Shame European Stories_ E-Book_Ireland

SHAME
EUROPEAN STORIES

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All human beings are born free and equal in dignity
and rights.
Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

GUIDO FLURI
«Shame - European Stories» – Europe can restore a piece of justice
The people who had their pictures taken for the exhibition «Shame - European
Stories» bear witness. They tell of the abuse they have experienced. They tell of the
abuse they had to endure. Their stories are staggering. So much suffering has been
inflicted. In our society.
Those affected come from the most diverse countries in Europe. Their life stories are
different, and yet we recognize parallels. It is not only about the abuse of the past. It
is also about life afterward. To this day, many of those affected suffer from injustice
and shame. Many are psychologically burdened and live in poverty because of the
experiences of violence. Above all, however, they suffer from the significant silence
in society and politics. They were left alone as children and are now left to fend for
themselves in old age.
Coming to terms with history
In Switzerland, too, the cases of abuse were tabooed for decades. In state and
church institutions and private homes, thousands of children were systematically
humiliated, chastised, and sometimes sexually abused. On farms, tens of thousands
of children were exploited as cheap laborers. There were forced sterilizations,
castrations, and abortions. Drugs were tested on hundreds of unsuspecting patients
in Swiss psychiatric clinics. This dark chapter of Swiss social history was left
undiscussed for decades. The victims were neither heard nor did they dare speak
of their fates. They were ashamed of the abuse they had experienced. They were
without rights.
Against this background, my foundation launched a popular initiative in Switzerland
and succeeded – thanks to the great solidarity of the population and politicians.
Today, more than 10,000 victims have received reparations; it is a solidarity
contribution to amend the suffered injustice. Today, the history of the abuses is
being comprehensively reviewed countrywide. There are memorials throughout the
country, the subject is taught in schools, books are written, and films are produced.
The dark chapter of Swiss social history is now an integral part of Swiss history. No
one affected must hide today; they are now able to say, «I am a victim, and I have
been wronged.»
Coming to terms with the past in Europe
The values on which Europe is founded include respect for human dignity, freedom
and equality, the rule of law, and respect for human rights. In a few countries in
Europe, efforts have been made to alleviate suffering. In most countries, a serious
confrontation with the abuse has not yet taken place.
When victim groups from all over Europe approached our foundation with the aim of
networking and starting a European initiative, as in Switzerland, we realized we had
to support this project.
The exhibition «Shame - European Stories» should open our eyes and pave the way
for a just solution in Europe. The Council of Europe’s support for this exhibition is
not only honorable, it is meaningful. It shows that Europe, as a community of values,
wants change. The victims, those affected, the survivors - must all receive justice in
their lifetime.
Guido Fluri
Initiator of the European «Justice Initiative»

YLVA JOHANSSON
In the last two years, something has happened that I didn’t see coming. Child sexual
abuse survivors found their voice, overcoming shame, trauma, and stigma. Survivors
have organized a global and European movement, and demand to be heard.
Ylva Johansson
European Commissioner for Home Affairs
As children, they had no power, but now as adults, they do have power. Their
activism is not sad or angry as you might expect, they are full of energy and hope.
Whatever happens, their movement is here to stay.
Meetings with child abuse survivors have been among the most inspiring moments
of my mandate as Commissioner. I am humbled and grateful that they support
my proposal to prevent and fight child sexual abuse. This law is their law, and this
moment is their moment.
The time is right. The UK Parliament has just approved the Online Safety Bill, with
similar rules to detect child sexual abuse in online messages – also in encrypted
environments. The EU can’t stay behind and become a safe haven for perpetrators –
which will happen when the interim legislation that allows detection expires next
year and my proposal is not adopted, forbidding detection of abuse in online
messages.
More than 150 experts from tech and civil society recently signed a letter in support.
A new Eurobarometer poll shows that 96 percent of Europeans consider detection of
child abuse equally or more important than privacy. Only 2 percent consider privacy
more important, and nearly 80 percent support my proposal.
This is a decisive moment - The European Parliament and Council of the European
Union are deciding on the final text of the proposal. I urge you to listen to the silent
majority, to listen to the survivors, and support my proposal, to protect children
from the worst crime you can imagine.

CONRAD BRYAN
I am pleased that the exhibition, called SHAME, is being brought to Dublin, thanks
to the Guido Fluri Foundation and its ‘Justice Initiative’ team in Switzerland. Over
the past few months, the exhibition has been touring major cities across Europe to
expose the nature and extent of child abuse in many EU States.
This is an important initiative for Ireland, which has made attempts, in the past,
to provide justice for historical abuses in childcare institutions. The gross human
rights violations recently uncovered in Irish Mother and Baby Institutions is another
example of the legacies of the past which still have continuing impacts on mothers
and children today.
This European exhibition, which includes pictures and stories of survivors from
several counties including Ireland, shows us that we are but a small part of a wider
story. I hope it gives us new insights and ideas as to what needs to change at the
European Union and at the Council of Europe, to ensure that survivors of child abuse
receive the support, reparations and justice they deserve.
Conrad Bryan
Director of The Association of Mixed Race Irish

MARIJA PEJČINOVIĆ BURIĆ
Sexual violence against children is not only abhorrent but also the source of deep,
profound, and lasting harm. It happens in every country, to children from all backgrounds,
and can take place just once, or repeatedly, anywhere from the child’s own
home or school to their local sports club. Many of these children suffer in silence, afraid
of the consequences of telling the truth about what is happening to them or of not
being believed.
In 2007, the Council of Europe Convention for the protection of children against sexual
exploitation and sexual abuse (also known as «the Lanzarote Convention») was
adopted. A total of 48 countries are parties to it, including every Council of Europe
member state. The Lanzarote Convention is the most ambitious and comprehensive
international legal instrument in its field with a four-pronged strategic approach that
prioritizes prevention, protection, prosecution, and the promotion of national and
international cooperation.
I am glad that the Council of Europe has been able to host the exhibition «Shame –
European Stories» at our Strasbourg headquarters and hope that it will act as a spur to
further action.
Marija PEJČINOVIĆ BURIĆ
Secretary General of the Council of Europe
More than 10 years after the Lanzarote Convention entered into force, much has been
achieved, including greater awareness raising, the promotion of effective initiatives,
such as the Children’s Houses’ or Barnahus, and the adoption of new legislation in many
countries. Over the years, the work of the Committee of Parties to the Convention has
also enabled the identification of good practices, gaps, and trends, including the new
threats posed by Information and Communication Technologies.
It is vitally important that organizations across Europe help to continue this kind of
progress.
So, I commend the Guido Fluri Foundation, through its «Justice Initiative», for giving
a voice and face to survivors of child sexual abuse. This project, first promoted in
Switzerland, aims to shine a light on the reality of child sexual abuse with a very
important emphasis on individuals’ first-hand experiences.

SIMONE PADOVANI
From January to May 2022, I traveled throughout Europe – from Portugal to Romania,
from Greece to Norway, accumulating some 25,000 km – to meet victims of abuse
and maltreatment and to portray and video interview them.
The stories I heard did not pass me by without leaving a trace. They changed my
perception of Europe. In the midst of us live people who have experienced endless
suffering, but have never known justice.
What I tried to tell and pass on to those who will see this project is, how the lives
of the people I met, unfortunately, had a parallel evolutionary line to the natural one.
This happens with abuse. When it happens, the person is forcibly confronted with
a new lifeline. And there have been many, too many parallel lifelines that I
encountered.
«Justice Initiative»; Pascal and Vera, with whom I was allowed to realize this photo
project, and all the European associations that have given life to this project with
heart and soul. I can never thank them enough for showing me all their infinite
humanity.
This work is dedicated to all of them, to all these people changing the world with
little miracles.
Simone Padovani
International Photoreporter
This is where the title comes from: «Shame – European Stories». It is a provocation
and, at the same time, a recurring word in the experiences of the victims. Often, the
victims feel ashamed. Most people don’t talk about their experiences or are even
ashamed of themselves. Yet, they are the victims. And it is our shame that we neither
saw the suffering nor heard the silent cries.
The stories of abuse are stories of survival and stories of living on. Besides having
suffered inhuman cruelties and living with their consequences every day for life, the
people affected can still make small, incredible gestures towards humanity every
day, giving them humanity back. They don’t ask for anything in return; they do it
because they continue to be human.
We need to change things now and take action, with small gestures, by really
listening to those around us and those crossing our lives; taking a stand, and asking
for solutions from the stakeholders, the governments, and the European Community.
Luckily, there are already people like that, including Guido Fluri, the initiator of the

ITALY

I was 13 years old. My mother was very religious. She
sent me to church. And one day the priest raped me...
That was in 1981. It went on for years. When I was 15,
I was devastated. I started taking drugs. I became ill. It
took me almost 40 years to understand why my life had
taken this path for years. One day, however, I turned my
back on death forever, on the desire to kill myself,
which I had carried within me for years. I became a
survivor and began to rise again.
The guilty parties are people: the priests who abused
us and those who covered for them. I have suffered, but
now I have a mission in life: to offer transparency. Have
we arrived at this point? To ask the victims to take over
this role! Do you realize how heartbreaking it is? This is
one of the reasons why I live. But we, as a community,
and especially the Vatican, isn’t there a vague sense of
shame about this?
Francesco 51
Clergy sexual abuse

When I first heard the word «survivors» I did not
understand what it meant and asked: «The boys who
committed suicide because of the priest were
survivors?» Then I realized I was no longer a victim,
but a survivor.
I feel the urgency to tell everyone the same thing:
when faced with violence, you have to report it, and
you have to do it immediately. And I don’t care about
my former friends, those boys from the oratory who,
today, when they meet me in the street, cross over
and go to the pavement on the other side. If I hadn’t
done what I did, other children would have been in
danger like me. We all have to take responsibility.
Alessandro 24
Clergy sexual abuse

He did not let go of me. I felt like I was paralyzed.
When he let go of me, I ran away, and I remember that
the back of my little dress was wet. I still remember:
it was a little dress my mother had made. She was my
dressmaker. A white and green checkered dress with a
round collar.
I would like the world to be more careful in defending
fragile people, especially children and adolescents.
Often, they do not know how to defend themselves.
I wish that those who commit these acts are never
forgiven, that there is no statute of limitations for these
crimes, and that there is a general focus on culture,
which must spread the message that violence,
especially against minors, is never allowed.
Giuliana 79
Abuse in the family and other abuses

Stories start from the beginning, I would start this one
from the end, 4 February 2022. Chiara, mine and
Cristina’s daughter, took her own life in a tragic and
dramatic way that was unexpected for us, due to the
abuse she suffered from her maternal grandfather. We
cannot guarantee what will become of us because
sometimes we encounter this pain in the morning in
an extremely terrible way. When there is an awakening
it is like rising from a Black Hole that absorbs all your
pain, all your energy, and all your joy; for which
recovering the ability to do and to exist is difficult.
It is important that the law is changed and that
justice is done to this multitude of people who are
much, much more numerous than you might think.
We discovered this, unfortunately, after our trauma,
because this opened up an endless sea of drama.
Alessandro 62
Father of abuse victim who committed suicide

At that moment I realised that we would not get out
of it, because how do you survive such pain when
you are abused like that? The following months were
agony. Questioning, wondering over and over again,
how was it possible? And after Chiara’s suicide, I
stopped working. The person here has a different light
from the one before. I am a different person, and that
person from before no longer exists. I am no more.
There is this thing here that I am now; that I don’t quite
recognize.
Pedophiles are there, they exist. Pedophiles exist
where there are children. First and foremost in families.
In oratories. In schools. In sports clubs. The most
important thing is to be vigilant, to be careful. If the
child shows the slightest sign, don’t trust anyone, I’m
sorry to say. But it is better to be extra careful than to
cry afterward.
Cristina 58
Mother of abuse victim who committed suicide

I started being sexually abused by an uncle. There had
been an initial attempt at communication in the family,
but it had not been taken into consideration, as often
happens in families, partly because of the existing taboo,
and partly because of the difficulty for the family
members to really accept what had happened.
Dissociative symptoms arise, and sometimes one thinks
one is a ghost living in a body, which is why one even
comes to think of suicide, and unfortunately many
victims choose this path as an extreme gesture in the
hope of putting an end to this sense of devastating
anguish. It is a feeling that totally sucks you in.
I would like everyone to make a contribution to change
this society, because I hope that future generations can
truly live in a better world. Such cases continue to
perpetrate and remain hidden: often the abusers are not
prosecuted, even though they have committed a real
psychological murder.
Irene 32
Abuse in the family

SWITZERLAND

The foster father simply was very frustrated with
himself. He came to me and said: «I’ll give you five
minutes; you know where you need to go.» Then he
came and abused me; the first time at the age of seven
and a half. And so, it went on. When I turned twelve,
I noticed that I was pregnant. I had to give birth to the
child at home, and the child was immediately taken
away from me.
Today I feel liberated. Because he (the foster father)
has died, I got closure regarding most things. Not with
everything, but with a lot.
Anita 56
Sexual abuse in foster institutions

At that time, I was ten years old, and the farmer
treated me like a servant. He told me that I was a
servant and nothing more. I endured it only because
there were animals on the farm, and I enjoyed working
with these animals.
Today I feel better. But I still have the feeling that I
am an outsider. Feelings of inferiority also creep
in sometimes. I never can get rid of them; they are
imprinted in me.
Bernhard 72
Child labour

Every day it was made clear to me that I am nothing.
That I was only a burden to others. And that I was not
allowed to make any demands, because I was just dirt.
On that basis, there was no place for happiness.
When I woke up after the third suicide attempt,
I said to God: «Listen, if you exist, it’s your
responsibility now. Get in touch, show yourself, but it’s
in your hands now.» Suddenly, doors opened in a way
I never thought possible. That strengthened my faith.
I’ve learned that I can’t blame God for something that
other people have done to me.
Lydia 72
Child labour and sexual abuse

FRANCE

One day, two people from social services came and
took me away. «Taken away» is the proper term
because my sister remembers me lying in her arms and
clinging to her. I screamed and cried, and I remember
her screaming too. But I was ripped away from her
arms and they sent me far away. Right now, I cannot
remember how often this has happened. But it was
these men who touched me in the dormitory.
I almost want to shout, to scream: «take care of the
children.» There are many children who suffer, many
children who are mistreated, and many children who
are abused. So please, governments, people in
authority, and social services! Take care of the children!
That is your role too. That is the role of parents too.
Parents must have a loving and caring attitude towards
their children. So take care of them.
Sylvie 54
Abduction, sexual abuse, maltreatment

My brother and I were adopted together. And the
abuse started immediately. It was mainly physical and
psychological violence. When I was ten, I made my
first suicide attempt because I was unable to live like
that. It was too hard.
I’m lucky that I’m not completely destroyed
psychologically and that I’m finally able to reflect. And
that’s what allowed me to survive. I have understood
how their method of violence works and now it is my
goal to turn this around and to serve the cause and to
testify, to fight.
Javier 44
Abduction, forced adoption, clergy sexual abuse

I was abused by this family who received money for
looking after us. The father beat me; he was hitting me
hard. The only place I felt safe was under the table.
And another important thing is that every month, my
mom took me to the hairdresser to straighten my hair
because she wanted to erase my origins.
I would say to all governments, and to the world
watching: you don’t have the right to abuse a child.
You don’t have the right to decide the future of a
human being. Especially when they’re still children.
We have been transferred like objects. We have been
placed like objects. Today, I would say to parents who
are adopting: don’t lie to your children because these
lies can be very, very, very, very, very shocking.
Valérie 59
Abduction, forced adoption, maltreatment

I was a little Franco-Japanese girl of 5 years when I was
sexually abused by a 39-year-old cousin during the hot
summer of 1977. These rapes plunged me into a black
hole of 32 years. When my memory resurged, I started
speaking up relentlessly even if these crimes had
already been statute-barred in France.
These traumatic experiences opened my eyes to the
global extent of child sexual abuse. I joined other brave
survivors and activists who are striving to end this
plague. Our battle is about fighting for justice, a fair
world, and peace. We will never give up!
Mie 50
Sexual abuse in the family

I was between the ages of 8 and 11 when a great-uncle of
mine, who was a missionary, raped me. He presented it
to me as a discovery of my body, then as a form of sexual
education. What followed was almost 10 years of partial
traumatic amnesia. I was 12 years old when two cousins
of mine (aged 13 and 15) raped and abused me. They
presented their crime as a game. It resulted in 15 years of
total traumatic amnesia.
Now I speak up, I show myself because I am no longer
ashamed. The shame that I used to feel so strongly...
I am no longer ashamed because I want children to
be protected. I want the victims to know they are not
alone, and that they can benefit from specific care for
psychological trauma. Also, I want traumatic amnesia to
be acknowledged. I want those who did not denounce
these crimes to be sued as well. I want a fairer society.
Arnaud 41
Clergy sexual abuse and sexual abuse in the family

I was 10 years old that day. I had been a member of
the Scouts St Luc for 2 years already and I loved this
group. One day, we received one of those badges,
which we proudly brought to our admiring moms to
sew into our pullovers. At the end of the meeting,
when Father Bernard released us, he asked me to stay
a little longer. I remember my friends who came out of
the room. Some had a knowing smirk, like they knew
what was waiting for me. Others looked at their shoes
in discomfort and others seemed jealous of the special
attention the Father gave me.
If there are several hundred victims in France, there
are several millions throughout the world who are still
alive. In terms of «mass crime», it’s been a long time
since we’ve done better.
François 43
Clergy sexual abuse

The director took me in, started showing me around,
and said: «this is the laundry room». He asked me to
undress and started touching me. I struggled, but he
made me understand that it was the law that had put
me here and that I was going to stay here anyway until
I turned 18.
Representatives of the world and of modern nations,
stand up for children and defend their rights from
birth until they are adults. Make sure that their rights
are respected. Let all European countries and the
world enforce the charters, declarations, and
conventions that have been signed. We must stop the
suffering of children, we must stop this carnage. Make
an effort, and give love to your fellow human beings.
Fawzy 59
Sexual abuse in the orphanage

SPAIN

One night when I was sleeping, he woke me up. I had
crawled out from under the blanket, my trousers were
pulled down and my t-shirt was pulled up. I woke up,
sat up half asleep, and pulled up my trousers and the
blanket. I covered myself. But he grabbed me, blinded
me with the torch, and pulled me back down to the
floor. He undressed me again and at that moment my
brain shattered.
What I want to tell you is that childhood is the
beginning of our lives, the beginning, where we
accumulate values, where we start ways of life, where
we start having bad thoughts, and where we forge our
personality. All I want is that no one else will ever
suffer again what I have suffered.
Emiliano 55
Clergy sexual abuse

It was raining one day at school, and the priest invited
me to his room to dry off. I was a bit of a loner; I did
not play football like my twin brother, who was a
natural leader. I was a lonelier type of person. This man
knew my life and my situation very well. He invited me
to his room to dry me off, and that is where it all
started. He was abusing me for more than a year.
Every day.
I would ask the world to be perceptive and sensitive,
to take notice, to realize when this happens to a child
and notice the signs, to react protectively, and to
educate children so that they feel comfortable talking
about these issues without taboos and the weight of
religion.
Fernando 61
Clergy sexual abuse

The situation I found myself in did not let me live,
oppressed me, and suffocated me. I couldn’t talk about
it, and he also abused my brothers. The burden became
heavier and heavier because I felt guilty and complicit.
And on top of that, I had kept silent and thought I had let
it happen. I felt responsible for the pedophile’s actions
and over the years and with the help of therapy, I
understood that I had done enough to survive.
I was sexually abused from the age of 8 to 11 on
countless occasions by a football coach. Surely, if I could
have told someone about it when it started, the
suffering would have been much less. Still, it was not my
fault that it happened to me and other children. Because
the fault lies solely and exclusively with those who carry
out the abuse and those who cover up for them. If you
see a child at risk, don’t keep quiet. Give him or her a
chance to live and be a child.
Pepe 49
Sexual abuse in sports

He used to stand up immediately and come sit next
to me. He used to put his hand inside my trousers and
start groping me. At 12 years old I was not fully aware
of what was happening, but I knew it was not normal
and that I did not like it.
There is something even more hurtful than abuse: the
cover-up and re-victimisation. The church should be
responsible for mitigating the pain caused by these
crimes, especially as the visible face of goodness and
Christianity. Someone who presumes to carry the
banner of goodness can never commit these crimes
and when they do, they should be punished
more harshly.
Juan 25
Clergy sexual abuse

PORTUGAL

They considered us savages; just because we had no
mother or father. Because I had transcribed something
wrong, the director punched me in the eye with his
watch and almost made me lose my sight. My mouth is
like this because of the beating they gave me.
People who live in an institution are not savages; they
are just people without a father or a mother. People
need understanding, love, and affection. In institutions,
children often grow up amidst violence, but they need
accompaniment, psychological help, and support as
they grow up.
Marco 31
Abuse in foster institutions

He told me that I couldn’t tell anyone because he
was a priest and I was a girl; that my word against
his was nothing. My word was worth nothing. If I told
the sisters, the sisters would send me away from the
congregation. They wouldn’t want someone like me,
who wasn’t pure and what would I be left with doing
nothing? And that caused me to be enormously fearful
that all this would be discovered. I was not guilty, of
being abused, but it ended with this blackmail.
I tell you it is about shattered lives, shattered
personalities, shattered dreams. A shattered world.
These are children who had so much joy inside them,
and after the abuse, all that disappeared. The problem
is the whole society that allows this to happen, that
shows indifference and does not talk about it.
Filipa 43
Clergy sexual abuse

It happened on holiday, at a relative’s house. As soon
as I was able, I rang home to ask for help, for them to
come and pick me up, and they did. When I got home
and told them everything that had happened, nobody
did anything. Today I know it was out of fear of facing
the family and hope that I would forget since I was little.
Something you never forget and leaves marks for life.
Children don’t lie and only talk about the reality they
know. So when a child asks you for help, help them!
Never doubt! And even if these children cannot
verbalise the request for help, it is our obligation as
adults to be attentive to the signs they will give! We
have to act, and protect children, even those who do not
yet realise they need help. We must respect and
empower them. Prevention is only possible with
information and education. The State has an obligation
to ensure the safety of these children and to remove
them from the aggressors quickly and permanently, to
provide all kinds of support, and to facilitate complaints,
for rapid and serious action by the justice system.
Melania 38
Abuse in the family

Once, the priest took me hitchhiking with him to Porto to
visit a benefactress. At night, when the lady said:
«I’ve already found a couch for the boy», he said, «No,
that’s not necessary; the boy sleeps with me». So that
night he took my hand to feel his testicles and to
masturbate. This behavior was repeated by him on other
occasions at the Refugio da Mãe do Céu.
The pain, memory, and trauma of an abused or raped
child are not time-barred. That’s why there can’t be a
statute of limitations for crimes of this nature either.
This statute of limitations is a trophy for abusers and
criminals.
António 70
Clergy sexual abuse

I was five, almost six, and my mother sent me to a
catholic boarding school run by nuns to protect me
from society and the brutal conditions we lived in.
I was abused from the age of five to nine by a priest
who was in that institution. The first time was in a
confessional. He took a dream away from me, that of
having a family of my own, which I still don’t have
because I am very afraid that the same thing will
happen to my children.
Pain is not prescribed! Prescribing, in the case of child
abuse... is the greatest act of cowardice there is!
Cristina 52
Clergy sexual abuse

IRELAND

I was stolen from my mother and put in a religious
mother-child home and they would not tell her where
I was. They gave me away without her or my consent.
They had no right to do that.
Nobody should have the right to steal a child from its
mother just because they are young and unmarried.
The consequences are traumatic and damaging. We
need to protect the rights of the child. Children need
to be safeguarded at all times.
Oona 53
Abduction, foster institution

Still today, it is shocking to know that I was subjected
to human experimentation as a child in Ireland in a
mother-and-child institution, run by a Catholic order.
Several mixed-race children like me were selected for
a polio vaccination trial in 1965 without our mothers’
consent. This was a violation of the Nuremberg Code.
Children have human rights and must be protected
against racial discrimination and human rights abuses.
Children at risk must never again be used in any human
experiments without the full consent of their parents
or guardians. As children, we had no voice, and neither
did our single mothers.
Conrad 58
Abuse in foster institutions, clinical trials

I had to sleep with a man, their son, who was 21 years
older than me; he assaulted me, and sexually abused
me. He abused me physically and so did the old man.
He actually started grooming me from the time I
went there.
Many, many children like my brothers and I (and
several different children from other pathways) – it is
well known that they were victims of various types of
abuse; going back from physical abuse, sexual abuse,
separation from families, lack of education. We need
to come forward and recognize every single child
that has been in foster care, boarded out, and say,
«look, these survivors deserve more.»
James 72
Sexual abuse in foster institutions

I remember once he beat me with the belt he had
in the attic and I couldn’t lie on my back for a week.
Blood was pouring out of my skin and he continued
beating me to a pulp. I couldn’t tell anyone because I
couldn’t see anyone from Monday to Sunday. Nobody
could be seen.
And the governors told me that they support us, but
they are sweeping us under the carpet, and we... We
are looking for an apology and compensation to show
some respect for our lives.
David 66 let
Abuse in foster institutions

I was taken out for convenience to work on a farm as
a laborer. I was beaten several times. He would take
his belt off and check out my pants, put me across his
knees, and smack me hard. The blood came out of my
bum.
We need dignity and respect. For what has
been drawn through us. I am missing a sister, she
was 10 years younger than me.
Peter 79
Sexual abuse in foster institutions

NORWAY

I remember sitting down on the couch there. The
others went dancing with older boys and were having
a great time. I sat on the couch, and I was offered a
glass of soda. I took it. I do not remember anything
more from that night. When I woke up, a man was
lying on top of me and having sex with me. I came to
myself when that happened.
In general, we should all look out for each other and
make sure everyone is safe. I have to appear in public
and assume this huge responsibility.
Iris 34
Sexual abuse

It was the first time I met my uncle. He was a
pedophile, and he abused me. I didn’t understand that
secret then, or that it was completely wrong.
Since the beginning of time, thousands have fought for
us. All those brave and amazing women. They all
suffered from neglect and were treated like objects.
I give them all my compassion and respect. So, to the
men and women out there who have a choice: use
your voice, speak up, and stop this violence.
Letisha 35
Sexual abuse

SWEDEN

The sexual abuse started when I was 12 years old and
continued throughout my teenage years. The last time
it happened was when I was 20. Now I have
nightmares every night and I still find it difficult to deal
with the psychological consequences. I often have
panic attacks. I used to think it was my fault and I felt
ashamed. I felt that it would be my fault if more sexual
assaults happened to me.
The most important thing now is that all of you, as
fellow human beings and as civil society, become much
better at listening to children. I would also like to tell
the politicians that they need to strengthen the laws
protecting the rights of children. We also need to
strengthen detection and identification work to track
down child victims of sexual assault.
Saga 23
Sexual abuse and exploitation

FINLAND

When it happened for the first time, he had just been
touching me. Then I was once again home alone,
watching TV, and when I left the room, he grabbed me
by the shoulder and sort of pushed me down in the
bed. He grabbed me, ripped my pants off by force,
and threw me on my stomach. That’s the first time he
came all the way inside and raped me there.
Recovering from crimes of sexual violence takes a
very long time, and it takes an even longer time to be
able to tell someone about it, especially in incestual
cases within the family. We need significant legislative
changes.
Heli 49
Sexual abuse

My abusers are both my parents. My mother has told
me that even as a small baby I was spanked for crying.
So that kind of violence has always been present.
My earliest memories were related to sexual abuse.
My father has admitted that he raped me for the first
time when I was around 4-5 years old.
How can you close your hearts to children so small and
do something so horrible? You should be ashamed!
Seijamirjami 44 let
Sexual abuse

I stayed at the home of a familiar family quite often, and
that’s where my trauma of sexual abuse took place. And
because I spent quite a few nights there, I was also
traumatised by the knowledge that where I stayed, other
children were also abused. It is strange how such a small
child can feel guilty for not being able to do anything
about it.
First of all, I would like to address the decision-makers in
the Laestadian Church: how can you act or not act when
you know what is being done to these little children in
your churches? How can you imagine that you are the
only one really going to heaven? There are those of you
who have the means to intervene. And you do not. We,
victims, have given you this message and told you what
could be done to intervene, but nothing has been done.
And I would also like to give a similar message to the
Lutheran Church: why do you not intervene in your own
community, but also in relation to the abuse that takes
place in these smaller religious communities?
Outi 49
Sexual abuse

I was about eight years old when this person came into
my life and led me into a world not meant for children.
It became our secret and I was also told that I had done
something wrong. This developed into a kind of wall of
shame within which I spent my childhood and into which
I grew. My own idea of what normal development is for
a child, for example, became incredibly distorted, and it
took me a very long time to learn to understand that.
People have to actually see children, and their worries;
look behind their smiles. As for punishment, it should
at least require that the person must be present in the
victim’s therapy. That would perhaps be closer to real
punishment. But I’m not sure how to achieve a situation
where the offenders actually understand what they have
done. Because it seems that they do not understand the
impact of their actions and the extent of the
consequences. Only through this understanding could
real change take place.
Minna 48
Sexual abuse

DENMARK

I was exposed to sexual abuse in my childhood in
Emdrupvej, where I grew up. It started with my
parents not knowing that there was such a person in
the village, a friend of theirs. Unfortunately, I do not
remember how many times, but it happened many
times. I had many suicidal thoughts because of it. I was
ashamed and depressed.
It will be a lifelong process, where I not only might
need to see psychologists but also seek out some
psychotherapists, body treatments, and many other
things. Because it has manifested not just in my head.
It’s also inside the body. I also need to get to know my
body again.
Mikael 51
Sexual abuse

The sexual abuse started when I was 3 years old. It
started with me showering with my stepfather. I can’t
remember how often it happened, but it was regularly.
There are so many children of whom we are unaware
of being exposed to these violent things, who are so
good at hiding it from the outside world. You do not
notice it. They are used to fitting in wherever and
committing themselves so that no adult notices how
bad they are feeling.
Gry Sara 49 let
Sexual abuse

NETHERLANDS

Immediately after my birth, I was given up. I ended up
being placed in a foster home where life got better. Only
much later, after looking at my documents and after
hearing the stories from my biological sister, did I find out
that my biological father did not agree to give me up.
He fought for 5 years to undo this. The authorities have
not even investigated whether growing up with my father
and grandmother was a better option than a home,
where the conditions were certainly not the best in the
1960s.
What I would like to say is that even today, when
children are separated from their parents for whatever
reason, whether they end up in foster care or in an
institution, we must remember that children always carry
their parents with them. They are part of their parents.
The parents, even if they are not present, are part of the
child’s identity. I think authorities should not forget that.
Sometimes the parents get brushed off a bit and I think
that’s not good, especially for the kids.
Monique 56
Forced adoption

I was adopted by Dutch parents who have 2 children
of their own. I grew up in a good family, but when I
started searching for my birth parents, I found out by
doing a DNA test that my «biological mother» in fact
wasn’t her. I felt that my identity was taken away from
me. I later found out that my adoption papers had been
swapped with those of a little boy who also was given
up for adoption.
If you are adopted or an immigrant, or not raised in
your own country, culture, or family: go and look for
it - your origin. Go visit your birthplace, your native
country, or find your family, because it is important to
you as a feeling person, your feelings. The body does
not deny it. It is very easy to put it away, and it is also
very scary to work on your feelings. Find out what
and where your origins lie. It is important to know
your origin.
Rodrigo 41
Adoption papers were swapped

BELGIUM

I was born to a white Belgian father and a Congolese
mother. I grew up with my brother and grandparents
in Belgium. Suddenly, we found a sister who lived in
the Congo. We had known nothing about her. She
showed us a notebook with our grandparents’ address
in Belgium and photos of us and our cousin. We
realised that our father had kept in touch with her
and sent her things. She explained to us that she had
known all her life that she was an illegitimate child. But
she thought she was not welcome in the family.
What I would like to say is that even today, when
children are separated from their parents for whatever
reason, whether they end up in foster care or in an
institution, we must remember that children always
carry their parents with them. They are part of their
parents. The parents, even if they are not present, are
part of the child’s identity. I think authorities should
not forget that. Sometimes the parents get brushed off
a bit and I think that’s not good, especially for the kids.
Claudine 70 let
Colonial abuses

I know it was not easy for my daughter either. She also
faced racist reactions at school, all hidden behind a
smile. It is anything but easy. It is still hard. That’s why
I tell her that she is the product of different ethnicities,
of people with infinite courage who fought for
her existence. And she has become the great result of
their struggle.
We no longer live the way we had in the previous
century when governments feared that «mixed race»
people would be equally competent as «white»
people and would therefore hide their «black» side.
Time has passed and this view is no longer true. All
people belong to the same race. Living together
makes life richer. No child should be a victim of racism.
A child is sacred.
Sandra 55
Colonial abuses (second generation)

As I found out through my research, I was born in
France. My birth certificate does not mention my
parents’ names and does not contain any information.
I was picked up by a Belgian institute and then
adopted by a family. I have been born with a hereditary
disease that affects my kidneys. But since there was no
information about me at birth, there was no way to
treat me. When the doctor asked my stepmother
about a kidney disease in the family, she couldn’t give
an answer. The Belgian institute had deleted all relevant
information.
Our roots belong to us, we should not be cut off from
them. I hope that my messages do not fall short or fail
because children who grow up stay stronger when
they know who they are and who their parents are.
Benoit 60 let
Forced adoption

This story is painful. It is a story of separation. It is a
story of colonial violence. It is a story of people who
do not realise the damage they are doing. They
are part of a system, a system that does not take
responsibility.
I believe that each person and their history make up
society. It seems important to me that the institutions
that surround us tell the long story of a society. In
these societies, in the midst of these institutions, there
are people who are born and die. We are only passing
through, while the institutions remain. These
institutions must be able to embody the best of what
we are, the best of what society can pass on.
Belgium has a painful and shameful history: the one
of colonialism.
Olivier 55
Colonial abuses (second generation)

I was born during the colonial period. My father was
Belgian, my mother was African. After my father’s
death, the Belgian colonial administration forbade my
mother to keep us. After three attempts, the police
took us away and put us in a special children’s
institution for mulattos. They isolated us from the
white and black communities and resettled us in
Belgium, where I grew up separated from my siblings.
I was a very lonely child in a difficult family. No money
was spent on me because I was the child of a
forbidden love: too smart to trust, too beautiful to be
loved.
I hope for change. Each can take care of the other one.
Each person can change things for the better.
Jacqui 66
Colonial abuses

GERMANY

And that’s where the first assault happened in the
morning. He fondled me, and yes, he took advantage of
my weakness at that moment. That is hard for me.
It culminated in a six-week holiday camp, away from the
big scout camps.
These actions take place in different, separate
pigeonholes. There are the families, there are the
different youth groups, and they want to keep
everything in these pigeonholes. And if you look into
them for a moment, they want you to close them again
quickly. Try to see the connections and bring the
individual pigeonholes together.
Harald 55
Sexual abuse in scouts

This priest ignored any risk of being discovered and
chose the most unthinkable places to commit his rapes:
The gallery in the chapel where they all played the
organ and the church choir usually sang, the sacristy, or
the gym. Or the shower room or the photo lab in the
school. In every conceivable place, he did what he
wanted to do.
Strengthen the children! Children’s rights are human
rights. Anchor the rights of children in the laws of your
country. To all neighbours and friends and ordinary
citizens of the country: intervene when you see
violence against children!
Karl 71
Clergy sexual abuse

As a student at a prestigious school, I was sexually
abused by two Jesuit priests. They forced me to do
what they wanted and told me it was for my own good.
They abused my trust and my faith. This shaped my life,
my relationships with other people, and my relationship
with myself. I was ashamed beyond measure. And I kept
silent.
After decades of silence, finally talking about it was
an act of liberation. Since then, I want all people who
experienced violence in their childhood to be able to
experience this liberation. For many people, the
subject is uncomfortable. I can understand that. But
if we as a society want children and young people to
grow up in a world without sexual violence, we have
to learn to listen.
Matthias 59
Clergy sexual abuse

AUSTRIA

My first childhood memories are marked by violence,
alcohol, and abuse. And the constant moving back and
forth between home and children’s homes. For me, it
was torture to go to a new home or foster family. I
returned home happy every time, despite the brutality
at home.
Yes, important and powerful people really should be
held accountable along with those who have done
such things to children. No matter how. Today they say
the children have to live with it, and the children suffer
for life. And as an adult, the trauma comes back again
and again, especially today. You can’t cope with it.
Romana 64
Sexual, physical, and mental abuse in foster institutions

She made us masturbate while she was standing in the
shower room or sitting on a stool. She (the governess)
pulled so hard that it started to bleed.
Every abuse announces itself beforehand! And when
people notice these signs, then it is guaranteed that
some of the abuse can be prevented. And that is what
I wish for.
Robert 71
Sexual, physical, and mental abuse in foster institutions

SLOVENIA

I experienced sexual abuse by my grandfather. Between
the ages of five and eight. My family was very close to
my grandfather. He was an important part of our lives,
but my parents often left me in his care. And that’s how
it started.
The smallest comment can make a difference. If we are
willing to listen to people and see such things, we can
help many other people. And talking about it can only
do good. It can never do harm.
Tjaša 28
Sexual abuse in the family

When I was twelve years old, I was sexually abused by
the village priest. I told my mother. My mother did not
believe it. We mothers tend to not trust our children.
So the abuse happened. And lasted for eight years until
the bishop transferred the priest to another community.
After that, it stopped.
Let us be sensitive, let us be kind to each other. Let us
observe the good things, let us not do the bad things.
Vatican, do not hide under a scarlet cloak, don’t hide
things under a black cloak that should not happen.
Jesus did not teach that. Jesus taught us differently.
Ksenija 58
Clergy sexual abuse

Hitler came to Styria in Maribor and gave the order to
make this country German again. I was ten years old.
When we were arrested and taken to the camp, I was
put in a group that did something like pre-military training.
I would say that I was tortured because I was persecuted
and forced to behave in a way that was foreign
to me.
Such tyrannies are the most terrible thing a human
being can do. In fact, we often have to ask ourselves
whether such people are worthy of humanity, whether
a group of people who treat their neighbours with
so much contempt is still worthy of living in our society,
among us. The violence that has been perpetrated,
whether against children or families, has been
monstrous. All of us who lived through it and survived
it are unanimous in saying that such things must never
happen again.
Janez 90
Stolen child during WW2

SERBIA

On November 20th, 1981, I happily arrived at Narodni
Front Maternity Hospital thinking that I had come to
give birth. I arrived at 10:10 and very soon I noticed that
the whole staff was a bit nervous. After an hour or two,
they told me that something was wrong. They were
preparing me for induction to speed up the birth. I was
so distressed and scared. The midwife told me to turn
my head away so that I would not see the birth of the
child because I would give birth to a stillborn child with
half a head.
I would’ve been so happy to embrace my child.
I would just say, «Where are you, my son? You are
everything in the world to me.»
Dušanka 64
Her child was stolen from the maternity ward

We are victims of human trafficking in Belgrade. They
just took away my child; they took away my health; they
took away my life.
I address all the rulers of the world: your baby was not
taken away from you. So help pass laws, not only in
Serbia, but around the world, that give every mother
the right to know the whereabouts of her child, and
leave it up to each mother to decide whether to keep
her child or give it up for adoption. You, children, are
not to blame.
Milena 65
Her child was stolen from the maternity ward

I was at work. I am a delivery man and I distribute bread
from Obrenovac to Arandjelovac. When I arrived in Novi
Beograd to see what had happened to our child, they
would not let me see it. Once again, me and my wife
were kicked out. They said the child was fine. And when
I called the hospital later that day, they said everything
was alright.
The evil people who purchase other people’s
children should at least tell those children that they
were bought. And they should know that they have
parents who are alive and healthy and have a family.
The whole world is unaware of these children.
Tomislav 72
His child was stolen from the hospital

I had the feeling that my whole world collapsed. When I
got there to school, I had a feeling that he actually took
away my childhood. I had a feeling that he took away,
something that I loved the most because the place I
loved the most was become a place of fear. Someone is
using your body and you really have a feeling that there
is nothing you can do and the most you can do is say
«Please don’t». But much worse for me is the feeling that
I am different from everyone else. From that moment
begins a life consumed with fear.
We already have to explain to children at school what
sexual abuse is. How a relationship of trust can turn into
something like this overnight. We need to speak out as a
society and get all the citizens of this world to
accept that this is happening everywhere: in churches,
in schools, in families, to many girls and boys. And that
it’s not an exclusive story, a scandal, an unexpected folly.
No, it happens all the time, and the only way to protect
our children is for it to stop being a taboo subject.
Milena 28
Sexual abuse

KOSOVO *
*All references to Kosovo, whether the territory, institutions or population, in this text shall be
understood in full compliance with United Nations’ Security Council Resolution 1244 and without
prejudice to the status of Kosovo.

In 1998, war broke out in Kosovo. I remember I was
16 years old on 14 April 1999. A Serbian policeman came
to our house and kidnapped me. He took me to a
nearby Serbian village where I was raped and abused
brutally by an officer and a civilian.
My message to the world, to politicians, and to those
in power is to do everything to end sexual violence in
conflict and in peace. My message to you is to
put an end to it so that our young generation has a
better future.
Vasfije 39
War sexual abuse

ROMANIA

I noticed what was going on in the centre: drugs,
prostitution, beatings among the staff and most
horrifyingly, among the children. Some educators
drove a wedge between the children. When I tried to
talk about what was going on in the center, I started
to pose a threat.
I would like the children in the institutions to be truly
involved in society through different projects and
activities. I hope that by 2023 the budgets for children
will increase, and their needs will be heard.
Andreea 21
Abuse in family and in foster institutions

My mother died when I was born. My father left me.
And the authorities took us children away and put us in
orphanages. I do not remember exactly where. We all
had trouble integrating into society.
The authorities dealing with children leaving the
system, or with young people in general, should look
more closely. I had to deal with discrimination and
humiliation behind closed doors.
Vasile 41
Abuse in foster institutions

My mother died when I was born. My father died
the day after. I grew up in a time when the education
system did not offer the equal opportunities it claims
to offer.
It is very important that the world understands us.
I mean the parliaments, the governments, the
institutions and some countries, especially the Eastern
European ones. Certain measures will only be taken
if they are forced to do so. They assume that there are
more important problems than the ones that we are
fighting against.
Cosmin 22
Abuse in foster institutions

When we arrived, it was very bad there. No electricity,
no water. Children crying, screaming, fighting. We were
bitten by live rats and they were acting like they had no
heart.
We should stop the abuse. I want a better life for us
and for all those who have been abused.
Sirmanca 37
Abuse in orphanage

GREECE

The strangest and most tragic aspect of all this is that it
happened on New Year’s Eve. And somehow our new
year began as a completely broken family. What was
left of my family was that we were all isolated in
different environments: my mother was dead, my father
was in the psychiatric hospital, my sister was in the
hospital where she had attempted suicide, my brother
was with my mother’s family, and I – the difficult one –
was placed in an institution for girls. There was a lot of
anger and pain and a feeling of despair among all family
members.
I wanted to say that you should love people regardless
of their sexuality, skin colour and nationality; you
should not judge them. Do not isolate and stigmatise
anyone just because they are different from you.
Effie 21
Parental neglect followed by institutionalisation

After living 13 years of my life in institutions, what
happened to me was devastating. The worst thing that
happened to me as a child was losing the ability to love
and to be loved.
I think we should all take care of the kids; helping
children to live in better conditions to make the world
better.
Argyris 63
Abuse in foster institutions

Things were good at first, then the grown-ups started
abusing me. And then the director of the foundation
started to lock me in rooms without light, without food
or water for days. When I started to react at the age of
eleven, he put me in a mental hospital.
Things have to change in the institutions. No child
should suffer any abuse. No child should be locked up
and abused in a room, in any country.
Theodoros 27
Abuse in foster institutions

Find all pictures and interviews as well as all texts
concerning the situation in individual countries at
https://justice-initiative.eu/shame-europeanstories/
Scan the QR code for quick access.

WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Italy
Rete L’Abuso
Eca Global
La Gabbianella
Amnesty International Italia
Università di Pisa
Associazione il Provolo
Gian Carlo Bruno
Save The Children
Emergency
Switzerland
Anne Berger
Corina Dürr
Sonja Glauser-Rychener
Maria Belén Munoz Gerstein
Vera Pagnoni
Tânia Fluri-Simão
France
Sylvie Arcos
Erick-Alexander Mijangos
Valérie Andanson
Élisabeth Rabesandratana
Laurent Sermet
Sylviane Paulinet
Jean-Lucien Herry
Jean-Claude Giannota
Cécile Baquey
Anne David
Marion Felman
Pierre Verdier
Stefania Cateleta
Spain
Juan Cuatrecasas Asua
Leticia De La Hoz
Juan Cuatrecasas
Cuevas Pepe Godoy
Fernando García Salmones
Emiliano Álvarez
Javier Méndez
Alberto Cano
Isabel Campos Pérez (Constanza Rúa)
Covadonga González
Mamen Escalante
José Manuel Vidal
Jesús Bastante
Ana Cuevas
Portugal
Instituto de Apoio à Criança
Marco Branco
Melânia Gomes
Filipa Almeida
Antonio Vieira Grosso
Ireland
Conrad Bryan
Smrithi Jacob
Norway
Ecpat Norge
Sweden
Child10
Inte din Hora
Finland
Protect Children/Suojellaan Lapsia ry
Denmark
Landsforeningen Spor
Netherlands
Rodrigo van Rutte
Monique Weustink
Belgium
Jacqui Goegebeur
Germany
Maria Mesrian
Karl Haucke
Matthias Katsch
Austria
Weisser Ring
Romana Schwab
Natascha Smertnig
Slovenia
Tita Mayer
Prof. Dr. Darja Zaviršek
Tomaž Mikuš
Janez Cerar
Serbia
Mila Tolstoj
Jovan Krstic
Ana Stanimirov
Jovanka Lazarević
Marina Lazarević
Milena Radulović
Kosovo
Serbeze Haxhiaj
Romania
Phoneo Association
The Museum of Abandoment
Andy Guth
Maria Roth
Daniel Rucareanu
Consiliul Tinerilor Institutionalizati
Greece
Eliza - Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Children

Impressum
SHAME – EUROPEAN STORIES
Title: »SHAME – EUROPEAN STORIES«
Photography: © Simone Padovani
Concept: © Krauthammer & Partner
Publisher: Guido Fluri Foundation
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Developmental Editors: Pascal Krauthammer & Vera Pagnoni
Layout: Krauthammer & Partner
Publication date: November 2023
On the web: www.justice-initiative.eu
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