book one redone - Coldbacon

Fox Frog Jumpsville on it, and I’ll personally hand Judy Groth fifty
bucks. For pure phonetical pleasure, we start with Urziger Wurzgarten
and Freinsheimer Goldberg Scheurebe. 1 And who could forget the
Randersacker Marsberg or the Forster Kirchenstuck (named for a famous
logging accident)? Or maybe you got a bad case of the Flemlinger
Vogelsprung this winter? And then there’s the real abbreviation fodder,
Braunenberger Juffer Sonnenuhr. Don’t even get me started on the
individual producers. What makes you sound more dangerous? Packing
an air-cooled Rudesheimer Berg Rottland from Gebruder Grimm? Or a
cabaret from Robert Mondavi? You can hold an entire dinner party at bay
by threatening to uncork an Oppenheimer Kreuz. Now try that with a
petite syrah.
German Rieslings are great and practically every other vintage is the best
one of the last two years. These wines are delicious and crisp for drinking
now, and many can develop into quite complex petrochemicals. Forget
about cheap Chardonnay and other crimes against humanity. German
wines are also less alcoholic, so you can have a glass and still be able to
think about something other than sex afterwards. 2 And they go great with
Asian food because they were roommates with Mao Tze Tung their
freshman year of college. What more do you need to know? Now get out
there and start drinking German wine.
1 I’ve since been informed this is actually a grape, Scheurebe, and not a place.
Anyway, other German words worth saying aloud include gegenhalten,
doppelgänger, mettelschmerz, glockenspiel.
2 Concept still investigational.
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