9_UAD_September_2025 DIGITAL

UNCLE
DIGEST
ANDY’S
FREE
SEPTEMBER 2025
SINCE 1996
207-782-7113
Technician
Wanted
Apply Within!
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Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 1

We’re here for you
here
When I get for
to work, the first you
thing I do is find a good hiding spot.
Good employees are hard to find.
We’re here for you
Modern
Modern
Woodmen
Woodmen
of
of
America
America
continues
continues
to
to
be
be
strong
strong
and
and
stable,
stable,
even
even
in
in
these
these
times
times
of
of
uncertainty.
uncertainty.
We’ve
We’ve
been
been
around
around
since
since
1883,
1883,
standing
standing
strong
strong
through
through
world
world
wars,
wars,
national
national
disease
disease
outbreaks,
outbreaks,
depressions
depressions
and
and
recessions.
recessions.
a continues to Do
Do be you
you strong have
have
questions
questions and stable, or
or
concerns
concerns even in about
about these your
your times financial
financial of plan,
plan,
call
call
today.
today.
We
We
will
will
continue
continue
nd since 1883, to
to
be
be
here
here standing for
for
you.
you. strong through world wars, national
ns and recessions.
concerns about Modern your Woodmen financial Art Chamberlain*
of America continues to be strong Paul and Colasante* stable, even in these times Mike of
Art Chamberlain* plan, call today. We will continue Paul Colasante*
Mike
uncertainty. We’ve
Lewiston,
Lewiston, been
ME
ME around
04240
04240 since 1883, standing
Lewiston,
Lewiston, strong
ME
ME through
04240
04240 world wars, national
207-514-7003
207-782-8823
disease outbreaks, 207-514-7003 depressions and recessions. 207-782-8823
Do you have questions or concerns about your financial plan, call today. We will continue
to be here for you.
n*
240
240
Paul Colasante*
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-782-8823
Richard Art Richard Chamberlain*
Courtemanche
Lewiston, Courtemanche ME 04240
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-514-7003
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-786-3622
207-786-3622
Stacy Fortin
Rumford, ME 04276
207-357-5429
Ted Heidrich*
Lewiston,
Ted Richard Heidrich*
ME 04240
Lewiston, Courtemanche ME 04240
207-576-5656
207-576-5656
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-786-3622
Mike
Courtemanche*
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-783-8921
Paul Stacy
Stacy Colasante*
Fortin
Fortin
Lewiston, Rumford, ME
Rumford, 04276
ME 04240
207-357-5429
04276
207-782-8823
207-357-5429
Paul Gagne*
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-576-3426
Matthew Nadeau*
Winthrop,
Matthew Stacy Fortin Nadeau*
ME 04364
Winthrop, Rumford, ME 04276 04364
207-395-5177
207-395-5177
207-357-5429
Courtemanche*
Lewiston,
Courtemanche*
ME 04240
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-783-8921
207-783-8921
Paul Mike Gagne*
Lewiston,
Paul Gagne*
Courtemanche* ME 04240
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-576-3426
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-576-3426
207-783-8921
Ron Ouellette*
Lewiston,
Ron Paul Ouellette* Gagne*
ME 04240
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-786-3612
207-786-3612
207-576-3426
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
SEPTEMBER 2025
ACTIVITIES
Tuesday, September 16th
Sam’s Marketplace Mall
11:00am-6:30pm
675 Main Street
Lewiston, ME
Members: $6.00
Guests: $7.00
Purchase Tickets:
September 10th (8:30am-
1:00pm)
Tuesday, September 23rd
Roy’s Breakfast
7:00-10:00am
5 Washington Street
Auburn, ME
Members: $5.00
Guests: $6.00
Purchase Tickets: September
10th (8:30am-
1:00pm)
Friday, September 26th
Young’s Greenhouse: Fall
Succulent Workshop
11:00am
643 High Street South
Paris, ME
Members & Guests:
$15.00
Purchase Tickets:
September 10th (8:30am-
1:00pm)
240
Matthew Nadeau*
Winthrop, Kim Ted
Kim
Heidrich* Pelkey* ME 04364
207-395-5177
Lewiston,
Pelkey*
ME
Lewiston, 04240
ME 04240
207-786-2573
207-576-5656
207-786-2573
Ron Ouellette*
Lewiston, ME 04240
Seth Matthew Vlahakos* Nadeau*
207-786-3612
Windham, Winthrop, Seth Vlahakos*
ME 04364 04062
207-395-5177
Windham, ME 04062
207-407-7576
207-407-7576
Ron Ouellette*
Lewiston, ME 04240
207-786-3612
Tuesday, September 30th
Fielder’s Choice
4:00-7:00pm
680 Minot Ave.,
Auburn, ME
Members: $3.00
Guests: $3.50
Purchase Tickets:
September 10th (8:30am-
1:00pm)
240
* Registered representative. Seth Kim Vlahakos*
Securities Pelkey* offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of
Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Seth Inc., Vlahakos*
Modern Woodmen of Windham, America.
wholly owned subsidiary of
Lewiston, Member: ME ME 04062 04240 FINRA, SIPC
Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC
Windham, ME 04062
207-407-7576
207-786-2573
207-407-7576
Reminder: Please do not call
the restaurants. If you have a
question, please call the office
at 207-782-1833 or
207-333-6052 and speak with
Jamie. In order to attend you
must have a ticket. Tickets
must be purchased at the
MWA District Office at
184 Webster Street Lewiston,
ME on the dates times listed
for each activity. Menus are
subject to change.
d through MWA
*
Financial
Registered
Services
representative.
Inc., a wholly
Securities
owned
offered
subsidiary
through MWA
of
Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of
Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC
INRA, SIPC
Most importantly-
Have Fun!
I bought a discount time machine next Tuesday.
They sure don't make them like they're going to anymore.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 3

Out and About
at
Taber’s
Sock Hop
I only smile
this big for the
Digest!
Doris Veilleux
This issue is a
real hole-in-one.
Humans are 90% water. We're basically cucumbers with anxiety.
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Smile Again
don’T bE
afraId To
smIle
DenturesCall to schedule
Call to schedule
an appointment!
Don Veilleux
My hat game is
strong, but my
beard game is
stronger.
Mike
Adkins, LD
Cassandra
Gagnon, LD
Licensed Denturists
Joe
Adkins, LD
Dan Laflamme
Uncle Andy’s Digest
4 September 2025
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
801 Webster Street, Lewiston | 514-0660
SmileAgainDentures.com | smileagaindentures@gmail.com
I love the phrase "bear with me" because it can mean
"be patient" or "the zoo heist was a success."

There’s No Place Like...
YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP
Grab ‘n’ Go!
Hot & Ready
Order ahead,
or sit and eat!
Agency Liquor Store
With Beer Cave
207-345-5551
Donate your bottles to:
$1.00
Help grant a wish to a local
$1.00 OFF LARGE PIZZA
(must present coupon at the time of purchase) UAD exp. 9.30.25
child battling a critical illness!
Hot & Iced coffee
self-serve station!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 5

It was a sad day when I realized that my universal remote control
does not control the universe. Not even remotely.
205 WASHINGTON ST. SOUTH AUBURN
See Us For Your
Fall Sports!
It’s why
we’re here.
30 years
in business.
Get Your Fall &
Winter Gear
Always a call or click away!
Call, click or stop by today.
Contractors
&
Landscapers
We are
Let’s talk today!
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®
CALL ME TODAY.
Call us for a quote TODAY!
Hiring! 207-784-4184
Our Team
Now offering online stores
Quality Products
Reasonable Pricing
coastaltshirts.com
PAM
ASHBY
PUBLISHER
STEVE
SIMARD
SALES
TIM
RUCKER
SALES
MARK
TURCOTTE
MEDIA COORDINATOR
JESSICA
GENDRON-LABBE
GRAPHIC DESIGNER
CARICATURES COURTESY OF J. ANTHONY FIORI | @THE_ARTIST_J_ANTHONY_FIORI)
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
is distributed by the first Friday of every month by Lydia Media
LLC with its headquarters located at
2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn, Maine. Published and
distributed since 1996 throughout Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free World. Subscriptions are $49 .95 /year.
UncleAndys.com|Office: 207-783-7039
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the
information in our clients’ advertisements and our publication in general, we
are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical
inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
UNCLE ANDY'S DIGEST is proudly printed in Lewiston, Maine
Uncle Andy’s Digest
6 September 2025
www.penmor.com

In case you're curious about my cooking skills...
I was recently assigned to bring drinks and napkins to family dinners.
Out and About
at
Pat’s Pizza
This really is
the best deck
in town!
Dave (AKA Fabien)
Double thumbs,
no regrets.
Ryan Bran
scan to learn more
That’s
Mr. Drewal to
you, Rucker!
Matt Drewal
No matter how tired you are, you will never be as tired
as a cat that has done absolutely nothing all day.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 7

No one does it like Mac’s
Maine’s #1 steakhouse for a reason.
Where the locals eat!
WE ARE HIRING LINE COOKS!
Come in and watch
your favorite
baseball team on 11
TV’s in our bar!
Not a bad seat in
the house.
Go Red Sox
Ask us
about our
Coaster
Club!
NFL is back!
Watch your game here!
Get details on our NFL Pool.
No one does is like we do.
Join us for fun times!
All American Burger w/side!
8oz. freshly ground angus top
sirloin with bacon, american
cheese, lettuce, tomato, &
red onion.
“Fantastic burger!”
Our hamburger is
ground fresh daily!
Every Monday 30% off drafts & 20% off burgers
Uncle Andy’s Digest
8 September 2025
Let Mac’s Cater Your Next Event!
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays, Corporate Parties, & more!
No event too BIG or SMALL... We cater it ALL!
Now open on Tuesdays!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Out and About
at
Mac’s Grill
Thank you
for a great
season!
1940 1940-2025 ~ 2022
Our restaurant will close
on September 14th.
The mini golf & driving
range will stay open
through Columbus Day!
• Restaurant
• Ice cream
• Mini golf
• Driving range
Rina Roewer
Come see me
at the bar!
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com
My boss said to dress for the job I want, so now I’m in
HR explaining why I wore a Batman costume.
ATTN: FOOD TRUCKS-
Need A Kitchen?
Rent Our Commercial Kitchen
This Summer! Flexible Hours,
Affordable Rates &
Convenient Location.
Striving to invigorate hope,
bringing dreams to life.
Providing Direct Support To Maine Adults With Intellectual Disabilities.
• Yoga Instructor
one day a month (couple of hours)
Our services can be very
rewarding in doing good for
others.
Be part of something where
others can give your life new
meaning
happyhaven.info | 134 Main St. Suite 1 & 2, Lewiston | Phone- 207-241-0274 | Fax- 207-241-7280
Ahna Dostie
Of course you
catch me when
I'm sitting...
Gerry
I tried to catch fog yesterday—mist.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 9

Out and About
at
Mac’s Grill
Every morning I walk my cows through the vineyard.
That's right, I herd it through the grapevine!
Serving
smiles all day!
Logan Williams
Are we
besties or
just hungry?
Katie Alexander &
Jackson Landry
Bob’s
Burgers has
nothing on Mac’s
Grill.
Bob Pot Ratz
Uncle Andy’s Digest
10 September 2025
Sleeping in the summer is a constant struggle.
The blankets are too warm, but without them, I'm vulnerable to monsters!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils!
How to Write
Good(er)
1. Avoid alliteration.
Always.
2. Prepositions are not
words to end sentences
with.
3. Avoid cliches like the
plague. They’re an old
hat.
4. Comparisons are as
bad as cliches.
Open Daily
11am-9pm
5. Be more or less
specific.
6. Writers should never
generalize.
Seven. Be consistent.
207.777.6353 | gridironrestaurant.com | 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston
Whoever stole my antidepressants—I hope you’re happy.
DON’T TAKE CHANCES-
TRUST THE PROFESSIONALS.
OUR FULLY LICENSED SERVICE
TECHNICIANS BRING EXPERTISE,
SAFETY, AND PRECISION TO EVERY
JOB, BIG OR SMALL.
• Heat Pumps
• EV Chargers
• Standby Generators
• Residential & Commercial
electrical repairs and upgrades
8. Don’t be redundant;
don’t use more words
than necessary; it’s
highly superfluous.
9. Who needs rhetorical
questions?
10. Exaggeration is a
billion times worse than
understatement.
Mugged
A snail is mugged by
two turtles.
The police ask, “Can
you describe what
happened?”
The snail says, “I don’t
know—it all happened
so fast.”
Me: I'm making an omelette! *flips omelette* I'm making scrambled eggs!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 11

Out and About
at
Mac’s Grill
Cutting it close
since day one.
When people suck the life out of you, they should at least take some fat, too.
Buy Build Modular
See what your options are
with us!
Jon
Mercier
Mark
Turner
Deb
Morin
Linda
Dupuis
Lindsay
Wright
Mason
Dupuis
Malayka
Harriman
Dustin
Mallar
Katie Alexander
I’m
cooler than
the beer on tap!
Design-Build, Turn-Key Packages,
Single or Multi-Level Homes, One Loan.
(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)
Paige
Landry
Brandon
Caruso
Valerie
Landry
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn | 207.333.6001 | mainesourcehomes.com
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
Mike Curran
Wearing my
bright shirt for
bold moves.
Rob Ahlquist
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays
and get a surprise!
“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”
Members & Guests Welcome!
AMERICAN LEGION ACT
Veterans who were honorably discharged
but whose service did not fall into previously
defined war eras may now join
the American Legion immediately. The
eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,
until a time when the U.S. is no longer at
war, as determined by Congress.
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on
Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more
information
207-782-1118
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
HOURS: Monday - Thursday: 12pm-8pm
Friday: 12pm-11pm • Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS!
FRIDAYS 7-11pm in September
Jerry Joe - September 5th & 19th • 4:30 - 6:30pm
We need Bartenders for our Canteen! Call for Information
(Weekdays & Weekends)
Game Night with Tyla & Keith September 13th 5-7pm
Trivia with Tyla & Keith Saturday September 27th 6:30-8:30pm
Join the fun!
Craft Class\Paint Night coming Oct. 4th
DINNERS ARE BACK! Saturday September 27th 4-6pm
Steak subs w/fries & dessert $15.00
Breakfast Buffet- Sunday September 21, 8-10am
Scrambled eggs, sausage gravy, baked beans, fried potatoes, crepes,
toast, english muffins, bacon, sausage, creton, juices & coffee.
Adults: $10 Under 10: $5
Son’s Meeting Monday, September 8th 5:30pm
MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17TH 2025
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6PM
GENERAL MEMBERSHIP 7PM
LEGION MEMBERS IN ATTENDANCE HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN
$100, $50 OR $25
Uncle Andy’s Digest
12 September 2025
Peruvian owls hunt in pairs because they’re Inca hoots.

I hate it when someone asks what I did yesterday. I don’t know…
I breathed a lot, got mad at something, sighed heavily, the list goes on…
Home for senior ladies
This Month
in History
September 2, 1666
Sweden’s “Great
Chicken War”: A
chicken caused a
commotion when
it wandered onto a
dining table—resulting
in a squabble over who
got to eat it.
September 9, 1986
A bizarre world-record
snack: Teddy Tolars
ate 91 caterpillars in
under 10 minutes.
Providing a warm and comfortable home for our residents.
The Chapman House is a
residence for senior women.
we provide a high quality of life
through activities and services
Stop in and see how our services
may benefit you or your loved one.
The Chapman House has private rooms available
for residents, aged 65 and older, who need
assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961
Bonnie Iwans
September 12, 1992
“The Day of the
Backyard Squirrel
Festival”: In a small
Ohio town, locals
organized a squirrel
parade—complete with
tiny costumes and an
honorary mayor
squirrel.
September 16, 1977
In Phoenix, Arizona, a
runaway cow named
“Buttercup” ran onto a
baseball field
mid-game, charging
down the foul line.
Players and spectators
scattered—parts of
the clip later went viral
when “viral” meant TV
blooper reels.
September 19, 1962
One of the most
notorious (and still
debated) UFO
abduction cases
happened: Betty and
Barney Hill claimed to
have been taken by
extraterrestrials—an
enduring piece of pop
culture curiosity.
Remember, if you work hard enough at your job, you get to do other people’s work, too.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 13

Testimonial
by
Got Bugs
Pest
Services
I contacted Uncle
Andy’s Digest a few
months ago to explore
ways to grow my
business. Tim was
incredibly helpful,
guiding me through
the process of placing
an ad in the Business
Spotlight section of
their digest.
Soon after, I received
a call from a gentleman
in Nobleboro who
had seen my ad in the
online digital version.
He owns an apartment
building with a significant
rodent problem.
This led to a substantial
account, not only
for the initial service
but also for recurring
services every three
months. It’s a fantastic
ongoing source of
business for Got Bugs
Pest Services.
I highly recommend
Tim Rucker and Uncle
Andy’s Digest to any
business looking to
expand their reach.
Phil Gallant -Got Bugs
Pest Services
One of my friends told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their
personal space. I was surprised to hear that - and it completely ruined our bath.
MAINE STATE MUSIC THEATRE
FAlL cONceRt SEriES
At the Donald M. Gay Performing Arts Center in Auburn!
GrEaT bALlS Of FirE!
SEPTEMBER 6 & 7
Feel the fire! Jason Cohen
channels Jerry Lee Lewis in a wild,
high-energy tribute that will have
you grooving in the aisles.
VIva LAs VegAS
SEPTEMBER 20 & 21
Elvis is in the building! Award-winning tribute
artist Victor Trevino, Jr. brings the King’s biggest
hits and legendary energy to the stage.
RAve ON!
OCTOBER 4 & 5
TICKETS
START
AT $35!
Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens &
Big Bopper take us on a
musical journey through the
timeless hits of three rock 'n'
roll legends.
Bringing Broadway to Brunswick
TICKETS:
MSMT.ORG | 207.725.8769
Uncle Andy’s Digest
14 September 2025
I did a pushup today! Well, actually, I fell down and
used my arms to get up, so, you know, close enough.

The itsy bitsy paycheck went into my account.
Poland Down came the bills Spring and washed the Resort
paycheck out.
FENN PARK
PPOOLANND SSPPRRRINNG RRRESSOORRRT
FENN PARK
Mini Golf - Disc Golf
Driving Range
Mini Golf - Disc Golf
Driving OPEN TO Range THE PUBLIC
pro Shop
18-Hole Golf Course
4 Pickleball Courts
3 Grass Tennis Courts
37 Robbins Rd. Poland Spring
207-998-6002
Open to the
Out Public
and About
at
PRO SHOP
Pat’s Pizza
MEL’S HILLTOP
Ice Cream ICE Shop CREAM SHOP Mel’s Hilltop RESTAURANT Sara Lamiette
20+ FLAVORS
Open Saturday & Sunday
Restaurant
LUNCH, DINNER, DRINKS
GIFFORD’S ICE CREAM OPEN DAILY 11:30 AM - 9 PM
Gifford’s Ice Cream +207-998-4351
Lunch - Dinner - Drinks
+207-998-6002
20+ flavors
Open Daily 11:30am - 9pm
547 Maine St., Poland Spring 37 Robbins Rd., Poland Spring
www.polandspringresort.com
POLANDSPRINGRESORT.COM www.polandspringresort.com
547 Maine St. Poland Spring
207-998-4351
18-Hole Golf Course
4 Pickleball Courts
3 Grass Tennis Courts
Having an empty laundry basket is the best five seconds of the week.
Sabrina Toye
PROTECT WHAT YOU LOVE!
BEFORE
Schedule
your pool
closing
Schedule
your pool
closing now!
now!
AFTER
Kayla Emond
No
Autographs Please!
You love your pool and the backyard memories
it creates. We help protect children
and pets from unwanted stiuations and
give peace of mind while you’re away.
1975 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston Call or Text!
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 or 1-800-244-0858
www.abcpools.com 207.783.0858
Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4 • www.abcpool.com
Sandy Sirois &
Billy Ray Cyrus
(AKA Mike Kelly)
I often wonder, do collectors of old postage stamps need a licker license?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 15

Out and About
at
Uplift LA
Kickball
Tournament
A cop told me I was going to jail for forgery.
I slid him a $37 bill and said, “How about now?”
OIL & GAS BOILER CLEANINGS
Give Us A Call Today!
Pete Gagnon
Did I leave
the oven on?
CALL FOR PRICING
207-754-4556
Don’t Wait!
Get Your Yearly
Boiler Cleaning
and Servicing
I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia—
she whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Team All-star
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER
NEW MEMBERS!
Payzli
payzli.com
MaineHealth
mainehealth.org
Kevin Morissette
Maine State Music Theatre
msmt.org
Honeybee Healing Arts, Yoga & Wellness
honeybeehealinghive.com
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM
Uncle Andy’s Digest
16 September 2025
Do you know why attractive people are always busy? I’ll tell you later. I’m busy.

Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.
5-Star-Rated
Audiologists for High-
Quality, Compassionate
Hearing Care
Call to schedule
today!
(207) 640-2609
We are
looking for
new crew
mates!
Servers &
Bartender
positions
available
Excellent
pay for
skilled
mates!
Relax and let us handle the stress
Come in and try our delicious chicken parm!
Our local’s
Favorite
besides our
fried clams!
Keep Your Brain in Shape!
Did you know hearing well keeps your brain sharp?
Treating hearing loss can reduce the risk of dementia.
Schedule a hearing test today!
www.hearmaine.com 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston 65 Lincoln Ave., Rumford
“We work with people, not just
portfolios — helping Maine families
plan for what really matters.”
Scan to learn more!
475 Pleasant St. Ste 13 | Lewiston, ME
207-784-5171
Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc., member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advisory services are offered through Raymond
James Financial Services Advisors, Inc. Investment Concepts is not a registered broker/dealer and is independent of Raymond James Financial Services.
The Village Inn
Patients
Patience
A sweet grandmother
called the hospital
and timidly asked, “Is
it possible to speak to
someone who can tell
me how a patient is
doing?”
The operator replied
kindly, “I’ll be glad to
help, dear. What’s the
name and room
number of the
patient?”
In a soft, shaky voice,
the grandmother said,
“Norma Smith, Room
302.”
The operator put her
on hold to check with
the nurse’s station.
A few moments later,
she returned: “I have
good news! Norma
is doing very well.
Her blood pressure is
perfect, her labs are
normal, and the doctor
said she’ll be
discharged tomorrow!”
The grandmother
sighed with relief, “Oh
thank you so much.
God bless you for the
good news!”
The operator asked,
“Is Norma your
daughter?”
And the grandmother
replied, “No, I’m
Norma Smith in Room
302. No one tells me
anything around here!”
207-782-7796 | 165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday
I love going outdoors. It’s much safer than going outwindows.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 17

Fish
Story
I’ve learned to trust my gut. Sure, it hangs over my pants, but it knows things.
A game warden
stopped a man leaving
the beach with two
buckets of fish.
he asked, “Do you
have a license to catch
those fish?”
The man replied, “No,
these are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!”
“Yes. Every night, I
take these fish down
to the beach, let them
swim around for about
half an hour, and when
I whistle, they jump
back into my
buckets.”
“That’s the biggest
load of hooey I’ve
ever heard,” said the
warden.
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“Really,” the man said.
“I’ll show you.”
He released the fish,
and minutes go by.
The warden says,
“Well?”
The man replies, “Well
what?”
“When are you going
to call them back?”
The man says, “Call
who back?”
The warden snaps,
“The fish!”
And the man shrugs
and says, “What fish?”
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Dispatch
Office: 207-224-0337
Cell: 207-212-0736
170 N. Daggett Hill Rd.
Greene, ME 04236
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Our Residential Friendly Design Includes
Easy Load Double Rear Doors
Driveway Protection Boards
Dependable Friendly Service
207-224-0337
www.bintheredumpthatusa.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
18 September 2025
Apparently, I snore so loud that it terrifies everyone in the car I'm driving.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about
a shark who gives arms and legs to people who need them.
The Right
Coverage at the
Right Price.
Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts
dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting
to claims support, we’ve got you covered.
John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358
john.blanchette@nfp.com
Out and About
at Uplift LA
Kickball
Tournament
With Mark Turcotte
Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved.
For your business.
For your people.
For your life.
NFP.com
Visit our new NFP office:
681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240
Sarcastic Mark
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
YEAR ROUND!
723 Maine St.
Poland, Me
(207)998-5008
FULL MENU
FULL BAR - CRAFT BEER
Still Feeling Cool
Mark
Get $5 off your food
with this coupon!
Please! Just a
quick one minute
break.
Uncle Andys
Need A Break Mark
Water.
WATER!
Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com
Dehydrated Mark
My pet mouse Elvis died today. He was caught in a trap.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 19

| EVENTS |
SEPTEMBER
LYDIA’S
LUNCH BUNCH
Episode 228
Episode 222
Episode 230
Episode 234
Every Sunday
Lewiston Farmers’ Market
2 Oxford St., Lewiston
9:30am - 1pm
LewistonFarmersMarket.com
Every Wednesday
Cornhole Night at
Legends
Legends Sports Bar and Grill
4 Mollison Way, Lewiston
6pm - 9pm
FB.com/TB.Mobile.Events
Every Thursday
Trivia with Nate
Craft Brew Underground
34 Court St., Auburn
7pm
FB.com/CBUAuburn
September 3-14
The Irish and How They
Got That Way
The Public Theatre
31 Maple St., Lewiston
Start times vary
ThePublicTheatre.org
September 3
DUMBUM
Hopper’s
316 Pinewoods Rd., Lewiston
6pm-9pm
AppleValleyme.com
September 5
Baxter Sampling
Pineland Farms
15 Farm View Dr., New
Gloucester
12pm - 2pm
BaxterBrewing.com
Hairy Pie
Lost Valley
200 Lost Valley Rd., Auburn
6:30pm - 9:30pm
LostValleySki.com
September 6
Adoption Event
Tractor Supply Co.
1619 Lisbon St., Lewiston
2pm
FB.com/BlessedBeTheBullies
Country Roads
Fast Breaks
1465 Lisbon St., Lewiston
8:30pm
FB.com/fastbreaksinc
Hip Hop
Mixers Nightclub & Lounge
136 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus
8:30pm - 1am
FB.com/MixersMaine
September 7
Lake Auburn Half
Marathon/5K
Lost Valley Ski Area
200 Lost Valley Rd., Auburn
7:30am
FB.com/LAHM5KKidsFunRun
Episode 224
September 7
Monthly Breakfast
American Legion, Post 31
426 Washington Ave., Auburn
8am - 10am
Axe Throwing Marathon
Splittin’ Wood Axe Throwing
20 East Ave., Lewiston
10am - 8pm
SplittinWoodAxeThrowing.com
September 8
Community Concepts Golf
Tournament
Poland Spring Resort
640 Maine St., Poland
9am
CCImaine.org
CMCC vs. York County,
baseball
Central Maine Community
College
1250 Turner St., Auburn
4pm and 6pm
CMmustangs.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
20 September 2025
Send us your events for September by August 21. Call 207.783.7039 or email billing@LydiaMediaLLC.com

Calendar
Sponsored by:
2025
September 8
Death Cafe L/A
Auburn Public Library
49 Spring St., Auburn
5:15pm
AuburnPublicLibrary.org
September 13
WLU Garage Sale
Woman’s Literary Union
19 Elm St., Auburn
9am
FB.com/WomansLiteraryUnion
September 18
Golden Paw Awards
Royal Oak Room
1 Bates St., Lewiston
5pm
GAhumane.org
September 10
MWN Androscoggin
Kickoff
The Pub at Baxter
120 Mill St., Lewiston
5pm
MaineWomensNetwork.com
Paint Night
Marco’s Restaurant
12 Mollison Way, Lewiston
6pm
MarcosRestaurantMaine.com
September 11
Brewing Connections
Schooner Estates
200 Stetson Rd., Auburn
7:30 - 9:30am
LAMetroChamber.com
Teddy Bear Clinic
Lisbon Road Animal Hospital
1981 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston
10am - 2pm
FB.com/LisbonRoadAnimal-
Hospital
APL Community Block
Party
Auburn Public Library
49 Spring St., Auburn
11am - 2pm
AuburnPublicLibrary.org
Children’s Entrepreneur
Market
Wallingford’s Fruit House
1264 Perkins Ridge Rd., Auburn
12pm - 3pm
FB.com/ChildrenEntrepreneurs-
Maine
September 19
Juston McKinney
Great Falls Comedy Club
34 Court St., Auburn
8pm
GreatFallsComedyClub.com
September 20
Yoga & Sound
The Dance Center
16 Western Ave., Auburn
6pm
FB.com/TheDanceCenterLA
September 22
Learn How to Make Jam
Lewiston Public Library
200 Lisbon St., Lewiston
5pm
LPLonline.org
Film lovers will unite in over 500
venues around the world and
YOU get to cast your vote for
the winners! $15 Tickets
September 12
Baby Footprint Keepsakes
Lewiston Public Library
200 Lisbon St., Lewiston
10am
LPLonline.org
Girl Scout Discovery Night
Montello School
25 Harkins Dr., Lewiston
5:30pm
FB.com/GirlScoutsofMaine
September 12-13
Hooray for Hollywood
Franco Center
46 Cedar St., Lewiston
7:30pm
FrancoCenter.org
September 13
Bates vs. Amherst,
football
Garcelon Field
144 Central Ave., Lewiston
1pm
GoBatesBobcats.com
David Jacquet
The Pub at Baxter
120 Mill St., Lewiston
6pm - 9pm
PubAtBaxter.com
September 15
ForeKids Golf Classic
Martindale Country Club
527 Beech Hill Rd., Auburn
10:20am
FB.com/SALNNE
September 16
CMCC vs. UMA women's
soccer
Central Maine Community
College
1250 Turner St., Auburn
4pm
CMmustangs.com
September 24
Dessert and Discuss
Lewiston Armory
65 Central Ave., Lewiston
5:30pm
AARP.org/me
September 26
Movement at the Museum
Maine MILL
35 Canal St., Lewiston
5pm
MaineMILL.com
September 27
Bikers for Boobies
L-A Harley
839 Main St., Lewiston
9am
L-Aharley.com
Heritage Day
Poland Spring Resort
22 Robbins Way, Poland
10am - 3pm
PolandSpringResort.com
Oct 24 - Nov 9
Adapted from Stephen King’s
best-selling thriller and Oscar
winning film. Truth is stranger
than fiction when a famous
romance novelist veers off
the road in a winter storm and
wakes up incapacitated in the
home of his “number-one fan”.
SUBSCRIBE and SAVE!
• Misery
25 • Still
• Whit’s End
26 • Grandma
Gatewood
SEASON Took a Walk
PLUS a FREE Bonus Ticket!
Isn’t it time you visited
The Public Theatre?
ThePublicTheatre.org
(207) 782-3200
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 21
31 Maple Street, Lewiston

Out and About
at
Uplift LA
Kickball
Tournament
Liss Gagnon
Apologies to the older folks we used to judge for eating dinner at 5
and being in bed by 9. You guys were really on to something.
Muriel celebrated...
her 90th birthday with us
and can't wait for the next party!
The Meadows
“Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”
A warm home-style assisted living center for self-sufficient seniors!
We have availability starting at $1500 per month
#433 RT. 202, P.O. BOX 629, GREENE • 946-3007
Sarah Wanser
I remember
when I could
play ball.
Lydia
Uncle Andy’s Digest
22 September 2025
(800) 848-3688 | www.otisfcu.coop
Traditional mortgages serviced by CUSO Home Lending. Current credit and other eligibility criteria apply. For full disclosure details,
please visit www.otisfcu.coop. Federally Insured by NCUA. Equal Housing Lender.
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We maintain your home so you
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• Inspections
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207-619-0868
I hate it when I think I'm buying organic fruits and
vegetables, but when I get home, they're just regular donuts.

I'm at the age where "going out to pick up a hottie"
means buying a rotisserie chicken at the supermarket.
SPACE IS LIMITED.
SCHEDULE YOUR COMMERCIAL SNOW SERVICES IN ADVANCE!
PLOWING & REMOVAL
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Top Dog
A guy saw a sign that
read “Talking Dog for
Sale - $10”
Curious, he talked to
the owner and met a
Labrador sitting in the
backyard.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the Lab replies.
Call or Email 207.754.2343 | info@hirdcontracting.com
Your Trusted
Excavation Contractor
gippers.com 120 center st. auburn 207.786.0715
Guns • Ammo • Xbow • Vortex • Garmin • Lacrosse • Trapping • Rental
Fishing Gear
Camping
Moose
Hunters
Tow Package
Rental
Boating
Grilling
186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME (207) 375-6253
2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 • www.sturdyhardwareme.com
– Family Owned & Operated Hardware/Sporting Goods Store –
“So, what’s your
story?”
The Lab says, “Well,
I discovered I could
talk when I was young.
I wanted to help the
government, so I told
the CIA. Before I knew
it, they had me jetting
from country to
country, sitting in
rooms with spies and
world leaders. Nobody
suspects the dog! I
was one of their top
agents for eight years.
Picked up a ton of
intel, got some medals,
but the travel wore me
out. Now I’m retired
and taking it easy.”
The guy is stunned. He
goes back in and says
to the owner, “This dog
is incredible. Why are
you selling him for just
$10?”
The owner shrugs and
says, “Because he’s a
liar. He didn’t do any of
that stuff.”
My husband asked me to whisper dirty things into his ear.
So I said: kitchen, bathroom, living room...
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 23

Tori,
So proud of you for getting
your first job at Popeyes!
Love, Mom
Happy 50th Anniversary
(September 20) to my wonderful
husband. I thank God for you and
for our life together.
Melissa Moody- Happiest of birthdays
to this extraordinary beautiful, selfless
woman whose kindness does not go
unnoticed. May your day be filled with
joy and happiness. -Nate
Happy Birthday, David! Turning
the big 6-0 (on September 25th)
We will be celebrating!
-Mike & Karen
Shout out to Fontaine for their
efforts in raising money for
Make A Wish, Maine.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
24 September 2025

Submit your shout out
today to be published
in the next issue!
* Must be submitted by 9/22 for OCTOBER.*
Congratulations to
Madison Dutil for
joining the Fontaine
Family Team!
Happy Birthday, Christian
(September 22). We are so
grateful to celebrate your
21st birthday!
Love, Mom & Dad
LydiaMediaLLC.com
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Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 25

Respect the
Badge
Bob, the rancher,
was minding his own
business when an FBI
agent comes up to him
and says,
“We got a tip that you
may be growing illegal
plants on the
premises. Do you
mind if I take a look
around?”
The old rancher
pointed to one of his
fields and replied,
“That’s fine. You
shouldn’t go over
there, though.”
I really didn't mean to push all of your buttons, I was just looking for Mute.
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The FBI agent
snapped at him, “I’m a
federal agent! I can go
wherever I want!”
He pulled out his
badge and shoved it
into the rancher’s face.
Weekend
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Entertainment!
JOIN US FOR FUN TIMES!
Our Famous
Sunday Blues Jam 1-5pm
Open Mic Night
Thursdays at 6:30pm
TWO Pool Tables,
Pinball
& Golden Tee Golf
The rancher shrugged
and continued with his
daily chores.
About 15 minutes
later he hears a loud
scream from the field
he pointed out earlier.
Suddenly, he sees the
FBI agent sprinting
toward him with a large
bull hot on his heels.
The rancher rushes
to the fence and yells,
“Your badge! Show
him your badge!”
61 Portland Rd, Gray, Maine • 207-657-7973
Hours: Mon-Fri: 3pm-Close | Sat: 1pm-1am or close | Sun: 1-5pm • TailgateBarAndGrill.biz
Wellness,
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Uncle Andy’s Digest
26 September 2025
My super power is holding onto junk for years and
throwing it away a week before I need it.

Don't believe what you see in cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a plunger,
it won't stick to someone's face. Don't ask me how I know this.
Out and About
at
Taber’s
Sock Hop
40 East Ave,
Lewiston
795-6888
www.sea40me.com
Glenn & Irene Gagne
BOOK TODAY!
Limited spots
available
PAWS & PORTRAITS
Seasonal Pet Photo Shoots!
with LYDIA MEDIA & Daniel Marino Photo
FALL, HALLOWEEN, & CHRISTMAS
October 16th | 4-6pm
1 theme - $40
2 themes - $50
3 themes - $60
+$25 for additional dog (in same photo)
Schedule your
shoot now!
Anyone need a
bucket refill?
Jack Martel
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
Nachos•Burgers•Wings•& More!
SeptIc InstallatIon House Lots
CommercIAl plowIng
Year round servIces
GIve us a call today!
207.754.6436
WWW.DIONNECONSTRUCTIONSERVICES.COM
Full Menu & Bar!
Everyone welcome - Come check out our new deck!
207.784.9773 316 Pinewoods Rd. Lewiston
The judge yelled, “Order!” I said, “Pizza, fries, and soda!”
Now the police are taking me away. I think we’re going to the restaurant.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 27

Out and About
at
Taber’s
Sock Hop
I made a huge to-do list for today. Now I just need to figure out who’s going to do it.
1957 Pontiac
Chieftain
Congratulations Debbie Bodwell & Team!
(Paul Colasante, Nathan Hamlyn, Billy Colasante and Ron Ouellette)
1969 Ford Mustang
Mach 1
1955 Chevrolet
Nomad
LYDIA
LYDIA’S
LA’s Afternoon
Morning Show
PODCAST
Check out our podcast and
hear what's
happening around here!
Want to be a part of our podcast!?
Call or email FMI!
FMI contact Pam Ashby 207.783.7039 or podcast@LydiaMediaLLC.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
28 September 2025
A teacher once told me not to worry about spelling, because in the
future there will be autocorrect, for which I am eternally grapefruit.

The inventor of the ballet skirt struggled with naming it. Then she put tu and tu together.
Steve & Tim
2025-26 Season
Sept. 12, 13: Hooray for Hollywood!
La Rencontre for everyone!
Sept. 18, Dec. 11, March 12, June 24
Nov. 8 Homecoming Dance w/coat drive
Dec. 19, 20, 21
Sights & Sounds of Christmas
Other awesome events at the Franco:
Tribute bands, Dinner Theater, Magic
Shows for kids, and more!
Make sure to check out our Escape Room!
FrancoCenter.org/shows
Wedding Venue
Rent us!
Call
today
Tickets 207-689-2000
Tim: My wife is going
to need an oxygen
mask for the rest of
her life.
Steve: Oh, no. Why?
Tim: Well, every
time she looks at
me, I take her breath
away.
Tim: Sorry I’m late. I
was having
computer issues.
Steve: Hard drive?
Tim: No, the commute
was fine. My
laptop is broken.
Tim: I suggested to
my wife that we go
to the bar separately
and relive our first
date.
Steve: How’d it work
out?
Tim: I approached
her and said, “Can
I buy you a drink?”
and she said, “Get
lost. I’m not falling
for that again.”
events@francocenter.org
207-333-3251
46 Cedar Street • Lewiston
Tim: I have some
bad news.
Steve: Good thing
I’m sitting down.
Tim: I just painted
that chair.
My doctor said he'd like to talk to me about my weight.
I said, "Well, it was about 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfy."
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 29

CALL THE PROS
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services
Serving Lewiston & Auburn Since 2018
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com
207-530-8890
Accounting
& Tax
Service You
Can Trust!
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.
Certified Public Accountant
Tax Planning & Preparation
for Individuals and Business
P.O. Box 895 | 207.782.1040
2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B | Auburn, ME 04212
FINE LINE GUN SHOP
GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES
HUNTING
SEASON
IS HERE!
Hunting Rifles
+Accessories
COME SEE
US TODAY!
207.998.2374 | 590 Plains Rd., Poland | finelinegun@aol.com
MOBILE CPR & BLS TRAINING
FOR ALL OF MAINE
For both healthcare professionals
and lay people. We come to your
location for your convenience!
CALL TODAY
Offering Certification
and Re-certification
19 Roy Street Lewiston | 207-330-0322
RON’S
TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE
YOUR FULL SERVICE
REPAIR FACILITY
Fall is right around the corner!
Book now for your pre-season check up!
Tires & State Inspections Available!
515 Gardiner Rd, Wales
375-4924
We specialize in domestic
car & truck, automatic
& manual transmissions,
transfer cases & differentials.
Ron Charpentier Jr.
Owner
Family Owned & Operated
Quality Meats Since 1930
We have wings & things
for your party needs!
Highlighting the BEST
of the Lewiston, Auburn
& surrounding areas
in LA Metro Magazine
Tell our advertisers you saw them in Uncle Andy’s Digest
Football season is back!!
Open Daily 8am - 7pm
207-782-1385 | 644 Sabattus St, Lewiston | WWW.BOURQUESMARKET.COM
UNCLEANDYS.COM | LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM
2 GREAT FALLS PLAZA, SUITE 1B, AUBURN | 207.783.7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest
30 September 2025
One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people.
If they laugh, you’re young; if they panic, you’re old.

CALL THE PROS
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
The friendly redemption center
School is Back in Session! Please Drive Carefully!
8 Tidswell Road
Turner
207-225-2008
Open daily 8am to 4pm
ATHLETES RUNNERS MANUAL LABORERS
REGULAR MASSAGE BENEFITS INCLUDE:
• Reduction in muscle soreness + fatigue • Improved circulation
• Increases/restores joint range of motion • Injury prevention
• Improved tissue healing
207.240.6415 | www.memassagetherapy.com
Add 4 Months to Your
Watersports Season
with a Wetsuit!
We can help you stay warmer longer!
• Swimming • Snorkeling • Scuba • Water-ski
805 Main Street, Lewiston 784-7300
WE MAKE
YOU LOOK
great
• Posters
• Booklets
• Carbonless forms
• Envelopes
• Business Cards & More!
EVERGREEN
CUSTOM PRINTING, INC.
Call for a quote today!
782-0525
2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn | Info@evergreencustomprinting.com
LET YOUR STRESS
FALL AWAY
with a massage
Tues-Fri. 2-8pm
Sat. 1-5pm
Call to book your
personalized treatment!
918 Sabattus St. Lewiston |www.lamassagemaine.com
Your trusted,
nonprofit resource
for assistance
and information
Medicare counseling • Caregiver support
Educational programming • Meals on Wheels
seniorsplus.org • 207-795-4010
Main Street
Music Lessons
WELCOMING NEW STUDENTS
FOR IN PERSON LESSONS!
• LESSONS
• REPAIRS
• SALES
207-376-3376
LA’S #1 STOP FOR ALL
YOUR MUSIC NEEDS!
33 Dunn Street, Auburn | mainstreetmusiclessons.com
An astronaut told me he once watched the earth rotate from space.
After 24 hours he got bored and called it a day.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 31

WISHES
IN THE VALLEY
THANK YOU
TO EVERYONE WHO CAME OUT TO
SUPPORT THE WISHES IN THE
VALLEY EVENT!
AND AN EXTRA SPECIAL THANK
YOU TO ALL OUR SPONSORS &
DONATORS FOR AN EPIC EVENT!
WE LOVE OUR
COMMUNITY!
EVERGREEN
CUSTOM PRINTING, INC.
Central maine power sports - poland spring Golf Course - bancroft contracting - Dad’s Place - Tito’s Vodka - Twin City Financial - OUellette & Associates
Auburn
Special
Firefighters
thank you to
Union
ALL our
- Austin
sponsors,
Associates
volunteers,
- El
and
Pochos
event
- Valley
coordinators.
Beverage
Maine Community Bank - Central maine power sports - poland spring resort
champoux insurance - bancroft contracting - Suburban Propane - Dad’s Place
HPA Productions - Coca Cola
Uncle Andy’s Digest
32 September 2025

Pro Tip: If you stir coconut oil into kale, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash.
Moving to
the Beat
I was in a coffee shop
when I suddenly
needed to pass gas.
The music was loud,
so I tried to time it with
the beat.
After a few songs, I
started to feel better,
finished my coffee, and
noticed everyone was
staring at me.
Then I remembered I
was wearing earbuds.
I started a band called 999 Megabytes… still don’t have a gig.
Open tues - sat | 11am - 7pm
Specializing In Chicken & Seafood
Since 2012
The Coast isn’t that far-
it’s right here at KP’s Place
207.376.4295 | 245 Center St, Auburn
LIVE
Check out our new monthly
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We’ll discuss all things Lewiston with Lewiston’s
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Acupuncture isn’t just for pain, it can
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369 Main St, Lewiston | 207-531-5346
369 M i St L i t | 207 531 5346
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It's so hard to lose weight when you have an overactive knife and fork.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 33

Out and About
at
Taber’s
Sock Hop
I accidentally glued myself to a copy of my autobiography.
My wife doesn’t believe me, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
1941 Chevrolet
Special Deluxe
1965 Ford Falcon
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Nissan GT-R
1955 Chevrolet
Bel Air
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19th 2025
FAIRLAWN GOLF COURSE, POLAND, MAINE
GOLFERS PLAY SCRAMBLE FORMAT
DISC GOLFERS PLAY BEST DISC FORMAT
GOLF SCORE + DISC SCORE = CUMULATIVE HOLE SCORE
TEAMS CONSIST OF 4 PLAYERS
(2) GOLFERS
(2) DISC GOLFERS
PLAYERS MAINTAIN THEIR RESPECTIVE DISCIPLINE
TEMPORARY DISC GOLF LAYOUT ARRANGED HOLE 1-18
GOLFERS WILL PLAY HOLES AS DESIGNED
DISC GOLF BASKETS WILL BE PLACED STRATEGICALLY
OB AND HAZARDS WILL BE IN PLAY TO SHAPE EACH HOLE
GOLF CARTS WILL BE IN USE(DISCIPLINES RIDE TOGETHER)
TO HELP INCREASE PACE OF PLAY
EXAMPLE - HOLE 1 (PAR 3)
GOLFERS PAR - 3
DISC GOLFERS BIRDIE - 2
TEAM HOLE SCORE = 5
1 HOLE
2 DISCIPLINES
SCAN HERE
TO REGISTER
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$500/TEAM
EACH PERSON RECEIVES A PLAYER PACK
AFTER EVENT MEAL PROVIDED
GOLF TEE BOX
DISC GOLF
TEE BOX
Uncle Andy’s Digest
34 September 2025
My therapist told me you attract what you fear. I’m so scared of 40 million dollars.

I got a new pair of gloves today. They’re both ‘lefts’ which,
on one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
Roy’s
FoodLand
WE ARE OPEN!
Best Chicken
& Ham Salad
In Town!
Poisson & Sons Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION
september
Stickers
Are Due!
70 Broad Street, Auburn
207-783-8471
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm
Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed
Come eat
with us
at Pat’s
Sandwiches, Salads,
Pizza and more!
SATURDAY
Beans, bread/
rolls & cole slaw
$12.99
WEDNESDAY
Ham, Veggie,
Salami, or
Pepperoni Italians
$3.99
THE GAHS
Cooler weather is coming
make your appointment
today so your vehicle is
ready!
Patient: “Doctor, I think I broke my arm in two places.”
Doctor: “Well, stop going to those places.”
GOLDEN
PAW AWARDS
Thursday, September 18th | 5 - 9pm
Royal Oak Room, Lewiston
GET YOUR TICKETS TODAY!
Scan to check out our menu
85 Center Street, Auburn | 207-784-8221 | 11a-9p daily
Awards THE GAHS
Silent GOLDEN Auction PAW AWARDS
Comedy
Dinner & Drinks
“Johnny, wait until
Awards Silent Auction Comedy Dinner & Drinks
we’ve said our prayer,”
Thursday, September 12th, his mother 2024said.
5:00pm- 9:00pm
“I don’t have Photobooth to,”
Royal Oak Room, Lewiston
Johnny replied. and fun!
Dinner buffet by
Grazi To Go!
Proceeds Help Benefit
The Greater Androscoggin Humane Society
The Greater Androscoggin Humane Society | www. gahumane.org/goldenpawawards
Family
Dinner
Everyone sat around
the table as food was
served. When little
Johnny received his,
he started eating
immediately.
Get Your Tickets Today to Benefit
the Greater Androscoggin Humane “We Society say a prayer
www.gahumane.org/goldenpawawards before eating at our
house,” his mother
insisted.
“That’s at our house,”
Johnny explained,
“but this is Grandma’s
house and she knows
how to cook!”
I finally understand why I’m called a grown up. I groan every time I get up.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 35

My wife and I went out to dinner and the server asked how I wanted my steak cooked.
I said, “Like winning an argument with my wife.” He said, “Rare it is.”
offer.
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long-lasting battery. Inogen One free info kit! 877-305-1535
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All plans unlimited talk & text starting at just $20/mo.
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Dorrance Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production,
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We Buy Houses!
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aligns with your home sale needs!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
36 September 2025
I just invented a thought-controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it.

Call us
for a free
estimate!
Cleanings for:
Property Management
Commercial/ Office
Post Construction
Rental Turn Over
207-713-1550
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
207-782-7141
207-782-7141
Back to school!
Back to pizza.
Ticks, Mosquitoes, Rodents,
Insects, Bedbugs,
Fleas, & Roaches!
Calendar
Sponsored By:
Out and About
at
Taber’s
Sock Hop
One ring to
rule...lunch!
Keep your shoes clean
& your yard GREEN.
Scoop 4Paws
We Scoop...
So You Don’t Have To!
SPRING CLEAN-UPS
Weekly/Bi-weekly
Maintenance
Call, text, or message
us on Facebook
207-713-1550
Top Agent of
the Month
July 2025
Jennifer Sumnall
(207)417-1033
81 Main St, Auburn ME
www.TMREE.com
Norm & Dodie Gagne
207-576-4239
Check
Out Our
Hidden
Fences!
Call For A Free Estimate!
dogwatchofcentralmaine.com
Richard Moylan
(207) 777-0050
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn
richardmoylan@allstate.com
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire
and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook,
Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
Linda & Roger Allen
Sitting pretty,
swinging steady.
Want to help us distribute?
2 great falls plaza suite 1b, Auburn
call or email
office@lydiamediallc.com
Did you hear about the guy who trained deer to run faster?
He was just trying to make a quick buck.
783.7039
Mike & Sharon Bell
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 37

Directory of Advertisers
AUTOMOTIVE
Armand’s Auto Body............................C
armandsautobody.com
Poisson & Sons Auto Care................ 35
207.782.9144
Ron’s Transmission............................ 30
207.375.492
BANKING SERVICES
Community Credit Union....................C
communitycreditunion.com
Dirigo Federal Credit Union............ 30
dirigofcu.com
Otis Federal Credit Union................ 22
207.879.0900
Great Falls Credit Union.................... 2
207-782-7192
CLEANING PROFESSIONALS
Bin There Dump That.......................18
207.2240337
Collaborative Cleaners......................37
207.713.1550
Emerald Janitorial..............................30
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com
Scoop 4Paws........................................37
207.713.1550
Simply Clean ME LLC.......................18
207.370.7244
CONSTRUCTION & EXCAVATION
Dionne Construction........................... 27
207.754.6436
General Concrete Cutting Services... 10
207.783.1027
Hird Contracting................................ 23
207.754.2343
DENTISTS & DENTURES
Smile Again Dentures.......................... 4
SmileAgainDentures.com
EDUCATION/BUSINESS SERVICES
Barclay's Skindivers Paradise........... 31
207.784.7300
Central Maine Community College ....... 7
smcc.edu/workforce
LA Metro Chamber of Commerce.... 16
lametrochamber.com
Main Street Music Lessons................ 20
207.376.3376
ELECTRICAL
Uncle DeBlois Andy’s Electric, Digest Inc.......................... 11
38 debloiselectric.com
September 2025
ENTERTAINMENT
Franco Center......................................29
francocenter.org
Golden Paw Awards........................... 35
www.gahumane.org/goldenpawawards
Great Falls Comedy Club.................. 34
www.greatfallscomedyclub.com
Maine State Music Theatre................. 14
www.msmt.org
Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine.................... 27
sea40me.com
Taber's.................................................... 9
Tabersgolf.com
Tailgate Bar & Grill........................... 26
TailgateBarAndGrill.biz
William J. Rogers Post #153...........12
207.782.1118
FINANCIAL SERVICES
Great Falls Credit Union.................... 2
207-782-7192
Investment Concepts.........................17
207-784-5171
Michael G. Spaulding........................ 30
207.782.1040
Modern Woodmen of America...3, 26
modern-woodmen.org
Otis Federal Credit Union................ 22
www.otisfcu.coop
FOOD & BEVERAGE
Bourque's Market............................... 30
207-782-1385
Dad's Place............................................ 5
dadsplacemaine.com
Firehouse Grill................................... BC
firehouseauburn.com
George’s Pizza.....................................37
georgespizza.com
Gipper’s................................................23
gippers.com
GridIron Restaurant.......................... 11
gridironrestaurant.com
Hoppers Restaurant........................... 27
207.784.9773
KP's Place............................................33
207-376-4295
Nonesuch..............................................19
207.998.5008
Mac’s Grill............................................. 8
MacsGrill.com
Pat’s Pizza Auburn.............................. 35
patsauburn.com
Roopers Beverage & Redemption...39
roopersbeverage.com
Roy’s Foodland....................................35
ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine.................... 27
sea40me.com
Taber's.................................................... 9
Tabersgolf.com
Tailgate Bar & Grill........................... 26
TailgateBarAndGrill.biz
The Village Inn-Auburn.................... 17
villageinnmaine.com
HEALTH & WELLNESS
Andwell Health Partners................... 31
andwell.org
Central Maine Audiology................. 17
207-705-9558
Essence Wellness Spa LLC............... 26
essencewellnessspa.com
Happy Haven......................................... 9
happyhaven.info
LA Massage.........................................31
LAMassageMaine.com
Little Dragon......................................33
207.531.5346
ME Massage Therapy........................ 31
memassagetherapy.com
Maine Mobile CPR............................ 30
207-330-0322
Modern Woodmen of America...3, 26
modern-woodmen.org
Senior Planning..................................35
207.705.3657
Seniors Plus.........................................31
207.795.4010
HEATING & PLUMBING
Heat Pumps of Maine.........................C
heatpumpsofmaine.com
Pro-Tech Refrigeration..................... 33
pro-techrefrigeration.com
United Piping Heating & Plumbing.... 16
207.754.4556
Strong Propane.....................................C
strongpropaneservices.com
HOME IMPROVEMENT
ABC Pool..............................................10
207-783-0858
Dog Watch...........................................37
207.5764239

Your local guide to... well, just about anything!
General Concrete Cutting Services...10
207.783.1027
Upfront Home Inspections............... 22
207.619.0868
Got Bugs Pest Services LLC............37
207-242-4988
Sturdy Hardware.................................23
207.375-6253
INSURANCE
Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement...37
agents.horacemann.com/AVIR
Champoux Insurance......................... 18
888.983.2246
Lisa Laliberte-State Farm................... 6
207.783.3332
John Blanchette NFP Insurance...... 19
207.784.9358
Richard Moylan-Allstate................... 37
207.777.0050
MISCELLANEOUS
Dog Watch...........................................29
207.5764239
Happy Haven......................................... 9
happyhaven.info
LA Chamber of Commerce..............16
William J. Rogers Post #153...........12
207.782.1118
PRINT & PROMOTIONAL
Coastal T-Shirts....................................6
coastaltshirts.com
Evergreen Custom Printing.............31
207.782.0525
WIGY Radio.......................................33
wigyradio.com
REAL ESTATE
Debbie Bodwell-Guild Mortgage..... BC
207.754.3962
Maine Real Estate Experience........ 37
themainerealstateexperience.com
Maine Source Realty..........................12
mainesourcehomes.com
Pinepoint Realty................................BC
207.376.2683
RECREATION
ABC Pool..............................................15
207.783.0858
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise........... 31
207.784.7300
Main Street Music Lessons................ 31
207.376.3376
Poland Spring Resort.......................... 15
207.998.600
Taber's.................................................... 9
Tabersgolf.com
REDEMPTION CENTERS
Coach Terry’s Redemption Center....31
207.225.2008
Roopers Beverage & Redemption.....39
roopersbeverage.com
Dad's Place............................................5
dadsplacemaine.com
RETIREMENT
Modern Woodmen of America...3, 26
modern-woodmen.org
The Chapman House
Assisted Living ..................................13
207.783.0961
Seniors Plus.........................................31
207.795.4010
The Meadows Senior Living............22
207.946.3007
SPORTING GOODS
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise...............31
207.784.7300
Fine Line Gun Shop........................... 30
207.998.2374
G3 Firearms.........................................19
G3Firearms.com
C - front cover | IFC - inside front cover | BC - back cover | IBC - inside back cover
They’re Here!
NEW Roopers
Exclusive from
Baxter Brewing
The Party Starts at Roopers!
545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047 794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353
980 Main St., Oxford | 539.6072 686 Main St., Lewiston | 344.1200
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com 39

Equal Housing Opportunity
WWW.GUILDMORTGAGE.COM/LICENSING
For more licensing Information
WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG
$ 8
You’ll love
our daily
specials
September Drink Special
September Sunset
New fall drink menu and drafts coming soon!
207-376-4959 • 47 Broad Street, Auburn • www.firehouseauburn.com
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
Your local guide to... well, just about anything!
UncleAndys.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
UncleAndys.com
40 September 2025