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Bowling For Columbine (2002)
Michael Moore
Guns are bad. According to Michael Moore, bullets are even worse. The
main premise of Bowling for Columbine is that if we could take all the
bullets and turn them into little chocolates and give them to Michael
Moore, then he would be happy. But we don’t because we’re a bunch of
assholes who want to horde all the chocolate for ourselves. There are
about 11,000 gun deaths annually in the United States (five involving
disputes of or relating to chocolate). This compares to roughly one
hundred (two chocolate) in each of the major European countries (not
counting Belgium). Okay, wow. So gun violence is a huge problem in this
country, second only to Michael Moore and candlepin bowling. Bowling
For Concubine uses the power of documentary to make you sympathize
with the characters it wants you to and despise those whom Moore thinks
stole his Godiva four-pack. Somebody stole it. They had to have. It’s
gone, isn’t it?
From a stylistic point of view, Moore’s attacks often seem mean-spirited
and out of touch. When he goes after the Kmart employees, it’s like he’s
attacking Peggy from King of the Hill. I mean come on, she just works
there. You end up feeling as sorry for Kmart as anyone else. Although I
must say it was inspiring to see Kmart promise to stop selling ammunition
to nine-year-olds by 2027.
The film goes to some trouble to prove once and for all Charlton Heston is
a gun-toting racist. Thank God we finally cleared that one up. But Moore
cheapens his victory by running up the score on an opponent who
obviously suffers from Alzheimer’s. The greatest threat Charlton Heston
currently poses is to the world of interior design. My Lord, that awful
ranch house with those sliding glass doors and faux rock walls. I wonder
where he keeps all his guns. I didn’t see any. Did you see any? Moore
should realize a good case will make itself without having to resort to
cheap tricks like those subliminal images of nuns being spanked by men
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