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The Wanderer - issue 119 - http://www.wwisc.co.uk/

The Wanderer - issue 119 - Online - WYCOMBE WANDERERS INDEPENDENT SUPPORTERS CLUB - http://www.wwisc.co.uk/

The Wanderer - issue 119 - Online - WYCOMBE WANDERERS INDEPENDENT SUPPORTERS CLUB - http://www.wwisc.co.uk/

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Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir,

Even the most one-eyed Wycombe fans must, in their hearts of hearts, admit that the

flawed ‘Points Per Game’ process used to push them into the play-offs was ridiculous and

unjust when much fairer systems were available to the EFL.

I myself suggest the much simpler ‘Height, Weight, Ferguson, Capacity Algorithm’, in

which the combined heights and weights of the squad, season ticket holders and

matchday stewards are multiplied by the number of times your manager’s dad has won

the Premier League, then added to the number of seats in your stadium, to give a figure

that could have been easily compared across the League.

Bizarrely, this was rejected out of hand by the blazered dictators of the Football League

and as such they will be hearing from my lawyers,

Yours sincerely,

Peter Borough

Cambs

Greetings (insert name of soccer club here) fans!

As your Prime Minister, I know you all want to put on your soccer rosettes and get back

into your club houses and pagodas as soon as possible to swing your rattles, buy a stout

and some meat-based food of some sort and give your chaps a rousing cheer, as they

make a glorious return to the field of play. To this end, my heroic Minister of Culture,

Media and Sport (put the name here, Jane, I’ve got no idea who is supposed to be doing

this...is it Grayling?) has been working closely with the relevant sport and health officials

to fast track some solutions and there are already a few options being tabled:

1) Let fans cram into grounds as per usual. (Cross fingers and see what happens!)

2) Let them in gradually, in dribs and drabs and full body coverings. (Cross fingers and

see what happens!)

3) Require all fans to boost the economy by buying TV sport packages (Cross fingers,

buy shares in Comcast and see what happens!)

4) Never let football be played in front of crowds again. (See if we’ve still got those water

cannons in storage. We’ll need them.)

I’m sure whichever one of these very carefully researched options is chosen, we’ll all do

our patriotic duty and unquestioningly get behind it.

Up the (insert name of soccer club here)!

Bozzer, Westminster

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