Are You Giving Back? AT FORTY FIVE Magazine Issue 2021 09 31

O C T O B E R | I S S U E N O . 2 1 0 1 0 9
AT FORTY FIVE
The Magazine For Women 45+
C E L E B R A T E A U D A C I O U S : D I A N A M U L L I N
Want To Volunteer?
Considerations For
Success
Diana Mullin: Philanthropy
Develops Community &
Personal Growth
Are You A Human
BEING or
A Human DOING?

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C O N T R I B U T O R S
04
Sherry Kallergis
Editor
AT FORTY FIVE
22
sue dumais
heart led living
07
Linda morrison
10
joanna piros
joannapiros.com
27
dilyana Mileva
dilyana holistic

E D I T O R ' S N O T E S
Are you giving back?
As we break free of the past year,
it is easy to focus on our own
needs, our own excitement of
being able to get on with life.
It has been easy to not think
about those who are less
fortunate and who are struggling
just to keep their head above
water because we are
hibernating in our warm homes
baking bread and bingewatching
our favorites.
This week I have been out and
about and happened to drive
through the poorest postal code
in Canada. My heart bled. And I
felt shame that I took my own
safety and security for granted
when others have been facing
such hardships.
I am taking action to do better.
Make a difference this week.
SHERRY KALLERGIS
“ S E R V I C E T O O T H E R S I S T H E R E N T Y O U P A Y F O R Y O U R R O O M H E R E
O N E A R T H . ” — M U H A M M A D A L I

C O N T E N T S
04
editor's notes
07
So You Want To
Volunteer?
Considerations for
Success
10
are you a human
being or a human
doing?
14cover
diana mullin:
philanthropy develops
community and
personal growth
21
the judge, the jury,
and the judgment
25
Learning To Breathe
Correctly with
Dilyana Mileva

So You Want To Volunteer?
/BY Linda morrison
Considerations for Success
I have been a volunteer many times over the years. I volunteered for
parent/school activities when my children were young and career-related
professional activities. Canvassing for organizations like the Canadian Cancer
Society made the list because they asked nicely. When I was approaching
retirement, I decided to look for volunteering opportunities that were
personally enriching as well as giving back. What I discovered was a good deal
more complex than I had imagined and finding the right opportunity was
challenging. Here is what I discovered.
What You Want To Get Out Of Volunteering
Decide
A very wise friend told me that this is where everyone should begin when you
are looking for a place to volunteer. It seems counter-intuitive as volunteering
is about giving back but I have come to realize that the most effective
volunteers are those for whom the opportunity fills a need.
First, I made a list of what I wanted to get out of volunteering. I wanted a

I realized that for this stage in my life I wanted to work
with a group of like-minded fellow volunteers.
a volunteer opportunity that would be
intellectually challenging and would let me
explore subjects that interested me. A volunteer
activity that involved fundraising was not what I
wanted. I already had put in my dues selling
wrapping paper, Girl Guide cookies, and various
other sundries.
Previously I was a volunteer with an organization
that worked on literacy skills with disadvantaged
children. I went into an elementary school and
worked one on one with individual children. It
was enjoyable however, I realized that for this
stage in my life I wanted to work with a group of
like-minded fellow volunteers.
Much Time?
How
t’s important to note the time commitment
required. How many hours per week? Per year?
How much time is required for training? Many
museums require volunteers to train over a long
period of time; others will have minimal training.
You need to find a good fit for your personal
schedule. I had a pretty open schedule but
wanted to make sure I had the flexibility to take
time off for travel.
Matters
Timing
I thought that museums might fill the bill and
began exploring. It was astonishing to discover
that most of the museums I looked at only
recruited volunteers once a year. If you miss the
cut-off date for that year’s recruitment, you need
to wait a calendar year to apply.
Out There?
What’s
Some of the volunteer opportunities are routine.
You put in your x hours each week or month and
then you are done. There is not a lot of contact
with other volunteers. I understand that
volunteering at the local food banks fits this
model but it really wasn’t what I was looking for.
Many of the charity thrift shops operate entirely
with volunteers. While I suspected they would
provide the collegial group I was looking for, the
thought of pricing vintage clothing and china
teacups filled me with dread.
Many cities will have a website that lists
volunteer opportunities and will provide a pretty
clear description of the kind of volunteer they
are looking for. Asking friends and family is also
a good way to find opportunities.
Counts
Governance
I discovered that some organizations have a staff
member or even department that is responsible
for volunteers.
Another model is the self-governing volunteer
organization that is associated with the parent
body. These are often recognized by having
“Friends of….” as part of their name. Libraries,
which generally do not use volunteers as their
staff is unionized, often have an associated
organization called “Friends of the X Public
Library”. As these are self-governing
organizations, there is more opportunity for
volunteers to direct their own activities.

Have To Apply… And
You
Might Not Be Selected
You
AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /09
However, many of these are fundraising
organizations, which knocked them off my list.
specific educational background or skill set. You
may need to undergo a Criminal Records Check
as part of the screening process.
Matters
Timing
I thought that museums might fill the bill and
began exploring. It was astonishing to discover
that most of the museums I looked at only
recruited volunteers once a year. If you miss the
cut-off date for that year’s recruitment, you need
to wait a calendar year to apply.
Many organizations have a rigorous selection
process like applying for a job. You apply with a
resume. Then you will participate in a complete
interview process before being accepted. Quite
often an organization might be looking for a
How Did It Work Out?
So
Really, really well! It took me over a year as I
missed one whole recruitment cycle, but I did
find a wonderful volunteer opportunity with the
Museum of Anthropology at the University of
British Columbia. It ticked all the boxes – no
fundraising, many learning opportunities, and
like-minded colleagues. The volunteers are a selfgoverning
association and provide a wide array
of learning opportunities for the volunteers. For
the first four months, I trained and now I am
training on new programs.

Are You A Human
BEING or A Human
DOING?
/BY JOANNA PIROS

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /11
I am trying to be more of a human BEING, rather than a human doing.
Sorry, dear friends, family, and peers. I probably need to apologize first. Please
forgive me. I'm the worst person ever!
It seems as if the demands of navigating the pandemic, constantly tweaking
my business model, and responding to new challenges and opportunities have
meant that I haven’t been fully present in the way I’d like to be, especially to
those who really matter to me. And isn't it always the way?
Here’s my plan going forward: I’m going to try to be more of a human BEING,
rather than a human DOING. You probably know what I mean by that. All the
tragedy and trauma caused by COVID, has also opened some possibilities and
shone a light on issues that we have all been ignoring or sweeping under the
rug. For me, the limitless opportunities presented by these times are
irresistible. I am easily distracted and very much an instant gratification junkie.
Wait! What’s that bright light? Let’s ride bikes! An online magazine? Sure! Why
not?
More More More
There is a constant urge to learn more, discover more, do more. That is all well
and good and likely keep the muscle in my skull limber but it comes with a
steep and unexpected price.
Maybe you have been paying it as well, and didn’t really notice? Do you let your
attention stray during a conversation with your partner, child, or friend, and
sneak a peek at your phone? Do you read and answer emails during a Zoom
call, personal or even work-related? Are you obsessed with taking on more
projects even though the ones you have already cost you hours of lost sleep?
If so, you are likely a human DOING, not a human BEING. For those of you who
practice yoga, you've probably been encouraged by your yogi to stop doing
and just be. Great discipline for the rest of our hours.
For those of us with a long history of working from home, the blurry line
between being “at work” and “at home” has always been a struggle. At one
time I would change my clothes to signify leaving work and turning back into

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE
/13
mom. What kind of cues and practices will help you hold focus?
There have been many posts recently, extolling the virtues of taking time
outs, giving us a chance to regroup and refresh. I’m now thinking of these
breaks as a hard reboot of my systems which run fine most of the time
but whose performances suffer when too many mental windows are open
at once.
Feel free to use my apology for your own letter to those you've been
neglecting!
Learn More
Get More Insight From Joanne
Contact Joanne
Be in our Women In Art series
Contact info@atfortyfive.com

Diana and Mike Mullin - Living in 29
locations around the world in 37 years is
worth celebrating

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /15
Diana Mullin (third from the left) and the Board of Newcomers and Neighbors of Greater Houston
presenting a cheque to the Boys and Girls Country Image credit: nngh.org
DIANA MULLIN:
Philanthropy Develops
Community & Personal
Growth
/BY SHERRY KALLERGIS
Philanthropy can change the lives of others, but it also is a catalyst for change in yours. For
Diana Mullin from Houston, Texas this was unexpected.
She was shy and the third of seven children. She never imagined she would grow up to become
involved in philanthropy and that it would be instrumental in her personal development. Or that
her life journey would have her moving 29 times in 37 years

As a board member of a community of women
called Friends and Neighbors of Greater
Houston, Diana is involved in a fabulous
project, that is accomplishing great things. We
had the opportunity to sit down and talk with
Diana to hear how philanthropy made a
difference in her life and to learn more about
the project.
A Whirlwind Romance
Diana met her husband Mike, an American and
after a whirlwind romance, six months later
packed up and said goodbye to her family in
Vancouver. Texas was her first stop but within
the year she was setting up a household in
England, just outside of London.
Eight months later they returned States side to
Morgan City, Louisiana. That was to be a short
stay, but it ended up being a five-year stop.
Morgan city is a small town, but a big town
where everyone is very friendly and says hi to
you in the street.
It was one of the longest times they spent in
one place.
And They Are Off
First, they were in Africa first for two years. Then
to Singapore for two years. When they came
back to the United States from Singapore, they
bought a house in Houston. (The following is
paraphrased for length and flow)
We were here for seven years, and we were
transferred to Dubai for two which ended up
being one day short of seven. That was an
experience. We lived a couple of years in
Nigeria. I am very quiet by nature, but that
time brought me out of my shell. People might
think I'm a snob but I'm just shy.
We lived just outside of Lagos where there is
real poverty. They have two classes, very rich
and very poor. Nigerians though are so
interesting. I got involved with a Canadian
women’s group there and we did undertake
some philosophy projects. Not as much as we
did in Dubai, but it brought me further outside
of my shell. When we went back to Dubai, I
joined the American Women’s Association of
Dubai.

"In Dubai, we would turn the hot water off and use
cold water because the cold water is hot in the summer."
Stepping Up With Philanthropy
In Dubai, I was approached to take a board
position. I would have to get up and talk in
front of 300 women. I said there was no way
however the group had a woman who taught
public speaking and she worked with me. That
really gave me more self-confidence.
We had a committee of twelve ladies and
twelve charities. For one, we collected
blankets. You might think being in the desert,
it doesn't get cold, but it's 65 in the winter. And
145 in the summer. We would turn the hot
water off and use cold water because the cold
water is hot in the summer.
There are a lot of migrant men who have left
their families to come and earn a living and
sailors. We provided groceries, donations to
the food banks. Each year at Christmas we
would do shoeboxes filled with sundries and
calling cards.
There was a charity for special needs and
Make-a-Wish.
I remember one day standing outside in the
extreme heat giving out food. The lineups were
overwhelming. The bakeries came with seven
truckloads of rolls and sliced bread.
We also had a Gala once a year where this
once shy girl was now able to go to businesses
finding donations. I had grown up for sure.
The Best Thing That Ever
Happened To Me
We would raise anywhere from 85 to a
hundred thousand dollars and that money
went for scholarships and other philanthropy
projects.
One year we picked one girl about six who was
the fourth generation but the first one to go to
school. We had her mother and her
grandmother at our luncheon. And there
wasn't a dry eye in the place. That was
probably the best thing that ever happened to
me in philanthropy, or anywhere besides my
husband and family.

Boys and Girls Country, Cottage 11
Image credits: boysandgirlscountry.org
After six years we came back to the States. I They are treated just like my mother would
was introduced to this group of women, some treat me and loved just the same.
of whom had been living in Dubai. I joined the
Newcomers and Neighbors of Greater I have heard many heartwarming stories. One
Houston.
lady told me about a child that after her arrival
This is my sixth year. One of their projects is the they would find her every night sitting in the
is the Boys and Girls Country.
pantry looking at the food. They had to tell her
the food was not going to go away. It is
What Is Boys and Girls Country?
heartbreaking.
Boys and Girls Country brings kids from five to Another story was about a boy who was from
eighteen who are facing difficult
an abusive family. His dad called to say he was
circumstances into a “family life” experience. doing better and so he could come home. He
They are celebrating 50 years of service in 2021. went but before he went, they said if you ever
need us, no matter what time of day or night.
They have teaching parents so that the And whether it's snowing or raining, this is your
children are in a family unit. Many of the home, call us.
parents also have their own kids. There are
about eight to a house. They learn how to do He was gone for about three months and then
laundry, keep their rooms clean, how to cook, in the middle of the night, he called and said,
and about their religion whatever it is. It's a big can I come home? It just breaks my heart, but
facility with gardens and some animals. it also makes me happy that they have
somewhere to go.
We had 12 graduates this past June. There is a
college campus where they transition to get Then there was a gentleman that came to
an apartment and get on with their life.

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE /18
Diana receiving her award "2019 Friend of Children Club Partner"
Vincent G. Duran CEO (left) and Steve Stephens Board Director (right)
Image credits: boysandgirlscountry.org
donate a freezer who said if it wasn't for them,
he wouldn’t be alive. We met another gentleman
at the award ceremony. He's been there since he
was seven. Now he works there. So that is what
they do.
it was just rubble, with stops by the army. I think I
cried for two weeks. Just going to the markets was
a challenge. In Lagos, I always had a driver
because if you got into an accident or stopped you
were in danger.
I was honored to receive an award for my
philanthropy efforts and the CEO also
acknowledged my husband Mike for always
stepping up and helping me.
OK Let's Go
It is amazing to think I have been to Rome.
London, Paris, Amsterdam, Malta, Portugal. Abu
Dhabi, Singapore, Scotland, Australia, and
Indonesia. I have been retired for thirty-six years
although I could have got a job. When my
husband came home and said pack your bag,
we're leaving in an hour. I could say Okay, let's
go. I feel so fortunate.
Getting To Know Diana
What is your most challenging experience?
Africa. Driving from the airport when we arrived
You had to adopt a “Go with the flow” kind of
attitude. I grew up and I got tougher. I have also
had to learn to be patient.
What is your key strength?
My key strength is my husband it may sound
corny, but he has supported me throughout my
journey and with my philanthropy projects. The
support of my family they are always there when I
need someone to listen to my problems or
concerns.
If you could meet anyone for lunch, who would it
be?
My mom because she in her own way she would
tell you how it is. Plus, I was away so long I missed
being with her. We lived in Africa when she got
very ill. I did not see her for months at a time and

What do you need to make more room in your
life for?
I just need more time to be with my family. Living
away for so long has made it hard and when
COVID hit it hit hard because the borders closed.
Is there a key piece of wisdom that you have for
women who are considering doing something
different?
For me, getting into a woman's group that makes
philanthropy a priority has made all the
difference. Also doing something social. I learned
to play Mah-jong and play in two groups now.
Diana and Mike Mullin
Learn More
Check out the Newcomers and Neighbors of Greater Houston
Find out more about the Boys and Girls Country who are celebrating 50 years
Are you are interested in volunteering?
Linda Morrison shares how she approached finding the right place
What are the
Pantone Fall
Fashion Color
Trends?
Click to read the full article

The Judge,
the Jury, and
/ BY SUE
the Judgment
DUMAIS
What if I said everything we do, feel, or say
stems from judgment? Do you judge others? Do
you judge yourself? Even if you didn’t answer
yes for one or both of those last two questions,
you could be judging yourself as guilty or
innocent, good, or bad, right or wrong.
What if I said all judgment comes from the same
source? It comes from our programmed mind,
also known as our ego-mind.
In every moment we are either observing or
judging. As Day 3 “Born Innocent, Programmed
Guilty” explains, we are born to observe; we are
programmed to judge.

Right now, your programmed mind is judging what I am saying as right or wrong, true or false, or
your mind is totally distracted and squirming to change your focus to something else. Perhaps
your mind is beginning to wander onto any topic other than this one. I will give you a fair warning. I
am about to poke the sleeping bear.
Fear of judgment from themselves and from others is a huge block for most people. It will keep
some playing small, afraid to shine brightly in this world. For others, their fear of judgment will be
their driving motivation to prove to others they can do it, they are worthy, or that they can
overcome all obstacles.
I have done a lot of work around releasing judgment and consciously shifting my mindset around
how I look upon the world. When I am with a client, I have no judgment. I have no judging
thoughts because I am in alignment with my heart. I am deeply observing the energy, emotions,
images, visions, and sensations while tuning into my client. Judgment does not exist. I hold sacred
space as I am shown their root blocks.
"In every moment we are either observing
or judging"
I am an intuitive healer. As you read those words, chances are you are passing judgment in your
mind. Passing judgment is a habit of our programmed mind that I am about to challenge. I can
see dis-ease in another person’s body. I can feel others’ emotions and physical pain in my body as if
they were my own. I can sense the layers beneath and behind everything they are saying and
feeling. Some would call me a modern-day witch. Back in the day, I would have been burned at the
stake for my gift, because others couldn’t understand it; but more accurately, they were terrified
because they judged it as unsafe, wrong, evil, or unnatural.
I can sense others’ judgments of me and of the world when I tune in and I can see what is behind
the judging thoughts. On some level, we believe judging others keeps us feeling safe and
protected, but the truth is judging others keeps us imprisoned by fear. This often paralyzes us.
I lived in fear most of my life. I was terrified to be myself and to let others see or know my real self. I
had a power inside that kept me running and hiding. I ran from my gift, denied it, hid it for most of
my life, first because I judged it myself. Because I didn’t understand it, I thought I was being
punished. I believed I was cursed. And second, because I was terrified about what others would
think, say, or do if they found out.
How many times have you let your fear of judgment stop you? I bet you can’t even begin to count.
How many times has the fear of judgment motivated you? “I’ll show them.”

AT FORTY FIVE MAGAZINE
/23
The good news is we can’t feel judged if we don’t fear
judgment. Judgment is at the root of all our fears.
Without judgment, we would not be afraid of
anything. We would simply be present, observing the
world in front of us.
We are born naturally observant before our minds are
programmed to judge. We judge everything. Our
mind is also programmed to fear judgment. So how
do we stop judgment? We begin within our own
minds.
Most people focus energy on their fear of judgment
instead of on their own thoughts of judgment. If
everyone in the world focused on stopping their own
thoughts of judgment, the world would no longer be
judgmental. If we each changed our own mind’s
programming instead of worrying about what others
are judging, we would make the most progress in the
shortest amount of time.
Let me break it down a bit. Judgment without a preconceived
story or opinion is simply an observation. To
observe the world without judgment, we need to look
at everything as if we know nothing. The problem is
that we think we know what we don’t know. Our mind
thinks it knows, but we only know what we were
taught to know. The mind gathers knowledge, and
that knowledge can be true or false. How do we know
if the knowledge we hold is true? We can’t really. It is
all based on our opinions and beliefs. Where did our
opinions and beliefs come from? We were taught how
to perceive and what to believe through our
programming.
Our mind thinks it knows, but our heart knows. Our
heart has no judgment because our heart has no
thoughts, beliefs, or stories about anything. It allows us
to be deeply present without history. When we filter
everything, we see through the lens of our heart, we
can observe, be fully present, and be mindful. With
quiet stillness in our minds, our hearts can observe the
world without judgment.

One of my mentors and motivational speaker Les Brown says, “When your desires and your beliefs
are not in alignment, you will always manifest what you believe.”
The challenge is we were programmed to live and lead with our logical mind, to think things
through, to weigh the pros and cons, and to analyze every decision. If we simply let our mind take
the passenger seat and allow our heart to drive and lead, our experience of life would instantly
change. If we choose to see the world through our heart’s eye—our insight—we are able to observe
without judgment.
Try it for a few minutes. Look around the room and find something to look at that you feel
somewhat neutral about. At first, you will still have some level of judgment occurring in your mind
because it is such a habit. Do your best to simply observe an object (a chair, for example) and invite
the mind to be quiet. It might help to say, “I have placed the meaning I have on this chair. I think I
know about this chair but what if I don’t really know anything about this chair?”
Now imagine bringing your awareness down into your heart and looking through the lens of
observation. Allow curiosity to soften and open your mind. You may notice other details about the
chair that you hadn’t noticed before. You may still find some judgments coming in. Place
"Our heart has no judgment because our heart
has no thoughts, beliefs, or stories about anything."
those thoughts aside and see if you can observe the object as if you were looking at it for the first
time. This is an easier practice when your focus is on something you feel neutral about. Once you
practice, you can start to change your point of focus to other things you are more attached to or
that you have some opinions about. It will take some practice to re-program your mind but the
peace of mind it will create will be well worth the effort. It will also foster more open, vulnerable,
and authentic connections with others.
Remember that we think we know what we don’t know. This thinking closes our minds and our
hearts. If we try on and embrace the idea that we have no flippin’ clue about anything, we can
open our minds and be willing to see the world differently. That also includes being able to see
ourselves differently. When we observe without judgment, we can see others and observe life
through a lens of love and compassion. When we make a conscious choice to stop judging
ourselves and stop judging others, we stop judgment right at the source—our own minds. Imagine
if we all did that all together, all at once; all judgment would cease instantly.
Stay tuned next week for chapter 5 ~ What We Can’t See, We Can’t Change
***This is an excerpt from Sue Dumais' book "Stand UP Stand OUT Stand STRONG ~ A 30 Day Guide
to Navigate Life When the SHIFT Hits the Fan" Published in 2018
Published on atfortyfive.com with permission from © Sue Dumais

TAKE A BREAK
Learning To
Breathe
Correctly
with Dilyana
Mileva
Breathing is a natural thing: breath in, breathe out…
not much to it, right? Actually, there is a wrong and
right way to get oxygen into your system through
your lungs. Healthy lungs are crucial at this time.
Dilyana Mileva walks us through how to breathe
properly and why it is important.
This video is part of our Quarantine Conversations
T YOGA
available on our YouTube Channel. Subscribe today.
Some Fascinating Facts (source lung.ca)
People who have a large lung capacity can send
oxygen around their bodies faster. You can
increase your lung capacity with regular
exercise.
Lungs contain approximately 2,400 kilometers
of airways and 300 to 500 million air sacs
(alveoli).
Your left and right lungs aren’t exactly the same.
The lung on the left side of your body is divided
into two lobes. The lung on your right side is
divided into three. The left lung is also slightly
smaller, allowing room for your heart.