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Uncle Andy's Digest - NOVEMBER 2022

Welcome to the November 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.


Welcome to the November 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

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UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

NOVEMBER

2022

SINCE 1996

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment Dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


The turkey was put into jail because he was suspected of fowl play.

TAKE THE NEXT STEP IN YOUR CAREER!

Home Healthcare & Hospice RN’s & LPN’s

For immediate consideration call Lynzie Pinard! (207) 777-7740 ext. 1423

Scan this QR code

to view current openings

Bonus Program Available, Tuition Reimbursement, Student Loan Forgiveness, Mileage Reimbursement, Professional Development

Androscoggin.org/careers

Inclusivity and equality is important to our ability to take

care of each other and, in turn, our patients. We want every

member of our team to feel valued, respected, and heard.

We are proud to be designated

a “Best Places to Work in Maine”

employer eight times and counting!

Comfort Food

at its finest!

85 Center Street, Auburn

11a-9p daily

207-784-8221

By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87%

of what little joy you still have left in your life.


The movie “Blazing Saddles” has just been edited for television.

It will air tonight from 8:00-8:07pm.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

NOVEMBER 2022

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, November 15th

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-9-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Modern Woodmen of America continues to be strong and stable, even in these times of

uncertainty. We've been around since 1883, standing strong through world wars, national

disease outbreaks, depressions and recessions.

Do you have questions or concerns about your financial plan? Call today. We will

continue to be here for you.

Paul Colasante*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-782-8823

Art Chamberlain*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-514-7003

Ted Heidrich*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-57 6-5656

Thursday, November 17th

Fielder’s Choice

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Avenue, Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-9-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, November 22nd

Dairy Queen

4:00-7:00pm

661 Minot Avenue, Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 11-9-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Mike

Courtemanche*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-783-8921

Richard

Courtemanche

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-786-3622

Paul Gagne*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-576-3426

Reminder: Please do not call

the restaurants. If you have a

question, please call the office

at 207-782-1833 or 207-333-

6052 and speak with Jamie.

Tickets must be purchased at

the MWA District Office at 184

Webster Street Lewiston on

the dates/times listed for each

activity. Menus are subject to

change. No substitutions or

add-ons.

Most importantly-Have Fun!

Brad Mates*

Lewsiston, ME 04240

207-248-7520

Ron Ouellette*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-786-3612

Kim Pelkey*

Lewiston, ME 04240

207-786-2573

4

Modern Woodmen .,,_

FRATERNAL FINANCIAL

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned

subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC

My dinner my wife cooked had so much salt and pepper

that I could hear it singing, “Push It.”

DID YOU

KNOW?

Big Bird’s costume

on Sesame Street is

made of turkey feathers

that have been

dyed yellow.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$39/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

April showers bring May flowers. And Mayflowers bring Pilgrims.

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

SUZY-Q

ELASTIGIRL

PAM

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

HULK

SMASH

THOMAS

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

Joe & Mike

• Partial Adkins Dentures

Licensed

Denturists

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4 Nov. 2022 783-7039

My Flat Earth Society movie was just nominated for a Golden Globe.


The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.

Come see Kathy & Joe!

Scan

here to

see our

menu!

Out ‘n About at

NFP Insurance

for their Open House

We are

so excited to

have moved to a

new location at 681

Sabattus Street in

Lewiston! This open

house was a great

opportunity to show

off the new space...

and our office

doggy!

We will be

closed

Thanksgiving

Day.

Now Hiring at Both Locations!

November 11th

Veterans with ID get

10% off of their meal.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We will be closed

Thanksgiving Day.

Tuesday - Sunday: 7am-3pm

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062

Order Online! Visit our website:

stationgrillrestaurant.com

Ask about our

FRIDAY NIGHT CORNHOLE

TOURNAMENT

Signups at 6:30p, Start 7p

$10 entry fee Seafood is back!

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-12:00am • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Veterans

with ID get

10% off of

their meal.

Steffany Sleeper

with Kinley

Do Transformers

buy auto

insurance or life

insurance?

Josette Malacaria

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


Geology rocks! But Geography is where it’s at!

Rolly’s Diner

Happy Thanksgiving, neighbors.

Whether

it’s for breakfast

or lunch, I love

being Out ‘n About

at Rolly’s Diner!

I’m thankful to be part of such a wonderful

community. I wish all my neighbors a

safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Like a good neighbor,

State Farm is there. ®

Hanging The

Turkey

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Young Simon was

sitting in his grandmother’s

kitchen,

watching her prepare

the Thanksgiving

meal.

“What are you doing?”

Simon inquired.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

Governor Janet Mills

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

“Oh, I’m just stuffing

the turkey,” his grandmother

replied.

WATER FIRE MOLD

“Wow, that’s cool.”

Simon remarked. “Are

you going to hang it

next to the deer?”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

6

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

29 Brickyard Circle,

Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com

When you empty your vacuum cleaner filter, you become a vacuum cleaner.


NORDS GET READY TO ROLL !

2022-2023 HOME SCHEDULE - Catch the action at The Colisée.

SPONSORED BY:

#ROLLNORDS!

OPPONENT DATE TIME

NOVEMBER

Generals 11/11/22 7:05pm

Generals 11/12/22 7pm

Danbury 11/22/22 7pm

Danbury 11/23/22 7pm

DON’T MISS THE UPCOMING HOME GAMES

11/11 • 11/12 • 11/22 • 11/23 • 12/2 • 12/3

OPPONENT DATE TIME

DECEMBER

Maryland 12/16/22 7:05pm

Maryland 12/17/22 7pm

Danbury 12/30/22 7:05pm

Danbury 12/31/22 7pm

JANUARY

Maryland 1/20/23 7:05pm

Maryland 1/21/23 7pm

FEBRUARY

Philly 2/3/23 7:05pm

Philly 2/4/23 7pm

Generals 2/19/23 3pm

OPPONENT DATE TIME

MARCH

Johnstown 3/2/23 7pm

Johnstown 3/3/23 7:05pm

Johnstown 3/4/23 7pm

Titans 3/24/23 7:05pm

Titans 3/25/23 7pm

Johnstown 3/31/23 7:05pm

APRIL

Johnstown 4/1/23 7pm

Titans 4/7/23 7:05pm

Titans 4/8/23 7pm

Philly 4/14/23 7:05pm

Philly 4/15/23 7pm

FULL and HALF

SEASON TICKETS

ON SALE

NOW

28 GAMES SEASON TICKETS:

Adult $224

Student, Senior,

Veteran $200

14 GAMES SEASON TICKETS:

Adult $126

Student, Senior,

Veteran $112

Visit MaineNordiques.com to see our full 22-23 schedule.

We’re MORE than a Club —

We’re a Special Events Venue too.

www.thecolisee.com

NOV. EVENTS

Open every Friday & Saturday

WE OFFER:

• Seating capacity of 130

• Catering services available

• Fully stocked bar

• Audio visual support

BOOK YOUR EVENT or SCHEDULE a WALK THROUGH:

email us at info@thecolisee.com.

FRIDAY

NOV. 4 th

THE RIVER

COMICS

FRIDAY

NOV. 11 th

LIVE MUSIC!

thecolisee.com/the-colisee-club/

SCAN THE

QR CODES

TO CONNECT

TO OUR

SOCIAL

CHANNELS

INSIDE THE COLISÉE CLUB


Out ‘n About at

NFP Insurance

for their Open House

You’ll never

find me sitting down

on the job...

oh wait...

My friends and I love to go try out new restaurants. They are my taste buds.

We are thankful for our clients

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

There,

that’s better!

Up and at

‘em! Give me a call

anytime! I take the

hassle out of all your

insurance stresses...

No Frickin’

Problem!

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

Shannon

White

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

207.333.6001

mainesourcehomes.com

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. He kept leaving little messages around the house.

Out ’n About in Auburn

Dawn

Lopez

Malayka

Harriman

How do you organize

a solar system?

You planet.

How many Sith Lords

does it take to

change a light bulb?

None. They prefer the

Dark Side.

What is a bird’s

favorite coffee?

Starducks.

There is an emergency

at the cemetery. The

situation is very grave.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

8

John

Blanchette

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

DIGEST SUPERFAN CHASE BREWIN

is always excited when a new issue comes out! He even sent us his favorite jokes!

Rest in peace to boiling water. You will be mist.


HAS IT ALL

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2023

Events

Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 32


Out ‘n About at

NFP Insurance

for their Open House

Linda Racine

Whether

you’re a business

or a personal client,

we can take care of

all your insurance

needs!

Marion Gherson

NFP

will even insure

your DeLorean. It

doesn’t matter if you

only drive it from

time to time.

I couldn’t help but notice that “Awesome” ends with “Me” and “Ugly” starts with “U.”

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Party

Platters

Available

(orders only)

Take out • Dine in

Homemade Goods

Gift Certificates Available

The freshest seafood around!

Gray, ME

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 11a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p

Out ‘n About at Taste the Harvest

WE HAVE

LIVE LOBSTERS!

Let us do the cooking!

No extra charge!

Plan ahead for

the holidays

Now taking orders!

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

Kelsey Bailey

Marty Harper

Julia Harper

Sam Boss

Tell us you saw us in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Happy Turkey

Day! Don’t forget

our gift certificates

make great gifts!!

A shout out to all our veterans!

Scott Sinclair

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

Sunday-closed; Mon-Fri 12-5:30pm; Sat 9am-4pm

INSPECTED

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10 Nov. 2022 783-7039

I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Shown here:

Coconut Shrimp & Bull Chips Appetizers

Nobody Does Gameday Like Mac’s!

Thank

you, Veterans, for

your service!

Come on in

and watch the

game!

Sundays

are fun! Eat

and watch a

game!

November 11th

Free Burger

for Veterans

with a valid military ID

experienced cooks

APPLY WITHIN

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Out ‘n About at

NFP Insurance

for their Open House

022 SEASON

our Seats …

howtime!

his

rmance

you to a

lace.

Sarah Giggey

NFP can

y, June insure 17 your – 7:00 bakery... PM

n Performance even Hall it’s high

1-800-966-9172

nd cash bar open androscogginbank.com

whisk. at 6:00 PM

onsor:

ment

1:30

A celebration

of St. Jean de

Baptiste Day!

luded. Bar available for other beverages.

ne is Monday, June 20 at noon.

nt. Tickets will not be sold at the door.

club for French speakers

am in Heritage Kinley Hall

day mornings: June 9;

ncontre, July 7, July 21, etc.

Out ‘n About at

eritage Hall

the Franco

nts!

Center

DJs.

For Robert Dubac’s one-man

performance of “The Male

Intellect: An Oxymoron”

he 23 rd season at our

rts and Events Center,

erfront in Lewiston.

info coming soon.

: (207) 689-2000

For The

Crowd

• facebook.com/FrancoCenter

MEDIA SPONSORS

carry you to a

new place.

Take May Your this Seats …

performance

It’s Showtime!

A pumpkin’s favorite sport is squash.

2021-2022 SEASON

Tickets: Piano Series Advance sponsor: – $28 each Ann’s ~ Flower Door – Shop $33 each

(includes fees)

2021-2022 Tuesdays and Wednesdays

SEASON

Take May Your this Seats …

performance

It’s Showtime!

carry you to a

new place.

La Rencontre Lunch and Entertainment

Sponsor:

Piano Series:

Season Opener

Matthew

Graybil

Friday, Nov. 4 at 7 p.m.

Tickets $20. No charge for students.

Thursday, June 23 in Heritage Hall

Doors open at 9:30 AM ~ 10:00 AM social time ~ Lunch 11:30

Entertainment after lunch by Don & Cindy Roy

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston

www.FrancoCenter.org

Box Office 207-689-2000

Box Office Hours 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Friday, June 17 – 7:00 PM

in Performance Hall

1-800-966-9172

Doors and Thursday cash bar open at androscogginbank.com 7 at p.m. 6:00 PM

Doors and cash bar open at 6 p.m.

Show sponsor:

Advance Tickets: $15 • Door Day of Show: $20

Magic of the

Steelgraves

A celebration

of St. Jean de

Baptiste Day!

Lunch menu: Chicken pot pie, coleslaw and whoopie pie. Coffee & tea included. Bar available for other beverages.

A family-friendly show will amaze guests with baffling

Advanced tickets only. Deadline is Monday, June 20 at noon.

$15 ~ includes magic meal and entertainment. illusion, juggling, Tickets will upbeat not sold music, at the clean door. comedy,

and plenty of good-natured audience participation.

A conversational French club for French speakers

will be held Saturday, 10:30am Nov. in Heritage 12 at Hall 2 p.m.

on alternating

Doors

Thursday

open an

mornings:

hour before

June

the show.

9;

Advance Tickets: Adults $15, Children $10

June 23 ~ join us for La Rencontre, July 7, July 21, etc.

Door Day of Show: Adults $20, Children $15

Starting July 14 – Thursday Night Live in Heritage Hall

Alternating dance and karaoke events!

Entertainment will feature live music and DJs.

For The

Crowd

Check our calendar

Join us for the 23 rd season at our

Runnin’ Down A Dream

at francocenter.org to find out Performing Arts and Events Center,

on

Tom

the Riverfront

Petty Tribute

in Lewiston.

Band

what’s going on at the Franco.

Saturday, More info Nov. coming 19 soon. at 7 p.m.

Doors and cash bar open at 6 p.m.

Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: Advance (207) Tickets: 689-2000 $30

Show 46 sponsor: Cedar Street, Androscoggin Lewiston, ME Bank 04240 • FrancoCenter.org Door • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Day of Show: $35

Underwriter

UNDERWRITER

Media Sponsors

MEDIA SPONSORS

Comedy Show sponsor:

Robert Dubac

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 Nov. 2022 783-7039

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes:

small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...


I just watched a fascinating documentary on Netfix about repairing tennis courts.

Higher

Education

Submitted by Steve Simard

A college physics professor

was explaining

a particularly complicated

concept to his

class when a pre-med

student interrupted

him.

“Why do we have to

learn this stuff?” the

frustrated student

blurted out.

“To save lives,” the

professor responded

before continuing the

lecture.

A few minutes later

the student spoke up

again.

“So explain this to

me... how does physics

save lives?”

The professor stared

at the student for about

30 seconds, took a

deep breath, and said,

“Physics saves lives,

because it keeps the

idiots out of medical

school.”

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

Stop, drop, and pass the rolls!

Bonnie Iwans

I found a recipe for

Moroccan dinner rolls

that I wanted to try. It

called for fresh thyme

but mine was outdated.

I figured I’d use it

anyway. It worked real

well. It turns out I love

that “Old thyme Moroccan

roll.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

13


Last Minute

Logic

Submitted by Thomas Hill

You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving when you

thought the serving size of a turkey was for one.

It’s the day before

Thanksgiving, and the

butcher is just locking

up when a man begins

pounding on the front

door.

“Please let me in,”

says the man desperately.

“I forgot to buy a

turkey, and my wife will

kill me if I don’t come

home with one.”

“Okay,” says the butcher.

“Let me see what I

have left.”

The butcher goes into

the freezer and discovers

that there’s one

last scrawny turkey

left. He brings it out to

show the man.

“That’s one is too skinny.

What else have you

got?” asks the man.

The butcher takes

the bird back into the

freezer and waits a few

minutes and brings the

same turkey back out

to the man.

“Oh, no,” says the

man, “That one doesn’t

look any better. You’d

better give me both of

them!”

I just joined a heavy metal band. I’m the lead singer.

Out ‘n About at WIGY Radio

Hey Mark,

maybe you and

Sara (Poulin) should

give some thought to

having a third Breakfast

Club host. Radio

is a ruff job, but I

can handle it!

Maybe

someday I’ll be

able to read the

radio segment sweeping

the Twin Cities...

FAMOUS PEOPLE

BIRTHDAYS!

Mark Turcotte with Lydia

Pam Ashby with Lydia

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 Nov. 2022 783-7039

I just confessed to my wife that I was already married. That was bigamy.


I was offered the part of the scarecrow in the production of

The Wizard of Oz at our local theater. It was a no brainer.

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working

with people in their home and in the community?

Join our team of caring professionals!

Out ‘n About at

Side by Each

Brewing Co.

No pint

glasses? No problem!

This horn will

work just fine!

Apply online at jfmh.org

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.

Ben Albee

I’m going to

hold my Digest right

here so it doesn’t fall

on my head!

Thanksgiving is the only holiday where you eat the mascot.

207-782-2135

Take Out

Available!

Looks good doesn’t it?

Steak wrap with peppers, onions, mushrooms, & cheese!

Auburn Mall

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY - CLOSED

TUESDAY

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

SATURDAY

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

Teddy Carson

If it does, you

only have yourshelf

to blame.

Alex Carson

My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

15


Out ‘n About at

Taste the Harvest

I’m looking to find trades for my son who just graduated from college.

I’d like to swap him for a good set of golf clubs.

Taste

the Harvest

is an annual

community dinner

that highlights

and promotes our

local food economy,

from farm to table.

This year, there were

multiple tapas-style

dishes in a six-chef

collaborative dining

experience

complete with a

beer and wine

garden.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays

and get a surprise!

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”

Members & Guests Welcome!

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not fall into previously

defined war eras may now join

the American Legion immediately. The

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at

war, as determined by Congress.

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p

Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS, FRIDAYS 7-11pm in November

Jerry Joe - November 4th & 18th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

ROBERT WASHINGTON, ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5TH • 7:30-9:30PM

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11 TH • VETERANS DAY CELEBRATION

Chili cookoff, starting at 11am. No charge to attend.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 TH • BEEF STEW DINNER, 4-6PM

w/salad & croissant (support our Auxiliary), $12

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14 TH , 5:30PM

Sons of the American Legion Post 153 General Meeting

MONTHLY MEETING EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 16 TH GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

BREAKFAST BUFFET • SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20 TH , 8-10AM

Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon, baked beans, fried potatoes, crépes,

toast/creton w/coffee and juice • Adults: $10 • Kids under 10: $5.00

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24 TH • HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Canteen opens at 3pm

LIVE MUSIC: THE SMITH COLLABORATION

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3 RD • 8-11PM

I just saw a chicken cross the road. It was poultry in motion.

Shanna Cox &

Meredith Carson

LA Metro Chamber

of Commerce

Out ‘n About at Taste the Harvest

This was

such a great

community event and

a huge treat for

LA’s foodies!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

Melissa Dunn

& Aleks

Diamond-Stanic

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

Emma Desjardins, Erin Bellemare, Jaclyn Berry, Matthew Shaw,

Natalie Pollock, & Josh Pollock

I was asked for my opinions on attempting to cross breed a lion and a tiger.

I have mixed felines about it.


I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year. It scared the rest of the grocery shoppers!

The Right

Coverage at the

Right Price.

Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved.

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting

to claims support, we’ve got you covered.

John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358

john.blanchette@nfp.com

For your business.

For your people.

For your life.

NFP.com

We’ve moved. Visit our new NFP office:

681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware

Night Driving

Submitted by Tyla Davis

An elderly man was

driving erratically one

night around 2:00am.

A cop noticed him and

pulled him over.

The cop tapped on

the old man’s window

and said, “Hey there,

where are you headed

this late?”

“Well, sir,” said the

old man, “I’m heading

to a lecture about the

dangers of alcohol

use, smoking, and

late-night driving.”

“Really?” inquired the

police officer. “Who

would be giving a lecture

this late at night?”

“That would be my

wife.”

New Math

Submitted by Steve Simard

Jeff, Katie, Ashton, & Tyler Sturtevant

We have your hunting gear & supplies!

Visit our Sturdy Sporting Goods Department

We are a tagging station!

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME • (207) 375-6253

2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 Family Owned & Operated

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Stephanie, Steve, &

Tyla were talking one

day at the office about

math homework that

kids have.

“I can’t handle that

new math,” said Steve.

“It makes no sense to

me how the kids figure

out these problems

anymore.”

“Me either,” said

Stephanie. “I like the

way we all learned

when were in school.”

“That makes four of

us,” nodded Tyla.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Now

Hiring

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Out ‘n About at

Taste the Harvest

If you left

this event hungry,

it was your own

fault!

Elise Johansen &

Joe Philippon

This was

a fun opportunity

for local restaurants

to show off their

signature

dishes!

Shivam Kumar

Mother India

24 Hour

Service

235 N. River Road, Auburn

207-777-5600

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

Dedicated Logistics Partner

Now Hiring Non CDL Drivers

26' Box Truck or Larger

2+ Years Experience

Lewiston, Maine Location

TO APPLY:

Call or email

959.222.9595

hiring@dlp31.com

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION

IS GROWING!

We are seeking

EXPERIENCED

SERVICE

TECHNICIANS

& INSTALLERS

to join our team!

Air Conditioning & Heating

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,

and the surrounding communities!

Om

nom nom!

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

18

Tu Biederman &

Abbe Ramanan

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

Pete Dumond Steve Marks Aaron Wright

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at

Taste the Harvest

Supporting

local restaurants

AND I don’t have to

cook or do dishes?

Everyone wins!

To apply:

or 207-783-2726 x202

Out ’n About at Side by Each Brewing celebrating

brewmaster Willis Croninger’s last day

Sherri & Mark

Turcotte

Employee

Issues

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Two business owners

were out to dinner one

evening. They were

talking about struggles

with some of their

employees.

“I can’t seem to get

my team to show up

for work on time,” said

one business owner.

“Do you have the

same problem?”

THANK YOU FOR THE BREWS, WILLIS!

Front: Abigail Bowie, Willis Croninger, Lilly Meehan, & Cara Duchette

Back: Ben Low, Ben Albee, & Ryan Michaud.

Is trying to diet just wishful shrinking?

“I used to. But now I

have 29 parking spots

that are free and the

30th spot is a paid

spot. That solved all of

the tardiness!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

I just joined a Carpenters club. We haven’t made anything yet. We’ve only just begun.

We are

proud to be

a family-owned

hardware store!

Sturdy Hardware

offers everything

you’ll ever need for

your home or garden

projects! We also

offer a new sporting

goods section for our

outdoor enthusiasts!

Come check us out

to receive expert

knowledge and

customer service

from a family

that cares!

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Wayfinder Schools

WayfinderSchools.org

ReMo

get.ReMo.app

PM Construction Co.

PMConstruction.com

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

With great power, comes great electricity bills.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

20

Katie & Jeff

Sturtevant

I could

never work in a

hardware store. If

I had to screw around

with bolts all day I

would be nuts.

Anita & Mark

Austin

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

Out ‘n About at Pat’s Pizza

Members of the

Pat’s Pizza

Dream Team:

Front Row:

Brooke Reynolds &

Britney Jones

Back Row:

Mike Gagne,

Kathy Hammond, &

Maddie Madigan

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.


I heard they’re opening up a new restaurant in the Tower of Pisa,

but they’re only going to serve Lean Cuisines.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

We make an

Egg-cellent pair!

Time to place your orders

for pies & platters

for the holiday season!

Out ‘n About at

Rolly’s Diner

Don’t

go bacon

my heart!

I couldn’t

if I fried.

Linwood &

Maureen Gilbert

Out ‘n About at

American Legion

Post 153

Bruce & Camella Rousseau

87 Mill Street, New Auburn

207-753-0171

rollysnewauburn.com

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday

Grauntie,

I’ll take that off

your hands. I need

to be ready to tell

some of these jokes

as soon as I can

talk!

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

WELDING ACADEMY

Learn a new trade! This high-demand field includes jobs

in Aerospace, Automotive, Manufacturing, Agriculture

and Construction industries as well as jobs in the rapidly

growing renewable energy sector. The course covers a

variety of welding techniques, including MIG and TIG

welding, industry-standard weld joints, print reading,

basic metallurgy, sheet metal forming, tube welding, and

grinding and polishing.

FREE

TRAINING

Dolor Smith &

Amy St. Hilaire

American

Legion Post 153 is a

groovy place to

throw a party!

GRANT

FUNDING

PROVIDED BY:

WWW.CMCC.EDU/WORKFORCEDEVELOPMENT

workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu • 207-755-5280

Notice of Non-discrimination: Central Maine Community College is an equal opportunity/affirmative action institution and employer.

For more information, please visit contact Human Resources at humanresources@cmcc.edu.

Fun Fact – Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman.

Greg & Nycole

Nadeau

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

21


Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

Sturdy is

a great place to

shop for all your

pet needs too! They

have all the best

food, toys, and accessories!

Squeakers

for days!

I’ve opened a deer cloning service. It’s for anyone hoping to make a quick buck.

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!

Roy’s

Beanie

Babies

on Sale

Here!

FOODLAND

Chicken Salad, Best in Town & Ham Salad

Ask about our finger roll

sandwich platters!

Try our hamburger, it’s the best!

SATURDAY

Beans, bread/rolls &

cole slaw

$11.99

WEDNESDAY

Ham, Veggie, Salami,

or Pepperoni Italians

$2.99

PIZZA PACKS

Pizza

Packs

$12.99

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed

Abby

Out ‘n About at Pat’s Pizza

You can’t

have my toy! Go buy

your own!

Samson “Sammy”

My dad

always brings up

drills and drill bits.

Talk about

boring!

Sadie Morgan, Jacob Richards, Jeffrey & Susan Brown

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

Katie, Tyler, &

Sophia Sturtevant

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207) 527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

I just started cataloging all the exhibits of the Natural History Museum.

I have a mammoth tusk ahead of me.


I don’t need to join a gym, I get plenty of exercise

I’m always jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

November Special

SHREK PIZZA

18” fresh dough with ham, bacon,

grilled chicken, and cheese with a ranch

sauce and crust.

ONLY $ 23 .99 plus tax

Expires 11/30/22

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

DID YOU

KNOW?

Abraham Lincoln

proclaimed Thanksgiving

a national holiday

on October 3, 1863.

Sarah Josepha Hale,

the woman who wrote

“Mary Had A Little

Lamb,” convinced

Lincoln to make

Thanksgiving a national

holiday after writing

letters for 17 years.

Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Make your

reservation

now!

Dan Pragana II

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

Did you

know that you

can even rent equipment

like tractors,

trailers, cement mixers,

and wood chippers

from Sturdy

Hardware?

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

I just read Stephen King’s IT. Worst book on computers ever.

Keith Davis

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


Match of the

Century

Submitted by Tyla Davis

My sheep just passed away. I’ve been working on his Ewelogy.

The wrestling match

between Bruiser the

Bully and the Ivan the

Intimidator was the

match of the century.

The arena was packed

and everyone was

expecting Bruiser to

wipe the floor with The

Intimidator.

The crowd was

stunned in silence

when Bruiser got hit

from behind with a

chair and passed out

cold. Ivan the Intimidator

took advantage

of the situation and

pinned Bruiser the Bully

and won the match.

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

November Drink Special

After both men got

cleaned up and returned

to their dressing

rooms, a reporter

approached Bruiser

the Bully to ask a few

questions.

“What happened out

there tonight, Bruiser?”

asked the reporter.

“You were expected to

win this match easily.”

“I don’t understand it

at all. I won the match

during the rehearsal.”

The sound from a musician

on stage bounces

off the auditorium

walls to surround the

audience.

The sound from a

pigeon on stage does

not do this.

The reason is a coo

sticks.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

24

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

You’ll Love

our Daily

Specials!

$

8

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

I think I’ll put Cardi B on today. Cardi A is in the wash.


The police department’s volleyball team just beat us in a match.

I guess they do know how to protect and serve after all.

Out ‘n About at

Sturdy Hardware

Every

time I walk down

the gadget aisle here,

the stud finders go

berserk.

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Snap, Crackle and Pop were found dead. Police think it was the work of a cereal killer.

Mark Duquette

When a

painter gets really

cold, they just put on

another coat.

Out ‘n About at Pat’s Pizza

Only a

weird-dough

doesn’t like

pizza!

Nathan Robert

Angela Sproul &

Hannah Pendexter w/Teddy

Kevin Hodgkin &

Sylvia Schrock

I quit my job at the garden center. There is no fuchsia in it.

Ashton Sturtevant

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Out ‘n About at

Pat’s Pizza

Pat’s Pizza

has been proudly

serving LA since

1985! I’m a lucky guy

to have a great team

of coworkers

here!

Please, I don’t want to hear any more unemployment jokes, they just don’t work!

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Locally Owned & Operated

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

Christine & Dave

Bishop

Owners

Let Us Insure All Your Outdoor Toys!

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246

A tiny mother is better known as a minimum.

Out ‘n About at Pat’s Pizza

Marcia Gavett

Pat’s has way

more than just pizza.

We have everything from

salads, to sandwiches, to

full entrees. Plus our full

bar and restaurant make

it an LA hotspot!

Dana Cobb &

Melissa Bubier

I love

working at

Pat’s Pizza so

much, that I even

dream about it in

my sleep! If you’re

looking for a job,

go check out Pat’s

today! They’re

hiring!

Bryce

Strout

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Nov. 2022 783-7039

Not to brag or anything but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.


My wife gives sound advice: 99% sound 1% advice.

Join us for Thanksgiving Dinner

Serving our traditional

full course holiday menu!

Plus a limited menu

Book your holiday

reservations and parties

now!

Open 11am - 6pm

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

Prison Work

Submitted by Steve Simard

A woman visits her

husband in prison. Before

leaving, she tells a

correction officer, “You

shouldn’t make my

husband work like that.

He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and

says, “Are you kidding?

He just eats and sleeps

and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Not

true! He just told me

he’s been digging a

tunnel for months!”

If it hadn’t been for the invention of venetian blinds, it would have been curtains for all of us.

Ron Larravee

Son of Marcel, last customer at Marcel’s

Barber Shop (photo taken by Bill Martin)

WE’VE MOVED!

Look for Tina & Ernie at

ALL ABOUT

YOU SALON

41 Broad Street, Auburn

783-3444

We value our customers & look

forward to continue to serve you

at our new location.

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

Not trying to make any waves, but in my opinion Dove chocolate tastes much better than their soap.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

Out ‘n About at

Pat’s Pizza

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

Tracey

Richardson

I can uncannily predict sports scores. I have ESPN.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

Fishing Trip

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Two city slickers go

on a fishing trip. They

rent all the equipment:

the reels, the rods, the

wading suits, the rowboat,

the car, and even

a cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

Eat

pizza, not

turkey!

207-782-7141

GIVING

THANKS!

207-782-7141

The first day they go

fishing, but they don’t

catch anything. The

same thing happens

on the second day,

and on the third day. It

goes on like this until

finally, on the last day

of their holiday, one of

the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving

home, they’re really

depressed.

One guy turns to the

other and says, “Do

you realize that this one

lousy fish we caught

cost us $1,500!”

The other guy says

“Wow! It’s a good thing

we didn’t catch any

more!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

28

Jimbo

Nov. 2022 783-7039

Out ‘n About at Pat’s Pizza

I only put a

few toppings on my

pizza because there

wasn’t mushroom.

The first rule of Mime Club: Don’t talk about Mime Club.

Todd,

Christina,

& Sienna

Chifelli


Old age comes at an extremely bad time. When you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

HATS

MUGS

Exercise your Patriotic Right and

T

H

A

N

K

Y

O

U

V

E

T

E

R

A

N

S

Call us for a

quote TODAY!

Basketball,

Hockey, Skiing

Order your

school spirit

wear today!

Employee gift

ideas, specialty

items, & more!

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

H

A

P

P

Y

T

H

A

N

K

S

G

I

V

I

N

G

coastaltshirts.com

PENS

BAGS

OUTSIDE

is the New Inside

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Shuga Shak Country Store

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

Ask about

our gift

baskets!

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212

mspaulding.androstax@outlook.com

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

IT’S TIME TO PREPARE YOUR VEHICLE

FOR WINTER CONDITIONS!

November 2022

Stickers are due!

11 12 1

10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2

9

8

22

7

0215697

6

23

5

3

4

“I” before “E” except when your foreign neighbor Keith received eight counterfeit

beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


I do 12 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much,

but there’s a limit on the times you can hit a snooze button.

HEALTH & FITNESS

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00.

100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos

Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers

350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free

dental info kit! 1-855-526-1060 www.dental50plus.com/ads #6258

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7

oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

MISCELLANEOUS

Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby

generator $0 Down + Low Monthly Pmt Request a free Quote.

Call before the next power outage: 1-855-948-6176

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced

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today. 20% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts.

Call 1-833-610-1936

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Fast - FREE pick up. 100% tax deductible. Call 1-800-245-0398

HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live.

25 Mbps just $59.99/mo! Unlimited Data is Here. Stream Video.

Bundle TV & Internet. Free Installation. Call 866-499-0141

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Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion

& distribution. Call for free author’s guide 1-877-729-4998 or

visit dorranceinfo.com/ads

Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,

Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.

Call 833-603-3236

Put on your TV Ears & hear TV w/unmatched clarity. TV Ears

Original - originally $129.95 - now w/this special offer only $59.95

w/code MCB59! 1-888-805-0840

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet.

Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote.

Some restrictions apply. Promo Expires 1/21/23. 1-866-479-1516

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save

money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your

home. Full installation services. $0 down financing option. Request

free no obligation quote. 1-877-539-0299

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system for total peace of mind. Free professional installation! Four

free months of monitoring! Call to customize your system.

1-833-841-0737

Safe Step. North America’s #1 Walk-in tub. Comprehensive lifetime

warranty. Top-of-the-line installation and service. Now featuring

our free shower package & $1600 off - limited time! Financing

available. 1-855-417-1306

Protect your home from pests safely and affordably. Pest, rodent,

termite and mosquito control. Call for a quote or inspection today

844-394-9278

Discount air travel. Call Flight Services for best pricing on domestic

& international flights inside & from the US. Serving United, Delta,

American & Southwest & many more. Free quote! Have travel

dates ready! 844-951-2014

Switch and save up to $250/yr on talk, text & data. No contract or

hidden fees. Unlimited talk & text with flexible data plans. Premium

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1-855-903-3048

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

30 Nov. 2022 783-7039

I can’t stand it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.

There so stupid!


Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake with me, so here I go again on my own.

Out ’n About at 290 Maine for the 4th Annual Cornhole

Tournament for Breast Cancer Awareness

Each year, this tournament benefits a different person battling cancer.

This year’s beneficiary was Kim Litchfield, currently battling breast cancer.

Out ‘n About at

Pat’s Pizza

All the

cool kids hang out

at Pat’s!

John Reid &

Karen Sweetser

I was going

to tell a pizza joke,

but it was too

cheesy.

Kevin Morissette

Ron Freve

First Place: Marc Frechette & Steve Blais

Second Place: Pam Ashby & Kevin Morissette

Five ants rented an apartment with five other ants. Now they’re tenants together.

Tony Shaw &

Laurie DeBlois

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


CALL THE PROS

From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

REDEMPTION CENTER

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

Located in the

building behind

Dad’s Place

Let’s Talk Turkey!

6 ¢

on all 5¢ returns

with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

UAD exp. 11.30.22

FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

Happy Holidays!

Digital Gift Cards now available

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

RON’S

TRANSMISSION

REPAIR SERVICE

Your Full Service Repair Facility

From our family to yours,

Ron Charpentier, Jr.,

Owner

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 Nov. 2022 783-7039

Being They’re a good called parent heated is seats knowing because how to the unwrap term “rear a Kit Kat defroster” without was making already any taken. noise.


CALL THE PROS

Radiator Work - It’s What We Do!

We continue to grow due

to excellent customers

and their referrals.

Sincere thanks to all.

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

Happy

Veterans Day

to all who served

& happy

Thanksgiving!

And a lot more!

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

8 Tidswell Road Turner

207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

Hunting Season Starts at

Fine Line Gun Shop

GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES

Huge

selection of

hunting rifles

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

finelinegun@aol.com

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks, & More!

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

SCUBA!

A perfect

Christmas gift

for the whole

family!

805 Main Street, Lewiston

784-7300

skindiversparadise.com

Great

Holiday

Ideas!

• Cashews

• Almonds

• Spanish

• Blanch

• Redskins

• Mixed Nuts

• Pistachios

• Needhams

• Lindt Truffles

• Candy Bars

• Merckens Melts

• & MORE!

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com

Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p (By appointment only 12-1)

When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Nov. 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


Out ‘n About at

Pat’s Pizza

I watched a documentary on beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw.

Laura Murphy,

Claire Murphy,

Leanne Weston,

& “Saint” Paul

Gagne

I’ll share

my heart with you

forever... just don’t

ask me to share my

fries!

Bryan & Julie

St. Hilaire

Wish Kid

Abby

My favorite

restaurant and my

favorite magazine...

what a combo!

Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter

of Make-A-Wish Maine.

Stan Hawes

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 Nov. 2022 783-7039

Consider becoming a sponsor of our

9th Annual Summer Block Party.

Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039

The guy at the furniture store told me my new couch could seat five people with

no problems. I don’t think I know five people with no problems.


My doctor told me lower my sodium intake. I took his advice with a grain of salt.

BEER. WINE. SPIRITS

Six Locations, Wholesale & Redemption

AUBURN

301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098

545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047

LEWISTON

OXFORD

980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072

A TIME TO BE

THANKFUL

&

KEEP YOUR BEER CLOSE

BUT YOUR LOVED

ONES CLOSER

R o o p e r s B e v e r a g e . c o m

Home Support

Physical, Speech, &

Occupational Therapy

Physical, speech, and

occupational therapy services.

Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.

368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn

Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089

Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com

I don’t trust trees, they seem kind of shady.


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing

RUST PROTECTION

Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95

Full size van .......... $159.95

2 door pickup . ......... $149.95

X-large SUV . .......... $159.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95

Any car .............. $139.95

Mini van ............. $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95

It’s NEVER too late to

rustproof your vehicle!

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family

We are stronger together

Debbie Bodwell

NMLS# 280336

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210

207.754.3962

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.

It is not happy people that are thankful; it is thankful people that are happy.

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

We are

thankful

for our

customers!

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$5.99

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.99

Hash browns 2/$2.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

36 Nov. 2022 783-7039 UncleAndysDigest.com

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