shoes of young men with
special needs in Albania. And his
new wife, the 2017 Miss Universe
Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters, helped
young ladies apply their makeup.
The newlyweds tied the knot Jan.
20, 2020, in Demi’s homeland of
South Africa, and then celebrated
the occasion with an exotic trip to
the Maldive Islands. From there they
made their way to Albania in early
February—but not for an extended
honeymoon. Instead, they shined
shoes, applied makeup and danced
through the evening during Night to
Shine, a global event created by the
Tim Tebow Foundation to make people
who have disabilities feel like
kings and queens at a unique prom
night.
Afterward, the Tebows launched
the event in Paris and Rome before
heading back to the United States
to celebrate Night to Shine events
along the Eastern Seaboard.
“It was such a special way to start
our marriage,” Tim says.
A love
story begins
Demi’s sister, Franje, was born with
an underdeveloped cerebellum. As
Miss Universe, Demi often spoke
to the media about her sister and
about her love for people with special
needs. Tim heard their story and
invited Franje, Demi and their family
to the first-ever Night to Shine event
in South Africa.
Unfortunately, Franje was unable
to attend due to her health. But her
parents volunteered as chaperones,
and Demi communicated with Tim
to help arrange the evening.
Even after that Night to Shine
event came and went, its impact on
Tim and Demi lasted. Their phone
calls and messages continued. Even
before they met in person a few
months later, their conversations
drifted to matters of the heart.
“Look below the surface,” Tim says.
“When people look at me and Demi,
they say, ‘Well, he’s been an athlete.
She’s been in pageants.’ Do you
know how many times in the first
three months we talked about football
or baseball or pageants? I don’t
know if it came up.”
What drew the couple together
wasn’t their accomplishments but
rather their faith and their passion
to help those who are often marginalized.
Tim says, “God really paved
the way in our hearts, before we ever
met, to have that really big link with
special needs in our relationship.”
‘
God broke
m yheart
’
Tim’s compassion for others began
more than a decade before he met
his wife. “God broke my heart when
I was 15,” he says.
Although Tim was born in the
Philippines to missionary parents,
Pam and Bob, his family moved back
to the United States when he was
3 years old. He didn’t return to the
Philippines until he was 15, when he
went on his first mission trip to the
country.
In a remote jungle, he met
Sherwin, a young boy born with a
deformity. “His feet were on backward,”
Tim says, “and his village
12
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June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 13

COUPLES / MINISTRY IN MARRIAGE
looked at him as cursed and insignificant.”
But before leaving the
island, Tim and two of his friends led
Sherwin to faith, showing him the
hope and purpose he had in Christ.
“Since that time,” Tim says, “I knew
a big calling in my life was to fight for
people who couldn’t fight for themselves.”
Indeed, Tim has returned to
the region many times to share the
Gospel, and he started the Tebow
CURE Hospital in Davao City there to
help boys and girls like Sherwin find
hope and healing. He’s also partnered
with his father’s organization, the
Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association,
to care for orphans in the area.
Ignited a
passion
Demi’s love for people with disabilities
began with the birth of her sister,
but her passion for helping others
received a jolt when she was nearly
kidnapped in 2017.
Driving to an event around 5:30
p.m. in Johannesburg, South Africa,
Demi noticed five men approaching
her car as she was stopped at a traffic
light, sandwiched between other
vehicles. The men surrounded her
car. Three were armed, and one of
them pointed a gun toward her head.
“It was traumatizing and totally
(PATTERN) STEPHANIE ZIEBER / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
terrifying,” Demi says, yet she didn’t
lose her cool under pressure. As
she saw the men approaching, she
unbuckled her seat belt, put her car
into neutral, pulled up the emergency
brake and got out of the car.
“Just take everything,” she said,
backing away from the vehicle.
But before she could get far, one of
the men grabbed her.
“Get in,” he said as he tried to force
her back into the car. “You’re going
with us.”
But resolved to fight, Demi
punched her assailant in the throat,
giving her a chance to flee.
“I was running up a big avenue in
6-inch heels and a beautiful dress,
with my hair and makeup all done
because I was on my way to an official
event as Miss South Africa,”
Demi recalls. “I passed about 30 to
40 car windows.” Not a single person
got out to help her.
Finally, a 19-year-old girl came to
her aid.
Demi says that reaction from
onlookers was probably more traumatizing
than being carjacked.
“I didn’t want to be one of the 30 to
40 cars that shut away and turned a
blind eye,” Demi says. “I [wanted] to
be that girl who opened her car door
and helped me.”
The trauma of that day inspired
Demi to keep helping people. In
particular, it ignited her desire to
fight for the helpless victims of
human trafficking. Tim has long
shared Demi’s concern for trafficked
victims.
“We believe human trafficking is
one of the greatest forms of evil in
the world today,” Tim says. >>>
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14
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021

COUPLES / MINISTRY IN MARRIAGE
EXPECTATIONS / COUPLES
Intentionality
is key
As a couple with such deep passions
and large dreams, Tim and
Demi admit their need to keep their
faith and relationship a priority. For
this, they agree, intentionality
is key. “I think both of us are very
intentional with most of the things
that we choose to do in life,” Tim
says. They’re intentional about
prayer and Bible study. At times
they’ve sharpened each other’s
evangelism skills through role-play,
and they enjoy reading devotional
books together.
“That’s one of the things I love
[about Tim],” Demi says. “Reading
TIM TEBOW'S NEW
BOOK FOR CHILDREN
WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
devotions or books with him sparks
great conversations. . . . In your
everyday life, it’s so easy just to talk
about the things that have happened
instead of looking for that intentional
conversation.”
Also, Tim adds, they try to create
“moments and memories.” They plan
special times together—date nights,
days on the beach, trips to a concert.
Recalling one of these memories,
Demi shares how they turned
a speaking engagement into a
mini-getaway. They spent an extra
day in Savannah, Georgia, and
Charleston, South Carolina, places
where Demi had never been before.
“We made a great trip of it.”
And in Savannah, they couldn’t
help but stop in at a local coffee
TIM TEBOW GAVE A TEARFUL GOODBYE, Nov.
20, 2019, to his old dog Bronco, who had stayed by
his side since 2010. “One of the toughest goodbyes,”
Tim wrote in an Instagram post. “Wanted to make a
special tribute to the sweetest boy ever—thank you
for all the joy you brought and all the memories.”
Earlier this year, Tim shared another tribute to his
faithful dog that will bring joy to many children and
their families. Tim’s first children’s book, Bronco and
Friends: A Party to Remember, was released in January.
“What inspired me,” Tim says, “were thousands of kids
who are shamed, who are literally thrown out on the
street, who nobody wants because they’re born different,
because they look different, because they
have special needs.”
shop, Bitty & Beau’s, which is
devoted to a cause they both love
deeply—namely, celebrating and
supporting people with intellectual
and developmental difficulties.
How could they pass it up? After all,
at a Night to Shine event two years
earlier, their mutual concern for children
with special diagnoses brought
them together in the first place.
“It’s important to have a common
purpose,” Tim says, “to have deeper
goals that make you tick.” And this
passion to help people who are marginalized
or misunderstood has fed
their love for each other since the
day they met. •
Benjamin Hawkins is a freelance writer and
associate editor of The Pathway, the news
journal of the Missouri Baptist Convention.
Find A Party to Remember
at <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Store.
The book shares the story of Bronco, a puppy with
a problem. Bronco is invited to a party but can’t
find a puzzle piece he was supposed to bring. As he
searches for it, he meets friends with their own problems,
including a flightless bird, a goat with allergies
and a blundering bunny. They help Bronco find his
puzzle piece and arrive at the party, surprised to discover
they’re the guests of honor.
Tebow says he hopes children who read the book
“realize that they’re loved, they’re special and . . . they
were made on purpose.”
“They’re not a mistake,” he adds. “They’re created in
love, for love, by love—and God has a great plan for
their lives.”
—BH
(PATTERN) STEPHANIE ZIEBER / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
© JOVO JOVANOVIC / STOCKSY UNITED
finding my
husband’s
spiritual
leadership
I had to get out of
the way to see how
he was already
discipling our kids
BY DEB WEAKLY
LISTEN NOW!
Deb Weakly and others offer
parenting insights as they
discuss the unique challenges of
motherhood.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
BEFORE BECOMING A
CHRISTIAN, I made some big
mistakes, and I was terrified my children
would do the same. Desperate
to become the perfect parent and
pop out little disciples for Jesus, I
read a lot of books in search of the
right formula.
In the process, I saw areas where
I was failing. I also became convinced
there were areas in which my husband,
Randy, wasn’t leading the way
he should. I would then proceed to
tell him what I thought he should
be doing to lead our family. (As you
can imagine, these discussions were
about as welcome as a porcupine at
a balloon toss.)
Thankfully, God began showing
me that my husband was doing a
great job as the spiritual leader of
our home. Randy took us to church
each Sunday and faithfully tithed.
Many weekends he and our kids
helped single moms and widows,
and he prayed with us at mealtimes
and before bed. In other words, my
husband was leading us his way,
not mine.
That’s when I finally got out of his
way and let him lead.
In addition, I began praying for
my husband and asking God how
I could become a better helper. God
answered this prayer by inspiring
me with fun ideas. I found simple
devotions that I printed and put in
a jar with candy. After dinner, we
each enjoyed a piece of candy while
Randy read a devotion he drew from
the jar. I also began cooking a big
breakfast on Sunday mornings that
set the stage for a fun Bible-reading
time. Randy would use different
voices to make the Bible come alive.
The kids loved it and began loving
the Word of God through it.
When I stopped fussing at Randy,
he began to lead more confidently.
While my criticism had caused him
to feel defeated, my support allowed
him to step more fully into his calling
as a godly father. It also opened
the way for us to create the Christcentered
home we both wanted. •
Deb Weakly is a co-founder of Help Club
for Moms and is a contributing writer for the
organization’s book series.
16
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 17

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION / COUPLES
7 ways to
bad habit
Boot these bad
habits for better
communication
BY JILL SAVAGE
THE GAMES WERE STILL SIT-
TING THERE. As I was cleaning up
after a family gathering, I had put a couple
of board games on the bottom step of the
staircase. I assumed my husband would
put them away on one of his many trips
upstairs.
Except he didn’t. I almost made a snide
comment that he was blind and I was the
only one who ever saw things on the stairs.
Except I didn’t. Instead, as he was once
again heading upstairs, I said, “Honey,
would you please grab those games and
put them away?”
“Yep,” he responded. Then he tucked the
games under his arm.
It hasn’t always been that way—starting
to say something one way and then catching
myself and replacing those words with
something better. In marriage, our thinking,
our assumptions and how we talk to
our spouses can make a little misunderstanding
a big problem.
Mark and I have tried to stop the unhealthy
communication patterns that hurt
our relationship and have replaced them
with relational patterns that strengthen
our marriage. You can, too. Here are seven
areas that we can work on improving daily:
bad habit
a hint or complaint
WHEN we give our spouse hints about tasks we
want them to do, it’s as though we’re scared to
ask for what we want. When we complain, it’s a
negative way to convey what we desire. Hinting
and complaining are not forms of healthy communication.
They require the other person to be
a mind reader.
Healthier habit: I caught myself before I
started hinting or complaining about the games
on the stairs and chose healthier communication.
I voiced what I needed. Clearly. Kindly. And
without attitude.
bad habit
false meaning
TOO OFTEN spouses assign meaning—the
wrong meaning—to a
partner’s actions. In my old way of
thinking, I would have concluded
that Mark was intentionally ignoring
the games on the stairs and therefore
ignoring my needs. The truth was that
he had other thoughts on his mind
and didn’t even see the games. Once
I asked him to take them upstairs, he
was happy to do so.
Mark used to wrongly assign meaning
to my emotional steadiness
because I rarely cry or have emotional
ups and downs. He told himself that
I was strong and independent and I
didn’t need him. That wasn’t true, but
his perception didn’t change until we
were able to explore those thoughts in
marriage counseling.
Healthier habit: Believe the best
about your spouse. I now give Mark the
benefit of the doubt and don’t interpret
his action as a slight against me.
I’ve learned that his behavior is rarely a
reaction to what I think is obvious (like
games sitting on the bottom step).
my way
AS HUMANS, we naturally think our way is the right
way, so we tend to impose it on others. We want
our spouses to think and do things the way we do.
However, they see the world through a different lens,
and make decisions and conclusions differently.
This is why God says, “The two shall become one
flesh” (Matthew 19:5). He knows that two perspectives
from two different ways of thinking bring more
balance. He knows we’re better when we respect
each other and work together.
Healthier habit: I’ve had to stop thinking of my
husband’s way of doing things as “wrong” and consider
it an alternate way of doing things. I’ve also
had to resist the urge to make my way the only way.
I started this transition with how we load the dishwasher.
Sure, maybe I fit in three more dishes if it’s
loaded my way, but efficiency isn’t worth the strain
on my marriage.
bad habit
sarcasm
THE GOAL of sarcasm is to offer a put-down in
a socially acceptable way so we don’t have to be
truthful about what we’re thinking or feeling. It’s a
way to communicate indirectly rather than directly,
to protect ourselves from the pain that comes with
vulnerability.
Healthier habit: I now try to communicate my
thoughts, hurts or pain kindly and directly to Mark
and allow myself to be vulnerable. >>>
18
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 19

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
bad habit
Faith & Inspiration
bad habit
reactive listening
MOST OF US could stand to improve our listening skills.
Sometimes we take our turn as the listener only to continue
arguing or defending our ideas. This knee-jerk
reaction doesn’t create a safe place for sharing openly
or help our spouses feel heard. It moves us too quickly
from dialogue to debate.
Healthier habit: I listen to understand. Rather than
offering my thoughts right away, I reflect on Mark’s comment
with, “What I hear you saying is ______________.
Is that right?” I’ve learned I don’t have to agree with
Mark to let him know I’ve heard him. Not only does this
keep our conversation from eroding into an argument,
but it also deepens our intimacy if we let our spouses
know we’ve heard their hearts and their concerns before
ever sharing ours.
bad habit
tone and body language
TOO OFTEN we put our spouses on defense simply by
how we say something. This primes the pump for conflict
that doesn’t need to happen. Our tone of voice
can convey disgust, disrespect, indifference, contempt,
rejection or dismissal. It’s a passive-aggressive way to
communicate. The same thing happens with a long sigh,
rolling our eyes or crossing our arms.
Healthier habit: I try to remain aware of the intentional
and unintentional messages I send through my
tone and body language. When I take a couple of deep
breaths before responding and remember my husband’s
tender heart, my responses are kinder and more respectful.
Sometimes it’s easier to be kind when I hold my
husband’s hand before talking.
the silent
treatment
PUNISHMENT, control and
manipulation have no place in
a healthy marriage. The silent
treatment is a form of all three. We
do this by withholding emotional
intimacy and connection. It’s an
underhanded way to inflict pain
on someone who has caused us
pain.
Healthier habit: Forgive. This
is initially between me and God.
When I choose to forgive, I put the
hurt in God’s hands and let it go.
Then if I feel the need to address
the problem with my husband, I
can talk to him with a humble heart,
sharing how he has hurt me. •
Jill Savage is an author, speaker and marriage
coach. She and her husband, Mark, are the
authors of No More Perfect Marriages.
LISTEN NOW!
Get helpful insights as Mark and
Jill Savage openly discuss their
marital struggles and how you can
avoid making the same mistakes.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
CREDIT TK
CREDIT TOMERTU TK / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
choosing redemption
over self-sufficiency
A spiritual insight from <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family leadership
BY MIKE BOSSERT
I’LL NEVER FORGET
HOW GOD DREW ME TO
HIMSELF. You see, I grew up as a
people pleaser. The church I attended
as a teen was works based, which fit
my task-oriented personality well.
I’d heard the Gospel—that Jesus
had paid for my failures with His
life (John 3:16 and Ephesians 2:8)—
but it hadn’t resonated with me. My
life in high school revolved around
sports, and I planned to attend a
Division 1 college on scholarship.
I didn’t want to follow God at that
time because I thought I would lose
my identity. So I chose to do life
without Jesus.
But God broke through my selfsufficiency
when I encountered the
Gospel again in Romans 5:7-8: “One
will scarcely die for a righteous
person—though perhaps for a good
person one would dare even to die—
but God shows his love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ
died for us.”
From these verses, I began to
understand what Christ’s death and,
more importantly, His resurrection
meant. That’s when I committed to
following Jesus. What I thought
I would have to give up was nothing
compared to what God had given
up in sending His Son to die for
me. Then I learned that God didn’t
want to change how He’d made me
but would use me—my talents and
gifts—for His purposes.
This eye-opening moment happened
many years ago. And while
God did begin to change me, it didn’t
happen in the way I’d anticipated.
My honest desire to please God grew,
and my actions soon stemmed from
that desire—not from a works-based
checklist.
Remembering my testimony helps
refresh my faith and lead me back to
what is important: my relationship
with God and my ongoing desire to
live according to His plan.
Do you need to be refreshed
today? Think about the moment
you chose to become a follower of
Christ. •
Mike Bossert is the executive director of the
Relationship Services division at <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family. Learn more about Relationship
Services and their team of Family Help
Specialists on page 22.
20
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 21

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
Encounters
WITH
Jesus
22
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
Jaycie, Family Help Specialst
A perso n al touch
FOR FAMILIES
IN SEARCH OF
ANSWERS
June / July 2021
Family help
specialists serve on
the ministry’s front
lines, providing a
listening ear and
timely assistance
to hurting families
BY SCOTT JOHNSON
PHOTOS BY ANNEKA JACK
Tim, Family Help Specialst
Perla, Family Help Specialst
(PHONE) ANGIZZZ / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
“WE WERE STUNNED to
learn of a heartbreaking situation
involving our son. We weren’t sure
where to turn.”
That’s how Carrie describes the
desperate circumstances she and her
husband were facing that led her to
call <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family for help.
“The woman who spoke with me
was caring and compassionate,”
Carrie says. “She listened attentively
and reassured me that we’re not
alone; other families find themselves
walking the same path we’re now on.”
The <strong>Focus</strong> staff member recommended
several resources and made
arrangements to send them. “The
wonderful lady . . . helped set up
a return call with one of [<strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family’s] counselors,” Carrie
explains. “Finally, she prayed a
heartfelt, loving prayer for us that
calmed my soul. I can’t describe
the relief I felt after that phone
conversation.
“<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provided a
service we never dreamed we would
need.”
Carrie’s story is just one of thousands
that play out every month in
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s Relationship
Services Department. The staff
member who spoke with Carrie is
part of a dedicated team whose job
title says it all: family help specialists.
CREDIT TK
Building relationships
When <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s radio
broadcast launched in 1977, it
quickly became apparent that there
was a huge need for follow-up interaction
with the audience. Listeners
who heard a trusted, compassionate
voice over the airwaves contacted
the ministry with their own questions
and prayer requests. Letters
and phone calls began pouring in.
Over the years, various types of
internet communication have supplemented
the letters and phone
calls. But the ministry has always
desired to be more than just a radio
program or words on a page or
screen. <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s connection
with our audience is a
two-way street.
Mike Bossert, executive director of
Relationship Services, says there’s a
common characteristic among the
department’s staff members. “They
have pastoral hearts,” Mike explains.
While most of the ministry’s family
help specialists aren’t pastors, he
says that they all “have a passion
and compassion to care for those
who are hurting and in need of a
comforting encounter.”
The department name—Relationship
Services—summarizes the
mission. “We serve a relational God,”
Mike says. “Our team wants others
to know and understand the comfort
provided by and through the
Holy Spirit. So, our specialists work
to build relationships with all who
contact <strong>Focus</strong>—even if it’s just a onetime
encounter.”
Handling it all
The ministry’s family help specialists
constantly prepare for the wide
range of questions that come their
way. Any given phone call, email
or other contact could be a simple
request for information about the
book featured on the broadcast or
Immerse yourself in
creatively imagined
backstories of the early
followers of Christ!
Journey to first century
Galilee with a novel that
builds on the drama of
the critically acclaimed
TV series.
order online at
shop.focusonthefamily.ca
or call 1.800.661.9800

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
FaiThtraIninG
fun
for kids! ^
a desperate plea from someone
whose life just shattered. Maybe it’s
a mom struggling with a toddler’s
tantrums; a man reeling from a terminal
diagnosis who needs prayer;
a marriage rocked by infidelity; a
young person feeling hopeless and
wondering if there’s any reason to
keep living. The list goes on and on.
Of course, handling all of this
isn’t easy; listening to others’ pain
takes a toll on the human heart.
That’s one reason why the ministry’s
Counseling Department works
closely with the family help specialists
to develop healthy methods of
processing difficult conversations.
For example, a licensed counselor
conducts a debriefing session for
any staffer who interacts with someone
contemplating suicide. Such
callers are routed to counselors as
quickly as possible, and proactive
follow-up care is provided for the
<strong>Focus</strong> employee.
A heart for others
Each day—and each contact—is
unique for family help specialists.
But it’s easy to see why, from the very
earliest days of <strong>Focus</strong>, the organization’s
leadership has often said that
FAMILY HELP SPECIALISTS
TheRightReso urces
I enjoy calls from young parents
looking for resources—I love problemsolving.
I am always amazed that
<strong>Focus</strong> has an article or broadcast for
almost any topic, so finding just the
right resource, praying with them, and
equipping them with all we can offer
feels to me like a job well done.
—Jenifer
Relationship Services is “the heart of
the ministry.”
That servant’s heart shines
brightly for families like Carrie’s. As
she puts it: “While we are still struggling
with the matter concerning
our son, we’ve been so encouraged
by the knowledge that <strong>Focus</strong> was
available and willing to help us at a
very dark time in our lives. We will
always be grateful, and we pray that
God will continue to bless everyone
who works in your wonderful
ministry.” •
Scott Johnson is a senior writer in the Ministry
Values division at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
Here to
Help You
Whether it’s a big or small question,
our team is ready to help by
phone, email or even a physical letter!
Every day our team provides
recommendations for resources,
listens and prays for those going
through a difficult time, points people
to online articles or downloads,
and connects those in need of further
help with our counseling team.
Our frontline team works with
every department to stay up to
date on new resources, events, free
offers and more so they can get you
the best answer to your question.
This team is a hub of knowledge
and they are eager to help everyone
who contacts the ministry—and if
they don’t know the answer, they’ll
make sure to find out.
When you contact <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family Canada, we want you to
have the best experience possible.
Don’t hesitate to reach out to our
team today!
^
24
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
True Encouragement
I wanted to work at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
because I enjoy serving others, and
I love, love, love praying for people!
Recently a gentleman called and when
I said my name he replied, “Natalie, you
may not remember me, but I remember
you. I just want to say thank you for
praying for me a few months ago—you
have no idea how much it helped me.”
That call really encouraged me.
—Natalie
Genuine Concern
One special young lady found us when
she searched the internet for counseling
help for an unplanned pregnancy.
She felt torn between the father of the
baby (who wanted her to abort) and
the reality that there was a life growing
inside her. I was able to share about
the love of Christ, and then looked up
a pregnancy center in her city that she
agreed to visit after speaking with one
of our counselors. She said she felt like
she called a caring place with people
who were genuinely concerned about
her and her baby’s well-being.
—Tami
CREDIT TK
Connect With Us
If you want to speak with our team at <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada, call 1-800-661-9800
weekdays from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific time,
or email questions@fotf.ca.
AGES
8-12
TEEN
GIRLS
AGES
3-7
Subscribe to our kids’ magazines at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Magazines
or call 1.800.661.9800

FAITH & INSPIRATION / FATHERHOOD
FATHERHOOD / FAITH & INSPIRATION
“ Behol d , children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows
in the hand of a warrior are the children of
one
’
s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his
q u i ve r w i th the m !
the reluctant dad
A father finds reassurance that
children are always a blessing
BY THOMAS JEFFRIES
WE CAN DO THIS. We’ll figure
it out.
At least that’s how Greg tried to
reassure himself when he learned
that his wife, Fonda, was expecting
their third child. But facing reality,
Greg was worried. How would
they handle raising three kids in a
two-bedroom apartment?
Once little Henry arrived, Greg
couldn’t deny that his son was a gift
from God. Sure, finances were tight,
but life was good for the next several
months, maybe a year . . . until
it wasn’t. That’s when Fonda realized
she was pregnant again, and this
time Greg panicked.
Terrified
Greg and Fonda were married at
age 20 in Greg’s mother’s backyard.
Their reception was a potluck. They
were extremely broke, Greg says, and
extremely proud of how inexpensive
the wedding was.
The couple worked multiple jobs,
ate lots of ramen, and every morning
Fonda prayed that the car would not
only start but also keep running. The
thought of having children terrified
them.
“We were so broke that pregnancy
was a real fear,” Greg says. “Our parents
would remind us what a bad
idea having kids would be.”
The couple waited six years to
have their first, followed closely by
their second. Greg got a better job,
but it didn’t make their apartment
any larger.
Disheartened
If Fonda’s third pregnancy was a surprise,
the fourth was a bombshell.
“Kid No. 4 was Greg’s breaking
point,” Fonda says. “It’s not that he
didn’t want her. It was the influence
of our culture—one boy, one girl, no
more kids—and the negativity from
both our parents, combined with the
sky-high cost of living.”
Greg’s idea of the right way to
© ROB AND JULIA CAMPBELL / STOCKSY UNITED
provide for his family wasn’t panning
out, and he felt like a failure. He
knows it sounds bizarre—his family
had food and shelter and the basic
necessities of life, but it still wasn’t
enough. Expecting a fourth child, he
felt like they had entirely blown it.
Greg needed someone who could
relate—or at least listen—to his
anguish. Someone other than Fonda.
He recalled that <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
offered a complimentary counseling
consultation, so he slipped off on his
own to place the call.
“I cried on the phone to a man
I will never meet,” Greg says. “I
expressed my shame at not being
able to provide what I considered
to be a minimum standard for my
children.”
The counselor’s name was Geremy,
and he was taken aback by Greg’s
remorse. Greg, Geremy insisted, was
a success by almost any standard.
Maybe he didn’t enroll his kids in
every sport or buy them all the latest
gear, but he showered them with
affection and availability. Isn’t that
what every child remembers long
after batteries are dead and gadgets
discarded?
“[Geremy] said, ‘The first thing you
need to realize is that kids are always
a blessing. Always. They’re gifts from
God.’ And the second thing he said
was, ‘Kids value relationships, not
stuff.’ ”
Encouraged
Greg already knew, already believed,
everything Geremy said, but hearing
it out loud made all the difference.
His kids were loved and cared for.
The couple’s choice to welcome each
new blessing would not doom them
to a life of poverty.
Geremy encouraged Greg to post
verses around their home highlighting
God’s promises about offspring,
and to list the things they treasured
about each child. He assured Greg
that the problem wasn’t with him,
but with a culture that says 1.9
children is ideal, and anything
more than three is What were you
thinking?
Greg told Fonda what Geremy said,
and two burdens were lifted that day.
” —Psalm 127:3-5 WE'RE HERE TO HELP
The counselor also planted the idea
of relocating to someplace with
more affordable housing. The couple
left California when their fourth was
a toddler; by the time No. 5 arrived,
they’d purchased their first house.
That’s right. Greg and Fonda
stopped listening to what the culture
says about the size of their
family. They now have seven blessings—four
boys and three girls—and
remain open to more. Greg describes
life in their home as organized chaos
and constant mayhem, yet it’s also a
lot of fun, and no one is ever lonely.
“We tell our kids that they are our
special treasure from God,” Greg
says. “Our home is filled with joy.” •
If you’re struggling as a parent,
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
offers a one-time, complimentary
consultation from one of our
registered counselors. Call 1-800-
661-9800 weekdays between 8 a.m.
and 4 p.m. Pacific time.
26
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 27

FAITH & INSPIRATION / DISCERNMENT
DISCERNMENT / FAITH & INSPIRATION
an online world
of counterfeit
Christianity
Are you teaching your kids
to recognize false gospels?
BY ALISA CHILDERS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY MATT CHINWORTH
WHEN MY DAUGHTER
WAS BORN, it seemed as if I
spent all of my intellectual energy
learning how to keep this new
human alive. I worried about poisoning
her with BPAs or corrupting
her brand-new digestive tract with
honey or shellfish. There seemed to
be danger everywhere. And then she
became mobile. From glass-topped
tables to uncovered light sockets,
there was no end to the threats.
But the parenting challenges were
just beginning. Just as there were
pitfalls to her physical health, spiritual
dangers lurked around every
corner. As she grew and interacted
with our culture through media and
the internet, my husband and I witnessed
the many ways in which the
ideas of our culture run contrary to
our Christian worldview.
Sometimes these messages even
come from Christian sources. One
day I found my sweet 7-year-old
daughter sitting cross-legged on
the living room floor with her eyes
closed, index fingers pinched against
her thumbs, and chanting, “Omm.”
Turns out a teacher at her
Christian school had introduced
students to Transcendental
Meditation, which I learned the
administration had not approved.
The incident reminded me again
how easily our kids absorb the ideas
around them without stopping to
think about whether those beliefs
are true.
Progress?
As parents, we must be ever vigilant
to identify the messages being
marketed to our children, especially
in matters of spirituality. In fact,
Christians have always had to watch
out for false teachings.
For centuries, counterfeit versions
of Christianity have risen up
to compete for the loyalty of Christ
followers. From the “circumcision
party” (Galatians 2:12) to Gnosticism
to Arianism, Christians have had
to “contend for the faith that was
once for all delivered to the saints”
(Jude 3). Christians have always had
to prepare their children to interact
with the erroneous ideas of their
time. Now it’s our turn.
There’s a growing movement
within the church that is leading
many Christians away from biblical
beliefs. This “progressive” Christianity
views the Bible as primarily a human
book rather than the inspired and
authoritative Word of God. It seduces
believers with notions of tolerance,
love and a toned-down Jesus who
would never question your sexual
ethics or challenge you to deny yourself.
Justification by faith in the
saving work of Christ is replaced
with activism and social justice.
Are your kids just one click away
from a world of false gospels? Here are
four ways to help build their immunity
against progressive Christianity:
1. Don’t let YouTube
disciple your kids.
My kids wait with breathless excitement
for their favorite YouTube celebs
to “drop” their new videos each week.
They look up to, admire and sometimes
even imitate these celebrities.
But many social media stars
preach a false gospel. The Good
Mythical Morning YouTube channel
made headlines when the creators
recorded their “deconstruction
stories” for their Ear Biscuits podcast.
Their testimonies of leaving
Christianity for a type of “hopeful
agnosticism” sent shock waves of
doubt through Christian youth
groups. Kids who admired the comedy
duo now questioned their own
beliefs. Like many others, YouTubers
Rhett and Link went through a progressive
Christianity phase before
exiting the faith.
I understand heroes. When I was a
kid, I wore my American-flag leotard
and ran around the backyard smiling
and waving because I wanted
to be Mary Lou Retton in the 1984
Olympics. But I never had constant
online access to my hero. And if I
had a question about life, I asked my
parents. They were the “experts” I
called on to help me navigate everything
from homework to friends to
faith to sex. They discipled me well.
Today, we have to be even more
vigilant as parents. Stay involved in
your kids’ lives. Do your homework
and be willing to help them find the
answers to their questions. If we
don’t disciple our kids, YouTube is
there to do the job.
2. Expose your
kids to bad ideas.
I’m not suggesting we ban everything
that can’t be found on
Christian TV. No, rather than shielding
our kids from the outside world,
we must teach them to navigate it.
This means allowing exposure to
age-appropriate ideas and worldviews
that don’t line up with our
own. I drill into my kids’ heads that
everything they take in from media—
especially when it’s marketed as
“Christian”—should pass through
their discernment filters. And we
discuss bad ideas together. I ask my
kids, “What is the worldview of this
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FAITH & INSPIRATION / DISCERNMENT
Kids & Teens
show?” “What specific message are
they communicating today?” “What
assumptions do they make about
morality?” and “How do these ideas
line up with Scripture?”
Acquainting our kids with bad ideas
will help them know how to stand
firm in the truth. When my 11-yearold
daughter and I saw Frozen II, she
leaned over after five minutes and
whispered, “Ugh. Pantheism?”
Celebrate these little victories and
continue to keep your guard up.
3. Give your kids a robust
view of Scripture.
Author Rachel Held Evans recalled
the simplistic view of Scripture
she grasped as a child, and the
subsequent disillusionment she
experienced as she matured. After
realizing the worldwide consequences
of the Flood in Genesis
and the horror of the Canaanite
conquest, she wrote, “If God was
supposed to be the hero of the story,
then why did God behave like a
villain?” This led her to see Scripture
not as God’s inspired and authoritative
Word, but as a primarily
human—and flawed—book.
How shocking it would be for a
teenager to read the account of
Noah’s ark for the first time after
spending years coloring cartoons
of happy animals in a giant floating
zoo. What if this narrative had been
taught in the context of God’s justice
and holiness, humanity’s rebellion
against God, and God’s righteous
indignation toward our sin? What if
we introduced our kids early on to
the biblical framework within which
to understand their own sinfulness
and need of redemption?
4. Teach your kids the
beauty of the Cross.
We live in a culture that constantly
preaches that humans are inherently
good. “Follow your heart,” we hear.
“Look inside yourself.” These clichés
may prop up a sense of human
autonomy, but they can’t explain the
LISTEN NOW!
Join Natasha Crain on the <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family broadcast as she
discusses the facts about Jesus
that your child needs to know.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
reality of human depravity. Many
have “followed their hearts” right
into the false gospel of a feelingsbased
approach to morality and
spirituality. Talk with your children
about tough concepts that are difficult
to comprehend but are crucial
to understanding the Gospel.
If children don’t understand how
deeply sinful they are—and how perfectly
holy God is—the idea that He
required the sacrifice of His Son to
reconcile humanity to himself would
seem horrific. Help your kids understand
Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross by
talking about our sinful nature and
God’s holiness. Jesus bore our sin
and died in our place. He conquered
death through His resurrection, and
we get to be free from sin’s hold on us.
Discipleship, discernment and an
early introduction of both false and
true doctrines help build our kids’
spiritual awareness of bad theology.
This ability to recognize falsehoods
will serve them well throughout
life, helping them avoid the empty
promises of today’s twisted offshoots
of Christianity. •
Alisa Childers is the author of Another Gospel?
A lifelong Christian seeks truth in response to
progressive Christianity. Formerly a member of
the music group ZOEgirl, Alisa is now a popular
speaker at Christian worldview conferences.
CREDIT TK
CREDIT TK
COOPER NEILL / STRINGER VIA GETTY IMAGES
going
off script
A parenting insight
from Alex Kendrick
WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE, they
were enamored with how Daddy was on the big
screen and television. I set aside time to talk
to them, especially when they were younger,
about my roles because sometimes I was “married”
to someone else who was playing my wife
in the movie.
I explained what Daddy was doing: telling a
story that would cause people to think about
where they stood with the Lord and where they
stood in their marriage relationships. I made
sure they knew the role I was playing wasn’t
real, but the message was real. And then I didn’t
do anything in the movie that I wouldn’t have
done in real life. I honored my real-life marriage
by the way I portrayed married men.
But they also saw what I was doing at home.
They saw me when I was having my quiet time,
when I was praying with my wife and how we
prayed together as a family and at bedtime. They
had to see those actions as much as, or more
than, they saw me making movies. Through my
actions, they saw what was important to me. •
Alex Kendrick played Adam Mitchell in Courageous, a film
he wrote with his brother Stephen. This movie is scheduled
to be rereleased this year with additional scenes and a
surprise ending.
Alex with his son, Caleb, at
a movie premiere
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ADAPTABILITY / KIDS & TEENS
Route 316 is a road map for developing racial
sensitivity and appreciation for other cultures
BY DR. DAVID D. IRELAND
ILLUSTRATIONS BY BRIAN MELLEMA
HOW DO YOU TEACH
YOUR KIDS TO LOVE
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT
RACES? This undertaking may
seem daunting given our nation’s
racial polarity. But it can be done
and done well.
After all, teaching your kids to
love racial diversity is like teaching
them other enduring values, such
as kindness, honesty and generosity.
It doesn’t “just happen,” but with
intentionality and time, you can get
to where you want to go.
This journey is kind of like going
on a road trip. Before you pack the
SUV and start driving, you map
the trip, pick interesting rest stops
along the way and talk about the fun
awaiting you at your destination.
Is it a lot of work? Yes. But the destination
is so worth it.
To develop culturally competent
kids, be intentional and plan a family
journey down something I like to
call Route 316, named in honor of
John 3:16.
Martin Luther referred to John 3:16
as “the heart of the Bible.” It was the
North Star to Nicodemus—a firstcentury
Jewish rabbi who had lost
his way in matters of faith. When
he came to Jesus under the canopy
of night in search of meaning, our
Savior said to him, “For God so loved
the world, that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in him should
not perish but have eternal life.”
This centerpiece of their conversation
proved pivotal. Nicodemus
gained a greater understanding of
how to live and love. He had a direction
for how to move forward.
If you want to help your children
develop into fully devoted followers
of Jesus who genuinely love all races
of people, plan a road trip down
Route 316. And to make sure the
experience is truly life-changing for
your family, apply these four easyto-follow
travel tips:
1. Recognize
God’s blessings
Racial, cultural and ethnic diversity
is God’s idea. It’s not an accident
that as human beings, we need to
tolerate differences and not isolate
our kids out of fear. Nor should we
hide behind the “I don’t see color”
false narrative or attempt to live
monoracial lives.
God is not color-blind. He sees
color. Jesus declared that God loved
the world. He intentionally designed
the world to showcase a diversity of
race, culture and ethnicity. This is
God’s preference, and it’s intentional.
John 3:16 is such a familiar verse
that we forget how Nicodemus must
have felt when introduced to it. The
typical first-century Jew was programmed
to think of God as loving
only Israel, since rabbis never taught
that God loved the world.
To introduce the concept that
God’s love included everybody everywhere
was revolutionary. Nicodemus
was being challenged. God’s love
was not exclusive, as Nicodemus
had been taught. God’s love was
inclusive.
Like Nicodemus, each of us
must widen our social circles to
include the spectrum of people God
includes in His family. This reality of
God’s love being generous enough
to embrace all of humankind was
introduced by Jesus. We have His
blessings when we embark on this
journey.
2. Make the journey fun
I grew up in a home that valued education.
My parents, especially my
mother, created an environment
where her four Ireland kids attached
a high price, heavy premium and
hefty prize to a good education.
When my daughter Danielle was
born, my wife, Marlinda, and I had a
tough time teaching her how to read.
I called Mom for some tips. After all,
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KIDS & TEENS / ADAPTABILITY
ADAPTABILITY / KIDS & TEENS
she was an educator specializing
in early childhood education, and
a senior consultant for the city of
New York, tasked with evaluating
the city’s preschool and early educational
programs.
Mom gave us a simple piece of
advice: “Dave, if you create an environment
where reading is fun,
Danielle will come to love and value
reading.”
I followed her suggestion. I began
reading to Danielle every night after
work, changing my voice inflections
to impersonate the characters in the
story. I laughed when they laughed,
mimicked crying when they cried
and rolled on the carpet when they
did a happy dance. In a short time,
my little girl started reading. Her
appetite for books became voracious.
The same thing happened when
her sister, Jessica, came along. By
making the process fun, a love of
books and learning was instilled in
our daughters’ hearts. Three decades
later, Danielle and Jessica still maintain
a healthy appetite for books.
My wife and I took the same
approach when it came to racial and
ethnic diversity. We taught our kids
that “different” isn’t bad—in fact,
it’s fun and interesting. Marlinda
and I established enjoyable, simple
rituals, such as eating at different
ethnic restaurants, frequently enjoying
the dishes of different cultures,
including Italian, Chinese, Jamaican,
Peruvian and others.
We read books to our kids about
different parts of the world—exploring
their cultures, habits, beliefs and
music. Then we went on social outings
to museums and theatrical
plays that showcased the contributions
that various cultures and racial
groups made to society. Today it’s
even possible to discover multicultural
experiences on the internet,
which you can explore together.
Give your children the gift of valuing
diversity by learning about other
cultures and ethnicities in a fun way.
It will help your family move forward
in your journey down Route 316.
3. Remember this is
also your journey
You may have heard that “the best
sermon is a lived sermon.” This is
one of my go-to statements. Sadly,
most of our verbal coaching with our
kids will fall on deaf ears without the
validation that modeling brings.
Right before a father tucked his
son into bed, the 7-year-old prayed
about school, and for his friends
and grandparents. But then he said,
“Dear God, I bet it is very hard for You
to love everybody in the whole world.
There are only four people in our
family, and I can never do it.”
What this boy craved was a
model—someone who could coach
him on how to live and love amid the
tensions of human relationships. To
teach your kids the value of diversity,
you must first value it. Until your
children see people of other races
join your social circle, valuing diversity
will remain a nebulous concept.
Just because we check yes to the
question “Do you love your neighbor
as yourself?” does not mean our lives
support that answer.
My children often heard me
speak on the phone with friends
from Australia, Germany and even
New Zealand. They flipped through
my passport showcasing the many
nations in which I had preached:
Israel, England, Spain, Zambia and
the United Arab Emirates, among
others. They even accompanied
Marlinda and me on mission trips to
other countries, such as Guatemala,
the Dominican Republic, Kenya
and more. And perhaps they have
overheard me pray one of Mother
Teresa’s favorite prayers: “May God
break my heart so completely that
the whole world falls in.”
God modeled His love for the
world by giving. In fact, He gave
His only begotten Son. Integrity is
the practice of doing the right thing
above knowing the right thing. It
calls for practical actions and not
professorial answers.
So don’t just tell your kids it’s
important to love people who are
different from you; show them.
Invite a family of another race to
your home for dinner. Have them
bring one of their cultural dishes. To
break the ice, openly admit you want
your family to grow cross-culturally.
Then turn the conversation into
storytelling—the use of personal
stories that showcase your heart,
experiences and journey in various
seasons of life. Stories have a way of
leveling the playing field, knitting
hearts together, shortening social
distances and cushioning feelings of
awkwardness. >>>
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INTENTIONALITY / KIDS & TEENS
LISTEN NOW!
Be inspired as you listen to Dr.
David Ireland on the <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family broadcast about “Reaching
Across Cultural Divides.”
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
4. Talk about
the destination
Traveling on Route 316 is about journeying
toward a destination. It speaks
of where you intend to be tomorrow.
The value of today includes its
effectiveness in preparing you for
tomorrow. When we don’t think about
our destination, we can arrive there
unprepared. For example, imagine
how foolish you’d feel if you arrived in
sunny Florida for Christmas vacation,
only to realize that all of your outfits
mirrored the wintry temperature of
your home in Minnesota.
Don’t laugh. I did that once. One
January, I had a weekend speaking
engagement in the Dominican
Republic. I was so thankful to get a
respite from frigid New Jersey that I
subconsciously packed only winter
clothes. For the next couple of days,
I looked completely out of place on
this sunny Caribbean island.
When we look at the future of
the United States, we see that it is
rapidly becoming brown. Census
projections for 2060 forecast a racial
composition of 55.7% people of
color (African American, Hispanic,
Asian, Pacific Islanders, Native
American and biracial people) and
44.3% white (non-Hispanic). In
2014, there were only 37.8% people
of color and 62.2% white people.
In other words, America for our
children and grandchildren will
look, feel and function differently
from the way it does now. To prepare
your kids for the diversity
of tomorrow’s America, we must
help them develop cross-cultural
confidence and competency today.
If your family embraces the full
significance of John 3:16, you will
be invited on a journey that forever
changes how you see God and the
world.
One of the greatest legacies you
can leave your children is the gift of
cross-cultural confidence and competency.
I promise that the journey
will transform not only their hopes
and goals but also the way they live
and love. •
Dr. David D. Ireland is the founder and lead
pastor of Christ Church, a multisite and
multiracial community in northern New Jersey
with a membership of 9,500 people spanning
more than 70 nationalities. He is a former
diversity consultant to the NBA and author
of numerous books, including One in Christ:
Bridging racial and cultural divides.
© ALISON WINTERROTH / STOCKSY UNITED; (PATTERN) FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
the father
your kids
need
Dads matter.
So how can you
make a lasting
difference in your
children’s lives?
BY ED TANDY MCGLASSON
DO YOU REMEMBER THE
MOMENT when you learned you
were going to be a father? I do.
My wife, Jill, and I had been married
for a short time when she came
to me with pure joy on her face. “I’m
pregnant!” she exclaimed.
Tears streamed down this tough
old football player’s face—not so old
back then—as we rejoiced together.
I thought about my birth father, Ed
Tandy, who’d heard those same
words from my mother, yet died
when his Navy fighter jet crashed a
month before I was born. He celebrated
the news with my mom, just
like Jill and I did, but he never had
the chance to father me.
Many men struggle as fathers
today, but not because we don’t love
our children. We struggle because
so many of us had no father in our
own lives, or we were raised by dads
who were never fathered themselves.
You matter, Dad—to both God and
your family. God wants to help you
become the father your children need.
Your capacity to love your children
increases the more you understand
and embrace God’s love for you. The
more love you receive from your
heavenly Father, the more you will
have to give as a man, husband and
parent. This became my goal: to recognize
that I was being fathered by
God so that I could then parent my
own children the same way.
So how do you raise your children
to be everything God calls them to
be? Here are a few suggestions:
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INTENTIONALITY / KIDS & TEENS
Powerful
Parenting
Discover your strengths
as a parent and get help
where you need it! Drawing
from exhaustive research,
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s
parenting expert Danny
Huerta explains seven
parenting traits that lead to
the best outcomes for kids.
Order online at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
or call 1.800.661.9800
Use your words to
encourage your children
The words you speak to and about
your children can either build them
up or tear them down. Think about
all the things you said to your sons
and daughters this past week. How
many words were instructive or
encouraging? How many of them
were empowering words that started
with: “Do you know what Dad loves
about you?”
Model the person you
want your kids to become
You’ve probably heard the saying
“values are caught, not taught.” This
means that children often pick up
character values more from what
they see us do than from what we
tell them. This is especially true in
fathering: Your children are always
watching you. I’ve preached a lot
of sermons to my kids through the
years, yet the sermons that had the
greatest impact were usually the
ones I lived out in front of them. Our
children learn by imitating us.
Jesus lived the message He
preached. He didn’t instruct His followers
to do something He wouldn’t
do. In terms of parenting, the most
powerful example you can give your
children is being the man you are
right now—the man Christ is shaping
you to be.
© ERIN DRAGO / STCOSKY UNITED; (PATTERN) FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
© BRUCE AND REBECCA MEISSNER / STOCKSY UNITED; (PATTERN) FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
Show your kids how to
spend time with God
When my son Edward was about 3
years old, he came to my office door
during my quiet time.
“What are you doing, Dad?” he
asked.
“I’m spending time with God.”
Edward looked at me and asked,
“Can I spend time with you and God
too?” His question was both encouraging
and instructive. I discovered
how my private life affected my son.
Like most boys, Edward started out
wanting to be just like his dad.
I invited him into my office
and handed him one of my Bibles.
Edward watched me, and I started
reading quietly. In that moment I
was doing more to teach Edward
about seeking the Lord than my best
sermons ever did. If you can teach
your children to embrace God’s
Word, you can help pass that same
legacy through them and into the
lives of your grandchildren.
You might be thinking, That
sounds great, Ed, but my children
are grown now and don’t even go to
church anymore. What can I do? Let
me offer some encouragement: As
long as you’re alive, it is never too
late to be the father your kids need.
You can still be a blessing to them
no matter the state of your relationship.
I’ve seen 90-year-old fathers
reconnect with children who are
now in their 60s, healing years of
hurt and separation.
Be the kind of man you
want your daughter to
marry
The area where I needed God’s
fathering help most of all was with
my daughters. Jill and I have two
amazing girls who are just like their
mom, and they totally intimidated
me as a father. I played in the NFL
against the legendary Hall of Fame
defensive tackle known as “Mean Joe”
Greene, and he was a pushover compared
to my daughters.
Jill saw how I was struggling with
my girls, in part because I didn’t
know how to give them the affection
every daughter needs from her
dad. So she asked me a question:
“Would you like your daughters to
one day choose great men to be their
husbands?” Well, of course, that’s
what I wanted, yet I thought my role
was to be my daughters’ protector—
to chase away the bad apples.
But Jill saw things differently.
She encouraged me to become the
type of man I’d want my daughters
to marry—to be an example
for them as they developed their
own relationships and married.
Fathers want a son-in-law who will
honor and respect his daughter, so
I learned how to love my daughters
and show them the affection they
need and deserve.
Become a better father
Much like your relationship with
your wife, you don’t want bitterness
or resentment to develop between
you and your children. Many times
they won’t be open with you if there
is lingering unforgiveness. (Did you
have parents who apologized after
they hurt you? Most men I meet
never had a father who learned to
ask for forgiveness.)
After years of not knowing how to
heal my relationship with my oldest
daughter, Jessica, I began by saying,
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“I want to be a better father to you,
and I need your help with two issues.”
Then I asked her these questions: 1)
“What are the things I’ve done that
hurt you so I can ask your forgiveness?”
and 2) “What are some things
I could do to show you how much I
love you?”
You can do the same with your
daughter.
1) What are the things I’ve done that
hurt you? I want to know so I can ask
for forgiveness. Whatever your daughter
says in response to this question,
don’t argue, disagree or make excuses.
Your only goal in this moment is to
hear her heart. Buckle up and listen,
and then ask forgiveness for each
of the things she tells you. It might
take some time and a few attempts
if you’ve never done this before, but
it will transform the way you process
the pain and hurt that every family
has.
2) What are some things I could do
to show you how much I love you? As
you open your heart to your daughter,
she may begin to feel comfortable
enough to open her heart to you, too.
Write down what she says and put it
in your planner or phone. But listening
is only half the battle. You must
follow through on what she says.
These questions helped unlock my
relationships with all of my children,
and they can unlock your family’s
relationships, too.
Love your wife in
front of your kids
I didn’t have the greatest role models
when it came to marriage. When
I first married Jill, let’s just say that I
needed a lot of work in understanding
how to connect with my wife.
I came to understand the positive
influence that my regular date
nights with Jill had on all of our
children. They taught my sons to
pursue (and keep pursuing) the
women God would lead them
to one day. They watched me
romance my wife throughout their
younger years, and now I see them
romancing their own wives. Those
date nights also gave our daughters
an example of what they should
expect from future relationships.
Tune in to hear Aaron Sharp
encourage dads to parent using
godly principles.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
Discover the Father
you’ve always wanted
One Christmas as our family was
handing out presents around the
tree, I remember watching my children,
who are now parents to my
amazing grandkids. My heart was
overwhelmed with gratitude as I
thought back to more than 25 years
earlier. That’s when I discovered the
love and blessings of my heavenly
Father—things I never received from
my earthly dad.
With tears in my eyes, I prayed,
Father, thank You for becoming
the Father I lost before I was born.
Thank You for teaching me how to
receive from You like Your Son, Jesus,
did. In that moment, I knew that
God wanted the same thing not just
for me but for every father. Since
then it has been my goal to tell men
that God is the Father they have
always wanted. •
Ed Tandy McGlasson is the founder and
executive director of Blessing of the Father
Ministries. He is a pastor, bestselling author
and former lineman in the NFL. His newest
book is How to Become the Husband and
Father Your Family Needs.
© LAUREN LEE / STOCKSY UNITED; (PATTERN) FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
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Is there really a path to online
fame and easy money?
BY ADAM R. HOLZ
5,498,341 views • June 1, 2021 2.5M
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LAST OCTOBER, young people
couldn’t get enough of Fleetwood
Mac’s song “Dreams.” The catchy
tune hit No. 1 on Billboard’s Rock
Digital Song Sales chart and was
averaging more than 1 million
streams each day.
What’s so unusual about this
chart-topping success is that
“Dreams” was released in 1977.
Why the sudden interest in a
song that came out decades before
streaming was possible? Was it part
of a soundtrack? Featured on a commercial
or popular TV show? No,
“Dreams” hit the charts after it was
included in a video by TikTok user
420doggface208, whose real name is
Nathan Apodaca.
Nathan is a social media influencer—someone
who posts videos
hoping to generate viral interest and
a large viewership. And for Nathan,
it’s working. His lighthearted videos
have amassed 6.6 million followers
and 88.8 million likes.
Big money
Those big numbers generate more
than just bragging rights. There’s big
money involved, too. It comes from
the platforms, as well as paid sponsorships
from companies looking to
leverage an influencer’s popularity.
The biggest influencer in 2019
was 9-year-old Ryan Kaji, the star
of YouTube’s most profitable channel,
Ryan’s World. His challenges, toy
reviews and pseudo-educational
videos have garnered 29 million subscribers
and a whopping 46 billion
views. Oh, and $26 million in 2019.
Not bad for a young guy who’s still in
elementary school.
Those sorts of numbers help
explain why “social media influencer”
and “YouTube star” have
become popular career aspirations
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
June / July 2021

KIDS & TEENS / PLUGGED IN
PLUGGED IN / KIDS & TEENS
for many young people. A Harris
Poll/LEGO survey of kids in the
U.S., Britain and China found that
29% of 8- to 12-year-olds want to
be YouTubers—three times as many
as want to be astronauts. Among
teens, 54% want to be social media
influencers.
It’s not hard to see where those
aspirational impulses might be coming
from. Popularity, influence and
money have been some of the main
building blocks of teens’ self-esteem
for a couple of generations now.
And when it comes to the role of
a social media influencer, those
elements have coalesced into something
many tweens and teens think
they could do, too. When they see
a youngster like Ryan playing with
toys and raking in millions, they
might easily think, I can do that.
Social climbing?
In years past, young people might
have been similarly infatuated with
the idea of becoming a rock star
or actress. But the odds stacked
against them were formidable and
obvious. Becoming a social media
influencer and raking in millions
seems more attainable. After all, the
only thing you need is a camera, a
pretty smile and a bit of viral luck,
right? Not so fast.
Marketing analyst Natalya
Saldanha understands that kids may
be drawn to the apparent ease of
achieving fame and mega-success
simply by opening toys, but reality is
something very different.
“The fact is most wannabe influencers
have as much a chance of walking
on the moon as they do of emulating
Ryan Kaji,” Natalya writes. “They’ll
be lucky, in fact, to earn as much as
someone working at a fast-food joint.”
Being a successful social media
influencer is all about one thing:
consumerism. It’s about identifying
and promoting products—at least,
if you want to get paid. In an article
titled “How Your Kid Can Become a
Social Media Influencer,” Shay Jiles
talked with DFWChild about how
she and her children promote their
Instagram channel. “Make sure you
are tagging your posts,” she noted,
“everything from the chips you are
eating to the shoes you are wearing,
so the brand picks it up and reposts
it. Then you have their followers saying,
‘Who are these people?’ ”
Practical concerns
for parents
Even if your child understands that
becoming a social media influencer
is much harder than it looks, there
are more practical concerns parents
need to be aware of.
First, personal security issues
remain a real concern. A successful
social media star by definition has
millions of eyeballs on him or her.
And though I’m sure, for instance,
that young Ryan’s parents have spent
a good deal of his fortune securing a
safe place to live, they have no idea
who is watching those videos or how
people are interacting with images
of their son. As a parent of kids in
that age range myself, I find that
more than a little unsettling.
There are also spiritual questions to ponder.
Even though a social media influencer is invariably
pushing a product, the product is ultimately
the person doing all that pushing. A lack of likes,
demeaning comments about appearance and criticism
in general are all a part of the deal here. For
a young person whose identity is increasingly
wrapped up in his or her online persona, the question
of how all that might shape his or her soul is a
serious one indeed.
It’s good for kids to dream about who they might
become and the kind of influence they hope to have
in our world. As parents we have a responsibility
to understand how social media is reshaping their
understanding of what that influence might look
like, and to respond with wisdom and discernment
as we help them navigate our changing times. •
Adam R. Holz is the director of Plugged In, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s
entertainment- and technology-review website for parents.
Influencer
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“RYAN’S MYSTERY PLAYDATE”
Social media influencer Ryan Kaji is back for a
fourth season of making new friends on Nick Jr.
Now streaming
CONFORMED OR
TRANSFORMED?
Maybe your kids have no desire to become internet
stars, but are they following social media influencers?
Here are important questions to dive into as a family:
• What social media voices do you pay attention to or follow?
• What makes those people attractive to you?
• What products are they trying to sell?
• What would you say your favorite influencers’ effect is on you?
• Do their videos make you want to buy certain things?
• Do they communicate the idea that you need to change something
about yourself to be acceptable?
Social media influencers may be a new thing in
the lives of tweens and teens. But the concept of
influence—of what values are shaping their hearts,
beliefs and convictions—goes back a great deal
further. In Romans 12:2, Paul wrote, “Do not be
conformed to this world, but be transformed by
the renewal of your mind.”
Paul understood that the world’s value system is
constantly squeezing and molding how we think
and what we consider to be most important. The
only antidote to that is focusing on biblical truth,
so that we might recognize and embrace “whatever
is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is
just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is commendable” (Philippians 4:8).
—ARH
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June / July 2021
June / July 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 43

KIDS & TEENS / BOUNDARIES
the shoe rule
Stumbling over sneakers
led to a lesson about
responsibility
BY CHRIS BRACK
<strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family
Canada
Broadcast
App
MY 5-YEAR-OLD SON,
THOMAS, RAN PAST ME on
his way to the stairs that led to his
room.
“Slow down,” I automatically called
as I finished folding a pair of jeans.
When I heard a thump followed by
a cry of pain, I hurried into the living
room.
“Are you OK?” I asked.
“I slipped on Michelle’s shoe,”
Thomas said, tears rolling down his
cheeks.
My husband and I have four kids,
but that day there were certainly
more than four pairs of shoes in the
living room. Our children had gotten
into the habit of kicking off their
footwear wherever they were. It
didn’t bother me when they were
younger, but it did now.
After talking with my husband,
we decided we needed to motivate
our children to pick up after themselves.
We wanted them to do what
was right, not just what was convenient
in the moment—starting with
their shoes.
A new plan
Our strategy was simple. Any shoe or
sock left behind belonged to me. So I
picked up shoes and socks throughout
the day and then gave my kids
an opportunity to earn them back.
When one child asked, “Where are
my tennis shoes?” I replied, “You left
them in the dining room. If you want
to dust the bookshelf, they can be
yours again.”
I was completely surprised when
this plan worked. After a few shoes
were paid for with chores, the footwear
miraculously found its way into
the proper place without my help.
And unexpectedly, our shoe experiment
branched out.
At the end of each night, I used
to pick up toys and take them to
our children’s rooms. But our kids
started to do that task on their own.
(I think they were afraid the shoe
rule might extend to their toys.)
Though I wish we’d started this
exercise when our children were
younger, I’m glad we began it when
we did. The shoe rule was the first
step in helping them realize why
short-term convenience isn’t always
the best answer to a problem.
A deeper understanding
As our children grew, the shoe rule
gave us a basis for having other conversations
with our kids. We used it
in our discussions about choosing
NEW AFRICA; BESTNERDLIFE / STOCK.ADOBE.COM
to do what was right in the areas of
personal responsibility and moral
decisions.
Was saying an unkind word when
they felt hurt the best action? Or was
holding their tongue better so as to
keep from hurting someone’s feelings
and learn self-control? Should
they cheat off of a friend’s paper or
get the grade they deserved, which
forced them to study harder?
Because my children had a tangible
example for understanding why they
were making decisions, they were better
able to think through outcomes.
They found that taking responsibility
not only for their material possessions
but also for their social actions was
difficult but important. And sometimes
doing what was right felt unfair,
such as when a sibling appeared to be
held to a different standard.
At those times, we talked about
Paul’s encouragement in Galatians
6:9: “Let us not grow weary of doing
good, for in due season we will reap, if
we do not give up.” With each choice
to do what was right, my children
learned that doing good was seldom
the most convenient path, but it had
rewards. Not saying an unkind word
kept friendships stronger. Not cheating
made them better students.
Over time, our kids began to
understand how their choices had
short-term and long-term consequences.
What started as a rule to get
our kids to put away their shoes grew
into a good example of how doing
right was a much better choice than
doing what was convenient. •
Chris Brack is a co-author of books for
children. Her most recent “The Imagination
Station” book is Refugees on the Run.
Looking for ways to build your
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KIDS & TEENS / MY THRIVING FAMILY
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