2014
Ok I lied. I didn’t delete all my 2014 pictures. I was embarrased to talk aboutthem because I hate the style of these pictures. But I’m throwing this inbecause my ability to cringe shows growth. 2014 was the true beginning ofmy full attempt of a trendy Instagram aesthetic. During this time, I had justbegun my enrollment at my second high school. Even though I was at this newsuburban school, my family actually moved back into the city. So on my wayhome everyday, I passed by my old school and was taunted by it.I can tell from my photos I was trying to create a new persona for myselfto embody on and off screen. I started following people I thought werecool, rather than just my friends on Instagram. From these accounts, I tookinspiration to seem cooler, unbothered, and fun. I wanted people to think I hada lot of friends, so I started posting pictures with friends I wasn’t close with.I started going across and around town to go to cafes for food to take a photoof for my pre-planned instagram grid. I had a list of punny photo captions touse, and I truly did do things for the picture. I wanted to seem unbothered bymy expolsion, and I showed that through a fake lifestyle and VSCO editingeverything. Afterall, look, my photos are faded - that must mean that I’msuper chill.It’s obvious to me that I was trying to press reset on myself. I was spiteful soI took to instagram to show how much “better off I am now”. After all I wasrunning for class president during this time and won, and I said yes to twoproms as a freshman at the school I was kicked from. As redemption, I madesure everyone knew it (even though I was not interested in my dates.) I onlyposted photos tagged in San Francisco because I wanted to somehow flex howI was a city kid on my suburban classmates. I so desperately seeked validationbecause I was so lonely.At my previous high school, for the semester I was there, I was really happyfor the first time in a long time. I had few friends in my elementary/middleschool (it was a small k-8 school), so I felt a sense of earned freedom when Ihad gotten accepted to the school I worked hard to get into. I had plenty offriends for the first time in my life, was running for student council, and guyswere into me. Looking back, it makes sense that I wanted to rebuild myselfinto something better after my accomplishments came crumbling, but by doingthat, I isolated myself from my classmates at my new school out of pride,driving myself further into isolation.Filters: A6, A7, A9, or S2 +5 to 10