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a zine by belle zhao
2018, gap year
1
punch me in
the face.
I want to feel
alive.
2
3
I don’t know what I
keep refreshing for I
don’t
know what I
keep refreshing
for I don’t know
what I keep re-
4
5
Don’t take my anxiety as a compliment.
I feel pretty depressed today
(6?16?18)
(6/31?18
8/21?^)
wow fantastic baby
6
3 3
7
trader joe’s is a cult
8
9
I USED TO SKIP LUNCH IN ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL BECAUSE I WAS TOO ASHAMED TO
EAT MY FREE SCHOOL LUNCH
My only other
option was
to eat leftovers
from home.
But opening a
lunch box full of
“foreign” food
would have
been too
embarassing
but 8 yr old me
figured I needed
to watch my
figure anyway
I WANT TO LIVE AS IF I ALWAYS HAVE
FLOWERS IN MY HAIR.
I JUST WANNA LIVE AS IF I
ALWAYS HAVE FLOWERS IN MY HAIR.
I think of you more than you know
give me a call when when you see this
10
It is important that you continue to tell yourself you belong
here.
I’ve also found that journaling is very important to intergrate
into ur lifestyle.
Are you sure you are okay?
Real conversation I once had at work.
“boy: “you smoke weed don’t you?”
me:
“yea why”
boy:: “it’s the hair”
I just want to feel safe, you know?
12
Plant based protein is
the future of ethical
consumption.
world peace begins in the kitchen
My mom and I got into an argument about my bright pnk hair and
whether or not it’s appropriate of me.
I’m sorry mom, I’m not dying my hair back right now, but I promise
I will when I feel like it.
I like this color, and it’s about time I claim and take ownership of
my own body and identity.
You voiced your fear of me looking like an outcast, or in your
words, “weird”.
Those words hurt me. But I understand where you are coming
from. I love you mom
One of my
worst fears is
being misunderstood.
Welcome
to hell
world.
How does your
depression feel
today?
13
14
thank you for teaching me
the skip button. You’re in
upstate new york now. I
wonder why you didn’t want
me
FACE YOUR INCONVE-
NIENT TRUTHS FOR
GOD’S SAKE
15
QUESTION WHERE WHAT YOU CONSUME AND WHERE
IT COMES FROM
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*(*❦ω❦)*:・゚✧*:・゚✧
16
˜”*°•.˜”*°• 15 Tinder bio ideas •°*”˜.•°*”˜
1. I ruin lives
2. my handwriting is just ok
3. I have low standards
10.
4. please
5. Flat earther.
6. hehehehehehehehehehheheheheheheh
7. pretty me ^^^^^
8. y u do dat
*9. I will tell you why I
ghosted you
17
˜
18
When I was
younger (so
a few years
ago), I used
to be all
about planning
my
time and
controlling
every aspect
of my
life. But
travelling’s
changed
that This is
a relic from
my past
(below)
Hell is just a
Chili’s
* = my current tinder bio
love your
anxiety.
Its only
purpose is
to protect
you.
There Is A CHILL In The Air,
CAPRICORN Has Arrived
call me when you see this
19
Wavy
Lorem ipsum dolor sit ame t , consectetuer adipiscing
Lore
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer
adipiscing elit, sed diam
nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut
laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat
volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam,
quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut
aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure
20
I only fuck with the ones that
are real and rare
what’s your
trauma?
21
When I was little, I asked my dad for some of his
pizza and
he gave me
the crust
I lost
my favorite
earring
the
other
day.
Thanks
for
helping
me
search
for
it in
Goldengate
Park.
<3
22
WHAT HAP
healing fucking hurts
23
You just have to keep telling yourself, “I belong here.”
PPENED
Yea right
TO
YOU
24
“Well what can I say, Belle. I can’t tell you you’re not a burden, because
you
- my ex
are.”
I’m so fucking sad
but now i’m just bored
25
photo index
(and who I was dating at the
time if I can remember)
page 1: my room, in the Sunset, may be THE most underrated district of SF
page 2: (top) The Academy Of Sciences SF - dating Tony
(bottom) Shanghai - dating Brian..
page 3: my room
page 4: Oakland Chinatown - dating Isaac
page 5: Shanghai
page 6: (top) Beijing- experienced my first UTI that weekend,
(bottom) Fillmore district SF
page 9: waiting for the N muni
page 10: NYC 2016 when I went there for a high school choir festival -
dating Anojh?
page 11: Portland 2016
page 12: Santa Barbara, getting fries
page 14: ATA on Valencia
page 15: Acropolis, Athens
page 16: ?? maybe Mission sfdon’t
remember
page 17: the Pacific Ocean probably
page 18: Sunset SF
page 19: Cape Town - longest
fucking plane ride
page 20: Shanghai
page 21 & 22: South Africa
26
ig: @rly.cool
Darling Angel, you are
my sunset