book one redone - Coldbacon
Share Embed Flag
Download ePaper

book one redone - Coldbacon

book one redone - Coldbacon book one redone - Coldbacon

coldbacon.com
from coldbacon.com More from this publisher
28.01.2013 Views

that looked just like—oh my—wait a minute. Is there nothing Limbaugh won’t try? As a persuasion film, Bowling suffers from some very shaky analysis. The film seems bewildered as to how Canadians could have as many guns as we do but no murder. Hello. They have no crime. They have no people! If we had two acres a person, I seriously doubt we would have any crime either. In order to kill someone, you first have to be able to find someone. They’d have to take a two-day dog sled, and by the time they got there, they’d be too damn cold to remember why the hell they were going there in the first place. The intended victim would offer them a shot of warm whiskey and a nice slab of elk meat. Then they’d agree to do it again next year. Murder rate zero. Temperature zero. Michael Moore overrated. The film should have given us the statistics for violent crimes in general, and you would probably see that Americans have killed more Canadians than the current total living there today. Bowling For Columbine is also meandering and incoherent. It opens one conspirist thread after another without following any of them to their semi-logical conclusions. Moore is like a small child trying to get what he wants. If one approach isn’t working, try another, then another. Just keep trying. It’s the NRA’s fault. Well then it’s the government’s fault. Okay, it’s Kmart’s fault. Fine. Dick Clark is obviously behind everything. But Moore does offer many great insights of the kind only film can provide. For example, I now know our government always supports the wrong side in ‘those war-torn countries’ as conclusively proven by video montage. While I have no trouble trusting politicians to screw up even the simplest of tasks—installing the right dictators, bombing pharmaceutical plants, vinyl siding—I seriously doubt that is why Dylan Harris and James Klebold shot a bunch of their classmates. They shot them because they were two very disturbed people—oh, and because of Grand Theft Auto. But disturbed children is hardly a new occurrence. How they were able to get the guns so easily is definitely the good question. But the NRA is what it is, and everyone knows it. Exposing the NRA is about as enlightening as a speech on the evils of terrorism. A perhaps fresher target would be Capitol Hill. Obviously, any legislator who votes in favor of assault weapons is a complete assrack. Clark, Heston and, for that matter, Kmart 82

are simply playing by the rules which weaker men have created. Moore should have found those men and questioned them individually—each and every one. In the final segment, Moore does well to point out that the reason a sixyear-old was able to get a gun and bring it to school and shoot another sixyear-old is because his home life was screwed up. His mother had been evicted and the two of them were staying with the boy’s uncle. The uncle was irresponsible to leave a gun lying around the house. The gun, however, was not an AK-47. Canadians, even at this very moment, are leaving their doors unlocked. The last time the uncle left his door unlocked, his T.V. and $400 were stolen. $400 is how much the uncle makes in a week. He doesn’t give a damn about the NRA. He just doesn’t want his T.V. stolen again, or at least he wants to shoot someone for trying. He was stupid to leave the gun unlocked with the child at home. But wait. Why are we leaving a six-year-old alone at all? The film seems to want to blame the child’s problems on the fact that his mother was enrolled in Welfare to Work programs. Moore even tries to blame Dick Clark because his business associate happened to be involved with Welfare to Work. Now I enjoy seeing Dick Clark made uncomfortable as much as the next guy, but welfare policies are no more to blame than Hollywood or my indiscriminate sexual binges for the tragic number of single-parent families living in poverty. Perhaps the next time the mother is evicted, she can stay at Michael Moore’s house, where the fridge is well stocked, laughs come by the barrel, and the guns are safely in the hands of Moore’s bodyguards. I do not have a problem with Michael Moore holding strong political views and expressing them through film. I do have a problem with Moore hijacking the documentary film style to gain instant trust, and then steering it to a place where logic and fair play are nowhere to be found. At least Oliver Stone bothers to craft his fantasies into a bad narrative. 83

that looked just like—oh my—wait a minute. Is there nothing Limbaugh<br />

won’t try?<br />

As a persuasion film, Bowling suffers from some very shaky analysis. The<br />

film seems bewildered as to how Canadians could have as many guns as<br />

we do but no murder. Hello. They have no crime. They have no people! If<br />

we had two acres a person, I seriously doubt we would have any crime<br />

either. In order to kill some<strong>one</strong>, you first have to be able to find some<strong>one</strong>.<br />

They’d have to take a two-day dog sled, and by the time they got there,<br />

they’d be too damn cold to remember why the hell they were going there<br />

in the first place. The intended victim would offer them a shot of warm<br />

whiskey and a nice slab of elk meat. Then they’d agree to do it again next<br />

year. Murder rate zero. Temperature zero. Michael Moore overrated. The<br />

film should have given us the statistics for violent crimes in general, and<br />

you would probably see that Americans have killed more Canadians than<br />

the current total living there today.<br />

Bowling For Columbine is also meandering and incoherent. It opens <strong>one</strong><br />

conspirist thread after another without following any of them to their<br />

semi-logical conclusions. Moore is like a small child trying to get what he<br />

wants. If <strong>one</strong> approach isn’t working, try another, then another. Just keep<br />

trying. It’s the NRA’s fault. Well then it’s the government’s fault. Okay,<br />

it’s Kmart’s fault. Fine. Dick Clark is obviously behind everything.<br />

But Moore does offer many great insights of the kind only film can<br />

provide. For example, I now know our government always supports the<br />

wrong side in ‘those war-torn countries’ as conclusively proven by video<br />

montage. While I have no trouble trusting politicians to screw up even the<br />

simplest of tasks—installing the right dictators, bombing pharmaceutical<br />

plants, vinyl siding—I seriously doubt that is why Dylan Harris and James<br />

Klebold shot a bunch of their classmates. They shot them because they<br />

were two very disturbed people—oh, and because of Grand Theft Auto.<br />

But disturbed children is hardly a new occurrence. How they were able to<br />

get the guns so easily is definitely the good question. But the NRA is what<br />

it is, and every<strong>one</strong> knows it. Exposing the NRA is about as enlightening<br />

as a speech on the evils of terrorism. A perhaps fresher target would be<br />

Capitol Hill. Obviously, any legislator who votes in favor of assault<br />

weapons is a complete assrack. Clark, Heston and, for that matter, Kmart<br />

82

logo

products

Resources

Company

Terms of service
Privacy policy
Cookie policy
Cookie settings
Imprint
Change language
Made with love in Switzerland
© 2024 Yumpu.com all rights reserved

Hooray! Your file is uploaded and ready to be published.

Saved successfully!

Ooh no, something went wrong!