Sault Antlers' Song Book

2 • HITLER
Hitler has only got one ball. Goering has two, but very small.
Himmler has something similar, but poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.
3 • THE VIRGIN STURGEON
Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon. The virgin sturgeon’s a very fine fish.
Very few sturgeon are ever virgin. That’s why caviar’s a very rare dish.
Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon. The virgin sturgeon’s a very fine fish.
The virgin sturgeon needs no urgin’. That’s why caviar is my dish.
I fed caviar to me girl friend. She was a virgin, tried and true.
Now my girl friend needs no urgin’. There isn’t anything she won’t do.
I fed caviar to me grandpa. He was a gent of ninety-three.
Shrieks and squeals revealed that Grandpa had chased Grandma up a tree.
The green sea turtle’s mate is happy with his lover’s winning ways.
First he grips her with his flippers, then he grips and flips for days.
Mrs. Clam is optimistic. Shoots her eggs out in the sea.
Hopes her suitor is a shooter with the self-same shot as she.
Oysters, they are fleshy bivalves. They have youngsters in their shells.
How they diddle is a riddle. But they do, so what the Hell!
4 • MAN ON TOP OF WOMAN
Man on top of woman, hasn’t long to stay.
His mind is full of business, and his ass is full of play.
He goes in like a lion, and he comes out like a lamb.
He buttons up his trousers, then he doesn’t give a damn.
He went with the old Flute to play in the choir.
He went with the old flute to play for the Mass
But the instrument shivered and sighed, oh alas.
As he fingered and whistled it made a strange noise
The flute would play only the Protestant Boys.
Bob jumped and he startled and he got in a flutter
And threw the old flute in the blessed holy water.
He thought that this charm would bring some other sound
When he played it again it played Croppies Lie Down.
And for all he would whistle and finger and blow
To play Papist music he found it no go.
Kick the Pope and Boyne Water it freely would sound
But one Papist squeak in it couldn’t be found.
At the council of priests that was held the nest day
They decided to banish the old flute away.
They couldn’t knock heresy out of its head
So they bought Bob a new one to play in its stead.
Well the old flute was doomed and its fate was pathetic.
‘Twas fastened and burned at the stake as heretic.
As the flames roared around it they heard a strange noise
Why the old flute still a’ whistling The Protestant Boys.
49 • MOUNTAIN DEW
Let grasses grow and water flow, in a free and easy way.
But give me enough of the fine old stuff, that’s made near Galway Bay.
There’s Peelers all from Donegal, Galway and Leitrim too.
We’ll give them the slip and we’ll take a sip, of the real old mountain dew.
Hi dee diddley hi dee dum. Hi dee diddley hi dee dum. Hi dee dour ri diddley ay day.
Hi dee diddley hi dee dum. Hi dee diddley hi dee dum. Hi dee dour ri diddley ay day.
At the foot of the hill there’s a neat little still, where the smoke goes up to the sky.
By the smoke and the smell you can plainly tell, there’s potcheen brewing nearby.
For it fills the air with odor rare, and betwixt both me and you.
When home you go you can take a bowl, or a bucket of the mountain dew.
Now learned men who use the pen, have wrote your praises high.
This sweet potcheen from Ireland is gleaned, distilled from wheat and rye.
Throw away your pills it will cure all ills, for a pagan or Christian too.
Take off your coat you can grease your throat, with the real old mountain dew.
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