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Uncle Andy's Digest March 2026

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Seth Vlahakos*

purchased at the MWA

* Registered representative. 207-395-5177 Securities offered through MWA Financial Services 207-786-3612

through MWA Financial Services Inc., ME offered Lewiston,

Lewiston, a wholly owned

through ME

ME

04240

04240 subsidiary of

MWA Financial Services Seth

207-395-5177

Windham, Winthrop, Seth Inc., a Vlahakos*

wholly owned 04364

subsidiary of

* Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly

Inc., 207-357-5429 a Vlahakos*

207-786-3612

Lewiston, ME 04240

ern -2573

207-407-7576

Woodmen of Windham, America.

wholly owned subsidiary of

Lewiston, Member: 207-786-3612

ME

207-786-2573

ME 04062 04240 FINRA, SIPC

207-576-3426

207-407-7576

ME owned

ME

04062 subsidiary of

District Office at

ed through MWA Financial Modern Woodmen Services Inc., of America. a wholly Member: owned FINRA, subsidiary SIPC of

FINRA, SIPC Modern Woodmen of America. 207-576-5656 Member: FINRA, SIPC

207-395-5177

Windham, ME 04062

207-786-3612

184 Webster Street

INRA, SIPC

ern Woodmen of America. Member: 207-786-3622

207-786-2573

207-407-7576

FINRA, SIPC

Windham, 207-407-7576

ME 04062

Lewiston, ME on the

dates times listed for

207-407-7576

207-786-2573

207-407-7576

each activity. Menus are

* Registered representative. Seth Kim Vlahakos*

Securities Pelkey* offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

04240

Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Seth Inc., Vlahakos*

subject to change.

Modern Woodmen of Windham, America.

wholly owned subsidiary of

Lewiston, Member: ME ME 04062 04240 FINRA, SIPC

3

Modern Woodmen Matthew of America. Nadeau*

Member: FINRA, SIPC

Ron Windham, Ouellette* ME 04062

4240

Winthrop, 207-407-7576

207-786-2573

Kim Ted Heidrich* Pelkey* ME 04364

Lewiston,

Matthew

207-407-7576 ME 04240

Most Importantlylkey*

ies kos* offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

Seth Vlahakos* Nadeau*

Ron Ouellette*

ies offered through MWA * Financial Services

n, ME 04240

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Seth Inc., Lewiston, ember: ME 04062 FINRA, SIPC

wholly ME owned 04240

subsidiary of

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04240

* Registered representative. Seth Kim Vlahakos*

Have Fun!

Securities Pelkey* offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly Registered owned subsidiary of

ME 04364 04062

of

Lewiston, ME 04240

ember: FINRA, SIPC

representative. of Securities offered ME through MWA Financial Services Seth Inc., Vlahakos*

Modern Woodmen of America.

wholly owned subsidiary of

Windham, of 207-786-2573

Lewiston, Member:

207-576-5656

ME ME 04062 04240 FINRA, SIPC

207-395-5177

ME -2573 76

Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC

207-407-7576

Windham, ME 04062

207-786-3612

207-407-7576

207-786-2573

207-407-7576

istered

ncial Services

representative.

Inc., a wholly

Securities

owned

offered

subsidiary

through MWA

of

Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

ern Woodmen of * Registered America. representative. Member: FINRA, Securities SIPC

fered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned

offered

subsidiary

through MWA

of

Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC

r: FINRA, SIPC

* Registered representative. Seth Kim Vlahakos*

ties

Securities Pelkey* offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

4240 offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

Seth Vlahakos*

ered y owned subsidiary Modern * of Woodmen of Windham, America. Lewiston, Member: ME ME 04062

04240 FINRA, SIPC

a of

ember: through FINRA, MWA *

SIPC Financial

Registered Services representative. Inc., of a a wholly

Securities owned offered subsidiary through MWA of of Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of

Windham, ME 04062

: Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC

FINRA, SIPC My dog is the 207-407-7576 only 207-786-2573 one who listens to my rants without suggesting I should calm down.

207-407-7576

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 3


Out and About

at Thatcher’s

Restaurant

I

Always pick

up my monthly

copy of the

Digest!

Stretching is important, especially when reaching for the chocolate on the top shelf.

Smile Again

Dentures

Call for a free

Consultation

Licensed Denturists

Bob Kerr

Mike

Adkins, LD

Joe

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Cassandra

Gagnon, LD

Cheryl Dam

• Rebases

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• Partial Dentures

don’t be

aFraId to

SMILE

AGAIN.

All work done on-site. Repairs usually same day service!

Dan Dam

801 Webster Street, Lewiston | 514-0660

SmileAgainDentures.com | smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

4 March 2026

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.


No one does it like

Mac’s Grill!

Maine’s #1 steakhouse for a reason.

WE WILL CUT YOUR RIBEYE IN-HOUSE

Want a Larger Ribeye?

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 5

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


I love how a fly will enter your house through a crack in the bathroom window, but can’t find its way out

even if you remove the roof.

Quality Products

Reasonable Pricing

It’s why

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CARICATURES COURTESY OF J. ANTHONY FIORI | @THE_ARTIST_J_ANTHONY_FIORI)

KAILYN

MINOTY

GRAPHIC DESIGNER

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

is distributed by the first Friday of every month by Lydia Media LLC with its headquarters located at

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn, Maine. Published and distributed since 1996 throughout Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over the free world. Subscriptions are $49 .95 /year. UncleAndys.com|Office: 207-783-7039

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our clients’ advertisements and our

publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

UNCLE ANDY'S DIGEST is proudly printed in Lewiston, Maine

Uncle Andy’s Digest

6 March 2026

www.penmor.com


I’ve been running for years…out of patience, money, and good decisions.

March

Birthdays

Ron Howard (72)

Justin Bieber (32)

Kesha (39)

GROWING

MAINE’S

WORKFORCE

FREE Grant-Funded

Workforce Training for

Maine Residents!

Gain essential skills and

knowledge to jumpstart or

advance your career.

Hands-On Training Programs:

Gain practical, in-demand

skills in Land Surveying, Fiber

Optics, Basic Life Support,

Microsoft Excel, High Pressure

Boiler Operation, and more.

Scan the QR code or visit:

cmcc.edu/workforce

SCAN HERE

Daniel Craig (58)

Jon Bon Jovi (64)

Jessica Biel (44)

Eva Mendes (52)

Shaquille O’Neal (54)

Freddie Prinze Jr. (50)

Sharon Stone (68)

Chuck Norris (86)

Carrie Underwood (43)

Liza Minnelli (80)

William Macy (76)

Michael Caine (93)

Billy Crystal (78)

Eva Longoria (51)

Lauren Graham (59)

Kurt Russell (75)

Gary Sinise (71)

Queen Latifah (56)

Adam Levine (47)

Bruce Willis (71)

Workforce & Professional Development • Lapoint 107

cmccworkforcedevelopment@mainecc.edu • (207) 755 - 5280

Central Maine Community College does not discriminate and is an equal opportunity/affirmative action employer.

For more information, please call 207-755-5396 or email cmcchr@mainecc.edu.

Spike Lee (69)

Reese Witherspoon (50)

Elton John (79)

Why do people say “tuna fish sandwich”, yet nobody says “chicken bird sandwich”?

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 7


Let Me Ask

You A

Question

Two strangers were

seated next to each

other on a long flight

when the first guy

turned to the second

and said, “Let’s talk.

I’ve heard that flights

will go quicker if you

strike up a conversation

with your fellow

passenger.”

The second guy, who

had just opened his

book, closed it slowly,

took off his glasses

and said to the first

guy, “What would you

like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,”

said the first guy, “How

about nuclear power?”

“OK,” said the second

guy. “That could be an

interesting topic. But

let me ask you a question

first. A horse, a

cow, and a deer all eat

grass. The same stuff.

Yet a deer excretes little

pellets, while a cow

turns out a flat patty,

and a horse produces

clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose

that is?”

Been feeling a little moody and run down lately. I looked up my symptoms

and it turns out I have adulthood.

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“Jeez,” said the first

guy. “I have no idea.”

“Well, then,” said the

second guy, “How is it

that you feel qualified

to discuss nuclear

power when you don’t

know crap?”

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

8 March 2026

If my daughter doesn’t stop having my attitude, I’m moving out.


My dog understands several English words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Frozen

Windows

Ed was working one

day when he got a

text message from his

wife Jane that said

“Windows totally frozen,

will not open.”

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Ed texted back,

“Carefully pour some

warm water over it

and tap the edges

with your hand.

Ed’s phone chimed in

with a text message

about 15 minutes

later.

“I think the laptop is

now totally gone now.”

A friend tried to annoy me with a bird pun. But toucan play that game.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 9


Out and About

at Thatcher’s

Restaurant

Hey,

how’s my hair

look?

Take

The Luck

Out Of It

Me: *enjoying a peanut butter milkshake* My kid: What’s that?

Me: It’s spicy. You wouldn’t like it.

Jon

Mercier

Lindsay

Wright

MEET OUR

FRIENDLY TEAM

Mark

Turner

Mason

Dupuis

Deb

Morin

Malayka

Harriman

Linda

Dupuis

Dustin

Mallar

Gary Thurlow

Let us help you find

your new home!

Paige

Landry

Brandon

Caruso

Valerie

Landry

I

give it two

thumbs up,

Gary!

Design-Build, Turn-Key Packages,

Single or Multi-Level Homes, One Loan.

(No Construction Loans Needed in Most Cases)

207.333.6001

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

mainesourcehomes.com

Just learned the German word for constipation: Farfrompoopen.

Gerard Ellis

This is why I

wear a hat.

Moe Jalbert

Uncle Andy’s Digest

10 March 2026

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

Members & Guests Welcome!

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not fall into previously

defined war eras may now join

the American Legion immediately. The

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at

war, as determined by Congress.

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on MUSIC, Fridays and KARAOKE get a surprise! & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS!

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

HOURS: Monday - Thursday: 12pm-8pm

Friday: 12pm-11pm • Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in March

Jerry Joe - March 6th & 20th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

BREAKFAST BUFFET - $ 10

SUNDAY MARCH 15TH 8-10AM

Scrambled Eggs, Sausage, Sausage Gravy, Bacon,

Baked Beans, Fried Potatoes, Crepes, Toast, English

Muffins, Creton, Corned Beef Hash, Juices & Coffee

SAINT PATRICK’S CORNED BEEF DINNER

SATURDAY MARCH 14TH 4-6PM

Corned beef, potatoes, cabbage, carrots,

turnip, dinner roll & dessert

$15 per person

WHEEL OF FORTUNE WITH TYLA & KEITH

SATURDAY MARCH 28TH 5-7PM

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18TH 2026

LEGION MEMBERS IN ATTENDANCE HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN $ 100, $ 50, OR $ 25

Executive Committee 6pm | General Meeting 7pm

Son’s Meeting Monday, March 9th 5:30pm

I hate when people say, “take it one day at a time.” What do you think

I’m going to do, skip Tuesday?


Where do bad rainbows go? To prism. It’s a light sentence, but it gives

them time to reflect.

48 th

TWIN CITY

GUN & SPORTSMEN

SH W

Admission $10

children under 12: Free

must be accompanied by an adult

March

28th-29th

Sat 9-4 | Sun 9-3

Lewiston Armory

65 Central Ave. Lewiston

food • raffles

free parking

All firearm laws

will be observed.

All proceeds from admission, food, and raffles

go to supporting the work of the

EXCHANGE

CLUB OF AUBURN

working to make our community a better place to live

A Fortune

A young man, Jared

asked an old rich

man, Robert how he

made his money.

Robert fingered his

worsted wool vest

and said, “Well, son, it

was 1932. The depth

of the Great Depression.

I was down to

my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel

in an apple. I spent

the entire day polishing

the apple and, at

the end of the day, I

sold the apple for ten

cents, Robert continued.

“The next morning,

I invested those ten

cents in two apples. I

spent the entire day

polishing them and

sold them at 5:00 pm

for 20 cents. I continued

this system for a

month, by the end of

which I’d accumulated

a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you

built an empire?” Jared

asked.

“Heavens, no!” Robert

replied. “Then my

wife’s father died and

left us two million

dollars.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any more passwords left in me.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 11


Dogs

Welcome

Timothy wrote a letter

to one of the Chicago

hotels he planned

to stay at while on

vacation.

In this letter he

wrote, “I would like

to bring my dog with

me while visiting. He

is well behaved and

well-groomed. Would

you be willing to permit

me to keep him in

my room?”

The hotel manager

replied, saying, “I’ve

been operating hotels

for thirty years. I’ve

never had a dog steal

bedclothes, towels,

silverware or pictures

off the walls. I’ve

never had to kick a

dog out in the middle

of the night for being

drunk and disorderly.

And I’ve never had

a dog skip out on a

hotel bill.

So, yes, your dog is

welcome at my hotel.

And if your dog will

vouch for you, you’re

welcome to stay, too.”

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

ATTN: FOOD TRUCKS-

Need A Kitchen?

Rent Our Commercial Kitchen

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Convenient Location.

Striving to invigorate hope,

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Providing Direct Support To Maine Adults With Intellectual Disabilities.

WE ARE LOOKING FOR

A FITNESS TRAINER/YOGA INSTRUCTOR

(one day a month for a couple of hours)

Light Cardiovascular Heart Health, Flexibility,

Muscle Strength, Posture, Joint Health, and Circulation

Our services can be very rewarding

in doing good for others.

Be part of something where others can give your

life new meaning.

happyhaven.info | 134 Main St. Suite 1 & 2, Lewiston | Phone- 207-241-0274 | Fax- 207-241-7280

Before they become butterflies, caterpillars have to dissolve into a disgusting pile of goo.

So if you’re a mess, wrapped up in blankets right now… keep going.

Take Out

Available!

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY - CLOSED

TUESDAY

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

All-Star Club w/ fries & coleslaw

207-782-2135

Auburn Mall

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

SATURDAY

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

Uncle Andy’s Digest

12 March 2026

I stood waving to my neighbor for 10 minutes this morning before realizing she was

cleaning her windows.


If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like,

Hey, where’d all this money come from?

The Chapman House

Home for senior ladies

Out and About

at Thatcher’s

Restaurant

We

got great

food and cold

drinks!

Maddy Cote

Surprising

Facts About

St. Patrick's

Day

• The real St. Patrick

was born in Britain.

Providing compassionate care in a warm,

comfortable home. Our residents are encouraged

to continue the activities that make life enjoyable

while exploring new opportunities.

• There were no snakes

around for St. Patrick to

banish from Ireland.

• Leprechauns are

likely based on Celtic

fairies.

• The Shamrock was

considered a sacred

plant.

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, who need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

• Ireland’s only female

patron saint, Brigid, has

her own holiday.

• The first St. Patrick’s

Day parade was held in

the US.

• Corned beef and cabbage

was an American

innovation.

My fishing spot is so secret, even the fish don’t know about it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 13


Out and About

at Armand’s

Auto Body

Are there people

that still don’t know

we’re the best autobody

shop around?

I want to start juicing, but I can’t figure out how to juice tacos.

Coverage for

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to claims support, we help you protect what matters most.

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john.blanchette@nfp.com

For your business.

For your people.

For your life.

NFP.com

Copyright ©2023 NFP. All Rights Reserved.

681 Sabattus St., Lewiston, ME 04240

Dan Dumont

Two

thumbs up on

the paint job!

new cuStomerS welcome — call today!

delIvery &

InStallatIon

FiNANCiNG OPTiONS NOW AVAiLABLE

You Can’t Go Wrong

When You Call Strong!

Justin Cook

Lucian French

BEFORE YOU LIST, RENOVATE, OR RELAX - INSPECT

SCHEDULE A SPRING INSPECTION IF YOU NOTICE

• Ice Dams or Roof Stress

• Basement Moisture or Leaks

• Ceiling Stains or Cracking

• Drafty Rooms or Uneven Heat

• Plumbing Issues or Frozen Pipes

Ask us how to

SAVE $ 100

on your first

maintenance

Harsh Winters can hide damage that only shows up months

later. A professional Spring inspection helps uncover issues

before they become expensive repairs.

Protect your home. Protect your investment.

CALL TODAY!

207-619-0868

Uncle Andy’s Digest

14 March 2026

When life gives you lemons, throw them away and ask for chocolate.


I recently achieved a new culinary milestone…by setting off the neighbor’s smoke alarm.

Open Daily

11am-9pm

207.777.6353 | gridironrestaurant.com | 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston

Kitchen Hack: Any pan can be a non-stick pan if you non-cook in it.

3 Sisters

Three elderly sisters,

ages 92, 94 and

96, shared a house

together. One evening,

the 96 year old sister

went upstairs to take

a bath. As she put her

foot into the tub, she

paused. Then she

yelled down to the

other two sisters and

asked, “Was I getting

in the tub or out?”

“You dern fool,” said

the 94 year old. “I’ll

come up and see.”

When she got half

way up the stairs she

paused. “Was I going

up the stairs or down?”

The 92 year old sister

was sitting at the kitchen

table drinking a cup

of tea and thought, “I

hope I never get that

forgetful, knock on

wood.” She shook her

head and called out,

“I’ll be up to help you

both as soon as I see

who’s at the door.”

Payback

My five year old son

squealed with delight

when he opened his

birthday present from

his grandmother. It

was a water pistol. He

promptly ran to the sink

to fill it.

“Mom,” I said. “I’m

surprised at you. Don’t

you remember how we

used to drive you crazy

with water pistols?”

My mom smiled and

said, “Yes, I remember.”

My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: Well, that didn’t go as planned.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 15


100 Years

Ago

A great old man

was celebrating his

100th birthday, got

a visit from the local

television station at

the nursing home to

interview him.

The reporter asked,

“Are you able to get

out and walk much?”

The old man replies,

“Well, I certainly walk

better today than I

could a hundred years

ago.”

Live your life in such a way that your family will sort through your belongings whispering,

“What the…What even is this? Why? What is going on?”

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www.GutterBrothersMaine.com

Check out our new monthly

podcast produced with

Lydia Media

LIVE

Search “Lewiston Live”anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts

We’ll discuss all things Lewiston with Lewiston’s

new City Administrator Bryan Kaenrath

Smart

Thinking

I threw a boomerang many years ago. I now live in constant fear.

After the Americans

went to the Moon, Evan

and Conor announced

that the Kerry Men

would go one better and

send a man to the sun.

Murphy objected. “If you

send a man to the sun,

he is sure to burn up!”

“What do you think we

are, stupid?” Evan

replied. “We’ll send our

man at night!”

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

16 March 2026

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Me: Your honor, I choose dare.


There’s No Place Like...

YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP

Hot & Ready Meals

Grab ‘n’ Go!

Order ahead,

or sit and eat!

Ice Cream Shop

Agency Liquor Store

& Beer Cave

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

REDEMPTION CENTER

6 ¢

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

UAD exp. 03.31.26

$ 1.00 OFF

$ 1.00 OFF ANY SIZE ICE CREAM

(must present coupon at the time of purchase)

UAD exp. 03.31.26

UAD exp. 03.31.26

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 17

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls | dadsplacemaine.com | 207-345-5551


Sooner

A mother was telling

her little girl what her

own childhood was

like.

“We used to skate

outside on a pond.

I had a swing made

from a tire; it hung

from a tree in our

front yard. We rode

our pony. We picked

wild raspberries in the

woods.”

The little girl was

wide-eyed, taking this

all in. At last she said,

“I sure wish I’d gotten

to know you sooner!”

I don't know if I have free time, or if there’s something I’m supposed to be

doing right now.

Are you feeling

LUCKY?!

| EssenceWellnessSpa.com/Deals

Massage | Sauna | Waxing | Foot Spa

My father worked 12 hours a day to put food on the table. He was a great man,

but a slow cook.

We help keep your rugs clean, fresh,

and looking their best.

Say Goodbye to Winter Grime...

Book early to guarantee your area rugs

will be Spring - clean!

(207) 783-2933 | 227 East Ave, Lewiston | collinscarpetcleaning.com

Happy

St. Patrick’s

Day!

WE’RE

Lucky

TO BE ABLE TO GET BORROWERS

INTO THEIR DREAM HOMES!

(207) 576-7943 | 250 Center St. Auburn, Ste 205 | jlaplante@usa-mortgage.com

Homework

Help

“Dad,” said Little Johnny,

“I’m late for football

practice. Would you

please help me do my

homework?”

The father said firmly,

“Son, it just wouldn’t

be right.”

“That’s okay,” replied

Little Johnny, “but you

could at least give it a

try, couldn’t you?”

I’ve worked hard to become the best possible version of myself. Unfortunately, this is it.

WHERE QUALITY

MEETS RELAXATION

In-ground & Aboveground Pools

• Liner replacements

• Service & Maintenance

• Opening & Closing

• Equipment Upgrades

• Residential Plowing & Sanding

Get Your Pool Install

Scheduled B-4 It’s Too Late!

207-713-5384 | EastAuburnPools@Yahoo.com | EastAuburnPoolsAndServices.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

18 March 2026

Smart TVs are great, but I want a real smart TV, one that increases the volume

when you start eating chips.


It’s so annoying when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

NOW HIRING

TOP INDUSTRY PAY

•SITE LABORERS

•EQUIPMENT

OPERATORS

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BENEFITS INCLUDE:

Health, Dental, Vision, Paid Holidays,

Paid Time Off, and Boot Allowance

•COMMERCIAL

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Out and About

at Armand’s

Auto Body

Call or Email 207.754.2343 | info@hirdcontracting.com

Your Trusted

Excavation Contractor

Allan Hedrick

Try Our

Bourbon, Barrel

Aged Maple Old

Fashioned!

207-370-7244 | simplycleanme.com

contact@simplycleanme.com

The Village Inn

Your business will

get the love &

care it needs from

people part of this

community, who

want to give back

to you!

• Highly-trained team

• Personalized checklist

Open:

Wed-11-8pm

Thur-Sat 11-9pm

Sunday 11-8pm

Saint Patrick’s Day Dinner Served

Saturday 14th & Sunday 15th

Antony Chabot

Thank

you! Come again,

next time will you

bring a treat?

Check Out Our Weekly Specials

Corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, & carrots.

207-782-7796 | 165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday

Archie & Dan

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d be amazed at how blurry you look.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 19


Uncle Andy’s Digest

20 March 2026


Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 21


Out and About

at Guild

Mortgage

Every once in a while I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner over the driveway - just to

make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Nonesuch River Brewing Poland

nonesuchriverbrewing.com/poland

OTIS Federal Credit Union

otisfcu.coop

Courtney Vincent

We love

referrals!

Zion Care LLC

zioncaremaine.com

Renewal by Anderson of Greater Maine

rbagreatermaine.com

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

Shani Smith

I gave my handyman a to-do list. He only did items 1, 3, 5, and 7. Turns out he

only does odd jobs.

And the

Bruins!

Shani Smith

Ain't

that the

truth!

Laurie Dupile

Uncle Andy’s Digest

22 March 2026

I told my dentist my teeth were turning yellow. He asked, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”

I replied, “I drink it."


I bought a horse and my neighbor asked if I was going to race him. I don’t think so.

He’s a lot faster than I am.

Out and About

at Guild

Mortgage

I

got good news,

I got you a great

rate!

I’m really good at doing stuff until people are watching me doing stuff.

Debbie Bodwell

2026

AVGC OPEN HOUSE

SUNDAY • MARCH 22ND • 12PM-8PM

SeptIc InstallatIon House Lots

sITE WORK

Spring is right around the corner

GIve us a call today!

207.754.6436

WWW.DIONNECONSTRUCTIONSERVICES.COM

League/Tournament

Sign-Up Tables

Meet & Greet

Members & Staff!

Live Music on the Deck!

Food & Drink Specials

Golf Prizes • Games & More!

316 Pinewoods Rd, Lewiston | 207-784-9773 | applevalleyme.com

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot during the day.

This

was fun...

Muriel celebrated...

her 90th birthday with us

and can't wait for the next party!

The Meadows

“Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”

Happy St. Patricks Day

A warm home-style assisted living center for self-sufficient seniors!

We have availability starting at $1500 per month

#433 RT. 202, P.O. BOX 629, GREENE • 946-3007

But

I'm ready for

this.

Lydia of Lydia Media

We all need to chill. I won’t go first, but it’s something I’ve noticed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 23


What Did He

Say?

An elderly couple

were driving through

County Kerry, Ireland.

Irene was driving

when she got pulled

over by the Garda

(Irish police).

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved

the laundry to the dryer.

“Ma’am did you

know that you were

speeding?” asked the

officer.

Irene turns to her husband,

Mick, and asks,

“What did he say?”

Mick yells out, “He

says you were

speeding!”

The Garda said, “May

I see your license,

please ma’ am?”

Save the

Date

Irene, once again,

turns to Mick and says,

“What did he say?”

Once more, Mick,

shouts out, “He wants

to see your license!”

Irene gives the policeman

her driving

license.

90's Music from Pallo Entertainment

The Garda retorts,

“I see you are from

Kerry. I spent some

time there once and

went on the worst

date ever.”

For the final time, Irene

turns to Mick and asks,

“What did he say?”

Mick yells very loudly,

“He thinks he knows

you!”

Check FaceBook events FMI

Uncle Andy’s Digest

24 March 2026

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia. He said, “Go ahead.

Knock yourself out.”


I love it when all of my bills are paid so I can enjoy my remaining $16.28 in peace.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Out and About

at Community

Credit Union

At Burnt Ends Barbeque

for Employee Appreciation

& Awards

Cheers

to the best

staff!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Betsy Sibley

Auburn Exchange Club presenting the ACE Award during one of their meetings.

Want to learn more about The Auburn Exchange Club? Visit: AuburnExchangeClub.com

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Locally Owned & Operated

150 East Ave. Lewiston

HOME, AUTO,

BUSINESS, & MORE

207-783-2246 | 888-983-2246

150 East Ave. Lewiston | 243 Mount Auburn Ave. Suite C, Auburn

Ruth Moubagou,

Employee Of The

Year

They

call me Mr.

Ruth.

Them: How are you still single? Your so cute. Me: you’re*

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 25


You can now text

your Shout Out to

207.689.1444

Melissa is worthy of praise

for her exemplary commitment and work ethic, as evidenced by

her ability to care for others, launch a business, and complete

her studies with a perfect score, resulting in her employment

at Maine Medical. Your accomplishments set a high standard of

excellence. - Darlene Colby

Uncle Andy’s Digest

26 March 2026

Congrats 10U Glads Black!!

2026 LIONS Tournament winners!

You're now officially magazine famous!

Submit your Shout Out

today to be published in

the next issue!

* Must be submitted by 03/20 for April.*

Shout Out to all who have

helped made our move possible.

We are so thankful for

our community.

Learn more at

TrinityJubileeCenter.org


We're wishing you a

Happy Birthday

John Rice!

LydiaMediaLLC.com

Shout Out to Nutty

Netties for their

new location at

730 Center St. Next

to TJ Maxx!

Shout out to Cam Wickens of Central Maine

Community College Mustangs who made

48 saves to shut out the rival Terriers on

January 23rd.

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

$49.99

ANNUALLY

Home Delivery

LA Metro Magazine &

Uncle Andy’s Digest

$84.99

ANNUALLY

Home Delivery

Digital

$21

ANNUALLY

Hard Copy

$49.99

ANNUALLY

Home Delivery

DIGITAL &

HARD COPY

$64.99

ANNUALLY

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 27


Out and About

at Community

Credit Union

At Burnt Ends Barbeque

for Employee Appreciation

& Awards

What

a great day to

share with co-workers

and families.

Jen Hogan and

Chaise Hogan

Katelyn Dearborn,

Rookie Of The Year

and Andrew Lunn

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people aren’t allowed to talk.

We’ve got your seat!

March 12 La Rencontre featuring French students

performing “Le Petit Prince” in two languages!

Sponsor: TV5 Monde

March 17 Donnybrook Farm

Come wearing your green for fun in the

Lower Level Bar & Lounge

Sponsors: Skelton Taintor & Abbott; Evergreen Printing; Androscoggin

Bank; and Emerson Chevrolet

March 27 Mystery Theater

featuring actors from Mystery for Hire

Come dressed for the Oscars awards night!

Sponsors: Platz Associates; Skelton Taintor & Abbott;

DJ Brothers; Evergreen Printing; Androscoggin Bank

April 11 Stand-up Comedy with Juston McKinney

April 24 Elton John tribute concert

Sponsors: Skelton Taintor & Abbott; Evergreen Printing; Androscoggin

Bank; and Emerson Chevrolet

May 16 Rod Stewart tribute concert

Sponsors: Platz Associates; Berman & Simmons;

Central Distributors; and Androscoggin Bank

Line Dancing: Sundays at 6pm and Wednesdays at 10am

Parlez Vous? free French conversation group meetings

every other Thursday at 10:30am

Unlock the thrill! Gather friends for a 1-hour Escape Room

adventure—$15 per person. Can you beat the clock? Reserve

your spot now: bookeo.com/franco

Looking for a venue for your event? Looking to rent a

commercial kitchen for your food truck or catering

business? Talk to us! 207-333-3251

Season Underwriter: Maple Way Dental Care;

Media Sponsors: Bennett Radio Group | Turner Publishing | Sun Journal | Uncle Andy’s Digest

Ann Boudreaux &

Julia Copp

Uncle Andy’s Digest

28 March 2026

46 Cedar St., Lewiston

207-689-2000

www.francocenter.org

Once upon a time, there was a king who was only twelve inches tall.

He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.


I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning, just not as it applies to me.

Rules

On the first day of

college, the Dean of

Students addressed

the student population

with the rules of living

on campus.

gippers.com 120 center st. auburn 207.786.0715

Kailyn Minoty Joins Lydia Media

As Graphic Designer

Auburn, ME - Lydia Media is pleased to announce the appointment of Kailyn

Minoty as it’s new Graphic Designer. Kailyn brings a background in marketing and

communications, coupled with focused experience in the Adobe Creative Suite for the

creation and rebranding of print and digital collateral.

Owner of Lydia Media, Pam Ashby adds,“We are thrilled to have Kailyn join our team,

her attention to detail and creativity is exactly what we were looking for in our next

graphic deigner. We are looking forward to working on new projects with her on board.”

Join us for our:

Mother’s Day Tea Party

All net proceeds go to Black Belts Against Domestic Violence

SATURDAY | MAY 9TH | 10AM-1PM

at Lydia Media - 2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn

Bakery and beverage items served throughout event!

Food • Drinks • Photo Booth with Props

included in ticket price

Permanent Jewlery Station • Tarot Readings

priced seperately

Tickets: $10- Guests 21 + | $5- Guests Under 21

Purchase via Venmo or RSVP by May 7th if you'd like to pay at the door

FMI: visit our Mother's Day Tea Party FB page or text/call (207) 689-1444

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me and plug me back in… See if that works.

“The female dormitory

will be out-of-bounds

for all male students

and the male dormitory

to the female

students. Anybody

caught breaking this

rule will be fined $20

the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody

caught breaking

this rule the second

time will be fined $60.

Being caught a third

time will cost you a

fine of $180. Are there

any questions?”

At this point, a male

student in the crowd

inquired, “How much

for a season pass?”

Mileage?

The insurance agency

draws business from a

retirement community.

Edward, was applying

for auto insurance and

the agent asked him

how many miles he

drives in a year. Edward

didn’t know.

“Well, do you drive

10,000 miles a year?”

the agent asked, “or

5,000?”

Edward said the numbers

sounded high.

“What month is this?”

he asked.

“Well, sir, it’s March,”

the agent said.

“I filled the car with gas

last October.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 29


CALL THE PROS

Get Ready for Vacation with

a Snorkel or SCUBA class!

Next Class

starts April 3rd

Call

Today!

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise

805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net

Main Street

Music Lessons

WELCOMING NEW STUDENTS

FOR IN PERSON LESSONS!

• LESSONS

• REPAIRS

• SALES

• RENTALS

207-376-3376

LA’S #1 STOP FOR ALL

YOUR MUSIC NEEDS!

33 Dunn Street, Auburn | mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

Winter Car Care

• Check your car fluids, lights, & tires

• Make sure your engine is in good condition

• Keep your wipers in good condition

• Keep an emergency kit in your car

1

MARCH

Stickers

Are Due!

One Job Board for

Employers & Job Seekers

LOCAL TALENT.

LOCAL OPPORTUNITIES.

UNCLE

ANDY’SDIGEST

www.uncleandys.com/job-board

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services

Serving Lewiston & Auburn Since 2018

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com

207-530-8890

SAVE

THE

DATE!

Friday, May 15

at Hilton Auburn

To join our list, email

marketing@seniorsplus.org

Fill the Plate

Breakfast

to benefit

Meals on Wheels

Uncle Andy’s Digest

30 March 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re a good driver.

That curb should have never been there.


CALL THE PROS

Roy’s

FoodLand

Best Chicken &

Ham Salad In Town!

WE ARE OPEN!

ron’S

WEDNESDAY

Ham, Veggie,

Salami, or

Pepperoni Italians

$3.99

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm

Fri. 8am-7pm

Sat. 8am-6pm

70 Broad Street, Auburn

207-783-8471

SATURDAY

Beans, bread/

rolls & cole slaw

$12.99

207.224.0222

www.redmapleaudiology.com

info@redmapleaudiology.com

Let us help you

reconnect with

conversations

7 Cobblestone Dr. Suite 2, Turner

DIsCOvER a vARiETy oF

GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES

IT’S HADDOCK SEASON AT KP’S

FRESH HADDOCK ALL LENT LONG

Fine line

Gun Shop

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

Ruger Max-9

Optic Ready 9mm

• 3.20" Barrel

• Tritium Fiber

Optic Front Sight

• Two 12 rd Mags

& One 10rd Mag

• Crispy Fried Haddock

• Grilled Haddock Sandwich

• Haddock Chowder

• Haddock Basket

207.376.4295 | 245 Center St, Auburn

Open tues - sat | 11am - 7pm

Now Serving Beer & Wine

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

P.O. Box 895 | 207.782.1040

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B | Auburn, ME 04212

207-777-5600

24 Hour Service

Proudly serving Auburn,

Lewiston, and the surrounding

communities!

235 N. River Road, Auburn

Spring Ahead & Schedule Your AC

Maintenance Before It Gets Too Hot!

Top 3 HVAC Contractors In The Area!

pro-techrefrigeration.com | theresa@pro-techrefrigeration.com

ron’S

tranSmISSIon repaIr ServIce

YOUR FULL SERVICE

REPAIR FACILITY

Tires & State Inspections Available!

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

375-4924

EVERGREEN

CUSTOM PRINTING, INC.

We specialize in domestic

car & truck, automatic

& manual transmissions,

transfer cases & differentials.

Ron

Charpentier, Jr.,

Owner

FULL COLOR

DIGITAL

PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn

Info@evergreencustomprinting.com 782-0525

When someone says they did something “like a boss”, I just assume they did

nothing and took credit for someone else’s work.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 31


CALL THE PROS

Your Next Adventure

Shouldn’t Rely on

Luck

Family Adventures • Stress-Free Group Travel • Romatic Escapes for Two

Ask

Lydia

Erin Dunbar

FAMILY TRAVEL SPECIALIST

207.329.8517

erin.dunbar@cctcagent.com

erindunbar.cctcagent.com

Call Today!

Your only job is to pack.

Dear Lydia,

I want to make new friends, but starting

conversations makes me nervous.

Do you have any advice?

– Shy in Auburn

If Pain Relief

Feels Like Finding

a Pot of Gold…

Accupuncture

may help

Roasted garlic,

mashed potatoes,

bacon, provalone,

cheddar cheese,

& red onions topped

with sour cream

85 Center Street, Auburn | 207-784-8221 | 11a-9p daily

LITTLE DRAGON INTEGRATIVE MEDICINE

369 MAIN ST, LEWISTON | 207-531-5346

Dear Shy in Auburn,

Let me share a little secret: even I, a famously

friendly lab, get nervous sometimes.

Meeting new dogs or humans takes a bit of

courage. What helps is focusing less on saying

the “perfect” thing and more on simply showing

warmth. A genuine smile is the human version

of a tail wag, and it goes a long way. Start by

asking simple questions—people love talking

about themselves. Things like, “How’s your day

going?” or “What got you into that hobby?”

open the door without pressure.

Also, don’t underestimate shared activities.

It’s easier to talk when you’re doing something

together, whether it’s volunteering, attending

community events, or joining a group centered

around something you enjoy. The biggest thing?

Don’t judge yourself too harshly. Most people

are just as unsure as you are—they’re simply

hiding it better. With small steps, kindness, and

a little confidence sprinkled in (like crumbs from

a treat), you’ll find your circle growing naturally.

SCAR TISSUE THERAPY

Benefits include:

• Softening & flattening scars

• Preventing scar tissue buildup

• Reducing swelling

• Improving blood flow

• Reducing hypersensitivity

• Pain reduction

• Reducing itching

207.240.6415 | www.memassagetherapy.com

Love and snacks,

Lydia

Scan here to submit

your question OR

Text question to

207.689.1444

Uncle Andy’s Digest

32 March 2026

My husband and I decided to never go to bed angry. We’ve been awake since Saturday.


It’s amazing how much you can accomplish around the house under the threat of

someone coming over.

Out and About

at Community

Credit Union

At Burnt Ends Barbeque

for Employee Appreciation

& Awards

They

call us double

trouble!

LA Metro Magazine

DIGITAL

We’re evolving the way we share our stories.

Our articles will no longer be available for free

online, but instead offered exclusively through

a beautifully designed, subscriber-only digital

flipbook — giving you a more engaging and

immersive reading experience.

Ginger Leigh Smith &

Erin Dunn Kimball

What you can expect:

• A beautifully designed flipbook format

that’s easy to read on any device

• Full access to articles of the last

10 issues of LA Metro Magazine

• A distraction-free, curated experience

delivered directly to you

By subscribing, you’re helping us preserve the

quality and integrity of our publication, support

our contributors, and ensure that independent

storytelling continues to thrive.

Marcel Gagne

Subscribe

Today

LAMetroMagazine.com

Christin Wilson

I’m looking for friends with benefits. People with swimming pools, boats,

and vacation homes.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 33


| EVENTS |

MARCH

LYDIA’S

LUNCH BUNCH

every thursday

Trivia

The Pub at Baxter

120 Mill St., Lewiston

6:30pm

FB.com/PubAtBaxter

Episode 355

Episode 361

Episode 364

Episode 365

Uncle Andy’s Digest

March 2026

every Friday

Open Mic Night

Hopper’s

316 Pinewoods Rd., Lewiston

6pm - 9pm

AppleValleyme.com

March 6

Teen Writer’s Roundtable

Auburn Public Library

49 Spring St., Auburn

3:30pm

AuburnPublicLibrary.org

Brian Patricks

Olive Pit Brewing

16 Main St., Lisbon

6pm

FB.com/BrianPatricksME

Freight

Craft Brew Underground

34 Court St., Auburn

8:30pm - Midnight

FB.com/CBUAuburn

March 7

Block Print Your

Own Clothing

Ellard Studios

178 Lisbon St., Lewiston

11am

FB.com/EllardStudios

Mary’s Firemen for a Cure

Lost Valley

200 Lost Valley Rd., Auburn

11am

FB.com/LostValleyMaine

First Time Home

Buyer Class

Keller Williams

243 Mount Auburn Ave., Auburn

11am

FB.com/AngelaLeeKW

2026 winners of our sweetheart contest

caleb & nikki McGuiggey

Kids Indoor Racing

Central Maine Powersports

845 Main St., Lewiston

3pm

FB.com/CentralMainePowersports

Baked Bean and

Casserole Supper

Holy Trinity Church Hall

67 Frost Hill Ave., Lisbon

5pm

KofC13181.org

80s Glow Bowl

Fundraiser

Just-In-Time Recreation

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston

6pm

FB.com/Bowl207

MMS Echoes of the Earth

The Franco Center

46 Cedar St., Lewiston

7pm

FrancoCenter.org

Motor Booty Affair

Kora Shrine Temple

11 Sabattus St., Lewiston

7pm - 10pm

FB.com/KoraShriners

March 8

YWCA Women of

Achievement

Hilton Garden Inn

14 Great Falls Plaza, Auburn

11am - 2pm

FB.com/YWCAMaine

march 10

King of the Valley Freestyle

Lost Valley

200 Lost Valley Rd., Auburn

5:30 - 7:30pm

FB.com/LostValleyMaine

march 11

Evolving Your Career

LA Metro Chamber

415 Lisbon St., Lewiston

5pm

MaineWomensNetwork.com

march 13

Lee Stearns

Nerdcore

97 Lisbon St., Lewiston

5pm

FB.com/LeeStearnsMusic

Potty Mouth Potter

Paint Night

Moon Stone Pottery

186 Turner St., Auburn

6pm

FB.com/MoonStonePotteryME

34

Send us your events for April by March 20th. Text 207.689.1444 or email office@LydiaMediaLLC.com


Calendar

Sponsored by:

2026

march 13

Ceramic Planters

Workshop

Work in Progress Art Studio

52 Lisbon St., Lisbon

6pm - 9pm

FB.com/wipas52

Paint Night to Benefit

LHS Boys Lacrosse

Marco’s Restaurant

12 Mollison Way, Lewiston

6pm

FB.com/MarcosRestaurantLewiston

Contra Dance

Trinity Episcopal Church

247 Bates St., Lewiston

7pm - 10pm

LewistonContraDance.org

march 13-14

Lewiston Maineiacs vs.

Universel Quebec

The Colisee

190 Birch St., Lewiston

Fri-7:30pm, Sat-7pm

LewistonMaineiacsHockey.com

march 14

Annual Beach Party

L-A Harley Davidson

839 Main St., Lewiston

4pm - 9pm

FB.com/LAHarleyDavidson

Phoenix No Limits Karate

Comedy Fundraiser

Burnt Ends Barbecue

120 Center St., Auburn

5:30pm - 9pm

PhoenixNLKarate.org

Second Saturday Social

Blue Feather

49 Lisbon St., Lewiston

6pm - 9pm

FB.com/ItsHappeningQueer

Saturday Storytime

Lewiston Public Library

200 Lisbon St., Lewiston

11am

LPLonline.org

Hairy Pie

Fast Breaks

1465 Lisbon St., Lewiston

8pm - 11:30pm

FB.com/FastBreaksInc

march 14

Burning Time & Loki

The Colisee Club

190 Birch St., Lewiston

8pm

FB.com/TheColiseeClub

march 15

Leavitt Project Grad

Cornhole Fundraiser

Just-In-Time Recreation

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston

11am

FB.com/TB.Mobile.Events

Painting Birdhouses

Wicked Illustrations

140 Canal St., Lewiston

1pm

WickedIllustrations.com

march 16-18

Lewiston Baseball

Evaluations

Lewiston Middle School

75 Central Ave., Lewiston

6pm

FB.com/LewistonCalRipken

MARCH 19

Lewiston Farmers’

Winter Market

Edward Little High School

77 Harris St., Auburn

4pm - 7pm

LewistonFarmersMarket.com

Murder Mystery Dinner

Carriage House Plus

1119 Lisbon St., Lewiston

6pm

Mystery207.com

march 20

Safe Voices Grown-Up

Book Fair

Hilton Garden Inn

14 Great Falls Plaza, Auburn

4pm - 7pm

SafeVoices.org

Nate Nite Tonite

Great Falls Comedy Club

34 Court St., Auburn

7:30pm

GreatFallsComedyClub.com

march 20-21

Maine Nordiques

vs. Elmira

Norway Savings Bank Arena

985 Turner St., Auburn

Fri-7:30pm, Sat-7pm

FB.com/TheMaineNordiques

March 20-29

Whit’s End

The Public Theatre

31 Maple St., Lewiston

Start times vary

ThePublicTheatre.org

march 21

Breakfast with the Bunny

Family Time Dine and Play

550 Center St., Auburn

9am - 11am

FB.com/FamilyTimeDineAndPlay

march 27

Movement at the Museum -

Taiko Drumming

Maine MILL

35 Canal St., Lewiston

5pm

MaineMILL.org

Murder at the Marquee

The Franco Center

46 Cedar St., Lewiston

7pm

FrancoCenter.org

march 28

Maine Home Show

Norway savings Arena

985 Turner St., Auburn

9am - 4pm

TheDivineDivas207.com

Meet & Greet

The Easter Bunny

Auburn Public Library

49 Spring St., Auburn

10am - 12pm

TheDivineDivas207.com

march 29

Trivia Night

The Highland Grille

10 Highland Ave., Turner

5:30pm

TurnerHighlands.com

A Laugh Out Loud

COMEDY!

March 20 - 29, 2026

When a widowed father

summons his grown children

home to share some “big

news”, they arrive in tears

convinced he must be dying —

why else would he pay for their

plane tickets? But Dad has

good news – he’s fallen in love

and wants everyone to meet

her! Whether you’re a parent

or a child, this laugh-out-loud

comedy about the people we

love and our opinions about

the people they love is for you!

All Tickets $15

Sat, May 30 @ 2 PM

May 8-17

ThePublicTheatre.org

(207) 782-3200

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 35

31 Maple Street, Lewiston


Languages

A Swiss man, on

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The two boys look at

each other blankly

and stare back at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez

vous Français?” the

man tries.

It’s crazy how some people need no proof to believe a lie but require endless

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The two continue to

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Still absolutely no

response from the two

lads.

“Hablan ustedes

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The boys remain totally

silent. The Swiss

guy walks off extremely

disappointed

and downhearted that

he had not been

understood.

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One of the boys turns

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maybe we should

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it didn’t do him any

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

36 March 2026

90% of being married is shouting “What?” from another room.


207-782-7141

207-782-7141

PIZZA IS ALWAYS

IN SEASON

BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Call us

for a free

estimate!

Cleanings for:

One-Time Deep Cleaning

Commercial/ Office

Post Construction

Rental Turn Over

207-713-1550

Spring clean-up is

almost here!

Call now to get on our list for

Spring Yard Clean-Up

Serving Androscoggin County

207-709-0501

Truenorthjoey@gmail.com

Out and About

at Community

Credit Union

At Burnt Ends Barbeque

for Employee Appreciation

& Awards

This

day deserves

a thumbs up!

WORTHY

BOOKKEEPING

Clear books = Confident decisions.

• CODE & CATEGORIZE EXPENSES

• TREND ANALYSIS

• CONSULTANCY

WORTHYBKKG.COM

Top Agent of

the Month

January 2026

Matt Mocciola

207-346-4900

81 Main St, Auburn ME

www.TMREE.com

Anderson Lunn

Yeah,

what he

said!

Andrew Lunn

Aria Lunn

I woke from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work.

Luckily, I was already at work.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

UncleAndys.com 37


Directory of Advertisers

C - front cover | IFC - inside front cover

BC - back cover | IBC - inside back cover

AUTOMOTIVE

Armand’s Auto Body............................C

armandsautobody.com

Mike's Complete Auto Center........... 6

207.753.0433

Poisson & Sons Auto Care................ 30

207.782.9144

Ron’s Transmission............................ 31

207.375.492

BANKING

Community Credit Union...................C

communitycreditunion.com

Dirigo Federal Credit Union............ 30

dirigofcu.com

Otis Federal Credit Union................ 23

207.879.0900

Great Falls Credit Union....................C

207.782.7192

CLEANING PROFESSIONALS

Collaborative Cleaners......................37

207.713.1550

Collins Carpet Cleaning....................... 18

CollinsCarpetCleaning.com

Emerald Janitorial..............................30

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com

Simply Clean ME LLC.......................19

207.370.7244

CONSTRUCTION & EXCAVATION

Dionne Construction........................... 23

207.754.6436

Hird Contracting................................ 19

207.754.2343

DENTISTS & DENTURES

Smile Again Dentures.......................... 4

SmileAgainDentures.com

EDUCATION/BUSINESS SERVICES

Barclay's Skindivers Paradise........... 30

207.784.7300

Central Maine Community College..... 7

cmcc.edu

LA Metro Chamber of Commerce.... 22

lametrochamber.com

Main Street Music Lessons................ 30

207.376.3376

ELECTRICAL

DeBlois Electric, Inc............................ 8

debloiselectric.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

38 March 2026

ENTERTAINMENT

American Legion Post 153............... 10

207-782-1118

Franco Center......................................28

francocenter.org

Maine Campground RV Show................ 9

MaineCampingGuide.com

Maine Nordiques.................................. 15

FB.com/Themainenordiques

Mother's Day Tea Party................... 29

207-689-1444

The Public Theatre............................35

207.782.3200

Uncle Andy's Digest 30th Anniversary.... 24

207-689-1444

FINANCIAL SERVICES

Community Credit Union....................C

communitycreditunion.com

Dirigo Federal Credit Union............ 30

dirigofcu.com

Michael G. Spaulding........................ 31

207.782.1040

Modern Woodmen of America...3, 25

modern-woodmen.org

Otis Federal Credit Union................ 23

207.879.0900

Great Falls Credit Union....................C

207.782.7192

USA Mortgage - Jhanae LaPlante....... 18

207-576-4973

Worthy Bookkeeping............................ 37

Worthybkkg.com

FOOD & BEVERAGE

Dad's Place..........................................17

dadsplacemaine.com

Firehouse Grill................................... BC

firehouseauburn.com

George’s Pizza.....................................37

georgespizza.com

Gipper’s................................................29

gippers.com

GridIron Restaurant.......................... 15

gridironrestaurant.com

Hoppers Restaurant........................... 23

207.784.9773

KP's Place............................................31

207.376.4295

Nonesuch................................................ 9

207.998.5008

Mac’s Grill............................................. 5

MacsGrill.com

Pat’s Pizza Auburn.............................. 32

patsauburn.com

Roopers Beverage & Redemption...39

roopersbeverage.com

Roy’s Foodland....................................31

ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Thatcher's............................................12

207.782.2135

The Village Inn-Auburn.................... 19

villageinnmaine.com

HEALTH & WELLNESS

ABC Pool.....................................................8

abcpool.com

Andwell Health Partners................... 30

andwell.org

Essence Wellness Spa LLC............... 18

essencewellnessspa.com

Happy Haven....................................... 12

happyhaven.info

Little Dragon Integrative Medicine..... 32

207.531.5346

ME Massage Therapy........................ 32

memassagetherapy.com

Red Maple Audiology........................31

207.224.0222

Seniors Plus.........................................30

207.795.4010

HEATING & PLUMBING

Heat Pumps of Maine.........................C

heatpumpsofmaine.com

Pro-Tech Refrigeration..................... 31

pro-techrefrigeration.com

Strong Propane...................................14

strongpropaneservices.com

HOME IMPROVEMENT

ABC Pool.....................................................8

abcpool.com

Collins Carpet Cleaning....................... 18

CollinsCarpetCleaning.com

East Auburn Pools.............................. 18

207.713.5384

Gutter Brothers...................................16

207.240.4048

Kitchen Designs by Stacy................... 2

207.754.8833

Upfront Home Inspections............... 14

207.619.0868

Got Bugs Pest Services LLC............37

207.242.4988

True North Landscaping..................37

207.709.0501


Your local guide to... well, just about anything!

INSURANCE

Champoux Insurance......................... 25

888.983.2246

Lisa Laliberte-State Farm................... 6

207.783.3332

John Blanchette NFP Insurance...... 14

207.784.9358

MISCELLANEOUS

Greater Androscoggin Humane Society..... 20

gahumane.org/pawitforward

Happy Haven.......................................12

happyhaven.info

LA Chamber of Commerce.............. 22

lametrochamber.com

Lewiston Live Podcast....................... 16

PRINT & PROMOTIONAL

Coastal T-Shirts....................................6

coastaltshirts.com

Evergreen Custom Printing.............31

207.782.0525

WIGY Radio.......................................22

wigyradio.com

REAL ESTATE

Debbie Bodwell-Guild Mortgage..... BC

207.754.3962

DuBois Realty..............................20, 21

duboisrealtygroup.net

Maine Source Realty..........................10

mainesourcehomes.com

Matt Sells Maine.............................. BC

MattSellsMaine.com.com

The Maine Real Estate Experience.... 37

TMREE.com

USA Mortgage - Jhanae LaPlante....... 18

207-576-4973

RECREATION

ABC Pools.............................................. 8

abcpool.com

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise........... 30

207.784.7300

East Auburn Pools.............................. 18

207.713.5384

Erin Dunbar - Travel Agent............. 32

207.329.8517

Kora Shriners Outdoor Expo............... 21

KoraShriners.org/outdoor-expo

Maine Campground RV Show................ 9

MaineCampingGuide.com

Main Street Music Lessons................ 30

207.376.3376

REDEMPTION CENTERS

Dad's Place..........................................17

dadsplacemaine.com

Roopers Beverage & Redemption.....39

roopersbeverage.com

RETIREMENT

Modern Woodmen of America...3, 25

modern-woodmen.org

The Chapman House Assisted Living ....13

207.783.0961

Seniors Plus.........................................30

207.795.4010

The Meadows Senior Living............23

207.946.3007

SPORTING GOODS

Auburn Exchange Club Gun Show.....11

AuburnExchangeClub.com

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise..............30

207.784.7300

Fine Line Gun Shop........................... 31

207.998.2374

G3 Firearms.........................................16

G3Firearms.com

Kora Shriners Outdoor Expo............... 21

KoraShriners.org/outdoor-expo

Maine Campground RV Show................ 9

MaineCampingGuide.com

Megan has been a part of the Roopers

family for well over a decade,

sometimes taking a break to raise her family

and take care of her animals.

Her dedication to Roopers is

unwavering, and she is a true testament to

hard work and superior customer service.

She truly does treat every customer like an

old friend and goes above and beyond to

make sure her staff is happy and smiling.

Her endearing gift of “gab” is

unmatched, as anyone who knows her will

agree!

Thank you, Megan, for your

commitment and hard work all these years.

Megan Pierce

Main Street Lewiston - Manager

ROOPERSBEVERAGE.COM

You are truly appreciated!

Sara Cote, Director of personnel

545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047

980 Main St., Oxford | 539.6072

Uncle Andy’s Digest

794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353

UncleAndys.com 39

686 Main St., Lewiston | 344.1200


$ 8

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Traditional Boiled Dinner!

Leprechaun’s

Kiss

Our Representative From Jameson Will Be In-House That Evening

207-376-4959 • 47 Broad Street, Auburn • www.firehouseauburn.com

Buy or Sell with one of Androscoggin Counties

TOP Real Estate Agents

MATT MOCCIOLA

Residential Buying & Selling

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

40 March 2026

Your local guide to... well, just about anything!

UncleAndys.com

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