Name the emotion

Name the
Emotion
A basic skill pattern

Naming emotions is a pattern for those who take on a
Briefly
A short summary of the
pattern
facilitative or negotiating role. Its purpose is to acknowledge
a person’s feelings and make them feel understood. It
involves respectfully and humbly guessing the emotion that
the person is experiencing or has experienced.

People often act – and say things – because of some
underlying emotion. They might not acknowledge or even
be conscious of this, thinking that they are acting rationally.
Showing emotions can also be perceived as a weakness. It
shows vulnerability. People opt for rational arguments and
avoid speaking about their feelings to show strength.
The problem
The difficulty that this
pattern seeks to address
Sometimes meetings, groups, teams and organisations
maintain a culture where rationality dominates and where
showing emotions is regarded as taboo. The result of this is
that people do not express themselves fully. They only
show a part of themselves. The whole person is not
included when reason (rationality) is used to the exclusion
of emotions and values.

The Pattern
A possible way of
resolving the problem
Naming emotions is a facilitative skill. It can, of course, be
used by participants who take on this role too. Its primary
purpose is to convey to another person that you understand
what they are feeling. You are identifying not only with their
words but with the deeper driving emotion or value that
drives their words and actions.
It is important to be respectful when attempting to name
another’s feelings. You are in effect guessing, not explaining
the other’s feelings to them. You are certainly not accusing.
You would not say:” I see that you are angry”. This could
easily lead to an unwanted reaction or denial. The person
may even direct his anger at you.
A good way of starting the naming of an emotion is to say:
“It seems as if …”,” it sounds like …” or “I can imagine that
you are feeling …” You can adapt the introduction to suit
your style and the situation.
Continued on the next slide

It may also be wise to follow up on such a statement by
checking if your guess is correct.
For example, you could say: “You seem to be upset by what
happened.” Or, “It sounds like this has affected you”.
You might want to use more generalised words and phrases.
For example, you might say: “This seems to have affected you
strongly”. Or, “I can imagine that this evoked strong feelings in
you”. Or, “It seems as if there are strong feelings behind what
you are saying”.
The Pattern
Your attitude is very important here. You are not judgemental,
and you show caring (or empathy) in the way that you attempt
to name the emotion. Humility is also important. The
implication always must be that you are guessing and not
making a definitive statement. You could be wrong. Also, be
open to the person not wanting to acknowledge their feelings.
You should never insist. If the person does not agree with you or
does not want to acknowledge the emotion you try to name,
just let it go

The Context
Where this pattern can
be used
This skill is used in negotiation, facilitation and mediation. It is
relevant and useful in any situation where trust needs to be
established. It is usually aimed at one person but can also be
used when addressing a group of people.
It is an excellent precursor to both exploratory questions and
questions for elaboration.

This skill – or pattern – links to many others:
Links
• Listening
• Exploratory questions
• Questions for elaboration
This pattern connects
with other patterns

More
This pattern is inspired by Chris Voss and is described in
his book on negotiation, Never Split the Difference. It
has also been used in facilitation with good results.
What inspired this
pattern and where you
can read more