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Uncle Andy's Digest - August 2022

Welcome to the August 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

Welcome to the August 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

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GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

See page 42-43 FMI

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

AUGUST

2022

SINCE 1996

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment Dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

August 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


I’m thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Serving Maine and

New Hampshire!

We have over

50 dedicated employees

to service all of your

cleaning needs

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

Mini Golf $5

Disc Golf $5

Arthur

Fenn Park

at Poland Spring Resort

Ice Cream Shop!

Gifford’s Ice Cream & More!

547 Maine Street (Route 26) Poland Spring

www.polandspringresort.com

Driving Range

Buy a Gifford’s ice cream and get a round of mini golf or

disc golf for $2.50 off!

Coupon expires September 30, 2022.

One coupon per party 4.

207-998-7100

Charcuterie is French for, “I’d like a sandwich, but I don’t have any bread.”


I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

AUGUST 2022

ACTIVITIES

Wednesday, August 10th

Dairy Joy

3:00-7:00pm

Auburn & Lewiston Locations

M: $1.00 G: $1.50

Purchase Tickets: 8-03-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, August 11th

Val’s Drive-In

4:00-7:00pm

925 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

M: $6.50 G: $7.50

Purchase Tickets: 8-03-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, August 16th

Taber’s

4:00-7:00pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn

M: $10.00 G: $11.00

Purchase Tickets: 8-03-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, August 23rd

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 8-17-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, August 25th

Fielder’s Choice

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Avenue, Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets: 8-17-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, August 30th

Sam’s (MarketPlace Mall)

12:00-7:00pm

675 Main Street, Lewiston

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 8-17-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Reminder

Please do not call the restaurants.

If you have a question,

please call the office at

207-782-1833 or 207-333-

6052 and speak with Jamie.

Tickets must be purchased at

the MWA District Office at 184

Webster Street Lewiston on

the dates/times listed for each

activity. Menus are subject to

change. No substitutions or

add-ons. Most importantly –

Have Fun!

How do you teach kids about taxes? Eat 38% of their ice cream.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$39/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

Learning how to pick a lock has opened so many doors for me.

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

HULK

SMASH

THOMAS

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

SmileAgainDentures.com

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

Joe & Mike

• Partial Adkins Dentures

Licensed

Denturists

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

An ice cream van just caught fire in a parking lot. The police are putting the cones out.


Two sheep walk into a baaaa.

Come see Kathy & Joe!

Scan

here to

see our

menu!

Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

After

a two year

hiatus, The Moxie

Festival is back and

bigger than ever! And

we made sure we

dressed for the

occasion!

We will be closed from August 29th through September 5.

Alex, Stacy, &

Abby Pestka

TUES., WED., THURS., and SUN.: 7AM to 3PM • FRI-SAT: 7AM-8PM

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-333-5062 • stationgrillrestaurant.com

This

festival

is three

whole days

of celebrating

Maine’s

most

signature

drink!

Thursday, August 18th, 6pm

Central Maine Dart

League Meeting

Tuesday, September 6th, 6pm

Cornhole League

Meeting

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

Wednesday-Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

It really takes guts to be an organ donor.

Thursday, August 25th, 6:30pm

Independent Billiards

Pool League Meeting

Wednesday, September 7th, 6pm

Cornhole League

Meeting

Contact Joe Walker for more information

Abbey & Tenley

LaFrance

April Hartford &

Bill Bennett

Uncle Andy’s Digest

August 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


In a nutshell, an acorn is an oak tree.

Out ‘n About at Roebucks Angus

for Open Farm Day

It’s why I’m here.

Your home and car are more than just things.

They’re where you make memories – and they

deserve the right protection. I get it. It’s why

I’m here.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

Judy Diaz, Jose Diaz, Jay Roebuck, & Libby Diaz

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

6

Knitting

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A police officer pulled

up next to a speeding

car on the highway.

Glancing into the car,

he was astounded to

see that the young

lady, who was driving,

was also knitting.

Realizing that she was

oblivious to his flashing

lights and siren,

the policeman wound

down his window,

turned on his loudspeaker

and yelled,

“PULL OVER!”

“NO,” the young lady

yelled back, “IT’S A

CARDIGAN!”

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

29 Brickyard Circle,

Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com

Shouldn’t the roof of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?



Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

Did you

know that Moxie

was invented by Dr.

Augustin Thompson

of Union, Maine? It

was created as a

patent medicine in

1876 in Lowell,

Massachusetts.

Brandon

Caruso

Dustin

Mallar

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

It takes too grammar police to change a light bulb.

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

Come Celebrate

Our Anniversary!

August 17th • 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

Toni

Ferraro

Regina

Ritchie

Shannon

White

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

You could win two

tickets to see

JASON ALDEAN!

Greg Earley with

Callie

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

My sister’s vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!

Dr.

Thompson

changed Moxie

to take advantage

of the new and

growing soft drink

market. He put it on

the soft drink market

in 1884 as “Beverage

Moxie Nerve Food.”

Later it became

known simply as

“Moxie.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

8

Bo Clark

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

Officer

Strout may be

the better looking

one... but I would

wreck him in a

Moxie drinking

contest!

Out ‘n About at The Moxie Festival

Lisbon Police Officer

Shawn Kelly

Lisbon Police Officer

Jacob Strout

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Bring it on.

I’d win that challenge

AND keep

the title of best

looking!


HAS IT ALL

PROUD SPONSOR OF THE

benefiting

SATURDAY, AUG. 13 TH

1:00-9:00 p.m.

Outside of Mac’s Grill, Auburn

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2023

Events

Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Dad’s Redemption Center

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 44.


Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

Check

out our website

if you’re looking for

a great place to get

sausage. I can send

you a link.

Is it just me or does it feel like the last three years have been written by Stephen King,

directed by Quentin Tarantino, with a soundtrack by Yoko Ono?

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Tell us

you saw us

in Uncle Andy’s

Digest!

Follow us on Facebook

for upcoming events!

INSPECTED

Visit, Call, Or Text!

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER STREET, TURNER

HOURS: Mon-Fri 12-5:30p, Sat 9a-4p, Sun Closed

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

Carrie Thurlow

& Kerry

Conroy-Monongell

The Sausage Kitchen

√ Difficult Tree

Removals

√ Storm Damage

Clean up

Local Arborist with over

20 Years experience!

√ Pruning

√ Trimming

√ Chipping

√ Lot Clearing

Call us

TODAY for a

FREE Quote!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

Steve Bellefleur

Why

are you

drinking

water when

there’s delicious

Moxie

all around

us?

Eli & Kevin Davis

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Party

Platters

Available

(orders only)

Take out • Dine in

Homemade Goods

Gift Certificates Available

The freshest seafood around!

Gray, ME

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p

The more I get to know people, the more I realize

why Noah only let animals on the boat.

WE HAVE

LIVE

LOBSTERS!

Let us do the cooking!

No extra charge!

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Now Hiring

Experienced

Cooks!

Join us on

August 13th for

the 8th Annual

Summer Block

Party!

Summertime

dining is great here

at Mac’s! Come see

why the locals eat

here!

COME JOIN US!

SATURDAY, AUG. 13 TH

hosted by

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Coffin Spell

Submitted by Steve Simard

A coffin maker was on

his way to deliver one

of his coffins when his

car broke down. Trying

to be on time he pulled

the coffin out of the

car, put it on his head

and started carrying it

to his destination.

A police officer saw

him and told him to

stop, then asked the

man, “Hey, what are

you carrying and

where are you going?”

The coffin maker

replied, “I don’t like

where I was buried so

I’m relocating.”

The officer fainted.

Beautiful

Submitted by Thomas Hill

I bumped into an old

school friend at the

store today. He started

showing off, talking

about his well paid job

and expensive sports

cars.

Then he pulled out his

phone and showed me

a photo of his wife and

said, “Look at my girl!

She’s beautiful, isn’t

she?”

I said, “If you think

she’s gorgeous, you

should see my new

girlfriend.”

“Why? Is she a stunner?”

he asked.

UNDERWRITER

Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, then let that mango.

A conversational

French club

for French speakers

will be held at

10:30am in Heritage Hall

on Thursday mornings:

August 4 and 18.

Sponsored by: FACE Foundation

and Quebec Delegation Boston

Check our calendar

at francocenter.org to find out

what’s going on at the Franco.

2022-2023 SEASON

Take Your Seats …

It’s Showtime!

in Heritage Hall

Thursday - Aug 4, 18, and 25

Dance nights with

some karaoke for fun!

Glow Night

Karaoke

Open Mic

Join us for the 23rd season at our

Performing Arts and Events Center

on Riverfront Island in Lewiston.

More info coming soon.

Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

For The

Crowd

Dancing

including

Line Dancing

Every Thursday

All Summer!

MEDIA SPONSORS

“No, she’s an

optometrist.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 August 2022 783-7039

Police are looking to interview the iWitness to the robbery at the Apple store.


If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.

Choose the Chapman House

for a new beginning!

Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

Maybe I

shouldn’t have

attempted to do

laundry by myself.

Darth Vader

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

As soon

as the parade is

done, I’m going to

get my ears pierced.

It’s only going

to cost a

buccaneer.

Kenneth Maxfield

Nest where you will blossom

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

David Koncz

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 13


Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

Steer

clear! Trying to

steer this thing while

eating a lollipop is

impossible!

I’m happy to report that the man who fell into the upholstery machine

at work has now fully recovered.

Bernie Fortin

It’s so hot

outside! I need

shorts and a Moxie!

No joke!

As a bald man, I really look forward to Summer. It’s my time to shine.

Patches

Ed Rabasco

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 August 2022 783-7039

Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her... or something like that.


A lot of conflict in the Wild West could’ve been avoided if cowboy architects

had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working

with people in their home and in the community?

Join our team of caring professionals!

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

Daylight

Robbery

Submitted by Tyla Davis

This afternoon while

stopping to gas up my

car, I was robbed by a

one-armed bandit.

I managed to get myself

together enough

to call the police. My

hands were still shaking

and I was dizzy. I

was struggling to talk,

and I’m pretty sure the

shock of the event was

still affecting me.

Upon looking at me,

the police immediately

called for medical

attention. The first

responders took my

vitals and noticed that

my blood pressure was

through the roof. They

immediately strapped

me onto a gurney to

transport to the local

hospital.

Before the ambulance

took me away, the police

came over to take

my statement so they

could get to work.

“Did the robber manage

to get anything

from you?” asked the

cop.

“Yes, it took all my

money. Every last dime

I had.” I said woefully.

Apply online at jfmh.org

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.

Two WiFi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

“Did you happen to

catch a glimpse of who

did this to you?” the

officer continued.

“Yes, I did. It was

pump number seven.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 15


Pass

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A tired cyclist stuck

his thumb out for a lift.

After three hours he

hadn’t been able to get

anyone to stop.

Eventually, a guy in a

sports car pulled over

and offered him a lift

but, of course, the bike

wouldn’t fit in the car.

The driver got some

rope out of his trunk

and tied it to his

bumper. He tied the

other end to the bike

and told the rider, “If I

go too fast, ring your

bell and I’ll slow down.”

Everything went well

until another sports car

challenged them. The

driver forgot all about

the cyclist and put

his foot down. A short

distance down the

road, they hammered

through a speed trap.

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not

fall into previously defined war eras

may now join the American Legion

immediately. The eligibility now

spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time

when the U.S. is no longer at war, as

determined by Congress.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome!

HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p

Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in August

Jerry Joe - August 12th & 26th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17 TH

Bloody Mary Sundays

by Kevin 11am-6pm!

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

COLDEST

DRAFT BEER

IN TOWN

My neighbor just contracted Lyme disease. Boy, is he ticked.

Out ‘n About at The Moxie Festival

On the side of the

road, a cop with a

radar gun noticed

the race and radioed

ahead to the station

that two sports cars

were heading his way

at over 150 mph.

He then added, “And

you’re not going to believe

this... there’s a

cyclist behind them

ringing his bell to

pass!”

Someone has

got to invent a

Moxie line of

dog food!

Don & Linda Casper with Ginger

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16 August 2022 783-7039

I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to see if there was

anything I could take for my kleptomania.


What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

Slugger the

Sea Dog

YOU ARE NEEDED HERE!

Androscoggin.org/careers

New hire bonuses available.

Androscoggin offers a full benefit package,

competitive wages, paid time off and holidays,

tuition reimbursement, and loan forgiveness.

Join our team of professionally

licensed, highly skilled individuals

who offer in-home healthcare

services that help patients thrive.

Areas include post-surgery rehab,

managing chronic conditions,

navigating emotional wellness,

and experiencing the physical,

emotional, and spiritual end of

life journey.

Did you know

that Moxie was the

nation’s first massmarketed

soft

drink?

Ron Bolduc

IS MOVING!

PROTECT YOURSELF

with the right coverage at the right price

RISK CONSULTING • CLAIMS SUPPORT

BUSINESS ANALYTICS

ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Moxie

is just as much a

symbol of Maine as

I am of the United

States!

Our new location at:

681 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

Coming Soon!

www.nfp.com

Contact JOHN BLANCHETTE today at 207-784-9358

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc. (PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Adam & Eve were the first people to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

Uncle Sam

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 17


Now

Hiring

Girls’ Trip

Submitted by Steve Simard

Four women are driving

across the country

together, each one

from a different state:

Idaho, Nebraska, Montana,

and California.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Shortly after the trip

begins, the woman

from Idaho pulls potatoes

from her bag and

throws them out the

window.

“What are you doing?”

asks the Nebraskan.

“We have so many of

these things in Idaho,

I’m sick of looking at

them.”

To apply:

www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202

A moment later, the gal

from Nebraska pulls

ears of corn from her

bag and tosses them

from the window.

“What are you doing?”

asks the woman from

Montana.

24 Hour

Service

PRO-TECH

REFRIGERATION

IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

“We have so many of

these things in Nebraska,

I’m sick of looking

at them.”

Inspired, the Montanan

opens the car door and

kicks the Californian

out.

235 N. River Road, Auburn

207-777-5600

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

Keep your heat pump running at

optimal performance and

efficiency by having us complete

a thorough cleaning and

preventative maintenance service!

Air Conditioning & Heating

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,

and the surrounding communities!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

18 August 2022 783-7039

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?

Or is that just one of Granny’s myths?


If you can’t fix it with a hammer, then your problem is probably electrical.

12th Annual

FIRE & SLICE

Golf Tournament

To benefit Poland Fire Rescue Department

Poland Spring Resort

September 1, 2022

Agenda:

This 8:00am year’s - Registration tournament & Cash will Bar

9:00am be assigned - Shotgun Tee tee Off times &

NOT Tournament a shotgun Play start

2:00pm - Hors d’ouevres/Awards

Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

I ran away

with the circus

last week. They made

me bring it back,

though.

MoJo

A portion of this year’s proceeds will be directed

towards the H. Priscilla Waterhouse Scholarship

Jared & Alaina

Wolman

SIGN ME UP

2022 Fire & Slice Golf Tournament

Team Captain: _ _________________________________

Team Name: ____________________________________

As a medicine,

Moxie was

said to cure

paralysis, and

softening of

the brain.

Address: _______________________________________

E-mail: _ _______________________________________

Phone: ________________________________________

$75 each or $300 per team of 4

Foursome Names

____________________________________

____________________________________

____________________________________

____________________________________

HDCP

_____

_____

_____

_____

Sponsorship Opportunities Available

FMI: Tom Printup

207-756-4487 • tomp@polandfd.com

Jason & Aidan

Hall

Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 19


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Top

Pay!

forever

in

my

heart

(207) 998-5008

dockside.me

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

be

patient

with

yourself.

Parts and Service for Commercial

Cooking and Refrigeration Equipment

RANGE POND

CAMPGROUND


-Taylor’s Paint & Wallpaper

Kacey LePage

Direct Line: 207-753-6204

Kacey@champoux-ins.com

A proud

wish granter

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

UNLOCKING THE POWER OF

UNLOCKING THE POWER OF

THE KITCHEN

800-540-5427 COMMERCIAL | www.pinetreefoodequipment.com

COOKING AND

REFRIGERATION SERVICES

SERVING MAINE & NEW HAMPSHIRE

1(800) 540-5427 |

www.pinetreefoodequipment.com

We proudly support

207-530-8890

Proud Supporter of

DJ Entertainment • Wedding Planning

Up-lighting & Sounds • Karaoke

810.656.1874

94 Plains Road, Poland

207-998-2624

rangepondcamp@gmail.com

Be Your

Own Boss!

FREE

CONSULT!

Organization services for your

home & office

Elaine St. Pierre

simplyorganizedspaces.me

207-376-7828

simplyorganizedspacesmaine@gmail.com

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062

stationgrillrestaurant.com

Proud Supporter of

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.

Chris Wallace, RVP

207-653-3424

Steve Simard

Businesses & individuals can help make it

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering

from a serious illness. Please Donate!

Call me

to find out

how!

207-754-1815

steve@uncleandys.com

Licensed CNAs LPNs, & RNs

Sign on Bonus of $1,500-$7,500

Marshwood Center

33 Rogers Street, Lewiston

207-330-6537

Proud Supporter of

Resilience Physical

Therapy & Wellness, LLC

Shapiro Property Management

and rental

Locally owned

and operated

Give Us A Call!

410 Main Street, Lewiston

207-402-8985

info@shapirorental.com

“Recover What

Moves You.”

Jason Burtchell, PT, OCS, Cred. MDT

Board Certified Orthopedic Specialist

Certified in the McKenzie Method

207-707-1409

@TheRiverComics

MAKE LAUGHTER A PRIORITY

Contact us to put on your comedy show:

BBQs • Theaters • Restaurants • Private Parties

Divorce Proceedings • Festivals ... and more!

TheRiverComics.com • 207-200-5366

Christopher D Wallace

Preparer/Owner

Office: 207-892-1480

Fax: 888-565-1173

chris@sbsme.biz

We can’t PREDICT the future,

but we can PROTECT it.

NICOLE LAJOIE

207-753-6222

nicole@champoux-ins.com

Proudly Supporting

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

CHAMPOUX •

I N S U R A N C E

207-619-0868

upfronthi@gmail.com

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Proudly Supporting

Let us build that dream deck for you!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

23 Pleasant Street,

Mechanic Falls

207-345-5551

Dadsplacemaine.com

Proud Sponsor of

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


CENTRAL MAINE DART LEAGUE

Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Tyla Davis

editor-in-chief

207-346-1488

CMEDL

S I N C E 1 9 9 0

Letting your legacy live on.

We love you forever!

-Kayla, Andy, & Elly

Proud Supporter of

President Joe Walker

Proud Supporter of

breakfast • lunch

coffee • chocolates

Ask us about our Earn and Learn

and so much more!

Nurse Aide Training Program!

Share the power

of a

wish

FENN PARK

• Driving Range

• Disc Golf

• Mini Golf

• Ice Cream

• Golf School


207-705-1866

550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com

Marshwood Center

33 Rogers Street, Lewiston

207-330-6537 polandspringresort.com/fenn-park

Proud supporter of

Top

Pay!

Convert Your

Home Videos

to DVD!

Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Equal Access to the Justice System

for all households and small businesses

Diane Campbell, Independent Associate

207-233-9466

dianecampbell27.wearelegalshield.com

557 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-783-1731

BobsPeanuts.com

Proudly

Supporting

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

Do you have a home

insurance claim?

WE CAN

HELP!

(207) 514-5453

breakwateradjusting.com Benjamin Weisner

In Memory of Jimbo

from the Skinner family

& Skinner’s Day Care

207-797-6060

A proud, long-time supporter of

207-713-7161

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Top

Pay!

Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

We love & miss you.

Let your legacy live on.

Love, Jamie, Adon, Caden, & Carter

Your life was a blessing,

your memory a treasure. (207) 998-4351

Schemengees

Cornhole

League!

Meetings on

September

6th & 7th

Leagues start on

Proud Supporters of

(207) 977-HVAC

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

MTBREW

LABS

EXPER


IMENTAL TIE DYE

September

13th & 14th!

FMI contact Joe

at 352-514-8009 Jeff & Diane Campbell

@mtbrewtiedye www.heatpumpsofmaine.com

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

August 28th • 8:30am

www.triplecrown5k.com

Register online.

Kids 14 and under register for free!

Wizard Customs

Nicholas Horton

Airsoft Technician

✓Air Brushing

✓Custom Decals & Paracord Wraps

✓Airsoft Repairs & Builds

207-576-7871

(207) 784-5407

41 Broad Street, Auburn

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION

CENTER

8 Tidswell Road, Turner

207-225-2008

Proud Supporter of

1110 Minot Avenue, Auburn

207.689.3030

www.sidebyeachbrewing.com

Proud Supporter of

Kaleb Davis

Mortgage Banker

NMSL# 1545778

Kaleb Davis

Mortgage Banker - NMLS# 1545778

(207) 240-8250

P: (207) 240-8250

E: KalebDavis@Leader1.com

Proudly Supporting

79 Main Street, Suite 213 - Auburn, ME 04210

KalebDavis.Leader1.com

KalebDavis@Leader1.com

Mortgage

KalebDavis.Leader1.com

with EASE Engage. Accomplish. Simplify. Empower. TM

79 Main Street, Suite 213, Auburn

Happy 24 th Birthday

to the strongest person I know.

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

Proudly Supporting

Crystal Gardner

207-740-2958

Crystalgardner@fontaineteam.com

Call today to find out

why Pat’s Pizza is a

great place to work!

207-784-8221

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Thanks for watching over me,

Dad! We got a big one!

-Tanner

Proud to support

Kelly Pitman

Broker, Sales Manager

O: 207-784-0159

C: 207-577-6187

Photo Prints

Canvas Prints

Hand-printed Cards

ED RABASCO

FOR


kelapitman@gmail.com

www.bhhsnere.com

Northeast Real Estate

473 Center Street, Auburn

Proud Supporters of

Proud Supporter of

Calendars

www.sammphotography.com

Supporting

Making pet’s and people’s

wishes come true

Fairytails-rescue.weebly.com

(207) 998-6002

Heather Lagueux Shelley

Heather@SDgraphics.com

207.212.4176

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

FORD’S

RESTORATION

& Carpentry Services

FREE ESTIMATES!

Peter Ford, Jr. Owner

207-576-1277

DISTRICT

ATTORNEY

Handcrafted professional level cornhole

bags. Custom designs available!

Facebook.com/phenomcornhole

What you leave behind is not what is

engraved in stone monuments, but what

is woven into the lives of others.

-Pericles

Thank you for always

believing in me.

-Nicole Rand

FADDEN

CUSTOM PEST SERVICES

Edward Fadden

edward_fadden@yahoo.com

207-576-9750

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street, Auburn

207-312-5891

Video 1st Marketing

Call or text Dave Foster

@207-415-7501

Top

Pay!

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

207-241-7460

767 Minot Ave., Auburn

www.Kristiscafela.com

Dreaming of Jimbo tossing

us tennis balls. We will

always miss our human.

We would like to thank everyone who participated

in our Make-A-Wish squares fundraiser

through our June, July, & August issues.

Because of your generosity and support,

with the proceeds of these squares...

A WISH WAS GRANTED!

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

Hey sis,

do you want to

hear a funny joke

about sodium

hypobromite?

Noah

McKenney

NaBro.

I just sold all of my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.

17th Annual

August 6th @ 7pm

rollback prices!

Since 1940

• Restaurant

• Miniature Golf

• Driving Range

• Ice Cream Stand

Glow in the

Dark Mini

Golf

August 13th & 27th

9pm - 11pm

Great

Family

Fun!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

28

Jocelyn

McKenney

Katelyn Frizzell

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

Join Us!

The Maine Mini Golf Open*

August 7 th @9:30am

*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 54 Hole Tournament

$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5

Class nights every

Monday and Wednesday in August

Check out our website for details!

Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.


Recipes are like dating sites... they rarely end up looking like the picture in real life.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Out ‘n About at Roebucks Angus for Open Farm Day

Miracle

Products

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Harold’s wife bought a

new line of expensive

cosmetics guaranteed

to make her look years

younger.

After a lengthy sitting

before the mirror

applying the ‘miracle’

products, she asked,

“Darling, honestly,

what age would you

say I am?”

Looking over her carefully,

Harold replied,

“Judging from your

skin, 20; your hair, 18;

and your figure, 25.”

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Caleb, Matthew,

Elijah, Stephanie,

Lincoln, & Joshua

McGuire

August Drink

Special

Blueberry

Peach

Margarita

$

8

Come in

and check

out our

awesome

daily

specials!

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

“Oh, you flatterer!” she

gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!”

Harold interrupted. “I

haven’t added them up

yet.”

Gone Fishing

Submitted by Tyla Davis

It was a beautiful day

outside and Keith and

Bob decided to go out

fishing.

While sitting out in the

lake on the boat, Keith

turned to Bob and

said, “You know, I think

I’m going to divorce

my wife. She hasn’t

spoken to me in two

months.”

Bob made a funny face

and said, “You’d better

think that through a bit

more. Women like that

are hard to find.”

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 29


Out ‘n About at

The Moxie

Festival

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Before you marry someone,

go sit in traffic with them for at least two hours.

The Moxie

Festival has been a

staple in Lisbon since

1982!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Patrick & Shannon

Harrington

After

the balloon

morning

launch, visit

us to check

out our

Balloon

Festival

Specials!

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Closed Sunday

Avery Page

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Out ‘n About at Roebucks Angus for Open Farm Day

Tina Blanchette

I want to be

funny, but

my sausage jokes

are the wurst.

Toby Conroy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

30 August 2022 783-7039

Logan Bennett, Morgan Folsom, Abby Sirois, Sarah Bennett, & Ava Bennett

My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, “Watt?”


Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!

Roy’s

Beanie

Chicken Salad, Best in

Babies

Town & Ham Salad

on Sale

Here!

Try our hamburger, it’s the best!

FOODLAND

Smart Money

Submitted by Jimbo

Tyla got up early and

decided to head to the

gym one morning. She

couldn’t find her gym

membership card. After

looking around the

house for it, she realized

that she was going

to have to pay the $10

to replace the card.

SATURDAY

Beans, bread/rolls &

cole slaw

$9.99

WEDNESDAY

Ham, Veggie, Salami,

or Pepperoni Italians

$2.79

PIZZA PACKS

Pizza

Packs

$11.99

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed

On her drive to the

gym, Tyla noticed that

the Georgio’s sign was

advertising a homemade

donut and some

delicious coffee for $3.

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

So guess who saved

$7 that morning?

Out ‘n About at

Mac’s Grill

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Mark Plourde &

Jason “J-Dawg”

Lowit

They

really do call

me ‘J-Dawg’...

see, it’s on my

shoe!

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

My wife and I broke up recently and decided to split the house.

She got the inside and I got the outside.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 31


Out ‘n About at

the Summer

Block Party

Personal Chef

Experience

I saw a sign the other day that said, “Watch for children,” and I thought,

“That sounds like a fair trade.”

We’ve got you covered!

Peoples Insurance - Monmouth

832 Main Street, Monmouth

(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246

Pinkham Insurance

8 Almar Street, Farmingdale

(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Champoux Insurance Agency

150 East Avenue, Lewiston

(207) 783-2246

(888) 783-2246

Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit

716 Main Street, Ogunquit

(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118

Rogers Insurance

38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833

I put my grandmother on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.

Out ‘n About at The Moxie Festival

At the 7th Annual Summer

Block Party in 2021,

Jim Whitmore donated

a personal chef experience.

The highest bidder

won a full brunch for 20

people with 13 menu items

and a bloody mary and

mimosa bar!

Be sure to check out the

8th Annual Summer Block

Party on August 13th for

your chance to bid on

great auction items!

The

cops will

never find me

if I cover my

face and

hide!

Kora

Shriners

Crazy

Cops

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 August 2022 783-7039

All of my passwords are protected by amnesia.


I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

Out ‘n About at the

Summer Block Party

Personal Chef

Experience

Jim

(Whitmore)

certainly spoiled us!

Food coma time!

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

Paul Beland

My friend told me the devil got arrested yesterday. I guess they got him on possession.

EST.1950

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

783-3444

Best

flat top!

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p, Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

Tina with Tim Lane

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house... but the kids still get in.

Join us at our Lobster Bake with Live Entertainment!

August 27th • 4-9pm

Benefiting the Maine Lobstermen Association Legal Defense Fund

Lobster or steak dinner, corn on

the cob, & potato. Includes one

drink ticket. Ages 21+.

$50/pp

Plus a performance by

Fire in the Hole!

The Village Inn

165 High Street, Auburn • villageinnmaine.com

FMI: 207-649-9573

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

When?

Submitted by Thomas Hill

“I don’t remember you

ever beating Lance

Armstrong,” commented

Brian, the journalist.

“When was that?”

“In the seventh stage

of the Tour de France

in 2002, I beat him

over the head with my

water bottle... but he

still won the tour!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 33


Out ‘n About at

Taber’s Mini Golf

I got a

hole-in-one! It’s

too bad it was on a

different hole than

I was playing.

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town?

He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.

Albert & Burpee Funeral

Home & Cremation Service

207-782-7201

253 Pine Street, Lewiston

www.albert-burpee.com

And it’s

never a good thing

when you hit the ball

outside of the entire

course!

Traditional Funeral with metal casket & cement graveliner

All services the same day, Monday-Friday

$5995.00

(does not include cemetery, minister, newspapers, & required permits)

Horses are always so happy because they live in a stable environment.

Maybe

mini golf isn’t my

thing... at least I had

fun trying!

October 5th, 2022

Downtown Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Keeley Gardner

Presented By

Learn More At

LAMetroChamber.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 August 2022 783-7039

It is perfectly okay to talk to yourself and answer yourself.

It’s not okay to have to repeat what you said because you weren’t listening.


Cards are a game you can deal with.

Call us for a quote

TODAY!

Shuga Shak Country Store

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

HATS

MUGS

EMBROIDERY

SCREENPRINTING

See us for

your fall

sports!

PENS

BAGS

Soft Serve Maple

Ice Cream!

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

SEE ME ABOUT EXTENDED RETURNS

WEAR

Contractors &

Landscapers

Work Wear

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

coastaltshirts.com

Out ‘n About at Range Pond Campground

Do you know

how hard it is to get one

of these in the forest? Who do

I need to speak to in order to

get on the delivery list?

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

OUTSIDE

is the New Inside

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040

9 Grove Street, Auburn

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

August 2022

Stickers are

due!

11 12 1

10 MOTOR VEHICLE

9

8

22

7

0215697

6

23

5

2

3

4

IT’S

Maintenance

is important.

We can check your vehicle to

get it ready for the heat!

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

To see a man’s true face, look to the photos he hasn’t posted.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 35


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

207-782-7141 We love

PIZZA

every

day!

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

Pooper Scooping Services

We scoop so you don’t have to!

Accepting Weekly

& Biweekly Clients

207-713-1550

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

Call today to

advertise in our

BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

section!

Only $60

per month!

LISBON

FALLS

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

During Road Construction

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

36

Jimbo

August 2022 783-7039

The Sausage Kitchen

36 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

207-353-5503

Open for business

Thursday-Saturday: 9a-5p

ROGERS

INSURANCE

38 Main Street

Lisbon Falls, ME

207-353-6834

Open During

Road Work

A Therapeutic & Holistic Center for Healing

Where you can

Breathe in and Zen out

Where you can Breathe in & Zen out

Swedish - Deep Tissue - Sports - Prenatal - Reflexology - Trigger

Point Release - Reiki - Ear Candling - Raindrop Technique -

Shamanic Healing

Licensed Massage Therapists

7 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

207-740-0068

Licensed Massage Therapist

Ashley Wood - Richelle Keefe - Linette Mailhot - Brenna Young

7 Main Street

Lisbon Falls

207-740-0068

www.massagebook.com/essentially balanced

www.massagebook.com/essentiallybalanced

Facebook.com/EssentiallyBalancedLMT

They say you’re only as old as you feel.

I think I may be an exhumed mummy or something.


Our child has a great deal of willpower – and even more won’t power.

Out ‘n About at Roebucks Angus for Open Farm Day

We appreciate

everyone

who came out to

our Open Farm Day!

This was a great

opportunity for

families to visit and

check out the farm!

The kids could feed and

pet the animals and we

even had delicious

Roebucks Angus

burgers on the grill!

It was such a

fun day!

I wish

they’d install a modem

in the barn. The

cows deserve stable

internet.

Lewiston Auburn Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce new member:

VALÜD PRODUCTIONS

What would it mean for your business if hundreds, thousands,

if not hundreds of thousands of your ideal customers, were

introduced to your company? More importantly, what if those

consumers were not only introduced to your company, but were

shown the highest converting form of content in the history of

business? Your leads and sales would go up!

Valüd Productions produces and implements video business

strategies proven to increase sales, save you time, and make

you more successful with your business. Videos are the highest

converting form of media and essential to any business. Video

marketing is no longer a luxury, but a necessity. Valüd Productions

produces the amazing video content and then helps

you build out the online distribution strategies that deliver your

brand’s message to your target audience and which then

compels that audience to take action.

Valüd Productions strives to make the process of bringing your

brand’s message to your customers a very seamless, and

stress-free process which will allow you to focus your energy on

other aspects of your business. Valüd Productions has worked

with a wide variety of clients ranging from barbershops, tattoo

artists, and musicians, all the way to real estate agents, cosmetics,

restaurants, and yoga studios. Owner Graham Duval is

very active within the recovery community and has also worked

with a few different recovery-based organizations as well. Valüd

Productions works to provide you value through the use of marketing

strategy supported by the best visual media that will bring

your message to life.

Sue & Jay

Roebuck

Owners

Grill masters

extraordinaire!

Logan Bennett &

Everett Brooks

Addy Walker &

Hannah Shumway

Of course

I’m working! I’m the

supervisory

committee!

Visit them online at www.valudproductions.com where you

can contact Graham Duval to get your free discovery strategy

session.

The leading cause of dry skin is towels.

Seth Caron & Joe

Roebuck

Jackson Brooks

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 37


The inventor of the Ferris Wheel never got to meet the inventor of the Merry-Go-Round.

They traveled in different circles.

EMPLOYMENT

JOB-Ortunity! We pay you big residuals to build your team with

our virtual communication center! See our video presentation:

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HEALTH & FITNESS

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00.

100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos

Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers

350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free

dental info kit! 1-855-526-1060 www.dental50plus.com/ads #6258

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full

24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit.

Call 877-929-9587

MISCELLANEOUS

Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby

generator $0 Down + Low Monthly Pmt Request a free Quote. Call

before the next power outage: 1-855-948-6176

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced

debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate

today. 15% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts.

Call 1-833-610-1936

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prices - No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty &

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HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live.

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Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion

& distribution. Call for free author’s guide 1-877-729-4998 or

visit dorranceinfo.com/ads

Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,

Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.

Call 833-603-3236

Put on your TV Ears & hear TV w/unmatched clarity. TV Ears

Original - originally $129.95 - now w/this special offer only $59.95

w/code MCB59! 1-888-805-0840

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product on the market. Voice-activated! No wi-fi needed! Special offer

w/code CARE20 for $20 off Mobile Companion. 1-855-341-5862

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet.

Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote.

Some restrictions apply. Promo Expires 1/21/23. 1-866-479-1516

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save

money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your

home. Full installation services. $0 down financing option. Request

free no obligation quote. 1-877-539-0299

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system for total peace of mind. Free professional installation! Four

free months of monitoring! Call to customize your system.

1-833-841-0737

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our free shower package & $1600 off - limited time! Financing

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Protect your home from pests safely and affordably. Pest, rodent,

termite and mosquito control. Call for a quote or inspection today

844-394-9278

Discount air travel. Call Flight Services for best pricing on domestic

& international flights inside & from the US. Serving United, Delta,

American & Southwest & many more. Free quote! Have travel

dates ready! 844-951-2014

Prepare for power

outages today

WITH A HOME STANDBY GENERATOR

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Contact a Generac dealer for full terms and conditions

REQUEST A FREE QUOTE

CALL NOW BEFORE THE NEXT POWER OUTAGE

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*To qualify, consumers must request a quote, purchase, install and activate the

generator with a participating dealer. Call for a full list of terms and conditions.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 August 2022 783-7039

Why do people say, “I saw it with my own eyes”?

Do they sometimes use other people’s eyes?


They buried the mobster in cement because he was a hardened criminal.

Haunted

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A husband and wife

constantly fought

with each other. Their

confrontations always

included screaming

and yelling that could

be heard well into the

night.

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

Out ‘n About at The Moxie Festival

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

One night in the middle

of an argument the

wife yelled, “When I

die, I will dig my way

up out of my grave.

I will come back and

haunt you for the rest

of your life!”

The woman’s threats

could be heard from

several nearby houses.

The neighbors

feared the woman...

and she liked the fact

that she was feared.

The woman died shortly

thereafter of a heart

attack. The husband

had a closed casket at

the burial and decided

to celebrate by throwing

a big backyard

bbq for the entire

neighborhood.

One neighbor came

up to the husband

and said, “Aren’t you

afraid that your wife

may indeed dig her

way up and out of the

grave to come back

and haunt you? We all

heard the threats she

made when she was

still alive.”

“Let her dig. I had her

buried upside-down.”

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburg is ready to accept that it needs help.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 39


Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

for Open Farm Day

When Sue

Roebuck tells

you to smile for the

Digest Paparrazzi,

you put on your best

smile – no questions

asked!

Dear face wash commercial, people don’t actually splash their faces with water like that.

Sincerely, my bathroom floor that is now soaking wet.

JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS!

Scan here to

Apply Today!

www.debloiselectric.com

Justin Shumway

These

burgers are

delicious! I love that

the Roebucks have

these events!

Immediate openings for

experienced licensed electricians

Mountains and trees do nothing but block my view.

Kendra & Don

Laliberte

John Murphy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

40 August 2022 783-7039

We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.

Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed

10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com

Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm

An invisible man and an invisible woman got married.

I’m not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids were nothing to look at, either.


If someone is allergic to burnt bread, does that make them black toast intolerant?

We have everything you need to get the job done!

CHECK OUT OUR KAYAKS, PATIO FURNITURE, AND FIRE PITS!

Mulches & Soils, Yard Cleanup Tools, and much more!

Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

for Open Farm Day

Hey Anden,

are you gonna eat

all those chips? I

think you should

share!

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

August Special

2 Ham Breakfast Sandwiches

on English Muffin

ONLY $ 6 .00 plus tax

Expires 8/31/22

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

Josh, Anden,

Mallory, & Tenley

Murphy

You can’t tell

a cow anything new.

They’ve herd it all.

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Marcie & Jessica

Shumway

Make your

reservation

now!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

My father is allergic to cotton. He has pills he can take,

but he can’t get them out of the bottle.

John Trujillo

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 41


Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

for Open Farm Day

I wonder

if the animals

ever get bored just

hanging around on the

farm. It’s too bad

they don’t go

Out ‘n About!

“Buffet” is a French word that means, “Get up and get it yourself.”

Saturday, August 13 th

1:00 - 9:00pm

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn

UNCLE AND

pres

Fun for

Everyone!

Jose Diaz

Don’t worry

about us. When

this is event is done,

we’re going to the

moovies.

Count

me in! We’ll

wait until Jay isn’t

looking and then grab

the tractor to drive

there!

• 65' Inflatable Obstacle Course

• HUGE Silent Auction

• Dunk Tank

• Face Painting

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too

• Great Food

• Beer Garden & Full Bar

• 50/50

A great

Community

Event!

PRESENTING WISH SPONSOR

Food, Fun, & M

hoste

OUR AMAZING

Sponsor of HOPE

Alternative Sprinkler

Fire Protection

Heart

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42 August 2022 783-7039

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?


Y’S DIGEST

ents

The local hotel is hiring. They are looking for inn experienced people.

3

BANDS!

1:00-3:00pm:

Continental Shakedown

3:00-5:00pm:

The Smith Collaboration

6:00-9:00pm: Fire in the Hole

Out ‘n About at

Roebucks Angus

for Open Farm Day

usic to Benefit

Because of YOU

we’ve been able to raise over

$445,000 and grant 63 wishes to local

kids facing critical illnesses. Help

us make our 8th Annual event

the best yet!

Jake Soucy &

Chase Starbird

I thought

the cows might

want to join the

police force, but

they didn’t want

to participate in

steak outs.

d by

A Summer Event You

Won’t Want to Miss!

LASummerBlockParty.com

Jesse Walker

SPONSORS!

Sponsor of JOY

• Androscoggin

Networkers BNI

• Bancroft Contracting

• Champoux Insurance

• CN Brown

• Emerson Chevy

Community Sponsors

• Evergreen Custom Printing

• Exchange Club of Auburn

• Fortin Funeral Home

• Kristi’s Cafe

• Lisa Laliberte State Farm

• Neokraft Signs

• Pine State Pest Solutions

• Portland Safe

• Rowe Auburn

• WGME

Media Partners:

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.

I

wouldn’t

say ‘no’ to a

bite of that

burger.

Keith Davis &

Heart

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 43


Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

CALL THE PROS

Now offering Maine-made

CBD PRODUCTS!

Call to

book your

personalized

treatment!

Mon., Wed.

Thu. 9a-7p

Fri. 11a-7p

Sat. 12p-5p

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654

www.lamassagemaine.com

REDEMPTION CENTER

6

on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 8.31.22

FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

SUMMER’S COMING - IS YOUR VEHICLE READY?

RON’S

TRANSMISSION

REPAIR SERVICE

Your Full Service Repair Facility

Summer Vehicle Maintenance

Checks Done Here

Tires, brakes, battery, engine oil and

other fluids, wiper blades, & belts/hoses

Ron Charpentier, Jr.,

Owner

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44 August 2022 783-7039

I got fired for spinning in my chair too much.

Being a good parent is knowing how to unwrap a Kit Kat without making any noise.

I’m going to sue the company for violating my swivel rights.


CALL THE PROS

Eat in or Take Out...

Our pizza is always made fresh!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily

Serving great food since 1985

MAKING SENSE OF

TECHNOLOGY

• New device setup and lessons

• Network support & maintenance

• Device repairs

AND MORE!

Angela’s Computer

& Electronic Services

207-520-9573 • angelascms.com

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

Enter to Win our

Backpack of School

Supplies Giveaway!

Drawing on August 24th!

8 Tidswell Road

Turner

207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

Junk and Other Stuff!

Whatever you want gone,

we can make it go away!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell 207-576-2501

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks, & More!

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

SCUBA CLASSES!

CONTACT US FOR CLASSES!

Offering both private

& small group lessons

Make your own schedule!

805 Main Street, Lewiston

784-7300

skindiversparadise.net

LARGE VARIETY OF FIREARMS & SUPPLIES ON HAND!

Shown here: Ruger Redhawk 5043,

44 Magnum, 5.5" Barrel, 6 Rounds

New

& Used

Available!

Fine Line Gun Shop

590 Plains Rd., Poland • (207) 998-2374

Clapping is just hitting yourself because you like something.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

August 2022 UncleAndys.com 45


CALL THE PROS

We continue to grow due

to excellent customers

and their referrals.

Sincere thanks to all.

207-784-9356

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

RADIATOR OR A/C ISSUES?

THE SUMMER HEAT CAN BE BRUTAL!

Our team of experts,

with our state-of-the-art

diagnostics, will have

your vehicle running

in no time!

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Your trusted,

nonprofit resource

for assistance

and information

Out ‘n About at The Moxie Festival

Medicare counseling • Caregiver support

Educational programming • Meals on Wheels

seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

Out ‘n About at Roebucks Angus for Open Farm Day

Caylin Frederick &

Makayla

Richardson

Shannon Reid,

Nancy Ward, & Scott

Blanchard Nate Clifford Tamara & Joel Barry

Delani Merrill &

Samantha Cressey

Christine Cyr &

Arianna Glass Liliana Richardson Orin Richardson

Wallace & Jillian

Richardson

Katie Somers & Nate

Purrington

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46 August 2022 783-7039

My ex-girlfriend just called out of the blue asking me to take her back.

What a lucky day! First I win the lottery, and now this!


Before becoming a parent, I didn’t know I had the power to ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on.

SILVERBACK

DIRT

Excavation Services/Dirt Work

No Job Too Small!

DEP Certified near waterways • Fully insured

Call us to schedule your work for Spring 2023!

BEFORE

AFTER

Save Money

Reclaiming Product

Reuse Existing Material

Work in Narrow Areas

Road Grading

Road & Driveway

Grading

Roger Dargie

207-754-2703

dargie2013@gmail.com

Six Locations,

Wholesale &

Redemption

BEER. WINE. SPIRITS

With an IMPRESSIVE SELECTION of

spirits, beer, wine, champagne, mixers,

and hard-to-find favorites, we can help

make your EVENT DAY and every other

day a celebration to remember.

AUBURN

301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098

545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047

LEWISTON

794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353

686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200

1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston | 333.3095

The PARTY starts with ROOPERS

RoopersBeverage.com

OXFORD

980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072

The first car I ever drove was electric. I bumped those other kids out of my way at Funtown.


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing

RUST PROTECTION

Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95

Full size van .......... $159.95

Plus applicable taxes

2 door pickup . ......... $149.95

X-large SUV . .......... $159.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95

Any car .............. $139.95

Mini van ............. $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

Ready for Summer Fun?!

Schedule your pool service today!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

When in doubt, choose change.

Ask us about our

eco-friendly line!

Low

Chlorine!

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family

We are stronger together

It’s NEVER too late to

rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

Debbie Bodwell

NMLS# 280336

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210

207.754.3962

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.

48 August 2022 783-7039 UncleAndysDigest.com

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