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a zine by belle zhao

2018, gap year


1


punch me in

the face.

I want to feel

alive.

2


3


I don’t know what I

keep refreshing for I

don’t

know what I

keep refreshing

for I don’t know

what I keep re-

4


5

Don’t take my anxiety as a compliment.


I feel pretty depressed today

(6?16?18)

(6/31?18

8/21?^)

wow fantastic baby

6


3 3

7

trader joe’s is a cult


8


9

I USED TO SKIP LUNCH IN ELEMENTARY

SCHOOL BECAUSE I WAS TOO ASHAMED TO

EAT MY FREE SCHOOL LUNCH

My only other

option was

to eat leftovers

from home.

But opening a

lunch box full of

“foreign” food

would have

been too

embarassing

but 8 yr old me

figured I needed

to watch my

figure anyway

I WANT TO LIVE AS IF I ALWAYS HAVE

FLOWERS IN MY HAIR.

I JUST WANNA LIVE AS IF I

ALWAYS HAVE FLOWERS IN MY HAIR.


I think of you more than you know

give me a call when when you see this

10


It is important that you continue to tell yourself you belong

here.

I’ve also found that journaling is very important to intergrate

into ur lifestyle.

Are you sure you are okay?


Real conversation I once had at work.

“boy: “you smoke weed don’t you?”

me:

“yea why”

boy:: “it’s the hair”

I just want to feel safe, you know?

12

Plant based protein is

the future of ethical

consumption.

world peace begins in the kitchen


My mom and I got into an argument about my bright pnk hair and

whether or not it’s appropriate of me.

I’m sorry mom, I’m not dying my hair back right now, but I promise

I will when I feel like it.

I like this color, and it’s about time I claim and take ownership of

my own body and identity.

You voiced your fear of me looking like an outcast, or in your

words, “weird”.

Those words hurt me. But I understand where you are coming

from. I love you mom

One of my

worst fears is

being misunderstood.

Welcome

to hell

world.

How does your

depression feel

today?

13


14

thank you for teaching me

the skip button. You’re in

upstate new york now. I

wonder why you didn’t want

me


FACE YOUR INCONVE-

NIENT TRUTHS FOR

GOD’S SAKE

15

QUESTION WHERE WHAT YOU CONSUME AND WHERE

IT COMES FROM


✧・゚: *✧・゚:*(*❦ω❦)*:・゚✧*:・゚✧

16


˜”*°•.˜”*°• 15 Tinder bio ideas •°*”˜.•°*”˜

1. I ruin lives

2. my handwriting is just ok

3. I have low standards

10.

4. please

5. Flat earther.

6. hehehehehehehehehehheheheheheheh

7. pretty me ^^^^^

8. y u do dat

*9. I will tell you why I

ghosted you

17


˜

18

When I was

younger (so

a few years

ago), I used

to be all

about planning

my

time and

controlling

every aspect

of my

life. But

travelling’s

changed

that This is

a relic from

my past

(below)

Hell is just a

Chili’s

* = my current tinder bio


love your

anxiety.

Its only

purpose is

to protect

you.

There Is A CHILL In The Air,

CAPRICORN Has Arrived

call me when you see this

19


Wavy

Lorem ipsum dolor sit ame t , consectetuer adipiscing

Lore

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer

adipiscing elit, sed diam

nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut

laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat

volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam,

quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut

aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure

20


I only fuck with the ones that

are real and rare

what’s your

trauma?

21


When I was little, I asked my dad for some of his

pizza and

he gave me

the crust

I lost

my favorite

earring

the

other

day.

Thanks

for

helping

me

search

for

it in

Goldengate

Park.

<3

22


WHAT HAP

healing fucking hurts

23

You just have to keep telling yourself, “I belong here.”


PPENED

Yea right

TO

YOU

24


“Well what can I say, Belle. I can’t tell you you’re not a burden, because

you

- my ex

are.”

I’m so fucking sad

but now i’m just bored

25


photo index

(and who I was dating at the

time if I can remember)

page 1: my room, in the Sunset, may be THE most underrated district of SF

page 2: (top) The Academy Of Sciences SF - dating Tony

(bottom) Shanghai - dating Brian..

page 3: my room

page 4: Oakland Chinatown - dating Isaac

page 5: Shanghai

page 6: (top) Beijing- experienced my first UTI that weekend,

(bottom) Fillmore district SF

page 9: waiting for the N muni

page 10: NYC 2016 when I went there for a high school choir festival -

dating Anojh?

page 11: Portland 2016

page 12: Santa Barbara, getting fries

page 14: ATA on Valencia

page 15: Acropolis, Athens

page 16: ?? maybe Mission sfdon’t

remember

page 17: the Pacific Ocean probably

page 18: Sunset SF

page 19: Cape Town - longest

fucking plane ride

page 20: Shanghai

page 21 & 22: South Africa

26


ig: @rly.cool

Darling Angel, you are

my sunset

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