Non-judgement

Non-judgement
A central meta-skill

Non-judgement is an essential meta-skill for facilitators and
mediators and contributes to the creation of safety for
participants and a sense of trust in both the facilitator and the
process. Judging or evaluating a statement, an expression or an
action as good or bad, valuable or useless, right or wrong, implies
taking sides or may be perceived by others as such.
Briefly
A short summary of the
pattern
Truly listening to another person also requires non-judgement. This
means becoming aware of one’s thoughts, emotions or other
reactions and not allowing them to influence what you are
hearing. Judgement often colours the way we see the world or
filters what we hear other people say.
Nobody can remain constantly in the mode of non-judgement. We
need to evaluate in order to make decisions and we make
decisions continuously. In the space between stimulus and
response, non-judgement helps us to observe that which is in a
clear way. It is in this space that we are then able to make a
decision on how to act.

Making judgements about people and what they say clouds one’s
ability to listen. The inner voice that decides that something is good
or bad, right or wrong, better or worse, often gets in the way of
truly hearing the other person.
The problem
The difficulty that this
pattern seeks to address
Facilitators of dialogue need to establish a safe space for people to
say what they need to say. If they make judgements about what
people say, they can easily be perceived as choosing sides. Judging
whether a statement is right or wrong, good or bad is likely to affect
the participants’ trust in their ability to facilitate.

Refraining from judgement involves pausing the automatic
response that decides whether something is good, bad, right,
or wrong or if it is better or worse than something else. It
involves pausing the inner voice – even for a moment – in
order to hear what is being expressed.
The Pattern
A possible way of
resolving the problem
As a facilitator one needs to become aware of one’s inner
reactions to what participants in a conversation are saying.
This voice cannot be silenced. It is there, whether we like it or
not.
The first step is to become aware of it and then to pause –
that is not to act on it. In this space between stimulus and
response, we gain power over our judgement. At this moment,
we can decide what we want to do.

Most people experience a continuous inner conversation. We
are usually not aware of this continuous stream of thought. At
times the voices within us contradict each other and we
experience confusion. Sometimes our inner voices make
judgements about what we experience.
Becoming aware of the space between stimulus and response
is the key to practicing non-judgement. As one thought gives
rise to the next, or as we automatically react to something we
see, hear or experience, we have the power to pause – to take
a breath. In this space, we can simply become aware of the
response, without judging it. Simply observe it. Learning to
become aware of our thoughts in this way helps us to listen
more closely to others. And, importantly, it helps us to listen to
our own inner conversation. Instead of automatically reacting
to new impulses, we can pause and decide. This may sound
simple, but it takes practice to truly master non-judgement.
Inner level
As an intra-personal skill
It is important to note that we do not remain in the nonjudgemental
space continuously. We would not be able to live
our lives if we did. The space of non-judgement is momentary
– just long enough for us to make a conscious decision.

Pausing one’s judgement is key to being a good listener. Of
course, you shift from listening to expressing our views and
our feelings. This means that you need to shift from having an
opinion and making judgements to holding back your
judgement. This is not an easy task. One tends automatically to
follow our one’s inner responses. Non-judgement implies
becoming aware of the space before your response.
If you replace judgement with curiosity in this space, you will
notice the difference in the conversations you have with other
people. In conversations between individuals, being able to
move into a non-judgemental zone during conversations, will
help to strengthen the relationship and avoid unnecessary
tension.
Interpersonal
level
Interaction between
individuals

On the group level, non-judgement is a quality that is
particularly important for the facilitator or person leading
meetings. The facilitator can remain continuously in the nonjudgemental
“zone” when people are expressing themselves.
She does not need to take a position unless she is both
facilitator and participant (which sometimes creates
confusion).
With an attitude of non-judgement, the facilitator creates a
safe space for others. She does not choose sides. By neither
approving nor disapproving, she can hold the space for all
perspectives to express themselves equally.
Participants in group conversations can also play a facilitative
role by practicing non-judgement while listening to others.
Read more on the previous slide for the interpersonal level.
Group level
Meetings, teams and
organisations

Non-judgement is particularly relevant when designing larger
processes. When deciding who to include and inviting these
participants, some sort of stakeholder or perspective analysis
is often necessary. When mapping the field, particular care
should be taken not to evaluate or judge the different
perspectives or those who voice these. There is no “right or
wrong”, only different perspectives. If for example certain
groups are excluded because of the views they hold, this may
cause tension and resistance to arise.
Non-judgement needs to be part of the way in which the
organiser, convener or leader of large processes relates to the
different stakeholders throughout the entire process. This is
especially important during the phase where a safe space or
container is created at the beginning of a process. It is equally
important as parties begin to engage with each other in
dialogue and when, finally, decisions are made, or agreements
are reached.
Society level
Larger processes
involving whole systems

This meta-skill is important when listening. This applies on all
levels, from the intrapersonal level where one listens to one’s
own thoughts and emotions to the society level where parts of
the system listen to others.
The Context
Where this pattern can
be used
For facilitators, non-judgement is not only important but
essential. To create a safe space for others to participate
openly, build trust in the process and strengthen relationships
the facilitator needs to be non-judgemental.

Links
This pattern connects
with other patterns
Non-judgement is very closely related to meta-skills of
empathy and presence. In combination, these can be contained
in the role of neutrality. While non-judgement can be
perceived as distant or objective, empathetic presence
signifies closeness. Balancing these two qualities can be very
powerful. It could be argued that non-judgement is essential
for the meta-skill of empathy. If you judge somebody, it is hard
to imagine yourself in their shoes.
Non-judgement is essential for several skills. In particular:
mirroring, summarising, and asking smart questions.

More
What inspired this
pattern and where you
can read more
Being neutral or moving into neutrality is important in dialogue
at all levels. The term neutrality is contentious and is
interpreted in different ways. In this guide neutrality, when
used, is defined as the combination of non-judgement and
empathetic presence. This element is an attempt to define the
attitude of non-judgement.
Non-judgement is often referred to in meditative traditions
and mindfulness teachings.