Smorgasboarder_Issue 60

2024
smorgasboarder
surf magazine
issue #60
Surfing is a feeling that never leaves you.

SHOP SHOP ONLINE ONLINE OR OR AT AT THE THE GERRINGONG GERRINGONG MEGASTORE
MEGASTORE

smorgasboarder
34
12
46
issue #60
contents
12 Reader Photos
16 News
24 Controversy
30 Across the Ditch
34 Ziggy Alberts
46 Marcus Paladino
60 Tony Piper
66 Shayelle Lajoie
72 Art
80 Tech Talk
72
82 Gear
98 Aloha Barry
smorgasboarders
Editorial | Amber O’Dell
amber@smorgasboarder.com.au
0420 615 107
Advertising & Editorial | Dave Swan
dave@smorgasboarder.com.au
0401 345 201
Social Media | Phoebe Swan
phoebe@smorgasboarder.com.au
0459 705 404
New Zealand | Jiff Morris
jeff@smorgasboarder.co.nz
0220 943 913
South Australia | Jimmy Ellis
james@smorgasboarder.com.au
0410 175 552
Design | Horse & Water Creative
mark, vale, helen, sarah, florencia
mark@horseandwater.com.au
Accounts | Louise Gough
louise@smorgasboarder.com.au
2024
smorgasboarder
surf magazine
Surfing is a feeling that never leaves you.
issue #60
our cover
Photo: Marcus Paladino
Surfer: Pete Devries
get involved
Got any stories, photos, ideas, or
new and interesting surf-related stuff
you want to share? Drop us a line at
editorial@smorgasboarder.com.au
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6
Foreword

SEEK TO UNDERSTAND
In this special 60th edition, we turn our focus to mental
wellbeing. Indeed, we have dedicated an entire edition
around the subject, given its importance in modern-day
society.
It is a topic that has seemingly, and thankfully, gained
mainstream acceptance nowadays after having a
certain stigma associated with it for so long. Instead of
people avoiding discussing their mental health, there
appears to be a greater willingness, but there is still
more that needs to be done in this space.
The more we talk about mental wellbeing, the more
people will feel comfortable about opening up and
discussing their challenges. To that end, we see our role
as facilitating those conversations.
So, we have committed this edition to sharing a host
of personal accounts from our Smorgasboarder surf
community. As each person’s challenges differ in
nature and severity, and our means of coping vary, we
thought this was the only way to approach this subject
in a responsible manner. Let’s face it, mental wellbeing
means different things to different people. Its definition
is dependent on one’s personal perspective.
For mine, mental wellbeing is about developing a state
of mind that enables you to get the most enjoyment out
of our time on this planet. I say ‘developing’ rather than
‘achieving’ because it is in a constant state of flux.
Life throws up its fair share of challenges and
celebratory moments, and it is up to us to find pleasure
in our existence whilst handling the various stresses,
trials, and tribulations that most of us endure at some
point in time. It is about striving to find contentment
amidst the yin and yang of life.
Now, with all that said, I have a confession to make.
I have never felt comfortable discussing a subject
matter I can’t fully relate to. It is born out of a desire to
be genuine at all times, and to treat all subject matter
with the due respect. Mental wellbeing for me is one
such subject. However, I do appreciate that, in order
to gain a greater understanding, you must first seek to
understand. That is what I have personally endeavoured
to do in this edition, and I hope it assists others.
You see, I consider myself fortunate. Those who know
me personally are well aware I’ve dealt with my own
fair amount of sh*t throughout my lifetime, but I have
thankfully always found a way to cope. I believe my
mental resilience is possibly in part thanks to my
upbringing, my friends, and my family.
Not all are blessed with such a support network.
Competitive sport through the years and what I
choose to read also play a part. I also consider this
very magazine to be a form of therapy. Many people
far more qualified than I believe journaling is a great
way to improve your mental wellbeing, and writing
this magazine is akin to journaling for me, albeit a very
public form of journaling. I guess I have always felt
comfortable expressing my feelings, after all, they’re
mine, and I have never had much time for pretending to
be something I am not.
Anyhow, journaling is said to boost your emotional
intelligence by prompting one to get in touch with
their feelings. The process of putting pen to paper and
expressing your innermost thoughts is also said to be a
cleansing experience.
Ever heard the saying, “Get it off your chest”? It is
deemed to be a great way to help you relax and
manage stress or anxiety because the process itself
assists one to gain a deeper understanding of the
issues at hand and the possible solutions to those
problems, or to realise those goals.
I certainly subscribe to the notion that writing things
down facilitates a greater understanding. Funnily
enough, I always liken it to a time back in my early
teens where I decided I was going to cheat at a school
exam. I was of the belief I had not left myself enough
time to study.
I was convinced I had no other option than to cheat.
Well, by the time I wrote down all the answers to the
questions I thought would be asked, I had the most
comprehensive understanding of the subject. That life
lesson certainly stuck with me – never cheat, write to
understand.
Nonetheless, I digress, as I always do. As a means
of fostering greater empathy around the challenges
of mental wellbeing, this very edition has helped
me to relate just that little more. I guess that is how
we develop our understanding and gain different
perspectives, by listening to others.
So, I hope in some way this edition helps you to
understand, relate to, or find comfort in the stories
contained within. Take care and enjoy.
Photo by Marcus Paladino Surfer: Andy Jones
As I write this foreword, two of our kids, Phoebe and Sam, have headed over to the
wonderful place you see pictured here. Whilst I am overjoyed about all they will
experience, I already miss them more than one could imagine. I guess my resilience I refer
to above will be truly tested now.
7

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Reader Photos
Photography/ Glen Bucklar
@gbvision_active
Location/ Noosa World
Surfing Reserve
12

Reader Photos
Above: Unknown – Sunshine Beach
Left: Penelope – Little Cove
Top: Charlotte – Tea Tree
13

Reader Photos
Photography/ Cait Miers
@caitmiersphotography via
@inthelineup_
Surfer/ Lisette Drew
Location/ Raja Amat, Indonesia
Photography/ Richard Gosling
14

News
V (VALERIA)
LOUISE
TAYLAH
MATT
AMBER
Shindig
CURL
SAM
DAVE'S SON
Never needing much of an excuse for a gettogether
with friends over a few craft beers, we
found a good one when we realised we had yet
to officially launch our good mate Curl’s book,
entitled Sand in my Crack: Life as a Beach Bum.
Yes, a fitting shindig was certainly in order to
celebrate this magnificent hardcover with over
100 pages of collected Aloha Barry cartoons
(featured within the pages of Smorgasboarder
through the years), brand new unseen work,
unique artist insights, and other deep thoughts
and musings.
It was made all the more magnificent due to the
fact it was produced by our immensely talented
Smorgasboarder crew with incredibly witty
commentary throughout from Mark and I, dishing
out insults to one another, Curl, and whoever else
took our fancy.
Blackflag is all about celebrating community,
street art, and skate and punk culture along with
awesome beers.
To say that Steve Barber (the owner of Blagflag)
and his team were welcoming of us would be an
understatement. It was a cracking night thanks
to their hospitality and, of course, the wonderful
readers of our grassroots surf mag who were keen
to come along and support.
No doubt the lure of free beers played a role,
but we would still like to think it was largely due
to feeling like a valued member of the wider
Smorgasboarder family.
For a completely different spin on this night of
nights and the pressure leading up to the big event,
turn to Curl’s piece on page 94 of this edition.
The party took place at Blackflag Brewing Co
in Mooloolaba. For those unaware,
KATIE
DAVE'S WIFE
ALI
DAVE'S MUM
MARK
DAVE

BUZ
PHOEBE
EMMA
MADI
BRENTON KNEEN
RICKY
LOCKE
OUR COFFEE GUY &
ONE-TIME MODEL
SUNNY STEVE'S DOG
HELEN
17

P
A LEGENDARY
tribute
Mark Riley from Riley
Balsawood Surfboards has
been thrown some curveballs
through the years, none
more so when his mate Daile
passed four years ago.
So many questions arose around his
death and the circumstances that led
up to it, coupled with feelings of guilt
stemming from whether more could have
been done to prevent such a tragedy.
Years on, the questions remain amid a
raft of what-if scenarios. The grief and
pain endure.
This loss motivated Mark to find a means
to raise awareness around mental health,
in addition to funds for much-needed
mental health services.
“To reduce the pain and suffering, we
need to help each other with support
and understanding and just try to do the
right thing by our friends, no matter how
much it may hurt now. It will save them,
along with their friends and family, huge
heartache for the rest of their lives.
“So, I thought about what I might be
able to do to raise money for important
mental health support services and have
come up with the idea of a wooden
surfboard exhibition featuring recreated
classics from living legends of the surf
industry, including all-time master board
builders like Dick Van Straalen (DVS),
Mitchell Rae, Bobby Brown, Wal Carle,
Dave Matherson, and the like.”
While he is already working with a
number of these legends nowadays to
reproduce their favourite boards with
balsa, Mark says he is willing to work
with anyone who has a wooden board
of significance.
“The older it is, the better the stories
are. I would ask anyone interested to
please include stories about each board,
because every wooden board has a story
to tell. If it fits the bill, we could include it
in the exhibition.”
Board #1 DVS
The Solid 7’0” Balsawood
Hot Curl from Hawaii
A solid balsa beauty that
is sure to make a unique
handmade heirloom.
To that end, Mark is also
calling on anyone who might
be interested in hosting the
exhibition. He already has
a few places in mind, but is
open to suggestions. Mark
can be contacted through
email at mark@riley.com.au.
Pictured here are some of his collector
series boards along with recreated
classics from Dick Van Straalen that he
recently finished and is intending on
showing at the exhibition.
Board #2 DVS
EPS 6’0” Core Balsa
Skinned Hydro Hull
The board pictured here
was Dick’s last board before
he retired in September 2024
at the ripe old age of 80.
18

HAZA
NEXT LEVEL
CARBON FIBRE VACUUM CONSTRUCTION
outerislandsurfboards.com
email: outereye@gmail.com | ph: 02 6655 7007
19

Stuff
Warpfoil
Fins
Our foremost obsession at Smorgasboarder has always
been design – the art of the craft, so to speak – whether that
be in relation to surfboards or associated gear.
Equally obsessed with design and innovation is good friend
and mad scientist, Neal Cameron. He is the creator of
the weird and wonderful, and while the name of his latest
invention may be fitting, the principles behind it are far from
warped. Neal gave us an insight into the inspiration behind
his design.
“As you’re aware, I have many years behind me in the
surfboard industry, including manufacture, retail, and repair.
It was often the repair industry that would present the most
interesting things.
“There were many occasions when a customer would
present a 'magic' board for work, and I would look for either
a spiral twist or a mis-set fin, which by chance, aligned to
make this board 'extra special'.
“It was usually the latter, and generally the rear fin was toein
or out depending on whether they were natural or goofy.
This realisation led me to understand how underutilised and
overlooked this feature is.”
Neal drew comparisons between cars and surfboards and
the commonality they share.
“The similarity is angles, which affect turning. A car's wheel
alignment is critical to its handling in much the same way as
a surfboard's fin arrangement. Both share 'camber' and 'toe'
angles, which are very effectual.
“A car with zero toe that's set straight ahead will be unstable
and wander like a surfboard set the same. A few degrees of
toe-in solves this problem, and it is in this area that the main
feature of this fin design affects surfcraft.
“Minimal toe-in creates the least amount of drag travelling
forward, and most of the time water travels directly down
the boards length. However, this arrangement makes a
surfboard more difficult to turn or pivot.
“More toe-in corrects this however, with the accompanying
drag predominantly at the fin base as a trade-off. Having
the fin base aligned straighter and the tip turning in helps
solve this.”
To demonstrate his point, Neal referenced the fact that fin
systems set by manufacturers usually range anywhere from
one to five degrees of toe-in, whereas the Warpfoil design
that is set in a three-degree box will have a base that points
at around one-and-a-half degrees out and a tip at three
degrees equal to the box.
“This way, the base, being the generally larger area of
surface, makes less drag, and yet the tip control remains
unaffected. Imagine surfing a wave on a twin fin that has
very fast sections. In that case, a fin with these properties
is a bonus!
“As the tide changes, the waves in this hypothetical
example become short-walled, requiring surfing closer to
the curl. Then, fins with more toe-in would be beneficial, and
with this fin foil, it can be achieved simply by swapping the
fins from one side to the other.”
Neal explained how surfing waves at Sandon Point or at
various Gold Coast locations have proven to be the ideal
testing ground to prove how much easier it is to turn boards
with Warpfoils.
"A very good surfer I know, who is very fussy, rides Snapper
Rocks regularly. He has tested the Warpfoil fins extensively
and has found that just using one on his front inside rail has
made the magic happen, which demonstrates that other
variables are possible."
For more on Neal’s Warpfoil fins, stay tuned. There are
planned scientific tests scheduled to validate the claims of
his design. He assures us, “The future is warped.”
20

Stuff
Fluxfins
Another interesting development we’ve
recently come across is Fluxfins. They are
designed to enable surfers to adjust the flex
within the fin itself.
The key is a lightweight lever inside the
fin which can be set to adjust the desired
flexibility of the fin. Set it to stable to stiffen
the fin in powerful surf conditions for
improved control, speed, and maximum drive
out of fast sweeping turns. Set it to flexible
when you want more whip through your turns
in smaller waves.
The amount of flex within your fin
alters responsiveness in relation to
acceleration, direction, and power
out of turns. With these babies you
can set up your fins to suit any surf
conditions, from left-handers and
right-handers to big, small, slop
grovellers, walling… you name it.
Fluxfins are now available at
balsawoodsurfboardsriley.com
Leashbar
No strings attached is the tagline for the innovative
Leashbar, which is a fitting explanation of how the
product works.
As anyone who surfs is aware, the standard setup
for fixing a leg rope to your board is via a leash
string.
Well, Dylan Perese of DP Surfboards on the south
coast of New South Wales considered doing away
with the tie that binds, pardon the pun.
When asked about how the idea for Leashbar
came about, Dylan said he was sitting on a boat in
the Ments (Mentawai Islands), watching five-foot
HTs (Hollow Trees, Lances Right) rifle across the
reef, while his mate just about tore his board cover
apart trying to find a string.
“I thought to myself, there's got to be a
better way.”
Considering this quandary made him in turn
question the use of leg rope strings altogether,
specifically, “Why am I securing a leg rope to my
$1,300 surfboard with a $1 piece of string?”
Enter his new leg rope plug called Leashbar
that allows you to mount your leg rope rail saver
directly to the tail of your board.
All boards from DP Surfboards are now available
for order with a Leashbar, as with the boards from
JS Industries, who partnered with Dylan for
the innovation.
For more information, visit dpsurfboards.com.au
and jsindustries.com.
21

News
Big Gun,
Top Dog
The dynamic duo, Mark Riley and Rocco, have teamed up to
produce another stunning 10ft balsa gun headed for the United
States, making this #2 in Mark’s collectable series.
This completely handshaped and handmade labour of love
features seven Australian redwood stringers and two cedar
rail bands beautifully blended with South American and Papua
New Guinean balsa, matching cedar and balsa parquetry
nose and tail blocks, and a hand-cut Riley decal in cedar. The
workmanship is insane. Better still, based on classic Hawaiian
templates, at 10’0” x 191/2” x 3 3/8”, it’s a proven big-wave
plan shape and rocker and will go like the clappers.
The board comes with a hand-foiled balsa and cedar
laminated fin and a matching wood-coloured fin box, giving
you the flexibility to change your fin when it suits you.
Unbelievably, it weighs just six kilograms. Built using a
recyclable polystyrene core and sustainable sourced timber, it
is equally an eco-warrior and big wave charger’s dream.
The board also comes with digital photos of it being made.
Mark dedicated this build to his mother, Gwen, who
passed away in August 2024. One lovely lady, she
was an even bigger legend than Mark and Rocco
combined. RIP Gwenny.
22

Want more
stuff to win?
Thanks to our interview with the
legendary surfer, singer, writer, and
ocean enthusiast, Ziggy Alberts,
we have an autographed copy
of both his brainwaves and sun
memos poetry books to give away
to two lucky readers.
Brainwaves is the debut collection
of poetry from the platinum ARIA
accredited artist, and explores his
life's experiences and emotions,
inwards and out. Deeply personal,
frank, and insightful, yet relatable,
Ziggy uncovers his thoughts and
lessons learned in conscious and
intentional living. Differentiating
from his lyrical work, readers
can discover some of his most
personal realisations.
Sun memos is his second
self-published poetry book,
and provides an introspective
look behind the mind of the
musician, both on the road and
at home. Featuring his signature
environmental metaphors, sun
memos is split into four parts and
explores the vulnerable relationship
between the writer and the reader.
“Writing poetry is
what music has been
for me since the very
beginning – an outpour.
Minimal planning,
maximum emotion.”
– Ziggy Alberts
How to enter:
ghost racks
Art this epic deserves to be
displayed properly, which is why the
creator, Josh Marks, chose Ghost
Racks – display racks that focus on
the boards, showing them off in all
their glory!
Josh founded Hardwood Tides
in 2021, and as a talented artist
specialising in gorgeous resin
and woodwork sculptures, he
understands the importance of
showcasing what you love in the
most aesthetically pleasing way
possible. As for the racks, they
are made out of super strong clear
acrylic and are near invisible, hence
the name Ghost Racks. They come
in a vast range, including corner,
horizontal, vertical, freestanding,
overhead, skateboard, snowboard,
guitar… you name it.
Ghost Racks cater for a vast array
of plan shapes and fin setups too.
We love them so much here at
Smorgasboarder, which is why we
are offering up a set of them in each
edition of our beloved magazine.
This is a game of chance. Here's what you need to do for a chance to win:
1. If you haven't already, sign
up to our Smorgasboarder
newsletter. Go to our website
smorgasboarder.com.au, click
'subscribe' in the menu, and
enter your email.
2. Follow us on Instagram
@smorgasboarder.
Things you need to know:
We’ll pick a winner on Friday
1st November 2024, so you
have plenty of time to enter.
We'll announce the lucky winner
via an update to our WIN AN
AUTOGRAPHED
3. Like our WIN AN
AUTOGRAPHED ZIGGY
ALBERTS POETRY BOOK
post on Instagram.
4. Repost it on Instagram, and
name your favourite Ziggy
Alberts song in the caption.
5. Tag Smorgasboarder in
your repost.
ZIGGY ALBERTS POETRY
BOOK post on Instagram.
This competition is open to
Smorgasboarder readers
throughout Australia and
New Zealand.
We’ll pick a winner on Friday 1st November 2024, so
you have plenty of time to enter. We will announce
the winner on our Instagram via an update to our
GHOST RACKS COMPETITION post.
This competition is open to Smorgasboarder readers
worldwide. The prize will be your choice of either a
vertical or horizontal wall rack from the Ghost Racks
surf range. We will even post the racks to you at their
expense! This is a game of chance.
How to enter:
1. Follow our Smorgasboarder Instagram page.
2. Like our GHOST RACKS COMPETITION post.
3. Repost it on Instagram.
4. Tag Smorgasboarder and Ghost Racks in your
repost. It’s that simple!
23

Controversy
Words by Dave Swan | Illustration by @florfu
A recent experience prompted me to reflect on what community means and
how important it is to our very existence and, indeed, mental health.
My mum is a horse lover. They are her world. She cares for them like the
members of our family they are. While putting this edition together, one of
her youngest, Hercules, a strong male gelding of only 16 years old, passed
suddenly. Mum was devastated. A simple act of kindness, however, helped
ease the pain.
We had just moved Mum into a new property over the weekend when we
noticed Hercules wasn’t touching his food or water. He was obsessed with
food, so it was a very real concern, and we promptly called the local vet. He
tended to Hercules on the Monday and Tuesday morning.
Thankfully, the vet’s fears weren’t realised, and the Hendra virus was ruled out.
Nonetheless, amid his initial possible diagnosis, some people walked past
Hercules’ paddock. Given Mum had only just moved into the neighbourhood
some three days before, they promptly introduced themselves and gestured
towards saying hello to Hercules. Fearing the unknown, we politely suggested
they keep clear just in case his affliction was contagious.
Hercules passed on the Tuesday night. He was such a beautiful big horse
with a gentle nature. He was a bit of a delinquent, and like his uncle (me),
fond of a beer.
I covered his body that night with a tarp until I could call an earthmover to
bury him the next day. For such a proud, strong horse, he was deserving of
such dignity.
Sometime during the next morning, our two new neighbours, Matt and Katie,
who had only just introduced themselves the day before, must have passed by
the property and saw the tarpaulin in the paddock. Later that day they called
past Mum’s and dropped off a beautiful bunch of roses. This was from people
she had only met the day before.
Not only did this act of kindness help momentarily
distract Mum from her grief, but it reassured
her that she had moved into a good area – a
welcoming, loving, caring community.
That’s quite the assumption based on
one small act, you might say.
Well, believe it or not, the day before (day two at the new property), amidst a
strong south-easterly wind, a 40ft gum snapped and came crashing down only
metres from Mum and her horses.
Mum’s next-door neighbours heard the crack and came racing around. Shane
and his son Luke, who is fortunately an arborist, then spent the next four hours
on their Sunday cutting up the huge River Red Gum.
Suffice to say, these gracious acts, two in the matter of four days, led me to
conclude that this is a pretty special community that looks after one another.
This comradery and mateship (in my opinion, mateship doesn’t just relate to
males) is what makes Australia the special place it is. It’s what our country is
known for around the globe. I can’t help but think, however, that we have lost
our sense of mateship somewhere along the way.
In my opinion, there is unfortunately nowhere more evident of this belief than
out in the water. Many, as it would appear, in their quest to ride as many
waves as possible, will snake their fellow surfers, drop in, holler at others to
get off ‘their’ wave, and even resort to throwing fists. They have seemingly
forgotten what the true spirit of surfing is all about or never even adopted
such a philosophy in the first place. I refer to it as the wilful ignorance of
selfish people.
Surfing is about immersing yourself in nature and sharing in the joy with
others. There’s a sense of spirituality to surfing. The words of famed surf
journalist and photographer, Matt George, most certainly resonate with me
– “Waves taught me spirituality as opposed to religion.” After all, by its own
definition, spirituality refers to, “the quality of being concerned with the human
spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.”
Surfing is not about ‘more’, it is about peace, harmony, tranquillity, and mental
stillness. It is about community spirit – your brothers and sisters out in the
brine. The all-knowing Jack Johnson is right – it is always more fun to share
with everyone (The Sharing Song).
So, next time you’re out there enjoying yourself in the ocean,
for your own mental health and that of others, remember
to share it around and call someone onto a wave. If you
haven’t ever done so, you will be surprised at
how good it makes you feel. Caring is sharing.
24

Controversy
okesurfboards.com
1/1-7 Canterbury Rd, Braeside, VIC
P: 03 9587 3553
E: rory@okesurfboards.com
25

Above Board
Riding the wave:
how surfing transforms
mind and body
Words by Hugh Powell
Partner & Sunshine Coast Leader, Travis Schultz & Partners
Few sports have seen such a dramatic shift in societal acceptance
and perception over the past half century than surfing.
Once dismissed as being the lifestyle of outcasts and no-hopers,
surfing has radically transformed itself to one of the most
popular sports in Australia, enjoyed by diverse communities
from all walks of life. For many, the draw is simple – the physical
and psychological benefit gained from simply paddling out and
catching a wave.
Surfing involves a degree of physical fitness, which can easily
be overlooked by the casual observer. But anyone who’s battled
a sweeping current on a point break or fought through a beach
break during a solid east swell knows the effort involved.
In those moments, it is easy to feel at the mercy of mother nature
when your shoulders are toast and you’re gasping for air. But
then, it can turn in an instant – you might get the wave of your life
moments later, and all is right with the world again.
It isn’t surprising that sporting and other recreational activities
are closely associated with feelings of joy, excitement, and
happiness. After all, why else would we participate if we did not
enjoy it? Surfing though is different. It goes beyond enjoyment.
Perhaps because it inherently involves complete immersion in
nature and vulnerability to things beyond our control.
The conditions are different every day. Every wave is different.
Even every board is different (no matter how good some of the
machines are these days). It requires complete submission to
nature and adaptability to things beyond our control. When the
stars align and we are picking off the best wave of each set, this
transformative state can sometimes be described as a state
of ‘flow’.
Several studies have explored the concept of flow, which is
described as a measure of peak psychological experience. It
was first discussed by American psychologist Csikszentmihalyi
in 1975, who described it as complete devotion to an activity
that results in major happiness at the expense of other matters
– “It is a subjective and temporary experience, in which people
forget their anxieties and become full of pleasurable positive
emotions.”
This is a state many surfers know well. When you’re perfectly
aligned with the rhythm of the ocean, everything else fades away.
Given the wellbeing benefits associated with surfing, it is
unsurprising that it is slowly being integrated into mental health
programs across Australia and around the world. One example is
Flowstate Margaret River, which is a not-for-profit organisation
providing mental health through surf therapy programs.
Another is Waves of Wellness, which is a mental health surf
therapy charity that aims to tackle mental health challenges
through the development of surf therapy support programs. There
is also the International Safe Therapy Organisation, based out of
California, which aims to advocate for the increased adoption of
surf therapy as a mental and physical health intervention.
As a personal injury and compensation lawyer, I often see
the benefits of people who are undergoing rehabilitation for a
26

physical injury or who are otherwise managing a psychological
injury, engaging in those hobbies or sports and activities they
enjoy. It is an important part of the rehabilitation process. For
some, it reflects a step towards their pre injury life – a return to
what makes them happy.
Those who have been kept out of the water for some time because
of injury can lose their sense of community and identity. This is
particularly so if their period out of action has been longer than
anticipated. Research suggests that surfing can “create a social
fabric that aids in delineating people and communities and is
capable of bringing people together, connecting generations,
and implementing a route for outdoor physical activity.”
In other words, it can help break down barriers while broadening
the societal benefits beyond the individual to the broader
community. In this way, surfing can help people regain a sense
of belonging and purpose.
In a perfect world, every surf would be our best surf. But that’s
not reality. There will be days where things simply don’t go our
way. We fall. We get pitched. We get stuck on the inside. These
challenging days test the expectations we set for ourselves
each time we paddle out. But, as every surfer knows, you never
regret a surf.
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27

Liquidity
Words by Ryan gray
Executive Director and Finance Broker
at Gray Finance
Growing up in the land of sun, surf, and sand, we Aussies know a thing
or two about catching waves. I’ve always thought we were the luckiest
country in the world, and I still do to this day.
Going back to my ripe old mid-twenties, I always surrounded myself
with a great group of friends. We surfed, enjoyed all kinds of sports, and
progressed in our careers together. This was until the group’s life of the
party took his own life after an event on the coast.
He was a little older than me at the time and was someone I admired.
He had the job, the car, and was a good-looking and great surfer. One
thing I didn’t know, however, was how much he was battling every week
to support himself after being made redundant from his role in a major
engineering firm.
This always bothered me. How could someone with so much great
stuff going for himself lose it all so quick? He hid his crippling debt and
gambling issues from everyone and stopped doing what he loved most
– surfing.
From that day on, my life changed. I wanted to help and educate people
with their finances in an organic, welcoming, and trusted environment.
Gray Finance was born after I spent years in banking building my
knowledge and client experience skills. The business prides itself on
accountability, integrity, and giving back to the community I love through
education and helping youth.
But my time in this industry got me thinking, “How can the principles of
surfing, finance, and mental health be woven into each other?” The more
I thought about it, the more I realised that they’re not all that different.
The surf-mind-money connection
Just as a surfer reads the ocean, we need to understand the currents of our
minds and wallets. When we're stressed or anxious, it's not just our mood that
wipes out – our financial decisions can take a nosedive too.
Imagine paddling out on a stormy day without checking the conditions first.
That's what making money choices while stressed feels like. On the flip side,
money worries can be like a set of massive waves, threatening to pull us under.
It's a cycle where mental health and financial wellbeing constantly influence
each other, much like the push and pull of the tides.
Riding the waves to wellbeing
Improving your mental health and financial
situation is a journey, not a destination. There will
be wipeouts along the way, and that's perfectly
normal. The key is to be kind to yourself,
celebrate small victories, and keep paddling.
By recognising the connection between your
mental health and finances, and taking steps to
improve both, you're setting yourself up for a
happier, healthier, and more financially secure
future.
Remember, every wave you catch, no matter
how small, is moving you in the right direction.
So grab your board and get out there.
28

CONGRATULATIONS KIRK WATSON
WORLD BLIND PROFESSIONAL SURFING CHAMPION 2024
Spotting the danger zone –
if the wave breaks here, don’t be there
How do you know if your mental health is affecting your
finances? Look out for these warning signs:
1. Impulsive spending
2. Avoiding looking at bank
statements or bills
3. Feeling overwhelmed when
thinking about money
4. Using shopping as a way to
improve your mood
5. Neglecting financial
responsibilities
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If you're experiencing these, it might be time to paddle back to shore and
reassess your situation.
When to call in the lifeguards
While self-help strategies are valuable,
sometimes professional guidance is
necessary. If you find that money worries
are severely impacting your daily life, or if
you're struggling with persistent low mood
or anxiety, it's important to seek help from a
mental health professional.
Catching the right wave
Improving your mental health and financial situation is like learning to surf – it
takes practice, patience, and the right techniques. Here are some practical
steps:
1. Create a budget
Your budget is like your surfboard – it's the tool that helps you ride the
financial waves. Start by understanding where your money goes. This
simple act can help you feel more in control and less anxious about your
finances.
2. Set realistic goals – your surf spots
Whether it's saving for a surfing trip to Bali or paying off debt, having clear,
achievable goals is like choosing the right beach for your skill level. It gives
you something to work towards and keeps you motivated.
3. Practice mindful spending – reading the waves
Before making a purchase, take a moment to consider if it aligns with your
values and goals. This is like reading the waves before paddling out – it
helps you make better decisions.
4. Seek support from your surf crew – check on your mates regularly
Don't be afraid to reach out for help. This could be from a friend, family
member, financial advisor, or mental health professional. Like having a
good surf crew, sometimes just talking about your concerns can provide
relief and new perspectives.
5. Prioritise self-care like you take care of your surfboard
Take care of your mental health, go for that surf.
6. Educate yourself
Learning about personal finance can be empowering. There are many
free resources available online, as well as from industry professionals like
the ones at Gray Finance. The more you understand, the less intimidating
money management becomes – just like how understanding the ocean
makes surfing less daunting.
WE BUY AND SELL SECOND HAND BOARDS
grayfinance.com.au
grayfinancepw
angleseasurfcentre.com.au
Ph: 0352631530 @anglesea_surf_centre
111 Great Ocean Road, Anglesea VIC 3230

30
Across the Ditch

Across the Ditch
Since 2003, we’ve been an owner-operated,
passion-driven surf shop focusing on highquality
gear and adventure essentials. We are
specialists in coldwater surf and stocked with
all the gear you need for epic adventures.
Our resolution this year – surf more, explore
further, and reduce our footprint.
Find your next adventure at coastalsports.co.nz
or give us a call on +64 3319 5028.
coastalsports
Coastal Sports Kaikoura
31

Photo: Lisa Bond
Beachstreet Surf Shop
It’s all about surfing!
We're a core surf shop locally owned and operated
just up from Fitzroy Beach. We stock surfing
products for all types of wave riding, and we're home
to local brands Lost in the 60's and Blacksand.
Trade-ins ding repairs equipment hire SUP & surf coaching
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Untold Stories
For some months now, the Kaikōura
Museum has been holding the
Wharenga – First Wave exhibition.
Its intent from the outset was to
conduct a fun, interactive, and
multimedia exploration of the history
and geological forces that are
connected with surfing in Kaikōura.
Te Awhina Arahanga, the museum
curator, said there are many Kaikōura
stories that are already known, but
this is the first time that an exhibition
based on the story of surfing is
being shared.
“Wharenga – First Wave brings to
light the connection between the
elements of surfing culture, science,
and Mātauranga Māori. We’re pretty
sure this is a first for Aotearoa.”
The wonderfully collaborative project,
led by Pearson Architecture and
Canyon Creative, involves content
contributions from the local and
wider surfing community, oral and
surfing historians, and professional
surf photographers, including the
venerable Warren Hawke.
There is also significant content from
GNS Science and NIWA (the National
Institute of Water and Atmospheric
Research), who’ve created some
pretty remarkable 3D models and
wave simulations of local surf breaks.
The result is a visually stunning and
fascinating exhibition that has proven
to be of keen interest to surfers and
non-surfers, young and old alike.
Matt Moriarty of Canyon Creative
said, as a designer and a surfer, it’s
been a cool project to be involved in.
“Something I’ve really enjoyed is
getting out and talking to the surfing
community about their stories. It’s
really reinforced that surfing is much
more than paddling out and getting a
wave or two.
“It’s about community, wellbeing,
a connection to nature, and being part
of something bigger than your daily
grind. It's something to
really celebrate.”
The project was started with initial
funding from Lotteries and the
Aotearoa Gaming Trust. The Kaikōura
Community Op-Shop came on
as principal sponsors, and there
have been generous offerings from
Dolphin Encounter, Warren Hawke
Photography, Kaikōura Surf Co, and
Surge Surfboards.
Museum manager Stephanie Lange
said it has been both humbling and
motivating to get backing from within
the community as well.
“We greatly appreciate those that have
come on board to help make
it happen. It’s been really exciting
to bring this to our community
and visitors.
“It’s a distinct move away from the last
seven years, which have been focused
on recovery from earthquakes and
Covid-19. It provides a positive and
fun offering for Kaikōura and another
reason for people to visit and stay a
little longer in town.”
For further details on the
exhibition, head to the Kaikōura
Museum website.
kaikoura-museum.co.nz
32

Across the Ditch
A Cracking Winter
Words by Jase John
“Life is an attitude…
experiences are rewards
for this positivity.”
As with anything, it’s what you put into it that
often dictates the outcome. That’s not saying
you always get what you want – that too, is life –
but more so, when you do get it, there will be a
deserving feeling.
There’s a lot going on in this world at present…
wars, politics, and of course the universal
leveller, climate change. Lots of us are active
in the areas that tug at our heartstrings, doing
our bit to create awareness or make a positive
change. Others are silent crusaders, preferring
to do their work behind the curtains.
Whatever your ‘call to action’, no one can
quash the level of anticipation associated with
a positive weather forecast – whether it be the
prediction of an approaching winter swell or
the forecast of that snow dump you’ve been
hanging out for.
“The stoke is high,
whatever your tipple.”
We all approached winter 2024 with our usual
level of excitement – gear at the ready, bulging
with new stock, and with a great group of girls
in the shop – Brooke, Nat, and Rach – who
were all amped for a brilliant season. 2023
was a little undernourished to say the least…
“We can’t possibly get two lemon seasons in
a row,” we thought. As May swung into action
and fingers and toes started to get that familiar
chill to them, anticipation was in the air…
here it comes! Over here in Aotearoa, we sat
and watched those Antarctic storms line up,
dropping the magical yuki to our left and right.
Like some school student on detention, we sat
in the South Pacific and watched storm front
after storm cell blanket the Australian snowy
mountains and the alps of South America. What
had we done to Beira – the Queen of Winter – to
miss this magical season? A season that many
of us based our enjoyment, our income, and
legitimately, our whole being around.
“But the girls
were still frothing.”
As August rolled into action, many of us were
looking at the calendar on our phone and,
rather than counting how many days ‘up the
hill’ we’d had, we were hoping for how many we
might have left. But, as my old Ski Patrol boss
used to say, “There’s still fat in the system," and
we were about to see exactly what could come
out of a late-season flurry.
Things changed… almost like someone in charge
was saying, “We should probably give those guys
something as well.”As I am sure is the case for
many businesses in New Zealand, Australia, and the
world over, the laptop on the desk or the phone in
the pocket always has at least one or two weather
sites open in the browser. That’s when you hear that
sentence you’ve been waiting for – “Wait up, here’s
a little somethin’!”
Everyone crowds around in anticipation as the one
self-appointed weatherperson attempts to analyse
and extrapolate the ever-changing complexities of
data for the ensuing system. It’s about this time that
the frothers chime in… “Well, I’m heading up early.
This will be the one!”
In a total contrast to what had been served for
the first half of winter, snow started to appear
everywhere – in the weather forecasts, in peoples’
conversations, and most importantly, on the
mountains. With the regularity of a dirty-bag
snowboarder arriving 8:00am at the local bakery,
we started getting little top-ups. Firstly, one or two a
week, and then almost every second day. We were
the ones directly in the firing line, and the word had
gotten out. All of a sudden, we started to see snow
people filing into town. We had the gear, we had the
scenery, we had the culture, and finally now, we’ve
got the snow… and it has been so, so, so much fun!
I’m 53 years old – I love owning my snowboard and
surf shop, and I am privileged to get to go to Japan
for powder every year. But still, the highlight for me
is seeing customers, holidaymakers, friends, locals,
and staff alike absolutely stoked with fresh snow on
our local mountains.
The girls have made the absolute most of it all,
and you just can’t fault youthful enthusiasm. We’ve
been blessed with the most amazing late-winter/
early-spring snow conditions, with daily top-ups
and everyone being just stoked with the regularity of
freshies that have come our way. It's a great close
to winter 2024, and feeds the thoughts of Japan and
beyond in the months to follow.
Thanks for dropping by team!
nzshred.co.nz
33

he moon pulls whole
ZIGGY in and out
Photo credit: Samuel Hall
ALBERTS

oceans of wate
Ziggy Alberts
every day
sea level
Words by Amber O’Dell
The moon
pulls whole oceans of water
in and out
every day
and you’re telling me
as a body of mostly water
there is no way
this could ever affect
the ways you are feeling?
This beautiful sentiment was tucked away in the
pages of brainwaves – one of the two bundles of
scribbles, notes, and musings that were given to us
by none other than Ziggy Alberts.
Along with sun memos, this neat little poetry book
shone a different kind of light on the world-touring
musician, author, and ocean enthusiast who
has garnered such an impressive following over
the years.
While it’s easy to get caught up in the swell of his
acoustic folk-pop melodies, it’s even easier to
vouch for the man behind the music. Growing up
on the Sunshine Coast, Ziggy has maintained his
modest charm as an independent artist throughout
his grassroots journey, despite being a big name in
a hectic industry.
Indeed, his down-to-earth perspective and
authentic songwriting hit pretty close to home,
especially for those of us who live and breathe
on the coast. As you can imagine, it came as no
surprise when he told us surfing has been a part of
his life since before he can remember.
“The ocean, poetry, waves, and music are really
closely tied together for me. They belong to each
other and are the balance for my life. They keep
me accountable to pursuing my adventures, which
keeps me free.
“It works great, because I always end up working
on so much music and poetry during surf trips.
Poetry, surfing, and music are the trifecta – they all
intertwine.
35

Photo credit: Samuel Hall
Without surfing and adventure,
there isn't the raw, rugged nature
and physicality that is so part and
parcel of my inspiration. Without
them, it is just empty words.”
36

Ziggy Alberts
“Poetry is my yin and a time for reflection, while
surfing, music, and touring are my yang, as they
are full of energy and are all about managing
my adrenaline.
“Without surfing and adventure, there isn’t the raw,
rugged nature and physicality that is so part and
parcel of my inspiration. Without them, it is just
empty words.”
Littered with imagery of the ocean, freedom, selfdiscovery,
environmentalism, love, and nature,
Ziggy’s discography is commonly associated with
introspection and adventure. Basically, it’s the kind
of music that takes you to the breezy beachsides of
the east coast of Australia – his home base.
So far, Ziggy is best known for his studio album
‘Laps Around the Sun’, which peaked at number
two on the ARIA Charts for Australian Artist
Albums in 2018. You might also recognise ‘Gone’,
‘Runaway’, ‘Heaven’, ‘Stronger’, ‘Simple Things’,
and ‘Days in the Sun’, which are some of his most
popular tracks that have also earned a tonne of
ARIA certifications.
These achievements have attracted heaps of major
players in the music industry, but despite plenty of
offers, Ziggy opted to start his own label instead.
Ingrained in creativity, sustainability, and integrity,
Commonfolk Records isn’t tied to any larger label or
industry beast, it's completely independent, and is
mostly run with the help of his family and friends.
37

Ziggy said he is so proud to have taken
the independent route, and hopes to set
the example of, “If you would like to, then
you can.”
“I must say, for as much as I have the selfmade
moniker – and I definitely did lots myself
– I’ve also been surrounded by my family and
friends who have helped me achieve what
I have in my career. It’s wild, and I’m very
proud to say we’re a big team now.
“I’ve been told so many things aren’t possible
over the years regarding music, and frankly,
most of them are as long as you are willing to
take on the responsibility and the risk.
“If others wanted to follow in my footsteps,
I would say to trust that you likely have
the outside-of-the-box answer, and don’t
be scared to revolutionise the way things
are done.
“The path I’ve taken is not necessarily the
best one, and I would be super happy to see
other independent artists come up with ideas
that I have never dreamed of and follow their
lead. High tides lift all boats!”
Adding to his collection of sun-soaked
sounds, Ziggy has recently announced his
new album, ‘New Love’, which drops on 21
February next year and brings together his
signature acoustic warmth with his insightful
perspective on the importance of self-care
and awareness.
A few of these new singles have been teased
during his New Love World Tour, which, from
what we’ve heard, has been nothing short of a
crazy ride. Kicking off in June 2024, Ziggy has
played some of his biggest overseas shows
ever over the past few months, stopping
in at locations across the United States,
Germany, Spain, Canada, Japan, and the
United Kingdom.
Ziggy said he wrote his latest song, ‘Where
Does The Love Go’, when he was feeling a
lack of self-love and began to ask himself a
lot of questions.
“I was wondering where the love goes when
it’s not us. Now that I’ve thought about it
more, I think love disappears unless we
embody it, and it is the responsibility of
humanity, wherever possible, to keep it alive.
“During one trip, I met a father of three who
was quite a rough, hardy kind of bloke. He
told me this amazing story about one of my
songs, and he was crying while telling me
this story.
“You write these tracks from a place that isn’t
always pleasant, and you take that emotion
and all the experiences that you’re having – all
the experiences you observe in the world –
and you deliver them back to the world in the
form of a song.
“Then, you meet the people that understand,
and it has some effect on them – that’s
truly special.”
Photo credit: Samuel Hall
If others wanted to follow in my footsteps,
I would say to trust that you likely have the
outside-of-the-box answer, and
don't be scared to revolutionise
the way things are done.
38
Photo credit: Samuel Hall

Ziggy Alberts
Photo credit: Samuel Hall
Photo credit: Samuel Hall
39

Of course, Ziggy caught waves long before he
started creating music, and has made a real point
of surfing a lot as he continues to tour around the
globe, taking in the unique people, concert lights,
and ocean sunsets of every location.
Just recently, he went from Simeulue in Indonesia
to the heavenly surf beaches of Fiji and Bali, carving
it up on his Thomas 9’6” longboard and Gary
McNeill Rasta Torus Twin as he went.
Surfing is also a big part of his efforts to stay as
healthy as he can while touring, which also includes
going for runs, practicing yoga and meditation, and
applying the breathing techniques of Wim Hoff – a
Dutch motivational speaker and extreme athlete
commonly known as The Iceman.
Above everything else, Ziggy told us that surfing
helps him deal with the very up-and-down nature
of it all.
“Touring in particular is hectic, I know a couple of
artists who have openly said that they had to pull
back from it. So, whatever your definition of health
is, it’s all about keeping that in check. But man,
I’m still on that learning journey just as much as
anybody else, and I’m happy to say that.
“My tour manager also cooks for us while we’re on
the road – first as an effort to combat how much
takeout waste we create, but also just because it’s
so much healthier and better for you.
“There’s nothing quite like having a home-cooked
meal and sitting down together at various times
during the day, especially on the road. Simple,
clean food can really help your mental state.
40

Ziggy Alberts
Photo credit: Wilzen Crawford
So, whatever your definition of
health is, it’s all about keeping
that in check.
41

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Ziggy Alberts
Worry
isn’t something
I often see
occuring naturally
outside of
human nature
-
Reflection
on the othe hand
seems to be
a very common theme
-
in the mountains
in the sea
Photo credit: Wilzen Crawford
Poem by Ziggy Alberts
sun memos (2024)
Writing poetry has nothing to do with
publishing it. Writing poetry is what music has
been for me since the very beginning - an outpour.
Minimal planning, maximum emotion.
43

Ziggy Alberts
“I love sitting somewhere anonymously – outside
in a different country – and watching the world go
by. That’s one of my favourite places and times to
reflect and write.”
When listening to his songs or reading his poems,
it’s clear that Ziggy absorbs all of his experiences
on the road, expressing them through what
he creates. His deeply personal storytelling
certainly strikes a chord, resulting in the kind of
contemplations that can only come from being
rocked gently by the ocean as you sit on your board
waiting for the waves.
While music is very much a kind of outward
expression for Ziggy, poetry is more inward – a
rawer, more instantaneous version of his tracks,
which take longer to produce due to the dimension
and complexity of matching the lyrics with
the melodies.
Ziggy told us that he is inspired to write music and
poetry wherever he goes, with one never taking
precedent over the other.
“Writing poetry has nothing to do with publishing it.
Writing poetry is what music has been for me since
the very beginning – an outpour. Minimal planning,
maximum emotion.
“I’d say both my poetry and music are inspired by
films. I have a real passion for film photography
that I never have time to share much about.
“Film is a way to visually capture the beautiful
moments that inspire my writing.
“Life and living is my inspiration, in all its many
forms. Writing songs allows me to say things that I
can’t even say to myself. It’s a way to tell stories or
to make your own diary. Music, in that sense, has
been such a saving grace for me.
“There’s a beautiful quote that I read in a book
called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
In it he quotes German philosopher Friedrich
Nietzsche, ‘He who has a why to live can bear
almost any how.’ That ‘why’ has been given to me
by music.”
Photo credit: Wilzen Crawford
44

FLAT DAY?
SOME PEOPLE HAVE THEM SOMETIMES.
OTHERS MORE OFTEN.
SUPPORTING
YOUTH MENTAL
HEALTH
The reality is we all know someone who
is impacted by mental health concerns.
With pressure on mental health services increasing
across the country, Youturn actively seek alternative
innovative solutions to help meet increased demand
for support. This October – Mental Health Month –
you can help us!
Please visit our website for more information on
how we help others and you can support us – and
even enjoy a free VR session!
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Youturn Limited supports young and vulnerable people of all ages
across Australia, committed to ensuring that they have access to
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Our organisation is a company limited by guarantee. We
are registered with the Australian Charities and Not for
Profit Commission (ACNC), classified a Public Benevolent
Institution (PBI) with Deductible Gift Recipient (DGR) status.

ehind the lens
Words and photos by Marcus Paladino
I wake up before sunrise, sitting with my coffee and
staring at the glow of my laptop playing Dark Side of
the Lens. This is probably the 300th time I’ve watched
it. This motivational film from my line of work has
become a staple in my morning ritual.
I hear Mickey Smith’s narration repeating in my head
throughout the day – “If I only scrape a living, at least
it’s a living worth scraping. If there’s no future in it, at
least it’s a present worth remembering.” It’s a mantra
for what I do and why I do it.
I drag my oversized and overpacked dry bag to the
end of the driveway, where Canadian surf legend Pete
Devries is waiting to pick me up – early as usual. We
discuss the upcoming day’s events. We go over the
current and ever-changing forecast, wind, and tides
of the Pacific Northwest, what we might see, what we
hope to see, and potential angles to shoot, hoping
to beat the crowd and score one of our few fickle
slabs just outside of town. Although Pete and I have
slowly grown from neighbours to colleagues to friends
over the years, when we’re documenting surfing, it’s
all business.
On the way home, we discuss the state of the industry,
future shooting opportunities, upcoming swells,
sponsor budgets, video projects, and creative ideas.
His work ethic as a professional surfer has impacted
me greatly. He’s a constant professional when he’s
at the office, but will easily slip back into his familyoriented
lifestyle once he gets home. I, however, seem
to be unable to turn it off. It’s all I think about, and the
reason I get out of bed in the morning.
That was it. I had finally made it as a full-time surf
photographer. This is all I’ve ever wanted – a literal
blessing and a curse.
46

If I only scrape a
living, at least it’s a
living worth scraping.
If there’s no future in
it, at least it’s a present
worth remembering”.
It’s a mantra for what
I do and why I do it.
I’ll never forget my first anxiety attack.
I was driving along the Pacific Rim Highway in Tofino,
white-knuckling the steering wheel with all my might,
heart pounding out of my chest, and gasping for air as if
I had just come up after a rogue set wave landed on my
head. I had no idea what was going on and didn’t know
what to do.
The local radio station was playing some punk rock
music in the background, so I turned it up, way up.
It couldn’t go any louder, and I thought my eardrums
were going to explode along with the speakers in my
car. Suddenly, in a white-hot rage, I bellowed out a
painful roar, screaming every curse word in existence at
the top of my lungs, smashing my palm on the steering
wheel and punching my fist towards the roof over and
over again. I have no idea how long that went on until I
made an abrupt U-turn and went home.
Once in the confines of my own bedroom, I locked
myself in and cried as hard as I’d ever cried in my
adult life. There was nothing to explain it – no specific
incident to cause such a dramatic effect on me. I was
drowning in my own fear and panic. It was as if this
feeling had been boiling up inside for who knows how
long and needed to be released, whether or not I was
ready for it.
When my body began to regulate and I was no longer
disassociated with my sense of self, I got out of bed
and grabbed my wetsuit and surfboard. I surfed for five
hours and watched the sun go down until I was the only
person left in the water and my extremities had gone
completely numb.
Once I got home, I pretended as if nothing
had happened.
47

My anxiety is different than
most, external factors outside of
my control don’t have much of
an effect, while my inner demons
beg for attention. Calm on the
outside, screaming on the inside.

49

Feature
When i finally sought help,
I remember almost biting through
my tongue trying not to show
any reaction or emotion when a
therapist unexpectedly asked me,
“How’s your relationship with
yourself?”
As it turns out, I had slowly developed (and later
was diagnosed with) Generalised Anxiety Disorder in
my twenties. This became more clear as I continued
to push my body and mind in an attempt to survive
and thrive as a freelance photographer, focusing on
cold water surfing in Canada, of all places.
There are a lot of similarities between pursuing
surfing and photography for a living. Both incomes
are dictated by the budgets of brands, which can
run dry at a moment’s notice. We are dictated by
the choices we make – where we surf and shoot,
what to post on social media, which trips to go on,
and how much money to invest in ourselves.
I was considered a workaholic, but I thought of it
more like a burning passion and dedication to my
craft – just like the art of riding waves. Every cheque
I cashed or invoice I wrote always felt like it could
be the last. I was in a perpetual state of paranoia,
constantly waiting for someone to pull the rug from
underneath the dream I was living.
Realistically, the odds were against me. This small
window of opportunity was cracked open during the
right time of my life, and I was going to maximise
it to not have any regrets if (or when) it didn’t work
out. All in the pursuit of happiness, ironically.
My social presentation, on the other hand, was
perfectly adequate. I continued to be my outgoing
and enthusiastic self among my peers, with a
consistent positivity about the world around me that
would keep anyone in check regarding my mental
health status.
My anxiety is different from most. External factors
outside of my control don’t have much of an effect,
while my inner demons beg for attention. Calm
on the outside, screaming on the inside. I’ve been
renowned for working extremely hard in my field,
although it didn’t feel like I had a choice at the time.
If I wasn’t working as hard as possible at any given
moment, if I ever turned down shooting or made
any alternate plans outside of the surf, then another
lensman would be waiting in the wings to outdo me
and flourish in my place.
I would swim with my camera for hours on end,
uncontrollably shivering and bleeding at times from
the chaffing of my wetsuit. My internal dialogue
would shout, “I don’t matter,” repetitively, and I
convinced myself that I’d miss the wave of the day if
I stopped, or the surfers would be upset if I went in,
and this entire career I had created for myself would
be in jeopardy.
The self-judgement, shame, and guilt that came
with that was extremely overwhelming. Imposter
syndrome was prevalent, as if it was a just matter of
time before I was exposed as a fraud.
I was walking around in fight-or-flight mode for
years. Every second of every day, I’d find myself
trying to outrun my own anxiety. I was my own
worst critic and self-conscious, not only about my
work as a photographer, but also about myself as a
person. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
When I finally sought help, I remember almost biting
through my tongue trying not to show any reaction
or emotion when a therapist unexpectedly asked
me, “How’s your relationship with yourself?”
What most people who don’t suffer from anxiety
won’t understand is that, while I was successful in
all aspects of my career, I still had this perception of
myself as inadequate. I had unintentionally created
a brand for myself and had Canada’s best surfers
willing to work with me at a moment’s notice.
My photos were published on magazine covers and
among international publications, and I had a solid
clientele list of respected brands I was working with.
I was financially stable for the first time in my life,
and I was travelling the world with my camera doing
what I love.
50

Feature
I was even invited to compete in the Pro Photo
Showdown, a world-renowned action sports photography
competition that inspired me to start shooting surfing, and
accomplished the lifelong goal of releasing my first photo
book during the pandemic – Cold Comfort.
I was so obsessed with my goals, always focusing on what
was next and not actually living in the moment. Having this
goal had always kept me occupied, but I wasn’t sure if I
had another one.
My fiancé and I were on a spontaneous road trip in
Northern British Columbia towards the Yukon Territory.
“Isn’t this the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen in
your life?” she says while smiling at me as the morning
alpine glow of Kluane National Park pierces through the
windshield.
She loves mountains. Almost as much, if not more, than
I love waves. I smile back in agreement and continue an
all-too-common deep train of thought. After a moment
of silence, her smile disappears and she asks me if I’m
capable of enjoying anything besides surfing.
I can’t say I disagree with her questioning. I eventually
concluded and expressed that, before I moved to the
coast and started surfing, I never truly felt loved or
accepted for who I was as a person. I always felt an urge
and need to have something I knew wouldn’t hurt me and
would always be there for me. It wasn’t until I finally found
surfing at the ripe age of 20 that I knew I was finally home.
The community of people who I surrounded myself with
was so loving, supportive, and like-minded. I’ve never felt
such a genuine bond in my life than with the people I spent
a single summer surfing with, even over a decade later.
51

However, I also know that there’s beauty
and joy to be found in the pursuit of
your passions, whether it’s surfing,
photography, or anything else that
makes you feel alive.
Surfing is my main
form of exercise and
adrenaline – it’s how
I socialise and spend
time with friends. It’s
become way more
than just a sport I take
photos of and take
part in. It’s my lifestyle
and my livelihood – an absolute obsession and
a healthy addiction. Good or bad, surfing will
always be there for me, whether I know that I
need it or not.
I was having an identity crisis driving through
those mountains in the Yukon and didn’t know
where Marcus the human being started and
Marcus the surf photographer ended. I slipped
into a deep depression – one that lasted weeks.
This was the turning point, and as I continued
the long drive back to Tofino alone, little did
I know that this would later result in the end
of my engagement.
Through this painful process, I realised that I
needed to make a change in my relationship
with myself if I was going to have healthier
relationships with those around me too. I wasn’t
going to be afraid anymore, and I wanted to
dedicate more of my time to learning about my
mental health and loving myself the best I could.
I learnt about proper diet and alternative forms of
exercise outside of surfing to create healthy habits
– like a morning routine of journaling, meditation,
and gratitude practice. Despite my hesitation, I
was brave enough to speak with a doctor and
was finally prescribed the right medication, after
much trial and error. I joined a local men’s support
group, found a therapist I felt comfortable with,
and started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I read books, listened to podcasts, and talked
openly with others about my struggles with
anxiety – something I felt so ashamed to even
admit previously. I didn’t feel alone anymore. I
practiced nourishing the healthy relationships in
my life and put up personal boundaries for the
unhealthy ones. This whole time I thought I could
just get rid of my anxiety, but I now have the
knowledge and understanding to live with it rather
than wishing it away.
The work never ends, and simply just knowing
that feels safer and more accepting. My
surfing and photography have become less
all-consuming and more enjoyable than ever. I
don’t know exactly where I’m going, but I know
it’s in the right direction because there’s no end
to a mental health journey – just like there’s no
end to photography.
While anxiety may never fully go away, we can
find calm in the chaos. Whether you’re behind
the lens or in front of the wave, in the end, it’s
not about being the
best or bravest of
those around you. It’s
about being true to
yourself, expressing
your emotions, and
asking for help when
you need it.
As someone who has
lost a loved one in the process of finding myself
again, I know how important it is to prioritise
your wellbeing and seek support when you’re
struggling. As I share my story, I realise how
important it is to acknowledge and honour our
struggles and to find healthy ways to cope with
life’s challenges.
However, I also know that there’s beauty and
joy to be found in the pursuit of your passions,
whether it’s surfing, photography, or anything
else that makes you feel alive. For me, it’s the
combination of the two that has given me a
sense of purpose and a way to connect with a
community that I love. Through all the ups and
downs, I’ve learned to love myself more deeply
and fiercely than ever before.
To anyone who’s struggling with anxiety or other
mental health issues, or even just the societal
pressure to hustle and perform, remember that
you’re not alone and the strongest thing you can
do is take care of yourself and find balance in your
life. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. And who
knows, you might just discover a whole new world
of possibilities when you start to love yourself as
much as you love your passions.
52

ELNINO 7’ CRUISER – MENTAWI 2024
– DARREN BAILES
elninosurf.com.au

REA
HE

Mental health, a topic often shrouded in stigma
and silence, is something that we all struggle with
in one form or another. Yet, for so many people,
talking about it remains a daunting challenge.
The fear of being judged, misunderstood, or simply
ignored is all too real, leading many to suffer in
silence. But it’s time we changed the narrative. We
should all be growing up in an environment where
parents, schools, and society make it clear that it’s
okay to not be okay.
KFor those of us who share our lives on social media,
it’s important to stay real and authentic. It’s not just
about posting the colourful, happy moments, but
also the times when we’re in doubt, questioning
ourselves, or feeling lost. We all have these
moments, don’t we?
Being lost in your thoughts doesn’t have to be a
bad thing. It’s an opportunity to understand yourself
and learn how to deal with your emotions. There’s
nothing wrong with asking for help along the way.
Today’s world is dominated by social media, so
it’s easy to get lost in a sea of curated perfection.
People often showcase the bright side of their lives
and share moments of joy and success.
And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with this,
it can create the illusion that life is always sunny and
carefree. This can make others feel like they’re the
only ones experiencing cloudy days. But here’s the
truth as someone who is active on social media – we
all have our good and bad days, and those bad days
deserve to be shared too.
One of the biggest pitfalls in today’s society is the
tendency to compare ourselves to others. We see
what others are doing and how they’re living their
lives, and we start to question our own choices.
What’s right for someone else might not be right
for you. It’s okay to be different, to have your own
opinions, and to follow your own path.
Instead of trying to conform, find your own pathway
and surround yourself with people who believe in
you and lift you up when you need it.
As a single woman in my thirties, I’ve reached a
point in my life where I know where I want to be.
Even though I don’t have everything figured out, I’m
happy with my choices because they are mine.
People are often scared of making mistakes, but
instead of being afraid, it’s important to learn from
them and own them. The only person who can truly
judge you is yourself. So, be kind to yourself and
never give up. Baby steps are still steps, and every
little one you take brings you closer to your goals.
55

It is very important to embrace your full spectrum
of emotions too. Of course there’s nothing wrong
with feeling down or sad – these are emotions we all
experience, and they’re just as valid as feelings of
happiness and joy.
LIFE ISN’T BLACK AND
WHITE, AND DEALING WITH
YOUR EMOTIONS, BOTH
POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE,
ISN’T ALWAYS EASY.
Own your feelings, try to understand them, and if you
need to, ask for help. Don’t suffer in silence. There
are many like you out there, and most people are
ready to listen. Asking for help is nothing but a sign
of strength.
When a child learns to walk and falls down 50 times,
she never thinks to herself, “Maybe this isn't for me.”
We're all walking because we didn't quit. Maybe
it will help to remember that the next time you feel
like giving up. Find your bravery and let it shine.
You deserve the best, so don’t let anyone tell you
otherwise.
The power of relationships is also very real. Our
best friends are the family we choose. These are
the people who are there for us through thick and
thin. Make a smart choice about who you surround
yourself with, and don’t waste your time on toxicity
or jealousy.
56

You are in charge of your
life, and it’s your choice
what kind of people you
allow into it. Those who
bring out the best in you
are the ones you should
stick to. Don’t be afraid to
tell them how important
they are to you.
I mean, life is far too short to regret the things we
should have done or said. So go hug your loved ones
and celebrate them every day. Never take things for
granted, because one day it might be too late.
At the same time, it’s important to not let fear control
your life either. Stepping out of your comfort zone is
essential for growth after all. Fear can be our worst
enemy, but it can also be our best friend if we learn
how to use it as a tool for self-improvement.
Acknowledge your weaknesses and turn them into
strengths. There’s nothing wrong with feeling afraid, as
long as you keep pushing forward and never give up.
Life is a gift, and it’s important not to forget that.
Sure it’s filled with ups and downs, moments of joy,
and times of sorrow, but it’s these experiences that
shape us into who we are.
Embrace your journey, with all its twists and turns,
and don’t be afraid to talk about your mental health.
57

Words by Jase John
Someone who just
needed to surf
I remember sitting in a packed memorial hall in my
hometown of Queenstown, New Zealand. There
were plenty of locals in attendance, however
the boys and myself had come along to listen to
a legend.
In years gone by, legends were measured by heroic
feats, efforts beyond human achievement, or purely
miracles that could simply not be explained… and
perhaps here, there was one.
We were there to listen to a New Zealand Warrior – a
dual International and World Cup winning All Black
winger – the legend that is Sir John Kirwan.
But this chat, to a crowd of keenly interested folks,
was not based around the above achievements. It
was about JK still actually being here… still being
a human, walking and talking on this planet. For
there were times when things could have gone the
other way.
Sir John was on a speaking tour of New Zealand,
talking to anyone and everyone about his other great
passion – mental health advocacy through his JK
Foundation and the mental health app and human
resource platform called Groov.
As I sat in the hall alongside several of my mates,
who with me had recently lost a good mate of their
own, the thoughts, impressions, and conversations
that JK spoke of rang all too true for all of us.
However, as with so many of these cathartic
moments, there is often a connective sting in the tail
that you’re just not ready for. As I sat there among
mates – mates who I’d worked with, played sports
with, drunk beers with, and cried with – JK came
out with two sentences that would ring in my ears
from that moment onwards. Both comments equally
as drawing, thought-provoking, and relevant as
each other.
“Surfing is my escape. It’s where I find peace
and clarity.”
“The ocean has a way of washing away the stress
and bringing you back to the present moment.”
We’re not all readers, and I can certainly attest to
that flaw in my repertoire, however, his book “All
Blacks Don’t Cry” is tangible and evocative, even
to the least skilled in the sporting arena. You get
an insight into the pressures in the professional
sporting arena, as well as an appreciation of exactly
where the human brain takes you in the darkest
moments on your journey through life.
As I sat there in that auditorium, listening to
someone whom the whole population of this country
had pinned its sporting hopes and aspirations
on, on more than one occasion, I gained an
understanding of his burden, his internal quest for
appreciation, and more than anything, his own strive
to achieve personal happiness.
I’m no JK. I was never destined to be a Wallaby or
the like. However, I do understand the achievement
of realising your own personal ‘happy place’.
For me, like JK, it is the ocean. Perhaps my blessing
is also in the snow. I get that calmness – that feeling
of oneness and wellbeing – when I am sitting on
my board with the gentle rise and fall of a swell
just as much as I do with the rhythmic and melodic
transition of weight as I cut a picturesque line in an
open field of powder snow.
Things trouble us all, and life can get hectic,
overbearing, and momentous in the shortest
period of time. Knowing you have a place that is
your sacred zone, your escape, and your haven of
wellbeing is what seems to be so often lost in the
hustle and bustle of our modern world.
58

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59

Words by Amber O'Dell
Interview with Tony Piper
60FRAME OF MIND
Our industry is overflowing with insane surf shots,
so it’s easy to overlook how special it really is to see
an image of yourself on a wave, particularly when
you were blissfully unaware that the photo was even
being taken.
Tony Piper doesn’t ask for much in return for these
rare snapshots – just the smiles that he sees on
people’s faces and the fulfilment that comes with
being an appreciated part of the surfing community
in Alexandra Headland (Alex Heads).
Photography has always been a passion and
refuge for Tony, to the point where he remembers
developing his own prints in primary school.
Captivated by landscapes and wildlife, his portfolio
saw an evolution after he moved to the Sunshine
Coast and began to fall in love with the dynamism of
surf photography.
Curiously, Tony is very much a terrestrial kind of
guy. While he’s never had much of an affinity for the
water, he told us he can appreciate it from afar.

“It’s fascinating that a majority of people who have
been surfing for years have never once seen a photo
of themselves on a board. By doing what I love and
sharing these images with the community, I have
been able to meet some amazing humans.
“The average surfer’s community spirit and love
for the ocean is admirable enough, but I have seen
the dedication that it takes for them to master their
technique – from the young ones that are barely
knee-high to those that have been surfing their whole
life. The different kinds of people and the unique
shapes and styles of their boards give so much
variety to the pictures I take.
“I love catching the moment when someone hits
a turn, stands up on their board for the first time,
makes a drop, or shares a wave with a friend. It’s
wonderful seeing the smiles of people who are
supporting each other in the water, especially
knowing you can save that memory for them to share
with others and enjoy later.”
While objectively awesome, being shown an
image of yourself on the waves can also be pretty
challenging. There are a lot of psychological
reasons why most of us can’t help but cringe when
we see photos of ourselves, from complicated
stuff like cognitive bias to the mere exposure and
mirror effects.
However, it also doesn’t help that we
tend to set our expectations way too
high thanks to all those impossibly
perfect images plastered all over
social media, which is exactly the kind
of toxicity that Tony is trying to draw
out of the surfing community with his
spontaneous shots.
Tony told us that, for him to be
interested in photographing someone,
they simply just need to be giving
it a go.
“I’m not pedantic about getting a photo
perfect before I give it to someone,
because it’s their most natural self, and
I think that’s great. Everyone falls off
the board and face plants every now
and then, but I never take photos of
surfers to make them look bad either.
There’s an unspoken level of trust and
respect there.
“Photographing the juniors is especially
amusing – they get such a thrill from it.
Not only do the photos I take motivate
them to do better, but the expressions
on their faces, their concentration, and
their ‘never give up’ attitude is just
so impressive.
“The thing is, there are split seconds
in every session where everyone looks
good, no matter who they are. Skill level
is simply not important, because a lot of
the time, the best photos are of people
who are having the most fun.”
Sitting in our kitschy boardroom
overlooking Alex Heads, Tony showed
us a handful of his breathtaking
landscape and wildlife photography, in
addition to plenty of surf shots that were
plucked from the 300,000 or so he has
accumulated over the years.
61

62
"I LOVE CATCHING THE
MOMENT WHEN SOMEONE HITS
A TURN, STANDS UP ON THEIR
BOARD FOR THE FIRST TIME,
MAKES A DROP, OR SHARES A
WAVE WITH A FRIEND."

63

Listening to his little anecdotes about the fascinating
stories and personalities behind each image, it was
instantly clear to us that these weren’t just a random
selection of people on surfboards – these were
locals, each with their own strange surfing routines,
techniques, boards, tricks, and styles.
While his photos were amazing in their own right,
perhaps the most remarkable thing for us was how
much Tony knew about the subtle intricacies of
surfing without even having stepped on a board
himself. Turns out, he would study the exact
movements that each surfer would make before
doing a cutback or a bottom turn, resulting in
him snapping the most insane, perfectly-timed
action shots.
Tony told us the thing he enjoys most about being a
photographer is seeing people doing what they love
while observing how they improve with each and
every session.
“Everyone has their own niche of course. There
are people who love diving and those who prefer
landscapes, but it all crosses over. For example, the
techniques I use for wildlife also work for sports like
surfing. I actually advance my skills because I learn
from the unique things that other photographers
do. Most of the time, they are just as supportive
and helpful.
“If you want to improve, just make sure you don’t do
the same thing all of the time, or you’ll forget how
to experiment. There are times where I will decide
to use a different lens on a whim, and then that’s
all I’ll shoot for a week. It’s so important to explore
different perspectives and keep it fresh. Although, I
do like sunrises more than sunsets.
“If you shoot at sunset, you've got so much noise
and shadow and contrast to work around, which is
why I'll often go down to the shore in the morning.
I love capturing surfers sitting on their boards out
there, watching the sun appear over the horizon. It
clears my head so I’m ready to start the day.
“Photography helps me deal with everything,
especially since the process of setting up a shot
is just so meditative. A lot of the stuff I do is
spontaneous, but I still have to organise the angles
I shoot from and estimate how much water will spill
over the rocks and what the sun and clouds are
doing. If you want really good photos, you have
to plan.”
You’d think Tony has been lining up shots along
the shoreline of Alex Heads his whole life, but it’s
actually quite the opposite. Born in England, he
emigrated to Adelaide in 1972 before moving to
Brisbane five years later.
It was here that he left school with a junior certificate
and joined the army after a brief stint in retail, serving
six years of peaceful service in the Royal Australian
Infantry Corps in Canungra and Brisbane. Tony
went on to spend the next two decades working in
hospitality all over the place, from Brisbane and the
Gold Coast to Port Douglas and Yulara.
Devastatingly, the long hours and overwhelming
lifestyle he took on during this time led him towards
unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol and
gambling. Tony told us after a period of recovery, he
thankfully found himself with a new direction in life –
supporting those with disabilities.
“I went through a rough period after I stopped
working in hospitality, but I learnt that, unless
you talk about stuff like this, you can't move on,
and other people going through it won’t know
they’re not alone. As with a lot of other things,
photography was put on the back burner during
that time in my life.
“However, my passion was reignited about three
years ago, when I came across a call-out for
volunteer photographers that wanted to support
the Sunshine Coast Disabled Surfers Association.
Their ‘Let’s Go Surfing’ events are now a must-do
for me every year. It’s just such an amazing day –
you get a buzz for a week afterwards just from all
of the energy and excitement.
“As soon as the participants enter the water, you
can tell it’s a whole new world for them. They’re
surrounded by the support of so many people
who take hours out of their morning to provide a
lifelong memory for someone else. You just can’t
see this kind of community around the water in
any other part of the world.
“The highlight of my life is being able to look
after people, which is why I am also a full-time
disability carer. I guess that is the ethos behind
my photography too. I love giving back to the
locals – it’s my escape, and my chance to do the
right thing,” he said.
"THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE IS BEING ABLE TO
LOOK AFTER PEOPLE, WHICH IS WHY I AM ALSO A
FULL-TIME DISABILITY CARER. I GUESS THAT IS THE
ETHOS BEHIND MY PHOTOGRAPHY TOO. I LOVE
GIVING BACK TO THE LOCALS - IT’S MY ESCAPE,
AND MY CHANCE TO DO THE RIGHT THING."
64

"I'LL OFTEN GO DOWN TO THE SHORE
IN THE MORNING. I LOVE CAPTURING
SURFERS SITTING ON THEIR BOARDS OUT
THERE, WATCHING THE SUN APPEAR OVER
THE HORIZON. IT CLEARS MY HEAD SO I’M
READY TO START THE DAY."
The Sunshine Coast Disabled Surfers Association helps those with
physical and neurological challenges experience the ocean, and is one of
those heart-warming initiatives that you just can’t help but smile at.
Due to the water temperatures and the availability of volunteers, their
‘Let’s Go Surfing’ events only run four times a year at Ballinger Beach in
Currimundi, with the next taking place on 27 October and 24 November
in 2024, in addition to 23 February and 23 March in 2025.
It takes over 150 volunteers – from experienced surfers to high schoolers
and anyone else capable of getting in the water – to make these events
possible, which is why Tony spreads the word through his photos,
showcasing the pure joy on both the participant’s and volunteer’s faces.
If you can’t tell already, Tony really is the salt of the earth. In fact, he’s
recently been photographing those taking part in the annual Make A
Wave Challenge, which invites people around the world to surf every
day in September to raise money for SurfAid – a global not-for-profit
organisation helping remote communities access basic services like
healthcare, clean water, and food security.
After five years of taking photos in the same surf spots along Alex
Heads, Tony and his trusty Nikon D500 have witnessed how much
the local community has flourished, with several surfers being on the
precipice of doing some really big stuff in the industry.
“I’m stoked that my photographs have helped support two young
sisters, Ila and Evie, who are now participating in SurfAid for the third
year in a row. They are ambassadors for the cause now, which is just
so wonderful.
“That’s what I love most about what I do – capturing the progression,
passion, frustration, and joy of surfing. I guess it’s also a win that, out
of the 30 people that walk past me on the beach, 20 people stop and
say g’day.
“Funnily enough, surfers recognise me because I always wear the same
hat. I’ve been so lucky to be accepted into the community even though
I’m not a surfer myself. It’s such a welcoming and uplifting environment
to be in.”
tonypiperphotography
65

BRAINWAVES
By Shayelle Lajoie
Photos by @valecovatta
66

Connection is an integral part of our overall health.
Neuroscientists are pointing to relationships and
time spent with community as keys to a healthy
ageing system, most notably the brain.
Being part of ocean sports not only broadens your
social circles locally, but also across seas too.
You’ve got to admit, it’s a thrilling feeling spotting a
fellow surfer by surprise when you’re overseas.
The common ground between ocean lovers gives
us a lot to share and talk about. So if you’re
feeling alone overseas, a quick surf may help you
feel less alone. Finding a wave may even provide
new connections.
Another connection that is important is the one
to our planet. Time spent in nature is a big mood
booster. As surfers, we are so lucky to have
the chance to experience sunrises and sunsets
from the sea. We get to see the craziest colours
and moonrises.
Sometimes, it’s like we’re not even on earth
anymore. Seriously, how does our planet produce
such mental colours?! These fleeting moments of
beauty remind me to embrace the moment for what
it is.
They teach me to not want anything extra – to not
desire a better or bigger wave, but just to simply
be still, enjoy the view, and appreciate this ride
we call life.
Movement is medicine. We’ve probably all felt the
blues leave our body (or at least partially) when
we paddle out after being dangerously deep in our
heads. But this stretches beyond the mental and
into longevity sciences.
After exercise, our body produces exerkines, which
are signalling biochemicals that have a profound
systemic effect, most excitingly on the brain
and longevity.
Getting outside helps you get out of your head.
It’s easy to ruminate and lean into the negative,
but when you hop in the ocean and wait between
sets, there becomes space to leave this kind of
thinking behind.
Out in the sea, you’re left alone with your mind with
fewer distractions. This provides a meditative space
for you to reflect and take alternative perspectives
on what’s whizzing around your mind. If you can
allow it to happen, you can crack a smile and
remember how human you are.
Surfing can serve as a beautiful reminder that life
is there to be enjoyed and not to get caught up
in the small dramas that
can take up so much
unnecessary headspace.
Fill those spaces with
gratitude instead of anger
or resentment.
It takes practice, but after
a while of trying it on, it
will one day start to come
naturally, and you may
question who that was with
the short fuse all those
years ago.
Of course, sometimes life
just absolutely smacks you in the face, breaks your
heart, and you’re left in a mess… and that’s okay
too. Just take it one day at a time. Heck, right now I
am taking it five minutes at a time.
The ups and downs of surfing (from drop-ins and
dolphin visits to cracked boards and a perfect bank)
can help you take a step back and see the value of
patience and kindness. It teaches you to zoom out
IF WE DIDN’T EXPERIENCE
HEARTACHE, THEN DID WE EVER
TRULY LOVE? IF WE DON’T
GET WIPED OUT AND WASHING
MACHINED, DID WE EVER PUSH
OURSELVES ENOUGH?
Feature
from problems more often, and perhaps find a way
to turn them into projects.
Right now, my problem is my heartache, and my
project is to put one foot in front of the other and go
find that ambitious, positive, energetic Shayelle –
she can’t have gone far.
After sunset comes dark,
after dark comes light,
after a set comes a lull,
after a lull comes a set,
after swell comes flat,
after flat comes swell, and
after high tide comes low.
Life would be extremely
mundane without the push
and pull of every part of
the universe, including our
emotions and experiences.
If we didn’t experience
heartache, then did we ever truly love? If we don’t
get wiped out and washing machined, did we ever
push ourselves enough?
The magic of the sun’s glitter on the ocean’s
surface, the fresh shock of those winter duck dives,
the change in sea temperature, the colour and
texture of reefs and coastlines, and the busy lives
going on in the buildings that grace the shore.
It’s a beautiful contrasting environment that we
surfers are lucky to have, and it’s a visual reminder
of the stark difference between life in your head and
life in nature.
It would only be appropriate for me to sign off with
the cliché ‘ride the wave’ analogy – because the
waves just keep coming and we gradually learn
how to ride them. So what are you waiting for?
Get out and ride those waves, both figuratively
and mentally.
As it appears, I have a tsunami to face – but I am
not scared. I am hesitant, however, but that is to be
expected after risking a connection, and it fumbles
your heart.
Each day I just tell myself, “Do one thing, okay, now
do the next,” instead of trying to have it all back
together again. Each surf makes me feel like I have
accomplished something. It shows me that the
heartache doesn’t rule me.
I am leaning into the fact that, as humans, we get to
experience all of the emotions. How lucky we are to
even be alive!
So yes, feel the feels and let the waves hit when
they do, but each day, get stronger at standing up
to those emotions. Instead of getting tumbled by
them, ride them.
67

68
Drawn to t

he Ocean
words & photos by Keely Fitzgerald
69

I grew up in Victoria. Even though we lived an hour and a half
away from Torquay, my dad often hung out for his next surf
trip to the coast. If the TV was on and Dad was watching a surf
movie on a Thursday night, you could bank on him having the
next day off work to get up at the crack of dawn and go surfing.
Once I got older, and with enough convincing, he would take
me with him.
I have always been drawn to the ocean, maybe from Dad’s
influence, maybe from something else. But when things got
hard, I would find myself daydreaming about oceans, sunshine,
and a faraway place – escaping reality.
When I was nine years old, our house burnt down in the Black
Saturday bushfires and my world was swept right out from
under me. We lost friends, our pets, and our home along with so
many others on that day. I knew this event would significantly
shape my life forever.
In the years following, I made the sports teams, did the study,
got the jobs, and pushed through the anxieties of it all. I would
work hard to reach these goals, but once I did, I would wonder
whether I even wanted these things in the first place. There was
a numbness that I couldn’t explain – a disconnection. I was
busy climbing the ladder to a successful life in someone else’s
eyes, but in reality, it was all a distraction from the feeling that
something was off. This was not ‘it’ for me, and deep down I
knew that.
Eventually, after a combination of burnout and an overwhelming
sense of ‘stuckness’, I decided that I could no longer live this
lifestyle. I needed change, and in my true style (I’m a go-hardor-go-home
type of girl), bought myself a one-way plane ticket
to Canada when I was 19. I fell in love with the snowboarding
scene and worked my way through various jobs at ski resorts
to continue doing what gave me that spark of joy that I knew I
needed. Living paycheck to paycheck, eating Mi Goreng instant
noodles most nights, and constantly having a sore body from
all the stacks was not a sustainable lifestyle forever. However,
through this environment, I found something that drove me – a
community and a purpose.
Something that has always terrified me is the idea that
everything could all be taken away so quickly, and that we
are not guaranteed tomorrow. I think this is why I have come
to love the permanence of photography. Taking photos of my
travels and of my friends doing what they love is something
I could spend hours doing, whether it’s hiking Mount Rundle
in Canada or capturing your mate surfing the wave of his
life on the Sunshine Coast. This moment may only come
once in a lifetime, but having an image to remember it by
creates something that can be shared and held on to. While
photography itself is a great creative outlet for me, there is
also nothing more rewarding than gifting someone an image of
themselves doing what they love. You’re giving them a piece of
it to remember forever.
I am by no means an amazing snowboarder, surfer, or
photographer, but something about getting out there and being
amongst the elements and sharing these moments with others
helps ground me, keep me on track, and make me feel part
of something. Life will always have its challenges, and anxiety
plays its part, but immersing myself in these pastimes gives me
the time and space to leave behind all the stresses of life and
just be.
To me, the greatest importance is getting my mind in the
present. There is no time to overthink the future or ruminate
on the past when you have no other option but to be in this
exact moment. This is why I aspire to live a life full of surfing,
snowboarding, creating, travelling, and connecting with others
– these are the things that feed my soul and fill my cup. They
remind me to take life as it comes. I am so fortunate to be living
a life where I can do that.
70

"To me, the greatest importance is
getting my mind in the present."
71

Art
ultramarine
If only our appreciation for the surf and the
serenity it gives us could be manifested, poured,
carved, shaped, and displayed in our homes.
Words by Amber O'Dell
72

Art
It most certainly can’t, but one man has managed
to come pretty close. Operating under the
pseudonym Hardwood Tides, Josh Marks creates
handmade resin and woodwork art pieces that
seem to encase the very ocean – bays, cliffs,
waves, coves, and all.
These sculptures are 10 to 15 times heavier than
your average fibreglass surfboard, so while they
would make for a stunning ride, the laws of physics
simply won’t allow it. Instead, these pieces are
custom-made for those of us who want to honour
our connection to the sea.
Josh told us that he wants his art to convey all
of the emotions and memories that his clients
associate with surfing or the coastal lifestyle.
“I see surfing as the ultimate pastime, and
everything it represents resonates with me –
freedom, determination, nature, fitness, mental
wellbeing, and how it is a solo sport but has
such deep connections to community, culture,
and mateship.
“There is something very spiritual about it all,
even from a design perspective. The shapes of
surfboards are so organic and beautiful, I see them
as art pieces. Even an old beaten-up board tells a
story of joy, love, and passion.
“When I see a surfboard, I’m not just looking at it
through the lens of functionality. I’ve been back in
the water the past couple of years and am loving
it all over again, and I feel like being closer to the
ocean has translated somehow into my art.”
Oddly enough, Josh grew up in Wagga Wagga –
a regional town in New South Wales hundreds of
kilometres away from the nearest coastline. When
he was 14, his family moved to Bribie Island, and
he immediately fell in love with Queensland’s
climate, coastline, and culture, which was nothing
like his hometown.
Josh told us that, during his high school years,
bodyboarding became really popular, and so he
would head out whenever the swell was good.
“When I got my driver’s licence, my mates and I
were up at Caloundra or Alexandra Headland every
other weekend to get better surf. If I wasn’t in the
ocean, I was definitely doing something creative.
“Throughout my whole life, I have been artistic. I
grew up drawing and was constantly in my dad’s
shed tinkering with things. I was a great art student,
so when the time came to decide what I would
pursue after graduating in 2000, my art teacher
suggested a Bachelor of Graphic Design.
73

Art
“I spent three years studying right out of
high school, and almost immediately got
a job afterwards as a graphic designer for
a signage company in Brisbane. While I
was working full-time, I started Hardwood
Tides as a side hustle in 2016.”
Originally, Josh was grabbing sixmillimetre
pieces of plywood,
cutting them into three-foot-long
surfboard shapes, and using
a laser cutter to engrave his
own coastal designs. These
mini boards were selling well,
so experimenting with resin and natural
timber was only a fun side project. That is,
until it wasn’t.
Josh said his Hardwood Tides seemed to
blow up overnight after he posted photos
of his new boards on Instagram.
“By this stage, it was obvious I had
stumbled upon something unique and
popular, so I stopped making the plywood
boards and committed to resin and
natural timber. I still worked all day, but I
would look forward to spending an hour
or so each afternoon on Hardwood
Tides projects.
“In 2021, my wife landed a promotion
which would take her out of Brisbane
and up to Maroochydore. We had always
dreamt of moving to the Sunshine Coast.
This opportunity allowed us to start our
dream earlier than expected, so I quit
my graphic design job and moved to
Caloundra.”
Despite thriving as an artist for over three
years now, Josh had a pretty difficult time
after he started working on his sculptures
full-time. As it turns out, adjusting to
running a small business after 17 years
of working as a professional graphic
designer in a large corporation takes its
toll, and is a pretty stressful thing to
come to terms with.
Josh told us that, throughout the many
ups and downs of his career and personal
life, he’s always been grateful to have a
support network around him to lean on.
“I strongly believe in the mantra of ‘this
shall pass’ – accepting that you are in a
difficult time but knowing it won’t stay
that way. In reality, we only know things
are bad in hindsight, so when we are in
the midst of a negative experience, it’s
easy to get overwhelmed.
“At times, my art can become stressful,
especially when I have six or seven
boards on the go all at once, but it’s
always worth it. It helps to remind myself
how far I’ve come, how different it could
all be, and how blessed I am to be in this
position. I try to keep focused and keep
striving to create beautiful pieces to the
best of my ability.
“Both the ocean and art allow me to
clear my mind, get into a flow state, and
generate new ideas. When I’m in the
zone, whether it be in the water or in
the workshop, I can switch off mentally
and the worries of the outside world
disappear.
“Talking to friends and family also helps
my internal monologue, which can be
very toxic at times. When verbalising
your thoughts to the world, you realise
you aren’t alone, and you often get really
good advice. Staying
active, eating well,
Josh told us that,
throughout the many
ups and downs of his
career and personal
life, he’s always been
grateful to have a
support network
around him to lean on.
74

Art
and having hobbies and a routine are all pretty
critical to my mental health.”
Not unlike a conventional surfboard, Josh’s
sculptures require multiple stages of methodical
work and cannot be rushed, usually taking around
six weeks to complete. This process includes
everything from liaising with clients and hunting for
the perfect piece of timber to moulding, sanding,
curing, and even precisely shaping the board to have
a tapered nose and tail.
Josh told us that, sometimes, he can see a section
of timber and know immediately what he wants to
do with it.
“The inspiration really comes from nature, either
trying to replicate the aerial view of a coastline or
another ocean scene. If it’s a more simplified design,
the resin may simply be a single colour or a blend of
colours, with the timber becoming the star of
the show.
“I think the fact that I’m taking a natural product and
then designing the overall look and feel of the piece
around that is special. It’s not man-made from the
inception, and it’s not like a rectangular blank canvas
that a painter starts with every time – it’s always
different for each board.
Central to Hardwood Tide’s artistic philosophy
is a profound respect for the environment, with
Josh sourcing all of his timber from local
suppliers who collect fallen or troublesome trees
on private properties.
This beautiful raw material is why each of his pieces
are so dynamic, unique, and stunning, and especially
make a statement when it comes to his more
bespoke sculptures. Josh’s first go at carving an
animal out of wood and resin was when he created
an art piece for the Maleny Wood Expo in 2019.
Back then, resin was becoming popular in the
woodworking scene, so Josh thought it would be a
challenge to create a stingray and enter it into the
Wootha Prize, which is one of the biggest prizes
of its kind in Australia. He told us it was a massive
project… and a bit of a mess.
“I was lucky enough to be selected to display my art,
and even more so to win the People’s Choice Award.
It was a very humbling experience, especially when
you are up against some amazing woodworking
artisans who have been sourcing sustainable wood
and shaping it into amazing things for decades.
“That particular piece was sold to a client in
Germany. Since then, I have made two more
stingrays, a kingfisher, and a Māori hook sculpture.
I’m actually in the middle of carving my first manta
ray, which is a new challenge. Sculptures are
satisfying to create and improve my skills, but they
are also very challenging and time consuming.
“I think, moving forward, we have no choice but
to use our materials sustainably – no matter the
industry. It’s become obvious that we can’t keep
living a disposable lifestyle into the future, which is
a part of the reason I started my art journey in the
first place.
“I have come from an industry where corporations
are more than willing to spend hundreds of
thousands of dollars on signage and then, 24
months later, close up shop and simply throw it
all away. I hated that reality, and it gives me so
much satisfaction knowing that clients value my
pieces and hopefully keep them to be passed down
multiple generations.”
Today, Hardwood Tides not only adorns the walls of
galleries in Caloundra, Noosa, and Hawaii, but also
countless homes across the globe. This is partially
due to Josh’s work with Ghost Racks, a company
that he has been working with ever since he started
looking for a way to display the first six-foot board
he made back in 2018.
Josh told us that he’s very appreciative to be
closely aligned with Ghost Racks, and that epic
things are always on the horizon.
“Their team is amazing, and even custommade
racks for my boards considering their
difference in thickness and weight. Having
my pieces in art galleries is also very
humbling. I’m grateful for the support
and how they’ve enabled my work to be
introduced to so many more people.
“I hope I can be an example for what
people can achieve if they love what
they do. Even if it’s a hobby or side
hustle, it’s important to just put in
the reps and don’t give up. The only
way it can fail is if you stop or never
give it a go in the first place.”
“Both the ocean and art allow
me to clear my mind, get into
a flow state, and generate new
ideas. When I’m in the zone,
whether it be in the water or in
the workshop, I can switch off
mentally and the worries of the
outside world disappear."
75

Art
Written by Emma Webb
Illustrated by Luisa Gioffre-Suzuki
Finn the fin wakes up one day
with a loss he can ill afford.
Gone is a major part of himself,
gone is his precious board!
Our hero rubs his eyes and knows
he’ll have to cover some ground.
He begins to search high and low,
so his other self might be found.
He runs up to a board with wheels
and asks, “Are you my other half?”
“Nah, I’m what you call
a skatey, matey!”
Skatey responds with a laugh.
He sees a snowboard with bindings
and asks, “Are we good to go?”
He replies, “Yes perhaps we could
work together, but all we’ll ride
is snow”
He tries to ask the same
of a board with a sturdy sail.
But the sailboard cuts him off quickly,
with only one cruel word, “Fail.”
He runs up to an SUP with paddle
and poses the usual request.
But the SUP is clearly
brainwashed, murmuring,
“Laird Hamilton is the best!”
He runs towards a surf ski, then
decides to bolt straight on past.
Because as far as these things go,
goat boats come distant last.
A passing shadow catches his eye.
But before he can open his mouth,
all he can do is watch the kiteboard
vanish on its flying migration south.
Desperate now, he swims out to sea
to lose them no-surfboard blues.
But neither the outriggers nor the
clubby boats can give him any clues.
He quizzes a shark cruising on by,
doing his best to be polite.
But whitey can’t help with Finn’s
enquiries, the critter’s not very bright.
So Finn gives up his quest, and
settles for being just a fin. He plays in
the surf until completely knackered,
and lets a screamer take him in.
He rides this wave past rocky points,
and past many secret bays, and with
a final hang-ten onto the sand, falls
asleep right where he lays.
He sleeps and dreams under the
moon and stars, and wakes on
a sacred shore. On a brand-new
day, in a brand-new bay, he feels
complete once more.
So if you’re ever feeling incomplete
and far from former glories, think of
plucky Finn the fin and remember,
the sea has stories.
76

Art
Emma
+Luisa
Emma
Submitted to us by Luisa Giofree-Suzuki and
Emma Webb, Finn the Fin is all about inclusion
and acceptance – no matter where you come
from or what you ride, everyone is equal and out
there in the ocean to enjoy themselves.
After getting the chance to have a
chat with both of the Melbournebased
artists, we were pleasantly
surprised to discover that the
pair have much of the same
philosophy as us when it comes
to both surfing and creativity
– try anything and
everything, and bloody enjoy
yourself while doing it.
As a professional artist, children’s
book illustrator and teacher,
Luisa is often found sketching
away on the beaches of Victoria.
Underpinned by her training in
fine art and her love of colour,
she said her personal style
developed during the decade she
spent being influenced by the vibrant
culture of Japan.
“I’m definitely a water person. Swimming,
bodysurfing, bodyboarding and just being in
and surrounded by water is where my happy
place is.”
Emma is equally inspired by the ocean
when it comes to all of her arts, crafts,
and writing pieces. In fact, she spends
most of her time down on the surf coast
in Victoria, which is where she first met
Luisa many years ago.
“I’m a bit of a jack of all trades and master
of none when it comes to art. I love to try new
and creative approaches all the time.
“Lately, I’ve been into creative ocean collages.
Like all surfers, the need to explore new spots
is never far away. I’ve spent all my life in and
around the ocean doing nearly all the activities
relating to it at one time or another.
Luisa
“From carpark chats to the crazy characters in the line-up –
the surf is what brings us all together.”
Why do I go into the water?
By Emma Webb
The ocean makes me feel alive like nothing else I’ve
experienced. It’s calming and relaxing – you get to leave your
problems on the beach and be in the moment.
There are no rules, and you’re free to be anything out there.
You can even turn up and be something different every
session. The waves level out the playing field. Doctors,
lawyers, and managers have no status in the water, and
money doesn’t matter. We’re all out there together. The ocean
doesn’t discriminate who gets smashed by the next wave.
Some try to mess it up with their talk – ‘This board is better
than that’ and ‘Oh don’t even get me started on SUPs and
foils’ but who really cares? If a person is out there, leaving
their troubles on the shore, why take that away from them?
If someone else is smiling, be that person that smiles along
with them.
Pull up at any surf check carpark, and you’ve instantly got
someone to chat with. You’re no longer alone and thinking
about your problems, but engaging with a number of people
that give you a breather from the stresses of life. The ocean
really is a form of therapy, and every surfer knows this.
So is surfing and the ocean good for your mental health?
Hell yeah. It’s an escape from constant thinking. There
are no phones out in the water – it’s all about being in the
moment. That’s why surfing and art so frequently go hand in
hand. Everyone feels the need to give their mind a rest, be
free, and express themselves.
My go-to when I need space is the ocean and creating art. I
don’t do it to be better than the next person, I do it because
of how it makes me feel.
77

MATES
Words by Curl
I have some good mates, I’m a very lucky man.
I don’t particularly care for my friendships as well
as I should, but they seem to survive relatively well
despite the neglect and lack of nurture.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I would be the only fella
to be so disrespectful of a resource so precious.
Friends make way for families and the plethora of
life’s obligations. It is understood there must be a
necessary relegation.
Head down, arse up. Get after it, provide, progress,
achieve. We all know the drill.
“Yeah mate, we’ve got to catch up for a beer
sometime, you know how it is…”
And sometimes we do. We say we should do this
more often… but don’t.
Yet we understand. Fully.
So maybe that’s what makes these relationships
so special.
They don’t survive on expectations – they survive on
an understanding that there are none.
That they will once again commence where
we carelessly dropped them, when time and
commitments allow.
And no one complains, we just nod in acceptance of
how and why things are and should be.
Robust and rugged, mateships are built
to withstand.
But it doesn’t take much to kick things over every
now and again, to stop the rust setting in.
Be the bloke to text or call.
Grab a coffee or half a dozen cold ones and turn
up unannounced.
Organise a night out, a gentleman’s weekend away,
or an arvo chasing flathead or watching the footy.
These are never regrettable interactions, always
great for the noggin.
This is the stuff that puts the petrol back in your
tank, keeps the engine running, the wheels turning.
There are plenty of facets to being a good man, and
being a good mate is one of them.
The mirror of your friendships is a reflection of self.
78

welcome to the newest
team rider...
bavarian big wave charger, schitz panz!
CURRENTLY RANKED #2 IN THE WORLD
Schitz
Schitz’s mother,
Vrau Notwerrin Pänz
only the best ride knobs.*
This is why we we’re over the moon to drop our Pänz announcement! I mean, just look at that
crowd here at Nazare, just to see the man go!** When our news of Schitz hit these fans, our
beautiful little nuggets of sticky, waxy joy will fly, so get yours quick before they’re all gone.
LIMITED EDITION
SCHITZ PANZ SIGNATURE
BROWN BOARDSHORTS
AVAILABLE SOON!***
FREE
STICKER! ****
wax, t-shirts & assorted
silliness available at
surfknobs.com.au
Important dickslamers: *This is not true. Any idiot can do it. **This is not true at all. In fact, this is 100% made up. ***Probably not true, but you never know.
****Partially true: while you do get a sticker and we pretend it’s free, we’ve absolutely added every cent of it to the cost. So really, you’re paying for it. We will not be held
responsible for purchases, loving of knobs, riding of knobs or any knobs-related actions based on misunderstanding, silliness or general willful ignorance.
79

Tech Talk
WORDS BY
DAVE SWAN
It was nice to receive such
overwhelmingly positive feedback to our
most recent Know Your Board article.
As I previously mentioned, I am far from
an expert in this field. In my pursuit of
developing a greater understanding
of board design through the years
producing Smorgasboarder, I have been
fortunate to talk with many talented
shapers. Their generosity with their time
and willingness to impart their personal
perspective on this functional art, albeit
differing from person to person, has
assisted me to grasp the objectives
behind various design principles.
Now, where to with this edition? Well,
let’s discuss tail shapes.
Many facets of a surfboard’s design
affect its performance, from the length
to volume, rocker, and bottom contour,
but arguably none more so than the tail
1. PIN TAIL
Speed and drive are what they are
designed to deliver. The counter to all
that drive and speed, however, is that
they can be quite directional, meaning
they are great to point, shoot, and go
like the clappers, but it can be at the
expense of manoeuvrability. That’s
ok for their purpose because they are
essentially designed to provide the
rider with maximum control in powerful
waves. Pin tails are used in big wave
boards and step-ups.
shape. I too would agree, to a degree. It
is certainly pivotal – pardon the pun – in
assisting you to surf the way you want in
different types of waves.
Surfboard tails come in all different
shapes and sizes, from narrow pin tails
to wide fish tails, swallow, square, round,
asymmetrical, and so on. Each performs
in a variety of ways, interacting with other
aspects of a said board design. Tails
don’t function in isolation.
In our next edition, we will venture into
what aspects of surfboard design these
tail shapes are best paired with. As I
said, no one design principle is used in
isolation. It is how it all comes together
as a whole to deliver the sensation you
are after. But first, let’s go through the
various tail types and the principles that
govern their design.
2. SQUARE TAIL
A square tail delivers lots of volume in
the tail, providing a stable platform to
assist the board to plane across the
water (maintain momentum) in weaker
waves or flat sections. All that volume
in the tail, however, can make the
board hard to turn.
4. ROUND TAIL
A round tail is not too
dissimilar to a square tail because
the objective is to still retain volume
in the rear of the board to assist with stability and
get you through those flat sections, but it feels a
lot looser and easier to turn. This is because with
slightly less volume in the tail, there is less material
fighting against the water, and it’s easier to force
it below the water surface and initiate a turn. The
turns themselves will be more drawn out rather than
radically ripped around, say with a fish tail, because
there is not a distinct pivot point (the point of a fish
tail or the corner of a square). A round tail will also
assist to hold the board in bigger waves and steeper
faces, whereas a square tail will have the tendency to
drift, sliding out sideways.
5. SWALLOW TAIL
A swallow tail is basically a mini fish tail. Again, the
principle is to try and add some volume and stability
to the tail without affecting its manoeuvrability
and performance. The two pivot points assist with
holding in the wave face and with transitioning from
rail to rail when turning. Swallow tails are popular in
performance shortboards where a bit of extra volume
is required to assist momentum in smaller conditions
or weaker surf.
6. SQUASH TAIL
This is generally defined as a rounded square tail and
has a flat end and curved corners. The tail combines
the benefits of both the square tail and round tail in
the quest for momentum, manoeuvrability, and hold.
The aim is to be able to draw tighter turns and surf
the board comfortably in the
pocket of the wave without
drifting. These tails are
commonly found in most
performance shortboards.
80
3. FISH TAIL
How shapers countered the square tail, yet
still retained its stable wide tail, was to cut
an inverted v in the base. You retain the
width but not as much volume, making
the board easier to turn. Furthermore,
the points on each part of the fish tail
provide pivot points to turn off, which
also assist to hold the board in steeper
faces given that you effectively have
two pin tails in the one board.
7. ROUNDED PIN
As you can guess, the round pin is trying
to combine the benefits of a pin
tail with a round tail – basically
delivering hold and that
feeling of looseness.
This shape has no hard
edge, and so it is great
for rail-to-rail surfing
and big old wide
arcing turns.

Tech Talk
8. DIAMOND TAIL
As you can see, sharp corners
on a tail provide pivot points
on which you can turn. The
diamond tail introduces these pivot
points further up the board from the tail,
shortening the rail line. What does this mean? It
moves the release point for turns further forward, making your board
feel shorter than it is and easier to manoeuvre. You still have the
actual length of your board to assist with paddling power and added
volume to get on waves. These boards will be easier to transition
from rail to rail. Furthermore, the reduced rail will help shorten the
turn radius, and the hard edge at the rear will help release water.
Finally, the pin at the back will stabilise the board in steep faces and
assist with hold.
9. BAT TAIL
The bat tail performs like a
swallow tail but with a central point
for added hold in steeper faces.
Its two outer pivot points assist with
turning. There we go again, trying to find that
perfect blend of drive, hold, and manoeuvrability.
10. SIDECUT FISH TAIL
I credit this design to Mick Mackie, who found inspiration for
his surfboard tail design based on snow surfing boards (a
snowboard generally without bindings) called a Winterstick.
The fish tail is elongated and
includes an in-swept, concave
tail outline, which makes its
appearance even more fish-like.
The intent is to get the rail to
dig deeper and engage more
sharply against the water
surface or “bite” during a turn.
This added bite enables the
rider to turn a smaller radius.
11. ASYMMETRICAL
This design capitalises on how you surf on your front foot and back foot,
which is radically different. Front foot turns tend to be more drawn out
(arcing) and back foot turns more abrupt or sharp, because we don’t
have as much control of our balance when leaning back into a wave.
That is why you can more easily whip the board around on your back
hand. So, with asymmetricals, the heelside tail (backhand turns) tends
to be rounder to smooth things out and the toeside (front hand turns)
features a sharper square tail, or variation of, to tighten the turning arc.
Even the length of the tail can differ from side to side to suit the type
of wave being surfed. It makes perfect sense, particularly for certain
point waves, and I am surprised more boards aren’t designed this
way. I suppose you can only design what the market will buy.
What can I say, despite outward appearances and bluster,
surfers in the main are conservative.
12. FLYERS
OR WINGS
The wing or flyer is not really a tail
shape but more of a rail shape. It
is generally used in the back third
of the board and looks like a bump
in the rails just in front of the front fins.
It is designed to create a break in the rail line curve that serves
a number of functions simultaneously. The main reason is to decrease
the surface area on the tail and make the board more manoeuvrable.
Without cutting these flyers/wings into the board, you would end up with
a longer board. Why? If you continue a said outline from nose to tail, you
have all the volume of that shape. The hips change the outline and thus
significantly reduce the volume. This provides you with a longer board
for paddle power and momentum without all the hangups that added
volume brings with it.
TAILS ARE ALL ABOUT THIS CONTINUAL
TRADE-OFF BETWEEN MANOEUVRABILITY,
STABILITY, HOLD, AND PIVOT POINTS.
A CONSTANT TRADE-OFF
So, there you go, tails are all about this continual trade-off between
manoeuvrability, stability, hold, and pivot points. Wider tails are more
stable yet harder to turn. However, all that stability goes out the door
in big surf because all that surface area above the water makes the
board slide out in larger waves when surfing in the pocket. The counter
to that is, all that added volume makes it easier to get on waves when
conditions are small and gutless.
Narrower tails provide drive, direction, and hold, but they too can be
at the expense of manoeuvrability. To counter this, more volume is
introduced, but not too much, as with round or squash tails, and those
designs too have their pros and cons.
Most importantly, all of this discussion is presently centred solely on the
tail, but consideration must also be given to how this tail is paired with
the rest of the board and the fins. Say what? Wide, square tails are hard
to turn, so we just said. So how come mini-Simmons designs, with a
big and wide square tail can be whipped around on a dime so easily?
That’s because they are so short. The wide square tail aids with volume
because the boards are so small, meaning you have a bit more chunk to
paddle onto waves and get planning. However, you aren’t hindered in a
manoeuvrability sense due to the wide square tail because the board is
so diminutive. Simply put, you’re not having to turn around the Titanic.
I am hoping all that is making sense. Like I said, so many aspects of
surfboard design are at play and the key is to have them all harmoniously
singing together to not only suit the conditions, but also your ability and
designed surfing style. So now you can really start to see, this surfboard
shaping art is really a never-ending quest for the holy grail – a grail
custom designed specifically for a said person, on a said wave, at a said
point in time.
WIDER TAILS ARE MORE
STABLE YET HARDER TO
TURN. NARROWER TAILS
PROVIDE DRIVE, DIRECTION,
AND HOLD BUT THEY TOO
CAN BE AT THE EXPENSE OF
MANOEUVRABILITY.
81

Gear
INTERVIEW BY DAVE SWAN
We pose nine questions to Eddie Wearne, the
cool cat of Shed Nine down in Rye, Victoria. His
board store is one of a handful of independent
core surf businesses to survive the world’s
longest lockdown in greater Melbourne.
He always has an interesting tale to tell. Of
course, we were particularly keen to hear what
myriad of craft Eddie is riding nowadays, in
addition to a little more behind the mastermind
of Shed Nine.
82

Gear
YOU HAVE A PASSION FOR
RIDING SO MANY DIFFERENT
TYPES OF BOARDS – IS
THAT BECAUSE YOU SIMPLY
GET BORED OF THE SAME
SENSATION?
I guess it’s a part of the environment
I grew up in. For example, plenty of
the crew ride surf, skate, and snow,
or we have plenty of talented surfers
who rip on longboards or who are
pretty handy on foils these days.
Here where I live on the Mornington
Peninsula, we are all blessed with
incredibly consistent swell. Since
I opened my shop on the ocean
beaches, there has not been one
day, from dawn till dusk, where
the waves were dead flat and
completely unrideable on a mal or,
these days, a foil.
What we lack in comparison to, say,
Queensland's perfect running hollow
point and slabbing break surf, we
make up for with a range of rip bowl
beach breaks, powerful slabs, plenty
of bays, nooks, and crannies, and
a variety of reefs that can fire up on
their day.
CAN YOU CHAT ABOUT
GROWING UP IN THE SURF
AND SKATE CULTURE OF
MELBOURNE? HOW DID THAT
LEAD TO THE FOUNDING OF
SHED NINE?
As a kid, I started off skating and
then rode bodyboards. My family
didn’t have a lot of money, and
bodyboards were cheaper, more
durable, and easier to hitchhike
with. The local Peninsula bus drivers
were also happy for us to get
around with them, while surfboards
were banned.
83

Gear
At age 15, I remember running away from home
in mid-winter for three weeks and sleeping under
the Crunchie Point yacht club. I was alone with
my bodyboard, wetty, fins, a sleeping bag, and a
shopping bag of food from the cupboard at home.
It was a standard single-parent family, no money,
teenage rebellion type situation. It was a beautiful
time – cold but peaceful.
I'd surf all day every day, and was as free as I had
ever been. That was when I fell in love with riding
waves and the ocean. I would meet my friends at
First Reef in Point Leo, which I swear was better
back in the day, and they would bring me bags of
food to keep the dream going.
We had a great crew. In the early days, we would
share boards. I'd ride the craft of local friends
like Dan Moran's surfboards and James ‘Pommy’
Anderson's knee boards, and they ended up being
the first two Shed Nine team riders a few years later.
We were all street skaters growing up, until the first
skate parks were built locally. I'd skate everywhere
with my bodyboard. Once we could drive, we skated
parks everywhere we travelled and got into a little
snowboarding on the side.
It was an amazing time to grow up on the Peninsula,
before mobile phones, social media, and whatnot. I
could live off the smell of an oily rag back then, and
our crew was a solid one. We coined the phrase
‘Ride Everything.’
So many memories with a great generation of funloving
friends, good music, and affordable living. It
was a different time – bodyboarding was booming.
My bodyboarding idols were paying off home loans
and travelling the world on sponsors’ coins. Mike
Stewart was earning the same amount as
Kelly Slater.
84

Gear
I spent a lot of time in the water, winning plenty of comps,
picking up sponsors, and living in a van for years while I
chased the Pro Tour, filming everyone I saw ripping on surf,
skate, moto, snowboard, and bodyboards.
I sold Shed Nine clothes from the back of my car while
releasing VHS tapes and then DVDs across those sports, with
some being more lucrative than others. I befriended many of
the bodyboarders I admired and also beat many of them in
competitions as the years ticked by. But for me, free surfing
and filmmaking were where it was at.
There was a definitive point where I was in Indo and got a
really long, perfect barrel on a surfboard at Desert Point while
on a bodyboard trip. I was kind of like, “Ok. This is what I want
to do now.”
I later opened the Shed Nine store after completing a small
business course in 2006 under the New Enterprise Initiative
Scheme. That meant I got the dole for a year, and any money
I made on top was mine, so they basically covered the rent.
I lived out the back, and I fell for one of the staff members,
Claire, my wife.
It was a wild time – very humble beginnings with not much
stock and nothing to lose. This was when I had access to a
range of boards – surf, skate, snow, and bodyboard – and had
a constant flow of second-hand boards coming through the
racks to try.
I'd ride anything that felt interesting or different. At that point,
I made the relatively late change from spending most of
my water time on bodyboards to surfboards. I was always
intrigued by riding finless surfboards, alaias, and trying standup
bodyboarding. I was the first person to prone foil Western
Port Bay when foiling became accessible.
Since I opened my shop 18 years ago, I have been basically
working crazy hours to save for surf trips, mostly in Indo.
Meanwhile, I scour the surf forecasts for the next session
at home. We are blessed here in Melbourne with the strong
community spirit, consistent swell, skate parks, diverse
culture, and the mountains we can access. Long-time friends
are all around.
HOW ON EARTH DO YOU FIND
THE TIME TO RIDE THEM ALL?
It’s a juggle. I am grateful that my wife and daughter are
supportive of my business and passion, and that my staff are
too. It’s not easy, but when I'm planning something important
in my life, business, or otherwise, I’ll have this idea in my
head when I'm surfing and waiting for the next set.
That is usually when I make that decision and lock in the
steps towards life’s next goal. In the ocean I find my
calm – an almost meditative state – where I can think,
often alone, while waiting for another wave.
85

Gear
HOW MANY BOARDS ARE IN
YOUR CURRENT QUIVER?
Across all of the boards and sports, I
have around 30 in Australia, including five
that are my daughter’s. There are also 20
in Bali, including three of my daughter’s.
The surfboards are definitely getting
bigger as I age, and so am I. Haha.
I will say I have an in-depth
understanding of how all of the boards
work and why. I always keep a solid
range of stock across the sports, and
I never try to sell a board that I don’t
think will suit the customer. In a passion
economy, honesty is the best policy.
That’s something often left behind online.
"IT’S GOOD FOR
THE MIND TO RIDE
BOARDS EACH
DAY. YOU FEEL
AMAZING AT THE
END, MENTALLY
AND PHYSICALLY."
I NOTE THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY
UNDERTAKING THE MAKE A WAVE
FUNDRAISING INITIATIVE FOR SURFAID
THAT REQUIRES YOU TO SURF FOR 30 DAYS
STRAIGHT THROUGHOUT SEPTEMBER.
IT’S NO DOUBT A GREAT INITIATIVE,
BUT IS IT ALSO BENEFICIAL TO ONE’S
PHYSICAL AND MENTAL WELLBEING?
I’ve taken part in SurfAid and Sober
September for the past two years, and that
combo is a juggle and a challenge, but it’s
also a quiet between-seasons time for retail
here, so it’s good for the mind to ride boards
each day. You feel amazing at the end,
mentally and physically.
This year, I started Make A Wave 25 days
early, way back in August. I got up to 42 days
straight of surfing, foiling, bodyboarding, and
skating, with one day in the snow. On day
42, I strained my lower spine pumping back
out through chop in the cold on my prone foil
board, so I’ve had to rest and pull out. I kind
of pushed it a little too much, and now I'm
just in pain. Haha.
I’ve had one surf in the past ten days, but I
had to give up on the SurfAid sessions this
year. I’ll try again next year for sure. It’s a
great cause.
YOUR INTERESTS OVER IN INDO ALSO
KEEP YOU GROUNDED, NO DOUBT?
I started playing around with surfing
accommodation almost 15 years ago in the
jungles of Indo. That side hustle has grown
and meant that I have now been blessed with
countless Indo swings, incredible adventures,
mind-blowing waves, lifelong friendships, and
the motivation to not only keep surfing through
times when the waves are no good, but also
to keep fit so I am able to chase the best surf
available over there.
There’s nothing quite like a good Indo swing
on the horizon to keep you stoked. Indo is
becoming more busy and crowded, while at
home, with the cost-of-living pressures postlockdowns,
I feel there are fewer people surfing
in the colder months mid-week.
Although that’s not great for surf retail, I have
been appreciating the uncrowded waves at
home more than ever, especially in the past
couple of months. But I think having a side
hustle is good. To survive in business these
days, plenty of us juggle more than one
business model.
86

Gear
YOU’VE TOUCHED ON SOME OF YOUR STRUGGLES IN THE PAST, BOTH PHYSICAL AND
MENTAL. WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND TO BE THE KEY TO A HAPPY, HEALTHY LIFE?
We all have problems, but every single person from
every single demographic faces different ones,
whether they're about family, finance, school, work,
peer pressure, online bullying, addiction, injuries,
mental health, sickness, lockdowns, comedowns,
depression, police, society, judgement, or whatever.
We all deal with our own unique struggles, pressures,
and challenges on this amazing ride called life.
I see board sports like skateboarding, snowboarding,
and surfing as being incredibly beneficial, especially
for the youth coming through. That’s not just
because of the escape we feel while riding these
boards, but also because making new friends,
socialising, and travelling to amazing places while
experiencing different cultures makes you feel good
when you participate in these sports.
Skaters must strive to learn new tricks, and hardcore
skaters have to learn how to get back up, dust
themselves off, and keep pushing when they fall. If
they really want to land that wild trick, they have to
keep practicing and stay committed, even through
pain and injuries.
These are great life lessons in resilience that apply
to the mental and physical commitment needed
to be successful in life. Surfing is a great parallel,
because we get hooked on riding hollow waves,
learning new moves, and wanting to chase bigger
and more dangerous swells. But to cop these
wild hold-downs, we need to stay healthy and
fit. We have to hold our breath underwater and
keep paddling out, going against the odds to ride
bigger waves each day. To me, this represents the
challenges I mentioned before.
To be completely honest, I have faced my fair share
at 47. When I hit a low point, I call my board riding
mates for a chat. They're the ones who always
understand me.
I grew up in an era where idols across board sports
were louder and wilder individual characters than
the stars of these days. They often lived rockstar
lifestyles in the nineties – which were the
days of surf all day, skate all day, ride
all day, party all night, repeat. Times have definitely
changed, and athletes need to fit the mould a little
more to turn pro and pay the bills these days. But
that's cool. As much as I feel blessed to have grown
up in freer times, these sports I love were seen as
outcast sports back then.
Now, it's board sports that keep me more focused
on my own health, especially at my age. I practice
Wim Hof breathing techniques in addition to daily
exercise, hot and cold water immersion, training,
and stretching. Of course, I ride boards as often as
possible too, and focus on healthy diets to continue
my dream of being able to shred forever and be a
more solid role model – not only as a father, but to
young people in general. Out of all the board sports,
if we really want it enough, we can surf until we are
quite old, and that evolution in itself is what keeps
us young.
To anyone out there struggling, keep going! Never
give up! We all face hard times, but where there’s a
will, there’s a way. Life is what you make it. Always
be honest with yourself. Be kind and fair, but never
be a walkover. Stand up for yourself, your family, and
your friends. Be there for each other, but don't drain
yourself, you gotta know when to draw the line. Work
hard, and if you’re a surfer, keep on paddling and
things will work out.
I'm 47 now, and so the injuries are taking their toll,
but I do feel like if I look after my health and take
things a little easier, I can still ‘Ride Everything’ and
enjoy riding boards with the next generations for
years to come, all while taking my daughter on
that amazing journey, which is a beautiful
journey to share.
87

Gear
GIVE US YOUR TIP FOR THE LATEST
BIT OF GEAR THAT HAS YOU
EXCITED AT PRESENT – BOARD,
HARDWARE, OR OTHERWISE?
I had a great run of surf earlier this year in
Indo, testing out and fine-tuning an everevolving
quiver. It was solid in the early
season, filled with back-to-back swells.
I am stoked that our own Shed Nine range
of surfboards, skateboards,
snowboards, and bodyboards are
high performance, premium quality,
and durable, and that we have the
knowledge and connections to grow
that side of the business into the
future. Strength in branding, tried and
tested. Since I got home this winter, I
have been stealthing around riding all
kinds of different boards most days.
I’m definitely stoked on the foil and
being able to find long, clean rides, often
with no one on the beach. With a foil, you
get that snowboard feel without the long
drives or lift lines. Foiling can be really timeefficient
– get out, catch a few waves, pump
back out, link a couple of waves on different
sections where surfers don’t ride, get an
instant stoke, and then off to work.
How many boards are in your current
quiver?
If you told me that ten years ago I would
have been like, “Yeah, nah.” Although I love
the foil, I don’t think the efoils are suited
to the surfable waves on our coast, and
foilers in general need to be very aware of
those around them and keep away from
the crowds.
WHAT DO YOU PERCEIVE TO BE THE FUTURE OF
BOARD SPORTS GOING FORWARD? MORE WAVE PARKS,
SNOWBOARDING REMOTE PEAKS IN FAR FLUNG LANDS,
SKATING 360-DEGREE PIPES WITH REGULARITY?
It's all happening on a global
level, but locally here in Rye and
on the Mornington Peninsula, we
have some great things to look
forward to. The Peninsula Board
Riders Club and the Peninsula
Super Groms are the strongest
they have ever been, doing
amazing things for members
and the community. We also
have some great skate coaches
catering for all levels accessible
from the Peninsula.
Bodyboarding Victoria has plenty
in the works, and the local foil
crew is starting to push the
level higher and get into longer
downwind runs. The mountains
will always be there for us. We
have a million-dollar, stateof-the-art
skatepark going in
one kilometre from Shed Nine
next year. We’ve also just had
approval for Australia's largest
action sports training centre to
be built just a five-minute drive
away in Boneo.
The facility will include artificial
snow runs, indoor and outdoor
skate parks, a training centre,
mountain bike, mountain board,
and BMX tracks, a wakeboard
cable park, and plenty more.
Word on the street is of another
wave pool on our side of
Melbourne, which will apparently
be partly undercover. Coming up,
there is plenty to look forward
to, both for the kids and for us
elders to stay young for!
Keep shredding! Stay stoked!
Let’s go!
88

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A
SMORGASBOARDER TRIP
YOU’VE HEARD OUR SIDE OF THE STORY
– A MARVELLOUS CELEBRATION OF
SMORGASBOARDER AND OUR EXCITING
RELEASE OF CURL’S BOOK – SAND IN
MY CRACK: LIFE AS A BEACH BUM –
SURROUNDED BY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND
SUPPORTERS IN A VIBRANT BREWERY
ON THE SUNSHINE COAST.
TURNS OUT, OUR GOOD BUDDY CURL
HAD A BIT OF A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.
MAYBE WE WERE WEARING ROSE-
TINTED GLASSES, MAYBE HE WAS
WEARING A BLINDFOLD, MAYBE LIFE IS
A SIMULATION... WHO KNOWS?
AS ALWAYS, READER DISCRETION IS
ADVISED. SOMETIMES, TRUE GENIUS IS
TOO BRILLIANT FOR FEEBLE MINDS TO
COMPREHEND.
PART ONE
THE COLD MACHINE OF
CONSUMERISM IS FUELLED BY
THE SOULS OF THE TENDER
I had hoped to blossom delicately into an
internationally renowned author, but this whole book
writing process had become nothing less than a
goddamned debacle.
My frail sensibilities had been constantly teetering
like a drunken game of Jenga, with collapse
seeming inevitable. The tyrannical relationship
between publisher and artist seemed fractured and
untenable, and my muse had entered the realm of
the egomaniac.
Like termites, sycophants had crawled out of the
woodwork, and all other manner of freeloading
flunkies had arrived unexpectedly, hands out,
looking expectant. The vultures seemed to be
circling overhead. It had become a dank and
ominous scene.
I found myself emotional and weeping without
control, almost daily. I clutched at herbal tea and
scented candles as my only talismans, chanting
positive affirmations and trying desperately to
manifest a safe space filled with calm, gratitude,
grace, and tranquillity. I looked for anything to stop
the dagger of avarice from stabbing at my sensitive
soul, but then unexpectedly, the call came…
“Drop what you’re doing! We need you up here
to start pressing the flesh and moving some units
of this wretched book of yours,” Mark and Dave
boomed down the line.
I tried to explain my current fragilities, but they
would have none of it.
“Quit your snivelling and start preparing to seal the
deal, you useless malcontent. These piles of drivel
are starting to affect the feng shui of our grand
reception hall – we need them GONE!”
My feet were in the fire. It was time to walk on coals,
or roast like a gooey, pink marshmallow. I may be a
man of whimsy, but I’m not a man to whimper.
PART TWO
KEVIN THE DOLPHIN AND THE BARB
OF DEFECTIVE FRIENDSHIP
Kevin was part of the flotsam and jetsam that had
washed up on our doorstep since being lauded
as the literary darlings du jour. Though hardly a
stranger, his timing was suspiciously impeccable.
He’d had a recent downturn in productivity and
seemed ready and willing to bask in the charity
of others.
Kevin and Barry were both known to ‘partake’,
and before long they dragged each other down
like a rusty, barnacle-encrusted anchor. Both sunk
to depths previously unexplored, submerged and
drowning in the fathoms. I found myself flailing in
the shallows, lonely, hapless, and gasping.
That foreboding phone call placed another thick,
cheesy layer on my lasagne of discontent. Mark and
Dave were unequivocal in their insistence that Barry
and Kevin must also attend proceedings, with all
personal and financial responsibility to land squarely
94

on my skinny shoulders. I’d had little luck wrangling
this debaucherous duo in my own home. Common
sense told me that in Mooloolaba it would be futile…
it is, after all, the single mother capital of Australia.
Yet I lured them into the station wagon with an
esky full of refreshing beverages and a platter of
warm saveloys. It was a raucous trip to Tullamarine,
including a quick deviation to an establishment
known as The Lavender Palace. If I was going to be
responsible for a couple of ‘dangerous weapons’ on
a plane, I at least wanted them unloaded.
PART THREE
MARK AND DAVE, THE REALITIES
OF RUNNING WITH THE BIG DOGS
Mark picked us up from the Brisbane Airport in
his new machine. It was immaculate – a 2023
RAM 1500 Laramie, gastroenteritis brown, with
chrome accents and customised licence plates…
J1ZZM4N… perfect.
I tried to make conversation, but as is his natural
disposition, he was distant and terse. Kevin and
Barry were in the back seat squabbling like seagulls
over a half-eaten snack box. This did nothing to
diffuse the obvious tension in the cabin. I tried
making small talk about football and the weather,
but he was having nothing of it. He simply called
Dave and put us on speaker.
Dave never minces words. In that explosive
monologue up the Bruce Highway, we were all
told, in no uncertain terms, of our particular roles
and the expectations of how we were to conduct
ourselves both personally and professionally. This
visit was purely business – under no circumstances
was there to be any lapse in our representation of
Smorgasboarder International Pty Ltd, to whom
we were forever and wholly indebted. Call ended.
Point made.
By Caboolture, an eerie silence had descended
like doom within the soft and luxurious confines
of Mark’s roaring mechanical phallus. We felt like
shameful Catholic schoolboys awaiting our clergyimposed
penance.
”Be ready by 5pm, and not a minute after,” snapped
Mark as he pulled up sharply at our motel. “It’s a
single room, so you should be more than cosy.”
He closed the door with unnecessary force and
left with a screech. Dumbfounded in the lobby, we
looked at each other in uneasy silence. Maybe it
was time for a drink…
PART FOUR
CHICKEN PARMAGIANA AND AN
AFTERNOON OF DISASSOCIATION
It is necessary at certain points in time to pause
and take heed, reflect, and reassess. I felt life had
guided me to a place I no longer felt comfortable,
and the universe was now forcing choices.
I looked across the motel bar to Barry and Kevin,
they were drunk and in a heated argument with a
group of mountainous Polynesian tradesmen. The
situation looked on the verge of erupting, but I was
having trouble gathering empathy anymore. These
oblivious clods were hacking at life like a couple
of blunt chainsaws, as dangerous as they were
ineffective. I could feel myself letting go…
I poked at my parma with indifference. It was
half-eaten and getting cold – anxiety trumped my
appetite. I took a large swill instead. The other
thorn in my paw was the treatment I continuously
received from Mark and Dave. I was merely a spoke
in their wheel. This book meant nothing to them. The
extraction of my brooding emotional turmoil was
merely a tool for their consumptive folly.
By the jukebox, my travel companions were holding
their own. Pool cues were keeping their aggressors
at bay… just. I couldn’t stand such horseplay any
longer, it was like watching children poke forks in a
toaster. I paid the bill and made my way to our room
with some ice, whisky, and purpose.
PART FIVE
WHITE FLAG FOR SURRENDER,
BLACK FLAG FOR ATTACK
By the time our trio arrived at the venue, we were
overly lubricated with the mood of a thundercloud.
Blackflag Brewing Co though provided antidote. It
was, as the young folk might say, a vibe. I grabbed
a delicious pale ale and found a quiet corner and
observed the unfolding circus. Kev and Barry
proceeded to disappear into oblivion, and again, I
was alone.
The room was packed with an interesting mix of
reprobates and the Sunshine Coast elite. Dave
and Mark worked the room like a couple of
seasoned professionals, all big smiles and bigger
promises. Backslapping and hand shaking with
looks of feigned interest, the whole scene made
me nauseous… I beelined to the bathroom and
proceeded to dry heave.
Exiting the cubicle and trying to gather my senses,
I felt three quick jabs to my liver and kidney area.
Mark rushed me, pinning my arms… Dave got in a
couple more before landing a karate chop across
my voice box.
“We’re not sure what sort of game you’re playing,
you soggy loaf of bread!” screamed Mark, inches
from my face, breath soured by craft beer and
charcuterie. “But we didn’t drag you all the way up
here to have fun, you flamboyant pig turd! NOW
GET SELLING YOUR ABOMINABLE COLLECTION
OF WORDS AND STORIES!” I felt the sting of a
parting head slap from Dave, my ear ringing like
a doorbell.
Dutifully, I walked out to the crowd and danced like
an organ monkey. Photos, autographs, speeches,
anecdotes, and all manner of enchanting tales,
slathered with a thick coating of Machiavellian
social lubricant. I too could play this deceptive
game and wear the mask of the jester. The exterior
was steadfast and jovial, but inside, deep in a longforgotten
crevice, the last sinew of compliance had
finally snapped.
95

PART SIX
EMPIRE OF KNOBS, THE SINISTER
SECRETS OF BRADLEY AUBERGINE
As the evening dwindled and proceedings subsided,
I was granted reprieve. Mark and Dave seemed
smug and content. Solid revenue had been
achieved, and deals had been brokered regarding
the ongoing publishing and movie rights. The night
had been a success on levels both financial and
ethereal. I was reorientating myself with a thick, fullbodied
stout when I felt a gentle clasp around my
sensitive hips.
Bradley Aubergine stood before me, resplendent,
blue-eyed, and smelling divine. Brad had singlehandedly
built the Knobs Surf Wax empire and
continues to be a major financial contributor
and moral lobbyist to the Smorgasboarder
juggernaut. He was definitely someone with a solid
understanding of the industry’s machinations, and
more importantly, a big-league player who seemed
to have Mark and Dave on a tight leash.
For the next hour, I plied Brad with pomegranate
margaritas and squeezed gently at his knowing.
“I’ve seen the way those pricks treat you,” he
slurred. “They wouldn’t dare do that to me.”
Obviously, I thought, he’s one of their biggest
benefactors.
He wiped spittle from the corner of his mouth. “I’ll
let you in on a little secret,” shrieked Brad with
a devious smile. “I used to be their funboy!” We
laughed hysterically. I wasn’t surprised, nor did I
have a problem with it.
“It’s just this stupid, toxic industry – the kingdom
of the alpha male,” sighed Brad, his face
beaming boyishly.
“More like alfalfa male,” I chimed in cheekily, and
again we both giggled with glee.
Dave approached – his face ashen. He had come
to introduce us to his angel of a mother, Ali, but he
read the power shift halfway across the room and
realised that a very plump and fluffy cat had been let
out of the bag. Brad didn’t miss a beat. “David my
old friend, I feel like DANCING!”
PART SEVEN
FOAL! WHO’S READY
TO RIDE THE HORSE!
Blackflag Brewing Co had been fantastic hosts, but
there was a sense that it might be time to move the
night along. Bundled into Ubers, we made our way
to Mooloolaba’s Warf district and headed towards
the sound. FOAL Nightclub, the premier over-
45’s dance institution, was bucking and bouncing
like a frisky gelding. Not even the threat of hip
displacement could kill this potent groove.
The place stank of desperation. Unsurprisingly,
Barry and Kevin were already there, deep in the
mix. Thick-bellied businessmen danced without
style, red-faced and ruddy, hoping to impress.
One part peacock, three parts bin chicken. Their
companions for the night were usually yoga-taut,
teased with a foreboding flexibility. Flesh seemed
aplenty everywhere you looked – not always good,
most likely wrinkled. But it was untethered, wild, and
free… What was to lose? The end was nigh.
Mark and Dave corralled me in the corner, edgy and
nervous, they seemed eager to put an explanation
to Bradley’s scandalous claim. “Relax gentlemen,
your past choices are certainly nothing to warrant
clarification,” I assured them. They flooded my
challis with the finest wine, swearing oaths that their
future attitudes towards me would be considered
and generous. Keep it under your hat big fella. Nod,
nod, wink, wink, say no more, say no more.
Brad skidded by, breaking the tension. He was
lathered in sweat and almost bursting from his
bodysuit. From his fanny pack, he threw blocks of
wax throughout the club. “Everyone has the right to
as many Knobs as they can handle!” he squealed.
Dave and Mark blushed, but I couldn’t argue with a
cashmere king.
PART EIGHT
THE SUN WILL REVEAL WHAT
THE NIGHT CAN’T CONCEAL
Dawn brought with it the truth of our actions. Last
night had held a spotlight to all of our secrets and
shadowy psyches. Spread haphazardly before us
was the debris of our poor behaviours and mislaid
intentions. A corner that couldn’t be unturned, a
bubble that had popped.
This beautifully designed hardcover book (Sand
in my Crack: Life as a Beach Bum, the Aloha
Barry Story – RRP $69.00 available exclusively
at smorgasboarder.com.au) really had opened a
secret door to the attic of our collective souls. We
had all, in our own special way, been victims of
this unencumbered escapism. Our lives had been
imitating art – they had flown dangerously far from
reality. It was time to reel this unfettered kite back
down to earth.
I lay sick and sweaty on the single bed, somehow
in rubber gloves and a soft, pink negligée. Barry
was draped across the floor, naked and snoring,
snuggled serenely with a fluorescent traffic cone.
Kevin, like an absent father, was nowhere to
be seen.
It was time to lay out the pieces and put this
perplexing puzzle back together.
96

PART NINE
THE ANGEL, THE DOLPHIN, AND THE
CRIPPLED HORSE OF HEALING
Most spirals are downward. Rather than being a
short and sharp vertical drop, they are usually a
slow unravelling. Kevin’s demise was undeniable,
even to him. A repetitive pattern of destructive
behaviours laid out across his repugnant life map.
Once more, he needed to reach for the gentle hand
of salvation.
Alexandra Swan is a woman that walks in the
golden light. She is not only Dave’s mother, but the
matriarch of a magical, medicinal menagerie. Her
animals bring strength and solace to those in need
of soul repair, and though most lack the health and
vigour of their younger selves, they share what is left
of their beastly peace and wisdom.
Kevin was invited to join her. To be saved or a
saviour, only Ali truly knew. Maybe neither, maybe
both. He walked easily with the crippled, for he
knew of their pain – a flightless bird, an ocean
mammal stranded.
Kevin knew it was time to give over to her
completely, to be led gently into the next paddock
of his life, or to be saddled, disciplined, and ridden
hard. That was up to Ali now – her soft embrace, her
delicate heart.
PART TEN
THE ENDING OF THE CHAPTER, NOT THE CLOSING
OF THE BOOK
All of us had to return to our corners and lick at our wounds. Self-assessment
was needed across many metrics. This project had been revealing to say the
least. Sometimes, you must be stripped cold and bare to truly appreciate the
comforting warmth of true friendship.
Mark and Dave drove Barry and I to the airport. There was an understandable
sense of ill ease… we were all suffering under a weight we created.
Individually, collectively.
Sometimes that is the price we pay, the admission fee for greatness.
Life, in essence, is the eternal struggle between art and money – the freedom
of creation and the reality of commerce. Rarely the two see eye to eye, but
respect can certainly provide a connecting tether.
We unloaded at the drop-off zone, gathering suitcases and avoiding each
other’s uneasy gaze. To leave on poor terms would be unforgivable. To Dave’s
credit, he pulled me close into his thick and hairy chest. His aftershave was
plentiful and pungent.
“Let’s never fight again,” he cooed softly into my ear. I agreed wholeheartedly
as I removed his large hand that had somehow found my buttock.
We all exchanged embraces and bid our farewells. Tears did spill and feelings,
though guarded, were shown.
Barry and I gave each other a knowing smile as we walked across the tarmac,
bound for our southern island home. This book had been an adventure, internal
and external, spiritual and maniacal. We had somehow scraped through,
bruised yet unbroken.
Now, more than ever, I felt a yearning to leave our manmade chaos at the
shoreline and paddle seaward in the ocean to the salvation of the deep.
WANT TO READ MORE?
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