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Uncle Andy's Digest - November 2023

The temperature has dropped, along with the November 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. We’ve added a local area events calendar, and as always, you'll find great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

The temperature has dropped, along with the November 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. We’ve added a local area events calendar, and as always, you'll find great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

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UNCLE<br />

DIGEST<br />

ANDY’S<br />

Your local guide to... well, just about anything!<br />

Ask About Our Free Med Cards<br />

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Lewiston<br />

207.740.9053<br />

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207-782-7113<br />

NOVEMBER<br />

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whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1


Mama, I’m pumpkin home!<br />

Some family trees bear an enormous amount of nuts.<br />

Goodness gracious, great gobbles of fire!


We’re really plucky to have all of you around this Thanksgiving.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

NOVEMBER <strong>2023</strong><br />

ACTIVITIES<br />

Tuesday,<br />

<strong>November</strong> 14th<br />

Roy’s Breakfast<br />

7:00-10:00am<br />

5 Washington Street Auburn<br />

Members: $5.00<br />

Guests: $6.00<br />

Purchase Tickets:<br />

11-08-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Wednesday,<br />

<strong>November</strong> 15th<br />

Gridiron Restaurant<br />

4:00-7:00pm<br />

1567 Lisbon Street Lewiston<br />

Members: $9.00<br />

Guests: $10.00<br />

Purchase Tickets:<br />

11-08-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Tuesday,<br />

<strong>November</strong> 21st<br />

Luiggi’s<br />

4:00-7:00pm<br />

63 Sabattus Street Lewiston<br />

Members: $5.00<br />

Guests: $6.00<br />

Purchase Tickets:<br />

11-08-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Reminder: Please do not call<br />

the restaurants. If you have a<br />

question, please call the office at<br />

207-782-1833 or 207-333-6052<br />

and speak with Jamie. Tickets<br />

must be purchased at the MWA<br />

District Office at 184 Webster<br />

Street Lewiston on the dates/<br />

times listed for each activity.<br />

Menus are subject to change.<br />

No substitutions or add-ons.<br />

Most importantly -<br />

Have Fun!<br />

TELL THEM YOU SAW<br />

THEIR AD IN THE<br />

DIGEST!<br />

Pumpkin’s gotta give.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3


<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

is published by the first Friday<br />

of every month by Lydia<br />

Media LLC with its world<br />

headquarters located at 2<br />

Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B,<br />

Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />

Published and distributed<br />

since 1996 throughout<br />

Central Maine and mailed to<br />

subscribers all over the Free<br />

World. Subscriptions are<br />

$49 .95 /year.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

Office: 207-783-7039<br />

Silence of the yams.<br />

Smile Again<br />

Dentures<br />

Our Team<br />

PAM<br />

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STEVE<br />

SIMARD<br />

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ARSENAULT<br />

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MANAGER<br />

Like our name implies - we’ll help you Smile Again!<br />

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AMY<br />

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SOCIAL MEDIA<br />

TIM<br />

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GRAPHIC<br />

DESIGNER<br />

While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

tries very hard to ensure the<br />

accuracy of the information in our<br />

clients’ advertisements and our<br />

publication in general, we are not<br />

responsible for vendor availability,<br />

typographical errors, technical<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> inaccuracies, Andy’s product <strong>Digest</strong> pricing<br />

errors, or omissions.<br />

4 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

All work done on-site. Repairs usually same day service!<br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins<br />

Licensed<br />

Denturists<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

514-0660<br />

Whatever floats your gravy boat.


JESSE ST LAURENT<br />

Company President<br />

“Jesse goes above and beyond for his Roopers Family and customers. I am<br />

beyond thankful for the opportunity he has given me to experience working<br />

for Roopers. Thank you Jessse!” -Michael Dyer, Warehouse Manager<br />

“Jesse has a personality that brightens everyone’s day. With his background<br />

in education it really shows when he is teaching/educating our Roopers<br />

people. He takes the time and effort to help anyone that asks. I have been<br />

working with Jesse for 12 years and he has taught me many things and<br />

made me reach for opportunities that I would have never even grasped<br />

for if it wasn’t for him believing in me. Steve brought Jesse aboard and he<br />

became a huge part of Roopers culture and has helped the business grow.<br />

I believe he has surpassed any expectations that Steve had for him; I think<br />

Steve would be proud of him.” -Nikki Hernandez, Roopers Senior<br />

Manager, Event Coordinator, Roopers Factotum<br />

“A great leader attracts great people and knows how to hold them together”-<br />

As a newer addition to the Roopers family, Jesse has welcomed me<br />

with his positive attitude and unending charisma. His willingness to help<br />

others is truly inspirational and his integrity is unparalleled, making it easy<br />

to go to work everyday and give 110%. His words of wisdom, pep talks and<br />

dad jokes are unmatched. Thank you, Jesse, for all you do!<br />

-Sara Cote - Personnel Manager<br />

“Jesse has a huge heart, always making sure people are ok and always willing<br />

to give or get whatever he can to improve your situation. He genuinely<br />

cares for everyone and treats all his friends and employees like family. He’s<br />

a huge asset to Roopers and his forward thinking will always keep us headed<br />

in the right direction. Hat’s off to you banana bro!”<br />

-Tim Blue, Buyer/Vendor Relations<br />

“When Jesse started at Roopers 13 years ago in the redemption, not one<br />

of us was sure how things would work out. My father hadn’t had the best<br />

luck hiring family over the years. Through his 12 years working with dad,<br />

Jesse worked every facet of the business. Dad used to joke with him and<br />

say “no matter what challenge I give you, you rise to the occasion.” No<br />

bigger challenge has he faced than the one in the last year. My dad would<br />

be so incredibly proud of how Jesse has taken the reigns of the business<br />

while reeling from the loss of his mentor, father-in-law and boss. Thank<br />

you Jesse for all of your hard work the last 13 years but mostly in the last<br />

year. Roopers is incredibly blessed to have you leading the charge.”<br />

-Stephanie St Laurent, Owner & Loving Wife<br />

"It’s been about ten years since Steve and good fortune brought us<br />

together. In that time, I have learned that Jesse is a good and moral man.<br />

He cares about people, and I’ve never seen him be anything less than a<br />

great dad and husband. There is so much I could say and stories to tell,<br />

however, pressed for brevity, in four words - energetic, charismatic,<br />

motivational, and my favorite, loyal. I am proud to say I have worked, and<br />

I continue to work with Mr. St Laurent.” -Quentin Chapman, Manager of<br />

Maintenance, Security, and IT.<br />

THANK YOU TO AN AMAZING BOSS, COLLEAGUE, AND FRIEND<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5


That joke was cornier than cornbread!<br />

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Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®<br />

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Hats<br />

MUGS<br />

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Innocence<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

A little boy got lost at<br />

the YMCA and found<br />

himself in the ladie’s<br />

locker room.<br />

When he was spotted,<br />

the room burst into<br />

shrieks, with ladies<br />

grabbing towels and<br />

running for cover.<br />

The little boy watched<br />

in amazement and<br />

then asked, “What’s the<br />

matter, haven’t you ever<br />

seen a little boy before?”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

6 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

You gotta keep track of the thyme on Thanksgiving!


Hey, I just met you, and this is gravy. But here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe.<br />

Providing a warm and comfortable<br />

home for our residents.<br />

Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

What a great<br />

turn out!<br />

AFD Deputy Chief<br />

Matt Fifield<br />

Home for senior ladies<br />

The Chapman House has private rooms available<br />

for residents, aged 65 and older, who need<br />

assistance with bathing,<br />

medications, and meals.<br />

Alivia & Cora Skilling<br />

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961<br />

Alyssa & Carl Skilling<br />

I'm so grateful for my butter-half.<br />

Bonnie Iwans<br />

Anthony, Shawna,<br />

& Ethan Gorman<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7


Last Rites<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

Y'all bready for this?<br />

A Catholic man is<br />

struck by a bus in a<br />

busy street. He was<br />

lying near death on the<br />

sidewalk as a crowd<br />

gathered.<br />

“A priest... Somebody<br />

please get me<br />

a priest!” the man<br />

gasped. Long seconds<br />

dragged on but no<br />

one stepped out of the<br />

crowd.<br />

A policeman checked<br />

the crowd and finally<br />

yelled, “A PRIEST,<br />

PLEASE! Isn’t<br />

there a priest in this<br />

crowd to give this man<br />

his last rites?” Finally<br />

out of the crowd<br />

stepped a little old man<br />

in his mid 80’s.<br />

“Mr. Policeman,” said<br />

the man, “I’m not a<br />

priest, I’m not even a<br />

Christian. But for 50<br />

years now, I’ve lived<br />

behind the Catholic<br />

Church on Dunn Avenue,<br />

and every night<br />

I hear their services.<br />

I can recall a lot of it,<br />

and maybe I can be of<br />

some comfort to this<br />

poor man.”<br />

More rolls? You butter believe it!<br />

The policeman agreed,<br />

and cleared the crowd<br />

so the man could get<br />

through to where the<br />

injured man lay. The<br />

old man knelt down,<br />

leaned over the man<br />

and said in a solemn<br />

voice:<br />

Full<br />

B-5....<br />

I-19...<br />

N-38...<br />

G-54...<br />

O-72.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

8 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

There's no more gravy left, and I'm suspecting fowl play.


HAS IT ALL<br />

Your one-stop shop for:<br />

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />

• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />

• Lottery tickets<br />

207-345-5551<br />

• Redemption center<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />

CATERING<br />

Dad’s Redemption Center<br />

Full serve catering at the location of your choice.<br />

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6 ¢<br />

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

UAD exp. 11.30.23 9


Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Hand me the gobble-lets so I can pour the wine.<br />

Don’t let your boiler look like this<br />

Get your yearly boiler<br />

cleaning/servicing<br />

CLEANINGS ONLY<br />

255 .00*<br />

$<br />

255<br />

*Plus materials if needed<br />

Ben, Connor<br />

& Kim Levasseur<br />

CALL TODAY!<br />

207-754-4556<br />

DID YOU KNOW?<br />

Getting your domestic hot water from your boilers<br />

coil is the MOST EXPENSIVE way to get hot water!<br />

Ask about alternatives.<br />

Sorry my Thanksgiving puns are so corny.<br />

Christine Brown,<br />

A Family for ME,<br />

Raising Awareness<br />

for Fostering<br />

Parenting & Adoption<br />

Hey, Mom,<br />

Check me out.<br />

Take Out<br />

Available!<br />

DAILY SPECIALS<br />

MONDAY - CLOSED<br />

TUESDAY<br />

Fried Pickle Basket<br />

Thatcher’s Burger<br />

25oz domestic drafts<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

3 Beef Tacos<br />

Thatcher’s Burrito<br />

Well Margaritas • Coronas<br />

THURSDAY<br />

Stuffed Peppers<br />

Buffalo Chicken Salad<br />

Microbrews<br />

FRIDAY<br />

Clam Cake Basket<br />

Fish & Chips<br />

Connor Levasseur<br />

BLT & FRENCH ONION SOUP<br />

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall<br />

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />

SATURDAY<br />

2 Hot Dogs w/fries<br />

Miller Lite Bottles<br />

SUNDAY<br />

12" Cheese Pizza<br />

Bloody Mary’s<br />

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

10 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

You bake the world a better place.


Turkin' 9 to 5.<br />

Come see Kathy & Joe!<br />

Scan<br />

here to<br />

see our<br />

menu!<br />

Mr. Yankees<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

A Red Sox fan walks<br />

into a Boston pub and<br />

spots a guy wearing<br />

a New York Yankees<br />

cap. “Drinks for everyone<br />

here, bartender!”<br />

shouts the Red Sox<br />

fan. “Except for<br />

Mr. Yankees!”<br />

Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com<br />

Online Ordering<br />

Available!<br />

Now<br />

Hiring<br />

Wait<br />

staff !<br />

DINNER HOURS<br />

Tuesday - Wednesday: 7am-3pm • Sunday: 7am-3pm<br />

dinner: Thurs., Fri., & Sat. 7Am-9pm<br />

Month of <strong>November</strong> Special - Station Grill Burger Night<br />

Thursday 3-9pm $3 off all burgers<br />

<strong>November</strong> SPECIAL<br />

Industry Night<br />

Every Wednesday 25% off your tab<br />

• Rib Eye<br />

• Teriyaki glazed Salmon<br />

• Seafood Casserole<br />

• New York Strip<br />

Full Bar • Cocktails • Beer • Wine<br />

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />

207-333-5062<br />

SCHMENGEES BAR & GRILL<br />

Book your holiday parties now!<br />

Login to our website for available options<br />

<strong>November</strong> 11 Bags fly at 11am<br />

2nd annual $2000<br />

Beast Boards Cornhole<br />

Tournament.<br />

$60 per team - Max 50 teams<br />

The Yankees fan<br />

smiles and says,<br />

“Thank you!”<br />

Infuriated, the Red<br />

Sox fan orders another<br />

round of drinks for<br />

everyone except Mr.<br />

Yankees, who, again,<br />

thanks the man. This<br />

goes on for a while,<br />

until Mr. Red Sox asks<br />

the bartender, “What’s<br />

the matter with that<br />

guy? I’ve ordered<br />

rounds of drinks for<br />

everyone but him, and<br />

all he does is thank<br />

me. Is he nuts?”<br />

“No, he’s not nuts,”<br />

says the bartender.<br />

“He owns the place.”<br />

Stuffed<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Little Timmy was sitting<br />

in his grandmother’s<br />

kitchen, watching her<br />

prepare the Thanksgiving<br />

meal.<br />

“What are you doing?”<br />

he inquired.<br />

“Oh, I’m just stuffing<br />

the turkey,” his grandmother<br />

replied.<br />

“Wow, that’s cool.”<br />

Timmy remarked. “Are<br />

you going to hang it<br />

next to the deer?”<br />

Thyme flies when you're cooking a whole turkey!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11


Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Nice to be part<br />

of this educational<br />

event!<br />

47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

www.firehouseauburn.com<br />

207-376-4959<br />

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />

Closed Thanksgiving Day<br />

Let's just wing it with the turkey this year.<br />

<strong>November</strong> Special<br />

You’ll Love<br />

our Daily<br />

Specials!<br />

$ 8<br />

Apple<br />

Cranberry<br />

Moscow Mule<br />

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey<br />

Maine Forest Ranger<br />

Michele Warner<br />

Joanna<br />

& Aiden Bretton<br />

Check out our<br />

new event<br />

calendar<br />

on page 34 & 35<br />

Kory & Lilah Faletra<br />

The Right<br />

Coverage at the<br />

Right Price.<br />

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts<br />

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting<br />

to claims support, we’ve got you covered.<br />

John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358<br />

john.blanchette@nfp.com<br />

Firefighter Sita West<br />

Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved.<br />

For your business.<br />

For your people.<br />

For your life.<br />

NFP.com<br />

Visit our new NFP office:<br />

681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

12 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

If our turkey was in a band, he'd play the drumsticks.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE<br />

Nobody does<br />

football<br />

sundays<br />

like we do!<br />

Shown here:<br />

Meatloaf with<br />

Mashed Potato/ Gravy<br />

& Ceasar Salad<br />

Come in,<br />

relax, and enjoy the<br />

games with a nice meal<br />

from our fall menu.<br />

Thank you<br />

Veterans for<br />

your service.<br />

Happy<br />

Thanksgiving!<br />

<strong>November</strong> 11th<br />

Free Burger<br />

for Veterans<br />

with a valid military ID<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13


Black<br />

<strong>November</strong><br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

When I was a young<br />

turkey, new to the<br />

coop, my big brother<br />

Mike took me out on<br />

the stoop.<br />

He sat me down, and<br />

spoke real slow, as<br />

he told me there was<br />

something that I had to<br />

know;<br />

His look and his tone I<br />

will always remember,<br />

when he told me of<br />

the horrors of Black<br />

<strong>November</strong>;<br />

Residential Friendly Dumpsters<br />

Bin Sizes:<br />

6 yd. bin- 10’ long x 5.5’ wide - 3’ high<br />

10 yd. bin - 10’ long x 7’ wide - 4’ high<br />

14 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8 wide - 4.5’ high<br />

20 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8’ wide - 6’ high<br />

Baking is my cardio.<br />

Dispatch<br />

Office: 207-224-0337<br />

Cell: 207-212-0736<br />

170 N. Daggett Hill Rd.<br />

Greene, ME 04236<br />

portlandme@bintheredumpthat.com<br />

Our Residential Friendly Design Includes<br />

Easy Load Doube Rear Doors<br />

Driveway Protection Boards<br />

Dependable Friendly Service<br />

207-224-0337<br />

www.bintherdumpthatusa.com<br />

“Come about August,<br />

now listen to me, each<br />

day you’ll be thick,<br />

where once you were<br />

thin, and you’ll grow<br />

a big rubbery thing<br />

under your chin.<br />

And then one morning,<br />

when you’re warm in<br />

your bed, in’ll burst the<br />

farmer’s wife, and hack<br />

off your head;<br />

Then she’ll pluck out all<br />

your feathers so you’re<br />

bald’n pink,<br />

and scoop out all your<br />

insides and leave ya<br />

lyin’ in the sink,<br />

And then comes the<br />

worst part” he said not<br />

bluffing, “She’ll spread<br />

your cheeks and pack<br />

your rear with stuffing.”<br />

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />

7-9pm In our lounge<br />

11/1 - Ron bergeron<br />

11/8 - Blue Sky Canoe<br />

11/15 - Jay Larkin<br />

11/22 - John Hasnip<br />

11/29 - Double Entendre<br />

Well, the rest of his<br />

words were too grim<br />

to repeat, I sat on the<br />

stoop like a winged<br />

piece of meat.<br />

I decided on the spot<br />

(continued on page 17<br />

RoySnow.com<br />

207.782.3734<br />

Serving Maine since 1947<br />

11 Library Ave.<br />

Auburn<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

14 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Getting the longer part of the wishbone is a snap.


Time to get Plymouth rockin' and rolling!<br />

We are thankful for our clients<br />

Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Jon<br />

Mercier<br />

Mark<br />

Turner<br />

Mason<br />

Dupuis<br />

Deb<br />

Morin<br />

Linda<br />

Dupuis<br />

Auburn Fire Chief<br />

Bob Chase<br />

Dustin<br />

Mallar<br />

Brandon<br />

Duarte<br />

Malayka<br />

Harriman<br />

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

207.333.6001<br />

mainesourcehomes.com<br />

Thank<br />

you AFD - nice<br />

open house.<br />

When it comes to baking the dinner rolls, I take the path of yeast resistance.<br />

Wyatt<br />

& Andrew Poulin<br />

THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />

FAMILY<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />

and get a surprise!<br />

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

Members & Guests Welcome!<br />

AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />

Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />

but whose service did not fall into previously<br />

defined war eras may now join<br />

the American Legion immediately. The<br />

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />

war, as determined by Congress.<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

For Veteran or Community services, call<br />

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />

Hall Rentals Available<br />

Call for more<br />

information<br />

207-782-1118<br />

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />

HOURS: Monday - Thursday: 12pm-8pm • Friday: 12pm-11pm<br />

Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm<br />

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS<br />

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in <strong>November</strong><br />

Jerry Joe - <strong>November</strong> 3rd & 17th • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />

BREAKFAST BUFFET | SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19TH, 8-10AM<br />

Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon, baked beans, fried potatoes, crepes, toast,<br />

creton, juices, and coffee - Adults $10 Kids under 10 $5<br />

NOV. 11TH HAPPY VETERANS DAY CELEBRATION<br />

Chili cookoff starting at 11am<br />

NOV. 18TH BARN BOARD PAINT NIGHT<br />

Benefits Auxiliary Children Christmas Fund $25 per painting 4-6pm<br />

HAPPY THANKSGIVING - Canteen opens at 3pm<br />

NOV. 25TH LIVE MUSIC WITH AFTERSIGHT BAND - 7-11pm classic rock<br />

SONS MEETING DATE - 11/13/23<br />

WEDNESDAY NOV. 22 7-11PM BLACKOUT WEDNESDAY WITH JEAN LOUIS<br />

DINNER NOV. 25TH - Pasta Bar, Salad, Dinner Roll, & Dessert $12 4-6pm<br />

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 TH<br />

EXECTUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP 7PM<br />

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25<br />

You think Thanksgiving dinner is done? You ain't seen stuffing yet.<br />

Auburn Firefighters,<br />

Nathan St. Laurent<br />

& Erin Norton<br />

Auburn Police Officer,<br />

Dennis Matthews<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15


Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Owen Harrison<br />

A turkey got into a fight and got the stuffing knocked out of him!<br />

Hours<br />

Mon.-Fri. 9am-8pm Sat. & Sun. 9am-3pm<br />

Massage, facials and body treatments<br />

Carve out some<br />

time for a massage<br />

Fall in love with your skin!<br />

11 Mechanic Falls Rd. Oxford, Maine<br />

essencewellnessspa.com | 207-539-5128<br />

Olivea Veilleux<br />

& Maintenance<br />

Helping keep your<br />

home healthy<br />

Now offering<br />

dryer vent<br />

cleaning<br />

& Air duct<br />

cleanings<br />

10% OFF<br />

CLEANINGS<br />

CALL NOW!<br />

207-619-0868<br />

Karen Veilleux<br />

I wish I could<br />

train these<br />

two guys!<br />

Local Excavation Company<br />

Commercial, Residential<br />

excavation, & Site work<br />

Now scheduling for<br />

spring & summer 2024<br />

State Fire Marshal’s<br />

Andrew Whitney,<br />

Cheeto,<br />

& Mark Veilleux<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

16 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

shawn@hirdcontracting.com 207.754.2343<br />

If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? A goblet.


Today's kids are studying in History what we studied in Current Events.<br />

Shows start at 7 p.m.<br />

Doors /cash bar open at 6 p.m.<br />

Tickets<br />

on sale<br />

now!<br />

Nov. 9, 10, 11<br />

ALL ARE<br />

WELCOME<br />

46 Cedar St., Lewiston<br />

207-689-2000<br />

Thursday: Tightest Five $15 advance / $20 door<br />

Friday: Rodney Norman $20 advance $25 door<br />

Saturday: Kelly MacFarland $20 adv/$25 door<br />

Robert Washington<br />

as<br />

Elvis<br />

7 p.m. Friday, Nov. 17<br />

Doors /cash bar open at 6 p.m.<br />

Prices include fees:<br />

Advance $30<br />

At door $35<br />

Robert Washington is the first black man to win the “Elvis Impersonator World<br />

Championship” title! He is the real deal! Don’t miss this performance! Date night!<br />

Mark Your Calendars for These Franco Center Events:<br />

Wednesday, Nov. 1 at noon: Free presentation by author Mary Morton Cowan<br />

Wednesdays, Nov. 8, 15, and Dec. 20 at 10 a.m.: Dance Lessons $5<br />

Holiday Pie Sale, $20 each, until Nov. 16. Pick up Nov. 21-22.<br />

Thursdays, Nov. 9, 30 at 10:30 a.m.: Free French Conversation meet-ups<br />

Saturday, Nov. 18 from 4:30-6 p.m.<br />

• Beans<br />

• Cole Slaw<br />

• Hot Dogs<br />

• Brown Bread<br />

• Fresh Baked Biscuits<br />

• Coffee, Lemonade,<br />

Tea<br />

• Desserts<br />

Tickets are $10<br />

for adults and<br />

$5 for children.<br />

(continued from page 14)<br />

that to avoid being<br />

cooked, I’d have to lay<br />

low and remain<br />

overlooked;<br />

I began a new diet<br />

of nuts and granola.<br />

High-roughage salads,<br />

juice, and diet cola.<br />

As they ate pastries,<br />

chocolates and<br />

crepes, I stayed in<br />

my room doing Jane<br />

Fonda tapes.<br />

I maintained my weight<br />

of two pounds and a<br />

half, and tried not to<br />

notice when the bigger<br />

birds laughed;<br />

But ‘twas I who was<br />

laughing, under<br />

my breath, as they<br />

chomped and they<br />

chewed, ever closer to<br />

death;<br />

Sure enough when<br />

Black <strong>November</strong> rolled<br />

around, I was the last<br />

turkey left in the entire<br />

compound;<br />

So now I’m a pet in the<br />

farmer’s wife’s lap;<br />

I haven’t a worry, so I<br />

eat and I nap,<br />

She held me today,<br />

while sewing and<br />

humming, smiled at me<br />

and said “Christmas is<br />

coming........”<br />

Underwriter<br />

Media Sponsors<br />

BENNETT RADIO GROUP<br />

The best book to read in autumn is Gourd of the Rings.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17


Sad Story<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

A man sits in his seat<br />

on an airplane and<br />

starts reading a newspaper.<br />

Suddenly the<br />

woman next to him is<br />

sobbing.<br />

“What’s wrong?” he<br />

asks.<br />

She replies, “That<br />

headline is SO sad!”<br />

The man reads the<br />

headline, “Brazilians<br />

die in protest,” and<br />

says, “That really upsets<br />

you, doesn’t it?”<br />

“Well, yeah,” the<br />

woman says. “I don’t<br />

even know how many a<br />

Brazilian is!”<br />

Fully Aware<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey.<br />

We want to<br />

congratulate our<br />

very own for being<br />

nominated for<br />

Uplift LA’s<br />

Finest Under 40<br />

Scan to vote now!<br />

Best in TRADES<br />

Cast your vote at<br />

upliftlamaine.com/finest-under-40/<br />

Voting ends <strong>November</strong> 17<br />

debloiselectric.com | 207.783.6512<br />

Nate Mercier is an apprentice<br />

electrician committed to his<br />

professional<br />

development.<br />

His positivity<br />

and commitment<br />

to<br />

team work<br />

is welcomed<br />

on every job<br />

Nate Mercier<br />

site. We look<br />

forward to his bright future!<br />

Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from poor judgement.<br />

Two paramedics were<br />

dispatched to check<br />

on a 92-year-old man<br />

who had become disoriented.<br />

They decided<br />

to take him to the hospital<br />

for evaluation.<br />

En route, with siren<br />

going, they questioned<br />

the man to determine<br />

his level of awareness.<br />

Leaning close,<br />

one asked, “Sir, do<br />

you know what we’re<br />

doing right now?”<br />

The old man slowly<br />

looked up at him, then<br />

gazed out the ambulance<br />

window.<br />

“Oh,” he replied, “I’d<br />

say about 50, maybe<br />

55.”<br />

DON’T KNOW<br />

WHAT TO DO<br />

NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />

WATER FIRE MOLD<br />

For any disaster,<br />

call ServiceMaster!<br />

29 Brickyard Circle,<br />

Auburn<br />

(800) 244-7630<br />

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

18 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

The apple pie had to go to the dentist because it needed a filling.


You know you overdid it at Thanksgiving when you thought the serving size<br />

for turkey was one.<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

NOW AVAILABLE - ONLINE ORDERING<br />

Breakfast served all day<br />

Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Jay & Domenic Peloso<br />

Order Your<br />

Holiday Platters Early!<br />

87 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />

207-753-0171<br />

rollysnewauburn.com<br />

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday<br />

David Bilodeau,<br />

Tri-County Mental<br />

Health Services<br />

Out & About at the Auburn Fire Department<br />

Jesse Strickland,<br />

Tri-County Mental<br />

Health Services<br />

Gabriel & Josh Roy<br />

Jaws of Life demonstration.<br />

Jessica McNally<br />

& Anthony Purgoss<br />

A small pepper in late autumn is a little chili.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19


Great<br />

Holiday<br />

Ideas!<br />

Trees are so carefree and easy going because every fall, they let loose.<br />

• Cashews<br />

• Almonds<br />

• Spanish<br />

• Blanch<br />

• Redskins<br />

• Mixed Nuts<br />

• Pistachios<br />

• Needhams<br />

• Lindt Truffles<br />

• Candy Bars<br />

• Merckens Melts<br />

• & MORE!<br />

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com<br />

Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p (By appointment only 12-1)<br />

Poisson & Sons Auto Care<br />

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />

<strong>November</strong><br />

Stickers are due!<br />

Welcoming new students for<br />

in person lessons!<br />

LA’S # 1 STOP FOR ALL<br />

YOUR MUSIC NEEDS!<br />

LESSONS • REPAIRS<br />

SALES • RENTALS<br />

Main Street Music Lessons<br />

33 Dunn Street, Auburn<br />

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />

207-376-3376<br />

BRING Home Cooking HOME<br />

Offering homemade meals,<br />

snacks, and treats to eat-in<br />

or take home.<br />

~ fresh or frozen ~<br />

~ single or family-size ~<br />

meals • soups • salads • desserts<br />

7 main st., gray | 657.1092 | twomumskitchen.com<br />

Camping Season is coming<br />

to a close<br />

New<br />

Arrivals<br />

daily!<br />

Now is the time to check out our inventory of new 2024 RV’s.<br />

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER<br />

848 Main Street, Oxford<br />

207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com<br />

Coupon<br />

Any Appetizer half price<br />

or $3 off any sandwich<br />

Offer ends 12/31/23<br />

675 Main St. Lewiston | 207.753.1446<br />

Michael Giambra<br />

G<br />

PAINTING & DRYWALL<br />

COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL<br />

G<br />

&<br />

207-754-9798<br />

giambra34@gmail.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

20 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.


The scarecrow won a Nobel Prize for being outstanding in his field.<br />

Casa<br />

Taco<br />

Del<br />

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn<br />

CATERING<br />

• Dinner parties<br />

• Weddings<br />

• Family gatherings<br />

• Corporate lunches<br />

Call us today!<br />

207.754.5417<br />

SPEACIAL<br />

HOLIDAY<br />

ADVERTISNG<br />

OFFER<br />

FULL SERVICE &<br />

REPAIR SHOP<br />

Heavy Duty Truck &<br />

Equipment Repairs<br />

State Inspection Station<br />

Commercial & Motor Vehicle Stickers<br />

Appointment Only<br />

FOR DECEMBER <strong>2023</strong> ONLY<br />

Contact us for details 207-783-7039<br />

Blessing<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

Once a woman invited<br />

some people to dinner.<br />

At the table, she<br />

turned to their sixyear-old<br />

daughter and<br />

said,<br />

“Would you like to say<br />

the blessing?”<br />

“I wouldn’t know what<br />

to say,” the girl replied.<br />

“Just say what you<br />

hear mommy say,” the<br />

woman answered.<br />

The daughter bowed<br />

her head and said,<br />

“Lord, why on earth<br />

did I invite all these<br />

people to dinner?”<br />

First Time<br />

Turkey<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

It was the first time Pam<br />

was eating Thanksgiving<br />

dinner without her<br />

family. Trying to re-enact<br />

the tradition, she<br />

prepared a dinner for<br />

herself alone. The next<br />

day, her mother called<br />

to see how everything<br />

went.<br />

“Oh, mother, I made<br />

myself a lovely dinner,<br />

but I had so much<br />

trouble trying to eat<br />

the turkey!” said the<br />

daughter.<br />

“Did it not taste good?”<br />

her mother asked.<br />

“I don’t know,” Pam<br />

said. “It wouldn’t sit<br />

still!”<br />

207.784.8293<br />

250 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.<br />

It's all about raisin awareness.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21


Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

Roice, Donnie,<br />

& Dawson Hawley<br />

We are<br />

looking for<br />

new crew<br />

mates!<br />

Servers, Bartenders,<br />

Kitchen positions<br />

available<br />

If you have the skills<br />

you want to show off,<br />

come down<br />

& sail with us!<br />

Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff.<br />

Join us for<br />

Thanksgiving dinner<br />

open 11am - 6pm<br />

Serving traditional full<br />

course holiday menu<br />

& a limited menu<br />

Book your holiday<br />

* reservations & parties<br />

today before we are filled!<br />

We have more than seafood!<br />

Our Prime Rib & Chicken Parm are fan favorites.<br />

You won’t leave hungry!<br />

Check Out Our Weekly Specials<br />

Our menu has something<br />

everyone can enjoy!<br />

165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday<br />

Out & About at the Exchange Club<br />

LA Communications<br />

Center Mark Cayer<br />

Tim Rucker, Gary Veilleux, and Mike Matthieu<br />

LA Communications<br />

Center<br />

Shakoria Anderson<br />

Eligible for Medicare?<br />

CALL US TODAY<br />

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.<br />

LA Communications<br />

Center<br />

Destiny Giroux<br />

30+<br />

Years of<br />

Experience!<br />

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

22 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious. I told him he had zero proof.


24 Hour<br />

Service<br />

235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />

207-777-5600<br />

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />

protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.<br />

Now offering<br />

medical benefits!<br />

Fully Insured<br />

Turkeys love eating peach gobbler for dessert.<br />

Brian handles the bank’s<br />

underwriting needs for<br />

all secondary market<br />

and portfolio loans without<br />

a hitch. He helps in<br />

all consumer lending,<br />

commercial portfolios<br />

for all new credits, and<br />

Brian Casey renewals. Brian has<br />

second-to-none analytical skills and regularly<br />

volunteers for his local school<br />

system, which makes him truly<br />

deserving of recognition.<br />

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />

IS GROWING!<br />

We are seeking<br />

MOTIVATED<br />

SERVICE<br />

TECHNICIANS<br />

& INSTALLERS<br />

to join our team!<br />

Air Conditioning & Heating<br />

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />

and the surrounding communities!<br />

We want to congratulate<br />

our very own for being<br />

nominated for Uplift LA’s<br />

Finest Under 40<br />

Cast your vote at<br />

upliftlamaine.com/finest-under-40/<br />

Voting ends <strong>November</strong> 17<br />

With her high knowledge<br />

of retail banking<br />

and lending skills, Cara<br />

handles any challenge<br />

thrown her way. She has<br />

a great retail staff and<br />

always makes the people<br />

around her better,<br />

which is a true mark of<br />

cara dyer<br />

greatness. Additionally, Cara<br />

devotes time to the LA Metro<br />

Chamber, United Way, and<br />

other local organizations. She is<br />

truly deserving of recognition.<br />

auburnsavings.com | 207.782.6871<br />

Scan to vote now!<br />

Missing You<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

Tom went on a business<br />

trip for a few<br />

days.<br />

When he returned, his<br />

wife Denise reported<br />

that the dog really<br />

missed him.<br />

“She spent every<br />

night at the front door,<br />

awaiting your return,”<br />

Denise said.<br />

“What an example of<br />

true love,” Tom replied.<br />

“I wonder if you’d be<br />

that concerned about<br />

me?”<br />

“Honey,” Denise<br />

answered, “if you were<br />

gone overnight, and I<br />

didn’t know where you<br />

were, you can be sure<br />

I’d be waiting for you at<br />

the front door.”<br />

TELL OUR<br />

ADVERTISERS YOU<br />

SAW THEIR AD IN<br />

THE DIGEST!<br />

Pilgram’s<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Grandma was showing<br />

the children a painting<br />

of the Pilgrim Family<br />

on a Thanksgiving<br />

Day card that they had<br />

received and commented,<br />

“The Pilgrim<br />

children enjoyed going<br />

to church with their<br />

mother and father and<br />

praying to God.”<br />

Her youngest grandson<br />

looked at her<br />

doubtfully and asked,<br />

“Then why is their Dad<br />

carrying that rifle?”<br />

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23


What did the little tree say to the big tree? — Leaf me alone.<br />

<strong>November</strong> is<br />

National Home Healthcare +<br />

Hospice Month<br />

Call: 207-777-7740<br />

Shuga Shak Country Store<br />

Gift cards are<br />

available<br />

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p<br />

Order<br />

our gift<br />

baskets!<br />

We Have J-Macs Salsa<br />

Maple Baked Beans<br />

every Saturday!<br />

Wine • Local Products<br />

Honey • Pickles • Jams<br />

Candies • Crafts...<br />

and much more!<br />

Ice Cream & Lobster<br />

& More<br />

450 Pigeon Hill Road<br />

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls<br />

207-576-7886<br />

What reads and lives in an apple? — A bookworm.<br />

The proud publisher for<br />

both local magazines!<br />

2 GREAT FALLS PLAZA, SUITE 1B, AUBURN | 207.783.7039 | UNCLEANDYS.COM | LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

24 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat,<br />

the more food we get.


As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.<br />

HAPPY HOUR<br />

4-6PM DAILY<br />

SUNDAYS<br />

Bloody Marys<br />

3Z TOPP<br />

Saturday, <strong>November</strong> 18<br />

7-11pm<br />

BAZINGA<br />

Saturday, <strong>November</strong> 25<br />

7-11pm<br />

Check our FB page for ticket info<br />

Make our favorite place, your favorite place!<br />

99 Ash St., Lewiston | 207.783.068 | Open 7 days 10a - close<br />

A Memento<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

Seeing her friend Sarah<br />

wearing a new locket,<br />

Karen asks if there is a<br />

memento of some sort<br />

inside.<br />

“Yes,” says Sarah, “a<br />

lock of my husband’s<br />

hair.”<br />

“But Eric’s still alive?”<br />

“I know, but his hair is<br />

gone.”<br />

Out & About At the Auburn Fire Department<br />

Chief Bob Chase with Cheeto of the State Fire Marshal's Office<br />

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2023</strong> specials!<br />

Roy’s<br />

FOODLAND<br />

Get your<br />

Thanksgiving<br />

needs here<br />

Best Chicken &<br />

Ham Salad<br />

IN THE WORLD!<br />

Try our hamburger,<br />

it’s the best!<br />

Walking<br />

Economy<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

This guy is walking with<br />

his friend, who happens<br />

to be a psychologist. He<br />

says to this friend, “I’m a<br />

walking economy.”<br />

The friend asks, “How<br />

so?”<br />

SATURDAY<br />

Beans, bread/rolls &<br />

cole slaw<br />

$11.99<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Ham, Veggie, Salami,<br />

or Pepperoni Italians<br />

$3.49<br />

PIZZA PACKS<br />

Pizza<br />

Packs<br />

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Beanie Babies<br />

on Sale Here!<br />

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Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />

“My hair line is in recession,<br />

my stomach is a<br />

victim of inflation, and<br />

both of these together<br />

are putting me into a<br />

deep depression!”<br />

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25


Out & About<br />

At the Auburn Fire<br />

Department<br />

The poul-tree comes before the Christmas tree.<br />

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />

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Let Us Insure All Your Outdoor Toys!<br />

Visit our new location at: 243 Mount Auburn Ave., Suite C, Auburn<br />

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

May <strong>2023</strong><br />

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Hi Peggy,<br />

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Please review your<br />

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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

26 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

COOK UP A STORM. DURING A STORM.<br />

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Pilgrims’<br />

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UAD May <strong>2023</strong> Page 22<br />

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The potato farmer ran a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day<br />

to raise mashed potatoes.<br />

Pumpkin Pie<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER<br />

NEW MEMBERS!<br />

Dube’s Flower Shop<br />

www.dubesflowers.com<br />

Rheap Data<br />

www.rheapdata.com<br />

Jolene was only eight<br />

years old and lived<br />

way out in the country<br />

with her parents who<br />

rarely entertained<br />

any visitors. One day<br />

Jolene’s mother said<br />

that her father was<br />

bringing two guests<br />

home for Thanksgiving<br />

supper.<br />

75 Park<br />

www.75Park.com<br />

Career Labs<br />

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Bab’s Table<br />

On Facebook at Bab’s Table LLC<br />

The Drop In Center<br />

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After they had enjoyed<br />

the turkey, Jolene went<br />

to the kitchen to help<br />

her mother. She proudly<br />

brought out the first<br />

piece of pumpkin pie<br />

and gave it to her father,<br />

who then passed<br />

the plate to a guest.<br />

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM<br />

The problem with the gene pool is there's no life guard.<br />

Out & About at the Auburn Fire Department<br />

When Jolene came out<br />

with the second piece<br />

and gave it to her father,<br />

he again gave it to<br />

a guest. This was too<br />

much for the little girl.<br />

“It’s no use, Daddy,”<br />

she cried. “The pieces<br />

are all the same size.”<br />

Discovery<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

Most folks believe that<br />

Ben Franklin discovered<br />

electricity with<br />

his famous kite<br />

experiment.<br />

Actually, a women<br />

made that discovery<br />

possible. The real<br />

story was that Ben<br />

Franklin was laying in<br />

bed with his wife one<br />

night, leaned over and<br />

whispered something<br />

in her ear.<br />

Brian Martin teaches young Mr. Cyr hose techniques.<br />

She told him to go fly a<br />

kite. The rest is history.<br />

Did you hear about the sad cranberry? It was actually a blueberry.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27


CALL THE PROS<br />

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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

28 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Cider mills keep track of their inventory on an Apple iPad.


CALL THE PROS<br />

christiegravel@masiello.com travisbashaw@masiello.com reneeroy@masiello.com<br />

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Investors knew Apple’s stock was going to go up because they had incider information.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29


Last Minute<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

It’s the day before<br />

Thanksgiving, and the<br />

butcher is just locking<br />

up when George begins<br />

pounding on the<br />

front door.<br />

“Please let me in,”<br />

says George desperately.<br />

“I forgot to buy<br />

a turkey, and my wife<br />

will kill me if I don’t<br />

come home with one.”<br />

“Okay,” says the<br />

butcher. “Let me see<br />

what I have left.” He<br />

goes into the freezer<br />

and discovers<br />

that there’s one last<br />

scrawny turkey left. He<br />

brings it out to show<br />

George.<br />

“That’s one is too<br />

skinny. What else you<br />

got?” George asks.<br />

The butcher takes<br />

the bird back into the<br />

freezer, waits a few<br />

minutes and brings the<br />

same turkey back out<br />

and shows George.<br />

“Oh, no!” responds<br />

George, “That one<br />

doesn’t look any better.<br />

You better give me<br />

both of them!’<br />

Peter Pan<br />

Pun<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

Why is Peter Pan<br />

always flying?<br />

He never, neverlands.<br />

I like this joke because<br />

it never grows old!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

30 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women,<br />

an occasional animal, and the common cold.<br />

Muriel celebrated...<br />

her 90th birthday with us<br />

and can't wait for the next party!<br />

The Meadows<br />

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we have availability starting<br />

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Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 11a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p<br />

Come Check<br />

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BUSINESS<br />

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Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire<br />

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Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />

Brian DuBois<br />

& Sue Marston<br />

Leonard Kimble,<br />

Great Falls Comedy Club<br />

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528 Lincoln Street<br />

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Sue Marston<br />

& Steve Simard<br />

Children are a great comfort to us in our old age, and they help us reach it faster too.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31


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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

32 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

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I’m sick of the ‘soup of the day’, It’s time we make a decision.<br />

I need to know what ‘soup from now on’ is.<br />

We want to<br />

congratulate our<br />

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Cast your vote at<br />

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Voting ends<br />

<strong>November</strong> 17<br />

brannlaw.com | 207.786.3566<br />

Best in Civic &<br />

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Jamie enjoys putting her skills to work to<br />

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and local tax, from<br />

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compliance, to audits and litigation. Jamie<br />

serves on the Board of Directors for Community<br />

Dental of Maine. She is also involved with<br />

the Maine State Bar Association Women’s Law<br />

Section and Maine Women’s Business Network.<br />

Visit brannlaw.com to learn more about the legal<br />

services that Jamie and her colleagues offer.<br />

Scientists created a six-legged turkey for families who fight over the drumsticks. But the<br />

turkeys escaped, and no one can catch them.<br />

Out & About at the Exchange Club<br />

Applicants<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Murphy applied for an<br />

engineering position at<br />

a firm based in Ohio.<br />

John applied for the<br />

same job and both<br />

applicants having the<br />

same qualifications<br />

were asked to take a<br />

test by the Department<br />

manager.<br />

Upon completion of<br />

the test both men only<br />

missed one of the<br />

questions.<br />

The manager went<br />

to Murphy and said,<br />

“Thank you for your<br />

interest, but we’ve<br />

decided to give John<br />

the job”<br />

Murphy: “Why would<br />

you be doing that? We<br />

both got 9 questions<br />

correct.”<br />

Manager: “We have<br />

made our decision<br />

not on the correct<br />

answers, but on the<br />

question you both<br />

missed.”<br />

Murphy: “And just how<br />

would one incorrect<br />

answer be better than<br />

the other?”<br />

Manager: “Simple,<br />

John put down on<br />

question # 5, “I don’t<br />

know”. You put down<br />

“Neither do I”.<br />

Mike Matthieu, Jonathan Morin, and Tim Rucker<br />

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33


| EVENTS |<br />

NOVEMBER<br />

Adam West<br />

Pauline Taylor<br />

<strong>November</strong> 2<br />

Lewiston Senior<br />

Cribbage League<br />

Lewiston Armory<br />

60 Central Ave Lewiston<br />

Doors open at 8 am<br />

Play starts at 9am<br />

FMI Roger - 207.212.9253<br />

or Anita - 207.576.4853<br />

Film and Discussion<br />

"The Janes"<br />

Olin Arts Center<br />

75 Russell St. Lewiston<br />

6:30 – 9:30pm<br />

207-786-6135<br />

Fire & Friends<br />

in New Gloucester<br />

Brickyard Hollow Brewing<br />

437 Lewiston Rd.<br />

New Gloucester<br />

5:30 – 7:30 PM<br />

Pub Trivia<br />

Olive Pit Brewing Co.<br />

16 Main St. Lisbon Falls<br />

6 pm<br />

Seed Sowing Workshop<br />

Lewiston Public Library<br />

200 Lisbon St.<br />

3:30 – 5:30pm<br />

LPLKids@lewistonmaine.gov<br />

<strong>November</strong> 3<br />

University of New England<br />

vs. Bates College<br />

Underhill Arena<br />

145 Russell St. Lewiston<br />

6pm<br />

Murder Mystery Dinner<br />

Party Murder at Sea<br />

WillowsAwake Winery<br />

& No.10 Eatery,<br />

10 Leeds Junction Rd<br />

Leeds<br />

6 – 9 PM<br />

Tix - www.eventbrite.com<br />

Search WillowsAwake Winery<br />

<strong>November</strong> 3<br />

The Thanksgiving Play<br />

Schaeffer Theater<br />

305 College St. Lewiston<br />

7:30<br />

207-786-6161<br />

<strong>November</strong> 4<br />

Daniel Tiger's Grriffic<br />

Literacy Tour<br />

Lewiston Public Library<br />

200 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />

11am – 12pm<br />

tinyurl.com/2vd4kftu<br />

"The Drowsy Chaperone"<br />

Community Little Theatre<br />

30 Academy St.<br />

2:00<br />

laclt.com<br />

Battle of the Blends XXVIII<br />

Franco Center<br />

46 Cedar St. Lewiston<br />

7 – 9pm<br />

francocenter.org<br />

<strong>November</strong> 6<br />

The Thanksgiving Play<br />

Schaeffer Theater<br />

329 College St. Lewiston<br />

7:30 PM<br />

207-513-3004<br />

NOVember 7<br />

Start Up Session<br />

Lewiston Auburn<br />

Metropolitan Chamber of<br />

Commerce<br />

415 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />

5:00 – 6:30pm<br />

free to public<br />

Fall Slow Flow Yoga<br />

Auburn Public Library<br />

49 Spring St. Auburn<br />

4:30-5:30pm<br />

207-333-6640, ext. 4<br />

<strong>November</strong> 9-11<br />

Bricks & Bridges Comedy<br />

Fest<br />

Franco Center<br />

46 Cedar St. Lewiston<br />

207.689.2000<br />

bricksandbridges.me<br />

<strong>November</strong> 9<br />

Sliders Sports Pub<br />

Live Acoustic Music<br />

with Andrew Dostie<br />

6pm Lewiston Mall<br />

Find more events on our<br />

Facebook page<br />

LA Metro Chamber<br />

of Commerce<br />

<strong>November</strong> Breakfast<br />

14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn<br />

6:45am to 9am<br />

Hilton Garden Inn Riverwatch<br />

lametrochamber.com<br />

<strong>November</strong> 10<br />

Maine Nordiques vs.<br />

Rochester Jr. Americans<br />

The Colisée<br />

190 Birch St. Lewiston<br />

7:30<br />

www.thecolisee.com<br />

<strong>November</strong> 11<br />

Casa Del Taco Veterans<br />

Special<br />

32 Riverside Drive Auburn<br />

8-10pm<br />

207-754-5417<br />

"My Witch: The Margaret<br />

Hamilton Stories"<br />

The Public Theatre<br />

31 Maple St. Lewiston<br />

3:00<br />

thepublictheatre.org/my-witch<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

34 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong>


| EVENTS |<br />

Don Boudreau,<br />

"E. P. Rock"<br />

Elvis Tribute Artest<br />

<strong>2023</strong><br />

<strong>November</strong> 11<br />

Beast Boards Cornhole<br />

Tournament<br />

Schmengees Bar & Grill<br />

103 Lincoln Street Lewiston<br />

$60/team • Bags fly at 11am<br />

207-333-5062<br />

<strong>November</strong> 12<br />

Bates College Choir<br />

Olin Arts Center<br />

75 Russell St. Lewiston<br />

3:00<br />

Maine Bulldogs<br />

Vs. Bennington<br />

65 Central Ave.<br />

Lewiston<br />

1:00 pm<br />

mainebulldogs.com<br />

<strong>November</strong> 14<br />

Building a<br />

Human-Centered<br />

Workplace<br />

University of Southern<br />

Maine Lewiston-Auburn<br />

College<br />

51 Westminster St. Lewiston<br />

7:45 – 9:30am<br />

cmhra.org/events<br />

<strong>November</strong> 15<br />

Crafting Circle<br />

Lewiston Public Library<br />

200 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />

5 pm • 207-513-3135<br />

<strong>November</strong> 16<br />

Sliders Sports Pub<br />

Live Acoustic Music<br />

with Jay Larkin<br />

6pm Lewiston Mall<br />

Find more events on our<br />

Facebook page<br />

<strong>November</strong> 17<br />

Elvis Tribute Concert<br />

Franco Center<br />

46 Cedar St. Lewiston<br />

7 – 9pm<br />

francocenter.org<br />

207.689.2000<br />

<strong>November</strong> 17<br />

AARP Maine "The Fight<br />

for Fair Electric Rates"<br />

Auburn Public Library<br />

49 Spring St.<br />

10am– 2 pm<br />

207-333-6640<br />

Maine's Wicked Funny<br />

Laugh Off<br />

Lost Valley Brew Pub<br />

Tickets $15 6pm<br />

greatfallscomedyclub.com<br />

<strong>November</strong> 18<br />

Baked Bean Supper<br />

Franco Center<br />

46 Cedar St. Lewiston<br />

4:30 – 6:30pm<br />

207-783-1585<br />

Dirty McCurdy<br />

American Legion Post 31<br />

426 Washington St. Auburn<br />

7:30pm<br />

Tickets - 1-800-427-3483<br />

$15 per person or two for<br />

$25<br />

Tickets $20 pp at the door<br />

<strong>November</strong> 18<br />

Uplift LA's Finest<br />

Under 40 Celebration<br />

Baxter Brewing<br />

5:00pm-8:00pm<br />

upliftlamaine.com/finest-under-40<br />

Barn Board Paint Night<br />

American Legion Post 153<br />

71 South Main St. Auburn<br />

4:00pm-6:00pm<br />

$25 per painting<br />

Benefits Auxillary Children<br />

Christmas Fund<br />

Calm Before<br />

The Holidays Party<br />

American Legion Post 31<br />

426 Washington St. North<br />

Auburn<br />

7:30-11:00pm<br />

<strong>November</strong> 18<br />

3Z Topp<br />

The Cage 7-11pm<br />

97 Ash St, Lewiston<br />

Check Facbook for tickets<br />

<strong>November</strong> 19<br />

USM Vs. Bates<br />

Women’s Basketball<br />

2 Andrews Rd, Lewiston<br />

5:30 – 7:30pm<br />

Streaming Video: https://<br />

www.littleeast.tv/southernmaine/<br />

<strong>November</strong> 22<br />

Sliders Sports Pub<br />

LA Harley Band<br />

6pm Lewiston Mall<br />

Find more events on our<br />

Facebook page<br />

Blackout Wednesday w/<br />

Jean Louis<br />

American Legion Post 153<br />

71 South Main St. Auburn<br />

7-11pm<br />

NOVember 23<br />

Thanksgiving Day<br />

NOVember 25<br />

Bazinga<br />

The Cage<br />

97 Ash St, Lewiston<br />

7-11pm<br />

Check Facbook for tickets<br />

Gray-New Gloucester at<br />

Edward Little<br />

Edward Little High School<br />

77 Harris St. Auburn<br />

10am<br />

www.maxpreps.com<br />

NOvember 29<br />

AARP Maine Coffee<br />

Lewiston/Auburn<br />

Happy Days Diner<br />

67 Mill St. Auburn<br />

8:30 – 10:00am<br />

Janet & Jeannine Cyr<br />

Lindsay Analetto<br />

ADVERTISERS GET 2 FREE<br />

EVENTS TO PUT<br />

ON THE CALANDAR.<br />

NON-ADVERTISERS<br />

$25 PER EVENT.<br />

BILLING@UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />

OR CALL 207-783-7039<br />

ASK FOR STEPHANIE<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35


Check out just one of my reviews...<br />

Looking to Buy or Sell? I look forward to working with you NEXT.<br />

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during our house search for the past 4 years. Cindy has great expertise in the real estate field<br />

and she will always do what is best for her clients. Cindy was always available for questions, she<br />

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home buying process smooth while providing exceptional service! ” — Anonymous, August <strong>2023</strong><br />

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />

We are stronger together<br />

Debbie Bodwell<br />

NMLS# 280336<br />

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />

207.754.3962<br />

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.<br />

Your local guide to... well, just about anything!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />

36 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2023</strong>

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