Community Zine

“Of course. Of course you are correct, I need to - I need to go - “
“Yes, do quit wasting my very valuable time, Your Majesty, I have… tax reform legislation
to review.”
“Thank you, Sylvain, truly.”
“Just don’t make me plan the wedding.”
--
On Friday evening, Dimitri finds Felix the training yard, drenched in the light of the
setting sun. Felix is going through his forms, but there is a stilted manner to them, so
very unlike the man known for his grace. It makes a pit form in Dimitri’s stomach;
this has gone on too long.
“Felix.”
Felix does not start or give any indication of surprise at Dimitri’s presence, which
is a distinct relief. Such lack of awareness would have been incredibly concerning.
Instead, Felix just calmly returns his sword to its sheath and lets out a shaky sigh - in
sharp contrast with the firm line of his back.
“I know something has been weighing on you, if there’s anything I can do to alleviate
the burden, you must... please do tell me.”
Felix was quiet for a long moment and Dimitri found himself subconsciously holding
his breath.
“Can you... will you hold me?”
Dimitri blinks in surprise, letting out that breath and feeling such overwhelming
affection for the man before him, who was trying so hard, so damn hard to be strong
in the face of whatever war he was waging alone. And he wanted to be held, be held
by Dimitri. It made the past few days feel like less of a dream or an accident than
Dimitri had been assuming and more of… of something tied to Felix’s disquiet. That
there was meaning behind each desperate touch, a message that Dimitri was unable
to decode…
“Of course, I would love to. I always... there’s nothing I...” Dimitri shut himself up
and gently tugs Felix towards him. He tucks Felix’s head under his chin, wrapping
one arm around his waist and bringing the other to play with the damp strands at
the nape of his neck. The embrace is firm, and Dimitri feels Felix relax slightly in
his hold, adjusting the angle of his head so he nestled in the curve of Dimitri’s neck.
Dimitri could feel the remaining tension and waited to see if Felix would breach the
silence first.
When Felix remains quiet, simply breathing warm and slow against the sensitive
skin, Dimitri swallows and grits his teeth.
“Felix… am I right to assume this has to do with what the Foreign Minister suggested
last week?”
“Just say it.”
“Is this about the marriage requests, because Felix-”
“Just - just don’t, okay? I don’t know what to say, I still… I-I have no right to you,
Dimitri. We have no right to each other, and you know that. What I am supposed to
say, neglect one of your most fundamental responsibilities to the Kingdom to what,
fuck around with your advisor?”
“I am not even going to deign to respond to you calling our relationship ‘fucking
around’ because I know you are just trying to bait me,” Dimitri grumbles, “and since
when have you cared about ‘fundamental responsibilities’?
“Since I started sleeping with my King!” Felix wrenches away from Dimitri, stepping
backwards unsteadily and jerking his head to look upwards at the night sky above
them. Dimitri’s hands lingered in the place where Felix left them, eye wide with
shock.
Felix should look angry, his cheeks should have that sharp high flush, eyes narrowed
and teeth bared in a snarl. Instead, he looks scared. Scared and weary, as if haunted
but having long accepted the presence of those things he’d rather not think of. His
eyes have a distinctive sheen to them and he’s digging his teeth into his bottom lip.
Suddenly Dimitri is terribly aware of how tired Felix looks, the shadows under his
eyes and the way his hands hang limply at his side. Not defensive or ready for a fight,
almost resigned.
How long had this…? How long had Felix been dwelling on this without speaking a
word to Dimitri about it? They had not discussed their relationship since Dimitri’s
coronation, since his rule became less about unification and more about governing.
Since peace had finally swept across Fodlan - since the hazy future of the past has
become imminent. Dimitri had been so wrapped up in making sure he didn’t fuck up
the crown he never asked for and the relationship he’d longed for - he never monitored
the intersection of the two. The guilt is hot and heavy and he feels tears prick
at the corner of his eye that he quickly blinks away. Felix still won’t look at him, eyes