Aaron's rod

NOVARA 169
as you call it, to put bread in your mouth. No, no, I would
not like to trust myself to your Providence, or to your Chance.
Though I admit your Chance is a sounder proposition than
Lilly's Providence. You speculate with your life and your
talent. I admit the nature which is a born speculator. After
all, with your flute, you will speculate in other people's taste
for luxury, as a man may speculate in theatres or trains de
luxe. You are the speculator. That may be your way of
wisdom. But Lilly does not even speculate. I cannot see
'
his point. I cannot see his point. I cannot see his point.
Yet I have the greatest admiration for his mentality."
The old man had fired up during this conversation and
all the others in the room had gone silent. Lady Franks
was palpably uneasy. She alone knew how frail the old man
was frailer by far than his years. She alone knew what
fear of his own age, what fear of death haunted him now:
fear of his own non-existence. His own old age was an agony
to him; worse than an agony, a horror. He wanted to be
young to live, to live. And he was old, he was breaking up.
The glistening youth of Aaron, the impetuousness of Lilly
fascinated him. And both these men seemed calmly to con-
tradict his own wealth and honours.
Lady Franks tried to turn off the conversation to the
trickles of normal chit-chat. The Colonel was horribly bored
so were all the women Arthur was indifferent. Only the
young Major was implicated, troubled in his earnest and
philosophic spirit.
"What I can't see," he said, "is the place that others have
in your scheme."
"It isn't a^scheme," said Aaron.
"Well then, your way of life. Isn't it pretty selfish, to
marry a woman and then expect her to live on very little
indeed, and that always precarious, just because you happen
to believe in Providence or in Chance: which I think
worse? What I don't see is where others come in. What
would the world be like if everybody lived that way?"
"Other people can please themselves," said Aaron.
"No, they can't because you take first choice, it seems to