Christmas In July: New Family Celebrations AT FORTY FIVE Magazine Issue 2101 02

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AT FORTY FIVE

The Magazine For Women 45+

C H R I S T M A S I N J U L Y : N E W F A M I L Y C E L E B R A T I O N S

You Want To Be Friends

No Need To Calculate,

Wanting To Help Your Adulting

With Your Adult Child, Right?

Use Splittr

Children But Needing To Not


artbysherry.ca


E D I T O R ' S N O T E S

Do you remember the first time you purposely opposed your

parent's bidding and you were surprised to find the world

didn't fall apart? It is at that point that adulthood begins to

blossom and one decides our parents knew NOTHING lol. It is

at that point too that we begin a new type of relationship

with our parents, that of friends and peers.

This week we are celebrating the bond of friendship between

parents and children. We delight in the intertwining of

family memories from the past and explore making new ones

like Christmas In July. Make fun.

SHERRY KALLERGIS

“ Y O U A R E T H E B O W S F R O M W H I C H Y O U R C H I L D R E N A S L I V I N G

A R R O W S A R E S E N T F O R T H . ¨ — K H A L I L G I B R A N


C O N T E N T S

03

editor's note

05

wanting to help your

adulting children

but needing to not

06

do you remember

your mom's scent?

4 perfume tips

08

christmas in July:

new family

celebrations

10

you want to be

friends with your

adult child right?

15

No Need To

Calculate, Use

Splittr

16

family Recipes Create

Memories: Double

Chocolate Cookies

18

Help Ms. Mostly!

My Child Borrowed

Money From Me


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /05

Wanting To Help Your Adulting Children

But Needing To Not

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is

watching your children face adversity and

knowing that there comes a time where they

must travel the journey alone. It is their life.

You support, comfort, and encourage them,

but you cannot fix what they are facing, even

though you want to so badly. It is at this

point, that the apron string that you have

nurtured and used to keep them close

breaks.

This has been a reality for every generation of

parents. The price of independence is a

bittersweet one of pride and sadness. The

most rewarding aspect of parenting,

however, is witnessing the strength, courage,

determination, and adaptability of children

as they navigate successfully through their

personal challenges.

Life Is Full Of Lessons

/ B Y L I S A D I A N E

They muster the bravery to face another day

even though it may bring disappointments.

Even though their friends hurt them they

find loyalty a lesson deep within their being.

They decide to just go for their dream even

though there is no guarantee of success, and

they smile and laugh because they know that

the good in this world far outweighs the bad.

We commend and celebrate their resiliency

and drive to persist and figure out life

.

There are many lessons our children cannot

learn in a classroom. They only learn them by

going through life experiences and all that it

entails. I watch our kids, and those I have had

the privilege of knowing, chase goals I was

never daring enough to dream. They are

inspiring, awesome, and powerful.

Today's children have a burden to bear that

we did not have growing up. They are under

the microscope of the Internet. The loss of

privacy through technology creates a

generation that documents every success,

failure, accomplishment, and mistake.

Lessons are harder to recover from and tough

to shoulder.

Their world is full of critic - keyboard warriors

hiding behind the anonymity of the

computer. The sarcastic nastiness is spewed

without any regard for compassion or

understanding.

So we offer a toast to our youth who are our

future, you are fascinating and intelligent

and brave. You inspire me to try a little

harder every day. And to our two children

who make us proud unconditionally, it is a

privilege to call you ours - you are our life and

our love.

Learn More

Enjoy other musings of Lisa Diane


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /06

Do You Remember Your Mom’s Scent?

Four Perfume Tips She Taught You

/ B Y S H E"

R R Y K A L L E R G I S

I can close my eyes and the waft of my

mother’s perfume fills my senses. With

eight children there was not a lot of extra

money for splurges, but she always made

perfume a priority.

Living on the Canadian prairies, Avon’s

Roses Roses was the affordable version

of elegance and delivered to your door

before online ordering was a thing.

I can see her daily ritual of applying

perfume. She often explained how your

body’s chemistry makes the scent your

very own signature. Her regiment was:

1. Spray perfume on the inside of your

wrists as the hot spots on your body

carry the scent.

2. A hint of perfume goes behind your

ears to greet him when he whispers

sweet nothings close.

3. Spray the air and walk through it so

the scent clings to your hair and your

clothes.

4. Use a perfume-scented lotion to

moisturize after you bathe – your body

heat will add a foundation of scent.


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE

/07

Over the years, I have adopted certain

scents for myself. Each comes with a

memory. Joy was my very first adult

purchase. I bought it on the plane to

France in celebration of my first European

trip, from the duty-free collection they

used to offer inflight.

The original Joy, from Jean Patou, was a

combination of jasmine and rose and was

voted the Scent of the Century by the

Fragrance Foundation Awards in 2000,

beating its rival Chanel No. 5.

Image Credits: chairish.com

vintage joy de jean patou perfume

original Bottle circa 1931

An expensive perfume, I rationed it for use

for my most special occasions. The classic

bottle still has the place of honor on my

bureau. It is no longer in production,

although a new version is available.

Poison Dior Parfum is my go-to scent of

choice. The sultry, sexy fragrance has a

spicy musky scent that always causes

people to comment “What are you

wearing?”

That is what wearing a fragrance does for

you. It is like wearing a beautiful dress, it

gives you a sense of confidence.

Image Credits: amazon.com

Jean Patou Joy by Jean Patou

It is unfortunate that wearing scents has

become somewhat of an issue, especially

in public places, as many people cannot

enjoy fragrances because of allergies.

I can’t imagine not having the luxury of

using scents.

What is your favorite perfume? Was it

influenced by your mother? Although we

for sure are not our mothers, there is no

denying perfume represents the class of

that era.

Image Credits:

Poison by Christian Dior For Women Parfum


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /08

F E A T U R E S

Christmas

in July:

New

Family

Traditions

/ BY SHERRY KALLERGIS

Christmas in July? It is the perfect idea

to make up for the inability to

celebrate Christmas properly this past

year.

While the world was in the midst of a

pandemic that held us all in various

modes of lockdown, there were two

camps of thinking.

For those of us who dread the

pressure of company Xmas parties and

finding the perfect present, we didn’t

exactly mourn the change.

For those of you who love the

decorating, the planning, the

opportunity to gather with family and

friends, though, Christmas in July

provides a whole new opportunity and

take on festivities.


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /09

Christmas in July got its beginnings in the

1940s however the idea was recently

popularized by the American TV Hallmark

Channel and certainly made a come back

during the binge tv watching phase of

2020.

Surprisingly, the traditional red and white

just pop when placed on a background of

sand and blue water.

Ideas For Christmas In July

Here are some ideas to make your party

the talk of the summer.

Location:

There are endless opportunities to add a

summer vibe to the Xmas experience; the

beach, the pool, the backyard, a travel

destination, your family reunion, or a

campout will work just fine.

Christmas tree:

Every event needs one and palm trees are

a tropical take to the traditional fir.

Lights:

Swap out your traditional lights and go

wild with novelty choices like pineapple

lights on your patio.

Ugly Sweater Contests:

How about an ugly bathing suit one. This is the

perfect opportunity to be brazen enough to

showcase those bathing suit mishap purchases as

you made a foray into the new world of online

shopping.

Santa Stand-in:

No Christmas can be complete without a gift

giving entity. The Grinch could have a change of

heart and be the perfect solution.

The Feast:

Can the lowly hot dog compensate for the

traditional turkey coma? If not, deep frying the

turkey could be an option and potato salad makes

a great stand-in for the mashed potatoes.

Smores make the perfect short-bread alternative,

but I think this is the best Christmas In July dessert

ever.

You take fresh strawberries and dip them in Kraft

Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Crème and roast them

over the open fire and top with your sauce of

choice, caramel or chocolate. Pure summer

decadence.

The Story:

The beach bags are hung on the Adirondack chairs

with care…in the hopes that your Christmas In July

is a fair.

Gift giving:

Incorporate a campfire themed gift

exchange.


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE / 10

You Want To

Be Friends

With Your

Adult Child,

Right?

/ BY JANICE HRYNKOW MA CCC PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Navigating how to get

along with your adult

children can be fraught

with challenges. Many

parents wished a manual

accompanied their bundle

of joy home from the

hospital so many years ago.

If the roller coaster ride of

those angsty teenage years

was puzzling, well your job

is not any easier now that

they are adults.

Over the years in my

practice, I have dealt with

many parents. Here are

some tips on what has

helped parents

successfully move to being

friends with their adult

children.

Depending on what

philosophy you raised

them with has everything

to do with how you choose

to get along with them.

Now, as when they were

children, they all have

different temperaments.

They will see things

differently from their

brothers and sisters or you.

Knowing this will give you

a head start because if you

ever want to get along with

anyone you must first hear

how they see it.

Accept that now, as an

adult, they do not have to

see it your way. Even as a

child they may not have

seen it your way, so it is

futile to think they should

now.

If you are the oldest in your

own family chances are

your youngest looked at

life a lot differently than

you did. However, that

youngest had to live under

your rules in really-- your

home.


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /11

F E A T U R E S

So, he either adapted which says he is

flexible, or he rebelled. Perhaps you’re

a Christian and he decided to become

Buddhist. Now, as an adult that is the

way the ball bounces. Be glad he

believes in someone, remember

Buddha isn’t Charles Manson. So, your

good then?

Did you have your heart set on making a

big wedding for your daughter. In your

mind, she was going to grow up and

marry a handsome prince who would

take care of her and support her, even if

she had a job or career. But now you

find out she likes Margaret. So what?

Does Margaret have a job, a car, and is

she a good person? Grandchildren? Yes,

you can still have them, although it is

true you will have to adjust. Even if you

have a son who loves another man, then

you will have 2 sons, think of it that way.

If need be and you have trouble

explaining your child's choice to

relatives or friends, you can practice

role-playing with someone else. This is

called adaptation and acceptance. It is

integral to being friends with your child

and their significant other.

Adult children who still live in your home

which is also their home however more so

yours as you paid the mortgage. The rule is

school or work. It is the only way. Now

depending on the work and their pay, you

both can negotiate on what’s a good amount

to contribute to the house. It is up to you to

either use it for expenses or save it if you

have a lot of money to give back when s/he

decides to move out. Unless you have a plan

when your child moves out, try making a


" A C C E P T T H A T

N O W , A S A N

A D U L T , T H E Y D O

N O T H A V E T O S E E

I T Y O U R W A Y . "

guess who is babysitting and maybe next time,

she must pay for her own birth control. So much

for Africa! Better still it is good to set some limits

and believe in education. You could do an

educational workshop with both after dinner one

night. Do not listen to oh mom! Just say it is ok, I

know what I am talking about. How do you think

you got here?

a deadline with a realistic goal in mind. I

know some young adults who would like

to stay home forever. That may or may not

work for you. Now, you will need to decide

when, for how long, and why? This will

lead to a discussion on how much.

Compassion is free from parents usually

when the young adult gives a good

reason. However, when you’ve been down

this road one too many times, you have a

problem, you may wish to seek personal

counseling from me. Hey, we love our kids

but remember when you told me you

wanted to live in Africa when your son was

30?

Who is sleeping in my house and with who

needs a discussion and a limit? Think

about what is safer for you and them. With

your daughter, would you like her to get

pregnant, and where? If no, and not in

some back seat of a car, supply condoms

or birth control. If she makes a mistake

Once they move out, they may or may not invite

you for dinner. When you go over there do not

complain about how low the couch is. It is not low

for them. Just be amused with how they have

pulled it together and of course say some nice

things. They want to do things their way now and

so if you want to come back, be respectful. No

sneaking in their apartment to paint their

bathroom. None of that stuff. And do not ask to

meet their partners' parents. It is a no-brainer like

my son said you would not like them anyway!

Getting along with our children requires us to be

flexible. When and if you go there and they do not

serve coffee ask for a glass of water, try not to

stay too long as they will be waiting for you to go.

Like my other son says, I hope you do not think

we have to entertain you. Of course not, I said I’m

just here sitting on the couch as you people

watch your sitcom show.

So now they are married and a holiday. Whoopie.

What's going to happen? Anything? When you

would like to make the dinner and have them

over ask them three weeks before and repeat it


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE / 13

F E A T U R E S

every week after that. One week before, you can ask

them to bring the dessert. If you stop doing all the

work, making the thanksgivings or Christmas feasts,

maybe they’ll invite you. My advice is if you love

cooking make the turkey anyway and invite people to

bring dishes over. Maybe they’ll come, maybe they

won’t. But you will be doing what you want or you

could just go on a vacation. It's time for you anyway.

Next there are grandchildren. Trust me they will want

you now. Let the river flow. The great thing about

grandchildren is you can give them back. And do a

little at a time, so you are not wiped out for two days.

Be careful, you may want to take each child

separately, for the child’s sake and for your sake.

However, your children's idea is for you to take them

all, so they get a break. Well, let's see how that works.

However, you can choose to make the best of it.

The last tip? When they do phone to say I love you,

don’t ask when they are going to come over? Don’t

send the title of that new song that’s out, “If you knew

the world was ending, would you come over?" They

won’t get it. And texting sucks! Nothing I text ever

gets through!

Good luck, you are going to need it.

P. S. Parents usually find their adult children's attitude

changes at about 45-50 years of age. Don't fret, the

time passes quickly.

Learn More

Read more articles from Janyse Hrykow.

Steam | 18


NEED TO CALCULATE,

NO

SPLITTR

USE

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /15

TALK TECH

/ B Y H O L L Y J A M E S

The Splittr app is the perfect solution for your destination

Christmas in July.

Do you want an easy way to keep track of shared expenses

with your group? Everyone is finding Splittr to be an easy

solution to use, even if you are technically challenged.

The key feature of this app is that it keeps parties who

agree to share expenses accountable. No more having to

awkwardly hint at whose turn it is to pay or who owes

whom. Your friends will be grabbing the cheque because

Splittr shames them for you. The app shows in real-time

who’s ahead in paying and who is behind.

Instead of exchanging money with every person in the

party, Splittr tells you how to pay the least amount to

people to even up your bill.

How Does It Work?

A person creates the event. As you add participants, you

can send them an email with a link. Each participant or

the event administrator enters an expense as it occurs.

Everyone in the group can track in the app the details of

the expense and the status of the overall shared expenses.

Green shows people who have paid more to date and red

shows who is behind.

When a user enters the

expense, you are prompted

who paid, how much, for

what and which participants

are part of the expense. It

allows sub-events within the

big event and tracks who was

there to charge them their

portion and eliminates

certain people who opted out.

You can add pictures of the

event, or item making it a

photo collection at the end of

the excursion.

It can be used for absolutely

anything that you want to

share expenses on. No more

forgetting the little things.

Paid cab fare? enter in splittr.

Bought balloons? Enter in

splittr.

Although a free app, it does

offer premium options

including currency

conversion for a fee.

A young German man

Raphael Wichmann created

the app to solve his own life

problems.


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /16

F A M I L Y R E C I P E S

C R E A T E M E M O R I E S :

D O U B L E C H O C O L A T E

C O O K I E S

/ B Y H O W A R D

The most treasured recipe book I own is a

memento from one of my mother's family

reunions. The Alm Family get-togethers were

legendary and everyone congregated to an

area in the middle of Alberta, just outside of

Wetaskiwin.

The dog-eared tome includes recipes from

my grandmother and mother, as well as

aunts, great aunts, and cousins. When my

daughter started cooking she gravitated to

trying out family recipes, pleased to have

connections to the family even though we

lived far away.

This go-to cookie recipe was famous at

school, baseball, and soccer events as my

children were growing. Kids waited for it to

be our turn for refreshments and then

requested Neki's chocolate cookies. Enjoy.

Chewy Double Chocolate Cookies

Contributed by Diane Alm

1 c butter

2 c sugar

2 eggs

2 t vanilla

2 c flour

3/4 c cocoa

1 t baking soda

1/2 t salt

2 c chocolate chips

Cream together butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla.

Beat well.

Combine the dry ingredients and add to the

creamed mixture.

Stir in the chocolate chips.

Drop by teaspoon on a ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake at 350 degrees for 7 to 9 minutes. (For a

chewy cookie, remove from oven while very soft.)

Let cool 1 minute before removing from pan.

click for more Eat Delicious ideas


EVERY FRIDAY

8am PDT and 11am EDT in North America

4pm GMT in most of Europe

5pm SAST South Africa

1am Saturday AEST Australia

www.fabulousfridaytvshow.com


AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /18

Help Ms. Mostly! My Child

Borrowed Money From Me

/ B Y D E A R M S . M O S T L Y

introducing ms. mostly

Dear Ms. Mostly,

I am thinking about doing something about the money

my daughter borrowed from me and I can't sleep! I

gave my daughter (and her husband) sixty thousand

dollars for a down payment on a house. Then they

borrowed a further fifteen thousand so they could

clear off some debt and start a business.

That was four years ago, and I haven’t seen a cent.

They seem to be doing fine and just bought a new

vehicle. They live a block from me and never mention

anything about repayment. The last time I brought it

up they didn’t speak to me for three months.

I am thinking of filing a suit against them.

Dear MOM MOANING OVER MONEY,

Woah Nelly! Before you get on that high horse of

pursuing legal action siccing lawyers on your family,

ask yourself this: What’s more important to you? Your

daughter or your money? I’m assuming you don’t need

the money to prevent you eating cat food on toast and

are pursuing it “on principal”. If the gift and loan have

really put you in dire straits, then tell them that.

From what you say, the original amount was a flat-out

gift so it would be churlish to ask for it back. Sadly, as

Mr. Mostly has learned over the years, any loan must be

documented and signed by all parties, especially

family! It makes terms clear to everyone at the outset

and prevents the kind of sleepless nights you are

currently enjoying.

I would like to remind you of the old adage, “no good

deed goes unpunished”, a cynical take on life but there

we are.

Ms. Mostly mostly knows it all and

if not, she is on the hunt to find the

answer for you.

Married, divorced, and married

again with a blended family, she

comes from a place of knowledge.

You will appreciate her practical,

no-nonsense approach to any

problem you may have, including

those you CAN'T tell anyone else.

She is mostly willing to lend an ear

but be prepared. Ms Mostly has an

unsettling knack for getting to the

heart of the problem with incisive

wit and efficient brevity. If you’re

being an ass, she’ll tell you.

If you have a problem that you can't

tell anyone email it to

info@atfortyfive.com with Help Ms

Mostly in the subject field..


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