Uncle Andy's Digest - JANUARY 2023

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI. 

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service 

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207-346-0279 

JANUARY 

2023 

SINCE 1996 

Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai 

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whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn 

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Uncle Andy’s Digest 

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com 

UncleAndys.com 1

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 

That’s why we bring health care to you. 

Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home 

Recovery from illness or injury 

Chronic condition management 

Navigating emotional wellbeing 

Hospice care + Hospice House 

207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org 

All Trails Lead to Georgio’s 

Your wife called... she’s not cooking. 

BRING HOME PIZZA! 

Whether it’s Breakfast, Lunch, or 

Dinner... we’ve got you covered 

Full Bakery • 

Breakfast Sandwiches • 

Fresh Pizza • 

Try our UFO • 

Daily Specials • 

And so much more! • 

Locally owned & operated 

Eat-In or 

Take-Out 

GEORGIO’S 

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s. 

783-2981 

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosme.com 

Open daily from 7am-5pm! 

How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?

My psychiatrist sent me a shrink-wrapped fruit basket. 

Out ‘n About at 

Side by Each 

Brewing Co. 

Excited 

for the new 

knitting class at 

Side by Each starting 

in January! Pretty 

soon, I’m gonna be 

able to make these 

wrist warmers 

myself! 

Sam Howaniec 

Out ‘n About with 

WIGY at The 

Colisée 

Standing 

on the job is for 

amateurs! 

Mark Turcotte 

My wife said she’s going to leave me if I don’t stop with police jokes, so I’ll give it arrest. 




is published by the first 

Friday of every month by 

Maine Mountain Ocean 

Group, Inc. with its world 

headquarters located at 

9 Grove Street, Auburn, 

Maine, USA. 

Published and distributed 

since 1996 throughout 

Central Maine and mailed to 

subscribers all over the Free 

World. Subscriptions are 

$49 .95 /year. 

UncleAndysDigest.com 

Office: 207-783-7039 

UAD Super Heroes 

Two bedbugs fell in love. They’re getting married in the spring. 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO 

Smile 

CAPTAIN 

SUZY-Q 

ELASTIGIRL 

PAM 

All work done on-site. 

Repairs usually same day service! 

BATGIRL 

STEPHANIE 

HULK 

SMASH 

THOMAS 

WONDER 

WOMAN 

TYLA 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

Smile Again 

Dentures 

IRONSIDES 

STEVE 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries 

very hard to ensure the accuracy 

of the information in our clients’ 

advertisements and our publication 

in general, we are not responsible 

for vendor availability, typographical 

errors, technical inaccuracies, product 

pricing errors, or omissions. 

Mike & Joe 

Adkins 

Licensed 

Denturists 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston 

smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

SmileAgainDentures.com 

514-0660 


4 January 2023 

They say New York City has the best New Year’s celebration, but I say it’s overrated. 

Every year they drop the ball.

A train hears with their engineers. 

Come see Kathy & Joe! 

Scan 

here to 

see our 

menu! 

Field Trip 

Submitted by Tyla Davis 

Little Billy was so excited 

for his class trip 

to the history museum. 

Billy knew there would 

be dinosaur fossils 

at the museum so 

he spent a lot of time 

trying to read all about 

dinosaurs. 

At the museum, Billy 

found the massive Tyrannosaurus 

Rex skull 

that he had seen on a 

promotional brochure. 

As he stared in awe 

at the massive skull, 

a man in a uniform 

walked up to him. 

“Pretty impressive isn’t 

it?” asked the man. 

“It sure is!” exclaimed 

Billy. “I wonder how old 

this thing is!” 

Tuesday - Sunday: 7am-3pm 

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston 

207-333-5062 

Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com 

Now Hiring at Both Locations! 

Seafood 

is 

back! 

“Well that’s easy,” 

answered the man. “It 

is 68 million and seven 

years old.” 

“Whoa! That’s crazy!” 

shouted Billy excitedly. 

“How can you be so 

accurate about it’s age 

though?” he asked. 

“When I started working 

here seven years 

ago, my bosses told 

me this skull was 68 

million years old.” 

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston 

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com 

Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-12:00am • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am 

I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance 

and they made me district manager. 



I’ll bet Stephen King’s kids 

aren’t afraid of anything. 

Out ‘n About at Sea40 

Japanese Cuisine 

Happy New Year, Neighbors. 

I’m thankful to be part of such a wonderful 

community. I wish all my neighbors a 

safe and happy New Year. 

Like a good neighbor, 

State Farm is there. ® 

A Sea40 

sushi boat to 

myself? Yes, 

please! 

Bryce Strout 


Thatcher’s 

The Digest 

is a legendary 

magazine, and 

Thatcher’s is a legendary 

restaurant! 

Come in and try 

for yourself! 

Bert Cote 

Owner 

MONDAY 

Ham Italians 

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99 

WEDNESDAY 

Chicken Salad 

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99 

FRIDAY 

Tuna Italian 

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99 

SUNDAY 

$2.00 OFF 

Any large pizza 

MAIN STREET MARKET 

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502 

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week 

TUESDAY 

Small 1-topping Pizza 

10" pizza $4.99 

THURSDAY 

Bowl of Chili 

$5.99 

B.L.T. 

Sm. $2.99 

Lg. $4.99 

SATURDAY 

Baked Beans 

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99 

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49 

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.99 

Hash browns 2/$2.59 

Coffee all sizes $0.99 

We accept cash, checks, 

major credit/debit cards, & EBT 



I can’t get into my acupuncture account. I lost my pin.

NORDS GET READY TO ROLL ! 

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SCAN THE 

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Genie Lamp 

Submitted by Tyla Davis 

A man was on an 

excursion when he 

came across a gold 

lamp that resembled 

the genie lamps that 

he had always seen in 

movies. 

Out of curiosity, he 

rubbed the lamp. Lo 

and behold, a genie 

flew up out of the 

spout of the lamp and 

crossed his arms and 

nodded at the man. 

“You have awakened 

me from a thousand 

year sleep! For this, I 

shall grant you three 

wishes. Just tell me 

what you would like 

and it will be done.” 

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department 

usually uses water. 

Bringing the Ocean to your Table 

Party 

Platters 

Available 

(orders only) 

Take out • Dine in 

Homemade Goods 

Gift Certificates Available 

The freshest seafood around! 

Gray, ME 

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p 

Out ‘n About at Station Grill Restaurant 

WE HAVE 

LIVE 

LOBSTERS! 

Let us do the cooking! 

No extra charge! 

207-657-3474 

59c Portland Road, Gray 

The man, who was in 

the process of a messy 

divorce, thought the 

genie might be a great 

way to work around 

some of his difficulties. 

“Genie, I wish to eliminate 

all the lawyers in 

the world.” 

The genie crossed his 

arms and nodded his 

head and declared, 

“Done!” 

“Awesome, now for my 

next wish...” said the 

man. 

“Nope, no more wishes. 

You can be done 

now,” said the genie. 

“But you said I had 

three,” whined the 

man. 

“So sue me.” 

The Right 

Coverage at the 

Right Price. 

Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved. 

Therese Burns & Jeff Harper 

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts 

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john.blanchette@nfp.com 

For your business. 

For your people. 

For your life. 

NFP.com 

We’ve moved. Visit our new NFP office: 

681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240 



Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

HAS IT ALL 

6¢ a 

bottle for 

Make-A-Wish 

Donations! 

DONATE YOUR 

BOTTLES TO 

Your one-stop shop for: 

• Amazing food (eat in or take out) 

• Agency liquor store with beer cave 

• Lottery tickets 

• Redemption center 

Help grant a wish to a local child 

battling a critical illness 

207-345-5551 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com 

Catering 

Full serve catering at the 

location of your choice. 

Book Your 

2023 

Events 

Now! 

207-345-9009 

DadsPlaceCatering.com 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

6 ¢ 

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) 

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) UAD exp. 1.31.23


Station Grill 

Restaurant 

My doctor told me I had low blood pressure, so she 

gave me a prescription for some IKEA furniture. 

Station 

Grill has a 

great menu for 

breakfast and lunch 

with a variety of 

dishes! And we also 

have an impressive 

weekend dinner menu. 

If you haven’t tried 

us yet, you should 

come by and say 

hello! 

I filled my tank with gas today. Now all my fish are dead. 

Kathy Lebel 

Owner 

Out ‘n About with The Exchange Club for the Student of the Month presentation. 

And our 

“Breakfast of 

Champions” morning 

cocktails menu can’t 

be beat! 

Joe Walker 

General Manager 



Bisharo Ali (Lewiston), Abigail Mitchell (St. Dom’s), & Ben Condit (Edward Little) 

with Exchange Club member Bill Gladu 

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments 

in a sentence often goes undetected.

Where the 

locals eat! 

Join us for our 

SUPER 

BOWL 

PARTY 

In February! 

Catering! 

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays, 

Corporate Parties, and more! 

No event too BIG or SMALL... 

We cater it ALL! 

NOW 

HIRING 

LINE 

COOKS! 

Competitive Pay! 

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Station Grill 

Restaurant 

Our 

chefs make 

the best omelettes. 

Check out this yummy 

egg-sample! 

Tyler Lebel 

Diane & Ron 

Maheux 

There’s 

muffin I 

wouldn’t do for a 

great home-cooked 

breakfast! 

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example. 

CONCERTS 

(Franco Center has a new name: Riverfront) 

Christie Ray 

Tickets: Advance – $28 each ~ Door – $33 each 

(includes fees) 

Join us for the 23 rd season at our 

Performing Arts and Events Center, 

on the Riverfront in Lewiston. 

Check our calendar 

Other at francocenter.org upcoming concerts to find & events: out March 4: Josée Vachon; March 31: Studio Two Beatles 

Tribute; what’s April going 8: on Silver at the Circus; Franco. April 15: Don Campbell Dance Party; April 20: Court Jesters; 

June 15: The Cobblestones. Check our online calendar and More sign info up coming for our newsletter! soon. 

46 Cedar Order Street, tickets: FrancoCenter.org Lewiston or www.FrancoCenter.org 

call: (207) 689-2000 

Box Office 207-689-2000 

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240 • FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter 

UNDERWRITER 

2021-2022 AT THE 

SEASON 

Take May Your this Seats … 

performance 

It’s carry Showtime! 

you to a 

Original music and cover songs 

new place. 

from artists such as 

Fleetwood Mac, The Rolling Stones, 

Miranda Lambert, Queen, 

Tom Petty, Hank Williams, 

Friday, Patsy Cline, June Blondie, 17 – 7:00 PM 

and many more! 

in Performance Hall 

1-800-966-9172 

Doors and cash bar open androscogginbank.com 

at 6:00 PM 

For La Rencontre both concerts: Lunch and Doors Entertainment and cash bar open 

at Thursday, 6 p.m. June and 23 Show in Heritage starts Hall at 7 p.m. 

Sponsor: 

Doors open at 9:30 AM ~ 10:00 AM social time ~ Lunch 11:30 

Entertainment after lunch by Don & Cindy Roy 

Thursday, Jan. 19, 2023 

Show in sponsor: Heritage Hall 

A celebration 

of St. Jean de 

Baptiste Day! 

Schooner Fare Concert 

Lunch menu: Chicken pot pie, coleslaw and whoopie pie. Coffee & tea included. Bar available for other beverages. 

Advanced tickets only. Deadline is Monday, June 20 at noon. 

$15 ~ includes meal and entertainment. Tickets will not be sold at the door. 

A conversational 

Chuck 

French 

and 

club 

Steve 

for French 

Romanoff 

speakers 

will be held at 

combine 

10:30am 

their 

in Heritage 

talents 

Hall 

on 

on alternating 6- and Thursday 12-string mornings: guitars June and 9; 

June 23 ~ join us banjo for La Rencontre, with distinctive July 7, July vocal 21, etc. 

and instrumental arrangements! 

Starting July 14 – Thursday Night Live in Heritage Hall 

Alternating dance and karaoke Friday, events! Feb. 3, 2023 

Entertainment will feature live music and DJs. 

in Performance Hall 

For The 

Crowd 

MEDIA SPONSORS 

Jeff Bowden 



My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds 

so I look skinnier.

I’ve been sentenced to 20 years for my part in a timeshare fraud. 

Luckily I only have to go to prison for two weeks a year. 

Positive 

Identification 

Submitted by Steve Simard 

Three women were 

taking a class on how 

police officers can use 

eyewitnesses to identify 

a criminal. As part of 

the class, they had to 

go through some training 

with the local police 

department. 

To test their skills in 

recognizing a suspect, 

the officer shows the 

first woman a picture 

for five seconds and 

then hides it. “This 

is your suspect, how 

would you recognize 

him?” 

The first woman answers, 

“That’s easy, 

we’ll catch him fast 

because he only has 

one eye!” 

The policeman says, 

“Well, uh... that’s 

because the picture 

shows his profile.” 

A special Thank You to the following businesses 

who helped with our decorations: 

BEDARD PHARMACY 

ANDROSCOGGIN HOME HEALTHCARE + HOSPICE 

CENTERWELL HOME HEALTH 

We encourage vendors to join in the fun next year! 

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents, 

aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing, 

medications, and meals. 

We provide a warm and 

comfortable home for our residents 

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961 

Bonnie Iwans 

Slightly flustered by this 

ridiculous response, the 

officer flashes the picture 

for five seconds at 

the second woman and 

asks her, “This is your 

suspect, how would 

you recognize him?” 

The second woman 

giggles, flips her hair 

and says, “Ha! He’d 

be too easy to catch 


one ear!” 

The policeman angrily 

responds, “What’s the 

matter with you two?! 

Of course only one eye 

and one ear are 

Continued on next page 

I’m really scared of giants. It’s a severe case of feefiphobia. 



Continued from previous page 

SHOWING because it’s 

a picture of his profile!! 

Is that the best answer 

you can come up with?” 

Extremely frustrated 

at this point, he shows 

the picture to the third 

woman and in a very 

testy voice asks, “This 

is your suspect, how 

would you recognize 

him?” He quickly adds, 

“think hard before 

giving me a stupid 

answer.” 

The woman looks at 

the picture intently for 

a moment and says, 

“Hmmmm. The suspect 

wears contact lenses.” 

The policeman is 

surprised and speechless 

because he really 

doesn’t know himself 

if the suspect wears 

contacts or not. “Well, 

that’s an interesting 

answer... wait here for 

a few minutes while I 

check his file and I’ll 

get back to you on 

that.” 

He leaves the room 

and goes to his office, 

checks the suspect’s 

file in his computer, 

and comes back with a 

beaming smile on his 

face. “Wow! I can’t believe 

it... it’s TRUE! The 

suspect does in fact 

wear contact lenses. 

Good work! How were 

you able to make such 

an astute observation?” 

“That’s easy,” the woman 

replied. “He can’t 

wear regular glasses 


one eye and one ear.” 

My New Year’s resolution was to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV. 

THE AMERICAN LEGION 

FAMILY 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays 

and get a surprise! 

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

Members & Guests Welcome! 

AMERICAN LEGION ACT 

Veterans who were honorably discharged 

but whose service did not fall into previously 

defined war eras may now join 

the American Legion immediately. The 

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941, 

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at 

war, as determined by Congress. 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on 

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

For Veteran or Community services, call 

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229 

Hall Rentals Available 

Call for more 

information 

207-782-1118 

HIRING WAREHOUSE 

LOADERS 

$21.95/hr w/ up to $1.75/hr incentives 

Benefits Day One + Retirement Options! 

Job Stability & Growth Opportunities! 

Supportive Team Environment 

Great Leadership On All Shifts 

Ian is a magician who’s lost his magic. 

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 

HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p 

Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p 

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS, FRIDAYS 7-11pm in January 

Jerry Joe - January 13th & 27th • 4:30 - 6:30pm 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

MONDAY, JANUARY 9 TH , 5:30PM 

Sons of the American Legion Post 153 General Meeting 

January 14th • 7-11pm 

Live Music Featuring: 

ROADHOUSE 

BREAKFAST BUFFET • SUNDAY, JANUARY 15 TH , 8-10AM 

Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon, baked beans, fried potatoes, crêpes, 

toast/creton w/coffee and juice • Adults: $10 • Kids under 10: $5.00 

ALSO: BUILD YOUR OWN BLOODY MARY SKEWER 11a-4p! 

MONTHLY MEETING 

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 18 TH 

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM 

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM 

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25. 

SATURDAY, JANUARY 21 ST • CHICKEN STEW DINNER, 4-6PM 

Stew on potatoes or rice. With veggies, roll, & dessert, $12/pp 

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p! 

HIRING RETAIL 

MERCHANDISERS 

MULTIPLE SERVICE AREAS AVAILABLE 

$19.75/hr + OT 

4-DAY WORK WEEK! 

BENEFITS DAY ONE + 

RETIREMENT OPTIONS! 

HIRING LOCAL CDL-A DRIVERS 

SIGN ON BONUS! 

$80,000/yr. potential earnings 

Paid Weekly, Work-Life Balance, 401K Retirement Options, Great Benefits, and more! 

Apply online today at: pepsicojobs.com (Auburn, ME) 



I’ll buy a Fitbit when they have one that tracks how many miles I roll my eyes every day.

I don’t have bad handwriting, I just have my own specialty font. 

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life! 

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs 

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working 

with people in their home and in the community? 

Join our team of caring professionals! 


Station Grill 

Restaurant 

I’d like to 

raise a toast 

to 2023! 

Apply online at jfmh.org 

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn 

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all 

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided. 

Kevin Morissette 

Have a 

brew-tiful 

January! 

You never forget your first Crush. Mine was orange. 

DAILY SPECIALS 

207-782-2135 

Take Out 

Available! 

Try or Chicken Alfredo - Your taste buds will thank you! 

Creamy thick parmesan sauce over grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, and ziti 

Auburn Mall 

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm 

MONDAY - CLOSED 

TUESDAY 

Fried Pickle Basket 

Thatcher’s Burger 

25oz domestic drafts 

WEDNESDAY 

3 Beef Tacos 

Thatcher’s Burrito 

Well Margaritas • Coronas 

THURSDAY 

Stuffed Peppers 

Buffalo Chicken Salad 

Microbrews 

SATURDAY 

2 Hot Dogs w/fries 

Miller Lite Bottles 

FRIDAY 

Clam Cake Basket 

Fish & Chips 

SUNDAY 

12" Cheese Pizza 

Bloody Mary’s 

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts 

Kirk Rundstrom 

Kim Rundstrom 

The five second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work 

if you have a two second dog. 



Now 

Hiring 


Station Grill 

Restaurant 

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES 

COME JOIN OUR TEAM! 

You’ll be glad you did! 

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals 

Isis Ibarra 

I pour a lot 

of coffee at this 

job. It’s just part of 

my daily grind. 

To apply: 

www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202 

I’m going to keep my New Year’s Resolution 1920 x 1080 like always. 

24 Hour 

Service 

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION 

IS GROWING! 

We are seeking 

EXPERIENCED 

SERVICE 

TECHNICIANS 

& INSTALLERS 

to join our team! 

Raven Cutler 

Chemistry made easy: 

Co + 2Fe = Coffee 

Ba + 2Na = Banana 

235 N. River Road, Auburn 

207-777-5600 

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com 

protechoffice11@yahoo.com 

Fully Insured 

Air Conditioning & Heating 

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston, 

and the surrounding communities! 



Doctors say that each slice of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. 

Based on this information, my husband should’ve died in 1734.

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC. 

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.” 

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner 

I’m devastated that my favorite shoes are falling apart. 

I’ve got to go home and do some sole searching. 

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps 

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected. 

• Generator Sales and Installations 

• Residential and Small Commercial Electrical Service 

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism 

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.debloiselectric.com 

207-783-6512 

The math teacher was late for work because she took the rhombus. 

NEW YEAR, NEW HOME! 

Tired of paying rent? Call us today! 

Home Ownership 

made simple! 

Design-Build • 

Turn-Key Packages • 

Single or Multi-Level Homes • 

The Pool Boy 


In college, my wife 

minored in psychology. 

Though she doesn’t 

have the training, she’s 

always using all her 

amateur psychology 

when we argue to try 

to win the fight. 

When I fired the pool 

boy, I knew we were 

in for a battle. Sure 

enough, when I got 

home that night after 

telling her about the 

termination, she was 

visibly angry. 

She said, “Well, you 

know, you’re only 

firing him because 

he’s so young and 

good looking. I bet 

you feel threatened 

and insecure because 

it reminds you of your 

own mortality. You’re 

projecting all these 

insecurities onto 

someone else in a 

very passive-aggressive 

way, because 

these feelings are just 

too traumatic for you 

to deal with.” 

“Are you done yet?” 

I asked my wife, 

crossing my arms and 

rolling my eyes. 

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn 

207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com 

One Loan • 

(No Construction Loan 

Needed in Most Cases) 

“Yes, I’ve said what I 

needed to say about 

the situation,” she 

answered. 

Jon 

Mercier 

Mark 

Turner 

Toni 

Ferraro 

Brandon 

Caruso 

Deb 

Morin 

Linda 

Dupuis 

Dustin 

Mallar 

Mason 

Dupuis 

Lindsay 

Wright 

Dawn 

Lopez 

Malayka 

Harriman 

“Honey, I know you 

think you’re right, but 

seriously, we don’t 

even have a pool!” 

Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants in the family 

is a wife who told him which pants to wear. 



YOUR VOTE 

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 28th 

BEST DANCE SCHOOL 22 

MARY JANE’S 

SCHOOL OF DANCE 

675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498 

BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 9 

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888 

BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 6 

711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361 

BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 21 

BEST BURGER 9 

BEST BUILDER 6 

120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715 

BEST LANDSCAPE COMPANY 20 


BEST ATTORNEY 8 

1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224 

BEST DELI/SANDWICH SHOP 6 

78 Lisbon St. Lisbon | 353-4848 

BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 17 

541 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 784-4029 

BEST TANNING SALON 13 

BEACH BUMS 


BEST CHIROPRACTOR 13 

NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC 

ASSOCIATES 


BEST BOUTIQUE 11 

785 Main St. 

Lewiston 

241-8378 


BEST CAR WASH 8 

Serving the 

greater LA area 

782-4009 

BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 7 

DONALD DARLING 

& SONS ROOFING 

Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585 

BEST HEARING AID CENTER 7 

formerly Shapiro’s 


BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 7 

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256 

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175 

BEST TOWING SERVICE 6 

LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR 

& SALES 

518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650 

BEST PIZZA 


BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 5 

31 Blake St. 

Lewiston 

782-7113 

BEST NAIL SALON 5 

NAIL JUNKEE 


5 

# 

Indicates number 

of years as winner. 

Market Surveys of America, an indepe 

28th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s B 

of tallied public ballots and interne 

Vote on

S ARE IN! 

Annual Best Businesses for 2022 

BEST TAKEOUT 5 

BEST VALUE MEAL 

3 BEST LEARNING CENTER 2 


BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 4 

DONNA’S DAYCARE 

CENTER 


2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606 

BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS 

585 Main St. 

Lewiston 

729-8474 

301 Sawyer Rd. Greene | 946-5437 

3 BEST SPORTS PUB 2 


BEST NEW RESTAURANT 4 

BEST CONVENIENCE STORE 

2 BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 1 


BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT 

COMPANY 

LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY 

MANAGEMENT 


BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE 4 

68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581 

4 

BEST FLOWER SHOP 4 


BEST WAITSTAFF 


BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE 

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000 

BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 2 

767 Minot Ave. Auburn | 241-7460 

2 BEST BUFFET 

1 

NEW LEWISTON 

MANDARIN 


2 BEST TATTOO STUDIO 1 

CREATIVE EDGE TATTOO 

& BODY PIERCING 

747 Minot Ave. Auburn | 241-0186 

539 Webster St. Lewiston | 783-8566 

BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY 3 

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000 

BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 2 


14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433 

ndent survey company, is proud to announce the winners of the 

est Businesses for 2022 Survey. The above winners are the result 

t voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community. 

line at: bestofsurveys.com

Somebody just called me pretentious the other day. 

I nearly choked on my skinny latte with caramel and chocolate sprinkles. 

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER 

NEW MEMBERS! 

LLC 

omCALL OF THE MONTH 

Black Diamond Detailing 

Black-Diamond-Detailing-100951.square.site 

AerialJade 

AerialJade.com 

CALLER: Hi! My name is 

neral Mary, I lived home 

in the area 

through the mid 80’s. I got 

me ervices 

married at the Prince of 

om 

1 

CHAMBER STAFF (CS): 

Hello, LA Metro Chamber, 

how can we help you? 

Peace Parish in 1964. I am 

looking for my wedding 

certificate. 

CS: Oh, ok. Your wedding 

certificate? Should we 

check at the City Hall? 

Blais Flowers & Garden Center 

BlaisFlowers.com 

The Smoothie Spot 

TheSmoothieSpotME.com 

Thoughtful Giving 

ThoughtfulGiving.org 

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM 

My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are. 

CALLER: No, thank you. 

AMBER.COM 

LAMETROCHAMBER.COM 

We have that one. We are 

looking for our Catholic 

Marriage certificate. 

CS: Oh! Well, we can try to 

check with Prince of Peace 

for you. 

CALLER: Actually, we got 

married at St. Peters, and 

it closed. 

CS: Oh! Shall we check 

with the diocese for you? 

CALLER: Yes! It is so hard 

to know where to start 

when you have lived in 

Florida since 1984. 

********************* 

FOLLOW UP: Chamber 

Staff did reach the diocese 

in Portland, and identify the 

document, and connected 

with the caller! 



I gave my handyman a list of projects, but he only completed project #1, #3, #5, and #7. 

Turns out he only does odd jobs.

A cosmetic surgery office is the only place where you don’t 

get mean looks if you pick your nose. 


Station Grill 

Restaurant 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

Brian Chase, Tom Guay, Jeff Kelly, 

Jacob Flynn, Joe Everhart, Pete Eck, 

Calvin Bureau, Ben Moody, & Travis Bard 

We thank all the lines 

crew members for 

their constant hard 

work & dedication to 

ensure we have our 

utilities. Cheers! 

87 Mill Street, New Auburn 

207-753-0171 

rollysnewauburn.com 

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday 

Leo & Jackie 

Bergeron 

Waffles are 

just pancakes that 

have abs! 

Someone bought me a book on anger management, but I lost it. 

Out ‘n About at Sea40 Japanese Cuisine for the 

Uncle Andy’s Digest/LA Metro Magazine Christmas Party 

Todd & Amy 

Bowden 

Whatever 

your jam is... Station 

Grill has something 

you’ll love! 

Tom Hill, Sue Marston, Tyla Davis, Stephanie Arsenault, 

Pam Ashby, & Steve Simard 

They should make an alarm clock that makes the sound of a dog puking. 

Nothing gets you out of bed faster than that. 

Mike Scott 




Smile Again 

Dentures 

At Smile 

Again Dentures 

we make our patients 

want to smile! 

The city just opened a new library that I had no idea about. Man, they kept that one quiet! 

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2023 specials! 

Roy’s 

Beanie 

Babies 

on Sale 

Here! 

FOODLAND 

Best Chicken 

& Ham Salad 

In THE WORLd! 

Try our hamburger, 

it’s the best! 

Joe Adkins 

SATURDAY 

Beans, bread/rolls & 

cole slaw 

$11.99 

WEDNESDAY 

Ham, Veggie, Salami, 

or Pepperoni Italians 

$2.99 

PIZZA PACKS 

Pizza 

Packs 

$12.99 

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com 

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed 

I’m smiling 

on the inside. 

My teeth aren’t as 

gorgeous as the 

dentures that we 

make here. 

Office for Sale: $510,000 

650 Main Street, Lewiston 

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc. 

Maine Realty Advisors 

FRANK 

CARR 

Your real estate investment advisor 

Brokering your buying & selling needs 

207.252.4881 Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com 

Beckett 

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes 

in the creative development of both short 

format and full length Podcast shows for 

radio, television, and the web. 

We 

help you 

smile more and 

worry less. 

Jessi Hilton 



We are the largest producer of full 

length podcasts in the country. Shows 

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The 

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat, 

Community, What a Concept, and 

Pride Diehards! 

(207) 527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net 

My wife and I have been arguing about what to do after the holidays. 

I want to take a trip to Italy and she wants to come with me.

GGGGG 

LIVE MUSIC 

is back on 

Wednesdays! 

GGGGG 

I tripped and landed flat on my face on my vacation in France. Eiffel over. 

MAKE 

RESERVATIONS 

TODAY! 

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience! 

A PLACE 

THE WHOLE 

FAMILY WILL 

LOVE! 

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888 

Out ‘n About at Sea40 Japanese Cuisine 

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE 

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP! 

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas 

Breakfast Sandwiches and More! 

Wishing you a happy and healthy 2023! 

POLLY’S VARIETY 

115 King Street, Oxford 

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com 

Franki Tam 

& 

Sue Marston 

January Special 

Meatball Melt Sub 

with sliced provolone 

ONLY $ 6 .99 plus tax 

Expires 1/31/23 

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm 

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid 

that doesn’t fit any of your containers. 

Fishing Trip 


There were two old 

men from up north who 

love to fish, and they 

wanted to do some ice 

fishing. 

They had heard that 

the fishing was great 

in Canada. So they 

packed up and headed 

up there. The lake was 

frozen nicely. 

They stopped just 

before they got to the 

lake at a little bait shop 

and got all their tackle. 

One of them said, 

“We’re going to need 

an ice pick.” 

So they got a shiny 

new ice pick, and they 

took off. In about two 

hours, one of them 

was back at the shop 

and said, “We’re going 

to need another dozen 

ice picks.” 

Well, the fellow in the 

shop wanted to ask 

some questions, but 

he didn’t. He sold him 

the picks, and the old 

man left. 

In about an hour, the 

old man came back 

and said, “We’re going 

to need all the ice 

picks you’ve got.” 

The bait man couldn’t 

stand it any longer. “By 

the way,” he asked, 

“how are you fellows 

doing?” 

“Not very well at all,” 

he said. “We don’t 

even have the boat in 

the water yet.” 




Smile Again 

Dentures 

Did you 

know that 

“smiles” is the 

longest word in the 

dictionary? That’s 

because there is a 

mile between the 

first and last 

letters! 

Struggling to get your wife’s attention? Sit down and look comfortable... that’ll do the trick! 

47 Broad Street, Auburn 

www.firehouseauburn.com 

207-376-4959 

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p 

January Drink Special 

The Jack Frost 

You’ll Love 

our Daily 

Specials! 

$ 

8 

Vodka, 

pineapple 

juice, 

blue curaçao, 

& coconut 

cream 

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey 

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design• 

BRING HOME FRESH, LOCAL 

DRAFT BEER 

Cassandra 

Gagnon 

Whoever 

invented dentures 

missed out on 

calling them 

“substitooths.” 

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu! 

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030 

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING 

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM 

Mike Adkins 

RoySnow.com 

207.782.3734 

Serving Maine since 1947 

11 Library Ave. 

Auburn 



If you rob a bank, you’ll never have to worry about food, money, or clothing again! 

But that’s only if you get caught.

I just bought a head of lettuce. I wonder what they did with the rest of the body. 

Toddler Logic 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP 

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS 

I N S U R A N C E 

...Your Security is Our Concern! 

Locally Owned & Operated 

Home 

Auto 

Business 

and more! 

Little Susie, a fouryear-old, 

complained, 

“Mom, I’ve got a tummy 

ache.” 

“That’s because your 

tummy is empty,” the 

mother replied. “You 

would feel better if you 

had something in it.” 

That afternoon, her father 

came complaining 

that he had a severe 

headache all day. 

Let Us Insure All Your Outdoor Toys! 

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246 

I wouldn’t say that my wife’s cooking is bad, but our trash bin has an ulcer. 

Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest World Headquarters 

Some 

days the best 

part of my job is 

that my chair 

swivels. 

Susie perked up, 

“That’s because it’s 

empty,” she said. 

“You’d feel better if you 

had something in it.” 

Smart Pace 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

A farmer is walking 

with a prospective 

buyer when they see 

a beautiful pig in the 

yard, except it has a 

wooden leg. The buyer 

asks, “Why the wooden 

leg?” The farmer 

replies, “That pig is so 

smart, I let it drive the 

kids to school.” 

“Great, but why the 

wooden leg?” 

Lydia 

“The pig is so smart it 

has a degree in horticulture 

and philosophy.” 

“Amazing! But why the 

bloody wooden leg?” 

“Well when you have 

a pig that smart you 

don’t eat it all at once!” 

Doctors: Please show up 15 minutes early for your 8:00 appointment 

so your blood pressure will be elevated when we finally take it at 9:00. 



A cop left a nice note complimenting my fantastic parallel skills yesterday. The note read: Parking Fine. 

DID YOU 

KNOW? 

January was named 

for the Roman god 

Janus, known as the 

protector of gates and 

doorways who symbolize 

beginnings and 

endings. 

Janus is depicted with 

two faces, one looking 

into the past, the other 

with the ability to see 

into the future. 

Serving our customers for more than 40 years! 

Thank you to our community 

for your continued support 

throughout the year. 

We look forward 

to serving you 

in the new year. 

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn 

CAMPING SEASON IS A FEW MONTHS AWAY! 

Will you be ready? 

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER 

848 Main Street, Oxford 

207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com 

207-783-0000783-0000 

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com 

BUSINESS 

SP TLIGHT 

Richard Moylan 

(207) 777-0050 

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn 

richardmoylan@allstate.com 

SERVING THOSE WHO 

SERVE OUR COMMUNITY 

Insurance and coverages subject to terms. 

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property 

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and 

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois 

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company 

207.577.6484 

528 Lincoln Street 

Lewiston 

207-782-7141 

Every day is 

PIZZA DAY! 

207-782-7141 

Auto | Home 

Life | Retirement 

909 Minot Ave, Auburn 

207-783-3660 

agents.horacemann.com/AVIR 



To save on electricity, I wired the electric blanket and toaster together. 

Now I keep popping out of bed.

My girlfriend asked if I wanted to do yoga with her. That puts me in an awkward position. 

Time to take a break from 

all the digital noise? 

The average person is estimated to encounter 

6,000–10,000 digital ads every single day! 


Smile Again 

Dentures 

Never 

leave your dentures 

in the freezer 

overnight. You’ll get 

frost bite. 

Websites are often skimmed in as little as 15 seconds per visit. 

When a customer or prospect reads a printed material, they 

are more engaged for a longer period of time. On average, 

a consumer spends 43 minutes reading a magazine. 

Contact 

Us Today! 

The more familiar buyers are with YOUR brand, 

he Survey says... 

Readers who frequently 

o frequently purchase products or or 

m ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest: 

services from ads seen in 

Uncle Andy’s Digest* 

Our readership study results* 

80.8% 

Print advertising offers greater recall, strong 

branding, and a highly engaged audience. 

the more likely they will do business with you. 

READERS PER 

MONTH* 

22,000 Monthly Readers 

22,000 

48% 52% 

*Give us a call to see our full audit and 

learn more about how Uncle Andy’s Digest 

should be part of your marketing plan. 

The Circulation Verification 

Council (CVC) audit 

of our magazine*, shows 

we have a pick-up rate of 

98% 

Sonia Thibodeau 

We are 

lucky to work 

at a place where 

smiling and laughter 

is the norm. It’s only 

fitting that we work 

to help other 

people improve 

their smiles! 

Average Age 

Average Median Household Income 

25-64 

9 Grove Street Auburn • 783-7039 • UncleAndys.com 

ollege Educated 

What is Your annual household income? 

$35-49,999 

I just became really good friends with a dolphin. 18% We just clicked. 

$50-74,999 

$76,250 

27% 

29.4% 

Emily Ouellette & 

Lori Stuart 



HATS 

MUGS 

I’m going to take up gardening because I heard that bulbs are really easy to grow. 

Is it the glass or metal end that faces up? 

Call us for a quote 

TODAY! 

EMBROIDERY 

SCREENPRINTING 

Get your jackets, 

sweatshirts, & 

vests here! 

PENS 

BAGS 

Poisson & Sons Auto Care 

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144 

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION 

January 2023 

Stickers are due! 

11 12 1 

10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2 

9 

8 

23 

7 

0215697 

6 

24 

5 

3 

4 

Winter is here! 

Clear your windows 

Check your fluids (oil, coolant, washer fluid) 

Test your battery 

Pack a winter safety kit 

Keep fuel at least half full 

ALWAYS GO FOR THE DOUGH! 

Taste never gets old! 

WEAR 

Quality 

Products 

Reasonable 

Pricing 

205 Washington St. 

South, Auburn 

207-784-4184 

coastaltshirts.com 

People who spread germs make me sick! 

Accounting 

& Tax 

Service You 

Can Trust! 

85 Center Street, Auburn • 11a-9p daily 

207-784-8221 

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A. 

Certified Public Accountant 

Tax Planning & Preparation 

for Individuals and Business 

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212 

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax 

Out ‘n About at Pro-Tech Refrigeration 

Uziel 

Perez 

Steve Simard 

Marketing Specialist 

207.754.1815 

steve@ 

UncleAndys.com 

9 Grove Street, 

Auburn, ME 04210 

Office: 

207-783-7039 



I came home to find my kid sister has been on eBay all day. 

If she’s still on tomorrow, I’ll have to lower the price.

Gentlemen, when you’re wife starts a sentence with, “When you get a chance...” 

just go ahead and put your shoe on. She means now. 

HEALTH & FITNESS 

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00. 

100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos 

Español 

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 

350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free 

dental info kit! 1-855-526-1060 www.dental50plus.com/ads #6258 

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 

24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. 

Call 877-929-9587 

MISCELLANEOUS 

Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby 

generator $0 Down + Low Monthly Pmt Request a free Quote. Call 

before the next power outage: 1-855-948-6176 

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced 

debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate 

today. 20% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. 

Call 1-833-610-1936 

BATH & SHOWER UPDATES in as little as ONE DAY! Affordable 

prices - No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty & professional 

installs. Senior & Military Discounts available. 

Call: 855-761-1725 

Donate Your Car to Veterans Today! Help and Support our Veterans. 

Fast - FREE pick up. 100% tax deductible. Call 1-800-245-0398 

HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live. 

25 Mbps just $59.99/mo! Unlimited Data is Here. Stream Video. 

Bundle TV & Internet. Free Installation. Call 866-499-0141 

Become a published author. We want to read your book! Dorrance 

Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion 

& distribution. Call for free author’s guide 1-877-729-4998 or 

visit dorranceinfo.com/ads 

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet. 

Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote. 

Some restrictions apply. Promo Expires 1/21/23. 1-866-479-1516 

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save 

money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your 

home. Full installation services. $0 down financing option. Request 

free no obligation quote. 1-877-539-0299 

Safe Step. North America’s #1 Walk-in tub. Comprehensive lifetime 

warranty. Top-of-the-line installation and service. Now featuring 

our free shower package & $1600 off - limited time! Financing 

available. 1-855-417-1306 

Switch and save up to $250/yr on talk, text & data. No contract or 

hidden fees. Unlimited talk & text with flexible data plans. Premium 

nationwide coverage. 100% U.S. based customer service. Limited 

time get $50 off any new account. Use code GIFT50. 

1-855-903-3048 

Attention Homeowners! If you have water damage and need 

cleanup services, call us! We’ll get in & work with your insurance 

agency to get your home repaired and your life back to normal 

ASAP! 855-767-7031 

MobileHelp, America’s premier mobile medical alert system. 

Whether you’re home or away. For safety & peace of mind. No long 

term contracts! Free brochure! 1-888-489-3936 

Free high speed internet if qualified. Govt. pgm for recipients of 

select pgms incl. Medicaid, SNAP, Housing Assistance, WIC, Veterans 

Pension, Survivor Benefits, Lifeline, Tribal. 15 GB internet. 

Android tablet free w/one-time $20 copay. Free shipping. Call 

Maxsip Telecom! 1-833-758-3892 

!!OLD GUITARS WANTED!! GIBSON, FENDER, MARTIN, etc. 

1930’s to 1980’s. TOP DOLLAR PAID. 

CALL TOLL FREE 1-866-433-8277 

Caring for an aging loved one? Wondering about options like 

senior-living communities and in-home care? Caring.com’s Family 

Advisors help take the guesswork out of senior care for your family. 

Free, no-obligation consult: 1-855-759-1407 

FREE $20 Cash App Everyone! Yes It’s Real. Very Limited supply 

until we run out! Go to Free20Now.com 

Prepare for power 

outages today 

WITH A HOME STANDBY GENERATOR 

$0 MONEY DOWN + LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT OPTIONS 

Contact a Generac dealer for full terms and conditions 

REQUEST A FREE QUOTE 

CALL NOW BEFORE THE NEXT POWER OUTAGE 

(866) 643-0438 

*To qualify, consumers must request a quote, purchase, install and activate the 

generator with a participating dealer. Call for a full list of terms and conditions. 

FREE 

7-Year Extended 

Warranty* 

A $695 Value! 

Call today and receive a 

FREE SHOWER PACKAGE 

PLUS $1600 OFF 

1-855-417-1306 

With purchase of a new Safe Step Walk-In Tub. Not applicable with any previous 

walk-in tub purchase. Offer available while supplies last. No cash value. Must present 

offer at time of purchase. CSLB 1082165 NSCB 0082999 0083445 

SPECIAL OFFER 



I went to the shoe shop today and asked to see a pair of loafers. 

The sales manager brought me two clerks.

I haven’t prevented a single forest fire. 

Is it possible that Smokey was talking to someone behind me? 


Pro-Tech 

Refrigeration 

WELDING ACADEMY 

UPCOMING SESSIONS 

• March 13 - April 7, 2023 

• April 27 - May 12, 2023 

Learn a new trade! The welding course covers a variety 

of welding techniques, including MIG and TIG welding, 

industry-standard weld joints, print reading, basic 

metallurgy, sheet metal forming, tube welding, and 

grinding and polishing. 

Register at www.bit.ly/CWPDRegistration 

GRANT 

FUNDING 

PROVIDED BY: 

FREE 

TRAINING 

We are 

heating and 

cooling professionals! 

We maintain 

a high level of quality 

among our staff, and 

all of our installers and 

technicians are trained 

on a regular, on-going 

basis. Our business and 

our technicians are 

all certified and 

licensed! 

WWW.CMCC.EDU/WORKFORCEDEVELOPMENT 

workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu • 207-755-5280 

Notice of Non-discrimination: Central Maine Community College is an equal opportunity/affirmative action institution and employer. 

For more information, please visit contact Human Resources at humanresources@cmcc.edu. 

I’m reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in Italy. 

It’s a Rome ants novel. 


In Maine, if 

you don’t like the 

weather, just wait 

five minutes. It’ll 

change! 

Theresa 

Bryant 

Jason Boyd 

Owner 

With the 

rise of heating 

costs, we’d love 

to have a conversation 

about heat pumps 

with you! There are big 

savings and rebates 

happening that we 

can help you 

navigate! 

Patrick McDonald 

Owner 

I don’t know why my wife gets mad when I tell people I’m a single dad. 

We only have one child. 



CALL THE PROS 

Boost Your Immunity 

Book Your Massage. Be Well. 

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services 

Mike Magretto 

Veteran Owned & Operated 

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890 

RON’S 

TRANSMISSION 

REPAIR SERVICE 

Your Full Service Repair Facility 

Is Your Vehicle Ready for Winter? 

We have expertise in auto repair, 

transmissions, differentials, transfer 

cases, as well as state inspections. 

Ron Charpentier, Jr., 

Owner 

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924 

We make you LOOK GREAT! 

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE! 

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms 

Envelopes • Business Cards & More! 

Call today for a free quote! 

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com 

OFFERING 

Residential 

Commercial 

Clean Outs 

Roll Offs 

229 Center Street, Auburn 

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com 

Get Ready for Vacation with 

a Snorkel or SCUBA class! 

Scuba Class 

for the entire family 

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise 

805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net 

844-ME-TRASH 

844-638-7274 

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service! 

SERVING 

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland 

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples 

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com 


Dina 

Insalaco 

Jordan 

Carter 



My doctor told me to eat more cheeseburgers. 

Well, he said to eat less pizza, but I knew what he was getting at.

CALL THE PROS 

We are skilled in diagnosing 

all kinds of mechanical issues 

Lincoln Street 

RADIATOR SHOP 

Family owned & operated since 1967 

207-784-9356 

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 

Monday-Friday: 8a-5p 

Valentine’s Basket Giveaway 

Come in to get a 

ticket to win! 

Drawing Feb. 7th 

Coach Terry’s 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

The friendly redemption center 

8 Tidswell Road, Turner 

207-225-2008 

Open daily 8am to 4pm 

Best wishes for a prosperous New Year! 

Start 2023 Off with a 

HUGE SELECTION OF GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES 

Fine Line Gun Shop 

(207) 998-2374 

finelinegun@aol.com 

590 Plains Rd., Poland 

SIG SAUER P365 380ACP 

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 

Now is the perfect time to start 

your musical dreams! 

LA’S #1 STOP 

FOR ALL YOUR 

MUSIC NEEDS! 

Lessons 

Repairs 

Sales 

Rentals 

Call 

for your 

FREE QUOTE 

Today! 

Your Vision. 

Our Expertise. 

Kitchens, Baths, 

Decks, & More! 

Main Street Music Lessons 

33 Dunn Street, Auburn 

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

Welcoming new 

students for online and 

in person lessons! 

207-376-3376 

207-212-7791 

www.vghomeimprovements.com 

Great 

Valentines 

Ideas! 

• Cashews 

• Almonds 

• Spanish 

• Blanch 

• Redskins 

• Mixed Nuts 

• Pistachios 

• Needhams 

• Lindt Truffles 

• Candy Bars 

• Merckens Melts 

• & MORE! 

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com 

Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p (By appointment only 12-1) 


Isaac 

Fifield 

I still owe money to Clinton, Gates, and Murray. I’m really struggling to pay my Bills. 




Pro-Tech 

Refrigeration 

I wish I was the person who invented Ovaltine. I would be a malty-millionaire by now. 

Pro-Tech 

is a great place 

to work! We are 

looking to add experienced 

technicians to 

our team! If you have 

that experience, give 

us a call! We are 

growing! 

Chris Adler 

Wish Kid 

Abby 

Connor Davis 

Our technicians 

are super 

efficient. We 

have our ducts in 

a row. 

Daniel Boyd 



Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter 

of Make-A-Wish Maine. 

Consider becoming a sponsor of our 

9th Annual Summer Block Party. 

Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039 

I just read that it takes three sheep to make a sweater. 

That’s amazing! I didn’t even know they could knit.

Elton John has gotten a bit chubby lately. Good bye normal jeans. 

CASE O' BEER 

FOR NEW YEAR 

CHEER 

Mix & Match a case of winter brews 

from your favorite local brewers 

BETTER IN NUMBERS! 

BEER. WINE. SPIRITS 

RoopersBeverage.com/shop 

Six Locations, Wholesale & Redemption 

980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072 

1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston |333.3095 

794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353 

686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200 

301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098 

545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047 

Home Support 

Physical, Speech, & 

Occupational Therapy 

Physical, speech, and 

occupational therapy services. 

Care & Comfort in your own home or our office. 

368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn 

Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089 

Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com 

If I had become an archaeologist when I was younger, my life would’ve been in ruins.

YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT! 

Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95 

Full size van .......... $159.95 

Plus applicable taxes 

RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy 

Any car .............. $139.95 2 door pickup . ......... $149.95 

Mini van ............. $149.95 X-large SUV . .......... $159.95 

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95 

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100 

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family 

We are stronger together 

Debbie Bodwell 

NMLS# 280336 

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net 

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210 

207.754.3962 

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org) 

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org. 

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. 

For any disaster, 

call ServiceMaster! 

It’s NEVER too late to 

rustproof your vehicle! 

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION 

DON’T KNOW 

WHAT TO DO 

NEXT? WE DO. ® 

WATER FIRE MOLD 

29 Brickyard Circle, 

Auburn 

(800) 244-7630 

(207) 539-4452 

www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com 


36 January 2023 UncleAndysDigest.com

Uncle Andy's Digest - JANUARY 2023

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