2016
2016 was, if I recall correctly, horrible. At this time, I was a junior in high school.I was taking SAT prep classes, looking and applying to colleges, strugglingwith school and depression, all the while my physics teacher was preying onme consistently during and after school. Honestly, I blocked a lot of this yearout. This was the year that Tr*mp became president, and also the year I startedgoing to therapy and taking antidepressants. Not a coincidence. The physicsteacher was a 26 year old man named Stanley Luu. I was 17. Thinking abouthim gives me goosebumps. He wrote me love letters where he would threaten tokill himself, made a playlist for me which he regularly played during class, go toplaces I’ve checked into through Yelp, would wait for me by my locker and leavethings for me on my desk in other classes as well. I stopped going to physics class,stopped doing homework, stopped showing up for tests, and skipped my final.My therapist called child protective services but they couldn’t do anything unlessI reported it, and I couldn’t because Stanley somehow knew where I lived and Ididn’t want to get kicked out of school for not living within the district (again). Itried filing a restraining order, but it was too much emotional labor for me to digup all the receipts and present it to a cop I don’t trust. There’s no way I shouldhave passed, but I made it through physics with a B.Last time I checked, Stanley became a middle school teacher.In 2016, I started touring colleges. Yearning to leave California, wanting togrow up but wanting savor the last years of my teenhood, I turned to tinder forfriendship. I was already on tinder in 2015, but this is when I kicked it into highgear and started actively seeking friendships and connections through the app.And honestly it made me feel cool that I was dating college students as a 17 yearold high schooler, but now that I’m the age those guys were at the time, godthat’s fucking predatory.This was also the same year I was ghosted for the first time. But I’ve always beentoo prideful since then to reach out and ask why he did it. To this day, I wondersometimes. Thinking back now, it was probably because of my age, which wasalways one of my biggest insecurities growing up. Because no matter where Iwent, I felt like I didn’t fit in with kids my age. Desperate for friendship, I’dseek older kids, and was almost always looked down upon for that reason. Forsomeone I cared about so much to do that to me as well, I internalized it morethan I should have. I’m realizing now that my dating patterns right after I wasghosted makes sense now. I should have been better to Anojh. (But also earlierthis year he tried to trap me in a elevator to pressure me into having sex withhim, so I guess we’re even)Filters A6, A7, A9, or S2 +5Brightness: + 15Warmth: -4