The Nature of Order

I try to shape the volume so that its volume brings tears to my throat. I
can feel, in me, the eternal sadness of all life welling up, to some small
degree, in me. This is very highly concrete. I cannot do it in a trivial
way. I cannot literally make the building laugh and cry. And it is not
gloomy either. This sadness of tears, when I reach it, is also joy. The
sky over the Bay Bridge, the lights of the cars, the rain, the existence on
this earth. What makes it sad is that it comes closest in the physical
concrete beams and columns and walls, as close as possible, to the fact
of my existence on this earth. It reminds me of it, it makes me take
part in it. So when it happens, it is also a kind of joy, a happiness.
But to recognize it, I concentrate mostly on my sadness, and my tears.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010