book one redone - Coldbacon

standupcomedy.html
You can find your childhood home. You just can’t go in it.
It’s not the size of the stamp. It’s the number on it.
Artists are just failed critics.
Critics are just failed people.
Contemporary art means the artist gets another chance to explain what he
was trying to say.
I like to preserve the ambiguity. So I drive really fast.
I stood in front of a mirror, but I didn’t have time to reflect.
Ever notice how the people getting off the plane are never the same ones
you saw getting on? Me neither.
My personality speaks for itself. Then I fill in the rest.
I would have sex with [long pause] anyone. (note: requires special
relationship between performer and audience)
I was wondering, “Can a refugee be hot?”
What about a dictator? Megahottie Sukarnoputri. I’m sorry. 1
1 Some Indonesian sources spell her name Soekarnoputri. Note that Sukarnoputri
means “daughter of Sukarno” and it is not the President’s surname: Javanese do
not have surnames. She should simply be referred to as Megawati or Mega.
Her name is derived from Sanskrit meghavatī = “she who has a cloud,” i.e. a rain
cloud, as rain is needed to make food crops grow, and it was raining when she was
born.
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