UAD November Digest 2021

uncleandys

The printed version of the Digest goes FAST! If you can't find one or don't live in our beautiful state of Maine, read our digital edition here! This is our November 2021 edition of the Digest! We hope you enjoy it as much as we love bringing it to you each month!!

Our shout outs this month are for our Veterans: To our men and women in uniform, past, present, and future, God Bless you and THANK YOU! We wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.

Grab your copy of the Digest TODAY at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 area towns.

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

Veterans Day

NOVEMBER

2021

1996

a little bit of

EVERYTHING

Find Us Online:

@MEDCoME @MEDCoMaine

Open Everyday 9 AM - 9PM

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words,

but to live by them.” – John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Ask about our

Referral Bonus program!

We’ll pay YOU when they

hire us.

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

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Call for a

free quote!

Call for details!

Who Doesn’t Want the Ultimate

STAYCATION?

We can help create yours… give Pool Builders of Maine a call TODAY

to schedule a time to get your free estimate to make this happen!

Slots are filling fast for next year so don’t miss out on your opportunity.

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

10 Business Parkway, Turner • 207-225-2013

When you have Thanksgiving on your mind: Let’s give ‘em pumpkin to talk about.


We’ll worry about the Christmas tree later. Today it’s all about the poul-tree.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

NOVEMBER 2021

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, November 9th

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

Members: $5.00

Guests: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-3-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, November 16th

Sam’s Marketplace Mall

12:00-7:00pm

675 Main Street, Lewiston

Members: $4.00

Guests: $5.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-3-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Saturday, November 20th

Italian Bakery (Bean Special)

9:00-12:00pm

225 Bartlett Street, Lewiston

Members: $4.00

Guests: $5.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-3-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, November 23rd

Fielder’s Choice

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Ave, Auburn

Members: $2.50

Guests: $3.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-3-2021

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Reminder: Please do not

call the restaurants. If you

have a question please call

the office and speak with

Jamie. Tickets must be purchased

at the MWA District

Office at 184 Webster Street

Lewiston, ME on the dates/

times listed for each activity.

Please follow all local/state

guidelines. Menus are

subject to change. No substitutions

or add-ons. Most

importantly - Have Fun!

Baste. Thanksgiving. Ever.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count.

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

SPIDERMAN

RYAN

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

Joe & Mike

• Partial Adkins Dentures

Licensed

Denturists

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.


What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone!

Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-8pm

Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm

Sun: 7am-3pm

Scan here

to see our

menu!

Download our app

for takeout and

delivery!

Check out our Daily Specials

like this one:

Meatloaf Crossing. YUM!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • stationgrillrestaurant.com

Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm

Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

NOW OFFERING

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WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

CORN HOLE

TOURNAMENTS

Every Friday Night

starting at 7:00pm

HAVE YOUR PARTY HERE!

Sundays Available to rent for parties.

Email: mypoolhall@yahoo.com to book your party!

DID YOU

KNOW?

The day after Thanksgiving

is the busiest

day of the year for

plumbers.

Black Friday isn’t

just big business for

retailers: Plumbers

and drain cleaners

get in on the action,

too. According to

Roto-Rooter, the day

after Thanksgiving is

the busiest day of the

year for those who

keep water flowing and

going in homes and

businesses.

Poker Playing

Submitted by Jimbo

A man walked by a

table in a hotel and

noticed three men and

a dog playing cards.

The dog was exhibiting

an extraordinary

performance.

“This is a very smart

dog,” the man

commented.

“He’s not so smart,”

said one of the irked

players.

“Every time he gets a

good hand he wags his

tail.”

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-777-1155 • schemengees.com

Hey I just met you, and this is gravy, but here’s my stuffing, so carve me maybe.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


I used to be conceited, but now I am perfect.

Be

Thankful

Giving thanks.

We’re so very thankful for our families, our

customers, and our amazing community.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Here to help life go right.®

No ID

Submitted by Jimbo

A woman went into a

hardware store to purchase

a bale of peat

moss.

She gave a personal

check in payment and

said to the clerk, “I

suppose you will want

some identification.”

He replied, without

hesitation, “No

ma’am, that won’t be

necessary.”

“How come?” asked

the woman.

“Crooks don’t buy peat

Uncle moss,” Andy’s answered Digest ...with the

clerk.

6 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Jimbo

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

Words are incapable of describing what I am about to tell you.


Don’t make Thanksgiving a cluster-pluck.

The Chandler

Funeral

Group

207-743-2561

Dedicated to providing personalized, professional and compassionate

services to help lighten your burden and support you through the

difficult times that follow the loss of a loved one.

Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

A bartender

is just a pharmacist

with a limited

inventory!

Lewiston Mechanic Falls Rumford

Other funeral home locations

Bethel ❖ Bridgton ❖ Fryeburg ❖ Oxford ❖ South Paris

Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone

who doesn’t have it.

Janet Jalbert-Cassidy

Bartender

I always

get nervous when

Jimbo wants to take

my picture.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

Our Executive Officers, staff, and

volunteers will continue to take necessary

precautions to ensure safety for all.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,

MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY VACCINATED, PLEASE

WEAR YOUR MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook for updates.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more info

207-782-1118

Nov. 25th

Happy

Thanksgiving!

Canteen opens

at 3:00pm

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NEW HOURS: Mon - Wed.: 12p-6p; Thurs.: 12p-9p;

Fri. & Sat.: 12p-11p • Sun.: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in November

Jerry Joe - Nov. 5th + Nov. 19th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17 TH GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

DINNERS (4:00-6:00pm)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 6 TH

Chicken Stew with rice or mashed potato & dinner roll - $10 per meal

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 20 TH (4:00-6:00pm):

Roast Pork w/mashed potato, veggie, dinner roll & gravy - $10 per meal

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE!

Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:

Monday, November 8th @ 5:30pm

Nov. 11th Veterans Day Celebration

Chili Cookoff - starts at 11:30

No charge

Ray Roy

Glenn Dublois

From here on down, it’s uphill all the way.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

7


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Call me Dan.

Call me Don.

Call me maybe...

Dan Lebrun

Should

we talk about

the elephant in

the room?

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Bacon wrapped Scallops

A generous portion served

with maple syrup

207-782-2135

Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

Auburn Mall

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

Wings

Cheeseburger Special

Cincinnati Spaghetti

25oz domestic drafts

TUESDAY

Wings

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

So in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to, “Where do you see

yourself 5 years from now?”

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

Steve Bannister

www.MaineSourceRealty.com

333-6001

I thought

we were eating

prime rib?

Vic Gaudreau

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Whisper my favorite words, “I’ll buy it for you.”


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

We offer full serve catering at the location

of your choice.

Book Your 2022 Events Now!

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Full Catering or Carry Out Catering

We also offer

CARRY OUT

CATERING

You pick up & serve

Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!

207-345-9009

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 36.


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

Goober

Celebration

Submitted by Jimbo

An ice cream store

employee is standing

behind the counter on

a typical day, when

the door bursts open

and in come four

exuberant goobers, all

from the Uncle Andy’s

Digest office (Jimbo,

Steve, Steph, & Ryan).

They come up to the

counter, order four

triple-scoop cones and

take their order over

and sit down at a large

table. Then they begin

chanting, “51 days, 51

days, 51 days!”

Finally, Steph, the third

goober, reveals a picture

she has under her

arm. She sets the picture

in the middle and

the table erupts. Up

jump the others, they

begin dancing around

the table, exchanging

high-fives, all the while

chanting “51 days, 51

days, 51 days!”

The store employee

can’t contain his curiosity

any longer, so he

walks over to the table.

There in the center is

a beautifully framed

child’s puzzle of the

Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies

down a little bit, the

employee asks one of

the goobers, “What’s

all the chanting and

celebration about?”

The goober who

brought in the picture

(continued on page 12)

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

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• 22 Lanes of

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Getting the longer part of the wishbone is a snap.

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59c Portland Road, Gray

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Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

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No event too big or

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Football

season is here, come

enjoy the game at

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for experienced

cooks

APPLY WITHIN

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


(continued from page 10)

pipes in, “Everyone

thinks that goobers

are dumb and they

make fun of us. So,

we decided to set the

record straight. Ten of

us got together, bought

that puzzle and put it

together. The side of

the box said 2-4 years,

but we put it together

in 51 days!”

It’s frightening to think of how many things were completely useless

until they were discovered!

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Happy Turkey

Day! Don’t forget

our gift certificates

make great gifts!!

Tell us you saw us in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

A shout out to all our veterans!

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

Sunday-closed; Mon-Fri 12-5:30pm; Sat 9am-4pm

INSPECTED

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

Fried

Chicken

Submitted by Jimbo

Out ‘n About at the Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

One day a State

Trooper was pulling off

the highway near exit

63 in Gray, Maine.

When he turned onto

the street at the end of

the ramp, he noticed

someone at a chicken

place getting into his

car. The driver placed

the bucket of chicken

on top of his car, got in

and drove off with the

bucket still on top of

his car.

The trooper pursued

him, pulled him over

and walking up to

the car he pulled the

bucket off the roof and

offered it to the driver.

The driver looked at

the trooper and said,

“No thanks, I just

bought some.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

12

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

Yep,

this crew rocks prime

rib like bosses!

Treven Stoops, Denis Webber, Rhonda Webber, Janet Jalbert-Cassidy,

Justin Wright, & Bryan Cassidy

Welcome to the SAUSAGE KITCHEN

Old Fashioned, Premium Quality Meat Products Made in Maine

vvv

Celebrating our first year!

We are thankful for Veterans

& Service Members!

Present your military ID and

SAVE 20%

During the month of November

36 Main St, Lisbon Falls | 207-353-5503 | thesausagekitchen.com

“Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could

have a day off work.” – Melanie White


MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

Stop, drop, and pass the rolls!

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Happy

Thanksgiving!

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

I pecan’t even. (Oh, yes, you pe-can.)

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Golf partners discussing a

recent round of golf...

Hey Larry,

did you see where

my drive went? Do

you think I can

find it?

Jim Verville

Jim,

that ball went

so far right your

dog couldn’t find it if

it was wrapped in

bacon!

Jimbo, let me

know when you’re ready to

sell... this thing is great!

Larry Roy

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Thomas Hill & Bella Tarmey

stop in at the Digest world headquarters

I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn’t want to use any fowl language.

Arthur.

Arthur who?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Arthur any leftovers?

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com 13

...with

Jimbo


Giving Back

Submitted by Steve Simard

In absolute monarchy, any leader can be a fool, but in absolute democracy,

any fool can be a leader.

One Sunday, in counting

the money in the

weekly offering, the

pastor of a small Florida

church found a pink

envelope containing

$1,000. It happened

again the next week.

The following Sunday,

he watched as the

offering was collected

and saw a little old

lady put the distinctive

pink envelope in the

plate. This went on for

weeks until the pastor,

overcome by curiosity,

approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help

but notice that you put

$1,000 a week in the

collection plate,” he

stated.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

...Your Security is Our Concern!

We’ve Got

You Covered

150 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-783-2246

Lisa is a seasoned professional

in the insurance

industry and brings to

our organization a robust

skill set in the world of

commercial insurance.

Some of her many areas

of expertise are in sales,

underwriting, customer

retention, and customer

satisfaction. Due to her

keen attention to detail,

she is regularly sought after

for advice. She has the

Lisa Doucette

unique ability to interface

with the client in a creative way to find the solution that

most accurately meets their needs. Born and raised in

the Portland area, and now having been in the greater

Lewiston area for over 10 years. Lisa enjoys deep roots in

the local community and truly understands the business

climate and the specific needs of her clients.

When not busy focusing on her clients, Lisa enjoys

spending time with her children, grandchildren and the

rest of her family, soaking up some sun on one of Maine’s

beautiful lakes or reading the newest Dean Koontz book.

Please join us in welcoming Lisa to the team, and please

don’t hesitate to call the Champoux Insurance Agency to

say hello to her.

“Why yes,” she replied,

“every week my son

sends me money, and

I give some of it to the

church.”

Q: How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?

A: Only one, and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze.

The pastor replied,

“That’s wonderful, how

much does he send

you?”

The old lady said,

“$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was

amazed. “Your son

is very successful;

what does he do for a

living?”

“He is a Veterinarian,”

she answered.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

“That is an honorable

profession,” the pastor

said. “Where does he

practice?”

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

14

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

A Breakfast Favorite

Eggs, Home Fries and Fried

Bologna

Oh my gourd, I ate too much.

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed


Q: Can you tell the difference between a female and a male turkey?

A: The male is the one with the TV remote.

DREAM BIG.

NEVER QUIT.

STAY HUMBLE.

(continued from previous page)

The old lady said

proudly, “In Nevada.

He has two cat houses

in Las Vegas and one

in Reno.”

Southern vs.

Maine Accents

Submitted by Jimbo

About a year ago my

sister, who lives in

northern Maine, was

talking with her four

year old son, Brent.

He was asking her

why all their relatives

from South Carolina

talk funny and sound

like their noses are

plugged up.

“They think we have

an accent,” she replied.

“But they have an

accent, right?” Brent

asked. “They talk

funny.”

HIGH QUALITY ADULT USE CANNABIS

Check out our website for weekly deals & discounts.

humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com

415 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

207-241-0279

retail@humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com

Home-Schooling Update: My child just said, “I hope I don’t have the same teacher

next year.”

“Everybody talks in different

ways” she tried

to explain.

“To them, we sound

like we talk very slow

and all our words are

d-r-a-w-n out.”

His eyes got big, and

he whispered seriously,

“Oh, no. You mean

they hear funny, too?”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

15


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Don, you

didn’t seriously

shoot one under did

you?

Paranoia has reached absurd stages... I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus

started a scan on its own.

Don’t let Fall leave you uncovered

You just never

see it coming.

Check with us TODAY to

make sure you have the

right coverage.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

Contact John today at at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Denis Webber

I sure

did... one under

a tree, one under a

bush, and one under

water!

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

Don Mercier

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

So you were

padding your handicap

again?

Dan Carrier

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

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Someone asked me if had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant

“autumn”, not the collapse of civilization.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Now

Hiring

Turkey Dinner

Submitted by Jimbo

When Daddy carves

the turkey,

It is really quite a sight,

I know he tries his

hardest,

But he never does it

right.

He makes a fancy

show of it,

Before he starts to

carve,

And stabs in all

directions,

While we’re certain

that we’ll starve.

He seems to take

forever,

As we sit and shake

our heads,

By the time he’s finished

slicing,

He’s reduced the bird

to shreds.

He yells as loud as

thunder,

Just before he’s finally

through,

For when Daddy

carves the turkey,

Daddy carves his

finger, too!

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Be sure to ask about NO

on-call / weekends!

CONTACT MIKE TODAY! 207-754-4556

Mike@upwi.net

United Piping & Welding

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

I don’t have grey hair; I have wisdom highlights.

• Licensed

Plumbers

• Oil Tech

• Gas Tech

• HVAC Techs

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

18 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Dear sneeze. If you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look on my face and

then leave. (Ron Morin)


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Now

Hiring

We’re closed

Nov. 21-27

Happy

Thanksgiving!

Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

My putter

next year will be

just like Happy

Gilmore’s!

We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.

Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed

10 Memorial Drive, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com

Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm

Therapy is expensive; poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

Dave Pontbriand

Golf is an

easy game…

it’s just hard to

play.

24 Hour

Service

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Air Conditioning & Heating

Thanks to ALL OUR

VETERANS!

&

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fully Insured

Bobby Breau

“How many politically

correct people does it

take to screw in a

light-bulb?”

“Look, I don’t know, but

that’s not funny.”

Eat, drink, and cranberry.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other

is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein

GENDRON

November Events

in Heritage Hall

80’s Night featuring Clockwork

Bob Raymond

Tony, real

golfers don’t miss

putts, they get

robbed.

Friday, Nov 5 – 8:00 PM

Door opens at 7:00 PM - Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors: Champoux Insurance

Norway Savings Bank – Platz Associates

Underground Improv

Saturday, Nov 6 – 7:00 PM

Door opens at 6:00 PM - Tickets are $10 each

Show sponsors:

Norway Savings Bank – Platz Associates

Kyle Bennett

And boy,

do I get robbed a

lot! But I’ll play you

straight up right

now.

UNDERWRITER

Bricks and Bridges - Comedy Fest

Nov 11-13 – 7:00 PM

Door opens at 6:00 PM

Tickets are $10 each in advance/$15 at the door

Show sponsors:

Norway Savings Bank – Platz Associates

MEDIA SPONSORS

Tony Olmstead

GENDRON

Order tickets:

FrancoCenter.org or

call: (207) 689-2000

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

20 Nov. 2021 783-7039

There are four towns in the United States named “Turkey.” They can be found in Arizona,

Texas, Louisiana, and North Carolina.


About two weeks into November, one turkey turns to his pal and says, “I have a feeling

something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”

Friend

Request

Submitted by Steve Simard

Presently, I am trying

to make friends outside

of Facebook while

applying the same

principles.

Therefore, every day I

go down on the street

and tell the passers-by

what I have eaten, how

I feel, what I did the

night before and what I

will do tomorrow night.

Then I give them pictures

of my family, my

dog, and me gardening

and spending time in

my pool.

I also listen to their

conversations and tell

them I love them. And

it works! I already have

three people following

me... two police officers

and a psychiatrist!

DID YOU

KNOW?

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

Butterball answers more than 100,000 turkey-cooking questions via their

Butterball Turkey Hotline each November and December.

The first national

Thanksgiving was

declared by President

George Washington

and was celebrated on

November 26, 1789.

In his “Thanksgiving

Proclamation of 1789”

Washington defines

the day as a pious

time to thank God for,

amongst other things,

protecting Americans

and helping them

achieve independence.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

21


Brawn

vs. Wisdom

Submitted by Jimbo

A strong young man at

a construction site in

Lewiston was bragging

that he could out do

anyone in a feat of

strength.

I used to mix metaphors, but that ship has flown.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

He made a special

case of making fun of

one of the older workmen.

After several minutes,

the older worker had

had enough.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

“Why don’t you put

your money where

your mouth is?” he

said.

“I will bet a week’s

wages that I can haul

something in a wheelbarrow

over to that

building that you won’t

be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,”

the young guy replied.

“Bread-y or not, here I crumb.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

We have 15+ delicious beers on tap

- and to go -

Brewed Right here,

For you.

The old man reached

out and grabbed the

wheelbarrow by the

handles.

Then he turned to the

young man and said,

“Alright. Get in.”

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

It doesn’t get butter than this.

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

EST

1950

783-3444

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Shuga Shak Country Store

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

This smile

will get me

everywhere!

Liam

Brousseau

with Tina

Holiday Baskets

Available!

Ask about our

custom baskets

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

Much ado about stuffing.


When you teach a wolf to meditate - then that wolf becomes aware wolf.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Nel,

there’s quite

a resemblance

between you and the

actor, Leslie Nielsen

from the movie

‘Airplane’. Surely

you know what I’m

talking about?

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

Wife: “I am going out for two hours. Do you want anything?”

Husband: “No, that’s enough.”

John “JT” Therrien

First of

all, don’t call me

Shirley. Secondly,

he wishes he looked

this good!

120 Center Street #107, Auburn

207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland

207-274-2539

449 Forest Ave, Portland

207-221-2363

123 Main St, Freeport

207-885-0900

Crystals, Metaphysical,

Holistic Gifts, & MORE!

Nel Anctil

www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz

Instead of presents this year I’m giving everyone my opinion: get ready!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Leslie Nielsen

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


No Speaka da

German

Submitted by Jimbo

A few years ago, I decided

to visit my brother

who was stationed

in Germany. I assumed

that most Germans

would speak English.

But I found that many

people spoke only their

native tongue - including

the ticket inspector

on the train.

He punched my ticket,

then chatted cordially

for a bit, making gestures

like a windmill.

I simply nodded from

time to time to show

him that I was interested.

When he had gone,

an American woman

in the compartment

leaned forward and

asked if I spoke German.

“No,” I confessed.

“Then that explains,”

she said, “why you

didn’t bat an eyelid

when he told you that

you were on the wrong

train.”

Don’t bother me; I’m living happily ever after.

Holiday Decorating for

your Home or Business!

Maine Trees

as low as

$

19 .99

Poinsettias

(4.5” up to 12”)

as low as

$

7 .50 Wreaths

(14” and larger)

as low as

$

14 .99

Abraham Lincoln proclaimed

Thanksgiving

a national holiday on

October 3, 1863.

Sarah Josepha Hale,

the woman who wrote

“Mary Had A Little

Lamb,” convinced Lincoln

to make Thanksgiving

a national holiday

after writing letters

for 17 years.

Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5:30pm

Sat. & Sun. 9am - 4:30pm

876 Summer St, Auburn

207-777-5129

Email: andrew.mcbean@jfmh.org

Whiting Farm, a division of John

F. Murphy Homes is a working four

season farm that is dedicated to

community enrichment, education,

and the support of people with

disabilities. We offer flower and

vegetable seedlings in the spring,

fresh-picked vegetables all summer,

mums and decorative items in the

fall, and everything for your holiday

decorating needs.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

24 Nov. 2021 783-7039

I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers, but the lady behind the counter

keeps putting it back.


Wham, yam, thank you ma’am.

We Have MOVED

Check out our new space at 1896 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

(attached to Dunkin’ Donuts building)

207-333-3626 • www.treworgy-baldacci.com

‘Tis the season

TRY A HEIDI’S

BROOKLYN GOBBLER!

Delicious turkey, stuffing, and gravy served warm

with cranberry sauce on toasted, homemade bread.

HOURS: Tues-Sat 9am-7pm

Gobble ‘til you wobble.

Gift cards

make great

holiday gifts!

GIFT CARD

I only have pies for you.

Online ordering available at

Heidisbrooklyndelime.com

600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 AND 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800

So Close

Submitted by Steve Simard

Hanging in the hallway

at Edward Little High

School are the basketball

team pictures from

past decades.

A player in the center

of the front row in each

picture holds a basketball

identifying the year

-- “92-93,” “93-94,”

“94-95,” etc.

One night during a parents’

conference, the

principal spotted Jimbo

looking curiously at the

photos. Turning to the

principal, he said, “Isn’t

it strange how the

teams always lost by

one point?”

50 Years

Submitted by Jimbo

On an airplane, I overheard

a stewardess

talking to an elderly

couple in front of me.

Learning that it was

the couple’s 50th wedding

anniversary, the

flight attendant congratulated

them and

asked how they had

done it.

“It all felt like five minutes...”

the gentleman

said slowly.

The stewardess had

just begun to remark

on what a sweet statement

that was when

he finished his sentence

with a word that

earned him a sharp

smack on the head:

“..underwater.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Happiness is a competitive advantage.

Tom, are

we finally over the

hill?

John Bourgault

I don’t

know about you,

but I’m not over the

hill, I’m on the back

nine.

Emergency service provided only with twenty-four hours notice.

Out ‘n About at the Cage / Digest Golf League Banquet

Tom Giberti

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

November 2021

Stickers

are due!

Car Care Tips

Check your tires and tire pressure

Keep your fuel tank at least half full

ALSO CHECK

Check lights, battery, coolant,

washer fluid, & survival kit

I’ve put a lot of thought into it, I don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Auto Repairs • Maintenance

Inspections • K1 • Alignments

Computer •Diagnostics

State Inspections & More!

GREAT HOLIDAY IDEA!

Let us convert all your old family memories to digital that will last a lifetime.

Bring us your VHS tapes, reels, or flash drives and let our digital imaging

experts create a DVD of all your home movies!

State Inspections & More! Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Nov. 2021 783-7039

The average number of calories consumed on Thanksgiving is 4,500.


I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin. (Ron Morin)

Now Hiring

ALL positions!

Come in and

apply today!

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

That’s cute!

How do you reload that

tommy gun?

The Village Inn

BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

10 years in a row!

You can

find me at this

same table every day

at lunch. Come see

me at Gippers!

Bold

Call

Submitted by Steve Simard

A local charity had

never received a donation

from the town’s

banker, so the director

made a phone call.

“Our records show you

make $500,000 a year,

yet you haven’t given

a penny to charity,”

the director began.

“Wouldn’t you like to

help the community?”

The banker replied,

“Did your research

show that my mother

is ill, with extremely

expensive medical

bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the

director.

“Or that my brother is

unemployed? Or, that

my sister’s husband

left, leaving her broke

with four kids?”

“I, I, I had no idea.”

Ryan Jones & Gangsta Pat Penley

Ryan Jones & Mike Curran

“So,” said the banker,

“if I don’t give them

any money, why would

I give any to you?”

Do you know why seals are always smiling? Sea Weed.

Pumpkins, Apples, Cider & other native fruits & vegetables

Baked goods & much more!

Now taking orders for

Holiday Pies & Dinner Rolls

Open daily 8am - 6pm

207-225-3764 • 174 Auburn Road, Route 4, Turner

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212

mspaulding.androstax@outlook.com

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Our golf

league is just lots

of fun. Even when I

have to put up with

the rules guy!

If these last few months have taught us anything, it is that stupidity travels faster

than any virus on the planet.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Quoddy

Quoddy.com

Emerald River Maine

EmeraldRiver.com

Her Safety Net

HerSafety.net

Pat Henry

LegalShield/IDShield

DianeCampbell27.wearelegalshield.com

Just-In-Time Recreation

JustInTimeBowl.com

We had an absolute

blast!

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

Marriage is like a deck of cards. Starts off with two hearts and a diamond,

ends with a club and a spade.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

28

Jim Albert

The Albert

brothers are

here to stay!

Scott Albert

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

Congratulations RYAN WILSON

on winning the “Scotty” Sportsmanship Award

in the Cage / Digest Golf League at Poland Spring Golf Course

The “Scotty” Sportsmanship Award is dedicated to one

golfer each year in the Cage/Digest League in honor

of Scott Anctil. Scott was a long-time member of this

league and was taken from us way too young.

Nominees must have demonstrated a history of

sportsmanship by:

• Consistently respecting fellow golfers

• Sets the example and demonstrates good

sportsmanship and ethical conduct

in and out of competition.

• Overcome adversity off the course

• Impact others in a positive way.

• Display integrity and sportsmanship

in all aspects of the game.

Well deserved, Ryan!

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately,

that when I pee it cleans the toilet!


Wish Kid

Sawyer

(aka Sonic Spider Boy)

THE HEALING IMPACT OF A WISH

A wish is much more than just a nice thing. And its reach extends far beyond a single event, or moment in time.

Wish kids, parents, medical professionals, volunteers, and others say that wish experiences can change the lives of

everyone involved, forever.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter of Make-A-Wish Maine.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Brothers Dave & Mike

Mathieu discussing a recent

round of golf...

I hate it when

my divot goes almost

as far as the ball

does!

Here in Turner there was an uprising at a local chicken farm. It was a chicken coup.

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

Out ‘n About at Marcel’s Barber Shop

with Ernie Olsen

First, make

November

great!

Second,

eat beef!

Dave Mathieu

Dave, that’s

not a divot so much

as a major geologic

event!

Thanks

for getting my good

side, Steve!

Mike Mathieu

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Hormel Foods made

their first batch of

Spam in 1937.

With everyone out

shopping and hoarding

food, they have

announced they will be

making their second

batch later this week.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Jimbo

Nov. 2021 783-7039

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

The sign in the men’s room said, “Employees must wash hands.” But I couldn’t find an

employee and had to do it myself.


A wise man once said, “Whatever you say, dear!”

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Out ‘n About at the

Cage / Digest Golf

League Banquet

at the Cage in Lewiston

Make your

reservation

now!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

See you at Main Street

Market in Sabattus!

Congratulations

Brad Veilleux & Lauren Quirion

on the birth of their new

baby girl, Kylie Louise,

born on 8.19.21

Mike Labbe

Golf is just

an expensive way of

playing marbles.

Al Gendreau

20+ local Crafters & Vendors

• Christmas Ornaments•Knitted Items

• Hand-made gifts & MORE!

Interested vendors/crafters please

contact Angela at adobson@une.edu

Lunch Menu throughout the

day including Lobster Rolls!

• Raffle Baskets

• 50/50

• Bake Sale

Now listen

here, Mr. Rogers...

Don’t make me call

Captain Kangaroo!

Tim Malia &

Gary Rogers

I have a bumper sticker that says “honk if you think I’m sexy”

Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

207-782-7141

Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People!

Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

Marriage Tip:

“Every time you talk to

your wife, your mind

should remember that:

‘This conversation

will be recorded for

training and quality

purposes.’”

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

LISTEN. THE CARIBBEAN IS CALLING.

Travel with Shae

Specializing in Caribbean Travel

Destination Weddings • Honeymoons

Family & Friend Getaways • All inclusive Vacations

Bachelorette / Bachelor Getaways

RIU Hotel & Resort Certified

Marriott Hotel Certified

Call or email Shae TODAY!

207-212-0706 • shaebookstravel@gmail.com

Ryan Jones

Marketing Specialist

207.949.0484

ryan.jones@

UncleAndys.com

9 Grove Street,

Auburn, ME 04210

Office:

207-783-7039

Great

Holiday

Ideas!

• Cashews

• Almonds

• Spanish

• Blanch

• Redskins

• Mixed Nuts

• Pistachios

• Needhams

• Lindt Truffles

• Candy Bars

• Merckens Melts

• & MORE!

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com

Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p (By appointment only 12-1)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 Nov. 2021 783-7039

“I wanted to start a cold air balloon business, but I couldn’t get it off the ground.”

– Mike Gray


Jimbo asks Steve, “What is your secret to your long life?”

Steve replied, “Don’t stop breathing!”

$

2 OFF

Burgers Every Monday!

Out ‘n About at the

Riverwalk Brews ‘n

Blues Festival

in Anniversary Park in Auburn

Photos by Michael Krapovicky

Brews, Blues,

and the rain held out

= a great day!

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

Payroll Processing

Time & Attendance

Workers’ Comp

Pay-As-You-Go

Mark Miller

Working the

chords like a

guitar hero...

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

Roy’s

Beanie Babies 3 for $10.00

FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $9.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

Be sure to try our delicious Chicken Salad Italian!

Hours: Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm; Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm; Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

One of our local maple syrup companies went out of business... poor saps.

Ken Goodman

Top Secret

In witness protection program

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


Age

Submitted by Jimbo

When you are young,

you want to be the

master of your fate

and the captain of your

soul.

When you are older,

you will settle for being

the master of your

weight and the captain

of your bowling team.

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!

PA’S TRADIN’

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

• TARPS

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!

Visit Us!

Who shouted, “Coming Are British The! Coming Are British The?” – Paul Reverse.

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

Thank You Veterans!

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Matter

Submitted by Steve Simard

Scientists have

discovered a new

form of matter. To go

along with anti-matter,

regular matter, and

dark-matter, scientists

now claim the existence

of doesn’t-matter.

Although not 100%

certain the consensus

among the scientific

community so far is

that it doesn’t affect

much, if anything at all.

OXFORD’S FAVORITE PIZZA

& SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

CALL AHEAD FOR ORDERS!

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

November Special

2 Philly Cheesesteak Egg Rolls

ONLY $4 .99

Plus tax

Expires 11/30/21

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

Duct tape can’t fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!


I don’t believe in reincarnation. I didn’t believe in it the last time, either.

COOPER FARMS

We have native sweet corn!

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

Out ‘n About at Tabers

with Dan Hargreaves

This is a great

segway to say we’ll

see you all

in the Spring!

Adults are just kids who owe money.

Call us for a quote

TODAY!

HATS

MUGS

T

H

A

N

K

Y

O

U

V

E

T

E

R

A

N

S

Basketball,

Hockey, Skiing

Order your

school spirit

wear today!

Employee gift

ideas, specialty

items, & more!

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

H

A

P

P

Y

T

H

A

N

K

S

G

I

V

I

N

G

PENS

BAGS

coastaltshirts.com

My doctor said my sugar is too high. So I went home and put it in on a lower shelf.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

35


CALL THE PROS

From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

Happy Holidays!

Digital Gift Cards now available

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

Located in the

building behind

Dad’s Place

REDEMPTION CENTER

6 on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

RON’S

LET US GET YOUR VEHICLE READY FOR WINTER!

OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS

Call us

today!

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

UAD exp. 11.30.21

FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Ron Charpentier, Jr.

owner

375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you like to take them

Being a good parent is knowing how to unwrap a Kit Kat without making any noise.

while driving your vehicle.


CALL THE PROS

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

www.angelascms.com

TEAM

KENNAGH

SHELLEY KENNAGH

SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306

155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C

AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN

NEEDS!

CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING

LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT

WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

From Auto Body to Mechanical Repair

We’ve got you covered!

25 Fern Street, Turner

(207) 225-5012

dicksautobody.me

Book your appointment TODAY!

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

Fall is a great time to get your

vehicle prepped for what’s com-

ing next. Give us a call TODAY!

Hunting Season Starts at

Fine Line Gun Shop

GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES

Huge

selection of

hunting rifles

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

finelinegun@aol.com

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

You know that voice in the back of your head that tells you to do something?

Mine bets me ten bucks I can’t.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

37


CALL THE PROS

Call us

today for a

FREE

ESTIMATE!

Handyman Services

Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.

Services Include:

Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts

And more!

(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

Thanksgiving Basket

Giveaway!

One entry per customer. Don’t need to be present to win.

Includes a $25 gift card to Hannaford. Drawing on 11.14.21

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

Add 4 Months to Your Watersports

Season with a Wetsuit

Swimming, Paddle Sports, Children’s

Snorkeling, Scuba, Water-ski, Sizes Too!

Triathlete, Gold Prospecting,

Free-Diving, or just getting wet.

We can help you stay warmer longer!

805 Main Street

Lewiston

784-7300

.pxE2202/13/21

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PAT’S IS A GREAT PLACE FOR THE

WHOLE FAMILY!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com

Serving great food since 1985 • 11a-9p daily

You gotta

come try

our Potato

Pizza!

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

Visit us for

all your

sporting good

needs!

Hunting Apparel • Guns & Ammo

Tagging Station • Hunting Accessories

and much more!

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 Nov. 2021 783-7039

Laughing at your own mistakes lengthens your life.

But laughing at your wife’s mistakes shortens your life.


Find Us At:

A U B U R N

5 4 5 M I N O T A V E N U E 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7

3 0 1 M A I N S T R E T 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8

L E W I S T O N

6 8 6 M A I N S T R E E T 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0

7 9 4 S A B A T T U S S T R E E T 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3

1 4 2 0 L I S B O N S T R E E T 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5

O X F O R D

9 8 0 M A I N S T R E E T 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2

R O O P E R S B E V E R A G E . C O M

WITH ROOPERS

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Your Holidays Start

Your Holidays Start

Your Holidays Start

Nov. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

39


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

Plus applicable taxes

RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy

Any car .............. $129.95 2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

Mini van ............. $139.95 X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

Month of November

Mention code word “DRUMSTICK”

Get 50% OFF an appetizer

(PER TABLE)

Steaks • Seafood • Pastas

Pizza • Nachos... and more!

34 Court Street, Auburn • 207-344-1800

Thanksgiving

Eve

Nov. 24th 8:00pm

Live Music with

Continental

Shakedown

Follow us on Facebook

for our FUN

Daily Activities!

Everyone is welcome

at The 1800 Club!

Thank You

Veterans!

Cop #1, Andy: “I thought I told you to cover the exits.”

Cop #2, Barney: “I did. He must have escaped through the entrance.”

Proud to deliver

even more for

our communities

It’s NEVER too late

to rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

40 Nov. 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

Dead River Company is proud to support

the local communities where we live and

work, and we thank you for trusting us to

be there when you need us.

DeadRiver.com

Reliable Fuel Deliveries • Responsive Service

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