J U L Y | I S S U E N O . 2 1 0 1 0 2
AT FORTY FIVE
The Magazine For Women 45+
C H R I S T M A S I N J U L Y : N E W F A M I L Y C E L E B R A T I O N S
You Want To Be Friends
No Need To Calculate,
Wanting To Help Your Adulting
With Your Adult Child, Right?
Children But Needing To Not
E D I T O R ' S N O T E S
Do you remember the first time you purposely opposed your
parent's bidding and you were surprised to find the world
didn't fall apart? It is at that point that adulthood begins to
blossom and one decides our parents knew NOTHING lol. It is
at that point too that we begin a new type of relationship
with our parents, that of friends and peers.
This week we are celebrating the bond of friendship between
parents and children. We delight in the intertwining of
family memories from the past and explore making new ones
like Christmas In July. Make fun.
“ Y O U A R E T H E B O W S F R O M W H I C H Y O U R C H I L D R E N A S L I V I N G
A R R O W S A R E S E N T F O R T H . ¨ — K H A L I L G I B R A N
C O N T E N T S
wanting to help your
but needing to not
do you remember
your mom's scent?
4 perfume tips
christmas in July:
you want to be
friends with your
adult child right?
No Need To
family Recipes Create
Help Ms. Mostly!
My Child Borrowed
Money From Me
AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /05
Wanting To Help Your Adulting Children
But Needing To Not
One of the hardest parts of being a parent is
watching your children face adversity and
knowing that there comes a time where they
must travel the journey alone. It is their life.
You support, comfort, and encourage them,
but you cannot fix what they are facing, even
though you want to so badly. It is at this
point, that the apron string that you have
nurtured and used to keep them close
This has been a reality for every generation of
parents. The price of independence is a
bittersweet one of pride and sadness. The
most rewarding aspect of parenting,
however, is witnessing the strength, courage,
determination, and adaptability of children
as they navigate successfully through their
Life Is Full Of Lessons
/ B Y L I S A D I A N E
They muster the bravery to face another day
even though it may bring disappointments.
Even though their friends hurt them they
find loyalty a lesson deep within their being.
They decide to just go for their dream even
though there is no guarantee of success, and
they smile and laugh because they know that
the good in this world far outweighs the bad.
We commend and celebrate their resiliency
and drive to persist and figure out life
There are many lessons our children cannot
learn in a classroom. They only learn them by
going through life experiences and all that it
entails. I watch our kids, and those I have had
the privilege of knowing, chase goals I was
never daring enough to dream. They are
inspiring, awesome, and powerful.
Today's children have a burden to bear that
we did not have growing up. They are under
the microscope of the Internet. The loss of
privacy through technology creates a
generation that documents every success,
failure, accomplishment, and mistake.
Lessons are harder to recover from and tough
Their world is full of critic - keyboard warriors
hiding behind the anonymity of the
computer. The sarcastic nastiness is spewed
without any regard for compassion or
So we offer a toast to our youth who are our
future, you are fascinating and intelligent
and brave. You inspire me to try a little
harder every day. And to our two children
who make us proud unconditionally, it is a
privilege to call you ours - you are our life and
Enjoy other musings of Lisa Diane
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Do You Remember Your Mom’s Scent?
Four Perfume Tips She Taught You
/ B Y S H E"
R R Y K A L L E R G I S
I can close my eyes and the waft of my
mother’s perfume fills my senses. With
eight children there was not a lot of extra
money for splurges, but she always made
perfume a priority.
Living on the Canadian prairies, Avon’s
Roses Roses was the affordable version
of elegance and delivered to your door
before online ordering was a thing.
I can see her daily ritual of applying
perfume. She often explained how your
body’s chemistry makes the scent your
very own signature. Her regiment was:
1. Spray perfume on the inside of your
wrists as the hot spots on your body
carry the scent.
2. A hint of perfume goes behind your
ears to greet him when he whispers
sweet nothings close.
3. Spray the air and walk through it so
the scent clings to your hair and your
4. Use a perfume-scented lotion to
moisturize after you bathe – your body
heat will add a foundation of scent.
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Over the years, I have adopted certain
scents for myself. Each comes with a
memory. Joy was my very first adult
purchase. I bought it on the plane to
France in celebration of my first European
trip, from the duty-free collection they
used to offer inflight.
The original Joy, from Jean Patou, was a
combination of jasmine and rose and was
voted the Scent of the Century by the
Fragrance Foundation Awards in 2000,
beating its rival Chanel No. 5.
Image Credits: chairish.com
vintage joy de jean patou perfume
original Bottle circa 1931
An expensive perfume, I rationed it for use
for my most special occasions. The classic
bottle still has the place of honor on my
bureau. It is no longer in production,
although a new version is available.
Poison Dior Parfum is my go-to scent of
choice. The sultry, sexy fragrance has a
spicy musky scent that always causes
people to comment “What are you
That is what wearing a fragrance does for
you. It is like wearing a beautiful dress, it
gives you a sense of confidence.
Image Credits: amazon.com
Jean Patou Joy by Jean Patou
It is unfortunate that wearing scents has
become somewhat of an issue, especially
in public places, as many people cannot
enjoy fragrances because of allergies.
I can’t imagine not having the luxury of
What is your favorite perfume? Was it
influenced by your mother? Although we
for sure are not our mothers, there is no
denying perfume represents the class of
Poison by Christian Dior For Women Parfum
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F E A T U R E S
/ BY SHERRY KALLERGIS
Christmas in July? It is the perfect idea
to make up for the inability to
celebrate Christmas properly this past
While the world was in the midst of a
pandemic that held us all in various
modes of lockdown, there were two
camps of thinking.
For those of us who dread the
pressure of company Xmas parties and
finding the perfect present, we didn’t
exactly mourn the change.
For those of you who love the
decorating, the planning, the
opportunity to gather with family and
friends, though, Christmas in July
provides a whole new opportunity and
take on festivities.
AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /09
Christmas in July got its beginnings in the
1940s however the idea was recently
popularized by the American TV Hallmark
Channel and certainly made a come back
during the binge tv watching phase of
Surprisingly, the traditional red and white
just pop when placed on a background of
sand and blue water.
Ideas For Christmas In July
Here are some ideas to make your party
the talk of the summer.
There are endless opportunities to add a
summer vibe to the Xmas experience; the
beach, the pool, the backyard, a travel
destination, your family reunion, or a
campout will work just fine.
Every event needs one and palm trees are
a tropical take to the traditional fir.
Swap out your traditional lights and go
wild with novelty choices like pineapple
lights on your patio.
Ugly Sweater Contests:
How about an ugly bathing suit one. This is the
perfect opportunity to be brazen enough to
showcase those bathing suit mishap purchases as
you made a foray into the new world of online
No Christmas can be complete without a gift
giving entity. The Grinch could have a change of
heart and be the perfect solution.
Can the lowly hot dog compensate for the
traditional turkey coma? If not, deep frying the
turkey could be an option and potato salad makes
a great stand-in for the mashed potatoes.
Smores make the perfect short-bread alternative,
but I think this is the best Christmas In July dessert
You take fresh strawberries and dip them in Kraft
Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Crème and roast them
over the open fire and top with your sauce of
choice, caramel or chocolate. Pure summer
The beach bags are hung on the Adirondack chairs
with care…in the hopes that your Christmas In July
is a fair.
Incorporate a campfire themed gift
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You Want To
/ BY JANICE HRYNKOW MA CCC PSYCHOTHERAPIST
Navigating how to get
along with your adult
children can be fraught
with challenges. Many
parents wished a manual
accompanied their bundle
of joy home from the
hospital so many years ago.
If the roller coaster ride of
those angsty teenage years
was puzzling, well your job
is not any easier now that
they are adults.
Over the years in my
practice, I have dealt with
many parents. Here are
some tips on what has
successfully move to being
friends with their adult
Depending on what
philosophy you raised
them with has everything
to do with how you choose
to get along with them.
Now, as when they were
children, they all have
They will see things
differently from their
brothers and sisters or you.
Knowing this will give you
a head start because if you
ever want to get along with
anyone you must first hear
how they see it.
Accept that now, as an
adult, they do not have to
see it your way. Even as a
child they may not have
seen it your way, so it is
futile to think they should
If you are the oldest in your
own family chances are
your youngest looked at
life a lot differently than
you did. However, that
youngest had to live under
your rules in really-- your
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F E A T U R E S
So, he either adapted which says he is
flexible, or he rebelled. Perhaps you’re
a Christian and he decided to become
Buddhist. Now, as an adult that is the
way the ball bounces. Be glad he
believes in someone, remember
Buddha isn’t Charles Manson. So, your
Did you have your heart set on making a
big wedding for your daughter. In your
mind, she was going to grow up and
marry a handsome prince who would
take care of her and support her, even if
she had a job or career. But now you
find out she likes Margaret. So what?
Does Margaret have a job, a car, and is
she a good person? Grandchildren? Yes,
you can still have them, although it is
true you will have to adjust. Even if you
have a son who loves another man, then
you will have 2 sons, think of it that way.
If need be and you have trouble
explaining your child's choice to
relatives or friends, you can practice
role-playing with someone else. This is
called adaptation and acceptance. It is
integral to being friends with your child
and their significant other.
Adult children who still live in your home
which is also their home however more so
yours as you paid the mortgage. The rule is
school or work. It is the only way. Now
depending on the work and their pay, you
both can negotiate on what’s a good amount
to contribute to the house. It is up to you to
either use it for expenses or save it if you
have a lot of money to give back when s/he
decides to move out. Unless you have a plan
when your child moves out, try making a
" A C C E P T T H A T
N O W , A S A N
A D U L T , T H E Y D O
N O T H A V E T O S E E
I T Y O U R W A Y . "
guess who is babysitting and maybe next time,
she must pay for her own birth control. So much
for Africa! Better still it is good to set some limits
and believe in education. You could do an
educational workshop with both after dinner one
night. Do not listen to oh mom! Just say it is ok, I
know what I am talking about. How do you think
you got here?
a deadline with a realistic goal in mind. I
know some young adults who would like
to stay home forever. That may or may not
work for you. Now, you will need to decide
when, for how long, and why? This will
lead to a discussion on how much.
Compassion is free from parents usually
when the young adult gives a good
reason. However, when you’ve been down
this road one too many times, you have a
problem, you may wish to seek personal
counseling from me. Hey, we love our kids
but remember when you told me you
wanted to live in Africa when your son was
Who is sleeping in my house and with who
needs a discussion and a limit? Think
about what is safer for you and them. With
your daughter, would you like her to get
pregnant, and where? If no, and not in
some back seat of a car, supply condoms
or birth control. If she makes a mistake
Once they move out, they may or may not invite
you for dinner. When you go over there do not
complain about how low the couch is. It is not low
for them. Just be amused with how they have
pulled it together and of course say some nice
things. They want to do things their way now and
so if you want to come back, be respectful. No
sneaking in their apartment to paint their
bathroom. None of that stuff. And do not ask to
meet their partners' parents. It is a no-brainer like
my son said you would not like them anyway!
Getting along with our children requires us to be
flexible. When and if you go there and they do not
serve coffee ask for a glass of water, try not to
stay too long as they will be waiting for you to go.
Like my other son says, I hope you do not think
we have to entertain you. Of course not, I said I’m
just here sitting on the couch as you people
watch your sitcom show.
So now they are married and a holiday. Whoopie.
What's going to happen? Anything? When you
would like to make the dinner and have them
over ask them three weeks before and repeat it
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F E A T U R E S
every week after that. One week before, you can ask
them to bring the dessert. If you stop doing all the
work, making the thanksgivings or Christmas feasts,
maybe they’ll invite you. My advice is if you love
cooking make the turkey anyway and invite people to
bring dishes over. Maybe they’ll come, maybe they
won’t. But you will be doing what you want or you
could just go on a vacation. It's time for you anyway.
Next there are grandchildren. Trust me they will want
you now. Let the river flow. The great thing about
grandchildren is you can give them back. And do a
little at a time, so you are not wiped out for two days.
Be careful, you may want to take each child
separately, for the child’s sake and for your sake.
However, your children's idea is for you to take them
all, so they get a break. Well, let's see how that works.
However, you can choose to make the best of it.
The last tip? When they do phone to say I love you,
don’t ask when they are going to come over? Don’t
send the title of that new song that’s out, “If you knew
the world was ending, would you come over?" They
won’t get it. And texting sucks! Nothing I text ever
Good luck, you are going to need it.
P. S. Parents usually find their adult children's attitude
changes at about 45-50 years of age. Don't fret, the
time passes quickly.
Read more articles from Janyse Hrykow.
Steam | 18
NEED TO CALCULATE,
AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /15
/ B Y H O L L Y J A M E S
The Splittr app is the perfect solution for your destination
Christmas in July.
Do you want an easy way to keep track of shared expenses
with your group? Everyone is finding Splittr to be an easy
solution to use, even if you are technically challenged.
The key feature of this app is that it keeps parties who
agree to share expenses accountable. No more having to
awkwardly hint at whose turn it is to pay or who owes
whom. Your friends will be grabbing the cheque because
Splittr shames them for you. The app shows in real-time
who’s ahead in paying and who is behind.
Instead of exchanging money with every person in the
party, Splittr tells you how to pay the least amount to
people to even up your bill.
How Does It Work?
A person creates the event. As you add participants, you
can send them an email with a link. Each participant or
the event administrator enters an expense as it occurs.
Everyone in the group can track in the app the details of
the expense and the status of the overall shared expenses.
Green shows people who have paid more to date and red
shows who is behind.
When a user enters the
expense, you are prompted
who paid, how much, for
what and which participants
are part of the expense. It
allows sub-events within the
big event and tracks who was
there to charge them their
portion and eliminates
certain people who opted out.
You can add pictures of the
event, or item making it a
photo collection at the end of
It can be used for absolutely
anything that you want to
share expenses on. No more
forgetting the little things.
Paid cab fare? enter in splittr.
Bought balloons? Enter in
Although a free app, it does
offer premium options
conversion for a fee.
A young German man
Raphael Wichmann created
the app to solve his own life
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F A M I L Y R E C I P E S
C R E A T E M E M O R I E S :
D O U B L E C H O C O L A T E
C O O K I E S
/ B Y H O W A R D
The most treasured recipe book I own is a
memento from one of my mother's family
reunions. The Alm Family get-togethers were
legendary and everyone congregated to an
area in the middle of Alberta, just outside of
The dog-eared tome includes recipes from
my grandmother and mother, as well as
aunts, great aunts, and cousins. When my
daughter started cooking she gravitated to
trying out family recipes, pleased to have
connections to the family even though we
lived far away.
This go-to cookie recipe was famous at
school, baseball, and soccer events as my
children were growing. Kids waited for it to
be our turn for refreshments and then
requested Neki's chocolate cookies. Enjoy.
Chewy Double Chocolate Cookies
Contributed by Diane Alm
1 c butter
2 c sugar
2 t vanilla
2 c flour
3/4 c cocoa
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
2 c chocolate chips
Cream together butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla.
Combine the dry ingredients and add to the
Stir in the chocolate chips.
Drop by teaspoon on a ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 degrees for 7 to 9 minutes. (For a
chewy cookie, remove from oven while very soft.)
Let cool 1 minute before removing from pan.
click for more Eat Delicious ideas
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AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /18
Help Ms. Mostly! My Child
Borrowed Money From Me
/ B Y D E A R M S . M O S T L Y
introducing ms. mostly
Dear Ms. Mostly,
I am thinking about doing something about the money
my daughter borrowed from me and I can't sleep! I
gave my daughter (and her husband) sixty thousand
dollars for a down payment on a house. Then they
borrowed a further fifteen thousand so they could
clear off some debt and start a business.
That was four years ago, and I haven’t seen a cent.
They seem to be doing fine and just bought a new
vehicle. They live a block from me and never mention
anything about repayment. The last time I brought it
up they didn’t speak to me for three months.
I am thinking of filing a suit against them.
Dear MOM MOANING OVER MONEY,
Woah Nelly! Before you get on that high horse of
pursuing legal action siccing lawyers on your family,
ask yourself this: What’s more important to you? Your
daughter or your money? I’m assuming you don’t need
the money to prevent you eating cat food on toast and
are pursuing it “on principal”. If the gift and loan have
really put you in dire straits, then tell them that.
From what you say, the original amount was a flat-out
gift so it would be churlish to ask for it back. Sadly, as
Mr. Mostly has learned over the years, any loan must be
documented and signed by all parties, especially
family! It makes terms clear to everyone at the outset
and prevents the kind of sleepless nights you are
I would like to remind you of the old adage, “no good
deed goes unpunished”, a cynical take on life but there
Ms. Mostly mostly knows it all and
if not, she is on the hunt to find the
answer for you.
Married, divorced, and married
again with a blended family, she
comes from a place of knowledge.
You will appreciate her practical,
no-nonsense approach to any
problem you may have, including
those you CAN'T tell anyone else.
She is mostly willing to lend an ear
but be prepared. Ms Mostly has an
unsettling knack for getting to the
heart of the problem with incisive
wit and efficient brevity. If you’re
being an ass, she’ll tell you.
If you have a problem that you can't
tell anyone email it to
email@example.com with Help Ms
Mostly in the subject field..
GETTING YOUR BUSINESS
The missing piece