UAD January 2022 Digest

uncleandys

Start the new year off right with your favorite local magazine! This issue is full of fun pictures, hilarious jokes and one-liners, and is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses. Remember to shop local!

JANUARY

2022

SINCE 1996

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

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207-346-0279

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Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


WHILE DATING: I love being next to you – wanna cuddle with me?

WHILE MARRIED: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again.

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Serving Maine and

New Hampshire!

We have over 50 dedicated

employees to service all of your

cleaning needs, including:

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

207.712.2765

www.deepcleanjs.com

First rule of No Doubt Club is not to speak.


Oh no... I just realized that 2022 is pronounced 2020 Too!

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

JANUARY 2022

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, January 18th

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Saturday, January 22nd

Italian Bakery (Bean Special)

9:00am-12:00pm

225 Bartlett Street, Lewiston

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, January 25th

Luiggi’s

4:00-7:00pm

63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

M: $4.00 G: $5.00

Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, January 27th

Fielder’s Choice

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Avenue, Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Reminder:

Please do not call the

restaurants. If you have a

question please call the

office and speak with Jamie.

Tickets must be purchased

at the MWA District Office

at 184 Webster Street

Lewiston, ME on the dates/

times listed for each activity.

Please follow all local/state

guidelines. Menus are

subject to change. No substitutions

or add-ons. Most

importantly – Have Fun!

My wife can’t stand that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$39/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

The last time I had faith in the news was when Huey Lewis was in it.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

SPIDERMAN

RYAN

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

Smile In

Comfort

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE AGAIN

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Call today

for a

FREE

consultation!

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

My jeans say, “No more Christmas goodies,” but my leggings say, “I got you girl!”


If a group of clowns attack you, go straight for the juggler.

Your New Breakfast Spot!

OFFERING BREAKFAST WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Till 1:00 on Sat. & All Day on Sundays

Come see Kathy & Joe!

Out ‘n About at

the Kora Shrine

Temple

for the FEZtival of Trees

Did you

know that the

Shriner’s are a

brotherhood based

on fun, fellowship and

the Masonic principles

of brotherly love, relief

and truth with nearly

200 temples (chapters)

in several countries

and thousands of

clubs around the

world.

Jeff Peaslee

Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-3pm

Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm

Sun: 7am-3pm

The

Annual FEZtival

of Trees is a

Kora fundraiser. We

had over 60 display

trees, a craft fair, a

silent auction, and

of course, Santa

Claus!

Experienced Breakfast

Cook Wanted!

Full or Part Time • Will train the right person

Scan

here to

see our

menu!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062

stationgrillrestaurant.com

When you think about it, it’s the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.

Bob McWilliam

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


Wake up, it’s time for your sleeping pill.

Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Happy New Year, Neighbors.

I’m so very thankful for my

family, my customers, and

my amazing community.

Ivayh, Emalie, Jake, Elijah & Taylor Lewis

Out to Dinner

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Steve and his wife,

Lori, were out to dinner

at Mac’s Grill one

evening.

The waitress came

by to take their order.

Steve ordered the Mini

Mac steak dinner.

“How would you like

your steak cooked,”

asked the waitress.

“The same as winning

an argument with my

wife,” Steve replied.

“Ahh, yes. Rare it is.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

6

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

For any disaster,

29 Brickyard Circle,

Auburn

(800) 244-7630

call ServiceMaster!

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com

I’m opening a new gym called “Resolutions.” It will have exercise equipment

for the first two months and then turn into a bar for the rest of the year.


Locally owned & operated

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

All Trails Lead to Georgio’s

Whether it’s Breakfast,

Lunch, or Dinner...

we’ve got you covered

Eat-In or

Take-Out

Full Bakery •

Breakfast Sandwiches •

Fresh Pizza •

Try our UFO •

Daily Specials •

And so much more! •

GEORGIO’S

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s.

783-2981

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosme.com

Out ‘n About at

the Kora Shrine

Temple

for the FEZtival of Trees

I’m already

working super hard

to make Santa’s nice

list in 2022!

Bree Daigle &

Hailey Knodson

Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay ... again.

Out ‘n About at the Kora Shrine Temple for the FEZtival of Trees

Which one am I?

I’ll never tell.

Us

either!

Debbie Irish

After an

all online event

last year, it was great

to be back in person

this year!

Harper, Hailey, & Leah Descoteaux

If you ever hear me order a decaf coffee, I’ve been kidnapped

and am trying to signal you.

Sue Zubiate

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

7


Out ‘n About at

the Kora Shrine

Temple

for the FEZtival of Trees

I’m so

thankful fir

all these beautiful

trees that were

donated by local

businesses and community

members!

I can’t be-leaf how

gorgeous they

all are!

Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

NEW YEAR, NEW HOME!

Tired of paying rent? Call us today!

Home Ownership

made simple!

Design-Build •

Turn-Key Packages •

Single or Multi-Level Homes •

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

One Loan •

(No Construction Loan

Needed in Most Cases)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

8

Danielle Williams

I agree!

All these trees

really spruce up the

place!

Kaleb Davis

Jimbo, join

me in a round of

Auld Lang Syne!

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

“Essentially” is essentially meaningless.

Seafood Alfredo

Creamy rich parmesan sauce over

shrimp, scallops, and ziti

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

Cheers

to you in

2022!

Ducks wake up at the quack of dawn.

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

Wings

Cheeseburger Special

Cincinnati Spaghetti

25oz domestic drafts

TUESDAY

Wings

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2023

Events

Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 36.


Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

It was

certainly a

freezing cold day,

but that didn’t stop

people from coming

out and enjoying

the festivities!

I’m just itching to tell you about my allergies.

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

Gift Certificates Available

Hours:

Mon. 11a-5p

Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p

Adam Tanguay

Hebron Fire Department

Of course

people still came

out! This is the largest

Christmas parade

in the state of

Maine!

Hey Josh,

do you have any

more of those

Scooby Snacks?

Out ‘n About in Lewiston

Josh McFetridge and his

walking partner, Riley,

wishing they were back

to the Dog Days of Summer.

Dave Saar

Hebron Fire Department

√ Difficult Tree

Removals

√ Storm Damage

Clean up

John Horn

Bridgton Fire Department

Local Arborist with over

20 Years experience!

√ Pruning

√ Trimming

√ Chipping

√ Lot Clearing

Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties

Call us

TODAY for a

FREE Quote!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Not only am I redundant and superfluous,

but I also tend to use more words than necessary.


1052 Minot Avenue Auburn

207-783-6885

MacsGrill.com

Where the

locals eat!

Catering!

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,

Corporate Parties, and more!

No event too BIG or SMALL...

We cater it ALL!

NOW

HIRING

LINE

COOKS!

Competitive Pay!

Join us for our

SUPER BOWL PARTY

In February!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


School Days

Submitted by Steve Simard

Little Jimbo came

running into the house

after school one day,

shouting, “Mommy!

Mommy! I got 100 in

school today!”

“That’s great, son!” said

his mom. “Come here

in the living room and

tell me all about it.”

Little Jimbo said, “Well,

I got 50 in spelling,

30 in math and 20 in

science!”

Sea

Counseling

Submitted by Jimbo

One afternoon The

Sea rolled into the

office of Dr. Alfred

Werner, clinical psychologist.

The doctor smiled; he

hadn’t seen his old

friend in ages. “Well,

well! Long time no sea!

How are you doing?”

“Swell,” replied the

Sea saltily.

“Then what, Pacifically,

is the problem?”

“Well,” the Sea

swished sadly, “I’m

getting tired of just

going in and out every

day, in and out, in and

out, in and...”

GENDRON

UNDERWRITER

Acupuncture is pointless.

Maine Event Comedy

Saturday, Jan 22 – 7:30 PM

Door opens at 7:00 PM

Tickets: Advance – $12 each

Door – $15 each

Ages 18+

Show sponsor: Roopers

Harp Twins

Saturday, May 28 – 7:30 PM

Door opens at 7:00 PM

Tickets: Advance – $25 each

Door – $30 each

Show sponsor: Platz Associates

Upcoming Events

in Heritage Hall

Friday, Feb 4 – 7:00 PM

Door opens at 6:30 PM

Tickets: Advance – $28 each

Door – $33 each

Show sponsor: Androscoggin Bank

MEDIA SPONSORS

“I understand,” Dr.

Werner interrupted

hastily, “but I fear

there’s nothing to be

done about it. For you

see, my friend, you’re

just fit to be tide.”

GENDRON

Order tickets:

FrancoCenter.org or

call: (207) 689-2000

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 Jan. 2022 783-7039

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,

but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.


That is that word which should be used instead of which.

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Captain Jimbo

and I are teaming up

to rid the world

of evildoers!

Captain America

The best

way to spread

Christmas cheer

is by singing loud

for all to hear!

And if you don’t

agree with me, then

you’re a Cotton

Headed Ninny

Muggins!

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

Walkie-talkies neither walk nor talk; they should be called holdie-noisies.

Buddy the Elf

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

13


Bar Houdini

Submitted by Jimbo

A deputy police officer

responded to a report

of a bar room

disturbance.

Fun fact, I’ve never seen anyone smiling while jogging.

Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade

The “disturbance”

turned out to be well

over six feet tall and

weighed almost 300

pounds. What’s more,

he boasted that he

could whip the deputy

and the “Heavy Weight

Boxing Champion of

the World.”

The policeman said,

“I’ll bet that you’re also

an escape artist too,

probably better than

Houdini.”

The giant nodded.

“If I had some chains,”

the deputy continued,

“you could show us

how strong you really

are. But all I’ve got is a

set of handcuffs. Why

don’t you see just how

quickly you can break

out of them?”

Once in the cuffs, the

man puffed, pulled and

jerked for four minutes.

“I can’t get out of

these,” the giant

growled.

“Are you sure?” the

deputy asked.

The fellow tried again.

“Nope,” he replied. “I

can’t do it.”

“In that case,” said the

deputy, “you’re under

arrest.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 Jan. 2022 783-7039

I quit my job when my boss started paying me in vegetables.

I couldn’t live off of that celery.


Yesterday, tomorrow was the day after tomorrow.

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working

with people in their home and in the community?

Join our team of caring professionals!

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

I don’t know

why everyone is

complaining about the

cold... I am quite

toasty in here!

Apply online at JFMhomes.org

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.

Slicing pizza is a great way to cut carbs.

Andrew, Caroline,

& Kittrena

Robinson

Fleece

blanket, knit hat....

the cold doesn’t

stand a chance!

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Our food

& your

favorite team

make a great

combo!

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

I’m not indecisive... unless you want me to be.

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

Brenda and

Madison Rizzoti, &

Mary Ann Crehan

No fleece

blankets for this

guy. I brought my

own coat!

Bryce

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

15


Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Out ‘n

About freezing

my badonkadonk off!

Can somebody

bring me some

Dunkin’?

If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

Stephanie

Arsenault

Digest Chaos Coordinator

We’ve Got You Covered

Locally Owned & Operated

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246

Our lack of cooperation is mutual!

Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade

Storm

Ironsides

Steve certainly

makes me look

good!*

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

Iron Man

*See Page 4

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

Megan, Piper, Gabby & Violete Wing & Paula Staples

If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving – I don’t make the rules!


I used to think that marriage was a 50-50 proposition...

until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.

Deserted

Island

Submitted by Jimbo

Abe and Esther are

flying to Australia for

a two week vacation

to celebrate their 50th

wedding anniversary.

Suddenly, over the

public address system,

the Captain announces,

“Ladies and

Gentlemen, I am afraid

I have some very bad

news; our engines are

about to fail and we

will have to attempt

an emergency landing.

Luckily, I see an

uncharted island below

us and we should be

able to land on the

beach.”

Thanks to the skill of

the flight crew, the

plane lands safely

on the island. The

pilot then announces,

“Odds are that we may

never be rescued and

will have to live on the

island for the rest of

our lives.”

An hour later Abe turns

to his wife and asks,

“Esther, did we pay our

$5,000 PBS pledge

check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she

responds.

Abe, still shaken from

the crash landing,

then asks, “Esther, did

we pay our American

Express card yet?”

Continued on next page

My New Year’s resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Continued from previous page

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot

to send the check,”

she says.

Profanity sucks.

Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade

“One last thing Esther,

did you remember to

send checks for the

Visa and MasterCard

this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abe,”

begged Esther. “I didn’t

send those either.”

Abe grabs her and

gives her the biggest

kiss in 50 years.

Esther pulls away and

asks him, “What was

that for?”

Abe answers, “They’ll

find us now! We’ll be

saved!”

Bagel Shop

Student

Submitted by Jimbo

“Hello Mrs. Frobisher”

said the bearded guy

behind the counter at

the bagel shop.

My husband and I

looked at him but drew

complete blanks. “I’m

sorry, do we know

each other?” I asked.

“Yeah, you was my

English teacher.”

Leaning over, my

husband whispered,

“Good job, Honey,

good job.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

18 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Just because I have nothing to say is no reason why you shouldn’t listen.


How to parallel park: Park somewhere else.

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Don’t

you worry if the

parade route gets

foggy... I’ve got you

covered!

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

You just never see it coming.

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

ERF

MUID

Rudolph, the rednosed

reindeer

ERF

ERF

MUIDEM

MUIDE

BUS

BUS BUS

ERF

MUIDEM

BUS

Forget my

heart, it’d be nice

if the thermostat

grew three sizes

today!

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snopuoc lanigiroylnO .yawynani deretla timiL rodeipoc .esahcrup ,dlos eb fo ton emit ta detneserp eb tsumnopuoC .sno

edivorp .srednopser

pleh ot seog esahcrup .dengisa yreve ro tsrfi ,derrefsnart ni

fo ,decudorper desu noitropA

dioV .deronoh eb lliw tonac rof

nopuoC .

.yna fi yam ,xat dna elbacilpa tnuocsid yap tsum ro remusnoC nopuo .

.pxE2202/13/21

. PIHCKNIRDBUS$BUS snopuoc lanigiroylnO .yawynani deretla rodeipoc ,dlos eb ton

.srednopser .dengisa ro tsrfi

,derrefsnart ,decudorper dioV .deronoh eb lli

.yna fi ,xat elbacilpa

.pxE2202/13/21

. PIHCKNIRDBUS$BUS

The Grinch

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

Contact John today at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

What if Algebra teachers are really pirates, and they are using us to

find “x” so they can find the treasure?

Kayleigh Cote

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


YOUR VOTE

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 27th

BEST DANCE SCHOOL 21

MARY JANE’S

SCHOOL OF DANCE

675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498

BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 20

BEST BOUTIQUE 10

785 Main St.

Lewiston

241-8378

BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 9

BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 6

DONALD DARLING

& SONS ROOFING

Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585

BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 6

120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715

BEST LANDSCAPE COMPANY 19

78 Lisbon St. Lisbon | 353-4848

BEST BANQUET/FUNCTION FACILITY 17

150 East Ave. Lewiston | 783-2246

BEST REAL ESTATE COMPANY 8

336 Center St. Auburn | 784-3800

BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 8

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256

BEST DAY SPA 6

577 Main St.

Lewiston

376-3233

BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 5

490 Pleasant St. Lewiston | 784-2331

BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 14

Rolly’s Diner

87 Mill St. Auburn | 753-0171

BEST HAIR SALON 13

124 Ash St.

Lewiston

782-9046

BEST TANNING SALON 12

BEACH BUMS

250 Center St. Auburn | 783-8422

BEST CHIROPRACTOR 12

NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC

ASSOCIATES

336 Center St. Auburn | 777-1104

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888

BEST MASSAGE THERAPY 8

577 Main St.

Lewiston

376-3233

BEST ATTORNEY 7

192 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 786-0606

BEST CAR WASH 7

Serving the

greater LA area

782-4009

BEST CARPET/FLOORING PROS 7

Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,

Kitchen, & Bath

675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831

711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361

BEST BUILDER 5

1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224

BEST DELI/SANDWICH SHOP 5

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175

BEST TOWING SERVICE 5

LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR

& SALES

518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650

BEST HAIR COLORIST 5

124 Ash St.

Lewiston

782-9046

#

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

20 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Indicates number

of years as winner.

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey

27th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s Best Business

of tallied public ballots and internet voting for th

Vote online at: be


S ARE IN!

Annual Best Businesses for 2021

BEST PIZZA 4

BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE

3 BEST CONVENIENCE STORE 1

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175

BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 4

31 Blake St.

Lewiston

782-7113

BEST NAIL SALON 4

NAIL JUNKEE

250 Center St. Auburn | 344-5094

BEST MARTIAL ARTS INSTRUCTION 4

PHOENIX ACADEMY

OF MARTIAL ARTS

945 Center St. Auburn | 577-1046

BEST TAKEOUT 4

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175

BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 3

DONNA’S DAYCARE

CENTER

977 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 784-6769

BEST NEW RESTAURANT 3

2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606

BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

COMPANY

LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY

MANAGEMENT

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 375-8694

3

68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581

BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY

316 Center St. Auburn | 376-3007

BEST VALUE MEAL

2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606

BEST CHINESE RESTAURANT

2 BEST BURGER

1

2 BEST KITCHEN CABINETS 1

279 Center St. Auburn | 784-8888 675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831

BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS

BEST EMBROIDERY SHOP

585 Main St.

Lewiston

729-8474

4 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4607

BEST EYELASH EXTENSIONIST

BRANDY @

MAINE B SKIN & LASHES

Star Sponss

10 Cross Rd. Winthrop | 346-1104

BEST COMMUNITY BANK/CU

100 Minot Ave. Auburn, 664 Main St. Lewiston

786-0773

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175

2 BEST WAITSTAFF 1

2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606

2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606

Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,

Kitchen, & Bath

2 BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE 1

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000

1 BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 1

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000

1 BEST BAR/LOUNGE 1

12 Ash St.

Lewiston

330-3021

1 BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 1

14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433

company, is proud to announce the winners of the

es for 2021 Survey. The above winners are the result

e Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

stofsurveys.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

21


Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

I scream,

you scream, we all

scream for gelato!

Also, poems are

hard.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Lourdes Rubio

Dolce Amici Gelato

& Cocktails

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Do you hear

that? It’s the sound

of a tropical island

calling my name!

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

Michele Wagner

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

Rob Federico

Norway Police Chief

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

22 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Whenever I look for something, it’s always in the last place I look.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced service technicians to join our team!

24 Hour

Service

Fully Insured

Been on a diet for two weeks and all I lost is 14 days.

We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.

Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed

PLEASE CALL

207-777-5600

Air Conditioning & Heating

235 N. River Road, Auburn

207-777-5600

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,

and the surrounding communities!

10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com

Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm

More than five million Americans are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.

Now

Hiring

Early

Submitted by Jimbo

What is the deal with

‘The early bird gets

the worm?’ He gets up

early, and all he gets

is a worm? It says ‘the

worm,’ which means

one single worm. That

doesn’t seem very fair,

for a bird that goes

through the trouble of

getting up early.

Myself, I would rather

sleep late and get

the ‘worm and grub’

brunch special at the

local diner. I can’t

imagine that an early

5:00 AM worm is going

to taste that much better

than a plate of later

11:00 AM worms.

And, speaking of

which, what’s the deal

with the early worm?

He gets up early, to

get a start on the day,

because he has loads

of work to do, and he

gets eaten by a bird!

Where is the moral

of the story, when

the lazy worms don’t

get eaten? Isn’t that

hypocritical? Seems to

me that all the smart

worms either work

nights, or sleep late

and get up after lunch.

Isn’t that sending the

wrong message to our

kids?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


Immortal

Dolphins

Submitted by Tyla Davis

There was this guy

who found an ancient

book. In that book he

read that dolphins live

forever if you feed

them the meat of an

eagle.

Some time later he

came across a very

sick eagle and thought:

It’s gonna die soon

anyway, I might as well

take it to the dolphins

at the local zoo to see

if what’s in the book is

actually true.

At night he climbed

over a wall to get into

the zoo – and found

himself right in the lion

enclosure! He managed

to escape the

lions by jumping over

them and then climbing

up a tree.

He was later arrested

and charged with

smuggling ill eagle

goods over state lions

for immortal porpoises.

The easiest way to get straight A’s is to use a ruler.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

I’m so pun at farties!

Out ‘n About with Travel with Shae in Montego Bay, Jamaica

I never

leave home without

my Digest! It is

a travel staple!

Dr. Phil,

Shae & Norm

Roux, and

Jemar

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning – or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

EST.1950

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

24

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040

9 Grove Street, Auburn

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

783-3444

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p, Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

Nothing

like a fresh

cut to start

the new year

off right!

Don’t expect any New Year’s resolutions from me.

I intend to stay the same sarcastic, foul-mouthed delight you’ve all grown to love!


You can tell an Irishman is having a good time when you see him

Dublin over with laughter!

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Kevin Masse

Why did

Santa Claus get

a parking ticket on

Christmas eve?

What keeps me going is inertia.

Mrs. Claus

120 Center Street

Auburn

207-241-2356

Maine Mall

South Portland

207-274-2539

123 Main Street

Freeport

207-885-0900

Wishing you a

blessed new year!

Crystals, Metaphysical, Holistic Gifts, & MORE!

Tarot, Akashic Records, Reiki, Psychic & Medium Services

www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

449 Forest Ave

Portland

207-221-2363

Because I

left my sleigh in a

Snow Parking Zone.

Santa Claus

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Career Training

Submitted by Jimbo

The proprietor of a

small village drugstore

was called out

one sleepy summer

morning, leaving the

establishment temporarily

under the sole

management of a very

young, and very new

clerk.

“Just answer the phone

if it rings, Jim,” instructed

the proprietor.

The phone rang.

“Hello,” said the clerk.

“Do you have streptomycin

and aureomycin?”

asked a voice at

the other end.

The clerk scratched

his head, then said,

“Ma’am, when I said

‘Hello’ I told you everything

I know!”

People think “icy” is the easiest word to spell. I see why!

Happy New Year

We look forward to serving you in 2022!

The Vallee Family and entire team at the Village Inn wish

to extend our sincere thankfulness to our community for

their continued support throughout the year.

We really appreciate our friends and our guests and we

look forward to serving you all in the New Year!

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

We have 15+ delicious beers on tap

- and to go -

Brewed Right here,

For you.

(and we trade Beer

for money)

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

My New Year’s resolution is stop hanging out with people who ask me what my New Year’s resolution is.

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

11 12 1

10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2

9

22

0215697

23

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

3

January 2022

Stickers

8

4

7 6 5 are due!

Safety Tip:

Keep your vehicle maintained

through the winter. Winter driving

can be tough on a vehicle. It’s

important that you and your

passengers stay safe!

LISTEN. THE CARIBBEAN IS CALLING.

Travel with Shae

Specializing in Caribbean Travel

Destination Weddings • Honeymoons

Family & Friend Getaways • All inclusive Vacations

Bachelorette / Bachelor Getaways

RIU Hotel & Resort Certified

Marriott Hotel Certified

Call or email Shae TODAY! 207-212-0706 • shaebookstravel@gmail.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Jan. 2022 783-7039

PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn’t cheating on my diet;

maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.


If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that a lot of you are not

quite ready for a Spelling Bee.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not

fall into previous defined war era’s

may now join the American Legion

immediately. The eligibility now

spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time

when the U.S. is no longer at war, as

determined by Congress.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

Precision is a fuzzy concept.

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome!

HOURS: Mon through Wed: 12p-6p

Thurs: 12p-9p • Fri & Sat: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in January

Jerry Joe - January 14th & 28th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19 TH

BREAKFAST

8-10am

DINNER

4-6pm

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

SUNDAY: JANUARY 16TH:

Join us for a hearty breakfast!

$10.00 adults

$5.00 under age 10

50/50

RAFFLE!

SATURDAY: JANUARY 29TH:

Lasagna w/salad &

dinner roll

$12.00

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE! SEE YOU AT THE POST!

Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:

Monday, January 10th @ 5:30pm

Bloody

Mary

Sundays

by Kevin

11am-6pm!

Out ‘n About in

Oxford Hills

for the Christmas Parade

Next year,

I’m asking Santa

for a heated seat on

this bike!

Scott Christiansen

Kora Drifters

Do you

want to hear a

joke about vikings?

Nevermind, there’s

Norway you’d laugh

at it.

Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade

Stephen Reed

Oxford Hills Viking

My nose is as

red as Rudolph’s!

Melissa Resto, Tanner McCusker & Stephanie McCusker

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you have diarrhea.

Tiffany Smith &

Becca Bear-Mann

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


Sales Call

Submitted by Jimbo

A salesman telephoned

a household

and a young boy

answered.

“May I speak to your

mother?” the salesman

asked.

The boy replied, “She’s

not here right now.”

The salesman then

asked, “Is there anyone

else there?”

The boy replied, “My

sister.”

The salesman asked,

“May I speak to her?”

I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.

Albert & Burpee Funeral

Home & Cremation Service

207-782-7201

253 Pine Street, Lewiston

www.albert-burpee.com

Traditional Funeral with metal casket & cement graveliner

All services the same day, Monday-Friday

$5995.00

(does not include cemetery, minister, newspapers & required permits)

The boy replied, “I

guess so.”

At this point there was

a long period of silence

on the phone.

I absolutely refuse to be assertive!

Then the boy returned

and said, “Hello?”

The salesman responded,

“It’s you

again? Weren’t you

going to get your

sister?”

To which the boy

replied, “I tried, but I

can’t get her out of the

playpen!”

My wife just stopped

and said, “You weren’t

even listening were

you?”

I thought... “That’s a

pretty weird way to

start a conversation.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 Jan. 2022 783-7039

What’s it like having a toddler?

Imagine raising a heavily caffeinated chimpanzee who is allergic to sleep.


I took a Covid test. Well, actually, I just passed wind to test my sense of smell.

Thankfully I was negative.

NEED A HAND WITH ACCOUNTING?

It’s time to call AT Tax Services!

Offering affordable bookkeeping and tax prep services

4 Tax prep for individuals, LLC’s,

Non-profits

4 Bookkeeping service on-site at your

business - ask about our mobile app

4 8 years experience in accounting &

education

4 Serving Androscoggin & Kennebec

counties

Out ‘n About at

Side by Each

Brewing Co.

for Storytime with Santa

This was

so much fun!

Cocoa, cookies,

and Santa for the

kids, and brews and

coffee for the

grown ups!

Antoine Tolton • 207-240-6967

Hey, can

you keep it down

over there?! I’m

trying to read my

Uncle Andy’s

Digest!

Zander

Wallingford

trying to enjoy

his favorite

magazine

Robbie Belair,

Nick Belair, &

Courtney Jensen

I had to

make sure to

keep working hard

because I knew Santa

was watching! I’d hate

for him to tell

my boss I was

slacking!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Serving Breakfast All Day!

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

Breakfast of Champions: Big Bacon Skillet

Hash browns, bacon, scrambled eggs, & cheddar

cheese. All stacked in a skilled then baked.

Add some fruit to complete your breakfast.

Ben Albee

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


Out ‘n About at

Side by Each

Brewing Co.

for Storytime with Santa

It’s always windy in a sports arena because of all the fans.

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Make your

reservation

now!

Hunter Bailey &

Trevor Laliberte

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

I won the

Ugly Sweater

Contest! Being

festive paid off!

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

It was

an honor just being

nominated.

Bryce Strout,

Keith & Tyla Davis

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

I used to

have a fear of

Santa. I was

Claustrophobic.

Emma Nobles,

Santa, & Bowie

Jimbo

Jan. 2022 783-7039

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

Nobody wants to be friends with Dracula because he’s a pain in the neck.


An apology is a good way to have the last word.

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

Call

ahead for

orders!

January Special

Pork Gyro Sandwich

Includes: Pork on a gyro pita with lettuce,

tomatoes, red onion, & tzatziki sauce

ONLY $6 .99

Expires 1/31/22

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

From the

Mouths of

Babes

Submitted by Jimbo

Ms. Crabtree had been

telling her 1st grade

class the story of the

discovery of America

by Columbus.

She concluded with,

“And all this happened

more than 500 years

ago.”

“Wow!” exclaimed Little

Johnny, “What a great

memory you have!”

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time... but you can never fool mom.

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

Merry Christmas &

Happy New Year!

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

If I had a dollar for every time I used algebra in my adult life, I’d have ‘n’ dollars.

GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!

PA’S TRADIN’

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

We

Have

TVs!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

• TARPS

• ICE FISHING GEAR & SUPPLIES

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!

My Reputation

Precedes Me

Submitted by Jimbo

Lenora, 95-years-old

and in excellent health,

confided that she was

terribly worried:

“Every one of my

friends has already

died and gone on to

heaven. I’m afraid

they’re all wondering

where I went!”

To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

207-782-7141

Now Hiring!

Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People!

Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

Wishing

you health

and happiness

in

2022!

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 60 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

Convert Your Home Videos to DVD!

Let us convert all your old family memories to digital that will last a lifetime.

Bring us your VHS tapes, reels, or flash drives and let our digital imaging

experts create a DVD of all your home movies!

Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

Steve Simard

Marketing Specialist

207.754.1815

steve@

UncleAndys.com

9 Grove Street,

Auburn, ME 04210

Office:

207-783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 Jan. 2022 783-7039

The future isn’t what it used to be.


I just bought my wife a new 5G Samsunggggg.

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

Payroll Processing

Time & Attendance

Workers’ Comp

Pay-As-You-Go

Out ‘n About at

Side by Each

Brewing Co.

for Storytime with Santa

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

Santa & Casey

Peacock

Check out our Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!

Roy’s

FOODLAND

“Best in

Town”

Chicken

& Ham

Salad!

I’m probably

the reason Santa

even has a Naughty

List.

SATURDAY

Beans, bread/rolls &

cole slaw

$9.99

WEDNESDAY

Ham, Veggie, Salami,

or Pepperoni Italians

$2.49

PIZZA PACKS

Pizza

Packs

$9.99

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed

Santa & Katie

Lemieux

Come in

and check

out our

awesome

daily

specials!

Whoa,

cool truck!

Maybe this Santa

guy isn’t so scary

after all!!

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

January

Drink

Special

Please - I can only ignore one thing at a time.

Yuletide

Mule

$

9

Robbie Belair

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


2

Be nice to your hairstylist because what’s stopping them from plucking one of your hairs and putting it at a crime scene?

Nothing.

EDUCATION

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at CTI! Get trained & certified to work in months! 888-572-

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VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00 FREE

Shipping! 100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928

Hablamos Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 350

procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free dental

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Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7

oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

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funds are available. No computer necessary. Free trial/custom quote

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Become a published author. We want to read your book! Dorrance

Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion

& distribution. Call for free author`s guide 833-719-3029 or visit

dorranceinfo.com/acp

Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,

Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.

Call 833-603-3236

WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests. Send

details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201

Prepare for unexpected

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 Jan. 2022 783-7039

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


I’m sick of following my dreams; I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.

SERVING OUR

COMMUNITY FOR

OVER 28 YEARS

INSURANCE AND

FINANCIAL SERVICES

Ana Bourasseau

Financial Professional

The Prudential Insurance

Company of America

620 Washington St N

Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 795-7707

ana.bourasseau@prudential.com

Insurance Issued by

The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates.

PAM-312

10/2023

James Jackson IV, CLU, ChFC

Financial Professional

The Prudential Insurance

Company of America

620 Washington St N

Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 795-7707

Jim.jackson@prudential.com

Tyla just crashed her Kia. Now she has Nokia.

Call us for a quote

TODAY!

Editor Tyla Davis returns to

Uncle Andy’s Digest & LA Metro Magazine

After a three month hiatus, Tyla Davis has returned to the editor’s

seat at Uncle Andy’s Digest and LA Metro Magazine. Davis has

over 25 years experience as a graphic designer and has been the

editor of the sister magazines since March of 2019.

HATS

MUGS

EMBROIDERY

SCREENPRINTING

Order your

school spirit

wear today!

WEAR

PENS

BAGS

“It’s not often in life you get the opportunity to take all of your

passions and meld them into one career,” says Davis. “I am

extremely lucky to have this opportunity a second time. Sometimes

you don’t realize what you really have, until you don’t have

it anymore.”

Publisher and CEO, Jimbo Marston says of Davis’ return, “Things

really do happen for a reason. Deciding to put hiring a new editor

on hold led us to Tyla reaching out to inquire if we had filled the

position, which caused a domino effect… and just like that she’s

back! I am super excited to have her back on our team. She is a

true champion for both of our magazines and that’s not something

you find everyday. Welcome home, Tyla!”

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

Davis proudly represents the magazines at the LA Metro

Chamber of Commerce, Maine Women’s Network, and is often a

substitute at Business Network International events.

Davis has lived in the LA area since 1998 and has a passion for

all that LA has to offer and can often be seen Out ’n About supporting

and promoting local businesses. She lives in Poland with

her husband, Keith, and son, Bryce.

Uncle Andy’s Digest and LA Metro Magazine are published and

distributed throughout Central Maine since 1996 and 2016,

respectively. Their world headquarters are located at 9 Grove

Street, Auburn. For more information or to join the family of

advertisers, or with LA Metro Magazine story ideas, call

207-783-7039.

My books fell out of the bookcase. I only have my shelf to blame.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

35


CALL THE PROS

BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY

Book Your Massage. Be Well.

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

Located in the building

behind Dad’s Place

6

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

REDEMPTION CENTER

¢

on all 5¢ returns

with this coupon.

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

UAD exp. 1.31.22

We make you LOOK GREAT!

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

Call today for a free quote!

RON’S

YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY

OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Call us

today!

Ron Charpentier, Jr.

owner

375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Christmas Being a isn’t good for parent another is knowing 11 months how and to some unwrap people a Kit already Kat without have making their decorations any noise. up.


CALL THE PROS

Call about

our outside

dining

options!

Open

7 Days

A Week!

68 Main Street, Auburn

(207) 376-2739

PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.

of all media, which do US internet users say they

TRUST THE MOST?

PRINT.

www.angelascms.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

(Marketing Sherpa, 2020)

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

Fully Insured

I’ll help

you clean up

your act in

2022!

SCUBA

CLASSES!

Offering both private

& small group lessons

Make your own schedule!

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

805 Main Street, Lewiston

784-7300

skindiversparadise.net

Full Service Repair Facility

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

25 Fern Street, Turner, Maine

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

PROTECT YOUR

INVESTMENT

PROFESSIONAL

UNDERCOATING

NEW YEAR. NEW GUN FOR 2022!

FINE LINE GUNS

Springfield Armory XD-M Elite

Compact OSP 10mm Auto

• Hex Dragonfly Red Dot

• Black Melonite Steel Slide with Optic Cut

• Fiber Optic Front,

• Tactical Rear Sights

• 3.8” Barrel

• Two 12-rd Mags

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

finelinegun@aol.com

I am only one step away from being rich. Now all I need is money.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

37


VALENTINE’S BASKET GIVEAWAY!

Ticket to win

CALL THE PROS

Drawing on February 12th!

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

We continue to grow

due to excellent customers

and their referrals.

Sincere Thanks to all.

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

SHEPHERD’S PIE IS GREAT

IN ANY NEW YEAR!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily

Serving great food since 1985

TEAM

KENNAGH AT

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

SHELLEY KENNAGH

SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306

155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C

AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN NEEDS!

CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG

MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR

COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR

Out ‘n About at Side by Each Brewing Co. for Storytime with Santa

You’re

never too old

to sit on Santa’s lap!

That’s how you get

the cool

presents!

Keith Davis

with

Santa

My very own

monster truck!

Exactly what I asked

for! I’m gonna name

him Reptar... like

from Rugrats!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 Jan. 2022 783-7039

Do hunting rifle manuals have a troubleshooting section?


A u b u r n

5 4 5 M i n o t A v e n u e 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7

3 0 1 M a i n S t r e t 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8

Beer

HAPPY NEW

L e w i s t o n

6 8 6 M a i n S t r e e t 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0

7 9 4 S a b a t t u s s t r e e t 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3

1 4 2 0 L i s b o n s t r e e t 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5

O x f o r d

9 8 0 M a i n S t r e e t 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

Plus applicable taxes

RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy

Any car .............. $129.95 2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

Mini van ............. $139.95 X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family

We are stronger together

Debbie Bodwell

NMLS# 280336

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210

207.754.3962

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

COME CHECK OUT THE

SNOWBLOWER PACKAGE DEALS ON

MASSEY FERGUSON COMPACT TRACTORS!

It’s NEVER too late

to rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

40 Jan. 2022 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

66 th Year

Anniversary

WATERMAN FARM MACHINERY

SABATTUS, M E

827 Sabattus Road, Sabattus

207-375-6561

watermanfarmmachinery.com

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