Uncle Andy's Digest - September 2024

UNCLE 

DIGEST 

ANDY’S 

Your local guide to... well, just about anything! 

FREE 

SEPTEMBER 2024 

SINCE 1996 

207-782-7113 

Family owned 

and operated 

Since 1962 

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com 

Ask About Our Free Med Cards 

25 Lisbon St. 

Lewiston 

207.740.9053 

207THC.com 

• Seamless Gutters 

We use a .032 Aluminum, 5” Cased Style Gutter 

for our seamless gutter systems. 

• Gutter Cleaning 

We will work with you to come up with a cleaning 

schedule to ensure your gutters are operating at 

their highest potential. 

VOTED BEST OF 207 

FOR 2023! 

• Gutter Guards 

Keeps leaves, pine needles, roof grit, rodents, 

and insects out of your gutters. 

mainegutterworks.com | Give Us A Call 207-576-9479 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

UncleAndys.com 1

Mike 

M orin’s 

Auto Center 

1122 Center St, Auburn | 207.753.0433 

Committed to providing reliable, effecient 

top-quality repair & service for 28 years! 

$89 .00 

NEXT DAY ALIGNMENT SPECIAL 

* 

Regular price $110 

(Must Provide Coupon)*

Why do Opera singers go on cruises? They love to hit the high Seas. 

You got this! 

You 

Because 

got 

you have 

this! 

us 

You got this! 

Peace of mind when you need it most. 

ou got this! 

ecause you have us 

Because you have us 

Having a financial plan and saving money helps our members sleep 

well at night. And the many opportunities we offer members to help 

Because you have us 

eace of mind when you need it most. 

Peace others and of the mind community when put smiles you on their need faces all it day most. long. 

aving a financial plan and saving money helps our members sleep 

ell at night. And Having the many a financial opportunities plan and saving money helps our members sleep 

District we offer Office members to help 

well Peace at night. And of the mind many opportunities when you we offer need members it to help most. 

thers and the community put smiles on their faces all day long. 

184 Webster St., Suite 102 | Lewiston, ME 04240 

others and the community put smiles on their faces all day long. 

Having a financial plan and 207-782-8823 

saving money helps our members sleep 

well at night. And the many opportunities we offer members to help 

District Office District Office 

others and the community put smiles on their faces all day long. 

184 Webster 184 St., Webster Suite Art 102 Chamberlain* St., Suite | Lewiston, 102 | Lewiston, ME Paul 04240 

Colasante* ME 04240 

Lewiston, ME 207-782-8823 

04240 

Lewiston, ME 04240 

207-782-8823 

207-514-7003 District Office207-782-8823 

184 Webster St., Suite 102 | Lewiston, ME 04240 

207-782-8823 

Art Chamberlain* 


207-514-7003 

Stacy Fortin 

Rumford, ME 04276 

207-357-5429 

Art Chamberlain* 

Paul Colasante* 



Paul Colasante* 

207-514-7003 

207-782-8823 


Stacy Fortin 

Paul Gagne* 

Art Chamberlain* 207-782-8823 Paul Colasante* 



Lewiston, 

207-357-5429 

ME 04240 

Lewiston, 

207-576-3426 

ME 04240 

207-514-7003 

207-782-8823 

Stacy Fortin 


207-357-5429 

Ron Ouellette* Paul Gagne* Kim Pelkey* 

Stacy Lewiston, FortinME 04240 Lewiston, ME 04240 Paul Lewiston, Gagne* ME 04240 

Rumford, 207-786-3612 ME 04276 

Lewiston, 207-786-2573 

207-576-3426 

ME 04240 

207-357-5429 

207-576-3426 

Ron Ouellette* 


207-786-3612 

Paul Gagne* 


207-576-3426 

Kim Pelkey* 


207-786-2573 

Mike Courtemanche* 


207-783-8921 




207-783-8921 


Ted Heidrich* 

207-783-8921 

Lewiston, 


ME 04240 

207-576-5656 


207-783-8921 

Ted Heidrich* 


207-576-5656 

Ted Heidrich* Seth Vlahakos* 

Lewiston, ME Ted Windham, 04240 Heidrich* ME 04062 

Lewiston, 207-407-7576 

207-576-5656 ME 04240 

207-576-5656 

Seth Vlahakos* 

Windham, ME 04062 

207-407-7576 


Kim Pelkey* 

Seth Vlahakos* 


* Registered representative. Lewiston, Securities ME 04240 offered through Kim Pelkey* MWA Financial Services Lewiston, Inc., ME a wholly 04240owned subsidiary Seth of Vlahakos* 

Modern Windham, Woodmen ME of 04062 America. Member: FINRA, SIPC 

Lewiston, ME 04240 207-786-3612 Lewiston, ME 04240 207-786-2573 

Windham, ME 207-407-7576 04062 

207-786-3612 

207-786-2573 

207-407-7576 

Richard Courtemanche 


207-786-3622 




207-786-3622 


207-786-3622 

Matthew Nadeau* 

Winthrop, Richard ME Courtemanche 

04364 

207-395-5177 


207-786-3622 


Winthrop, ME 04364 

207-395-5177 


Winthrop, Matthew ME Nadeau* 04364 

207-395-5177 

Winthrop, ME 04364 

207-395-5177 

Life insurance | Retirement planning | Financial services | Member programs 


MODERN WOODMEN 

OF AMERICA 


ACTIVITIES 

Tuesday, September 10th 

Luiggi’s 

4:00-7:00pm 

63 Sabattus Street Lewiston 

Members: $5.00 

Guests: $6.00 

Purchase Tickets: 9-04-2024 

(8:30-1:00pm) 


Roy’s Breakfast 

7:00-10:00am 

5 Washington Street Auburn 


Guests: $6.00 


(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Thursday, September 19th 

KP’s Place 

4:00-6:30pm 

245 Center Street Auburn 


Guests: $9.00 


(8:30am-1:00pm) 


Fielder’s Choice 

4:00-7:00pm 

680 Minot Ave Auburn 


Guests: $3.50 


(8:30am-1:00pm) 

Reminder: Please do not 

call the restaurants. If you 

have a question, please call 

the office at 207-782-1833 

or 207-333-6052 and speak 

with Jamie. Tickets must 

be purchased at the MWA 

District Office at 184 Webster 

Street Lewiston on the 

dates/times listed for each 

activity. Menus are subject 

to change. No substitutions 

or add-ons. 

Most importantly - 

Have Fun! 

* Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC 


ife insurance * Registered | Retirement representative. Securities offered planning through MWA Financial Services | Financial Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary services of Modern Woodmen | of America. Member: FINRA, programs 

SIPC 

egistered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC 

I live in the South where Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers. 



Out and About 

Benefit for Tracy 

Barnies & Richard 

Grenier 

At Firehouse Grill 

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t. 

Smile Again 

Dentures 

Billy Hird 

Like our name implies, 

We’ll help you Smile Again! 

Chris Hopkins 

& Tim Rucker 

Mike 

Adkins, LD 

Cassandra 

Gagnon, LD 

Conrad 

& Kerry Childs 

Our Services 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

All work done 

on-site. 

Repairs usually 

same day 

service! 

Joe 

Adkins, LD 

Licensed Denturists 

Call For A Free 

Consultation 

2 

Laura Travers 

Woodman & 

Guay Jax 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston | 514-0660 

SmileAgainDentures.com | smileagaindentures@gmail.com 


4 September 2024 

My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

There’s No Place Like... 

Your one-stop shop for: 

AMAZING FOOD | AGENCY LIQUOR STORE W/ BEER CAVE 

LOTTERY TICKETS | REDEMPTION CENTER 

207-345-5551 

DONATE YOUR BOTTLES TO 

Help grant a wish 

to a local child 

battling a critical 

illness! 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

6 ¢ 

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon 

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) 

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) 

Uncle Andy’s 

UAD exp. 9.30.24 

Digest 

UncleAndys.com 5 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls | dadsplacemaine.com

My phone just filmed a 3 hour documentary about life inside my pocket. 

It’s why 

we’re here. 

Always a call or click away! 

Call, click or stop by today. 

Let’s talk today! 

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.® 

CALL ME TODAY. 

30 years 

in business. 

Quality Products 

Reasonable Pricing 

Hats 

Now offering 

online stores 

Contractors 

and 

Landscapers 

See us for your 

Fall sports! 

Mugs 

Pens 

Pens 

Bags 

Call us for a quote TODAY! 207.784.4184 

205 Washington St. South, Auburn | coastaltshirts.com 

N 

A 

c 

I’m ready to swap my summer tan for a winter nap. 

Our Team 

PAM 

ASHBY 

PUBLISHER 

STEVE 

SIMARD 

SALES 

TOM HILL 

IT • WEB 

TIM RUCKER 

SALES 

MARK 

TURCOTTE 

MEDIA COORDINATOR 

TIM 

ELWELL 

GRAPHIC DESIGNER 

STEPHANIE 

ST. PIERRE 

OFFICE MANAGER 

CARICATURES COURTESY OF J. ANTHONY FIORI | @THE_ARTIST_J_ANTHONY_FIORI) 


is published by the first Friday of every month by Lydia Media LLC with its world headquarters located at 2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn, Maine, USA. 

Published and distributed since 1996 throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the Free World. Subscriptions are $49 .95 /year. 

UncleAndys.com|Office: 207-783-7039 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our clients’ advertisements and our publication in general, 

we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions. 



I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake.

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE 

Nfl Starts september - no body does it like we do! 

Join us for the fun 

We are hiring 

line cooks 

Competitive pay 

& benefits! 

Ask us about 

our new 

coaster club! 

Cowboy cut steak 

with mashed potatoes, gravy, & beats 



1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Cliff 

Submitted by Steve Simard 

We’re all brave in our own way. For example, I am not afraid of raw cookie dough. 

A climber fell off a cliff 

and as he tumbled 

down, he caught hold 

of a small branch. 

“Help! Is there anybody 

up there?” he 

shouted. 

A majestic voice 

boomed through the 

gorge: 

“I will help you, my 

son, but first you must 

have faith in me.” 

“Yes, yes, I trust you!” 

cried the man. 

“Let go of the branch,” 

boomed the voice. 

Thank you 

for a great 

season! 

1940 1940-2024 ~ 2022 

Our restaurant will close 

on September 15th. 

The mini golf & driving 

range will stay open 

through Columbus Day! 

• Restaurant 

• Ice cream 

• Mini golf 

• Driving range 

There was a long 

pause, and the man 

shouted up again, “Is 

there anybody else up 

there?” 

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com 

Cows may come, and cows may go. But the bull around here stays forever. 

Double 

Positive 


An MIT linguistics 

professor was lecturing 

his class the other day. 

“In English,” he said, “a 

double negative forms 

a positive. However, in 

some languages, such 

as Russian, a double 

negative remains a 

negative. But there 

isn’t a single language, 

not one, in which a 

double positive can 

express a negative.” 

Book your 

holiday party now! 

• Semi-private space 

• Buffet 

• Cornhole 

• Private bar 

Come see what’s 

new on the menu! 

A voice from the back 

of the room said, 

“Yeah, right.” 

Scan here to check out our catering options. 

120 Center St, Auburn | 207-241-0033 

Open At 11AM Tues-Sun 



I spilled some sugar on my clock. Now I have to take my sweet time.

Am I getting older or is the supermarket playing great music? 

Out and About 

at Tabers 

Providing a warm & comfortable 

home for our residents. 

Arthur Santos 

The Chapman House 

Home for senior ladies 

Every day is a new day for new thoughts 

& a new chance for a special day! 

It’s happening here at the Chapman House. 

The Chapman House has private rooms available for 

residents, aged 65 and older, who need assistance 

with bathing, medications, and meals. 

Bob Bechard 

Breck Langevin 

& Sophie Cote 

Call Bonnie to arrange a tour. 

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961 

Bonnie Iwans 

Robert & Yvette 

Pelletier 

It's unsticking your thighs from plastic chairs season. 



LYDIA 

LYDIA’S 

LA’s Afternoon 

Morning Show 

PODCAST 

Lydia Media LLC announces 

Lydia's Lunch Bunch Podcast 

(AUBURN, Aug. 26 2024) 

- Auburn-based Lydia 

Media, which publishes 

the monthly Uncle Andy's 

Digest and quarterly LA 

Metro Magazine recently 

launched the Lydia's Lunch 

Bunch Podcast. 

The show is hosted by 

Mark Turcotte and Sara 

Poulin, formerly of The 

Breakfast Club Morning 

Show on WIGY radio, and 

Lydia Media owner Pam 

Ashby. The trio delivers 

area news and entertainment 

along with interviews 

with people making a 

difference in the greater 

Lewiston-Auburn area. 

"The cancellation of the 

morning show left a void in 

the community," said Ashby. 

"This seemed like a perfect 

way to keep the show alive 

and to expand the company 

beyond print." 

The show officially 

launched on Aug. 20 and 

has featured guests including 

Greater Androscoggin 

Humane Society Executive 

Director Katie Lisnik, Drew 

Desjardins of Mr. Drew and 

His Animals Too, and Maine 

Nordiques Media Director 

Nick Withee. 

Lydia's Lunch Bunch is 

available weekday afternoons 

at lydiamediallc. 

com and all major podcast 

distribution platforms. 

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans 

to prove that they are not a robot. 

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience! 

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888 

WE DO SEPTICS 

Commercial, Residential excavation, & Site work 

Now 

scheduling 

for Fall 2024 

excavation 

projects! 

LIVE MUSIC 

EVERY WEDNESDAY 

7-9pm In Our Lounge 

9/4 - Phil Fortier 

9/11 - kerry o’ leary 

9/18 - ron bergeron 

9/25 - toby mcallister 

Out and About EL Boys Hockey 6th Annual Golf Classic 

At Martindale 

Team Guild Mortgage 

Billy Colasante, Paul Colasante, Debbie Bodwell, Chris McDonald, Nathan Hamlin 

shawn@hirdcontracting.com | 207.754.2343 



Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it.

My age doesn't bother me, it's the side effects. 

Miracle 


A man struggles up 

the church steps with 

crutches. He goes to 

the holy water bowl, 

dips his finger in and 

makes the sign of the 

cross. He then throws 

his crutches away. The 

alter boy watching this 

runs to get the priest. 

He tells the priest "a 

man with crutches just 

entered the church and 

went to the holy water 

bowl, makes the sign 

of the cross and throws 

his crutches away". 

The priest says " a miracle 

a miracle where is 

he". The alter boy says 

"on the floor near the 

holy water". 

Sky Diving 


A guy, his first time sky 

diving, he goes through 

the classes, then his 

first jump and as he 

falls, the parachute 

will not open. Then to 

his surprise he sees a 

man flying up from the 

ground. 

He yells to him, “Do 

you know anything 

about parachutes?” 

The other guy yells 

back, “No, Do you 

know anything about 

gas grills?” 

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her chocolate that I just ate. 



Heaven & 

Hell 

Submitted by Timothy Elwell 

An engineer dies 

and reports to the 

pearly gates. St. Peter 

checks his dossier 

and says, “Ah, you’re 

an engineer — you’re 

assigned to hell.” 

So the engineer 

reports to the gates of 

hell and is let in. Pretty 

soon, the engineer 

gets dissatisfied with 

the level of accommodations 

and starts 

designing and building 

improvements. 

After a while, they’ve 

got air-conditioning, 

flush toilets, escalators, 

elevators, and so 

on... and the engineer 

is a pretty popular guy. 

One day, God calls Satan 

on the telephone. 

“So, how’s it going 

down there in hell?” 

God asks. 

“Hey, things are 

going great. We’ve 

got air-conditioning 

and flush toilets and 

escalators. There’s no 

telling what our engineer 

is going to come 

up with next!” Satan 

says. 

“What? You’ve got an 

engineer? That’s a 

mistake — he should 

have never gotten 

down there. Send him 

back immediately!” 

God says. 

Continued on next page 

I wish people came with a 30 second trailer. So I can see what I'm getting myself into. 

Guns • Ammo • Xbow • Vortex • Garmin • Lacrosse • Trapping • Rental 

Fishing Gear 

Camping 

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME (207) 375-6253 

2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 • www.sturdyhardwareme.com 

– Family Owned & Operated Hardware/Sporting Goods Store – 

Muriel celebrated... 

her 90th birthday with us 

and can't wait for the next party! 

Poland Spring Golf Course 

& Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant 

Designed by Donald Ross, the golf course is an 

18-hole, par 71, championship layout. Enjoy velvet 

bent grass greens, well maintained fairways, and 

tees for all abilities. We also have a driving range, 

practice putting green, and golf school. 

Come enjoy the scenery and the great food at 

Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant before or after your 

round, or just to have fun! 

Call the Pro Shop at (207) 998-6002 for tee 

times and more information. 

www.PolandSpringResort.com 

The Meadows 

“Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center” 

Moose 

Hunters 

Tow Package 

Rental 

Boating 

A warm home-style assisted living center for self-sufficient seniors! 

We have availability starting at $1500 per month 

#433 RT. 202, P.O. BOX 629, GREENE • 946-3007 

Grilling 



My goal weight is one chin.

I’m getting stronger with age. I can now lift $100 worth of groceries with one hand 

OIL & GAS BOILER 

CLEANINGS 

Get Your Yearly 

Boiler Cleaning 

and Servicing 

DON’T WAIT! 

Continued from previous page 

“No way! I like having 

an engineer on the 

staff — I’m keeping 

him!” Satan says. 

“Send him back up 

here or I’ll sue!” God 

says. 

Satan laughs uproariously 

and answers: 

“Yeah, right. And just 

where are you going to 

get a lawyer?” 

Cleanings Only $255.00 

*Plus materials if needed 

Give Us A Call today! 207-754-4556 

I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right. 

Out and About 

EL Boys Hockey 

6th Annual Golf 

Classic 

At Martindale 

HOME, AUTO, BUSINESS, & MORE 

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP 

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS 

I N S U R A N C E 

...Your Security is Our Concern! 

Locally Owned & Operated 

Lewiston Str ng 

Mike Hamlyn 

150 East Ave. Lewiston | 207-783-2246 | 888-983-2246 

Visit our new location at: 243 Mount Auburn Ave., Suite C, Auburn 

Me: Eating - My white shirt: “Let me try some.” 

Toni Ferraro 



Nature’s 

Calling 


It was a quiet night at 

the restaurant. All of a 

sudden, a panda bear 

wearing a cowboy hat 

with a slingshot holstered 

to his hip came 

into the place and sat 

down at the nearest 

table. 

The panda ordered 

dinner and ate quietly. 

Not speaking to anyone. 

After he paid for 

his food, he still didn’t 

say a word, but drew 

his Slingshot and started 

shooting round after 

round into the floor. 

The panda tipped 

his hat to the restaurant 

patrons, put his 

slingshot back in the 

holster, and slowly 

backed out of the 

restaurant and scampered 

back into the 

woods. 

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats. 

Navigating the market with you! 

Your home, our mission 

• List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package 

(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases) 

Jon 

Mercier 

Linda 

Dupuis 

Dustin 

Mallar 

What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny. 

Mark 

Turner 

Lindsay 

Wright 

Deb 

Morin 

Mason 

Dupuis 

Malayka 

Harriman 

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com 

The shocked crowd 

just sat inside not 

saying a word as they 

tried to wrap their 

heads around what 

just happened. 

The restaurant owner 

grabbed his phone and 

started Googling pandas 

and their behaviors. 

He finally came 

across something that 

offered some explanation. 

“Look folks, I found it. 

Here in the dictionary. 

When you look up 

‘Panda’ it says they 

are an animal that eats 

shoots and leaves.” 

THE AMERICAN LEGION 

FAMILY 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays 

and get a surprise! 

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

Members & Guests Welcome! 

AMERICAN LEGION ACT 

Veterans who were honorably discharged 

but whose service did not fall into previously 

defined war eras may now join 

the American Legion immediately. The 

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941, 

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at 

war, as determined by Congress. 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on 

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

For Veteran or Community services, call 

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229 

Hall Rentals Available 

Call for more 

information 

207-782-1118 

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 

HOURS: Monday - Wednesday: 12pm-8pm • Thursday 12pm-9pm 

Friday: 12pm-11pm • Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm 

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS 

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in September 

Jerry Joe - September 6th, 20th • 4:30 - 6:30pm 

DINNERS ARE BACK - SEPTEMBER 21 

Lobster roll with fries & cole slaw $15 

Or 2 lobster rolls for $27 

Haddock chowder $10 bowl 

BREAKFAST BUFFET | SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 15TH, 8-10AM 

Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon,baked beans, fried potatoes, crepes, toast, 

creton, juices, and coffee - Adults $10 Kids under 10 $5 

SONS MEETING SEPTEMBER 9 AT 5:30PM 

2024-2025 DUES ARE $52 

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 TH 2024 

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP 7PM 

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25 



I used to steal soap, but I'm clean now.

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry. 

Out and About 

at Tabers 

OPEN 7 DAYS 

A WEEK! 

Live Music 

Every Sunday 

Our Famous 

Sunday Blues Jam 1-5pm 

61 Portland Rd. • 

207-657-7973 

• 

Gray, Maine 

TWO Pool Tables, 

Buck Hunter 

& Golden Tee Golf 

Hours: Mon-Fri: 3pm-Close | Sat: 1pm-1am or close | Sun: 1-5pm • TailgateBarAndGrill.biz 

Coleman Mercier, 

Charlotte Bechard 

New Services 

• Foot Soak Lounge 

• Infrared Sauna 

• Couples Massage 

Book Today! 

First Time 

Clients 

60 minute 

massage 

only $65 

207-539-5128 | Oxford, Maine | Open 7 days a week | essencewellnessspa.com 

Joline Bechard 

This one's going 

to the moon! 

Check out our in-store weekly ad for our 2024 specials! 

Roy’s 

FOODLAND 

Best Chicken & 

Ham Salad 

IN THE WORLD! 

Try our hamburger, 

it’s the best! 

SATURDAY 

Beans, bread/rolls & 

cole slaw 

$11.99 

WEDNESDAY 

Ham, Veggie, Salami, 

or Pepperoni Italians 

$3.49 

PIZZA PACKS 

Pizza 

Packs 

$12.99 

Beanie Babies 

on Sale Here! 

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com 

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed 

Horace Stachan 

I once got fired from a keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts. 



Stinging Pain 


A man comes running 

to the doctor shouting 

and screaming in pain. 

“Please doctor you’ve 

got to help me. I’ve 

been stung by a bee.” 

I’m friends with all electricians; we have good current connections. 

JT Reid’s Guns 

Get everything you need for a 

successful hunting season here! 

“Don’t worry,” says the 

doctor, “I’ll put some 

cream on it.” 

“You will never find that 

bee. It must be miles 

away by now.” 

“No, you don’t understand!” 

answers the 

doctor, “I’ll put some 

cream on the place 

you were stung.” 

“Oh! It happened in the 

garden in back of my 

house.” 

“No, no, no!” says the 

doctor getting frustrated, 

“I mean on which 

part of your body did 

that bee sting you.” 

“On my finger!” 

screamed the man in 

pain. “The bee stung 

me on my finger and it 

really hurts.” 

“Which one?” the doctor 

asked. 

“How am I supposed 

to know? All bees look 

the same to me!” 

24 garfield Rd, Auburn | 207-777-3579 | jtreidsgunshop.com 

Eligible for Medicare? 

CALL US TODAY 

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs. 

30+ 

Years of 

Experience! 

Come eat 

with us 

at Pat’s 

Sandwiches, Salads, 

Pizza and more! 

Scan to check out our menu 

85 Center Street, Auburn | 207-784-8221 | 11a-9p daily 

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston 



I used to be a gardener, but I’m just growing on you now.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised. 

For any disaster, 

call ServiceMaster! 

Out and About 



Grenier 

At Firehouse Grill 

DON’T KNOW 

WHAT TO DO 

NEXT? WE DO. ® 

Lisa 

St. Hilaire-Crites 

WATER FIRE MOLD 

29 Brickyard Circle, 

Auburn 

(800) 244-7630 

(207) 539-4452 

www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com 

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower or a potential target for my rake. 

Danny St.Hilaire 

Walter Crites 

bennettradiogroup.com | 243 Main St. Norway 

Tracy Barnies 

I would make a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience. 



Snacking 


Ryan was on an 

airplane heading to 

Florida. The kind old 

woman next to him 

offered him a handful 

of peanuts that she 

had. 

Ryan accepted and 

thanked her for the 

snack. 

“Oh you’re welcome 

dear,” the old woman 

said. “I can’t eat 

peanuts anyway since 

I have no teeth.” 

“Well, why do you have 

them then?” asked 

Ryan. 

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Name 


I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down. 

After trick or treating, 

a teen takes a short 

cut home through the 

cemetery. Half way 

across, he's startled by 

a tapping noise coming 

from the misty shadows. 

Trembling with 

fear, he spots an old 

man with a hammer 

and chisel chipping 

away at a headstone. 

"I thought you were 

a ghost” asks the 

relieved teen. 

"What are you doing 

working so late?" 

"Oh those idiots," 

Grumbled the old man. 

"They misspelled my 

name...." 



I got into a fight with a broken elevator; I took it to another level.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. 

It’s our 

25th 

anniversary! 

Visit our website for our 

event calendar! 

Schedule a tour or 

Escape Room adventure! 

Rent our building! 

Sept. 6 and 7 Best of Broadway kicks off our 25th 

anniversary with the biggest hits of favorite Broadway 

shows presented by exceptional local performers. 

Performance Hall show with reserved seating. A special 

RSVP pre-show reception from 5 to 6 p.m. in Heritage 

Hall before the Saturday, Sept. 7 show only. 

Sept. 12, Dec. 12, March 13, June 19 La Rencontre. Diverse 

cultures, performing arts, and languages come together. 

Meal and various types of entertainment. 

Sept. 26 Wine Tasting with Edmond. Several wines of the 

summer will be tasted and served with appetizers. 

Edmond Gay will discuss an appreciation of pairing 

food and wine and how to drink wine. 5:30-7:30 p.m. 

Oct. 12 Crystal Vision. There are many Fleetwood Mac 

cover bands across the country and around the 

world, but Crystal Vision’s particular claim to fame 

is the resemblance of the three primary vocals to the 

originals. 

Oct. 27 Fiddle-icious is a community-based orchestra whose 

members are determined to preserve the cultural 

heritage of Maine’s traditional fiddle music, dances, 

and songs passed down from Scottish, Irish, Quebecois, 

and Acadian ancestors. 

Nov. 9 Murder mystery dinner party! Featuring the cast 

of Mystery207. You’ll witness and participate in fun 

skits and check out physical evidence. This drives 

the mystery and creates mini-goals to accomplish 

throughout the night. 

Dec. 20, 21, 22 Sights & Sounds of Christmas! More than 

30 performers will sing, dance, act, and produce an 

energetic and festive Christmas show complete with an 

immersive light show directed by Jake Hodgkin. Bring 

the Christmas spirit home with you! 

Feb. 8 Dueling Pianos. Two pianists will play songs from 

a variety of genres simultaneously on two pianos. The 

pianists take requests from the audience and make the 

show interactive. 

Box office 207-689-2000 

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston 

www.francocenter.org 

Even Steven 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

After years of working 

for others and being 

passed over for 

promotions, Steve and 

his wife, Mary, decided 

to go into business together. 

After examining 

the classifieds, they 

bought a small candy 

stand, paying thirty 

cents for each box of 

candy and then selling 

it for thirty cents. 

At the end of the day 

they were astonished 

to find that they had 

sold every box of candy, 

yet had exactly as 

much money as when 

they started. 

“You see?” Steven 

snarled at his wife. “I 

told you we should 

have bought a larger 

stand!” 

Any Excuse 

Submitted by Pam Ashby 

It had been snowing 

for hours when an 

announcement came 

over the high school 

intercom: 

“Students who are 

parked on the street 

and not in the parking 

lot please move your 

cars so that we may 

begin plowing.” 

Twenty minutes later 

there was another 

announcement: 

“The nine hundred 

students who went to 

move fourteen cars, 

please return to class.” 

I’m a huge fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable! 



Out and About 



Grenier 

At Firehouse grill 

I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia; 

she whispered, “They’re right behind you.” 

Scooter 

& Mike Giambra 

RoySnow.com 

207.782.3734 

Serving Maine since 1947 

11 Library Ave. 

Auburn 

Shelby Rucker 

We are 

looking 

for new 

crew 

mates! 

Servers, Bartenders, 

Kitchen positions 

available 

Excellent 

pay for 

skilled 

mates! 

Relax and let us handle the stress 

Come in and try our delicious chicken parm! 

Our local’s 

Favorite 

besides our 

fried clams! 

The Village Inn 

207-782-7796 | 165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday 

Vickie Rucker 

Richard Grenier 

& Maintenance 

Helping keep your 

home healthy 

Home Tune-up Packages Available! 

We clean throughout homes 

Utility room, kitchen, bathrooms, laundry, 

garages, inside & outside your home. 

Drain cleanings to garage door sensors. 

Call us for a quote today! 

207-619-0868 



I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

Modern scientists have science down to a science. 

Lost 


A man is flying in a 

hot-air balloon and 

realizes he is lost. 

He reduces height and 

spots a man below. 

COURSE DATES: 

September 24, 2024 

Tuesday Nights 

5:30p-8:30p 

Register Early!! 

Central Maine Community College, 

1250 Turner Street, Auburn ME. 

He lowers the balloon 

farther and shouts, 

“Excuse me! Can you 

tell me where I am?” 

The man below says: 

“Yes, you’re in a hot-air 

balloon, hovering 30 

feet above this field.” 

“You must be an 

engineer,” says the 

balloonist. 

“I am,” replies the man. 

“How did you know?” 

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. 

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER 

NEW MEMBERS! 

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Casco Bay Associates 

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Waypoint Intercultural 

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Lougee Business Solutions 

LougeeBusinessSolutions.com 

Human Interest 

HumanInterest.com 

Western Maine Community Action 

WMCA.org 

“Well,” says the balloonist, 

“everything you 

have told me is technically 

correct, but it’s no 

use to anyone.” 

The man below says, 

“You must be in management.” 

“I am,” replies the 

balloonist, “but how did 

you know?” 

“Well,” says the man, 

“You don’t know where 

you are or where 

you’re going, but you 

expect me to be able 

to help. You’re in the 

same position you 

were before we met, 

but now it’s my fault.” 

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM 

I once got into a fight with a dictionary; I had the last word. 



Happy Anniversary 

month, mom and 

dad! Love, Macy 

Congratulations to 

Maureen and Carl on 

tying the knot in August! 

Wishing you love 

& happiness! 

Wishing a Happy 

birthday to one of 

LA Metro Magazines, 

Michael Krapovicky! 

The Boston Bruins 

presented a $200,000 

check to the Maine 

Resiliency Center 

and OneLewiston 

Resiliency Fund. 

Congrats, Carter on 

your 2nd place at 

KORA’s Kid Que! 

Nick Danforth “Pain to 

Power Suicide Awareness" 

Thanks to you & your Team! 

GREAT JOB! 



Celebrating 

1 year at 

our office! 

71 Broad St. Auburn 

Thank you to all 

of our clients 

that suported us!

Do you want to give 

a shout out? 

Scan the QR code 

Thank you to our teachers! 

We are beyond grateful for 

your guidance & support. 

Thank you to 

this page’s sponsor: 

Give 

Someone 

a shout out 

Today! 

We deliver print, digital, and word-ofmouth 

promotion with a side of fun. 

fostering business relationships to 

promote our advertisers personally, 

and we keep your business top of mind 

through print, digital, and social media. 

If you do better, our community does 

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It’s as simple as that. 

DO YOU want to sponsor 

our Shout Out page? 

Give us a call 

or email! 

207.783.7039 



Office@lydiamediallc.com

Millions 


I’m reading a book about teleportation; it’s bound to take me places. 

An American businessman 

was at the pier of 

a small coastal Mexican 

village when a small boat 

with just one fisherman 

docked. Inside the small 

boat were several large 

yellowfin tuna. The American 

complimented the 

fisherman on the quality 

of his fish and asked 

how long it took to catch 

them. The fisherman 

replied that it only took a 

little while. The American 

then asked why didn’t he 

stay out longer and catch 

more fish. The fisherman 

said he had enough 

to support his family’s 

immediate needs. 

The American then 

asked, “But what do you 

do with the rest of your 

time?” 

The fisherman said, “I 

sleep late, fish a little, 

play with my children, 

take siesta with my wife, 

Maria, stroll into the village 

each evening where 

I sip wine and play guitar 

with my amigos. I have a 

full and busy life, señor.” 

The American scoffed. 

“I am a Wharton MBA 

and could help you. You 

should spend more time 

fishing and with the proceeds, 

buy a bigger boat. 

With the proceeds from 

the bigger boat you could 

buy several boats. Eventually 

you would have 

a fleet of fishing boats. 

Instead of selling your 

catch to a middleman you 

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the product, processing 

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66 Elm St. Ste. 100, Camden, ME 04843 

Phone: __________________________________ 

Continued on next page 

207.860.0356 | fax: 207.236.2292 | rebeccakurtz@bbbsmidmaine.org 


I’d tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it. 

24 September Address: 2024 _________________________________ 

City: _________________ ST _____ ZIP ________ 

Jo 

SP 

PRES 

Includ 

signa 

recog 

MAJ 

Includ 

signa

I’m no good at math, but I know that two wrongs don’t make a right. 

Come watch 

the game 

with us! 

Open Daily 

11am-9pm 

Continued from previous page 

this small coastal fishing 

village and move to 

Mexico City, then L.A., 

and eventually New 

York City, where you 

will run your expanding 

enterprise.” 

MONDAY 

Cranberry 

Walnut Chicken 

Salad Wrap 

with potato chips 

$ 9.99 

Dine-In 

or 

Take-out 

FRIDAY 

Lobster Sub 

with two sides 

$ 22.99 

TUESDAY 

Italian Meat 

Hoagie 


$ 11.99 

SATURDAY 

BBQ Baby Back 

Ribs with fries & 

garlic toast 

half $ 14.99 

full $ 22.99 

WEDNESDAY 

BBQ Pulled 

Pork Sandwich 


$ 11.99 

SUNDAY 

Fried Shrimp 

Dinner 

with fries & 

coleslaw 

$ 11.99 

I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust. 

THURSDAY 

Haddock 

Fish & Chips 

with two sides 

$ 14.99 

1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 207.777.6353 | gridironrestaurant.com 

THE GAHS GOLDEN 

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GET YOUR TICKETS TODAY! 

Thank you to our TOP DOG sponsors! 

THE GAHS 

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www.gahumane.org/goldenpawawards 

The Greater Androscoggin Humane Society | www. gahumane.org/goldenpawawards 

The fisherman asked, 

“But how long will this 

all take?” 

To which the American 

replied, “Fifteen or 20 

years.” 

“But what then?” Asked 

the fisherman. 

The American laughed 

and said, “That’s the 

best part. When the time 

is right you would announce 

an IPO and sell 

your company stock to 

the public and become 

very rich. You would 

make millions.” 

“Millions? Then what?” 

The fisherman replied 

The American said, 

“Then you would retire. 

Move to a small coastal 

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your friends.” 

I’m writing a screenplay about a guy who gets hit by a lot of solar flares; 

it’s going to be a bright idea. 



CALL THE PROS 

Accounting 

& Tax 

Service You 

Can Trust! 

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A. 

Certified Public Accountant 

Tax Planning & Preparation 

for Individuals and Business 

P.O. Box 895 | 207.782.1040 

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B | Auburn, ME 04212 

Add 4 Months to Your 

Watersports Season 

with a Wetsuit! 

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services 

Mike Magretto 207-530-8890 

Veteran Owned & Operated 

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 

Tues-Fri. 2-8pm 

Sat. 1-5pm 

We can help you stay warmer longer! 

• Swimming • Snorkeling • Scuba • Water-ski 

805 Main Street, Lewiston 784-7300 

FINE LINE GUN SHOP 

GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES 

LET YOUR STRESS 

FALL AWAY 

Call to book your 

personalized treatment! 

with a massage (207) 402-8654 

918 Sabattus St. Lewiston |www.lamassagemaine.com 

Our experienced professional 

technicians can help! 

Have a unique radiator or engine problem? 

Unique fixes are our Specialty! 

Lincoln Street 

RADIATOR SHOP 

Family owned & operated since 1967 

207-784-9356 

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 

Monday-Friday: 8a-5p 

HUNTING 

SEASON 

IS HERE! 

Hunting Rifles 

+Accessories 

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US TODAY! 

207.998.2374|590 Plains Rd., Poland|finelinegun@aol.com 

LYDIA 

LYDIA’S 

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Morning Show 

PODCAST 

Want to 

be a part 

of our 

podcast!? 

FMI contact Pam Ashby 207.783.7039 or podcast@lydiamediallc.com 



Fall is when I become a professional blanket burrito.

CALL THE PROS 

Full Color Prints 

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms • Envelopes • Business Cards & More! 

Call for a quote: 782-0525 

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn | Info@evergreencustomprinting.com 

Specializing in 

Heat Pumps/AC, 

Oil & Gas Furnace 

Ask us about 

our special for 

servicing your 

AC unit! 

Get A Free Quote! 

Ryan Queen • hvacsolutions207@gmail.com 

RON’S 

TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE 

YOUR FULL SERVICE 

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EVERGREEN 

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We specialize in domestic 

car & truck, automatic 

& manual transmissions, 

transfer cases & differentials. 

Follow us on 

Professional 

Cleaning Service 

Residential 

Commercial 

Windows 

Floors 

207-712-2765 realcleanllc.com Serving Maine 

LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE 

• Essential after surgery 

• Improves circulation 

• Eases swelling in tissue • Aids detoxification process 

207.240.6415 | www.memassagetherapy.com 

Fall is right around the corner! 

Book now for your pre-season check up! 

Tires & State Inspections Available! 

515 Gardiner Rd, Wales 

375-4924 

Coach Terry’s 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

The friendly redemption center 

Ron Charpentier Jr. 

Owner 

School is Back in Session! Please Drive Carefully! 

8 Tidswell Road 

Turner 

207-225-2008 

Open daily 8am to 4pm 

MAID 2 CLEAN LLC 

Professional Cleaning Service 

Amy St. Pierre 

•Residential 

•Commercial 

Quality service & price! 

Call for a free estimate. 

207.330.5319 | amyst.pierre@gmail.com 

I’m a huge fan of wind turbines; I think they’re absolutely fan-tastic! 



I have a PhD in autumn leaves and pie-eating. 

HEALTH & FITNESS 

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I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

BUSINESS 

SP TLIGHT 

COMICS 

WANTED 

A Final Wish 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

A jewelry store owner 

and his two employees 

go on lunch break together. 

At the restaurant 

they find a lamp 

on the booth seat. 

207-782-7141 

207-782-7141 

WE DO PIZZA RIGHT! 

Top Agent of 

the Month 

July 2024 

Kim Mcmanus 

207-740-5813 

81 Main St, Auburn ME 

www.TMREE.com 

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copy first! 

Buying entire collections. 

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207.518.3644 

outtaspacecomics@gmail.com 

Call us 

for a free 

estimate! 

Cleanings for: 

Property Management 

Commercial/ Office 

Post Construction 

Rental Turn Over 

207-713-1550 

Let us SCOOP the poop! 

Scoop 4Paws 

Professional Pooper Scoopers 

Call 207-713-1550 or 

message us on Facebook 

Richard Moylan 

(207) 777-0050 

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn 

richardmoylan@allstate.com 

The owner rubs it and 

a genie appears, “Ye 

who have summoned 

me, I will grant three 

wishes. Since there’s 

three of you here, you 

each get one wish.” 

The first employee 

says “I wish I was 

riding a Jet Ski by a 

tropical beach crowded 

with beautiful single 

women.” 

The genie snaps his 

fingers and the employee 

disappears. 

Excited, the second 

employee says, “I wish 

I was the richest man 

in the world, living in 

the most lavish mansion 

in all of Beverly 

Hills.” 

With a snap of the 

genie’s fingers, the 

second employee 

disappears in a puff of 

smoke. 

The owner watches 

this, finishes the last of 

his coffee, smirks, and 

says, “I wish for those 

two to be back on the 

sales floor within thirty 

minutes.” 

Insurance and coverages subject to terms. 

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property 

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Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company 

I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off. 



Now Selling 

Maine Lobster 

Live or cooked 

I’m so good at my job, I’m considered a pro-crastinator. 

Shuga Shak Country Store 

NEW - Our own 

fudge & hot nuts! 

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p 

Maple Baked 

Beans every 

Saturday! 

Gift cirtificates available 

Wine • Local Products 

Honey • Pickles • Jams 

Candies • Crafts... 

and much more! 

450 Pigeon Hill Road | (Rte 26), Mechanic Falls | 207-576-7886 

Poisson & Sons Auto Care 

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144 

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION 

It’s Time To Visit Us! 


STICKERS ARE DUE! 

I Like To Tell 

Gas Jokes, 

It’s A Good 

Way To Pass 

The Time. 

Autumn Car Care Tips: 

• Change your oil 

• Check: Tires/pressure, fluids, whiper blades, 

hoses & belts, heater, brakes, and Battery. 

Main Street 

Music Lessons 

WELCOMING NEW STUDENTS 

FOR IN PERSON LESSONS! 

• LESSONS 

• REPAIRS 

• SALES 

• RENTALS 

207-376-3376 

LA’S #1 STOP FOR ALL 

YOUR MUSIC NEEDS! 

33 Dunn Street, Auburn | mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

Delivery + Installation 

Specializing in Generators 

Dont Wait To 

Line Up Your 

Propane 

Delivery For 

The Winter! 

Follow us! 

207.810.3433 | strongpropaneservices.com 

MOBILE CPR & BLS TRAINING 

FOR ALL OF MAINE 

For both healthcare professionals 

and lay people. We come to your 

location for your convenience! 

Offering Certification 

and Re-certification 

CALL TODAY 

19 Roy Street Lewiston | 207-330-0322 

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER 

WE STILL HAVE 2024 MODELS AVAILABLE 

Jayco- High Quality Design 

& Award Winning Rv’s. 

Stop in today and check out the new 

2025 models - New arrivals daily! 

848 Main Street, Oxford • 207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com 

24 Hour Service 

Proudly serving Auburn, 

Lewiston, and the surrounding 

communities! 

235 N. River Road, Auburn 

207-777-5600 

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com | protechoffice11@yahoo.com 



What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.

I started a band called 1023MB; we haven’t gotten a gig yet. 

Residential Friendly Dumpsters 

The Right 

Coverage at the 

Right Price. 

Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved. 

Rent a 

dumpster 

for Fall 

cleanup! 

Bin Sizes: 

6 yd. bin- 10’ long x 5.5’ wide - 3’ high 

10 yd. bin - 10’ long x 7’ wide - 4’ high 

14 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8 wide - 4.5’ high 

20 yd. bin - 11’ long x 8’ wide - 6’ high 

120 Center Steet Auburn 

Sunday - Wednesday 11am to 10pm 

Thursday - Saturday 11am to 11pm 

Are you ready for 

some FOOTBALL!? 

www.gippers.com • 207.786.0715 

For your business. 

For your people. 

For your life. 

NFP.com 

Bud and Bud Light drafts on 

special. 11a-4p p every Sunday 

Book your holiday party 

in our private banquet room. 

Dispatch 

Office: 207-224-0337 

Cell: 207-212-0736 

170 N. Daggett Hill Rd. 

Greene, ME 04236 

portlandme@bintheredumpthat.com 

Our Residential Friendly Design Includes 

Easy Load Double Rear Doors 

Driveway Protection Boards 

Dependable Friendly Service 

207-224-0337 

www.bintheredumpthatusa.com 

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts 

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting 

to claims support, we’ve got you covered. 

John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358 

john.blanchette@nfp.com 

Visit our new NFP office: 

681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240 

Quit Drinking 


An Irish man walks into 

a pub. 

“What’ll you have?” the 

bartender asks. 

“Give me three pints of 

Guinness, please,” says 

the man. 

The bartender brings him 

three pints, and the man 

proceeds to sip them alternately 

— the first one, 

the next one, and then 

the third one, until they’re 

all gone. He then orders 

three more. 

“Sir,” says the bartender, 

“I know you like them 

cold. You don’t have to 

order three at a time. I 

can keep an eye on you, 

and when you get low 

I’ll bring you a fresh cold 

one.” 

“You don’t understand,” 

the man says. “I have 

two brothers, one in 

Australia and one in the 

States. We made a vow 

to each other that every 

Saturday night we’d still 

drink together. So right 

now, my brothers have 

three Guinness Stouts 

too, and we’re drinking 

together.” 

”What a wonderful tradition,” 

the bartender says, 

smiling. 

Every week after that, the 

man comes into the bar 

and orders three beers. 

But one week, he orders 

only two. He drinks them 

and orders two more. 

“I know what your tradition 

is,” says the bartender 

sadly, “and I’d just 

like to say that I’m sorry 

that one of your brothers 

died.” 

“Oh, me brothers are 

fine,” says the man. “I 

just quit drinking.” 

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down. 



SEPTEMBER 

Lisa Laliberte 

& Lindsey Henderson 

September 1 

Lewiston Farmers’ Market 

2 Oxford St. Lewiston 

9:30am – 1:00pm 


Start Up Session 

Lewiston Auburn Metropolitan 

Chamber of Commerce 

415 Lisbon St, Lewiston 

5:00 – 6:30pm 


Phil Fortier 

Sea 40 

40 East Ave. Lewiston 

7-9pm 

207.795.6888 

$20 Paint Night 

Marco’s Restaurant 

12 Mollison Way, Lewiston 

6pm 


Comedian Rob 

Christensen 

The Blind Pig Tavern 

266 Water St, Gardiner 

6:30-8:30pm 

207.592.0776 




9:30am – 1:00pm 

mainefarmersmarkets.org 

Squatch 

& Larry Roop 

Kyle & Stefanie 

Lukeski 

Comedy Open Mic 

Great Falls Comedy Club 

34 Court St. Auburn 

8pm Sign-ups at 7:30pm 

Greatfallscomedyclub.com 

Women’s Hike 

Pineland Farms 

25 Campus Dr. New Gloucester 

6pm | $5 pre-register 

Pinelandfarms.org 


Pub Trivia 

Olive Pit Brewing 

16 Main St. Lisbon Falls 

6-8pm 

207-407-4044 


25th Season 

Best of Broadway 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston 

7:00 pm - 9:00 pm 


Auburn Blues 

& Brews Festival 

Festival Plaza 

Main St, Auburn 

1-7pm 

auburnblues.com 

JULIA: Here in Maine Tour 

Public Theatre 

31 Maple St, Lewiston 

7:00 pm 

Tickets: $40+ 


Lake Auburn Half, 5k 

Walk/Run, Kids Fun Run 

Lost Valley 

200 Lost Valley Rd. Auburn 

7:30am | $30-$65 

info@lostvalley.com 

Justin Juray 


Essence Wellness Spa 

Open House 

11 Mechanic Falls Rd. Oxford 

5-7pm 

FMI follow us on FB 


Maine Women’s Network 

Season Opener 

75 Park St. Lewiston 

5pm 

MaineWomensNetwork.com / 

Androscoggin Chapter 

Kerry O’ Leary 

Sea 40 


7-9pm 

207.795.6888 


32 September 2024

| EVENTS | 

Calendar 

Sponsored By: 

2024 


Golden Paws Awards 

Royal Oak Room 

1 Bates St. Lewiston 

5:30-8pm 

info@gahumane.org 

207-783-2311 


Magnetize Maine Summit 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar Street Lewiston 

7:30am-5:00pm 

boxoffice@francocenter.com 

207.689.2000 

Next Stop Comedy 

at Baxter Brewing Co. 

Baxter Brewing Co. 

130 Mill St. Lewiston 

8:00 – 9:30pm 


Bob Lauder Comedy 

Hypnosis Show 

Great Falls Comedy Club 

34 Court St. Auburn 

$20 Tix: On eventbrite 

Walk to End Alzheimer’s 

Lakes & Mountains 

Simard-Payne Memorial Park 

46 Beech St. Lewiston 

10:30am 

act.alz.org 

Second Saturday Social 

Obscura Café & Drinkery 

108 Lisbon St. .Lewiston 

6-9pm 




9:30am – 1:00pm 

mainefarmersmarkets.org 


Maine Outdoor 

Film Festival 

Simard-Payne Memorial Park 

46 Beech St, Lewiston 

6pm 

maineoutdoorfilmfestival.com 


Lewiston Game Day 

SeniorsPlus, 8 Falcon Rd. 

Lewiston 

9 – 11am 

seniorsplus.org 


Ron Bergeron 

Sea 40 


7-9pm 

207.795.6888 


Home Opener 

Maine Nordiques vs. Titans 

190 Birch St. Lewiston 

11:30pm 

thecolisee.com 


Baxter’s Annual 

Oktoberfest Party 

120 Mill St. Lewiston 

11:30am - 11pm 

FMI check out The Pub at Baxter 

FB page 


Toby McAllister 

Sea 40 


7-9pm 

207.795.6888 


Big Brothers, Big Sisters 

Golf Fore Kids Sake 

Poland Spring Golf Course 

37 Robbins Rd. Poland 

8am 


Manhattan Short Film 

Festival 

Public theatre 

31 Maple St. Lewiston 

7:00 pm 

General Admission – $15 

Art Walk LA 

Lisbon Street Downtown 

111 Lisbon St. 



Heritage Day at Poland 

Spring 

22 Robbins Way, Poland 

10am-3pm 

polandspringresort.com 

Oktoberfest Polka & Pints 

Pub Crawl 

Pub Pioneers 

@ Best bars in Lewiston 

5:00 PM - 11:00 PM 

Moxie’s Memorial 5k 

Benefiting Mission Working Dogs 

Oxbow Beer Garden 

416 Main St. Oxford 

9am 

FMI follow Oxbow Beer Garden FB 

page 




9:30am – 1:00pm 

Wounded Healers Benefit 

Concert & Market 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar St, Lewiston 

12:00 pm - 3:30 pm 

We deliver 

print, digital, 

and word-of-mouth 

promotion with 

a side of fun. 

Fostering business 

relationships to 

promote our 

advertisers 

personally, and 

we keep your 

business top of mind 

through print, digital, 

& social media. 

If you do better, our 

community does 

better, and when 

you win, 

we all win. It’s as 

simple as that. 

DO YOU want 

to sponsor 

our Calendar? 

Have your logo 

& business info 

every month with 

the calendar 

GET NOTICED 

Give Us a call 

or Email! 

783.7039 

office@lydiamediallc.com 

Send us your events for October by September 20th. Call 207.783.7039 or email billing@LydiaMediaLLC.com 



Directory of Advertisers 

AUTOMOTIVE 

Armand’s Autobody..............................C 

www.armandsautobody.com 

Lincoln St Radiator............................ 26 

www.lincolnstreetradiator.com 

Mike Morin's Auto Center................. 2 

207.753.0433 

Poisson & Sons Auto Care................ 30 

207.782.9144 

Ron’s Transmission............................ 27 

207.375.4924 

BANKING SERVICES 

Community Federal Credit Union... 30 

www.communitycreditunion.com 

Dirigo Federal Credit Union............ 26 

www.dirigofcu.com 

Milestones...........................................11 

207.783.3991 

CONSTRUCTION & EXCAVATION 

Hird Contracting................................ 10 

207.754.2343 

DENTISTS & DENTURES 

Smile Again Dentures.......................... 4 

www.SmileAgainDentures.com 

DISPENSERIES 

207 THC.................................................C 

www.207THC.com 

Mystique of Maine........................... BC 

www.mystiqueofmaine.com 

EDUCATION SERVICES 

Central Maine Community College 

21....................www.cmcc.edu/workforce 

Main Street Music Lessons.............. 30 

www.mainestreetmusiclessons.com 

ELECTRICAL 

DeBlois Electric, Inc.......................... 18 

www.debloiselectric.com 

Roy I. Snow, Inc.................................. 20 

www.RoySnow.com 

ENTERTAINMENT 

Outta Space Comics........................... 29 

207.518.3644 

Franco Center......................................19 

www.francocenter.org 

Great Falls Comedy Club.................. 18 

greatfallscomedyclub.com 

Poland Spring Golf Course & Mel’s 

Hilltop..................................................12 


Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine.................... 10 

www.sea40me.com 

Tailgate Bar & Grill........................... 15 

www.TailgateBarAndGrill.biz 

FINANCIAL SERVICES 

Modern Woodmen of America........ 3 

www.modern-woodmen.org 

FOOD & BEVERAGE 

Burnt Ends Barbeque........................... 8 

www.burntendsmaine.com 

Dads Place............................................. 5 

www.dadsplacemaine.com 

Firehouse Grill................................... BC 

www.firehouseauburn.com 

George’s Pizza.....................................29 

www.georgespizza.com 

Gipper’s................................................31 

www.gippers.com 

GridIron Restaurant.......................... 25 

www.gridironrestaurant.com 

Mac’s Grill............................................. 7 

www.MacsGrill.com 

Pat’s Pizza Auburn.............................. 16 

www.patsauburn.com 

Roy’s Foodland....................................15 

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com 

Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine.................... 10 

www.sea40me.com 

Tailgate Bar & Grill........................... 15 

www.TailgateBarAndGrill.biz 

Shuga Shak Country Store................ 30 

207.576.7886 

Tabers on the Lake.............................. 8 

www.tabersgolf.com 

The Village Inn-Auburn.................... 20 

www.villageinnmaine.com 

GOLF & RECREATION 

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise........... 26 

207.784.7300 

Call of the Wild RV Center............. 30 

www.callofthewildrv.com 

Poland Spring Golf Course & Mel’s 

Hilltop..................................................12 


Tabers on the Lake.............................. 8 

www.tabersgolf.com 

HEALTH & WELLNESS 

Essence Wellness Spa LLC............... 15 

www.essencewellnessspa.com 

LA Massage.........................................26 

www.lamassagemaine.com 

ME Massage........................................27 

www.memassagetherapy.com 

HEATING & PLUMBING 

Heat Pumps of Maine.........................C 

www.heatpumpsofmaine.com 

HVAC Solutions 207.......................... 27 

www.Hvacsoultions207.com 

Pro-Tech Refrigeration..................... 30 

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com 

UPI........................................................13 

207.754.4556 

Strong Propane...................................30 

207.810.3433 

HOME IMPROVEMENT 

Maine Gutter Works...........................C 

207.576.9479 

Sturdy Hardware.................................12 

www.sturdyhardwareme.com 

INSURANCE 

Andy Valley Insurance & 

Retirement...........................................29 

www.agents.horacemann.com/AVIR 

Champoux Insurance......................... 13 

888.983.2246 

Lisa Laliberte-State Farm................... 6 

207.783.3332 

NFP Insurance....................................31 

207.784.9358 

Richard Moylan-Allstate................... 29 

207.777.0050 




MISCELLANEOUS 

Fine Line Gun Shop...........................26 

207.998.2374 

JT Reid's Guns...................................16 

207.777.3579 

LA Metro Chamber of Commerce 21. 

www.lametrochamber.com 

Outta Space Comics...........................29 

207.518.3644 

William J. Rogers Post #153...........14 

207.782.1118 

PET 

Androscoggin Humane Society 25 

www.SavingPetsInMaine.org 

Scoop4Paws.........................................29 

207.713.1550 

PRINT & PROMOTIONAL 

Coastal T-Shirts....................................6 

www.coastaltshirts.com 

Evergreen Custom Printing.............27 

207.782.0525 

WIGY Radio.......................................17 

www.wigyradio.com 

PROFESSIONAL CLEANERS 

Bin There Dump That.......................31 

www.binhtheredumpthatusa.com 

Collaborative Cleaners......................29 

207.713.1550 

Emerald Janitorial..............................26 

www.EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 

Real Clean............................................27 

www.realcleanllc.com 

ServiceMaster Restore......................17 

www.smfireandwater.com 

REAL ESTATE 

Debbie Bodwell-Guild Mortgage BC. 

207.754.3962 

Maine Real Estate Experience........ 29 

www.themainerealstateexperience.com 

Maine Source Realty..........................14 

www.mainesourcehomes.com 

Upfront Home Inspections...............20 

www.upfronthome.me 

REDEMPTION CENTERS 

Coach Terry’s Redemption Center 27. 

207.225.2008 

Roopers Beverage & Redemption 35 . 

www.roopersbeverage.com 

Dads Place.............................................5 

www.dadsplacemaine.com 

RETIREMENT 

Andwell Health Partners...................27 

www.andwell.org 

The Chapman House Assisted 

Living .....................................................9 

207.783.0961 

The Meadows Senior Living............12 

207.946.3007 

WASTE MANAGEMENT 

Bin There Dump That.......................31 

www.binhtheredumpthatusa.com 

C - front cover | IFC - inside front cover | BC - back cover | IBC - inside back cover 

Matt Snyder 

Wholesale Sales Rep 

ROOPERSBEVERAGE.COM 

Everyone wants to live on top of 

the mountain but all the happiness 

and growth is while you’re climbing 

up. Matt Snyder has been climbing 

his entire life and earning great 

rewards. Roopers, more importantly 

his friends and family, have been 

reeping these rewards. This is the 

best gift that Steph and I could receive. 

Watching a young man battle 

for his dreams. For a company to 

continue to grow you don’t build 

the business but have talent build it 

for you. Matt has talent, passion, 

love for teamwork and more importantly 

devotion to his family. We 

are so blessed to have such a young 

man in our lives. We love you Matt 

and so extremely proud of you. 

Good luck on your future with your 

wedding and being a kick ass Dad! 

-Jesse St Laurent, President 

301 Main St., Auburn | 783.9098 

545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047 

980 Main St., Oxford | 539.6072 

794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353 

686 Main St., Lewiston | 344.1200 

1420 Lisbon St., Lewiston | 333.3095 



BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey 

September Special 

American Pie 

You’ll Love 

our Daily 

Specials! 

Monday - Saturday 

11a - 9p 

207-376-4959 • 47 Broad Street, Auburn • www.firehouseauburn.com 

RECREATIONAL 

CANNABIS 21+ 

OUTLET STORE 

First Time Customers 15% Off 

First Time Customers 15% OFF 

43 Mystique Way, Auburn | 207.245.2645 

43 Mystique Way, Auburn 207-245-2645 

MystiqueOfMaine.com 

MystiqueOfMaine.com 

For use by adults 21 years of age and older. 

For questions or concerns call 207.245.2645 

F oF r o r u us e s e b y b y a da du ul tls t s 2 12 1 y ey ae ra s r s o f o f a ga ge e a na nd d o lo dl de r. e r. L iL ci ec ne ns e s e # # AAM MS 7S 87 08 . 0 . F oF r o r q qu ue se ts ito i no ns s o r o r c oc no nc ec re nr ns s c oc no nt at ca t c t 2 02 70 -7 2- 42 54 -5 2- 62 46 54 5 

Second Visit location our at 745 745 Forest Forest Ave., Ave., Portland Portland | 207.815.8524 store | as AMS well. 

117, MJ-872341-2021 

207-815-8524. AMS 117, MJ-872341-2021 

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family 

We are stronger together 

Debbie Bodwell 

NMLS# 280336 

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net 

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210 

207.754.3962 

Lic.# AMS780 

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org) 

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org. 



UncleAndys.com

Uncle Andy's Digest - September 2024

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