May 2009 - Association of Dutch Businessmen

Column By…
Richard Soemita
(O)KTV
Being in Asia now, you must have been confronted with
Karaoke TV better known as KTV bars. Well, at least
you must have seen the signs, some neighborhoods
more populated than others. I used to work for this Japanese
company in Europe and the Japanese lads invited me several
times to join them after work at a KTV bar in Amstelveen…
every night, according to good Japanese customs! So being
on the Continent where this thing was invented I decided
to go on a KTV tour. I guess you can categorize KTV bars in
several categories:
The local KTV in your own neighborhood - After a few
pints at my friend’s restaurant down the road, Christine
recommended this pub at the traffic light, a KTV bar
called Traffic Light (not a bad name!). Christine was kind
of shocked when we asked her where we could continue
drinking, but at first she recommended to go to Clark Quay
which is the closest to my home. I insisted we wanted to
‘go local’ so after hesitating, she called the bar owner,
Long Dong, and told her that we were on our way. 2 Minutes
later we entered the establishment and the entire bar
(all Chinese workmen) looked as these 2 Dutch angmohs
…like they were expecting us. We walked straight up to
the bar, Long Dong recognized us (from Christine’s call)
and she gave the sign as to whether we wanted to have a
pint or jug of beer, not a word of English spoken. Soon we
both were handed a songbook with paper and pencil for
the requests. I put down La Bamba and being Surinamese I
sang the whole song in Spanish without reading the words
on the TV screen. By this stage I had impressed the whole
pub and soon all the Chinese lads closed in wanting to get
to know us. Needless to say that they had never seen a
‘local’ singing in Spanish and dancing at the same time.
Then my friend took over the mike and had a real good go
at Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’, but in Andre Hazes style. By this
stage the whole pub got over exited and wanted to do the
song again with us, but then as a choir. We even got whiskey
offered from their tables and after 6 jugs of beer and numerous
straight-down-your-neck-whiskeys (as we had to drink this)
we staggered home after a great night.
The next category is the family KTV, now ran by Christine
in China Town. She decided to give up the restaurant since
she can make more money with KTV. Chrissie is a great girl,
outgoing, funny and a good drinker and as such reflects this
on her business. Her pub is frequently visited by her friends,
amongst them many angmoh’s. Angmoh’s visiting KTV’s could
be quite painful as their singing skills are no were near the
Asians. This American lady who is quite often in Chrissie’s bar
always insists on singing Dolly Parton. As soon as she grabs the
mike most of the pub runs outside for a smoke, including me…
and I do not smoke. The atmosphere is great and Chris roams
around every table to bottoms-up with you and then refills
her glass with your whiskey bottle, of course. Great way of
managing your business and Chris seems to enjoy every drop
of it. As a matter of fact I have never seen her sober or with
an empty glass!
The last category is the sleazy KTV. Please note that this is
a myth and the stories you hear are just made up or should not
be categorized as a KTV. Here, pretty girls accompany you as a
chaperone and also help you with the singing. Nothing wrong
with that and quite entertaining too, especially when they only
speak Mandarin! These establishments have several rooms in
different sizes, accommodating just 2 or a large group. Some
of the larger rooms even have a pool table. The rooms are
all staffed with waiters and serve you as soon as your glass is
empty. The Manager brings along the ladies and you select as
many as you want. Soon after, the whiskey bottles are brought
in! Here’s the catch: once the glasses are filled your chosen
lady cheers with you for a bottoms-up. First you think that it
is funny, but after the 9 th shot (a whole glass!) things become
serious. Being a real man you do not want to give in but you
will soon realize that this slim, 45 kilo looking beauty drinks
you and your whole village under the table. Meanwhile your
friends around you are screaming (you cannot call that singing)
and fighting for their turn, thinking they all are Rene Froger. So,
other than drinking, nothing happens (although I was waiting for
some real action to occur!) until you sober up in seconds when
presented with the bill: 10 bottles of whiskey at around S$ 400
each! The next day you call each other to check how much one
had drank, but the conclusion is that the girls drink at the ratio
of 5:1! My conclusion: do NOT compete with these girls and try
to stay sober. Wonder which one is more difficult ….
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Vol.19 • No. 4 • May 2009