Focus on the Family Magazine - August/September 2024

Helping Families Thrive in Christ
AUG / SEPT 2024
Go behind
the scenes
with the
voice actors
THE VOICES OF
ADVENTURES
IN ODYSSEY
page 36

faith
child’s your in Inves
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AUG / SEPT
table of contents
STOCKSY - ANI DIMI / ILLUSTRATIONX - ADAM LARKUM, DÉBORA ISLAS
in every issue
4 LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
5 MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT
6 OFF THE SHELF
8 HACKS & FACTS
24 ADULT KIDS
41 MEMORY VERSE
44 GRANDPARENTING
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY
kids & teens
12 THE CHARACTER-BUILDING
POWER OF CHORES
Kids benefit from doing routine
household tasks
compiled by Andrea Gutierrez
16 A SOLUTION FOR HIS
OWN SUCCESS
Guiding a child to take
ownership of his learning
by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
18 ANXIOUS KIDS
Helping children through
the anxiety-filled middle
school years
by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg
22 HELP! I CAN’T STAND
MY KIDS’ PLAYLIST
by Adam Holz
23 IDENTIFYING AND NAVIGATING
ANXIETY IN CHILDREN
A free video series with <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada counselor
Jenn Hall
Great reads
for your kids’
summer
reading log s
12
6
couples
26 LIVING WITHOUT SECRETS
Are you ready for deeper
intimacy in your marriage?
by Justin Davis
31 WORSHIPING DIFFERENTLY . . .
TOGETHER
Appreciate the way you and
your spouse pursue God
by Gary Thomas
faith &
inspiration
36 THE VOICES OF
ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY
Go behind the scenes to
learn what our actors enjoy
about their characters
42 MOVIE MESSAGES:
DESPICABLE ME
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as a family
by Plugged In staff
41
28
18
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 3

LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
4
Jean-Paul Beran is
president of <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada.
AUG / SEPT 2024
AS I TRAVEL across this beautiful nation
and share that I work for <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada, the number one thing I hear time and
time again is, “I love Adventures in Odyssey!”
In this issue, we’re celebrating an exciting milestone: 1,000
episodes of Adventures in Odyssey. Can you believe it?
This beloved audio drama first aired in 1987 and since then
it has become a staple in many homes. Parents who were
raised on Adventures in Odyssey themselves are now sharing
it with their children, and generations of families are
coming together to learn valuable life lessons. I invite you to
turn to page 36 to learn more about some of your favourite
characters.
As many parents know, our children can access all kinds
of entertainment at the push of a button. What I find incredible
is in a world of screens and blockbusters, these faith-filled
audio dramas are still enjoyed by children of all ages.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family in the U.S. is hosting a One Grand
Party from Aug. 2 through 3 in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
And at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada, we wanted to join in on
the fun by inviting one family of four Adventures in Odyssey
superfans on an all-inclusive trip to the 1,000th episode
party! We held an online contest back in May, and over 5,000
people entered for their opportunity to win.
I’m thrilled to announce our winners: congratulations to
the Bankert family from Manitoba! We wish them all the best
as they attend the One Grand Party.
If you entered, I want to extend a huge thank you for being
a part of this journey. As we continue to celebrate Adventures
in Odyssey this year, we are grateful for your allowing us to be
part of your family in this way. If you want to learn more, you
can visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/AIO. Thank you!
Blessings,
Jean-Paul Beran
celebrating
1,000 episodes
of Adventures
in Odyssey!
JOSH YONG
president
Jim Daly
focus canada
president
Jean-Paul Beran
chief operating
officer
Ken Windebank
publisher
Joshua Yancey
media publishing
director
Kevin Shirin
cover illustrations
Gary Locke
contributing
editors
Vance Fry
Marianne Hering
Jennifer Lonas
Jeff Masching
editorial director
Sheila Seifert
managing editor
Andrea Gutierrez
copy chief
Scott DeNicola
associate editors
Sarah Brickens
Faith Wismer
senior art director
Cary Bates
art director
Sally Dunn
designer
Julie Vieux
editorial assistant
Kat Bittner
print production
Gail Wise
circulation
Erika Lynch
focus canada
contributors
Amanda Regan
Amy Van Veen
Thank you!
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provides this magazine and
other resources through the generosity of friends
like you. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Donate
For a subscription, go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine August/September
2024, Vol. 9, No. 4 ISSN 2471-5921, © 2024 <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family. All rights reserved. Published by <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family, a nonprofit organization recognized
for tax-deductible giving by the federal government.
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Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are
from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version ® (ESV ® ).
Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry
of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All
rights reserved. The ESV text may not be quoted in
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Printed in Canada
Cover background images: UNSPLASH - DANA
DEVOLK, ANNIE-SPRATT, MARJANBLAN

MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT
Highlighting one of the
many ministries of <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA’S
MARRIAGE CONFERENCES AND RETREATS
HAVE A NEW NAME!
SINCE 2018, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada has been
bringing the proven principles of the Hope Restored marriage
intensive program to more couples seeking to make
their strong marriage even stronger through our Marriage
Enrichment events. These conferences and retreats haven’t
gone anywhere, but they do have a new name: Journey to Us!
With two program options to learn these marriagestrengthening
tools, you can find something that works best
for you and your spouse.
The one-day Journey to Us Conferences take place at local
churches across the country offering couples the chance to
learn in an interactive seminar-style format.
The All-Inclusive Journey to Us Retreats are held at our
luxurious retreat centres in Alberta, Manitoba and Ontario,
providing couples with the most focused care and attention
from our trained marriage speakers.
Journey to Us—formerly Marriage Enrichment—
conferences and retreats are created for couples wanting to
create a stronger, healthier, even more fulfilling marriage.
Learn more and find an event near you.
JourneyToUs.ca
“We have been very blessed this weekend. . . .
It was just wonderful to get a bit of a tune up.
In our almost 40 years of marriage, we have
made marriage seminars a regular part of our
lives and so it was great to attend a <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada event for our first time. . . .
Thank you for gracing us to be at this seminar.
We are honoured!”
—Conference attendee
ALBERTA
MANITOBA
ONTARIO
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 5

OFF THE SHELF
BIOGRAPHY
The Hiding Place,
Young Reader’s Edition
by Corrie Ten Boom
with Elizabeth and John Sherrill
Bonhoeffer, Student Edition
by Eric Metaxas
CONTEMPORARY
Series: “Tree Street Kids”
Mystery in Crooked Creek Woods
by Amanda Cleary Eastep
Series: “The Ben Washington Series”
Ben Washington Is . . .
the Newbie on the Block
by Jasmine Mullen
BIBLE FANTASY
Series: “Patrick Wigglesworth’s
Bizarre Bible Adventure”
Dangerous Dilemmas
by Liz and Jack Hagler
Series: “Passages”
The Marus Manuscripts
Volumes 1 and 2
by Paul McCusker
HISTORICAL ADVENTURE
Series: “The Imagination Station”
Big Risks in Russia
by Marianne Hering
Courage at the Castle
by Marianne Hering
school book reports
Find these
books and more at
Shop.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca.
BOOKS OFFER children an imaginative world to explore or historical
facts to fascinate. When casual reading becomes a chore through assigned
book reports, you may find it hard to motivate your kids to read. Here’s how
one author found inspiration to write her book, which is on our list of books
for your elementary and middle school kids to consider.
“After hiking Chicagoland’s forest preserves for years with my kids, I discovered
they contain archaeological sites of Illinois tribes. Mystery in Crooked
Creek Woods raises awareness about native peoples and the places where
we build our homes, ride our bikes and live our lives today. This topic then
led me to explore the telling of good stories, the pursuit of the truth and
Jesus’ command to love our neighbors.”
—Amanda Cleary Eastep
HUMOR
Series: “Adventures of Average Boy”
Average Boy’s Above-Average Year
by Bob Smiley
Series: “The Magnificent Mulligans”
Dolphins in Danger
by Bill Myers
MYSTERY
Series: “The Last Chance Detectives”
Quest for the King’s Crown
by Robert Vernon
Series: “Young Whit”
Young Whit and the
Cloth of Contention
by Dave Arnold and Phil Lollar
READER FAVORITES
Series: “Red Rock Mysteries”
Haunted Waters
by Jerry B. Jenkins and Chris Fabry
Series: “Backyard Horses”
Horse Dreams, Cowboy Colt,
Chasing Dream, and Night Mare
by Dandi Daley Mackall
ILLUSTRATIONX - LUIZA LAFFITTE
6
AUG / SEPT 2024

kids &
teens
“WE CANNOT CREATE PERFECT
CHILDREN, BUT WE CAN CERTAINLY
GUIDE THEM ALONG THE WAY BY
HOW WE LIVE OUR OWN LIVES.”
— DR. DANNY HUERTA,
VICE PRESIDENT OF PARENTING & YOUTH
AT FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, TAKEN FROM
SEVEN TRAITS OF EFFECTIVE PARENTING
CREDIT FOTF - SALLY TK DUNN
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 7

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
AGES 0 TO 3
WACKY
WARDROBE
A little silliness goes a long
way in getting a cranky
toddler dressed. If I can
get my child laughing as I
try to put his socks on his
hands or his pants on his
head or his shirt on as if it
were pants, I can stop the
dreaded getting-dressed
battle before it starts
(and then I can dress
him properly).
—Jared Hottenstein
simple signs
One of the most meaningful insights we received as foster
parents was to encourage very young or nonverbal children
to use simple sign language in daily life.
We introduced basic signs for “more,” “yes,” “no” and
“juice” around age 1. Some acquaintances believed using
sign language would deter verbal language development,
but we discovered it encouraged communication and
reduced frustration for all involved—including our youngest
children.
—Stephanie Rodda
BEDTIME VERSES
My husband and I had already established a bedtime routine
with our kids: reading a story, turning off the lights and
praying together. With a friend’s encouragement, I started
reading aloud Proverbs 3:24 or Psalm 4:8 to them before
bedtime. Often, I’d insert a child’s name as I read these
Scriptures. This helped my children transition to sleeping
through the night and in their own beds.
—Breanna Churchill
STOCKSY - MARIA MANCO / /ADOBE STOCK - NEW AFRICA
8
AUG / SEPT 2024

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
surprise bag
I kept a backpack for my son containing special belongings,
which he had access to only when he needed to sit
still at church and restaurants. I frequently cycled out the
contents so it wasn’t the same bag every time he opened
it. The bag contained a combination of coloring books
and crayons, stickers, puzzles, other quiet toys and a
favorite snack. My son called it the Surprise Bag, but my
husband and I called it the Quiet Bag.
—Diane Stark
“use your walking feet”
My second daughter seemed to be a
strong-willed toddler. If I told her not to
do something, she immediately did it. I was
often exasperated until I read in a parenting
blog that young children may not understand
the words no or don’t in a phrase,
only the words that follow. My uncle, a
pediatrician and father of five, suggested
I give instructions in more positive language.
So, for example, I might say, “Use your
walking feet” if I didn’t want my kids to run.
I soon started giving my little ones gentle,
easy-to-understand instructions about
what I wanted them to do rather than telling
them what not to do. This simple shift in
phrasing led to greater obedience in all my
children, less stress for me and more peace
in our home.
—Amber Vanderhoof
AGES 0 TO 3
ILLUSTRATIONX - STUART HOLMES / STOCKSY - VALBAR STUDIO
APPETIZERS
& ATTENTION
My aunt gave me advice for
a calmer dinner hour. Before
she started cooking, she’d
bring her girls a plate of raw
cut vegetables and would
sit with them while they
snacked. She played games
with them, whether it was
dolls, matching cards or
stuffed animal tea parties.
Just a little food mixed
with love and attention from
Mommy, and previously wild
girls would be calm for the
next half hour while she prepared
dinner in peace. Then
her husband would gather
the girls for a short Scripture
and prayer over dinner, and
then they’d eat.
The fi rst time I tried this
strategy with my own children,
they seemed to feel
much calmer, and so did I.
It changed our whole family
dynamic in the evenings.
—Caitlin Roberts
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 9

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
AGES 4 TO 8
SUMMER
STORIES
About a week before
school started, I’d assign
my daughters to write a
story entitled “What I Did
This Summer.” Usually they
wrote about our family’s
summer vacation or some
other activity such as vacation
Bible school. It was
a way to get their writing
skills brushed up before
school. I’ve kept each summer’s
compositions, which
is a now a precious diary of
our girls’ childhood summers.
I pray they’ll do this
with their own children
someday!
—David Hagginbothom
a slow start
This year we found it
particularly hard to say
goodbye to summer and
hello to homeschooling.
So I dedicated a week to
trying a “slow start” to
school. We collaborated to
organize and decorate our
learning spaces and create
a checklist of needed
materials. We also planned
shorter mornings with
extra breaks. This helped
us build a solid routine for
the next week and eased
us into the school year in a
way that was manageable
and fun.
Our soft launch of the
new school year embodied
one of the things we
love most about homeschooling:
growing
together as a family.
—Sarah Elmer
Jessica
in case they
get lost
Before we attend a crowded event, I
take a photo of each of my children
with my phone to capture how
they look and what they’re wearing
that day. Then I write my name and
phone number on their wrists. If they
get lost, they can show a trusted
adult my phone number, and I have
their photo to show others to help
me find them.
—Jessica Hull
from tantrum
to teacher
Whenever my 5-year-old son misbehaves
in public, I let him be the
big brother that he dreams of being
someday. I ask what he’d do if it were
his baby cousin misbehaving at the
grocery store. He said he’d tell his
cousin, “If we scream and cry on the
floor, we won’t have time to go see
the cereals.”
This game helps my son see the
situation from another perspective.
It helps me remain calm and gives
my son the chance to be a teacher
instead of the person being reprimanded.
This switch in perspective
allows my son to correct his own
behavior in that moment, and we
can usually avoid a meltdown.
—Trisha Simone
ILLUSTRATIONX - STUART HOLMES / ADOBE STOCK - FIZKES
10
AUG / SEPT 2024

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
AGES 9 TO 12
our family calendar
We merged school planners and
our own individual calendars onto
a large white board. This shared
calendar became a sort-of hub for
the projects and events that our
family needed to manage. We began
the day with a brief discussion of
upcoming activities, helping each
child organize the required materials
for the day.
The usefulness of this system
relied on daily revisiting the calendar
and marking off completed tasks.
My daughter has said she felt more
in control of her learning, and our
system helped her manage school
assignments and activities.
—Nancy Koenig
ILLUSTRATIONX - STUART HOLMES / STOCKSY - ROB AND JULIA CAMPBELL
FRIENDSHIP COOKIES
To teach my kids to be encouragers, we’d occasionally
bake batches of cookies together. Each cookie was to
be given away to a friend or a potential friend at school,
along with a genuine compliment about that person.
My children learned to look for the good in others
and express it verbally. They also quickly noticed the
positive reactions they’d receive in return. It taught
them that friendship often begins with a kind word that
helps others feel seen and appreciated.
—Dave Malone
tossing the
conversation ball
As a preteen, my daughter was shy
around strangers. She was talkative
at home but would freeze up
when meeting someone new. One
day I taught her a game I called
Conversation Ball. I held a ball and
gave her a common greeting such as,
“Hi. What’s your name?” or “How are
you doing today?” Then I’d toss the
ball to her, and she’d respond to my
question or comment and throw the
ball back to me.
The game was low pressure since
there was no time limit or score.
Once she felt comfortable responding,
we switched roles, and she
initiated a conversation. Sometimes
her dad or siblings would join
in so we could practice group
conversations.
—Teresa Olive
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 11

KIDS & TEENS / RESPONSIBILITY
THE CHARACTER-BUILDING
POWER OF CHORES
Kids benefit from doing routine
household tasks
COMPILED BY ANDREA GUTIERREZ
ILLUSTRATIONS BY ADAM LARKUM
“IS IT CLEAN ENOUGH?”
This question from Linda’s 5- and
7-year-old boys used to bother her. To
teach them how to recognize a clean
room, she created the Last Thing game.
Once the bedroom was straightened,
her boys would carefully
inspect it. When they saw items that
still needed to be put away, the game
began. The competition was intense,
with both boys determined to find
one more car, sock or LEGO block to
pick up.
The child who put the last item in
its place was declared the winner. The
winner was then allowed to choose a
reward from the prize drawer, which
held inexpensive goodies.*
Children of any age can help with
chores, even if it’s a challenge to get
them started. But if you consistently
model a job well done, their competence
might surprise you.
Chores not only teach kids to keep
things tidy in the short term but also
help them develop valuable character
traits and skills in the long term so
they’ll become productive citizens in
their community as adults.
There are countless ways children
can help out around the house at
each age and stage of their development.
Let’s explore a few, along with
the character traits these tasks can
instill in their lives.
*The Last Thing game by
Linda VanderWier taught
her children to be thorough.
12
AUG / SEPT 2024

RESPONSIBILITY / KIDS & TEENS
TODDLERS
IN TRAINING
Encouraging toddlers to help with chores can be challenging,
but establishing routines when they’re young
will serve them well as they grow. Some tasks that toddlers
can handle include picking up their toys, dusting
low shelves and furniture, making their beds and
watering plants. Here are a few ideas other parents
have tried with their little ones.
“Thanks for Helping, Buddy”
Character trait: servant heart
One day while I was unloading the
dishwasher, 2-year-old Mark started
handing me plates. At first I was
worried he might drop something,
but with close supervision, I encouraged
his desire to help. I asked him
for one plate at a time and taught
him to hold bowls from the bottom.
When we were finished, I simply
said, “Thanks for helping, buddy.”
Too much praise can inflate a child’s
sense of importance instead of a
focus on serving others.
Now that Mark’s older, he knows
he should contribute to the household.
Sprinkled praise has nurtured
a servant’s heart and a sparkling
self-esteem.
—Clem Boyd
Spills and Toddlers
Character trait: accountability
When my daughter was learning how
to drink from a cup, there were many
spills. After one clearly intentional
spill, I simply said, “You spilled. You
wipe it up.”
I showed her where we kept the
dishrags and helped her wipe the
water off the floor. After that, I followed
the same steps for every
spill. And if I had an accident, I’d
say, “I spilled. I’d better wipe it up.”
Repetition was important.
One day when we had friends
over, someone spilled a drink. My
18-month-old child babbled a word
that sounded like “spilled.” Then she
toddled over to the cabinet, picked
up a rag and wiped up the spill without
being told.
—Autumn Shaffer
Tots Folding Socks
Character trait: responsibility
I taught my children to do laundry by
giving them age-appropriate tasks. At
18 months, they folded washcloths
and small towels. As they grew,
I added items. At ages 3 and 4, they
also folded socks and shorts. By the
time they were 5, they were able to
fold and put away their own laundry.
—Denise Crawford
LISTEN NOW!
Learn how Monica Swanson took her
son through character training when
he was 13 to teach him more about the
importance of godly characteristics.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
ADOBE STOCK - ЭЛЕОНОРА КУДЕЛЯ
ADDITIONAL TRAITS:
Time management: getting up each morning
in time to make the bed
Attentiveness: listening and responding promptly
when you give them an individual chore
Teamwork: helping you pull weeds
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 13

Discover fun
ways to teach
kids to be
responsible
Introduce your kids to Bible
characters who did a great job,
train them to handle books
with care, and feed pretend
turtles together!
Our Kids of Integrity lesson
on Responsibility has loads
of ideas to help kids be
diligent about
• completing tasks and chores well
• caring for pets and belongings
• caring for God’s creation.
Download the Responsibility
lesson for FREE at
KidsOfIntegrity.com
SCHOOL-AGE HELPERS
Elementary-age children can do regular chores or pitch in with household tasks
as needed. Kids can help pack their lunches, keep their bedrooms tidy, sweep
floors and clean windows and mirrors. Here are a few other creative ideas.
Trash and Treasure
Character trait: conscientiousness
My son disliked emptying the trash
cans in our house , and he invariably
missed a few bins. I wanted him to be
more conscientious, so I turned his
weekly chore into a treasure hunt.
I sketched a plan of our house on
a square of craft paper, marking the
location of each bin with a red “X.” On
trash day, I challenged him to find
all the X’s on the map and collect the
loot. Not only did he check every room,
but he also finished in record time.
From then on, he’d unroll his map and
embark on his trash-collecting adventure
until he learned the job by heart.
—Joanne Roberts
Putting Fido First
Character trait: selflessness
When my wife and I agreed to get a
family dog, we doled out the typical
rules for our kids: Take turns feeding,
walking, watering and washing the
dog. They had to put the dog first,
which meant they had to feed the
dog before they sat down for breakfast.
They also had to walk the dog
before grabbing an after-school snack.
And before reaching for dessert, they
had to make sure the dog had water.
Caring for the dog was a simple way
to teach our kids the importance of
putting the needs of others before
their own.
—Jared Hottenstein
Dusting for Money
Character traits: cheerfulness and optimism
Teaching my young daughters to dust proved challenging. I didn’t want to pass
along my dislike for the job, so I tried to make it fun by turning the chore into a
game. I hid coins in not-too-obvious places, and the girls got to keep the coins
they found after they completed dusting their assigned areas. “It’s like an Easteregg
hunt!” they shouted. They soon began looking forward to Dusting Day.
—Carol Boley
ADDITIONAL TRAITS:
Teamwork: helping put groceries away
Attentiveness and follow-through:
watering easy-to-reach plants with you
Independence: packing their own lunch

RESPONSIBILITY / KIDS & TEENS
TWEENS TAKE
OWNERSHIP
Tweens are old enough to handle a list of chores each
week on their own, including meal prep, walking the
dog, pulling weeds, setting and clearing the table, washing
dishes, vacuuming and cleaning their bathrooms.
Here are a few other ways they can contribute to household
chores.
Essential Life Skills:
Doing Laundry
Character trait: independence
When the time came to hand over
our family’s laundry duty to my
tweens, I broke down the process
into three phases:
Coach: I explained all the details—
sorting lights and darks, adding the
correct amount of detergent and
choosing the right water temperature
and load size.
Test-drive: I gave my tweens the
chance to do the job on their own but
made myself available for questions.
Follow up: Occasionally I had to
remind them to add towels to small
loads, or I’d offer an impromptu ironing
lesson. But in time they got the
hang of it.
—Letitia Suk
The Puzzle Box
Character traits: thoroughness
and excellence
Loading and unloading the dishwasher
isn’t exactly a coveted chore
in our house. To make it feel less like
work, we recently started a weekly
contest. One night a week, each child
organizes the dishes in the dishwasher,
which we refer to as the “puzzle box.”
When we unload the dishwasher,
we count the dishes but don’t include
the ones that aren’t completely clean.
At the end of the week, whoever fit
the most dishes in the dishwasher is
deemed the dish puzzle champion.
This teaches our kids how to
stack the dishes so they’ll get clean,
and it motivates them to unload the
dishwasher to find out who won
the contest.
—Allison Struber
Pick It Up or Pay
Character trait: attentiveness
Our household had our own lost and
found—with a twist. Instead of returning
the things my kids left lying around
the house, I wanted them to learn to
keep track of their belongings and
put them away. Each night after bedtime,
I picked up any toys, clothes,
books, papers, food or other items that
weren’t in their proper place and put
them in a large box. If the kids wanted
their things back, they had to pay 25
cents for each item. It didn’t take many
quarters for them to learn that keeping
track of their stuff was worthwhile!
—Cindi Ferrini
Giving your kids routine chores combats
entitlement and instills godly
character traits, as well as qualities
such as time-management skills, obedience,
self-reliance and even fiscal
responsibility. Happy cleaning!
ADOBE STOCK - ЭЛЕОНОРА КУДЕЛЯ (ELEONORA KUDELYA)
ADDITIONAL TRAITS:
Teamwork: helping cook
family meals
Time management:
getting up in time to pack
their own lunches
Gentleness: treating the
family pet with care
Andrea Gutierrez is the managing editor of
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine. Her favorite
chore is doing the laundry.
Go online for more great
parenting ideas and tools to
help your family complete
everyday chores.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Chores
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 15

KIDS & TEENS / RESPONSIBILITY
a solution
for his own
success
Guiding a child
to take ownership
of his learning
BY CYNTHIA ULRICH TOBIAS
“I HATE SCHOOL!” Fourth
grader Alex dropped his backpack
and threw himself on the couch. His
mom was surprised—Alex had loved
the Christian school he had attended
since preschool.
“Alex, why would you say that?”
He sank deeper into his seat. “It
makes me feel dumb.”
Alex’s mom smiled sympathetically
as she sat down across from him.
“Fourth grade can be tough, can’t it?”
Together, they figured out he struggled
with understanding what his
teacher wanted, because “she never
shows us what she means.” And Alex
was convinced she gave out homework
just so he didn’t have any free
time when he got home.
“OK, Alex. Are you ready to make
a plan?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a little too soon to quit school
and work full time, right?” He gave her
a slight smile.
“What frustrates you most about
school? Tell me about your classroom.”
“The chairs are hard,” he replied,
“and we’re supposed to sit still. My
teacher says I ask to go to the bathroom
too much, but at least I get to
walk around sometimes.”
His mom thought for a moment.
“Can you think of anything that might
help?”
He paused and tapped the kitchen
chair. “I could sit longer if they had
cushions.”
“What about homework? Do you
think she gives you too much?”
“No,” Alex admitted. “But I want to
play when I get home.”
By the time they finished their conversation,
Alex had come up with
ideas for making school more tolerable.
He decided to ask permission to
bring in a seat cushion, and he had
already invited his friend Charlie over
so they could do homework together.
Alex’s mom had discovered a valuable
secret for motivating her son
to succeed: involve him in finding
solutions for his own success. And
when her son could verbalize his
problem and come up with ideas for
solving it, he got to practice a skill
he’d use for the rest of his life.
Cynthia Ulrich Tobias is an author and speaker
with more than 35 years of experience and
has a successful background in both teaching
and law enforcement. She’s written 16 books,
including the bestselling The Way They Learn
and her latest release, Reclaiming Education.
RECLAIMING EDUCATION:
TEACH YOUR CHILD TO BE
A CONFIDENT LEARNER
by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
with Mary Jo Dean
Help your children become lifelong
learners, no matter the academic setting.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
ADOBE STOCK - ANEKOHO
16
AUG / SEPT 2024

SEASONS 2 & 3 NOW AVAILABLE!
Continue your journey of discovery and see God’s Word from an
astonishing new perspective with seasons two and three of the
new streaming video series RVL Discipleship: The Study. Historian
Ray Vander Laan explores the roots of discipleship, looking at what it meant
for Jesus to reveal himself as a Jewish rabbi under Roman occupation, and
how He works through faithful disciples to transform the world.
Buy seasons 1 through 3 at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/RVL
Scan to
learn more

KIDS & TEENS / MENTAL HEALTH
anxious
kids
Helping children through the anxiety-filled middle school years
BY JENNIFER MICHELLE GREENBERG
THIS FALL, my oldest daughter
starts middle school. In many ways,
she’s a confident, talented and accomplished
young lady. In others, she’s
still a little girl. Despite her advanced
drawing skills and the numerous comics
she’s created, her room is littered
with stuffed animals and sparkles. The
blankie I made for her when she was a
toddler is still on her bed in its customary
spot.
She’s a sensitive and quiet girl who
struggles to make friends. Her interests
are art and Japanese anime, and
she dreams of becoming an illustrator
and schoolteacher. But a chasm stands
between her and those dreams—a
deep, dark chasm called middle school
and high school.
I’m excited to see my daughter
learn and grow, but I’m also wary
of the challenges that growing up
brings. I vividly remember my own
middle school years: longing to fit in,
yet desperate to be different; desiring
independence, yet lacking the wisdom
of experience.
All children face these struggles to
one degree or another. Peer pressure,
bullies, homework, tests, loneliness,
insecurity and fluctuating hormones
make it tough to be a kid. How can we
shepherd our children through these
anxiety-filled years? Here are a few
ways you can encourage them to trust
Jesus when they’re feeling anxious.
Remind them that
Jesus is their best Friend
Jesus is “a friend for sinners!” as an old
hymn tells us. When friends fail us and
foes assail us, He is faithful, loving and
good. Unfortunately, sinful people will
disappoint, reject and even betray us.
Many of us learned this the hard
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MENTAL HEALTH / KIDS & TEENS
FEAR VS.
ANXIETY
by Marie Kohlwaies
Do you know the
difference between
fear and anxiety?
Fear focuses on the present—
what’s going on right now. It’s
the natural human response
to a dangerous situation
that’s real at this exact
moment. Fear sees what is. It
causes adrenaline to surge
through your body, providing
the energy needed to take
immediate action to protect
yourself (known as flight or
fight). Fear can motivate you to
do what’s necessary to survive
a crisis. It serves a real purpose
in a situation of danger.
Anxiety is rooted in the
imagination and focuses on
the future—what might or
might not happen.
• What if my brother or sister is
in danger?
• What if a person shows up at
my school with a weapon?
• What if the plane crashes?
CREDIT TK STOCKSY - ANI DIMI
Rather than providing energy
for flight or fight, anxiety
causes tension and irritability,
keeps you awake at night,
gives you stomach pain and
headaches, and prevents you
from enjoying daily life. Anxiety
does not serve a real purpose.
It only steals your peace.
Marie Kohlwaies writes for <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family. As part of her job,
she regularly corresponds with teens
and understands the pressures they
face. Read more about how teens
can find peace in a culture of anxiety.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Peace
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 19

If nothing you do has helped
your kids release their anxiety,
you don’t have to face this alone.
We are here for you with prayer or a
free one-time consultation with our
registered Christian counselors.
Please call us at 1-800-661-9800
or visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Counselling to learn more.
WATCH NOW!
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
counselor Jenn Hall
explores common anxiety
issues in children and how
parents can help.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
ChildhoodAnxiety
way in middle school and high
school—and so will our children. But
if we teach them to anchor their hearts
in Jesus—building a foundation of
confidence, happiness and sense of
belonging in Him—then catty girls and
cruel boys will have no real power to
harm them. That doesn’t mean their
feelings won’t get hurt, but it puts
everything in perspective. Hurtful
words can’t do permanent damage
when we instead listen to Jesus and
who He says we are.
We also need to remind our children
that they don’t need to worry about
LISTEN NOW!
Get valuable insights as Dr. Danny
Huerta explains how to cultivate
a mentally healthy family.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
what other people think about them.
Jesus’ opinion is the only one that
really matters. And He believes they
were worth dying for.
Remind them
to talk to God
My kids struggle with praying at school
because they worry that their friends
might think they’re weird, or teachers
might disapprove. It takes a lot of
courage to be light in a dark world, so
I encourage my kids to pray anyway.
I also offer practical reminders and
advice, such as, “You can talk to God
in your head, whether you’re playing,
waiting in line, drawing a picture or
taking a test. You can talk to Him at
any time, no matter where you are or
how you’re feeling.”
Besides building their faith and relationship
with God, prayer reminds
them that they are never alone. No
matter how their day is going or how
stressful life may feel, God is with them
and is always listening. As we consistently
and gently encourage our kids
to talk to God throughout the day, the
Holy Spirit will build their courage so
they can pray in public without worrying
about what others think.
Be emotionally present
As busy parents who work all day,
we can find it hard to be emotionally
present for our kids in the evenings.
It’s all too easy to rush through dinner,
speed-clean the kitchen and hustle
our kids through their homework
and chores. Then we may zone out in
front of the TV or mindlessly scroll
through social media before herding
everyone to bed. If our kids feel we’re
not emotionally available, they may
hesitate to interrupt us if they had a
hard day or have something on their
minds that they need to talk about.
They might conclude that giving us
space and doing their homework and
chores are more important to us than
STOCKSY - JENNIFER BOGLE
20
AUG / SEPT 2024

MENTAL HEALTH / KIDS & TEENS
their feelings. So let’s find ways to
avoid that scenario.
One thing I try to do is ask my kids
questions. On the drive home from
school or during dinner as a family,
I’ll say, “How was your day? What
did you do? Who did you play with at
recess? What did you eat for lunch?”
Most days, their answers are the same,
but my goal is to be emotionally present
and show them I’m genuinely
interested in their lives. If my kids are
bullied, I want them to know their
mom wants to hear about it. When
they get a questionable text, see an
inappropriate photo or are snubbed
by a friend, I want to be the first person
they tell.
Offer an escape route
Kids can become anxious and
depressed for any number of
reasons. They may feel trapped in
circumstances at home, school or
church, or in relationships and social
situations. When this happens, they
may not know what to do or how to
get help. This can lead to behavioral
problems or even despair.
As parents, we can offer our kids an
escape route by helping them explore
options. Just knowing they have
options may help calm anxiety and
restore hope.
I frequently remind my daughter,
“If you don’t like middle school, we
can homeschool.” Or, “If you have
trouble finishing your homework, I’ll
sit with you while you do it.” This lets
her know she isn’t trapped, since she
always has options.
We need to assure our children that
no situation is hopeless and nothing
is impossible with God. When we
turn to Him for answers, He will help
us find a solution.
Set the joy of eternity
before them
One of my favorite games to play
with my kids is asking them questions
about what it will be like to
spend eternity with Jesus. This fallen
world, where friends gossip, bullies
upset us, tests are stressful and teachers
get grumpy, isn’t forever. We have a
destination that’s free of fears and worries!
This life is just for a season, and
one day, Jesus will wrap us in His loving
embrace. Nurturing a heavenly
perspective can keep our kids from
drowning in the day-to-day monotony
of life. Fixing their eyes on Jesus and
the joy set before them is a powerful
remedy for anxiety.
Jennifer Michelle Greenberg is a speaker and
author. Her most recent book is Defiant Joy:
Find the hope to light your way, even in the
darkness. Jennifer helps church leaders identify
abusers and offers support to the hurting. She
and her husband, Jason, have three girls.
WHAT IS
ANXIETY?
Anxiety is an intense
emotional reaction,
usually of dread, to a
perceived, anticipated or
future danger. Clinical
anxiety can involve
symptoms such as
trembling and shaking,
restlessness, sleep
problems, fatigue, anger
and depression.
STOCKSY - PEDRO MERINO
Adapted from Losing Control
and Liking It, a <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family book published by
Tyndale House Publishers,
©2009 Tim Sanford.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 21

KIDS & TEENS / MEDIA
UPCOMING REVIEWS
For reviews of these and other titles,
visit PluggedIn.com, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s
media review and discernment website.
HELP! I CAN’T STAND
MY KIDS’ PLAYLIST
BY ADAM HOLZ
HAROLD AND THE
PURPLE CRAYON
What adventures await
a young boy who can
create his own world
by drawing it?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
AUG. 2
WHAT DO WE DO when we’re not thrilled with
our kids’ music choices? Sometimes a musician, band or
set of lyrics is so obviously out of bounds that the easy
answer is “no.” Other times, especially as our kids move
into their teen years, the answers aren’t so clear-cut.
Parents have a twofold obligation when it comes to
navigating this area—and I say that as a father of three
teens. In their formative years, our primary responsibility
is to help our children avoid music that embraces values
that run counter to our faith. By the time they’re ready
to leave the nest, we want them thinking critically about
their music choices and discerning what’s appropriate.
Balancing the tension between those two goals
requires gradually moving from avoidance being our primary
parental stance to dialogue. As our children mature,
we give them more freedom to choose what they listen to,
but we also ask questions about their favorite musicians
and what they’re singing about. With my kids, I’ll ask:
• What about this music do you most identify with?
• What would you say this artist cares about the most?
What messages does he or she deliver?
• How do those ideas and values compare with what
we read in Scripture?
• Do you ever feel a twinge of conviction that you
shouldn’t listen to a certain song or artist? How do
you respond to that?
Discussing questions like these with our kids equips
them to think critically and biblically for themselves. At the
same time, we’re keeping lines of communication open as
they continue to mature into young men and women.
Adam Holz is the director of Plugged In and a contributing author to
Becoming a Screen-Savvy Family: How to navigate a media-saturated
world—and why we should.
LEE
Can a fashion model reinvent her
career as a war correspondent?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
SEPT. 27
LOGO (BRANDED)
THE WILD ROBOT
Will Roz recognize
the value of life when
she becomes the
protector of an
orphaned gosling?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
SEPT. 27
CREDIT ADOBE STOCK TK - INSTA_PHOTOS / IMDB
22
AUG / SEPT 2024

CHILDHOOD ANXIETY / KIDS & TEENS
identifying
and
navigating
anxiety in
children
A FREE VIDEO SERIES WITH
JENN HALL,
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
counselor
FOR A CHILD who is unusually
anxious, early intervention is
important. With appropriate help,
many children and teens learn to
bring their anxiety down to manageable
levels, greatly improving their
mental well-being and their enjoyment
of everyday activities. <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada counselor
Jenn Hall unpacks this issue for parents
in this free five-part video series.
JENN: Put yourself in their shoes.
Attempt to see, hear, feel and understand
what they are experiencing.
Sometimes we forget what it’s like to
be a child.
Notice how their body is responding.
Do you notice tension in their
shoulders? Are they pacing or
unable to concentrate? Are they
voicing negative thoughts such as,
I’m so stupid! I’ll never figure this
math problem out.
Try and guess what they might be
feeling. You can feed that back to
them, too. “Perhaps you’re feeling
nervous about going to a new school
and sad that you aren’t able to see
your old friends.”
When you do this your child may
express even more emotions. Tears
may start to fall or maybe they start
to feel mad. This is all OK. These
feelings need to be released in a safe
place with a safe person.
HELPING CHILDREN MANAGE ANXIETY VIDEO SERIES
In this free, five-part video series, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada counselor
Jenn Hall presents a high-level overview of common anxiety issues in
children. Through the video and supporting material, you’ll learn some
of the signs and symptoms that suggest a child may be struggling with
excessive anxiety, and you’ll discover some proven ways that parents can
help an anxious child or teen.
Visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/ChildhoodAnxiety
to sign up for this free video series.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 23

2 Parenting young adults with
grace and forgiveness
4 Are you saying the wrong things
to your adult kids?
6 Boundaries and limits when
kids move back home
8 What to do when your adult
child is deconstructing
their faith
10 Do your adult kids really need
your money?
12 Family estrangement:
Six ways to reconcile with
adult children
14 Additional resources
KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
ADULT KIDS
helping
young adults
thrive
GAME NIGHT
Our youngest daughter lives an hour and a half
from us, and our son and his wife live 50 minutes
away. Because of schedules and the distance
between us, I take the responsibility to organize
a time for the family to get together. Since we
all enjoy board games, every couple of months
I send a group text asking when we can have a
game night. I add an extra incentive by cooking
a favorite meal. Thankfully my daughter, son and
daughter-in-law are all friends and enjoy each
other’s company. It usually ends up being a great
time of fun games, laughter and catching up.
breakfast bonding
—Barb Winters
Our oldest child, Joel, is a police officer who
works overnight, so finding time with him is difficult
since our schedules don’t usually align. My
husband has recently started breakfast meetups
with him. They set a time when Joel gets off
his shift and before he goes to sleep. This often
means a 30-minute drive for my husband, but it’s
worth the conversation and connection.
—Kristi Woods
helping out to hang out
The transition from teens to
young adults can be difficult for
parents to navigate. In this free
PDF booklet, you’ll find expert
help and guidance to create a
healthy relationship with your
young adult child.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
HelpingYoungAdultsThrive
I’ve found one of the best ways to spend time
with my adult children is to offer to help them
with something. My college-aged daughter had
to plan a children’s party for a service project, so
I offered to go shopping for the supplies with
her and help prepare the food. We spent the
day together, something my daughter wouldn’t
have had time to do as a separate outing.
We’ve also had “project parties” at our home
and our adult kids’ homes where our whole
family gathers to tackle a home-improvement
project. We paint or clean out a garage, order
pizza and enjoy our time together. No one
minds helping because, next time, the project
might be for their house.
—Diane Stark
ILLUSTRATIONX - STUART HOLMES / ADOBE STOCK - ALINSA
24
AUG / SEPT 2024

couples
STOCKSY - LILIYA RODNIKOVA
“GOD GAVE US
MARRIAGE AS A
GIFT, BUT THAT
GIFT DOES NOT
SUPERSEDE
OUR PRIMARY
RELATIONSHIP,
WHICH IS WITH
[GOD] AS OUR
SOURCE OF LIFE
AND LOVE.”
— DR. GREG SMALLEY,
VICE PRESIDENT OF MARRIAGE
AT FOCUS ON THE FAMILY,
TAKEN FROM CRAZY LITTLE
THING CALLED MARRIAGE
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 25

COUPLES / VULNERABILITY
living without secrets
Are you ready for deeper intimacy
in your marriage?
BY JUSTIN DAVIS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY HAO HAO
IN MANY WAYS, our lives are like an iceberg. Every
iceberg has a smaller visible part that sits above the waterline
and a much larger hidden part that lies underneath. In
our lives, the surface part of who we are is visible for all to
see, but the deepest, most vulnerable part is hidden.
The waterline represents how much we disclose about
ourselves to others. Unlike an iceberg, we have total control
over how high or low we set the waterline in our relationships.
Lowering this barrier leads to greater intimacy, but it
also increases our risk of being hurt.
We all long to be fully known and loved, especially in marriage,
but intimacy ultimately depends on how much we’re
willing to reveal below the surface. The more we reveal, the
more intimacy we’ll be able to experience. To better understand
how this works, let’s explore the waterlines we typically
set in relationships.
The image waterline
The first waterline is your public image, the part of yourself
that you work especially hard to make appealing to others.
This demarcation represents the most visible parts of your
life, including your job, the car you drive, the house you live
in and the smile you wear on your face on the way to church.
It also represents what your golfing buddies think about
you, where you want your kids to go to school and the neighborhood
you aspire to live in. The image waterline is the
public persona you display for those you want to impress,
the areas of your life that you try to make respectable and
what you allow most people to know about you. It’s the surface
level of your life.
CREDIT TK
26
AUG / SEPT 2024

VULNERABILITY / COUPLES
CREDIT TK
The relationship waterline
The second waterline is reserved for a select group of people
you consider friends. At this level, you expose more of
your heart, allowing your friends to know you better than
the surface image you’ve cultivated. You choose to reveal
your successes and failures, your hopes and dreams. You
even allow your friends to see some of your dysfunctions
and weaknesses.
This is where your relationship with your spouse likely
started. While you were dating, you probably set this waterline
high, choosing not to reveal too much about yourself,
especially the unattractive things like your flaws. But as
time passed, you realized you could trust this person. So
you began to share the deeper parts of yourself, the vulnerable
parts. Then, as your relationship grew, you made a
decision to marry that person. You lowered the waterline
and exposed even more of your heart.
LISTEN NOW!
Join Trisha Davis as she describes
how she was a rule-follower and her
husband, Justin, was a rule-breaker,
which was a recipe for disaster in their
marriage until they turned to God
for help.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
The marriage waterline
This next waterline is the level reserved exclusively for your
spouse. This is the level where you expose the deepest, most
personal parts of yourself. When you stood at the altar and
said, “I do,” you probably envisioned revealing the hidden
depths of your heart, feeling totally safe and secure being
fully known.
That is God’s design and vision for marriage, and it was
likely your vision as well. But allowing your spouse to see
and know so much about you can leave your heart exposed
and vulnerable. The longer you’re married, the easier it is to
allow the waterline to creep back up and cover more of your
heart, with all its uncomfortable secrets.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 27

The hidden waterline
The final waterline is the deepest, most vulnerable part of
your heart that you don’t allow anyone to see, not even your
spouse. You want to share your life with your spouse, but
you don’t want to fully share your heart because the cost
is too steep. If you allow your spouse to see who you are at
the deepest level, the risk of being hurt increases exponentially.
So you may withhold truth and say, “I could never tell
my husband that,” or “If my wife ever knew that about me, it
would be over.”
You might think you can hide your heart from God, too.
Perhaps you tell yourself that if you go to church enough, if
you’re spiritual enough, if you read your Bible enough, if
you’re good enough, maybe God won’t notice what you’re
trying so hard to hide from Him.
But when you hide the truth, you limit your ability to experience
intimacy, preventing you from being fully known and
loved. Partial truth will never lead to the closeness you long
for with God or your spouse. God “delight[s] in truth in the
inward being” (Psalm 51:6) and will honor your honesty with
Him by revealing more of himself to you.
The truth waterline
Intimacy—being fully known—is built on a foundation of
truth-telling. It’s easy to think that all we need to do to experience
intimacy is “just tell the truth.” But it’s not that easy. If
it were, we would all be better truth-tellers. The hard truth is
that true closeness comes with a price, and that price is complete
honesty with God, with ourselves and with our spouses.
I’ve struggled with honesty my entire life. I’ve distorted
truth, exaggerated truth and withheld truth in ways that
have caused immense damage to those I love the most.
Even worse, my dishonesty has broken my nearness to God.
Because truth-telling is a prerequisite for intimacy, it has
become a nonnegotiable in my life. In 28 years of marriage,
I’ve learned that being a person of truth is more about values
than behavior.
If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage,
pursue these three values:
• Value truth-telling more than image-building. Building
up your image and looking like you have it all together won’t
improve the bond you have with your spouse. The only way
to experience more intimacy is to be completely honest with
your spouse. It’s OK not to have it all together. It’s OK not to
have all the answers. It’s OK to ask for help. But to be OK, you
need to value truth-telling more than image-building.
• Value transparency more than accountability.
Accountability in relationships is essential, but it’s only as
valuable and effective as the transparency you bring to the
table. Do I think you have to be completely transparent with
everyone? No. But you do need to be transparent with your
spouse if you want to experience a closeness that you can’t
achieve otherwise.
28
AUG / SEPT 2024

A stronger you,
a stronger
marriage
BEING REAL > BEING PERFECT
by Justin Davis
Stop pretending to be perfect,
and be authentic.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
• Value vulnerability more than the absence of conflict. Being fully
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CREDIT TK
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FAITH / COUPLES
worshiping
differently . . .
together
Appreciate the way you and
your spouse pursue God
BY GARY THOMAS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY BÁRBARA TAMILIN
MY WIFE, LISA, and I have been members
at more than our share of churches over the last
40 years. Among my wife’s favorites was a unique
gathering: a conservative, charismatic, mainline
congregation. Each Sunday we’d settle in for an
almost two-hour service that included praise
songs, a liturgy with weekly communion and a
short sermon.
Though my wife thoroughly enjoyed it, I thought
the sermon felt more like a “thought for the day”
exercise than a “get into the guts of the Scripture
passage” teaching that I’m most fond of. But we
loved the church members, and during the week,
I’d listen to recorded sermons from other preachers
to get my “fix.” In this case, my Monday through
Saturday personal worship allowed me to enjoy the
Sunday public worship.
During our more than four decades together,
Lisa and I have found that we’re not the only couple
who enjoy worshiping God in different ways. In
fact, most couples have widely divergent styles of
worship, which range from contemplative to charismatic,
traditional to informal. Some spouses enjoy
singing heartfelt praise songs; others feel closest to
God while serving at a soup kitchen or while meditating
on His Word.
Although personal preferences may cause misunderstandings
and conflict for couples, these
differences are actually a bonus for the kids, who
get to see two different yet genuine expressions of
worship. However, think about the ramifications
when one spouse thinks there’s a right and a wrong
way, or worse, an only way.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 31

COUPLES / FAITH
It’s tempting to conclude that, since
Jesus is the only way to God, there
must be only one way to worship Him.
Yet Scripture and Christian tradition
both present a wide variety of worship
approaches, all equally acceptable
because God makes us with different
dispositions and personal preferences.
Some forms of worship that seem to
fit us just right might be too noisy, too
quiet, too liturgical or too strange for
our spouse.
When worship
styles collide
Let’s take a look at how these differences
often play out in the lives of
loving, godly couples.
Ellen has her suspicions about
her husband’s love for God because
she notices that Bob never seems
engaged in the singing at their church.
Yet Bob is the first to sign up for any
opportunity to paint a widow’s house
or work on the church landscaping.
Ellen makes the mistake of assuming
that, because Bob isn’t musically
inclined, he’s not worshipful. She
fails to realize that some people just
don’t engage as well with God by
singing praise choruses. Differing
worship preferences reflect unique
temperaments, not indifference
toward God. If Ellen, who’s enthusiastic
about singing to God, understood
that Bob likes to express his devotion
through caring for others, she could
begin to appreciate her husband
rather than judge him.
Jim is a classic intellectual. He has
an impressive library of Christian
reference books—most of them
underlined—and enjoys studying
Scripture. His wife, Anne, loves to
journal. She writes poetry to God,
and though she’s in a weekly Bible
study (and faithfully does her homework),
she places more emphasis on
connecting with God than on learning
new things about Him.
Jim believes that a “true” quiet
time should leave you with a life
application. If you haven’t learned
a new lesson, he thinks you haven’t
really met with God. Anne enjoys just
spending time with God. Sometimes
she comes away with a new thought
or perspective, but for her, worship
is about adoring God and personally
relating with Him. When Jim asks her
how she will apply what she learned
that day, Anne wants to reply, “What
good is all that head knowledge if it
never changes your heart?”
In reality, emphasizing only knowledge
could be a danger—and so
could focusing on an emotional
connection with God without ever
studying His Word. Instead of chastising
each other, Jim and Anne need to
CREDIT TK
32
AUG / SEPT 2024

FAITH / COUPLES
recognize that, together, they model
a worship of God that’s fuller than
either one would model alone.
Learn, don’t judge
Two key attitudes will help couples
with different styles of worship. First,
instead of judging your spouse’s
spiritual temperament, seek to understand
and learn from him or her. Do
you really think you’ve cornered the
market on understanding, knowing
and loving God? He’s an immense
God, and one of the reasons He calls
us to become a church is because
no individual can adequately represent
what it means to relate to God.
Those who like an emotional connection
need intellectuals; those who
prefer to meet needs should work
with those who want to evangelize.
Let your spouse increase your understanding
of worship; don’t try to fit
him or her into your spiritual box.
Second, encourage your spouse to
pursue God according to his or her
personal bent. If you’re married to a
man who finds God in nature, give
him the freedom to get outdoors. He
may want to spend lunchtime walking
through a park or take a detour
after work to reconnect with God
before coming home. If you’re married
to a woman who meets God in
silence, she is going to need some
time alone. Don’t take it personally.
She needs space and quiet to connect
with God. She’s not rejecting you;
she’s pursuing Jesus.
No matter your spiritual temperament,
four elements are essential
to worship: adoration, communication
with God, Scripture reading and
service. One person may enjoy studying
the Bible and another may enjoy
serving, but they both need to spend
time praying and adoring God. And
although someone can sing praise
songs for hours, that doesn’t mean
she will mature without spending
time in God’s Word.
But here’s the key: How we pray,
how we worship and how we study
God’s Word will differ. Just as I’ll
never have my wife’s personality, I’ll
also never have a quiet time quite
like hers. And that’s by God’s design.
We should celebrate and embrace
our differences. Our marriages offer
us the opportunity to give a fuller
response to God as a couple than we
ever could as individuals.
Gary Thomas is the author of more than
20 books, including Sacred Pathways, on
which this article is based. He is the teaching
pastor at Cherry Hills Community Church in
Highlands Ranch, Colorado.
This article and the following list originally
appeared in the August/September 2011 issue
of Thriving Family magazine and was titled
“Pathways of Worship.”
CREDIT TK
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 33

COUPLES / FAITH
9 SPIRITUAL TEMPERAMENTS
Abraham built altars. David danced and wrote psalms. Mary sat adoringly at Jesus’ feet.
John the Baptist fasted, and Peter’s mother-in-law served. All of these spiritual heroes
worshiped God in different ways. There are at least nine distinct spiritual temperaments
that determine how a person worships and relates to God. See if you can recognize
yourself (and your spouse) in one or more of the following:
NATURALISTS’ hearts open up to God
when they get outdoors. God seems more
real to them when they’re hiking under a
big expanse of sky or at least sitting under
a tree.
INTELLECTUALS really like books—even
the reference kind—and live in the world of
concepts. They want to come out of their
devotional time with new understanding.
If their mind isn’t engaged, their heart may
feel cold.
SENSATES are more aesthetically inclined.
These are the artistic types, and they prefer
creative and original music or even good
architecture to open their hearts to God’s
presence. Their worship is about seeing,
hearing, feeling, touching and even tasting
God’s presence.
ACTIVISTS meet God in the vortex of confrontation.
They want to fight God’s battles.
God becomes most real to them when
they are standing up for justice or working
on the frontlines to build God’s kingdom.
TRADITIONALISTS find great meaning
by worshiping God according to set patterns—their
own or historical ones. They
may organize their life around scheduled
times of prayer and may even choose to
carefully observe the Christian calendar,
aligning themselves with centuries of faith.
CAREGIVERS love God by loving others.
Providing care or meeting needs in Jesus’
name spiritually energizes caregivers and
draws them closer to the Lord.
ASCETICS meet God internally. They prefer
to shut out the world and meet God
in solitude and austerity. For ascetics, the
best environment for personal worship is
a quiet place with a rather orderly environment,
and they usually don’t like the
distractions of group worship. They are
often advocates of all-night prayer vigils
and many of the classical disciplines,
such as fasting and meditation.
ENTHUSIASTS like the excitement and
celebration of group worship and probably
prefer praise music over books. They
feed off the enthusiasm of other believers
and typically revel in God’s mystery and
supernatural power. Their exuberant spirits
tend to lead them to embrace creative
forms of worship.
CONTEMPLATIVES are marked by an
emotional attachment and surrender
to God. They are God’s lovers. They
want to spend their time in God’s presence—adoring
Him, listening to Him and
enjoying Him. They often find benefit in
journal writing, where they can explore
their heart’s devotion.
—GT
CREDIT TK
34
AUG / SEPT 2024

faith &
inspiration
“HE HAS MADE
EVERYTHING
BEAUTIFUL IN ITS
TIME. ALSO, HE HAS
PUT ETERNITY INTO
MAN’S HEART.”
—ECCLESIASTES 3:11
FOTF - SALLY DUNN
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 35

The voices of
Go behind the scenes to learn what our
actors enjoy about their characters
THE WORLD OF ADVENTURES
IN ODYSSEY has featured a colorful cast of
characters over the years. As the award-winning audio
drama celebrates its 1,000th episode, eight voice actors
reveal what they enjoy about the characters they play.
jules kendall
Jules is someone who appreciates authenticity and can see
through people’s masks. She always speaks her mind—even
if the truth is hard to say—and benefits from others doing
the same. She is fiercely loyal to those who put in the effort
to get to know and understand her. Jules has a unique way
of thinking, and while she still has a lot to learn (like most
people), she does her best to love those around
her. She learns the hard way that people truly
have her back and want what’s best for her.
—Shona Rodman
Shona first voiced Jules in
“Life Expectancy, Part 2.”
735
1ST EPISODE
OCT. 5, 2013
36
AUG / SEPT 2024

MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT / FAITH & INSPIRATION
Penny Bassett
There are two giant reasons why I love my character
in Odyssey: her relationships with Wooton and Connie.
Wooton is the perfect man. He’s compassionate, kind,
loving and—best of all—enthusiastic. Connie is the
perfect friend. She’s honest, trustworthy, helpful
and enthusiastic. When I get to interact with each of
them as Penny, it rubs off onto my real life. It inspires
me to do and be better. Being Penny Bassett is a
true gift to my life. I take her experiences seriously
and am grateful for the opportunity to be Penny.
—Kimmy Robertson
Kimmy first voiced Penny in
“The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 3.”
681
1ST EPISODE
MARCH 26, 2011
GARY LOCKE / ADOBE STOCK - COMAUTHOR / COURTESY OF SHONA RODMAN / COURTESY OF KIMMY ROBERTSON / GAYLON WAMPLER PHOTOGRAPHY
472
1ST EPISODE
MAY 26, 2001
wooton bassett
The thing that I love the most about Wooton—
who is one of my favorite characters to
play—is his outlook on life. Somehow he’s
managed to do and maintain something that
a lot of folks struggle with, and that’s keeping
a child-like spirit while living a responsible
adult life as a married man and a mature
Christian. He’s funny, he’s happy, and he has
a way of making others happy, too. That’s
something I aspire to do as often as I can.
So Wooton and I are a pretty good match.
—Jess Harnell
Jess first voiced Wooton in
“Welcoming Wooton.”
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 37

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
connie kendall
What I like about Connie is that most of the time
she is comfortable being herself but is still willing
to improve. I like the way she tries her best
and knows that she is important. I like playing
the role of Connie because I’m lazy and she is a
lot like me. I don’t have to pretend to be someone
else when I’m playing her, and I don’t really
have to change my voice.
—Katie Leigh
Katie first voiced Connie in
“Connie Comes to Town.”
4
1ST EPISODE
DEC. 12, 1987
morrie rydell
What I like most about playing Morrie is that he is probably one of the most
real, true and accurate depictions of what we as humans all struggle with
living in the world: Just because we can do something doesn’t always mean
we should. He is an intelligent young person who is capable of far more
than what people would suspect of him, and he has, until very recently
in his life, used his skills for selfish gain. The way this character has been
written—and the growth we’ve seen him experience—is more detailed and
understandable than any other character I have played to date. He shows
the internal struggle that occurs when one gives their life to Christ, having
the Holy Spirit move into them, and then realizing they are not merely living
for themselves anymore; there is a greater Guide now
weighing in on their decision-making and thought
process. Creatively, this aspect excites me the most
every time I get a script with Morrie in it.
—Atticus Shaffer
Atticus first voiced Morrie in
“Parker for President.”
802
1ST EPISODE
NOV. 5, 2016
CREDIT TK
38
AUG / SEPT 2024

MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT / FAITH & INSPIRATION
jason whittaker
290
1ST EPISODE
NOV. 29, 1994
There are many things I love about the character of Jason
Whittaker: his love of adventure, his spontaneous nature, his
sharp mind and quick wit. But the thing I love most about
Jason is his heart. He’s kind, compassionate and thoughtful—
qualities that are personally important to me. And while he
can sometimes be a bit impulsive, he generally exhibits pretty
sound wisdom. But Jason can also be a goofball at times,
cracking corny jokes and enjoying making people laugh (even
if they’re sometimes laughing at him, not with him)! He cares deeply
about his family and friends, and always wants to be an encouragement
to others. I like this guy and am grateful for him because he’s
actually been an inspiration to me in my own life.
—Townsend Coleman
CREDIT GARY LOCKE TK / ADOBE STOCK - COMAUTHOR / COURTESY OF KATIE LEIGH / COURTESY OF JESSE FLOREA / COURTESY OF TOWNSEND COLEMAN / COURTESY OF KELLY STABLES
Townsend first voiced Jason in
“A Name, Not a Number, Part 1.”
olivia parker
It’s so fun to get to voice Olivia! I like a lot of things about my
character: her enthusiasm, her willingness to be a helper, her
dedication to her friends. . . . But the quality I think I like best is
her ability to learn from her mistakes. Olivia knows that no one is
perfect, herself included. And when she does find herself in a pickle,
Olivia recognizes that she has awesome people in her life to help
her get back on track. Mr. Whittaker, Olivia’s parents and her BFF
Zoe all love God and want the best for her. I like that
Olivia’s humility allows her to admit her shortcomings,
listen to the wisdom of trusted people in her life and
do what is necessary to move in the right direction.
There is always something meaningful for me to
learn alongside Olivia, and I am very grateful for that.
—Kelly Stables
Kelly first voiced Olivia in
“Wooton Knows Best.”
691
1ST EPISODE
OCT. 1, 2011
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 39

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
hi, I'm chris
One of my favorite things about being the host of Adventures in
Odyssey is that I’m given the privilege at the end of each episode
to share God’s truths and biblical perspectives. On occasion, I get
the opportunity to make personal phone calls to kids. It’s a great
way to open doors to connect with them more deeply. These
phone calls have allowed me to pray for them, talk about their
struggles, share their favorite episodes, help them make new
friends at school and get along with their siblings.
Most of all, they allow me to share how much God
loves them. Closing the show the same way for 37
years will always be very special to me: “And I’m
Chris, hoping you’ll join us again next time for
more Adventures in Odyssey!” Whoever dreamed
that “next time” would be 1,000 episodes later?
Thank You, Lord.
—Chris Anthony
1
1ST EPISODE
NOV. 21, 1987
Chris has served as the host of Adventures in
Odyssey since episode 1, “Whit’s Flop.”
ADVENTURES IN
ODYSSEY CLUB
The Adventures in Odyssey Club helps the whole
family grow closer to Jesus and to each other.
Club membership includes unlimited, on-demand,
streaming access to nearly 1,000 Adventures in
Odyssey episodes—plus daily devotions, fun videos,
faith-building activities and more! Join today and
give your kids a virtual home away from home.
AdventuresInOdyssey.com/Your-Great-Adventure
CREDIT GARY TK LOCKE / ADOBE STOCK - COMAUTHOR / COURTESY OF CHRIS ANTHONY
40
AUG / SEPT 2024

ILLUSTRATIONX - DÉBORA ISLAS
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 41

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MEDIA
movie messages:
Despicable Me
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as a family
BY PLUGGED IN
ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHAUN IVIE
ALTRUISM prioritizes the
happiness or safety of
others above our own.
CHRISTIANITY tells us that
our lives and salvation are
dependent on God and
our belief in and allegiance
to His Son, Jesus.
THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY
bombards us with obvious and subtle messages.
But we often don’t recognize them as worldviews
or notice how they skew our thinking. To help you
and your family identify varying worldviews in the
culture, play this game of Movie Messages while
watching the animated film Despicable Me.
DETERMINISM is a belief
that our biology and
backgrounds, not our
choices, determine who
we ultimately become.
FREE WILL is a doctrine
based on how our
choices, not our
biology or backgrounds,
determine who we
ultimately become.
Directions
1. Give every player a set of 10 worldview cards
(at right). Additional sets can be found at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Magazine.
2. Watch Despicable Me until you reach an incident
on the game board. Then pause the movie.
3. Each player chooses a card that matches the
worldview identified in the movie and places it
facedown. Then players turn over their cards to
reveal their answers.
4. The correct cards are removed from play. The
cards deemed incorrect are returned to each
player, and the movie continues.
5. This game doesn’t cover every worldview in
this movie. Players who have guessed wrong
can catch up by calling out the correct worldview
if it comes up again in the movie. (This
can only be done with worldview cards that
have been removed from play.)
6. The first player to get rid of eight cards is the
winner.
HERO WORSHIP, in its
ultimate form, turns a
flesh-and-blood person
into an object of adoration—
often the main arbiter of
right and wrong, and
even salvation.
NARCISSISM is a sense
that our own needs, wants
and whims are far more
important than those of
other people.
JINGOISM is extreme
patriotism that
aggressively promotes
warlike measures.
NATURAL SELECTION
means “survival of the
fittest,” an evolutionary
process in which the
strongest creatures
survive by adapting to
their environments.
Note: For young children who aren’t ready to play this
game, you can introduce them to worldview training
with a casual mention like: “Free will means that our
choices determine who we become.”
42
Be sure to first check out Plugged In’s
review to see if Despicable Me is
right for your family.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.com/ DespicableMe
AUG / SEPT 2024
TECHNOCENTRISM
contends that technology
can cure all ills, and
our own creativity and
creations hold the key
to our salvation.
TAOISM teaches that we
should live in balance
with nature and the
universe; opposite forces
are needed to create and
perpetuate that balance.

MAKE YOUR WAY
THROUGH GRU’S LAB
TO FIND WORLDVIEW
MESSAGES.
START
4:20
GRU FREEZES
EVERYONE
IN LINE AT A
LOCAL COFFEE
SHOP WITH A
FREEZE RAY.
8:44
11:20
GRU TALKS
ABOUT BEING THE
“GREATEST VILLAIN
OF ALL TIME.”
GRU’S MINIONS
GREET THEIR
BOSS LIKE A
CONQUERING
HERO.
15:56
A YOUNG GRU WATCHES
A MOON LANDING ON
TV, AND HIS MOTHER
BELITTLES HIM.
22:15
THE THREE YOUNG GIRLS
AT AN ORPHANAGE PRAY
BEFORE BEDTIME.
31:17
A WALL IN GRU’S
HOME BOASTS OF
AN IMPRESSIVE
TAXIDERMY
DISPLAY.
58:05
AGNES OFFERS
GRU HER AND
HER SISTERS’
PIGGY BANK.
1:16:47
GRU HANDS
THE MOON
OVER TO
VECTOR.
END
Additional worldview cards
can be found in the Parents
Guide to Movie Messages.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine
43

HACKS & FACTS / OVERSTEPPING BOUNDARIES
GRANDPARENTING
connecting through
reminiscing
We live across the state from our son’s family,
so we don’t always stay closely connected
to each other’s lives. I might ask him about
our grandchildren’s current interests, their
milestones and so on, which often leads to
reminiscing about when he was growing
up. The conversations naturally explore how
I raised him and his younger siblings, which
gives him potential parenting tips—and gives
me honest feedback!
—Sara Beth Meyer
resisting the urge to interfere
Being a grandma has been such a joy, but it’s a challenge
not to get involved when the grandkids need discipline.
Recently my daughter removed her almost 2-year-old
from the room because she was acting up. I could hear my
granddaughter yelling for me, “Gigi! Gigi!” I really wanted to
comfort my granddaughter, but I pulled back because
I didn’t want to interfere with my daughter’s parenting. I
have to remind myself that I’ve raised my kids, and now
my job is to support my daughter and her husband in their
parenting journey. Grandpa and I are available to babysit.
We’re available to give my daughter and her husband parenting
advice when they ask. We also try to follow their
schedule and rules (especially around TV and food choices)
when the girls are at our house.
Once my granddaughter had settled down, she
returned to the room, gave me a hug and said goodnight.
I’ve learned it’s a fine line between her knowing
I am always there for her and “rescuing” her from her
parents’ discipline.
—Tricia Couffer
“WHEN YOUR
DADDY WAS
LITTLE . . .”
I’m a grandparent of seven grandchildren,
and sometimes I feel as if
I’m parenting all over again. It’s easy
to want to raise my grandkids as I
raised my own kids, but I’ve found it’s
important to learn when not to get
involved. After years of trial and error,
I discovered one way of grandparenting
that doesn’t cross the line.
When I’m spending time with my
grandchildren, I talk to them about
what I used to do with their dad or
mom when they were little. I shared
with them how some things worked,
and some did not. Here is the kicker:
The grandkids would often take what
I told them and talk about it with their
parents. This exchange sometimes
prompted my kids to open up to me
about their parenting, and it gave
me a chance to talk about my own
experiences.
—Lisa Johnson Jones
ILLUSTRATIONX - STUART HOLMES / ADOBE STOCK - SEVENTYFOUR
44
AUG / SEPT 2024

OVERSTEPPING BOUNDARIES / HACKS & FACTS
35 %
of grade-school
kids often spend
time with their
grandparents weekly.
source: Journal of Marriage
and Family, 2018
GRANDPARENTING
ADOBE STOCK - BERNARDBODO
SNOOPING
AROUND
TOWN
Starting when they were
3 years old, I took my
grandkids anywhere
they wanted to “snoop.”
They chose to ride the
city bus, the light-rail
or the double-decker
tour bus. Later we
advanced to horseback
riding, taking the
train and exploring the
many exhibits at the
state fair. I also had the
goal of offering some
cultural enrichment by
visiting children’s museums,
children’s theater,
the science center and
the aquarium. A favorite
for all ages was angling
at a fish farm where trout
almost jumped out of
the water to be caught.
These activities gave
the parents special time
with the other children
since I took my grandchildren
on these
outings individually.
The best outcome was
building relationships
with my grandchildren
while we snooped
around town together.
—Marcia McGreevy Lewis
“Clear boundaries are an important
part of healthy in-law relationships.
This is implied in the biblical principle of
‘leaving and cleaving’ (Genesis 2:24).”
source: <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Parenting Q&A - <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.com/Overstepping
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 45

MY THRIVING FAMILY
back to school
For homeschool, our oldest picked Pilgrim attire
for the first day of third grade. —Rachel from Wisconsin
Naomi, 8
My grandson greets second grade with a
happy hello! —Erika from Texas
Nevin, 7
A big grin brightens our grandson’s start to
first grade! —Natalie from Pennsylvania
Grant, 6
Our little ladies are super excited to start kindergarten
and second grade! —Marlise from Quebec
Eliana, 5, and Viviane, 7
SEND US
YOUR PHOTOS!
SUBMIT PHOTOS OF YOUR
CHILD’S FISHING ADVENTURES
OR VISIT TO THE ZOO
Email photos to info@fotf.ca.
Include his or her name,
age and province, and
type “fishing” or “zoo”
in the subject line.*
* Largest photo possible. Professional photos are not accepted.
ADOBE STOCK - ELENA GARDER, SERG OBOLONKOV
46
AUG / SEPT 2024

ENJOY
Odyssey
Adventures IN
ways!
many so in
CHOOSE FROM
• audio downloads
• audio episodes on CD
• fiction books or eBooks
• devotional books or eBooks
• and a new jigsaw puzzle!
There’s always an exciting new adventure
unfolding in the town of Odyssey, with
important faith lessons to be learned
from it! Try something new for your next
adventure: thrill your kids by introducing
them to a whole new way to enjoy
Adventures in Odyssey!
See our full Adventures in Odyssey collection at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/AIO

Shop with confidence
AT FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
Today there are many ways to shop for
faith‐building resources for your family. And
yet, when you consider purchasing an item,
the same questions resurface:
Is the author offering a biblically based perspective?
Would a counselor consider it sound advice?
Will the content engage my kids?
When you shop at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada, you can be sure about the resources
we’re offering.
We stand behind the items we sell because
they have been approved by <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family staff for excellent content that’s in line
with God’s Word.
Shop online at Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
or shop by phone at 1.800.661.9800