Uncle Andy's Digest - August 2021

uncleandys

We're excited to bring you our August 2021 digital edition. Get your own hardcopy magazine at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 different towns throughout Androscoggin and Oxford Counties and beyond! We hope you enjoy the Digest as much as we enjoy bringing it to you :)

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY

RENTALS AVAILABLE!

For details, call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

Turn to page 24

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

AUGUST

2021

1996

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Sales • Lease • Rentals

Parts & Service

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

Live your most balanced, centered life

CRYSTALS

TUMBLED STONES

SALT LAMPS

FIGURINES

JEWELRY

CANDLES/INCENSE

SPIRIT ANIMALS

CHAKRA ITEMS

And More

120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


I hate when people giving directions tell me to go North or East.

Okay, Lewis & Clark, do I head towards Burger King or turn left at Chipotle?

www.deepcleanjs.com

deepcleanjs@yahoo.com

10% REFERRAL BONUS

Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?

Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

207-712-2765

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

COVID-19:

Disinfecting services to help keep your

employees and customers safe.

Summer is here!

We are hauling

pool water!

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

CALL US FOR ALL YOUR POOL NEEDS!

10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013

I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?”

and it responds, “Under the couch cushions with the loose pennies.”


The other day an attractive young woman told me my muscles looked ripped.

It’s too bad it was my orthopedic doctor.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

AUGUST

ACTIVITIES

Wednesday, August 11th

Dairy Joy

3:00-7:00pm

Auburn & Lewiston Locations

M & G: $1.00

Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, August 12th

Val’s Drive-In

4:00-7:00pm

925 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, August 17th

Taber’s

4:00-7:00pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn

M: $7.50 G: $9.00

Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm) or

8-11-2021 (9-11am)

Tuesday, August 31st

Fielder’s Choice (Auburn

Location Only)

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Avenue, Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets on: 8-25-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tickets must be purchased at

the MWA District Office at 184

Webster Street Lewiston, ME on

dates/times listed for each activity.

Please follow all local/state

guidelines . Menus are subject to

change. No substitutions or addons.

Most importantly have FUN!

Maine State Park 1-Day

Vehicle Pass

M Only: $5.00

Purchase tickets on any

Wednesday in August from 9:00-

10:00am

York’s Wild Animal Kingdom

(Zoo Only)

M: $6.00

Purchase tickets on any

Wednesday in August from 9:00-

10:00am

Funtown

Combination Ticket: $33.00

Funtown Park Only: $29.00

Splashtown Only: $29.00

Online ticket program only.

Please call Jamie at 333-6052

or email at jamielevesque52@

yahoo.com for ticket instructions

or call your agent for instructions.

These tickets/discount code is

good for Members only and the

Guests that are attending with

you on the day that you attend

the park. Please do not give the

code out to anyone else or we will

lose the ability to participate in

this discount program. FYI-there

is a processing fee associated

with purchasing the tickets.

If Watson isn’t the most famous Doctor, then Who is.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

All I’m saying is that any point during the ride through the desert,

maybe America could’ve given that horse a name.

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

IRONSIDES

STEVE

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

Joe & Mike

• Partial Adkins Dentures

Licensed

Denturists

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4 August 2021 783-7039

If I had a penny for every bad joke I’ve made, I’d be punniless.


S ABATTU S

MAIN STREET MARKET

A fight at the family reunion picnic isn’t complete without all the ants and knuckles.

Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

Uncle Andy’s

Digest and Maine

Event Comedy are

the two best sources

for humor east of

the Mississippi!

22 Main Street, Sabattus • (207) 375-8502

Try us once,

you’ll be a

regular!

Come celebrate

with us! Daily

Specials, great

pizza, cold drinks,

groceries, fresh

meats, & MORE!

Thank you to all

of our fantastic

customers! We couldn’t

do this without

YOU!

Will & Lucie

Lagasse

I’m a

card-carrying

member of the Julie

Poulin Fan Club!

Scott & Elaine

St. Pierre

May not be combined with daily specials. Exp 8.31.21

Open 7 days a week: 6am - 8pm

Old age is when your favorite piece of software is a pillow.

Ina Small

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


Failure is the path of least persistence.

Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest

World Headquarters in Auburn

Give your home the protection it deserves.

Your home is where you make some of your

best memories, and that’s worth protecting.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

Sue Lovett of SML Proofreading, from Gloucester,

MA stopped by the Digest office with her friend,

Felicia Garant of Lewiston.

Sue’s new book, Proof or Consequences, was a

hit with the team at Uncle Andy’s Digest!

School Daze

Submitted by Steve Simard

Little Suzie comes

home from her first day

at school.

Her mother asks,

“Well, what did you

learn today?”

Suzie replies, “Not

enough. They want

me to come back

tomorrow.”

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial

Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6 August 2021 783-7039

I keep hearing people talk about what they’re going to do when they retire.

I’m literally going to have to work up until lunchtime on the day of my funeral.


After my morning coffee, I like to show my empty mug to our IT guy

to tell him that I’ve successfully installed Java.

NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!

Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

It was a

no-brainer

moving back to

Maine! There is no

Maine Event

Comedy group in

Florida!

Online Account

Management

Online

Rental

GATED ACCESS

Coming Soon!

Well Lit Facility

w/Security Cameras

Paulette Martel &

Jeanne Lessard

People who don’t trust meteorologists have clouded judgment.

Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?

ACT NOW!

Efficiency Maine Rebate

is a limited time offer.

Don’t miss out!

Direct

replacement of

an existing

electric hot

water heater

CALL MIKE TODAY!

207-754-4556

Rit & Madison

Leslie

We’re so

excited to see

the Gendron Franco

Center putting on

events again! What

a fun night out!

Final Cost after

discounts and rebates:

$ 1,224 .00*

*Plus permit costs

Mike@upwi.net

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

Roger & Joan

Haman

Today I’m having some unsettling problems with my house foundation.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

7


Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

Is there

a doctor in the

house? These

comics have me

in stitches!

My wrinkled shirt shows a clear case of iron deficiency.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

Our Executive Officers, staff, and

volunteers will continue to take necessary

precautions to ensure safety for all.

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NEW HOURS: Monday through Thursday: 12p-6p

Friday & Saturday: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in August

Jerry Joe - August 13th & 27th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

Canteen is open! Ask about our drink specials!

Debra White &

Corey Beaulieu

I heard

Elton John was

giving up singing to

be a stand-up

comic.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,

MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY

VACCINATED, PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

MONTHLY MEETING EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18 TH GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & SURPRISE!

SEE YOU AT THE POST!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!

My boyfriend thought I said I was interesting. Really, though, I told him I was into resting.

His new

gig is just a little

bit funny.

Carol & Larry

Labossiere

Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff

Move your

loan to us

for great rates!

We’re from

the same hometown

as Johnny Ater!

Yeah, bub!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

8

Meaghan Erlebach,

Kasey Erlebach, &

Karry Kane

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192

760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

Someone once told me that it takes five sheep to make a sweater.

I didn’t even realize they could knit!


August

Special

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Large Hot

Pastrami Sub

Only $

7 .95

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2022

Events Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 45.


Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

Wouldn’t it be ironic if a scuba diving business went under?

I’m so

excited to be

performing here at

the Franco! There is

nothing that could’ve

made me miss this

performance!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Oh wait...

it can’t be 6:00

already? I need to

get out of here!

Eggs Sunny-Side Up

w/bacon, home fries,

& Texas Toast

I tried to climb a really tall tower in France, but Eiffel off.

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

Out ‘n About with Maine Event Comedy at the Gendron Franco Center

for the Night of Comedy fundraiser benefiting Make-A-Wish Maine

I’ve got

to be home in time

to watch the

Channel 13 news!

As a former

Wish Kid, this event

and this cause is so

important! I was proud to

be able to perform in

support!

Dawn Hartill

Maine Event Comedy Comic

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

The Night of Comedy raised $4,000 for Make-A-Wish Maine!

A special thank you goes to all the comics who donated their performances as well as the

Gendron Franco Center for donating the venue.

Casey Crawford, Mark Turcotte, Dawn Hartill, Jimbo, Ryan Gartley, & Nic Dufault

I hate people who can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Take Out

Available!

Join us on

August 14th

for the 7th Annual

Summer Block

Party!

Summertime

dining is great here

at Mac’s! Come see

why the locals eat

here!

COME JOIN US!

SATURDAY, AUG. 14 TH

hosted by

See Page 24 FMI

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Parenting

Challenges

Submitted by Jimbo

As a member of the organization

that installs

computer systems

aboard Navy ships,

I am mindful of how

important the off-ship

email capabilities are

to sailor morale -

especially when some

vessels are deployed

for up to six months.

One day while shopping

at the base

commissary, I realized

another crucial aspect

of my job. I was trailing

a frazzled mother with

two active children.

I watched as she

stalked over to where

her young son had

perched himself on the

rail of the freezer case.

“If you don’t get off

there right now,” she

commanded, “I’m

going to email your

father!”

When you combine the wealth of Tesla and Microsoft the money elongates.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

I love movies about Greek mythology. You Odyssey them!

Out ‘n About with V&G Home Improvement

It’s in the Mail

Submitted by Jimbo

General Mills makes

Corn Chex, Rice Chex,

etc. If the Post company

bought these

brands, then I have a

new product for them.

Take some Wheat

Chex, add pieces of

fresh dates, and a little

cinnamon and sugar,

and voila!

New, Post Dated

Chex!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

12

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

Josh Easter, Girard Boucher (owner), Jason Bergeron

V&G Home Improvement generously sponsors

the Summer Block Party for Make-A-Wish Maine each year!

When I was a kid my mother told me I could be whoever I wanted.

Little did I know then that identity theft was a crime.


When we were young, we would sneak out of our home to go to parties.

Now, we sneak out of parties to go home.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

«

«

Fill up your growlers before heading upta’ camp!

«

Phone in your order ahead of time

«

«

Order online

Come in and have a pint while we

fill a growler fresh to order!

Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

I thought

my parents were

going to be more

supportive of my

dream of becoming

a stand-up

comic.

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the

Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament

My sister,

Bella, thought I

looked too tired to

take on comedy.

Who invited

the W.B. Mason guy

anyway?

Troy Cailler, JP Adams, Matt Wiers, Richard Paradis

Roebucks Angus

Tell us you saw us in

Uncle Andy’s!

Visit, call, or text us

We Always Have

Specials!

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

BURGER • STEAKS • ROASTS

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

Follow us on Facebook

for information on

Burger Night!

INSPECTED

jay - 207.754.1558

sue - 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He just gave me a blank stare.

When I

tried to tell them

about my new venture,

they all just laughed

at me.

Julie Poulin

Maine Event Comedy Comic

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 13


Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

Whoa!

Look at all

these people, bub!

I hope I remember

how to be

funny!

In most beauty parlors, the gossip alone would curl your hair.

11th Annual

FIRE & SLICE

Golf Tournament

To benefit Poland Fire Rescue Department

Poland Spring Resort

September 2, 2021

Agenda:

This year’s tournament will

8:00am be assigned - Tee Times tee Begin times

11:00am NOT - a Mel’s shotgun Hilltop start Opens

A portion of this year’s proceeds will be directed

towards the H. Priscilla Waterhouse Scholarship

I solemnly

swear to do my

best to make the

people laugh by being

clear and concise

with my jokes...

SIGN ME UP

2021 Fire & Slice Golf Tournament

Team Captain: __________________________________

... and

not just stand

here drooling like a

St. Bernard.

Johnny Ater

Maine Event Comedy Comic

Team Name: ____________________________________

Address: _______________________________________

E-mail: ________________________________________

Phone: ________________________________________

$75 each or $300 per team of 4

Foursome Names

HDCP

____________________________________ ______

____________________________________ ______

____________________________________ ______

____________________________________ ______

Sponsorship Opportunities Available

FMI: Tom Printup

207-756-4487 • tomp@polandfd.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 August 2021 783-7039

Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was annoyed until

I realized I left my phone in Airplane mode.


I just went to a concert and it only cost 45 cents. It was 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

We’ve got you covered!

Calling for

Backup

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Sabrina got pulled

over by the police one

evening, coming home

from work.

“Is there a problem officer?”

Sabrina asked.

“Yes Ma’am, you were

speeding. Can I see

your license, please?”

Peoples Insurance - Monmouth

832 Main Street, Monmouth

(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246

Pinkham Insurance

8 Almar Street, Farmingdale

(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Champoux Insurance Agency

150 East Avenue, Lewiston

(207) 783-2246

(888) 783-2246

A lousy skier often jumps to contusions.

Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit

716 Main Street, Ogunquit

(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118

Rogers Insurance

38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833

“I don’t have one,” Sabrina

answered. “I lost

it for driving to endanger

four times.”

“Well, I’ll need to see

your registration then,”

the officer requested.

“I don’t have that

either,” said Sabrina.

“This car isn’t mine, it’s

stolen. And I certainly

don’t want you looking

in the trunk either.”

Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for

Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour

I think

Mark Turcotte is

one of the nicest

comics around!

Mark & Lisa Prevost, Joann Folsom, Carrie & Bear Parker

Yes!

He’s a real

stand-up

guy!

I started working at a factory that makes chess pieces. I start knights next week.

The officer was concerned

with all of these

revelations and called

his lieutenant for back

up. The lieutenant took

some time to investigate

the car and the

woman’s claims.

“Ma’am, I am confused.

I ran your name

in our system, and it

shows you have a valid

driver’s license. This

car is also registered

to you. And I found

nothing in the trunk.

But one of my officers

has called me in to

investigate all of these

allegations.”

“I’ll bet that liar told you

I was speeding, too.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 15


Out ‘n About at

the Gendron

Franco Center

for Maine Event Comedy’s

Crabby Road Tour

I used

to have a great

job as a chemist, but

I gave it up to do

comedy.

Door frames are my jamb.

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

I may have

to go back to

chemistry though.

My jokes don’t

get the best

reactions.

Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for

Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour

Sally Witonis

Elizabeth McLaughlin

Lisa Sinclair

Mackenzie Belyea

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

I guess

that’s another

one to file under:

Jokes I’m Not

Proud Of!

Mark Turcotte

Maine Event Comedy Founder

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

Contact John today at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Candles are wicked.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS


2

Fungi need as mushroom to grow as possible.

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Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

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wait! Protect your family, your home, your assets

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our Veterans. Fast - FREE pick up. 100% tax deductible.

Call 1-800-245-0398

Update your home with beautiful new blinds &

shades. Free in-home estimates make it convenient to

shop from home. Professional installation. Top quality

- Made in the USA. Free consultation: 877-212-7578.

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us take the stress out of your out of state move. Free

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WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas

interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO

80201

Sense of

Direction

Submitted by Jimbo

Driving to a new

restaurant, a woman

took several wrong

turns. When she finally

found the right road,

she asked her husband,

“Why didn’t you

tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew

where you were going,”

he replied. “You always

know where you’re going

when I’m driving.”

Out ‘n About for the

LA Metro Magazine

Summer Issue

Release Party

These

gatherings are

a blast! This is

a great way to

meet my fellow

contributors!

Michael

Krapovicky

Writer

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I used to know a couple of good landscapers, but not any mower.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 17


Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About for the

LA Metro Magazine

Summer Issue

Release Party

LA Metro

Magazine’s summer

issue is fantastic!

I am excited to have

written the cover story

about Operation Reboot

Outdoors!

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

NOW HIRING! Apply

Within

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

John Breerwood

Writer

What I if

told you that you

read that wrong?

Proofreading win!

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Toby Haber-Giasson

Editorial Director & Writer

Stephanie Arsenault

Chaos Coordinator

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

18

CHEESE!

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Mermaids are just sea gals.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

WANTED: Year Round Flaggers

Androscoggin,

Cumberland,

and Oxford

County Areas

Now

Hiring

Pizza

Delivery

Submitted by Steve Simard

A college pizza delivery

boy arrived at

Jimbo’s house to

deliver the pizza he

ordered.

After giving it to him,

Jimbo asked, “What is

the usual tip?”

Call Today 207-225-5627

Anyone who can spell “drawer” backwards will get a reward!

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No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!

Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr

“Well,” replied the

youth, “this is my first

trip here, but the other

guys say if I get a

quarter out of you, I’ll

be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted

Jimbo. “Well, just to

show them how wrong

they are, here’s five

dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the

youth, “I’ll put this in

my school fund.”

Moved two miles

up the road!

10 Memorial Drive,

Lisbon

“What are you studying

in school?” asked

Jimbo.

The lad smiled and

said, “Applied

psychology.”

Now

Hiring!

I just lost my job at the cloning lab. I’m beside myself right now.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 19


Now

Hiring

Sterotypes

Submitted by Jimbo

Following a heavymetal

rock concert, one

punk rocker stopped

at the front desk of the

hotel and asked if she

had any messages.

The desk clerk handed

her an unsigned note,

and she asked for a

description of the person

who had left it.

“That’s easy,” replied

the clerk. “He wore

tight orange-leather

pants, high-heeled

black boots and a

T-shirt with strategically

cut holes. I remember

a row of colored

safety pins through the

outside edge of one

ear, and he wore purple

eyeshadow. And

his hair was orange

and spiked.”

“Oh, man!,” she said,

obviously disappointed,

“that could be

anybody!”

Bad Priorities

Submitted by Tyla Davis

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

NOW HIRING PRODUCTION WORKERS!

Call Today 207-225-5627

www.atwork.com

Variety of Shifts Available!

Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00

Does anyone have poison ivy home remedies made from scratch?

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

Steve’s wife, Lori, was

mad at him one day.

“You spend too much

time thinking about

golf! Do you even

remember the day we

got married?”

Steve scoffed, “Of

course I do! It was the

same day I sank that

45-foot putt.”

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Air Conditioning & Heating

24 Hour

Service

Fully Insured

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

20 August 2021 783-7039

My waiter just told me the restaurant was out of shrimp. This scampi happening.


I need to return my wine box to the store.

It says once opened it would last six weeks and only lasted three days.

Out ‘n About for the

LA Metro Magazine

Summer Issue

Release Party

Don’t mess

with us. We could

snap at any time!

David Fuller &

Jose Leiva

Photographers

Maybe

if I try playing

cornhole with my

eyes closed, I’d have

a chance at beating

Jimbo!

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn

207-783-0961

Long John Silver suffered from Restless Peg Syndrome.

Bonnie Iwans

Keith Davis

Proofreader

Highly

doubtful, Keith.

You should stick with

editing grammar!

Jimbo

Publisher/CEO

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 21


Out ‘n About with the

Androscoggin

Networkers BNI Group

Thanks

for hosting,

Fred! This social

was fantastic! By

the way, what

happened to your

tooth?

My doctor asked me if I know what my fear of marriage symptoms are. Can’t say I do.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Angela Carter

Angela’s Computer &

Media Shoppe

You

should see the

other guy!

Fred Collins

Collins Carpet Cleaning

Dogs can’t dance because they have two left feet.

Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for

Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour

The Old Kids

on the Block

Johnny Ater

Dawn Hartill

Mark Turcotte

Julie Poulin

If a cat sits and watches a Tweety Bird & Sylvester cartoon does he think it’s a documentary?

Shuga Shak Country Store

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

The longest drum solo ever was 10 hours and 36 minutes and was performed

by the child sitting next to me on Delta Flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.


Steve: How many truly great men do you think there in the world?

Lori: I don’t know, but I can tell you this, there is one fewer than you think.

GENDRON

Comedy Night

Featuring: Dawn Hartill, Dennis Fogg, Tuck Tucker and Randy Williams

Thursday, August 5th – 7:00 PM

Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors: Roopers & Central Maine Graphics

THE UGLY DUCKLING: a Modern re-telling

A Young Artists Retreat – by Royal Family Productions

Saturday, August 14th – 6:00 PM

Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors: Mechanics Savings Bank & Roopers

GENDRON

Dave Rowe

Come see Dave before he heads to sea on his boat.

Friday, August 27th

7:30 PM

Tickets are $20 each

Show sponsors:

Norway Savings Bank & Roopers

Upcoming Events

46 Cedar Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org

facebook.com/FrancoCenter

in Heritage Hall

Underwriter: Maple Way Dental Care

Media Sponsors: Sun Journal, Turner Publishing & Uncle Andy’s Digest

Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000

I accidentally took my cat’s medication today. Don’t ask meow that happened.

Loan Shark

Submitted by Steve Simard

My cousin just called

and asked if I would

loan her $300 to help

her pay her rent.

Those who know me,

know that I’m always

willing to help out

friends and family.

I told her to give me

some time to think

about it and I would

call her back.

Before I called her

back, my aunt called

and told me that my

cousin was lying and

not to give her the

money.

She goes on to say

that the real reason

my cousin wanted the

$300 was to get her

boyfriend out of jail so

she could be under the

same roof as him for

his birthday.

I thought about it for

a minute and decided

to loan her the money,

because we all need

help at times. So, I

called my cousin and

told her to come and

get the cash.

A couple of hours later,

I get a call from jail, it

was my cousin crying,

screaming and asking

why I gave her counterfeit

money.

My response, “So you

and your boyfriend

could be under the

same roof for his

birthday!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 23


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

24

Celebrity

Sighting

Submitted by Tyla Davis

An old movie star

decided to go to the

nursing home from his

hometown to visit. He

figured he may see

some of his old classmates

or, at the very

least, bring some joy to

the residents since he

was a celebrity.

When he walked into

the facility, he was

immediately greeted

by a crowd of residents

and staff, all

eager to shake his

hand and chat him

up. The movie star

noticed that there was

one man, sitting alone

in a rocking chair, not

joining the others. He

hadn’t even looked up

when the movie star

walked in.

This puzzled the

celebrity. Didn’t the

man know who he

was? Surely, he’d seen

some of his movies

or TV shows over the

years. He finally decided

to go ask.

The celebrity walked

up to the old man and

sat down in a chair

next to him. “Hey

friend, do you know

who I am?”

The old man looked

at him and quickly

responded, “No, but if

you go up to the front

desk and ask the nice

lady there, she’d be

glad to tell you.”

Jimbo

August 2021 783-7039

Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked, but that’s pretty rare.

Saturday, August 14 th

1:00 - 9:00pm

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn

Fun for

Everyone!

• Kid’s Zone w/ 95' Inflatable

Obstacle Course

• HUGE Silent Auction

• Pie in the Face Challenge

• Face Painting

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too

• Food Tent

• Beer Garden & Full Bar

• 50/50

A great

Community

Event!

PRESENTING WISH

SPONSOR

SPONSOR OF

HOPE

Did you know that Bruce Lee had a vegan brother named Broco?

UNCLE AND

pres

Food, Fun, & M

hoste

OUR AMAZING More

SPONSOR OF

JOY

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Part o

Androsco

We’re committed Altern

to delivering

more equitable communitie

Fire

this means for you at

Join the movement.

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Y’S DIGEST

ents

Archeologists found a mummy tomb covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

3

BANDS!

1:00-3:00pm – Cryin’ Out Loud

3:00-5:00pm – Fire in the Hole

6:00-9:00pm – Skosh

Out ‘n About in

Mechanic Falls

I love ham.

I love to ham it up

for the camera.

Nevermind...

just give me the

ham, will ya?!

usic to Benefit

Because of YOU

we’ve been able to raise over

$335,000 and grant 47 wishes to local

kids facing critical illnesses. Help us

make our 7th Annual event the

best yet!

Wrangler

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Who could say no

to that face?

d by

SPONSORS!

than a bank.

f a movement.

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ggin is now B Corp certified.

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« Bancroft Corp.

« Bilodeau Insurance

« Champoux Insurance

« Dirigo Federal Credit Union

« DuBois Realty Group

« Exchange Club of Auburn

« Fortin Funeral Homes

Media

Partners:

A Summer Event You

Won’t Want to Miss!

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COMMUNITY

SPONSOR

« L-A Harley

« LA Metro Chamber

« Mixers

« Poland Spring Resort

« Portland Safe

« United Insurance

« Wishing Under the Stars Gala

Morgan Roy &

Tanner Marston

Grampy,

I love being silly

with you!

Connelly Jarman

Granddaughter of Jimbo

I’d like to welcome everyone to the Assumption Club. I think we know why we’re all here.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 25


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Share the power

of a

wish

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

Apply online or in person

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Millie

MacDonald

207-330-8991

Proud supporter of

2331 Congress Street, Portland,

mildred.macdonald@crossagency.com

Paul Taylor, CPI

InterNACHI Certified

Professional Inspector®

ME Radon & Water Testing

License #SMC343

Home Inspections • Radon Testing

Water Quality Testing

Dave Biron

Productions

Booking &

Management Agency

Venue Bookings

39 Town Country Drive

Lisbon

Full service pet spa

VISIT OUR


207-782-7113

31 Blake Street, Lewiston

armandsautobody.com

207-558-2677

Mountainvhi@gmail.com

43 Presidential View, South Paris

207-353-4636

207-312-1467

dpbro19@gmail.com

Find us on Facebook!

207-739-9445

Proud sponsor of

RETAIL COUNTER

for all your grilling needs

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

NEED SOME LAUGHS?

Let us sell your home!

23 Pleasant Street,

Mechanic Falls

207-345-5551

Dadsplacemaine.com

Proud Sponsor of

FREE CONSULTATION!

Organization services

for your home & office

Elaine St. Pierre

207-376-7828

simplyorganizedspacesmaine@gmail.com

@TheRiverComics

Contact us to put on your comedy show:

BBQs • Theaters • Restaurants • Private Parties

Divorce Proceedings • Festivals ... and more!

TheRiverComics.com • 207-200-5366

“BUSY AS BEES

TO PLEASE”

www.BizRealty.net

158 Main Street, South Paris

Kacey LePage

Direct Line: 207-753-6204

Kacey@champoux-ins.com

A proud

wish granter

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

RANGE POND

CAMPGROUND

30% off Drafts

20% off Burgers

Every Monday at Mac’s Grill

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Be Your

Own Boss!

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.

1940 ~ 2020

Proudly Supports

470 Lake Shore Drive

Auburn

tabersgolf.com

207-797-6060

A proud, long-time supporter of

94 Plains Road, Poland

207-998-2624

rangepondcamp@gmail.com

Chris Wallace, RVP

207-653-3424

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Tyla Davis, Editor-in-Chief

207-346-1488

editor@LAMetroMagazine.com

Proud Supporter of

Christopher D Wallace

Preparer/Owner

Office: 207-892-1480

Fax: 888-565-1173

chris@sbsme.biz

CATERING

Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

Proud Sponsor of

Stone’s Trash Removal

Proudly sponsors

Shelley Kennagh

(207) 890-4942

Let us help buy your home!

“BUSY AS BEES

TO PLEASE”


Marketing & Technology

(207) 515-1594

shane@logikops.com

2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

39 Tuelltown Road, West Paris

(207) 446-1014

skennagh@cmgfi.com

Proudly Supporting

www.BizRealty.net

158 Main Street, South Paris

We’re here for YOU!

UFOs • Pizza • Donuts

Takeout • Door Dash

783-2981

georgiosmaine.com

Open daily

7am-7pm

NICOLE LAJOIE of

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

Call today

to ask about the

amazing benefits

of emu oil

with CBD!

LAWN CARE

Offering

several lawn

services!

CALL TODAY!

207-705-7214

integritylawncaremaine@gmail.com

MAC’S GRILL CATERING

No event too big or too small.

Give us a call!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

All Natural Pain Relief!

Locally Raised!

207-577-7366

earth-alternatives.com

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Proudly Supports

207-753-6222

nicole@champoux-ins.com

Steve Simard

Businesses & individuals can help make it

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering

from a serious illness. Please Donate!

Call me

to find out

how!

207-754-1815

steve@uncleandys.com

John Engelbert

Heartland

Payment Systems

207-592-6815

John.Engelbert@e-hps.com

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

Your Team for On-the-Spot Comedy!

Summer

Block

Party Wish

from its

first year

in 2015

Proudly Supporting

Proudly Supporting

(207) 595-6794

dclelectricme.com

Proudly serving Oxford Hills

Let us build that dream deck for you!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

Apply online or in person

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

207-225-5627

www.atwork.com/turner

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Transforming

lives,

one wish

at a time.

Roy’s

FOODLAND

Helping grant a wish to a

sick child is rewarding!

70 Broad Street, Auburn

WELCOME

BRI BARLOW!

Mac’s Grill General Manager

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

207-784-8293

Proudly Supporting

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

207-225-2013

10 Business Parkway, Turner

Proud Supporter of

William J. Rogers

Post 153

Auburn

25 Fern Street

Turner, Maine 04282

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

Proud to Help

Veteran/Community Services

207-782-1118

Proud Supporter of

34 Center Street, Auburn

439 Lewiston Road, Topsham

(207) 401-2000

www.207chiro.com

Shelley Kennagh

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

Proudly Supporting

@MEDCoMaine

1-866-42-MEDCo

thcMEDCo.com

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


A man has reached old age when he is cautioned

to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

I’d like

to thank all

those who came out

to play, as well as all

the tournament sponsors!

The proceeds from

this tournament benefit

the Maine Chapter of the

International Association

of Arson Investigators,

Annual Joseph C. Menezes

Scholarship Program.

It was such a great

day for a great

cause!

Out ‘n About in Turner with Pool Builders of Maine

Jimbo asked: How are you ladies doing?

Denise Marcoux,

Steve Simard

Katie Travers,

Doing

good

enough!

Doing

awesome!

Couldn’t

be better!

and

Amanda Hebert

Ron Gagne

Now Hiring

ALL positions!

Come in and

apply today!

The Village Inn

BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

10 years in a row!

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Golf is

an awful lot like

doing your taxes. You

aim for the green,

but usually find

yourself in

a hole.

Tim Wheeldon &

Dave Heinitz

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 31


Abracadabra

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A Spanish magician

tells the audience he is

going to disappear on

the count of three.

“Uno...dos...”

and then he disappears

without a tres.

• Chlorine

• Shock

My new roof didn’t cost me anything. It was on the house.

WE HAVE POOL SUPPLIES!

Get your pool ready for the summer

• Filters & Parts

• Pool toys!

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

Sundays are always a little somber, but the day before is a sadder day.

MENTION THIS AD

for $25 off of 100 gallons or more!

Exp. 9/30/21

207-225-3000

84 General Turner Hill Road, Turner • www.mhoilandpropane.com

EST

1950

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

783-3444

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

It’s time

for back-to-school

haircuts!

Griffin Murphy with Ernie

My wife was so angry about the new dinner set I bought that she ripped up all the plates.

DID YOU

KNOW?

High School was not

introduced in the U.S.

until 1910 and it was

the 1930’s before most

students attended.

Before then, students

attended only through

Grade Eight.

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Friday

2p-5p

BURGER MONDAY

$2 OFF

August Drink

Special

Tequila Sunrise

$

7

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 August 2021 783-7039

Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.


If pandas get enough sleep, do they lose the circles under their eyes?

We keep growing! So...We’ve Moved!

Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing

team works with you every step of the way!

Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

Golf is

strictly a numbers

game. You

yell, “FOUR,” score a

seven, while writing

down a five.

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Zach

Lutick

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

Mason

Dupuis

The local mime just got arrested. He has the right to remain silent.

Out ‘n About with the Androscoggin Networkers BNI Group

Lindsay

Wright

Tyler Lambert &

Alex Schelling

My favorite

quality in a golf

partner is someone

who plays worse

than I do!

I want my

next referral served

up with a red solo

cup!

Crikey,

this party’s

awesome!

Irving Perez &

Raymond Proulx

Fred Collins, Joseph Drew, Dustin Boutin, Patrick Penley, & Mike Ross

You can always spot the folks that can’t count to 14

because they’ll be in front of you at the Express Checkout at the grocery store.

Aaron Ouellette &

Cy Thompson

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 33


Truck Driver

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A truck driver stopped

at a roadside diner

one day to grab some

lunch. He ordered a

cheeseburger, an iced

coffee, and a slice of

apple pie.

Just as the trucker

was about to take his

first bite, three huge

bikers walked in to the

diner.

The first biker grabbed

the trucker’s cheeseburger

and took a big

bite from it.

The second biker

picked up the trucker’s

iced coffee and

downed it in one big

gulp.

The third biker walked

up to the trucker,

grabbed his apple pie,

and scoffed it down.

The trucker didn’t say

or do anything. He

didn’t react at all. He

just paid his tab, and

walked out of the

diner.

The first biker started

laughing watching the

trucker leave. He told

the waitress, “That guy

ain’t much of a man is

he?”

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

PA’S

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

TRADIN’

• TARPS

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

CALL AHEAD

FOR ORDERS!

Take out window available

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

THE LAKE

STORE

14 Waterford Road, Norway

207-743-6562

207-539-8254

www.pollysvariety.com

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Buying & Selling

Camp Furniture!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Always Pawning

& Selling

Visit Us!

August

Special

Haddock

Sandwich

w/fries

$6 .99

Plus tax/deposit

Expires 08/31/2021

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

“He’s not much of a

diver either,” the

waitress replied.

“He just backed his

18-wheeler over three

motorcycles.”

Enjoy our comfortable outside area!

I threw a ball for my dog. It was a bit extravagant, I know.

But it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.


OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But their greatest hits are awesome.

COOPER FARMS

We have native sweet corn!

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

Community Credit Union awarded $1.8 million CDFI Rapid Response Program Grant

The U.S. Department of the Treasury

recently awarded $1.25 billion in COVID-19

relief funds to 863 community development

financial institutions (CDFIs), to respond to

economic challenges created by the Covid-19

pandemic. The $1.8 million dollars awarded

to Community Credit Union will be used in

Androscoggin County to support lending programs

to underserved populations, provide financial

education in our community and more.

Since its creation in 1994, the CDFI Fund has

awarded more than $3.9 billion to CDFIs, community

development organizations, and financial

institutions through several programs. This

year’s awards include 244 credit unions across

the country, receiving $401.8 million in awards.

Community Credit Union is a member-owned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and all of Androscoggin County

since 1945. Its branches are located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston, 40 Stanley Street, Auburn and 1025 Auburn Road in Turner serving approximately

10,000 members.

See their ad on page 22.

Andrew Lunn, Betsy Sibley, JoAnn Jackson, Liz Campbell-Brown,

Jennifer Hogan, Marcel Gagne, & Elizabeth Keene

My wife was starting to calm down after an argument... until I told her to calm down.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 35


Stopped Up

Submitted by Steve Simard

Old Aunt Barbara went

to her doctor to see

what could be done

about her troublesome

constipation.

“It’s terrible,” she

said to the doctor. “I

haven’t moved my

bowels in more than

a week.”

“I see. Have you done

anything about it?”

asked the doctor.

“Oh, yes,” Aunt Barbara

replied, “I sit in

the bathroom for a

good half an hour in

the morning and then

again at night.”

“No,” the doctor said,

“I mean do you take

anything?”

“Of course I do,” she

answered, “I take my

Uncle Andy’s Digest in

with me.”

Ninth

Hole

Naptime!

My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her.

I said, “Maybe…”

Roy’s FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

Don’t forget your “Best

in Town” chicken salad

or ham salad!

We have supplies for your grilling needs!

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

I sympathize with batteries, I’m not included in anything either.

Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the

Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Sun. closed

Dr. Nick Roy & Dan Roy

Captain Hook was the first person to sail around the world single-handedly.

Preorder online or mention this ad

and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!

934 Lisbon Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

Entrance in back

Leaf it to us.

Medical Cannabis

New Patients Welcome

207-689-3626 • www.207high.com

Vehicle Problems? Come Visit Us!

Summer Car Care Tips

Wash your vehicle. Check tires,

brakes, oil & battery. Replace

wipers & fluids if necessary!

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

Full Service Gas Station

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

207.782.9144

August 2021

Stickers

are due!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 August 2021 783-7039

What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.


I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

Our Patio is Open!

We pride ourselves on excellent service & quality

food. Visit our outside dining that overlooks the

golf course.

Whether you are craving a hearty meal after a

day of golf, want a refreshing drink/cocktail, or

if you just want to hang around our fire pit...

Mel’s Hilltop is a great place to visit!

Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

When I said,

“Let’s hit Mel’s,” I

didn’t mean with your

golf ball, Corey!

Chuck Bennett &

Corey Ladd

When do you

think it’s too wet to

play golf?

(207) 998-4351

www.polandspringresort.com

Open Tuesday - Sunday, 11:30 AM - 8:00 PM

We are closed on Mondays

Elevator jokes are the best. They work on many levels.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

THE BREAKWATER GROUP

AT MORGAN STANLEY

Andrew Ellison,

Andy Williams, &

Brian Peck

When your golf

cart capsizes.

Fontaine Family

The Real Estate Leader

FontaineTeam.com

The Breakwater Group

at Morgan Stanley

advisor.morganstanley.com

the-breakwater-group

Oldcastle APG

A CRH Company

OldcastleAPG.com

Transcendia Inc.

Transcendia.com

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

You’d never see me falling for a poison apple like Snow White did.

The wicked witch would have to use an eclair or something.

Lester

MacLaughlin

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 37


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Pop Quiz

Submitted by Steve Simard

The local elementary

school principal made

it a practice to visit

each class room one

day a week.

He walked into the 4th

grade class, where the

children were studying

the states.

“I’d like you to start

reciting all the states

you know and I’ll write

them on the board as

you list them,” the principal

told the class.

The students took

turns raising their

hands and listing

new states. When the

hand-raising stopped,

the principal counted

40 state names on the

board.

Call today for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

Fully Insured

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207-782-7141

Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People - Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR

BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the

Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament

He jokingly told them

that in his day students

knew the names of all

the states.

One lad snickered,

“Yes, but in those days

there were only 13.”

Great day! Old

friends and new

ones... getting business

done on the

golf course!

Jon Mercier, Jimbo, Larry Roy, & Tony Olmstead

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 August 2021 783-7039

You can weigh a millennial in Instagrams.


A friend of mine just sold some vinyls for a record price.

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST

WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

I never

miss a putt. The

ball just misses the

hole.

Wednesday: 7am-3pm

Thursday: 7am-8pm

Friday: 7am-9pm

Saturday: 7am-9pm

Sunday: 7am-3pm

Scan here

for our

menu!

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Check out

our outside

seating!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Pete Nadeau &

Dan Roderick

Lisa & Mark

Laliberte

Wednesday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm

Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

DARTS

August 23 @ 6:00pm

or

August 30 @ 6:00pm

LEAGUE MEETING DATES

CORNHOLE

Tuesday League

August 31 @ 6:30pm

Wednesday League

September 1 @ 6:30pm

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

POOL

August 19 @ 6:30pm

or August 26 @ 6:30pm

I hate when people say that age is just a number when it’s clearly a word.

Golf is a

four letter word

where players often

say four letter

words.

Bobby Weekley &

Joel Marchand

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 39


Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

My gymnast daughter told me she was going to practice her aeriels.

She should probably practice the other princesses too, to be fair.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

Paul Heath &

Kip Kipouras

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

How’d

you do golfing,

Dad?

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

I bought some new snow skis, but they melted before I got home.

Jamie Lovejoy

I was

one under... one

under a tree, one under

a bush, and one

under water.

The Farm Stand is

OPEN!

Whiting Farm Stand

Fresh picked vegetables & local products for sale!

Watch for more

exciting items in the

coming months!

Come support your local farm!

Supported by:

Daryl Lovejoy

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

40 August 2021 783-7039

876 Summer St., Auburn • 782-2726

I don’t need a mood ring; I have a face.


Make your

reservation

now!

I’m getting really tired of babysitting my mom’s grandkids right now.

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Your Title Company

Since 1987

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

WE’VE

MOVED!

Our new address is:

500 Canal Street,

Lewiston 04240

500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

PREMIUM CUSTOM-BUILT CORNHOLE BOARDS

Order Online at:

www.wickedcornhole.com

We Ship

Nationwide!

Offering Tournament Services, League Packages,

Wholesale & Sponsorship Opportunities, & More!

Be sure to check out our “Beast” no-bounce boards!

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

My grandmother, Mary Lee, was the inspiration for the song, “Row Row Row Your Boat.”

Pope Mobile

Submitted by Steve Simard

The Pope just finished

a tour of the East

Coast and was taking

a limousine to the airport.

Since he’d never

driven a limo, he asked

the chauffeur if he

could drive for a while.

The reluctant chauffeur

pulled over along

the roadside, climbed

into the back of the

limo, and the Pope

took the wheel. The

Pope then merged

onto the highway and

accelerated to over 90

mph to see what the

limo could do.

Suddenly, the Pope

noticed the blue light

of the State Patrol in

his side mirror, so he

pulled over. The trooper

approached the

limo, peered in through

the windows, then

said, “Just a moment

please, I need to call

in.”

The trooper called in

and explained to the

chief that he had a

very, very important

person pulled over for

speeding. “How do I

handle this, chief?”

asked the trooper.

“Is it the Governor?”

questioned the chief.

“No! This guy is even

more important!”

“Is it the President?”

asked the chief.

Continued on next page

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 41


I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.

Out ‘n About at Fianna Studios in Auburn

CALL US FOR A

QUOTE TODAY!

Reunions

Summer Camp

Road Races &

Charity 5k’s

Contractors &

Landscapers

See us for your

Fall Sports!

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

Doesn’t

hurt...

doesn’t hurt...

doesn’t hurt...

F***, this

hurts!

Jimbo and his daughter, Jamie Shaw, recently went to get

father/daughter “CANCER SUCKS” tattoos.

The tattoo designs were drawn and completed

by artist James McGrory.

Jimbo is a two-time cancer survivor, and stil recovering

from his second stint.

If an ice cream truck breaks down do they have to put out cones?

Continued from previous page

“No, Even more

important!” “Well,

who the heck is it?”

screamed the chief.

“I don’t know, sir,” replied

the trooper, “but

he’s got the Pope as

his chauffeur.”

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

Hours:

Mon. 11a-5p

Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42 August 2021 783-7039

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance...

The five stages of waking up.


My wife said if I bought her another stupid gift, she’d burn it. So I got her a candle.

16th Annual

Since 1940

• Restaurant

• Miniature Golf

• Driving Range

• Ice Cream Stand

Glow in the Dark

Mini Golf

Out ‘n About at

Poland Spring

Golf Course

for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard

Benefit Golf Tournament

Aye, laddies...

we’ve got to take

this tournament seriously!

I’ve got my

game hat on!

August 7th @ 7pm

rollback prices!

August 14th & 28th

9pm - 11:30pm

Great

Family

Fun!

Mark Schelling

Dad, nobody

takes you seriously

anyway. These hats

aren’t going to help

your cause!

Join Us!

The Maine Mini Golf Open*

August 8 th @9:30am

*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 36 Hole Tournament

$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5

Class nights every

Monday and Wednesday in August

Check out our website for details!

Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com

My college professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class.

So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said, “What about now?”

Derek Schelling

Scott Sparks &

John Warden

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 43


25 Fern Street

Turner, Maine 04282

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

CALL THE PROS

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

I’ll have her

back on the road in

no time!

A/C got you down? We can take care of that!

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

15 %

OFF

For all

educators

during the

month

of August

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654

www.lamassagemaine.com

marcositalian.com

Offering:

Dining indoors

or outside

Take out

Delivery

Open 11am-7:30pm

12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336

FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

Closed on September 5th & 6th

Open daily

8am to 4pm

207-225-2008

8 Tidswell Road

Turner

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44 August 2021 783-7039

A truck carrying toupees and wigs crashed on the highway. Police are combing the area.


CALL THE PROS

REDEMPTION CENTER

6

on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 8.31.21

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

TEAM

KENNAGH

Shelley Kennagh

Loan Officer / NMLS 532306

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

Contact me for all of your home loan needs!

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

RON’S

TRANSMISSION

375-4924

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

LARGE VARIETY OF FIREARMS & SUPPLIES ON HAND!

Shown here: Smith & Wesson Model

63 22CR, 4" Barrel, 6 Rounds

New

& Used

Available!

Fine Line Gun Shop

590 Plains Rd., Poland • (207) 998-2374

My new mattress is back ordered.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2021 UncleAndys.com 45


CALL THE PROS

Call us

today for a

FREE

ESTIMATE!

Handyman Services

Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.

Services Include:

Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts

And more!

(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us

Snorkels, Masks, Wetsuits, Fins, RashGuards

Paddleboards, Paddles, Lifejackets, Windsurf

805 Main St.

Lewiston

784-7300

Protect your car from the summer heat!

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

We are your A/C specialists!

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Pat’s is a great place to enjoy a meal

inside or outside on the deck!

Serving

Great Food

Since

1985!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com

11a-9p daily

LEARN HOW TO DEFEND

YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY!

rdtacticalhandgun.com

Training & Education = Confidence

NRA & USCCA Certified Instruction

Check our website & Facebook page

for current & upcoming classes!

Don Mailhot

207-576-5131

Top Gun of Maine

207-998-2806

Your trusted, nonprofit resource

for assistance and information

Medicare counseling • caregiver support

educational programming • Meals on Wheels

benefits and bill-paying guidance

seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46 August 2021 783-7039

Why do they call it chili when it’s always served hot?


Don’t run out at

your cookout.

Stock the cooler with our monthly specials.

With an impressive selection of spirits, competitively

priced beer and wine, mixers, and hard-to-find favorites,

we make sure the celebration lasts all month.

The party starts with Roopers.

Stock up at any one of our SIX convenience package stores

Auburn

545 Minot Avenue - 783-2047

301 Main Street 783-9098

Lewiston

686 Main Street - 344-1200

794 Sabattus Street - 783-6353

1420 Lisbon Street - 333-3095

Oxford

980 Main Street - 539-6072


PROTECT YOUR VEHICLE WITH SALT ELIMINATOR!

Pricing Policy

RUST PROTECTION

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

Any car .............. $129.95

Mini van ............. $139.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95

25 OFF

Rust protection

$ 25

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

with this coupon

Exp. 08/31/21

207-344-1800

34 Court Street, Auburn

My only competition is the person I was yesterday.

Ready for Summer Fun?!

Schedule your pool service today!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

Steaks • Seafood • Pastas

Pizza • Nachos... and more!

Sundays

Open Mike w/Bill Proctor, 3-7pm

Mondays

Open Mike w/Michael Krapovicky,

7pm-Close

Tuesdays

Trivia w/Ron Bergeron, 7-9pm

Wednesdays

Open Juke Box, 6pm-Close

Thursdays

Karaoke w/DJ Craigly, Old Skool,

New Skool (Craig Poland), 8pm-Close

Fridays & Saturdays

Live Music

Everyone is welcome

at The 1800 Club!

Ask us about our

eco-friendly line!

EARLY BIRD

SPECIAL!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

48 August 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

Low

Chlorine!

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