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Every self-published internet author has a diary. Why should I be different? Except for one thing. This is not my diary. This is the diary of a man who was, for a brief time, mad. He has long since recovered, and I feel now is an appropriate time to share his story with the world in the hope that it may help prevent this (these thoughts) from happening to others. As for the title, it was chosen by the diarist himself after his recovery, and I did not change it. 8
diary.html Diary of a Madman 4/23/00 Today, I borrowed someone else’s joke for my review of American Beauty. Is it plagiarism if the website you got it from no longer exists? What if you just can’t remember the URL? 4/23/00 Snapple’s website just went offline! 4/23/00 Today, I stopped bothering to put two spaces after sentences. Tomorrow, I will pick my nose in public. 4/23/00 Rewrote my review of Happiness. New version definitely better than old. 4/23/00 I just saw a middle-aged man in a suit walking down the street with headphones on. 4/23/00 I just saw two more! Men. Walking around with headphones on. I think they are listening to music. 4/23/00 Snapple’s website back online!!! 9
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Page 10 and 11: feedback/colleen.html From: Colleen
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Page 14: poems/love.html My name is, I forge
Page 18 and 19: mcbone.html Dear Joe et al, I canno
Page 20 and 21: Sharks If you’re ever attacked by
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Page 24 and 25: When one toaster cycle isn’t enou
Page 26 and 27: http://search.aol.com/dirsearch.que
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Page 30 and 31: Milk and Honey You’ve heard it a
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Page 39 and 40: news/headlines.html 6/5/05 U.S. War
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Page 44 and 45: 9/19/02 Tropical Storm Isidore Head
Page 46 and 47: Because of email, the quality of my
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Page 56 and 57: From: Dave Eggers To: Me Date: Sun,
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Blend: To mix two or more ingredien
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germanwines.html “Big reds,” I
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Hotmail Daemon: 1 person wants to e
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Poison Control “Hello, you have r
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ColdBacon: no ColdBacon: doesn’t
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That’s the moment you’ll find G
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ugs.html Remember when you were a k
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theendofanera.html You may have not
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eally used a picture. And I thought
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monitors.html From a Review of Moni
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that looked just like—oh my—wai
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glib \ ‘glib \ adj glib-ber; glib
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movies/personalvelocity.html Person
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movies/wesanderson.html Interview w
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WA: Umm. CB: Are you saying umm or
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movies/mysticmasseur.html Mystic Ma
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movies/blackhawkdown.html Blackhawk
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eal and credible as—nothing, or a
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October 30, 2003 My therapist says
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Someone has left your mailing list!
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If No, then it’s because 1. Meeti
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From: Sarita Date: Thursday, July 1
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hello there fellow webmaster! I enj
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From: Stump7350@aol.com Date: Wedne
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5/27/01 ‘Pearl Harbor’ misses r
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Scarface when they visit the palati
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From: Al Shehorn To: Cold Bacon Van
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6/23/60 Italian Film Crew Distracte
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sort of blueish-gray color.” Whet
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movies/openlettertocriterion.html D
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One of Kubrick’s themes (yes, onl
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Jump to new posts » Hello, Cold Ba
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movies/ran.html Ran (1985) Akira Ku
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movies/starshiptroopers.html Starsh
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From: PaGaLiDeEwAnI4ya*at*aol.com T
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movies/mirror.html Mirror (1974) An
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movies/unknownpleasures.html Unknow
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hi. i'm a reporter at the baltimore
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From: Sarah Gordon Subject: i looke
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142 Kris: “Do you know yourself?
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144 Courtney Love passed away this
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From: Michael S. Tilley To: Cold Ba
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148 “Nominally a reserved people,
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argument. And I’m not reading it
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Now Lane’s Jack Nicholson-versus-
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From: Carrie McLaren@stayfree.org D
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those who may be feeling a bit, sha
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you know exactly what i'm asking an
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standupcomedy.html You can find you
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From: babiewitch@aol.com Date: wedn
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my romantic plea (to a girl who’s
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your head look so pretty [Most Rece
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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004 3:59 pm Li
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Sunday, April 17th, 2005 4:41 pm Go
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No steady stream of commercials to
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dearlaura.html The following letter
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nofriends.html Point Lately, I’ve
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From: Kirsty Date: Thursday, March
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Hi Bacon, Sure, we’d be able to p
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