UAD September Digest 2021

uncleandys

We're excited to bring you our September 2021 digital edition. Get your own hardcopy magazine at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 different towns throughout Androscoggin and Oxford Counties and beyond! We hope you enjoy the Digest as much as we enjoy bringing it to you :)

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

SEPTEMBER

2021

1996

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY

RENTALS AVAILABLE!

For details, call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Sales • Lease • Rentals

Parts & Service

Uncle Andy’s Digest

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


Why do we call them olives and not Greece’s Pieces?

RELAX... It’s E-Z

When that day comes, Pool Builders has all your closing chemicals.

Until then, enjoy your pool for as long as possible!

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013

Ask about our

Referral Bonus program!

We’ll pay YOU when they

hire us.

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

Call for a

free quote!

Call for details!

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, four to go, and twenty when you get back for the babysitter.


If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

SEPTEMBER

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, September 14th

Luiggi’s

4:00-7:00pm

63 Sabattus Street Lewiston

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets: 9-8-2021

(9-11am or 1-3pm)

Wednesday, September 15th

Dairy Joy

3:00-7:00pm

Auburn & Lewiston Locations

M & G: $1.00

Purchase Tickets on: 9-8-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Saturday, September 18th

Italian Bakery (Bean Supper)

10:00-12:00pm

225 Bartlett Street Lewiston

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets on: 9-8-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, September 21st

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets on: 9-15-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, September 23rd

Val’s Drive-In

4:00-7:00pm

925 Sabattus Street Lewiston

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets on: 9-15-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Friday, September 24th

Yoga Class

5:30pm

Poise Yoga Studio

351 Lisbon Street Lewiston

Free: Limited Space-Ticket

required to join

Pick up tickets on 9-15-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, September 28th

Fielder’s Choice (Auburn Only)

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Avenue Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets on: 9-15-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Reminder: Please do not call

the restaurants. If you have a

question please call the office

and speak with Jamie. Tickets

must be purchased at the MWA

District Office at 184 Webster

Street Lewiston on the dates/

times listed for each activity.

Please follow all local/state

guidelines. Menus are subject to

change. No substitutions or addons.

Most importantly have FUN!

She calls her car “flattery” because it gets her nowhere.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

Why do eggs come in a flimsy styrofoam container while

batteries come in a package only a chainsaw can open?

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Call 514-0660 for a Free Consultation!

All work

done on-site.

Repairs usually

same day

service!

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Smile in

Comfort

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

SPIDERMAN

RYAN

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE

AGAIN

smileagaindentures@gmail.com SmileAgainDentures.com

Fish bite twice a day... before you get there and after you leave.


Why must I prove that I am me to pay my bills over the phone?

Do strangers call to pay my bills? If so, why can’t they?

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST

WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

in Turner

for their Burger Night

What a

great turnout for

our Burger Night!

Thrilled that we get

to do this again!

Wednesday: 7am-3pm

Thursday: 7am-8pm

Friday: 7am-9pm

Saturday: 7am-9pm

Sunday: 7am-3pm

Scan here

for our

menu!

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Check out

our outside

seating!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Jay Roebuck

Owner

Amy, Myla, Macie,

& Dustin Ray

Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm

Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

Hey why are

you all up in my

grill?!

Pool • Darts • Cornhole

All leagues are

starting soon!

Contact Joe Walker FMI

Space available to rent on Sundays

Birthdays • Baby Showers • Office Parties

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

My parents named me Bill because I was born on the first of the month.

Jessie Walker

Grill Master

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


What makes you assume people think?

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual

Summer Block Party

Give your home the protection it deserves.

Your home is where you make some of your

best memories, and that’s worth protecting.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

We would like to extend a huge

thank you to Lisa Brown for being

the official Summer Block Party

photographer!

Customer

Feedback

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A guy on vacation

finishes his round,

then goes into the

clubhouse.

The head pro says,

“Did you have a good

time out there?”

The man replied, “Fabulous!

Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” said

the pro. “How did you

find the greens?”

“Easy. I just walked to

the end of the fairway

and there they were.”

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial

Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6 Sept. 2021 783-7039

She drives a vehicle that costs $1,000 a mile... a shopping cart.


Steve thought he was a smart individual until someone told him the A+ was his blood type.

Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?

Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

in Turner

for their Burger Night

ACT NOW!

Efficiency Maine Rebate

is a limited time offer.

Don’t miss out!

CALL MIKE TODAY!

207-754-4556

Sisters by

heart... friends by

choice!

Direct

replacement of

an existing

electric hot

water heater

Final Cost after

discounts and rebates:

$ 1,224 .00*

*Plus permit costs

Mike@upwi.net

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

My wife does great bird imitations. She always watches me like a hawk.

Hannah Shumway

& Eliza Brooks

I was on

a photoshoot

for Roebucks Angus

for an upcoming story

in LA Metro Magazine,

due out in October!

Be on the lookout

for it!

NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!

Jose Leiva

LA Metro Magazine

photographer

Online Account

Management

Online

Rental

Well Lit Facility

w/Security Cameras

GATED ACCESS

Coming Soon!

Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I’m beginning to

think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Josh Mason &

Kaitlin Crockett

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

7


Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

in Turner

for their Burger Night

Marcie Shumway

I can smell

love in the air!

My wife is singing in the house.

I’m sitting outside so the neighbors don’t think I’m hitting her.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

Our Executive Officers, staff, and

volunteers will continue to take necessary

precautions to ensure safety for all.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,

MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY

VACCINATED, PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NEW HOURS: Monday through Wednesday: 12p-6p

Thursday: 12p-9p

Friday & Saturday: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in September

Jerry Joe - September 24th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 TH

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

DINNERS ARE BACK!

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 TH :

Lobster Rolls w/ fries & coleslaw - $12

Chicken Tenders w/fries & coleslaw - $7

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & SURPRISE!

SEE YOU AT THE POST!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!

It’s amazing what fine poker hands I get when I play bridge.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Justin Shumway

Actually,

that’s the smell of

barbecue in the air.

Even better!

My name

is Jimbo, and

these are my

angels!

Alexis Mattos

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 Sept. 2021 783-7039

Jimbo, Sue Marston, Kacey Lepage, Stephanie Arsenault, & Tyla Davis

I’m the type of wife that will help my husband look for his chocolate... that I ate.


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2022

Events

Now!

DadsPlaceCatering.com

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 45.


Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

in Turner

for their Burger Night

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “That one is shaped like a goober?”

Live your most balanced, centered life

Larry & Debbie

Calder

We go

together like

burgers and fries!

www.bridge2heavenhealing.com

CRYSTALS

TUMBLED STONES

SALT LAMPS

FIGURINES

JEWELRY

CANDLES/INCENSE

SPIRIT ANIMALS

CHAKRA ITEMS

And More

120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539

When Algebra teachers retire, how do they cope with the aftermath?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

Melody & Scott

Douglass

Did you

know that in

Oklahoma it is illegal

to take a bite out

of someone else’s

hamburger?

That’s

a law I can

get behind!

Hands off!

Sally & Paul

Zimmerman

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

Some people like raw meat on rare occasions.

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Shown here:

Coconut Shrimp & Bull Chips Appetizers

We cater!

No event too big or

small, give us a call!

Summertime

dining is great here

at Mac’s!

for experienced

cooks

APPLY WITHIN

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

in Turner

for their Burger Night

This burger

is so good, I’m

gonna relish

every bite!

A good weight loss trick is to put your FitBit in the dryer.

I had 3,200 steps in before I put on my pants.

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Tell us

you saw us

in Uncle Andy’s

Digest!

INSPECTED

Paula & John

Leavitt

We followed

our hearts and it led

us to burgers.

Visit, Call, Or Text - Open 7 Days a Week!

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

A special thank you

to Cryin’ Out Loud for

volunteering their time

for the Summer Block

Party!

Sheena & Pat

Ouellette

Cryin’ Out Loud

Doctor Scream

Submitted by Jimbo

While sitting on the

train one day, the man

next to me started

screaming, “Call me

a doctor! Call me a

doctor!”

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

We have 15+ delicious beers on tap

- and to go -

Brewed Right here,

For you.

I asked, “Are you

sick?”

“No,” he replied, “I just

graduated from medical

school.”

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 Sept. 2021 783-7039

There’s a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.


Mashed potatoes is just Irish guacamole.

We know reliable

service is important

to you. We’re

dedicated to doing

business in a way that

demonstrates the

highest standards of

integrity, professionalism

and courtesy.

WE

HAVE

MOVED!

Title searches & commitments

Title examinations

Disbursement of loan proceeds

Securing of payoffs

Tax researchers

Lien clearance

Policy issuance

Check out our new space!

1896 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

(attached to Dunkin’ Donuts building)

207-333-3626 • www.treworgy-baldacci.com

I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can’t have

any more food. I’m just never ready for that kind of commitment.

Uncle Andy’s Digest &

LA Metro Magazine hire

new marketing specialist

Ryan Jones has joined the

team at Uncle Andy’s Digest

& LA Metro Magazine as a

marketing specialist. Jones

comes from a community

relations background, holding

two degrees in International

Business and Mandarin Chinese

from the University of

Maine at Farmington. Jones

also holds a Master’s Degree

with significant leadership and

business-related courses of

study from Husson University.

In addition to his educational

background, Jones also has

extensive experience working

in the legal world both within

the military and local

community.

“I am very excited to be here

with Uncle Andy’s Digest and

LA Metro Magazine,” states

Jones. “I look forward to

helping business owners with

their marketing plans in order

to be successful.”

“Adding another military veteran

to our team just makes

our team better. Discipline,

work ethic, and communication

skills are all strengths of

Ryan’s,” magazine publisher

and owner Jimbo Marston

remarks. “As Ryan continues

to get up to speed, he will

be a solid team member and

someone we can count on.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest has been

published and distributed

throughout Central Maine

since 1996, and LA Metro

Magazine since 2016, with

its offices located at 9 Grove

Street in Auburn. For more

information about their publications,

call 207-783-7039.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

13


Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

What a

party! The

7th Annual

Summer Block

Party has me full of

smiles! Not only did

we have a great time,

we were able to raise

$112,000

which grants

16 WISHES

to kids with critical

illnesses here in Maine!

That feat would not

have happened if it

wasn’t for this

community wrapping

its arms around

the cause!

THANK

YOU!

You never

know when

disaster

will strike!

Peoples Insurance - Monmouth

832 Main Street, Monmouth

(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246

Pinkham Insurance

8 Almar Street, Farmingdale

(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820

Ladies, want to drop five pounds? Let go of your purse.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Champoux Insurance Agency

150 East Avenue, Lewiston

(207) 783-2246

(888) 783-2246

Make Sure

You Have

the Right

Coverage!

Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit

716 Main Street, Ogunquit

(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118

Rogers Insurance

38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.

Jimbo

I love this

cause! Thrilled to

be back for another

year emceeing this

event!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Leif Erickson

Emcee

Sadie’s Crêpes

A warm chocolate crêpe filled with

mocha bavarian cream, served with

a smear of raspberry & drizzled with

chocolate sauce.

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 Sept. 2021 783-7039

I wanted to work out, but then I wanted to NOT work out even more.


It amazes me how much “exercise” and “extra fries” sound alike.

Doctor Cash

Submitted by Jimbo

A man goes to consult

Dr. Mike Wilson, the

most expensive doctor

in the city about his

medical problem.

After the visit the man

asks, “How much do I

owe you?”

“My fee is $500,”

replies Dr. Wilson.

“Five hundred dollars?!

That’s impossible.

No one charges that

much!”

Direct Support Professionals Week

September 13 th - 17 th

A great opportunity to highlight the dedicated,

innovative direct support workforce that is the heart

& soul of supports for people with disabilities.

Thank you for all that you do!

2021 MAINE DSP OF THE YEAR

Our own

Cindy Berube

Congratulations, Cindy!

JOHN F. MURPHY HOMES

800 Center Street, Auburn • 207-782-2726

JFMhomes.org

My boss told me that as a security guard it’s my job to watch The Office.

I’m on season six now, but I’m not really sure what it’s got to do with security.

“In your case,” the doctor

replies, “I suppose I

could adjust my fee to

$300.”

“Three hundred dollars?

For one visit?

Ridiculous.”

“Well, then, could you

afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of

money?”

“Look,” replies the

doctor, growing irritated,

“Just give me a

hundred and get out of

my office, okay?”

“I can give you $50,”

says the man. “Take it

or leave it.”

“I don’t understand

you,” says the doctor.

“Why did you come to

the most expensive

doctor in San Diego if

you have no money?”

“Listen, Doctor,” says

the patient, “When

it comes to my health,

nothing Uncle Andy’s is too Digest

expensive!”

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com 15

...with

Jimbo


Kids & Veggies

Submitted by Jimbo

I put some turnips, my

eleven year-old son’s

least favorite vegetable,

on his dinner plate

and instructed him to

eat everything.

He cleaned his plate,

except for the turnip. I

pointed out to him that

if he’d eaten it earlier,

he wouldn’t have been

left with its taste in his

mouth at the end of the

meal.

Thoughtfully, he

replied, “I guess I was

just trying to delay the

inedible.”

Weekend

Plans

Submitted by Steve Simard

Is anybody interested

in a free ride in a helicopter

for four people?

I’m still looking for 2

more adults to join my

wife and I.

We leave early Saturday

morning from

Portland and will fly

to Boston where we

will have breakfast,

then have lunch on a

friend’s yacht.

Then we’ll fly along the

Cape, and return to

Boston for dinner, followed

by a flight back

to Portland.

If interested, please

message me. Preferably

someone with a

helicopter and yacht,

otherwise we can’t go.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

I wish more people were fluent in silence.

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

You just never see it coming.

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

Contact John today at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

A special thank

you to Lie to Me for

volunteering their time

for the Summer Block

Party!

Lie to Me

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

You know you’re getting old when you have more doctors than friends.


2

My neighbor’s in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most concussions.

He lives very close to me. In fact, only a stone’s throw away.

EDUCATION

Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical

Office Professional at CTI! Get trained & certified to

work in months! 888-572-6790. (M-F 8-6 ET)

HEALTH & FITNESS

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPE-

CIAL $99.00 FREE Shipping! 100% guaranteed. 24/7

CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company.

Covers 350 procedures. Real insurance - not a

discount plan. Get your free dental info kit! 1-888-

623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is

capable of full 24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds.

Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

Stroke & Cardiovascular disease are leading causes of

death according to the AHA. Screenings can provide

peace of mind or early detection! Call Life Line

Screening to schedule a screening. Special offer 5

screenings for $149. 1-833-549-4540

MISCELLANEOUS

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage

system. Save money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare

for outages & power your home. Full installation

services. $0 down financing option. Request free no

obligation quote. 1-855-270-3785

GENERAC Standby Generators provide backup power

during power outages, so your home & family stay

safe & comfortable. Prepare now. Free 7-yr extended

warranty $695 value! Request a free quote today! Call

for terms & conditions. 1-844-334-8353

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the

most advanced debris-blocking gutter protection.

Schedule free LeafFilter estimate today. 15% off Entire

Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. Call

1-855-995-2490

Directv Now. No Satellite. $40/mo 65 Channels.

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Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

Mr. Drew & His

Animals Too love being

part of the Summer

Block Party! $112,000?!

That’s cause for a

Shell-a-bration!

Peter Ferrante

Mr. Drew & His Animals too

(On the left is a Sulcata

Tortoise, and on the right is a

Red Foot Tortoise)

Which

one of us has the

better beard?

Colt Busch

Mr. Drew & His Animals too

(with a bearded dragon)

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I spent my entire life savings on pasta. It was worth every penne.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Now

Hiring

Mommy Test

Submitted by Jimbo

I was out walking

with my four year old

daughter. She picked

up something off the

ground and started to

put it in her mouth. I

asked her not to do

that.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

NOW HIRING! Apply

Within

“Why?”

“Because it’s been

laying outside and is

dirty and probably has

germs.”

At this point, she

looked at me with total

admiration and asked,

“Wow! How do you

know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” I was thinking

quickly, everyone

knows this stuff, “Um,

it’s on the Mommy test.

You have to know it, or

they don’t let you be a

Mommy.”

“Oh.”

We walked along in

silence for two or three

minutes, but she was

evidently pondering

this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed.

“Then if you flunk, you

have to be the Daddy.”

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

18 Sept. 2021 783-7039

Does struggling to put on your jeans count as cardio?


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

Moved two miles

up the road!

10 Memorial Drive,

Lisbon

Now

Hiring!

Alice Poulin &

Geri Lindt

I’m so

proud of my

daughter! She sang

the National Anthem at

the Summer Block Party.

It’s no easy task to

get this party

started!

I prefer my kale with a silent “k.”

WANTED: Year Round Flaggers

Androscoggin,

Cumberland,

and Oxford

County Areas

Rick Loisel

As a former

Wish Kid myself,

I’m thrilled to be

able to give back!

Call Today 207-225-5627

Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes.

www.atwork.com

No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!

Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr

Lauren Loisel

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

Jan & Jerard

Bristol

People should

stop hating on bassists!

We don’t want

any treble!

Air Conditioning & Heating

24 Hour

Service

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

I wonder what my dog named me?

Tony Nedick

Cryin’ Out Loud

Uncle

Andy’s Digest

Chaos Coordinator...

at your service!

NOW HIRING PRODUCTION WORKERS!

Call Today 207-225-5627

www.atwork.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

20

Stephanie

Arsenault

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

Variety of Shifts Available!

Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00

My wife and I are playing the Passive Aggressive Thermostat Game.

She’s currently leading 72 to 64.


Shout out to ATM Fees for making me buy my own money.

Horse Tale

Submitted by Jimbo

On the first day of

Spring Training, a

baseball scout brings

a race horse with him

to add to the starting

line-up.

The coach asks, “What

did you bring that

horse here for?”

The scout replies,

“Wait until you see him

bat.”

All the players are

laughing, until the

horse comes to bat.

At this point, the horse

grabs the bat, and

everyone quiets down.

They stare at the

horse.

The pitcher, just

shrugs his shoulders,

and throws the ball

toward home plate,

when astonishingly

the horse hits the ball

deep in the outfield.

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn

207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

The horse just stands

there and does not

move. The manager

then yells at the

baseball scout to tell

the horse to run to first

base.

The scout looks back

at the manager and

yells back, “If he could

run, he’d be at

Belmont!”

My girlfriend asked for diamonds for her birthday.

She’s gonna love this pack of playing cards.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

21


Mad Wife

Submitted by Steve Simard

Steve, in a bad mood,

heads out to Side by

Each for a beer. He

knew that grabbing a

cold one at his favorite

brewery would help his

mood. Ben, the owner,

greets him as he walks

in.

As Ben was pouring

his beer, he noticed

that Steve looked

upset and asked, “Hey

Steve, is everything

okay?”

Steve said, “My wife

and I got into a fight

and she said she

wasn’t going to speak

to me for a month.”

“Aww man, that’s

rough,” Ben empathized.

But trying to

put a positive spin on

things she said, “Well

maybe that’s kind of a

good thing, you know.

A little peace and quiet

might be nice.”

Steve said, “Yeah, but

today is the last day!”

Whenever I see someone trying to parallel park,

I always look away to give them the privacy they need.

Eligible for Medicare?

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to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

My doctor told me straight up that I had diabetes. He didn’t try to sugarcoat it.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

A special thank

you to Skosh for

volunteering their

time for the

Summer Block

Party!

Skosh - the Headliner!

Someone has glued my pack of cards together and I don’t know how to deal with it.

EST

1950

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Shuga Shak Country Store

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

783-3444

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

It’s hard work

being this adorable...

but someone has

to do it!

Grayson Bowie

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

The difference between a hunter and a fisherman is, a hunter lies in wait

while a fisherman waits and lies.


When people tell me I’m going to regret something in the morning, I sleep till noon.

Problem solved.

GENDRON

80’s Night Dance Party

Friday, Sept 3 – 8:00 PM

Door open at 7:00 PM - Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors: Mechanics Savings Bank

& Hilton Garden Inn - Auburn Riverwatch

Christie Ray Trio

Friday, Sept 17 - 7:00 PM

Door open at 6:00 PM - Tickets are $15 each

Show sponsor: Austin Associates

Underwriter:

Maple Way Dental Care

Media Sponsors:

Sun Journal, Turner Publishing

& Uncle Andy’s Digest

September Events

in Heritage Hall

Comedy Competition

Thursdays, Sept 16, 23, 30 - 7:00 PM

Door open at 6:00 PM - Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors: Mechanics Savings Bank

& Hilton Garden Inn - Auburn Riverwatch

Denny Breau

Friday, September 24 - 7:30 PM

Tickets are $20 each

Show sponsors: Mechanics Savings Bank

& Hilton Garden Inn - Auburn Riverwatch

GENDRON

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000

My neighbor contracted Lyme disease. Boy, is he ticked.

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

I’m first

in line for the

new Pie in the Face

Challenge! I showed up

clean as a whistle and

intend to stay

that way!

Marc Cayer

Lewiston Mayor

Whoa!

Wait just a minute!

Who invited this guy?

Who the heck gave

him a pie?!

Jason Levesque*

& Marc Cayer

*Auburn Mayor

SECURITY!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

I came

down from the

North Pole to take

a turn in the Pie in

the Face hotseat and

to help raise money

to grant wishes

for children!

I wasn’t counting but, I know I did at least 100 crunches this morning.

I just love Cap’n Crunch.

PIE IN THE FACE

CHALLENGE

Santa

I may look

like I’m clownin’

around, but granting

wishes is serious

business!

Skippy Doo!

Joe & Angela

Morin

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

24 Sept. 2021 783-7039

“I saw the man remove my ballot from the box,” said Tom devotedly.


I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party for the

LIVE AUCTION

Bunch of Bull

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Two sisters, Carmen

and Cecilia, inherit the

family ranch. Unfortunately,

after just a

few years, they are

in financial trouble. In

order to keep the bank

from repossessing the

ranch, they need to

purchase a bull from

the stockyard in a far

town so that they can

breed their own stock.

They only have $600

left to purchase a bull.

Upon leaving, Carmen

tells Cecilia, “When I

get there, if I decide to

buy the bull, I’ll contact

you to drive out after

me and haul it home.”

Carmen arrives at the

stockyard, inspects the

bull, and decides she

wants to buy it. The

man tells her that he

will sell it for $599, and

will not negotiate for

less. After paying him,

Carmen drives to the

nearest town to send

her sister a telegram to

tell her the news.

She walks into the

telegraph office and

says, “I want to send a

telegram to my sister

to let her know that I’ve

bought a bull for our

ranch. I need her to

hitch the trailer to our

pickup truck and drive

out here so we can

haul it home.”

The telegraph operator

explains that he’ll be

Continued on next page

I just took a pole and 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Continued from previous page

glad to help her, then

adds, “It’s just 99 cents

a word.”

I bought a new boomerang because the store had a great return policy.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Well, after paying for

the bull, Carmen only

has one dollar left. She

realizes that she’ll only

be able to send her

sister one word.

After a few minutes

of thinking, she nods

and says, “I want you

to send her one word:

comfortable.”

The operator shakes

his head. “How is she

ever going to know

that you want her to

hitch the trailer to your

pickup truck and drive

out here to haul that

bull back to your ranch

if you send her just the

word ‘comfortable?’”

Carmen explains, “The

word is too big for my

sister, Cecilia, to read.

She’ll have to sound it

out... com-for-da-bull.”

Birthday Wish

Submitted by Jimbo

A mother asked her

small son what he

would like for his

birthday.

“I’d like a little brother,”

the boy said.

“Oh my, that’s such

a big wish,” said the

mother. “Why do you

want a little brother?”

“Well,” said the boy,

“there’s only so much I

can blame on the dog.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Sept. 2021 783-7039

The only superhero that doesn’t have to worry about a wrinkled uniform is Iron Man.


I told my daughter that she had to add calculus to her class schedule.

It was integral to her education.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

How do you

turn a duck into a

blues singer?

Toby Willliams

Cryin’ Out Loud

You put it in

the microwave until

it’s Bill Withers.

Brandon Stallard

Cryin’ Out Loud

Mariah Carroll &

Lisa Carroll

I’ve taken the week off from work because my cow has been sick.

My boss thinks I’m just milking it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

I took my bike to work this morning because I heard it was good for the environment.

Plus, I wasn’t using the roof rack for anything else.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

How fun was

that 95’ inflatable

obstacle course?

SO FUN!

Xavier & Jonathan

Labonte

Ray & Rhonda

Martel

Time to heat

things up with my

turn in the Pie in the

Face hotseat!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

28

Matt Fifield

Auburn Fire Department

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

I haven’t

missed a

Block Party

in five

years!

I got unfriended three times over Shania Twain jokes. That don’t impress me much.


I pulled a muscle digging for gold. No worries though, it’s just a miner injury.

THANK YOU!

Our Summer Block Party was a huge success!

We were able to raise enough money to grant

16 WISHES

for children battling critical illnesses here in Maine.

This event would not be possible without all of our sponsors!

A huge thank you to each and every one of them!

Please remember to support these local businesses!

DeBlois Electric, Inc.

Fish Heads

Submitted by Jimbo

A customer at Roy’s

Foodland marveled at

the proprietor’s quick

wit and intelligence.

“Tell me, Mike, what

makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my

secret with just anyone,”

Mike replies, lowering

his voice so the

other shoppers won’t

hear. “But since you’re

a good and faithful

customer, I’ll let you in

on it. Fish heads. You

eat enough of them,

you’ll be positively

brilliant.”

“You sell them here?”

the customer asks.

“Only $4 apiece,” says

Mike.

The customer buys

three. A week later,

he’s back in the store

complaining that

the fish heads were

disgusting and he isn’t

any smarter.

“You didn’t eat

enough,” says Mike.

The customer goes

home with 20 more

fish heads. Two weeks

later, he’s back and

this time he’s really

angry.

Community Sponsors: Bancroft Contracting Corp., Bilodeau Insurance, Champoux

Insurance, Cliff Hammond - DC Motors, CN Brown, Dirigo Credit Union, DuBois Realty

Group, Community Credit Union, Electrical Systems of Maine, Fortin Funeral Homes,

Kristi’s Cafe, L-A Harley, Lisa Laliberte, State Farm, Mixers, Norway Savings Bank,

Poland Spring Resort, Portland Safe, Straight Line Roofing & Siding, United Insurance, &

Wishing Under the Stars Gala

“Hey, Mike,” he says,

“You’re selling me fish

heads for $4 apiece

when I just found out I

can buy the whole fish

for $2. You’re ripping

me off!”

“You see?” says

Mike. “You’re smarter

already.”

A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

I’m here

to challenge my

Grampy (Jimbo) for

his Captain America

title!

Can you imagine how happy barn owls were when farmers started building barns.

Now Hiring

ALL positions!

Come in and

apply today!

The Village Inn

BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

10 years in a row!

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Caden & Jamie

Shaw

Roddy Doustout, Jason Versey, & Julie Versey - The Roopers Crew!

Good

luck with

that, Caden!

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Carter & Adon

Shaw

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

You know you’re a bad driver when your GPS asks you to pull over and let them out.


If dentists make all their money from bad teeth, why should we use

toothpaste that eight out of ten dentists recommend?

Superhero

Talk

Submitted by Steve Simard

One day, Jimbo and

Steve are waiting to

start a round of golf.

NOW

OPEN!

22 Lanes of

10-pin bowling

12 Lanes of candlepin

bowling

Full menu

Full bar

Jimbo says to Steve,

“Do you want to hear

a really good Batman

impression?”

Steve says, “Go

ahead, let’s hear it.”

Jimbo shouts, “NOT

THE KRYPTONITE!”

Steve replies, “That’s

Superman!”

Jimbo says, “Thanks

Steve, I’ve been practicing

a lot.”

• Come check out our newly installed bar with a sit down

restaurant area for eating and an expanded kitchen.

• We offer birthday parties and company gatherings.

• Visit our website to learn more about our bowling leagues.

• Glow bowl every other Saturday night (starting on 9.11.21)

from 7:00PM - 11:00PM.

UAD exp. 9.30.21

BRING IN THIS COUPON FOR

10% OFF

YOUR FOOD ORDER

Snacking

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Ryan was on an

airplane heading to

Florida. The kind old

woman next to him

offered him a handful

of peanuts that she

had.

Ryan accepted and

thanked her for the

snack.

“Oh you’re welcome

dear,” the old woman

said. “I can’t eat

peanuts anyway since

I have no teeth.”

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston

207-786-2695

www.justintimebowl.com

Sun 10a-9p; Mon-Thur 9a-10p; Fri-Sat 9a-11p

“Well, why do you have

them then?” asked

Ryan.

“I like to lick the chocolate

off of them.”

If someone steals uranium, does it become theiranium?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


Fair Pay

Submitted by Jimbo

I just saw a book titled, How To Solve 50% Of Your Problems.

So I bought two.

An indigent client who

had been injured in an

accident went looking

for a lawyer to represent

him without cost.

One lawyer told him that

he would take the case

on contingency.

When the client asked

what the “contingency”

was, the lawyer replied,

“If I don’t win your lawsuit,

I don’t get anything.

If I do win your lawsuit,

you don’t get anything.”

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Check out our September

Drink Special!

Deep Eddy

lime vodka

w/ club soda

$7 .50

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

The most vulgar Star Wars character of all time was R2-D2. They beeped out every word he said.

Apples & other native fruits & vegetables

Baked goods & much more!

Open daily 8am - 6pm

207-225-3764 • 174 Auburn Road, Route 4, Turner

MENTION THIS AD

for $25 off of 100 gallons or more!

Exp. 9/30/21

207-225-3000

84 General Turner Hill Road, Turner • www.mhoilandpropane.com

Just checked my home insurance policy. It turns out that if my quilt is stolen, I’m not covered.

DID YOU

KNOW?

The yellow and orange

colors you see actually

always exist in leaves

but they are overpowered

by the abundance

of green from

chlorophyll.

The amount of chlorophyll

starts to decrease

as the sun weakens

and the days grow

shorter.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

32

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

YOUR HUNTING

HEADQUARTERS FOR:

• Guns

• Hunting Gear

• Sporting Equipment

• Rental Center

• Garmin products

Join us for our Community Days Block Party!

September 10th & 11th

Refreshments Giveaways Tent Sale

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

Bugs Bunny will no longer accept any files through Google Drive.

The only way to send him something is as a Whatsapp doc.

Come meet

the crew of


You should never take your dog shopping at the flea market.

Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing

team works with you every step of the way!

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

A Sea Dog

with a Balloon Dog...

let the shenanigans

begin!

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

Slugger

207.333.6001

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • mainesourcehomes.com

Vampires are always looking for their necks victim.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

I’m headed to a music lover’s convention and don’t know if

I should take my Pink Cadillac or my Little Red Corvette.

Grace

Carpentier,

Connelly

Jarman,

&

Jayden

Lepage

with Slugger

Excited to

be able to perform

again at the

Summer Block Party

for the second time!

We were also here

in 2019!

Jordyn Johnson

Lie to Me

Betty Lynne

Riggin

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


Husband

Diagnosis

Submitted by Jimbo

Rose accompanied her

husband Tom to his

annual checkup.

While Tom was getting

dressed, the doctor

came out and said to

Rose, “I don’t like the

way he looks.”

“Neither do I,” she

said. “But he’s handy

around the house.”

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

PA’S

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

TRADIN’

• TARPS

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Buying & Selling

Camp Furniture!

Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!

Visit Us!

My friend told me his dog retrieved a stick from 100 yards away. Sounds farfetched to me.

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

I don’t get it – how can God have Ten Commandments for the whole world and my wife have 150 just for our house?

COOPER FARMS

We have native sweet corn!

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Kyle

Lepage

Today I wore bell bottoms, platform heels, and a jean jacket. The weatherman said to dress for the mid-70s.


When I was young, I was poor. But after years and years of hard, honest,

and painstaking work, I’m no longer young.

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

Low-

Five!

Saturday, September 25th 1:00 – 7:00PM

Anniversary Park in New Auburn

Free event with no age restrictions

Craft beer and concessions on site!

Denny Breau

Bonnie Edwards

& the Practical

Cats

Featuring

Mark Miller

& Friends

Continental

Shakedown

Blue Steel

Express

Slugger & Sam

Weekley

A busted

arm wasn’t about

to keep me from

cooking the food for

this party! This

crowd has gotta

eat!

John Higgins

Auburn Exchange Club

And other special guests!

Brought to you by:

Need some

help with dessert?

I think I still have

whipped cream in

my ears!

In case of rain or inclement weather, the show

will move to The 1800 Club, 34 Court St, Auburn

The lawnmower quit because it was tired of being pushed around.

Jason Levesque

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

35


Diagnosis

Submitted by Steve Simard

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple, “Thank you” is all I need.

I don’t need all this, “How did you get in my house?” nonsense.

Robert had called

his doctor last week

to tell him that he

needed to be seen.

He wasn’t able to do

all the chores that he

used to do around the

house and he wanted

the doctor to run some

tests to find out what

was going on.

“Doc, give it to me

straight, I can handle

it. What’s the diagnosis

I’m faced with?” asked

Robert.

Ask about a

bundled special

for September on

any two services.

Mention the Uncle

Andy’s ad for up to

10% off!

Residential &

Commercial

✓ Professional Window Cleaning

Featuring Pure Water

✓ Power Washing

✓ Gutter Cleaning

✓ Solar Panels Cleaned

You’ll clearly see your satisfaction is our business!

Office: 207-353-6815 • Mobile: 207-402-5061

E-mail: info@mainewindowcleaners.com • www.mainewindowcleaners.com

“Well, I have some

great news! All your

tests came up fine...

you’re just lazy,” the

doctor informed him.

“Okay, great. Now

what is the medical

term for that so I can

tell my wife?”

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $9.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

Hungry crows have ravenous appetites.

Roy’s FOODLAND

Don’t forget your “Best

in Town” chicken salad

or ham salad!

We have supplies for your grilling needs!

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Sun. closed

My neighbor told me he was scared to plant an apple tree. I told him to grow a pear.

Autumn is coming! Be Prepared!

Now is the time to clean

the inside of your car!

Check lights, fluids, belts, & tires!

Make sure you have a

first aid kid, cables, & water!

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

Full Service Gas Station

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

207.782.9144

September 2021

Stickers

are due!

Preorder online or mention this ad

and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!

934 Lisbon Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

Entrance in back

Leaf it to us.

Medical Cannabis

New Patients Welcome

207-689-3626 • www.207high.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 Sept. 2021 783-7039

The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well.

It might have great food, but will never have any atmosphere.


The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move

and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

I’m wearing

this hat like this

until Tyla shows up with

those pint glasses she

promised me four

months ago!

Agassiz Village

AgassizVillage.org

agassizvillage.org/weddings

The Third Place

TheThirdPlace.me

info@thethirdplace.me

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

Steve Grenier

*Editor’s Note:

They’re coming, I promise!

My mind still thinks I’m 25; my body thinks my mind is an idiot!

Dean & Janet

Daigle

Jimbo, this

party gets bigger

and better every year!

I’m so proud of you,

big brother!

Trisha Marston &

John Aker

Close your eyes... dark, isn’t it?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

37


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Goober Exam

Submitted by Jimbo

The Goober reported

for her University final

examination, which

consisted of “yes/no”

type questions.

She took her seat in

the examination hall,

stared at the question

paper for five minutes,

and then in a fit of

inspiration took her

purse out, removed

a coin and started

tossing the coin and

marking the answer

sheet - Yes for Heads

and No for Tails. Within

a half an hour, she was

all done whereas the

rest of the class was

still sweating it out.

During the last few

minutes, she was seen

desperately throwing

the coin, mumbling

and sweating.

The moderator,

alarmed, approached

her and asked what

was going on. “I finished

the exam in half

an hour. But, I am rechecking

my answers.”

Call today for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

Fully Insured

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

Full service pet spa

Find us on Facebook!

207-739-9445

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

207-782-7141

Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People - Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Noni Robinson

and

Don & Liz Ray

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 Sept. 2021 783-7039

My girlfriend, Hinges, is something to adore.


Cosmetic surgery used to be something people would be embarrassed about.

Now when you mention Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

The Cool Kids Go To

GEORGIO’S

No time to make school lunches?

We’ve got you covered!

Pick up pizza slices,

finger rolls, & sandwiches

for the kiddos!

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

For my

next trick, I will

eat a percussion

sandwich. Drum roll,

please...

Locally owned & operated

207-783-2981

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com

Damon Dewitt

Lie to Me

Napoleon kept his armies in his sleevies.

Carrie MacLellan

Jake Van

Paepeghem

Skosh

This summer, the Goo Good Dolls will open for Lady Gaga.

All newborns get in free to support the Goo Goo Gaga Tour.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

39


Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

Gail Griffin &

Lori Grant

I shoved

all the popcorn I

had into my face to

free up my hands to

eat more food!

You’ll never hear a pterodactyl urinate because the P is silent.

Thank you

for a great

season!

1940 ~ 2021

Our restaurant will

close on September

12th. The mini golf

& driving range will

stay open through

September!

• Restaurant

• Ice cream

• Mini golf

• Driving range

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com

I tried to buy bread at the Indian grocery story, but they had naan.

Benjamin

Carleton

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

If he eats

like this now, we

are in big trouble

when Benjamin

becomes a

teenager!

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

40

Jeff & Jennifer

Carleton

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

Rachel Ayo, Claudette Turcotte, & Louise Austin

Our computers went down at work so we had to do everything manually.

It took me twenty minutes just to shuffle the cards for solitaire.


Make your

reservation

now!

Gymnasts don’t need towels because they tumble dry.

PREMIUM CUSTOM-BUILT CORNHOLE BOARDS

Order Online at:

www.wickedcornhole.com

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

Offering Tournament Services, League Packages,

Wholesale & Sponsorship Opportunities, & More!

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Your Title Company

Since 1987

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

Isn’t the Grand Canyon just gorges?

WE’VE

MOVED!

We Ship

Nationwide!

Be sure to check out our “Beast” no-bounce boards!

Our new address is:

500 Canal Street,

Lewiston 04240

Toilet Training

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A little three year-old

boy is sitting on the toilet.

His mother thinks

he has been in there

too long, so she goes

in to see what’s up.

The little boy is sitting

on the toilet reading a

book. But about every

ten seconds or so he

puts the book down,

grips onto to the toilet

seat with his left hand

and hits himself on top

of the head with his

right hand.

His mother says,

“Billy, are you all right?

You’ve been in here for

a while…”

Billy says, “I’m fine,

Mommy... I just haven’t

gone ‘doody’ yet.”

Hi mother says, “Okay,

you can stay here a

few more minutes.

But, Billy, why are you

hitting yourself on the

head?”

Billy says, “Works for

ketchup.”

DID YOU

KNOW?

The largest ever made

was in New Bremen,

Ohio – it was 20 feet in

diameter and weighed

3,699 pounds!

It took days to bake,

but was cut into 5,000

slices when it was

finished.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

41


My sister is going on her first date in two years. I’m a bit nervous for her - that’s pretty far in advance to plan a date.

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

CALL US FOR A

QUOTE TODAY!

Reunions

Summer Camp

Road Races &

Charity 5k’s

Contractors &

Landscapers

See us for your

Fall Sports!

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

The Summer Block Party was presented the

The Chris Greicius Society Award by Make-A-

Wish Maine Board Chair, Phil Harriman.

The award recognizes donors who make

significant lifetime contributions in giving to

Make-A-Wish.

I’ve been at The Clash concert for over an hour and they haven’t started playing. Should I stay or should I go now?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

42

DID YOU

KNOW?

Evergreen trees such

as pines, cedars, and

spruces stay green

because their leaves

(needles) are covered

with thick wax and

they contain materials

that prevent

freezing

when it gets

cold.

Jimbo

Sept. 2021 783-7039

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

Hours:

Mon. 11a-5p

Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p

I find that stand-up comedians take their job very seriously. (Just ask Mark Turcotte!)


The deer had to get braces because he had buck teeth.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

Out ‘n About at the

7th Annual Summer

Block Party

Photos courtesy of Lisa Brown

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

Rose Stone

& Amy Van

Paepeghem

Golf Cart

Uber...

it’s a thing!

I just saw a burglar kick in his own door. He must’ve been working from home.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

Keith Davis

Woohoo!

I won the

50/50 at the Block

Party! I was happy to

give back $315 to

the cause!

WATER FIRE MOLD

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

My fishing buddy said I would probably catch just as many fish if

I took the worm off the hook. That was debaitable.

Rodney Knights

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

43


25 Fern Street

Turner, Maine 04282

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

CALL THE PROS

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

I’ll have her

back on the road in

no time!

A/C got you down? We can take care of that!

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

15 %

OFF

For all

educators

during the

month

of September

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654

www.lamassagemaine.com

LEARN HOW TO DEFEND

YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY!

Training & Education = Confidence

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

rdtacticalhandgun.com

NRA & USCCA Certified Instruction

Check our website & Facebook page

for current & upcoming classes!

Don Mailhot

207-576-5131

Top Gun of Maine

207-998-2806

Open daily

8am to 4pm

207-225-2008

8 Tidswell Road

Turner

FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn

207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Call Today for a Free Quote!

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44 Sept. 2021 783-7039

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is completely safe.


CALL THE PROS

Located in the

building behind

Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

REDEMPTION CENTER

6

on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

UAD exp. 9.30.21

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

TEAM

KENNAGH

SHELLEY KENNAGH

SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306

155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C

AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN

NEEDS!

CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING

LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT

WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

RON’S

TRANSMISSION

375-4924

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

FINE LINE GUN SHOP

Guns • Ammo • Supplies

Ralph & Mary Sleeper

207-998-2374

finelinegun@aol.com

Hunting

season is

near!

Come see

us today!

590 Plains Road, Poland

Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia.

It’s going to be quite the shindig.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sept. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

45


CALL THE PROS

Call us

today for a

FREE

ESTIMATE!

Handyman Services

Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.

Services Include:

Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts

And more!

(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us

Protect your car from the summer heat!

Lincoln Street

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

We are your A/C specialists!

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Add 4 Months to Your Watersports

Season with a Wetsuit

Pat’s is a great place to enjoy a meal

inside or outside on the deck!

Serving

Great Food

Since

1985!

Swimming, Paddle Sports, Children’s

Snorkeling, Scuba, Water-ski, Sizes Too!

Triathlete, Gold Prospecting,

Free-Diving, or just getting wet.

We can help you stay warmer longer!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com

11a-9p daily

805 Main Street

Lewiston

784-7300

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Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

Darryl & Faye Duval, and Rich Brown

Willow Winslow

Sabrina Toye, Meghan Hunt,

& Fred Placey

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46 Sept. 2021 783-7039

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings. It’s never for them.


AUBURN

4 5 M I N O T A V E N U E 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7

5

LEWISTON

8 6 M A I N S T R E E T 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0

6

3 0 1 MAIN STRET 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8

The Party Starts with

7 9 4 S A B A T T U S S T R E E T 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3

VISIT

US

1 4 2 0 L I S B O N S T R E E T 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5

W W W . R O O P E R S B E V E R A G E . C O M

OXFORD

8 0 M A I N S T R E E T 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2

9


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing Policy

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

RUST PROTECTION

Any car .............. $129.95

Mini van ............. $139.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

It’s NEVER too late

to rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

48 Sept. 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

FALL

is clearly great for

family pool time!

Let us help you keep your

water crystal clear!

Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.

207-344-1800

34 Court Street, Auburn

Give us a

call to get

your pool

closing on

our schedule!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

Steaks • Seafood • Pastas

Pizza • Nachos... and more!

Sundays

Open Mike w/Bill Proctor, 3-7pm

Mondays

Open Mike w/Michael Krapovicky,

7pm-Close

Tuesdays

Solo Spotlight Series, 7-9pm

Wednesdays

Open Juke Box, 6pm-Close

Thursdays

Karaoke w/DJ Craigly, Old Skool,

New Skool (Craig Poland), 8pm-Close

Fridays & Saturdays

Live Music

Everyone is welcome

at The 1800 Club!

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