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SELF-LOVE

GUIDE

H o w t o C r e a t e S t r o n g

P e r s o n a l B o u n d a r i e s

L U N A & S O L

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Transcript

What Are Personal Boundaries?

Why Are Personal Boundaries So Important?

18 Signs You Have Poor Personal Boundaries

Why Do We Suffer From Poor Personal Boundaries?

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries

12 Benefits of Creating Strong Personal Boundaries

Creating Strong Boundaries – Worksheets

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L U N A & S O L

W W W . L O N E R W O L F . C O M

© Luna & Sol

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Transcript

If you struggle with energy loss and issues such as overcommitment, lack

of assertiveness, and peer pressure, keep reading. It’s time to draw a

clear line and reclaim your personal power.

FLAME

What are Personal Boundaries?

H O W T O A T T R A C T Y O U R

Personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical walls we

create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, or violated by

others. These limits help us to clearly distinguish who we are and what

we need, from other people and their needs. Creating and maintaining

personal boundaries is a key way to cultivate physical, emotional, and

psychological well-being.

Why Are Personal Boundaries So Important?

Personal boundaries are an essential part of creating and upholding a

healthy self-image. When a person has strong personal boundaries, it

communicates to the world that they exude healthy self-respect and

self-worth. Hence, creating boundaries makes us feel good about

ourselves and preserves our personal integrity.

But without personal boundaries, we run the risk of confusing our needs

and wants with others, which leads to codependency. Codependency ncy is a

term that describes a toxic one-sided relationship. It is impossible to

enjoy a healthy relationship without strong and clear boundaries.

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Without personal boundaries, there is also the risk of experiencing


heightened stress and feelings of hopelessness. s. Overcommitting to

everyone and everything tends to take a serious toll on your mental

health, which can eventually lead to burnout. Or worse: a nervous

breakdown.

Finally, a lack of personal boundaries can result in feelings of being

worthless, weak, or not good enough. In other words, our self-esteem is

severely impacted and we might struggle with issues such as chronic

self-doubt or self-loathing. Not being able to voice our truth and

communicate our needs in a clear way can be deeply distressing.

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18 Signs You Have Poor Personal Boundaries

Pay attention to the following signs:

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You fail to speak up when you’re treated badly

You give away too much of your time

You agree with a person when you actually feel like disagreeing

You H say O W “yes” T to O a person A T when T R you A C want T to Y say O “no”

U R

You feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself

You feel taken for granted by others

You permit people ple to touch you when you feel uncomfortable or want

them to stop

You have toxic relationships (i.e. you are always giving, and the other is

always taking)

You make too many grand sacrifices for others at your own expense

You are passive aggressive e and might have manipulative tendencies (as a

way You constantly of trying to feel regain

el like your the victim

lost power)

You feel like you have to “earn” respect by being nice

You over-share re details about your life with others

You feel guilty when others aren’t happy (as if you’re responsible)

You are what other people want/need you to be, and not who YOU need

to be

You’re out of touch with your needs

You attract people who try to control or dominate you

You have chronic c fear about what others think of you

L Why U N Do A We & Suffer S O L

From Poor Personal Boundaries?


Before you blame yourself for having poor boundaries, stop for a

moment. I want you to understand that it wasn’t your fault, but it is your

responsibility to now develop strong boundaries. So take a moment to

feel some compassion for yourself.

As children, we had no control what our parents, teachers, and the adults

around us taught us. Most people who possess absent or weak personal

boundaries were set a bad example when young. Observing codependent

dynamics within our families contributed a lot to this issue, as well as

being taught that love = what we did, not who we were.

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As a child, the first role models you had of “acceptable” behavior were

your parents and family members. So pause to reflect here: what

messages did your mother, father, siblings, or other adults send to you

growing up? Were you only given love when you pretended to be who

your parents wanted you to be? Were you only rewarded when you went

FLAME

out of the way to sacrifice your needs and desires in favor of someone

else’s? H O Were W you T O punished A T for T R saying A C “no” T or Y speaking O U R

up? Did you feel

obliged to emotionally “take care” of an adult, perhaps a parent? These

were all signs that you were taught that lacking personal boundaries

equaled a “good” thing.

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries

If you struggle with setting clear boundaries, you might carry a number

of mistaken beliefs that you were conditioned to believe.

Here are some myths that I want you to become aware of:

1. “Having personal boundaries is selfish.” This is an unhealthy

perception. Having personal boundaries is a form of self-respect and is

part of possessing good self-esteem. All mentally and emotionally healthy

people possess boundaries.

2. “Having personal boundaries will cause my relationships to suffer.” If

you are in a codependent relationship, creating boundaries will most

certainly create uncomfortable waves of change. If your partner is

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with you, he/she will be shocked and will

certainly resist your efforts to be happy and healthy. The same thing


goes for codependent friendships. If this is the case, I encourage you to

consider whether being in a toxic relationship/friendship is worth it. Any

healthy and supportive relationship will actually THRIVE and encourage

the establishment of personal boundaries.

3. “Having personal boundaries will cause people to dislike me.” This is

only partly true. The reality is that yes, setting clear boundaries might

step on a few people’s toes. But creating boundaries will also cause more

people to respect, hear, and like you. There is nothing more admirable

than a person who refuses to take bullshit from others. Not only that but

when you set boundaries, you will actually attract more people who are

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willing to respect you and be authentic friends/lovers.

4. “Having personal boundaries will make me miserable.” This is a

common concern. But my response is simple: creating personal

boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but pretty soon it’ll make

you feel empowered and in control of your life again. So the opposite

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here happier!

is true: having personal boundaries will actually make you MUCH


5. “Having personal boundaries sounds rigid.” Personal boundaries are

not black or white or set in stone. They are flexible according to your

needs in the moment.

12 Benefits of Creating Strong Personal Boundaries

Here’s what you can expect from putting in the hard work of setting

clear boundaries:

You’ll be able to say “no”

You’ll feel empowered again

You’ll feel more in control of your life

You’ll attract healthy + supportive partners and friends

You’ll have more mental, emotional, and physical energy

You’ll be able to speak up and be heard

You’ll feel more appreciated and valued

You’ll be more in touch with your needs

You’ll spend more time on yourself (without the guilt)

You’ll experience more emotional balance and happiness

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You’ll experience increased self-esteem steem and self-worth


You’ll feel more courage and freedom to be yourself

Remember that these qualities won’t develop overnight, but with

practice and persistence, you will be able to experience these wonderful

benefits.

How to Create Personal Boundaries That People Don’t Ignore

Creating boundaries is less about other people and more about you and

the beliefs and mindsets you have. The following practices and pieces of

advice will help you to target both your core beliefs and habitual

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behaviors.

1. Understand that you have the right to have boundaries

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Lurking underneath the surface of people-pleasing behavior is the belief

that we “have no right” to set boundaries. It’s time to challenge this

ingrained assumption. Why are others allowed to have boundaries and

not you? Why must you feel like a lesser human being and elevate others

above H O yourself? W T O It is a A fundamental T T R A C right T of Y all O human U R

beings to have

personal boundaries. Consider it your birthright to establish boundaries

that define and protect you. Not only is it your right to create

boundaries, but it is also your responsibility.

2. Understand that your thoughts, feelings, and needs are equally important

to others

No one’s thoughts, feelings or needs are “above” anyone else’s. Social

status is an illusion created by the human mind – in other words, the

Queen of England’s needs are equal to a homeless person’s needs. The

only division created between us and others exists in the mind.

Therefore, you are not “less important,” valuable, or worthy than others.

Your needs are equally important to those in your life. Learn to see

yourself as equal to others. Affirm your worth each and every day with a

mantra such as “I am worthy and my needs are important.” Learn to

distrust and disagree with those who try to make you think or feel

otherwise.

3. Explore your needs

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Likely, you don’t have much experience or knowledge of your needs,

especially if you ignore them to cater to other’s demands. Now is the

time to start learning more about yourself. Keep a daily journal in which

you record your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires. Practicing self-

reflection and introspection will help you to become more in tune with

what you really need at any given moment. Practicing mindfulness is

another powerful way to know what boundaries you need to set during

the day. Dedicate to a self-discovery practice each day and aim to learn


more about who you are and what you really want out of life. This is one

of the best ways to begin setting personal boundaries. A fun way to start

learning about who you are is by taking self-discovery tests (take a look

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at our tests).

4. Practice daily self-care (because you’re worth it!)

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Practicing daily self-care is a supplementary practice that will bolster

your ability to set clear personal boundaries. When you get into the habit

You’re of nurturing H O sending yourself, W T yourself you O A T the are T message already R setting yourself up for success.

A C that T “I’m Y O worth U R

taking care of.”

Setting firm boundaries will then seem like the next natural step in your

self-care routine.

Simple ways to perform self-care include taking time to relax, practicing

meditation, making delicious and nutritious food for yourself, exercising,

setting daily goals, complimenting yourself, rewarding yourself, taking a

nap, connecting with nature, drinking a soothing cup of tea, and many

other practices.

5. Learn to say “no”

Saying no is a key part of learning to be assertive and honoring your

needs. You don’t need to flat out or aggressively say “no” if the situation

doesn’t call for it. Instead, you can try saying phrases such as “no thank

you,” “I can’t,” “I’m not able to,” “Not now,” “I’m busy, sorry,” “Maybe next

time,” and so forth.

6. Identify when people cross the line

It’s not always easy to identify when others overstep your boundaries,

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particularly if you’re used to not having any. Take time to record in a


private journal each day all of the moments when you felt uncomfortable,

upset, or disrespected by someone during the day. This journalling

exercise will help you to develop more self-awareness.

Another way to know when people have overstepped your boundaries is

by tuning into your body. Try to notice when you feel sensations like

butterflies in your stomach, tension, or an increase in blood pressure

which will manifest as feeling flustered and hot. Use these sensations as

triggers to help you tune into the present moment and practice

assertiveness.

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7. Stop overcommitting

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You are not obliged or indebted to uphold every single social

commitment that you have. Don’t try to please others at your own

expense. Committing too much to other people and circumstances

creates stress and burnout. Learn to say no to non-essential things like

work get-togethers, parties, and other social duties that are not life-or-

death.


8. Be courageous: let go of toxic friendships and relationships

It takes a certain level of courage to make a commitment to keeping

personal boundaries. Fake friends and flimsy relationships will inevitably

self-destruct and fizzle away. This might leave you feeling guilty,

ashamed, or like you’re doing something wrong. It is important in these

tough times to keep affirming that setting personal boundaries is your

fundamental human right. You are WORTH it. Those who are trying to

control, use, or abuse you will try to stop you, but don’t let them hold you

back. Cut away those who are polluting your life and seek out new

friendships that are supportive and uplifting.

9. Seek help (but not from friends or family)

If you’re still needing help setting strong personal boundaries, chances

are that those around you probably reinforce this behavior. So it’s not a

wise idea to seek advice from them, however well-intentioned ned they may

be. If you need more in-depth advice and personal assistance, I

How recommend to Say No either by Henry reading Cloud a book and such John as Townsend Boundaries: or seek When the to help Say Yes,

of a

therapist (or both).


Finally, remember to be gentle with yourself and show compassion. You

were not responsible for developing poor boundaries (it was how you

were conditioned). But you are responsible for now changing them and

owning your personal power. I hope this podcast has helped you learn a

little bit more about your boundaries, what they are, and how to reclaim

them.

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Creating Strong Boundaries – Worksheets

Now that you have listened to the audio file (or read the transcript

above), you might like to reflect on – or preferably journal about – the

following questions. Feel free to either print these pages to write on as

part of your inner work practice – or alternatively, copy the questions

into your own personal diary.

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Why is it worth the effort completing this exercise? Writing down your

thoughts and feelings will help to crystallize any discoveries you make

about yourself in a tangible way. Mentally reflecting on these questions is

not the same as visually recording them. When we mentally ruminate on

a question, the realizations we stumble across are either fleeting or

incomplete. Visually recording your discoveries gives you the

opportunity to explore them more deeply and offers you a reference

point in which to revisit in the future as your self-discoveries mature.

1. Take a moment to self-reflect. What are TWO essential reasons you

want to strengthen your personal boundaries?

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2. In what areas of life do you lack personal boundaries? (Record

everything, even if you're not 100% sure.) List them below.

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3. How do you feel after a boundary of yours has been violated (these can

be both negative and positive feelings)?

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4. Try out the following boundaries exercises which will help you to

explore the edges of your personal "bubble."

i) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with strangers?

ii) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with associates?

iii) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with friends?

iv) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with family members?


v) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with your romantic

partner?

Spend some time noticing how you feel in your body when a stranger,

associate, friend, family member, er, or partner approaches you. Try this

exercise for one week. At what point do you start feeling uncomf ortable?

Signs that a person has overstepped your personal bubble include (but

are not limited to) feelings of nervousness, discomfort, endangerment,

muscle tension, increased heart rate, sweating, and numbness.

Record the most comfortable distance which defines the edges of your

personal bubble below (next to the names). You can record the distance

in meters, feet, or whatever suits you.

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Associates

Friends

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Family

Romantic

Partner

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5. Think about what your parents taught you about personal boundaries

growing up. What verbal or nonverbal feelings, beliefs or ideas did they

transmit? Record everything you can think of (even if it feels

unimportant at first).

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6. What part of developing personal boundaries makes you feel nervous

or scared? Explore why.

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7. What do you think is preventing you from creating and maintaining

strong boundaries? List any feelings, thoughts, beliefs, habits or

behaviors that might be influencing you.

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8. Think about a time when you lacked personal boundaries. What could

you have done differently?

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9. What FIVE powerful practices or resources can you use to help you

create strong personal boundaries? List the tools or techniques you'd

most like to experiment with.

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10. Take a moment to imagine what life would be like with strong and

healthy boundaries. What habits, behaviors or commitments to others

would you stop doing?

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11. Picture yourself with strong and healthy boundaries. What areas of

your life do you think would improve substantially?

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12. Write down any other thoughts, feelings or observations you've had

during the course of this workbook that you would like to remember for

future reference.

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To close, here are some final words and a prayer...

May you create strong boundaries.

May you feel confident in who you are.

May you honor your limits.

May you be free of fear.

May you love who you are.

May you be true to yourself.

May you be empowered.

May you be happy.


We hope this workbook and the accompanying audio file has inspired

and supported you.

With love and blessings,

Luna & Sol

L U N A & S O L


© Luna & Sol

L i k e t h i s f r e e w o r k b o o k ?

Y o u m i g h t l i k e t o e x p l o r e o u r

p r e m i u m b o o k s a n d o f f e r i n g s

o n a w i d e r a n g e o f t o p i c s :

C l i c k H e r e !

©

How to Attract Your Twin Flame

10.

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W a n t m o r e w o l f y g o o d n e s s ?

L e t ' s s t a y c o n n e c t e d :

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w w w . l o n e r w o l f . c o m

P.S. Feel free to share this checklist with a friend

or f amily member er if you feel it may help t hem

(they’ll appreciate the thoughtful gesture)!

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