UAD October Digest 2021

uncleandys

Hot off the digital press... Here is our October 2021 edition of the Digest! We hope you enjoy our all “pink” edition. This is our shout out to Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Supporting the fighters. Admiring the survivors. Honoring the taken. Never, ever giving up hope. Uncle Andy’s Digest stands with all those affected by breast cancer.

Grab your copy TODAY at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 area towns.

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

OCTOBER

2021

1996

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

Live your most balanced, centered life

CRYSTALS

TUMBLED STONES

SALT LAMPS

FIGURINES

JEWELRY

CANDLES/INCENSE

SPIRIT ANIMALS

CHAKRA ITEMS

And More!

120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


After the wild game dinner, the taxidermist felt stuffed.

Ask about our

Referral Bonus program!

We’ll pay YOU when they

hire us.

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

Call for a

free quote!

Call for details!

Who Doesn’t Want the Ultimate

STAYCATION?

We can help create yours…give Pool Builders of Maine a call TODAY

to schedule a time to get your free estimate to make this happen!

Slots are filling fast for next year so don’t miss out on your opportunity.

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013

A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.


Never lend money to a friend; it ruins their memory.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

OCTOBER

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, October 12th

Roy’s Breakfast 7-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

Members: $5 Guests: $6

Purchase Tickets:10-6-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, October 14th

KP’s Place 4-7:00pm

245 Center Street, Auburn

M: $7.50 G: $8.50

Purchase Tickets:10-6-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, October 19th

Dairy Queen 4-7:00pm

661 Minot Ave, Auburn

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets:10-6-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Friday, October 22nd

Poise Yoga Studio 5:30pm

351 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Try for Free ( limited space)

Pick up Ticket: 10-20-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Saturday, October 23rd

Italian Bakery (Bean Special)

10:00-12:00pm

225 Bartlett Street, Lewiston

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets: 10-20-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, October 26th

Fielder’s Choice (Auburn

Location Only) 4-7:00pm

680 Minot Ave, Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets: 10-20-21

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

In order to attend any activity,

you must purchase tickets

at the MWA District Office

at 184 Webster Street Lewiston,

ME. Please purchase

tickets at the designated

date/time listed for each activity.

Any questions please

call the office.

“He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions.” – Confucius

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

Microchips: what’s left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

SPIDERMAN

RYAN

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

Smile In

Comfort

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE AGAIN

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Call today

for a

FREE

consultation!

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

Behind every successful working woman is an enormous pile of laundry!


The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST

WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Out ‘n About at

the Fire & Slice

Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

Feeling

good...

Feeling strong...

Down and through...

Be the ball...

Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-8pm

Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm

Sun: 7am-3pm

Scan here

to see our

menu!

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Check out our Daily Specials

like this one:

Meatloaf Crossing. YUM!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Jeremie St. Pierre

Allegiance Trucks

Hmm...

that’s not the

shot I visualized in

my head!

Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm

Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

Cornhole Tournament

Fundraiser

OAKHILL

CLASS OF 2022

PROJECT GRADUATION

Saturday, Oct. 23rd

Registration 11:00am

Bags fly at 1:00pm

$20 per person

Guaranteed 5 games!

Prize raffles, airmail contest & More!

Jess Ouellette

Rent space on Sundays

Birthdays • Baby Showers • Office Parties

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Krista Comis

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


I did a little mechanical work today.

I put a rear end in a recliner.

Give your home the protection it deserves.

Your home is where you make some of your

best memories, and that’s worth protecting.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

Supporting the

fighters.

Admiring the

survivors.

Honoring the taken.

Never, ever giving

up hope.

Uncle Andy’s Digest stands with all

those affected by breast cancer. We

hope you enjoy our all “pink” edition.

Sisters

Submitted by Jimbo

Have you heard about

the latest new drug?

When administered to

women, it gives them

the irresistible urge to

join a convent.

The FDA refuses to

approve it, though.

They fear it will be

habit-forming.

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial

Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6 Oct. 2021 783-7039

A load of irons were stolen from a laundromat. Police want to do a press conference.


Actually, I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me...

The second one didn’t!

The Chandler

Funeral

Group

207-743-2561

Dedicated to providing personalized, professional and compassionate

services to help lighten your burden and support you through the

difficult times that follow the loss of a loved one.

Lewiston Mechanic Falls Rumford

Other funeral home locations

Bethel ❖ Bridgton ❖ Fryeburg ❖ Oxford ❖ South Paris

My wife and kids are threatening to leave me because of my obsession with horse-racing.

And they’re off!

Out ‘n About at Corporate Intelligence

Harsh Reality

Submitted by Jimbo

A golfer, now into his

golden years, had

a lifelong ambition

to play one hole at

Pebble Beach, the

way the pros do it. The

pros drive the ball out

over the water onto the

green that is on a spit

of land that juts out off

the coast.

It was something he

had tried hundreds of

times without success.

His ball always fell

short, into the ocean.

Because of this he

never used a new ball

on this particular hole.

He always picked out

one that had a cut or

a nick.

Recently he went to

Pebble Beach to try

again. When he came

to the fateful hole, he

teed up an old cut

ball and said a silent

prayer.

Before he hit it however,

a powerful voice

from above said,

“WAIT...REPLACE

THAT OLD BALL

WITH A BRAND-NEW

BALL.”

It’s our

pleasure to donate to the

Summer Block Party and support

such a great cause like Make-

A-Wish!

Nicole Dube, Jessica Reid, Claire Anctil, and Natalie Michaud

Can a person die from constipation? I’m a little concerned how full of crap

some people are.

He complied, with

some slight misgiving,

despite the fact that

the Lord seemed to be

implying that He was

going to let him finally

achieve his lifelong

ambition.

As he stepped up to

the tee once more, the

voice came down

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

7


(continued from previous page)

again: “WAIT...STEP

BACK... TAKE A

PRACTICE SWING.”

So he stepped back

and took a practice

swing.

I didn’t realize my wife was burying her cooking mistakes in the backyard,

until the flowers, grass and trees died.

Out ‘n About at Rusty Lantern Market in Sabattus

The voice boomed out

again, “TAKE AN-

OTHER PRACTICE

SWING.”

He did. Silence followed.

Then the voice spoke

out again: “PUT BACK

THE OLD BALL.”

Out ‘n About at

the Fire & Slice

Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

Right

down the middle.

Easy game!

(said no one ever)

We

are so excited to now to

be a distribution point for the

Digest! And here we are right

on page 8!

SUSAN MORGAN & DEBBIE DANIELS

Vacation: What you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking all along!

Poland Spring Resort

Golf! Mini Golf, Disc Golf, Swimming, Dining, Entertainment,

Boat Rentals, Museums, Tennis, Bocce, Hiking and so Much More!

Heather Printup

Info at polandspringresort.com

or call (207) 998-6002

Info at dockside.me

or call (207) 998-5008

Garrett Copp

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 Oct. 2021 783-7039

Info at polandspringresort.com or call (207) 998-4351

“Since I have the shape of a yeast roll, don’t you think I would make a good roll model?”

– Lawrence Brotherton


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2022

Events

Now!

DadsPlaceCatering.com

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 45.


Bump in the

Night

Submitted by Steve Simard

After trick or treating,

a teen takes a short

cut home through the

cemetery.

Half way across, he’s

startled by a tapping

noise coming from

the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, he

spots an old man with

a hammer and chisel

chipping away at a

headstone.

“I thought you were

a ghost!” says the

relieved teen. “What

are you doing working

so late?”

“Oh those idiots,”

grumbled the old man.

“They misspelled my

name...”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

Infereior Bags

Submitted by Jimbo

It was very crowded at

the supermarket, and

the customer in front of

me had a large order.

As the harried looking

clerk lifted the final

bag for her, its bottom

gave way, sending the

contents crashing to

the floor.

“They just don’t make

these bags like they

used to,” the clerk

blurted to the

customer.

“That was supposed

to happen in your

driveway!”

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

NOW OFFERING DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS!

• 22 Lanes of

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• 12 Lanes of candlepin

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• Full menu

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FUN for

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Sun 10a-9p; Mon-Thur 9a-10p; Fri-Sat 9a-11p

Local Arborist with over

20 Years experience!

Sit-down Restaurant area •

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston

207-786-2695

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The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

Birthday Parties •

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Glow Bowling •

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

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59c Portland Road, Gray

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Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties

Call us

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Hours:

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Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Steaks • Premium Entrees • Burgers • Great Salads • Tasty appetizers • And More!

Shown here:

Coconut Shrimp & Bull Chips Appetizers

We proudly support

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

We cater!

No event too big or

small, give us a call!

Football

season is here, come

enjoy the game at

Mac’s!

for experienced

cooks

APPLY WITHIN

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Out ‘n About at

Just in Time

Recreation

for their Open House

Super

excited to be

the new owners of

this recreation center!

There’s no better

way to celebrate my

birthday than an

Open House here!

Come check us

out!

I really hate my job as a waiter but at least it puts food on the table.

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Tell us

you saw us

in Uncle Andy’s

Digest!

Visit, Call, Or Text - Open 7 Days a Week!

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

• REGISTERED ANGUS

INSPECTED

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

Justin & Sam

Juray

Owners

Just

In Time

Recreation is

a great place for

the whole family! We

have 22 10pin lanes of

bowling and 12 candlepin

lanes of bowling. There

is a newly installed bar

with a sit down restaurant

area for eating

and an expanded

kitchen!

Welcome to the SAUSAGE KITCHEN

Old Fashioned, Premium Quality Meat Products Made in Maine

vvv

Celebrating our first year!

TASTING EVENT

October 16th

11am - 4pm

Door prizes • Samples • Specials

Help name our pig

Class of 2023 Car Raffle ticket sales

20% OFF

Sausage purchases

w/this coupon

DAY OF EVENT ONLY

The Sausage Kitchen | 36 Main St, Lisbon Falls | 207-353-5503 | thesausagekitchen.com

Josh Nadeau

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 Oct. 2021 783-7039

YOUR HUNTING

HEADQUARTERS FOR:

• Guns

• Hunting Gear

• Sporting Equipment

• Rental Center

• Garmin products

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

My friends keep saying I’m the cheapest person they know but I’m not buying it.


I forgot to give my book on paranoia back to the library and now they’re after me.

Out ‘n About at

Just in Time

Recreation

for their Open House

It

was a lucky

strike to cover the

open house for Just In

Time Recreation.

Bill Barton

WGME TV 13

When inmates fall in love do the finish each others sentences?

Just

In Time

Recreation is right up

our alley.

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

Before the crowbar was invented most crows drank at home.

Eric, Paige &

Sean Taylor

Leave

no pin standing.

Janet Allen

Carbonite

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

13


Tell Tale Signs

You Have

Nothing to do

at Work

• You’ve read the entire

Dilbert page-a-day

calendar for 2021

• You discover that

staring at your cubicle

wall long enough

produces images of

Elvis.

• You’ve definitively

figured out a way to

get Gilligan off the

island.

• People come into

your office frequently...

to borrow pencils

from your ceiling.

• The 5th Division of

Paperclips has completely

overrun the

Pushpin Infantry, and

General White-Out

has called for reinforcements.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

...Your Security is Our Concern!

We’ve Got

You Covered

150 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-783-2246

Lisa is a seasoned professional

in the insurance

industry and brings to

our organization a robust

skill set in the world of

commercial insurance.

Some of her many areas

of expertise are in sales,

underwriting, customer

retention, and customer

satisfaction. Due to her

keen attention to detail,

she is regularly sought after

for advice. She has the

Lisa Doucette

unique ability to interface

with the client in a creative way to find the solution that

most accurately meets their needs. Born and raised in

the Portland area, and now having been in the greater

Lewiston area for over 10 years. Lisa enjoys deep roots in

the local community and truly understands the business

climate and the specific needs of her clients.

When not busy focusing on her clients, Lisa enjoys

spending time with her children, grandchildren and the

rest of her family, soaking up some sun on one of Maine’s

beautiful lakes or reading the newest Dean Koontz book.

Please join us in welcoming Lisa to the team, and please

don’t hesitate to call the Champoux Insurance Agency to

say hello to her.

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

• You take a picture of

this joke and text it to

friends.

Showing

His Age

Submitted by Steve Simard

The other day I got

carded at the liquor

store. While I was

taking out my ID, my

old Blockbuster card

fell out.

The clerk shook his

head and said, “Never

mind,” and rang me

up.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

LOADED OMELETTE

Our Loaded Omelette

comes with home fries,

grilled onions, and toast.

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 Oct. 2021 783-7039

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast

during the Renaissance.


I’m leaving my wife. Recently, she started categorizing animals by height and weight.

I’m tired of her critter-sizing.

DREAM BIG.

NEVER QUIT.

STAY HUMBLE.

Out ‘n About at

Just in Time

Recreation

for their Open House

Everyone

here is so friendly.

GRAND OPENING

October 23rd

Tom Girberti &

Michael Torok

I

love having a

place to bowl again in

the Lewiston/Auburn

area.

Chloe

Beauchesne

HIGH QUALITY MEDICAL CANNABIS

Check out our website for weekly deals & discounts.

humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com

415 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

207-241-0279

retail@humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com

Has anyone here ever tried to milk a Magnesia?

Rock

and bowl.

John Bisognani

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

15


Out ‘n About at

Just in Time

Recreation

for their Open House

Eat,

sleep, bowl.

Mike Racine

It’s

not how you

bowl, it’s how you roll.

Miranda Smith &

Natalie Thomsen

Have

your

next birthday

party at Just In

Time Recreation. It

includes shoe rental,

2 pieces of pizza, a

fruit cup, unlimited

soda, and bowling

for 2 hours.

Alien: “Take me to your leader.” Me: “Ummmm....... Now is not a good time.”

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

You just never see it coming.

You just never

Don’t let this be you!

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Check with us TODAY

to make sure you

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

have the right

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

coverage.

Contact John today at at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

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www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

We proudly support

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Garret, Charlotte

& Kristen Trundy

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16 Oct. 2021 783-7039

My clothes were having a competition to decide which one is the coolest.

It ended up being a tie.


2

My wife found out I was cheating when she found letters I was hiding. She said she’s never playing

Scrabble with me again.

EDUCATION

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Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 350

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Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7

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Call Life Line Screening to schedule a screening. Special offer 5 screenings

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some advertisers do not offer employment but rather supply the

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the client your checking, license ID, or credit card numbers. Also beware

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that if a credit repair company does business only over the phone it is

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Whoever took my anxiety medication, I’m worried about you.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Now

Hiring

Passing Advice

Submitted by Jimbo

A man is driving up a

steep, narrow mountain

road. A woman is

driving down the same

road.

As they pass each other,

the woman leans

out of the window and

yells “PIG!!”

The man immediately

leans out of his

window and replies,

“WITCH!!”

They each continue on

their way, and as the

man rounds the next

corner, he crashes into

a pig in the middle of

the road.

If only men would

listen.

Flattery vs.

Truth

Submitted by Steve Simard

A retiring pastor was

saying farewell to his

congregation at the

church doors for the

last time. He shook

the hand of an elderly

lady as she walked

out. She said, “Your

successor won’t be as

good as you.”

“Nonsense,” said the

pastor, in a flattered

tone.

“No, really,” said the

old lady, “I’ve been

here under five different

ministers, and

Uncle each Andy’s one has Digest been ...with

worse than the last.”

18 Oct. 2021 783-7039

Jimbo

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Be sure to ask about NO

on-call / weekends!

CONTACT MIKE TODAY! 207-754-4556

Mike@upwi.net

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

• Licensed

Plumbers

• Oil Tech

• Gas Tech

• HVAC Techs

United Piping & Welding

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

I had a bird named Enza and when I opened the window in flew Enza.

I was delighted when I got home the other day and found out all my light bulbs

had been stolen.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Moved two miles

up the road!

10 Memorial Drive,

Lisbon

Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at

Champoux

Insurance

Rosie

Girl makes it

doggone fun to work

here.

Now

Hiring!

Lynn Lowe &

Rosie Girl

I had a dog named Tax. One day I opened the door, and income Tax.

WANTED: Year Round Flaggers

Androscoggin,

Cumberland,

and Oxford

County Areas

I love

my job!

Jeff Carleton

We

are always here to

help.

Call Today 207-225-5627

Easter egg hunts teach kids to become golfers.

www.atwork.com

No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!

Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr

Lisa Croft

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

20

Now

Hiring

A Survivor

Submitted by Jimbo

“I’ve had laryngitis,

tonsillitis, hepatitis,

meningitis, appendicitis,

tendinitis, and colitis.

I’ve also suffered

from gastritis, bronchitis,

gingivitis, bursitis,

and arthritis.

I’ve been held up, held

down, hung up, strung

up, stood-up, bulldozed,

bloody-nosed,

blackjacked, hijacked,

squeezed, frisked, and

mooched. Stuck with

excess profits tax, personal

property tax, utility

tax, inheritance tax,

sales tax, school tax,

gasoline tax, income

tax, excise tax, surtax,

liberty bonds, savings

bonds, a couple of bail

bonds, and the bonds

of matrimony.

I’ve helped the Red

Cross, the White

Cross, and often

been double-crossed.

Helped the Girl Scouts,

Boy Scouts, and a few

Talent Scouts. Helped

children’s hospitals,

mental hospitals, VA

hospitals, spoke out for

civil rights, women’s

rights, animal rights,

men’s relief, and stomach

relief.

I have worked for a

dog, and worked like a

dog, and still lost all

(continued on next page)

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

I’ve never been married, but I’ve had a few near Mrs.

NOW HIRING PRODUCTION WORKERS!

Call Today 207-225-5627

www.atwork.com

Air Conditioning & Heating

24 Hour

Service

Fully Insured

Variety of Shifts Available!

Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00

Some people manage stress with yoga, long walks and meditation. I manage it with

carbs, sarcasm, and swearing.


Just had breakfast at the Pelican Café, the food was good, but the bill was enormous.

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn

207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

(continued from previous page)

I had. I’ve been set

aside, pushed aside,

hit broadside, and had

to sit outside. Demoted

and misquoted.

Walked on, jumped on,

dumped on, rained on,

snowed on, stomped

on, spit on, cut on, and

ratted on.

I’ve been put off, ran

off, and ripped off.

Intimidated, interrogated,

berated, separated,

and violated. I’ve

been cussed, and

discussed, boycotted,

stunned, shunned, and

shocked. Criticized,

despised, ostracized,

victimized, brutalized,

capsized, analyzed,

and ill-advised.

Slapped, trapped, and

wire-tapped. I’ve been

used, abused, bruised,

refused, confused, but

never excused. Talked

about, lied about, lied

to, bawled out, chewed

out, kicked out,

knocked out, but never

bailed out.

I’ve been assailed,

derailed, and blackmailed.

Scammed,

slammed, burned,

stung, stoned, robbed,

cheated, booed, sued,

misconstrued, and

almost drowned.

And the only reason

I’m sticking around

is...???

I just want to see

what’s gonna happen

next!”

I always say “Thank you” to Alexa so that when the machines take over

they know I’m nice.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

21


Out ‘n About at

Champoux

Insurance

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class

is running the country. – K. Vonnegut

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

I know a good

insurance company

that can cover this.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Anita Penley

I

am here to

help with all your

insurance needs.

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

We have 15+ delicious beers on tap

- and to go -

Brewed Right here,

For you.

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

Stephen Nagy

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.” – Rodney Dangerfield

EST

1950

783-3444

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Shuga Shak Country Store

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

Booth Rentals Available

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

Welcome to

OPEN:

Uncle Andy’s,

Tues-Fri Ryan!

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Ryan Jones

October

YUM!!

Pumpkin Soft Serve

ice cream!

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes

life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine


Plan

Performances

What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

“A shoe.”

YOUR

Franco Center event today!

Out ‘n About at

Champoux

Insurance

Not

all superheroes

wear capes. We are

the dynamic duo!

Conferences

Graduations

Concerts

Events

Corporate Parties

Celebrations of Life

Weddings

Retirements

Birthdays

Showers

Nikki Moreau &

Chris Reynolds

What

kind of

chocolate

do insurance

agents love? They

love premium

chocolates.

For Performances - production@francocenter.org

For Events - events@francocenter.org

or Call: 207-783-1585

(207) 783-1585 * FRANCOCENTER.ORG * 46 CEDAR ST., LEWISTON

My going out clothes have missed me so much; I put them on yesterday

and they hugged me so tightly I couldn’t move!

Chantal

St. Laurent

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


Phone a Friend

Submitted by Jimbo

I just got kicked out of the flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social

distancing rule had pushed anyone over the edge yet.

A goober named

Jimbo is appearing on

“Who Wants To Be A

Millionaire” with Regis

Philbin.

Regis: “Jimbo, you’re

up to $500,000 with

one lifeline left: phone

a friend. If you get it

right, the next question

is worth one million

dollars. If you get it

wrong, you drop back

to $32,000. Are you

ready?”

Jimbo: “Yes.”

Regis: “Which of the

following birds does

not build its own nest?

Is it

A) Robin,

B) Sparrow,

C) Cuckoo, or

D) Thrush.”

Jimbo: “I’d like to

phone a friend. I’d like

to call Steve.”

Steve (also a Goober)

answers his phone:

“Hello?”

Regis: “Hello Steve,

it’s Regis Philbin from

Who Wants to be a

Millionaire. I have your

friend Jimbo here who

needs your help to

answer the one million

dollar question. The

next voice you hear

will be Jimbo’s...”

Jimbo: “Steve, which

of the following birds

does not build it’s own

nest?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

24

(continued on next page)

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

We like to take every opportunity

to highlight the dedicated, innovative

direct support workforce that is the heart

& soul of supports for people with disabilities.

Thank you for all that you do!

2021 MAINE DSP OF THE YEAR

Our own

Cindy Berube

Congratulations, Cindy!

JOHN F. MURPHY HOMES

800 Center Street, Auburn • 207-782-2726

JFMhomes.org

When you have a friend that’s going thru a personal storm, instead of being a weatherman

and spreading the news, try being an umbrella and cover them with love.


“I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes

with his freedom.” – Bob Dylan

We Have MOVED

(continued from previous page)

Is it:

A) Robin,

B) Sparrow,

C) Cuckoo, or

D) Thrush.”

Steve: “Oh, Jimbo.

That’s simple. It’s a

cuckoo.”

Jimbo: “Are you sure?”

Steve: “I’m sure.”

Regis: “Jimbo, you

heard Steve. Do you

keep the $500,000 or

play for the million?”

Check out our new space at 1896 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

(attached to Dunkin’ Donuts building)

207-333-3626 • www.treworgy-baldacci.com

“The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else,

whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.” – Oswald Chambers

Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party

We

L O V E

Make-A-Wish!

Tabatha Berube, Janet Cassidy, Denis Webber, Michelle Ames, & Rhonda Webber

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child

sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.

Jimbo: “I want to play;

I’ll go with C) Cuckoo.”

Regis: “Is that your

final answer?”

Jimbo: “Yes.”

Regis: “Are you

confident?”

Jimbo: “Yes; I think

Steve is pretty smart.”

Regis: “You said C)

Cuckoo, and you’re

right! Congratulations,

you have just won one

million dollars!”

To celebrate, Jimbo

flies Steve to New

York. That night they

go out on the town.

As they’re celebrating,

Jimbo looks at Steve

and asks him, “Tell me,

how did you know that

it was the cuckoo that

does not build its own

nest?”

“That’s easy, everybody

knows they live in

clocks.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

in Sabattus for their

Community Appreciation Days

It’s

definitely a

family affair here

at Sturdy, and we

LOVE it!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local

swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Great Rates, Great Service

Transfer Loan • Refinance • New Auto Financing

Katie Sturtevant

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

HOME OF THE ONE HOUR LOAN!

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 | 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

Give some people an inch and they think they’re rulers.

Out ‘n About at Champoux Insurance

Jonais Yoder

Reggie Bauer

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Oct. 2021 783-7039

Nicole Lajoie, Michelle Augello, Lisa Croft,

Jane Belanger, and Tanya Strout

When a teenager is watching TV, listening to her music, and talking on the phone,

she is probably doing her homework.


Now Hiring

ALL positions!

Come in and

apply today!

They don’t allow laughing in Hawaii, only a low ha.

The Village Inn

BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

10 years in a row!

Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

in Sabattus for their

Community Appreciation Days

Just

make sure

you prime the

carburetor and she’ll

purr like a kitten.

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

Tyler Sturtevant

talks with a customer

Rain?

What rain?!

Terri Cook, Mona Leavitt, Nancy Richard, & Margie Bickford

Team Mechanics Savings Bank

Hardware galore

here at Sturdy!

And we do equipment

rental for most

any job.

Steve Marks

Why did the hippie refuse heartburn medication? Because, anti-acid would ruin the trip.

Pumpkins, Apples, Cider & other native fruits & vegetables

Baked goods & much more!

Open daily 8am - 6pm

207-225-3764 • 174 Auburn Road, Route 4, Turner

Your trusted, nonprofit resource

for assistance and information

Medicare counseling • Caregiver support

Educational programming • Meals on Wheels

seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

See our website for job & volunteer opportunities!

Having a weird mom builds character.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


Unsalted

Submitted by Jimbo

Two buddies are fishing,

but they haven’t

caught anything all

day. Then, another

fisherman walks by

with a huge load of

fish. They ask him:

“Excuse me, but where

did you get all those

fish?”

The other fisherman

replies, ”If you just go

down the stream until

the water isn’t salty,

there are a ton of hungry

fish.”

They thank him and

go on their way. 15

minutes later, one

fisherman says to the

other, “Fill the bucket

up with water and see

if the water is salty.”

He dips the bucket

in the stream and

drinks some. “Nope,

still salty.” 30 minutes

later, he asks him to

check again. “Nope,

still salty.” One hour

later they check again.

“Nope, still salty.”

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

Circles are pointless.

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

I’ve heard and told many puns in my life, but the one about the kleptomaniac baker

really takes the cake.

Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

“This isn’t good,”

the fisherman finally

says. “We have been

walking for almost two

hours and the water is

still salty!”

“I know,” says the

other, “and the bucket

is almost empty!”

Heather Printup, Krista Comis,

Jess Ouellette, & Erica Bosse

Team Poland Spring Water

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 Oct. 2021 783-7039

If history repeats itself I am so getting a dinosaur.


Wish Kid

Sawyer

(aka Sonic Spider Boy)

THE HEALING IMPACT OF A WISH

A wish is much more than just a nice thing. And its reach extends far beyond a single event, or moment in time.

Wish kids, parents, medical professionals, volunteers, and others say that wish experiences can change the lives of

everyone involved, forever.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter of Make-A-Wish Maine.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


Out ‘n About at

Champoux

Insurance

Wow,

this Flo lady is

everywhere!

How can there be a national coin shortage? Makes no cents.

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

Lynn, Flo,

Stephen, and Jeff

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

Not

only is the

Digest good for

a chuckle, it’s such

a great community

resource!

Nicole Lajoie

Doesn’t

Add Up

Submitted by Steve Simard

Teacher: “Are you

good in math?”

Little Stephanie: “Yes

and no.”

Teacher: “What does

that mean?”

Little Stephanie: “Yes,

I’m no good in math.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

At the Uncle Andy’s Digest office, Jimbo texted Steve to see if he knew what ‘IDK’ stands

for. Steve texted back, “I don’t know”, and Jimbo replied, “OMG, nobody does!”


I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles and now I am experiencing constant vowel

movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

Make your

reservation

now!

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is in the middle of a game of charades.

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their

Community Appreciation Days

SAMSON

Sturdy Hardware mascot

I love what I’m

seeing right now... But

where the heck is my

costume?

Bread is like the sun it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Judging

Others

Submitted by Jimbo

A woman was waiting

at an airport one night.

There were several

long hours to wait for

her flight.

She hunted for reading

in the airport’s gift shop

bought a big bag of

cookies -- found a

place she could drop.

She was engrossed

in her book, but she

happened to see

a man sat beside her

-- as bold as can be

and grabbed up a

cookie from the bag

in between which she

tried to ignore -- and

not make a scene.

She munched at her

cookies and glanced

at the clock as the

masculine cookie-thief

diminished her stock!

She was getting more

irritated as the minutes

ticked by thinking, “If I

wasn’t a lady, I’d blacken

his eye!”

With each cookie she

took, he took one or

two.

With only one left, she

watched what he’d do

With a grin on his face,

and a nice nervous

laugh

He took the last cookie

and broke it in half!

He offered her half as

he munched on the

other

She snatched from him

and murmured “Oh

Brother!

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


(continued from previous page)

This guy has some

nerve, and he’s also

quite rude

He never showed even

polite gratitude.”

She had never known

when she had been

quite so galled

She smiled with relief

when her flight -- it was

called.

She gathered her stuff

and marched to the

gate.

(With not even a

glance at the thieving

ingrate.)

She boarded the plane

and sank in her seat,

Then sought out her

book which was almost

complete.

As she reached in her

bag, she gasped with

surprise,

Her bag of cookies

were in front of her

eyes!

“If mine are right here,”

she moaned in despair,

then the others

were his and he was

trying to share!

Too late to apologize,

she realized with grief

That she was the rude

one, the ingrate, the

thief!

Sly Sox

Submitted by Steve Simard

Waiter: “Sox won last

night, I just wanted to

let you know kids eat

free.”

Jimbo: “Good, I’ll have

water and my daughter

will have the steak and

a light beer.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

32

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

I can’t stand it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re!

There so stupid!

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Check out our September

Drink Special!

Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

Serving up hot dogs

and pizza to a bunch of

hungry golfers, piece of

cake!

Deep Eddy

lime vodka

w/ club soda

$7 .50

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

Katelyn Burrell, Chrissy Kimball, Shannon Lessard, & Shiela Foley

Roy’s

We have supplies for your grilling needs!

FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $9.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

Be sure to try our delicious

Chicken Salad Italian!

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

I’m the best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner

speech with, “Welcome back, everybody?”


Lori is shy when asked about her age. About 15 years shy.

Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing

team works with you every step of the way!

Thoughts

on Aging

Submitted by Jimbo

Don’t let anyone tell

you you’re getting old.

Squash their toes with

your rocker.

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Some people try to

turn back their odometers,

not me, I want

people to know why

I look like this. I’ve

traveled a long way

and some of the roads

were NOT paved.

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

207.333.6001

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • mainesourcehomes.com

Mason

Dupuis

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg!

Lindsay

Wright

Maturity means being

emotionally and mentally

healthy. It is that

time when you know

when to say yes, when

to say no, and when to

say WHOOPEE!

When you are dissatisfied

and would like to

go back to youth, think

of Algebra.

Out ‘n About at Champoux Insurance

Having an

awesome staff

starts with

treating them

like family!

You know you’re getting

old when everything

either dries up or

starts to leak.

Five Minute

Drill

Submitted by Steve Simard

Diane Champoux

& Dick Albert

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Agreed!

But I’d like to

take this opportunity

to tell Jimbo I

can still his butt in

racquetball!

When my wife says

she’ll be ready in five

minutes, I think like

five minutes left in the

fourth quarter of the

football game and both

teams have all their

time outs left.

My experience is

that pacing back and

forth while grumbling

about being late, only

increases the delay.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


Chatty

Submitted by Jimbo

One day while shopping,

my chatter bug

daughter who was

three at the time introduced

herself to the

lady behind us at the

check out.

She proceeded to tell

the lady her sister’s

name and then said

to the lady, “This is

my mom. Her name is

Mom.”

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!

PA’S TRADIN’

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

• TARPS

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!

Visit Us!

T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It’s because of the small arms.

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Frantic Writing

Submitted by Steve Simard

My neighbor was bitten

by a stray rabid dog.

I went to see how he

was and found him

writing frantically.

I told him rabies could

be cured and he didn’t

have to worry about

writing a will.

He said, “Will!? What

will? I’m making a list

of the people I wanna

bite!”

OXFORD’S FAVORITE PIZZA

& SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

CALL AHEAD FOR ORDERS!

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

October Special

2 Breakfast Sandwiches

(ham, egg, cheese on English Muffin - any additions extra)

ONLY $5 .50

Expires 10/31/2021

Plus tax

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

I like older men because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments, which means,

they’re ready for me.


Adam’s girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorcycle. He just rode on. Ruthless!

COOPER FARMS

We have native sweet corn!

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

The trouble with opportunity is ...

it always looks bigger going than coming.

CALL US FOR A

QUOTE TODAY!

Keep that saw

sharp, son! Now

drop and give me

twenty!

HATS

• Fall Sports

• Road Races

BAGS

David Billings

has helped run the Woodsman’s Day at the Oxford Fair for more than

40 years. At 71 years old, he still competes (Stock Saw competition)

and shows many much younger competitors how it’s done.

• Charity 5k’s

• Contractors

• Landscapers

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

I have a talking Pig. He says his name is Bacon, Chris P. Bacon.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

35


Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

My wife has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too

naive to know she’s way out of my league.

in Sabattus for their

Open House

My

motto: Let the

fork lift do the heavy

lifting!

Jeff Sturtevant

loads a pallet of wood pellets

into the back of a truck

Taking a break

from hardware for

some grillin’!

Dan Lainey

Your secret’s safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Ask about a

bundled special

for September on

any two services.

Mention the Uncle

Andy’s ad for up to

10% off!

Residential &

Commercial

✓ Professional Window Cleaning

Featuring Pure Water

✓ Power Washing

✓ Gutter Cleaning

✓ Solar Panels Cleaned

You’ll clearly see your satisfaction is our business!

Office: 207-353-6815 • Mobile: 207-402-5061

E-mail: info@mainewindowcleaners.com • www.mainewindowcleaners.com

Any married person should forget his mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing.

Cool weather is coming! Be Prepared!

Call TODAY for your appointment!

We’ll check: belts/hoses,

battery, fluids, wiper blades,

brakes, tires & more!

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

Full Service Gas Station

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

207.782.9144

October 2021

Stickers

are due!

Preorder online or mention this ad

and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!

934 Lisbon Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

Entrance in back

Leaf it to us.

Medical Cannabis

New Patients Welcome

207-689-3626 • www.207high.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 Oct. 2021 783-7039

Once, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles and for days he kept leaving little messages

around the house.


I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who would be really mad

if she heard me say that.

Bony Friend

Submitted by Jimbo

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Agassiz Village

AgassizVillage.org

Positive Change Lisbon

PositiveChangeLisbon.org

PolyLabs

PolyLabs.biz

The Third Place

TheThirdPlace.me

Aneez Aroma Therapy

AneezAromaTherapy.etsy.com

The orthopedic surgeon

I work for was

moving to a new office,

and his staff was

helping transport many

of the items. I sat the

display skeleton in

the front of my car, his

bony arm across the

back of my seat.

I hadn’t considered

the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the

stares of the people

in the car beside me

became obvious, and

I looked across and

explained, “I’m delivering

him to my doctor’s

office.”

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who

don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

The other driver

leaned out of his window.

“I hate to tell you,

lady,” he said, “but I

think it’s too late!”

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their

Community Appreciation Days

Finals

Submitted by Steve Simard

A student asked the

professor how many

problems there would

be on the final exam.

Front: Ashton Sturtevant, Katie Sturtevant, Tyler Sturtevant, & Jeff Sturtevant

Back: Steve Marks, Pete Dumond, & Marc Mailhot

Wouldn’t it be great if we could invoice people for wasting our time.

The professor looked

the student over and

replied, “I think you will

have lots of problems

on the final.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

37


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

207-782-7141

Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People - Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

38

Scout Vision

Submitted by Jimbo

An old wild west

fort was about to be

attacked. The wily old

general sent for his

trusty Sioux scout.

“You must use all your

thirty years of skill in

trying to estimate the

sort of army we are up

against here.”

The trusty scout laid

down and put his ear

to the ground. “Large

war party,” he said,

“maybe three hundred

braves, four chiefs, two

on black stallions, two

on white stallions. All

have war paint; Many

many guns. Medicine

man also with them.”

“Good grief!” exclaimed

the general,

“you can tell all of that

just by listening to the

ground?”

“No,” replied the Indian,

“I can see under

the gate.”

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

Montreal Style Sirloin Tips,

sauteed w/onions, mushrooms,

tomatoes, & peppers in mouthwatering

spice blend w/cole slaw

Take Out

Available!

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

Wings

Cheeseburger Special

Cincinnati Spaghetti

25oz domestic drafts

TUESDAY

Wings

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

That’s it, I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.


Locally owned & operated

Revenge sounds so mean. I prefer to call it returning the favor.

Fall is here and that means

Pumpkin Donuts are BACK!

Come experience the taste

of FALL at Georgio’s!

Every Sunday

GEORGIO’S

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s

207-783-2981

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com

Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

in Sabattus for their

Open House

It’s

refreshing

to see the next

generation of

hardworking young

adults!

The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces.

Out ‘n About cleaning up after the Summer Block Party

Tyler Sturtevant

& Marc Mailhot

Ray Asselin

Getting up early

on a Sunday morning has

it privileges... like, like,

like...

Boy Scout Troop 139: Brendon Fox, Calvin Schroeder, Zac Turcotte, Rylan Blake

Back: Allen Blake, Assistant Scoutmaster

People say nothing’s impossible but I’ve been doing nothing all day.

Kevin Arel

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

39


Turtle Keeper

Submitted by Jimbo

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Martin was a slow

worker and found it

difficult to hold down

a job. After a visit to

the job centre he was

offered work at the

local zoo.

When he arrived for

his first day, the keeper

aware of his reputation

told him to take care of

the tortoise section.

NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!

Later, the keeper

dropped by to see how

Martin was getting

on and found him

standing by an empty

enclosure.

“Where are the tortoises?”

he asked him.

Online Account

Management

Online

Rental

GATED ACCESS

Coming Soon!

Well Lit Facility

w/Security Cameras

“I can’t believe it” said

Martin. “I just opened

the door and then.....

Whooooosh!”

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their

Customer Appreciation Days

Super Cough

Submitted by Steve Simard

Super Mario walks

into a bar and orders

a drink. Takes one sip

and starts coughing

hysterically.

Bartender asks, “are

you ok?”

Mario says, “wrong

pipe.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

40

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

Nick, Kellie & Malia Johnston

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. – Larry Roy


Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

PREMIUM CUSTOM-BUILT CORNHOLE BOARDS

Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

in Sabattus for their

Customer Appreciation Days

We Ship

Nationwide!

Order Online at:

www.wickedcornhole.com

No

matter what you

dress up as on Halloween,

keep it safe. I’ll be

watchin’!

Offering Tournament Services, League Packages,

Wholesale & Sponsorship Opportunities, & More!

Be sure to check out our “Beast” no-bounce boards!

Joyce & Scott

Hinckley

It’s

been fun

reminiscing and

what a life you’ve

had, Rudy! And still

hunting at 79 years

old!!

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Your Title Company

Since 1987

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

WE’VE

MOVED!

500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

Our new address is:

500 Canal Street,

Lewiston 04240

Same here,

John. I remember

you getting in kinds of

trouble as a kid. How fitting

is it that your last

name is ‘Bad’ with

an ‘e’!

Rudy Gayton

& John Bade

My son made the

mistake of telling me

I was being over-dramatic

so I just changed

the WiFi password;

we’ll see who’s being

over-dramatic Uncle Andy’s Digest in about

5 minutes.

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com 41

...with

Jimbo


Following

the Crowd

Submitted by Jimbo

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

Once a spider built a

beautiful web in an old

house. He kept it clean

and shiny so that flies

would patronize it.

The minute he got a

“customer” he would

clean up on him so the

other flies would not

get suspicious. Then

one day this fairly intelligent

fly came buzzing

by the clean spider

web.

Old man spider called

out, “Come in and sit.”

But the fairly intelligent

fly said, “No, sir. I don’t

see other flies in your

house, and I am not

going in alone!”

But presently he saw

on the floor below a

large crowd of flies

dancing around on a

piece of brown paper.

He was delighted! He

was not afraid if lots

of flies were doing it.

So he came in for a

landing.

Just before he landed,

a bee zoomed by,

saying, “Don’t land

there, stupid! That’s

flypaper!”

But the fairly intelligent

fly shouted back,

“Don’t be silly. Those

flies are dancing.

There’s a big crowd

there. Everybody’s doing

it. That many flies

can’t be wrong!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

42

(continued on next page)

Jimbo

Oct. 2021 783-7039

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

Our Executive Officers, staff, and

volunteers will continue to take necessary

precautions to ensure safety for all.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,

MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY VACCINATED, PLEASE

WEAR YOUR MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook for updates.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

Maine National Guard, Master Sergeant Ryan Jones, Senior Enlisted Leader

for Legal Office, pays tribute to Veterans that reside at Marshwood Center in

Lewiston.

Jones is accompanied by Steve Simard, Commander, American Legion,

William J. Rogers Post 153 in Auburn.

Both Jones and Simard are employed by Uncle Andy’s Digest / LA Metro

Magazine

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NEW HOURS: Monday through Wednesday: 12p-6p

Thursday: 12p-9p

Friday & Saturday: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in September

Jerry Joe - October 8th - 22nd • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20 TH

DINNER

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16 TH (4:30-6:30pm):

Spaghetti Dinner w/Salad and Garlic Knots - $10

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

Live music

October 30th

w/ Road House

7-11PM

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE!

SEE YOU AT THE POST!

Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:

Monday, October 11th @ 5:30pm

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.


He who hesitates is interrupted!

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

If Cher were to get cloned, would she be Cher and Cher alike?

Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney

at Poland Spring Resort

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

(continued from previous page)

Well, you know what

happened. He was

stuck on the spot and

eventually died right

where he landed.

Some of us want to

be with the crowd so

badly that we end up in

a mess. What does it

profit a fly (or a person)

if he escapes the

web only to end up in

the glue?

– Charles Swindoll,

“Living Above the Level

of Mediocrity”

Outta Tune

Submitted by Steve Simard

It seems like every

time our piano tuner

John comes to our

house, he scolds me

for waiting too long

between tunings. I

agree with him that it

should be done every

six months, but I don’t

really think about it

until the piano sounds

off-key.

The last time he came

over, I was on the defensive.

“If you would

send out a postcard reminder

like the dentist

does every 6 months,”

I declared, “I would

make sure to call you

for an appointment in a

timely fashion.”

Top: Patrick O’Connor, Daniel O’Connor, Mo O’Connor, & Lee O’Connor

Bottom: Matt O’Connor, Dakota O’Connor, Patrick Summers, & Matt Dunn

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.

Without hesitating, he

replied, “OK -- from

now on, when the

dentist sends you a

postcard, call me.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

43


CALL THE PROS

From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

We make you LOOK GREAT!

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!

Call today for a free quote!

REDEMPTION CENTER

6 on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

UAD exp. 10.31.21

RON’S

OCTOBER IS FALL CAR CARE TIME!

OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Call us

today!

Ron Charpentier, Jr.

owner

375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44 Oct. 2021 783-7039

What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?

A pink carnation.


CALL THE PROS

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

Learn how to shoot safely and responsibly.

Training & Education = Confidence

NRA & USCCA Certified Instruction

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

Check our website & Facebook page

for current & upcoming classes!

Don Mailhot

207-576-5131

Top Gun of Maine

207-998-2806 rdtacticalhandgun.com

TEAM

KENNAGH

SHELLEY KENNAGH

SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306

155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C

AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN

NEEDS!

CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING

LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT

WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

Fall is a great time to get your

vehicle prepped for what’s com-

ing next. Give us a call TODAY!

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

OCT

Breast Cancer

BER

Awareness Month

25 Fern Street, Turner

(207) 225-5012

dicksautobody.me

Book your appointment TODAY!

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

I’ll have her

back on the road in

no time!

Fine Line Gun Shop

GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES

HUGE

selection of

hunting rifles!

finelinegun@aol.com

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

45


CALL THE PROS

Call us

today for a

FREE

ESTIMATE!

Handyman Services

Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.

Services Include:

Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts

And more!

(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

ONLY TREATS

HERE!

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Add 4 Months to Your Watersports

Season with a Wetsuit

Swimming, Paddle Sports, Children’s

Snorkeling, Scuba, Water-ski, Sizes Too!

Triathlete, Gold Prospecting,

Free-Diving, or just getting wet.

We can help you stay warmer longer!

805 Main Street

Lewiston

784-7300

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PAT’S IS A GREAT PLACE FOR THE

WHOLE FAMILY!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com

Serving great food since 1985 • 11a-9p daily

You gotta

come try

our Potato

Pizza!

Happy

Halloween!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46 Oct. 2021 783-7039

The only problem with buying a book on amnesia is that you are likely to forget

where you put it!


R O O P E R S B E V E R A G E . C O M

The Party Starts

WITH ROOPERS

A U B U R N

5 4 5 M I N O T A V E N U E 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7

3 0 1 M A I N S T R E T 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8

L E W I S T O N

6 8 6 M A I N S T R E E T 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0

7 9 4 S A B A T T U S S T R E E T 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3

1 4 2 0 L I S B O N S T R E E T 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5

O X F O R D

9 8 0 M A I N S T R E E T 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing Policy

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

RUST PROTECTION

Any car .............. $129.95

Mini van ............. $139.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

It’s NEVER too late

to rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

48 Oct. 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

Watch for our HALLOWEEN BASH

announcement on Facebook!

207-344-1800

34 Court Street, Auburn

Steaks • Seafood • Pastas

Pizza • Nachos... and more!

A dog’s life wouldn’t be too bad … all a dog has to worry about is the toilet seat

falling on it’s head.

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

HALLOWEEN

BASH!

October 30th

Live Music with

Pop Rocks &

The Veggies

Follow us on Facebook

for our FUN

Daily Activities!

Everyone is welcome

at The 1800 Club!

FALL

is clearly great for

family pool time!

Let us help you keep your

water crystal clear!

Give us a

call to get

your pool

closing on

our schedule!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

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