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Fathers
of Colour
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Childcare
A feminist issue
11
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Sept - Nov 2004
THE PANDORA’S BOX OF
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Are you
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whole
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The Politicisation of
Love
supporting the evolutionary imperative of conscious parenting

yronchild 2
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Editor/Creative Director
Kali Wendorf
Contributing Editors
Peter Keil
Mullumbimby Herbals
Margaret Spain
Layla Iselin
Vasu Hancock
Jannine Baron
Anna Jahns
Lisa Engeman
Lisa Reagan
Suzanna Freymark
Layout and Design
Alok O’Brien & Kali Wendorf
Photography
Katrina Folkwell
Lisa Engeman
Gabriel Gawne-Kelnar
Cover photo
Lisa Engeman
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Distributed by Allan Rodney Wright
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byronchild is published quarterly by
Byron Publications Pty. Ltd.
7 Palm Ave
Mullumbimby 2482
NSW Australia
ABN: 68 097 298 103
Copyright 2002.
ISSN 1447-3569
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form whatsoever
without the written consent of the publisher.
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registered division of Byron Publications Pty. Ltd.
byronchild welcomes unsolicited manuscripts.
Please email any material.
Content within this magazine is information only and not necessarily
the views of the editor. It is not meant to be a substitute for
professional medical advice. Please consult your health care provider
if you are in any doubt regarding any of this information.
Wherever possible permission has been sought from subjects for use
of their photographs in this publication.
All enquiries should be directed to the
photographer concerned.
4
14
60
62
25
28
34
41
editor’s page
Love Politicised
By Kali Wendorf
14
contents
11, sept - nov 04
feature articles
special feature
Prenatal testing
Technological Triumph or Pandora’s Box?
by Dr. Sarah J. Buckley, MB, ChB, Dip Obst.
age of empowerment
Soul Food in a Material World
By Denise Greenaway
Image: The Fantasy of Reality
by Lisa Engeman
progressive parenting
The Healing Gap
Dealing with the times we stumble
by Scott Noelle
Feminism, Childcare and Family Mental
Health: Have women been misled by
equality feminism?
by Peter S. Cook, MB.ChB, FRANZCP,
MRCPsych, DCH.
manhood
Men of Colour in a White World
Compiled by and as told to Suzanna
Freymark
By Greg Telford, Melissa Lucashenko and
Wayne Armytage
Commentary: Remember how to play?
By Peter Keil
42
56
32
52
46
50
The birthing of The Fatherhood Project
By Suzanna Freymark
health & wellbeing
The Tourist Season
Dealing with headlice when they come
to visit
by Josie McCondach
pregnancy birth and babies
A Breech Birth at Home
a Katrina Folkwell excerpt
relationship
Transforming Relationships by
Transforming Ourselves
by Volker Krohn
spirit of learning
Creating Learning Communities
Freeing education to create a sustainable
co-operative society
by Anna Jahns
Australian Learning Communities
By Anna Jahns
departments
letters & opinions 9
heath & wellbeing 55
parenting ourselves 24
childnews 42
booksbyronchild 59
activities & games 41
show & tell 58
34
62
byronchild 3

editorial
Love. Historically it has been the exclusive
domain of musicians, poets, lovers
and philosophers. Love was associated
within the context of sentimentality and
romanticism, certainly not within the
verifiable realm of hard science or social
research. But in the latter decades of
the twentieth century science began
forging into the depths of the heart and
emerged with material that is sure to
cause a quantum shift in how we interpret
ourselves as human beings.
The research evidence is far from
obscure or soft. There are many perspectives
from which evidence about
love has been scientifically examined,
all well documented and published.
Many pioneers have contributed to
the understanding that love is a brain
gestalt, created, nurtured, developed
and supported by close intimate physical
and emotional contact, especially in
the baby and toddler stages of life. It
develops through a process called bonding
and attachment. Children’s earliest
experiences of birth, affection, touch,
movement, breastfeeding and physical
closeness all profoundly influence
their ability throughout life to manage
emotion, experience pleasure and
empathy and to appreciate beauty. How
we are cared for and loved affects the
early ‘wiring’ of our brain in infancy
because it translates into neurological
patterns that set the patterns of our
behaviour and how we relate to others
and ourselves — for the rest of our lives.
Although this information is widely
understood and unquestioned in some
academic and professional circles, it is
filtering all too slowly down into a high-
byronchild 4
Love
The Politicisation of
ly defensive and
sceptical public.
Why does such
filtering creep so
slowly, given that
the public sector
represents those
who have most
to gain by such
research? After nearly three years of
disseminating the science of love, its
various forms and perspectives, in
byronchild, and immersing myself in
the resulting responses to that material,
I have been alarmed to see the political
agendas that wedge themselves
between us and our potential to change
our societies for the better. Love has
been politicised. From the political right
to left, from feminism to fathers’ rights,
wealthy to poor, Green to conservative,
the cultural polarities claim their rights,
their choices and their power on the
battlefield of early childhood by passionately
dismissing a whole world of
information that could radically change
our future.
As we warm up to the Australian
election, both political parties have
recently released their Early Years policy
approaches. Sadly they both reveal the
state of our collective ignorance and
denial of emotional aspects of early
childhood, and the desire to skip vital
information to win votes, more than
these documents. In reading a transcript
of Labor Leader Mark Latham’s
recent speech to the 2004 World
Organisation for Early Childhood
Education Conference (www.alp.oprg.
au/media/0704/20008066.html), I was
Kali Wendorf, Editor
both heartened and
deeply disturbed.
While he brings a
progressive, inclusive
and intelligent
approach to the
need for an effective
Early Years campaign
by asserting
the economic advantage of investing in
the early years and need for a familyfriendly
society, he completely misses
the mark in just how those early years
are to be treated. He correctly states
that 75% of a child’s brain develops in
the first five years, yet he falls into the
tragic blunder of confusing development
with education, asserting the need
for preschool and childcare ‘learning
programs’, while he never mentions, or
includes in his agenda, the importance
of such ingredients as the support of
birthing experiences which are as natural
as possible, good mothering, fullterm
breastfeeding, close skin-to-skin
contact, intimate touch and holding,
co-sleeping — the very foundations of
optimal early development. And why
should he be expected to? He never
hears about these facts from his constituents
— us.
He campaigns hard for reading to
our children but fails to recognise that
children from zero to five are benefiting
more from the loving physical contact
of sitting in the lap of their mother or
father during the reading than from
the reading itself. He says, ‘The key to
a creative, ideas-based society is education,’
but he is speaking of this with
regard to infants and children under five.

At that age, experiences of loving relationships
in a setting of secure attachment
and bonding are the keys to a
creative, ideas-based society, not formal
‘education’. The risks of formal education
in the early years is increasingly
documented. David Elkind, author
of Miseducation – Preschoolers at Risk
and The Hurried Child, points out that
the desire to create ‘superkids’ by an
intense curriculum when they should
be playing, is resulting in pandemic
stress disorders in young children.
Education, the country, the economy
is lost without children who have first
developed a sense of connectedness,
empathy, beauty, belonging — in short,
love.
Latham states, ‘Learning doesn’t
start the first day of school. It starts the
first day of life.’ Well, OK, but what they
are learning the first day of life cannot
be read in a book, nor shown on a flash
card. It is done intimately in the arms
of loving mothers. Regrettably, this has
become a very politically loaded statement.
I have used the word mother
deliberately, and not father or caregiver,
because, for a start, it is mothers who
breastfeed.
This kind of public message of
Latham’s is dangerous. It’s a wolf-policy
in sheep’s clothing. It’s a road paved
with good intentions going straight to
cultural hell. Why? Because it appears
to publicly endorse the view that children
could and should spend more time
away from their mothers and fathers, to
be in early learning centres. It can suggest
that the most important time spent
with a young child is productive ‘educational’
time. And worse, it publicly
ignores the mass of scientific evidence
about attachment and bonding…so
much talk about early childhood, and
nothing about those vital facts! That
is like speaking about the Olympics
without the athletes. While much of
Latham’s policy is unquestioningly
supportive of parents and children,
missing the mark by a few degrees now
will cost us much, later on.
In reading the Liberal government’s
recently released Draft Framework of
the National Agenda for Early Childhood
(www.facs.gov.au/internet/facsinternet.nsf/family/early_childhood.
htm), Larry Anthony MP, Minister for
Children and Youth Affairs, has done
little to address the facts behind optimal
brain development. he seems to prefer
the usual feminist–advocated route of
more childcare centres and the need for
‘appropriate nutrition and stimulation
during the early years’. Next to even
byronchild Continuum of
Principle and Manifesto
byronchild magazine supports and gives
voice to the powerful movement towards
conscious parenting and conscious living. It
is in honour of that evolutionary movement
everywhere that byronchild courageously
addresses issues ahead of mainstream
media. Its staff, contributors, photographers
and contributing editors are drawn from an
internationally diverse team of professionals
on the front lines of their fields, exploring
issues that impact our children, families
and planet, ranging from education, optimal
child development, medicine, psychology,
healing, spirituality, politics, relationships,
family dynamics and global and environmental
issues.
byronchild recognises the call of humankind’s
biological imperative that we evolve
and transform into our greatest potential.
For our children, that potential is best supported
by the practices of secure bonding
and attachment.
The content of byronchild, therefore, is
selected upon its reflection of the following
principles:
Children are the mantle upon which the
future of our planet rests, investing in their
wellbeing is the ultimate sustainable and
political act.
Every child is wanted and welcomed.
Pregnancy is a natural event (not a medical
condition) and the importance of the
mother’s emotional, mental and physical
wellbeing is recognised and supported.
A natural birth affords significant benefits
to mother, baby, father and family; therefore
both the potential benefits and risks of any
intervention warrant careful consideration.
Parents have the right and responsibility
to be fully informed about pregnancy, birthing,
health and education choices.
Optimal development for infants and
children is fostered by full-term breastfeeding,
baby-wearing, co-sleeping, maintaining
genital integrity (no circumcision), and
plenty of skin-to-skin contact.
Children are by nature social beings, born
with the drive to love and be loved, to learn
about their world through spontaneous
play, exploration, and participation/inclusion
in the activities of their elders, to cooperate
with others, and to contribute to their
world. They are most able to develop their
full potential when treated with care and
respect.
Children are born with inherent, physical,
emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs.
Children depend upon their caregivers
to protect them from violence, abuse, being
left to ‘cry it out’, shaming, toxic food and
toxic environments.
Children depend on their parents to
demonstrate and model to them appropriate
ways of setting safe respectful boundaries
and limits to inappropriate behaviour.
The role of the father and mother is
profound and not to be underestimated.
Also important are the multiple attachments
outside the immediate family.
Optimal development includes supporting
children’s growth towards healthy sexual
maturity across the physical, emotional, social
and ethical dimensions of sexual wellbeing.
Family-friendly political, economic, educational
and social structures enhance parents’
opportunities and ability to nurture and
sustain a secure bond with their children.
Community plays a vital role in raising
children, both as a support system for this
secure bonding and also as a source for secondary
attachments.
Parenting our children means also reparenting
ourselves. Self-discovery plays a
major factor in the art of effective parenting.
Imperfection is the lesson in how to
be perfectly human. Allowing ourselves as
parents to make mistakes, be transparently
ourselves and emotionally alive in relating
to our children, enables them to individuate
and find their own separate and unique self.
After bonding comes healthy separation,
facilitated by our perfectly human inability to
be everything to our children.
Understanding that there are immense and
complex forces impacting our lives and
shaping the choices we each make at any
point in time, byronchild recognises that
there is no single formula for meeting each
person’s individual challenges, and respects
parents’ innate ability to know and intuit
what is right for their child.
byronchild explores the realms of parenthood
that reach beyond the bounds
of sentimentality and possession and into
the arena of an ever deepening conscious
understanding and appreciation of our relationship
with life, each other, ourselves, our
children and the world in which we live.
byronchild is an independent publication
and is neither controlled by nor beholden
to any organisation — business, political,
religious or institutional.
Kali Wendorf
Publisher/Editor
The byronchild Manifesto and Continuum of
Principle have been adapted in part from the
Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children
(aTLC)’s Blueprint of Principles and
Actions. www.aTLC.org
byronchild 5

editorial
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Latham’s statement it is quite pathetic.
However, he at least mentions the word
breastfeeding in the document. Minister
Anthony, too, mistakes development for
education and makes frequent reference
to ‘a good start in life’ (like breakfast
cereal?) without saying what that is
or how it can be achieved. His agenda
is all about being politically correct in
order to win votes. Political correctness
was born of fear, fear of losing votes,
fear of losing control, it was never born
of wisdom. Words like literacy, learning
and education are great political bones
to throw to voters, and they please the
powerful childcare and early education
lobby groups. These words are not confrontational
and have nothing essential
to do with very early childhood, unless
we are speaking about the ‘education’ of
the public to know what creates a peaceful,
benevolent society.
Yet it is understandable that both
parties resist using terms like breastfeeding,
mothering, intimate at-home
care, because they risk upsetting one of
the largest and most powerful and vocal
advocacy groups, the equality feminists
(see Peter Cook’s article; Feminism,
Childcare and Family Mental Health p.28).
Equality feminists (in contrast to liberation
or maternal feminists) tend to distort
any intelligent debate about early
childhood development by asserting
that their rights as women are more
important than anything else. As a liberation
feminist myself, my critique is that
the equality feminists have run amok.
It might be our right to choose whether
or not we pick up our crying baby or let
him cry it out, whether or not we breastfeed
and for how long, or whether or not
we choose to work fulltime while our
baby is eight weeks old and put him in
long daycare, but we need to know that
the effects of these choices will be etched
on our child’s brain forever. That is the
most important inescapable fact.
I am amazed at how many women
The glue that keeps the politicisation of love
intact is parental hopelessness and guilt.
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retort to articles on bonding research
if they are written by male professionals
with statements such as, ‘How can
a man tell me I should breastfeed?’ or
‘I’d like to see a man have birth and
not want drugs!’ Or for that matter, a
man’s response when it was written
by a female author; ‘How can a woman
speak about circumcision!’ But optimal
development based on the science of
love, is not a gender issue. It is not about
taking away women’s choices or men’s
rights, it is about all our rights when we
are babies and very young children and
empowering everyone’s choices to be
more reflective of our dynamic interconnected
role as a human being.
The glue that maintains the false
politicisation of love is parental anxiety
and guilt. We feel both blamed by this
research and marginalised, undervalued
and unsupported. We find ourselves in a
culture at odds with our ability to make
wise choices for our children and we
may feel rage at the ensuing collapse of
that ability. Under these circumstances
we are destined to fail, as there is no
way that we as parents can optimally
bond with our children within a society
that is determined to keep us apart.

Many structures seem to be created to
keep mothers isolated (hence the desire
to work even if they don’t have to) and
to keep fathers away and all of us working
harder for less.
Given all this, rather than feel the
apprehension and perhaps anger that
arise when we discover what is required
of us for our children to develop optimally,
many people resort to denigrating
the research. ‘It is too idealistic!’ we
feign, or ‘What about women that must
work because they are poor?’ or ‘What
about women who can’t, for medical
reasons, breastfeed?’ Of course these
situations arise, but does that mean
we must dismiss factual information?
Do we deny that that exercising three
times a week is optimal, because there
are those who are bedridden? Of course
not. Denigrating the research, we unwittingly
dumb down our public officials,
and then use their public statements
— which echo our denigration — to
uphold the lie we hold within. We can
no longer blame them for poor public
policy — they only parrot what they
think we want to hear.
I was recently inspired by a woman
who plans to have her baby born by a
Caesarian-section. She has had birth
complications in the past, so this is
her safest option. However, because
she knows and understands bonding
theory, she is working with her doctor
to ‘deliver’ the baby herself on the
operating table, lifting her child immediately
on to her chest — skin to skin.
She also, for medical reasons, found
she could not breastfeed her first child,
so she instead held him close, skin to
skin, when she bottle-fed him. She is
using her knowledge to empower herself
within a potentially disempowering
situation. We all have situations like
these that pit us against our ability to
choose optimally for ourselves and for
our children. The key is in not resign-
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ing into guilt, but doing what we can,
armed with good research.
We may contribute to our evolutionary
stagnation if we disregard the powerful
body of research that reveals to us
the vital keys towards creating a more
peaceful society, at a time when humanity
must invent radically new strategies
for survival. The only way to release
love from perpetual political suspension
and free up intelligent debate so as
to foster creative change, is for ordinary
people like ourselves to take the power
back into our own hands by becoming
informed and putting aside our agenda
of protecting ourselves against the discomfort
such research brings. We must
bear the discomfort and disappointment
that can ensue because we live
in a society that doesn’t facilitate our
ability to parent optimally. Rather than
withdraw into guilt we must use the
power of that discomfort to propel us
into social and political action and insist
that our public officials help us create a
truly family-friendly society.
Editor’s note: Readers will have noticed that our
cover price has increased to $8.95. To have continued
at the previous price was unsustainable.
We operate under strict, self-imposed advertiser
standards: We do not accept advertising from
companies whose products or services are not in
alignment with the byronchild mission. This of
course limits our revenue sources but is essential
if we are to maintain our integrity as a non corporate-driven
publication. We wish to provide a
magazine that is free of the usual propaganda and
advertiser driven content generally associated
with child or parenting magazines. Our subscription
price however, will remain the same, giving
subscribers an increased and attractive discount.
We hope you will continue to find yourself supported
and stimulated by byronchild.
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byronchild 7

Photography/Age of
Empowerment (Teens)
Lisa Engeman captures a
visual narrative through which to
contemplate the nature of relationships, family and the
world our children are inheriting. Becoming a ‘love-mum’
to her partner’s daughters four years ago infused her
work with a depth of feeling and compassionate quality
that only love can inspire. As the new editor of our
teen ‘Age of Empowerment’ section she brings a unique
collection of talents which are a tell-tale sign of someone
who looks at life from the inside out. Lisa’s photographic
work is exhibited through art galleries.
www.cpcbyron/pages/photogallery.htm.
byronchild 8
Behind the Scenes
byronchild support crew
Midwifery
Currently each member is devoted to the Natural Birth
Education & Research Centre and its ethical intention. Our
highly skilled executive has a keen connection, embracing
grounded relationships between spiritual, emotional
elements, and the physical aspects which sustain sanctity of
birthing models and practices. Focused on evidence of the
interactions between nature and the environment, our contribution to byronchild aims
to encourage the celebration of all cultures. For further information please go to: www.
naturalbirth.org.au or call 61 2 66869983.
Manhood
Susanna Freymark is a writer and codirector
of the Fatherhood Project. Her
belief in the capacity of humans and social
justice underpins her approach to father
and men’s issues.
Susanna co-parents three children, two ducks, four chooks
and a dog called Mo.
Health & Well-being
Jacinta McEwen and Elvian Drysdale have a wealth of
experience in all aspects of conception, pregnancy,
birthing and childhood health. Between them they have
raised nine children and are a great team for answering
questions around natural health and raising children.
Jacinta is a naturopath, nurse, herbalist and yoga teacher
and is currently studying Ayurvedic medicine. She facilitates ongoing ‘Heart of Woman’
workshops and weekly groups and has a passion for spiritual and emotional health as
well as physical wellbeing. Elvian is trained as a naturopath, herbalist and homeopath and
is a core group facilitator of ‘Pathways to Manhood’ (a contemporary rite of passage for
young men). Together Elvian and Jacinta run workshops on many aspects of health and
healing as well as serving their community through Mullumbimby Herbals for the last
seven years.
Relationships
Vasumati Hancock has been a therapist for
30 years, working in the field of relationships,
sexuality, tantra and couples. She has trained
extensively in the area of co-dependency and
addictions and has studied with John Bradshaw
in the USA. vasuzen@aol.com.
Photography/Pregnancy, Birth and Babies
Katrina Folkwell never consciously chose to be a photographer.
Instead the camera discovered her. They have now been in a
growing relationship for the past 17 years, passionately involving
themselves with pregnancy, birth and portraits. Katrina recently
had a photographic exhibition in America and is becoming well
known internationally. katfolkwell15@hotmail.com
Photography
A lover of serendipity and ‘the decisive moment’, Gabrielle Gawne-Kelnar
gravitated towards photography in high school. Since then, her photography has
been exhibited internationally, published as a series of art-postcards in Berlin,
Germany, and has featured in many publications. She holds an Honours degree
in Fine Arts Photography, and currently specialises in pregnancy portraiture in
the Sydney area. Visit her online gallery at www.birthofvenus.com.au
Booksbyronchild
Until she had her children, Jannine
Barron worked and travelled as a teacher,
human rights advocate and writer. Her life
changed with the birth of her two sons.
The abundance of disposable and plastic
products on the baby market was so abhorrent that in
1999 she started her own business, Nature’s Child, that
specialised in earth-friendly products for pregnancy, babies
and the whole family.
www.natureschild.com.au
Homeschooling, Research
Anna Jahns is a freelance writer
who has been actively involved in
homeschooling since the birth of
her daughter Tara, and in learning,
her whole life! She is involved in
creating learning communities wherever they are living, which
is currently Goa (India). Anna also researches the internet for
byronchild, and is largely responsible for the vast array of
weblinks featured on www.byronchild.com and published in
earlier issues of this magazine.
Manhood
Peter Keil is a qualified youth worker and
naturopath. He currently coordinates Uncle
Byron Bay, tutors sociology and gives guest
lectures in Men’s Spirituality at Southern Cross
University. He wants to write a book about
strategies for thriving with depression and is
starting to think that writing for a living might be fun. He loves
skiing, flying, reading, his partner and her son, and thinks life is
excruciatingly pleasurable because of the keen realisation that
he may only get this one precious go at it.
Parenting Ourselves
Layla Iselin, a mother of two teenage boys, studied
psychology in Zurich and acting in London. Discovering
what really moves her, what this life is about, has been
her passion since childhood. This passion has brought
her to different teachers all over the world. She has led
self-discovery groups and is finding more and more that she is just at the
beginning. She now lives with her family in Edmonton, Canada.

Circumcision
Letters and Opinions
I live in the Pacific northwest portion
of the US. I retired some years ago and
acquired my first computer and got online.
At that time I knew next to nothing about
circumcision or any other forms of genital
mutilation. My education about all forms
of circumcision came primarily via the
internet.
I was somewhat shocked that I had lived
on this planet for well over half a century,
yet was so naive about this topic. I found
that like many others, including medical
personnel, I was woefully under-informed
about the basic functions, purpose and
inherent value of that portion of the male
genitalia called the foreskin.
The term itself is a misleading misnomer.
It is far more than ‘just skin’. Physically
it is the centre of sexual sensations.
Mechanically it is a unique design, which
enables protective and sensory functions
to be accomplished. Emotionally, because
it is a vital portion of the sex organ, it is
a key segment of self-identity and gender
identity. One of the primary ways we identify
others and ourselves is by gender. We
have specific sex organs, which define us
as male or female. When the sex organ is
assaulted or surgically altered it denigrates
and defiles the core of our identity. I believe
this applies to male, female and those
born with ambiguous or intersex genitalia.
The entire concept of adults desecrating
the genitals of infants and children was
most unsettling to me. I had many negative
thoughts about our species. I found
it unconscionable that we humans would
socially accept such ‘barbaric’ practices on
our own offspring. Yet the proof was there
before me as I read the reports and articles
on the internet.
I mused about the relative heinousness
of whether it is ‘worse’ to end a
person’s life through war or other acts
of violence, or to maim the individual
physically in some way thereby consigning
them to suffer the consequences for the
remainder of their life. While the loss of
limb or other body function weighed heavily
in this mental balance, the intentional
egregious assault on the individual’s gender
identity via some form of genital mutilation
seemed to be the most dastardly act.
It saddens me deeply when I learn of the
atrocities we humans commit on our own
kind. I recognise that I cannot change the
world and rectify the ills that beset us, or
we inflict on ourselves.
However, I can help in some small
way with the education process, which
may help eradicate those tendencies.
In regards to circumcision and other forms
of genital mutilation, I acquired my personal
‘enlightenment’ and subsequent opinions
through self-education via the internet.
This was done with thanks to those who
provided the information. I believe others
will come to similar conclusions when the
information is made available to them.
So please accept my sincere thanks for
providing a circumcision information section
on the byronchild web site. I hope it will
allow others to engage in their own self education
process and perhaps motivate them
into taking action to counter the demeaning
practices of genital mutilation which plague
various societies and cultures of our world.
Circumcision is a destructive act. Foreskin
restoration is a physical and emotional healing
process. Unfortunately I do not know of
a similar physical process whereby females
and intersex may physically recuperate
from their genital wounds. Circumcision is
a SCAM.
Leo Freyer, CMfgT - retired
Spokane WA, USA
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I purchased the very first issue of
byronchild whilst holidaying in Byron Bay
and have been a subscriber since then.
Although I love your magazine it often
makes me feel inadequate as a parent. I
sometimes feel I can’t reach the ‘ideals’.
I received your latest mag yesterday and felt
deeply troubled by the article on circumcision
(June 04, Vol 10). I researched this issue
at length prior to the birth of my son and
must admit that I was swayed towards it
after learning that three close male relatives
required the procedure later in life due to
health reasons (of course this was their
choice).
My son was circumcised at 6 weeks of age
with the use of a local anaesthetic. He slept
through the procedure and my husband was
with him. He showed no signs of distress, no
bruising, no infection. I am aware this does
not justify our decision but I wish to point
out that it was done in a private hospital
where anaesthetic is used. My son suffered
more following his 3-month immunisation.
The hospital where this was carried out
is apparently not in any ‘statistical control
group’, therefore statistics re circumcision
are not provided. Twenty to 30 of these
procedures are carried out every second
Friday. In 2002 when my son was born this
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was closer to 20. I obtained this information
from the doctor who does these.
Perhaps I feel the need to justify this decision,
it was not made lightly although it
would perhaps be considered routine. I
would like to point out that sometimes we
make decisions to the best of our ability,
based on the information available to us at
the time. Statistics did not enter into this —
being a woman I relied on the thoughts and
feelings of the males in my life and put my
faith (rightly or wrongly) in their judgement.
Virginia
Email
Dr. George Williams responds
You are very brave to confront this
issue. I hurt when parents get upset. I
understand how you feel. Intuitively we
all want and do the best for our children.
However, we need to say no to practices
that are outdated, hurt children and families.
When I commenced my activism some
24 years ago I received adverse comments
and derisive abuse from parents, doctors
and religious leaders. When I commenced
NOCIRC 1993, the men came out of the
woodwork to complain. They were the victims
and never had a voice — the stories
of those men screaming and feeling shamed
still haunt me. Some of them have committed
suicide.
Children never request circumcision. I
just became more determined and outspoken.
The anti-circumcision platform is not
a comfortable one. I somehow knew that
genital male mutilation was not right. It
does not make loving sense, it permanently
alters the natural function of the penis,
it exposes the baby to needless risks and
violates the child’s right to choice and selfdetermination.
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Once I met the mutilators and circumcisers,
and looked them in the
eye, I knew their modus operandi.
They are misguided, hurt, shamed and
live in guilt. They also make money!!!
I told my two circumcised sons-in-law that
my grandchildren will never be circumcised.
We have now Jake, aged 6 years, wonderfully
intact and sexually wholesome, as a legacy.
We can transform our life experiences and
that of children.
George Williams
Paediatrician
Love Letters
Well what can I say? I love reading byronchild
and all the various topics you cover.
Just reading your magazine reinforces the
beliefs I have on child rearing, even though
7 years ago, when my daughter was a baby,
I didn’t realise exactly what I was doing or
understand why, but it all fits into place now.
I often refer articles to girlfriends, who may
benefit even just a tiny bit from your positive
stories and loving attitude. Thanks again
on producing a magazine worth reading
over and over again!
Narelle Blessington
Email
I received byronchild in the mail today.
Could not put it down! There are not
many people here who open themselves to
experience an alternate pregnancy/lifestyle,
which is not really alternate at all, but the
way we were created and meant to experience
things…naturally!
So it was great to get a taste of homebirth
again and it opened my mind to some other
paths I may wish to take during and after
my pregnancy/birth (only 8 weeks to go!).
So much gratitude on a beautiful magazine.
Dominique and baby Ahrt
Email
Another alternative to diposables
Although I’ve not read your article
on cloth nappies, I have briefly skimmed
your nappy page on the web and read
a couple of readers’ letters praising it
and telling of their efforts to use cloth
for the benefit of the environment.
Yes, cloth is more environmentally sound
than single-use nappies. (Let’s face it, they’re
far from disposable.) However, the water,
detergents, and power used for washing
cloth and the pesticides used in the cotton
fields (except for organic nappies) still have
a big impact on the environment. I have read
some statistics saying that the average baby
uses 6-8000 nappies in their nappying life.
That’s a lot of water!
I’d like to share with you how I (and millions
of women around the globe) am raising my
daughter. She is 4 months old and doesn’t
wear nappies, nor has she since birth.
The method that I use to deal with her
elimination needs has been used by numerous
cultures around the globe since time
began. It involves listening to your baby’s
signals and cues and responding by holding
your baby over an appropriate receptacle,
using a cuing noise (‘sssss’ is a common one)
and allowing your baby to eliminate in a
more natural way. It is not in any way forceful
or punitive. Using this method enhances
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byronchild 11

letters
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byronchild 12
communication between you and your baby
and is a beautiful and I think essential part
of responsive parenting.
I have been reading your magazine
for only three issues, but I must admit,
for such a caring and conscious publication
I am surprised I haven’t seen it mentioned
either in article or reader’s letter.
I hope by sharing this I have opened the door
to even better relationships between parents
and babies and bring to people’s attention
that there is more to the cloth vs. single use
nappies than the Western world thinks.
Babies have the neural pathways and are
aware of and can control their elimination
processes and to do so before 18 months
is not psychologically damaging as nappy
companies like us to believe. Babies and
mothers from countries such as China, India,
Indonesia, the North American Inuits and the
Yequana plus so many more can attest to this.
For more information on this method visit
www.natural-wisdom.com or www.timl.
com/ipt and enjoy, because it’s so much
more fun than changing nappies.
Tanya Sambell
Queensland
Editor’s note: Thank you, Tanya, for your informative
letter. Indeed we have published an article
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on Elimination Communication in our
December 2003 edition. See also www.byronchild.com
in our articles section.
Fathers
I recently read the Dec-Feb 04 issue of
byronchild and in it you write an editorial about
fathers. It compelled me to write to you about
my husband and father to my two children.
When I got pregnant with our first child, my
now husband was a heroin addict. We were
both very young, I was 16 he 19. During the
months of my pregnancy he blossomed, grew
up. He was raised in a tribal lifestyle, however
his parents had divorced when he was
a child and it had affected his perceptions of
fatherhood a great deal.
He offered as much as he could be to me,
while I assumed he would be uninterested
and want no part of the life we had created.
During the early months of the pregnancy
he had assumed he would be no use to me
after the child was about three or so, and he
had promised to stick by the child until then.
As the child grew, so did his love for it. When
our son, Aquila, was born in 1999, he cried
more than any other person including me.
I suffered through post-natal depression
following the birth, made harder because
it is a condition often ignored in younger
mothers.
My husband stepped up to the plate
with ease, and assumed the traditionally
female role in our family. He let me work
on my problems, and he cared for our son
Aquila with all the things your editorial
mentioned; intuition, empathy — a complete
love for our child consumed him and it was
never again considered that he could leave
our child when he was three years old.
Two years later we had a daughter, Xanthe
who is now three years old, while Aquila is
five in a couple of weeks. My husband is the
primary caregiver, while working part time
for TWS, and I attend uni. Our children are
incredibly close to their father and he and
my son share an unbreakable bond, formed
in those early months when he took on
everything he could.
When we had a few months apart,
Tarquin kept the children out of choice, while
I moved away. He was the single parent and he
embraced it. He was thankful that I ‘let’ him
keep the children, while I knew it would be
so much harder on the children to leave their
father for that time. We were together again
three months later and we are secure, happy
and mature for our 22 and almost 25 years.
I share this with others because I feel that
men need to be encouraged and nurtured
into accepting that their feelings for their
children are justified and acceptable. We
learn by example and I believe my children

will grow to understand the importance of
a father in life.
I feel like bursting with pride when I see
my husband and children — their closeness
helped me recover and today I am well and
an active part of my family. It’s not to say he
doesn’t have days where he needs a break,
or feels frustrated and angry — I think most
people go through these feelings regardless
— he is human. But he has reconciled the
issues he had with his own father growing
up, and discovered that they do not need to
have any impact on his own parenting. He is
a great man, a great husband, and a brilliant
father.
Kelly Carlin
New South Wales
Help for painful intercourse
I just wanted to firstly write to you and
thank you for such a wonderful, insightful
publication in byronchild. It has opened
my eyes to so many parenting issues and
has encouraged me no end in my journey
through parenthood.
The article on smacking was particularly
interesting to me as I come from a family
where it was considered the norm. I still
have nightmares of watching my baby sister
being belted with two wooden spoons
because she wouldn’t say ‘Ta’ at 9 months
old. As I write this I still get a sick feeling in
the pit of my stomach. Reading the article
reaffirmed my belief that smacking children
does much more harm than good and confirms
within myself that I am doing the right
thing in making the decision not to ever
smack my baby girl.
The second reason I have for writing
to you is I am not sure if you are aware of
a condition called vulvodynia which is diagnosed
as chronic vulvar pain, which occurs
during intercourse but also the burning,
itching rawness and tenderness experienced
every day with this syndrome. I have been
suffering from this condition since the birth
of my daughter and basically diagnosed
myself after stumbling across an article in a
magazine in a cafe one afternoon.
My GP and gynaecologist had no idea
what the problem was and told me I would
just have to accept that it would take a
while to settle down. However, not accepting
their diagnosis I contacted a specialist
in this area, Marek Jantos, via his website
www.vulvarpain.com. After just 2 months
of biofeedback treatment I am finally feeling
normal again and the debilitating pain is no
longer disrupting my life. There are hundreds
of women who have symptoms of this
syndrome but many are never diagnosed due
to a lack of education of medical practition-
ers in this area. I thought it may be possible
that this info might help other readers of
byronchild to know there is treatment available
for these symptoms and they don’t have
to suffer continually.
Amy Young.
Email
Can we really do this?
In recent issues, readers have been asking,
‘How on earth do you do it?’ (Attached
mothers need attached communities, Issue
10, and others.) Ever since byronchild began
— around the same time my daughter was
born — I have been living with this question,
trying to find ways of living attachment
parenting in a culture more designed for
consumerism than for supporting parents
to nurture our children’s biological expectations.
Every issue has brought inspiration;
as well as confronting the reality of the
situation we face as parents; quite often it
has served to fan the fires of frustration and
discontent! Perhaps this is partly intentional
— perhaps it is only through a clear, honest
evaluation that we will collectively transform
our discontent into innovative ideas
and a practical, viable reality that we can
share and live.
Amongst byronchild readers alternatives
are constantly emerging as people find their
own resourceful ways of living it the best
they can. It seems one crucial key is right in
front of us: ‘Hidden in plain sight’ — all along
byronchild has been championing the unrealised
potential of tapping into our communities
as a way to transcend the stress of
the nuclear ‘fix’. I am quite convinced we can
turn our good intentions into actual lived
priorities in terms of how much time we
have to devote to our kids — and together
we can find ways of turning our own personal
economies back into our own local
directions, supporting our communities (and
our parenting) at the same time.
One possible solution that has emerged
is the Community Parenting Exchange, an
internet-based self-organising network for
practising holistic parenting within a community
context. In the most practical sense,
it’s about nurturing our children in our own
company, and enriching the lives of people
around us by involving our own communities
and the incredible wealth of skills and
life experience within. It serves us parenting
alongside other parents, sharing child-raising
and even living with other like-minded folks;
opening ourselves up to accepting help with
the practical stuff and learning from others
in the community, offering ways to spend
less and create money more in harmony
with family life, and to meaningfully involving
the kids in community life.
As a parent I feel excited about the far
ranging possibilities for my own children to
grow up with the support of such a network;
as a contributor to byronchild, I feel heartfully
committed to extending the vision of
this magazine with whatever practical means
I can. As the one developing the Exchange
model (which will be possible for anyone to
self initiate and operate in their own local
communities, anywhere in the world) I am
inviting readers to embark on an experiment
and to take this model and shape it
into something that can really serve you and
the folks in your own community.
Further information will be available in
the next issue of byronchild, but in the
meantime if you want to find out more, you
can email me sajahns@gmx.net
Anna Jahns
India
Write and win!
We love your letters!
Let us hear from you and you could win a selection of
100% certified organic personal care products
from Nature’s Child web shop
www.natureschild.com.au
Email kali@byronchild.com
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or post 7 Palm Ave, Mullumbimby, NSW 2482
byronchild 13

special feature
Prenatal
Testing
– Technological
Triumph
By Dr. Sarah J. Buckley, MB, ChB, Dip Obst.
You’ve never received bad news from
the doctor’s surgery before, and this
was even worse because it was about
your unborn baby. Your doctor was
kind and gentle, and there must have
been a lot of talking, as you were in
there for over 30 minutes, but all you
can remember is a creeping numbness,
a fog that thickened around you,
and the words ‘blood test’, ‘high risk’
and ‘Down syndrome’.
byronchild 14
That evening you try to retrieve
some detail for your partner
but today is still foggy and you
have little memory of the ‘pretest
counselling’ that the doctor said she
gave you before the test. The number 1
in 300 comes to mind, but this doesn’t
make sense: how can there be all this
worry over such a small number?
Eventually you find the pamphlet in
your bag. Your doctor called it ‘invasive
testing’, and said it was the next step, if
you want to take it. It is called amniocentesis,
which means taking a sample
of your baby’s waters. ‘Poor baby’, you
tell your belly as you absorb the information,
‘the test might kill you, or else
you might have Down syndrome. Then
we would have to choose whether or
not to get rid of you ourselves’.
That night you dream of a field
of babies: perfect pink chubby babies,
skinny grey babies with horrible deformities,
Chinese babies, African babies,
Romanian babies, and they all want to

Photo and artwork by Lisa Engeman
... or Pandor a’s Box?
byronchild 15

special feature
come home with you. In the morning
you can hardly remember how it felt
to simply enjoy your pregnancy. Your
belly has become a heavy weight that
you find yourself supporting as you go
through that difficult day.
Welcome to the brave new world of
prenatal diagnosis, where we are given
information that is unprecedented in
human history, and choices that can be
as painful as they are complex. Prenatal
diagnosis — the detection of abnormalities
of babies still in the womb — is driven
by the increasing expertise of medical
technology, but it is clearly sanctioned
by our society; most people in Australia
support abortion when there is a major
abnormality. 1 It seems that we have
decided, collectively as well as individually,
that we want to avoid the difficulties
of raising children with disabilities
— especially, in our society, with intellectual
disabilities. However, for prenatal
diagnosis to contribute to this end,
some of us must choose to terminate our
wanted pregnancies.
Pandora’s Box
Prenatal diagnosis can open a veritable
Pandora’s Box for the woman and her
family, and also raises wider, profound,
ethical and philosophical questions. For
example, how can we call ourselves a
tolerant and inclusive society — a society
that celebrates difference — when we
have an entire industry directed towards
eradicating babies who have obvious
differences? And our values are portrayed
very starkly when we specifically
target babies with Down syndrome, a
condition that is not usually fatal, but
is associated with intellectual disability
and with characteristic physical features
that our society does not recognise as
beautiful.
Some of the personal impact of prenatal
testing is illustrated in the story
above. Whether this baby is affected
(1 in 300 chance, in this scenario) and
aborted; is affected and kept (which is
very rare); miscarries as a result of the
procedure (about 1 in 100 chance with
amniocentesis) or is born healthy (299
chances out of 300, without amniocentesis),
the mother has been through a
difficult process. Most women who opt
for these tests are unaware that they are
entering an emotional minefield, with
consequences that may last for years.
Many are also unaware that the tests
that they are accepting will not detect
all, or even most, abnormalities in their
unborn babies.
Recent Australian research also
shows that the majority of pregnant
byronchild 16
women are not well informed before
or after they undergo tests for prenatal
diagnosis. 2,3 In a UK study, nearly half
of the obstetricians surveyed felt that
they did not have adequate resources
for all the women to whom testing was
offered. 4
Screening vs diagnostic tests
Our mother-to-be has accepted a Down
syndrome screening test for her baby.
Like 1 in 20 of the women who opt for the
second trimester maternal serum screen
(STMSS) — a blood test at 15 to 18 weeks
— she received a ‘screen positive’ result,
with all the anxiety that accompanies
this news. However, only around 1 in 50
women who test positive will actually
have an affected baby; the remaining 49
have had ‘false positive’ results. As well
as this, with a detection rate of 60-70%,
STMSS will fail to detect around 1 in 3
babies with Down syndrome. Detection
rates for spina bifida, the other major
condition that may be discovered with
STMSS, are around 70%, which means
that, similarly, 1 in 3 affected babies will
not be detected with this test. 5
Why is this widely used test so inaccurate?
The major reason is that it is not
a diagnostic test — that is, it can’t give
a definite diagnosis for the baby. It is
a ‘prenatal screening’ test, designed to
give an indication of risk so that the next
step — a diagnostic (and invasive) test of
the baby’s cells by amniocentesis or chorionic
villus sampling (CVS) — can be
targeted to women who are more likely
to be carrying an affected baby. Limiting
these diagnostic tests is sensible, because
they carry their own risks; especially of
causing a miscarriage. Termination of
pregnancy is also not without risk to the
mother, especially when it is a late termination
(after 3 months or so) because
it usually involves inducing labour with
drugs.
These prenatal screening tests have
been promoted as a ‘no-risk’ test to
women (especially younger women)
who may not consider themselves likely
to have a baby with Down syndrome,
and may not consider invasive testing,
because of the risk of miscarriage.
For example, women aged under 35
have a generally low chance of giving
birth to an affected baby, but, because
most babies are born to these younger
women, so will most babies with Down
syndrome. Screening tests can tell an
individual woman whether she has a
higher chance of carrying an affected
baby, and she can be offered a diagnostic
test when her risk is over 1 in 250 to 300.
This is approximately double the normal
risk, as approximately 1 in 600 women
give birth to a live baby with Down
syndrome. In this way, screening tests
increase the overall numbers of Down
syndrome babies detected and aborted
because around 70% of Down syndrome
babies are born to women under 35.
There are two other screening tests
that are increasingly used in Australia
and overseas. The first is an earlier blood
test, performed at around 10 weeks and
known as first trimester maternal serum
screening (FTMSS). FTMSS analyses
different components of the mother’s
blood and has, in some studies, given
as accurate results as STMSS, although
it cannot detect defects like spina bifida.
The second early prenatal screening test
is a specialised ultrasound, which measures
the thickness of the skin fold at
the back of the baby’s neck at 11 to 12
weeks. This is known as nuchal translucency
(NT) testing. Babies with Down
syndrome, and several other less common
abnormalities, are likely to have a
thicker skin fold at the back of the neck.
As with all screening tests, most babies
who test positive on NT will actually be
normal.
Early detection, early relief?
These new, early tests are believed
to benefit women because the whole
process (screening, diagnosis and
possibly termination) can then take
place at an earlier stage of pregnancy,
perhaps even before the woman has
shared her news. CVS, as a diagnostic
test, can be performed from 10 weeks,
and a termination, if chosen, can also be
done at this earlier stage of pregnancy.
However, studies show that, because
of the complexity of these procedures
and the time needed to make these
major decisions, many women who
have had a FTMSS do not actually have
a termination until after 16 weeks. 6
The complexity of prenatal screening
is increasing because researchers are
looking at different combinations of
FTMSS, STMSS and NT. Currently
the best figures for detection of Down
syndrome are produced through
‘integrated testing’, which detects over
75% of affected babies with a false
positive rate of 3%. Integrated testing
involves FTMSS at 10 weeks, NT at 10 to
12 weeks then the 14-week STMSS. When
all these results are back (a long wait),
the woman will receive her risk estimate
and she can then decide whether she
wants to proceed with amniocentesis.
The UK government has pledged
to make this test available on NHS
in 2007, and it is very possible that

Down Syndrome:
Is honest, accurate information being provided,
so that true choice and autonomy are enhanced?
Life expectancy:
55 years for the 98+% of persons with Down syndrome who do
not die in infancy from uncorrectable heart defects (Thase 1982)
Average IQ:
60 - 70 (able to make decisions) (Pueschel, Canning and Murphy
1978; Rynders & Horrobin 1990) and IQs for people with Down
syndrome have steadily risen throughout the 20th century
(Pueschel, Canning and Murphy, 1978).
The majority are in the low, mildly intellectually delayed range
(Pueschel, Canning and Murphy, 1978).
Less than 5% of persons with Down syndrome are severely to
profoundly intellectually delayed with early intervention and
required education (Connelly, Russell and Morgan, 1984).
Reading levels:
Kindergarten to 12th grade, with an average of 3rd grade
(Rynders, Spiker & Horrobin 1978) — the Sydney Morning Herald
is written for a 5th grade reading level.
Employment probability:
75 - 90%, with current supported-employment programs (Martin
et al, 1985).
Independence:
The vast majority of adult persons with Down syndrome are capable
of independent or group-home living arrangements (Turnbull
and Turnbull, 1985).
Impact on families:
More likely to be positive than negative (Murphy 1982; Gath 1978).
With thanks to Elaine Dietsch, Senior Lecturer in Midwifery, School of
Clinical Sciences, Charles Sturt University. www.acegraphics.com.au/articles/dietsch01.html
we may follow suit in Australia. The
Royal Australian College of Obstetrics
and Gynaecologists and the Human
Genetics Society of Australasia’s recent
joint statement also notes the higher
detection rates with combination tests,
but currently recommends that women
are counselled individually about the
most appropriate test or tests. 7
These complex and prolonged testing
regimes are argued to be cost-effective,
based on the premise that money will
be saved through aborting babies with
Down syndrome, who are estimated
to cost an extra $677,000 for life-long
care. 8, 9 In the US, it is said to be costeffective
to spend more than $2.5 billion
annually to detect and abort around
7500 babies with Down syndrome by
offering FTMSS and NT to all pregnant
women. 10
Ultrasound and nuchal translucency
Nuchal translucency is a very specific
test, and requires a trained operator
and dedicated equipment, including
a computer program to analyse the
data. Like the serum screening tests,
NT gives an estimate of risk of Down
syndrome, rather than a definite diagnosis.
NT detects around 60% of babies
with Down syndrome, with a 5% false
positive rate. An increased NT measurement
may also indicate other less
common abnormalities such as Trisomy
18 (Edwards syndrome), Trisomy 13,
and heart defects. However, because
NT is performed while the baby is still
small and undeveloped, NT cannot be
expected to diagnose abnormalities of
the body, gut, kidneys, heart and spinal
cord, and an 18 week scan would still be
necessary for this reason.
Photo with thanks to the Colville family
... how can we call
ourselves a tolerant and
inclusive society — a
society that celebrates
difference — when we
have an entire industry
directed towards
eradicating babies who
have obvious differences?
NT uses ultrasound, which has not
been proven to be safe for our offspring
long-term. A recent summary of the
safety of ultrasound in human studies,
published in May 2002 in the prestigious
US journal Epidemiology, concluded
‘…there may be a relation between
prenatal ultrasound exposure and
adverse outcome. Some of the reported
effects include growth restriction,
delayed speech, dyslexia, and non-righthandedness
associated with ultrasound
exposure’. 11 For more information on
ultrasound, see Buckley (2003).
byronchild 17

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Diagnostic and invasive testing
using amniocentesis and chorionic
villus sampling
Amniocentesis and CVS are invasive
tests, because they involve invading a
woman’s womb to take a sample of her
baby’s amniotic fluid and developing
placenta, respectively, to test for genetic
abnormalities. Because of this, both tests
carry risks to the baby and, to a lesser
extent, to the mother.
Amniocentesis is usually performed
at 15 to 16 weeks. In amniocentesis,
around 1 tablespoon (15ml) of the baby’s
amniotic fluid is taken with a needle,
under ultrasound guidance, and the
baby’s cells, which are floating in the
fluid, are removed and grown in the
lab. The baby’s chromosomes, which
are part of the nucleus of the cell, are
tested for abnormalities, including
Down syndrome. Results are usually
available in about two weeks although
new gene technologies (still too
expensive for routine use) can reduce
the waiting time to a few days. Amniotic
fluid can also be tested for alpha fetoprotein
(AFP), which indicates neural
tube defects (NTDs), including spina
bifida, in the baby’s brain and spinal
cord. AFP is a simpler test, and results
are usually available within a day or
two. If AFP levels are high, a detailed
ultrasound is recommended to give
more information.
Amniocentesis is recognised to
cause miscarriage in between 1 in 50,
and 1 in 200 babies overall, and this
miscarriage can occur up to 3 weeks,
or even later, after the procedure. More
experienced operators tend to have
lower miscarriage rates. One large study
indicated that the risk of miscarriage
might be higher among older women;
among women who have experienced
bleeding in the pregnancy and among
women who have had more than 3
previous early miscarriages or abortions
and/or a late miscarriage or abortion.
In this study, women over 40 had a risk
of miscarriage after amniocentesis of
around 5%, while those over 40 who
had also experienced bleeding had a
10% chance of miscarriage. Women
over 40 with previous miscarriages or
abortions, as above, had a 20% chance of
miscarriage after the procedure. 12
Leakage of the amniotic fluid
through the vagina (even though
amniocentesis is performed through the
mother’s abdomen) will occur for about
1 in 100 women. Although it is rare, the
amniocentesis needle can scrape or even
penetrate the baby. Several UK babies are
reported to have developed severe brain
damage after the needle mistakenly
entered their skull, and in four of the
five cases reported, this injury was not
detected until after the birth. 13
Studies have suggested that
newborn babies who have been
exposed to amniocentesis and CVS
may have impaired lung growth and
development and babies born after
early amniocentesis (10 to 13 weeks) are
more likely to have breathing difficulties
and to require intensive care treatment
after birth. 14,15,16 A large European
study has found that amniocentesis for
prenatal diagnosis may increase the risk
of premature birth, and the best medical
evidence concludes that amniocentesis
may also cause very low birth weight in
around 1 in 200 babies. 17,18 Ironically,
prematurity and very low birth weight
are major risk factors for physical and
intellectual impairment, including
cerebral palsy.
Amniocentesis is also invasive for
the mother, involving penetration of
her uterus. Possible complications
include infection of the baby and
fluid (chorioamnionitis), which will
usually cause miscarriage. More severe
infections can cause septic shock and
serious illness. Worldwide, four women
are known to have ever died from
complications of amniocentesis. 19
CVS involves taking a sample of the
baby’s developing placenta under ultrasound
guidance, either via the mother’s
abdomen or vagina, at around 11 to
12 weeks. CVS is a newer test and has
extra risks, compared to amniocentesis.
Firstly the miscarriage rate from the procedure
is higher — between 1 in 25 and
1 in 100 overall. 20, 21 Difficulties with
the procedure and/or with lab analysis
are more common with CVS than with
amniocentesis; occurring between 2.2
and 10% of procedures and a repeat
CVS (or amniocentesis at a later time)
may be necessary. 22 Repeated testing
increases the risk of miscarriage. It is
also possible that the cells removed by
CVS are reported as normal when the
baby actually has an unusual (and usually
milder) ‘mosaic’ form of Down syndrome.
Alternatively, the baby may be
unaffected yet have mosaic cells on CVS.
Mosaicism affects around 1% of CVS test
results. 23
CVS was designed so that women
could have this diagnostic test early in
pregnancy, when a termination, if chosen,
is more straightforward. However,
the disadvantage of this earlier diagnosis
is that some affected babies would
have naturally miscarried within a few
weeks. This is especially true for Down

syndrome babies, for whom 1 in 4 (25%)
will miscarry between 10 and 14 weeks,
and another 1 in 4 (23%) before the end
of pregnancy. 24
CVS may also cause damage to the
baby, probably because removal of a
part of the baby’s placenta can interfere
with blood supply to the baby’s
body. Several studies have suggested
that babies exposed to CVS before 10
weeks may have a small but increased
risk of limb deformities, and other studies
have noted increased numbers of
CVS babies with clubfoot and malformations
of the jaw and gut, as well as
increased haemangiomas, or strawberry
birth marks. 25 One small study has
reported an increased risk of high blood
pressure and pre-eclampsia (toxemia)
later in the pregnancy when the baby’s
placenta has been penetrated with CVS
(which is the intent of the procedure) or
amniocentesis. 26 Mothers who have an
Rh-negative blood group should receive
anti-D after amniocentesis or CVS to
prevent blood incompatibility problems
in future pregnancies.
Another irony of both amniocentesis
and CVS is that both procedures
involve ultrasound, giving the mother
What is the fundamental question one must
ask of the world? I would think and posit many
things, but the answer was always the same:
Why is the child crying? Alice Walker
Phone to order by credit card (02) 6684 4353
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the opportunity to see her baby, yet at
the same time she is expected to consider
abortion. As one mother shared, ‘I
was simply able to see her, reinforcing
the love that they told me was for the
wrong baby.’ 27
Brave new world
Against these very quantitative analyses,
Elkins and Brown (1995) argue ‘…
individuals with Down syndrome have
come to be recognised, over the last
three decades, as bringing a valuable
quality of life into our society. They are
well known for the joy and love they
bring to their families. 28 They remind us
that the definitions of normalcy are artificial
and fragile… In short, individuals
with Down syndrome teach the rest of
us how to cope, to grow, to overcome
and to understand humility, gratitude
and joy.’
In the research and published material
about prenatal diagnosis, the perspectives
of those affected by conditions
such as Down syndrome have rarely
been considered. Most of the prenatal
diagnosis information leaflets, designed
to help prospective parents decide about
testing, paint a very negative and out-
The Origins of
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program contains 45 minutes of rare research video footage, over
30 years of selected research publications and National Institute
of Humanistic Science/National Institute of Health government
documents.The film documentary is not available elsewhere and can
be utilised in compelling presentations.
Crucial material for
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dated view of Down syndrome. 28,29
Alderson (2001) examines our presumptions
about the value and quality of
life with Down syndrome through her
interviews with 5 affected adults. Her
interviewees show insight and enjoyment
of life; sensitivity to social prejudice;
and painful awareness of the issues
around testing and selective abortion for
Down syndrome babies. There is more
excellent and realistic literature written
by parents, carers and individuals with
Down syndrome on the internet, such
as Cohen (1998); Kingsley and Levitz
(1994); and Slater (2002).
Diagnosis and counselling
After so many decisions and tests, you
might hope that the results from amniocentesis
or CVS would be clear and
the decision, whatever it is, would be
straightforward. Unfortunately, this is
often not the case. For all the babies with
a straight diagnosis of Down syndrome,
there are as many again with other chromosomal
abnormalities, many of which
carry an uncertain outcome. For example,
around one third of abnormalities
reported involve the sex chromosomes,
which can give subtle or unknown levels
www.violence.de
www.ttfuture.org/prescott
byronchild 19

special feature
of abnormality. 30 Rothman (1988), who
conducted extensive interviews with
women who had experienced prenatal
diagnosis, noted, ‘parents can be
incapacitated by ambiguous diagnoses’.
Other research shows that many women
will choose to terminate their pregnancy
rather than live with such uncertainty.
31
Obviously there is a great need for
high-quality counselling both before
and after testing. Specialised genetic
counsellors are the appropriate professional,
and a counselling session — ideally
provided to all women considering
testing — is recommended for those
with positive screening or diagnostic
tests. Genetic counsellors are, however,
a part of the industry of prenatal diagnosis,
whose purpose is to reduce the
number of live-born babies with Down
syndrome. This may make it difficult
for them to provide impartial information.
One analysis of all the written
information provided by carers and
counsellors in the UK showed very little
information about, and a negative
attitude towards, people with Down
syndrome. 32 Thornton et al (1995) note,
‘High uptake of prenatal blood tests
suggests compliant behaviour and need
for more information.’
Prenatal diagnosis, and the industry
that supports it, is pointless unless the
majority of women with affected babies
decide to terminate their pregnancies.
Termination after prenatal
diagnosis
Prenatal diagnosis, and the industry that
supports it, is pointless unless the majority
of women with affected babies decide
to terminate their pregnancies. Although
women may consider this when they are
choosing whether to have the screening
test, they are unlikely to realise (or to
be told) exactly what this entails until
they actually confront this situation for
themselves.
Early termination — involving a
straightforward curettage (or D&C) — is
only possible up to around 14 weeks,
which will be hurried if a woman has
had her CVS at 11 to 12 weeks then a
2 week wait for results. Later termination
involves induction of labour, which
can be as long and difficult as a fullterm
labour, and the baby may be born
byronchild 20
alive but unviable. In one study, average
time from induction to delivery for a
mid-pregnancy termination was 18 to
30 hours, depending on the method
of induction. 33 Some centres offer a
‘dilate and evacuate’ termination when
the pregnancy is around 14 – 18 weeks,
which involves a general anaesthetic for
the mother, while the surgeon extracts
the fetus in pieces.
If termination is considered after
amniocentesis at 15 to 16 weeks plus 2
weeks results, not only will the mother
be feeling her baby moving, but, by 20
weeks, the baby is only a few weeks
away from the time when it could survive
with intensive care — around 24
weeks. Furthermore, after 20 weeks, the
baby becomes legally viable, and a death
certificate and other paperwork must be
filled out. The baby must also be named,
and the baby’s body must be properly
disposed of by burial or cremation.
Early termination has been the goal
of prenatal diagnosis programs, with the
presumption that it will be less traumatic
for the mother. However while termination
for fetal abnormality in the first
trimester is medically less complicated
than later in pregnancy, there is little
evidence that the distress for the women
is any less. 34 Some women interviewed
by Rothman (1988)
felt that seeing the
baby afterwards,
which is only possible
after a late termination
involving
an induced labour,
was (or would have
been) helpful in their
grieving process.
Although CVS
and amniocentesis
are almost always accurate, the system
that supports them can make mistakes.
In one UK hospital, two mothers’ results
were swapped and the mistake was only
discovered when a mother whose amniocentesis
was reported as normal gave
birth to a baby with Down syndrome. 35
One post-mortem survey found an error
in 1 baby out of 128 diagnosed by amniocentesis
or CVS, and 3 normal babies
among 215 aborted because of abnormal
ultrasound results. 36 And while termination
is regarded as the end of the process
of prenatal diagnosis, UK research
shows that at least a quarter of women
who undergo later termination are significantly
distressed two years later. 37
Eve’s apple: the consequences of
knowing
Pregnant women are the target and the
supposed beneficiaries of this large and
increasingly complex industry, yet there
is surprisingly little written about their
experiences and opinions. Technological
obstetrics makes the assumption that
more knowledge is better, but, like Eve’s
apple, the knowledge that we gain
through prenatal diagnosis can cast us
from our pregnant paradise, with major
sequelae for ourselves, our offspring
and our families.
Australian research suggests that
we, like most women around the world,
have a difficult time making sense of
this complex area, especially the crucial
distinction between screening and
diagnostic tests. Perhaps this reflects
the difference between our intellectual
understanding of, and our emotional
reaction to, a positive screening test. For
example, a health professional reported
that she felt that her positive screening
result was … ‘a disaster’. That evening
she was unable to sleep, and felt like
crying desperately. The next day she
described herself as being ‘out of control’.
Another woman described the four
weeks of waiting as the most difficult
of her life. She was nervous, tearful and
hypersensitive, and she decided to abort
the fetus if it was abnormal... serum
screening had struck her down… she
could not believe in a healthy baby until
she held it in her arms. 38 Other women
have described their reactions to a positive
screening result:
‘I was totally shattered, frightened
out of my wits.’
And:
‘I said to the midwife who told me
the results: “It’s all gone wrong, it’s all
gone wrong. I don’t want to know about
it anymore”.’ 39
Many mothers still remain anxious
even when the results are reported as
normal. One mother, who said that she
had been ‘totally reassured’ by a normal
amniocentesis result, asked for a paediatrician
to check her baby for Down
syndrome immediately after the birth. 40
For the women whose babies are found
to be abnormal, the decision becomes,
as Rothman (1988) calls it, ‘The tragedy
of her choice’ — to terminate a wanted
pregnancy or to continue with the
knowledge that her baby will be affected,
with the possibility of a stillbirth or a
child with a life-long disability. Research
indicates that maternal grief is the same,
whether a baby with a lethal abnormality
is aborted or stillborn. 41,42
One has to wonder at the sequelae
for the ongoing mother–baby relationship
when mothers have experienced

this degree of ‘false positive’ stress over
the wellbeing of their baby. Ordinarily,
such anxiety would mobilise a mother’s
protective instincts, and she would
draw closer to her baby. However, this
protective instinct is difficult to express
when the mother is also considering
abortion, and she is likely to protect
One has to wonder at the sequelae for
the ongoing mother-baby relationship
when mothers have experienced this
degree of ‘false positive’ stress over
the wellbeing of their baby.
herself through emotionally distancing
from her baby and her pregnancy — to
‘not want to know about it anymore’ as
the women above states — at least until
reassuring results are received. Some
woman report that this distancing has
affected their relationship with their
children long after birth and this anxiety
and/or detachment, based on fear of
abnormalities, can recur in subsequent
pregnancies. 43 As midwife Anne Frye
comments, ‘Nature never intended that
parents would have such information.
Pregnancy as a time of unconditional
attachment is severely disrupted by the
technology available today.’ 44
This difficult emotional situation,
which pulls women in two directions,
is echoed in the literature of prenatal
diagnosis, which refers, for example, to
‘therapeutic termination’ of babies with
abnormalities, as though the abortion is
curing an illness, rather than enacting
a socially sanctioned form of eugenics.
When parents make the decision to terminate,
often they describe it as being
in their abnormal baby’s best interests,
which may be true in a society that is
so bent on eradicating individuals with
conditions such as Down syndrome. As
one woman said, ‘I didn’t want to give
up my baby, yet I had to because I knew
what the future held for all of us if I kept
her.’ 45 Ironically, the stress that prenatal
screening and diagnosis generates may
create further risks to mother and baby.
Research into the long-term effects of
pregnancy stress concludes, ‘…pregnant
women with high stress and anxiety levels
are at increased risk for spontaneous
abortion, and pre-term labour and for
having a malformed or growth-retarded
baby…’ 46 According to these authors
(and the many papers that they review)
offspring whose mothers were stressed
in pregnancy have delayed development
with alterations in brain and hormone
systems as well as increased susceptibility
to stress life-long. What is even more
worrying is that, ‘The strongest effects
on infant development and behaviour
were found for pregnancy-specific anxieties
such as fear of health and integrity
of the unborn baby and fear of (pain)
during delivery.’ 47
One also wonders about the effects
of prenatal diagnosis on the child him/
herself. Are we, at some level, accepting
the view that our children are commodities
that we can subject to a quality
control test and reject if faulty? How will
our children feel if they discover that
our acceptance of them was so conditional?
How will these experiences affect
our subsequent role and expectations as
parents?
Prenatal diagnosis is also said to benefit
women through forewarning of their
baby’s abnormality. This may be true
for some women, but others may resent
their loss of enjoyment of pregnancy. 48
Discovering the baby’s problems during
Photo by Katrina Folkwell
pregnancy is also a very different experience
to discovering this at birth, when
Mother Nature hormonally primes new
mothers to fall in love with their babies.
Some parents have also appreciated the
opportunity to recognise their baby’s
disability themselves, even days after
the birth. 49
This article has focused mainly on
the experience of women whose screening
result is positive, especially false
positive. However, the promise of prenatal
diagnosis — to prevent the birth of
babies with abnormalities — also has an
influence on those who receive a ‘false
negative result’: ie, their test is normal
but they give birth to an affected baby.
In one study, parents of Down syndrome
babies who had been misdiagnosed as
normal had more problems adjusting,
including more feelings of stress, blame
and anxiety, than those who did not have
a test. 50 Such parents are increasingly
litigating for ‘wrongful birth’, with one
successful case in Brisbane (Australia) in
recent years. Such litigation further pressures
both carers (for whom non-direct
counselling is already challenging) and
byronchild 21

special feature
byronchild 22
their clients towards routine testing. 51
A further irony is that most women
choose to have prenatal screening in
order to receive reassurance that their
baby is healthy. Yet, for all the stress,
time and money that is consumed by
the prenatal diagnosis industry, neither
these, nor any other pregnancy tests currently
in use, can tell us with certainty
that our babies are normal and healthy.
Major conditions such as cerebral palsy
and autism cannot be detected by any
existing method, and physical abnormalities
involving the heart and kidney,
some of which are severely disabling,
are also unlikely to be picked up through
any screening method.
The trick of technology
Prenatal diagnosis represents incredible
and continuing advances in technology,
yet there is a sleight of hand — a
trick, perhaps — that is being played
out on pregnant women. We are told
that prenatal diagnosis will increase our
choices, but, as these tests become more
available, women are feeling that they
have less choice to refuse the testing.
We are already, through social attitudes,
individually responsible for our children’s
development, and now we are
also becoming responsible for producing
a healthy baby at birth. As one
woman comments, ‘I knew it was my
responsibility to make sure I was not
going to give birth to a handicapped
child. But that meant taking the risk of
losing a healthy baby. I am responsible
for that too.’ 52
Finally, as we look more deeply, the
parallels between prenatal diagnosis and
medicalised childbirth become increasingly
obvious. Both industries are centred
on high technology and its superior
knowledge, and both consider women’s
own feelings and instincts about their
body and their baby to be inferior and
unreliable. Women who choose either
path are at risk of a cascade of intervention
— from induction to caesarean or
from screening to abortion — with pressure
to conform to medicalised ideas
of ‘the right decision’ at each point. As
one woman notes ‘...once you get onto
the testing trap you have to get to the
end’. 53
Where does this end take us, as
individuals and as a society? Is prenatal
diagnosis liberation or the beginning
of a ‘slippery slope’ towards selecting
babies on the basis of socially acceptable
characteristics? How will the ‘new
genetics’ impact prenatal diagnosis, with
the huge amount of information that
will soon become available about our
unborn babies? And does it, as Rothman
(1988) suggests, make every woman feel
that her pregnancy is ‘tentative’ until
she receives reassuring news?
The answers to these and other questions
are as yet unknown, but what
is certain is that this technology will
become more ‘advanced’ in the coming
years, and our choices more complex.
Mother Nature, like many women who
are enrolling in these tests, does not
know whether to laugh or cry.
Sarah J Buckley is a trained GP, writer on
pregnancy, birth and mothering and currently
full-time mother to her 4 children. Her own choice
has been to avoid prenatal screening, even with
her 4th baby, born when Sarah was 40. She lives
in Brisbane, where she is currently writing a book
on Ecstatic Birth, due for publication in 2005. You
can contact her at sarahjbuckley@yahoo.com
Further Reading
Prenatal Testing — Making Choices in
Pregnancy. Lachlan de Crespigny with
Meg Espie and Sophie Holmes. Penguin
Melbourne 1998.
The Tentative Pregnancy. Barbara Katz
Rothman, Pandora, London 1998.
Which Tests for my Unborn Baby? —
Ultrasound and other prenatal tests. 2nd ed
Lachlan de Crespigny with Rhonda Dredge.
Oxford University Press, Melbourne, 1996.
Informed Choice brochures — Looking for
Down’s syndrome and Spina Bifida in Pregnancy
(for women) and Antenatal Screening for
Congenital Abnormalities — Helping Women to
Choose. (for professionals) MIDIRS and NHS
Centre for Reviews and dissemination, UK,
1999.
Prenatal Testing — to risk or not to risk. Elaine
Dietsch at www.birthinternational.com
Endnotes
1. Kelly J, Bean C (eds). Australian Attitudes Allen and
Unwin, Sydney, 1988, p5.
2. Rostant K et al — Survey of the knowledge, attitudes
and experiences of Western Australian women in relation
to prenatal screening and diagnostic procedures. Aust N
Z J Obstet Gynaecol. 2003 Apr; 43(2):134-8
3. Mulvey S, Wallace EM. Levels of knowledge of Down
Syndrome and Down Syndrome testing in Australian women.
Aust N Z J Obstet Gynaecol. 2001 May; 41(2): 167-9.
4. Green J.M. Serum screening for Down’s Syndrome:
experiences of obstetricians in England and Wales.
BMJ. 1994 Sep 24; 309(6957): 769-72.
5. Lachlan de Crespigny with Rhonda Dredge.Which Tests
for my Unborn Baby?- Ultrasound and other prenatal
tests. 2nd ed. Oxford University Press, Melbourne, 1996
6. Wapner R et al. First Trimester Maternal Serum
Biochemistry and Fetal Nuchal Translucency Screening
Study Group. First-trimester screening for trisomies
21 and 18.
7. Royal Australian and New Zealand College of
Obstetrician and Gynecologists (RANZCOG) and
Human Genetics Society of Australasia (HGSA) joint
statement. Antenatal Screening for Down Syndrome
(DS) and other Fetal Aneuploidy http://www.hgsa.com.
au/ retrieved 15/6/04.
8. CDC — Centre for Disease Control, Economic Costs
of Birth Defects and Cerebral Palsy — United States, 1992
Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report September 22,
1995 / 44(37); 694-9. At http://www.cdc.gov/epo/mmwr/
preview/mmwrhtml/00038946.htm accessed 26/5/04
N Engl J Med. 2003 Oct 9; 349(15): 1405-13.

9. Biggio JR et al. An outcomes analysis of five prenatal
screening strategies for Trisomy 21 in women younger
than 35 years. Am J Obstet Gynecol 2004, 190; 721-9.
10. Cusick W et al. Combined first-trimester versus
second-trimester serum screening for Down Syndrome: a
cost analysis. Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2003 Mar;188(3):745-
51.
11. Marinac-Dabic D et al. The safety of prenatal
ultrasound exposure in human studies. Epidemiology
2002 May; 13(3 Suppl):S19-22.
12. Papantoniou NE et al. Risk factors predisposing to
fetal loss following a second trimester amniocentesis.
BJOG. 2001 Oct;108(10):1053-6.
13. Squier M et al. Five cases of brain injury following
amniocentesis in mid-term pregnancy. Dev Med Child
Neurol. 2000 Aug;42(8):554-60.
14. Milner AD et al. The effects of mid-trimester
amniocentesis on lung function in the neonatal period.
Eur J Pediatr. 1992 Jun;151(6):458-60.
15. Thompson PJ et al. Lung volume measured by
functional residual capacity in infants following first
trimester amniocentesis or chorion villus sampling. Br J
Obstet Gynaecol. 1992 Jun; 99(6): 479-82.
16. Greenough A et al. Invasive antenatal procedures and
requirement for neonatal intensive care unit admission.
Eur J Pediatr. 1997 Jul; 156(7): 550-2.
17. Medda E et al. Genetic amniocentesis: a risk factor
for preterm delivery? Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol.
2003 Oct 10;110(2):153-8.
18. Enkin, M et al. (2000) A Guide to Effective Care in
Pregnancy and Childbirth. Third edition. Chapter 42, pp
404-408. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
19. Elchalal U et al. Maternal mortality following diagnostic
2nd-trimester amniocentesis. Fetal Diagn Ther. 2004 Mar-
Apr; 19(2): 195-8.
20. Halliday JL et al. Importance of complete follow-up of
spontaneous fetal loss after amniocentesis and chorion
villus sampling. Lancet. 1992 Oct 10;340(8824):886-90.
21. Harris RA et al. Cost utility of prenatal diagnosis
and the risk-based threshold. Lancet. 2004 Jan
24;363(9405):276-82.
22. See de Crespigny.
23. ibid.
24. See Biggio JR et al. 190; 721-9.
25. Stoler JM et al. Malformations reported in
chorionic villus sampling exposed children: a
review and analytic synthesis of the literature.
Genet Med. 1999 Nov-Dec; 1(7): 315-22.
26. Silver R et al. Transplacental Prenatal Diagnosis at
13-14 Weeks may Increase the Risk of Gestational
Hypertension/Preeclampsia (Abstract) Am J Obstet
Gynecol 2003, 189(6), S87.
27. Statham H, Green J. Serum screening for
Down’s Syndrome: some women’s experiences.
BMJ. 1993 Jul 17; 307(6897): 174-6.
28. Elkins TE, Brown D. Ethical concerns and future
directions in maternal screening for Down syndrome.
Womens Health Issues. 1995 Spring;5(1):15-20.
29. Asch A. Prenatal diagnosis and selective abortion: a
challenge to practice and policy. Am J Public Health. 1999
Nov; 89(11): 1649-57.
30. See de Crespigny.
31. Sagi M et al. Prenatal diagnosis of sex chromosome
aneuploidy: possible reasons for high rates of pregnancy
termination.Prenat Diagn. 2001 Jun; 21(6): 461-5.
32. Bryant LD et al. Descriptive information about Down
Syndrome: a content analysis of serum screening leaflets.
Prenat Diagn. 2001 Dec;21(12):1057-63.
33. Akoury HA et al. Randomised controlled trial of
misoprostol for second-trimester pregnancy termination
associated with fetal malformation.Am J Obstet Gynecol.
2004 Mar;190(3):755-62.
34. MIDIRS and the NHS Centre for Reviews and
Dissemination. Informed Choice for Professionals (leaflet).
Antenatal Screening for Congenital Abnormalities
— Helping Women to Choose. UK, 1999.
35. Kelly J, Bean C, p5.
36. Medeira A et al. Examination of fetuses after induced
abortion for fetal abnormality — a follow-up study.
Prenat Diagn. 1994 May;14(5):381-5.
37. White-van Mourik MC et al. The psychosocial sequelae
of a second-trimester termination of pregnancy
for fetal abnormality. Prenat Diagn. 1992 Mar; 12(3):
189-204.
38. Santalahti P et al. Women’s experiences of prenatal
serum screening. Birth. 1996 Jun;23(2):101-7.
39. Roelofsen EE et al. Women’s opinions on the offer
and use of maternal serum screening. Prenat Diagn. 1993
Aug; 13(8): 741-7.
40. Statham H, Green J. 307(6897): 174-6.
41. Lloyd J, Laurence KM. Response to termination of
pregnancy for genetic reasons. Z Kinderchir. 1983 Dec;38
Suppl 2:98-9.
42. Salvesen KA et al. Comparison of long-term psychological
responses of women after pregnancy termination
due to fetal anomalies and after perinatal loss. Ultrasound
Obstet Gynecol. 1997 Feb;9(2):80-5.
43. Brookes A. Women’s experience of routine prenatal
ultrasound. Healthsharing Women: The newsletter of
Healthsharing Women’s Health Resource Service. Vol 5,
no’s 3 & 4. Dec 1994- March 1995.
44. Frye A. Holistic Midwifery; A Comprehensive
Textbook for Midwives in Homebirth Practice. Vol 1,
Care During Pregnancy.
Labrys Press, Oregon, 1998.
45. Statham H, Green J. 307(6897): 174-6.
46. Mulder EJ et al.Prenatal maternal stress: effects on
pregnancy and the (unborn) child. Early Hum Dev. 2002
Dec;70(1-2):3-14. Review.
47. ibidj.
48. Beck M. Expecting Adam A True Story of Birth,
Rebirth, and Everyday Magic. 2001 Berkley Books NY.
49. Noble V. Down is Up for Adam Eagle. HarperCollins
1993 ISBN 0062507370.
50. Hall S et al. Psychological consequences for parents
of false negative results on prenatal screening for Down’s
Syndrome: retrospective interview study. BMJ. 2000 Feb
12; 320(7232): 407-12.
51. Williams C et al. Is nondirectiveness possible within
the context of antenatal screening and counselling? Soc
Sci Med 2002; 54:339-47.
52. Roelofsen EE,13(8):741-7.
53. Statham H, Green J. 307(6897): 174-6.
References
• Alderson P. Down’s syndrome: cost, quality and value of life.
Soc Sci Med. 2001 Sep; 53(5): 627-38.
• Buckley SJ. Ultrasound — Cause for Concern. Originally
published in Nexus Oct-Nov 2002, 9(6) Also at www.
birthlove.com/free/ultrasound.html.
• Cohen W Book Review: Screening for Down’s Syndrome,
Ambulatory Pediatrics Association Newsletter, Summer
1997, Volume 33, Number 1 (cited February 27, 1998).
At http://www.altonweb.com/cs/downsyndrome/index.
htm?page=0521452716.html Accessed 26/5/04.
• Huizink AC. Prenatal stress and its effects on infant
development. Academic thesis, University Utrecht, The
Netherlands, 2000, P 1-217.
• Kelly G (Midwife trained in UK) Personal communication,
10/4/04.
• Kingsley J, Levitz M. Count us in: Growing Up with Down
Syndrome. Harvest Books, 1994 ISBN 015622660X.
• Lawrence K, Crowther CA. Survey of current prenatal
screening for Down syndrome in Australian hospitals providing
maternity care. Aust N Z J Obstet Gynaecol. 2003
Jun;43(3):222-5.
• Rothman, BK. The Tentative Pregnancy — Prenatal
Diagnosis and the Future of Motherhood. Pandora, London
1988.
• Royal Australian and New Zealand College of
Obstetrician and Gynecologists and Human Genetics
Society of Australasia joint statement. Antenatal Screening
for Down Syndrome (DS) and other Fetal Aneuploidy. http://
www.hgsa.com.au/ retrieved 15/6/04.
• Slater C. In Praise of Down Syndrome. 1994/2004
www.altonweb.com/cs/downsyndrome/index.
htm?page=praise.html accessed 16/6/04.
• Thornton JG, Hewison J, Lilford RJ, Vail A. A randomised
trial of three methods of giving information about prenatal
testing. BMJ. 1995 Oct 28;311(7013):1127-30.
• Wald NJ, Rodeck C, Hackshaw AK, Walters, Chitty L,
Mackinson AM; SURUSS Research Group. First and second
trimester antenatal screening for Down’s syndrome: the results of
the Serum, Urine and Ultrasound Screening Study (SURUSS).
Health Technol Assess. 2003; 7(11): 1-77.
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byronchild 23

QI have two daughters aged four and
21 months. My four year old is quite
an emotional child. She has great difficulty
coping with frustration and when
faced with a difficult situation she often
screams, yells or cries. Although she has
good language skills I think that she has
difficulty verbalising her feelings at these
times and is overtaken by the emotion
of the situation. Because she has such
intense reactions I think that other children
‘push her buttons’ to gain a reaction.
I find these situations extremely difficult
to cope with. I feel her reaction overshadows
the behaviour of the other child
so that I (and other mothers) become
A
annoyed with her rather than seeing the
whole situation.
I am also aware that I have difficulties
dealing with these intense reactions as I
grew up in a family where emotions were
not freely expressed. I have always tried
byronchild 24
to allow my daughters to express their
emotions, and have always responded
to their needs, but am finding that as my
daughter gets older I am having more
difficulty coping with her outbursts and
wondering if, and at what age, she will
‘grow out of this’? I am also concerned for
her when she starts pre-school next year.
I have tried a number of strategies such
as taking all of the food additives and
sugar out of our diet, telling her to simply
call out to me in these situations or
to walk away. We try hard to model calm
problem solving and non-violent communication
at home.
My younger son had incredible temper
tantrums as a young child. I was told that
I had them too and so I did my best not
to interfere with his tantrums, to let him
have them and not to withdraw my love
from him while he had them. It was often
highly uncomfortable, especially when
they happened in restaurants or other
public places. When I registered him for
kindergarten when he was five, I told the
teacher about his emotional tendency.
For the school hours he was in her hands
and I extended my trust to her to deal
with the situation rightly if it came up.
Well, he never had one single tantrum at
kindergarten. He ‘saved’ them for times
when I was around. Still they became
less and less frequent at home too as he
got older. He is fifteen now — he still gets
emotional from time to time, but not in
the tantrum kind of way anymore.
It is one of the signs of getting older
that children can ‘cope’ with their emotions
in a more socially accepted way.
Although this is a good thing it is also
where all of us have made tremendous
compromises when we were children.
We realised that if we expressed our emotions
freely we would not get accepted.
None of us were fully met on an emotional
level by our parents and had to
adapt our behaviour to get at least some
love. We all created a much tighter way
of being. Doing that we also cut ourselves
off from a deep connectedness with life,
intelligence and creativity.
Looking back with the understanding
I have today I would say, that my
son’s temper tantrums were already one
step removed from what he was actually
feeling. On a subtle level he had picked
up the link I had with these tantrums.
an inner journey
By Lela Iselin
Having them, I now believe, was an
attempt of his to be more fully met by me
on an emotional level. Since you say that
in your childhood expressing emotions
freely was not encouraged it could well
be that your daughter picks that up and
that her screaming, yelling and shouting
is an attempt of hers to get you out of
your ‘safe’ emotional spectrum and meet
you at a deeper level.
Why don’t you, the next time she is
very emotional when just you and her are
present, really let in how her emotions
affect you. Rather than excusing her, or
just letting her express herself, open your
heart and go to the place you shut down,
when you were a child, and really feel
with her, not for her. Rather than you
thinking that you have to guide her, let
her guide you and gently open up to a
world that is still more available to her
than to you, the world of pure feeling.
Take a leap into the unknown with her.
I envy you a little, that you have this
opportunity. I have it to a certain degree
with my son, but the innocence of a four
year old is one of the most precious gifts
for our emotional re-awakening. A website
which might be interesting for you
on this topic is www.enhearten.org.
As there are always many levels we
can approach a situation from, like you
have done; minimising the sugar intake
is certainly a good idea. You may also
want to consider taking her to a session
with and osteopath or a cranio-sacral
therapist. Many osteopaths claim that
fifty percent of all babies, and mothers
for that matter, need adjustments after
birth. A good homeopath might find a
remedy which makes it easier for your
daughter to channel her feelings in a
more sociably accepted way.
Even though any of the above may
help to heal imbalances your daughter
may have (we all have them in one way
or another), nothing is as important as
how you relate to her. For her, what you
think is less important than what you
feel. The more in contact you are with
that yourself, the deeper she can trust
you. You can both assist each other in
becoming more fully available to the
richness of an emotionally healthy life.
You know how, not mentally, but with
quiet, gentle, emotional openness and
creativity. You can trust that fully.

The Healing
By Scott Noelle
Embracing the ideal of progressive, natural
parenting is a lot easier than actually
walking the talk. When idealistic
intentions race far ahead of practical
abilities, staying the course requires a
willingness to inhabit the paradoxical
space of the healing gap.
The tiny examination room
at the Planned Parenthood
clinic was too small for three
people. Nevertheless, Beth
and I stood awkwardly against
the wall as the door opened and
the gyneacologist squeezed in.
The stiffness of her white lab
coat was audible as she manoeuvred
around the examining table.
Her vocal inflection was deliberately
neutral when she finally
announced the results: ‘The test
came back positive.’ It took me a
moment to figure out that ‘positive’
meant my wife was pregnant
with our first child.
My mind exploded with
thoughts of alternate futures, and
the walls of that tiny, windowless
room seemed to be contracting
around me. As we left I felt my
life as a childless adult come to
an end, and I was born into the
world of parenthood.
But it wasn’t a planned parenthood
(well, we didn’t plan it)
and my emotional reaction was
an unfamiliar mixture of joy and
terror. I had always looked forward
to raising children, yet I had
expected to ‘get my act together’ before anyone would call me
Dad. Though I was 32 years old, I felt completely unprepared
for this journey. How could I raise a child responsibly when I
was still recovering from my own troubled childhood?
That feeling, over seven years ago, came from an
progressive parenting
Gap
Dealing with the times we stumble
awareness of what I now call the healing gap, a phenomenon
that arises when a person consciously seeks a healthier path
than the one he or she is currently on. In parenthood, it’s the
gap between the healthy parenting ideas you embrace consciously
and what you’re actually capable of doing, here and
now.
Real-life parenting does not emerge solely from the par-
Photo by David Ibrahim
byronchild 25

progressive parenting
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byronchild 26
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ent’s conscious intentions; it involves the whole person —
mind, body, emotions and spirit — as well as the social and
cultural context in which it takes place. In other words, it’s
easy to change your mind, but implementing a change in your
whole self is far more difficult, especially when going against
the grain of society and culture.
The gap between parenting theory and practice is filled
with ‘stuff’: each parent’s unique collection of fears, attachments,
emotional wounds, unmet needs and obsolete strategies
— plus external, sociocultural pressures — that impede
our efforts to do what we believe is best.
Consider homebirth, for example. In most industrialised
countries the idea of intentionally birthing outside of a hospital
or other medical setting would not even occur to most
expectant parents, and some cannot fathom why anyone
would choose not to have an epidural. When these parents
are exposed to research about the benefits of a natural, nonmedical
homebirth, most will reject the idea. Some, however,
will decide on a homebirth despite their culturally induced
mistrust of nature.
Thus, a healing gap is created: the mind logically and/or
intuitively senses something ‘right’ about the new choice, but
the body, emotions, etc, are not ‘there’ yet. In order to close
the gap and realise the new vision, the parents must face their
fears and work through them, preferably before the birth.
They surround themselves with supportive people to offset the
influence of naysayers. Mother learns to trust her body. Father
learns to trust the process. When such healing occurs — and
often it occurs during the birth — the birth experience is significantly
improved no matter where it finally takes place.
Now consider a new mother practising attachment parenting
(AP) — responsive, continuous nurturing that includes
breastfeeding on cue, co-sleeping and keeping baby in-arms
or in a sling. Here, the potential is great for a widening of the
healing gap, especially if the mother herself was, as a baby, left
in a cot to ‘cry it out’ and her natural attachment needs were
ignored or belittled. The gap may show up as resentment of
the child and an overwhelming desire to ‘get my life back!’ If
she finds the courage to face and heal the deeper roots of those
feelings — and gets the social support she’ll need along the
way — she will indeed get her life back. But it won’t be her old
life, it will be a new lease on life in which she feels more whole,
free, compassionate and healthily attached to her child.
Beth and I both have gone through similar experiences
over the last seven years. The gap doesn’t close overnight; for
us it has been a gradual, long-term healing process with occasional
leaps forward and frequent backsliding.
Fortunately, the forward leaps provide inspiration that
sustain us through the inevitable backslides. When my older
daughter Olivia was four, there was a point at which I was losing
my patience with her seemingly ceaseless, ‘spirited’ behaviour.
Desperate for calm and quiet, I was tempted to misuse my power
to stifle the behaviour, but then I read this passage from Giving
the Love that Heals: ‘You know you are face-to-face with the unfinished
business of your own childhood when you respond with
strong negative feelings to your child’s behaviour.’ (Hendrix
and Hunt, 1997) I realised that a large part of the reason Olivia’s
behaviour had bothered me was that much of my own childlike
spirit had been suppressed. My heart softened, and I learned to
appreciate Olivia’s spiritedness — and my own — even when
the daily chaos makes me yearn for simpler times.
Anyone who questions the status quo, who consciously
seeks healthier ways of living, is going to experience these
gaps. So why is it that many of us are hard on ourselves or
others — sometimes even harshly judgmental — when the

As we free ourselves from the shackles of judgment and shame,
we feel more at peace being right where we are on the path, even as we
embrace an idealistic vision of how we want to be.
parenting is less than ideal?
First, our culture doesn’t acknowledge
the healing gap. Once we realise
how things ‘should’ be, the pressure is
on to get it ‘right’ — NOW! There’s little
room for process in a product-driven
society. Even more, our culture’s competitive,
win-lose paradigm compels us
to hide our healing gaps for fear of being
tagged a ‘loser’. But such hiding actually
prevents healing.
Knowing that we all have our own
healing gaps can help us see beyond the
judgments of ourselves and others. The
gap is neither good nor bad; it’s a natural
aspect of healing, analogous to Maslow’s
second stage of learning — conscious
incompetence — a step forward that
seems like a step backward because you
become more aware that something is
‘off’.
Ideally, that ‘off’ feeling would simply
motivate us to develop a higher level of
competence, but often it merely triggers
feelings of shame and inadequacy. We may
feel ‘not “AP” enough’ or ‘not “enlightened”
enough’ as parents, for example.
Such feelings are the most important ones
to face: they prevent us from harnessing the power of the healing
gap to propel us forward. As we free ourselves from the
shackles of judgment and shame, we feel more at peace being
right where we are on the path, even as we embrace an idealistic
vision of how we want to be. We can be realistic about
how steep a learning curve (or ‘healing curve’) we can handle.
Defensiveness, blame, justification and other means of protecting
ourselves from feeling ashamed are no longer needed, and
this can free up a lot of creative energy to further accelerate the
healing process.
Another endeavour that can benefit from acknowledgement
and integration of the healing gap is ‘creating community’.
From parenting support groups to homeschooling coops
to ‘intentional communities’, nothing exposes the healing
gap as dramatically as our attempts to rise above the norm
of isolated, single-family life. We dream of belonging to a
modern ‘tribe’ in which parents are respectful and sensitive to
the children’s needs, children have easy access to many playmates,
and someone is there for you in times of need. Why do
attempts to create community so often go down in flames?
As ‘alternative’ parents, we are already challenged by
our individual healing gaps. We are accustomed to dealing
with that in the relatively simple context of the family, but as
we coalesce into larger social groups, the social complexity
increases exponentially. (Do the math: A nuclear family with
one child has only three interpersonal relationships: motherfather,
mother-child, father-child. In a group of ten parents
and ten children, the number of possible relationships rises
to 190!) This increased social complexity tends to bring individuals’
‘stuff’ to the surface, makes dealing with it more
complicated, and creates a collective healing gap — the chasm
between the ideal of the healthy, interdependent community
and the reality of our fragmented society.
In order to survive and thrive, a fledgling group or
community needs to be clear about its
shared ideals and it must acknowledge
and accept its individual and collective
healing gaps. With this clarity, group
members can develop a practical, compassionate
way of handling current realities
as they work incrementally towards
their vision.
As with most of life, the healing gap
is like a hologram in which the pattern
of the whole is embedded in each part.
There are healing gaps at the level of the
individual, the family, the community,
the nation and the world, and there is
an upward ripple effect from individual
towards global healing. You create this
ripple effect every time you embrace a
higher vision for your own expression of
parenthood, accept where you are now,
and let the gap inspire healing.
Scott Noelle lives near Seattle, Washington with his
wife Beth and their two daughters, Olivia and Willow.
A longtime advocate of conscious, holistic, instinctive,
natural parenting, Scott now offers telephone-based
coaching to support progressive parents worldwide.
His free E-zine, Transforming Parenthood, is available
online at www.scottnoelle.com.
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byronchild 27

progressive parenting
Feminism
Childcare
Family Mental Health
Equality or liberation?
Have feminists, in their quest for equality
rather than liberation, led women
out of the frying pan into the fire, with
adverse repercussions for themselves,
their families, and social wellbeing? If
so, as plans affecting the family develop,
it is important to diagnose correctly
the causes of stress, dissatisfaction and
overwork experienced by many mothers
today. Some, claiming to represent
the interests of women and children,
call for evermore childcare — usually
without stating the age range of children
involved. But for young children this
can be a complicated prescription, with
side-effects and risks, especially if these
places are for infants under one or two
years, centre-based, and for more than
a few hours a week. This alleged ‘need’
for more childcare is a symptom, and the
risks for the social and emotional development
of very young girls and boys
are seldom acknowledged, let alone the
possible consequences when they grow
up to become the next generation of
women and their partners.
Pointers to a better diagnosis are
offered in The Miseducation of Women
(2002) by James Tooley, Professor of
Education at Newcastle-on-Tyne. He
adopts the distinction between equality
feminism and liberation feminism, made
by Germaine Greer in The Whole Woman
(1999). She suggests that ‘equality is a
poor substitute for liberation’. Equality
feminism relies on the (largely misconceived)
dogma that gender differences
are social constructs, and it prescribes
equal treatment for girls and boys in
education, careers and domestic situa-
byronchild 28
Have women been misled
by equality
&By
Peter S. Cook, MB.ChB, FRANZCP, MRCPsych, DCH.
tions. But Tooley summarises evidence
that some female/male differences, such
as certain abilities, interests, and mateselection
choices, appear to be biologically-based,
conferring special benefits
on the human species. So assumptions
that they should be ‘corrected’ may be
misguided and difficult to implement.
Liberation feminism (a related concept
is ‘maternal feminism’) takes it for
granted that there should be equality
of opportunity and remuneration, but
regards biologically-based differences as
important, especially in cognitive abilities,
mating interests, and mothering
— a term which equality feminism repudiated
in favour of ‘parenting’.
Feminist icons recant
Betty Friedan, in The Feminine Mystique
(1963), set women on paths to careers
and equality, avoiding motherhood
— only to be reproached later by disillusioned
followers who pointed out
that, unlike them, she already had a
husband and children when she urged
this life pattern. But her recantations in
The Second Stage (1981) were ignored, as
equality feminists continued to implement
her earlier prescriptions. Yet she
wrote: ‘The equality we fought for isn’t
liveable, isn’t workable, isn’t comfortable
in the terms that structured our
battle.’
Germaine Greer, too, had a belated
and poignant rethink. Having inspired
a generation of women not to want
motherhood, she now ‘mourns for her
unborn babies’, and confessed ‘I still
have pregnancy dreams, waiting with
vast joy and confidence for something
feminism?
Childcare seems to be always on the political agenda. But are the real needs of babies, very
young children and their mothers being ignored in the short-term interests of the economy
and the burgeoning childcare ‘industry’? An informed look at the impacts
of early childcare raises many questions.
that will never happen.’ In The Whole
Woman she says: “In The Female Eunuch
I argued that motherhood should not
be treated as a substitute career: now I
would argue that motherhood should be
regarded as a genuine career option…’
She says the ‘immense rewardingness
of children is the best kept secret in the
Western world’.
Some unintended consequences of
equality feminism
Unfortunately, the working mothers/
childcare juggernaut, once set in motion,
develops a momentum of its own. In
buying homes, two incomes outbid one
and prices rise accordingly. Something is
very wrong when many women in some
of the world’s most affluent societies
cannot afford to breastfeed and mother
their own babies. The ‘economy’ is said
to require their labour, and the childcare
‘industry’ has many powerful ‘players’,
and for some it has become very profitable.
But who has a greater claim on a
mother’s presence than her own baby?
We were all babies once. That breastfeeding
is of far-reaching health significance,
and involves a foundational
love relationship, not just a tank-filling
exercise, is largely disregarded. The
American Academy of Pediatrics now
recommends breastfeeding for a year or
more, and WHO/UNICEF urge at least
two years. Danish adults who had been
breastfed for nine months averaged six
points higher IQ than those breastfed
for less than a month, as reported in
a rigorous study in the Journal of the
American Medical Association in 2002.
Research consistently shows the greatest

positive effects are on the competence
of the immune system and on health,
in ways that have major long-term cost
implications for any modern society.
Ideology masquerading as
science
Discussion of childcare is not meaningful
without stating whether it is early
childcare for infants in the first two
to three years, for preschoolers, or for
children after school, since the implications
are very different. We must
acknowledge that there are risks in
early childcare, and that professionals
regard staff stability, with one carer
per three (not five) infants under two
years, as a preliminary requirement
for infant daycare to be considered
of ‘high quality’. This is inherently
costly. Yet rather than promoting social
settings which support healthy, more
natural mothering of small children,
many women gaining power in the
social sciences, the bureaucracies and
politics call for still more non-parental
childcare, ignoring or downplaying
the accumulating evidence of risks in
their early childcare prescriptions. In
his editorial in The Wall Street Journal
of July 16, 2003, Professor Jay Belsky
described this bias as ‘ideology masquerading
as science’.
Maternal care and family
mental health
Summarising evidence from much
research, including the multimillion dollar
US study into the effects of childcare
by the Early Child Care Network of the
National Institute for Child Health and
Development (NICHD), of which he is
a founding member, Belsky observed
that, regardless of the type and quality
of daycare, research shows that the
more time children spend in any kind
of non-maternal daycare before they are
4 1/2 years old, the more truly aggressive
and disobedient they are — not just
more assertive or independent. This has
adverse implications for parents, as well
as for teachers and fellow-pupils, who
are all disadvantaged by the disruption
to learning which such children can
cause in the classroom.
The security of an infant’s attachment
to his or her mother can be reliably
assessed at around 15 to 18 months, and
an insecure attachment in the first half
of the second year is associated with a
higher risk of adverse outcomes in later
development, especially when the child
confronts risks and challenges to his or
her development. The NICHD study
showed that risk of insecure attachment
is increased for boys with more than 30
hours per week in non-maternal childcare,
regardless of the quality of the care
or other factors.
Risk is also increased when a number
of risk factors, such as low quality care,
changes in care, and relatively insensitive
mothering, occur together. For example,
more than just 10 hours a week increases
risk of insecure attachment if mothering
is relatively insensitive, even if all other
factors, such as quality of childcare, are
favourable. Also, the more time children
spend in childcare, irrespective of its
quality, the less sensitive is the mother’s
mothering through the first 36 months
of the child’s life. An extended outline of
this NICHD study may be found in my
Early Child Care — Infants and Nations at
Risk (1997).
The Minnesota Longitudinal Studies
show that, while peer and family experiences
appear to make distinctive
contributions to future close relationships,
the quality of early attachment
experiences have particular importance
with regard to the intimacy, trust, and
other emotional aspects of both teenage
and adult relationships, and the
capacity for successful partnerships in
The fruits of good
mothering and early
nurture are among
the greatest blessings
a person can
have in life.
adult life. Moreover, children and teens
with secure attachment histories excel
in social and emotional health, leadership
skills, morality, social behaviour,
self-reliance, self-control and resiliency,
as appropriate in each stage of development.
The risk-benefit situation may be
different where young children are at
risk for social reasons, such as an impoverished
home environment, especially
when exposed to indisputably good
quality day care, and here good quality
day care may offer intellectual-developmental
benefits. But these may be a
special case which should not be generalised
to argue for early childcare as
a healthy norm for most young children
in society — even though it is politically
fashionable to do so.
The private opinions of mental health
professionals
Penelope Leach (1997) reported that,
when asked what care they considered
likely to be best from birth to 36
months, most infant mental health professionals
privately believed that from
the infant’s point of view it is ‘very
important’ for babies to have their moth-
byronchild 29

progressive parenting
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ers available to them ‘through most
of each 24 hours’ for more than a year
(mean age 15 months), and ‘ideal’ for
infants to be cared for ‘principally by
their mothers’ for durations averaging
27 months. These were the opinions
of the 450 respondents (from 56 countries)
of the 902 members of the World
Association for Infant Psychiatry and
Allied Disciplines, who answered a confidential,
anonymous survey. Leach concluded:
‘Those findings suggest that
there are many professionals in infant
mental health who believe that children’s
best interests would be served by
patterns of early child care diametrically
opposed to those politicians promise,
policy-makers aspire to provide and
parents strive to find.’
Conclusion
The fruits of good mothering and early
nurture are among the greatest blessings
a person can have in life. In offering these
to their babies, mothers and fathers are
setting patterns of relationships which
can be creative, mutually rewarding and
last for the rest of their lives.
Fathers are certainly important, and
share with mothers in being playmates,
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partners, parents, protectors and providers.
But in all mammals, the roles
of the two parents are different. In the
natural breastfeeding period the role of
mother is always primary. In primates
this includes carrying and co-sleeping,
which promote secure attachment.
Programs that pressure young mothers
into the workforce and promote early
daycare carry long-term risks for community
wellbeing. Our society needs
to recognise the far-reaching developmental
importance of breastfeeding and
close, responsive mother-infant relationships
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close involvement of fathers, and aim to
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Acknowledgement: I am indebted to Professor
Jay Belsky and Professor B. Egeland for
communicating with me on some of this material,
but responsibility for the text is mine.
Peter S. Cook is a retired Sydney child and family
psychiatrist, who writes on preventive child
and family mental health.
Copyright © Peter S. Cook, Sydney, 2004. This
article may be freely reproduced in whole or
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in part, with acknowledgement. If you do so,
please notify this author, and send a copy to
pcook@midcoast.com.au or 62 Greycliffe St,
Queenscliff, NSW, 2096, Australia.
This is a selected list of references. A fuller bibliography
can be found on The Natural Child Project
website, www.naturalchild.org/peter_cook/feminism.html
• American Academy of Pediatrics Workgroup on
Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding and the use of human
milk. Pediatrics 1997, 100:1035-1039. http://www.aap.org/
policy/re9729.html leading to http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3b100/6/1035
• Belsky, J. Developmental risks (still) associated with
early child care. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry
2001; 42: 845-860.
• Belsky J. Quantity Counts: Amount of child care and children’s
socioemotional development. Journal of Developmental
and Behavioral Pediatrics 2002; 23: 167-170.
• Breazeale T.E. Attachment parenting: a practical
approach for the reduction of attachment disorders and
the promotion of emotionally secure children. Thesis
submitted to the faculty of Bethel College for the degree
of Master of Education, 2001. http://www.visi.com/~jlb/
thesis/attachment.html.
• Breazeale T.E. (2001) Co-sleeping. In ‘Attachment
Parenting: A Practical Approach for the Reduction of
Attachment Disorders and the Promotion of Emotionally
Secure Children’, Master’s thesis, Bethel College,
February, 2001.
• Cook PS. Childrearing, culture and mental health:
exploring an ethological-evolutionary perspective in child
psychiatry and preventive mental health, with particular
reference to two contrasting approaches to early childrearing.
Med J Aust 1978; Spec Suppl 2: 3-14. http://
www.naturalchild.org/peter_cook/childrearing.html
• Cook PS. Early Child Care — Infants and Nations at
remember
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Risk. Melbourne: News Weekly Books, 1997: 26-31,
76-89, 154-158, 182-190. (Revised Reprint, 1997 with
postscript, for outline of NICHD studies to May 1997,
covering early attachment.) Chapter 1 is on http://www.
naturalchild.org/peter_cook/ecc_ch1.html
• Cook P.S. Rethinking the early child care agenda.
Medical Journal of Australia, 1999; 170: 29-31.
http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/jan4/cook/cook.html
• Letters in reply to Rethinking the early child care agenda.
Medical Journal of Australia 1999; 171: August 2, 1999.
http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/171_3_020899/letter/letter.html
• Cook P. S. Home truths absent in early childcare
debate: we need parent-friendly options. The Australian
1999, March 24, Sydney. Also: The role of myth in childcare
policy. Letter, The Australian 1999,April 14, Sydney.
http://www.naturalchild.org/peter_cook/home_truths.html
• Leach P. Infant care from infants’ viewpoint: the views
of some professionals. Early Dev. Parenting 1997; 6: 47-58.
A summary of this study is presented in Cook P.S. Early
Child Care – Infants and Nations at Risk: 54-57.
• Mortensen EL et al. The association between duration of
breastfeeding and adult intelligence. Journal of the American
Medical Association, 2002; 287: 2365-2371. May 8.
• NICHD Early Child Care Research Network. Does
quality of child care affect child outcomes at age 4 ½?
Developmental Psychology 2003; 39: 581-593.
• NICHD Early Child Care Research Network. Does
quality of child care predict socioemotional adjustment
during the transition to kindergarten? Child Development,
2003; 74: 976-1005.
• Tooley, J. The Miseducation of Women. London,
Continuum 2002: 45, 51, 64, 86.
• WHO/UNICEF. On the protection, promotion and support
of breastfeeding. Innocenti Declaration. Florence,
Italy, 1990, 1 August. See http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/policy-innocenti.htm
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byronchild 31

pregnancy, birth & babies
For me, learning that my baby was
in breech position (breech being
feet first) was all about acceptance.
Being open to accepting
her the way she was. People told me
about different ways to turn the baby
and also the complications related to
breech birth. I never felt that I wanted to
control my baby because ultimately she
is her own spirit and just wanted to be
born in a different way.
I talked to her every day and asked
her if she was going to put her head
down, but always let her know that I
was open to whatever she wanted to do,
because I felt so strong and confident
that I could have a safe and gentle birth,
regardless of the fears and negativity
associated with breech birth at home.
Breech babies are unique spirits, who
need to be accepted for being different.
Amber, my daughter, had gone
to her 3rd day at school and George,
my partner, suggested that maybe we
should go for a drive with Jarrah out to
the Cascades, to help the baby come. I
felt upset with him for thinking that we
needed to help the baby come. I wanted
Lotus to come when she was ready and
I knew that she would.
We decided to take the back road to
the Cascades and found ourselves really
lost. This was strange, as we had taken
this route hundreds of times; we took
many wrong turns and had to choose
from many different directions.
The drive was quite metaphorical,
reflective of all the decisions we had
made during the pregnancy and the different
directions we would choose from.
We talked along the way home and
reached clarity and understanding in all
our decisions and both felt really good.
After we picked up Amber from
school, we went to visit Morissa so that
Amber, Jazz and Zaria could play. We
talked while the kids played and I was
feeling very high.
I went in to see the kids, as there
had been a disagreement. While I was
explaining the importance of including
Jazzy in the game my waters broke.
There was a huge gush; it was an amazing
feeling. I was in shock and said, ‘Hey
look at this!’
‘What’s happened — has the baby
done a wee?’ the kids asked curiously.
‘No, my waters have broken and that
means the baby is coming!’ I said.
I wanted to be with George, so I
had a cup of tea with Marissa and Lisa
and went home leaving the kids to play
some more.
On the walk home the water just
kept on coming, it was a wonderful
byronchild 32
feeling. The water felt sacred, it was a
beautiful way to begin the process of
birth. When I got home, George asked
me, ‘How long have we got?’ Strange
question, I thought. ‘As long as it takes,’
I replied.
I felt so confident and I wasn’t worried
by anything. I was extremely tired
and hungry, so I listened to my body
and ate tofu roll ups with fresh juice.
Then I went to bed.
I was very excited but knew l needed
to sleep. I was up and down all night with
strong rushes. I had been woken to a huge
gushing of water as I felt my little baby
coming closer to meeting me. At about
5 am I couldn’t sleep any longer. I gave
George a cuddle and suggested we go
for a walk along the beach, then I called
Marissa over to look after my sleeping
children. When we got to the beach the
rushes came on with a greater intensity
It was amazing, I felt
so in control, I knew
what I needed and
my support people
acted on everything
I asked for. They had
as much trust in me
as I did in them.
than I had felt before, one after another,
after another. I didn’t even think that I
was going to make it onto the sand.
I told George that the baby was
going to come fast and that I wanted to
go home. When we arrived home I burst
into tears, overwhelmed by how quickly
it came on; the contractions never lost
their rhythm or momentum from that
time.
George, Brenna and Marissa just kept
those hot towels coming. In between the
rushes, I focused my energy into talking
to the baby, imagining myself opening
up, sending all the energy down into
my uterus.
It was amazing, I felt so in control,
I knew what I needed and my support
people acted on everything I asked for.
They had as much trust in me as I did in
them. I knew that I needed my support
people to keep those hot towels coming,
so I got Marissa to call Kate to look after
the kids. Not long after Kate arrived
Amber and Jarrah woke up.
I will never forget, following a really
strong rush where I could have roared
the loudest ever in my life, Jarrah came
up to me and said, ‘Hey, mum, you
got some scissors?’ ‘Yes, on the fridge,’
replied Robyn.
Both Amber and Jarrah were so comfortable
with what was happening, that
I never felt distressed by their presence
and believed that they knew I was in
control and felt positive about the process.
It was just a delight having the children
in the birth space with me.
I knew Lotus was going to come
soon, so I decided to stand for a few
rushes. I felt too tired to move but I
knew it would help her come. I had
some really good rushes standing and
I felt Lotus come right down. My legs
started to go like jelly and George, who
fully supported my weight, needed a
rest. I went back down on all fours and
talked to my baby. I went into a meditative
state between rushes, being with
my baby.
My support people would give me
drinks and cool my face down, but my
energy was with Lotus, telling her that I
was excited to be meeting her soon and
was ready for her to be born.
After a rest I decided to stand again,
I knew that she would be born if I stood
once more. The kids were sitting on the
lounge very excited because we all knew
she was about to come.
George supported my weight and I
let my body relax, with a strong rush I
gently pushed her to start the flow, then
she guided herself. I breathed deeply
and felt her manoeuvre her little body,
moving her legs and bringing them
down, her body, then her little arms and
finally her head. Everybody was telling
me what was happening, and I was in
awe of the sensation of her birthing herself.
It was beautiful.
Before she landed in the pool, I saw
her little body between my legs, as she
was being caught by Robyn. She was
passed through my legs and I sat down,
her little face looking straight up at me;
her eyes were so curious, she was divine.
Immediately Jarrah and Amber were
standing there next to me, stripping
off and getting into the pool, excited to
meet their sister for the first time. ‘What
is her name?’ Amber asked.
I think her name is Lotus, I questioned
George, being open to what he
felt about her name. ‘Yes, her name is
Lotus,’ George replied.
She named herself during my pregnancy,
so it felt right to name her at
birth.
We spent a long time together in the
pool, just being in the moment, enjoying
this most precious time with our beautiful
little Lotus.

A Breech
Birth
at Home
By Tania
A Katrina Folkwell excerpt
Photograph by Katrina Folkwell
byronchild 33

manhood
‘Men of Colour’
byronchild 34

Photo by Lisa Engeman
Compiled by Suzanna Freymark
Paintings by Sean Kay
Photography by Lisa Engeman
in a White
World
‘Being a parent is
likely to be the
greatest adventure
of our lives,’ says
Adrienne Burgess,
author of
Fatherhood Reclaimed.
For indigenous fathers
in Australia this
adventure presents
complex challenges.
Greg Telford, Wayne
Armytage and Melissa
Lucashenko talk
about fatherhood
from an Aboriginal
point of view. Their
candour offers insights
in overcoming a
violent past, racial
stereotyping and
reclaiming identity
to forge a new way
forward in the father
adventure.
byronchild 35

manhood
Greg’s Story
As told to Susanna Freymark by Greg Telford
I
have Aboriginal blood, I have
Islander blood and I have white
blood so I have a mixed nationality
really. I belong to the Midjuanbal
clan up at Tweed.
We were the first black family to live
in Kingscliff. I watched a lot of relationships
between fathers and sons. At times
I was envious of white kids because
they were doing things with their dads I
suppose that I would have liked to have
done with my dad. You know, going
fishing and that sort of thing, whereas
my dad — he was doing the more commercial
type fishing with nets and all of
that, but that was about making money
to keep our house. I was envious of
watching fathers and sons going in their
own little boat — going out to sea or
going in the river, playing football. I felt
encouraged watching dads supporting
their kids to do the best they could on
the field whereas my relationship with
my dad was like, ‘You get out there and
f----in’ hurt somebody and if you don’t
f----in’ hurt somebody I’ll hurt you’.
That sort of thing.
I suppose I’m really grateful that,
looking at my dad and my mother,
is their work ethic — a really strong
work ethic. That would come out in us
even though there was lots of violence
and abuse in our family. They said, ‘If
you want anything out of your life you
know, get off your arse and get it ‘cause
nobody’s going to give it to you.’ To me
it’s a healthy thing, you know, it’s been
able to sustain me and keep me going
through my life.
I left home at fourteen because of the
violence that was occurring and sadly,
you know, I couldn’t handle it and if
I stayed I’d have had to do something
about stopping it and that may have
been detrimental to everybody. I had
people trying to help me along the way,
different aunties and uncles who tried
to influence my life a bit. I was on a path
of self-destruction for a while and then
slowly over time I became more aware
that I needed to change my lifestyle.
I got into lots of relationships with
people who had similar backgrounds to
myself. Eventually I got into a relationship
with this woman who didn’t have a
background like mine, a non-Aboriginal,
byronchild 36
non-Koori. She’s actually a Kiwi girl, a
blue-eyed blonde girl. I could tell the
qualities of how she was brought up
were different to the way I was brought
up and wanted some of what she had,
but just didn’t know how to get it.
Over time I’ve learnt a lot from her
and made changes. I’ve been lucky that
I’ve had people put in my path that have
been, I suppose, guides for what I needed
to do to learn to make the change so
that I didn’t pass these same behaviours
on to my children.
I’ve watched people like Stuey
Anderson, watched him with his boys. I
went around one day to see them while
they were at camp. Stuart was sitting
on the fence, it was a copper log fence
and his three boys were sitting with
him. He had his arms stretched right
out either side and his boys were tucked
into them and one of them had his arm
across his dad’s leg, they were all sort
of entwined with each other. A lot of
people could walk past and that would
have no impact on them whereas for me
it was just bang — it just hit me in the
face. Like, shit, look at this father with
his boys. That’s what I want.
We can blame
colonisation, we can
blame growing up in
negative lifestyles,
but while we
continue to blame,
we don’t have to
look at ourselves
and our behaviour.
Anyway when we left there I said
to a friend, ‘Didn’t you notice the way
that guy was sitting on the fence with
his sons?’ She said, ‘I didn’t think much
of it.’
The difference was because she was
brought up in a family where there was
lots of love and that sort of thing shown.
I just see white families grow up different
to black families. Maybe
white fellows are better
at expressing their love
for one another more so
than we are.
If I see some kids,
regardless of what colour
the kids are, if they’re
doing something that I
know is wrong that could get them into
trouble or cause problems for somebody
else more often than not I’d stop if I was
driving past. If they’re Koori, I make them
aware that if you’re doing something you
shouldn’t, you need to be aware it affects
your mum, your dad, your uncles, your
aunties, your grandparents, because it’s
whether we like it or not we get tarred
with the one brush. We need to be aware
that regardless of whether we’re related
to one another or not we still have a connection
by the colour of our skin. And
even that has repercussions on me as a
father because one of my little boys is
blonde with blue eyes.
He came home from school when he
was six and said,‘Dad, the kids at school
have been teasing me.’ I said, ‘What
about, son?’ I knew it’d come sooner or
later. I’m in the bath with him. He said,
‘The kids at school they’re teasing me
because I don’t look like you.’ I wanted
him to say black but he wouldn’t say
it. I said, ‘What do you mean you don’t
look like me?’ He said, ‘You know, I
don’t look like you. When I get older
and grow up will I look like you?’ And
I said, ‘No, son, in the summer you’ll go
goldie but in the winter time you will
fade. Your dad does too, but no, you’re
not going to look like dad. You just be
proud of who you are.’ I had tears in
my eyes when he was speaking because
I was thinking, ‘Shit, here he is at this
age feeling this already.’ And then he
turned around and he said, ‘Dad.’ And
I said ‘Yeah.’ He said, ‘I’m black inside.’
The tears ran down my face. It just blew
me away.
He’s thirteen now. I talked at the
NAIDOC celebration at his school last
year. He came home and said to his
mother, ‘I’ve had the afternoon of a
celebrity! Half the kids in my class
didn’t know I was Koori and the other
half just had no idea what I was, really.
They just thought I was one of them but
they see dad there today and they see
me carry the Koori flag. You know, they
just treated me really different.’
My Pop [grandfather] died last year.
Because of Dad’s relationship [to him]
you know, we never got close. My Pop
actually apologised to me because of

that. He said that he would have loved
to have been closer to us but he never
got the opportunity to because of his
and my father’s relationship.
I just said ‘thanks Pop’. You know,
I’d love to be able to share that stuff
with my dad. I’ll always live with a hope
that someday it may happen but one of
the things I’ve also become aware of is
that through that negative relationship
with dad, I have to keep working really
hard on my own, so that I maintain that
positive connection I have with my boys
today. You know, we do lots of cuddling,
lots of talking. Even tonight, you know,
I had a little bit of a spin at home. My
eldest fella actually challenged me about
it. He said, ‘You shouldn’t bring your
attitude home from work when you’re
stressed and take it out on mum, and
take it out on us.’ Anyway we had a bit
of a blow-up but we’ve got a meeting
planned for tonight so that mum and
me and the two boys can talk. I never
experienced anything like that growing
up as a young fella, although I used to
talk with my mum a lot about her living
with the violence, and that sort of thing,
and why we had to keep going down
this track.
I always had a dream or an expectation
that there’s got to be more to life
than this. You know I always say that
what happened to me as a little fella, I’m
pretty sure that we’re not just put on this
earth to just keep hurting one another
and keep feeling hurt, you know, and
sadness. I’m pretty sure that’s not what
life’s about. There’s got to be more to life
than this. Today I’m lucky that I’ve been
able to work through my stuff and find
out what that actually is.
I am the co-ordinator of the Rekindling
the Spirit Program (a Lismore, NSW,
based program set up by the Aboriginal
community). I like to feel that we have
good and bad spirits within us all. What
we try to work with is to bring the good
spirit to the forefront, and if we can help
that happen, everyone that comes into
contact with you wants to be around
you, wants to warm to you, especially
your children.
When we work with men, sometimes
we’ll take them back to their childhood
and start to get them to identify their
feelings and emotions that were happening
for them as a young person. It takes
time because whether they’re black men,
white men, yellow men, it doesn’t really
matter, you ask them how they are and
most of them will say ‘good’. And then I
say, ‘Well good’s not a feeling. What are
you actually feeling right now?’ They
say, ‘You know, I’m okay.’ I say, ‘Okay is
not a feeling.’ And then they say, ‘Stuff
you, Greg, I don’t know!’ I say to them
we need to start to identify that we’ve all
been sad, we’ve all been glad, we’ve all
been mad, we’ve all been angry, we’ve
all hurt.
What I talk to them about is if you
don’t like your life and where you’re
going at the moment, and you don’t
want your children to go down that
same track, maybe you need to be looking
at changing your behaviour, because
what our kids see is what our kids will
be.
I talk about how if they’re [the children]
watching violence, there’s a good
... if you don’t like
your life and where
you’re going at the
moment, and you
don’t want your
children to go down
that same track,
maybe you need to
be looking at
changing your
behaviour, because
what our kids see
is what our kids
will be.
chance they’re going to turn out violent.
And if they’re watching substance
abuse, there’s a chance they’re going to
abuse substances, if they’re looking at
really negative role modelling as far as
parenting there’s a good chance they’re
going to turn out shitty parents. So if
we want good kids to happen we’ve
all got to be aware of what we’re doing
because we can blame all of the systems
out there, but when it comes down to
it we’re the first educators and what
comes out of our homes is what’s happening
in our homes.
It could apply to anybody, but for us,
as black people within this country, we
have a bigger issue to tackle with trying
to get accepted within the dominant
culture. To do that, sometimes we’ve
got to be aware of our own behaviours
and how we can play into the game of
discrimination by giving people ammunition
to throw shit at us. We can blame
colonisation, we can blame growing up
in negative lifestyles, but while we continue
to blame, we don’t have to look at
ourselves and our behaviour.
One of the things I talk to the guys
about is we can make up nice glossy certificates
that say I completed this course.
But for me the benefits come when your
kids reach up to you, they cuddle you
and want to be around you. Having
your children cuddle into you while
they’re beside you, then going to sleep,
they’re just like little snugly koalas on
either side of you.
I shared that in a men’s group one
day and I wasn’t aware that one of the
guys there hadn’t been out of jail long.
He came in the next week and he said,
‘Greg, you know how you talked about
your kids snuggling in to you either side
of you and how it’s such a nice feeling?
Well I tried that, and I never had a feeling
like that.’ The tears started rolling
down my face.
That’s why we keep encouraging
one another. Because I think of that guy,
you know, his dad died when he was
quite young. Although he had uncles
that took up a bit of that fathering for
him, you know, this poor fella now, he
shouldn’t have been removed from their
care. But having that experience with
his kids, just for that little moment, and
for those children to have that moment
with their dad — they’re memories that
they’ll never forget. And they may never
have got the opportunity to feel that.
That’s really hard.
It’s taken us 214 years to get here.
If we think we’re going to undo what’s
been done in a short time frame, you
know, we’re just talking shit to ourselves.
Because it’s going to take a long time to
undo what’s been done. And then to get
people to come on board and look at
how government has played roles within
the breakdown of our culture.
And we can look at them and keep
blaming and keep blaming, but, you
know, while we do that, we’re victimising
ourselves more and more too. We’ve
really got to step out of that and start
encouraging one another, you know, to
take on that role modelling to one another
about how to be better fathers.
With our mob, I’m really hungry to
see what can happen when you change
your life around. Because I watch what
comes out of homes today, and I talk
about it in our men’s groups, how when
kids are loved and they’re supported
and they’re encouraged, it just blows
me away what they achieve. And for
me, at times I get a bit sad and I think
if we were loved… but we didn’t get a
lot of support and we didn’t get a lot of
byronchild 37

manhood
Melissa’s Story
By Melissa Lucashenko
Fathers? Oh, where to
begin. Not with my
own father, who was
raised with a refugee’s
violence and loss, and passed
some of it on. Let me speak
instead of some indigenous men I
know — men of colour in a white
world. Black men, who, like me,
are not just afraid that their sons
won’t make it into the uni course
of choice, but afraid also that
our sons may die grubby, violent
Let me speak instead of
some indigenous men I
know — men of colour
in a white world.
deaths in police cells or parks.
‘S’ is from a coastal Northern
NT community, raised in
Darwin, lives in Brisbane. He
is light-skinned, has married a
white woman and has a blonde,
blue-eyed son. He listens to his
son, oh how he listens! Every
anecdote is theatrically reacted
to. At three, this boy can tell a
story! Gestures, wide eyes, the
lot. On the riverbank, ‘S’ wrestles
his boy in play as I and
three very black grannies look
on. Conversationally, I speak of
the violence in the Byron community,
and how I want to help
change that. ‘It’s not terrible,’ I
explain. ‘Not like say in Tennant
Creek or somewhere.’ S pauses.
As always, he speaks softly but
seriously. He is a law man, been
through ceremony. No need for
loud noise or bluster. ‘Even a
little bit — that’s too much,’ he
says. Pinches finger and thumb
together. ‘Even that much. It’s
byronchild 38
too much. Any amount.’ He is
suggesting a very different universe.
‘B’ is from North Queensland.
I hear him ask his five year old,
‘Do you like being an Aboriginal
boy?’ and listening carefully to
the answer. I have asked another
Aboriginal man, a mutual friend,
to be an uncle to my own boy,
whose father is white. When
puberty hits, my partner can do
some of the work for our son,
but not all of it. He needs
black men too. Unasked, ‘B’
says to me in the same fashion
as ‘S’, quiet, serious but
not pious, ‘He can call me
Uncle.’ Unasked, mind you.
These black men have broad
shoulders.
Another man, also from
Queensland. Hurting. In a public
mall in an Australian capital city,
he is told by police to move on.
‘I can’t, I’m meeting my ex here
with my kids,’ he protests. ‘We
don’t care,’ the coppers reply.
‘You can’t be around here any
longer than two minutes.’ He is
forced to leave, to stand up his
kids.
There is a mythic Aboriginal
man in the white Australian psyche
— drunken, violent, raging,
dangerous. I know one or two
such black men, but I know a lot
more like ‘S’, and like ‘B’. Black
men who know our kids are precious,
and act like it. Whitefellas
have a lot to learn from them, but
will have to shed their ingrained
racism to do so. That’s part of
being an Australian father too.
Melissa Lucahsenko is an indigenous novelist
who is optimistic about our children’s future.
Painting courtesy of Byron Community Primary School
encouragement. But if we had that, how
would we have turned out?
The vision for me around our indigenous
people within this country is to
see dads take a lot more of a role with
the evolvement of their kids, all the
way through from their birth through
to their death, really. And I suppose giving
something to their kids that they’re
able to clutch on to.
I treat the work that we’re doing,
it’s like we’re going through a jungle
and we’re clearing a path. A lot of our
elders in our time before us have cleared
the path in front of us, but there’s bits
of debris still left. We’re going through,
finding that debris on the road. And even
though we’re finding that debris on the
road, there’s still a little bit more behind
us. And if we continue to keep doing this
and keep role modelling to one another,
eventually we’ll have a good path that
our kids can go down and they won’t
have to deal with all the debris.
We need to get down to the core, to
the guts of what our problems are. Some
of it can be growing up in a home where
there’s violence; it can be emotional violence,
or neglect, sometimes it may be
sexual abuse. I hear people who talk
about how not having violence or abuse
in any way, but just not having physical
connection with one another can be hurtful.
I’ve heard other men share how at
least getting a hiding was getting some
attention, better than no attention.
I’m getting people to become more
aware of that, to really keep working
with one another around those issues.
It’s always going to be there, and slowly
over time we’re cleaning the debris out
of the road. Eventually we’ll have some
good tracks but we need to be joining
together to make that happen, because
regardless of all the family turmoil you
have, there’s also the discrimination,
the racism, the experiences.
It’s a learning process that goes on.
When we stop learning is when we
stop breathing. I make a lot of mistakes
along the way, but mistakes are about
learning. If we don’t learn from them
we repeat them — the bigger the mistake,
the bigger the learning. It took me
a while to realise that sort of stuff. But
I’m glad today, and what I do is I share
it with others. The good part is I share
it with my kids.
I’ve been lucky, like I say.
Greg Telford is co-ordinator of Rekindling the
Spirit, a program set up by the Aboriginal
community of Lismore to service Aboriginal
people. He is a father of five children and three
children currently live with him and his partner.

Wayne’s
Story
As told to Suzanna Freymark by Wayne Armytage
I
have had the privilege of having two fathers
— more than two fathers — but the major
ones are my birth father John and my adopted
father, Peter Costello. He claimed me. In
traditional Wiradjuri law, if you have no grandparents
on either side, and you haven’t been through
law, you can be claimed by someone.
Painting by Sean Kay, Photographs courtesy of Wayne Armytage and Lisa Engeman
byronchild 39

manhood
When I first met Peter he said,
‘I claim you, boy.’ I didn’t really
know what he was talking about.
A year later or so on another trip
he claimed me. He said, ‘I will be
your father. I will be piepa.’ With
all the other elders there he made
his statement. They all named
their places where they were in
my life. It was 1984; I knew what
it meant.
Peter is impeccable to me as
a father. I do what he says. In
Aboriginal culture there is jilli
binna. It means look and listen.
There is no mouth in it, just be
quiet and look and listen and learn
by watching.
Talking straight up about it,
my birth father was a violent man,
angsty man. Ain’t no shit about
it. He made up for that before
he passed away. In some way he
had remorse and apologised as
he got older. I got some understanding
and we parted — he left
this planet and then Peter Costello
(Makrrnggal) claimed me. And I
had this other father. In Aboriginal,
this is my brother, they’re not like
my brothers, they are my brothers.
This man is not like my father, he
is my father — it’s a big difference.
I am his son. This father of
mine is such a gentle, kind man
you know. His traditions, his
Aboriginality, shines — his connections
to the land. He’ll sit out
on the verandah and laugh his
head off — ‘Ha-ha the birds are
having a funny talk.’ I sat down
and listened with him and we
both started laughing, listening to the
birds talk. That simple little thing, he
got me listening, taking notice of the
birds. It was so beautiful, sitting there
with my dad listening and laughing
with the birds, joining in their joy — so
beautiful.
I had to apologise to my birth father
after he died, because he said he was
sorry just before he died. I didn’t say
sorry to him. I was violent to my father.
You know how I was violent? When
my father said I was a good father, you
know what I said? ‘Yeah I never hit
him once.’ I didn’t say, ‘Thanks, dad,
I’m trying.’ I’d have liked to have had
the softness in my heart to have said,
‘Thanks, dad, I am trying to come from
love.’ I was violent in a different form
— I didn’t allow him to love me like he
wanted to. I wouldn’t let him.
I saw him bash the shit out of my
byronchild 40
What Makes it
Alright
For Zac
I don’t need to hold you
I don’t need to kiss you
I don’t need to feel your
warm embrace
I don’t need you to fill
an empty space
I just need to know
You’re okay
So
I do my best, to let it
flow
And try not to let
The injury show
And what makes it
alright
Is
You know
Wayne Armytage 1987
mother, my sister, my brother. I held
him up against the wall and said, ‘You
punch them again, I’ll kill ya! There’s
no doubt about it, I’ll kill ya!’ And he
knew I meant it. That was the end of
the violence. That’s not such a good
ending, there should be a better ending
than that. This is a son being a father…
he should do that. My family thought it
was excellent, but it was devastating. I
remember crying. I’m glad I did it.
I was 24 — it was very painful.
I have a family officially of about
two thousand — somewhere around
that — and I know most of them are
Wiradjuri (inland NSW, the other side
of Tamworth). People know where they
come from. I defy to meet a gorri person
who doesn’t know where he comes
from. I am Kukuthaypan, that’s Peter’s
mob — people of the snake.
See the ground out there (gesturing)?
That’s my fire. We sit around the fire; we
talk. I have a different paradigm,
it’s a very hard thing to explain:
I am a blackfella; I have a black
heart.
I saw both my sons birthed. It
was such a miracle for me; I didn’t
know what to do. So I wrote my
first son a letter to him imagining
he was twelve years old. Any passion
or any determination I had in
me for a better world, it was now
twenty-fold, thousand-fold, million-fold.
I wanted the world to be
a better place.
My youngest son, his question
to me is, ‘We’re really Aboriginal,
Dad, aren’t we? Anthony Mundine,
he’s my uncle isn’t he?’ ‘Yeah.’
‘Peter, my grandfather, yeah.’ He
goes to a community school and
he is the only goori kid there, you
know. He is blonde haired and
blue eyed and he identifies as an
Australian. We have blackfellas
visiting here, locals, and in some
way it will hit home. He questions:
how does this work? How is this
different? We’re not having fires in
the house; what does it mean to be
Aboriginal?
I am successful, that can be rare
— there should be more of it. It is
because of the inequalities. I left
school at fourteen, I haven’t had
an education; I got it later on in
life. My sons have the benefits that
most mainstream whitefellas have,
a nice house, doesn’t have a father
who drinks, you know, whatever
it might be, the stereotypes, it’s not
just black — we have a very nice,
functional, loving family.
I made the typical baby boom error
and went out to save the world and left
my son at home. I was very passionate
about a lot of issues and I was one
of those people who looked around at
the end of the issues and my son was
standing there needing me. So then my
approach changed.
So fathers evolve, just like mothers
do, just like people do. As you evolve I
think it is important to express that evolution
in some way. My sons and I are all
very close. For me as a father letting go
is still one of the greatest things you can
do — especially making sure the person
is ready to be let go.
And when they are ready to go — let
them go with love.
Wayne Armytage, of the Wiradjuri clan, is a
poet and philosopher and lives in Mullumbimby,
Australia with his family.

Commentary:
Remember how to play?
By Peter Keil
I have trouble playing, particularly in an
unstructured way — the way that children
want to play. I find it hard to justify
taking the time to just muck about unless
I can create some legitimate reason for it.
I am not the only one, in my work and
conversations with other men I find that
very few allow themselves the space to
play. I watch children involved in play
and what I see is an open ended process
that often involves making up the rules
as one goes along. I see a process that is
not so concerned with winning or losing,
is not worried about the rules being
perfect. I see children creating funny
little realities together or on their own.
What I find immensely sad is that I can
not really remember what it felt like to
do that. What men do well in terms of
play is structured and often competitive:
sport, board games and computer
games. We can’t view sport as play any
more, but just another career path.
The general trend seems to be away
from unstructured, active and interactive
imaginative play towards structured
and competitive play. The other
trend is towards passive entertainment
as a replacement for play. I was trying
to imagine what kinds of passive entertainment
existed in early cultures and all
I could come up with was story telling,
circus and theatre; these feel very different
to watching TV.
If we wish to raise boys successfully
and we wish them to embody ideals of
fairness, passionate engagement, pleasure
in the challenges of life, then play is
one place where those values are learnt.
Most importantly, play is active not passive.
The rise in passive entertainment
is really astounding and the use of the
television to provide entertainment for
children and adults has clearly deeply
eroded our traditions of play.
Recently I was involved with a camp
for men and boys. At one point the boys
suggested a game of spotlight (played
at night, one person has a strong torch
and tries to stop everyone else from
reaching a home point by spotlighting
and naming them). All the adults were
a bit unenthusiastic, but we gave it a
go and of course we were immediately
engrossed and had a fantastic time. Why
didn’t we know that? Why didn’t we
remember how much fun it can be?
I asked Simon Dubois, a psycholo-
gist and youth worker, what he would
like to say to men, especially fathers,
about play: ‘I would like them to critically
evaluate the amount of priority
they give play. How often do they generate
opportunities for themselves and
their children to play? And then, on a
broader level, I’m interested in people
stopping to think, “Well how important
is this?” “Is it my role?” or “Should
we be creating structures where kids
are able to spend more time together?”
Perhaps adults are just a stopgap
because kids can’t find other kids. I
think Kai (Simon’s four-year-old son) is
looking for someone with greater cognitive
ability to play with, which kids
the same age can’t be, but adults and
older kids can. Connecting intimately
requires an unshielded, unstructured
space where silly little wacky things can
happen. Kai’s train set is meaningless
to him unless someone is playing with
him with it.’
At Uncle Byron Bay, working with
men who wish to be mentors for boys,
we’ve learnt that play creates better
interaction. It is the best starting point
for the mentoring relationship. Men
who play appropriately with boys are
able to attract greater attention, respect
etc simply through the capacity to play.
So we try to train our Uncles to be
conscious players with distinct goals
— connection, teaching of approaches
to challenges, communication skills,
creativity.
What we have realised is that to create
a relationship of value with a boy
requires that the man is able to drop
their daily concerns and be completely
in the company of the boy — in this
space the boy’s ideas and interests are
as valid as the man’s despite his greater
experience.
Play gives you access to the greatest
confidence booster you can provide,
allowing children to create the world
in which you meet where they are in
control, where normal power structures
are broken down and those involved
are co-creating a world where anything
might happen.
So put aside the time, put aside your
ego, put aside the need to win or even
get things right, listen to the children
around you, learn from them, throw
away your ordinary concerns and relax
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thus fostering the creation of
small, personal networks of
like-minded people
all over Australia
and the world beyond.
If, like us, you feel that the
message of byronchild
is urgently important in
today’s world of widespread
disinformation and
disempowerment, and are
interested in a new business
opportunity, then contact us
and let us set you up in your
own part-time business.
Call (02) 6684 4353
info@byronchild.com
‘Linking our arms we reach
around the world,
creating a new today’
Photo by Christabelle Baranay
byronchild 41

manhood
Naturally best, clean, soft & healthy
• 100% cotton nappies Australian-made
• Washed to Hospital Standard AS4146
• Pickup & deliver Sydney & suburbs
• Gift certificates available
• Special introductory offers
Ph: 1300 303 600
www.sydneynappywash.com.au bc113015
Peter Keil
transforming lives
through
• dialogue,
• counselling,
• naturopathy
• and comedy
By appointment only
02 6685 8487
Cherubs-N-Chocolates
Personalised chocolates for the special
occasion, thankyou, bonbonniere or
invitation that will always be remembered
and often talked about.
Call Michelle on 03 9395 3187
or visit our web site on
www.michelleschocolates.com
No minimum quantities. Fast turnaround.
CHARACTER FIRST! ®
Strong Values
and Good
Character is
something we all
hope our children
possess.
Whether you’re a
parent or teacher
Character First is here to help you. To
find out more see our website at
www.characterfirst.com.au
(03) 5253 3272
Watch this space for details of seminars in
Sydney later this year.
byronchild 42
bc113011
bc113012
The birthing of
the
FATHERHOOD
By Suzanna Freymark, Photography by Christabelle Baranay
Colin George is a father of five.
He ran away from fathering
his first two children. ‘I was
scared and didn’t know how
to be the father I never had,’ he said. He
was just seven years old when his own
father died. It was a defining moment in
his life as a boy growing up in Brighton,
England.
Colin describes the three children he
lives with in northern NSW as giving
him indescribable joy. ‘I’ve finally taken
on the responsibility of being a father.’
Three years ago he attended a
Pathways to Manhood camp with his
twelve-year-old son, Daniel, and spent
a week living rough with men and
boys. He was inspired by the contribution
Pathways made in guiding boys on
their journey to manhood and, one day,
fatherhood.
‘I was particularly moved by the
generosity of the men towards the boys
that were not of their blood. Some were
stepfathers, some family friends, others
brothers-in-law and uncles. I realised
that as a man I have a responsibility
towards all our boys and as a father
towards all the sons and daughters in
our community.’
He wanted to contribute in some
way and he knew it would be through
his music. He wrote a song called Rage
that described his ‘locked up’ feelings
about the death of his father and was
then inspired to bring together some of
Australia’s finest musicians including
John Butler, Paul Kelly and Tex Perkins
for an album on fatherhood.
Linking up with musician Steve
Davies, he formed a music production
company called Rawmix and set about
launching the Fatherhood CD.
‘The songs on the album reinforce
the role of the father,’ explained Colin.
‘Men have perceived themselves as
inadequate fathers and the social pressure
to prioritise work has meant the
project
father role hasn’t been valued.’
The diversity of this role is reflected
in the father stories from John Butler’s
poignant Spring, a song about a miscarriage,
to Mick Thomas’s Father’s Day
about being a separated dad.
Colin has always dreamt of creating
music that makes a difference. That is
why the beneficiaries of the Fatherhood
CD are Uncle and Pathways to Manhood,
community organisations that mentor
boys in positive ways.
Being a dad didn’t come easily to
Colin. Giving birth to this compilation
album has reinforced his own father
power and spurred national interest in
fatherhood issues.
Over the past year there have been
Fatherhood concerts in Melbourne,
Woodford and at the Blues Festival in
Byron Bay with Kasey and Bill Chambers
singing together on stage with John
Butler, Xavier Rudd and Harry Manx.
The emotion and strength of feeling
that emerged out of these concerts
from both the audience and the artists
prompted the founding of The Fatherhood
Project.
As a not-for-profit organisation, The
Fatherhood Project is dedicated to building
positive community through enriching
the lives of fathers and their families.
It is an imaginative catalyst for change
in the way we think and perceive fathers
and their families in today’s world.
‘It is about looking at our issues with
our fathers and finding ways to come
to terms with those issues,’ says Colin
of The Fatherhood Project. ‘It is about
fathers finding out what is really important
to them and being able to express
those feelings. It is about the healing of
relationships for men, women and especially
children.’
The Fatherhood Festival is a social
and cultural initiative that celebrates and
challenges fatherhood. The Fatherhood
Project sees the first Fatherhood Festival

as a springboard to annual festivals across Australia in the coming
years.
‘Everybody on earth has a father and whatever we have to say
of him — good, bad, loving or violent, active or absent — this man
occupies a unique place in our lives,’ says Alan Close, writer.
What fathers do — and don’t do —
matters to all of us.
Colin with John Butler at
the Fatherhood CD launch
Fatherhood Festival Update
As an outcome of the Fatherhood Festival held in Bangalow,
NSW, in September, we are establishing a Fatherhood database
so all information relating to fathers and families can
be accessed at a central point. If you would like your organisation
listed send the details to fatherhood@fatherhoodcd.org
We welcome the exchange of ideas with groups and
Colin with sons
Daniel and Harry
individuals so please get in touch with us. Conversations
around father issues and the sharing of stories connect us
in a way that gives each and every one of us the strength and
passion to continue our work in the world.
To find out more about
The Fatherhood Project contact
PO Box 71, Federal, NSW 2480
email: fatherhood@fatherhood-cd.org
www.fatherhood.com.au
byronchild 43

The road well travelled
I do believe that the journey is more
important than the destination. I even
try to live that way, but when I travelled
with our four frisky children in a confined
space, I sometimes found it hard to
remember. Today, some parents rely on
hand-held games, some on portable DVDs
or videos, but our children were young in
the days before electronic entertainment,
and we made do the old fashioned way
with a variety of books on tape and lap
projects. It was actually kind of satisfying.
The kids used their mental muscles and
imaginations. We made frequent stops on
the road or forays down the aisle from
our plane seats. It was a good combination
that made the miles fly by. Give it a
shot. Whether you travel by car, train, or
plane, the following activities will keep
your child entertained for hours. You may
even grow to enjoy the way as much as
the end.
Portable permanent tictac-toe
Make this clever tic-tac-toe square with
your child before you leave home. You can
also use dried pasta shapes, buttons, or
coins as your markers.
What you will need:
• 4 popsicle sticks
• glue
• construction paper
• scissors
Lay the popsicle sticks in a tic-tac-toe grid
Boredom Busters
Nancy Blakey books:
• Go Outside!
• More Mudpies:
101 Alternatives
to Television
• Boredom Busters
• Recipes for Invention
Available from www.nancyblakey.com
byronchild 44
on a piece of construction paper. Then
glue the sticks together in the grid shape.
Next, glue the grid on to the paper. Cut
out 5 X’s and 5 O’s from the remaining
construction paper to use as markers.
Bubblegum experiment
This is science. Really and truly. The kind
of science that makes kids curious and
want to know more. It’s also good fun for
parents to participate in too.
What you will need:
• several different types of bubblegum
• a small notebook and pen
First talk to your child about what a
hypothesis is — an educated guess —
then hypothesise which brand of bubble
gum you guess would blow the biggest
bubbles and why. Write down the hypothesis
and the order of the bubblegum
brands from the best to the worst in the
notebook.
Next, scientifically unwrap one brand of
gum and chew for a set amount of time,
say three minutes. This is where you come
in, because the more people that try the
gum, the truer the results. Then blow several
bubbles over a set amount of time.
Record the approximate size of them
and move on to the next brand. Did the
results surprise you? They often do. And
that, my friends, is science.
Write a Foot
Expressing yourself clearly on paper is a
resource for life. This project helps children
use this skill in a noncompetitive and
entertaining way. Begin before the trip by
outlining your child’s foot with a heavy
black marker on a piece of paper. Place
the outline in a plastic sleeve used to
protect papers or photos. Next, ask your
child to write words that describe her
around the outline of the foot. Ask what
this foot can do, where it will go, what it
feels. You can also trace hands or simple
objects that appeal to your child: baseballs,
kittens, horses, dinosaurs, candy canes,
umbrellas, bunnies, flowers, soccer balls,
etc. Just make sure the outline is simple
enough to trace with words. Save the out-
lines in the plastic sleeves to be used over
again, when the writing mood strikes.
Straw and pipe cleaner
constructs
This is another project with little direction
(the best kind!). For older children,
include the scissors with the straws and
pipe cleaners to cut the pieces while en
route.
What you will need:
• bendable straws
• pipe cleaners
• zipper-type bag to store the pieces in
• scissors
The constructs are simple to form, but
the results can be elaborate pieces of
art. The only instructions needed are to
cut the straws and pipe cleaners in half
(or to a desired size), then place the
pipe cleaner inside the straw. Keep adding
straws to the pipe cleaners, bending
the straw ‘joints’ wherever desired. These
constructs can lie flat, or rise to grand
three-dimensional heights.
Magnetic play
By Nancy Blakey
You can use a variety of magnets for
this project—from alphabets, to magnetic
poetry words, to simple shapes. The
cookie sheet makes a good base to draw
on when the magnetic play is done.
What you will need:
• metal cookie sheet
• lots of magnets: magnetic poetry, alphabets,
shapes, and figures
• zipper-type plastic bag to store the
magnets in
This is a self-directed project. Older children
may like to make words from the letters
or poems and phrases while younger
kids can play with the shapes and figures.
Nancy Blakey is the author of The Mudpies Activity
Books. Her latest book is Go Outside! Interested in
more projects? Visit her web site at nancyblakey.com

Mother love keeps anger in
check
Good parenting may be enough to counteract
the effects of a ‘bad’ gene linked to
aggression. In a new study that adds to the
nature versus nurture debate, scientists have
found that upbringing had a big moderating
influence on the behaviour of monkeys that
were genetically predisposed to violence.
An American team led by Stephen Suomi
of the National Institute of Child Health
and Human Development (US) split a sample
of rhesus monkeys into two groups.
One group was deprived of their mothers
at birth and left with their siblings to fend
for themselves for the first six months of
life. The rest were reared naturally. The
Turn off the television!!
The nation’s pediatricians have spelled it
out: keep toddlers away from television and
strictly limit the amount of time their older
siblings spend in front of the box or playing
computer and video games. In its first formal
policy statement on children and the media,
the peak pediatricians’ group has fired a
broadside at exploitative marketing that its
author said ‘directly and intentionally violated’
children too young to withstand it.
‘The amount of money spent by large
commercial organisations on understanding
children’s development for the purpose of
exploiting them is now more than universities
spend on child development studies,’ said the
Preservatives, colourings and
behaviour
Artificial colourings and preservatives in
food and drink boost levels of hyperactivity
in pre-school children and urgent consideration
should be given to removing them,
claim doctors.
The additives have a ‘significant’ impact
on the behaviour of ordinary children and
their elimination would be in the long-term
interests of public health, researchers from
the University of Southampton say. The
proportion of children with high levels of
hyperactivity was halved when the additives
were removed, the researchers found. The
additives in the test were:
Colourings:
Tartrazine (E102): A synthetic yellow azo
dye found in fruit squash, fizzy drinks, custard
powder, ice cream, sweets, chewing
gum, jam and yoghurt.
Banned in Norway and Austria.
Sunset yellow (E110): Also a synthetic yel-
childnews
team also tested for a gene linked to
aggressive behaviour, called 5HTT, which
influences how the brain deals with the
‘feelgood’ chemical, serotonin.
Monkeys with a ‘bad’ version of the
gene that leads to low levels of serotonin
and aggressive behaviour were
found to become extremely violent if
they were separated from their mothers.
But this genetic variation had no effect
on monkeys who had been raised by their
mothers.
Monkeys with a version of the gene
that leads to high serotonin levels were
placid, irrespective of their upbringing.
Sydney Morning Herald
statement’s author, Michael McDowell, head
of the pediatric policy committee of the
Royal Australasian College of Physicians.
The advice comes in response to accumulating
evidence that media exposure can
alter the development of children’s brains.
McDowell said the evidence that watching
violent or other inappropriate material
could damage children’s development by
desensitising their responses to real-life situations
was now too strong to be ignored. He
said governments had failed to act to protect
children from excesses of advertising, or to
acknowledge ‘the exquisite vulnerability of
children vis-a-vis marketing’.
Sydney Morning Herald
low azo dye which must be heat treated.
Found in orange jelly and squash, Swiss
roll, apricot jam, hot chocolate mix, packet
soups, canned fish.
Banned in Norway and Finland.
Carmoisine (E122): A synthetic red azo dye
which must be heat treated. Used in blancmange,
marzipan, jams, sweets, brown sauce,
yoghurts, jellies and cheesecake mixes.
Banned in Japan, Norway, Sweden and the US.
Ponceau 4R (E124): Also known as
Cochineal Red, a synthetic red azo dye used
in dessert toppings, jelly, salami, seafood
dressings, tinned strawberries and fruit pie
fillings. Banned in Norway and the US.
Preservatives:
Sodium Benzoate (E211): The sodium salt
of benzoic acid used as a food preservative
and antiseptic. Found in margarine, pineapple
juice, prawns, milk products, baked
goods, lollipops and soft drinks.
news.independent.co.uk
Toddlers too sedentary
New research suggests even 3-year-olds
aren’t getting enough exercise, raising concerns
over their weight, future disease risk,
psychological wellbeing, behaviour and learning
ability.
In the first study to rigorously track
the movements of preschoolers, scientists
found that the average 3-year-old is physically
active for just 20 minutes a day, well
short of the recommended hour a day for
that age. ‘A 3-year-old 25 years ago was eating
25% more than a 3-year-old today,’ said
the study’s leader, John Reilly, a physiologist
at the University of Glasgow. ‘But physical
activity levels have dropped quite dramatically
over the last 15 or 20 years.’
In the study, the children were spending
between nine and 10 hours of their waking
day hardly moving at all. The dangers of
a sedentary childhood go beyond obesity,
experts said. More active children tend to be
better behaved and scientists suspect that
more active children learn more effectively,
perhaps because physical activity is a stimulus
to brain development.
Associated Press
Television watching may hasten
puberty
Children who watch a lot of television,
new research suggests, produce less
melatonin, the ‘sleep hormone’, which
has been linked to timing of puberty.
Scientists at the University of Florence
in Italy found that when youngsters were
deprived of their TV sets, computers and
video games, their melatonin production
increased by an average 30%.
‘Girls are reaching puberty much earlier
than in the 1950s. One reason is due
to their average increase in weight; but
another may be due to reduced levels of
melatonin,’ suggests Roberto Salti, who
led the study. ‘Animal studies have shown
that low melatonin levels have an important
role in promoting an early onset of
puberty.’
Other studies have shown that children
who spend a lot of time watching
television or playing video games
weigh more than other children, which
might also exacerbate the early onset of
puberty.
New Scientist
byronchild 45

spirit of learning
Thomas starts the day just like any other child who sets
the pace for his own learning. He wakes up with a
grin on his face, eager to greet the day that stretches
out before him — relatively unscheduled, yet full of
learning opportunities just waiting to be discovered. Before he
has even rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he is curiously inspecting
the progress of the chemistry experiment he stayed up till
late in the night concocting, then wanders into the kitchen to
meet his family for a relaxed shared breakfast. They all pitch
in to finish the chores around the home and garden they have
created together, before Thomas and his mother head down
to their local resources library to research the solar panel system
the family are constructing, and to prepare for his science
study group in the afternoon.
Children like Thomas who are learning naturally outside
of the confines of the traditional schooling system are an
emerging group drawing a great deal of interest from those
seeking answers to the problems of today’s society. These
young people learn to interact with the whole world as their
classroom, their parents and others serving as chosen guides,
mentors and facilitators. Research proves these children to be
people who grow up to be independent thinkers who perform
academically ahead of their schooled peers, with a solid sense
of self esteem, a large percentage of whom go on to be self
employed and lead fulfilling lives actively involved in their
community. Some choose to attend OTEN (Open Training &
Education Network) for their higher education or enroll in
university as mature age students, while others prefer just to
get on with following their interests into their chosen careers.
The lives they go on to lead are as diverse as the learning paths
they have chosen to take them there, but one thing they all
have in common is a passion for life-long learning.
With thought processes unfettered by seeking out only the
‘right’ predetermined answers, and free of the fear of being
monitored, judged and tested throughout the process, selfdirected
learners are free to explore creative ways of problem
solving and of finding information to answer the questions
byronchild 46
Creating
Learning
to to create create
education
education a a
Freeing
Freeing
By Anna Jahns
‘If our earth is to survive, we need to take responsibility for what we do.
Taking control of our education is the first step.’
Heidi Priesnitz
that are personally meaningful and relevant to their own lives
and the world they live in. Parents of self-led learners discover
time and again that children really don’t need to be taught
in order to learn; learning is a self-actuated process of creating
skills, discovering knowledge, and satisfying one’s own
natural curiosity. As a way of learning, it is built on — and it
teaches — the inherent right and responsibility of every individual
to set her or his own standards and to live accordingly.
And as a way of thinking, it instills and fosters respect for the
dignity of each individual.
Education shapes our future
When we imagine the kind of future we would like our children
and their children to live with, most often we imagine one
in which we as humans have finally found ways to further the
viability of our biosphere and to live in harmony with each
other in a sustainable way. A crucial step for this to happen as
a global society is that we must collectively learn to think in
new ways, or we will not be able to transcend the interrelated
set of global problems facing us today. In this age of information,
an era of increasing unpredictability and accelerating
change, learning how to learn, and how to fluidly adapt and
transfer knowledge and skills to novel situations will become
critical. The ability to process and source information is a far
more important skill to be honing than rote memorisation of
outdated facts and theories. More important perhaps is the
ability to interact with other human beings with an implicit
understanding and respect for our diversity, and to co-create
sustainable possibilities for our evolving global society.
Most sociologists seem to agree that schooling plays a
primary role in reinforcing the social and economic tone of a
society. So what tone is being set by our schools today? Wendy
Priesnitz illustrates in her book Challenging Assumptions in
Education, that the system of education our children are being
indoctrinated with today is fundamentally the same as it
was 100 years ago, ever since it was designed to prepare fac-

society
society
co-operative
co-operative
sustainable
sustainable
tory workers for an industrial age culture that was orientated
towards building and winning political and economic wars,
teaching authoritarianism with unquestioned faith in the
experts, through competition, self-repression, standardisation,
and strict obedience to the clock. It’s a billion dollar industry
in and of itself, which by all accounts, is ineffective, outdated,
disempowering to the individual, and what’s more, unable
even to produce a fully literate population after years of compulsory
schooling.
‘Let’s face it,’ Priesnitz flatly points out. ‘The majority
of the problems facing society today — pollution, unethical
politicians; poverty, unsafe cars...the list goes on — have been
created or overseen by the best traditional college graduates.
Whether these problems were created by design or accident,
we cannot fix them by continuing the status quo. We need to
create a society that chooses action over consumption, that
favours relating to others over developing new weapons, that
encourages conservation over production. And this just won’t
happen unless we de-institutionalise learning.’
Priesnitz explores the main basic assumptions in education
that must be challenged if we are to revision a more
sustainable approach to learning and living. Our fundamental
assumption, that learning is something that can only happen
in schools, is ‘like confusing spirituality with religious institutions,
or wellness with hospitals’. The fact is that children do
not need to be taught in order to learn. She goes on to describe
how institutionalised schooling shapes young people’s attitudes
towards themselves and the world they live in. ‘From
kindergarten, young people are robbed of their basic human
rights and treated as legally minor. They are forced to attend
an often unfriendly — sometimes threatening — place, where
they are obliged to dismiss their own experiences, thoughts
and opinions, substituting the opinions of a textbook author.
They may learn about human rights in their social science
classes, but are not allowed to experience — let alone practise
— these vital components of good citizenship.’ Their experience
is instead one of disempowerment, with teachers allowed
to exercise a kind of power over their students that
we only see matched by caregivers in institutions
called jails.
Schools then measure a student’s ability to regurgitate
a prefabricated curriculum on an increasingly
standardised scale, with no consideration given to
the individual’s aptitudes or developmental readi-
ness. At the end of the school assembly line, with a large part
of their lives already spent being processed for a life as producers
and consumers, students with little authentic knowledge
are bumped out into the adult world and suddenly expected
to make mature decisions based on the distorted, disassociated
information they have been drilled and indoctrinated
with, largely from textbooks and TV. As author and schooling
critic John Taylor Gatto explains, through this very process,
we lose the power to think for ourselves. ‘Maybe that’s why so
few of us challenge the premises of nursing homes, television,
day-care centres, schools and the global economy,’ suggests
Priesnitz. ‘These things are received ideas, not the result of
individuals thinking about what would make their own lives
— and those of their families and communities — better on a
day-to-day basis.’
The solution to this crisis of learning is to put learning back
into the hands of the learner — AND to put the learner back
into the community where they live.
Priesnitz echos the voices of countless other education
revisionists and deschooling pioneers, from John Holt to Ivan
Illich, in proposing that a more relevant public education
system should be diverse enough to accommodate learners
of all ages, interests, abilities and styles. It would put
individuals in charge of their own learning agendas,
beginning with identifying interests and provide the
means to develop them. There could be community-based
databases serving to connect those who
want to share their knowledge and skills (with
or without university degrees) with those
who want to learn. Our communities are
already so richly abundant with people
whose skills, knowledge and talents
could be shared.
The same databases could
be used to co-ordinate volunteers
and apprenticeships
for community services
community
byronchild 47
if our earth is to survive...

community
first begin with trust and respect
and learning desired skills. Young Canadian entreprepeneur
Heidi Priesnitz describes the function of MAX, the Mentor
Apprentice Exchange she initiated 8 years ago: ‘The apprentice
offers hands-on assistance in exchange for the mentor’s
skills and wisdom, which is an exciting and inexpensive way
to learn. This barter can take place in any field of activity,
between two people of any ages. It’s a holistic approach that
allows for greater integration of business, education, and
community.’ 1
Libraries are already ready-made learning centres that
could expand and prosper. With a few modifications, they
could provide the usual services of a library as well as that
of a meeting space, office space, music hall, youth centre,
arts centre, and free school all rolled into one. People would
continue to come and go at will, whenever they find it necessary,
all day long. They would use computers to access information,
resource reference publications or simply relax and
read, perhaps access points of view not carried by mainstream
corporate media, host meetings or classes or guest speakers or
participate/patronise art shows, craft sales and exhibits.
In fact, every aspect of the community can be involved
— as it already is — as a real-life part of the self-learning program;
museums, parks, health clubs, shops, banks, businesses,
town offices, farms, factories, even the streets and the environment
itself. Learning becomes a service to the community as
future citizens become involved in the local community, taking
part in all kinds of community activities that are meaningful
and relevant to their learning process. In the words of homeschooling
advocate and author Beverley Paine, ‘Self-directed
learning builds community from the centre out, by nurturing
the individual, the family and the community, and thus the
world’.
Evolving movement
Around the world, self-directed learning movements are
spontaneously self-organising with exciting innovations in the
possibilities for creating learning communities. The Coalition
for Self Learning is an ad hoc group of writers, innovative educators,
homeschoolers, autodidacts, and educational pioneers
with a common interest in the future of learning, which is
giving voice to the enormous potential of these experimental
models beginning to emerge, through their website and book
called Creating Learning Communities (available free online at
www.creatinglearningcommunities.org).
In the beginning, only a couple of decades ago, selfdirected
learners were homeschooled in autonomous family
units, each one setting its own curriculum, and providing its
own supplies and services. Homeschooling alone evolved into
byronchild 48
Our fundamental
assumption,
that learning is
something that
can only happen
in schools,
is like confusing spirituality
with religious institutions,
or wellness with hospitals.
homeschoolers getting together to exchange information and
provide support to one another through informal get-togethers
or organised activities. These meetings give the kids a chance
to meet other homeschoolers, and to join into study projects
together. Groups started newsletters publicising activities
and exchanging books, equipment and other materials; home
based curriculums and materials began being developed,
along with organisations to help homeschoolers with legal and
legislative matters.
Closely associated with the homeschooling movement are
a broad variety of alternative schools that are moving in the
direction of child-centred education. From the original alternative-based
Montessori and Steiner schools, to free schools
like those based on the Summerhill and Sudbury models, the
explorations and experiments with alternative forms of education
have taken as many diverse turns as the people who have
forged them. Some innovative educators have demonstrated
that when we shed conventional assumptions, schools can
become dynamic, exciting places of learning that are responsive
to students, families and communities and have explored
with different ways of implementing school-based community
learning centres.
Still others have explored learning in other community settings,
such as the emerging ‘virtual’ world of the internet.
An exciting new phase of homeschooling and self-learning
has started to emerge in the last few years, primarily thus far in
the US and the UK, as local homeschooling networks and selflearners
have started providing themselves with new forms
of support programs. The Coalition for Self Learning is taking
an active interest in developing these models, which are being
called ‘cooperative community life-long learning centres’
— places where learning is respected as an act of self-volition,
which is integrated into community activities.
Learning centres
Wendy Priesnitz
These learning centres are cooperatively organised by the
member families they serve with parents pooling their talents,
resources and expertise. They often provide mentoring as well
as classes and workshops using all aspects of the community
for education opportunities. From places like the Pathfinder
Learning Centre in Amherst, Massachusetts, for homeschooling
teenagers, to the ‘Relational Education’ approach of the
Community School in Camden, Maine, which has demon

The solution to this
crisis of learning
is to put learning
back into the
hands of the learner
— AND to put
the learners
back into the
community
where they live.
strated striking results with socially challenged individuals,
these learning communities are presenting sustainable models
for viable alternatives to institutionalised schooling. 2
The North Star School & Homeschool Resource Centre
outside Seattle is just one model of a democratically governed
homeschool resource centre. The Centre provides a place for
families to meet, share ideas and study together, with a food
buying co-op and babysitting exchange available. Although
there is an abundant supply of high quality games, manipulatives
and art supplies, the core belief is that the basics are
best covered by the homeschooling parents and their children
individually. Occasionally they bring in outside instructors to
teach specific classes based on the children’s interests. For the
young children the ‘elective’ classes include things like papier
maché, nutrition, math games, newspaper, paper-making,
drawing, etc and by popular request, they also offer chemistry,
geology, theme unit studies, writers’ workshop, drama, and
community service projects which appeal to older students.
Some of the Coalition writers believe that community
learning centres could replace schools as the primary educational
agency in a truly democratic, collaborative, sustainable
society. More specifically, many believe that diverse expressions
of open-ended, evolving, community-based education
are replacing fixed and hierarchical school systems. CSL
spokesperson Ron Miller reinforces the view that authentic
communities are able to enhance their own development while
at the same time enhancing that of each individual in the community,
thereby promoting both freedom of personal choice
and a sense of responsibility for the whole.
Evolving global society
called nongovernmental organisations or NGOs) are proliferating
and empowering people at the grassroots and promoting
local community self-reliance. People everywhere are solving
local problems with local skills and local resources, taking over
where governments and ‘the market’ have failed.
In our food system organic gardening, community supported
agriculture projects, farmers’ markets, and co-op food
stores suggest that a new localised agriculture and food system
is emerging. In hospitals, acupuncture, nutrition, mind-body
healing, and a long list of alternative health concepts and practices
are being accepted. In housing, intentional communities,
co-housing, ecovillages, solar building and other technologies
and techniques are gaining acceptance. In economics, local
exchange and trading systems (LETS), socially responsible
investing, local scrips, cooperatives, community land trusts,
community owned corporations, peer lending, and credit
unions are among the ideas taking root. Transformations in the
ways we organise transportation, communications, religion
and all other elements of society have similarly started creating
a post-industrial world.
‘Networks of networks of cooperative community life-long
learning centres could well become the foundation for this global
transformation to occur on an even larger scale,’ envisions
Ellis. ‘If our future is to be based on mutual aid, belonging,
caring, cooperation and community, our future citizens should
start their lives belonging to caring, cooperative communities
involved in mutual aid.’
We must first begin with trust and respect for our children,
their learning process and their place in society. We can find
ways to put the process of learning back into the hands of the
learner, and the learner back into the community that they live
in, knowing that they will grow into adults that live in the
world as well as they have learned.
Anna Jahns is byronchild’s Spirit of Learning coordinator and can be
contacted at sajahns@gmx.net
References
Challenging Assumptions in Education by Wendy Priesnitz.
Creating Life-Long Learning Communities by the Coalition for Self Learning;
online book and resources freely available for viewing and discussion at www.
creatinglearningcommunities.org
For a clever, totally credible vision of how learning could involve the whole
community, see When the School Doors Close: A Midsummer Night’s Dream
by Linda Dobson, chapter 2.
1. CLC services lists resources for worldwide self-learning models,
from programs like MAX, to Road Scholars’ real life expeditions
that include academic studies while on the road, to the
Internet Global Learning Village, to Transitions which supports
self-learners to immerse themselves in cultures and
learning experiences abroad, etc.
2. Homeschool Support Groups and Resource Centres by
Jerry Mintz, Chapter 20.
3. Community Life-Long Learning Centres by
William. N. Ellis.
Bill Ellis points out that the emergence of so many community-learning
models reflects much more than a change
in educational practices. It is a transformation of the whole
mindset of the value of knowledge, and the value of the person
in society. ‘The theme of the learning community
is fully integrated with the evolving paradigm we
are witnessing in civil society, which is beginning
to see human beings as interdependent entities,
systems within systems in a grand and mysterious
holonistic cosmos.’ 3 community
To illustrate, he points out how around the
world grassroots organisations (GROs, sometimes
byronchild 49
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Australian
By Anna Jahns
Learning
Communities
Australia’s own home-based
learning community has
created a rich tapestry of
grassroots networks of folks
simply getting on with the job of facilitating
learning experiences for their
children. Many of these communities
have been growing together for years
and often form small subgroups to
maintain close contact, especially for
mutual interest educational activities.
The majority of meetings occur in each
other’s homes and hired local halls, or in
public places like parks, museums and
theatres, or through regular activities
like ice skating, drama, and gymnastics.
From musical performances and mini-
Olympics days in Perth, to the bush
gatherings in rural Queensland, to the
Home Education Networks’ (HENs)
camping trips in Victoria, each local
community quite spontaneously develops
its own culture and approach to how
they go about extending their children’s
learning in a family oriented way.
Many groups publish their own
newsletters with a full listing of
upcoming group activities; HEN in
Victoria even publish their own magazine,
Otherways. The national Home
Education Association (HEA) lists local
support groups, their newsletters, yahoo
chat groups, and local contacts who are
happy to help people with inquiries
about homeschooling.
Some home-based learners collectively
hire tutors to explore specific
interests, ranging from musical instruments,
to applied mathematics, to circus
training! Quite often parents themselves
take turns giving classes in exchange for
money, barter, or no payment at all, and
afterwards everyone enjoys the opportunity
for the mothers and children alike
to socialise and enjoy the interactions
with peers of different ages.
Home-based learners are a creative,
resourceful bunch in developing educational
projects that inspire imagination
and collaboration. One example is the
Families Sharing Newsletter; each family
on the chain is given a particular
month to publish their own newsletter
and send it to the other families on
the chain. Some of the newsletters are
just a couple of pages; others include
articles from different members of the
family with photos and diagrams; it
is entirely up to each family to decide
what to publish. Then there are those
who are creating networks on the internet,
like the online SA Network Library
for people to exchange homeschooling
books with one another, working in
conjunction with the home-educationsa@yahoogroups.com
email discussion
list. We are just beginning to see ways
that innovative homeschoolers are making
use of internet technology — and
mostly it’s the children themselves! (see
E-mags listings below).
Other families get together and pool
resources to go on camping trips and
extended educational holidays together,
such as visiting science expos or
to join in interstate Lego competitions.
Some homeschooling families literally
use the world as their classrooms on
the road (not being restricted by school
holidays for adventure!) and are learning
as they travel around Australia,
while other families welcome travelling
homeschoolers to visit them on their
journeys (see www.australia.edu/steppingstones).
Every year, camps are organised by
State groups like HEN in Victoria or HEA
nationally. The Nelson Camp is to be held
in November; this is a popular gathering
amongst homeschooling families who
travel from all over Australia every year
to share learning while adventuring. See
www.hea.asn.au for further info on the
Nelson Camps, or for camps organised
by HEN in Victoria, www.home-ed.vic.
edu.au. Recently ‘camp with wings’ has
been initiated in Australia, based on
the Teenage Liberation model by Grace
Llewellyn, giving home-based teenagers
the opportunity, in Grace’s words ‘to
come together to change ourselves and
the world, teach each other great things,
and sleep under the moon...’ Contact
Janine; campwithwings@hotmail.com
Child-centred
opportunities at school
In almost every State of Australia there
are progressive alternative schools like
Steiner, Montessori, and Independent

unity St.
Schools. Co-operative Community
schools like Malvern in Melbourne are
largely child centred and often allow free
time for children to explore their own
interests. In Queensland ‘Booroobin’ is
a democratic school modelled on the
Sudbury Valley School, and there are
also natural learning-type schools, like
Brisbane Independent School, Pine
Community School and Blackall Ranges.
In South Australia, places like the R-7
Yankalilla Area School Annexe, offers
part-time education to homeschooled
students in a family-based atmosphere.
Some regular schools allow home
educators to use their resources or come
to certain classes upon request, but it
depends on the school, and specifically,
the inclinations of the headmaster and
teachers involved.
Of course, there are no restrictions
for homeschoolers to enter tertiary study
institutions such as TAFE (Technical
and Further Education) and University.
There are ways of bypassing TEE scores
(Tertiary Entrance Examination) such
as Open Learning Australia, or OTEN
(Open Training & Education Network)
courses, the TAFE equivalent which are
by correspondence (www.tafensw.edu.
au/oten actually better to list www.
oten.edu.au/oten/), or by presenting
an experience-based learning portfolio
during an interview (62% of university
entrances are gained by interview or
mature age entry!) See www.hea.asn.
au
Home-based learning
resources
Home Education Association Inc.,
www.hea.asn.au National organisation
supporting and encouraging
‘home ed’ by providing services,
resources and networks, also legal
guidelines for each state.
Homeschool Australia! www.beverleypaine.com
— All you need to
know to get started, great articles,
resources and books available
by home-based learning author
Beverley Paine.
Australian Home Education www.
eleanor.sparks.to — contains many
resources and contacts, especially
for Queensland. For homeschooling
inquiries email Eleanor Sparks;
homeschool@sparks.to
Stepping Stones for Home
Education www.australia.edu/steppingstones
—Australia’s own national
home education magazine.
Homeschool Australia e-
Newsletter — A monthly Australia-
wide E-newsletter offering a free
subscription with a blank email to:
HomeschoolAustraliaNewslettersubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unschool~Kidz! www.unschoolkidz.
beverleypaine.com - A free E-zine
publishing children’s stories, poems,
art, reviews, puzzles, riddles, games
and more, with printed version by
post for $5.
Teen Tangent E-Mag www.
myhome.ispdr.net.au/~ariseres/
kids/news.htm. — for gifted teens
ages 11-19.
Materials and support
Home Grown Kids — www.geocities.com/homegrownkidsau/main.
html/ Kingsley Educational (KEPL)
www.kepl.com.au/
Golden Beetle Books www.users.
bigpond.com/goldenbeetlebooks
Steiner homeschooling material
Always Learning Books www.beverleypaine.com/
— practical guides
for natural learning approaches
Aussie Homeschool Resources
Messageboard, www.members4/
boardhost.com/aushsresources
— an online messageboard to sell,
swap or buy mostly used resources,
also there are educational books
at www.ebay.com.au and through
online support groups.
Australian Homeschool support
list: http://www.groups.yahoo.
com/group/australianhomeschool
or email australianhomeschoolsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
with
the word subscribe in the body of
the message
There are Yahoo homeschooling
support groups for Christians,
unschoolers, eclectics, Charlotte
Mason followers, Waldorf homeschoolers,
gifted, autistics, Muslims,
Chinese, and more! Just type name
on homepage www.groups.yahoo.
com search command
The Home Educating pen
pal network is organised by
Belinda Moore and her homeschooling
daughter Brittany —
garyandbelinda@ozemail.com.au
For more information about any of these
contacts contact Anna Jahns, sajahns@gmx.
net
Finbarr’s
Catholic
Primary
School
Byron Bay
A positive nurturing
and challenging
learning centre
✎ Strong partnerships
with parents, parish,
community
✎ Teachers dedicated to
the wholistic development
of each child
✎ Creativity and improvisation
encouraged
Enrolments
for Kindergarten and
other grades for 2005
NOW OPEN
Contact Nola or Jenny
Ph. 02 6685 6342
Email:
sfpbyron@lism.catholic.edu.au
byronchild 51

Where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves.
Where we had thought to travel outwards,
we shall come to the very centre of our own existence.
Where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.
It is important and useful to recognise
the depth of parental conditioning.
Every child is born with unconditional
love. Our parents are the
source of everything for us and we look
to our parents as if they are God. We are
completely dependent on them and are
totally open and vulnerable to the presence,
behaviour and attitudes that our
parents display. Whether the parents
are benevolent and loving, neurotic and
fragmented, right through to all kinds of
emotional, psychological, spiritual and
physical abuse — children still love and
appreciate them. We are unconditional in
our love for them. There have been many
documented cases of children still loving
and remaining devoted to their parents,
even after horrendous abuse and that is
because abused children believe that it
is because there is something inherently
wrong with them, that they deserve the
abuse. This is what annihilates the selfesteem
of the abused child. This is how
susceptible all children are to their parents
and why our children absorb, like
osmosis, whatever lives in the environment
of their ‘family of origin’.
For us to recognise that our innate
‘being’ is love, we need to have this
reflected back to us by our caregivers.
Because we spend most of our time with
mother and/or father (human beings
are dependent on their parents for the
longest period of time in the animal
kingdom) it is they who must reflect
this love.
For a healthy, cohesive self to be able
to grow in the developing child, we need
a relatively consistent flow of unconditional
love and appreciation from our
caregivers. What does unconditional
love actually mean to an infant? We
need our parents to be present enough
to us, to be able to empathise and reflect
back to us, whatever we are experiencing,
unconditionally. During infancy
and early childhood we are completely
immersed in our emotional feelings and
reactions or ‘affect states’. When we
were sad, we needed mum or dad to say,
‘Oh, you are sad.’ Then we learned that
it was OK to express and feel sadness
because we were still loved even when
we were sad. When we were afraid, our
caregivers needed to be able to attune to
byronchild 52
Joseph Campbell — Hero of a Thousand Faces
our fear and reflect to us: ‘Oh, you are
really, really scared of the big dog.’ We
then learned it was OK to ask for help
and support when faced with a situation
that was beyond our capability.
Dr Lichtenberg proposed, in his
study of developmental psychology, the
five basic ‘Needs of the Self’. As a child,
as well as an adult, we have these five,
fundamental needs that need to be fulfilled
enough for us to feel cohesive
within ourselves, to be at peace with
oneself as well as with others.
The need for attachment:
We all have a need for belonging and
connection with others. As an infant
we need to merge with our parents. If
this is not fulfilled, people in later life
will feel that they have no place in the
world or connection. Or overcompensate
by maybe joining all sorts of clubs
and groups and adhere fanatically to the
group’s ‘code of conduct’ in order to feel
belonging and fall prey to the tyranny
of ‘political correctness’ of their peer
group; rather than stand in the authority
of their own knowing.
The need for sexuality and
sensuality:
We all need to be touched in order to feel
that we are acceptable physically and
that our sexual desires are not shameful.
We need to be in a natural and
healthy relationship with our bodies
and have access to all the domains of
physical activity, as well as to be able
to touch and express love to another
human being. There are so many ways
deprivation and abuse of the sexual and
sensual world of the child by adults can
destroy the very fabric of the child’s
psyche. The abuse of this need is widely
documented.
The need for self-assertion:
Self-assertion really means to be able to
be seen by others. Children constantly
ask for mum’s or dad’s attention. ‘Look
at me, mum! See what I can do, dad!’ If
we are not seen in what we are doing
competently we will develop a sense of
being not good enough or that we are
invisible and that we should not exist. In
the eyes of mother and father, we realise
our existence. The gleam in mother’s
eyes allows us to see our divine nature.
When this need is not met, in later life
we will have difficulties to be able to
draw the attention of others to ourselves
without crumbling in shyness or
shame. Or we will overcompensate by
shamelessly and inappropriately seeking
attention by being loud, grandiose
or bullying.
The need to explore:
We are all natural learners. The child
constantly explores its environment.
Children do this mainly through playing.
In the beginning, the child needs
mother’s or father’s close proximity. If
mother leaves the room the child starts
to cry. Later on the child can play by
itself. Father can be in the next room
but if he goes outside in the garden the
child starts to cry. As we develop and if
we are not disturbed too much in our
play-space we will be able to focus our
attention on the creative exploration of
our world. Recent evidence taken from
50 years of child psychology has determined
that well-adjusted adults, who
can apply their creative imaginations to
problem solving and crisis management,
are people who had free access to ‘creative
play’ as children. They also found
that contrary to what was proposed as
the ‘Mozart Effect’ (methods of ensuring
your child became a genius), that
the best way to develop genius in your
child is to give them free and supported
access to ‘creative play’. Then we will
learn to be able to trust and have confidence
in our own ability to negotiate
our way through the different obstacles
and challenges of our lives and to be
able to stand in the authority of our own
knowing.
Sometimes over-protective parents
interfere too much in the play of the
child. They are overly involved in the
child’s ‘space’ and some parents will live
vicariously through their children. These
children have difficulties to know what
they want in life and are always looking
for an outside authority’s approval.
They have difficulties living their vision
or their creativity because they are too
concerned about getting it right.

Transforming
Relationships
By Volker Krohn
The need to go into adversity (or
to withdraw):.
As children as well as adults we all
sometimes need to go into our cave. If
the stimulations from our environment
cause us too much distress we need to be
able to remove ourselves. Sometimes we
also need to be able to challenge others,
to be able to withstand being in conflict
with the people we have made a bond
with. For the child it is important to be
able to say to mum or dad, ‘bad daddy,
bad mummy’, without losing the love
connection. Domineering, authoritarian
parents make it very difficult for a child
to be able to communicate their needs.
Unfortunately I have seen too many
people who were never able to challenge
their parents like this. It then usually
creates a conflict between our need for
attachment, our need to feel loved and
belonging and our need to claim our
own space, our freedom.
In later life it gets translated into
co-dependency where partners give up
their sense of self in order to remain
in the relationship. They repress any
thoughts or urges that might challenge
the connection. Sometimes it goes to the
extreme where it is even difficult to let
the partner know that they prefer tea in
the morning instead of coffee. The other
side of this dynamic is a lack of emotional
commitment. Some people never
allow themselves to form another emotional
bond with someone else because
they are afraid that they will be consumed
by the other, just the way they
relationship
Photography by Christabelle Baranay
experienced their mother or their father
intruding into their ‘play space’. This
underlying dynamic creates sometimes
a complete commitment phobia. People
who suffer from this usually can’t stay
in relationships if they can get into one
at all. They may confront their partner
and go into adversity but only after they
have cancelled the emotional connection
in their own heart.
This also brings up the issue of parents
being able to create appropriate
boundaries for their children. Children
don’t know about boundaries. But living
in a conditional world we need to learn
to be able to deal with ‘frustration of our
needs’ or ‘delayed gratification’ or we
will become demanding and tyrannical
adults. As parents we need to be able to
byronchild 53

elationship
stand in the face of the frustration and
anger of our children sometimes. We
need to be able to say ‘no’ but remain
connected in our love. It is important so
that our children learn to be able to deal
with the adversity and the inevitable
suffering that life is about. I sometimes
flinch when I see children running the
life of the parents and being completely
intimidated by the child’s tantrums.
Usually the parents start to resent the
child, their libido becomes diminished
because sometimes there is no time for
the relationship of the parents. Even
though they do everything for the child,
the child feels more and more disconnected
and later on in school does not
know how to cooperate with their peers
because they have been conditioned to
be little dictators.
It is important for us as parents to
know our own unconscious conditioning
and what we received from our parents,
so that we can be responsible for
the behaviour, attitudes, communication
and love that we pass on to our children.
We cannot escape conditioning; it is part
of human development. But we can
become aware of the way our ego was
formed.
The ego can be seen as the interaction
between the two ‘conditioned’ aspects of
self, the emotional self and the intellectual
self. Most people‘s emotional self
has not matured, so we could call the
emotional self the emotional child.
Many people do not experience
themselves as equal to others. They are
most of the time engaged in some kind
of power struggle with others, feeling
like victims, blaming the politicians, the
system, their parents, their lovers and
ex-lovers, God, etc. The emotional child
represents all our different feelings and
emotions. Sometimes it acts rebellious,
sometimes submissive. The intellectual
self is our ability to compare, conceptualise,
discriminate, be critical, judge,
make meaning, etc.
It is interesting to observe the dynamic
between these two aspects of the self.
The emotional child might say, ‘Oh, I
would like to go to the beach today!’ and
the intellect might say, ‘Well you have
been to the beach already, yesterday and
there is a lot of work to be done and
there is no surf anyway!’ The child says,
byronchild 54
‘But I want to and I don’t feel like working
— it’s too hard, it’s too boring, I feel
inadequate, I can’t do it, I just want to go
to the beach!’ The intellect might cave in
and collude with the child and say, ‘The
whales are travelling down the coast
and it would be a shame to miss them,
there is always work but the whales are
only there twice a year’, and so we go to
the beach and avoid a particular commitment
and then the intellect comes
back at us criticising us for being lazy,
missing out on income and struggling to
pay the bills, avoiding etc. This is just an
example to illustrate the inner conflict
that goes on and on internally between
our intellect and emotions.
These inner conflicts originate from
repressed and unresolved emotional
trauma or dilemma. We can only react
the way we have been taught or learnt
to react emotionally — like a child.
Whenever we are faced with situations
that are overwhelming and too difficult
When people go on the spiritual
path, they sometimes try to
‘transcend’ this internal conflict.
They may meditate and try to
witness their inner thoughts but
struggle because they have not
dealt with their inner emotional
injury or sense of unloveability.
for us to deal with, our intellect steps in
to ‘think ourselves out of the dilemma’.
We unfortunately disconnect from our
ability to fully feel the experience and go
into automatic, archaic coping mechanisms.
We disconnect from the confluence
of our lives and are unable to meet
the challenge of the ever changing chaos
of life. We become numb to the vitality
of our emotions. Sometimes we don’t
even know what we are feeling. We
lose our ability to read our emotional
experience and get caught in cycles of
emotional reactivity with the intellect
working overtime to try and ‘sort out
the mess’. This is why some people
when asked how they are feeling can
only respond with ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
When people go on the spiritual
path, they sometimes try to ‘transcend’
this internal conflict. They may meditate
and try to witness their inner thoughts
but struggle because they have not dealt
with their inner emotional injury or
sense of unloveability. They use meditation
in that instance as an avoidance
structure. Their minds become tighter
and tighter and more controlled.
I work with clients from the central
perspective of the spiritual self. I believe
everybody has their own particular perspective
on this. I explain it from an existential
perspective and call the spiritual
self our core ‘being’. When we can focus
our awareness on the fact that we ‘exist’,
then we can recognise that we exist
within our body. We can recognise our
breath as it moves in and moves out. We
can experience our body sensations, the
temperature around us, the sounds etc.
We can recognise that we exist within
existence.
Unfortunately, because of the inner
conflict between the emotional child
and the intellect, our awareness is preoccupied
and consumed. The emotions
become exhausted and the intellect
despondent. We focus on what we have
to do (like go to the beach) or what we
need to have. The unresolved conflict
keeps us stuck in being concerned about
the past or the future and we lack the
ability to truly be present to our lives.
We can resolve this internal conflict
by finding emotional healing for the
inner child and create a more benevolent
intellect, by cognition of what behaviours
we learnt in our childhoods, who
we learnt them from, how we adopted
or rebelled against them and how this
learnt behaviour impacts on our lives
today. This way the intellect is able
to recognise and support the different
nuances of our emotional experiences.
Once these internal conflicts are
healed, then our spirit can truly descend.
We can bring the light into every moment
of our human experiences and find deep
understanding for the children our parents
once were. Out of this understanding
arises forgiveness, acceptance, compassion
and love, for oneself and others.
We need to uncover the qualities of
our ancestors, our ‘karmic’ legacy, to
be able to understand ourselves and to
begin to learn to find self forgiveness,
self compassion and self love. Then we
can extend this to the rest of the world
— especially our children.
Volker Krohn has been the director of the Hoffman
Institute Australia since 1992 and facilitates
the Hoffman Process, an eight-day residential
program that focuses on family-of-origin issues
imbedded in a spiritual framework. He is a clinical
member of the Victorian Association of Family
Therapy and has a post-graduate degree in Self-
Psychology. He and his wife Jeanette have three
children who are all adult now (plus one grandson!).
He has been step-parenting these children
for the last 18 years. Contact the Hoffman Centre
Australia at 1800 674 312 or visit www.quadrinity.com.au
for further information.

Immune system
balance
Spring has returned to us. Hopefully we have rested
deeply in the inner months of winter. With spring our
energy moves upward and outward again. Now is the
time to prepare our bodies for the longer warmer days
ahead. Often, spring is the time that strange rashes or
allergies appear. I remember as a child standing in the
school assembly with itchy watery eyes as I was made
to drink lukewarm milk. Yuk!
With some information and care we
can balance immune responses in the
body and reduce childhood allergies.
We often hear about strengthening the
immune system, however we need to be
aware of balancing our immune responses.
The main cells that regulate the immune
system are T-helper cells. There are different
types of these T-cells and they promote body
responses in their own ways. T-helper 1 cells
promote killing of bacterial and viral infected
or mutated cells. T-helper 2 cells promote
antibody (a special substance) response to
unrecognised matter in the blood. T-helper
3 cells provide protection through the gut
mucosa and prevent the T1 and T2 helper
cells from being over active.
Babies are born with a more active T2 immune
response. Through exposure to the environment and infection,
the T1 response is developed. If the immune system
does not balance, the child may then have the tendency
to develop allergies because of an over active T2 action.
What does this mean for parents at home wishing to bring their
child up with the best health possible? Well really we need to
have cleansed and strengthened our own bodies before conception,
reducing the likelihood of passing on allergic tendency. A
vaginal birth is the beginning of the baby being exposed to
bacteria. Bifidobacteria is an essential friendly bacteria that
then begins to grow to nourish and protect the digestive
tract. Breastfeeding the infant is the next step to establishing
optimal immune balance, containing protective factors such
as lymphocytes, macrophages, essential fatty acids, and more
friendly bacteria to colonise the digestive tract. The gut flora of
a child must be healthy as it is a large part of developing and
regulating immunity.
Seventy per cent of the immune system exists in the gastrointestinal
tract in the form of glands, mucosa and lymphoid
tissue. Children with allergies have been found to have less
bifidobacteria. The therapeutic benefits of probiotics (good
bacteria for the gut) are many. If you cannot birth or feed
naturally then you can give bifido in a powder form as a supplement.
Slippery elm, the powder of the inner bark of the elm
tree, is a herb that can be given nearly right away to coat and
feed the intestinal tract, especially good in infant diarrhoea or
health & wellbeing
& By Elvian and Jacinta at
Mullumbimby Herbals
Well-being
colic. It is extremely important that antibiotics are given only
when needed and that good gut bacteria is replaced after treatment,
so that imbalance does not occur.
As children grow they most certainly will have their own
individual experiences with health. Many factors will influence
a child’s immune responses. There have been studies
done recently that have shown an environment, if too sterile
will not give our children exposure to bacteria that will
help their immune systems to develop. The
‘hygiene hypothesis’ looks at the necessary
stimulation of the T helper 1 cells by bacterial
and viral infection. Remember the T1
cells fight against bacteria and viruses. If a
strong T1 immunity is established then the
T helper 2-cell immunity, which is more
active in infancy, is brought into balance,
reducing possibility of an allergy reaction.
BALANCE is the key word that I would
stress here. Obviously a clean environment
without excess bacterial, fungal, viral and
parasitic exposure is necessary for a growing
child. Yet maybe an absolutely sterile setting
is not what our children need either.
Good tucker: one thing we all know is kids
need great nutrition to balance and strengthen
the immune system. Whole food, that is
organic, unprocessed, as close to its natural
condition as possible will provide the best nutrients. Sadly
much of our soil is devoid of zinc, magnesium, selenium and
iodine. In the clinic we see a lot of these deficiencies, causing
many symptoms of immune weakness. Vitamins A, C, E
and essential fatty acids (good oils found in linseed, evening
primrose, hemp seed and fish oil) are important for immunity.
There are many good children’s supplements available from
qualified health practitioners that can help you sort out what
your child may need. I want to remain an optimist and see the
world dripping with organic food and flowing with crystal
clear water, less in bottles and cans, a vision very possible if
we all simplified our lives a little. Yes and water not juice or
soft drink, pure spring or filtered water every day is essential
to health. Let us not forget love and positive attention.
Children need touch. Hugs, kisses, massage and just being
held stimulate the immune system. As does positive thoughts
and feelings directed at your child. Laughter and stimulating,
fun physical activity (play) promote an active immune system,
whereas too much television or exposure to negative images
may deplete it.
Some herbs that can stimulate immunity are: good old
echinacea, astragalus, andrographis, sacred basil, cats claw,
pau dar co and let’s not forget garlic. A good herbalist can tell
you when and how to use these herbs. I hope you learnt a little
more, don’t forget to send in any questions you have to us.
byronchild 55

health & wellbeing
The ‘Tourist’ Season
By Josie McCondach
For many parents, it can come as a shock to learn that
their child has been infested with lice. However, there
are a lot of myths surrounding head lice infestation, and
it is important to realise it may not be as bad as it first
appears. Here are some interesting facts that will help you to
be more informed about what some parents have coined as
‘the tourist season’!
Head lice are a specialised blood obligate parasite that
evolved before and with human civilisation. They vary in
colour from greyish white to brown, and are about the size of
a sesame seed. Lice cannot hop, jump or fly, so once they land
on a scalp they move to the neck or behind the ears; the lice
then inject an anaesthetic into the scalp and feed on the blood
every three hours. Small red dots indicate where they have
been feeding. Sensitivities to the anaesthetic then cause itching.
Female lice lay eggs, which they attach to the base of the
hair, and after 10 days the eggs hatch, causing more suffering
for the host of the infestation. Each female louse lays her eggs
3-5 times each day. That is more than 100 eggs in her 30-day
life cycle. Head lice cannot survive more than 48 hours without
human blood.
Over the years there have been many suggestions on how
byronchild 56
— dealing with head
lice when they come to
visit
to get rid of these nasty pests, but do they work? Lice develop
a resistance to chemicals used in lice eradication treatments,
and if some of the lice survive, they will keep breeding and
the new lice will be more resistant to the chemicals than
PREVENTATIVE SPRAY
Pour 50 ml water into a spritzer bottle.
6 drops bergamot
6 drops lavender
6 drops lemon
Shake vigorously and spray daily into hair.
TREATMENT OIL BLEND
10 drops eucalyptus
10 drops geranium
15 drops lavender
15 drops rosemary
50ml apricot kernel oil
Massage into dry hair and scalp. Leave for at
least 2 hours with shower cap. Before wetting
hair to wash, massage shampoo into hair. Then
add water, lather and rinse.
Follow with preventative spray.
the previous generation.
Some prescription products
contain lindane, to
which some lice and their
eggs are resistant. This
chemical is so dangerous
it not only burns away the
lice, it also burns away
the skin. Over-the-counter
shampoos can also

contain pesticides, so always read the label. These products
are especially dangerous for infants, pregnant women and
breastfeeding mothers.
Here are some tried and tested remedies that won’t harm you
or your child:
As lice cannot survive more than 48 hours without human
blood, smothering the hair with olive oil, and leaving it there
for 48 hours has been proven to be an effective method.
You can also try rinsing your child’s hair with a mixture
of essential oils. In their concentrated form, essential oils are
often too potent to be used directly on the skin. They can
be diluted into a carrier oil, such as neem or grapeseed oil,
which will make them safe to use on your child’s sensitive
scalp. Some essential oils that are good to try that will help to
alleviate the symptoms associated with lice infestation include
lavender, which is good to use as an antiseptic, and good for
use on the skin, as well as having a nice fragrance.
Eucalyptus can be used for its cleansing and antiseptic
properties; it also kills bacteria, and can be used as a soothing
agent. Geranium will soothe the skin. Rosemary is great for
stimulating the scalp, and tea-tree oil, which is a powerful
antiseptic and repellent. You can use all or just a few of these
essential oils. Add about 12 drops of the mixture to one ounce
of carrier oil, apply to your child’s scalp and hair (dry hair),
and wrap with a warm towel or shower cap and leave in for
an hour. After the treatment, comb out any dead lice. Repeat
the treatment 7 days later to kill any newly hatched lice. Then
apply a preventative oil blend, daily (see text box). There are
also some products available from the chemist that are as close
to natural as possible.
Lice produce cement-like secretions which bind their eggs
(called nits) to the hair shaft and make them difficult to
remove. Applying cooking oil to your child’s hair loosens the
secretions so when you comb through the hair, the nits come
away easily.
Mother of three Christine Schoefer, has proven that there
can be a positive side to lice infestation, after all…‘My daughters
and I call it primate time, as we huddle together like
mountain gorillas on the deck, a long-haired head resting on
my knee. We gather the requisite utensils: a small water-filled
bowl (for nits and lice), a tiny-toothed comb, a magnifying
glass (so we can inspect the offenders), a few treats to relieve
boredom (these sessions easily take an hour.) As I begin
inspecting her hair, strand by strand, I tell her she has a little
zoo on top of her head. We imagine together how her hair is a
dense forest of scurrying lice. I talk about nitwits and nitpickers,
and I don’t correct her when she adds knitting needles to
our word game. Eventually, her resentment at having to sit
still dissolves into relaxation and she starts talking. She relates
confusing and exciting things she has observed or experienced
and unburdens herself of hurts she has collected. She does
not expect insightful comments from me, just my attention.
Eventually, of course, she gets impatient. And so do I. But
we cannot take leave of each other until the job is done, so
we persevere in this closeness. In fairytales, combing hair is a
metaphor for setting things straight. Delousing my daughters
gives me an opportunity to smooth out the wrinkles in their
lives.’
With thanks to Christine Schoefer. A portion of this article was originally
printed in Mothering magazine, Issue 123
Josie McCondach is an aspiring freelance writer who enjoys travelling,
photography, and volunteering her time at the byronchild office.
MYTHS and FACTS
about LICE
MYTH: You should treat the
whole family if you suspect
someone of having lice.
FACT: Each person in the family
should be inspected for head lice, however
only the people that have been infested need to
be treated.
MYTH: Shared hats, headphones, and even jackets
hung close together can aid the transfer of lice
from one person to another.
FACT: The lice that infect non-living objects such
as clothes and hats are called body lice. Body lice
are different from head lice and are rare in developed
countries.
MYTH: Cleaning sheets and clothing helps prevent
the spread of head lice.
FACT: Lice need human blood to survive, and they
can only live for 48 hours without human contact.
Therefore there is no need to wash or disinfect
sheets or clothing exposed to a person affected
by head lice.
MYTH: Lice are a symptom of poor hygiene.
FACT: Lice prefer clean hair because the secretions
they produce to stick their eggs to the hair
follicle are more effective on clean hair.
MYTH: It only takes one nit to infest an entire
classroom.
FACT: Lice are transferred from close head to
head contact, they cannot jump from head to
head, so it is very unlikely that an entire classroom
could become infected just because one child is
affected by head lice.
MYTH: You only need to treat your child’s hair
once, and all the lice will be killed.
FACT: Once the mature lice have been killed, it
is necessary to go through your child’s hair with
a comb and remove any nits that have been left
behind. Also, go through the treatment again after
7 days to catch any new lice hatching in the egg
cycle.
MYTH: You should start treating your child as
soon as you see lice eggs.
FACT: Treatment should be considered only when
active lice are observed. Nits are not a sign of
active infestation.
Community Hygiene Concern www.chc.org
byronchild 57

Crystal Rainbow
is dedicated to publishing products and providing services that
encourage children to lead happy and fulfilling lives!
After ten years of experience, the Crystal Rainbow children’s
collection is finally here!
These products were designed and illustrated by Jacqueline, who
after completing her degree was employed as a teacher in the WA
school system. Embarking upon her own journey of personal growth,
she realised that in this fast-paced world, there was a real need for
personal development for children. Finding insufficient time to fill this
need within the classroom, she left teaching and has been conducting
her own workshops for children ever since. Having worked with
children aged between 4 and 16, Jacqueline is now publishing the
materials and stories from these workshops as tools to help children
achieve more: • happiness and positivity • self-esteem and confidence
• awareness and caring of others
We have created these simple, practical tools to promote lasting, positive
life habits! The tools to create dreams!
Every parent wants to see their child happy and successful. This is how
byronchild 58
show and tell
How to meditate easily
The benefits of meditation on the mind
and body have been known for thousands
of years and have recently been validated
in scientific studies. Unfortunately, many
people find it difficult to meditate and
give up without receiving these benefits.
This problem has now been solved with the release of a powerful
audio technology called Holosync that sends a very specific stimulus
to the brain and creates states of deep meditation, quickly and
easily.
Stimulating the brain with Holosync releases stress-reducing chemicals
that are highly pleasurable. Most people go easily into a deep,
trance-like meditative state normally only attained by experienced
monks who have been meditating for over 20 years. In fact, EEG
studies show the brain patterns experienced are actually deeper than
those attained by monks.
The Shearwater Wearable Arts performance
event
Shearwater Rudolph Steiner School is a vibrant community where
teachers, students and parents participate in educational activities,
festivals, plays, markets and a multitude of activities.
Teaching at Shearwater commenced on February 8th, 1993.
Since that time Shearwater has grown from a small class of 27 to a
thriving school offering classes from preschool to Year 12 (HSC).
The fastest growing Steiner school in Australia, Shearwater continues
to expand.
At Shearwater, the building of a bridge between the ideals of human
endeavour and everyday reality is felt to be of urgent importance in
the education of children. In Steiner education we address the need
of artistic communication with creative imagination, through stories,
painting, drawing, music, modelling, acting and eurythmy during the
early childhood years and in primary school. During high school
teenagers also demand artistic forms of self-expression with all the
pressure of fads, conformity, fashion and the need to be contemporary.
Often the Epimethean art forms of the past are rejected as part
of the rebellion against the old. What to do?
Students want to be dynamic, creative artists. At Shearwater we
you can help them to turn their dreams into
reality!
The Crystal Rainbow collection currently
includes: The Making Rainbows daily
positive thought cards, The Rainbow Rays
positive bookmarks,The Joy relaxation,
meditation CD with sound effects!
What makes these products unique is that
we really do understand children…so all products are colourful, fun and
easy to use! Children love them! They have been developed by a parent
and teacher, for parents and teachers, to use at home or in the classroom…and
they really do work!
Released soon: Positive posters, the crystalrainbow.com worldwide
website and the Making Rainbows storybook.
It is the small things we do every day that create our dreams.
Wholesale enquiries now welcome! Please see Ad for our special
introductory offer TODAY!
As new neural pathways connect and synchronise the two sides of
the brain, individuals develop what scientists call whole brain functioning,
which improves learning, intuition, mental clarity, creativity,
concentration, and intelligence, as well as amazing quantum leaps in
insight and self-awareness.
New research also reveals that even short-term exposure to
Holosync creates significant increases in DHEA, which is a precursor,
or source ingredient, to virtually every hormone your body needs
and is a buffer against stress-related hormones. It is a key determinant
of physiological age. When DHEA levels are high, the body is at
its peak — vibrant, healthy, and able to combat disease effectively.
Holosync also increases your ability to deal with stress and releases
emotions such as anger, fear, sadness and anxiety. When Holosync is
used regularly over time, many people discover that dysfunctional
feelings and behaviours fall away — even those that have stubbornly
resisted change in the past.
For more details and a FREE report and demo audio CD (or tape),
Freecall 1800 70 70 47 (24hrs, 7 days).
have found a way which allows artistic
expression to be integrated into
our learning program. Through the
inspiration of our art department
we are developing a new form of
artistic expression that is evolving
– Wearable Art, which at Shearwater,
has at its foundation performance.
First presented in 2001, Shearwater
will be producing its 4th annual show entitled Southern Mandala,
Gondwana Opalescence in late October this year. The presentation
also involves the wider community including local TAFEs and
schools who are asked to submit entries in the five sections which
offer prize money totalling $8,600. Our sponsors are local businesses
and private donors. Teachers, administration staff, groundsmen
and parents model and perform with the students, organise ticket
sales, provide security (along with the Mullumbimby Fire Brigade),
cater for refreshments, present live pre-show entertainment and
erect the 500 seat performance tent.
Southern Mandala ~ Gondwana Opalesence 8pm, 28, 29,
30 October 2004, Ph (02) 6684 3223

From Magical Child
to Magical Teen
A Guide to
Adolescent
Development
Joseph Chilton Pearce
Just the author’s name
is enough to sell this
book! I remember being
handed an old copy of
Magical Child when I was pregnant. It had
very small print, had been passed around
many women before me and was quite tatty.
But it jumped out at me above and beyond
any other glossy parenting books lent to
me. Magical Child was my first experience
and hint that someone else out there knew
there was magic to be found in children and
a blueprint for their spiritual and biological
unfolding was inherent and that by nurturing
our intuition we could connect with our
children.
There are many books, magazines and
websites that honour this idea now, but
still, only 10 years ago in Australia, finding
any written material of this nature was
rare and magical in itself. Mainstream
dominated parenting information until very,
very recently. And now, the follow-on book,
Magical Teen gives more insight into this stage
of life of our children, our understanding of
them and our support of them. Written in
1985, this is a renaming of The Magical Child
Matures. Much of the content is the same,
some revised. Like the original, each word
in this book will challenge you, but if you
booksbyronchild
The DEAL
for Happier,
Healthier,
Smarter Kids
Dr. Peter Dingle
Just having a book
with this title
makes me feel a
little depressed.
Do we really need
a book that tells us how to do this and
why it is important? Has our society
really come to this? Would byronchild
readers not be conscious enough on
these issues? And yet when I began to
read it I found it really enjoyable and
containing some good hints and ideas
that I have already applied. Sometimes, it
is good to read the obvious, and great to
be armed with some credible information,
considering Australian children and
obesity is rightly on the political agenda
as an issue now. As parents, we all get
busy and try our best, books like this are
great reminders of what is important.
DEAL stands for Diet, Environment,
Attitude and Lifestyle! Contact Peter
via his Murdoch University homepage at
http://wwwenvironment.murdoch.edu.
au/pd/index.html.
are open, there is much to gain spiritually,
from whichever viewpoint you stand on.
Like his other books, I find his writing hard
to get through sometimes. I can only explain
this as being a result of a brilliant mind. If
you realise, or want to realise that you are
raising a Magical Teenager, visit www.amazon.com
for your copy.
The Scientification
Of Love
Michel Odent
It is so wonderful in just
one page to revisit such
important historical
pioneers of Natural
Birth & Parenting. First
Chilton Pearce and
now Michel Odent,
famous for his work
in promoting homebirth, waterbirth and
other non-interventionist birth models in
France since the 1960’s. Who better then to
write a work on love than a man devoted
to the importance of how life begins and
the connection birth has with our peace
and survival as humans. As the title suggests,
Odent explains beautifully how nature has
given us hormones such as Prolactin and
Oxytocin to support natural birth, sex, love
and life… all proven by science. But this is
not a science book. Written beautifully and
easy to understand, the words flow with
spirit, tugging at your instincts along the
way. If you struggle to explain how birth
can be this beautiful, read this book to get
Great tips for helping kids to eat
healthy (from page 123 in D.E.A.L)
• don’t eat on the run or in a rush.
• take a couple of deep breaths before
and during eating. This turns on the
parasympathetic nervous system to
help digestion.
• don’t eat while watching television: the
calories are taken in but the kids may
not notice they have had the food.
• eat slowly, taste the food, savour it,
enjoy it.
• the slower they eat, the less they eat. It
allows the body to register they are full.
• fill up on nutritious foods first.
• finish with a piece of fruit.
some facts under your belt for your next
conversation. Science is heard far easier
than philosophy for some. This book was
published in 2001 but I have only just read
it. His latest book published only last month
titled The Caesarean asks: how did a magnificent
rescue operation become such a
common way of giving birth? Purchase and
review his works at www.fa-b.com
Spirit of Learning
Dawn Emelie Griggs
Dawn’s legacy of
learning lives on through
this book following her
sudden death last year.
If you have any instinct
that there are many
dimensions to learning,
many more than what
is offered by school, if
you want to explore the depths of your own
learning and therefore the potential of how
we can assist your children, Spirit of Learning
is a text which raises discussion about new
paradigms, shifting your inner awareness
and facilitating learning in unexpected ways.
This book is a thesis that explores ideas,
spirit and feelings around this subject and
thus reads as a philosophy book more than
offering any practical guidelines. If you want
to challenge your own thinking and are
struggling with decisions about schooling
for yourself or your children, this book
will assist on many levels. Available from
Jubilation Press, jubilation@nex.net.au
Reviews by Jannine Barron. If you have a book you would like to have reviewed, please post a copy and
details to byronchild, 7 Palm Ave, Mullumbimby 2482, Australia.
byronchild 59

S
age of Sp empowerment
oulfood in a material world
When we see images of
women and children
standing in what was
their homes in Palestine,
or Israeli children running and screaming
from a bombed out school bus, it is
hard to imagine how those children will
ever feel safe again. By comparison children
in Australia seem safe, apart from
those imprisoned behind wire and those
in Aboriginal communities lost to glue
and petrol sniffing. Australian children
are portrayed as being relatively well
off. Images of homeless children appear
only occasionally when organisations
like the Salvation Army are having a
charity drive.
And yet snuggled beneath the
national security blanket of proclaimed
equal opportunity lies an increasing
number of children who do not feel
safe in the world that has been created
for them. Exposed as they are, to daily
world suffering, violence and pornography,
it is no wonder that children feel
anxious about their world and their lack
of control over it. How that outer world
is linked to their inner world is the business
of their psyche today.
Many of the children in the privileged
position of having a home and
three meals a day are squirming in
their powerlessness. Surrounded by
more choice than previous generations
(offered only chocolate or vanilla) these
children are acting out in a way virtually
unknown to generations before them.
Part of a relatively new class, childhood
is only a recent innovation his-
byronchild 60
By Denise Greenaway
torically speaking and a luxury that only
the West can afford. Not included in the
struggle for survival, Western children
are to a great extent protected from
processes that lead to putting food on
the table. Not required to milk the cow,
get the wood or fetch the water, modern
children sit around immersed in media
that tells them what to wear, eat and
drink etc. Rather than being exhausted
from contributing to the household, they
are instead wearied by the thought that
they should and totally irritated when
dragged away from their machines.
Parents meanwhile are at the mercy
of their own machines: cars, computers,
phones, dishwasher, vacuum cleaners
and lawnmowers to name a few, veritable
energy saving devices, considered
essential, despite their ability to maim
and kill, create cancer, cause chiropractic
nightmares and destroy the neighbourhood’s
peace and quiet (in that order).
Trying to drag the children away from
their machines to assist with the parents’
machines is a daily struggle. The fact
that the child does not feel he is making
any contribution by unstacking the dishwasher,
doesn’t help. Eating off plastic
throw-aways seems a reasonable alternative
(and an ever increasingly popular
one in the United States, for example)
to a child who is hooked up to his life
support (be it TV or the computer). How
could he ever get to wonder where his
plastic throw-away ends up?
As the child’s world gets more separated
from the parents’ it becomes more
unmanageable for the parents. While
the parents are busily working to pay
for their children’s luxuries, government
control becomes more pervasive: compulsory
vaccinations for children (sick
children can cause parents to take days
off work), more childcare (so that parents
can work more) more regulations
over school canteens (because parents
don’t have time to make their children’s
lunch) more control over television
advertising (so that children will have
less ammunition for pester power) and
more nutritional information on packaging
so that parents can read about
which chemicals are in their children’s
TV dinners.
Meanwhile health promotion campaigns
continue to inform parents their
children are overweight and under-exercised.
Fat-free diets become the language
of the day and growing children
as young as three bring fat-free food
to school. Parents buy gym packages
for their children who refuse to walk
to school because it is too hot, too far
or too dangerous. Coca Cola changes its
sugar water formula for schools and
McDonalds gets congratulated by the
bureaucrats for serving salad. It’s not
too hard to see who’s thriving here and
it’s certainly not the children or the
parents.
Food is a multi billion dollar industry
along with its accomplices: dieting and
‘health’ industries. It’s always in your
face and in the face of our children. It’s
an easy place for a child to try to exert
some control: fear of food, abstinence
from food, excess of food, high regard

for food, no respect for food, using food
to reward, using it to punish. So when
I am asked what is an eating disorder,
my answer is never simple but there are
some common themes I have identified
since becoming aware of eating issues
nearly two decades ago:
A heightened sensitivity to the environment
(world affairs, family dynamics
and interactions, school, peer pressure,
rejection, scrutiny by others, criticism,
injustice)
An underlying anxiety, separation
anxiety, general anxiety, specific fears,
phobias
Identity and identification issues
(including gender) self-esteem, selfimage
and body image
High level of self-criticism and selfscrutiny,
guilt and self-punishment
Disturbance in the individuation process,
reluctance to grow up
Need to exert control over the environment
or others, includes rituals, avoidances,
habits, superstitions (sometimes
to the extent of obsessive compulsive
behaviours)
All of these themes make sense in the
context of the world in which they occur.
The real question then is, ‘How to make
food safe in such a world?’
Do:
• Invite your child into the kitchen to
help you prepare food
• Give him/her fun jobs to begin, like
grating, mixing, pouring
• Let his/her get her hands dirty
• Let him/her help plan a couple of
meals per week
• Let him/her invent his/her own meals
and prepare them for the whole family
• Eat together
Order Now
Ph 07 5533 2258
2005
Calendar
email:photo@worldlink.com.au
• Give your child full attention for at
least 5 minutes a day
• Be totally available for conversation
and interaction at the family table
• Let your child decorate the table and
make it a pleasant place to be
• Let your child help present the food in
smorgasboard style
• Allow the child to help her/himself
• Congratulate whomever has prepared
the meal
• Stack and clear the table together
Do not:
• Criticise your child’s attempts to help
out
• Criticise your child’s recipes
• Eat in front of the TV
• Use the phone at dinner time
• Put everything on the child’s plate
• Reward with offers of dessert
• Leave one person to do the cleaning
and washing up
For more information and help about food you
may contact Denise Greenaway at www.rainbowfood.com.au
YAPA (The Youth
Action & Policy
Association)
2004 Activism
Conference for
young people
12-18
A conference to ‘skill up’ young
people in the areas of agitation,
activism and advocacy. It’s a
chance to learn new skills, share
past experiences and network.
It’s not about the issues, or a
personal/ life-skills development
thing, it’s all about on the
ground activism.
Elanora Heights Conference Centre
on Sydney’s northern beaches,
October 5 - 7 (school holidays).
To join the conference information
mailing list, email
membership@yapa.org.au with the
subject
CONFERENCE MAILING LIST,
and you will be the first to know
what’s happening!
For more information
www.yapa.org.au
byronchild’s new youth section ‘Age of Empowerment’ is dedicated to expressing the views of our youth,
our future’s leaders. It is my aim to amplify their voice, to express who they are and what they value in
the world they are inheriting from us. It is imperative that we recognise and nurture the evolutionary
progress that our youth are giving expression to as they bring to light more information and discoveries
about how humans as a species are adapting, progressing and furthering human potential.
We are seeking editorial submissions from our youth. We want to hear from you, about your personal
experiences of inspiration, hope, overcoming life’s challenges and realised dreams. Tell us about your
families, friendships, or that special someone who has been an encouraging figure in your life. Stories or
poetry should be non-fiction, ranging in length between 300-1000 words. You must be between 11 and 19
to be published. On your submission include a title, your name, year of birth and home address.
Send via email:
(Subject AOE) lisa@byronchild.com
or by mail to:
Age of Empowerment, byronchild Magazine
7 Palm Ave, Mullumbimby, NSW 2482
Writing may be edited, and we reserve the
right to publish without prior approval.
Include an originality statement at the end
of your submission, followed by your
full name to affirm authorship of the piece.
byronchild 61

The whole goal seems to be to make marketing almost
invisible, a 360 degree wall around a kid, such that
where reality starts and marketing begins... becomes
ever more obscure and difficult to find, so that the
goal is for kids to grow up not seeing the marketing
around them.
byronchild 62
Douglas Rushkoff, professor of media culture,
New York University
For The Millennial Generation, reality is no longer
secure, no longer something simply assumed to be
there. Welcome to the world of mass media, marketing,
the mind, the imagination and immense power…the
power to create reality.
We are living in an increasingly visual oriented world.
There are complex implications for our young people, socially
and culturally of living in an increasingly visually oriented
world. The ubiquity of visual materials is changing the way
we perceive and understand reality. The world our parents
experienced has changed so dramatically with the quickening
of technology, the advent of information sharing via radio, TV,
and in our lifetime, computers and the world wide web. Just

IMAGE
the fantasy of reality
Story and images by Lisa Engeman
‘The whole
goal seems to
be to make
marketing
almost
invisible, a
360 degree
wall around
a kid, such
that where
reality starts
and market-
ing begins...
byronchild 63

image
age of empowerment
as TV was a normal part of our reality, existing prior to our
birth, so is the digital age of computers, gaming, 3D animation
and virtual worlds to our children. Our young generation aged
from toddler to 22 years are called The Millennials, or The Net
Gen. The Millennial Generation are here and with them the
beginnings of a whole new perception of Reality.
The power of the image — understanding visual
cognition
Symbolic and iconic imagery is our original language, the
oldest form of storytelling, conveying experience and recording
history either as actual events or spiritual belief. Imagery
speaks to the emotions, capturing our imagination, involving
us deeply in a dynamic relationship with the object. Scientific
research has determined that visual learning occurs outside of
our conscious awareness. Visual images enter our awareness
via pre-conscious levels where we process visual information
into knowledge that motivates behaviour before the conscious
processes of the neocortex receive the information. On reaction
to visual stimuli, our emotional system makes no distinction
between actual, mediated (generated through media such as
print, radio, or TV), or imagined experience. This is why we
can burst into tears watching the news, or suffer nightmares
from a horror movie trailer, because even though it is not happening
to the viewer in ‘real-time’ it feels so real, we identify
so intimately with the image it can strike us straight through
to our centre bypassing our conscious mind.
Utilising the right hemisphere of the brain, visually minded
intelligence allows creative ideas to manifest. Many of the
acclaimed thinkers and artists of our time had innate access to
this ability, balancing intuition with rational logical thinking.
The digital age has opened the floodgates of the visual senses
and with it many exciting opportunities for the advancement
of humanity. Our millennial generation is highly intelligent,
absorbing and filtering up to 10 times more information than
previous generations are able, surpassing their mental agility
and ability. The integration of this intuitive, visual cognition
with conscious, logical cognition gives rise to whole-mind
cognition that has the potential to foster greater creativity,
more powerful perceptive and problem solving abilities, and
balance between quality and quantity.
The difficulty we face at present is catching up with knowledge
and education about how to balance this sudden influx
of information, on the neurological and physical levels. We
are seeing abuse and manipulation of sensory knowledge via
the media. We’re seeing physiological disorders arising from
information overload in the form of stress, heightened anxiety,
eating disorders, ADHD and behavioural disturbances.
Appearance manufacturing — normalising the
abnormal
Today fantasy and reality have blurred. So much of our ‘reality’
is pure image. And it is a perfected and retouched reality.
We don’t see the truth behind the scenes of that perfection. We
don’t see the scars from the actresses’ surgery, models throwing
up their food everyday or the steroid induced seizures in
creating that rippling torso. In the new millennium, Big Brother
and The Osbourne Family enveloping us in the world of reality
TV replace The Cosby Show and The Brady Bunch. We all know
intellectually that there is nothing real about placing selected
contestants in a controlled environment, yet we are riveted to
this media manufactured reality.
The use of pop culture mediums such as magazines, music
industry, TV and the internet are identified as the primary
resource for young people on what is attractive, what is cool,
byronchild 64
what is fashionable, gender identity and relationships. The
digital age has created a boon for advertisers, with the ability
to misuse and abuse its power, a multi-billion dollar industry
aimed straight at our young people through computer generated
reality, misleading and deliberate creation of unreal
images that hook into our insecurities, desires, fears and fantasies.
Advertising is no longer annoying interludes interrupting
your favourite program; it is the program!
The use of psychology by the media, government, and
corporations operates by reaching their viewer on the level
of their unconscious, imprinting ideas, products and ideologies
in such a way that we believe we have thought of them
ourselves. We may not notice consciously the Vodaphone logo
behind the speaker on TV, though when we walk past a mobile
phone shop the next day, we are struck by a sudden impulse to
purchase Vodaphone. With public space, free from advertising,
diminishing, it has become nearly impossible to find a moment
of free time, mentally, in the media and in the real world,
where you are not being marketed to.
I think the relationship between authentic youth cultural happenings
and youth culture consumption is indistinguishable. I think
that kids who are on ‘The Real World’ are kids who’ve aspired to be
on MTV their whole lives. They’ve learned how to behave by watching
MTV. So that now when MTV takes a bunch of them and puts
them in a house and puts a camera on them, they’re not putting a
camera in the real world. They are photographing people who’ve been
programmed how to behave by MTV. So where is the reality in the
equation? The reality is the introduction of media into this equation.
The reality is the media. So that we end up reaching an abstracted
form of authenticity that is authentic for the very fact that it’s mediated
consumptive marketing pulp. The reality itself, the tapestry of
reality is composed of media iconography. That is the new plane of
reality for these people.
Douglas Rushkoff
Adolescence is an intense time of change. All kinds of development
— physical, emotional, intellectual, academic, social and spiritual
— are happening at once. Adolescence is the most formative time
in the lives of women [and men]. Girls and boys are making changes
that will preserve their true selves or install false selves. These choices
have many implications for the rest of their lives.
Mary Pipher, PhD — Reviving Ophelia
Has the mass media superseded family, friends and religion
as the most powerful influence in the lives of teenagers?
Our sons and daughters view 350,000 commercial messages
by the age of fifteen, delivered through images of models with
airbrushed faces, collagen smiles, and silicon implants …while
battling anorexia and substance abuse.
From the earliest age, children are bombarded with a constant
stream of messages from all media that encourages them
to consume every kind of resource and product. By the time
they are teenagers, they are programmed for consumption by
both the media and their peers. Not unlike the phenomena we
experienced with smoking… You too will be beautiful and happy
if you smoke Benson & Hedges. We all know it is not natural or
healthy but we buy the image anyway. The image pervades
our lives, it lies to us and we buy it.
As adults, we aren’t immune either and we haven’t experienced
the level of exposure to advertising as our children.
I find myself sighing in the mirror at my aging body (at 32),
the thought jumping in that for $10,000 I can fix this, and then
that… it’s inescapable.
Mark Pesce, from Ono-Sendai Corporation, has been

involved in the design and implementation of Sega’s Virtua
(virtual reality game for the home market). He is also concerned,
and argues that virtual machines can be employed in
malevolent ways: ‘Either by themselves or through the agency
of others, they can speak to and subvert us at our most vulnerable
inner selves. We have created the most potent technology
for mind control since the advent of human culture; if
we remain ignorant of this potential we will inevitably pay a
heavy price for it. The potentials for addiction and enslavement
do not outweigh the potentials for creative play and
communication, but to ignore one and focus on the other is
both short-sighted and foolhardy.’
Popular culture has been identified as the primary resource
for young people to learn about family life, friendships,
sexuality, health, alcohol and other drugs, gender roles, and
many other parts of life; what is attractive, what is cool,
what is fashionable. ‘There is little doubt that television has
become a substitute for adult supervision,’ writes Dr. Robert
Blum, Professor in the Department of Paediatrics and Head
of the Division of General Paediatrics and Adolescent Health,
University of Minnesota.
During this pivotal stage of self-development teens experience
acute self-consciousness, hormones are racing, their bodies
are changing, and they’re struggling to form a self-concept.
Then, whammo! Teens are bombarded by overwhelming and
impossible images of perfection, which heightens that anxiety
by constantly confronting every kid with a mirror reflecting
back the message that they’re not good enough as they are.
There’s often a kind of official and systematic rebelliousness that’s
reflected in media products pitched at kids. It’s part of the official
rock video worldview. It’s part of the official advertising worldview:
that your parents are creeps, teachers are nerds and idiots, authority
figures are laughable, and nobody can really understand kids except
the corporate sponsor. That huge authority has, interestingly enough,
emerged as the sort of tacit superhero of consumer culture. That’s the
coolest entity of all, and yet they are very busily selling the illusion
that they are there to liberate the youth, to let them be free, to let them
be themselves, to let them think different, and so on. But it’s really
just an enormous sales job.
Mark Crispin Miller: media critic, professor at New York
University, and the author of Boxed In: The Culture of TV.
We are no longer just living in a survival of the fittest society.
To reach the status of success requires you to be cool, and
have super human looks, unachievable unless you are born
beautiful, or willing to undergo body modification, in the form
of surgery, steroids or starvation, over work, over exercise…
over achieve, fuelled by anxiety that you either fit in or you
don’t! The rest who don’t conform to stereotype, and haven’t
yet reached a stage of personal self-confidence, experience dissatisfaction,
anger, shame, depression and insecurity.
As a society, are we becoming disconnected from our innate
connection to our body’s intelligence? These self-appointed
authorities encourage us to look to them for solutions that lie
within our unique identity, creating instinctual distrust and
dependence upon contrived role models and products. Being
that each person has such a subtle unique combination of
genetics, hormones and body type, why is it that people are
being herded into one or the other category: have/have-not,
more/less, fat/thin, attractive/ugly?
The net effect of all of this marketing, all of this disorienting
marketing, all of the shock media, all of this programming designed
to untether us from a sense of self, is a loss of autonomy. You know,
Wake Up!
Pro-active parenting
It is important for girls (and boys) to explore the
impact the culture has on their growth and development.
They all benefit from, to use an old-fashioned
term, consciousness-raising. Once girls (and boys)
understand the effects of culture on their lives, they
can fight back. They learn they have conscious choices
to make and ultimately responsibility for those choices.
Intelligent resistance keeps the true self alive.
Mary Pipher, PhD: Reviving Ophelia
Moderate/eliminate your own seduction and reaction
to the media world. If our children see us as parents
who are always striving to have more or to always look
younger, we shouldn’t be surprised if they follow our
lead. If we model a life of contentment to our children
they will be able to see us as people who have learned to
be fulfilled with who we are.
Talk with your children about advertising and marketing,
help them to understand the industry behind the
hype. If we attempt to directly oppose it, pitting our
censorship and views against media reality, our children
switch off, feeling that ‘we just don’t understand’. It is
about exposing and educating our kids in ‘media savvy’
so they can liberate themselves from commercial indoctrination.
Celebrate individuality and diversity, encouraging children’s
originality and self-confidence.
Educate yourself to become free of cultural conformity.
Take the opportunity to watch documentaries by the
likes of Michael Moore etc, and read some contemporary
philosophic writers.
Keep up and stay relevant! Buy a copy of Dolly or
Seventeen, watch MTV, stay tuned into what your kids
are learning outside of the school classroom. It is likely
they are far more switched on than you are aware of.
Turn off the box and get out of town. Holidays and weekends
spent in nature bring us home to ourselves, allowing
reprieve from electronic, visual stimulus. Allowing time
to reflect, to integrate, and sleep on new information
aids stabilisation of new material in memory.
The reality our children are living in requires our vigilance
as parents to stay informed and abreast of these
issues. There is no time for apathy or complacency — our
role as the primary influence in our children’s life is fast
becoming redundant and our ability to keep in place the
simple things, to nurture, nourish, provide support and
time out is becoming a must!
byronchild 65

age of empowerment
we no longer are the active source of our own
experience or our own choices. Instead, we
succumb to the notion that life is a series of
product purchases that have been laid out and
whose qualities and parameters have been preestablished.
Douglas Rushkoff
Iconographic porn
By the age of eight, preteens
are watching MTV,
depicting fabrications
from music machine
companies in the form of
Britney Spears or Christina
Aguilara gyrating their hips
in school uniforms, coined
‘Lolita’ fashion, simulating sex
acts with muscle-bound hemen.
Overtly sexualised fashions
are marketed down to our young
girls cleverly preceded by toy products
such as Brat Dolls. Even if I don’t
have a TV at my house, my child’s
friends do. And chances are, there’s
little supervision over what the kids
are watching over there. In a world
where paedophilia is rife, why are our
daughters being encouraged to dress
in micro-minis, hotpants and high
heeled boots? What kind of a world
are we living in when a five-year-old
complains that she looks fat and hates
herself? It seems to be impossible to protect
our children’s innocence, and raises
questions as to what long-term effects
will come of this exposure to adult content.
Will they be able to have a healthy
and enjoyable sexual journey of discovery,
or will it be too much too early, or fraught
with insecurity and self-consciousness?
Once again it falls in the responsibility of parents. I’m outraged
that I have to educate my seven-year-old about sexuality
because she has been exposed beyond my control. Or that
I have to argue with her about wearing Lolita fashions ‘when
everyone else is doing it!’ Childhood should be protected and
it should be a political issue. Corporations marketing inappropriate
material to children should be held accountable!
byronchild 66
March 27, 2003
Boys Succumb to
Image Ideal
Popular culture has been identified
as the primary resource for young
people to learn about family life,
friendships, sexuality, health, alcohol
and other drugs, gender roles,
and many other parts of life —
what is attractive, what is cool,
what is fashionable.
TEENAGE boys are increasingly turning
to diets, food supplements and
heavy workouts as they strive to conform
to the slim and muscular body
images of popular culture and sport.
Deakin University psychology lecturer
Marita McCabe said the image of the ideal
muscular male — ‘six-pack’, cut abdominal
muscles, and the body beautiful — was the
result of the media and advertising.
‘Teenage boys try to change their body
image by dieting, taking food supplements
and exercise . . . There are adolescent boys
adopting extreme behaviours and it will
become more of a problem,’ she said,
Experts argue that the problems of body
image are compounded by the lack of recognition
among males of the media’s influence
over their perceptions of their bodies.
Dr McCabe said her studies had shown that
females were more able to recognise the
pressures over body image. (The Age)
The deepest peril of the
interface is that we may
lose touch with our inner
states; not to lose the acute
sensitivity to our bodies, the
simplest kinds of awareness
like kinaesthetic body movement,
organic discomfort, and
propriosensory activities like breathing, balance,
and shifting weight...this awareness constitutes the background
for the psychic life of the individual.
Michael Heim: The Metaphysics of Virtual Reality
A woman (or man) cannot make the culture more aware by saying
‘Change’. But she can change her own attitude to herself, thereby
causing devaluing projections to glance off. She does this by taking
back her body (and mind). By not forsaking the joy of her natural
body, by not purchasing the popular illusion that happiness is only
bestowed on those of a certain configuration or age, by not waiting
or holding back to do anything, and by taking back her real life, and
living it full bore, all stops out. This dynamic self-acceptance and
self-esteem are what begins to change attitudes in culture.
Clarrisa Pinkola Estes: Woman Who Run with the Wolves.
Notes
Pesce, Mark D. (1993): Final Amputation: Pathogenic Ontology
in Cyberspace

RELAXATION CDs
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Great CDs for children
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How can we encourage our children
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THE RAINBOW PLANET
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byronchild 67

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Are you an Indigo, Solar, Sea or Star Child....?
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visit:www.biologicaldivinity.com.au
byronchild 68
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