Quit your Diet - Think to Shrink Full Book

Quit Your Diet

Think to Shrink

By

Michael Dawson

Copyright © 2025 Michael Dawson

All rights reserved.

Limited Edition

ISBN: 9798311482653

DEDICATION

Bloss

Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink

CONTENTS

Part One 1

Introduction 3

1 - Can we make you thin? 9

2 - The Project that Changed Everything 22

3 - How to use this book 29

4 - DNA vs ME-NA 41

5 - Where’s the problem? 47

6 - What does this mean to us? 56

7 - Everything changes but me 71

8 - I’m not on a diet 77

9 - Results not typical 86

10 - The wrong trousers 95

Part Two 106

11 - Decisions, decisions 107

12 - The winner effect 116

13 - Small habits, big gains 124

14 - Creating your own witches brew 134

15 - Becoming Wonder Woman 143

16 - What would future you do? 152

17 - Your own personal Jimmy Cricket 165

18 - It's impossible; let's do it. 172

19 - The science of Psycho-Cybernetics 179

20 - Where are we now? 186

Part Three 192

21 - Tool 1 - Meditation 193

22 - Tool 2 - A Fond Farewell 199

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23 - Tool 3 - Future You & The Miracle Question 202

24 - Tool 4 - Willpower 214

25 - Tool 5 - D-Day Preparations 225

26 - Tool 6 - Habits 233

27 - Tool 7 - Filling The Cookie Jar 245

28 - Tool 8 - The Magic Potion 250

29 - Tool 9 - Meeting Your Alter Ego 255

20 - Tool 10 - The Swish Pattern 262

21 - Tool 11 - Anchors 268

22 - Tool 12 - Days of J.O.Y 274

23 - The Roadmap to D-Day 283

24 - The Menu 290

25 - ‘What’s Better’ Session 303

26 - VE Day - Victory and Empowerment 319

27 - Standing on the Shoulders of Giants 328

28 About Michael - Who is Mr Motivator? 331

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

In writing this book, I’ve been inspired and guided by the extraordinary

efforts of those who have paved the paths before me. To relentless

athletes like David Goggins and Rich Roll, whose resilience redefines the

boundaries of human potential. To thinkers like Benjamin Hardy and Bob

Proctor, who have masterfully reinterpreted what it means to unlock one's

potential. Your groundbreaking work has not only influenced my thoughts

but also the essence of this book. Alongside these luminaries, countless

other great minds have dared to challenge the status quo. My heartfelt

thanks go out to every one of you.

DISCLAIMER

The information provided in this book is for educational and

informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or health

advice. The suggestions regarding diet and behavior are based on the

author's experiences and research and should not replace consultation with

a qualified health professional. Any changes to your diet or health routines

should be made in consultation with a healthcare provider. The author and

publisher of this book are not responsible for any adverse effects or

consequences resulting from the use of any suggestions, products, or

procedures that are discussed in this book. The responsibility for any

health, diet, or lifestyle changes lies solely with the reader.

iv

Part One

1


IMPORTANT - AUTHORS NOTE

Welcome to your QYD journey! This electronic version offers a

truly interactive experience with clickable links to take you right where

you want to go, plus extra features like audio and video content.

My goal is to give away 100,000 copies of this book.

But why?

Because the cost of a book like this usually bears no relation to the

actual value it brings you as a reader. I want to change that, and here’s

how:

• You can pay according to the value you get from this book and its

accompanying materials.

• You can pay by simply sharing it with friends or on social media.

• You can also pay by clicking on one of the offers included inside.

• You might even want to form your own group of friends to join

you on this journey, because I’ll soon be launching a monthly group

meeting and a full online course to help you even further. (Note: Site

members on launch day will never pay for that course so don’t miss

out.)

Make sure you’re a site member by SIGNING UP HERE where

you also have free access to the many materials available.

Whatever you choose, it’s immensely appreciated. And remember,

this version of the book has no omissions from the one that’s on sale for

£19.99 on Amazon.

Thanks for being here!

2


Introduction

Imagine a dozen morbidly obese individuals one by one arriving

and walking through the doors of a tennis club. It's no insult to

Didsbury Tennis Club to say it's an unsophisticated place: no gleaming

whitewashed walls, meticulously trimmed hedges, or the faintest whiff

of exclusivity. If you were looking for the kind of club where members

casually flaunt their affluence, you'd be disappointed. Didsbury was

different; it was ordinary and unpretentious. Its website proudly

declared it "local, social, and friendly." And that's precisely what it was.

But on that particular morning, it wasn't tennis that had brought me

and my colleagues there. The courts sat empty, the club eerily quiet for

once. Instead, a dozen individuals who had been categorized as

"morbidly obese" were about to walk through the door. Their weight

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wasn't just an inconvenience but a threat to their lives. And we, the socalled

professionals, were meant to save them.

We weren't the first to try. Each person in that group had spent

years locked in a vicious cycle: diets, calorie counting, weight loss,

weight gain, and gym memberships that began with hope and ended in

guilt. They'd been through it all, counting "syns," measuring portions,

and trying every fad diet under the sun. And with every failure, they'd

come to believe they were the problem.

But the National Health Service had an idea—something different

and something that, in principle, couldn't fail. The idea was radical:

throw every possible intervention at the problem at once—diet plans,

fitness routines, medical interventions, all layered on top of one another

in an intense 12-week blitz. I was one of that team of professionals, and

we might be their last chance.

At least, that's what we thought.

Danielle, the dietitian, stood nearby, flipping through logbooks and

recipes she'd prepared with clinical precision. Ian, the fitness instructor,

adjusted his polo shirt, ready to jump into action with workout plans

and calorie-burning strategies. Elsie, the doctor, looked calm as ever,

her stethoscope draped around her neck like a badge of authority.

And then there was me.

I wasn't a dietitian. I wasn't a doctor. I wasn't a fitness expert. I was

the sideshow act, the so-called "motivator." The missing piece of this

elite squad of weight-loss superheroes.

4


That's what the rest of my colleagues must have believed that

morning, but I knew differently; I had other ideas about what was

needed,

Like everyone, I stood around, stomach-churning, waiting for the

group to shuffle in. I felt like an imposter. The others probably expected

me to bark out inspirational slogans like, "You've got this!" or "Dig

deep!" as if the sheer force of my enthusiasm could will these people

into shedding the burdens they'd carried for years, both physical and

emotional.

I'd already decided that wouldn't happen because I'd done my

research before that day.

I felt like a traitor to the cause because I didn't think they needed

motivation, recipe books, calorie counters, or carefully curated workout

plans. If anything, those were the last things they needed because all of

those things represent the problem, and as we'll learn in this book, the

problem is the last place to look when you want a solution.

They needed a fundamental shift in mindset that had nothing to do

with the typical weight-loss script. They didn't need a cheerleader. They

needed a way to rewrite the story they'd been living in, the one where

every diet failure confirmed their worst fears about themselves.

I didn't know if I could give them that without clashing with my

other professionals. But as the door creaked open and the first person

stepped inside, I was about to find out.

Even through the project, I saw my ideas working despite

traditional weight loss practices pulling in the opposite direction.

5


But that was then, and this is now.

Now, I don't have to work within a traditional framework or treat

weight loss as if it were different from any other challenging problem

I've ever successfully worked with.

Free of the diet dogma and understandable limitation placed upon

me by the NHS, I set about writing this book and course.

At first, quitting your diet with ‘Think to Shrink’ sounds like a

radical idea.

But by the end of this book, I'll have convinced you otherwise.

CLICK IMAGE TO DOWNLOAD

6


The Roadmap.

Stage One - The Decision

This is where we’ll make the decision to go on this journey; we’ll

confirm in our minds where we’ve been and where we’d like to go. By

the end of this section you’ll either be taking the blue pill and staying

where you are and, in some cases, have been for years. Alternatively

you’ll take the red pill and see something that you can’t unsee: that you

are in a diet trap that is only serving to make the problem worse. Both

choices are tough, and yet making a decision and taking action to free

yourself has a different outcome.

Stage Two - The Plan

Before stepping out the door, we will need a plan to know where

we intend to go and how it's actually possible to get there. We’ll service

the vehicle and get ready to go by ensuring that we can drive and are

ready for the terrain ahead. We pack up the tools we’ll need and make

sure they are all in good working order.

Stage Three - The Leap

7


This is when we slip out the door and begin an epic journey, no

fanfare or streamers or marching bands. We’ll simply slide into the

night and walk calmly away from the diet world forever. We call this D-

Day or should I say Diet-Day is the last day of your diets. If you’ve

prepared and are ready to go, then this is the very first day that things

change.

Stage Four - The Future

I like to think of this as VE-Day - Victory and Empowerment Day.

It's more than just the day after; it's the start of a lifelong journey. From

this point forward, you’ll take the wheel, navigating through life’s

journey so seamlessly that eventually, you won’t even notice the road

beneath you. As you put miles behind you, you’ll occasionally glance in

the rearview mirror, acknowledging how far you’ve come, but your

focus will shift. Instead of thumbing through diet books, you'll lose

yourself in novels. Instead of standing on a scale, you'll be enjoying

events or embracing warm gatherings with friends and family.

In the next chapter I’ll tell you more about the project that started it

all and how it ultimately changed everything I knew about weight loss.

8


1 - Can we make you thin?

I'd love to tell you that the National Health Service came banging

on my door, demanding my unique expertise. "You're the only man for

the job!" they'd insist, refusing to take no for an answer. It's the kind of

scene you'd see in a movie, but real life is rarely that glamorous.

Instead, this journey began somewhere far less dramatic: a

mundane trip to the supermarket. I was weaving through the aisles,

clutching a basket filled with essentials, probably milk or bread, when I

heard someone call my name.

I turned to see a young woman I'd met during an NLP course a few

months earlier. Tea breaks on that course had been filled with idle chat

about work, the way these things always go. We exchanged pleasantries

in the busy supermarket aisle, a polite "How are you?" followed by the

obligatory "What have you been up to?"

9


Just as we were about to part ways, she hesitated. Something had

sparked in her mind.

"Wait," she said, her eyes lighting up. "Maybe it's a good thing I

bumped into you."

"Oh?" I said, intrigued.

"You do that motivational stuff, don't you?"

Motivational stuff. I smiled politely, though inwardly, I winced. By

"motivational stuff," I assumed she meant the Solution-Focused Brief

Therapy model I had spent far too long explaining during those course

breaks. I had probably bored her senseless with my stories of using the

model to address problems like addiction, family breakdowns, and

deep-seated fears. She was right that the solution-focused model

worked very positively; that part at least seemed to have come across in

my unequivocal faith in its success.

Before I could correct her, she was full of enthusiasm for an

ambitious new project she was setting up with the National Health

Service.

The idea was straightforward:

“WHAT IF A GROUP OF MORBIDLY OBESE INDIVIDUALS WERE

OFFERED EVERY CONCEIVABLE INTERVENTION TO TACKLE THEIR

WEIGHT LOSS OVER 12 WEEKS?”

10


She'd gathered a dozen volunteers, all clinically or morbidly obese,

meaning their weight posed a direct threat to their lives, to join a 12-

week program. Dietitians would handle food, fitness instructors would

manage exercise, and medical professionals would oversee health.

"It sounds incredible," I said, still unclear why she was telling me

this.

She grinned. "We just need one more person on the team, a Mr.

Motivator."

For those under 30, you might need to Google Mr Motivator. Let

me reassure you for the rest of us: my wardrobe has no spandex. But

standing there in the middle of a supermarket aisle, I found myself

nodding along, drawn in by her enthusiasm. Before I realized it was me,

she was talking about me as the one who could motivate these twelve

men and women struggling with their weight to succeed.

Like anyone faced with an immense task that they have little

experience in and seemed blatantly unqualified to perform, I paused and

said:

"Sounds exciting. Count me in," the words tumbling out before I

fully understood what I was signing up for.

And just like that, I was hired and or volunteered. Either way, it

was only later that I discovered they were planning to pay me.

11


Once the initial excitement wore off, reality set in. I went home

deep in thought, made a cup of tea with my newly acquired milk, and

sat down to sketch out some notes. Twelve weeks, twelve sessions of

motivation, then nothing.

I had no idea where I might start and how I might contribute value

to this group. This may not be my thing; I could politely decline. It

wouldn't be long before I realized my lack of experience and

preconceptions about weight loss would be a massive advantage.

What did she mean by "Mr. Motivator"? Was I supposed to shout

slogans at people as they sweated through burpees? Wave pom-poms

and cheer them on as they push away dessert. The more I thought about

it, the more absurd it seemed.

And then, there was the imposter syndrome. I wasn't a dietitian,

fitness guru, or doctor. My expertise lies in helping people solve

problems—real, life-altering issues, such as family breakdowns,

addiction, or trauma. But this? This felt different. In honesty, I'd never

really experienced weight problems in my personal life.

As the project approached, the nightmares began. I dreamed I was

standing on stage in a packed auditorium, my colleagues giving me

encouraging nods while I stood utterly blank. There was no script, no

plan, just a sea of expectant faces waiting for me to say something

profound.

The panic was building until I was telling a friend one day, and she

asked me a simple question.

12


"What do you normally do when you work with clients?"

It was like a light bulb switching on. Suddenly, I saw that weight

loss was a problem like any other. This wasn't different at all. This was

just another problem. And problems I knew how to handle.

Problems and working with people to solve them were front and

center in my world. All I needed to see was that weight loss was another

problem people faced. On reflection, I started to see that no one else

saw it that way because when I looked around, I saw people focusing on

the problem to the point of obsession, something we wouldn't dream of

doing in any standard situation.

In my work, I'd always focused on solutions. When a client

approached me with an insurmountable issue, I didn't ask, "What's

wrong?" Instead, I'd ask questions like, "When does this problem bother

you the least?" or "What are people who don't have this problem doing

differently?"

My whole approach was about looking forward, not back. And yet,

the weight-loss industry seemed to do the exact opposite. People were

forced to focus on their failures, logging every calorie, documenting

every slip, obsessing over the very thing they wanted to escape.

I realized this was the first significant obstacle I would face:

13


“THE TRADITIONAL WEIGHT LOSS TOOLS—DIARIES, CALORIE

COUNTERS, SCALES—WERE FUNDAMENTALLY AT ODDS WITH

MY APPROACH. IF ANYTHING, THEY WERE ADDING TO THE

CLIENT'S PROBLEMS.”

This was contrary to my approach.

Instead, I started to look at the people who didn't have the problem,

the people I called "the weightless." These weren't fitness fanatics or

supermodels; they were ordinary people who maintained a healthy

weight without obsessing over food. What habits did they have? What

were they thinking?

All my success with troubled individuals came from a shift in their

internal framework—a combination of knowledge and practical tools. I

worked within the client's mindset, focusing on a clear, imagined future

and utilizing the strengths and resources they already had. My work

would be carried out in a short timeframe of around six sessions, often

less. The more I looked, the more I saw that this didn't resemble a

traditional diet or weight loss regime; in fact, it was starting to look like

the exact opposite.

This was the breakthrough I needed. The more I thought about it,

the more precise the path became. Weight loss wasn't just about food or

exercise; it was about the mind. I started scribbling notes furiously,

ideas pouring out faster than I could write them down. I began to build a

toolkit for the mind, a practical, mindset-based program that could work

14


alongside any diet or fitness regime because the diet or regime was of

little relevance.

I envisioned something that would help participants shift their

focus, break free from old habits, and start thinking differently about

themselves and their weight. It wasn't about meal plans or calorie

counts because they symbolized the problem and should be avoided. It

was about freedom. About helping them see their potential and what

they were truly capable of.

But I knew the diet industry didn't see things like I did. There

would be obstacles to overcome or workaround.

Obstacles

There would be resistance. The professionals on the team wouldn't

play along and quit the diet idea on a project funded by the National

Health Service. We'd all be out on our ears when word got out that the

dietician had pulled back on strict plans and diaries. I'd be first out the

door. Instead, I pushed on and ignored the team's apparent

contradictions. As it happens, no one noticed, there were no conflicts of

interest or falling out, and the team worked well. One or two eyebrows

from the client group might have been raised, but nothing was said. I'm

free of that now, but some apparent obstacles to traditional regimes are

worth noting.

15


Obstacle 1: Defining Success

The NHS had one clear metric for success: weight loss. Pounds

lost. Kilograms shed. These numbers could be measured, graphed, and

presented as evidence of the program's effectiveness. After all, this was

a weight-loss program, and they wanted concrete and tangible results.

But to me, numbers couldn't and shouldn't define success alone.

My research showed that rapid weight loss often leads to rapid weight

gain. It's a cruel cycle that traps people in endless frustration and selfblame.

Beyond that, I knew from experience with many human

problems that success is deeply personal.

I thought back to the young people I'd worked with in other areas

of my career. For some, success wasn't about hitting the top grades or

excelling in sports; it was simply about showing up. Spending a full day

in the classroom was monumental for a teenager who'd been skipping

school for years. That was their version of success, and it was worth

celebrating.

This program could define success in countless ways: feeling

better in your body, moving more freely, and enjoying life without the

constant shadow of guilt or shame. It wasn't about the number on the

scale but how the participants felt about themselves.

Still, convincing others of this would be an uphill battle, so I didn't.

The NHS wanted measurable results, and I couldn't blame them. They

16


needed to justify the program's expense. But I also knew we'd miss the

bigger picture if we defined success too narrowly.

Obstacle 2: Focusing on the Problem

The second obstacle was perhaps the most fundamental: the tools

traditionally used in weight-loss programs were entirely at odds with

my approach.

Participants were expected to keep food diaries, track calories, and

weigh themselves weekly. These well-meaning tools were staples of the

industry, but to me, they represented the very problem we were trying to

solve. They forced people to focus on their weight, the one thing they

wanted to escape.

It was like asking an alcoholic to document every drink or a

smoker to count every cigarette. It kept them tethered to their struggles,

reinforcing the idea that they failed every time they slipped. Instead of

freeing them, these tools tightened the chains.

In my work, I never asked clients to obsess over their problems. If

someone came to me wanting to overcome a phobia, I didn't ask them to

catalog their fears. If someone wanted to quit smoking, I didn't have

them measure the nicotine content of each cigarette. I always focused

on the solution: "When does this problem affect you the least?" "What's

different when things go well?"

17


The same principle applies here. I wanted the group to shift their

focus away from the problem, away from their weight, and toward the

solution. I called this way of thinking "living like the weightless"

because the weightless had much to teach us.

Look in any town square, and you'll see them; they are ordinary

people. The weightless weren't supermodels or fitness fanatics; they're

ordinary people who maintain a healthy weight without obsessing over

food. They didn't count calories, track their meals, or weigh themselves

daily. What's more, they had few actual weight goals. Like many

clients, their hopes and desires were much less grand. They didn't

expect a perfect life, just progress.

Our social media can be a fascinating snapshot of what we're all

about. The weightless didn't obsess over food or calories. Instead, they

liked fishing, hiking, and playing with their kids without food

dominating their thoughts. I wanted to cultivate that mindset in the

group and during our time together.

Obstacle 3: The Failure of Diets

The third obstacle was the hardest to navigate because it struck the

heart of the weight-loss industry: diets don't work.

That's not just my opinion; it's backed by research. Studies have

shown that dieting is a predictor of future weight gain. The more

18


someone diets, the more likely they will become heavier in the long run.

It's a vicious cycle that leaves people blaming themselves when the real

problem is the system they've been trapped in.

But here's the paradox: every diet has its success stories. Every diet

has someone who swears by it and holds up their "Before" and "After"

photos to prove it works. If they fail, it creates the illusion that the diet

is the solution and the individual is the problem.

The truth is that diets are designed to fail. They create temporary

change but offer no lasting freedom. They rely on restriction, which

inevitably leads to rebellion. I'd seen this pattern play out repeatedly,

and I knew we had to break away from it if we wanted real change.

Obstacle 4: What to do instead

When I'd developed the idea of quitting diets and getting on with

life, there was a noticeable gap to fill. What should I do instead? People

who fight against their weight can often do so for decades and become

embedded in the diet mindset. It's scary to drop all that and go alone.

This is not the case since I left the project and developed this program.

In it, I wanted to provide the information required and the tools to make

it a success.

These clashes weren't easy to overcome. I knew I couldn't

completely dismantle the traditional methods my colleagues relied on,

nor could I ignore the pressure to deliver measurable results. But I also

19


knew that if I didn't challenge these ideas, we'd be doing a disservice to

the people we were trying to help.

So, I focused on what I could control: building a program that

worked from the inside out. It was not another weight-loss plan tethered

to food diaries, calorie counts, or rigid rules but a program that would

empower participants to reframe their thinking, rebuild their

confidence, and focus on living the life they truly wanted.

And that's how Quit Your Diet – Think to Shrink was born.

This isn't a book about dieting. It's not about guilt, restriction, or

obsessing over every bite of food. It's about freedom—the freedom to

break away from the exhausting cycle of diets and finally take control

of your life. It's about helping you quit your diet forever and replace it

with a mindset that leads to lasting change.

Over the next 14 days, I'll guide you through a process that will

challenge what you've been taught about weight loss. Together, we'll let

go of the tools and beliefs that have held you back, and you'll embrace a

new way of thinking—one rooted in empowerment and possibility.

This approach worked for me and the group I worked with on this

revolutionary project, and I hope it will work for you, too.

20


“By the end of these 14 days, you won't just be free

from dieting, you’ll be free to live a life that feels full,

joyful, and in control.”

You'll understand how your mind works and how to align it with

your goals. And perhaps most importantly, you'll have a sense of clarity

and confidence that no diet plan could ever give you.

This journey isn't about perfection; it's about progress. It's about

learning, growing, and reclaiming your power, one step at a time.

LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE TO THE QUIT YOUR DIET PODCAST:

https://www.actionfactorypublishing.com/podcast

21


2 - The Project that Changed Everything

Quit Your Diet: Think to Shrink isn't about The Morbidity Project

or what happened in that tennis club. But without that experience, I

might never have understood why the world treats weight loss so

differently from every other challenge we face.

For decades, I've worked with people navigating some of life's

most challenging problems—addiction, trauma, family breakdowns,

and high-pressure business environments. In those areas, I helped

people break free from limiting beliefs, shift their mindsets, and create

meaningful change. And yet, when it came to weight loss, society

insisted on treating it as something unique, something that required

endless rules, suffering, and punishment.

That never sat right with me.

22


I was curious. I wanted to know why weight loss was treated as an

outlier, why people were told their success depended on willpower

alone, and why, despite the billions poured into diets, fitness programs,

and medical interventions so many people were still struggling. No one

asked what thinner people do and what we could do to shift our

personal mindset to mirror those without weight problems. No

intervention reflected what we do with alcoholics, drug users, and much

more to set them free.

I already knew that my approach, combining Solution-Focused

Brief Therapy, NLP, and Clinical Hypnosis, had transformed lives in

some of the most complex situations imaginable. These weren't just

theories but strategies that helped millions create lasting change. If they

worked for addiction, crisis intervention, high-stakes negotiations, and

business leadership, why wouldn't they work for weight loss?

The only way to find out was to immerse myself in the problem.

That's how I found myself in the middle of The Morbidity Project. And

by the time it was over, I had gathered the insights I needed to build a

program that finally made sense.

When I was first invited to participate in The Morbidity Project,

I’d no idea what I was walking into. Even the name sounded ominous.

It conjured images of extreme reality TV shows—public weighins,

contestants sobbing in front of the camera, gruelling workouts

designed more for spectacle than actual change.

But this wasn't a show. This was real life.

23


The goal was straightforward, at least on paper: take twelve

individuals struggling with severe, life-threatening obesity and throw

every possible professional resource at them for 12 weeks, medical

support, dietary guidance, psychological tools, fitness coaching, and

behavioral therapy.

In theory, it sounded like a dream scenario. If we provided people

with everything they needed, change would be inevitable. But I knew

better than to believe in theory alone.

The Structure and the Real Problem

We met once a week at a local tennis club, our unlikely

headquarters for the program.

The structure was simple, almost clinical:

Health Check-ins: A nurse monitored weight, blood pressure, and

other key indicators.

Dietary Reviews: A dietitian analyzed food diaries, tracked intake,

and provided nutritional advice.

Fitness Sessions: Group exercise programs helped participants

move more and build confidence.

24


Mindset and Behavior Work: This was my domain—where I

helped people change their thoughts about themselves and their

challenges.

On the surface, the project had all the ingredients for success.

Every participant had access to expertise, guidance, and support. There

were no gimmicks, no miracle cures, just a structured plan built on

logic.

And yet, before the first session, I sensed the real issue wasn't what

people knew, it was what they believed.

Over the years, I've worked with people who have overcome

addictions, rebuilt broken lives, and transformed the way they operate

under pressure. The most important lesson I've learned is this: lasting

change doesn't come from information alone. It comes from the

transformation in thinking.

“PEOPLE DON'T STRUGGLE WITH WEIGHT LOSS BECAUSE THEY

LACK KNOWLEDGE. THEY STRUGGLE BECAUSE THEY'RE

TRAPPED IN A MINDSET THAT MAKES SUCCESS FEEL

IMPOSSIBLE.”

And that's precisely what I saw in The Morbidity Project.

Some participants had spent years believing they were destined to

be overweight. Others had internalized failure after years of dieting and

rebounding. Many saw diets as an emotional anchor they couldn't

imagine living without.

25


It wasn't about calories, carbs, or cardio. It was about identity,

habit, and self-perception.

That's when I knew: the real battle wasn't with food or fitness. It

was with the way people saw themselves.

Despite the challenges, the group committed. Week after week,

they showed up, ready to do the work. Attendance remained nearly

perfect—something I had never seen in programs like this.

And the changes started to appear, not just in numbers, but in life.

One man walked into a session grinning, having gone for a walk

for the first time in years.

Another quietly admitted he'd stopped buying his daily Mars bar, a

habit he had carried as long as he could remember.

A woman arrived at our final meeting wearing jeans she had sworn

she'd fit into by the end of the program.

These weren't dramatic, headline-worthy transformations. They

weren't "before and after" pictures splashed across social media. But

they were real.

And they proved something I had long suspected: success isn't

about willpower or suffering. It's about reclaiming control.

I often joked that I didn't belong in that room. I wasn't a dietitian, a

fitness coach, or a medical professional. My background wasn't in

weight loss at all.

But I did have four decades of experience helping people change

across therapy, business, addiction, and high-pressure decision-making.

26


I had spent my career proving that real change doesn't come from force

but from understanding, strategy, and mindset shifts.

While the doctors and dietitians focused on food and movement, I

focused on people's thoughts. I helped them challenge their

assumptions, break their mental patterns, and reframe their struggles.

And the most important lesson I brought to the project was this:

“CHANGE ISN'T ABOUT FORCING YOURSELF TO FOLLOW A RIGID

PLAN. IT'S ABOUT ALIGNING YOUR MINDSET WITH YOUR GOALS;

AFTER THAT, EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE.”

Building the Quit Your Diet Program

By the end of The Morbidity Project, I had my answer.

Weight loss didn't fail because people lacked knowledge. It failed

because people were asked to fight against their psychology—following

rigid, unsustainable rules rather than working with their minds.

That's why I built Quit Your Diet – Think to Shrink.

I turned to my most trusted, battle-tested strategies, the same ones

that had helped millions break addictions, navigate crises, and rebuild

their lives:

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy - because change happens when

you focus on solutions, not problems.

27


NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) - because how we speak to

ourselves shapes our reality.

Clinical Hypnosis - because the subconscious mind holds the key

to behavior change.

I pulled lessons from the greatest minds in transformation:

Satir.

"If what you're doing isn't working, try anything else." - Virginia

"Almost all problems were once a solution to another problem." -

Richard Bandler.

And I built a system designed to do what no diet had ever done:

work with your mind instead of against it.

This book isn't about The Morbidity Project. It's about what I

learned.

The following chapters will introduce the tools, strategies, and

mindset shifts to help you break free from the diet cycle for good.

Give yourself 14 days to prepare, and you can be free of the diet

mindset forever.

Because weight loss isn't about suffering, it's about thinking

differently.

And once you do that, everything changes.

28


3 - How to use this book

Woody Allen once famously quipped,

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty

minutes."

"Wow," someone asked. "What was it about?"

"It's about Russia," he replied.

This clever joke perfectly captures the idea that attempting to learn

or absorb something superficially, without the necessary time, effort,

and depth, often leads to oversimplified or shallow results. It's a playful

reminder that some things cannot be rushed if we want to understand or

master them truly.

29


Given the same scenario, you might say,

"What is Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink about?"

The answer: "It is about weight loss."

It's about much more than that. To truly understand it, you will

need to read, reflect, and later be willing to try and work with some

mental exercises that may feel counterintuitive.

This book and course are designed as a step-by-step guide to help

you break free from dieting for good. It's not about restriction, guilt, or

willpower, it’s about understanding how your mind works and using

that knowledge to create lasting change.

The journey is divided into three distinct parts, each carefully

designed to shift your mindset, empower your choices, and put you in

control.

Part One: The Diet Mentality

Before you can move forward, you need to break free from the

patterns that have kept you stuck.

In this first section, we'll critically examine the diet industry—an

industry that, often with the best intentions, traps people in a cycle of

hope, failure, and frustration.

We'll explore a change model that reveals an ironic truth:

30


All diets work, and all diets don't.

The reason most traditional weight loss interventions fail isn't

because people lack willpower—it's because they are operating at the

wrong level of change. Diets, government health advice, and slimming

clubs focus on what you eat, but the real issue lies beneath that.

By the end of Part One, you'll have a new way of thinking about

weight loss. You'll clearly understand what not to do, and more

importantly, you'll be ready to discover what to do instead in Parts Two

and Three.

Part Two: Understanding Your Mind

Your mind is your greatest weapon, but it can also be your biggest

obstacle.

In Part Two, we'll uncover the psychology of change and the

mental traps that have quietly shaped your decisions for years. These

patterns aren't flaws or failures—they are habits your brain has learned

over time.

The key is awareness. When you recognize how your mind

operates, you can stop being a passenger in your own life and take the

wheel.

Imagine making choices that genuinely serve you—without guilt,

without struggle, without feeling like you're constantly at war with

yourself. This part of the book is about empowering you with insights

and strategies to turn your mind into your strongest ally.

31


Part Three: D-Day—Your Toolkit for Change

This is where it all comes together.

In the final section, we take action. No more theory—this is where

you start rewiring your mind for success and get ready for D-day.

You'll learn how to:

• Rewrite the stories you tell yourself so that failure, guilt, and

frustration no longer hold power over you.

• Break unwanted habits and replace them with new, automatic ones—

without needing willpower.

• Use tools and techniques that have already helped millions so you can

quit dieting for good.

We'll build towards D-Day, Diet Day, the day you walk away from

dieting forever.

But this isn't just about quitting diets. It's about defining success on

your terms.

• For you, success might mean:

• Feeling more assertive and more in control of your body.

• Having more energy and mental clarity.

• Finally, escaping the constant stress of food rules and body image

struggles.

32


Whatever your personal vision of success, this final section will

give you the roadmap and tools to achieve it.

Along the way, I will invite you to register or visit me at:

www.actionfactorypublishing.com

where I will provide updated resources as they become available.

Enjoying Quit your Diet?

Why not offer your followers a free copy?

33


The Robot

I have a little robot that goes around with me.

I tell it what I'm thinking; I tell it what I see.

I tell my little robot all my hopes and fears.

It listens and remembers everything it hears.

At first, my little robot followed my commands,

But after years of training, it's gotten out of hand.

It doesn't care what's right or wrong or what is false or

true;

No matter what I try now, it tells me what to do.

Author Unknown

34


In this book, we will work to regain control of our little robot and,

for some, learn that we have one in the first place.

Making Assumptions About You

As we progress through this book and course, I'll make some

assumptions about you, just as I do with all my clients. I don't know you

personally, but that doesn't matter.

I learned long ago that our assumptions about someone powerfully

shape how we interact with them. The word assumption doesn't imply

truth, it simply asks us to act as if something is true. In my experience,

progress happens faster and more effectively when I work with people

based on the correct assumptions.

So, while these assumptions may not be perfect, please consider

them not as judgments but as starting points for real change.

There's a story I often share in my training that illustrates the

power of assumptions.

Imagine this:

A young man runs a red light and is spotted by the police. When

pulled over, he quickly explains, "I'm so sorry, officer. I was rushing

home because my mum was due back any minute. My dad was a war

veteran who passed away a few years ago, and every year, I buy her a

35


birthday present from him. I left it on the table and wanted to be home

before she arrived."

Now, pause for a moment, what are your assumptions about this

young man? His character? His home? His circumstances?

Now, let's change just one detail. Same young man, same situation,

but this time he says, "I'm so sorry, officer. I was rushing home because

my mum is due back any minute… and I left a huge bag of weed on the

table."

Has your perception of him changed?

This simple shift highlights how easily our assumptions shape our

judgments and interactions, often without realizing it.

Let's go further. I want you to make these assumptions about

yourself. Truth doesn't come into it; we commit to behaving and

thinking as if these statements were factual about ourselves. In the same

way as all my other clients, you will speak to yourself differently.

Our assumptions shape how we see the world and act within it.

Even if they are not true, we behave as if they are, and our minds filter

out anything that challenges them. Think of it like this: if you believe

all men are untrustworthy, you will find daily proof to back it up while

ignoring evidence to the contrary. Assumptions work both ways, so why

not make them serve us? Below are some foundational assumptions to

36


guide our approach. Whether they are objectively true does not matter;

they work when we stick to them.

As you read through these assumptions, you may find them

counterintuitive, but I will ask you to believe these assumptions about

yourself.

1. The Map is Not the Territory

Your mind does not see reality; it sees your version of it. We all

carry mental "maps" based on our experiences, and no two maps are

alike. Imagine two hikers on a road: one says, "Let's cross here." The

other insists it is a river and heads for a bridge. Both believe they are

right because their internal maps tell them so. Therapists do not redraw

someone's map for them; they walk alongside, helping the person see

things differently. Sometimes, the bridge is the safest route, even if the

map says otherwise.

2. You Are the Expert of Your Own Life

No one knows your life better than you. Therapists, friends, and

family can offer advice, but they are guessing based on their maps, not

yours. A great therapist does not hand out solutions; they ask the right

questions to help you uncover your answers. Advice from others may be

well-meaning, but real change comes from within.

37


3. If You Always Do What You've Always Done,

You'll Always Get What You Always Got

It is simple: keep doing the same thing, and you will keep getting

the same results. Want something different? You have to change what

you are doing. Are you dreaming of a better job, a healthier body, or a

new lifestyle? Start by breaking old patterns. If life is already perfect,

by all means, stick with what works. Otherwise, mix it up.

4. There Is No Failure, Only Lessons

Things will not always go your way, but that does not mean you've

failed—it means you have learned something. Every setback is a chance

to adjust your approach. Think of a salesperson: each rejection teaches

them how to refine their pitch. The same goes for life. Failure is not the

end; it is part of the process.

If What You Are Doing Isn't Working, Try Something Else

Feeling stuck? If your current approach is not making you happy,

switch it up. Anything new is better than repeating what is not working.

5. Today's Problem Was Yesterday's Solution

Most problems started as solutions. Debt solved stress temporarily

through retail therapy. Overeating might have soothed a tough day.

38


Understanding what it was that your current problem once solved can

help you move forward and avoid creating a new one to replace it.

6. There's a Positive Intention Behind Every

Behavior

Even the worst actions stem from someone's best option at the

moment. Whether it is anger, avoidance, or even something extreme,

people act based on what feels like the right choice at the time.

Recognizing this does not excuse harm but helps us understand it, and

that understanding can lead to change.

7. You Can Pretend You Can

Your brain does not always know the difference between

imagination and reality. Use that to your advantage. Smile when you are

down, and your mood will follow. Pretend you are already fitter, more

competent, or more confident, and your brain will start aligning your

actions with that image. Play the part, and soon, you will live it.

These assumptions are not just ideas—they are tools. Use them to

navigate challenges, shift your mindset, and create real change.

So there we have it. We are ready to begin a fascinating journey. To

get the most from this book and its ideas, be willing to try what is new,

different, or counterintuitive.

39


Visit www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage to

download a handy reminder to put in a diary or pin on the wall.

The most effective way to approach this book and course is to read

through everything before taking action. This will allow you to absorb

the concepts and fully prepare for real change. At the end of the book,

you'll find my 14-day planning template — a step-by-step guide

designed to help you transition smoothly into the final stage. By

following it, you'll be ready to take a mighty leap forward, equipped

with the mindset and tools to break free from dieting for good.

Enjoying this book? Thanks for your support.

40


4 - DNA vs ME-NA

It was a crisp morning, and I found myself sitting in a café in the

heart of Manchester, sipping coffee and watching the world go by. My

attention was drawn to a man selling The Big Issue magazine on the

street. There was something magnetic about him. Unlike others selling

the magazine, he was animated and charming, greeting people with an

infectious enthusiasm. His smile was so genuine it was impossible not

to feel its warmth, even from a distance. People walked away from him

smiling, regardless of whether they bought a magazine.

I couldn’t resist watching him a little longer. It became clear he had

built relationships with regular customers, who seemed to enjoy their

brief exchanges with him as much as he did. He sold noticeably more

magazines than anyone else around.

41


On the drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. His ability

to engage with people was extraordinary, a gift most sales professionals

would envy. Yet here he was, selling magazines on the street, and by

default, he was presumably homeless. With his natural charm and

people skills, he could have excelled in almost any sales role, from

health club memberships to luxury timeshares.

So why wasn’t he?

That question stayed with me. What defined his comfort zone?

What set the boundaries of his ambition?

And then it hit me. I started to develop a new idea, a thought

experiment if you like. We know that DNA determines our physical

traits, but I began to imagine a mental blueprint that worked in our

minds to shape our beliefs, expectations, and what we’re willing to

strive for.

I call it ME-NA, my mental version of DNA. I started to believe

we all have one.

What is ME-NA?

We all know DNA as the genetic blueprint that defines our physical

characteristics. It determines everything from our eye color to height to

42


our predisposition to specific health conditions. DNA is fixed; it doesn’t

change after we’re born.

But ME-NA is different.

I imagined ME-NA as our mental blueprint, shaped not by genetics

but by experience, culture, and the stories we tell ourselves. It sets the

limits of our comfort zone and defines what we believe we deserve in

life. Unlike DNA, ME-NA isn’t fixed. It evolves as we grow, face

challenges, and push beyond our boundaries.

Take the Big Issue seller. He had charm, charisma, and the ability

to connect with strangers effortlessly, skills that could make him a star

in any sales environment. But his ME-NA told him he belonged on the

streets, selling magazines. He was content with what he had, even

though he could achieve much more.

said,;

Now compare him to entrepreneur Duncan Bannatyne, who once

“Drop me in a town anywhere in the world with nothing, and I’ll

find a way to make money.”

Is Bannatyne the most intelligent or most talented person in the

world? Probably not. What sets him apart is his ME-NA, his unshakable

belief that he’ll succeed, no matter the circumstances.

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Both the Big Issue seller and Bannatyne have skills, determination,

and the ability to connect with others. The difference lies in what their

ME-NA allows them to imagine for themselves.

Think about your own life. What kind of car do you drive? What

job do you have? How do those choices compare to what you believe

you’re capable of?

These decisions aren’t just about resources or talent; your ME-NA

shapes them, the mental blueprint that defines your comfort zone.

The beauty of ME-NA is that, unlike DNA, it can be rewritten. It’s

not set in stone.

Imagine the Big Issue seller taking a leap and landing a job selling

gym memberships. At first, he might struggle and need guidance to help

him realize his potential. But once he found his footing, his lifestyle and

expectations would shift. Over time, his ME-NA would adapt, telling

him this new reality was where he belonged.

Now, imagine he loses that job and ends up back on the streets.

Would he settle there again? Probably not. His new ME-NA would push

him to return to where he feels he belongs, driving him to act

accordingly. That’s the power of ME-NA; the invisible force shapes

what we think we deserve and our decisions.

This brings me to another story that stretches the boundaries of

what we think we’re capable of. It involves endurance athlete Rich Roll,

author of Finding Ultra, a man known for running over 100 miles in a

single day.

44


Rich rolled his eyes when his friend proposed something

outrageous: completing five Ironman-distance triathlons on five

Hawaiian islands in under a week. Even for Rich, this was a

monumental challenge, and he questioned whether it could be done.

An Ironman consists of:

Swimming: 2.4 miles (3.86 kilometers)

Cycling: 112 miles (180.25 kilometers)

Running: 26.2 miles (42.2 kilometers, a marathon)

Even for Rich Roll, the idea was daunting. But what made the

proposal even more remarkable was the man behind it, his friend Jason

Lester.

Jason Lester is also an ultra-endurance athlete, but he differs from

Rich in one significant respect: he lost the use of his right arm in a car

accident at the age of 12. Despite this, he’s completed multiple Ironman

and Ultraman competitions. Lester’s belief in his ability to achieve the

impossible and his ME-NA were so strong that they allowed him to

propose and complete what became known as the EPIC5 Challenge.

Think about that for a moment. A man who could have let his

physical challenges define him instead rewrote his ME-NA to push past

every conceivable limit.

You might wonder: what does this have to do with weight loss or

fitness?

45


The connection is simple. Many of us blame our physical DNA for

our weight or fitness levels, and there may be some truth to that. But

how often do we stop to examine our ME-NA?

Your ME-NA determines what you’re willing to accept for

yourself. It dictates whether you see your weight or fitness as something

you can change or are stuck with.

Think about it: someone with a ME-NA that says, “I deserve to be

healthy and fit,” is far more likely to make choices that align with that

belief. Someone whose ME-NA tells them, “This is just who I am,” will

likely accept an unhealthy lifestyle.

The good news?

ME-NA can change. It’s not easy, but with the right tools and

mindset, you can rewrite your mental blueprint to demand more for

yourself and your life.

Your ME-NA can overcome anything your physical DNA throws at

you. Once you change your ME-NA, everything else—your habits,

decisions, and outcomes—falls into place.

ME-NA is simply a concept or thought experiment I came up with,

but it’s easy to see how influential it can be in our lives when adopted.

In the next chapter, I’ll talk about how we can change this mental

DNA by identifying where our problem lies and the level at which we

should approach it.

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5 - Where’s the problem?

One of the earliest lightbulb moments for me, as part of what

eventually became Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink, was realizing that

being overweight is not as simple as "calories in, calories out." We

worked weekly with a group of morbidly obese individuals and saw

their motivations, successes, and failures in action, as well as gained

insights into their way of thinking.

I began to see that excess weight was not the root problem but a

symptom of something else.

But here's the catch: even when you acknowledge that, it does not

mean you are pointing to some buried trauma or a fundamental flaw in

the person. It is not about blame or baggage. Instead, it is about

perspective.

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This shift in thinking came when I stopped looking at weight

solely as a problem to solve and started examining the paradigms

behind it. I began to ask a simple but profound question: what is

different about people who never seem to struggle with their weight?

The answer was fascinating. These so-called "weightless" eaters

live in the same world as the rest of us. They watch the same tempting

food ads, navigate the same supermarket aisles filled with sugary

delights, and have the same access to fast food. Yet none carry food

diaries, adhere to strict eating plans, or follow regimented workout

regimes.

What they do have, however, is a fundamentally different way of

thinking about food and their relationship with it. They operate from a

paradigm that does not include obsession, guilt, or overindulgence. This

was not about them being lucky, better, or more disciplined. It was

about their internal map of the world, a map that does not prioritize

food as the center of their lives.

That realization led me to a key insight:

The real issue is not 'what' the problem is.

It’s 'where' the problem is.

In the world of NLP, or Neurolinguistic Programming, a phrase has

become a cornerstone of my approach to change:

48


"The map is not the territory."

Let me explain with a story I often use in therapy. Imagine a man

walking through a forest with a group of therapists. They come to a

quiet tarmac road, but the man suddenly freezes, unwilling to cross.

When asked why, he explains, "That is not a road; it is a raging river."

From an outside perspective, it is obvious the man is mistaken. The

road is as solid and dry as any road you have ever seen. But in his mind,

this is a dangerous river in his world map, and no amount of reasoning

will convince him otherwise.

If you want to help him, do not argue about the "truth" of the road

versus the river. Instead, work with his map. Take his arm and walk him

to a bridge.

This idea that we all operate from our own maps got me thinking

about weight problems and the frameworks through which we

experience them. Before tackling a weight issue, we need to understand

where the problem truly resides.

This is not about pinpointing it on your hips or belly. It is about

locating it in your mental map. Is it tied to your beliefs about yourself,

your environment, or even your identity? Because where the problem

lies in your mind determines how best to address it.

If you have tried diets, exercise plans, or accountability systems in

the past only to see them wither away, it is not because you failed. It is

likely because those solutions targeted the wrong level of the problem.

Just to be clear, I'm not going down the cliche path of deep-rooted

issues that need to be dealt with, blah blah. In fact, if that were the case,

49


then it's the same way of looking at the problem. Any so-called issues

are only issues for the same reason: the paradigm or world map.

Fortunately, I discovered a mental model that helps us understand

this. It allows us to pinpoint where the issue resides and, more

importantly, how to approach it effectively. By understanding this

model, you'll see why some strategies might have worked briefly but

faded over time and why others never seemed to gain traction.

The secret lies in knowing what the problem is and where it is

hiding. Once you know that, everything changes.

Robert Dilts developed the model of the Logical Levels of Change.

It's a framework designed to manage and instigate change across

various domains, including education, business, health, and personal

transformation.

For readers of this book, it's unnecessary to delve deeply into the

theories behind the models we'll be using. However, for clarity, NLP,

short for the rather technical-sounding Neuro-Linguistic Programming,

is a psychological approach that explores the connection between

neurology (how we think), language (how we communicate), and

programming (our patterns of behavior and habits). Developed by

Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s, NLP focuses on

understanding how our thoughts, words, and actions shape our

experiences and outcomes.

The Logical Levels of Change was developed by Robert Dilts and

are best described as a hierarchy of influence, where each level affects

those below it.

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The levels, from bottom to top, are as follows:

1. Environment – Where and When Change Occurs

The environment refers to the world around you and the physical

spaces where you spend your time. This includes external factors like

your home, workplace, or social settings and the time and context in

which actions occur.

Example: Someone trying to eat healthier might struggle if they

work in a role where junk food is readily available. They can create a

setting that supports healthier choices by altering their work life, such

as changing departments or jobs.

2. Behavior – What You Do

Behavior involves your actions, habits, and routines. These are the

physical things you do that directly affect your results.

Example: A person looking to improve their fitness might start

walking for 20 minutes daily or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

These small, consistent actions help build healthier habits.

3. Capabilities and Strategies – How You Do It;

Skills and Knowledge

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This level relates to your skills, knowledge, and strategies to

achieve a goal. It answers the question, "How can I make this change?"

Example: Someone wanting to improve their health might take a

nutrition course or learn effective meal-prepping strategies. Gaining this

knowledge enables them to make informed decisions and take better

action.

4. Beliefs and Values – Why You Do It; The Deeper

Drivers Behind Behavior

Beliefs and values are the deeper motivations that influence

actions. They represent the "why" behind behavior, often shaping how

people see the world and themselves.

Example: Someone who believes "I'm not good at exercise" might

avoid physical activity, limiting their ability to form healthy habits.

However, if they shift their belief to "I am capable of finding an activity

I enjoy," their motivation and behavior will likely change.

5. Identity – Who You Are; How You See Yourself

Identity reflects your self-concept and the roles you fulfill in life. It

shapes your behavior by creating consistency between your actions and

sense of self.

52


Example: A person who identifies as "someone who prioritizes

health" will naturally align their actions, like exercising or eating well,

with that identity. Conversely, someone who sees themselves as "lazy"

may struggle to adopt healthy habits because it conflicts with their selfimage.

6. Spirituality/Mission – Your Greater Purpose

This level relates to your broader sense of purpose and connection

to something larger than yourself. The "ultimate why" gives meaning to

your actions and life.

Example: A parent might commit to getting healthier to be a

positive role model and ensure they're around to enjoy life with their

53


children. This deeper purpose drives them to stay focused on their

health journey.

Each level represents a different dimension of problems and

solutions. I like to think of this as a champagne fountain, where the

champagne represents your intervention. Pouring it into the lower levels

affects only those below, whereas interventions at the higher levels have

a cascading effect. While no level operates in isolation, focusing solely

on lower levels often leads to superficial or temporary results.

Dilts believed that working at the appropriate or higher level

creates a trickle-down effect, influencing all levels below. For example,

someone who struggles with fitness because they fundamentally believe

they are "not an active person" is unlikely to succeed with behavioral

54


changes like going to the gym. Addressing their beliefs, identity, or

mission is more likely to create lasting transformation.

As Dilts himself put it:

"If you want to achieve a goal, the goal must resonate with your

identity, values, and beliefs. The goal will feel like a struggle if these do

not align.”

This framework helps us identify where to focus our efforts for the

most profound and lasting change. By understanding and applying the

Logical Levels of Change, we can finally break free from the cycle of

failed attempts and create meaningful, sustainable progress.

In the next chapter, I'll examine this mental model and apply it to

our particular need for change. Once I can convince you of the levels of

change, I can convince you that operating at a higher level will yield

longer-lasting results.

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/quityourdiet

55


6 - What does this mean to us?

In the real world of business and sports, we can intuitively see this

effect all the time. Whether talking about football teams, corporations,

or individuals, we often try to solve problems at the wrong level. This

can lead to either short-lived results or slower than they could be.

Take the example of your favorite football team, which gets into a

bad run and loses games. Although the team has the skills and

knowledge to succeed on paper, management brings in a brilliant

tactician as a new manager.

This manager excels at identifying strategies to effectively utilize

players' skills (CAPABILITIES). Despite these plans, the team

continues to lose matches it should be winning. Star players miss easy

goals, and their performance lacks cohesion.

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Now consider another team with less talented players but a

different approach. Their new manager focuses on something more

profound, restoring the players' belief in themselves and their identity as

a team that can take on and defeat more vigorous opponents

(IDENTITY). Before long, they're winning games against teams they

have no right to beat on paper. This highlights the power of working at a

higher level, where changes ripple down to influence everything below.

This concept applies far beyond sports. Does your company, team,

or organization genuinely see itself as one of the best, or is it just an

"also-ran"? You can often answer that question in seconds. If the latter

is true, it's likely that management has attempted to solve problems at

lower levels—through retraining (CAPABILITIES) or implementing

stricter rules and regulations (BEHAVIOR)—rather than addressing the

deeper issues of identity or belief.

The Cascade Effect

This illustrates how working at higher levels can create change that

cascades downward. This principle holds true across many areas of life.

Consider the headlines about ex-gang members who become

community leaders or former criminals who dedicate their lives to

helping others. These transformations didn't come from superficial

changes to their environment or behavior but from shifts in their beliefs

about themselves and their identity. The same is true for those who lose

57


weight permanently by changing their mindset about food, health, and

who they are.

The effects are profound when we aim for change at a higher level,

such as identity or spirituality. Changes made at the level of

environment or behavior may trickle upward to some extent, but they

are far less likely to create lasting transformation. Conversely, changes

at the highest levels cascade down, influencing everything below.

The most profound examples of this can be seen in history. Figures

like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King Jr. didn't

just impact their environments or behaviors, they inspired changes at

the deepest levels of belief, identity, and purpose, transforming millions

of lives. Their environments and capabilities were secondary to their

unwavering sense of mission and spiritual purpose.

In the interest of clarity, I've updated the pyramid and selected

categories that better reflect our goal of improved health.

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Click the image to download.

Now, let's apply these ideas to your issue. Using the Logical Levels

of Change, consider where your weight challenges reside. Are they

rooted in your environment, behaviors, or perhaps more profound

beliefs about who you are?

To prime our mindset, look at the statements below and see if you

can determine the level at which their problem resides.

These statements might be familiar to you or others you know. You

can't get this wrong, as there are always opinions either way.

1. Emma

"I work in a bakery, and the smell of fresh pastries makes it

impossible to resist snacking throughout the day."

2. Jack

"I stay up late binge-watching TV shows and always snack on

chips while watching. It's become a nightly habit."

3. Sarah

"I know I need to lose weight, but I honestly don't know how to

cook healthy meals or plan a proper diet."

4. Liam

"I've always thought, 'I can't lose weight because it runs in the

family,' so I don't even try."

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5. Ava

"I've always been the 'fun foodie' in my friend group. People expect

me to order the biggest dessert or suggest the next big food trend."

Now might be a good time to examine our weight issue and see if

we can discover which level it's at. Bear in mind that the less thought,

the better; it will naturally feel like it belongs.

Try asking yourself the question.

What is the main reason I struggle with my weight?

Next, place a cross on the diagram at the appropriate level in the

first column.


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Once you've identified your reasons, it's time to consider some of

the solutions you may have tried in the past—or ones you are thinking

about trying.

The goal here is to evaluate whether the solutions you've used

before target the right level of change for you. Are they addressing the

root cause of your challenges, or are they focused on surface-level

fixes?

Feel free to add your own ideas, but here are some suggestions. As

you read through each one, place a mark in the box corresponding to the

level of change you think it addresses.

Government Advice:

Government advice is a common starting point as officials respond

to the nation's rising weight. With increasing affluence, more people are

struggling with weight-related issues. In response, governments often

"invest" in public health campaigns. Examples include the 5-a-day fruit

and vegetable initiative, TV adverts, and informational flyers at doctor's

surgeries. They aim to provide nutritional advice through accessible

channels such as government websites.

Food Labeling:

Modern food labeling laws require manufacturers to display

detailed information about nutrients, fat content, and calories. Some

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groups even use pie charts or color-coding systems to help people

identify healthier options. These tools are designed to help people make

informed decisions about what they eat.

Physical Interventions or Surgery:

For more extreme cases, physical interventions such as jaw wiring,

stomach stapling, or liposuction may be options. These solutions

physically alter the body by restricting food intake or removing fat.

They are often viewed as quick fixes but have significant risks and

implications.

Medication:

Diet medications, or weight loss drugs, are prescription

medications available in some countries to help individuals manage

their weight. They typically work by reducing appetite, blocking fat

absorption, or increasing metabolism. While they can be effective when

used alongside a healthy diet and exercise, they may cause mild side

effects such as diarrhea, constipation, and nausea.

Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink:

Quit Your Diet—Think to Shrink introduces you to the mental

aspect of weight loss. These approaches first emphasize winning the

mental battle using techniques from proven therapeutic and

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motivational models. They explore how beliefs, self-perception, and

mindset can propel you toward your goals. The models employed are

drawn from practices that have driven change in high achievers and

addressed deep-seated challenges such as drug and alcohol addiction.

By reflecting on these solutions and the levels they address, you

can better understand what might work for you and what has fallen

short in the past. Sometimes, the key is not the solution but whether it

aligns with the deeper reasons behind your struggle.

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In the next diagram, I've suggested solutions you may have tried

on a personal level. You can do the same exercise here.


Diet Regime:

Dieting is the first place we all go when we decide to lose weight

and at first seems to be the obvious choice. There's no shortage of

options to choose from, including books, food supplements, and

prepackaged meal plans.

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Exercise:

Exercise is widely recommended as a key component of weight

management. It includes activities ranging from walking and gym

workouts to structured fitness programs.

Non-Prescribed Medication:

The internet is filled with non-prescribed herbal remedies, weight

reducers, and fat burners, often with little scientific backing and wild

claims to boost metabolism, suppress appetite, or block fat absorption.

Slimming Clubs:

A local slimming club or group is an option many have taken,

usually combining meal plans, group support, and lifestyle coaching.

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Popular choices include weekly meetings where members track

progress, share experiences, and receive guidance.

It starts to become clear that if we apply the Champagne Fountain

logic, then we may still have been acting at the wrong level, which may

explain why it never felt quite right or why we struggled and failed.

I can't predict the exact results of your chart, but experience tells

me that specific patterns are almost universal. The root of the problem

often lies at one of the other levels. What stands out most when we do

this exercise is the alignment, or lack thereof, between your problem

and the solutions you’ve tried.

Have you been using strategies that consistently clash with the

higher levels of change?

Perhaps you are working hard to change your behavior, but your

efforts are undermined by a belief system that tells you, deep down,

"I'm a fat person with no self-control." You may also adopt a new

fitness routine without understanding nutrition, human biology, or

exercise science. Success becomes nearly impossible when your actions

are misaligned with your beliefs or knowledge.

Think about this: when was the last time you heard a world-class

athlete accept an award and say, "I never expected to win"?

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Success at any level, including weight loss, requires a mindset of

belief, purpose, and alignment.

Even those who believe they have achieved their fitness goals

through sheer willpower and dieting should consider this question

carefully. Was it really just the diet that made the difference? Or was

there a subtle but profound shift in your thoughts about yourself and

your capabilities? If you succeeded, it is likely because you

unknowingly changed something in your mental framework. The truth

is that diet alone is destined to fail without addressing the mind. If you

are one of those success stories, congratulations—but millions never

made the mental adjustment needed to succeed for everyone.

Next, we can look at the chart again in a different way.

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Consider which of these require physical effort and which demand

mental intervention. The answer is clear. The lower levels, such as

environment and behavior, require physical effort. But the higher levels

—beliefs, identity, and beyond—require a shift in how you think. The

higher the level you address, the more impactful the results will be.

Acting at these higher levels creates a cascade effect that can transform

everything below.

I’ve trained mental health professionals, teachers, and social

workers for over two decades. I’ve worked on the front lines with

families in crisis, alcoholics, drug users, and victims of abuse. My

methods are not my inventions; they result from years of study and

refinement. I have adapted and tested techniques from NLP, Solution

Focused Therapy, and Hypnosis. These methods have been clinically

studied and have achieved success rates surpassing any diet program.

Consider this: asking an alcoholic to stop drinking or avoid the pub

does nothing to change their beliefs or identity. The same principle

applies to weight loss. Yet, as a society, we persist in using strategies

that do not address the deeper issues. My approach incorporates these

proven methods into a program of mental exercises—a toolbox filled

with practical techniques to help you reshape your relationship with

food.

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This is not a quick-fix fad or a magical formula for losing weight

in weeks. It’s challenging work. In some ways, it is just as demanding

as the mental energy you currently waste counting calories or forcing

yourself to eat foods your body does not want.

So, what's the worst that could happen if you threw away the diet

books and food diaries right now? Please don't skip this book or attend

a seminar to think it over. You have an opportunity today to begin the

Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink program. By working at a higher level,

you can see the results cascade downward and transform your life in

ways you never thought possible.

By now, I hope I've convinced you that your mind plays the most

significant role in achieving weight loss and maintaining a healthy

lifestyle. Using the Personal Levels of Change Model, you have taken

inventory to identify where your challenges lie and assessed the

effectiveness of your past strategies. The key takeaway from this

chapter is that by addressing the higher levels of the pyramid, your

mind, beliefs, and identity—you can create more impactful

interventions that naturally cascade downward, leading to lasting and

meaningful results.

"But how? What can I do?" you might ask. That's precisely what

this book is here to answer. After decades of working with troubled

individuals, I'm ready to give you the tools and insights you need to

create lasting change.

But first...

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The next chapter takes a momentary detour as we prepare to move

forward and build our readiness for the journey ahead. It's not about you

but about the people around you, your friends, family, and colleagues.

When you commit to lasting change, they may experience what I call

Reverse Capgras Syndrome, a mental quirk not found in any medical

textbook.

focused.

To help them (and yourself), you will need to stay intense and

In the next chapter, we will explore this phenomenon and the

strategies you can use to navigate it.


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7 - Everything changes but me

this:

There's a classic joke from Woody Allen's Annie Hall that goes like

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, 'Doc, my

brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.'

The doctor says, 'Why don't you turn him in?'

And the guy replies, 'I would, but I need the eggs.'"

It's funny but also deeply insightful. In a way, it reflects how our

friends and family might feel about us when we start to change. They

want the best for us, or so they say, but deep down, they might need the

"eggs."

This book is not about quick fixes or dramatic transformations. It is

about steady, sustainable changes that lead to long-term results. But

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here is the thing: when you change, it does not just affect you. It

involves the people around you, too, and not always in ways you might

expect.

People build relationships with the version of you they know. The

"old you" fit into a predictable role in their lives, and when you start to

change, especially in noticeable ways like losing weight, it can be

unsettling. It is not malicious, and it is not always conscious, but it

happens.

Your change can make others uncomfortable. This phenomenon

reminds me of what is often called the "frogs in a bucket" syndrome. If

you put a handful of frogs in a bucket and one frog tries to climb out,

the others instinctively pull it back in. It is not out of spite; it is just

instinct. Similarly, when you commit to significant change, like weight

loss, friends and family might unconsciously resist, pulling you back to

the familiar version of yourself.

Their Resistance Often Comes from a Place of Fear or Discomfort

• Fear of losing you: They worry your new habits might distance you

from shared activities or traditions.

• Fear of their reflection: Your commitment to change can highlight

their struggles, making them uncomfortable.

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• Fear of change: For some, any disruption to the status quo feels

threatening, even if the change is good for you.

This resistance often takes subtle forms, disguised as well-meaning

comments or playful teasing:

• Food sabotage: "Just have one slice of cake; it will not hurt! You have

done so well."

• Emotional guilt: "You are no fun anymore" when you decline a meal

out or skip a drink.

• Mocking or teasing: "Here comes the health nut! Get the salad out."

• Unconscious competition: Your success may illuminate their

insecurities, leading them to resist your change because it reminds

them of their lack of progress.

How can you handle the inevitable resistance?

First, it's essential to recognize that it is coming and to be prepared.

Remember, it is usually innocent from your friends and family's point

of view. Recognize it for what it is: a natural response to change.

Any form of outside resistance can be reframed as a compliment to

your success. Your friends are noticing. Let it roll off your back.

Remember, it is not about you; it is about them adjusting to a new

dynamic.

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Subtle communication can help. Make offhand comments that

reassure them you are still the same person. Share your reasons for

making this change, focusing on health, confidence, or personal

fulfillment.

Set firm but kind boundaries. For instance, when someone offers

dessert, politely say, "Thanks, but I will pass tonight." Or have fun with

it: "No thanks, I will have double tomorrow."

Suggest alternatives to old habits. If coffee meetups used to mean a

pastry on the side, propose going for a walk together instead. These

changes to routine will significantly impact your mindset, as we will

explore later in the book.

Instead, your transformation might inspire others. At first, they

may resist, but as they see your progress and confidence, they might

join you on their own journeys. What starts as resistance may turn into

admiration or even partnership.

It's possible that not every relationship will survive the change, and

that is okay. Some friendships or dynamics are too tied to the "old you"

to adapt. This is a natural part of growth and should not deter you from

your goals.

I once read a story about a new millionaire who won the lottery

and lost some of his closest friends. He wanted to be the same guy, but

not that his money changed him. It changed his friends.

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He said,

"I just wanted to be the same guy I always was, go to the pub, hang

out, and buy my round. But to everyone else, the expectations had

changed."

The same is true for your weight loss journey. You are not

abandoning anyone; you are simply trying to climb out of the bucket.

Those who genuinely care about you will understand and support your

journey. Those who do not may fall away, and that is alright.

Through your transformation, you can inspire others. Some will

join you; others may not. Either way, you will discover a new version of

yourself, and for those who resist?

They might be saying they just need the eggs.

This brings me to a concept I’ve developed around changing and

becoming someone new. As you push the mobile of life, you will see

different aspects of yourself shifting. Success often comes in stages; the

next step is to make those changes permanent.

In my research, I discovered a fascinating psychological condition

called Capgras Syndrome. It is a rare condition where someone

becomes convinced that imposters or identical doubles have replaced

their loved ones or familiar people. The delusion feels so real that no

amount of reasoning or evidence can convince them otherwise.

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Not to be confused with "imposter syndrome," which refers to selfdoubt,

Capgras Syndrome is an external belief about others.

As I worked with people on personal change, I noticed something I

christened "Reverse Capgras Syndrome," or RCS. Of course, it is not an

actual medical condition but a metaphor for how friends and family

react to the "new you" when you begin to change.

As you embark on this journey, there will be no fanfare, farewell

party, or cheering crowd. Metaphorically, it is like slipping out the front

door in the early hours and walking down the street, setting out on a

path that will take you farther than you ever imagined.

The people around you might not fully understand what is

happening. They may not even notice at first. But as your

transformation takes root, they will sense it. For some, this will spark

inspiration. For others, it will cause discomfort.

Their reactions are not a reflection of you but of their internal

struggles to adapt to your growth.

I suggest you cast off the traditional lifelines and crutches that have

failed you. It is a daunting thought. No calorie counting, weight loss

diaries, or scales?

In the next chapter, we’ll dive into the world of diets and the

weight loss industry, an industry built on promises and quick fixes. But

as you’ll see, lasting change begins somewhere entirely different.

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8 - I’m not on a diet

In his memoir Finding Ultra, Rich Roll recounts his journey from a

sedentary lifestyle to becoming an ultra-endurance athlete, running over

a hundred miles in a day. During his training, his coach advised him to

adopt an entirely counterintuitive approach: walk uphill sections and

only run on flat and downhill terrains. This method, often called the

"run-walk" strategy, felt absurd to Rich initially.

Rich admits he was unimpressed. Early in the race, groups of

athletes passed him effortlessly, disappearing into the distance.

Frustrated, he pleaded with his coach to let him abandon the strategy,

but his coach insisted he stick with it, no matter how demoralizing it

felt.

The reasoning?

By walking uphill, athletes could maintain a steady heart rate and

avoid overexertion, preserving their energy for the long haul. This is

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critical in an endurance event where managing reserves is key to

success.

After about 80 miles, Rich began to notice something remarkable.

He started overtaking runners who had left him behind earlier. At first,

it was one or two individuals, but soon, entire groups fell behind him.

Eventually, he found himself at the very front of the pack. This

experience was a revelation, a powerful reminder that sometimes the

slow and steady approach wins the race. It is a lesson we could all stand

to learn.

As we embark on the weight loss journey, we must see it for what

it is: a long endurance event. The methods we will use mirror Rich's

approach. In the early stages, you may watch friends crash the weight

quickly and achieve their goals seemingly overnight. I hope your

reaction will echo Rich's: stick to the strategy for the long term. Over

time, as they falter, you will catch up, pass them, and ultimately reach

your destination sustainably. You will achieve this through a foundation

built on habits, behaviors, identity, and belief, not quick fixes.

The change you are striving for can be permanent, as can the

results. The key lies in adopting the mindset, habits, and knowledge

naturally used by thinner people.

If you are still with me on this journey, it is time to examine the

diet industry more closely. For many people, being "on a diet" has been

a constant companion, a battle fought repeatedly, often with the same

disappointing results.

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Here is the thing: I will suggest something that might feel like a

leap of faith. I propose that you let go of the concept of "being on a

diet" altogether. I know—it sounds unnerving, even radical. But once

we examine the facts about the diet industry, how it operates, why it

thrives, and what it delivers, letting go of diets might not seem so scary.

In fact, it might feel liberating.

Thousands of diets, miracle weight loss schemes, and get-thinquick

programs flood the market.

They often ask, "What is your relationship with food?" But perhaps

the better question is, "What is your relationship with diets?"

Take a moment to reflect on your personal journey with dieting.

How long have you been trying to manage your weight this way? Think

about how many diets, books, supplements, or programs you have tried.

Now, add not only the financial cost but the emotional toll—the broken

promises, the feelings of failure, and the endless energy spent obsessing

over meals, calories, and "bad" foods. When the diet fails, you are told

it is your fault and left to move on to the next one.

Diets are destined to fail. I am not a medical professional, but

knowing that the human body is a masterpiece of adaptability does not

take long. When we starve ourselves, our bodies conserve energy,

shutting down nonessential systems and storing fat at the first

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opportunity for future "famine." When we overeat, our bodies build

reserves for potential scarcity. This is a survival mechanism honed over

thousands of years. Yet the diet industry tells us to fight this natural

process at every turn.

Diets demand that you eat specific foods at rigid times, ignoring

your body's natural rhythms and needs. They force you to focus

obsessively on food, often creating an unhealthy fixation that backfires.

Consider this: When was the last time you saw a person with a healthy

weight meticulously tracking every bite or adhering to a strict eating

schedule? Their relationship with food is vastly different—it is not the

center of their world.

A renowned fitness expert, Joe Weider, experimented with two

groups of bodybuilders. One group followed a rigid training schedule,

while the other listened to their bodies, training harder on high-energy

days and easing off on fatigued days. The result? The second group,

those who adapted to their natural energy levels, outperformed the first.

The same principle applies to eating. Some days, your body craves

more energy, and on others, less. You align with your body's natural

rhythms by tuning into these signals rather than following a rigid

rulebook. Diets, on the other hand, disrupt this balance.

Imagine signing up for an experiment that required you to be halfstarved

for months to help scientists understand the effects of starvation.

Sounds like something out of a dystopian novel. Yet, back in 1944,

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during the tail end of World War II, that is precisely what 36 men did in

the Minnesota Starvation Experiment.

Led by Ancel Keys, the researchers were not just curious, they

were trying to figure out how to rehabilitate European starving

populations after the war. But their findings accidentally revealed

something eye-opening about what happens when we drastically cut

calories. Today, this lesson is all too familiar and relevant for anyone

tempted by a crash diet.

The experiment had three phases. First, the men ate, usually

around 3,200 calories a day, to establish a baseline for their health.

Then, for six long months, they were "semi-starved," eating about 1,560

calories daily. Yes, semi-starved. This was still more food than many

crash diets allow today, which often hover between 800 and 1,200

calories, meaning these men were better fed than crash dieters. Finally,

they entered a re-feeding phase to test different recovery diets.

What happened during those six months of semi-starvation? A

physiological and psychological crash followed. The men's basal

metabolic rate—the energy needed to keep their bodies functioning at

rest—plummeted by up to 40 percent. Their heart rates slowed to as low

as 35 beats per minute. Body temperatures dropped. Their breathing

became more shallow as if their bodies were saying, "Let us shut down

whatever we can to survive." This is similar to how you might cut back

on nonessentials when money is tight.

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And that is just the beginning. The subjects became cold, weak,

and dizzy. Their hair thinned, their skin grew dull, and their bodies

retained water, leading to swelling. But the real eye-opener is that they

could not stop thinking about food.

They dreamed about food, talked about food, and obsessed over

food. It sounds familiar if you've ever crash-dieted before a vacation or

special event, does it not?

What's worse, when the experiment ended and the men returned to

normal eating, their bodies did not just snap back to their old selves.

Their lowered metabolism, like a car engine idling in economy mode

which meant the gap between what they ate and what they needed

actually grew wider. They started gaining weight rapidly, even when

eating what would have been a normal amount before.

Crash dieters know this story all too well. You work hard and lose

some weight, but then boom, it all comes back, plus a little extra for

good measure. Your body, like theirs, is still stuck in survival mode,

hoarding every calorie as fat in case the famine (or your diet) strikes

again.

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment was supposed to help

starving populations recover, but it accidentally became a cautionary

tale for anyone trying to lose weight too quickly. Crash diets don’t just

drain you physically and emotionally—they also set you up for longterm

weight gain and a slower metabolism. So before you cut calories to

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extremes, remember: your body is more intelligent than you think and

does not like being starved.

Beyond the physical toll, diets wreak havoc on your mindset. They

demand constant attention, forcing you to focus on restrictions instead

of empowering positive choices. Food diaries, calorie counting, and

daily weigh-ins turn eating into a battleground rather than a natural part

of life.

When I worked with a morbidly obese group, this became clear.

My goal was to help clients escape their fixation on food, yet they had

to keep food diaries and step on scales, reinforcing the obsession I was

trying to break.

The diet industry thrives on this cycle. In 2008, Americans spent

over 46 billion dollars on diet products, yet obesity rates continued to

rise. Quick fixes are its bread and butter, promising success while

ensuring its own survival.

Sustainable weight loss comes from slow, consistent progress,

small, manageable changes aligned with your values. Crash diets might

deliver fast results but harm your body long term by reducing muscle

mass, slowing metabolism, and making it easier to regain weight.

Traci Mann's UCLA study revealed dieting's bleak reality: dieters

initially lost weight but regained it, and often more. Mann concluded

that dieting predicted future weight gain, causing physical harm and

mental frustration.

Her verdict was clear:

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"Diets are not effective in treating obesity. The potential harm

outweighs the benefits."

Dieting does not just fail physically, it’s expensive and drains your

mental energy. It keeps you in a cycle of failure and frustration, often

leaving you worse off. True, lasting change comes from addressing your

mindset and habits, not just food.

A 2011 experiment demonstrated just how powerful our mindset

can be regarding food. Researchers gave participants the same

milkshake but labeled one as "indulgent" and the other as "sensible."

The "indulgent" milkshake participants believed they were consuming

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something rich and decadent, while those drinking the "sensible" shake

thought it was a low-calorie, diet-friendly option.

Here is the twist: despite being identical, the participants' bodies

responded differently based on what they believed they were drinking.

The group consuming the "indulgent" shake showed more significant

drops in ghrelin, the hunger hormone, signaling to their bodies that they

were full and satisfied. Meanwhile, those who believed they had the

"sensible" shake experienced more minor hormonal changes as if their

bodies were gearing up to ask for more food.

This experiment shows how much our perceptions and thoughts

about food influence our bodies' physical responses. When we obsess

over food, label it as "good" or "bad," or see meals as a struggle, we

alter how our bodies react. Our mindset becomes instrumental in

shaping our physical reality.

So, what if you stopped dieting today? What’s the worst that could

happen?

"But Michael," I hear you say, "diets can work. What about those

incredible success stories?”

We'll address that in the next chapter.


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9 - Results not typical

Laura was living the dream many brides could imagine: planning

her perfect wedding, preparing to walk down the aisle in a beautiful

dress, surrounded by loved ones. At 27, she seemed the picture of

happiness. But there was a backstory, a journey that started at 23 stone,

with Laura wearing a size 26. On her wedding day, she would slip into a

size 12 to 14 gown, thanks to a dramatic transformation that earned her

the title of "Bridal Slimmer of the Year" through the Rosemary Conley

program.

Laura's story is inspiring, even cinematic. During an interview with

Conley, she speaks glowingly about her energy levels, health, and

confidence. But when asked the key question, "What made you decide

to lose weight?" Laura's answer reveals a pivotal moment. She recounts

a day at a theme park when, after years of enjoying thrill rides, staff

struggled to fit her into the roller coaster seat. Embarrassed, she walked

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away, deeply shaken. That moment collided with another fear: facing

challenges in her new job that involved flying, where her size might

become an issue. Together, these experiences brought her to a breaking

point. "It was kind of an accumulation of everything," Laura says. And

so she signed up for Rosemary Conley's classes.

Laura's story is one of triumph and hard work, a perfect showcase

for the weight loss program. But is it really about the diet?

Wayne's story strikes a similar chord. Walking his daughter home

from school one day, he noticed she seemed unusually quiet. With a bit

of prodding, she tearfully explained that her teacher had talked about

obesity and how it leads to early death. "She was scared I would not be

around much longer," Wayne recalls. The fear in his daughter's eyes hit

him like a freight train. Wayne, whose weight had ballooned after an

accident limited his mobility, decided enough was enough. He joined

Slimming World and shed more than seven stone. "I'm alive once

more," he says, describing how life with his family has transformed.

Like Laura's, his success is an incredible achievement and an excellent

testimonial for Slimming World.

Pauline Quirke, the actress known for her roles in Emmerdale and

the Birds of a Feather comedy TV series, shares another example. At 20

stone, she was mortified when she had to ask for a seatbelt extension on

a flight. "I felt awful," she admits. Shortly after, she began the

LighterLife plan and lost eight stone. This is another inspirational story

tied to another diet program.

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The media loves these stories. They fill Sunday papers, website

testimonials, and TV segments, all variations on a theme: hard work,

determination, and a miraculous transformation. Yet, the diets vary—

Rosemary Conley, Slimming World, LighterLife. The method may

differ, but the common thread is the crunch.

Dig a little deeper, and you will find that these stories rarely hinge

on the specifics of the diet. Instead, they share a pivotal moment, a

psychological shift where something snaps into place. Call it a moment

of clarity or a wake-up call, but the spark ignites change.

For Laura, it was the humiliating theme park incident. For Wayne,

it was his daughter's tears. For Pauline, it was the seatbelt extension.

Each of them experienced a moment when their self-perception shifted

just enough to reroute their focus entirely. It was not the diet that

changed them; it was the crunch.

Once someone hits their crunch, often a pivotal moment of clarity

or resolve, they stop micromanaging every tiny choice and instead focus

on the bigger picture. It is as if a mental switch flips, and suddenly, the

goal becomes crystal clear. The obstacles that once felt overwhelming,

whether resisting certain foods, finding time to exercise, or battling selfdoubt,

begin to shrink in importance. This shift is profound because it

redefines how they view their journey. It is no longer about the daily

grind of calorie counting, resisting temptation, or dragging themselves

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to the gym; it is about moving steadily toward a life that aligns with

their values and aspirations.

This is why the weight loss journey can start to feel automatic for

some people after they pass this turning point. It is not that the effort

disappears, but it becomes less conscious and more integrated into their

daily lives. Choices that once required intense deliberation, such as

opting for a healthy snack instead of junk food or waking up early for a

workout, start feeling natural and enjoyable. Foods that were once

craved, perhaps with an almost magnetic pull, now sit in a different

mental compartment, viewed as indulgences rather than necessities.

They are easier to pass up, not because of sheer willpower, but because

their significance has shifted.

Exercise undergoes a similar transformation. What once felt like a

chore, a box to tick off in pursuit of weight loss, becomes something

more profound, even essential. People start to notice how much better

they feel after being active. They may realize they miss the energy

boost, the stress relief, or the sense of accomplishment when they skip a

workout. This change is not forced but a natural evolution as their

mindset and habits align with their long-term goals.

At this stage, the journey stops feeling like a constant battle and

starts to flow. It is not about perfection or never making mistakes but

about consistency and a new sense of identity.

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They are no longer "on a diet" or "trying to lose weight." They are

people who value their health and lives accordingly. This is where

lasting change becomes possible, and the effort truly feels like second

nature.

The stories in glossy magazines and online do not tell us this part.

They showcase the plan, not the spark. They sell the diet, not the shift in

mindset. And that is where the illusion lies. The truth is, any or no diet

plan can work after the crunch moment because the focus is no longer

on the diet.

It’s on the goal.

This explains why people who've reached their crunch rarely

experience the yo-yo effect early on. If they do, it often takes longer.

Why? Another mind shift may have occurred; they may have started

living according to the new paradigms. Their success is no longer about

willpower or calorie counting. It is about identity. They have

transitioned from "someone trying to lose weight" to "someone healthy

and fit." This shift is permanent because it is internal, not tied to an

external system like a diet program.

You might think, "That is great for them, but what about me? I

have not had a dramatic moment. I cannot just conjure up a lifechanging

event to trigger my weight loss." And you are absolutely right

—it is not easy to force a "crunch moment." But while you cannot

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manufacture the exact circumstances, you can replicate some of the

conditions that lead to such a shift.

One key factor in a crunch moment is its high emotional charge.

These moments often arise unexpectedly, catching you off guard and

creating a shock that forces you to confront your reality. It is almost like

a reversed version of post-traumatic stress, where the emotional jolt

compels action rather than paralysis.

These examples showed extremes and huge gaps between

expectations and reality. Imagine the joy of heading to a theme park,

only to feel the humiliation of getting stuck on a ride because of your

weight. Picture the simple happiness of walking your daughter to

school, only to experience the heartbreak of her tears because she fears

for your health. Think of the excitement of preparing for a flight,

abruptly shattered by the embarrassment of needing to ask for a seatbelt

extension.

These stark contrasts between joy and humiliation, pride and

shame, create the emotional intensity that can fuel a transformative

shift. Later in the book, you will see how some exercises are designed

to help replicate these moments, encouraging you to tap into that same

energy and focus.

In the spirit of openness, let me share my crunch moment. It was

not weight-related, but it profoundly impacted my life. I am a type one

diabetic, and while I was never a heavy drinker, regular alcohol

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consumption made managing my condition much harder. For years, I

kept an electronic journal to help monitor my health. One December, I

decided to flip through entries spanning several years, and what I found

hit me like a ton of bricks.

Every January, year after year, I’d written about my commitment to

give up alcohol. The entries were full of enthusiasm and hope for a

fresh start each time. Yet there it was, an unbroken cycle of promises

and failures. It struck me that this pattern was not just frustrating but

exhausting. That realization was my crunch moment. I decided then that

I had two simple choices: commit fully or stop pretending and never

write about or think about stopping and live with the consequences.

That January first, I gave up alcohol completely, and I have not

touched a drop since. As the years have passed, I have adapted to a noalcohol

lifestyle, and it feels incredible. What once seemed daunting is

now just part of who I am.

Crunch moments are powerful because they break through the

noise, forcing you to make a clear choice. And the best part? With the

right tools and mindset, you do not have to wait for one to arrive by

accident. You can create the conditions to achieve your own

breakthrough.

In my years of working with self-destructive behavior, I have seen

time and again how targeted mental adjustments can spark the same

kind of shift. These techniques draw from therapeutic models designed

to rewire thought patterns, helping people see their goals in vivid detail

and commit to them fully.

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It works like magic.

When your brain locks onto a goal, everything else follows. The

doubts and distractions that once derailed you lose their power.

Challenges become minor setbacks instead of catastrophes. This is why

crunch moments are so transformative. They reset your internal

compass, allowing you to reach your goal with clarity and purpose.

The diet industry doesn’t sell crunch moments. It sells programs,

food diaries, and calorie counters and promises quick fixes. But the

truth is, those tools are secondary. They are vehicles, not engines. The

real work happens in your mind.

Look beyond the advertised brand the next time you read a success

story. Ask yourself what sparked that person's transformation. Chances

are, it was not the diet. It was the crunch. And the good news is you

don't need a crash diet or a public humiliation to create your own. With

the right tools, you can build your own path to success.

As we conclude part one of this book, I hope I have presented a

compelling case for stepping away from diets and turning your focus

inward. It might feel unsettling, even counterintuitive, to let go of the

structure and promises that diets offer. However, as we have explored,

those old methods often lead to the same frustrating outcomes. It may

be time to try something different, even if it feels like stepping into the

unknown.

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Part two takes us into what I call the "information section." This is

not about food charts or nutrition labels; it is about understanding how

your brain works and how it can either support or sabotage you on this

journey. Our brains and bodies have evolved with survival in mind,

from spotting threats to conserving energy. While these instincts are

incredible, they can sometimes stand in the way of achieving lasting

change.

In the chapters ahead, we’ll uncover how our minds operate. We’ll

delve into the science and psychology behind what drives and trips us

up and how we can reframe our thinking to work harmoniously with our

goals. The answers are already within you. Our task is to uncover them,

and with the help of insights from some brilliant minds, that is precisely

what we'll do.


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10 - The wrong trousers

The compound is silent except for the faint hum of muffled

conversations. Inside its walls, the residents shuffle between stations,

calorie-counting kiosks, weigh-in platforms, and the endless cycle of

guilt and hope. To them, this is life: a ceaseless grind toward the

promise of a "perfect weight" that always seems just out of reach.

They'd been told relentlessly, "This is the only way." And so, they stay.

But tonight, something different happens. A stranger, scaling the

wall and landing with a soft thud inside the compound, appears. He is

lean, but not in the way those inside the compound had been taught to

admire. He is mentally lean and unburdened. His eyes sweep the crowd,

scanning for allies.

"Listen to me!" he shouts, his voice cutting through the hum like a

knife. "I have come from the outside! You do not have to live like this

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anymore. Everything they have told you is a lie. You can leave tonight

and never diet again."

A hush falls over the crowd. Then, a skeptical voice rises. "Liar!

He is trying to trick us!"

The stranger steps forward, hands raised in desperation. "No!

Think about it! How long have you been here? How many of you have

truly succeeded? And how many have gained it all back, or worse?"

The crowd stirs uneasily. A man steps forward, his shoulders

hunched. "I have been here 20 years," he admits quietly. "And yeah... I

have gained weight. But that is my fault. I have no self-control. If I stay,

I can get to my ideal weight. I have seen others do it."

The stranger shakes his head, his voice rising with urgency. "There

is no ideal weight! It is a fantasy, a lie they have sold you to keep you

here. Sure, a few succeed, but not because of the diet. They do not even

know why it worked for them."

A woman in the crowd speaks up, her voice trembling. "But what

do they have that we do not? The 'super slimmers' say it is the diet that

helped them. If we leave with you, we will get fatter."

The stranger's eyes soften, his tone gentler now. "It is not the diet.

It never was. They succeeded because they found something else,

something deeper that even they do not understand. And I can show you

what it is. But you have to step outside the walls."

"I will go!" a voice shouts from the back. A murmur spreads

through the crowd, some voices angry, others curious. Fear and doubt

ripple like a wave.

"Don’t trust him!" another voice warns. "Stay here! It’s safe!"

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The stranger stands firm, his gaze steady. "Safe?" he echoes. "Look

around you. How safe does this feel? How many more years will you

spend chasing something that only pushes you further away? The longer

you stay, the harder it will be to leave."

A small group edges closer to him, their faces a mix of hesitation

and determination. He lowers his voice, speaking directly to them. "If

you come with me, it will not be easy. There is no calorie counting, no

diet books, no pills. We might even forget about weight for a while. It is

about learning to trust yourself again, your natural hunger, body, and

perfect mind. It is scary, I know. But staying here will only keep you

trapped.

Are you ready?"

They nod. Nervous but ready. Together, they move toward the

boundary, past the scales and meal plans, past the reminders of their

"failures." Each step feels monumental, like shedding a layer of their

old selves. When they reach the edge of the compound, the stranger

turns to them one last time.

"This is the hardest part," he says. "Not because it is physically

difficult, but because it’s new. It’s freedom, and freedom means trusting

yourself. You will slip, you will doubt, but you will also grow. No more

counting calories. No more obsessing over food. Just hunger when it

comes, and peace when it doesn’t."

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They step beyond the walls into the night. For the first time, they

feel air that is not thick with guilt. The stranger smiles as they walk.

"We are the first," he says, almost to himself. But we will not be the

last."

In time, others will follow. They will see that life outside the

compound is not perfect but real. There are no rules, no promises of a

perfect body, just the possibility of being free and happy.

Is that not what they wanted all along? Not perfection, not an ideal

weight, just the chance to live without the burden of failure.

What have they got to lose?

In my therapy courses, there's an exercise that never fails to spark

laughter, frustration, and the occasional lightning-bolt moment of

clarity. It's a role-play in which one person plays the client, and the

other is the therapist. But there's a catch: the person playing the

therapist's role is forbidden from offering solutions, no matter how

obvious the answer might seem.

The exercise often starts with a client describing a simple, almost

comical situation. One of my favorites is the tale of a man who loses his

keys. Day after day, his frustration grows as his belongings

"mysteriously disappear." What he doesn't realize—but the audience

does—is that there's a hole in his trousers' pocket.

The therapist sits silently, resisting the urge to blurt out the

solution. Meanwhile, the client digs deeper into their predicament,

considering the frustration, patterns, and possibilities. And then, finally,

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they figure it out. The response isn't always what you'd expect. One

person might sew up the pocket, while another might avoid trousers

altogether or switch to skirts. The solutions are as diverse as the people,

and here's the kicker: because the answers come from within, they stick.

This exercise reflects the reality of change. While outsiders may

see clear, straightforward answers, the person living the problem

navigates a complex terrain of emotions, habits, and beliefs. Real,

lasting solutions come not from others but from within.

Rethinking the Weight Loss Map

This brings us to the heart of the matter: What if the traditional

weight-loss tools, food diaries, calorie counting, weigh-ins, are like

shouting obvious answers to someone with a hole in their pocket? They

seem helpful but don't address the root of the issue. For many, these

tools reinforce a fixation on perfection and amplify feelings of failure.

They keep you trapped in the cycle, measuring every step but never

genuinely moving forward.

Instead, consider a different map that focuses not on finding

perfection but on creating progress.

As Bob Proctor famously said,

“Success isn't a destination—it's movement.”

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Here's why food diaries, trackers, and rigid systems often fail to

deliver sustainable results:

They Focus on Negatives

Traditional tools zero in on what you shouldn't do: the foods you

shouldn't eat and the calories you shouldn't consume. Creating an

internal narrative of guilt and failure, fueling a cycle of shame and

bingeing that undermines progress. Rather than fostering growth, these

tools tether you to your shortcomings.

They Demand Perfection

Think back to the man with the hole in his trousers. He succeeded

not by striving for perfection but by embracing practical,

unconventional change. Food diaries, by contrast, demand precision,

turning eating into a stressful task. A single misstep can feel like a

failure, fostering an all-or-nothing mindset that derails progress.

They Prioritize Short-Term Results

Many systems focus on weekly weight changes or daily calorie

goals, sidelining the bigger picture. Real success takes months, even

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years, to build habits that endure. Short-term metrics can undermine the

long-term mindset needed for sustainable change.

They Disconnect You from Your Body

Tracking every bite and calorie can detach you from your body's

natural hunger and fullness cues. Instead of listening to your internal

rhythms, you rely on external metrics, eroding trust in your instincts.

A Better Way Forward

What if you focused on small, sustainable changes instead of

micromanaging every detail? These adjustments might seem simple—

taking the stairs, adding a daily walk, swapping sugary drinks for water

—but they compound into transformative progress over time.

Small wins build momentum. Each success reinforces a positive

mindset and shifts your focus from achieving perfection to fostering

progress. Unlike calorie tracking, this approach celebrates every step

toward healthier habits.

Rather than tracking every morsel or weighing yourself daily,

focus on enjoying life more fully. Savor meals, engage in joyful

activities, and connect with the people around you. Let food and

movement become part of a natural rhythm, not burdens to monitor.

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Imagine judging your day differently, not by calories consumed but

by moments of progress, happiness, and fulfillment. Create a personal

"success score" that includes how you lived aligned with your values,

whether nourishing your body, moving joyfully, or simply appreciating

the day.

For many, weight-loss tools feel like a safety net. Throwing them

out entirely can feel daunting, even reckless. But what if you reframed

this leap of faith? It's not about abandoning accountability; it's about

redefining it. Instead of tracking failures, focus on celebrating

successes. Build a system that reflects who you are, not who you think

you're supposed to be.

Think back to the role-play exercise. The man didn't solve his

problem by someone shouting the answer at him. He figured it out on

his terms, and because of that, the solution resonated. Now, imagine

applying that principle to your weight-loss journey. What would happen

if you trusted yourself to find what works for you?

The journey to lasting change is not about achieving perfection. It's

about moving forward, however slowly, with habits and goals that align

with your values. Success isn't the final destination; it's the act of

movement itself. And when you embrace that, the progress you make

will last.

Two pit ponies stood side by side, their weary faces dimly lit by

the flickering lanterns.

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"Had a good day?" one asked.

"No," the other replied flatly.

"What about yesterday? Was that a good day?"

"No."

"What's wrong with you?" the first pony pressed.

The second pony sighed, his voice heavy with resignation. "Look,

I'm a pit pony. I wake up, carry coal, eat dinner, and sleep. That's it."

"Well, surely there's something that would make you happy?"

The second pony paused, then spoke.

"Yeah. A bit less coal and a bit more dinner.”

Sometimes, overhauling the whole system is not necessary. Small

changes, less burden, and more care can make all the difference.

In the next chapter, we'll explore how to enlist your mind as an ally

in this process, unlocking the power of your brain to support and not

sabotage your journey.

Towards the end of this book, you'll find a printable calendar

designed to mark progress.

https://www.actionfactorypublishing.com/signup

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Become a member for a free paper or electronic version.

All it asks of you is progress, not perfection. At the end of each

day, mark a single red cross or tick if you've moved forward in any way.

Did you take the stairs instead of the elevator? That's progress. Did you

skip the daily treat? Progress. Did you go for a short walk or practice

being kinder to yourself in your thoughts? That's progress, too. Each

mark is a victory, a small step in the right direction.

The journey starts when you decide it does. After finishing this

book, you'll begin by tossing out the diet paraphernalia and clearing the

clutter of calorie charts, scales, and food diaries. Let that be your first

step, your first day of progress.

Each tick or cross on your calendar is a sign that you're moving

away from rigid rules and guilt and toward a life built on trust in

yourself, flexibility, and growth. The act of marking progress, however

small, builds momentum. With each day, you'll find the process less

about trying to achieve an ideal and more about becoming the person

you're meant to be.

What You Now Know

• Mental progress often outweighs the end goal.

• Small, steady improvements build lasting change.

• Your own instincts and cues can guide you better than rigid systems.

• Every forward step, no matter how small, is worth celebrating.

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• Setbacks become stepping stones when you treat them as lessons.

To make the change, you'll need your biggest ally: your own mind.

In part two, we'll examine the internal workings and see if we can

make a few tweaks.


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Part Two

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11 - Decisions, decisions

The Quit Your Diet - Think To Shrink principle is simple yet

revolutionary: to try something new, we must enlist the help of our

greatest ally and our most cunning saboteur, our minds.

Here's a hard truth: your brain doesn't care if you're thinner, what

your reflection in the mirror looks like, or how you feel in your favorite

jeans. Its primary job is survival. For most of human history, that meant

one thing: staying alive in a world of scarcity. This ancient survival

mission drives the brain to prioritize consuming scarce but vital

resources whenever possible.

In this primitive survival playbook, certain elements were crowned

as king. Sugar tops the list—pure, fast energy provides an instant

survival jackpot. The brain's evolutionary trick for handling surplus

sugar? Store it as fat, a resource bank for future famine. Salt and protein

rank high, too, as essential building blocks for maintaining strength and

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function. And then there's fat itself, which is critical for insulation and

long-term energy storage. Seeking out these foods isn't a weakness; it's

as natural as life.

The issue isn't the foods; their overabundance and our brain's

inability to adapt quickly to the new reality is the issue.

Now imagine this: a human perfectly evolved for today's world of

abundance. This human wouldn't crave sugar beyond what's necessary,

wouldn't obsess over food because their brain inherently trusts that the

fridge is full, and could automatically adjust its metabolism to fit a

sedentary lifestyle, reserving bursts of energy only for intentional

activity.

Sounds ideal, right?

The problem is that this particular human doesn't exist, at least not

yet. Evolution doesn't work on demand. It's slow and plodding, and

we're still hardwired for a life of hunting and gathering. We're stuck

with a brain designed to help us survive a scarcity that no longer exists.

But here's the opportunity: instead of cursing this evolutionary

mismatch, we can work with it. Rather than resenting our biology, what

if we learned to outsmart it? What if we turned our inner caveman from

an obstacle into an ally?

Here's the catch: the part of your brain responsible for these

ancient survival behaviors doesn't understand language, logic, or

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modern reasoning. You can't have a conversation with it. You can't sit it

down and explain, "Look, there's no famine on the horizon. We don't

need to eat the entire bag of chips just because it's here." It doesn't get

the memo.

But while you can't talk to this part of your brain, you can trick it.

You can work with its flaws, understand its motivations, and leverage

its quirks. This isn't about brute-forcing change or relying solely on

discipline. It's about decoding your brain's operating system and finding

the hacks that work within its constraints.

So how do we do that?

It starts with something everyone wishes they had more of:

willpower.

Willpower is often misunderstood. It's not an infinite well of

strength you can summon at will. Instead, consider it a finite resource, a

muscle that tires with use. When you try to "white-knuckle" your way

through change, you quickly run out of willpower because your brain

pulls you back to its default survival programming.

But what if you didn't have to fight so hard? What if you could

reduce the load on your willpower by designing systems and

environments that make the right choices easier? Small, intentional

changes, like keeping tempting foods out of sight or swapping one habit

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for another, can nudge your brain in the direction you want without

setting off its scarcity alarms.

This isn't about overcoming your biology but partnering with it.

When you understand that your brain's quirks are rooted in survival,

you can stop blaming yourself for cravings or slip-ups and start finding

ways to work with the mind you have.

After all, your brain isn't broken; it's just doing its job. The key is

figuring out how to make that job work for you.

A large and popular piece of work on willpower was carried out in

the late 1990s by psychologist Dr. Roy Baumeister, who invited a group

of college students into his lab for what seemed like a harmless

experiment involving cookies and radishes. Psychology labs, after all,

are known for coaxing students into odd scenarios with promises of

snacks or extra credit. These students didn't realize that this seemingly

simple setup would lead to one of the most influential theories in

modern psychology: Willpower depletion.

Baumeister's groundbreaking research revealed a profound truth

about willpower: It's not a boundless, heroic force of self-control but a

finite resource that we can use during the course of a day; it's not

limitless.

That's right, you can run out of willpower as you make more and

more decisions.

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Imagine the scene: The room smells like freshly baked cookies,

and on the table sit two bowls. One contains warm, gooey cookies, and

the other holds plain, unappealing radishes. Some participants are told

to eat only the radishes, resisting the temptation of the cookies. Others

are allowed to indulge freely in the cookies. A third group doesn't

interact with food at all.

After this, the participants are handed an unrelated task. Here's

where the actual experiment begins: they're asked to solve a seemingly

simple but unsolvable puzzle.

The results? Those who resisted the cookies gave up on the puzzle

significantly faster than those who ate them or weren't tempted in the

first place. It wasn't that the radish-eaters lacked intelligence or effort.

The theory was that they had less willpower left in the tank.

Baumeister's conclusion was startling: willpower is not infinite.

Just like a muscle, it gets tired with use. The more you flex your selfcontrol,

the weaker it becomes until you've had a chance to recharge.

But Baumeister didn't stop with cookies and radishes. His research

extended into the everyday struggles of decision-making. He discovered

that willpower and decision-making draw from the same mental

reservoir. The more decisions you make, whether choosing what to

wear in the morning or what to eat for dinner, the more you drain this

finite resource.

This phenomenon, known as decision fatigue, explains why we're

more likely to make impulsive or lazy choices later in the day. Ever

notice how many diet plans unravel in the evening? It's not just hunger;

it's the exhaustion from a day filled with decisions. In this context,

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constantly refusing yourself something and debating yes or no is a

decision that wears you down.

One dramatic example of decision fatigue is a study on parole

board hearings. Parole boards hear arguments from prisoners seeking

release into society. Researchers found that judges were significantly

more likely to grant parole early in the day or right after lunch. By late

afternoon, as their decision-making energy waned, they defaulted to the

safest option, denying parole. So, if you're ever in this situation, get an

early appointment. As someone who dreads the dentist, I only ever book

early slots. The same applies to hospital visits or medical procedures. I

was once waiting late at night for a doctor's decision about my release

home after surgery. As the doctor came out of surgery himself, I

couldn't help but pity the poor soul under his knife, knowing the

doctor's mental reserves were likely running on empty.

The takeaway is clear: even the most rational minds falter when

their willpower is drained.

But here's where it gets even more fascinating. Baumeister's team

discovered a biological component to willpower depletion. In a series of

experiments, they found that tasks requiring self-control depleted

glucose levels in the bloodstream. When participants were given sugary

drinks after a willpower-draining activity, their performance on

subsequent tasks improved significantly compared to those who

consumed sugar-free beverages. Hence, the Red Bull revolution in

sports.

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This finding painted a picture of willpower as finite and physically

dependent on energy stores. Glucose was the fuel for self-control.

However, there's a caveat: while a quick sugar boost might temporarily

restore your willpower, relying on constant snacks is not a sustainable

strategy.

Yet another argument for adopting a long and gradual process of

change that allows you to stay nourished throughout the day. Crash

diets not only deplete physical and mental energy resources but also add

to the number of decisions you must make each day. In this way, dieting

creates the perfect storm for poor decision-making. If most of those

decisions involve whether to abandon self-control, eat junk food, or

skip a workout, it couldn't set you up for failure more effectively.

A far better strategy is to reduce the number of decisions you must

make by automating tasks and simplifying your routine. Preparing

meals in advance, establishing consistent habits, and setting boundaries

can conserve your mental energy. Add the demands of family, children,

and work into the mix, and it's no wonder that collapsing on the sofa at

the end of the day becomes the most appealing and straightforward

choice.

What This Means for You

Understanding willpower as finite and depletable has profound

implications for approaching our goals and habits. Rather than relying

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on sheer grit, we can structure our lives to conserve and replenish this

precious resource.

Baumeister's cookie-and-radish experiment may seem simple, but

its implications are profound. It reminds us that our minds, as powerful

as they are, have limits. By acknowledging these limits and working

within them, we can navigate life's challenges with more grace and less

frustration.

Willpower isn't about heroic acts of self-control or endless resolve.

It's about strategy, understanding, and knowing when to rest. After all,

even the most potent muscle needs time to recover. Sometimes, the

most brilliant move isn't to push harder and be more innovative.

Aren't there implications for all of us regarding our health and

fitness here? Reducing decisions and making better ones in the morning

can set us up for a better day overall. Imagine going to work, wide

awake and refreshed after your walk or run, with a belly full from a

nutritious breakfast.

Now, you're starting your day positively, which makes it likely

you'll build on that success. You begin the day like a winner, and when

you celebrate those wins, guess what?

That in itself gives you a boost.

What You Now Know

• Your mind is both your greatest ally and a survivor wired for scarcity.

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• Willpower is a finite resource that is depleted with every decision.

• Simplifying choices and planning ahead preserves mental energy.

• Embracing small, consistent habits works better than relying on bruteforce

discipline.

In part 3, Tool 4, I'll offer some great ideas for managing your

willpower reserves.

In the next chapter, we'll discuss why jumping for joy at your daily

wins builds mental strength and propels you toward tremendous

success.


https://amzn.to/4hZo95v

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12 - The winner effect

Imagine a fighter stepping into the ring. His first few matches are

against opponents of a lower standard than him. Each win builds his

confidence, sharpens his skills, and fuels his determination. Over time,

he moves on to more formidable opponents, yet his odds of winning

improve. It’s not just skill building at work here. There’s something

deeper happening. Scientists call it the winner effect, a phenomenon

where success makes future victories more likely.

At its core, the winner effect is about momentum. Success triggers

a cascade of psychological and physiological changes that increase the

likelihood of future wins. While often studied in sports or competitive

settings, its implications go far beyond. From careers to personal habits,

and yes, even weight loss and fitness, the winner effect teaches us how

small victories can lead to significant results.

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The Science Behind Winning

The winner effect has roots in biology. Studies on animals,

particularly in competitive environments, reveal a fascinating pattern. In

one study, researchers observed male mice engaged in territorial battles.

The more muscular mouse was drugged to reduce its chances of victory,

giving the weaker mouse an undeserved win. Surprisingly, even after

the more muscular mouse recovered, the weaker mouse continued to

perform better in future battles. Winning had made it feel stronger.

When a mouse wins a fight, its testosterone levels surge, increasing

aggression and strength. Each victory creates a feedback loop, making it

more likely to win again. Notably, the mouse isn’t aware it’s part of an

experiment; it grows stronger through success.

Of course, humans aren’t mice, but the principles still apply.

Success boosts confidence and reduces stress. It changes brain

chemistry, increases dopamine, and reinforces feel-good

neurotransmitter behavior. Winning transforms how we see ourselves,

shifting the mental narrative from “I’m not sure I can” to “I know I

can.”

This explains why winning streaks in sports can feel unstoppable

and why small accomplishments in daily life ripple outward in

surprising ways. Success breeds success, and the key lies in harnessing

this momentum.

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The Power of Collecting Victories

David Goggins, endurance athlete and author, exemplifies the

winner effect through a mental tool he calls his “Cookie jar.” Unlike our

jar of sweet treats, Goggins’ cookie jar is filled with something far more

nourishing: past victories.

When faced with a gruelling challenge, Goggins metaphorically

dips into his cookie jar. Each “cookie” represents a moment of triumph,

a trial he overcame, or an obstacle he once thought insurmountable. He

revisits these memories, saying,

again.”

“I’ve faced bigger challenges than this and succeeded. I can do it

This strategy aligns with the winner effect’s principles. Each

success builds confidence, resilience, and the ability to tackle more

significant challenges. Success isn’t just an outcome; it’s a resource that

compounds over time, strengthening us for future victories.

Filling Your Cookie Jar

You don’t need to be an endurance athlete to benefit from this

approach. Start by creating your cookie jar, physical or metaphorical. If

you have a cookie jar at home, empty it, toss the cookies, and replace

them with a notepad and pen. Spend ten minutes reflecting on moments

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when you faced challenges and prevailed. Write each victory on paper

and place it in the jar.

These don’t need to be monumental feats. Sometimes, the most

minor wins are the most powerful. Overcame a tough weekend without

breaking your plan? That’s a cookie. Took a walk instead of lounging

on the couch? Another cookie. Managed a stressful day without turning

to comfort food? Yet another.

Each piece of paper proves your strength and resilience, a reminder

of your capabilities. When doubt creeps in, dip into your jar and remind

yourself, if I did that, I can do this.

This practice grows stronger with time. Each new success adds

another cookie to the jar, creating a compounding effect. Over time, you

build an unshakable foundation of self-trust. Success becomes part of

your identity, not just a fleeting event.

This shift in focus from shortcomings to successes is

transformative. It’s not about pretending challenges don’t exist but

recognizing that you’ve overcome difficulties and can do so again. By

celebrating each step forward, you create a virtuous cycle of

achievement.

Each tiny win delivers a microdose of the winner effect,

reinforcing behavior and building momentum. Instead of fixating on the

mountain peak, you’re celebrating the steps that bring you closer.

Celebrate Every Win.

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Humans are wired to seek rewards. Yet, in pursuing significant

milestones, we often dismiss small wins as trivial. This is a trap.

Celebrating small victories isn’t just about feeling good at the moment;

it’s about training your brain to associate effort with reward.

Think of video games. Players are constantly rewarded with points,

badges, or progress bars. These micro-rewards keep them engaged,

driving them to play longer and achieve more. The same principle

applies to your fitness or weight loss journey. Each time you

acknowledge a small win, you program your brain to crave more of that

behavior.

Neglecting to celebrate can leave you feeling unmotivated and

stuck. If you’re always waiting for the “big win,” the goal weight, or the

perfect body, you miss the opportunity to build momentum and enjoy

the process.

Practical Ways to Harness the Winner Effect

Set Micro-Goals: Break big goals into manageable pieces. Instead

of “lose 30 pounds,” aim for “lose one pound this week” or “take a 15-

minute walk daily.” Micro-goals are achievable, and each one you hit

fuels the next.

Celebrate Often: Don’t wait for the finish line to celebrate. Treat

yourself to a small reward for consistent effort, or savor the sense of

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accomplishment. You might even create rituals, like ringing a bell or

marking your success on a chart.

Focus on Effort, Not Outcome: Celebrate the behaviors that lead

to success, not just the results. Even if you’re not at your best, showing

up for a workout is a victory. Every step out the door is progress.

The winner effect is more than a biological phenomenon. It

reminds us that progress is built on small, consistent wins. In weight

loss and fitness, this means shifting focus away from unattainable goals

and celebrating every step forward.

Whenever you choose a healthy snack, take a walk, or manage a

challenging situation without giving in to old habits, you engage with

this powerful feedback loop. Even managing your mental challenges,

catching self-critical thoughts, or reframing negative patterns is a win

worth celebrating.

Success, no matter how small, reinforces itself. With each victory,

you’re not just changing your body; you’re rewiring your brain to

believe in your ability to succeed.

From my work with families, I’ve seen firsthand how often people

fail to recognize their strengths. A woman might tell me she has three

jobs, takes care of her kids, and gets them to school, all while dealing

with an alcoholic husband. When I acknowledge her achievement, she

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often looks surprised. It’s a reminder of the incredible inner strength

people possess but rarely celebrate.

So don’t wait for the finish line to feel victorious. Celebrate the

steps, the effort, and the journey itself. Winning, after all, can become a

habit.

What You Now Know

• Success builds momentum, making future victories more likely (the

“winner effect”).

• Even small achievements can boost confidence and change how you

see yourself.

• Keeping a “cookie jar” of past wins reminds you of your ability to

overcome challenges.

• Focusing on progress rather than perfection helps sustain motivation

and solidifies new habits.

jar.

In Part 3, Tool 4, you can find great tips for creating your cookie

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In the next chapter, we’ll explore habit loops, how they’re formed,

how they can be broken, and how they can be harnessed to change your

life.


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13 - Small habits, big gains

Every morning, Clive Wearing wakes up to a world he cannot

recall. In his mind, life restarts every few seconds, erasing anything that

came before. His journal overflows with hastily scrawled entries, each

proclaiming, "I am awake for the first time," only to be crossed out

almost instantly and replaced by a new declaration moments later.

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To Clive, time is fractured, a perpetual series of fresh beginnings

with no thread connecting them.

Yet, when Clive sits down at a piano, everything changes. His

fingers glide effortlessly over the keys, drawing upon a storehouse of

skill he cannot consciously name but instinctively possesses. In those

moments, he's no longer a prisoner of lost memories; he's a musician,

fully present in the music's flow. The same surge of recognition happens

when he sees his wife, Deborah: each encounter radiates a profound joy

as if greeting a long-lost love, every single time.

Clive's story is remarkable, not just for the amnesia that stripped

away his past and his ability to form new memories, but for what it

reveals about the mind's capacity to hold onto certain habits and skills.

Despite having no continuity of daily life, he can still play piano and

recognize the emotional resonance of seeing his wife—evidence that

some more profound layer of knowing remains intact. His case

challenges our understanding of memory by asking: How much of you

would remain if every conscious record of your life were erased? Could

you rebuild who you are from the traces left behind in your instincts,

emotions, and deeply rooted habits?

Clive's experience is a testament to the power of habits—deeply

wired patterns that even the most devastating memory loss cannot

uproot them entirely. In these deeply held skills and emotional bonds,

we see that our brain and body can maintain a wordless, automatic

memory of a habit long after the facts of our lives have faded away.

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Taking a Different Route

Ian's evening routine was unshakable, something he'd never

thought much about and had been part of his life as long as he could

remember. Every day after work, he got off the bus at the same stop,

walked into the newsagent, and bought a Mars bar. It was a ritual he

barely thought about anymore. But in a session during the Morbidity

Project, Ian shared something remarkable:

"For as long as I can remember, I've gotten off the bus and entered

the newsagents for a Mars bar. This week, I got off a stop earlier,

skipped the shop, and walked home instead. Every single day."

To most of us, this might not sound like much. It was unlikely to

remove many pounds when the project's total was tallied at the end of

the 12 weeks. However, it was an epic step for several reasons.

I knew that this small change represented a significant shift, a

jarring of a habit loop, and the early stages of rewiring Ian's habit.

What's more, during our sessions, Ian learned that his habit was not the

act of buying a Mars bar, although this might have been his thoughts

previously. The Mars bar was the reward in a habit loop that started

with getting off the bus. This provided the cue to follow a program built

deep into his psyche after so much practice. The actual habit was that

first action, that first cue in a series of actions:

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1. Get off the bus.

2. See the surroundings.

3. See the newsagents.

4. Go inside.

5. Buy the Mars bar.

6. Walk home and enjoy the reward.

This habit loop was broken at the first hurdle. It reminded me of

how we work with problem clients who might be experiencing a whole

series of issues.

We can all agree that no one is perfect; therefore, no one could

have an ideal problem. On this basis, we'd probe for when a client

wasn't very good at their problem. An example might be on the

weekends when Ian didn't work. If buying the Mars bar was the

problem, he was not very good at this on weekends. From this, you can

see the elements that come together to build his habit. Take away the

bus journey, and everything else collapses more easily.

In our sessions the previous week, we’d discussed habit loops,

what they are, how they're formed, and how we can change them. Ian

then produced a textbook example of how to do that.

In a single small change, he removed some calories from his

weekly intake and burned a few more because of the extra walk.

Considering the earlier chapter about the starving men, I hope you see

that this small change was a huge success.

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This technique was not about willpower alone either; willpower is

a resource that Ian might be short of when he stepped off the bus every

evening. Instead, he was rewiring an existing habit loop, and as we

know, habits require little or no willpower because they are

preprogrammed. That is why our brains invented them, to automate

processes. Instead, he took a program that already existed and added a

line of code at the beginning that led in a different direction, and he still

got a reward—the buzz of endorphins when he walked and got home

instead of a sugar rush. Finally, he also added another successful day to

his calendar. He dropped a note into his mental or physical cookie jar, a

tangible reminder that he could make meaningful changes.

Like the rest of the group, Ian's journey didn't begin with grand

gestures or dramatic overhauls. It started with a single decision, a

simple adjustment to his daily routine, and a newfound belief in his

ability to take control. He demonstrated that a longstanding habit could

be rewired because good or bad habits are more important to us than we

initially thought. They are a fundamental part of our life.

Why Habits Matter

Habits are essential for survival. They are the brain's way of

conserving energy by automating repetitive tasks and freeing mental

resources for more complex challenges. Whether brushing your teeth,

checking your phone, or following a daily commute, habits guide much

of what we do without conscious thought.

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While habits can be helpful, they can also work against us when

unhealthy patterns take root. The good news is that habits aren't fixed,

regardless of how embedded they might feel. However, by

understanding how they work, you can break old routines, build new

ones, and design a life of habits that support your goals.

A prominent example of this is a man named Eugene Pauly, who,

in 1993, suffered from a severe viral infection that attacked his brain,

leaving him unable to form new memories. I hear he couldn't tell you

where his kitchen was or recall conversations he had just moments ago.

Yet, despite this debilitating condition, Eugene could still do something

remarkable: he could go for a walk around his neighborhood and return

home, even though he couldn't consciously explain how to get there or

which way he might need to go. It is reported he could not tell you

where he lived or point out the house before he walked to his house,

opened the door, and sat in his armchair.

This puzzled scientists. Eugene's memory, controlled by the

damaged medial temporal lobe of his brain, was profoundly

compromised. Yet somehow, he could navigate his surroundings with

ease. Researchers eventually discovered the answer: habits.

Every day, Eugene would take the same walk with his wife. Over

time, the repeated action became automatic, stored not in the memory

centers of his brain but in the basal ganglia, the area responsible for

habits. This process, known as chunking, allows the brain to group

actions into a single routine, freeing up mental energy for other tasks.

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Eugene's story highlights the extraordinary power of habits. Even

with significant brain damage, the habit loop of cue, routine, reward

remained intact. His brain had created a shortcut, bypassing the need for

conscious thought and relying instead on profoundly ingrained behavior

patterns he had repeated a thousand times before.

Habits are vital for survival. They allow the brain to save energy

by automating repetitive tasks. From brushing your teeth to tying your

shoes, these routines free us to focus on more complex decisions and

challenges.

But the brain doesn't differentiate between helpful and harmful

habits. If a behavior is repeated enough, whether reaching for a sugary

snack when stressed or going for a daily walk, the brain assumes it is

essential for survival and locks it into place.

Many people believe that breaking a bad habit is a matter of

willpower. If you try hard enough, they think, you can resist temptation.

Hopefully, we've learned from the last chapter that this is not a good

strategy, given that our supply of willpower is finite. As it runs out, we

become powerless to make easier decisions. That is seldom a good

position to be in.

But Eugene's story presents a different idea that encourages us to

use our habits or create new ones. Habits are stored in a part of the brain

that operates beneath conscious awareness. That is why a technique

called the swish, which I'll talk about later in the book, is so powerful: It

drags the habit up from the depths and flashes it in your face.

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The key to change isn't brute force; it's understanding how habits

form and using that knowledge to reshape them.

This prompts us to ask ourselves a question:

What habits are you creating today?

Are they moving you closer to the person you want to be?

With some knowledge of how we create and maintain our habits,

good or bad, we can get into the wiring and tinker with it, just like Ian

did with his bus ride.

Let's look at the anatomy of a habit as described by most of the

research and literature.

The Cue: This is the trigger that initiates the habit. It could be a

time of day, a place, or even an emotional state, such as getting up in

the morning, entering the kitchen, or feeling low or bored. For Ian, the

cue was getting off the bus, signaling his routine trip to the newsagent.

The Routine: The behavior, such as buying a Mars bar or walking

home. Routines often operate on autopilot, conserving mental energy

for other tasks.

The Reward: The benefit or satisfaction gained from completing

the routine. The change of scenery, the feeling, or simply the emotional

state. For Ian, it was the quick sugar rush from the Mars bar.

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Breaking Bad Habits

The same principle applies to other habits. Want to eat healthier?

Put a bowl of fresh fruit on the kitchen table. You'll grab an apple or

banana without thinking about it because it's right before you. Or you're

trying to drink more water. Keep a full water bottle on your desk or in

your bag. You'll reach for it when you see it, it’s that simple.

The biggest lesson here is that we don’t need to cue the whole

habit of going to the gym, just the first piece, seeing the packed bag in

the morning for example.

It always begins with laying out gym shoes, drinking a glass of

water, or skipping a stop on the bus. Over time, these tiny actions

compound, leading to profound transformations.

As James Clear puts it, "You do not rise to the level of your goals;

you fall to the level of your systems." Habits are the system. Build them

thoughtfully, and they will take you wherever you want.

Our habitual behaviors are more profound than we think. Don't

fight them; work with them and see excellent results over time.

What We Now Know

• Even severe memory loss can't erase deeply embedded habits (e.g.,

Clive Wearing still plays the piano).

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• Habits operate under a simple loop of cue, routine, and reward—often

hidden from conscious memory (as seen with Ian's bus-stop routine).

• Changing a habit involves intercepting or reshaping that loop rather

than relying on willpower alone.

• Some parts of the brain (like the basal ganglia) store habits

independently of our ability to recall facts (Eugene Pauly navigating

home).

• Minor, strategic adjustments to cues and routines can lead to

meaningful, sustainable changes in behavior.

In Part 3 Tool 6, there's a useful prompt to help you hack into

your old habits and create new ones.

In the next chapter, we'll talk about witchcraft and magic potions

and how you could create your own.

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14 - Creating your own witches brew

Imagine a world where you could concoct your own magic potion,

a remedy that could ease pain, heal wounds, or even transform your

physical state. Now, what if I told you that these magical pills already

exist? They can outperform accepted medicine in some cases, numb the

pain of soldiers on the battlefield, and provide astonishing benefits—all

without containing a single active ingredient.

Welcome to the world of placebos.

For most of us, the placebo effect is a parlor trick of the mind. We

picture a sugar pill disguised as real medicine, fooling our brains into

believing it's been treated. But the story takes a surprising turn: the

brain doesn't need to be fooled. Studies show that even when people are

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told, plainly and openly, that they're taking a placebo, the effect often

remains. It's not deception that powers the placebo, it’s belief.

This revelation flips conventional wisdom on its head. The placebo

effect isn't just a quirky side note in clinical trials but a profound insight

into how our brains interact with our bodies. What if, instead of

dismissing placebos, we learned to harness them? What if the key to

better health wasn't in the chemical compounds we ingest but in the

stories we tell ourselves about what those compounds can do?

One story from the trenches stands out among the tales of

ingenuity and grit from the First World War. It's a story of a surgeon, an

injured soldier, and the curious phenomenon we now call the placebo

effect.

But it wasn't just the battlefields of Europe where belief would

prove as decisive as medicine. Half a century later, in a remote African

village, a man cursed by his community found healing equally

unconventionally. These two stories, separated by time and geography,

converge on one simple truth: sometimes, what heals us isn't what we

expect.

The Surgeon

The scene is a tense battlefield hospital in the First World War.

Supplies are scarce. The wounded pour in faster than the doctors can

handle. Anesthetics, which are critical for performing surgeries, are

running out. Amid this chaos, a surgeon faces an impossible situation. A

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soldier, gravely injured by a gunshot, needs immediate surgery. Without

anesthetic, the operation will be excruciating. Pain could throw the

soldier into shock or worse.

What the surgeon does next borders on the audacious. He injects

the soldier with saline, simple saltwater, but tells him it's a powerful

pain-relieving drug. To the surgeon's astonishment, the soldier remains

calm throughout the procedure, as if genuinely anesthetized. The

placebo effect had done its work, suppressing the soldier's perception of

pain enough to save his life.

Could belief itself, mere expectation, transform physical reality?

Fast-forward to the Second World War, when Henry Beecher, a

U.S. Army anesthesiologist, faced a similar dilemma. Morphine

supplies were critically low, and soldiers wounded in battle were in

desperate need of pain relief. Beecher, recalling the tales from the First

World War, experimented with saline injections, telling soldiers it was

morphine.

Remarkably, many reported significant pain relief.

This wasn't just a battlefield trick. Beecher's wartime experiences

became the foundation for his groundbreaking research into the placebo

effect. He discovered that about one-third of patients could experience

measurable improvement when given a placebo. The brain actively

participated in the healing process, producing chemical responses that

mirrored the effects of actual drugs.

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Then there's the story from a small African village that seemed to

belong more to folklore than science. A man convinced a rival cursed

him grew gravely ill. He refused to eat and couldn't sleep, and his health

declined rapidly. Modern doctors found no physical cause for his

condition, but they understood that his belief in the curse was as

powerful as any disease.

Understanding the weight of belief, a local healer devised a

dramatic ritual. Chanting over the man, burning herbs, and reciting

incantations, the healer "extracted" the curse from the man's body. At

the ritual's climax, he revealed a small object, a stone or a bone

fragment, declaring it the embodiment of the curse.

Seeing the curse removed before his eyes, the man recovered

almost immediately. He ate his first meal in days, his strength returned,

and his symptoms vanished. Amplified by cultural tradition and

symbolism, the placebo effect had worked its magic.

What connects the battlefield surgeon, the wartime

anesthesiologist, and the village healer is the extraordinary power of

belief. In each case, the healing process wasn't just about the absence of

pain or the elimination of symptoms; it was about the mind's ability to

rewrite the body's response.

Beecher's work showed that expectation creates reality. When

primed to believe it is being healed, the brain releases endorphins and

other chemicals that mimic the effects of actual medicine. The WWI

surgeon's saline injection was no less potent than the African healer's

ritual because, for the patients, both were real.

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These stories laid the groundwork for modern research into the

placebo effect. They taught us that healing isn't always about the drug,

the surgery, or the cure—it's about the stories we tell ourselves.

Whether on a battlefield, in a hospital, or in a remote village, the

placebo effect reminds us that belief is a powerful force.

Further research has revealed that pills with nicer coloring, foil,

and expensive packaging and branding are more effective in curing

ailments than those containing identical ingredients. We have also

learned that in blind trials, the placebo is more effective than the actual

drug being tested.

We often look to medications and medical procedures in our quest

for healing. However, the rituals we practice, the symbols we cherish,

and the meanings we assign to our experiences can significantly affect

our well-being.

But what about ongoing ailments?

A notable 2002 study examined knee surgeries for osteoarthritis.

Participants were divided into three groups: one underwent complete

surgery, another had a partial procedure, and the third received a sham

surgery. Astonishingly, the placebo group reported improved pain and

mobility comparable to those who had actual surgeries. This suggests

that believing in the treatment's efficacy can lead to genuine healing

outcomes.

Considering that, in many cases, the placebo performs better than

the actual medication, we might wonder how we could apply this and

what it could mean for our weight loss journey.

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Does the Placebo Effect Rely Solely on Deception?

Interestingly, even when individuals know they're receiving a

placebo, positive effects can occur. A 2010 study involved patients with

irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) who were given placebo pills and

explicitly informed, "This is a placebo. It contains no active ingredients.

You don't have to believe in it for it to work." Despite this transparency,

patients experienced significant symptom relief, indicating that the act

of taking a pill, coupled with the ritual and care involved, can activate

the mind's healing mechanisms.

Designing Personal Placebos

Given that placebos can be effective even with our awareness of

their nature, we can create our own. Belief extends beyond

pharmaceuticals; it encompasses rituals, objects, or actions imbued with

personal significance.

Consider an individual who developed a nightly ritual to manage

stress. Each evening, he would pour a glass of water, sit quietly, and

mentally transfer his worries into the liquid. After feeling a sense of

relief, he would pour the water down the sink, symbolizing the release

of his anxieties. While this didn't directly solve his problems, the

symbolic act gave him a sense of calm and control.

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I have a placebo that's never let me down: a belief that any

headache can be cured with a simple glass of cold water. It works every

time.

Before you toss this book aside, thinking we've veered wildly off

course, consider this: you're probably already living with a certain

degree of placebo. It's not as outlandish as it sounds. If you stop and

reflect, you might notice that many of your day-to-day actions are

subtle rituals, ones based not on hard evidence but on personal belief,

and yet, they work.

Take, for instance, the way many of us start our mornings. You

might insist on a specific brand of coffee, brewed in a certain way, in

your favorite mug. Objectively, that coffee might not be vastly different

from another, but to you, it's essential. Without it, your day feels offkilter.

The coffee isn't just a drink; it's a symbol, a ritual, a belief that

this cup sets the tone for productivity and focus.

Or consider lucky charms, literally. Perhaps you have a pair of

socks you wear when you need extra confidence or a specific pen you

always use for signing important documents. These items don't contain

magical properties, but believing in their significance can change how

you approach the situation. You feel calmer and more in control simply

because they're there.

Even fitness routines can be a kind of placebo. You might swear by

your exact sequence of pre-run stretches or your go-to playlist,

convinced they're critical to your performance. Yet science might tell

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you those stretches make no measurable difference and that any upbeat

playlist would suffice. Still, it works for you because you believe it

does.

What We Now Know

• Placebos can trigger genuine healing responses even without active

ingredients.

• Belief, rather than deception, underpins the placebo effect, knowing

it's a placebo often doesn't lessen its impact.

• Symbolic rituals or objects (like a "lucky" mug or a pretend surgical

procedure) can powerfully influence our feelings.

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• We already use mini-placebos in everyday habits, from morning

coffee rituals to "lucky" items, demonstrating that mindset can shape

actual outcomes.

placebo.

In part 3, Tool 8, you'll find a few ideas for creating your own

In the next chapter, we'll discuss a quick way of turning yourself

into a superhero, even if you're miles from the nearest phone box.




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15 - Becoming Wonder Woman

What if I told you that simply standing like a superhero could

make you feel more confident? The idea may sound like pop

psychology fluff, but research suggests there is real power in how we

carry ourselves. In her groundbreaking work, Amy Cuddy demonstrated

that our body language reflects how we feel and can actively change it.

Confidence is as much about physical behavior as it is about mindset.

In a famous TED Talk, social psychologist Amy Cuddy introduced

the world to the "power pose," a simple yet transformative act: standing

tall, feet apart, hands on hips, chest lifted, like a superhero surveying

their domain. Cuddy's research found that adopting this pose for just

two minutes could lead to measurable increases in testosterone

(associated with confidence) and decreases in cortisol (associated with

stress). Even more fascinating, participants who engaged in power

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poses before job interviews were consistently rated as more confident

and capable, not because they were inherently better candidates but

because their physical stance influenced their performance.

The implications are fascinating: our bodies can express and shape

our feelings. When you physically act confident, your mind begins to

believe it.

During my short-lived career in stand-up comedy, I was told by

experienced comedians, "Run onto that stage like it's the only place in

the world you want to be. Head for the spotlight and stare them down."

Why? Because if you even hint at fear, you are done. Ironically, I often

see the opposite from huge or very experienced comedians. They have

reached a level where going on stage is simply going on stage. This is

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also confidence, telling a crowd going crazy for you to calm down and

listen.

Some of you may have enjoyed the film The King and I, written by

Rodgers and Hammerstein in 1951.

As far as the science goes, these two songwriters were ahead of

their time:

While shivering in my shoes

I strike a careless pose

And whistle a happy tune

And no one ever knows, I'm afraid.

The result of this deception

Is very strange to tell,

For when I fool the people I fear,

I fool myself as well.

(© Rodgers and Hammerstein)

Cuddy's work isn't the only evidence linking physical behavior to

emotional states. Take smiling, for example. Studies have shown that

even forcing a smile, such as holding a pencil between your teeth to

mimic the motion, can make you feel happier. Smiling sends signals to

your brain that reinforce positive emotions, creating a feedback loop

between body and mind.

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Whether you're at the school gates, interviewing, or walking into

the gym, showing confidence in your walk and demeanor isn't for

everyone else; it is for you.

This idea extends beyond smiles and power poses. Athletes often

use pre-game rituals to psych themselves up. Manchester United player

Paul Ince famously refused to put his shirt on until he was out of the

dressing room. Speakers pace backstage, clench their fists, or recite

affirmations to channel nervous energy into confidence. These

behaviors don't just reflect their state of mind; they actively shape it.

The cartoon below from the Charlie Brown strip illustrates this

concept perfectly (© Charles M. Schulz):

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I’ve tried this myself. One of my favorite tricks, when I feel down,

nervous, or depressed in the car, is to turn up the radio to full volume

and sing my heart out, regardless of what is playing. This quickly

elevates my heart rate and changes my mood.

If you still have doubts, consider walking on 30ft of hot coals in

bare feet. When I completed my fire walk, a similar tactic was used. A

group of terrified souls entered a room and came out, fighting their way

to the fire so we could march across.

How?

Aside from anything else, we had been told to physically and

mentally replicate a time when joy had exploded. This retuned our

bodies, and we were ready to go. The transformation took around half

an hour, but the principle remains.

The standard belief is that we act physically based on how we feel.

However, by trying the Amy Cuddy experiment, you can quickly

demonstrate that the opposite is true. We have got the physical-mental

connection upside down.

We exercise because we believe in fitness or speak up in meetings

because we have something valuable to say. However, organizational

psychologist Benjamin Hardy flips this idea on its head. In his book

Personality Isn't Permanent, Hardy argues that behavior comes before

belief.

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This concept might sound counterintuitive, but think about it.

When you start exercising, it’s often not because you are a fitness

enthusiast but because you acted and made yourself go to the gym. Over

time, the repeated behavior of working out reshapes your identity. You

begin to see yourself as someone who values health. Hardy's research

shows that small, intentional actions can gradually shift your beliefs

about who you are.

If behavior shapes belief, then maybe we should think about our

future self or our alter ego and ask:

What would they do?

How would they act?

Here's an Idea or Two on How to Start:

Adopt Confident Behaviours

Practice standing tall, speaking clearly, and making eye contact,

even if you don't feel confident. Over time, these actions will create a

sense of inner assurance. Be aware of your body language as you enter

a room, puff out your chest, and smile. As far as weight loss goes, this

starts in part three of this book, where we build a clear picture of the

person we will become. Once we know that future personality, we will

no longer try to become different people. Instead, we are longing to be

our true selves.

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Fake It Till You Make It

This phrase can sometimes be seen as derogatory, but humans

often feel like fakes while pursuing their dreams. We tend to think

successful people are immune to this. This isn't about being

disingenuous; it is about adopting the behaviors of the person you want

to become. Want to be a thinner person with a great relationship with

food? Start acting like one, even in tiny ways. As you will discover

later, this includes the words and language we use in front of others and

ourselves.

In the words of Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back:

"Do or do not. There is no try."

This starts now with using the correct language.

Use Rituals and Anchors

Develop pre-performance routines that signal your brain it is time

to step up. A deep breath, a physical gesture, or a mantra can trigger

confidence. We will cover anchors later in the book.

Many actors rely on costumes and physical movement to step into

a role. They don't wait to feel like a character; they move, speak, and

gesture as if they already are, and the belief follows.

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Toastmasters clubs worldwide help people overcome the fear of

public speaking by focusing on repetition and action. Members gain

confidence not by waiting to feel brave but by practicing repeatedly

until belief catches up.

Self-confidence isn't a trait you are born with; it is a skill you

develop. And like any skill, it starts with action.

Your body and behavior are powerful tools for shaping your

thoughts and feelings. From the superwoman stance to small daily

habits, the key is to move first and let your mind follow.

So stand tall, smile even when you don't feel like it, and take small

steps toward the person you want to become. Because confidence

doesn't come from belief; it comes from behaving like the person you

are meant to be.

Who is that person I'm meant to be?

Who is the future me?

What We Now Know

• Physical actions, like standing confidently (the "power pose"), can

directly influence our feelings.

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• Behavior often precedes belief; consistently "acting" confidence

eventually reshapes self-perception.

• Small rituals or cues, like a deep breath or an uplifting mantra, signal

the mind to shift into a more confident state.

• "Fake it till you make it" isn't deception; it's a practice of embodying

the traits you aspire to develop.

• Consistent, purposeful actions, no matter how small, gradually build

genuine self-assurance over time.

In the next chapter, we will discuss the future you and how we

might get from here to there.



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16 - What would future you do?

This is not a motivational chapter. If you are reading this book and

taking action, you have already moved past the need for pep talks.

Instead, let's explore three profound ideas that intertwine to shape how

we think about change. Change is difficult, but you are ready to

embrace it if you are still here. You know by now that even though this

book is disguised as a weight loss book, it's fundamentally about change

because there are no quick fixes and instant results to changing as a

person.

What is difficult eventually becomes routine, and it soon becomes

you.

Let's start with a truth that will guide us through this journey. Your

future self already exists. Think about it, just as you are the future self

of who you were ten or fifteen years ago. Back then, your tastes, habits,

and beliefs were different. Slowly, imperceptibly, you became who you

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are today. This perspective is a powerful tool for understanding and

directing change because our brains can trick us into believing we're the

done deal and the finished article.

As we consider the future self and begin moving towards it, we

must recognize the psychological hurdles that can hold us back. Let us

explore three ideas that explain why change feels so daunting.

1. The End of History Illusion

The end-of-history illusion convinces us that the person we are

today is the final version of who we will ever be. This belief is deeply

ingrained and quietly shapes our decisions and expectations. Yet

personal and collective history shows us that change is constant and

inevitable.

Imagine living in Victorian Britain during the Industrial

Revolution. Society marveled at the invention of steam engines and

textile machines, believing they had reached the peak of human

progress. Yet, hindsight shows how that era was only a stepping stone to

innovations like electricity, computers, and modern medicine. The same

pattern repeats today with every breakthrough, as we assume we have

reached the pinnacle of achievement.

This same belief permeates our personal lives. Think back to who

you were ten years ago. Were your tastes, habits, or values the same as

today? Probably not. Yet, it is so easy to forget that the changes we have

already undergone are a preview of what is still to come.

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The illusion is compelling in fitness and health journeys. It often

shows up as self-limiting beliefs.

For example:

"I have never been a runner, so I never will be."

A friend once confessed this to me. She hated running, avoided it

for years, and felt she lacked the "runner's gene." But she started

training with slow jogs when she signed up for a 5K charity event. Over

weeks, her stamina improved, and she completed the run by race day.

Today, she calls herself a runner and even looks forward to it. She had

always been becoming a runner; she did not know it yet.

"I'm not a morning person."

Another typical example is people who define themselves as "night

owls." A colleague believed this so strongly that she avoided morning

workouts for years. Then, her schedule changed, and she reluctantly

started exercising in the mornings. After a few weeks, she discovered

she felt more energized and productive throughout the day, her

perception of herself as a "night person" dissolved as she adapted.

The illusion can also make us underestimate our ability to learn

new skills. Think about someone who says, "I am terrible with

technology." They might avoid using new tools or apps, assuming they

will never be tech-savvy. Yet, they often surprise themselves when they

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take the time to learn, even through trial and error. This same principle

applies to fitness, instrument learning, or cooking.

The end of history illusion closes our eyes to the transformative

power of time and effort. When we say, "I have never been," we mean,

"I have not been yet."

The key is to shift your mindset from fixed to flexible:

Instead of saying, "I can't run," say, "I haven't run consistently

yet."

Instead of saying, "I am not the kind of person who enjoys

exercise," say, "I have not found the type of exercise that suits me yet."

By framing your beliefs this way, you leave room for growth and

acknowledge that who you are today is not the end of your story.

For years, I believed I was not a runner. As a cyclist, running

seemed like a punishment. It was during the morbidity project that I

was forced to try it. At first, it was awkward and tiring. I could not run

for more than five minutes without stopping. But I stuck with it. Over

the weeks, my stamina improved. One day, I felt it click; my body

moved fluidly, my breath synced with my steps, and I realized I felt like

a runner. I'm no pro, but at least that skill keeps me moving during the

winter months.

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The end of history illusion is not just a mental obstacle but an

invitation to grow. Who you are today is not fixed, and your personality,

habits, and abilities are not permanent. Embracing this truth opens the

door to possibilities you might never have imagined. Remember,

change is not something to fear; it is the essence of being human. Every

effort you make today brings you closer to the future version of yourself

that you cannot yet see but is already waiting to be discovered.

2. Confirmation Bias

The second mental trap is confirmation bias. This subconscious

tendency drives us to seek evidence that reinforces our beliefs while

conveniently ignoring anything that contradicts them. It shapes how we

perceive the world, creating a distorted reality that aligns with what we

already know.

In fitness, confirmation bias often manifests as a selective focus on

failures. Imagine you believe you are not cut out for exercise. You try a

new workout, and it doesn't feel easy. Your mind latches onto this

experience, whispering, "See, I told you so." You forget the moments

when you felt stronger or enjoyed the activity. The bias tricks you into

believing the narrative that fitness is not for you.

Suppose you believe you are incapable of losing weight. In that

case, you'll notice every time the scale does not move and dismiss small

but significant victories, like increased energy levels or looser clothing.

You will also miss the fact that weight fluctuates or that weight was

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never the goal anyway. Over time, these perceptions reinforce the belief

that your efforts are futile, even when progress is happening.

The power of confirmation bias is not limited to fitness. It extends

into many areas of life, shaping how we view ourselves and others.

Suppose you believe you are bad at speaking out. When you fumble a

line during a presentation, your mind zeroes in on that mistake as proof

that you are terrible at it, ignoring moments when your message

resonated or your audience responded positively.

If you mistrust someone, you will notice every perceived slight or

misstep, using those moments as evidence to validate your mistrust.

Meanwhile, you overlook times when they are kind or supportive. Your

brain actively filters reality to align with your preconceived notions.

Consider the classic example of buying a new car. When you drive

it off the lot, you suddenly see the same make and model everywhere. It

is not that everyone else bought the car at the same time. Your brain has

tuned into that signal, heightening your awareness of something you

previously ignored.

Confirmation bias creates a self-reinforcing cycle. If you believe

change is impossible, you will only notice the times when change feels

hard or when setbacks occur. This mindset can keep you stuck,

discouraging you from trying new things or pushing past temporary

challenges.

It is a particularly insidious trap because it feels so natural. Our

brains crave consistency, so we gravitate toward information that aligns

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with our worldview. But by doing so, we miss opportunities to grow,

evolve, and challenge limiting beliefs.

Can you break free from confirmation bias?

Maybe not entirely, but here's some ideas

Actively Seek Contradictory Evidence

If you believe you are not good at something, deliberately look for

moments that challenge that belief. For instance, if you think you

cannot stick to a fitness routine, list every time you completed a

workout or made a healthy choice. Over time, these counterexamples

can shift your perception.

Reframe the Narrative

Change how you interpret events. Instead of viewing a challenging

workout as proof that you are not fit, see it as evidence that you are

building resilience. Consider the bigger picture of your progress instead

of focusing on a single misstep.

Write it Down

Keep a journal of your wins, no matter how small. By

documenting positive outcomes, you create a record that counters your

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biased thoughts. This simple practice can help rewire your brain to

notice successes instead of failures.

Awareness is Key

Confirmation bias is not inherently bad; it is just a mental shortcut.

But it limits your potential and keeps you locked in old patterns when it

goes unchecked. The good news is that awareness of this bias is the first

step toward overcoming it. You can create a more balanced and

empowering perspective by actively challenging your assumptions,

reframing experiences, and looking for evidence of progress.

Remember, your brain will always try to validate your beliefs. The

question is, are those beliefs worth validating?

3. The Sunk Cost Fallacy

The sunk cost fallacy is a mental trap that convinces us to stick

with something that no longer serves us simply because we have

already invested time, money, or energy in it. This thinking clouds our

judgment, making it hard to let go, even when it is the best decision for

our growth.

One example might be a relationship that should have ended long

ago. Imagine someone in a long-term relationship that has been

unhappy for years. They stay because they have already spent so much

time together and built a shared history. The thought of starting over

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feels overwhelming, so they remain stuck, clinging to the investment

they have already made rather than prioritizing their future happiness. A

familiar one might be someone who's been paying for a gym

membership for months but rarely goes. They feel guilty canceling it

because they have already spent so much money. Instead of exploring

alternatives, like home workouts or joining a yoga class, they keep the

membership out of obligation to their past decision. What about the

unfinished book? Have you ever forced yourself to finish a book or

project you no longer enjoy simply because you have already spent time

on it? This is the sunk cost fallacy in action. The desire not to "waste"

what you have already invested overrides the more logical choice to

move on to something more rewarding.

In fitness, the sunk cost fallacy often appears as a refusal to

abandon a diet or workout plan that is not working.

For example:

The Unworkable Diet Plan

You might stick to a restrictive diet that makes you miserable

because you have already spent weeks following it. Instead of admitting

it is unsustainable, you push forward, hoping the results justify your

discomfort. This not only drains your energy but also prevents you from

exploring balanced, enjoyable approaches to eating.

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The Wrong Fitness Routine

You may have signed up for a fitness program that does not suit

your personality or schedule. Instead of switching to something more

enjoyable, like hiking or dance classes, you force yourself to stick with

it because you paid for a full year of access.

The sunk cost fallacy taps into our fear of wasting resources. It

makes us feel like abandoning an investment is an admission of failure.

But here is the truth: holding on to something that no longer works

wastes more time, money, and energy than letting it go. The costs are

already sunk. Continuing to invest only deepens the loss.

Can we counter the idea?

Instead of focusing on your investment, ask yourself, What will

serve me best moving forward? Shifting your focus to future benefits

rather than past costs makes it easier to let go of things that are not

working. Remember that every moment you spend on an ineffective

plan is a moment you could spend exploring better options. For

example, sticking to a diet that does not suit you means missing the

chance to find a sustainable approach that could improve your health

and happiness. A tactic might be to start small. Cancel a subscription

you no longer use or set aside a project that excites you. These small

actions build your ability to release attachments that no longer align

with your goals.

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The friend who spent years in college and university to follow a

career that she discovered wasn't making her happy because she'd

invested so much time and money into her education. She felt obligated

to stay, even as her unhappiness grew. Eventually, she realized that

holding onto the past cost her more than letting go. She made the bold

choice to pivot into a new field and found not only success but

fulfillment. The sunk cost fallacy had kept her stuck, but breaking free

opened the door to a brighter future.

The sunk cost fallacy is a powerful mental trap, but it does not

have to define your choices. By recognizing when you are holding onto

something out of obligation to the past, you can consciously choose

what serves you best in the present and future. Letting go is not failure;

it's progress. Moving away from what no longer works brings you

closer to what truly will.

The Intersection of These Biases

Combine these three mental shortcuts, and it is easy to see how we

can convince ourselves that change is impossible. We tell ourselves,

"This is just who I am. I have tried everything. Look at all the diets,

gym memberships, and gadgets I have invested in; it hasn't worked."

But here is the truth.

Change is inevitable. The question is not whether you will change

but how and in which direction.

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In part three, we're going to think about the change we want and

the person we're making today's decisions for, and the knowledge of

these three concepts will help us overcome them. Remember that the

future self doesn't have to be the superhero that changes the world. You

don't need to run a 100-mile race. Instead, you may prefer to be more

content. You might even decide that weight is a side issue, and seeing as

you've spent a lifetime on diets with no overall success, you may decide

that success is something different. It's more about being who you are, a

bit more about the future self.

This chapter is not about motivation. It is about clarity. When your

future self becomes a tangible figure, decision-making changes. You

begin to act not for immediate gratification but in service of the person

you are becoming.

In Part 3, Tool 9 introduces your alter ego—a future version of

yourself that already exists—and shows you how to create and name

this persona so you can call on them whenever you need support.

Is there a difference between your alter ego and future self? Not so

much. They are different sides of the same coin. Mathew McConaughey

said something like,

"My hero is me in ten years," because his best future self is his

present-day hero.

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What We Now Know

• You're not a finished product—"the end-of-history illusion" tricks you

into thinking you won't change further.

• "Confirmation bias" can keep you focused on failures, reinforcing

beliefs that hold you back.

• The "sunk cost fallacy" leads people to stick with choices that no

longer serve them just because they've already invested in them.

• Awareness of these three mental traps helps you see that change is

inevitable and within your control.

• Shifting the focus to your future self clarifies decisions and opens the

path to fundamental transformation.

In the next chapter, we'll explore the concept of the alter ego, your

future self's partner in transformation. Together, they can guide you

toward the contentment you're seeking.


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17 - Your own personal Jimmy Cricket

David Goggins was in pain. I'm unsure if he was now regretting

the decision to run a 100-mile race on a whim, not over weeks or days,

but in a single, unbroken stretch. There was little advanced preparation

or carefully calibrated plan, just raw grit and sheer willpower pushing

through every mile. His feet were bleeding, his body rebelling, and

every rational voice in his head was screaming for him to stop.

But he didn’t.

This wasn't just about physical endurance; it's a testament to the

resilience of the human spirit. Goggins wasn't running to win a medal or

gain recognition. He was running to face himself, to prove to the

darkest corners of his mind that pain, exhaustion, and doubt wouldn't

dictate his limits. As the miles accumulated, what emerged was not just

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an extraordinary athlete but an ordinary man who had found a way to

push beyond the barriers we all carry.

In true Goggins style, this brutal race was just one of many trials

he willingly subjected himself to. These tests of character, which he

forced upon himself, were less about physical prowess and more about

confronting the voices in his head that once told him he wasn't enough.

His story reminds us that inspiration doesn't come from innate talent or

perfect circumstances. It comes from the decision to show up, over and

over again, even when every fiber of your being begs you to quit.

Goggins isn't just sharing a story of a race; he's sharing a blueprint

for facing our physical, emotional, and psychological obstacles and

proving that we, too, can conquer them. We don't need to be Goggins to

take a leaf or two out of his book.

David Goggins, the ultramarathoner and former Navy SEAL, is no

stranger to adversity. When he talks, it might be worth a listen. We don't

have room to outline his achievements, including a military career as a

Navy Seal, service in Iraq and Afghanistan, and endurance athlete

completing over 60 ultramarathons, often ranking in the top positions.

He is also a world record holder for Most Pull-Ups in 24 Hours. I could

go on.

During many of these feats and during interviews, he's spoken

about 'Goggins.'

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When his body and mind scream for him to quit, he calls upon an

alter ego he named "Goggins." This persona is unbreakable, fearless,

and relentless, everything he needs to push through pain and doubt.

By creating and channeling this alter ego, Goggins achieves feats

most of us would find unimaginable. He's broken world records,

completed gruelling endurance events, and inspired countless people to

dig deeper than they thought possible. His success isn't about being

superhuman; in part, it's about knowing when to become “Goggins."

Yes, scientific research and psychological theory support the

concept of creating an alter ego to achieve better results. This idea taps

into the fields of social psychology, identity theory, and performance

science. The core principle is that adopting an alter ego or a "hidden

character" allows individuals to bypass self-imposed limitations, reduce

anxiety, and access a version of themselves that is more aligned with

their goals or aspirations.

The Science Behind Alter Egos

Think about how differently you act in different parts of your life.

At work, you might be focused and professional. At home, you might

be relaxed and playful with your kids. These shifts happen naturally

because you're stepping into different roles, such as parent,

professional, and friend.

Role theory in social psychology explains that we all adapt our

behaviors based on our roles. Creating an alter ego works in a similar

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way. It's like stepping into a new role designed specifically for a

purpose. This "new you" comes with its own set of beliefs, attitudes,

and confidence, making it easier to leave behind doubts or insecurities.

Imagine you're nervous about public speaking. Instead of thinking

of yourself as "you," what if you stepped into the role of someone bold

and charismatic, like a performer or a motivational speaker? This

mental shift helps you act differently, not because you're pretending, but

because you're permitting yourself to tap into parts of you that already

exist, just waiting to be unlocked.

Who we believe we are has a powerful impact on how we behave.

Research shows that our identity, the way we see ourselves, shapes our

actions. When you think of yourself in a certain way, your behavior

naturally follows to align with that identity.

The key is that adopting a new identity, even temporarily, can

unlock behaviors and abilities that might have otherwise felt out of

reach. It's not about faking it; it's about letting your actions align with

the person you want to be.

Our actions and beliefs are deeply connected, and we naturally

strive to keep them consistent. This idea, known as cognitive

dissonance theory, suggests that we feel discomfort when our actions

don't align with our beliefs. To resolve this, we either change our

actions or adjust our beliefs to restore harmony.

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Here's how this might work when adopting an alter ego: Imagine

you want to become more assertive in social situations. If you start

behaving like you are already that assertive person by speaking up in

meetings or initiating conversations, you'll likely feel a slight tension at

first. Your inner voice might say, "This isn't who I am." But as you

continue acting in line with this new identity, your beliefs about

yourself shift. You start to think, "If I'm acting assertively, maybe I am

assertive."

In this way, your actions as the alter ego lead the way, nudging

your beliefs to align with your behavior. Over time, those traits you

initially adopted become integrated into your true self, reinforcing the

identity you want to embody. It's a powerful loop: the more you align

with your desired traits, the more you believe in them, and the easier it

becomes to keep behaving that way.

Thinking about ourselves from a distance, like seeing ourselves as

someone else might, can help us handle stress and make more precise

decisions. This idea, psychological distancing, shows that stepping

outside our usual perspective can make challenging situations less

overwhelming.

Creating an alter ego is a great way to use this concept daily. By

imagining yourself as someone else, someone confident, capable, and

ready to handle the challenge, you give yourself a bit of emotional

breathing room. This distance makes it easier to set aside fears or

insecurities that might otherwise hold you back.

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Imagination and Visualization:

Using your imagination can be a powerful tool, and science backs

it up. Research shows that when you visualize yourself doing

something, whether it's giving a speech, playing a sport, or handling a

tough challenge, your brain reacts almost like you're actually doing it.

The same brain regions that activate during the actual experience are

also triggered during mental rehearsal.

Even more fascinating is that your brain can't always distinguish

between a vividly imagined scenario and a real one. When you picture

yourself succeeding, your brain believes it has already happened. It

creates a memory or blueprint of that success, boosting your confidence

and guiding your actions in the real world.

By imagining yourself as someone confident and capable, like an

alter ego, you prime your brain to act accordingly. This mental rehearsal

helps you push past fear or self-doubt because your mind is already

"familiar" with the experience of success. Essentially, you're training

your brain to believe, "I've done this before; I can do it again."

The idea of an alter ego isn't reserved for athletes or military elites.

It's a tool anyone can use to access hidden reserves of strength and

focus.

What We Now Know

• David Goggins shows that pushing beyond apparent limits is often a

mental battle rather than just a physical one.

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• Creating an alter ego (like "Goggins") can help bypass doubt and tap

into hidden strengths.

• Psychological research supports the idea that adopting a new "role" or

identity encourages behaviors that align with that persona.

• Visualizing success prompts the brain to respond as though the

achievement is real, increasing focus and reducing fear.

• Anyone can use an alter ego strategy, it isn't limited to elite athletes or

military personnel to unlock resilience and performance.

ego.

In Part 3 Tool 9, I'll offer some guidance for developing your alter

In the next chapter we’ll explore the idea of tenacity and grit and

how you can build yours.

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18 - It's impossible; let's do it.

Sara says she always felt an irresistible pull toward the mountains.

Perhaps the irony was that she grew up in a vast, flat city. She'd spend

hours gazing at photos of towering peaks, dreaming of standing on their

summits. Her ultimate goal was the same as any climber: to climb

Mount Everest, the world's highest mountain. But for a young woman

with no climbing experience and limited resources, this dream seemed

impossible, but it never went away.

At 22, she joined a local hiking club and began training on nearby

hills. She says the first hikes were challenging; she often trailed behind

everyone else, gasping for air. That voice in her head would whisper,

"Maybe this isn't for you." But Sara was steadfast and undeterred. Week

after week, she returned to the trails, pushing herself a little harder each

time.

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Eventually, she graduated to ice climbing and found it particularly

challenging. Her lack of natural ability made her fear she would

ultimately fail. After one particularly exhausting session, her instructor

pulled her aside and said something that changed everything and kept

her going.

"You don't have to be the best," he said gently. "You just have to

keep going."

Taking those words to heart, Sara embraced persistence over

perfection. She practiced diligently and began tackling increasingly

difficult climbs, and each new summit boosted her confidence and

skills. One by one, she overcame the obstacles.

Finally, Sara was no longer in the foothills. She was standing on

top of Everest. Even that achievement wasn't easy; the climb was brutal.

Reaching Camp Four, or as it's known in camping circles, the "Death

Zone," she struggled with frostbite and extreme exhaustion. Some of the

group chose to turn back, not Sara. "I haven't come this far to quit," she

told herself.

After a week of waiting for favorable weather, Sara and her team

made their final push to the summit. Each step was energy-sapping. But

as the sun rose that morning, painting the peaks in golden light, Sara

reached the top of her dream. Tears streamed down her face as she

planted her flag, the world stretching out below her.

She had achieved her dream, not because she was the fastest or

strongest, but because she refused to give up.

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Sara often says, "The summit isn't just a place; it's a mindset. Keep

climbing."

In health and fitness, the word "tenacity" frequently emerges.

While grand achievements like Sara's are awe-inspiring, similar stories

unfold in everyday lives.

Alastair's Journey to Health

Alastair battled weight issues for most of his life. At his heaviest,

he weighed over 400 pounds and struggled with even simple tasks like

climbing stairs. Despite countless failed diets and doctors' warnings

about his critical health, Alastair didn't give up. Over two years, he lost

200 pounds, reversing many health issues and discovering a love for

fitness. He is a personal trainer today, helping others uncover their inner

tenacity.

Jessica's Path to Resilience

Jessica turned to food for comfort after losing her father at a young

age. By her late twenties, she found herself trapped in a cycle of

emotional eating and weight gain. Determined to change, she began

journaling to identify her triggers and adopted healthier coping

mechanisms. Her dedication paid off, and today, she runs a blog to

share her tips on emotional resilience and sustainable weight loss.

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Ahmed's Marathon Transformation

At 35 Ahmed's weight had increased to 320 pounds due to a

sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits. Inspired by a friend's

marathon achievement, he set a bold goal to run one himself, even

though he couldn't jog for a minute. Over two years, Ahmed lost 120

pounds and completed his first marathon. Running became a core part

of his identity, and he now inspires others with his story.

These stories, whether about climbing mountains or reclaiming

health, highlight a key truth: tenacity isn't reserved for a select few. It's

a muscle we all have and can strengthen, one challenge at a time.

In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k, Mark Manson

talks about his youth and his dream of playing guitar in a rock band; the

fame, the women, and the money were his dreams.

He played in a band that was okay. One day, he met a guy who was

an excellent guitarist, and he talked to him about practice. He was doing

what we all do: looking for the secret and the 3-step plan. He said

something like, "What's your practice schedule?" His friend was

confused. "Practice schedule? I don't have a practice schedule." This

was true; his friend explained that he constantly practiced every day and

every spare minute. It reminded me of another story about a guitarist in

a band who'd come down to breakfast and chat like everyone else while

he fingered chords.

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Mark Manson reached an enlightening conclusion. He realized that

many of us want to stand on top of the mountain, but the problem is we

don't want to climb the mountain. He gave up. However, recent research

shows he may have been wrong to do so, and had he pushed on and

done the hard thing, he might have gotten there in the end.

The Science of Tenacity

A group of scientists recently made an intriguing discovery. While

preparing patients for surgeries, they stimulated the anterior midcingulate

cortex (MCC), an area in the brain. Patients reported a sense

of uneasiness, coupled with an undeniable urge to face whatever

challenges lay ahead. This area, the researchers found, might be the

brain's "tenacity center." Even more remarkable, they discovered this

region grows stronger under certain conditions: doing hard things.

Growth Through Difficulty

We've long believed that overcoming obstacles helps us grow;

now, science proves it. Facing challenges builds the aMCC, enhancing

our ability to persist. But there's a catch, this growth only occurs when

the task feels hard or uncomfortable.

For example, running in the rain might feel unbearable at first, but

pushing through strengthens your physical endurance and brain.

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However, if that same run becomes enjoyable, it stops being "hard," and

the growth ceases. It's the struggle itself that fuels the process.

To be clear, there aren't many tips for building this part of your

brain other than actually doing the hard thing when you realize it's hard.

I may have stumbled upon this many years ago while training for a

thousand-kilometer cycle ride. I used to say that the day you don't want

to train, maybe it's raining or you're tired. Those are the times you

absolutely have to, not the days when the sun shines. If the sun is

shining and you want to get out there, you can stay in bed.

Tenacity is learned, and unfortunately, there's no easy way to build

it; how ironic.

Tenacity isn't about being extraordinary, it’s about repeatedly doing

hard things until they become more manageable. When you choose the

slightly more difficult path, you build resilience and rewire your brain

for growth and transformation.

So, the next time you face your own "rainy day," remember that

resistance is where the magic happens. By leaning into discomfort,

you're not just overcoming the moment—you're creating a stronger,

more capable version of yourself.

What We Now Know

• Tenacity isn't about talent or advantage; it's about persistently doing

difficult things until they become possible.

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• Real-life stories prove that anyone can develop resilience through

consistent effort.

• Mark Manson's insight reveals that many of us desire the summit but

shy away from the climb, persistence is the key difference.

• Scientific research suggests our brains (specifically the anterior midcingulate

cortex) strengthen when we push through discomfort, hard

challenges literally change our brains structure for the better.

• "Doing the hard thing" repeatedly not only builds physical stamina or

skill but also rewires the mind for more extraordinary tenacity over

time.

In the next chapter, we'll explore self-image and the stories we tell

ourselves.

In the meantime, let's keep building that tenacity muscle, one

challenge at a time.

Do hard things.


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19 - The science of Psycho-Cybernetics

A young woman, physically and emotionally scarred, came to Dr.

Maxwell Maltz's surgery. Maltz was a renowned plastic surgeon, and

she'd come to him hoping that a procedure to correct her facial scars

would restore her confidence and happiness. The surgery was a success

by all medical standards, and Maltz had successfully transformed the

woman's outward appearance.

However, when she returned for her follow-up, she confessed that

she still felt ugly, unworthy, and deeply insecure. This fascinated Dr.

Maltz and was something he was no stranger to. He realized that while

he had changed her face, her perception of herself remained untouched.

This encounter was the spark that led him to explore the intricate

connection between the mind and body, a journey that culminated in the

groundbreaking book Psycho-Cybernetics.

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What is Psycho-Cybernetics?

Dr. Maltz's key discovery was that our self-image, the mental

blueprint we carry of ourselves, profoundly influences our behavior,

success, and happiness. It was like the ME-NA I spoke about at the

beginning of the book. It was as if our brain had a mental blueprint that

could ignore the physical facts and instead use its own criteria, made up

of opinions and doubts accumulated over the years.

Next time you go on holiday, you may fly in a modern aircraft,

which will take you directly to your destination. The coordinates are

entered, and the aircraft heads for your chosen destination, kind of. In

truth, complex systems are constantly making changes along the way to

allow for unexpected side winds or slight deviations. The autopilot will

autocorrect whatever happens during the flight until you reach the

destination airport.

This is a cybernetic system, and Dr. Maltz believed that we have

something similar in our brain, like a guided missile or a thermostat,

constantly working to align with the goals and self-perception

programmed into it. If it drifts off its preconceived idea of ourselves, it

makes minor corrections to bring us back.

The problem with our brain is that our destination is sometimes

wrong. If you think of yourself as a failure, your mind will

unconsciously steer you toward actions reinforcing that belief.

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Conversely, if you view yourself as capable and deserving, you'll

naturally take steps toward success.

Sticking with the airplane metaphor, we can see that if we set a

destination for not being well thought of at work or not being smart,

then each time we do a great job or receive a compliment, our

cybernetic system will reset the course by saying, "Oh, it's nothing, they

were just being nice, it's a one-off." Then, we are back on course,

believing we are not good enough. The opposite can be true—these

comments will wash over us. We'll see that our destination is different. I

hardly noticed that comment; it meant nothing to me because I know

how good I am at my work.

Imagine the power of these principles in our lives as they relate to

weight loss and health. We could easily allow those triumphs to wash

over us, those compliments to wither away, because sadly, we have set

the wrong destination and will brush off anything that sets us in a

direction we should be going.

Dr. Maltz began to notice a pattern among his patients. Some, like

the young woman, remained unhappy despite dramatic physical

improvements. Others who underwent surgery found their lives

transformed, not because of the procedure itself but because it gave

them permission to update their self-image. Maltz concluded that real

change doesn't come from external fixes alone but from reshaping how

we see ourselves internally. Again, we might look at the levels of

change I introduced at the start of the book. Any work we do on self-

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image will affect every aspect of our lives. If we can work at this level,

we have a potent tool that will catapult us forward.

There's a strong argument right now for saying that a thinner you, a

smaller you, may be possible for a while. Still, if it doesn't match the

new model of your inner beliefs and values, you will almost certainly

head right back to that comfortable spot, right back on course for the

overweight person you thought you were. Conversely, you could be

much thinner in the next ten minutes if you feel thinner, fitter, and

healthier and carry yourself confidently.

One of the cornerstones of Psycho-Cybernetics is the practice of

visualization. Dr. Maltz realized that the brain cannot distinguish

between a vividly imagined experience and a real one. Often, people

reject this idea of visualization without realizing that this is nothing

new; you've been doing it for years. Our thoughts don't stop; just like

the little robot right at the start of this book, we can allow them to get

out of hand. In this respect, I don't see your visualization as something

new because you do it daily; I see it as something that needs a new

destination. To do that, we have to hear the thoughts first.

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For instance, athletes such as Gurd Muller who visualized

themselves excelling in their sport often saw measurable improvements,

even without additional physical training. Countless sports, business,

and arts professionals have since embraced this concept.

I also have a newspaper article in which Wayne Rooney talks about

asking the kit man, "What colors are we playing in tomorrow?"

Why?

As he explains, he would spend that night as he went to sleep,

visualizing the fantastic way he would play, the goals he would score,

and how he would score them. When he did the visualization, he

wanted to ensure he wore the right colors in his imagination. The next

day, he would slip on the same shirt, and we all know about the results.

Another profound insight from Dr. Maltz's work was the

importance of letting go of past mistakes and failures. He observed that

many people were trapped by the weight of their own negative selfjudgment.

He introduced the concept of "emotional surgery" to cut

away the destructive thought patterns holding them back. People could

unlock their full potential by practicing self-forgiveness and focusing on

the present.

Layman-Friendly Practices Inspired by Psycho-

Cybernetics

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Mental Rehearsal: Like Wayne Rooney and Gurd Muller, you can

prepare for tomorrow's big game. Spend a few minutes each day

imagining yourself succeeding in your goals with as much detail and

emotion as possible. This is particularly powerful as you drift to sleep.

You can have fun with your rehearsal using all the senses, such as

smell, taste, sound, and vision.

Positive Affirmations: Before doing this, we have to be able to

notice the negative self-talk. We often don't hear that voice and allow it

to nag us unconsciously. In part three, I suggest ways that you can

notice and self-reflect throughout the day. Once that's done, you can tell

yourself the truth instead.

Dr. Maltz's discoveries have stood the test of time, influencing

fields as diverse as psychology, self-help, sports, and business. His

work reminds us that the mind is a powerful tool that shapes our reality.

By understanding and harnessing this connection, anyone can unlock

their true potential.

When it comes to weight loss, people who see themselves as "the

overweight one" or "someone who will never be fit" are unknowingly

programming their brains to maintain that identity. Even with temporary

successes, such as losing a few pounds, they often revert to old habits

because their self-image hasn't caught up with their actions.

What We Now Know

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• Your self-image acts like an internal autopilot, steering you toward

outcomes that match your core beliefs.

• Real change doesn't come from external fixes alone; it requires

reshaping the way you see yourself.

• The brain treats vivid imagination almost like reality, techniques like

visualization can boost performance and strengthen self-belief.

• Negative self-talk and past failures weigh you down; letting go and

focusing on the present opens the door to genuine progress.

• Aligning your self-image with your goals is crucial for lasting weight

loss or any personal transformation.

You may have noticed some recurring themes as you read through

part two of this book.

I'll summarize them in the next chapter before offering some

valuable tools to help you shift these ideas in your mind.

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20 - Where are we now?

As we conclude part two of Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink, you

may have noticed recurring patterns emerging. These patterns echo

what I've observed countless times while working with individuals who

have successfully overcome deep-seated challenges. At the outset of

this journey, I shared how treating weight loss as any other problem

shifted everything for me. By stepping away from the short-term wins

and obsession with weight and calorie tracking perpetuated by diet

culture, I realized we could free ourselves from these constraints if we

choose to.

Through the insights and studies explored so far, one undeniable

truth stands out:

Meaningful, lasting change happens not on the surface but at the

core of who we are.

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Quick fixes and external solutions may seem appealing, but they're

like painting over cracks in a wall, they address symptoms without

repairing the foundation. Early on, we learned that dieting often predicts

future weight gain, as it traps us in a cycle of obsession and self-blame.

The irony is evident: those who don't diet—so-called "normal-weight

people"—often don't perceive themselves as having a weight problem

in the first place.

Imagine a room divided into two groups: those with a "weight

problem" and those without. Someone from the first group points to an

individual in the second group who seems physically larger and asks

why they're there.

The response?

"We weren't divided by size; we were divided by whether or not we

see ourselves as having a weight issue."

This distinction, determined by focus and attention, is profound.

We explored the Personal Levels of Change: environment,

behavior, capabilities, beliefs, identity, and purpose. While the first

three, where we are, what we do, and how we do it, are tangible and

easy to modify, they often fail to create lasting impact without

alignment to the deeper levels of beliefs, identity, and purpose.

Redefining who we are or what we believe is harder, but it's also where

true transformation happens.

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In Chapter 7, we examined the resistance we face during change—

not just from the world but from our self-concept. The clash between

the "old me" and the "new me" is a battle of identity that must be won

to achieve lasting change. Similarly, Chapter 8 showed us that diets fail

not because of a lack of willpower but because they often contradict our

core beliefs and values. They don't answer the deeper "why" that fuels

sustainable transformation.

We also delved into the "normal eater" or what I call the “weightless”

concept, the person we all know who doesn't weigh themselves or

count calories, not because they've mastered a diet but because they've

never seen food or weight as a problem.

True change doesn't require grand gestures. Small, consistent

actions like the ultra-runner who walks uphill to conserve energy, yield

better long-term results. Chapter 10 introduced the concept of

celebrating small victories, showing how each micro-success reinforces

a new identity and builds confidence. This is the essence of the "winner

effect" and the practice of filling your "cookie jar" with moments of

achievement. Chapter 11 revealed how minor habit shifts can lead to

significant long-term gains if they align with a higher purpose.

Visualization and mental rehearsal (discussed in Chapter 13) are

powerful tools for transformation. Dr. Maltz's work in Psycho-

Cybernetics showed us that the brain doesn't distinguish between

vividly imagined and real experiences. This means we can "reprogram"

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our autopilot by envisioning our desired future. Athletes and leaders use

this technique to guide their actions toward their goals, proving that the

brain is a key ally in change. However, this process requires clarity of

purpose. If we remain tied to an old self-image that says, "I'm not good

enough" or "I'll always fail”, no amount of effort will stick. Chapters 13

and 14 emphasize the importance of seeing ourselves differently and

stepping into the identity we aspire to before we fully believe it.

Change is neither easy nor fast. It's a journey that requires us to

embrace hard things as opportunities, not obstacles. Chapter

16 highlighted how pushing through discomfort rewires the brain,

building resilience through neuro-plasticity. Each small effort

strengthens the identity we seek, while repeated failures on diets often

reinforce a false narrative of inadequacy.

The overarching pattern is clear: lasting change occurs when our

actions align with our beliefs, identity, and purpose. Without this

harmony, transformation remains fleeting. But when these elements are

in sync, every small step contributes to a meaningful and lasting

journey.

Looking Ahead

As we move into Part Three, our focus shifts from quick fixes to

building a life that resonates with the person you're becoming. The tools

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and practices ahead are not about shortcuts but about aligning your

actions with your values, self-image, and purpose. This process may not

be easy, but it is transformative.

The journey doesn't end here, it starts here. Keep revisiting these

principles, using the tools in this book and the resources available

at www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage to guide you.

Together, we'll turn insights into actions and actions into lasting change.

What We Now Know

• True transformation happens beneath the surface, diets and quick

fixes rarely address more profound beliefs or identities.

• Seeing yourself as having a "weight problem" can trap you in a selffulfilling

cycle; shifting identity is key.

• Sustainable change aligns actions (small, consistent steps) with core

values and an evolving self-image.

• Celebrating small wins reinforces new habits and encourages the

"winner effect," turning progress into momentum.

• Visualization and mental rehearsal can rewire the mind, but only if

they match the deeper vision of who you want to be.

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Good luck, and remember, every small step is progress toward the

person you're meant to be.





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Part Three

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21 - Tool 1 - Meditation

Why Meditation?

By now, you’ve developed an elevated level of mindset awareness.

You’re learning to recognize and understand your thoughts, both

positive and negative. Our thoughts don’t just appear randomly; they

form an ongoing stream that influences us throughout the day. In

essence, our thoughts are like affirmations, and we are their passive

audience. You may feel as though you’re actively thinking them, but in

reality, you’re simply listening. You can't control where they'll come

from or what the next one will be.

This is a core principle of Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink:

listening to, observing, and examining your thoughts is essential.

This is where meditation comes in. Meditation isn’t about mystical

rituals or altered states of consciousness. It’s about learning to quiet the

constant internal chatter, even if only for a few moments. Meditation is

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a practical tool to help you observe your thoughts without attachment.

Imagine standing by a busy motorway, watching cars pass by. You see

them, but you don’t need to chase them. With meditation, you can learn

to see your thoughts the same way: as fleeting, not something to chase.

Over time, this practice helps you slow your mind and examine the

origin of your thoughts. For instance, if you’re driving to work and

suddenly think, "Why do I feel like a failure?" meditation allows you to

pause and ask, “Why did I think that? Where did that thought come

from?” As you practice, you’ll notice that many of these thoughts are

ungrounded, and you’ll be able to let them go, like balloons drifting

away.

Meditation is a cornerstone of my toolkit because it enhances so

many other techniques. Let’s consider a simple example: The nemesis

of cake.

Imagine someone offers you a slice of cake. Immediately, your

mind races with conflicting thoughts:

"I shouldn’t eat this; I’m trying to lose weight."

"But it’s just one piece. I’ve been good all week."

"What’s the point? I’ll never reach my goal anyway."

"Everyone else is eating it—why shouldn’t I?"

These thoughts create emotional chaos. This is where meditation

steps in. It helps you observe these thoughts without becoming

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entangled in them, allowing you to respond from a place of clarity, not

stress.

Michael Singer, in his books The Untethered Soul and Living

Untethered, emphasizes the importance of observing our thoughts and

understanding their origins. He teaches that we are not our thoughts;

they are transient, like clouds in the sky. Our true self is the observer,

the part of us that witnesses these thoughts without attachment. By

shifting our awareness to this observer, we gain clarity and detach from

the emotional weight of our thoughts.

I like Singer’s comparison of the mind’s chatter to an annoying

roommate. By recognizing that this "roommate" isn’t your true self, you

can reduce its influence and create space in your mind. Instead of

reacting to negative thoughts, you can ask, “Why did I think that?

Where did that thought come from? Is it even true?” You’ll soon realize

many of your thoughts are old programming, not your own voice.

So, where do these thoughts come from?

• Conditioning and Past Experiences: Many of our thoughts originate

from past events, societal norms, and unresolved emotions.

• Protective Mechanisms: The mind produces thoughts to protect us,

but sometimes it overreacts, leading to unnecessary anxiety.

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• External Triggers: Thoughts often arise from events around us, but

how we interpret them depends on our internal filters.

• Unconscious Habit Loops: A lot of our mental activity is on autopilot.

By becoming aware of these loops, we can interrupt them and make

conscious choices.

By observing these thoughts without judgment, you can free

yourself from them. As you develop this skill, even small irritations,

like someone cutting you off in traffic, lose their grip on you. You

become more empathetic and less reactive.

The key to quieting that voice isn’t to fight it. It’s to hear it first,

recognize it, and then create space between you and it.

Meditation is the tool that allows you to do this. Forget about the

image of sitting cross-legged in a quiet room with incense burning. This

isn’t about becoming a monk. It’s about carving out a few moments

each day to tune in, notice, and gently separate yourself from that

constant internal dialogue.

You don’t need to call it meditation, call it whatever works for you:

a moment of awareness, breathing practice, or paying attention.

And you don’t need hours. Even five minutes can make a

difference.

Here’s a simple way to get started:

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Pick a moment in your day when you’re already pausing, after

dropping the kids at school, while waiting in the car, before sleep, or

even at a red light.

Focus on your breath. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly.

Count each breath—try to reach ten without distraction.

If a thought interrupts, just notice it and gently return to your

breath. No judgment, no frustration.

That’s it.

If you prefer a guided experience, you can download a simple

series of audio files on my website in the free members area

(actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage).

Once you start this practice, even for just a few minutes each day

you’ll begin to notice something: you’ll start hearing your thoughts

more clearly. And that’s where the real magic happens.

Now, you can begin to question those thoughts:

Why did I think that?

Is that even true?

That sounds like my mother’s voice, not mine.

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Where did that thought come from?

Over time, this questioning becomes easier. You start recognizing

patterns and realize that not every thought is your own. Some are old

beliefs, handed down or absorbed without your awareness. Instead of

reacting to them, you can choose which ones to accept and which to let

go.

This practice doesn’t require any special setup. No one even needs

to know you’re doing it. You can meditate while drinking your morning

coffee, taking a shower, sitting in traffic, or lying in bed before sleep.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about consistency, creating space,

noticing, and, over time, reclaiming control over the conversation in

your head.

When D-Day comes, the day you step off the diet treadmill for

good and this skill will be one of your most valuable tools. It will

change the way you think.

And once you change that? Everything else follows.

Remember I’m always adding new meditations and resources in

the members area.


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22 - Tool 2 - A Fond Farewell

I was late to start smoking. I never joined the other kids sneaking

off to smoke behind the bike sheds at school. For some odd reason, it

happened later in life for me. Where is the rebellion in that when you

can legally buy cigarettes?

Still, smoking persisted through my adult years. Being young, I felt

indestructible. It wasn't health that first motivated me to quit; it was

finances. The pressure was on, and cigarettes were getting more

expensive. I tried several times to stop and failed. They say giving up

smoking can be more complicated than giving up heroin. I cannot

confirm that, but it certainly wasn’t easy.

Eventually, I decided it had to happen. I was determined to try

every tactic available. A bit of knowledge helped. I was surprised to

learn that nicotine leaves your system in a week or two, and what

remains is the habit itself. By then, I had realized I was not addicted to

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nicotine; I was addicted to the act of smoking. Back then, I could not

identify the triggers or loops. I thought it was all about the nicotine.

I set my quit date for a Sunday and prepared myself. Part of my

preparation was to indulge in half a pack on that final Sunday evening. I

even felt a twinge of disappointment when I did not finish all my

cigarettes. Two were left. I carried them around in my pocket for weeks

after I quit, like a strange talisman of my resolve.

Another tactic I used was to spend time with smokers. At a new

job, people would offer me cigarettes, but I refused. Being around them

without giving in felt empowering.

What made this quit attempt successful, and why I have never

smoked since was a combination of strategies.

One of the most impactful was a letter I wrote to my cigarettes. I

do not have the original anymore, but here is a version of what it said:

Dear Fags,

Firstly, I wanted to write and tell you myself that it is over between

us. We have had some great times together, and I will cherish those

memories. You were there for me, helping me relax when I needed you.

Honestly, I can’t even afford you now. However, the benefits of our

relationship are far outweighed by the negatives, and I have listed them

below.

Thanks for everything, but this time, it is goodbye for good.

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I attached a cigarette to the letter with tape and kept it nearby as a

reminder.

Depending on your personality, there is humor in this, but the act

of making a written commitment is incredibly powerful. I have seen it

work in other contexts, too. During my work with young people in

residential care, some of whom were very challenging, we occasionally

asked them to write and sign contracts or promises. I was always

amazed by how effective this was. Staff could refer back to these

commitments, and the kids' behavior would shift.

Writing things down matters to us as humans. It makes a promise

feel tangible and binding. My letter was just one of many tactics I used

to quit smoking, but it was a big one.

Why not write your own letter or contract? It could be about

anything you want to change, a food you need to cut out, or a habit you

need to break. Set a deadline, prepare, and treat it like a launch day. The

clock starts now.

In this section I’m suggesting you grab a pen and paper or

download a template from the members page on my website.

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23 - Tool 3 - Future You & The Miracle Question

I once sat in a room where a man described a simple, everyday

scene, something so ordinary: his daughter kissing him in the morning,

being civil, and getting ready for school. It was a scene that could've

come from any home, any morning. Yet, as he spoke, both the mother

and daughter watched him in stunned silence. They seemed captivated,

as though he were describing an unattainable dream rather than

something as familiar as a kiss before school. As he described it in front

of us, the man himself was lost in reverie, as if we'd lost him to another

plane of existence.

I was just as stunned, but I wasn't surprised. This kind of scene has

played out for me thousands of times. It's because I had just asked the

craziest question in therapy:

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The Miracle Question.

Here it is, word for word:

"Suppose tonight, while you are asleep, a miracle happens. The

problem that brought you here is solved. However, because you were

sleeping, you don't know that this miracle has happened. When you

wake up in the morning, what will be different that will tell you a

miracle has happened?”

This question is a cornerstone of solution-focused brief therapy,

and I've used it countless times with clients. When I first teach

therapists how to ask it, they often feel uncomfortable. And I get it. It's

unusual. But its brilliance lies in its simplicity and effectiveness.

still.

As the man shared his vision of a miracle morning, the room was

It soon became apparent that what he was really longing for wasn't

a miracle morning. This is often the case when I use this question,

which is something I've done thousands of times. The answer is seldom

about lottery wins or impossible daydreams. That client didn't want just

a kiss from his daughter. He wanted to feel like things were right in his

family, not just for that one moment, but on a deeper level. And his

family, his wife and daughter, maybe for the first time, began to realize

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this too. The miracle he was seeking wasn't just a kiss; it was restoring

his relationships in the simplest of ways.

The Magic of the Miracle Question

Here's why it's so powerful: while it may sound simple, it's a trick,

a clever one. It skips all the obstacles we typically face. When seeking a

resolution, we're so used to diving straight into the "how," the barriers,

the costs, and the logistics. But this question bypasses all that and

directs us straight to the solution.

Think about it. If you asked yourself how to decorate your spare

bedroom, your brain would immediately jump to the obstacles:

How much will it cost?

When will I find the time?

What color should I choose?

These are all valid questions, but the miracle question lets you skip

everything. Instead, you focus only on the result: a finished, beautifully

decorated room. Suddenly, your mind paints a clear, vivid picture of

what that future might look like, and none of the barriers get in your

way.

In my experience with thousands of clients, I've learned that their

visions of a better future are often surprisingly simple. A man struggling

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with family issues might dream of nothing more than a kiss from his

daughter in the morning. A woman fighting an alcohol addiction might

long for the peace of having a cup of tea with her mum. These aren't

grand, dramatic visions of success. But for these clients, they are the

essence of a miracle, a small, quiet shift toward peace.

The True Miracle

At first, your vision in the context of this book might feel big, like

stepping onto the catwalk in Paris or dazzling a room full of people. But

as you reflect more, you might discover that the true miracle is much

smaller and more subtle: a peaceful walk around the block, a kind word

from a loved one, or the satisfaction of ticking off a small task that's

been weighing on you. These simple moments can be the foundation of

your future self.

Because the truth is, you're already living the future version of you

from 5 or 10 years ago. Your interests have shifted. Your relationships

have changed. You've made decisions based on the person you've

become. But there's a difference between letting life happen to you and

consciously guiding yourself in the direction you want to go. This is the

concept behind the "future you." It's about making choices today that

lead you toward the person you want to become in the years ahead.

And the journey to that future self begins with your miracle day.

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Introducing the Miracle Questionnaire

To help you uncover your own vision of that future, I've created a

miracle questionnaire. This tool is for self-reflection, a way to dig into

the heart of what you want without the distractions of "how" or "why."

You can write your answers below, copy the page for later, or toss it out

once you're done. The important thing is that these questions may lead

you to insights you've never considered.

They may help you unlock meaningful change.

When you wake up, what would be the first small sign that tells

you something is different?

Who in your life might first notice the changes you're making?

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What might they say to you when they notice?

How do their comments or feedback reinforce your progress?

How would you notice that this miracle has taken place?

Describe Your Miracle Day:

What does your morning look like? What are the first signs that

things have changed?

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How might your relationships with others improve or change as

you move through your miracle day?

How do these changes in your interactions impact your

confidence and motivation?

What changes in behavior might you notice in yourself or others?

What would this miracle tell you about yourself?

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As the day progresses, would your usual routines change in any

way?

Scaling the Miracle:

"Let's imagine that the miracle day you described is a 10 out of 10

day—the ideal day where everything is just as you would like it to be.

On a scale from 0 to 10, where zero means things couldn't be further

from that miracle and 10 is the miracle day itself, let's explore where

you are now and how you might move closer."

Where are you now on a scale from 0 to 10?

If the miracle day is a 10, what number would satisfy you that

good progress has been made?

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When were you last closest to that number?

Can you describe that period of time? What was different then?

What brought you to that number?

What one thing could you do to move closer to that number?

What could you do more or less of to move forward by even half a

point?

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Reflections on Change:

What will your morning routine look like the day after the

miracle?

When you look in the mirror, what will you notice that is

different?

How will your thoughts about yourself and your abilities change?

What will you tell yourself about your progress and potential?

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What new goals or aspirations will you set for yourself after the

miracle?

How will your life continue to change in the weeks and months

ahead?

What will you be most excited to achieve next?

Sustaining Progress:

What strengths or abilities will you use to maintain these

changes?

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Who or what will support you in sustaining these improvements?

How will you celebrate the progress you've made?

This questionnaire serves as a starting point for exploring your

vision of a better future. Take your time to answer thoughtfully; you are

not obliged to meticulously answer all questions. Reflecting on these

questions can be transformative, offering clarity and motivation as you

move toward your miracle day.

You'll find a PDF version and a digital version in the members

area.



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24 - Tool 4 - Willpower

In Chapter 11, we learned that willpower isn't an endless reserve of

inner strength you either have or don't have. It's a limited resource that

tires like a muscle. When you overuse it, constantly resisting

temptations or making many choices, your self-control becomes

depleted. This is the essence of the ego depletion theory, born from

psychologist Roy Baumeister's famous cookie-and-radish experiment.

You also learned about decision fatigue: the more decisions you

make throughout the day (even small ones about food or daily tasks),

the faster your willpower tank empties. That's why we're prone to

impulsive decisions later in the day. Simply put, willpower and

decision-making draw from the same pool of mental energy.

The science even points to a biological factor: once those mental

reserves are drained, a dose of glucose can offer a temporary boost.

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However, frequent sugar fixes aren't a sustainable strategy, especially

when trying to make lasting health changes. Instead, a smarter approach

is to reduce the number of decisions you must create and structure your

environment to work with your mind rather than against it. This helps

you conserve willpower for what truly matters.

Here are some suggestions:

Where We Waste Willpower

Frequent Snacking Decisions: Constantly weighing "Should I

have a treat now or wait?" can be eliminated by prepping healthy snacks

ahead.

Endless Scrolling/Notifications: Deciding whether to pick up

your phone each time a notification ping is a huge willpower drain.

Turn off non-essentials.

Late Night "One More Episode": Fatigue makes resisting bingewatching

harder. Set a bedtime alarm or limit to one show per night.

Last-Minute Changes in Plans: Constant rescheduling or "Do I

really want to go?" re-checks eat away at mental energy. Could you plan

ahead and stick to it?

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Remember:

Reducing decision fatigue doesn't mean removing all spontaneity;

it's about eliminating unnecessary choices that drain your willpower.

When you create supportive systems, whether in family routines,

social obligations, or personal health habits, you free your mind to

focus on what truly adds value to your life.

Use these prompts to perform your own "life audit" and identify

where you can reduce daily decision overload. In doing so, you'll

reclaim mental energy to pursue bigger goals and enjoy the moments

that matter most.

Here is a list of prompts that might help you see where there's is

constant decision overload; I wouldn't suggest doing them all, but these

should help you highlight your problem areas

1. Family Life

Meal Planning & Prep

What's happening now? Are you deciding what to cook every day?

Do you rummage through the fridge at 5 p.m. without a plan?

Try this:

Plan meals on a weekly or monthly schedule (e.g., "Taco

Tuesdays," "Leftover Fridays").

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Batch-cook on weekends to reduce weeknight cooking decisions.

Keep a running grocery list so you don't have to think twice about

what to buy.

Routine & Chores

What's happening now? Is every day a scramble to figure out who

does what chore and when?

Try this:

Assign consistent days or times for laundry, cleaning, kids'

homework oversight, etc.

Use a family calendar (digital or on a whiteboard) to show who is

responsible for what.

If your children are old enough, involve them in a rotating chore

schedule.

Managing Child-Related Decisions

What's happening now? Are you frequently deciding about kids'

screen time, bedtime, or weekend activities on the fly?

Try this:

Set default rules or schedules for screen time and bedtimes.

Pre-plan weekend family outings or quiet time slots.

Keep a "go-to" list of kids' lunchbox ideas or quick breakfast

options.

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2. Social Life & Community

Social Commitments

What's happening now? Are you constantly juggling invites and

texting back and forth about availability?

Try this:

Use one calendar for all events, no guesswork on what you're free

for.

Decide on a maximum number of social engagements per week or

month.

Create a "template response" for invites, such as "I'll get back to

you by Thursday," so you don't make snap decisions.

Streamlining Communication

What's happening now? Are you checking multiple messaging

apps and email accounts all day?

Try this:

Consolidate to one or two main communication channels.

Set specific times to check and respond to messages.

Managing Social Media

What's happening now? Are you frequently deciding whether to

scroll, feeling you waste time?

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Try this:

Put app limits or timers on your phone (e.g., 30 minutes daily).

Turn off non-essential notifications.

3. Work & Productivity

Task Prioritization

What's happening now? Are you deciding each morning what to

tackle first, often feeling overwhelmed?

Try this:

End each workday by writing tomorrow's top three priorities.

Use time-blocking (assign tasks to specific time slots).

Email & Communication

What's happening now? Do you keep your email open all day,

responding the second something arrives?

Try this:

Schedule 2–3 email check-ins daily (e.g., morning, noon, late

afternoon).

Use email filters or folders for automated sorting.

Workspace Organization

What's happening now? Is your desk or digital workspace

cluttered, making you search for files or items?

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Try this:

Declutter daily; keep only current work essentials visible.

Organize digital files into clearly labeled folders.

Energy Management

What's happening now? Are you tackling complex tasks when

you're already drained?

Try this:

Schedule essential or creative tasks when you have peak energy

(morning, late night—depending on your rhythm).

Group similar tasks (emails, calls, filing) to reduce "switching

cost.”

4. Health & Fitness

Exercise Routine

What's happening now? Are you deciding every day whether to

work out or which workout to do?

Try this:

Schedule specific workout days and times—make it as nonnegotiable

as a meeting.

Preset a workout plan or program (e.g., Monday = cardio,

Wednesday = strength).

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Meal Planning & Nutrition

What's happening now? Are you counting calories every meal or

impulsively picking up takeout?

Try this:

Most days, plan breakfast or lunch to be the same (or a simple

rotation).

Cook in bulk and pack healthy meals/snacks.

Smart Snacking & Hydration

What's happening now? Are you hitting a 3 p.m. slump,

rummaging for sugary snacks?

Try this:

Keep water or herbal teas within arm's reach to stay hydrated.

Stock healthy snacks in visible spots and unhealthy options out of

sight or out of the house.

Sleep & Recovery

What's happening now? Are you staying up late, scrolling through

your phone, and feeling too tired the next day to make good choices?

Try this:

Set a firm bedtime and use "night mode" or alarms to remind you.

Remove electronics from the bedroom or set them to Do Not

Disturb.

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5. Personal and Household Logistics

Morning Routine

What's happening now? Are you rushing to get ready, deciding on

clothes or tasks at the last minute?

Try this:

Lay out clothes the night before (or create a capsule wardrobe with

fewer but versatile items).

Prep breakfast or lunches in advance (e.g., overnight oats).

Automating Bills & Finances

What's happening now? Are you frequently deciding which bills to

pay manually, risking late fees or missed payments?

Try this:

Set up automatic bill payments for recurring expenses.

Create a monthly budget (e.g., the 50/30/20 rule) so you don't have

to decide again each time you spend.

Errand Consolidation

What's happening now? Are you making multiple trips to the store

throughout the week?

Try this:

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Keep a running list on your fridge or phone for groceries/

household items.

Designate one or two errand days to batch tasks, grocery, post

office, dry cleaning.

6. Digital & Technology Use

Screen Time Boundaries

What's happening now? Are you mindlessly scrolling late at night

or during family time?

Try this:

Set daily limits for social media or video streaming.

Use apps that block access after you've hit a specific time.

Notifications Management

What's happening now? Does your phone buzz every few minutes?

Try this:

Turn off all non-essential notifications.

Group notifications so they only appear at set intervals.

Digital Decluttering

What's happening now? Is your computer desktop cluttered with

files, icons, and random folders?

Try this:

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Maintain a simple folder structure; do a weekly desktop clean-up.

Unsubscribe from mailing lists you don't read; keep your inbox

organized.

7. Self-Reflection Prompts

As you read through each category, ask yourself:

• Where am I making the same decisions over and over?

• What small systems or routines can I create so I don't have to think

each time?

• Which tasks can I automate, delegate, or batch to minimize repetitive

choices?

• When during the day do I feel most mentally drained? What can I

shift to earlier or automate?

• How can I redesign my environment so the easiest choice is also the

healthiest or most productive one?



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25 - Tool 5 - D-Day Preparations

Three Feet or Three Miles: The Beekeeper’s Rule for Change

I’m a beekeeper, and in beekeeping, there’s a golden rule: three

feet or three miles. It applies when moving hives. If you move a hive

just a few feet, say, up to three feet, the bees still recognize the

surroundings and find their way home easily. But if you move the hive

by, say, twenty feet, you’ve got a problem: the bees will return to the

old location, circle in confusion, and get lost in what they think is still

“home.”

To avoid this, beekeepers move the hive at least three miles away

if they need to relocate it a significant distance. Why three miles?

Because it forces the bees to “reset” completely. They realize they’re in

unfamiliar territory and learn new reference points from scratch. After a

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few weeks, they can be brought back to their new home 20 feet from the

original and start the process all over.

There’s also a smaller trick: placing grass or a piece of wood over

the hive entrance after moving it. This little obstacle prompts the bees to

stop, notice something different, and pay closer attention before flying

out. It’s a signal that tells them, “Something has changed—be on alert.”

How This Applies to You

We aren’t so different from bees. When we try to change habits

with only tiny tweaks, we drift back to old behaviors. We return to the

“old location,” stuck in familiar loops. But if we make a sharper, more

deliberate shift that signals “This is different,” we can create the

conditions for lasting change.

Preparing for D-Day

D-Day is the moment you leave diets behind for good. It’s not just

a casual resolution or a gentle transition. You’re moving the hive.

When you place snacks in a new cupboard, it’s not just to stop

yourself from eating them. It’s like the grass at the hive entrance, a

reminder that “Things have changed.”

It’s not only about food. The more signals of change you create,

the more your brain registers, “Today is not like yesterday.”

Set Your Own “Grass at the Entrance”

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On D-Day, look for simple ways to break up your usual routines so

your brain notices:

• Wake up earlier than you usually do.

• Buy coffee at a new cafe.

• Take a different route to work.

• Plan a short walk at lunchtime, even just five minutes.

• Change one thing about your morning routine—shuffle the order or

remove something that’s usually part of your autopilot.

• Rearrange furniture or items in your kitchen.

It doesn’t matter what you change; what matters is that your mind

can’t just run on its old script. When today feels obviously different,

you choose your actions instead of falling back on habit.

The Real Power of D-Day

When you do this, you’re essentially making your brain stop and

take notice: “This is new.” That moment of awareness disrupts autopilot

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behavior. It helps you avoid the trap of circling back to the old place

that no longer exists.

So, as D-Day approaches, think like a beekeeper:

• Set your signals.

• Create your reminders.

• Move the hive far enough that you must reorient.

This is how you recognize D-Day for what it is—the beginning of

a permanent change.

D-Day Readiness Checklist

Below is a quick checklist to ensure you’re mentally and

practically prepared to “move the hive” and make your shift away from

dieting stick.

Name Your Why

Have you clarified why you’re quitting dieting?

Is this reason meaningful enough to keep you motivated?

Choose Your Day

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Have you picked a specific date (your D-Day)?

Do you have any reminders set (calendar, alarms, or notes to

yourself)?

Plan a Bold Move

Identify at least one primary signal that tells your brain: “Things

are different now.”

This could be rearranging your kitchen, starting a new morning

routine, or removing diet-related items from your home.

Add Mini “Grass at the Entrance” Cues

List 3–5 small changes you’ll make on D-Day (e.g., new coffee

spot, different commute, earlier wake-up).

Make sure they’re simple enough actually to do.

Tidy or Transform Your Environment

Have you cleared out diet books, diet apps, or leftover products

from your “old location”?

ones?

Do you have healthy, nourishing foods ready to replace the old

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Set Clear Boundaries

Will you tell friends/family that you’re no longer on diets or want

to hear diet advice?

Are you prepared to remove or mute social media triggers or dietcentric

influences?

Plan for Moments of Weakness

Identify one or two tactics to handle stress or cravings without

using old diet habits.

It could be a quick walk, calling a friend, or a favorite relaxation

technique.

Decide Your First Action

What will you do first thing on D-Day morning to mark this new

beginning?

Please write it down or set a reminder so you won’t forget.

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Check Your Mindset

Are you ready to abandon the “diet mentality” and embrace a new

approach (even if it feels unfamiliar)?

the shift?

Have you considered journaling or reflecting on this day to cement

Acknowledge the Permanence

Remember that this isn’t a short-term experiment—you’re done

with dieting.

Visualize yourself a month from now, living in this new reality, and

reaffirm your commitment.

Working through this checklist and thinking like a beekeeper’ll set

strong signals for your brain, create a fresh start, and reinforce real,

lasting change.

From here on out, you won’t be circling back to an old hive that no

longer exists, you’ll be building a new one that truly fits your life.

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26 - Tool 6 - Habits

Below is a brief overview of how habits form and the typical cycle

they follow, often referred to as the Habit Loop. Charles Duhigg most

famously described this framework in The Power of Habit, and various

behavioral psychology studies back it up.

1. Cue (Trigger)

What It Is: A cue (or trigger) is any external or internal signal that

tells your brain to go into automatic mode and initiate a specific

behavior. It could be a time of day, an emotional state, a location, or

even a particular sound or smell.

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Example: Walking into your kitchen at 3 p.m. triggers a desire for

a sweet snack because, over time, you’ve come to associate 3 p.m. with

a treat break.

2. Routine (Behavior)

What It Is: The routine is the action or behavior you perform in

response to the cue. It’s what we typically think of when we talk about

habits, like brushing our teeth, scrolling on social media, or eating a

snack.

Example: Upon feeling that 3 p.m. slump, you head straight for

the cookie jar. That’s your routine.

3. Reward

What It Is: The reward your brain receives reinforces the

behavior. The payoff or benefit makes the habit appealing and worth

repeating the next time the cue appears.

Example: The immediate pleasure of a sweet treat (sugar rush,

taste enjoyment, temporary energy boost) acts as a reward. Your brain

says, “This feels good,” and the loop strengthens.

4. Craving (Optional Layer)

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Some models also add a fourth component, Craving, which is why

the cue leads you to seek the reward. Craving is the motivational force

that drives you to perform the routine in hopes of achieving the reward.

Example: You crave the comfort and energy boost associated with

the sugary snack. It’s this anticipation of reward that propels you to take

action as soon as the cue appears.

Why It Matters

When you understand this loop—Cue → Routine → Reward—you

can more effectively:

• Identify what triggers a behavior you want to change.

• Experiment with healthier or more productive routines that yield a

similar reward.

• Modify your environment or “insert friction” to break unwanted

patterns (e.g., keeping cookies out of sight).

• Add new cues or stack new behaviors on top of existing ones to form

positive habits more easily.

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By breaking down a habit into these components, you gain clarity

on why a habit forms and how it’s maintained, key insights for creating

long-term change.

Every afternoon, like clockwork, I’d step into the kitchen, open the

biscuit cupboard, and reach for a handful of snacks, usually without

even thinking about it. It wasn’t that I was particularly hungry; it felt

like a natural thing to do the moment I crossed the threshold into the

kitchen.

Over time, I realized this was a classic Cue → Routine → Reward

habit loop:

• Cue: Entering the kitchen in the afternoon.

• Routine: Opening the cupboard and grabbing biscuits.

• Reward: A quick taste of sweet, crunchy relief—instant gratification.

Here’s how I changed it:

Identify the Real Trigger

I noticed it usually happened around 3 p.m., right after a burst of

work. I’d walk into the kitchen to “take a break,” and that moment in

the day, combined with the sight of my cupboard this was my cue.

Create a New Routine

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Instead of reaching for biscuits, I wanted a healthier alternative.

So, I placed a water bottle and fruit (apples, bananas) on the counter

where they’d be in plain sight. My new plan was to grab a piece of fruit

or a glass of water when I felt that afternoon lull.

At first, it felt unnatural. My brain insisted that “the cupboard is

right there!” But because I knew the location of that cupboard was so

tempting, I reorganized my kitchen so the fruit bowl was literally in the

path to the cupboard. If I wanted a biscuit, I had to walk around the fruit

bowl to get it.

Tweak the Environment

I moved the biscuit cupboard items to a higher shelf, which was

out of easy reach. That small change forced me to pause and think, “Oh

yes, I’m changing this habit cue?” That added friction broke my

autopilot just enough to notice what I was doing.

Find a Similar Reward

The reward I craved wasn’t just the taste of biscuits, it was the

little pick-me-up and the mental break from work. So I told myself,

“When I choose fruit over biscuits, I’ll also allow five minutes for a

relaxing walk in the garden or checking in with a friend.” This gave me

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a sense of relief and enjoyment similar to what I got from that quick

sugar fix, minus the guilt and energy crash.

Stick with the New Loop

Cue: Afternoon slump or stepping into the kitchen.

Routine: Grab water or fruit, and potentially take a short,

refreshing break.

Reward: A natural energy boost, plus feeling proud of a healthier

choice.

In the beginning, I still had slip-ups, old habits die hard. But after a

few weeks, I noticed the “fruit and water” routine felt more automatic. I

also enjoyed the reward of a peaceful moment to myself. I wasn’t

swearing off biscuits forever; I just shifted the habit so that the choice

was deliberate rather than mindless.

By changing my environment, setting up an alternative reward, and

making the unhealthy routine a bit harder to follow, I created a new

habit loop that better served my health goals and gave me that afternoon

break I needed.

Here is an audit you can do :

How Negative Habits Form

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Environmental Cues

We often pick up negative habits simply because our environment

nudges us.

Example: If you keep a candy dish on your desk, you’ll likely

snack mindlessly all day.

Reward Loops

Habits form when a behavior provides an immediate reward or

relief (even if it’s harmful in the long run).

Example: Scrolling social media instead of going to bed on time

feels relaxing initially but costs you valuable sleep.

Repetition Under Stress

“Todays problem was yesterday’s solution?

When stressed or tired, we revert to behaviors that offer quick

comfort, even if they’re detrimental.

Example: Emotional eating after a tough day can become a deeply

ingrained coping habit.

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Three Ways to Turn a Negative Habit into a Positive One

Identify Your Trigger and Substitute the Routine

Action: Track when and where the negative habit occurs. Notice

what triggers it (time of day, emotional state, environment).

reward.

Replacement: Choose a healthier behavior that provides a similar

Example: If you always grab sugary snacks after work to relax,

replace that moment with a short walk or a fruit smoothie, something

that still feels like a “treat” but is healthier.

Modify Your Environment

Action: Remove or reduce visual cues for the negative habit; add

cues for the positive alternative.

Example: Instead of a candy jar on your desk, place a water bottle

or a fruit bowl within arm’s reach. If you want to walk more, leave your

walking shoes by the front door so you see them daily.

Use “If-Then” Planning

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rule.

Action: Plan for moments of temptation by setting a clear “if-then”

Example: If you feel the urge to stress eat late at night, make a cup

of herbal tea or do five minutes of stretching instead.

Three Ways to Create Positive Habits from Scratch

Start Small and Specific

Action: Make your new habit so easy you can’t say no.

Example: Commit to a 5-minute walk after dinner each night.

Over time, expand to 10 or 15 minutes.

Use Habit Stacking (Piggybacking)

Action: Attach the new habit to something you already do without

thinking.

Example: Right after you brush your teeth in the morning (an

established habit), do 10 squats or 1 minute of mindfulness. The

existing habit (teeth brushing) becomes the cue for your new one.

Reward Yourself Immediately

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Action: Give yourself a small but meaningful reward each time

you complete the new behavior.

Example: If you want to drink more water, treat yourself to a tasty

herbal tea or spend a few minutes on a favorite hobby right after you

finish your daily water intake goal.

Three Ways to “Redirect” a Habit for Better Health

Combine a Less Enjoyable Habit with a Fun Activity

Action: Pair a task you dread with an activity you love.

Example: Only allow yourself to watch your favorite TV show

while walking on a treadmill or stretching gently.

Make Unhealthy Habits More Difficult

Action: Add friction to the negative behavior so it’s less appealing.

Example: If you’re tempted to snack late at night, keep treats in a

hard-to-reach spot, or don’t buy them at all. Having to drive out to get

them reduces impulsive eating.

Public Commitments and Accountability

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Action: Share your goal with friends/family or join a group that

supports the healthy habit.

Example: Announce on social media you’re aiming for 10,000

steps a day or agree to send your daily step count to a friend.

Putting It All Together: A Quick Example

Negative Habit: Grabbing a cookie and flopping onto the couch

right after work because you feel tired and stressed.

Trigger: Coming home tired each day.

Replacement Routine: Keep a yoga mat near the entrance and do

a 5-minute “wind-down” stretch or a brisk walk around the block

instead.

Environment Adjustments: Remove cookies from the kitchen

counter; place healthy snacks (fruit, nuts) on an easy-to-reach shelf.

Habit Stacking: Link your new routine to something you already

do, like kicking off your work shoes or hanging up your coat. Right

after you hang your jacket, you do your 5-minute stretch.

Reward: Enjoy a calming playlist or a favorite podcast episode

only after completing your mini exercise.

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Key Takeaways

Negative habits often form because they’re easy and rewarding in

the short term.

Changing them starts with identifying triggers, altering your

environment, and substituting a healthier routine.

Building new positive habits is simpler when you start small,

piggyback on existing habits, and reward yourself.

Habit stacking lets you use the momentum of an already-ingrained

behavior as the cue for a new one, making it more likely you’ll stick

with the change.

By applying these principles, awareness, replacement, and

consistent reinforcement you can steer your habits away from autopilot

negativity and toward a healthier, more intentional daily routine.



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27 - Tool 7 - Filling The Cookie Jar

David Goggins, former Navy SEAL, ultra-endurance athlete, and

all-around embodiment of grit popularized the idea of a “cookie jar.” In

his world, these aren’t your usual chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin.

Instead, these “cookies” are memories of past triumphs and challenges

you’ve overcome. They’re powerful reminders of your own resilience—

times you’ve pushed through pain, uncertainty, or self-doubt and

emerged stronger on the other side.

1. What Is the Cookie Jar?

Think of it as your personal reservoir of strength. Goggins suggests

that when life gets tough, you can reach into your mental cookie jar and

pull out a memory—a hard-earned success, a setback that didn’t break

you, or a difficult situation you navigated with grit. This simple mental

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exercise works wonders in moments of exhaustion, fear, or

hopelessness. By recalling how you’ve overcome past obstacles, you

prove to yourself that you have what it takes to handle whatever

challenge is right in front of you.

2. Replace “Real” Cookies With Mental Cookies

We often reach for comfort foods like actual cookies when we’re

stressed or in need of reassurance. But what if, instead of grabbing a

sugary snack, you nourish yourself with the sweetness of your

accomplishments?

Imagine a physical jar where you once kept your favorite treats.

Now, envision tossing out the cookies and re-filling that jar with slips of

paper, each one noting a personal victory or challenge you conquered.

These mental cookies feed your spirit instead of spiking your blood

sugar.

The Double Benefit: Not only do you cut back on unhealthy

eating habits, but each time you reach for a “cookie” in this jar, you

reinforce a mindset of resilience and self-belief.

3. How to Create Your Mental Cookie Jar

Find a Physical Jar: An old cookie tin, a mason jar, or any

container will do.

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Reflect on Past Challenges: Spend a few minutes jotting down

moments when you pushed through adversity. Maybe it was finishing a

project you thought was impossible, facing a fear head-on, or standing

up for yourself in a difficult conversation.

Write Them Down: On each slip of paper, note the challenge and

how you overcame it. Keep it brief but clear: “Ran my first 5K even

though I thought I couldn’t jog for five minutes,” or “Gave a

presentation at work despite my fear of public speaking and nailed it!”

Build the Habit: Whenever life gets tough, reach into your jar

(literally or figuratively) and remind yourself of your capabilities. If a

new triumph happens—add it! Keep feeding your jar with fresh

evidence of your own strength.

4. When to Reach for a Cookie

Moments of Doubt: Self-doubt often creeps in right when we

need confidence the most. That’s your cue to pull out a note, read it, and

remember: you’ve overcome challenging moments before and can do it

again.

Before a Big Challenge: Are you about to head into a demanding

workout, an important interview, or a nerve-wracking meeting? Grab a

“cookie” to set the tone and give yourself a mental boost.

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After a Setback: Sometimes, you need to remind yourself that

failure isn’t final. Seeing evidence of past comebacks can help you shift

your perspective from “I can’t” to “I will.”

5. Making It Your Own

Your cookie jar can be a physical object on a shelf or a virtual

folder on your phone or computer, wherever it’s easiest for you to

access. The key is to make these victories readily available when you

need them most. Over time, you’ll strengthen your “resilience muscle,”

training your mind to default to memories of success and perseverance

instead of focusing on fear or defeat.

A Final Note:

The cookie jar concept reminds us that our greatest resource for

motivation isn’t always external, it’s within us, rooted in experiences

and memories of our own tenacity. By replacing real cookies with these

mental “treats,” you’re engaging in a powerful act of self-validation and

self-empowerment.

Using your old cookie jar is extra powerful because you’re

breaking a habit loop too.

The next time you’re tempted to say, “I can’t,” or “I’m not sure I

can get through this,” pause and dig into your cookie jar. You’ll find a

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storehouse of proof that you’ve done hard things before and you can

absolutely do them again.



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28 - Tool 8 - The Magic Potion

The placebo effect isn't confined to medicine; it's woven into the

fabric of our daily lives. We create little rituals, our modern-day magic

spells, and imbue them with meaning. They don't need the approval of

double-blind studies to make a tangible difference. What truly matters is

that they align with our internal narratives and feel authentic to us.

So, before dismissing the placebo effect as trivial or irrelevant,

closely examine your habits and routines. Chances are, you're already

tapping into its power without realizing it. What if you started

harnessing that power intentionally? Could you use the principles of

placebos to craft a personal “ma

gic potion" that feels empowering and effective?

Below are a few practical, everyday placebos—small but powerful

ways to "trick" your mind (and body) into adopting healthier habits,

boosting confidence, or simply feeling well.

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1. The Smaller Plate Trick

How It Works:

Commandeer a smaller plate for every meal, telling yourself, "This

is the perfect portion for me."

A smaller plate visually appears more "full," which can help trick

your brain into feeling satisfied with less food.

The Science:

Research shows that people tend to eat less when they perceive

their plate to be fuller.

Similar to the classic milkshake study, where participants reacted

differently based on whether they believed they were drinking a "lowcalorie"

or an "indulgent" shake, the act of perceiving a "full plate" can

convince your mind (and stomach) that you're satisfied.

Consider the fast-food example: once, McDonald's didn't label its

smallest fries as "small"—they called them "medium," demonstrating

just how powerfully labels and perceptions can influence us.

2. The Magic Water Bottle

How It Works:

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Pick and designate a specific water bottle as your "magic mindset

bottle."

Drink from it whenever you feel weak or ready to make a poor

choice.

A single sip is all you need; there's no need to "overdose" on a

positive mindset!

The Science:

The placebo element lies in the belief and ritual you create around

this special bottle. By consistently telling yourself it's helping you,

you're layering a mental effect over the real physiological benefit of

hydration.

3. The Special Cup

How It Works:

Choose a specific mug or cup for tea or coffee and name it your

"craving-curber." Even better, buy yourself a really nice cup that's

different from all the others. It's unique and has special properties. It

also serves as a reminder of the journey you're on.

it.

Each time you drink from it, remind yourself of its special purpose.

Enjoy the warm beverage and the comforting ritual that goes with

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The Science:

Naming and ritualizing your cup adds another layer of mental

reinforcement, tapping into the placebo effect.

4. Smiling for Happiness

How It Works:

Practice smiling even if you don't feel particularly happy at the

moment.

Notice how it shifts your mood or the way people respond to you.

If you want to test this, grab a pen or pencil and put it crossways in your

mouth. Spend a few moments in this simulated smile, and your mood

will follow suit.

The Science:

Studies have shown that the act of smiling can stimulate feelings of

happiness.

When you smile, your brain often "assumes" you must be happy,

releasing feel-good chemicals. This is another great way to reverseengineer

the mind-body connection.

Final Thoughts: Creating Your Own Confidence Booster (or Fat-

Burning Concoction)

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Be willing to experiment. Craft a personal placebo, whether a "fatburning"

herbal tea or a "confidence-lifting" breath exercise and see

what happens. Data shows it can work, not just through suggestion but

through genuine physiological responses triggered by belief.

You can create your own magic pills by adding labels or meaning

to a pack of tic tac or Smarties by creating a new label of your own

Remember that it's not just your personal placebos that influence

the brain. Your body language, facial expressions, and mannerisms

majorly shape how you think and feel. Smiling not because you're

happy but because you want to feel happy is a powerful demonstration

of how belief can be reversed or hacked to your benefit.

Above all, remember that the key to any successful placebo is

consistency, intentional focus, and a genuine willingness to believe.

By doing so, you can weave the power of the placebo effect into

your daily life and discover small but meaningful transformations in the

way you feel, behave, and interact with the world.



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29 - Tool 9 - Meeting Your Alter Ego

I write a lot of fiction, and characters are always at the heart of a

story. Like most writers, I must understand a character’s background

before writing. This helps inform their decisions, behaviors, and the role

they play in the story. Interestingly, many of our favorite characters

from books and films are rooted in traits or qualities that differ from our

own. Once a character profile is complete, none of their traits or

backstory may be explicitly revealed in the finished work. Still, this

depth helps them feel real and grounded.

Creating an alter ego is even more intuitive because it stems from

the qualities and personas we admire. We can find inspiration

everywhere, whether it’s the colleague who handles stress with grace,

the friend who exudes confidence, or a character from a favorite movie

or book who embodies resilience or creativity. These individuals

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display traits we aspire to cultivate—traits we can call upon when we

clearly define and connect with our alter ego.

A perfect example of this concept is found in The Mask, starring

Jim Carrey. Stanley Ipkiss, the timid and self-doubting protagonist,

discovers a mysterious mask that transforms him into a wildly

confident, unstoppable force. The Mask isn’t just a disguise, it’s an

exaggerated manifestation of the qualities Stanley wishes he had:

charm, fearlessness, and uninhibited self-expression. While the

transformation is comically extreme, the core idea is deeply relatable.

We all have aspects of ourselves we wish we could amplify, and

creating an alter ego allows us to do just that—minus the magical mask.

In the chapter on alter egos, I referred to David Goggins as a

powerful real-life example. In his book Can’t Hurt Me, Goggins

describes how he created a hardened version of himself, often referring

to himself in the third person, to push through unimaginable physical

and mental challenges. This alter ego, forged from grit and resilience,

became a source of strength when his real-world self doubted his ability

to endure.

In the same way, creating an alter ego can be transformative. It’s

not just a tool for writers or athletes but a meaningful exercise for

anyone seeking a supportive, empowering inner persona to lean on in

times of challenge or change. Below is a structured process to help you

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build a vivid, purposeful alter ego that reflects the qualities you most

admire and wish to channel.

Create your own alter ego by thinking about the

following.

essence:

1. Name

Choose a name that resonates with your alter ego’s personality and

Combine words: Nova Edge, Phoenix Vale

Use alliteration: Charlie Chase, Luna Light

Modify your own name: Mick Atlas, Ellie Sparks

Create something entirely unique: Zyra Ash, Orion Vale

Write your alter ego’s name here:

Name:

2. Key Traits

Select 3-5 traits that define your alter ego’s personality and values.

Use the list below for inspiration:

Courage

Empathy

Confidence

Creativity

Integrity

Resilience

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Ambition

Charisma

Discipline

Write your chosen traits here:

Key Traits:

3. Superpowers

Imagine a skill, talent, or quality you admire but don’t currently

possess. This becomes your alter ego’s unique strength—something to

aspire toward or channel when needed.

Examples:

Unshakable confidence in any situation

Effortless charisma and charm

Unstoppable focus and discipline

Boundless creativity and vision

Write your superpower here:

Superpower:

4. Anchor or Link

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An anchor is a simple, repeatable action or object that connects

you to your alter ego. We will explore anchors in more detail in the next

chapter.

This could be:

A physical object: A bracelet, ring, or specific outfit

A mantra: “What would [Alter Ego Name] do?”

A routine: A power pose or deep breath to step into character

Write your anchor here:

Anchor or Link:

Name:

Key Traits:

Superpower:

Anchor or Link:

Your Alter Ego Profile

Your alter ego can guide you toward confidence, creativity, and

strength whenever needed. Once anchored, you can call upon this

persona in times of need.

Reflection

How does this alter ego reflect your own strengths and potential?

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What lessons can you learn from your alter ego to bring into your

everyday self?

By answering these questions, you can develop a detailed, vivid,

and empowering alter ego that feels real and accessible. This persona

can serve as an anchor in difficult times, embodying the qualities you

most need to navigate challenges.



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20 - Tool 10 - The Swish Pattern

I'd bitten my nails for as long as I can remember, yet on

discovering NLP, I learned a technique that eliminated this behavior in

around 20 to 30 minutes. The problem with nail biting is that it's

unconscious, making it perfect for the swish technique. In this instance,

the brain needs a method to jolt it from its behavior, a way of mentally

grabbing it by the collar and saying,

hands."

"Hey, you're doing it again. Don't you want this instead? Nice

At the beginning of the toolkit, I explained how meditation is the

primary tool in Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink. This is because we

can't battle with our thoughts if they're allowed to carry on unchecked.

In anchoring, we can also do this with our actions. My experience was

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in biting my nails, an unconscious action. The swish pattern from NLP

makes this action conscious, and the simple act of noticing and

replacing it with a positive image does the same.

How Do We Create Our Swish Pattern, and How Did It

Work for Me?

The Swish Pattern is a powerful NLP technique that helps you

replace unwanted behaviors or habits with empowering alternatives by

creating a vivid mental association with your desired future self. It

works by rewiring the brain to associate the trigger for the unwanted

behavior with the positive vision of your future self.

In the context of positive, healthy choices, this exercise can help

you replace a behavior, such as reaching for unhealthy food, with a

compelling image of a future, healthier version of yourself. You may

find one thing that frustrates you. That one thing might not be the core

of your problem, but it could be incredibly symbolic.

effect.

Removing a symbolic problem can have a considerable knock-on

The Swish Pattern operates by:

Breaking the link between the trigger (e.g., boredom) and the

habitual behavior (biting nails).

Replacing it with a compelling, empowering vision of the person

you want to become.

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One effective way to break a habit, such as, in my case, nail-biting,

is to replace the negative image or thought that triggers the behavior

with a positive one. This technique works by interrupting the habitual

cycle and rewiring your mind to associate the trigger with a more

desirable action or outcome.

My Personal Application of the Swish Pattern:

Before beginning the session, take a moment to think of two

specific images. The first image should represent the last thing you see

or experience before engaging in the behavior you want to change. For

example, if you want to stop biting your nails as I did, the image might

be the moment your hand is raised toward your mouth. This is the first

sign that you're about to do the thing you wish to stop. In this case, the

idea is to see this unconscious habit and make it obvious. Whatever

behavior you want to address, allow the image to come naturally to

mind. Even if it seems unusual, trust it—it's your brain's way of

signaling action.

I once worked with a client who wanted to stop eating a particular

food. His trigger image was a sticker that hung from a cupboard door. It

might sound strange, but it worked for him, so trust what feels right for

you.

The second image should be positive, representing what you'd like

to replace the unwanted behavior with. For instance, I wanted to stop

biting my nails because I worked in a family-style children's home

where I often cooked with the kids. I felt it wasn't fair for my hands to

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be in poor condition. I admired how clean and well-manicured doctors'

or chefs' hands were and wanted mine to look the same. My chosen

image was of my own hands, clean and manicured, just as I imagined

they would eventually be.

Take a few moments to visualize these two images clearly in your

mind. Mine were Polaroid-style images as if I'd taken photographs of

the exact moments. Once you feel confident about them, you're ready to

try the swish exercise. While I often guide clients through this exercise,

it's just as effective when done independently.

The process is simple but requires focus, so ensure you're

comfortable with the steps before starting.

Steps to Perform the Swish Exercise:

Find a Quiet Space: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. The

following will take place in your mind's eye, creating a screen for you

to visualize in a way that suits you.

Visualize the Negative Image: Begin by visualizing the first

negative image. Once you have it clear in your mind, start manipulating

the image. First, turn down the colors on your negative image, making

it black and white. Then, mentally push it far into the distance, up to the

far-left corner of your mental space. It should become small but still

visible.

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Focus on the Positive Image: Now, bring the positive image into

focus. Make it colorful, vibrant, and full of detail. Please take a moment

to enjoy all the positive feelings and associations that come with it.

Then, push this image into the distance, up to the far-right corner of

your mind, where it glows with vibrant color in the distance.

Bring the Negative Image Forward: Bring the negative image

back to the forefront of your mind, filling your mental space.

Crash the Positive Image Through: Imagine the positive image

is connected to the negative one by a powerful elastic band. My

imagination created a very strong and tight elastic. Fill your space with

the negative image and allow the positive image to snap back toward

you from behind with immense force, crashing through the negative

image and filling your vision with vibrant color. Let it completely

shatter the negative image as it takes over.

Repeat: Rebuild the negative image, push the positive one away,

and let it come crashing back through again. With practice, you can

make the transitions faster, brighter, and more intense. If you want, add

sound, such as a massive crash. Do this about ten times, allowing the

positive image to dominate each time.

I never needed to do this again, and it was many years ago. The

moment I lifted my hand, I would see that negative image, and, pow, I'd

also see my positive image.

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There are a few versions of this technique. The trick is to know

what image you see at the point of the behavior. It doesn't have to be

precisely what you see, just what your mind sees. For me, it was the

actual mental image of my hand.

useful.

Watch out for those impulsive behaviors; you'll find the swish



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21 - Tool 11 - Anchors

Lance Armstrong’s use of his iconic ‘Livestrong’ elastic wristband

as a tool for mental focus and resilience is a fascinating example of how

personal rituals and symbols can become powerful psychological

anchors. While the wristband is widely recognized as a symbol of

cancer awareness and survival, Armstrong reportedly used it more

personally and uniquely during moments of stress or challenge.

Armstrong, who overcame cancer to win seven consecutive Tour

de France titles, used the yellow elastic wristband as more than just a

fundraising symbol. It became a key part of his mental toolkit during

the physically and mentally gruelling moments of his life and career.

During times of stress or intense pressure, Armstrong would

deliberately snap the wristband against his wrist. The snap provided a

physical sensation that acted as a mental reset button, reminding him of

his inner strength, resilience, and purpose. For Armstrong, the

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wristband wasn’t just an accessory but a deeply personal symbol of his

journey through cancer, survival, and the drive to push beyond limits.

Why It Worked

This practice exemplifies a form of anchoring, a psychological

technique where a specific action or stimulus is linked to a desired

emotional or mental state.

Symbolism: The Livestrong band represented his survival and

ability to overcome adversity, reminding him of the strength he carried

within.

Physical Sensation: The snap of the band provided a tangible and

immediate way to interrupt negative thoughts or feelings of doubt,

refocusing his mind on the present.

Personal Ritual: Snapping the wristband became a ritual tied to

his identity and determination, reinforcing a sense of control during

overwhelming moments.

Armstrong’s use of the wristband highlights how a simple object or

ritual can serve as a powerful psychological tool. By associating an

action with strength or calm, anyone can create a mental trigger to

manage stress or regain focus in challenging situations.

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In a world obsessed with evidence and hard facts, the placebo

effect offers a humbling reminder: sometimes, the most effective

medicine isn’t found in a lab but within ourselves.

Anchoring in NLP: A Brief Explanation

Anchoring is a concept in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)

that refers to the process of associating a specific stimulus (e.g., a touch,

sound, or image) with an emotional or mental state. Once established,

this anchor can trigger the associated state whenever the stimulus is

repeated.

You may have seen a hypnotist tap a client on the shoulder and say,

“Sleep.” The client immediately responds by returning to a deep state of

relaxation. This is a form of anchoring, the stimulus (the tap and

command) reactivates the earlier mental state.

In daily life, we often experience automatic anchors without

realizing it.

For example:

• The smell of cookies might evoke memories of your grandmother’s

kitchen.

• A particular song may instantly remind you of a romantic evening.

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• These aren’t just memories, they actively trigger emotional states,

setting in motion feelings tied to the stimulus.

Using Anchors for Health and Wellness

Imagine you want to instill a sense of calm to manage stress.

Here’s how you can create an anchor for this:

Select the Desired State: Decide to anchor a feeling of calmness.

Recall a moment when you felt deeply relaxed, such as lying on a

peaceful beach or meditating successfully.

Create the Anchor: While vividly recalling this moment, press

your thumb and forefinger together. Focus on the sensations, sights, and

sounds of your calm state.

Reinforce the Anchor: Release the action (stop pressing your

fingers) as the calm feeling peaks. Repeat this several times to

strengthen the link.

Use the Anchor: Press your thumb and forefinger together in a

stressful moment and let the calm feeling return.

Spotting and Changing Negative Anchors

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Think of a recurring situation where you feel undesired emotions

(e.g., stress, fear).

Identify the trigger: What happens just before you feel that way?

It could be a specific sound, phrase, or setting.

Example: A colleague’s critical comment triggers feelings of

inadequacy.

Write down these triggers and the emotions they evoke.

Dissociating from Negative Anchors

Visualize the Trigger: Close your eyes and imagine the situation.

Change the Perspective: View it as though it’s on a movie screen,

make it smaller, dimmer, or farther away.

Add Humor: Change the voices to sound silly or exaggerate the

scene.

Repeat until the emotional impact diminishes.

Installing Positive Anchors

happy.

Recall a Desired State: Think of a time when you felt confident or

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Create the Anchor: While reliving this memory, perform an

action (e.g., touch your wrist or say, “I’m unstoppable”).

Amplify and Reinforce: Intensify the emotion and repeat the

process multiple times.

Test the Anchor: Activate it and notice how the positive emotion

resurfaces.

Practical Tips

Consistency: Reinforce positive anchors regularly.

Replacement: When encountering a negative anchor, weaken it

and immediately introduce a positive one.

Layering: Build multiple anchors for different situations, such as

calmness for stress and confidence for presentations.

By mastering anchoring, you can intentionally guide your

emotional states, leading to greater control and empowerment in your

daily life. These simple tools can profoundly impact your health and

wellness journey, whether through a wristband, a touch, or a phrase.



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22 - Tool 12 - Days of J.O.Y

Jethro had spent weeks down in town, living the high life—playing

cards, drinking, and indulging in every pleasure available. Somewhere

between poker hands and whiskey-fueled nights, he found himself in

the company of a lively young woman. Their encounters became more

frequent, and one evening, emboldened by liquor and a flair for grand

gestures, he made her an offer.

"I'm a wealthy man," Jethro declared with a crooked smile. "Got a

fine house up in the hills. Marry me, and I'll take you up there to live

like royalty."

She hesitated—briefly. The promise of luxury and his undeniable

confidence were enough to convince her. The wedding was swift, and

before she had time to process her new reality fully, they were making

the journey up the mountain to her new home.

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As the morning sun cut through the trees, Jethro led the way along

the rugged, overgrown path, a squirming piglet tucked under his arm.

His bride followed, struggling to keep pace in a tattered dress and

slippers ill-suited for the rocky incline. He moved with the ease of a

man who knew every twist and turn, his calloused hands gripping roots

and branches for support. He never doubted for a second that she'd

understand once she saw their destination.

At last, they reached the clearing. Jethro stood tall, hands on his

hips, a blade of grass hanging from his teeth, surveying his "fine house"

with satisfaction.

It was, in reality, a sagging wooden hut. Smoke curled lazily from

a leaning chimney. The front door dangled from a single hinge, creaking

in the wind. The yard was a chaotic sprawl of rusting metal, scattered

refuse, and darting rats. The windows—those that remained—held

jagged shards of glass.

Jethro turned to his bride, expecting admiration. Instead, she stood

frozen, eyes wide, her fingers clutching at her disheveled hair. She

opened her mouth, closed it, and finally gasped, "Oh my! I know you

said you were rich, but I never dreamed you were this rich."

Jethro's grand vision and his bride's expectations were wildly

misaligned. He believed he was offering something incredible, his

version of success. But to her, the reality far exceeded what she'd

imagined.

This is precisely what happens with traditional goal-setting.

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We're told to set impressive goals. We define success using

someone else's criteria. And often, we don't even realize how flawed our

approach is until we arrive at our supposed "destination," only to find it

wasn't what we wanted at all.

"Success isn't a destination; It's movement."

Bob Proctor

This is why I developed something different, a way of measuring

progress, so I designed the JOY calendar. It's more about extending our

progress in any form to create an unbroken chain of movement.

But first, let's look at the conventional goal-setting wisdom most of

us have been taught.

If you've ever taken a management or productivity course, you've

likely encountered SMART goal setting. It's been a staple for decades,

particularly in corporate environments and self-improvement programs.

The idea is to create S.M.A.R.T. goals that are:

Specific – Clearly defined, such as "run 5 kilometers without

stopping" instead of "get healthier."

Measurable – Quantifiable, like "lose 10 pounds in two months"

to track progress.

Achievable – Realistic within your circumstances, like "walk 30

minutes a day."

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Relevant – Meaningful to your overall priorities, such as "improve

cardiovascular health" through running or swimming.

Time-Bound – Given a deadline, like "reduce sugar intake by half

in 30 days."

to follow.

On paper, this system makes sense. It's structured, logical, and easy

But here's the problem: like Jethro's idea of wealth, SMART goals

often promise something they can't deliver. None of us could have

predicted Jethro’s concept of wealth, nor that of his new bride, only

they could. These goals make us believe that we'll arrive at a 'better'

place by following the right formula. But in reality, they trap us in a

rigid framework that doesn't always align with our emotional state or

our personal definitions of achievement.

On my radio show I interviewed a homeless man who told me with

great pride how he now spent his income on cups and saucers instead of

drugs. He had his own front door key. His idea of success was very

different to you and me.

So, let's try something different.

The JOY Goal-Setting Method

At the heart of Quit Your Diet – Think to Shrink is a radically

different philosophy: progress matters more than perfection.

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Traditional diets and rigid self-monitoring create a cycle of

tension, self-criticism, and frustration. I designed the JOY method to

break that cycle by shifting the focus from outcomes to movement.

Instead of obsessing over the "perfect goal," you build momentum

through daily progress, no matter how small.

You set the criteria at the end of each day. Instead of fixating on a

predetermined target, you reflect on what you accomplished and define

progress from there. By looking back on your day and finding the

progress, you track movement, not perfection. Even the smallest effort

counts. If you walked for five minutes today, that's progress.

You create chains of success – Marking your progress on a chart

tricks your brain into seeking new challenges. Over time, what once felt

like an achievement becomes your new normal, pushing you forward

without pressure.

The key is simple: show up daily and keep the momentum going.

Unlike SMART goals, which often leave us feeling like failures

when life gets in the way, the JOY method meets you where you are.

Progress, in any form, is always a win.

So, let's discard the rigid framework of traditional goal-setting and

focus on movement, joy, and the simple act of showing up. In the end,

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real success isn't about checking off a list; it's about building a life that

feels good along the way.

What does JOY mean?

J - Journey Over Destination

This is about focusing on the journey, not reaching a measurable

endpoint. Progress is a daily practice, and every step you take, no matter

how small, contributes to your growth and self-confidence.

You are the only person who can judge your progress. To help you

measure success daily, I'll provide a dateless calendar. This simple tool

allows you to give yourself credit for each day you show up, move

forward, and honor your journey.

It's not about perfection. Some days, progress might mean a

lightened mood, a mindful moment, or even the courage to tell your

"Bad Roommate" (that critical inner voice) to quiet down.

O - One Goal at a Time

Success is movement, plain and simple. By focusing on one goal

daily, you can make meaningful progress without feeling overwhelmed.

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Your goal might be practicing meditation, embracing a joyful

moment, or utilizing one of the tools from this book. Calories or rigid

outcomes don't measure success; success is measured by movement,

however small.

Even on challenging days, progress can come in the form of

resilience, self-awareness, or simply showing up. It's all part of the

journey, and it's all valid.

Y - You

The purpose of this method is to build self-belief. Celebrating daily

progress will give you the confidence to keep moving forward. Over

time, as you see your daily ticks or crosses on the calendar, you'll notice

how those small wins connect into weeks and months of consistent

progress.

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Every step counts, and every step belongs to you.

Your Progress Calendar

This book includes a progress calendar, which you can print out

from www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage

This tool is designed to help you track your journey and give

yourself credit where it's due.

Not every box may be filled, and that's okay. This is your journey.

It's about progress, not perfection.

How It Works

Connect the Days into a Chain: Progress isn't linear, but every

step counts. Mark each day's effort with a cross in the box. It's a visual

reminder that movement, not perfection, is the key.

Customize Your Progress: Each day, you can focus on a different

action, such as rethinking food choices, challenging old habits, or

reflecting on a more positive mood.

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Remember: Small, consistent steps, like moving or removing

foods, quitting slimming clubs, or simply choosing differently, add to

profound transformation over time.

For additional resources and tools to support your journey, visit



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23 - The Roadmap to D-Day

This is the moment we've been working toward, not a grand finale,

not a drumroll, just a quiet but powerful shift. It's time to mark the day.

D-Day. The day you step off the hamster wheel of dieting and into

something real.

By now, I hope you've engaged with the exercises, wrestled with

the lessons, and argued with yourself along the way. That's a good sign.

It means you're thinking, questioning, and shifting. You're not preparing

for a battle with diets because they no longer exist. You're gearing up to

battle yourself. And that's the only battle that truly matters.

You already understand that weight, diets, and constant monitoring

should be the furthest things from your mind. This journey is about

rewiring, reprogramming, and ultimately, reclaiming control.

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Let's walk through what you now know.

Willpower is a Finite Resource

You've discovered that willpower isn't endless. It needs to be

managed, not stretched too thin. The more decisions you eliminate

ahead of time, the stronger you'll be when it truly matters. Setting

yourself up for success isn't a luxury, it's a strategy.

Small Wins Matter

You've learned that small wins are powerful. They add up, build

your confidence, and change how you see yourself. Whether you're

ringing a bell, eating a grape, or fist-pumping in celebration, every win,

no matter how small, rewires your brain for the next one.

Big Changes Are Overrated

Chasing massive, dramatic changes is a trap. Real progress isn't

about grand gestures, it's about tiny, almost unnoticed shifts. A fiveminute

lunchtime walk might not seem like much, but stick with it, and

your body will start craving more. Change sneaks in; before long, it's

just who you are.

The Power of Placebo

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You've learned the power of the placebo effect: your brain doesn't

care if something is real—it only cares what you believe. So, create

your own magic. Whether it's a daily Smartie as a "special diet pill" or a

splash of juice in water, trick your brain, and it will play along.

Building Your Future Self

You've built your future self, not a distant version of you, but

someone already existing within you. Every decision you've made has

brought you here. From this point forward, every choice you make

shapes the person you'll become. You get to decide who that person is.

Habits Are Unstoppable

You've learned about the unstoppable power of habits. Even when

your memory fails, your habits remain. You now know how to hack,

rewrite, and build them into something that serves you rather than

sabotaging you.

Growth Comes Through Hard Things

You've learned that doing hard things makes you stronger—

literally reshaping your brain. And when those hard things start to feel

easy, you'll know it's time to push even further. Growth is

uncomfortable, but it's necessary.

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You Can Rewrite Deep-Seated Beliefs

You've learned that the beliefs you've carried, the ones instilled by

others, are not the absolute truth. You have the power to rewrite them

and silence the voice in your head that never stops talking. You've met

that voice, and more importantly, you've learned how to question it.

And then, there's the big question—the one that matters most:

In the words of ultra-athlete David Goggins - What if?

What if you can do this?

What if every obstacle is just another step forward?

What if this time, you don't go back?

What if everyone who doubts you is just wrong?

There will be no fanfare. No confetti. There are no cheering

crowds. You won't be launching into this new chapter with fireworks

blazing. You'll slip quietly into the night, unseen, stepping onto the path

that changes everything.

And that's okay. That's how real change happens. Bite by bite. Step

by step.

No more waiting. No more what-ifs.

Are you ready?

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This book has provided you with a menu of tried-and-tested items

that have helped millions of people create lasting change. It's now your

turn to take these items, this shopping list if you like, and create your

own roadmap. The roadmap reflects the lifestyle you already have and

considers your general level of determination.

Choose items from the following and build them into your 14 days

till D-Day template.

You can download a full-color digital roadmap planner from my

website in the members area at www.actionfactorypublishing.com/

memberspage

Three Feet or Three Miles: The Beekeeper's Rule for

Change

Remember the beekeeping rule: three feet or three miles. Make

change obvious by signaling to your brain. We struggle with habits

much like bees do. We tend to drift back to old behaviors if we make

tiny changes. We circle back to the 'old location,' falling into the same

traps. But if we make a sharp, deliberate shift that forces our brain to

recognize this is different, then we create the conditions for lasting

change.

Preparing for D-Day

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This is the mindset we need for D-Day, the day you leave dieting

behind for good.

You are not simply making a resolution; you are not easing into

change; you are moving the hive.

That's why we don't just put snacks in a different cupboard to

"stop" ourselves from eating them, we do it for the same reason

beekeepers put grass at the hive entrance. It's a signal. A moment of

pause. A reminder that things are no longer the same.

But this isn't just about food. You need as many of these signals as

possible. They don't have to be significant. They don't have to be

extreme. But they must be enough to make your brain stop and say

something is different today.

On D-Day, consider setting up your own "grass at the hive

entrance”:

• Wake up earlier than usual.

• Grab a coffee from a new place on your way to work.

• Drive a different route.

• Plan a lunchtime walk, even if it's just five minutes.

• Change something about your morning routine.

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• Move the furniture in your kitchen.

It doesn't matter what the change is. What matters is that your

brain registers it.

Because here's what happens when you do this: your mind pays

attention. It recognizes that today is not like yesterday. And when today

is different, you no longer follow an old script. You are no longer

running on autopilot.

You are choosing.

This is how you break free from old patterns. This is how you

ensure you don't circle back to an old location that no longer exists.

So, as D-Day approaches, think like a beekeeper. Set your signals.

Create your reminders. Move the hive in a way that forces you to

reorient, pay attention, and see this moment for what it truly is, the

beginning of something permanent.



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24 - The Menu

MENU

A FAREWELL LETTER

Have you written a farewell letter to your old self, thanking them

for everything and explaining that you'll be moving on?

MEDITATION PRACTICE

You'll need a constant and daily meditation practice to finally shut

up that internal voice and question it.

CREATE A FUTURE SELF

Build a clear written picture in your mind of the future you.

VISUALISATION

The Miracle Question: A Simple Path to Clarity

CHANGE IT UP

Like the beekeeper, you can set signals everywhere so that your

brain wakes up to something new.

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COOKIE JAR

The Cookie Jar: Collecting Your Wins Before They Slip Away

WILLPOWER SUPPLY

Decisions are a finite resource, so you need to ensure you can

reduce decision fatigue.

PLACEBO

Decide and prepare your own placebo and be willing to have some

fun with it; the brighter and more colorful pills are the most effective.

CREATE AN ALTER EGO

Know your alter ego and be able to call upon it anytime you want

using your own signal or anchor.

ANCHORING

Use anchoring to summon your alter ego, access positive mental

states, or break free from frustrating, repetitive habits.

SWISH PATTERN

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The SWISH technique is a powerful tool for switching mindsets or

changing habitual behaviors.

ARREST YOUR THOUGHTS

Use the free Arrest Your Thoughts journal at

www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage to keep a positivity

journal and use the 50 questions and 50 motivational quotes.

JOY CALANDER

Build a chain of success and progress by marking each day on your

JOY calendar. You can download it for free at

www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage.

BEFORE D-DAY

This is just a flexible guide to help you create a plan that fits your

lifestyle. You can download the template at

www.actionfactorypublishing.com/memberspage and design your own.

Remember, these are just suggestions, not a rigid plan. You can

choose from the menu when it works for you, and if you don't on some

days, that's perfectly fine. This mindset shift has no fixed endpoint, and

you're never locked into a strict routine. On a busy day, even a simple

meditation is enough. Just pick it up again the next day.

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This is about setting yourself free, not adding pressure.

In writing this book, my aim was to provide tools that could help you

initiate change. However, I’m fully aware that some readers may choose

to set the book aside and abandon both this book and their diets.

There's no need to exert effort where it isn't necessary.

I once worked in an office on the second floor, from where we could

observe the street below yet remain almost invisible to passersby. One

day, a very drunk vagrant stumbled and cracked his head just as an

ambulance happened to be passing by. The crew, obliged to assist,

cautiously helped the man to his feet. Given his poor state of hygiene,

they clearly preferred not to place him in the ambulance. Once he was

standing and had regained some balance, they quickly returned to the

ambulance and drove off.

I've adopted a similar approach with my clients. I explain that we’ll

work together for a maximum of six sessions, often fewer. I know

fostering dependency on me or our sessions would not be beneficial.

My goal is to help you stand up on your own and then let go, allowing

you to proceed independently.

If this book serves that purpose for you, I'd be thrilled and consider my

mission accomplished. Like the homeless man, you might stagger a

little, but the last thing you need is to fall back on this book, although it

is always here if you need it.

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Here’s an example of how you might think about your roadmap to

D-Day. It's not set in stone, and yours might look very different. If

anything, I think my example might overcomplicate the ideas. Relax

into it and use what feels right to you.

Week 1: Strengthening the Mind & Laying the

Foundations

This week focuses on building mental resilience, preparing your

environment, and setting up internal cues for change.

1. Commit and Define Your Why

Write a farewell letter to your old self. Acknowledge your past, but

declare your intention to move forward.

• Set your D-Day date—mark it in your diary.

• Answer this question: What is your deepest reason for change? At

what level does it reside?

• Meditation practice (5 minutes): Focus on your breath and work with

the audio script if needed.

2. Mental Strength & Decision Fatigue

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• Identify three areas where decision fatigue weakens you. Is it meal

choices? Morning routines? Energy dips?

• Make a small decision today that reduces future fatigue (e.g., plan

meals for tomorrow, choose tomorrow's outfit): practice and repeat.

• Meditation practice (5 minutes): Focus on bringing awareness to your

thoughts—notice them without judgment.

3. Exploring Your Future Self

• Visualization exercise: Close your eyes and picture yourself six

months from now. What's different? What's improved?

• Write down three habits your future self has mastered.

• First environmental tweak: Arrange or clear a space where your new

habits will occur (e.g., a walking gear station).

• Meditation practice (5 minutes): Imagine yourself as your future self

—confident, strong, and fully in control.

4. Placebo Selection & Testing

• Choose your placebo: A drink, a mint, a vitamin labeled as your

'power pill’?

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• Answer this question: What symbolic act will help reinforce your

placebo? (e.g., drinking from a special bottle, saying an affirmation).

• Start using your placebo today.

• Meditation practice (5 minutes): Focus on reinforcing belief—

visualize your placebo working for you.

5. The Power of Small Wins

• Think back to a time you overcame something difficult.

• Start your "Cookie Jar" or Win Journal. Each time you overcome a

challenge, write it down and store it.

• Meditation practice (5 minutes): This time, focus on self-awareness—

what thoughts arise when you sit still?

Day 6: Developing Your Alter Ego

• Who is your alter ego? What strengths does this version of you have?

• Choose a physical anchor (e.g., pressing fingers together, clenching a

fist).

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• Test your anchor—use it while imagining your alter ego in action.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Visualize stepping into your alter

ego. Feel their confidence, strength, and clarity as if they are already

part of you.

Day 7: Mental Strength Check-In

• Swish Technique: Identify a negative habit or thought pattern and

replace it with a strong positive image.

• Journal this question: What self-talk still holds you back?

• Reinforce your placebo—do you still believe in its power? Adjust if

needed.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Observe your inner dialogue—what

thoughts arise? Are they supportive or limiting?

Day 8: Securing Physical Cues

• Move your environment around: Shift food placements and rearrange

a key area to reflect change.

• Set up a 'Go Spot' — a place where your walking gear, gym bag, or

tools for new habits are ready.

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• Re-test your anchor while standing up, feeling the strength of your

alter ego.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Focus on reinforcing new physical

cues and acknowledging how they support your journey.

Day 9: Body Awareness & Routine Changes

• Start a simple physical habit: A 5-minute morning stretch, a walk, or a

breathing routine.

• Decide on one meal adjustment that will be automatic (e.g., set a

default breakfast).

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Focus on feeling present in your

body—observe sensations without judgment.

Day 10: Testing Your Signals

• Drive a new route or take a different morning approach to disrupt the

routine.

• Pay attention: How does your brain react to this minor disruption?

• Reaffirm your alter ego using your anchor.

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• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Reflect on how change feels—

notice discomfort, excitement, or resistance and sit with it.

Day 11: Strengthening Control & Habit Reinforcement

• Recommit to your "why"—reread your letter to your old self.

• Journal this question: What daily habits need the most reinforcement?

• Place visual reminders around your home (sticky notes, motivational

phrases, or cues for change).

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Focus on reinforcing your

commitment—see yourself already living the change.

Day 12: Final Environmental Adjustments

• Make a final sweep of your environment. Remove the last

temptations, organize food, and prepare your physical cues.

• Test your placebo in a situation where you'd normally struggle.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): How does it feel to visualize your

first day after D-Day? What's different?

Day 13: Dress Rehearsal for D-Day

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• Mentally walk through D-Day morning.

• Picture the moment you wake up—what's different? What's your first

action?

• Reaffirm your anchor and alter ego.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Step into your new reality—see

yourself confidently handling challenges.

Day 14: The Final Shift

• Reread your farewell letter.

• Set up a clear, simple morning plan for D-Day.

• Tell yourself: This is already happening.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Focus on a calm, steady mindset—

your next step is already in motion.

D-Day: Stepping Into the New You

• Wake up and take control. No hesitation, no second-guessing—today

is different.

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• Perform a small, intentional shift, change your morning routine, drink

from your placebo cup, or wear something that represents your new

self.

• Use your anchor immediately. Feel its power and let it ground you in

your new mindset.

• Acknowledge the shift. Say it out loud: This is my life now.

• Meditation practice (10 minutes): Accept the reality of this change,

feel the quiet power of your decision, and know that this is just the

beginning of a long, transformative journey. Acknowledge the shift—

today, everything changes.

All or none of the above might appear in your 14 day plan. Feel free to

enjoy the journey whilst honing the skills to make the change that will

last forever.

Remember to check out the members area on the website, it’s

completely free. There, you'll find meditation audio downloads, helpful

PDFs, and other resources to support your journey. You'll also get

plenty of encouragement along the way, plus access to the podcast and a

space to stay connected with others on the same path.

What you're doing is different. You're not quitting in the traditional

sense, you’re taking control for good. There's no finish line, no strict

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rules, just a new way of thinking that allows you to celebrate even the

smallest changes.

One day, a friend might say, "You seem different, happier, more

confident. You look great!" And that's when you'll know, it’s working.

This is it. No cheering crowds, no fireworks, just you stepping

forward into a new way of living. And that's more powerful than any

celebration.



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25 - ‘What’s Better’ Session

"Tell me, what's better?"

These were often my first words in a second session with clients. I

used this approach with a particularly troubled family during our

follow-up session.

"The day after we saw you, he stole a pound from my purse," the

mother said.

"And what about the day after that?" I asked.

"Oh, he was fine then—excellent."

"And the next?"

As we continued, more positives emerged. The stolen pound, the

one adverse event, faded into the background, never mentioned again.

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By the end of the session, it was clear: the family had experienced one

minor setback in an otherwise fantastic week, a kind of progress they

had never seen before.

We all do this, our minds fixate on the negative, on what went

wrong, rather than acknowledging our progress. The What's Better?

session is designed to shift that focus, helping us recognize and

appreciate even the most minor steps forward. When we start looking

for progress, we allow ourselves to enjoy it—and that changes

everything.

In Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink, the "What's Better" session is

a reflective practice adapted from Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. It

encourages individuals to focus on progress, however small, rather than

dwelling on setbacks or unmet goals.

For those following the Quit Your Diet—Think to Shrink approach

to taking control and quitting dieting, this session offers a way to assess

positive changes, build confidence, and reinforce habits that bring joy.

By emphasizing self-awareness and celebrating what works, a "What's

Better" session becomes a powerful tool for sustaining meaningful

change.

How to Create a "What's Better" Session or Report in Quit Your

Diet - Think to Shrink

I'm a massive advocate of pen and paper in the digital age. While

this session can also be done as self-reflection or a mental exercise

(even on the bus to work), writing your thoughts is much more

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powerful. So grab a pen, journal, or even your phone, and take a

moment to ask yourself some meaningful questions.

These reflective prompts will help you recognize how far you have

come and what works well.

Sell the Sizzle, Not the Sausage

This old sales adage reminds us that people do not buy the sausage;

they buy the sizzle, the smell, the anticipation, and the benefits it brings.

In your reflection, focus on the progress and what it means for you.

Ask the follow-up question: "So what?"

For example:

"I've been feeling less tired after work."

So what?

"This has allowed me to spend more conscious, meaningful time

with my family.”

"I feel less focused on negative thoughts about food."

So what?

"I'm laughing more with friends and feeling lighter emotionally."

"My body feels stronger."

So what?

"I'm now enjoying activities I used to see as chores."

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Focusing on the benefits of your actions creates a deeper emotional

connection to your habits, making them easier to sustain.

Open Reflection

An open reflection sets the tone for a "What's Better" session by

encouraging you to pause and take stock of the positive changes you

may have experienced since starting your journey. This step is about

shifting your focus away from what still needs improvement and

celebrating the wins, no matter how small they seem.

Ask yourself, "What's been better since I started this journey?"

This question is intentionally broad, allowing you to identify any

positive shifts related to movement, mindset, or overall well-being. In a

session with me, I'd probe for the answers, but you will need some

prompts in your own self-reflection.

Below are many questions and tips you can choose from anytime.

When you have ten minutes spare, open this page and pick a question or

two to think over. It will be of much better use than Candy Crush.

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What to Look For:

Improved Energy: Are you feeling more energized throughout the

day? Tasks that used to feel exhausting now seem more manageable, or

you have enough energy to do things you enjoy after work or

responsibilities.

Better Sleep: Have you noticed you're sleeping more soundly or

waking up feeling more refreshed? Even minor improvements in your

sleep patterns can be a sign that your body is responding positively to

your new habits.

Reduced Stress: Do you feel calmer or more at ease? Perhaps

moments of tension are shorter or less frequent, or you've found

healthier ways to decompress, like enjoying a walk, breathing exercises,

or creative activities.

Increased Joy in Daily Activities: Are you finding more moments

of happiness or contentment in your day? This could be as simple as

laughing more, savoring a good meal without guilt, or feeling a sense of

pride after completing an enjoyable activity.

Here’s some suggested ideas to think about.

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Pick questions at random and be willing to go with the flow. If you

go in new directions, follow. Remember what we said about that

roommate in your mind? If that roommate has too much to say,

remember those opinions are not yours. Come back to your own

thoughts and start again.

Open Questions for Reflection

General Progress

What's been better for you since starting this journey?

What small changes have you noticed in your daily life that feel

positive?

What is one thing you've done recently that made you feel proud?

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Are there any moments where you felt you were succeeding? What

were they?

Mindset Shifts

How has your attitude toward food, movement, or your body

changed?

In what ways are you being kinder to yourself?

Are you noticing a shift away from strict rules or negative selftalk?

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How do you feel differently about yourself compared to when you

started?

Celebrating Joyful Movement

What activities have you enjoyed the most recently, and why?

How has movement felt different for you lately?

Are there times when movement brought you unexpected

happiness? What were they?

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What benefits have you noticed after engaging in a movement that

you enjoy?

Eating and Awareness

Have you noticed moments when you ate more mindfully? What

felt different about them?

How do you feel when you eat without guilt or rules?

Are you finding it easier to recognize when you're satisfied? What

helps you stop eating at that point?

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What meals or snacks have you particularly enjoyed, and how did

they make you feel?

Emotional and Mental Benefits

How has this journey impacted your mood or emotions?

Have you noticed any moments of reduced stress or greater calm?

What led to those feelings?

Are you finding more moments of happiness or contentment in

your daily life?

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How has your progress influenced your confidence or selfesteem?

Relationships and Connections

Have your changes positively impacted your relationships? In

what ways?

Are you finding it easier to connect with others or spend quality

time with loved ones?

How has feeling better in yourself affected the way you interact

with others?

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Energy and Well-being

Do you feel more energized during the day? What might have

contributed to this?

Are tasks that used to feel difficult now easier to manage? Which

ones?

How has your sleep been recently? Are there any improvements

you've noticed?

In what ways do you feel more balanced or at peace?

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Noticing Successes

What's one habit or action that has started to feel more natural to

you?

Are there moments where you surprised yourself with your

progress? What were they?

What small wins have made the most significant difference to

your journey?

Seeking Benefits

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How have these changes impacted your overall quality of life?

What unexpected benefits have come from your new habits or

behaviors?

What are you able to do now that felt harder or impossible

before?

How has this journey influenced your outlook on life or your

future?

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Looking Ahead

What feels exciting or motivating about continuing this journey?

How can you do more of what is working well for you?

What habits or activities are you looking forward to building on?

If you could thank yourself for one thing you've done during this

journey, what would it be?

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318


26 - VE Day - Victory and Empowerment

The builder stood in my kitchen, sipping tea and leaning against

the counter. "I used to be a massive Arsenal fan," he said casually as if

describing a past life.

"How massive?" I asked, intrigued.

"Oh, everything," he replied. "Went to all the games with my

mates, watched every match on TV, followed every bit of news. I was at

Highbury all the time. Arsenal was my life."

"So what happened?"

He paused as if trying to put the moment into words. "1993. FA

Cup Final replay against Sheffield Wednesday. Big match. Arsenal won

2–1. Everyone was buzzing. And then…" He set his mug down and

crossed his arms. "I turned to my mates and said, 'I'm done.'"

"Done?"

"Yeah. Done with football."

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"What did they say?"

"They thought I was having them on," he said, laughing. "But I

wasn't. I left the ground that day and never went back. I haven't watched

a single game since. Arsenal's still a great club, but it's not my world

anymore."

I stood there, stunned. How does someone walk away from

something so deeply tied to their identity? What made him decide, in a

single moment, to leave it all behind? I wanted to ask him more—what

replaced it, how his life changed—but he returned to work, leaving me

alone with his story.

I've often thought about this story, and it ties perfectly into the

bigger idea I'm sharing with you.

Regardless of the person you’ve been or the person your friends

know, I hope that just like that builder in my kitchen, you'll also say:

"I'm done."

Let me ask you: Are you a rugby fan?

Me neither.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with rugby. It's a great

sport, I'm sure. But I have no connection to it. If you're a rugby fan, I'd

listen politely if you wanted to share your thoughts, but I wouldn't have

much to say in return. I couldn't name a single player, recall a scandal,

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or explain the rules. If rugby comes on TV, I'll change the channel

without a second thought.

And that's normal. We struggle to engage with things we have no

relationship to. They don't resonate with us.

If the conversation turned to football, it would be a completely

different story. I'd light up. I'd dive into the players, the matches, the

drama. Football isn't just something I watch, it's something I feel. It's

part of my identity.

This same dynamic exists in the world of weight loss. Some of you

are deeply connected to it. It's part of your identity. You're in it with

your friends, sharing tips and tricks, tracking progress, and poring over

books and plans.

You live in that world, and it can be scary to leave it.

But others of you? You're like me with rugby. You just aren't

involved. You don't resonate with it. And that's okay. It's normal.

The builder's decision to walk away from football fascinates me

because it wasn't just about quitting a hobby but changing his identity.

One moment, he was an Arsenal supporter through and through. The

next, he wasn't.

And that's what I'm asking you to do.

The day after D-Day, I call it VE Day.

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Victory and Empowerment Day because change isn't just a single

event, it's a decision that lasts forever.

There comes a moment when you realize you're truly free. Not

because someone gave you permission but because you chose it. That's

what real empowerment is. It's not about waiting for the right moment,

a perfect plan, or someone else's approval. It's about standing up and

saying,

"I'm done with the old way. I choose something better."

In history, VE Day (Victory in Europe Day) didn't just mark the

end of war, it marked the beginning of something new. The world didn't

magically reset overnight. There was still work to do, rebuilding to be

done, and a future to shape.

And that's where you are now.

You've reached your own VE Day. The battle, the endless struggle

with diets, restrictions, and self-criticism, is over. You don't have to

fight anymore.

Now, the real journey begins.

This is where you take control, where you rebuild, and where

progress happens, not through struggle but through choice.

If you live in the weight-loss world, consider stepping out of it. Put

down the diet books. Cancel the calorie-tracking apps. Walk away from

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the identity of "someone who struggles with weight" and step into

something new.

What fascinates me most about the builder's story isn't just that he

quit football, it's what he gained by walking away. Did he spend more

time with his family? Discover new hobbies? Reconnect with parts of

himself that had been lost in the noise of Arsenal fandom?

I believe he did.

And I believe you can, too.

This book is about helping you take that same leap. It's about

leaving the weight-loss world behind and focusing on what truly

matters to you. It's about rediscovering who you are when a diet or a

scale does not define you.

You're not walking away from responsibility; you're accepting it.

I once worked with a guy who was a dog trainer. His job was to

help people manage unruly dogs, creating a calmer, happier life for both

the animals and their owners. As a cyclist, I've always been wary of

dogs, too many close calls to count. But something he said has stayed

with me forever.

He told me that confidence is the key to dealing with an aggressive

dog. Push out your chest, stand tall, and walk toward it like you mean it.

Nine times out of ten, the dog will back down. At first, this sounded

counterintuitive, but over the years, I've learned he was right.

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It works.

But what stuck with me wasn't the method. It was the reason

behind it. "All dogs are dogs," he said. "No matter how different they

seem, big or small, fierce or friendly, their instincts are the same."

He explained that a dog's aggression isn't about a desire to fight;

it's about intimidation. In the wild, a fight is risky. An injury can lead to

infection, and infection can lead to death. A dog doesn't want to risk

that. It calculates its chances and chooses self-preservation over

confrontation.

That simple explanation stayed with me because it wasn't just

about dogs.

I'm ending this book with this story because it feels important to

explain why I say, "I know you can."

This isn't a battle cry or a motivational coach's rallying speech. I'm

not here to scream, "You've got this!" or insist that some hidden magic

inside you is waiting to burst out.

I say it because I know you're human.

And, just like dogs, we share the same core behavior patterns no

matter how different we all seem on the surface.

The lesson here is that what works for millions of others will work

for you.

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As surely as the dog backs down, I know you can benefit from this

book, should you choose to. It's simply a decision. Just like that lifetime

Arsenal fan, once you decide to remove the weight obsession from your

life, then you, too, can say,

"I'm done."

Finally, you may remember a poem called the Robot from the

beginning of the book by an anonymous writer. I thought it would be

fun to add my own verse on the end as a tribute to the work you’ve

done and are planning to do to gain control of your robot!

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The Robot (original)

I have a little robot that goes around with me.

I tell it what I'm thinking; I tell it what I see.

I tell my little robot all my hopes and fears.

It listens and remembers everything it hears.

At first, my little robot followed my commands,

But after years of training, it's gotten out of hand.

It doesn't care what's right or wrong or what is false or true;

No matter what I try now, it tells me what to do.

Anonymous

Your Robot (New)

I took the time to learn my craft, with the roadmap as my guide,

Those methods tamed the chaos that once went on inside.

After reading through the book, my journey soon took flight,

Removing all those scattered thoughts has made my mind feel

light.

I still hear that robot's voice, but now its hushed and low,

Because when I set my course, I know exactly where to go.

Through hard work and persistence, I've seized control anew

No matter what it whispers now, I decide what to do.

Michael Dawson

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Enjoy the Journey

Thank you for coming this far with me. This isn't the end of your

journey; it's the beginning.

Here's to your next chapter.



Stay in the loop with Quit Your Diet (QYD) by receiving

occasional but valuable tips, motivational content, and additional free

tools to support your journey.

You can also tune into the Action Factory Podcast, where we

discuss people, behaviors, and mindset shifts that lead to real change.

I occasionally have limited availability for one-on-one coaching,

but spots fill up quickly. My online training course will be launching

soon, offering another easy way to join the journey.

All signed up members will get automatic and free access to that,

so don't miss out!

327


27 - Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

I've always loved diving deep into research, often going far beyond

what was necessary. Many of the ideas in this book emerged gradually,

like shapes forming out of the mist, shaped by years of experience,

exceptional training, and my enduring fascination with solving

problems with people rather than for them.

Along the way, I've been profoundly influenced by some of the

greatest thinkers and authors whose ability to distill complex ideas into

transformative insights has left a lasting mark on me. Some provided a

single, game-changing idea that shifted my perspective forever.

In truth, hundreds of authors have contributed to my thinking.

While I can't name them all, I am deeply grateful for each one.

Below is a selection of books I've referenced or quoted in this

work. There are many omissions, but here are a few I highly

recommend.

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Mindset and Personal Growth

• Bob Proctor – You Were Born Rich

• Michael Singer – The Untethered Soul and Living Untethered

• James Clear – Atomic Habits

• Mel Robbins – The 5 Second Rule

• Tony Robbins – Awaken the Giant Within

• Benjamin Hardy - Be your future self now

Habits and Behavior

• Charles Duhigg – The Power of Habit

• Dr. Joe Dispenza – Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

• James Clear - Atomic Habits

Overcoming Challenges

• David Goggins – Can't Hurt Me

• Rich Roll – Finding Ultra: Rejecting Middle Age, Becoming One of

the World's Fittest Men, and Discovering Myself

• Jocko Willink – Discipline Equals Freedom

Emotional and Mental Resilience

• Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection

• Viktor Frankl – Man's Search for Meaning

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• Robin Sharma – The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

• Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now

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28 About Michael - Who is Mr Motivator?

“I've spent my career helping people change, but when I started

working with the morbidly obese, I realized weight loss was treated

entirely differently from any other issue I'd encountered.”

Michael Dawson is a therapist, trainer, and behavior change

expert who has spent decades in social care, youth work, and talk

therapy. Before developing Quit Your Diet—Think to Shrink, he

trained social workers, youth workers, and police officers in behavioral

change techniques, specializing in Neuro-Linguistic Programming,

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, and Clinical Hypnosis.

His perspective on weight loss shifted when he joined a pioneering

project working with the morbidly obese.

"I'd helped people overcome addiction, trauma, and deep-rooted

behavioral challenges, but in joining this project, I saw that weight loss

was treated as a discipline problem, not a mindset issue. That's when I

knew something had to change.”

331


This realization led to the creation of Quit Your Diet, a framework

that moves beyond restrictive plans and willpower struggles to focus

on how the mind shapes behavior.

Michael is also a writer, storyteller, and communicator outside of

his therapeutic work. He introduced the first-ever twin books to

literature, has been nationally recognized in radio and television writing

competitions, and spent nearly a decade as an FM radio presenter. He

has written and produced stage dramas, radio plays, and films and even

ran stand-up comedy nights, using humor to explore human behavior.

"Whether it's therapy, storytelling, or coaching, my work has

always been about the same thing, helping people create real, lasting

change."

Michael's Quit Your Diet - Think to Shrink is available now, find

out more at www.actionfactorypublishing.com. and break free from the

diet cycle for good.

"Change is always possible and it starts in the mind."

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