Uncle Andy's Digest - May 2024

UNCLE 

DIGEST 

ANDY’S 

Your local guide to... well, just about anything! 

MAY 

2024 

SINCE 1996 

Ask About Our Free Med Cards 

25 Lisbon St. 

Lewiston 

207.740.9053 

207THC.com 

207-782-7113 

Technician 

Wanted 

Apply Within! 

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

UncleAndys.com 1

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE 

Treat your mom to a steak dinner! 

We are 

hiring 

line cooks 

Ribeye, loaded baked potato, 

& pickle and olive medley. 

Seafood Scampi 

Shrimp & Scallop tossed with spinich, 

Tomato and Penne in a light Garlic Sauce 

& with broccoli salad. 

ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! 

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in pre-school or high school. Oh wait, I’m at work. 

We’re here for you 

Modern Woodmen of America continues to be strong and stable, even in these times of 

uncertainty. We’ve been around since 1883, standing strong through world wars, national 

disease outbreaks, depressions and recessions. 

Do you have questions or concerns about your financial plan, call today. We will continue 

to be here for you. 

MODERN WOODMEN 

OF AMERICA 

MAY 2024 

ACTIVITIES 

Tuesday, May 14th 

Roy’s Breakfast 

7:00-10:00am 

5 Washington Street Auburn 

Members: $5.00 

Guests: $6.00 

Purchase Tickets: 5-08-2024 

(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Wednesday, May 15th 

Dairy Joy 

3:00-7:00pm 

Auburn or Lewiston Location 


Guests: $2.50 


(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Paul Colasante* 

Lewiston, ME 04240 

207-782-8823 

Art Chamberlain* 


207-514-7003 

Mike 

Courtemanche* 


207-783-8921 

Tuesday, May 21st 

Fielder’s Choice 

4:00-7:00pm 

680 Minot Ave Auburn 


Guests: $3.50 

Purchase Tickets: 

5-08-2024 

(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Richard 

Courtemanche 


207-786-3622 

Stacy Fortin 

Rumford, ME 04276 

207-357-5429 

Paul Gagne* 


207-576-3426 

Thursday, May 23rd 

Val’s Drive-In 

4:00-6:30pm 

925 Sabattus Street 

Lewiston 


Guests: $8.00 


(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Ted Heidrich* 


207-576-5656 

Ron Ouellette* 


207-786-3612 

Kim Pelkey* 


207-786-2573 

Reminder: Please do not call 

the restaurants. If you have a 

question, please call the office at 

207-782-1833 or 207-333-6052 

and speak with Jamie. Tickets 

must be purchased at the MWA 

District Office at 184 Webster 

Street Lewiston on the dates/ 

times listed for each activity. 

Menus are subject to change. 

No substitutions or add-ons. 

Most importantly - 

Have Fun! 

* Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned 

subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC 

If you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will eat cereal. 

Follow me for more dinner ideas. 




is published by the first Friday 

of every month by Lydia 

Media LLC with its world 

headquarters located at 2 

Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, 

Auburn, Maine, USA. 

Published and distributed 

since 1996 throughout 

Central Maine and mailed to 

subscribers all over the Free 

World. Subscriptions are 

$49 .95 /year. 

UncleAndys.com 

Office: 207-783-7039 

Our Team 

PAM 

ASHBY 

PUBLISHER 

STEVE 

SIMARD 

SALES 

STEPHANIE 

ASSELIN 

SALES 

You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for example, it was a dryer sheet. 

DON’T BE 

AFRAID TO 

SMILE 

Call for a free 

Consultation 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

Smile Again 

Dentures 

STEPHANIE 

ARSENAULT 

OFFICE 

MANAGER 

TOM HILL 

IT • WEB 

All work done on-site. 

Repairs usually same day service! 

TIM 

ELWELL 

GRAPHIC 

DESIGNER 

CARICATURES COURTESY OF 

J. ANTHONY FIORI 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest 

tries very hard to ensure the 

accuracy of the information in our 

clients’ advertisements and our 

publication in general, we are not 

responsible for vendor availability, 

typographical errors, technical 

Uncle inaccuracies, Andy’s product Digest pricing 

errors, or omissions. 

4 May 2024 

Mike 

Adkins, LD 

Cassandra 

Gagnon, LD 

Joe 

Adkins, LD 

Licensed Denturists 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston | 514-0660 

SmileAgainDentures.com | smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

I used to believe that all things must pass—until I got stuck behind a school bus.

There’s No Place Like... 

Your one-stop 

shop for: 

• Amazing food 

(eat in or take out) 

• Agency liquor store 

with beer cave 

Agency Liquor Store & Beer Cave. 

• Lottery tickets 

• Redemption center 

Grab n’ Go Items Everyday! 

DONATE YOUR BOTTLES TO 

Fresh Green Mountain Coffee. 

WE CATER 

Full serve catering at the location of your choice. 

Help grant a wish to a local child 

battling a critical illness 

207-345-5551 

Dad’s Redemption Center 

BOOK YOUR 


CORPORATE 

EVENTS 

NOW! 

207-345-9009 

DadsPlaceCatering.com 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

6 ¢ 

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) 

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) Uncle Andy’s UAD exp. Digest 5.31.24 

UncleAndys.com 5 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today. 

Quality Products 

Reasonable Pricing 

IT’S WHY 

I’M HERE. 

Always a call or click away! 

Call, click or stop by today. 

Let’s talk today! 

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.® 

CALL ME TODAY. 

30 years 

in business. 

I’ll get over it. I just have to be dramatic about it first. 

Now offering 

online stores 

Hats 

Contractors 

and 

Landscapers 

Think Spring 

Baseball 

& Softball 

MugsPens 

Mugs 

Bags 

Call us for a quote TODAY! 

207-784-4184 

205 Washington St. South, Auburn 

coastaltshirts.com 

WE ARE HIRING! 

We are looking for someone 

that can help with; 

• Social Media 

• Web 

• Graphic Design 

Familiar with Adobe Creative Suite, 

Social Media preferred 

& will train on web basics. 

Interested? Email Pam Ashby at Pam@lydiamediallc.com or call 207-783-7039 



Not to brag or anything, but I got the highest score on my scale today.

On average, I spend about $80 a year to watch bananas turn brown. 

Out and About 

at the Maine 

Camping 

Trade Show 

START YOUR NEXT CHAPTER 

WITH AGENTS YOU’LL LOVE! 

Amy Plourde 

Perfect Stitch 

Jon 

Mercier 

Mark 

Turner 

Deb 

Morin 

Linda 

Dupuis 

Lindsay 

Wright 

Mason 

Dupuis 

List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package 

(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases) 

Dustin 

Mallar 

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com 

Malayka 

Harriman 

Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker? 

Andrew Silver 

The Silver Circus 

Angela Pinkham 

Main-Land 

Charles Buker 

Main-Land 

Blursday: when you’re not sure what day of the week it is. 



Out and About 

at the Maine 

Camping 

Trade Show 

I’m the person who stares at the menu for 20 minutes and ends up 

choosing the same meal every time. 

DON’T KNOW 

WHAT TO DO 

NEXT? WE DO. ® 

Jaime Moody 

Days Firewood 

WATER FIRE MOLD 

For any disaster, 

call ServiceMaster! 

29 Brickyard Circle, 

Auburn 

(800) 244-7630 

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com 

Heidi Johnston 

Days Firewood 

The only reason I don’t like Facebook memories is that it shows me a shirt I had 

on 5 years ago is one of my newer shirts. 

event catering 

Book yours today! 

Maurizio DiPetro 

Original Pizza 

Amanda Baker 

Original Pizza 

Scan here to check out our catering options. 

120 Center St, Auburn | 207-241-0033 

Weddings 

Graduations 

Reunions 

Birthdays 

& More! 

Hours - Monday-Saturday 11am - 8pm 

Sunday 11am - 4pm 



I told my wife that our kids were spoiled. She replied that all kids smell like that.

A zebra is the only animal with a barcode so it can be identified. 

Providing a warm and comfortable 

home for our residents. 

On Special 

Submitted by Pam Ashby 

It’s a spring weekend 

and Jarrod walks into a 

butcher shop that has 

a sign in the window 

saying “Ground Sirloin: 

29 cents per pound.” 

Jarrod says to the 

butcher, “I’m having a 

cookout this weekend, 

I’d like 5 pounds of 

your ground sirloin, 

please.” 

The butcher shakes 

his head and says, 

“Sorry. I’m all out.” 

Jarrod, disappointed, 

goes down the street 

to another butcher 

shop and asks, “How 

much is your ground 

sirloin?” 

The proprietor replies, 

“It’s $3.29 per pound.” 

The Chapman House 

Home for senior ladies 

Welcome to the Chapman House - A home filled 

with warmth, safety and love. 

The Chapman House has private rooms available 

for residents, aged 65 and older, who need 

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals. 

Call Bonnie to arrange a tour. 

“Three twenty nine per 

pound!?!” exclaimed 

Jarrod. “Just up the 

street they have it on 

special for 29 cents 

per pound!” 

The butcher smiles 

calmly at Jarrod and 

asks, “Does he have 

any?” 

“No, he’s out of it right 

now.” 

“Well,” says the butcher. 

“When I don’t have 

any, I can sell it for 19 

cents per pound!” 

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961 

Bonnie Iwans 

We invite you to read out loud only the vowels in the name Celine Dion. 



Amazing 

Grace 

Submitted by Stephanie Arsenault 

As a singer sometimes 

I am asked to sing at 

funerals and recently 

asked by a funeral director 

to sing at a graveside 

service for a homeless 

man. He had no family or 

friends, and the service 

was to be at a Pauper’s 

Cemetery near Lindale. 

As I was not familiar 

with the area, I got lost. 

Everyone that knows me 

knows I can be directionally 

challenged AND my 

navigation lost its signal. 

I finally arrived an hour 

late and saw that the 

funeral guy had evidently 

gone and the hearse was 

nowhere in sight. There 

were only the diggers and 

crew left and they were 

eating lunch. I felt bad 

and apologized to the 

guys for being late. I went 

to the side of the grave 

and looked down and the 

vault lid was already in 

place. I didn’t know what 

else to do, so I started 

to sing. The workers put 

down their lunch and 

began to gather around. 

I sang my heart and soul 

out for this man with no 

family and friends. 

As I sang “Amazing 

Grace,” and the workers 

began to weep. They 

wept, I wept, we all wept 

together. When I finished, 

I said a prayer and started 

for my car, my head 

hung low but my heart so 

FULL. 

As I opened the door to 

my car, I overheard one 

of the workers say, “I’ve 

never seen nothin’ like 

that before and I’ve been 

putting in septic tanks for 

twenty years.” 



24 Hour 

Service 

Last night I had a dream I had an identical twin. When I woke up this 

morning I was beside myself. 

Check out our in-store weekly ad for our 2024 specials! 

Roy’s 

FOODLAND 

SATURDAY 

Beans, bread/rolls & 

cole slaw 

$11.99 

WEDNESDAY 

Ham, Veggie, Salami, 

or Pepperoni Italians 

$3.49 

RoySnow.com 

207.782.3734 

235 N. River Road, Auburn 

207-777-5600 

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com 

protechoffice11@yahoo.com 

PIZZA PACKS 

Pizza 

Packs 

$12.99 

Happy 

Mother’s Day! 

Now offering medical benefits! 

Fully Insured 

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston, and the surrounding communities! 

Best Chicken & 

Ham Salad 

IN THE WORLD! 

Try our hamburger, 

it’s the best! 

Beanie Babies 

on Sale Here! 

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com 

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed 

Serving Maine since 1947 

11 Library Ave. 

Auburn 

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION 

IS GROWING! 

We are seeking 

MOTIVATED 

SERVICE 

TECHNICIANS 

& INSTALLERS 

to join our team! 

Air Conditioning & Heating 

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering 

what I came in for.

After all the eating I’ve done this winter, I’m happy to report my flip-flops still fit. 

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP 

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS 

I N S U R A N C E 

...Your Security is Our Concern! 

Locally Owned & Operated 

Lewiston Str ng 

HOME, 

AUTO, 

BUSINESS, 

AND MORE 

Out and About 

at the Maine 

Camping 

Trade Show 

Pat Penley 

Payroll Management 

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 | 888-983-2246 

Visit our new location at: 243 Mount Auburn Ave., Suite C, Auburn 

It’s impossible for a man to tie something down in the back of his truck and not say, 

“That’s not going anywhere!” 

Tyler Ladden 

Checkbox 

1940 - 2024 

• Restaurant 

• Mini Golf Course 

• Driving Range 

• Ice Cream Stand 

James Ganley 

Checkbox 

Treat MOM to a family FUN day 

this Mother’s Day! 

SPRING HOURS 

Miniature Golf & 

Driving Range 

Open Daily 10am-8pm 

(weather permitting) 

Restaurant & Ice Cream Stand 

Open Daily 11am-8pm 

470 Lake Shore Drive Auburn • tabersgolf.com 

The first rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush 

is never the microphone. Never. 

Tyler Rocheleau 

C2 Vehicles 



Out and About 

at the 

American Legion 

Post 153 

Patriots Day 

Adrien “Sunny” 

& Sylvia Tardiff 

Dan Carroll 

Denis Dubois 

The best password to use is “incorrect” so that way when you type in the wrong one your 

computer will respond, “your password is incorrect.” 

FRANCO CENTER 

Performing Arts & Events 

CATERING 

Tickets 

on sale 

now! 

Third Monday of each Month 

Trivia at the Franco 

Monday, May 20 at 1 p.m. 

46 Cedar St., Lewiston 

207-689-2000 

www.francocenter.org 

Line Dancing 

includes instruction 

Wednesdays at 10 a.m. 

May 1, 8, 15, 22, 29 and June 5 

Mondays at 6:30 p.m. 

May 6, 13, 20, and June 3 

$5 per person 

No need to register! 

Walk-ins welcome! 

Open to all! 

Mark your calendars! Cost is $5 per person. Doors open at 

12:45 a.m. The questions will feature trivia about old 

movies and TV shows from the 1960s, ’70s, and ’80s. 

Parlez Vous? French Conversation 

Meet-ups in May 

New! ESCAPE ROOM 

$10 per person 

Reserve your group’s ESCAPE ROOM adventure 

at this link: https://bookeo.com/francocenter 

You have the escape room for one hour. 

Staff will be available to help you along by 

providing clues if you ask. 

Thursdays at 10:30 a.m. 

May 9 and 23 

FREE and open to all! If you speak French, our 

conversation groups split into beginner and 

advanced. No need to pre-register. Drop in! 

Rent our building! 

Weddings & Other Events 

Call 

Two stages 

Versatile space 

207-333-3251 Full bar 

today Historic building 

46 Cedar Street 

Lewiston 04240 

Denise Montgomery 



My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift she would burn it. 

So I bought her a candle. 

WWW.FRANCOCENTER.ORG • 207-333-3251

I often wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember 

phone numbers is doing now. 

47 Broad Street, Auburn 

www.firehouseauburn.com 

207-376-4959 

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p 

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey 

Residential Friendly Dumpsters 

Rent a 

dumpster 

for Spring 

cleanup! 

Bin Sizes: 

6 yd. bin- 10’ long x 5.5’ wide - 3’ high 

10 yd. bin - 10’ long x 7’ wide - 4’ high 

14 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8 wide - 4.5’ high 

20 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8’ wide - 6’ high 

MAY Special! 

You’ll Love 

our Daily 

Specials! 

$ 8 

Mother’s Day is the Busiest 

Restaurant Day of the Year 

Hawaiian Mimosa 

Each year, reservations 

are snapped up by 

families wanting to 

secure a table for that 

special second Sunday 

in May. More than 1/3 

of American adults vye 

for a table to celebrate 

mom, making Mother’s 

Day the busiest restaurant 

day of the year! 

Dispatch 

Office: 207-224-0337 

Cell: 207-212-0736 

170 N. Daggett Hill Rd. 

Greene, ME 04236 

portlandme@bintheredumpthat.com 

Our Residential Friendly Design Includes 

Easy Load Double Rear Doors 

Driveway Protection Boards 

Dependable Friendly Service 

207-224-0337 

www.bintherdumpthatusa.com 

I just put $500 on a 10/1 horse with really good breeding. So good in fact, when he left 

the gate he turned around and closed it behind him. 

Test 


One night four college 

students were out partying 

late night and didn’t 

study for the test which 

was scheduled for the 

next day. 

In the morning, they 

thought of a plan. 

They made themselves 

look dirty with grease 

and dirt. 

Then they went to the 

Dean and said they had 

gone out to a wedding 

last night and on their 

way back the tire of their 

car burst and they had to 

push the car all the way 

back. 

So they were in no condition 

to take the test. 

The Dean thought for a 

minute and said they can 

have the re-test after 3 

days. 

They thanked him and 

said they will be ready by 

that time. 

On the third day, they 

appeared before the 

Dean. 

The Dean said that 

as this was a Special 

Condition Test, all four 

were required to sit in 

separate classrooms for 

the test. 

They all agreed as they 

had prepared well in the 

last 3 days. 

The Test consisted of 

only 2 questions with the 

total of 100 Points: 

1) Your Name? 

__________ (1 Points) 

2) Which tire burst? 

__________ (99 Points) 



Bet 


George is met by his attorney, 

and is told he is going 

to be audited. 

George rides to the IRS 

office with his attorney, and 

when he gets there, he 

begins to talk with the IRS 

agent. 

“Bet $2,000 I can bite my 

own eye!” 

The IRS agent agrees 

to the bet, believing it an 

impossible task. 

George laughs, pulls out 

his glass eye, and bites it. 

The IRS agent is dumbfounded. 

George then bets $3,000 

he can bite his other eye. 

The IRS agent knows 

there’s no way possible to 

do this, so he once more 

agrees. 

George cackles, pulls out 

his dentures, and bites his 

eye. 

George finally wagers, “I 

bet $20,000 I can stand on 

the far side of your desk, 

pee over the desk, and get 

it into your wastebasket, 

without missing a single 

drop.” 

The agent knows he won’t 

be able to, so once more 

he agrees. 

George indeed misses, 

peeing all over the desk, 

and on the paperwork. 

The IRS agent jumps for 

joy, but then notices the 

attorney over in the corner 

moaning. 

“Are you all right?” asks the 

agent. 

“No! On the way over here, 

he bet me $400,000 he 

could pee on your desk and 

you’d be happy about it.” 



Commercial, Residential 

excavation, & Site work 

Keyboa d fo sale pe fect wo king o de . 

We do Septics! 

Now scheduling for 

Summer & Fall 2024 

shawn@hirdcontracting.com 207.754.2343 

Muriel celebrated... 

her 90th birthday with us 

and can't wait for the next party! 

The Meadows 

“Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center” 

A warm home-style assisted living center for self-sufficient seniors! 

We have availability starting at $1500 per month 

#433 RT. 202, P.O. BOX 629, GREENE • 946-3007 

ENJOY YOUR SPACE THIS SUMMER! 

We have everything you need to get the job done! 

Mulches & Soils, Yard Cleanup Tools, and much more! 

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME • (207) 375-6253 

2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 Family Owned & Operated 

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your spouse when dinner will be ready 

while they’re mowing the lawn.

Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships? Their X is always a 10. 

Out and About 

at the 


Post 153 

Patriots Day 

Frank & Diana Pippin 

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s Spam. 

Jeremy Stone 

Bacon wrapped scallops 

Take Out 

Available! 

Happy Mother’s Day 

207-782-2135 

Auburn Mall 

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm 

DAILY SPECIALS 

MONDAY - CLOSED 

Fried Pickle Basket 

Thatcher’s Burger 

25oz domestic drafts 

3 Beef Tacos 

Thatcher’s Burrito 

Well Margaritas • Coronas 

SATURDAY 

Stuffed Peppers 

Buffalo Chicken Salad 

Microbrews 

2 Hot Dogs w/fries 

Miller Lite Bottles 

SUNDAY 

TUESDAY 

WEDNESDAY 

THURSDAY 

FRIDAY 

Clam Cake Basket 

Fish & Chips 

12" Cheese Pizza 

Bloody Mary’s 

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts 

John “Dr. J” Conley 

Linda Tardiff 

I just saw two birds stuck together in a tree. I think they are velcrows. 



Out and About 

at the 


Post 153 

The potholes in my neighborhood are changing my radio and unlocking my doors. 

Patriots Day 

Marty Lurz 

Happy 

Mother’s 

Day 

Lori Simard 

Gift certificates available! 

207-539-5128 | Oxford, Maine | Open 7 days a week | essencewellnessspa.com 

Norm Shagnon 

Dreamers 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

Derek commented to 

co-worker: “My wife 

had a funny dream last 

night. She dreamed 

she’d married a millionaire.” 

ALL 

STEAK 

HAMBURGERS 

& GOLF CENTER 

2514 TURNER RD. AUBURN 

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 11AM - 7PM 

Famous Burgers 

Hand-cut Fries 

Lobster Rolls 

Ice Cream 

& More! 

“You’re lucky,” sighed 

the co-worker. “My 

wife dreams that in the 

daytime.” 

Come play our newly renovated 18-hole mini golf course! 

BIRTHDAY PARTIES & CORPORATE EVENTS AVAILABLE 

RoysGolf.com 

MINI GOLF 

DRIVING RANGE 

BATTING CAGES 

DISC GOLF 



My life is like a mystery novel with missing pages.

120 Hour Course 

Multiple Cohorts 

REGISTER TODAY! 

Sarcasm is my love language. 

www.cmcc.edu/workforce • 207-755-5280 • workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu 

PROGRAM DETAILS 

This course covers the fundamental principles of 

installing, testing, and maintaining FTTx networks 

properly. Students will build and develop the skills 

required to become a fiber optic technician by 

covering the various methods of splicing, terminating, 

testing, and commissioning fiber optic cable. After 

successfully completing this course, students will have 

the skills necessary to become FBA Certified Fiber 

Optic Technicians. The annual salary for a Fiber Optic 

Technician ranges from $48,000 to $62,000/year. 

SCAN HERE 

TO REGISTER! 

or visit centralmaine.cc/workforceapply 

$800 Attendance 

Stipend Included 

PREREQUISITES 

• At least 18 years of age 

• High School Diploma, GED, or HiSET 

• U.S. Citizenship and Work Authorization 

• Maine Resident 

www.cmcc.edu/workforce • workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu 

Central Maine Community College does not discriminate and is an equal opportunity/affirmative action 

employer. For more information, please call 207-755-5396 or email humanresources@cmcc.edu. 

Windy 


Pete set out on a very 

windy day to see his 

friend Sam who was sick 

in bed. Hours later, he 

pulled his weary body 

into Sam’s house. 

Sam asked,"How’s the 

weather.” 

“I’ll tell ya, it was just 

brutal. For every step I 

took forwards, I fell back 

two steps.” 

“Then how ever did you 

make it over here?” Sam 

asked. 

“Well, finally I gave up, 

and I turned around and 

headed for home,” Pete 

answered. 

I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode. 

THE AMERICAN LEGION 

FAMILY 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays 

and get a surprise! 

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

Members & Guests Welcome! 

AMERICAN LEGION ACT 

Veterans who were honorably discharged 

but whose service did not fall into previously 

defined war eras may now join 

the American Legion immediately. The 

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941, 

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at 

war, as determined by Congress. 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on 

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

For Veteran or Community services, call 

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229 

Hall Rentals Available 

Call for more 

information 

207-782-1118 

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 

HOURS: Monday - Wednesday: 12pm-8pm • Thursday 12pm-9pm 

Friday: 12pm-11pm • Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm 

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS 

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in May 

Jerry Joe - May 3rd, 17th & 31st • 4:30 - 6:30pm 

UNCLE ANDY’S HAPPY HOUR - FRIDAY, MAY 3RD 4-6PM 

MAY 5TH CINCO DE MAYO 

Live music with Loose Screws 

7-11pm - Come in for the fun! 

MEMORIAL DAY, MONDAY, MAY 27TH 

Placement of flags at temple shalom synagogue. 

Pine Street, cemetaries. Volunteers needed to pack flags on Friday, May 24th 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY - MONDAY, MAY 12TH 

STARTING JUNE 2024 

Membership dues will increase to $52 for 2024-2025 - Due to national increase. 

NO SONS MEETING UNTIL SEPTEMBER 

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, MAY 15 TH , 2024 

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP 7PM 

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25 

Pearly Gates 

Submitted by Steve Simard 

Saint Peter was manning 

the Pearly Gates when 

forty people from New 

York City showed up. 

Never having seen anyone 

from the Big Apple 

at Heaven’s door, Saint 

Peter said he would have 

to check with God. After 

hearing the news, God 

instructed him to admit 

the ten most virtuous 

from the group. 

A few minutes later, Saint 

Peter returned to God 

breathless and said, 

“They’re gone!” 

“What? All of the New 

Yorkers are gone?” 

asked God. 

“No!” replied Saint Peter, 

“The Pearly Gates!” 

The best part about life is how it’s so predictable. Said no one ever. 



Rabbit 


I decided to leave work 

early. I get home only to 

see my dog is up to no 

good. My shepherd is laying 

on the back patio covered 

in dirt with a rabbit 

in her mouth. The rabbit's 

not bloody, just dirty. 

Now, my neighbor's kids 

raise these Blue Ribbon 

WINNER Rabbits. 

I instantly knew it was 

one of their rabbits. So I 

took the rabbit away from 

my dog, I rushed inside, 

washed all the dirt off 

it before my neighbors 

could come home. 

It was stiff but I heard 

some ANIMALS play 

dead when they are 

AFRAID, I couldn't 

remember which animals 

because I was 

NERVOUS. I took it and 

placed it back in one of 

the cages that sits on my 

neighbors back deck, 

then I ran back home. 

Not 30 minutes later 

I hear my neighbors 

screaming. So I go out 

and ask them what's 

wrong? They tell me their 

rabbit died three days 

ago and they buried it but 

now it's back in the cage. 



BENEFITING 

Wear short sleeves! Support the right to bare arms! 

$ 

6 PINTS 

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience! 

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888 

TRY ONE 

TODAY! 

BENEFITING 

Wednesdays in May: 

Live music at 7PM 

NEW 

301 River Rd Buxton, Maine 04093 

2 Live Bands - Northeast Gumbo & Hello Newman 

BENEFITING 

Join Us for Wish 

BENEFITING 

Hour 

Hosted by Samantha York from News Center Maine 

Join Us for Wish Hour 

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

LIVE MUSIC 

EVERY WEDNESDAY 

7-9pm In Our Lounge 

5/1 - Acoustic SunShine 

5/8 - Steven Moore 

5/15 - Jay Larkin 

5/22 - TJ Swan 

5/29 - The Legends 

Enter to win a Red Sox 

tailgating couch! 

OUT AND ABOUT AT MELISSA'S PUB 

Enter to win 

a Red Sox 

tailgating 

couch! 

This is the magical part of the day. It’s about making a 

2 Live Bands 301 River - Northeast Rd Buxton, Gumbo Maine 04093 & Hello Newman 

difference. Bringing a ray of hope into the lives of 


children battling critical illnesses. 



FUN & Games - Treehouse Tours - Slugger The Sea Dog 

For More information and Tickets 

www.WishesintheMeadow.org 

www.Facebook.com/sacorivermeadows 





This Hosted is the by magical Samantha part York of from the News day. It’s Center about Maine making a 

This difference. is the magical Bringing part of a ray the of day. hope It’s into about the making lives of a 

difference. children Bringing battling critical a ray of illnesses. hope into the lives of 








www.Facebook.com/sacorivermeadows 

Come enjoy the music and contribute to the noble cause of Make-A-Wish www.Facebook.com/sacorivermeadows 

® Maine! 


This is the magical part of the day. It’s about making a 

difference. Bringing a ray of hope into the lives of 



Melissa Goucher and her staff 

Come enjoy the music and contribute to the noble cause of Make-A-Wish ® Maine! 

Come enjoy the music and contribute to the noble cause of Make-A-Wish ® Maine! 

BENEFITING

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, 

and you’re barefoot. 

KLJ Excavation 

& Construction 

Out and About 

at the 


Post 153 

Patriots Day 

Tibby Dupuis 

Kirk Waterman Logging 

• Fully insured 

• Full Site work : 

from clearing 

to completion 

Kirkwaterman@ymail.com | 207-890-8713 

110 Proctor Heights Dr. Waterford ME 04088 

Richie Brown 

Ready 


A man and his wife were 

cleaning out their attic 

when the man found a 

shoe repair stub in the 

pocket of an old jacket. 

“Hey – check this out,” he 

said to his wife, “this stub 

is 20 years old. I wonder 

if the shop still has the 

shoes.” 

So the next day the man 

went to the shoe shop 

and asked the owner if he 

still had the shoes. 

The owner disappeared 

into the back of the shop 

for about five minutes. 

When he returned, he 

replied happily, “Yup, believe 

it or not, we’ve still 

got the shoes. They’ll be 

ready next Thursday.” 

My finest hour lasted about a minute and a half. 



Google 


I’m not much for seizing the day, I just kind of poke it with a stick. 

Hello! Is this Gordon’s 

Pizza? asks Karla. 

No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza, 

we bought it from Gordon,” 

answers Google. 

“OK, take my order 

please,” responds Karla. 

“Well ma’am, you want 

the usual?” asks Google. 

“The usual? You know 

me?" Karla answers. 

“According to our caller 

ID, the last 12 times, you 

ordered pizza with cheeses, 

sausage, and thick 

crust,” replies Google. 

“Yes! That’s it! Karla says. 

“May I suggest to you this 

time ricotta, arugula with 

dry tomato? asks Google. 

“No, I hate vegetables,” 

Karla responds. 

“But your cholesterol is 

not good,” Google says. 

“How do you know?" 

Karla asks. 

“Through the subscribers 

guide. We have the result 

of your blood tests for 

the last 7 years,” Goggle 

responds. 

“Okay, but I do not want 

this pizza, I take medicine,” 

Karla touts. 

“You have not taken 

the medicine regularly, 

4 months ago you only 

purchased a box with 30 

tablets at Walgreens,” 

Google answers. 

“I bought more from 

another drugstore,” Karla 

argues. 

“It’s not showing on your 

credit card,” Googles 

retorts. 

cont’d on next page 

61 Portland Rd. Gray, Maine 

207-657-7973 

Live Music 

Every Sunday 

Our Famous 

Sunday Blues Jam 1-5pm 

Bringing the Ocean to your Table 

Party 

Platters 

Available 

(orders only) 

Take out • Dine in 

Homemade Goods 

Gift Certificates Available 

The freshest seafood around! 

Gray, ME 

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 11a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p 

TWO Pool Tables, 

Buck Hunter 

& Golden Tee Golf 

Friday & Saturday Night Entertainment Check Our Schedule 

Open 

7 Days 

a Week 

Hours: Mon-Fri: 3pm-Close | Sat: 1pm-1am or close | Sun: 1-5pm • TailgateBarAndGrill.biz 

WISHING OUR UAD MOMS A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 

Stephanie Arsenault with mom Judy Skinner 

Stephanie Asselin with mom Violet Ball & sister Sarah Lin 

WE HAVE 

LIVE LOBSTERS! 

Indulge in our 

seafood delights! 

We make 

“Take & Bake Meals” 

We prepare it you 

take it and bake it! 

207-657-3474 

59c Portland Road, Gray 



It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

A friend and I played Hide-and-Seek, it went on for hours, but good 

friends are hard to find. 

Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you still at the restaurant? 

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER 

NEW MEMBERS! 

Key Bank 

key.com 

GREENHOUSE & GARDEN CENTER 

Open: Saturday-Wednesday 8a-4p, Thursday-Friday 8a-6p 

896 Lawrence Rd. No. Pownal • 207-688-4462 

www.GardenSpotFarm.com 

10 

greenhouses 

filled with annuals, 

perennials herb & 

vegetable plants, 

& hanging baskets 

Open house 

Mother’s Day Weekend 

May 11th & 12th 

For 

Giveaways 

& Prizes! 

Check out our store filled with gardening tools, 

pots, and so much more! 

Large selection of bagged product including 

mulches, soils, potting soils, fertilizers 

(Coast of Maine included) 

Anchour 

anchour.com 

Tree & Shrubs (May) 

Asparagus & 

Strawberry Roots 

Seed Potato • Seeds 

Dark bark 

Mulch 

Loam 

Organic compost 

50/50 Compost/Loam 

Call ahead for bulk 

deliveries 

fruit trees, 

& plants 

Gift Cards Available! 

cont’d from previous page 

“I paid in cash,” Karla 

lies. 

“But you did not withdraw 

that much cash according 

to your bank statement,” 

Goggle adds. 

“WHAT THE HECK? 

Enough! I’m sick of Google, 

Facebook, Instgram, 

WhatsApp... I’m going to 

an Island without internet, 

where there is no cell service 

and no one to spy on 

me,” Karla states. 

“I understand ma’am but 

you need to renew your 

passport as it has expired 

5 weeks ago.” 

Family Visit 


Wife arrives home late 

at night from a business 

trip and quietly opens 

the door to her bedroom. 

But she notices four legs 

instead of two peeking 

from under the blanket! 

Seized by a fit of rage, 

she filled a bucket of 

water and started pouring 

it over the blanket. 

Still in shock, she lurches 

to the kitchen to have a 

drink. As she enters, she 

sees her husband there, 

reading a magazine. “Oh 

welcome home darling,” 

he says, “my parents 

came for a visit, so I let 

them have our bedroom. 

I hope you said hello." 

Working Fields 

workingfields.com 

Maine Community Foundation 

mainecf.org 

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM 

I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because 

I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works. 



Free Drinks 


A man walks into a bar 

and has a couple of beers. 

Once he is done, the bartender 

tells him he owes 

$9.00. “But I paid, don’t 

you remember?” says the 

customer. “Okay,” says 

the bartender, “If you said 

you paid, you did.” 

The man then goes 

outside and tells the first 

person he sees that the 

bartender can’t keep 

track of whether his customers 

have paid. 

The second man then 

rushes in, orders a beer 

and later pulls the same 

stunt. 

The barkeep replies, “If 

you say you paid, I’ll take 

your word for it.” 

Soon the customer goes 

into the street, sees an 

old friend, and tells him 

how to get free drinks. 

The man hurries into 

the bar and begins to 

drink high-balls when, 

suddenly, the bartender 

leans over and says, 

“You know, a funny thing 

happened in here tonight. 

Two men were drinking 

beer, neither paid and 

both claimed that they 

did. The next guy who 

tries that is going to get 

punched right in the 

nose.” 

“Don’t bother me with 

your troubles,” the final 

patron responds. “Just 

give me my change and 

I’ll be on my way.” 

Golf is harder than baseball because you still have to play your foul balls. 

Introducing Jake Van Paepeghem 

LA’S #1 STOP FOR ALL 

YOUR MUSIC NEEDS! 

Main Street 

Music Lessons 

We are 

looking 

for new 

crew 

mates! 

Servers, Bartenders, 

Kitchen positions 

available 

Excellent 

pay for 

skilled 

mates! 

33 Dunn Street, Auburn | 207-376-3376 | www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

OUT & About at The American Legion post 153 

American Legion, Auxiliary, & Sons 

Make your mothers day reservations today 

Spring into the Village Inn for your favorite seafood 

dish or a mouth watering prime rib! 

Lobster & Prime rib 

Happy 


May 12th 

The Village Inn 

A professional performer for two 

decades, Jake Van Paepeghem 

studied jazz and classical guitar 

at Edmonds Community College 

and Boise State University respectively, 

before 

touring North America playing 

for This Providence (Fueled By 

Ramen Records), Kris Allen 

(American Idol), as well as with 

his own 

projects. As a guitar and bass 

instructor, Jake specializes in 

beginning guitar curriculum all 

the way up to advanced chord 

knowledge, walking basslines, 

soloing techniques, improvisation, 

accompaniment techniques, 

ensemble concepts, rhythm guitar 

for all styles, and more. 

207-782-7796 | 165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday 



I'd tell you an enchilada joke, but it's probably too cheesy.

Try one 

of our 

fabulous 

salads! 

COMING SOON: 

Dining on 

the deck. 

View nature’s 

beauty on 

the river! 

I love bad Cinco de Mayo puns. That's just how eye roll. 

Scan to 

check out 

our menu 

85 Center Street, Auburn | 207-784-8221 | 11a-9p daily 

Horse 


Tim decided to go 

horseback riding. After 

mounting the horse and 

realizing how high up he 

was, he started having 

second thoughts. He 

clung to the horse’s neck 

and started crying, I 

mean wailing. 

For 2 hours he stayed 

like that until an old lady 

went into the store and 

got a security guard to 

come out and unplug it. 

Eligible for Medicare? 

CALL US TODAY 

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs. 

30+ 

Years of 

Experience! 

Poland Spring Golf Course 

& Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant 

Designed by Donald Ross, the golf course is an 

18-hole, par 71, championship layout. Enjoy velvet 

bent grass greens, well maintained fairways, and 

tees for all abilities. We also have a driving range, 

practice putting green, and golf school. 

Come enjoy the scenery and the great food at 

Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant before or after your 

round, or just to have fun! 

Call the Pro Shop at (207) 998-6002 for tee 

times and more information. 

www.PolandSpringResort.com 

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston 

Wallpaper 


Tom asks his neighbor 

in an apartment building, 

“Mr. Ouellette, you live 

directly above me and 

you have the same 

2-room apartment as I 

do. How many rolls of 

wallpaper did you buy 

when you moved in? 

“We got 18 rolls,” 

answers Mr. Ouellette. 

Two months later Tom 

meets up with Mr. Ouellette 

and says, “It’s really 

funny – I put the wallpaper 

on everywhere and I 

still had 10 rolls left over.” 

Mr. Ouellette smiles and 

says, “Yeah, so did we.” 

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious. 



Search Team 


John called his 

employee’s home phone 

number when he didn’t 

show up to the office that 

morning. He was greeted 

with a child’s whispered, 

“Hello?” 

Feeling put out at the 

inconvenience of having 

to talk to the youngster, 

John asked, “Is your Daddy 

home?” 

“Yes,” whispered the 

small voice. 

“May I talk with him?” 

John asked. 

To John’s surprise, the 

small voice whispered, 

“No.” 

Wanting to talk with an 

adult, Johns asked, “Is 

your Mommy there?” 

“Yes,” came the answer. 

“May I talk with her?” 

John responded 

Again the small voice 

whispered, “No.” 


Knowing that it was not 

likely that a young child 

May 2023 

would be left home alone, 

John decided he would 

just leave a message with 

the person who should 

be there watching over 

the child. 

AD PROOF 

Hi Ken & Sadie, 

“Is there anyone there 

besides you?” John 

asked the child. 

Please review your 

proof carefully. It will 

run “Yes,” as you whispered see it the if 

changes child, “A policeman.” are not 

received by 

Wondering what a cop 

would be doing at his 

employee’s home, John 

asked, “May I speak with 

the policeman?” 

April 24th 

Thank you! 

“No, he’s busy,” 

whispered the child. 

Contact Steve 

office 207-783-7039 

design@UncleAndys.com 




At my age I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids. 

JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS! 

Scan here to 

Apply Today! 

www.debloiselectric.com 

Immediate openings for 

experienced licensed electricians 

Golf is an easy game. It’s just hard to play. 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

NOW AVAILABLE - ONLINE ORDERING 

Happy 


to our favorite mom 

& all the moms 

out there! 

UAD May 2023 

Breakfast all day as well 

as delicious lunch items! 

Try one of our 

fabulous omelettes! 

87 Mill Street, New Auburn 

207-753-0171 

rollysnewauburn.com 

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday 

I only eat seafood on Cinco de Mayo. When I see food, I eat it.

My kids asked me what it was like to be a mom. So, I woke them up at 3 a.m. demanding 

to know where my lucky sock was. 

MAKE MAKE YOUR MOTHER’S DAY 

RESERVATIONS 

Open 11a-9:30p 

207.786.0715 

120 Center Street Auburn 

Sunday – Wednesday 11am to 10pm 

Thursday – Saturday 11am to 11pm 

Check out our website! 

www.gippers.com 

WISHING OUR UAD MOMS A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 


“Busy doing what?” 

asked John. 

“Talking to Daddy and 

Mommy and the Fireman,” 

came the whispered 

answer. 

Growing concerned 

and even worried as he 

heard what sounded like 

a helicopter through the 

ear piece on the phone, 

John asked, “What is that 

noise?” 

“A hello-copper,” answered 

the whispering 

voice. 

“What is going on there?” 

asked John, now alarmed. 

In an awed whispering 

voice, the child answered, 

“The search 

team just landed the 

hello-copper.” 

Alarmed, concerned, 

and more than just a little 

frustrated, John asked, 

“What are they searching 

for?” 

Still whispering, the 

young voice replied along 

with a muffled giggle, 

“Me.” 

Coverage for 

Every Day 

Thomas Hill with mom Dorothea Rodgers, and family 

Copyright ©2024 NFP. All Rights Reserved. 

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts 

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting 

to claims support, we help you protect what matters most. 

John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358 

john.blanchette@nfp.com 

For your business. 

For your people. 

For your life. 

NFP.com 

681 Sabattus St., Lewiston, ME 04240 

Lucky #5 


A 55-year old man who 

was born on May 5th, 

has been married for five 

years, has five children, 

makes $55,555.55 each 

year, and counts five as 

his lucky number, 

receives a phone call 

from a friend who tells 

him a horse named Lucky 

5 will be running in the 

fifth race at the local track 

that evening. 

Excitedly, the man withdraws 

5,555.55 cash from 

his bank account, goes 

to the races and bets on 

Lucky 5. 

Sure enough, the horse 

came in fifth. 

Golf announcers whisper because they don’t want to wake up the people watching. 



Come see us for all your firearm and supplies needs 

Fine Line Gun Shop 

• GUNS • AMMO • ACCESSORIES 

CALL THE PROS 

CHECK OUT 

our Facebook page 

for rotating items 

& inventory 

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p 

WARMER 

WEATHER 

IS COMING! 

Is your vehicle 

cooling system 

ready? 

(207) 998-2374 

590 Plains Rd., Poland 

finelinegun@aol.com 

Put some Spring back 

in your step with a massage 

(207) 402-8654|229229 Center Street, Auburn 

www.lamassagemaine.com 

Lincoln Street 

RADIATOR SHOP 

Family owned & operated since 1967 

Our pros can 

make sure 

you’re 

prepared! 

207-784-93561522 

| Lisbon Street, Lewiston 

Poisson & Sons Auto Care 

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144 

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION 

Welcome Back Don! 

Specializing in 

Heat Pumps/AC, 

Oil & Gas Furnace 

Don’t Get 

Caught In 

The Cold 

Get A Free Quote! 

MAY 2024 

STICKERS ARE DUE! 

Spring Vehicle Safety Tips: 

• Inspect your cooling system • Check your tires & 

wipers • Turn on your A/C. 

• Check your battery • Top off your fluids. 

NOW HIRING 

Ryan Queen • hvacsolutions207@gmail.com 

Stephanie 

Asselin 

Marketing Specialist 

207.458.8574 

stephanie@LydiaMediaLLC.com 

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services 

Mike Magretto 207-530-8890 

Veteran Owned & Operated 

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 

Proud Publisher of 

TWO local magazines! 

2 Great Falls Plaza Suite 1B, Auburn 

207.783.7039 | LAMetroMagazine.com | UncleAndys.com 



I shot one under at golf today. One under a tree, one under a bush, 

and one under the water.

CALL THE PROS 

We're not just about 

finding candidates; 

we're about finding the 

right fit for your team! 

Follow us on 

Professional 

Cleaning Service 

Residential 

Commercial 

Windows 

Floors 

207-712-2765 realcleanllc.com Serving Maine 

Coach Terry’s 

REDEMPTION 

CENTER 

The friendly redemption center 

Closed memorial day 

5/27/ 24 

Call Us Today! 

207-576-9665 

recruitingredefined.net | bobbie@recruitingredefined.net 

Celebrating 

7th Year 

Anniversary 

Saturday May 11, 

8am-3pm 

FREE food truck 

with bottle return! 

Food Truck, Games for 

kids, door prizes, gift 

cards & more! 

225-2008 | Tidswell Road, Turner | Open daily 8am-4pm 

EVERGREEN 

CUSTOM PRINTING, INC. 

Add 4 Months to Your 

Watersports Season 

with a Wetsuit! 

FULL COLOR 

DIGITAL 

PRINTING 

Posters • Booklets 

Carbonless forms • Envelopes 

Business Cards & More! 

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn 

Info@evergreencustomprinting.com 782-0525 

We can help you stay warmer longer! 

• Swimming • Snorkeling • Scuba • Water-ski 

805 Main Street, Lewiston 784-7300 

RON’S 

TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE 

YOUR FULL SERVICE 

REPAIR FACILITY 

It ’s Spring! 

Does your vehicle need service? 

Tires & State Inspections Available! 

515 Gardiner Rd, Wales 

375-4924 

We specialize in domestic 

car & truck, automatic 

& manual transmissions, 

transfer cases & differentials. 

Ron Charpentier, Jr., 

Owner 

Accounting 

& Tax 

Service You 

Can Trust! 

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A. 

Certified Public Accountant 

Tax Planning & Preparation 

for Individuals and Business 

P.O. Box 895 | 207.782.1040 

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B | Auburn, ME 04212 

Mom: “I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.” 



Kennebec 

Equipment 

Rental partners 

with City 

of Auburn and 

Norway Savings 

Bank Arena 

Auburn, Maine, April 

10, 2024—The City of 

Auburn and the Norway 

Savings Bank Arena 

are proud to announce 

a new partnership with 

Kennebec Equipment 

Rental, a Maine-based 

company. Kennebec 

Equipment Rental is the 

new Zamboni partner, 

and its eye-catching wrap 

showcases its identity 

and brand. 

Dan Morris, General 

Manager, of Kennebec 

Equipment Rental 

shares, “When approached 

with the opportunity 

to partner with both 

the City of Auburn and 

the Norway Savings Bank 

Arena for such a cool 

idea, it was a no-brainer. 

We have had our Auburn 

branch since 1973, and 

since then, we have 

been supplying local 

contractors, businesses, 

and homeowners with 

quality rental equipment, 

sales, and service. With 

celebrating our 60th year 

in business this year, 

we thought this was a 

great way to do so. I am 

excited to see the new 

Zamboni out on the ice 

with our branding, as well 

as at local events”. 

“We are honored and 

excited to form a partnership 

with a Mainebased 

company who has 

served our community 

for decades,” said Marc 

Gosselin, 


My mom had trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. 

& Maintenance 

Helping keep your 

home healthy 

Now offering 

dryer vent 

cleaning 

& Air duct 

cleanings 

Help us and support 

our local businesses! 

10% OFF 

CLEANINGS 

CALL NOW! 

207-619-0868 

Kennebec Equipment Rental partners with 

City of Auburn and Norway Savings Bank Arena 

OPENING 

MAY 3RD 

check out our 

Facebook 

for events! 

207-786-2695 | 24 Mollison Way, Lewiston | justintimebowl.com 



When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.

Call us 

for a free 

estimate! 

BUSINESS 

SP TLIGHT 

Cleanings for: 

Property Management 

Commercial/ Office 

Post Construction 

Rental Turn Over 

207-713-1550 

Let us SCOOP the poop! 

Scoop 4Paws 

Professional Pooper Scoopers 

Call 207-713-1550 or 

message us on Facebook 

207-782-7141 

207-782-7141 

Mother’s Day & Pizza 

LOVE BOTH! 

LA’s Newest Real 

Estate Brokerage 

Richard Moylan 

(207) 777-0050 

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn 

richardmoylan@allstate.com 

Insurance and coverages subject to terms. 

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property 

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire 

and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, 

Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company 

The proud 

publisher for both 

local magazines! 

UNCLEANDYS.COM | LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM 

2 GREAT FALLS PLAZA, SUITE 1B, AUBURN | 207.783.7039 

T H E 

M A 

I N E 

E X P E R 

R E A L 

E S TAT E 

I E N C E 

Matt 

Mocciola 

207.346.4900 

Jason 

Becvar 

207.713.1617 

themainerealestateexperience.com 


Executive Director of 

Community Partnerships 

& Sport Tourism. “Community 

partnerships, like 

this new relationship 

with Kennebec Equipment 

Rental, go a long 

way to support all of 

efforts at the Norway 

Savings Bank Arena 

and our local hockey 

community”. 

Joe Cormier, Operations 

Manager of Kennebec 

Equipment Rental, 

shares, “We are excited 

to continue to be part of 

a great community and 

the great people at the 

Norway Savings Bank 

Arena. We take pride in 

all six of our locations, 

and all have great community 

ties”. Joe goes 

on to say, “Dan Morris 

and I have both grown 

up in the Auburn/Lewiston 

area and are now 

raising families here as 

well. We are excited to 

give back.” 

The Norway Savings 

Bank Arena is home to 

the second largest youth 

hockey program in the 

state, six (6) local high 

schools, Tier 2 and 3 junior 

hockey, recreational 

leagues, and special 

hockey events, including 

Maine Mariners exhibition 

games. 

As the Norway Savings 

Bank Arena celebrates 

its 10-year anniversary, 

be sure to visit and 

support your local teams 

while getting a chance to 

view the new Kennebec 

Equipment Rental Zamboni, 

prepping the ice 

for tons of great hockey 

action! 

How do you know when something is officially lost? Mom can't find it. 



In life you don’t get a manual. You get a mom. 

OPENING MAY 11 TH 

Fresh Frozen 

Craft Custard 

Premium Soft Serve 

CHECK OUT OUR 

WEBSITE FOR 

WEEKLY FLAVORS! 

THELOGYARDDAIRYBAR.COM | 1184 Maine St, Poland, ME 

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER 

NOW IS THE TIME TO CHECK OUT OUR INVENTORY OF 2024 RV’S. 

Jayco- High Quality Design 

& Award Winning Rv’s. 

Visit us! 

Experience what camping can offer! 

848 Main Street, Oxford • 207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com 

MAINELY STICKY BUDS 

Let us roll for you! 

60¢ a roll - rolled not packed! 

Happy Mother’s Day 

From Melissa’s Pub & Grill 

Now open 7 days a week! 

Check Our Facebook 

For Daily Specials 

207-522-5501 | timbowe70@gmail.com 

Like us on Facebook 

675 Main St. Lewiston | 207.753.1446 

Ralph 

Stetson 

Marketing Specialist 

207-513-8806 

Ralph@LydiaMediaLLC.com 

Proud Publisher of 

TWO local magazines! 

2 Great Falls Plaza Suite 1B, Auburn 

207.783.7039 | LAMetroMagazine.com | UncleAndys.com 

Serving 24 flavors of 

Soft Serve Ice Cream 

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p 

Shuga Shak Country Store 

Maple Baked Beans 

every Saturday! 

Wine • Local Products 

Honey • Pickles • Jams 

Candies • Crafts... 

and much more! 

Ice Cream & More 

Coming soon 

Live or cooked lobster! 

450 Pigeon Hill Road 

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls 

207-576-7886 

WISHING OUR UAD 

MOMS A HAPPY 

MOTHER'S DAY 

Pam Ashby with mom Pauline and bonus mom Paulette 



I worked on unclogging the tub for nearly an hour. Now I feel so drained.

Out & About at 

The Village Inn 

What falls but never needs a bandage? The rain. 

Perfect 

Eyesight 


One day Paul arrives 

home looking downcast, 

“That’s it,” he tells his 

wife, “I’m giving up golf. 

My eyesight has become 

so bad that once I hit the 

ball I couldn’t see where 

it went.” 

His wife sympathises and 

makes him a cup of tea. 

As they sit down she 

says, “Why don’t you take 

my brother with you and 

give it one more try?” 

“That’s no good,” sighs 

Paul, “your brother is 85, 

he can’t help.” 

“He may be 85,” says the 

wife, “but his eyesight is 

perfect.” 

So the next day Paul 

heads off to the golf 

course with his brotherin-law. 

He tees up, takes a 

mighty swing and squints 

down the fairway. He 

turns to the brother-in-law 

and says, “Did you see 

the ball?” 

Jill & Kevin Cunningham 

(Owners of Burnt Ends BBQ) 

Mike Spaulding 

Kevin Morissette 

& Kevin Cunningham 

“Of course I did!” Answers 

the brother-in-law. 

“I have perfect eyesight.” 

“Where did it go?” Paul 

asks. 

“I don’t remember.” 

Peggy Deblois & Jose Leiva 

The more this towel dries, the wetter it gets. 



| EVENTS | 

MAY 

Deputy James Phillips 


Acoustic Sunshine 

Sea 40 

40 East Ave. Lewiston 

207.495.6888 

7:00-9:00pm 

may 2 

Book Sale Clearance 

Auburn Public Library 

49 Spring St. Auburn 

9:00am 

AuburnPublicLibrary.org 

may 7 

Crafty Kids: Decoupaged 

Vase for a Loved One 



4:00-5:00pm 



Shred Event 

DuBois Realty Group 

243 Mount Auburn Ave 

Join us for a free shredding event 

and make a positive impact by 

safely disposing of unwanted and 

old documents. 

9am-1pm 


Uncle Andy’s Happy Hour 

American Legion Post 153 

71 South Main St, Auburn 

4-6pm 

Vanessa 

& Caleb Frost, 

& Everett Nelson 

Deputy Darian 

Nadeau 



May 3-4 

APL Bookstore 

Clearance Sale 



May 3- 1:00pm 

May 4- 4:00pm 


may 3-5 

Lunenburg 

by Norm Foster 

The Public Theatre 

31 Maple St. Lewiston 

Thepublictheatre.org 


Mother’s Day Artists 

& Makers Market Event 

Olive Pit Brewing 

16 Main St. Lisbon Falls 

olivepitbrewing.com 

12:00-5:00pm 


Cinco de mayo 

Live music with Loose Screws 

American Legion Post 153 

71 South Main St, Auburn 

7-11pm 


Steven Moore 

Sea 40 


207.495.6888 

7:00-9:00pm 

may 9-12 

Lunenburg by Norm 

Foster 

The Public Theatre 

31 Maple St. Lewiston 

Thepublictheatre.org 

may 9 

Andrea Fawcett 

Sonder & Dram 

12 Ash St. Lewiston 

6:30-9:30pm 

207.330.3021 

may 10 

Rodney Norman 

Great Falls Comedy Club 

34 Court St. Auburn 

7:00pm 

GreatFallsComedyClub.com 

Deputy Sgt. Randy Williams 

& wife Danielle 

may 11 

Auburn Lobster Festival 

Festival Plaza 

Main St. Auburn 

1:00-6:00pm 

auburnlobsterfestival.com 

7 Year Itch & Customer 

Appreciation Celebration 

Coach Terry’s Redemption 

8 Tidswell Rd. Turner 

207.225.2008 

8:00am 

Divorce Diaries - 

Michelle Traina 



7:30-9:00pm 


Maine Music Society-A 

Breath of Mozart 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar St. Lewiston 

7:00pm 

FrancoCenter.org

| EVENTS | 

Troy, Jennifer 

& Maveric Billings 


May 11-12 

Mother’s Day Weekend 

Sale & Raffles 

Garden Spot Farm 

896 Lawrence Rd. Pownal 

207.688.4462 

may 12 

Maine Music Society-A 

Breath of Mozart 

Franco Center 


4:30pm 

FrancoCenter.org 

Lewiston Farmers 

Market Opening Day 

2 Oxford St. Lewiston 

lewistonfarmersmarket@gmail.com 

9:30am 


Jay Larkin 

Sea 40 


207.495.6888 

7:00-9:00pm 

Crafting Circle 

Lewiston Public Library 

200 Lisbon St. Lewiston 

5:00-6:00pm 

lplonline.org 

may 16 

Toby McAllister 

Sonder & Dram 


6:30-9:30pm 

207.330.3021 


Jackbox Games 

and Taco Party Night 




5:30pm 


Victims of Lewiston 

Shooting Fundraiser Event 

Lost Valley 

200 Lost Valley Rd. Auburn 

Live Music, All Ages 

& 50/50 Raffle 

4:00pm 

The 2024 Hamid Circus 

The Colisee 

190 Birch St. Lewiston 

207.783.2009 ext. 1 

7pm 

doors will open 1 hour 

prior to show time 


MSO’s Cityscape, Seascape, 

Soundscape Concert 

Franco Center 


7:00-9:00pm 

FrancoCenter.org 

Annual Spring Fling 

Hosted by Poland Fire 

& Rescue 

5:00pm- Cocktail Hour 

6:00om- Buffet Dinner 

7:00pm- Music by The Veggies 

Annual Spring Fling-Hosted by 

Poland Fire & Rescue 

The Maine Inn at Poland Spring 

Resort 

610 Maine St. Poland 

Tickets are $25 each 

Hawaiian Luau attire encouraged 

Live Music by Frenzie 

The Pub at Baxter 

120 Mill St. Lewiston 

7:00-10:00pm 

207.333.6769 

Hike for Hospice-by 

Androscoggin Home 

Healthcare & Hospice 

Pineland Farms 

15 Farm View Dr. New Gloucester 

9:00am-1:00pm 


The 2024 Hamid Circus 

The Colisee 

190 Birch St. Lewiston 

207.783.2009 ext. 1 

12pm & 4pm 

doors will open 1 hour 

prior to show time 


Katie Arroyo 





Micheal Krapovicky 

Sonder & Dram 


207.330.3021 

6:30-9:30pm 


The Legends 

Sea 40 


207.495.6888 

7:00-9:00pm 

may 30 

Jay Larkin 

Sonder & Dram 


6:30-9:30pm 

207.330.3021 

Paul Sadler and 

Leonard Kimble 

Easter Bunny 

& Miracle McDivitt 

ADVERTISERS GET 2 FREE 

EVENTS TO PUT 

ON THE CALENDAR. 

NON-ADVERTISERS 

$25 PER EVENT. 

BILLING@UNCLEANDYS.COM 

OR CALL 207-783-7039 

ASK FOR STEPHANIE 

Send us your events for June by May 24th. Call 207.783.7039 or email billing@LydiaMediaLLC.com 



Write It 

Down 


An elderly couple, 

James and Blaire are 

sitting on a park bench 

in front of a large pond. 

Across the pond are 

vendors selling all types 

of food stuff. Blaire turns 

to James and says, "I 

could really go for an ice 

cream cone." 

James replies, "Well, I'll 

go get you one." 

Blaire says, "But, you'll 

forget, you better write it 

down." 

He replies, "No I won't... 

what do you want?" 

She says, "Get me a 

strawberry cone with 

chocolate sprinkles." 

He replies, "Okay, 

strawberry cone with 

chocolate sprinkles. See, 

I'll remember." 

Several hours pass and, 

finally James returns 

carrying a paper bag. 

Blaire asks him, "What 

took you so long, did you 

get lost?" 

James replies, "No, and 

I remembered what you 

wanted." 

So Blaire opens the bag 

to discover a cheeseburger 

and fries and 

says, “I knew you should 

have written the order 

down.” 

James says, “What do 

you mean – everything is 

there.” 

To which Blaire says, 

“No, it’s not….Look, you 

forgot the pickles." 

You never know what you have until you clean out your closet. Or your junk draw. 

A/L VALLEY KARATE TOURNAMENT 

At Central Maine Community College 

June 8, 2024 • 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM 

Join us for our biggest fundraising event 

of the year! The funds raised will help us 

with our Kids In Control Keep Safe youth 

leadership training programs. 

Competitors from ALL ages and styles 

of Karate are welcome! 

Scan here to sign up 

207-577-1046 | 945 Center St, Auburn 

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long. 

In Memory of 

Trevor Saunders 

Trevor loved his 

animals and would 

have adopted all the 

cats and dogs at the 

shelter if he could. 

We are honoring his 

memory and his love 

for pets by asking 

those who can donate 

in his name to the 

Greater Androscoggin 

Humane Society. 

Scan the code 

and put “In memory 

of Trevor Saunders.” 

Scan here 

to donate 

Or if these photos or 

dedication inspires 

you to adopt yourself, 

Trevor and your pet 

will be ‘fur’ever 

grateful. 

55 Strawberry Avenue, Lewiston | 207.783.2311 | gahumane.org 



I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany. 

Roopers Lisbon Street 

Since 2011, Roopers Lisbon St. has been your 

one-stop shop for adventure essentials! Originally 

offering beer and wine, we eventually expanded 

to include spirits as well. Perfect for campers and 

travelers passing through, it's a convenient highway 

stop with a brand new remodel inspired by owner 

Steve Roop's beloved northern camp. 

The store's unique design reflects Steve's love for 

the outdoors, complete with nods to his legendary 

Bigfoot sightings (keep an eye out on the walls!). 

Plus, each counter features a bit of Steve's 

personality – his profile and favorite sayings – 

making your shopping experience truly 

unforgettable just like him. Stop in and check out 

the new face of Roopers. 

301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098 

545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047 

794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353 

686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200 

980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072 

1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston |333.3095 

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? 



$10 OFF 18 HOLES 

EXPIRES 

COUPON 5/31/24 

PLAY 18 HOLES COUPON OFFER! 

CALL THE PRO SHOP FOR TEE TIMES 

207-782-1107, EXT 1 Mon-Thurs before 1 PM. 

527 Beech 527 Hill Rd, Beech Auburn Hill Rd, | *Coupon Auburn must | jglicos@martindalecc.com 

be presented at time of purchase 

Check out just one of my reviews... 

Looking to Buy or Sell? I look forward to working with you NEXT. 

“BEST REALTOR EVER. Cindy Powell is an exceptionally communicative and responsive realtor 

who consistently demonstrates respect and diligence in every aspect of her work. Rather than pressuring 

buyers, she offers her professional judgment on potential bids, particularly in today’s tight housing 

market. Her negotiation skills are outstanding, ensuring her clients receive the best possible value 

for their investment. Cindy navigates challenging situations with grace and expertise, ensuring all 

contractual obligations are met by sellers, leading to a seamless closing process. I can confidently say that 

without Cindy, we wouldn’t have been able to purchase our dream home. Cindy’s exceptional service 

truly sets her apart.” — skintdragoon, April 4, 2024 

CindyPowellSells207@gmail.com 

120 Center St. Suite 108 Auburn 

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family 

We are stronger together 

Debbie Bodwell 

NMLS# 280336 

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net 

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210 

207.754.3962 

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org) 

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org. 

Your local guide to... well, just about anything! 


UNCLEANDYS.COM 

36 May 2024

Uncle Andy's Digest - May 2024

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