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writing/anthonylane-mariaproblem.html
Anthony Lane’s essay, “The Maria Problem” (sous-titled “Going Wild for
The Sound of Music”) is okay, but it has problems. I will explain them. It
starts off like this:
“Let’s start at the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start.) Maria
Augusta Kutschera was born in 1905.”
This is the best reference to The Sound of Music in the history of writing.
(It’s a very good reference to start.) This beginning reminds me of the
time David Lynch’s Dune, which may or may not be a bad film, kicked
off with the Padishaw Emperor’s daughter: “The beginning is a delicate
time. Know then that it is the year ten something.” But I digress. So Maria
Augusta Kutschera was born in 1905. My childhood friend and archnemesis
T seems to think Anthony Lane is the greatest film critic since
Von Kesselstat, and The New Yorker can and has done nothing wrong,
ever. Yes, well.
Herr Lane then goes on to spend the next eight pages of my life
establishing context. Using def journalistic skillz and his usual divine
inspiration, he describes the phenomenon wherein a bunch of dedicated
fanatics dress up in various Sound of Music-inspired costumes and
participate in ritualistic beatings. This all happens at the Prince Charles
Cinema.
The problem here is if you know what the hell he’s talking about, then
you don’t really need this explanation, or at least, you don’t need this
much explanation. If you’ve ever been to one of these cult-audience
participation things, like church, you’d know that being there is at least
twice as good as watching it on DVD and eight times better than reading
about it in The New Yorker. In fact, the only reason to read the first eight
pages is to be reminded that Mr. Lane lives in London, and you don’t.
And he knows a lot about movies. Why won’t he write about them? If he
wanted he could use his vast knowledge of film to draw connections, to
explain, to teach, to challenge. If he wanted. Or perhaps you are reading
him in hopes of scoring some cut-rate cultural insight. After all, there was
that one time where he pointed out:
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