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Living and Loving after Betrayal
healing and growth, it can be cultivated as a conscious mental state,
in which you focus your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors on increasing
the value of your experience and staying true to what is most
important to you. The more you do this, the stronger your core value
grows and the less likely you are to feel devalued, inadequate, or
unlovable as a result of your partner’s (or anyone else’s) behavior.
Developing core value as a mental state will provide a place within,
where you can go, at any time, under any kind of stress or depressed
mood, to revitalize your desire to create value and meaning in your
life. It will function as a primary defense against future hurt of any
kind (not just intimate betrayal) and offer the greatest potential for
personal healing and growth.
There are many paths to a conscious state of core value. Here are
three:
1. Honor the most important thing about you as a person.
2. Prove to yourself that you are worthy by doing something that
makes you feel lovable and adequate.
3. Act on any one of the core value motivations.
Path One: Honor the Most Important
Thing about You
Please write down your answer to the following question. (Writing
it down invokes a motor skill, which is more likely to embed what you
write in implicit memory, increasing the likelihood that you’ll automatically
assume it the future.)
“What is the most important thing about me as a person?”
I’m guessing that you wrote something like “I’m honest” or “loyal”
or “generous” or “a hard worker,” because that’s how most of my